Distortion

SHOOTS TEAM ON SITE Tia Kearney, Abby Gleason, Nia Alexander, Sydney Tindall BEAUTY Emmali O’Neil MODEL Keely Mathers PHOTOGRAPHY Abby Marcil WRITTEN BY Nyan Clarke EDITED BY Noelle Knowlton & Lexi Fernandez VIDEOGRAPHY Libby Benkins 51 LAYOUT Stella Humberg

In life, we have many personas. The person we believe ourselves to be. The person we present to family. The person we present to friends. The person we present to coworkers. The person we present to classmates. The person we present online.

In the mix of these various personas, it is remarkably difficult to find one’s true self and remarkably easy to lose that self once it is found.

Mirrors are not only in our bedrooms and bathrooms; now, we carry them with us everywhere in our pockets. The dangers of constantly perceiving ourselves are reflected in our distorted self-image.

Often, constant self-perception can transform into rapid self-deprecation. Perpetual awareness of your features can lead to a cynical perspective, and you are your worst critic. Every scar, every blemish, and every feature is heightened through the cultural lens of aesthetic hypervigilance, where we view ourselves as a culmination of many glaring, unrelenting imperfections.

You are not the person you think you are.

The self-deprecation morphs into self-hatred, and it begins to seep. The mirrors whisper sweet lies, lulling you into a debilitating trance of insecurity, convincing you that others notice your imperfections in the same cruel light. This deprecating self-image influences your interactions with others as you alter your persona to please the world and sacrifice your true self, masked behind a guise of dulling conformity.

You view yourself as too inferior to converse with your friends, believing that they don’t appreciate your presence. You’re too inept to complete tasks at work or apply for an internship. You’re a disappointment to your family, and you invalidate your own achievements due to a lingering sense of inadequacy.

You are not the person you were.

This self-hatred of your features, your actions, and your personas can cripple you. It becomes self-loathing, and you despise being in your own skin. You avoid leaving the house in order to not disappoint people by presenting them with “flawed” personas, personalities that you’ve deemed appalling through heavy scrutinization of yourself. You fail to do any schoolwork, afraid to receive an unsatisfactory result that proves your preconceived notions.

You avoid mirrors and refuse to be in pictures because one look at your deformed body will destroy your will.

Due to the weight of the world, you’ve lost the person you were. 52