Find fashions you and your child will love

Victoria Sanchez-Lincoln with daughter Victoria Emilia

Wardrobe Wars

How to conquer the struggle over what kids wear to school

BY ANAMARY PELAYO CONNERY

You’d think having a professional stylist for a mom would ensure that you’re always perfectly put together, but for Victoria Emilia, the daughter of New York City-based fashion director Victoria Sanchez-Lincoln, “It’s more important to be comfy,” the 9-year-old says. “My mom has her own style, but it’s not like mine.” Sanchez-Lincoln is also a creative consultant and a former fashion editor for several national magazines, so she is about as clued in as a parent can be when it comes to the latest styles. Yet her daughter prefers taking her fashion cues from TikTok and YouTube. “It’s all sporty clothes, tie-dye crop tops and sneakers for everything,” Sanchez-Lincoln says. “I tell her, ‘Please allow me to introduce you to a sandal or ballerina shoe.’”

Kids’ fashion choices usually reflect more than just trends or even personal preferences. “The pandemic created so much loss for children and adolescents and so much has been out of their control,” says Fatima Watt, an adolescent psychologist at Franciscan Children’s Hospital in Brighton, Mass. “It’s really important that parents let kids have some say in the decisionmaking when it comes to what they wear.”

Sounds easy enough, but what if your child wants to wear skimpy outfits to school, or the same >

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SCHOOL STYLE

These trendy looks are sure to please kids and parents alike:

Graphic shirts like the Smokey the Bear and Sunflower tees add instant cool to any outfit. $15 to $22, kohls.com

This tie-dye tank dress embraces the print of the moment. $13, oshkosh.com The boys Vans Houser short-sleeve shirt looks sharp with jeans or khakis. $39.50, nordstrom.com

Students can step on the bus in style in these Thereabouts Niffy sneakers. $30, jcp.com

A versatile hoodie is a fashion staple. $55, jcrew.com

Vagabond Sidewalk Surfer slip-ons have comfy foam midsoles. $36, sanuk.com

— Zoe King

sweater every day? “It’s important to draw the line if the clothing is inappropriate in some way,” Watt says. “It should make sense for the weather and the place they’re going.”

Luckily for parents, most schools have dress codes, but not all enforce them, leaving plenty of wiggle room for fashion battles between kids and parents.

For adolescents, especially, so much of their identity is tied to their peer group and the feedback they get, so school fashion choices become extremely important, says Watts. “They’re trying to figure out where they belong, and clothing is part of that. It’s tied to their self-esteem, which can affect academics, learning and good mental health. If we can allow them to feel good and express themselves when they go to school, we should.”

FASHION FORWARD

Many parents and their children are already facing off over what kids want to wear long before they reach adolescence. Even toddlers and preschoolers can have strong fashion opinions.

“Peyton has been very specific about her fashion since she was about one-and-a-half years old,” says Tiffany Farhat Cochran of Plainsboro, N.J. “She picks up on things from her older cousins. She tries to mimic me, and she’s also very headstrong!”

Now 2 years old, Peyton knows what she likes more than ever. “Right now it’s anything with a leopard print. She’s a real Jersey girl,” Cochran jokes. “I’d say we’re up to five pairs of leopard pants in rotation, no exaggeration.”

It’s not unusual for younger children to want to wear something comfortable and familiar, Watt says. Sometimes sensory issues can play a part in their choices. If it makes them feel good, they stick with it. In this case, how a piece of clothing feels becomes as important as how it looks, sometimes more so.

“One of my daughters says she doesn’t like wearing jeans, so we found pants that feel good,” Watt says. “For another child, getting to wear a superhero shirt may be what gets them excited about going to school.”

SHOP TOGETHER

If fashion battles are a familiar occurrence at your home, Watts says it helps if you can organize your child’s closet by the right size and season. This way, you eliminate inappropriate options while providing them leeway to make their own choices.

It’s also a good idea to include your child on shopping trips — just be sure to set ground rules first. “Before you go to the mall or do any online shopping, make it clear what’s important to you, whether it’s sticking to a certain budget, ensuring items aren’t too revealing or insisting that they try things on before you buy,” Watt says.

Keep in mind that at some point, your children will reach an age where they may not want to shop with you anymore — and that’s OK. “It’s developmentally appropriate for them to want to do that on their own,” Watt says. “Come to an agreement ahead of time, then let them take it from there.”

Of all the battles parents fight, fashion doesn’t have to be one of them. “So much of our clothing is dictated by our personalities, especially when we’re kids,” Watt says. “Whether it’s about fitting in or keeping up, this is how they identify and explore who they want to be.”

So letting them have a say in what they wear encourages their creativity and boosts their selfesteem — and that’s something that looks great on everyone. l Stylist Victoria Sanchez-Lincoln and her 9-yearold daughter, Victoria Emilia, don’t always agree on wardrobe choices.

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