Strike Magazine Chattanooga Issue 01 by Strike Magazines

ISSUE 01 FOUN DI NG STAFF E ditor-i n-Ch i e f

Marli Giedt Creative Di rector

Maggie Schut Exte rnals Di rector

Carianna Hunter

Photograph e rs

Lee Webb Molly Bowman Nathalie Lopez Writi ng Di rector/ Conte nt e ditor

Hunter Stockton Write rs

Assistant Creative Di rector

Lee Webb Assistant Exte rnals Di rector

Bizzy Walker Layout Design e rs

Molly Bowman Marli Giedt Maggie Schut Lee Webb Aisy Nix Fash ion Di rector

Maddi Thompson Stylists

Ragan Baker Ed Phillips Rian Blackman John Everett Helm Finn Jackson Art Di rector

Molly Bowman Assistant Art Di rector

Aisy Nix

Beatrice Smith Madison Meadows Faye Collins Liza Miggo Hanna Bradford Reese Cavitt AK Anderson Blog e ditor Susanna Skelton Beauty Di rector

Bizzy Walker Makeup Artists

Carianna Hunter Alyssa Reynolds Social M e dia Outreach

Alex Vadil Caroline Bowden Public Re lations Di rector

Alyssa Reynolds PR Assistants

Joselyn Quintanilla Rachel Albright Emaan Aziz DD Hailey

Graph ic Design e rs

Marketi ng Di rector

Marley Hillman CJ Barney Callie High Emma Soefker KateLynn Fronabarger

Marketi ng Assistants

Taylor Catlett

Kennedy Michello Lauryn Rucker Aiden O’Neill

CRE DITS AN D THAN K YOUS Conce pt Di rection Ghosts of th e Beauty i n dustry

Maggie Schut Th e Dystopian Dream

Lee Webb Maggie Schut Marli Giedt Maddi Thompson

Body Lan uage

Projections

Maggie Schut

Marli Giedt

Th e Typical N uclear Fam i ly

M etamorphosis

Marley Hillman

Maggie Schut Carianna Hunter

Bi rth day Party

Molly Bowman Maggie Schut Marli Giedt

Than k you to... Collective Clothing PJ Club Rach Cakes Nashville Pizza Bros Painting with a Twist Communication VIP Martin One Source

To H K,

Thank you a million times over for allowing us to extend your vision for Strike to Chattanooga. Your trust in us to interpret the Strike brand and bring it to life with our staff is something we never plan to take for granted. We hope we have made you proud. To E m ma Oleck,

This issue could not have come together without your guidance. Thank you for being someone we can always count on for advice and direction. Your passion and devotion to making Strike the best it can be inspires us to cross creative boundaries and put all we have into our positions. For that, we are so grateful.

Photograph by Molly Bowman

A Letter from the Editor by Marli Giedt

You have to look at th e pictu re on th e box be fore you g et starte d. From the development of ancient religion to the expansion of Western philosophy, we as humans have been trying to comprehend and somehow verbalize our existence. It’s safe to say there’s not a single person in history who hasn’t asked themselves the same profound questions: How did I get here? What am I meant to do? How should I relate to others? We’ve all been burdened with an innate search for purpose without a single clue what it entails.

So instead of trying to tackle something as extensive as Freudian psychology, we want ‘Puzzle’ to simply represent a Coming of Age story: the phases and transitions we as humans go through as we process the world in all of its celebrations, tragedies, idiosyncrasies, and changes.

To travel through these phases, we’re referring to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which outlines each human necessity that develops as we grow. The Dumbed down to the simplest form, humans proiconic pyramid displays a range from basic needs, cess the world around us as if we are completing safety, and esteem, to the achievement of self-actua puzzle. Your first taste of chocolate, the 1536th alization: the pinnacle point a person can reach in stream of your favorite song, and the first heartbreak which they feel comfortable exactly as they are, thus you experience all serve as pieces that build upon leading them to understand their true purpose. In one another, forming a clearer image of how you our terms, self-actualization leads us not to act as if perceive the world around you. We grapple to unwe are a small object, part of an end product that we derstand what happens to us, coping by repeating to can’t control, but as if no puzzle exists at all. ourselves that ‘everything happens for a reason’ and ‘it’s all part of a bigger plan.’ We’re desperate for the We might not have the outcome of our lives in the bigger picture, the peace that comes with the idea palm of our hands, but we do have the power to take that everything that happens, fits perfectly together, action towards our own goals without the limitaforming a completed vision that we can’t yet see. tions of a puzzle box telling us the images don’t line up. Not only do we think in this makeshift puzzle, but we often consider ourselves as puzzle With that being said, may pieces, moving through life, figuring you never feel confined out our individual roles in our comby sharp edges, blurry munities, friend groups, online shapes, and pointless circles, and the world as a whole. limitations, but move We strive to connect intimately through life freely, with others, hoping our rigid with the only edges can meet another’s to expectation bemake a perfect match. ing a beautiful image of your own making to reflect on at the end. Externals Director Carianna Hunter

Creative Director Maggie Schut

Editor-in-Chief Marli Giedt

aphs Photogr

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20-29

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phase th re e - love an d be longi ng

phase two - security

phase on e - body

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Phase five - Se lf-Actualization

Phase Four - Este e m

Photographs by Nathalie Lopez Written by Faye Collins 9

Almost every girl has had a moment, no matter how fleeting, where they wanted to become a supermodel. The glitz and glamour of a model’s life is simply infatuating. Imagine waking up in a gorgeous body, only to go to a job where you get your hair and makeup done, sitting pretty while someone takes pictures of you. Or you get to play dress up and strut down a catwalk while hundreds of adoring eyes wish they could be you. I know for me, I dwelled on a dream like this for an unhealthy amount of time; I just wanted to feel beautiful. Even as a young girl, the beauty standards laid out before me were a puzzle that I was determined to put together. I, along with many other people, fell victim to the malicious beauty industry that disguises itself as your cool older sister who just wants to help you fit in. However, a reality check rules that the beauty industry more accurately resembles the bully who makes you feel as if you will never measure up. When you think about the beauty industry, products such as cosmetics, skincare, haircare and more immediately come to mind. While these products certainly occupy a substantial portion of the beauty industry, a plethora of hidden contributors add to the booming business of looking beautiful. Almost any industry that preys on the alteration of people’s outward appearances can be tied to the beauty industry. Fashion, nail care, tanning and plastic surgery serve as a handful of other obvious members of the industry. However, some major players aren’t so obvious. Have you ever considered that fitness, dieting and even the business of sleep link back to the beauty industry in some way? 10

Participating in certain fitness and dieting habits can certainly benefit your body internally, but those industries are usually marketed as a method to improve your external physique. When it comes to getting your “beauty sleep”, mattress companies promptly assure customers that they will wake up looking and feeling well-rested; wearing dark bags underneath your eyes would just be dreadful. There is nothing wrong with working out, eating healthy or getting a good night’s sleep. There are just unfortunately large amounts of people who take on a hobby, habit or lifestyle then abuse it in order to feel validated by the beauty industry.

The pressure that the beauty industry places on the public prevails now more than ever. Makeup went from being a luxury and a special occasion accessory to a necessity for women running errands if they don’t want to be told that they “look ill”. A timeless piece of jewelry, and a couple pairs of shoes used to rule a closet for years, yet somewhere along the way it became important

to cycle through new fashions every season. Convex and outwardly extending noses paved the way for a desire to have a cute and slopey nose that doesn’t quite dominate one’s face. As disposable income increased for people throughout the years, trends in the beauty industry transitioned from periodical statements of affluence to a necessity in society. Social media today amplifies beauty standards by giving people access to the beauty of others, as well as their ability to afford the products and services that help them maintain such a glamorous status. The copious luxuries The accessibility of the beauty industry has certainly been accompanied by an increase in exposure to it. Beauty tips and trends were once minor inclusions in paper magazines, which then found their way into television shows and segments. Eventually, the internet made its debut and planted itself as the chunky piece of machinery that lived in offices and bonus rooms. Then, that hunk of metal slimmed down into the laptops, tablets and cellphones that live in the very palms of our hands. We have the world at our fingertips at any given moment. While that reveals a whole new world of opportunity, it leaves the door open for damage to creep in. We have instant access to the thousands of facets that make up the beauty industry, making it hard to separate what we see from how we feel. We see beauty influencers who have a trim figure, and a smile on their face, and we assume that if we could look like that one beautiful person then we could be happy just like them.

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Models: Liza Miggo Hanna Bradford KateLynn Fronabarger Joselyn Quintanilla

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The chase after looking beautiful feels like one where the finish line moves farther away with every step you take towards it.

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The beauty industry creatively manipulates people into thinking that beauty equates happiness. The industry promises short-term solutions to internal problems that develop over a period of time. Gorgeous beauty influencers promote vitamins and skinny teas that allegedly help you drop weight quickly. Harsh skincares claim that you will wake up pimple-free the next day. The fashion industry prides itself as a means to change your social status and the way the public perceives your beauty; how many times have we seen movies where the protagonist goes shopping, loses the glasses, straightens her hair, and walks into school the next day to have boys drooling over her? The beauty industry flaunts its “ability” to change your life overnight, but only addresses how it can alter your physical appearance. Looking beautiful takes priority when people may not always take the time to understand why they don’t feel beautiful. Think about it: stretch marks present as an insecurity for so many people, and for what reason? Because the beauty industry said so? 50% to 90% of women have stretch marks, yet somehow we decided that those natural body responses to gaining and losing weight were ugly and needed fixing. If anything, we should celebrate stretch marks and perceive them as beautiful for the way they reveal the journey your body has experienced up to this very moment.

er ev ou p y te y s k ta

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rds it.” 13

The damage that the beauty industry has inflicted on both women and men list endlessly. By preying on consumers’ desire for instant gratification and their fear of rejection in society, the beauty industry creates the perfect breeding environment for unhealthy habits. It creates toxic relationships within yourself and your own physiological needs. Eating disorders are more common today than ever for both men and women, as people develop unhealthy relationships with food in hopes of attaining a certain body type. Substance abuse is common, and even normalized, as a means to feel perkier and more confident, or even as a crutch for eating disorders. Some people have developed toxic gym habits that consume one’s lifestyle in an unhealthy and obsessive way. Pressure to keep up with fashion meets creative marketing techniques that lure consumers into shopping addictions and debt, sometimes disguised under the lighthearted term “retail therapy.” Fast fashion exploits laborers in unsafe and unfair working conditions, but consumers only see a cheap price tag and quickly disregard more ethical options. Plastic surgery has made permanent body altering (for cosmetic purposes) so normalized that people will pay thousands of dollars to participate in beauty trends that seemingly change every year. The only consistent thing about the beauty industry is that you will never be enough.

F*ck the beauty industry and the way it profits on our insecurities. F*ck the beauty the industry for making us feel ugly the second we wake up with imperfect skin, if our teeth look crooked, if our legs aren’t shaved. F*ck the beauty industry for damaging people’s mental health and sanity instead of celebrating the diversity and true beauty we all contain within us. F*ck the beauty industry for its villainous ways and for deceiving us into believing that our self-worth derives from how we look. It’s time to take back the definition of beauty. We need to focus more on the activities and passions that pour life into us. Physical beauty never lasts and the beauty standards upheld will forever change before our eyes. When do you feel most beautiful? When you’re laughing with your friends at dinner? When you’re meditating before a busy day? When you get a grade back on a project that you worked super hard on? Discover and find beauty in those moments where you feel like you are the best, brightest version of yourself. When you beam with pride and feel the happiest–that is when you should feel the most beautiful. When your spirit is full, when you’re doing something that you love, when you’re around people you adore, when you simply feel enough; those moments of contentment have the power to make you feel like the most beautiful supermodel in the whole world. While doing your makeup or painting your nails can serve as a great confidence booster, that won’t define whether you are beautiful or not. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; f*ck beauty industry’s eyes and instead choose to see just how beautiful you really are.

Written by Faye Collins Graphic by Emma Soefker

ust eat”; two words that sound so innocent, but carry the weight of the world in what they represent. To the person who starves them selves, to the person who purges, and to the person who just can’t seem to stop eating, those words inflict more damage than you could ever imagine. Eating disorders are defined as “a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits,” as stated by Oxford Dictionary. When one hears the words “eating disorder”, Anorexia Nervosa might come to mind. This is characterized by starving oneself from food in very harmful ways. Bulimia Nervosa exists as another common eating disorder; this illness can be defined as consistently forcing oneself to vomit any food consumed before it passes through the body. Both of these illnesses can result in dangerously low calorie consumption and insufficient body weight. Sometimes these disorders become so powerful that they train the body to reject any food consumed at all. The most common eating disorder in the United States is binge eating, which occurs when one habitually consumes an excessive amount of food in a smaller time frame than the normal person should. “Excessive” can be understood as eating past a point of fullness to a place of extreme physical and mental discomfort. According to the National Eating Disorder Association, an estimated 20 million women and 10 million men personally experience an eating disorder at some point in their lives. People between ages 14 to 25 are at the highest risk of developing an eating disorder. One study revealed that people with anorexia between the ages of 14 to 25 are at 10 times greater risk of dying than their peers. Another study announced that for women ages 15 to 24, anorexia cases progressively increased over the last 50 years. Bulimia cases saw an increase in the 1980’s and early 1990’s but seem to remain constant today. Binge eating disorder on the other hand, has three times more cases than both anorexia and bulimia combined. Usually, people in their late teens and early twenties develop this disorder, however it can affect people of all ages. Eating disorders that go untreated can lead to terrible long-term effects such as damage to one’s cardiovascular, endocrine and nervous systems, as well as death. 16

Approximately 10,200 deaths each year directly result from an eating disorder, and an estimated 26% of people with eating disorders attempt suicide. It is terrifying that our relationship with what sustains us could be the very thing that kills us.

and skinny teas that hold little to no nutritional value. Social media makes it difficult to feel like you’re not the only person who wears larger than a size zero, and even more difficult to not make you want to do something about it.

While eating disorders do not always have a specific origin, there are many speculations as to where the illnesses stem from. Scientists link eating disorders to genetic, biochemical, psychological, environmental and cultural causes. An estimated 28% to 74% of eating disorder risk gets passed down genetically. Some people’s chemical composition within their brains can create toxic habits and mindsets when encountering food due to other mental illnesses, such as anxiety or depression. Environmental causes of eating disorders might pertain to circumstances one grew up in or currently reside in. One of the most obvious causes of eating disorders today is culture, and social media falls within that. Appearing beautiful on social media seemingly solves all your problems. It does not matter what lengths you must go to in order to slim down or bulk up, just as long as your method works. Certain elements of pop culture desensitize us to the horrifying world of eating disorders by normalizing malnourishing juice cleanses

An eating disorder can be such a tumultuous mental illness to recover from because it is one of the only types of addictions that involves an activity you must engage in to survive. Alcohol, drug and sex addicts can potentially cut out substances and activities cold turkey, never putting themselves in a position to abuse that vice again. Food on the other hand, cannot be avoided. We must eat several times a day every single day. One faces the obstacle of restricting, purging or overeating every time a morsel enters the body. Eating disorders create a dark, overwhelming mental state that you feel like you hold no control over, even if you are the one responsible for what goes into your mouth. The solution sounds easy: just eat! Those mocking words fall into a category of things you should not say to anyone, let alone people who maintain complex relationships with food.

You should refrain from making these comments to avoid triggering people with eating disorders, or contributing to them. Firstly, try not to speak to anyone about their size, even if you mean it as a compliment. A lighthearted “Wow, you’re so skinny!” can reinforce or encourage unhealthy eating habits. A rude comment about how large someone is could also solidify eating disorders, whether that becomes over or undereating. Secondly, keep from mentioning the quantity of food consumed. People with toxic eating habits constantly remain aware of how much they are or are not eating; it just becomes more difficult to manage when other people become aware of it too. Some people bear a naturally skinny body type and may even be trying to gain weight. Keep in mind that someone’s eating disorder does not consume who they are. Refrain from saying that someone is anorexic or bulimic, and instead elect to say that someone has an eating disorder. Eating disorders, along with other mental illnesses, do not define who someone truly is. Try to pay close attention to signs of eating disorders so that you can help those around you. Less than 6% of people with eating disorders are classified as “underweight”, so pay attention to certain behaviors or physical clues. If someone has constant concerns about what or how much they eat, or displays unusual habits like chewing excessively, those could be signs pointing to an eating disorder. Other behavioral symptoms include moodiness, withdrawal from regular activities, mood swings and difficulty concentrating. Some physical signs that someone may struggle with an eating disorder are fluctuation of weight, constantly feeling cold, dizziness, faintness, dry skin and nails, weak muscles and a weak immune system. Additionally, signs that someone consistently purges include blisters and cuts on fingers, cavities or tooth discoloration and swelling of the salivary gland. If the people around you are experiencing any of the aforementioned symptoms, don’t be afraid to try and reach out to them. ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) Helpline 888-375-7767

While it might take some courage, your friends or family may need you more than ever if they are experiencing an eating disorder. The worst thing you could do is ignore the signs altogether. The first way to help someone is to educate yourself; take the time to research conditions before you make any assumptions. Then, think about how you want to approach that person. Ensure that you are coming from a place of care and concern, rather than a place of penalization and pointing fingers. Avoid making any statements about one’s weight or size. Stick to conversing about behavioral observations. The most important part of helping someone with an eating disorder is to reassure them that they are not alone. You can offer to help them take up habits that will hold them accountable, or assist them in the search to get professional help. Ensure that they understand you will not abandon them in their time of need or perceive them differently. If you struggle with an eating disorder, you are not alone. It is definitely not an easy battle, but try with everything in you to go to someone you trust and take the first step to getting help. Countless resources specialize in helping people find their way back to a positive relationship with food. It is okay to ask for help. Some of the other physiological needs that our body demands, such as oxygen, sleep and shelter bring little to no afterthought when indulged in. In a perfect world, no one would feel guilty or shameful about food consumption. Eating disorders emerge as cruel symptoms of being stuck in a society that places so much emphasis on appearance. We, as a society, hold the power to reject the beauty industry’s cruel beckoning towards habits that only end up hurting us. At the end of the day, it’s not always easy to “just eat.” However, we are more than what we eat, and we are more than what we look like. We can help each other see our true worth and take care of ourselves in the process. It is possible to get to a place where eating exists as a delicious activity, and an enjoyable way to take care of our bodies, not a chore. National Eating Disorders Helpline 800-931-2237

Written by Faye Collins 20

Wardrobe by

Collective Clothing

Photographs by Lee Webb 21

“The Giver.” “Fahrenheit 451.” “1984.” Some of these titles might evoke painful memories of ninth grade English class, being forced to pick apart every (seemingly) meaningless detail of a dystopian novel. At the time, the dystopias we read about appeared as harsh, cruel and completely unrealistic; however, we might be closer to living in one than you think. That is quite a bold statement, I know, it’s not like we’re living in districts that send us to “The Hunger Games.” However, the education system, “The American Dream” and capitalism may have conditioned us to believe that we have more freedom than we really do. Capitalism is viewed as the most freeing thing that has ever happened to this country. You earn a living for yourself and no one else gets to reap the benefits of your success unless you say so. We live in a society that has conditioned us to believe that a minimum of 40 hours a week should be dedicated to work. From the very beginning, we were required to attend school for 40 hours a week and learn a specific curriculum; this curriculum must be mastered. It doesn’t matter whether or not a student excels more in other areas or simply has more passion for a different class. In addition, an increase in age is accompanied by an increase in homework that follows students home after a long eight 22

hours of learning and test-taking. The expectations are set very high for students, it is their responsibility to succeed at school and in a variety of extracurriculars including athletics, clubs, part-time jobs and more. This then helps us to find the perfect job that will pay for all of life’s expected endeavors like building a home, supporting a family and establishing a retirement fund. “The American Dream” perpetuates capitalism and preys on the natural desire of humans to find security and belonging. Society emphasizes that the perfect life consists of a mother and father in a stable, loving relationship, who raise their son and daughter in the perfect home with the white picket fence. All of this is funded by the

full-time jobs the parents work ever so enthusiastically to provide for all of their needs. At one point or another, all of us have wanted to belong to a life like that. There are moments that I appreciate living in a nice house, parents together or not. “The American Dream”

sounds so perfect and attainable, but a reality check confirms that it really is just a dream. We as humans always crave more and more, and realistically money is what can help us attain more in our society. For a small price of working your life away, you can receive the money you chase so intensely in hopes of buying security. The security of holding a family together. The security of knowing you will remain financially afloat. 40 hours a week becomes one’s sole purpose in life; instead of working to live, we live to work. With “The American Dream” in mind, people expect you to follow a certain course of direction in life. You have to do well in school, you have to go to college, you have to get a well-paying job and you have to create a family. Why is that such a normalized life path when every person is so different? The beautiful thing about the human race is that we are all unique individuals with varying talents and passions and life situations that set us up or where we are supposed to end up. It is perfectly okay not to want to pursue a college education. It is okay if you want to rent property instead of buying. It is okay if you would rather not seek romatic relationships or plan to have

Models: Aisy Nix Maddi Thompson Faye Collins Marshall Haynes Derrick Wensits Jamall Vaughn

“WE DON’T SEEM TOO FAR FROM

ADOPTING DYS

children. It is okay to do exactly what you want to do with your own life. There are so many ways that you can choose to live that don’t result in spending way too many hours in an office. Somewhere along the way we forgot that we should pursue what will fill our hearts and spirits. While that mindset may not always pay the bills, it is possible to find a job and lifestyle that doesn’t feel like it is stealing your years away from you just for the sake of making money. Capitalism can certainly steal people’s time and joy, but it also steals from our planet’s sustainable climate condition. Climate change is an extremely prevalent issue that we cannot afford to avoid. The Greenhouse Effect encompasses the concept that heat leaving earth and heading towards space is trapped within our atmosphere, creating climate change. Carbon dioxide and methane are two gases that contribute astoundingly to climate change; the release of these gases come from some natural sources but are primarily from the burning of fossil fuels, decomposition of waste in landfills and industrialization of agriculture. Capitalism has contributed to climate change as more companies have factories and buildings that do not exercise proper eco-friendly practices. These big companies will sacrifice anything for a quick buck, even if “anything” is the preservation of our planet. Businesses are consistently shipping goods and materials from location to location, which usually means

that fossil fuels will be burned. Certain big companies are well known for exploiting all resources ranging from the laborers working, to the transportation methods that carelessly contribute to greenhouse gases. Our world is heading towards an extremely intolerable climate crisis, and it is all because of money. A capitalistic environment is very conducive to creating extremities. There are those who feel accomplished for the way that they have succeeded in “playing the game.” There are those who resent the fact that no matter how hard or how long they dedicate their time, they will always be overworked and underpaid. Capitalism and the way it impacts our country’s gross domestic product inevitably finds its way into political conversations, and it tends to intensify the polarization of political parties. Even climate change’s relation to capitalism is significant enough to gather some political discussion. Politics in general has increasingly divided our nation as the media makes it so easy to release information and influence opinions. The two major political parties create division as people feel pressured to choose one side. The parties are almost completely opposite in all aspects of beliefs, and the way our government is run leaves little room for those who are Independent. By living in such a politically divided country, sometimes we don’t seem too far from adopting dystopia. Certain rights are revoked, some life-changing court decisions are

STOPIA”

made and riots and marches seem to become more and more frequent. This division is toxic to everyone and focuses energy on unrest that should be redirected towards creating a society where everyone has the freedom to develop the best version of themselves. Life is a puzzle that we must put together in order to find ourselves. A lot of us spend our lives putting together one that we don’t even really like, and we do it for the sake of winning in the cruel game of capitalism. We think that the puzzle would be so much easier to solve if we could just find the one piece that we’re looking for. Then, there are some who finally finish a puzzle, only to find out that they didn’t even like the one they completed. Maybe you realize that you missed out on the joy of working on it because you remained so focused on just getting it done. We concentrate so much on the next step in life, whether it’s going to college, getting a job, saving for a trip, saving for a wedding, saving for retirement. It is important to remember that sometimes the biggest feeling of ease can be found by simply embracing the present moment. Sometimes life works out where a piece that you were confident belonged in one spot, actually belonged in another. The beautiful thing about life is that there are always second chances, so you can always try again, or find another puzzle. Set Design by Ragan Baker Rian Blackman Maggie Schut Marli Giedt Lee Webb Maddi Thompson

Lurking around the bleak ashes that have become her home, she exhales sharply once she turns the corner; he didn’t notice her this time. She approaches the door, hoping that maybe for once she can be left alone, at peace. Not a day passes that she can live without fear. As she jiggles the key frantically, with urgency to be inside, she enters the home surprised. No one is here today. Although no one is there to disrupt her, she feels an eerie presence of something. Ignoring it, the emptiness of the space is almost chiding her, mocking her false sense of ease. These thoughts pollute her mind even more; her inner voice is always quick to ridicule. Just before full panic unleashes on her frail body, she hears a familiar stirring upstairs — her brother. He’s so young. He doesn’t need to know, at least for now.

“You can’t avoid me forever. We’re family.” These words make her stomach turn and her insides get cold. Unfazed, she tells her confused brother, “Oh, it’s just uncle. I’ll make sure to reach out to him.” Within those lies, she tells him to pack a bag. They’re going camping at the nearest park. She knew this would work. He leaps up the stairs, full of life, leaving her feeling guilty even when she knows she shouldn’t be. She looks out the window and dwells on the heavy, monstrous hail. It’s no shock to anyone anymore.

Once he comes down the stairs, they embrace gently and soak up each other’s warmth. He looks at her with the eyes that she remembers her mother having, so deep, dark and beautiful. She can tell that he wishes he knew more: where their parents went, why they run past the alleys so quickly. Once he turns fifteen, she’ll tell him everything he needs to know. That’s how old she was when this all started. He gives his sister the note that was dropped off earlier that day. It reads,

What We Have Left to Los Written by Madison Meadows

Graphic by Aisy Nix

The dull sky has become a best friend, and the sun is a very unexpected stranger. She tells him to wait near the slides once they reach the park. There are cameras everywhere … no one would dare go to a park in times like these. That’s why they went. Soon, she sees him standing in the distance. The man appears so innocent and harmless. He walks towards her, “Hey stranger. I know you’ve been ignoring me these days.” Instead of giving into his deceit, she whispers in his ear, “You better leave me and him alone.

This is the end of you following us.” He knows exactly what she speaks of, but neglects to acknowledge a thing. He starts to grab her wrist tightly, but out of nowhere, a sensation of vengeance washes over her. She punches him in the eye, gruesome as it sounds. The brother looks over at his big sister, concerned and frightened by the commotion... he’s putting some pieces together now. She threatens the man one last time, spitting on his wretched face. Walking away in haste, she tells her brother “let’s go.” The citizens of their hometown are tucked away in shattering homes, with fear of roaming freely outside. But she doesn’t fear this any longer. She hasn’t forgotten about the camping, and she can’t stand to break that promise to her brother. Their only home is with each other.

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bod a n l gu Written by Reese Cavitt 30

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y d o

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Photographs by Lee Webb 31

Growing up is difficult as is, but to make matters worse we often find that love evades us when we need it most. We start our lives encased in love, wonder and whimsy, but that all seems to slip away during the hardest parts of our lives, the transition from adolescence to adulthood. It is almost as if we have to wade through darkness before we can feel the sun on our skin once more. It’s a journey that lasts a lifetime. As we experience love through those around us and learn to love independently through our friends and first lovers, we start to see things within ourselves that others have seen all along. This path we all walk towards self-love is a rocky mountain road with switchbacks and no guardrails. Some of us know shortcuts, while the rest of us simply have to take the long way. However, we all begin in the same place. Do you remember your first real friend group? I remember feeling so connected to mine because they were the first

people I ever really got to know. When we are children, we don’t think to ask our friends about much beyond their favorite color or whether they play with Barbies or Bratz, but when we get a bit older, we start having more in-depth conversations. Suddenly, you want to know how the people you spend all your time with feel about the world around us. Philosophy, politics, hopes, dreams and desires; you want to know it all, and you become so wrapped up in each other’s minds that no one else can compare to your friends, especially your favorite one. Your best friend, the first person that you feel entirely connected to and want to be around constantly. That’s where we all encounter falling in love for the first time; it’s a platonic love but still, it means the most to us because we’ve never felt anything like that before. As you get older, maybe your best friend stays the same, but often we experience our first heartbreak through the loss of a best friend or two. We begin college knowing we will meet our friends that will last a lifetime. You’ll really get to know people during the 2 a.m. drives through the mountains.

You’ll share 4 p.m. phone calls when you feel like you should cut your own curtain bangs in hopes that it will distract you from the exams you still haven’t taken. It’s hard to feel alone when your soulmate is a phone call away, and a block down the street. The first glimpse of true self-love we get is after puberty. During adolescence we begin to look at and explore our new bodies, and we begin to wonder who else is looking too. Our showers become longer and candle lit, we start buying underwear we would want someone to see us in, and we start venturing into the world of self-pleasure. Here is where we start learning to love ourselves physically. It leads to more confidence in your body and your desires. This newfound tentative confidence in our bodies will lead us into our first experience with love and relationships. Our bodies seem so strange for a time, then they become so familiar, and we begin to criticize them though we know we shouldn’t.

Models: Sarah Buckberry Amanda Kane Finn Jackson

Now when we start to feel like we are curling inward, we no longer hide like we did as young teens, instead we work towards fixing it. We learn to journal and meditate, and we still most definitely self-pleasure! We have to remember to come back to these habits because they make us feel good even when we become lonely once more. Falling in love for the first time is the scariest, most exhilarating feeling in the world. When you meet that one person, everything else seems to fall away and all you can see is them. It all happens so fast. First, it’s an awkward movie date. Then, about a week later, you’re making out in the back of a car you borrowed from your dad for the night, talking about every hope, 33

Summertime Proliferation By Susanna Skelton The summer sun Sets down for tea, but her rays Prove to be too scorching. Wrapped in billowy sheets, And singing her dirge, We lay her down to rest. The moon has risen Like the illumination In my dark dreams. Light the path to redemption, But be careful to caress Her cheek so softly. Perennials blooming Just as their pollinators pace Back and forth, marathon To make honey. Invaded By the bear, work gone to waste. Rebuild the hive to strive again.

dream and aspiration that has ever crossed your brain, even if you’ve never said it out loud before. It starts to dawn on you that although you love your friends, it is nowhere near the same feeling as this. Things begin to get steamy, which isn’t hard when you’re young, full of hormones and left unsupervised. Making out quickly turns into so much more. Touch is so powerful, but soon it no longer feels like enough. You crave more, but sex is about more than the physical pleasure. When you finally have sex with the person you love, it’s about connection. Within that moment, you are one body, heart and soul. In the end, relationships are more than butterflies in your stomach, unending pleasure and having someone to spend your time with. They are about trust and adventures. But sometimes you’re going to fight and disagree more than you want to. That doesn’t mean it will end though. Most of the time you both heal together, but if it does end that’s okay. You’re going to walk away knowing more about yourself once you get through that pain. Relationships end for countless reasons. It can be a lack of communication or that you are both just so young and naive that reality blocks the way and knocks you off your feet. We are all constantly growing and sometimes you have to learn more to be more. The first heartbreak is always the most painful, but each one after that still hurts. I like to think about it like gravel roads. You have to slow down for a moment and feel the ruble underneath you, but you have to keep pushing forward so eventually you won’t feel like you are being jostled around anymore. The pain will subside, and you’ll be left with more knowledge about who you are and what you want. You’ve made yourself stronger, they have pushed you along your path.

I have discovered through growing up that sometimes you have to crumble before you can rebuild yourself, and as you are rebuilding you get to know the pieces of yourself more intimately. You look at yourself more fondly. There are always going to be bad days, but you can’t let those define you. When you are left to your own devices, use that time to date yourself instead of tearing yourself apart. It is difficult, I know, but it is more than worth it.Go out by yourself and blast your favorite music in your car, eat your favorite foods and watch your favorite movies. Do anything and everything that makes you happy and soon you will learn to love the way you laugh or the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. Life is hard, loving yourself is hard too, but it makes life so much more meaningful because you start putting yourself first. This is your life! Accomplish everything you dream of and have a good-ass time doing it. If life truly is cyclical, then we will all come back around to the loving, wonder-filled, whimsical person we were when we were small. You’ll wish upon shooting stars and think of fireflies as fairies again. You might have to wade through an ocean of darkness, but the sun will shine again. Once you feel it on your skin for what feels like the first time again, you’ll never let yourself go back.

know th e pi eces of you rse lf more i nti mate ly."

"as you are re bu i ldi ng you g et to

Written by Beatrice Smith Photographs by Lee Webb Graphic by Aisy Nix

Our families serve as the foundation that we build off of to grow into our own authentic selves, each composed of distinct members that all play a unique role in shaping who we become. No one relationship that we have with a member stays the same over time, they are subject to change, tension and conflict. As these connections evolve, we begin to see a family for what it really is, a puzzle. It is a group made up of various, interconnected parts that all depend on one another in order to feel whole and complete. These connections are key in defining our view of all other relationships we will go on to form. We must therefore critically consider how each piece fits into our lives as a means of establishing our sense of belonging. The way we are brought up is arguably the most key element in our emotional development and intelligence. For some this may be fostered in a stable, accepting environment while others may have been raised in an unpredictable, insensitive home. This contrast ultimately comes down to how our parents or guardians choose to mediate and resolve issues. Whether it be by talking through it, compartmentalizing it or simply choosing to ignore it. We tend to adopt these same methods in dealing with problems of our own, thus it is imperative that we are taught the healthiest coping mechanisms. Yet this is in stark contrast to the reality of nearly every household. Unfortunately, these harmful practices proceed to take a toll on our mental well-being.

to share what we are going through with them. When someone is constantly reminding you of what you need to get done in order to stay on track for the meticulous plan they have laid out for your life, it pushes you further away from them. We are always striving to live up to the expectations they have set for us and in doing so, we lose sight of the person we wish to be. Resultantly, we feel we must conceal what we are feeling from them. Attempting to distinguish between our parent’s beliefs and our own is made all the more difficult when you do not live in a two-parent household, a luxury not all of us are fortunate enough to have. Parents tend to operate as a single unit when they live together, promoting social harmony. They try to share the same ideals and to discipline and advise us in an identical fashion. However, when they are separated their individual values are made more apparent, which further contributes to our confusion and internal conflict. We may be told one thing by one parent, then hear the complete opposite from another. It leaves us feeling as though we have to side with one of them, making the other disdainful. We will forever be stuck in the middle, torn between two opinions, two houses and two relationships, never feeling like we have a place in either.

Home is supposed to be the place where we feel most comfortable and within which we can freely express ourselves. We should feel that we can be ourselves around our family, though this is typically not the case. As we meet other people and form new relationships, we begin to grow apart from our families with whom we were once so close. We no longer need to rely on them and instead turn to our friends in times of crisis. This distance grows and with it we share less and less of our lives with them. This gap widens to the point that they may no longer recognize who we are becoming.

As we get older, we become incredibly gifted at covering up our underlying emotions by interchanging them with the ones others want to see. To fake it or put on a smile for our parents becomes a normal habit and their presupposed misunderstanding is used as justification for doing so. We don and doff these different masks around our loved ones at the expense of our own well-being. We adjust them according to where we are or who we may be with because we merely see it as adapting to our environment. It is only when we are alone that we feel we can peel back these pent-up layers and finally be one with our emotions. There is a fine line between just holding back and sacrificing part of ourselves to put others at ease; it seems we have yet to learn this distinction.

The disconnect between who we are and who our parents would like for us to be is what drives the wedge between us. If we felt like they actually took the time to understand us, we may be more inclined

In hiding behind these masks, we start to disguise our own identity. Odds are that if our parents misconstrue how we feel, they will likely be unable to comprehend the facets that make us up. These

aspects of our personality can be anything from our gender identity or sexuality, to our religious beliefs or even career path. Coming of age should be a time we dedicate toward exploring these ideals, but familial influence interferes with that. This ultimately creates a push and pull between conforming to our parents’ beliefs or challenging them. If the latter is chosen, we must face the consequences.

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yE It comes as a shock to parents when we begin to cb i h establish opinions, views or attitudes that differ ap r G from what they have conditioned us to believe. Religion, sexual orientation and gender are among those most contested because our society stresses heteronormativity and strict gender roles as the norm. It is not until recently that gender and sexuality have become more fluid concepts; however, people that stray from the norm are automatically considered the minority, especially those within the communicating with us all together simply because LGBTQ+ community. they do not agree with the choices we make on the No parent wants their kid to feel as though they do basis of our newfound values. Disagreement is a not fit in, so they direct them back toward the norm. normal part of life but when it may cost us those we If a boy is behaving more feminine, they say it is just love, we want to avoid it at all costs. We must show a phase or if a girl wants to wear pants and a butthem the version of ourselves that is a byproduct of ton-up they tell them to go put on a dress. Parents their knowledge and opinions; All the while our true are so wrapped up in how our identity may reflect identity is kept closeted, only to be seen by those we poorly on them that they become yet another person feel will accept every part of us. Our individuality making us feel like we have to conform. We are pres- gradually slips away as we blindly follow their norms. sured to check the box they want us to and are driven This lack of a sense of self within our homes causes by a desire to belong, but all we are doing is living a us to feel that we do not even belong there. We no lie. Our home is no longer a safe space and is instead longer know where we fit within the puzzle. one we feel rejected in. We are not accepted by the people who are supposed to love us no matter what. People have a predetermined idea of what they With that comes an immense amount of shame. believe the typical nuclear family looks like. This is what many parents strive to fall in line with, and they Growing up we are told that family is forever, that expect their children to follow suit. They want their it’s a bond of unconditional love. We assume they kids to outwardly appear, behave and express themknow what is best for us because we are not taught selves according to this model. This could potentially to believe any different. We look to them to form our be why they disapprove of any action that does not perceptions of the world. It is not until we begin to satisfy the perfectly painted picture. A couple of kids, get older that we start to question all that our parents a mother and a father are all that we usually include instilled within us. Yet the views they pass down to in this ideal that people work toward. Though, no us may be misguided or ill-informed, and it is up to two families look alike, and this is becoming increasus to correct for that. ingly apparent. You may have been adopted or raised by a single parent, been an only child or lost your Although there should be no backlash to face when parents as a kid. No matter what the case may be, going against other’s views, we often find there is. your place in this world is not defined by those who Parents threaten to kick us out, cut us off or stop raised you nor how they chose to care for you.

Graphic by Lee Webb Models: Matt Crowe Jake Wall Emma Soefker Kushi Zaver Production by Maddi Thompson

Nervously I wait to tell my mom, not about what I did, about who I am. I’m not sure what she’ll think or say, but I wish I could just get this over with; today is the day. I’ve replayed this scene in my head over and over again, but now all I feel are pangs of dread. I don’t even know where I am going to start, but at least she’ll finally know who I am and what’s in my heart. During my youth, I always felt the desire for more. I always asked myself, “Is this really it? This is what the movies are about?” Once I was finally about to convince myself to accept the monotony that was my life, I realized I simply couldn’t. Fresh out of my shortcut senior year and straight into quarantine, I had an epiphany. I was dulling myself for the comfort of others, and now was the time to confront what I had been hiding for so long — my sexuality. Here’s the thing though: I always assumed I must have a formal, sentimental and almost performance-like coming out experience. I thought the most perfect moment would fall right into my hands. To my dismay, life never unravels so seamlessly. As my worries worsened of how to tell my loved ones that I was in fact not straight, my anxieties heightened. I didn’t know what I would tell them because I didn’t even know myself. The thought of proclaiming my unknown sexuality in front of the people that mattered most in my life was (and still kind of is) terrifying. Unless I was a part of the typical coming of age scene where the main character’s secret is finally out, and they’re accepted by everyone around them, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come out at all. So that’s exactly what I did. To this day, I still haven’t come out and said my sexual orientation. All I really know is that I am in a same-sex relationship, and still figuring myself out. Bizarre as it seems, there is something so beautiful and liberating in this uncertainty I share with many others. Yes, the thought of not knowing my exact sexuality is a stress in my life, but now I think: how can a label be placed on something as fluid as sexual orientation? How can something so beautiful and ever-changing be limited? The wonderful truth is, the LGTBQ+ community does not need the approval of anyone. We require no permission or acceptance from others to live out our truths. It is also completely valid to keep your sexuality a more private part of your life. I may think I’m an open book, but when meeting new people I find myself reluctant to share that piece of myself so quickly, and that’s okay. Not everyone has to know. And if you do find comfort in a label, there is a silver lining — they have the plasticity to evolve and grow over time. Sexual identities are not permanent; they will always remain flexible if you wish. The raw and passionate nature of one’s sexuality was never meant to be completely understood, and that’s the beauty of it all. Similarly to life itself, there’s something to be said for “figuring it out.” The journey of becoming closer to your authentic self is truly unmatched, and you will never experience anything so freeing. Amidst all of the awkwardness and self-exploration that coming out entails, remember that revealing your truest self to the world will never have to look, feel or be a certain way. Coming out was never meant to be perfect, neither was the journey of self-exploration.

Written by Madison Meadows 47

Written by Hanna Bradford Photographs by Molly Bowman Wardrobe by PJ Club Cake by Rach Cakes Nashville

Models: Hunter Stockton Carianna Hunter Aubrey Anne Ross

When I was turning 10 years old, all I wanted was a dog-themed birthday party. Turning 10 was a huge milestone in my family; your first decade of life. I was weird, I didn’t have many friends, I had braces and a bit of a lisp, but to hell with anything that was not my dog-themed birthday party. I waited all day for my three friends and my family to arrive at 3 p.m., and it was excruciating. I put on my birthday attire, I helped mom clean the house and set the table, I changed my outfit again because my first choice was suddenly stupid, and I played my music. Extra loud. Because it was my birthday, and nobody was going to yell at me. Looking back on how much I enjoyed being the star of my own show, the transition of slowly wanting less and less attention as I’ve grown older has paved its way into my life as an adult. The idea of being the most important person on your birthday shapes and molds a lot of who we grow into as adults. Navigating the change in esteem over time can be pretty well gauged by how you feel when people sing to you over a cake. Each year, this knot forms tighter and tighter in my stomach as I blow the candles out. Everyone looking at me at the same time, wishing me well on another trip around the sun. Why is it that I deserve such a celebrity status for a day? It’s a weird time, figuring out who you are and how you become comfortable with yourself. I think birthday parties are just cute and quirky pieces of growing into yourself. At some point, I stopped wanting to grow older. I watched my mom dread each year of her thirties, and I quickly picked up on that mindset. At what point should I stop asking for toys, and instead put makeup on my wish list? How many friends are too many friends to have sleepover before it isn’t cool anymore? Growing older suddenly got uncomfortable and awkward. All the anxiety around social status, how I expressed myself, who my best friend of the week was, manifested into stressful birthday functions in my teen years. In retrospect, these things were so small. I do think, however, that these sticky and weird situations I found myself in as I became less of a child and more of a teenager had a huge part in building who I am today. I grew a thicker skin, I prioritized my values, I chose people who challenged me and cared about me. I have no choice but to think that the embarrassing aspects of becoming older are necessary for development of self.

The birthday party where I received my first car is still one of my favorite memories to this day. It was my first taste of reaping one of the largest benefits of growing older: freedom. With age came leniency in my house, which meant later curfew, getting a job for my own income and beginning to date people on a much more serious level. I was able to explore parts of my life I wouldn’t have dared looked at as a young girl. I could curse, I could kiss, I could wear clothes that I thought were cool and I felt so badass. My car soon became my favorite place to be. I would listen to music as loud as I wanted and whenever I felt like it. I have vivid memories of applying darker eyeshadow in the school parking lot before class in my car’s mirror because my mom wouldn’t let me leave the house with it on. Gaining this sense of independence also brought on a sort of rebellion I still don’t understand. The need to do everything I was taught not to, just to see what the consequence would be. Granted, I got burned… a lot. But I also discovered a large part of myself in the chaos of figuring out how to walk without a guiding hand. Challenging my upbringing is the reason I can now confidently establish who I am in this world. Once a year, we get to wake up and decide that the day is designated for us. “It’s my birthday.” Everyone is thinking of you, wanting to celebrate you, and it makes loving yourself extremely special. It’s important to take little pieces of your special day and carry them with you every other day. Look at yourself, look at all the silly birthday parties you’ve had, or maybe didn’t have, and allow yourself to feel so proud of who you’ve created within yourself. When you think of all these years of growing and being weird and being wrong and having so many good moments, who shared those with you? Who have you been handing a piece of cake to all these years? I keep birthday cards in a shoebox in my childhood bedroom, and as I’ve grown older, they’ve been such a cool timeline to reflect on. Some people in my life have been sending me cards for many years now, supporting me as I get older and change in the best ways. Becoming an adult is one of the strangest phenomena life hands to us, and it is one I’m so grateful for. So, keep blowing out your candles, let your loved ones sing to you and wake up every day like it’s your birthday. 53

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Graphic by Molly Bowman

Born and raised in Nashville, Tennessee, 20-year-old designer Savanna Dohler invites you into her fashion-forward, youthful world of unique designs and pure joy, PJ Club.

“I mean Johnny Depp has a great personal style, I love his mixture of a lot of bohemian and very worldly things, and then he kind of like, you know, throws on some sick glasses,” said Dohler.

As a teenager, the designer did not always surround herself with creative influences or exercise her unique talents. It wasn’t until her late teenage years that Dohler began investing herself more deeply in the world of fashion. Dohler attended a private Christian school just south of Nashville. As she left that chapter of her life, her departure from the conservative environment drove her further into her distinctive artistic expression.

Dohler has become well-versed in the art of hand making clothing. The designer hand-makes and sews all of her individual pieces, as well as her plushies. Despite its growing success and praise, PJ Club was built from the ground up. Dohler began to learn the craft and find her eccentric style when she transformed an old blanket into her first piece of clothing.

“When I was 10, my grandma got me a dress form and tried to teach me how to sew,” said Dohler. “I got frustrated, then never learned how to sew until I was 19.” Growing up in a decade where the uniqueness of fashion designers became more acceptable, appreciated and diverse, Dohler has drawn inspiration from many of these icons over the years. Her influences range from designers such as Walter Van Beirendonck, Vivienne Westwood and Kiko Kostadinov to artists like Rihanna, ASAP Rocky and Johnny Depp.

“I was like okay, I kind of want to turn these into really funky pants, so I asked my mom, ‘Mom, how do I make pants?’ She basically gave me this formula of finding a pair of pants I liked the shape and style of,” said Dohler. “I laid them down, folded them and then I cut them out. That was the first time I actually made something and from then on, I just figured out how to do it. It was a trial-and-error type thing, and it was world opening. Once I finished, I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, I can do it.’” Written by Liza Miggo

Fashion, as an art, has become more appreciated over time, but there are still aspects of the craft that Dohler and many other designers in the community think are neglected and overlooked. “It’s much less the fashion that’s underappreciated than the people who are creating it, especially people who hand make. And there’s just folks here who are like, ‘That’s overpriced,’ Well, I spent eight hours on it! When you buy fast fashion and trends, you’re buying an identity instead of a piece of art,” said Dohler. Dohler struggled to contain her excitement when asked to consider who she would most like to see wear her pieces. “Oh my god so many people. Hunter Shaffer, ASAP of course, Tyler of course, but Tyler only wears Tyler,” said Dohler. “Oh, and Kerwin Frost. I’d love for Kerwin Frost to wear my clothes, Imogen Heap, Thom Yorke, that would be dope.” Being a young, freelance designer in this day and age can be filled with hardships and competition for anyone. PJ Club and its youthful, fresh aesthetic didn’t just fall into Dohler’s hands; she faced many hardships along the way of building her brand. “I just have this thing, which I think most people do. I really enjoy making stuff, but I feel like if I don’t make it perfect the first time, I’m just not supposed to do that thing,” said Dohler “I feel like I’m failing, but it’s the trial and error of things.” Dohler continues to design, drop new collections and push herself towards new beginnings. PJ Club may have only launched a little over a year ago, but Dohler plans for the brand to become a plethora of creative visions and pure, youthful influences, welcoming everyone into her own little world, the world that is PJ Club. “I definitely want PJ club to be taken seriously. I want it to retain its purity and childlike nature, but also to want to build it. I want it to be like a world. It’s part of my world,” said Dohler.

Illustration by Callie High

Take this quiz to find out...

What Makes You Striking? Who is your style inspiration? A)Princess Diana B)Devon Carlson C)Tyler the Creator

What is your favorite color combo?

A)Any neutral color combo! That never misses B)Sage and lavender C)Pink and red

What can you not leave your house without?

A)Chuck Taylor’s B)A gold chain necklace C)The funkiest pair of sunglasses I own

What’s a song you never skip?

A)Devil in a New Dress - Kanye West B)Last Nite - The Strokes C)Weird Fishes/ Arpeggi - Radiohead

What is your favorite trend right now? A)Monochrome B)Knitwear/ crochet pieces C)Platforms

If you picked mostly A’s... Chic, effortless, classic! If the majority of your answers were A, you have a timeless style! You hold yourself to high standards, so you value high quality pieces that are made with intentionality. Some might say you keep it simple, but you have your style and you are sticking to it!

If you picked mostly B’s... Hip, fashionable, one step ahead! If the majority of your answers were B, you are a trendsetter! You know what is hot before it’s heating up- and your Pinterest board proves it. You have a knack for finding items hitting Zara’s fall collection for $50 at your local thrift store the spring before for $5.

If you picked mostly C’s... Fresh, fun, one-of-a-kind! If the majority of your answers were C, you are eccentric! You like what you like, and you will not change for anyone. You have always crossed the boundaries of fashion, and you never fail to surprise everyone with your unique styling. It is unmistakable when you walk into a room. 63

Written by Hanna Bradford 64

Photographs by Lee Webb 65

I was 17 years old when I made the conscious decision to be cooler than everyone else. I cut my bleached hair into bangs, painted my nails black and only listened to Mac DeMarco for months on end. When I look back at whoever the hell that person was and how she has grown into who I am today, (I am very much still her, just less pretentious) I am so grateful that time is such a forgiving construct. I am so grateful that as a human being, I am naturally given the right to change and express how I feel at any given moment. The palette — filled with various trends, fashion concepts, ideas and cultures the world has created — is always at my disposal, begging me to paint. In a world so large, so diverse, so cultured, you have the opportunity to be literally anything you want to be, anyone you want to be, on a daily basis. Who do you decide to be every day? Which version of yourself are you portraying to the rest of the world? That version, the person you look at in the mirror on the way out and blow a kiss to, is the person who breaks the mold of the all-too-familiar, monochrome society on a daily basis. This reinvention of ourselves is so annoying and so beautiful, and we cannot just ignore it. We have to indulge in the fact that there are no rules when creating our identity. Feeling timid or held back from expressing ourselves to the fullest extent is denying ourselves of a basic need. The ache of individuality and expression rises until we cannot ignore it. It is at the base of who we all are. Don’t let it get away from you, don’t ignore it. The inner desire to dress a certain way, have a spunky haircut or even pick up a cool hobby is natural and should be validated in every aspect. We, as a society, have a certain obligation to create and evolve; we are obligated to project our most unadulterated selves outward. Without new ideas constantly being brought to life or people creating things simply to scratch the itch of inspiration, we’d be aimless. Our world would be void of the rich culture and rebirth we find in everything we interact with on this weird planet. We adore the insane and romanticize the unknown. Identity is such a fluid concept; it can be manipulated and rebuilt to no end. We find people we mesh with based on who they are to us. We then express who we are through our sense of style, our interests and even the company we keep. We plan out the rest of our 66

lives based on what makes us feel whole, what makes us feel most like ourselves. This actualization of the uncensored self fills in pieces of our being we didn’t know we were missing. We mix and match different puzzle pieces of who we are until we feel confident and proud. It is almost as if life itself is one big game that we are entitled to play. Humans practice and play over and over again in order to reach their full potential. The kick-ass thing is this, at some point, we cease to practice being someone or something and simply become who we are supposed to be… who we want to be! While it may be intimidating to flex your loud shoes or funky jacket for the first time, being who you are is nothing to be ashamed of. Being different is what creates individuality. Shedding the fear of leaving your comfort zone is as simple as shattering the box you put yourself in. Claiming an identity is empowering and liberating. The feeling of finally being in tune with yourself and who you’ve created is undoubtedly rewarding. This self-actualization is truly the beginning of what is intended for whoever you will become. Once you decide to unveil the version of yourself that you’ve kept hidden for the comfort of others, then the rest of the world falls in line with this newfound self-assurance. I can’t just preach this process of self-growth and act like it is easy. Sometimes, developing a different version of yourself can be uncomfortable and intimidating to the point that we may not even attempt to separate ourselves from everyone else. How do we cope with the fear that comes with standing out? Maybe it’s as simple as remembering who you are and challenging the feeling of being misplaced or judged. We can ask ourselves the important question: “Who actually has the authority to make me feel smaller or less important?” as a simple and authentic way to check our perspective. Nobody determines your worth except you. It is your sole responsibility to uplift yourself in everything you do. I do think that growing into someone who does not fit the social norm takes practice. It’s important to be intentional about who you desire to become in this world. The phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” rings true when it comes to reinventing yourself.

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Models: Alexia Turbeville Finn Jackson Ragan Baker Nadia Rosee Bianca Bradshaw

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Eventually, you’ll step out and realize that you embody everything you envisioned for yourself. Everyone you encounter in your day-to-day life is playing pretend to some extent, it’s the way people function. We try on different versions of ourselves, exhibit them to the rest of the world and tweak the parts we aren’t really feeling. Participating in this sort-of game makes life so fun and interesting! Imagine the horror of being the exact same person you were a year ago: no growth, no challenge, that is so boring! Instead of shying away from the mystery of this unrealized potential, we should celebrate the odd and bizarre nature of life that is shown to us through various windows of experience. Challenging the social constructs introduced to us at a young age gives us an irresistible taste of rebellion. Showcasing your most confident self is a huge middle finger to the suffocating societal standards we’ve been trained to reach for. It is critical to stand out in a world so pressed on making everyone look the same. We’ve had enough. The only boundaries you are required to abide by are your own. Own what makes you feel most powerful — most you — and don’t apologize for it.

FAILURE TO LAUNCH

Written by Liza Miggo

No matter if it’s your appearance, career, hobbies, relationships or anything very close to your heart, failure can make you feel like you’re completely useless. Whether the rejection we experience is great or small, one thing remains constant: it always hurts. It usually hurts more than we expect it to. The damage caused by failure is usually self-inflicted and winds up lowering our self-esteem so much it seems like it’ll never be regained. We all feel this feeling, but it’s different for each and every one of us. Failure is subjective, and success is what you make it out to be. The question is, why are we so bothered? Not only is it because of the extreme pressures placed on young people to succeed but also because we long for people to see us in a light of success. A failure to launch is a shared feeling faced by young adults, such as you and I, who are struggling with the transition into adulthood. A common scenario is the reality shock many college kids experience in their transition to “the real world”. You know how it goes; You have the time of your life, become knowledgeable, make lifelong friendships, find your passions, etc. During this time, it’s easy to begin to compare your accomplishments or lifestyle to your peers’. One thing we all have in common is the pressure to rush into adulthood, the pressure to get the degree, the job, the house and so on. In my opinion adulthood feels like a lie. I’m a freshman in college, and I definitely still feel like a kid. As I see my friends pursue their dreams and reach their goals faster, it seems like I am the one who’s failing constantly, not living up to the standards we face once we enter so-called adulthood. Sometimes I catch myself in a state of self-pity while scrolling through Instagram, seeing those friends that seem to not have a care in the world. They may already be in their dream city and on their own without any bumps in the road. Over time I have learned self-pity gets you nowhere. Everyone’s timing is different, and these hardships you might experience or confusion you face will actually build your character in the long run.

The terrifying idea that life is short has lingered in my head since middle school. I wanted to go fast. When I went fast, I wanted to go even faster. I was so ready to take on the world right then and there, but life is crazy, shit happens and ultimately my future didn’t fall from the sky into my hands like I thought it would. That’s when my idea of failure came to surface. Being an ambitious young girl suited me but only made the process of things not going my way even harder. Taking life as it comes and not dwelling on my so-called failures has given me time to grow and learn. Although it seems like things are at a standstill and not where I’d dreamt them to be at nineteen, it doesn’t make me a failure. We all have things holding us back, whether we can help them or not. I feel like pressure is so common amongst us young adults that it doesn’t even feel like something you can take control of. As we grow and go through the phases of life, there are obstacles at what feels like every corner that we are expected to easily bypass; ultimately, this is setting us up for failure. What we struggle to realize is that failure is actually necessary for your well-being. It forces you to think about how others perceive you, even if they don’t perceive you the way you would like. Rejection makes us stronger. People don’t grow stronger when everything is perfect, which is something I try to remind myself daily. When we are forced to cope with the experience of failing, it helps by showing us just how strong, resourceful and capable we really are. Don’t be afraid of failure. Embrace it, and know that your feelings and failures are completely valid. You are stronger, wiser and better prepared than you were before. Push the limits of your relationships, career or anything that matters to you. Stay ambitious and passionate when overcoming a failure. Change the negative connotation of failure or rejection you have always held onto into something that is vital to life and success. In all honesty, your next success will probably follow a failure or two. That’s life. It’s what you make of those failures that will lead you to your greatest accomplishments.

Do you often find that your surroundings are influencing you positively or negatively? Do you let rejection weigh heavily on you? How can you take steps to redefine failure for yourself? Write a letter to yourself five years ago, and one to yourself five years from now. How different are they? What things remained constant? Do you often try things that scare you? Write about the last time one of these experiences turned out for the best. What do you realize about yourself from spending time alone? Does it make you comfortable or uneasy and why? Write about 3 things you do daily that strengthen your sense of self. Do you often let others’ opinions cloud your perception of yourself? What can you do to shed those expectations and prioritize your self expression? What is the most recent example of you doing something that boosted your confidence? How do you balance excitement and comfortability in the expression of yourself? What risks do you take outwardly to make you feel safer in your own skin?

Written by Hunter Stockton

Journali ng Prom pts for Se lf Re fLection

When was the last time you felt a big change in your life? How did you adjust to it and what did it teach you about yourself?

Metamorphosis

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Written by Hunter Stockton

Photographs by Molly Bowman

I find it hard to measure the depth of my sense of self, without first looking back on a time when I didn’t know myself much at all. I remember the day I moved into college so vividly. It was so bright the sun pierced through the shaded lenses of my $5 sunglasses as I coasted through Monteagle for the first time. The mountains that are now as familiar to me as my own body were encompassing me for the first time; I was cradled in the palm of something greater than myself. Once I got to campus, I spent hours racing back and forth from my car to my dorm, unpacking my belongings into a room the size of a shoebox that would work to shape me for the next year. Up to that point in my life, that was the biggest I had ever felt. I thought “This is who I am, this is who I’ve been waiting years to become.”

This is not to say however, that the journey is over or that I’ve managed to fulfill myself completely. These processes of satisfying your urges of self-actualization are just that, processes. Learning who you really are is a strenuous journey, and it’s one that’ll never come to a fixed resting point. The progress I’ve made on the path towards my best self is not the defining factor of my metamorphosis; it is the acceptance that human growth is immeasurable and unending. It’s important to look back at how far you’ve come, to use time and distance as standards to reflect on where you are now. Feeling accomplished by reaching the summit is an essential part of valuing your efforts.

“The key to becoming the str o ng est ve rs Little did I know that my coming of age would mold me with such force and seemingly such disregard for my hopes and expectations. There were times when I felt battered and broken down worse than I ever had been. I now look back and understand that these moments also contained guidance and direction; the guard rails of youth would push me forward into stability. Clarity’s opened window revealed the most dimly lit corners of my mind, and in its light I could see clearly who I was working to become. I had to learn that patience counts most in adversity and that the hardships of youth form the foundation of character. Since that day, I’ve come to understand myself in ways I never thought I would be able to. I am conscious of the fact that I am currently the man I always hoped I could become; the pieces of who I’m capable of being are laid out before me. The confidence that I’ve found by following my inner voice is rooted in all facets of my life now. I have found peace and security in my flaws and forced myself to embrace them with the tenderness I know I deserve. 78

But self-actualization is not only retrospective. The key to becoming the strongest version of yourself is resonance in the present. It is common to become overwhelmed with obligations and responsibilities that lead us astray from finding ourselves. Worldly distractions often consume my thoughts until I stop considering how I feel about what I’m doing in the first place. The most effective combatant for this is practicing mindfulness. A commitment to experiencing the present alleviates stress surrounding the past and future. Being grounded in the here and now will bind you to yourself. We all subconsciously develop tethers to who we want to be by linking ourselves to our passions and purposes. Employing a conscious exploration of these tethers will only expedite your process of self-discovery.

Prioritizing self-respect is not an easy thing to do. It’s one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in my life, and I’ve been learning it for years now. While the determination required to teach yourself that lesson is immense, it is not optional. The existential battle for an understanding of your place in the world, and an understanding of the weight you carry, is what being young is about. It took me years to realize that the constant evaluation of who I was, or how I was presenting myself to others, is counterintuitive. Worrying about these things only helped to feed my anxieties. I’ve found that I feel most grounded when I dismiss these thoughts entirely. Nothing makes me feel more like myself than satisfying basic creative desire. Feeling comfortable in your own skin requires a prioritization of your self-worth. There were times I would find myself

blocking out the view of the mountains that held me, ignoring their influence. In these blinded moments, I turned to others for validation and for guidance down a road that only I could see. The shackles of how we are perceived are the heaviest burdens to carry, which makes the realization that we chose to bear the weight all along even more bittersweet. Those same mountains that struck me speechless when we met two Augusts ago now sit fixed outside my window. I feel their call to action every day. Their brave stature begs me to see eye to eye with them. The southernmost tail of Appalachia became a constant reminder not to back down from who I feel that I am, not to break away from its gaze. We are all entitled to the discovery of ourselves. It would be wrong to call this anything less than our birthright. Our greatest challenge as humans has simultaneously become one of our most enriching privileges. There is no greater comfort than knowing you’re currently the person you hoped to be, and there is no greater uncertainty than who you may still become.

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Models: Maggie Schut Marli Giedt Set Design: Maggie Schut Marli Giedt Molly Bowman

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Metamorphosis is the process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages. A classic example of metamorphosis is the transformation of the egg, to the larva, to the butterfly. The butterfly has found itself to be a topic of conversation for years now. In the early 2000s, it made a name for itself as what is now known to be the iconic tramp stamp. In more recent years, it has been used to digest and explain complex topics such as the butterfly effect. This diverse, multicultural symbol is well versed in being a representation of important moments in a person’s life. Not to mention the biological makeup of the butterfly being one of nature’s most impressive feats. While humans have been using the butterfly to represent different processes and events, butterflies can also parallel the same growth that humans go through within a lifetime. Humans start as children, grow into adolescents, go through a period of discovery and then become resolute adults, much like the four stages of metamorphosis for the butterfly.

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Childhood: Egg The first

stage of the butterfly’s metmorphosis is the egg. Similarly, childhood is the beginning of life. During childhood, you are being nurtured into your future self. You hold only a fragment of the experiences that you will go through in life, and still you are fulfilled by whatever adventure the day has to offer. The world was viewed as a near magical reality. A stick was a sword. A tree was a wall to climb. Information soaked into your skin like the sun you spent your days under. Many view their childhood with a dreamlike lens. Every part of your life is sheltered, as if in an egg. Because you cannot remember every moment of your childhood, the memories that remain are a collection of inexplicably chosen fragments. Everything that happens during this time will influence the adult you will become. The way that you now interact, learn and love reflects wback to the way that you were once treated, taught and loved by others. To know more about your childhood, look at who you are now. The egg that once contained you may be gone, but the strength of the wings you have now are a product of that tiny egg.

Teenager: The Larva (Caterpillar) Once the egg hatches, the larva of the caterpillar appears. Your teenage years are classically deemed as your awkward years. Hormones rushing through your blood, clothes fitting differently and the dreaded middle and high school years are just a few terrors of this time. Your teenage years are not your most graceful or beautiful. They are a time of learning about your place in the world. During this period, a caterpillar must eat copious amounts of food to fuel itself, you might also be fueling yourself with a different kind of sustenance. You are learning about freedoms; maybe what you love, or what you hate. During your childhood you are starting to learn about the world, in this stage you are now learning about yourself. During this stage, your emotions are also at an all-time high. You are experiencing feelings you have never dealt with before. Like ice skating for the first time, you too are walking with shaky legs. Every new high feels like you are on top of the world, living out your teen movie protagonist’s dream. On the other hand, every low feels closer to the end of the world. Still, the whole world is in front of you. You are being forced to think about your final destination and what you will make of your life, what you might awaken to after the chrysalis.

College / Later teenage years: Pupa

(Chrysalis) After the caterpillar has fully grown it forms itself into the pupa, the chrysalis. Inside the chrysalis is where you heal. After all the information you gained during your early teenage years, you must take those ideas and transform them. You may be graduating high school and moving onto a new period of your life. You get to pick and choose what you hold onto from your “old” life and what you will leave behind. This period is supposed to be incredibly introspective. You may be learning to heal from the wounds you gained or to wear your scars proudly. Your life begins with the self-actualization that occurs. Your full potential is starting to need to be met.

Beyond the Stage of Reflection: Adult Butterfly Once the butterfly has

emerged from the chrysalis, it is fully formed. You too, after all the pain and trials, have emerged from a period of rest to become your highest self. Self-actualization is the realization of one’s full potential. When you arrive here, you feel your most fulfilled and satisfied. This occurs by cultivating an environment for yourself where you can be creative, honest and true. Many people arrive at this point at different parts of their lives. The beauty of the chrysalis is that the butterfly only emerges when it is fully formed and ready. The time when you arrive here could be now, after college or much later in life. The true meaning of being self-actualized is not to be happy all the time. The meaning of this is the understanding that life will not always be good. Sometimes life is a series of loss and pain, but with your emotional maturity you can still see the light. You have already been through the egg, the larva and the chrysalis. Your emergence is the miracle of life. You and the butterfly are one and the same in your strength and resilience. Remember that it was within the darkness that you were able to form into a beautiful being of flight.

Photographs by Finn Jackson

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