News 1-3 by Student Life

STUDENT LIFE

THE INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER OF WASHINGTON UNIVERSIT Y IN ST. LOUIS SINCE 1878 The editor in chief takes on another foe, challenging music editor Robbie Gross in a dual review of “The Squid and the Whale.” Page 7.

Debate rages on in Letters about architecture, SU’s budget, streaking, racial slurs, and other campus debauchery. Page 4.

VOLUME 127, NO. 34

Women’s cross country rocked regionals last weekend, securing a berth at this coming weekend’s NCAA championships. Page 6.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2005

Cadenza’s pop culture Jeopardy! advice Page 10. WWW.STUDLIFE.COM

Police nab off-campus robbery suspect By Margy Levinson and Shweta Murthi Contributing Reporters University City Police have arrested a suspect involved in a recent string of student robberies over the past month. The suspect, 18year-old Mark Blount, was apprehended Monday morning, after confessing to a robbery that occurred shortly before noon that morning, as well as to a second robbery on Oct. 30 near the Greenway Walkway. “He confessed to the robbery yesterday and the one at knife-point,” said Washing-

ton University Police Chief Don Strom. According to Major Charles Adams, deputy chief of police for University City, the arrested suspect approached a women walking over a walkway yesterday at 11:40 a.m. “He accosted her, placed a knife to her neck and demanded her wallet. She complied, he took the wallet and fled eastward,” said Adams. The man was apprehended by Lieutenant William Anderson at Washington Avenue and Westgate. “After stopping him, they searched the area. They

found the weapon, purse, and other things he placed in a particular spot. At that time the man implicated himself in that robbery and an additional [one],” said Adams. Although a suspect has been arrested, an investigation will still continue. Adams said a warrant has been issued for one of the robberies. Meanwhile, the suspect will be taken to St. Louis County Department of Welfare, where he will be held until he either goes to court or can make bond for the charges. “[Blount has] no affiliation

with the University, none that I know of,” said Adams. A number of recent incidents have included robberies late at night, usually involving one or two students. The incidents have led to increased patrol efforts on the part of both University City and WUPD. Strom believes such measures to have been integral in apprehending the suspect. “We’ve been running joint patrols there, particularly during the evening hours. It was a nice piece of partnership. We felt the intensity of those patrols led to the ar-

rest,” said Strom. While students can feel relieved that the suspect has been arrested, Strom stresses that “you can’t be too cautious when walking, particularly at night.” “There’s always concern [for students living in U City], it’s just normal. Anybody should always be alert,” said Adams. Both Strom and Adams were clear that there are still certain precautions that should be taken. Some of Strom’s tips include walking in well-lit areas and not wearing headphones, as they

can be a distraction. Strom also warned, “If you are confronted by a thief, give them what they want and don’t chase them.” “We coincide with their sentiment,” said Adams. He added that it is important that people walk in pairs and always be aware of their surroundings. “ Trust your instinct,” he noted. Although an arrest has been made, Adams said University City police will continue to be on the lookout for crime in the area. “We plan to stay as vigilant as possible,” he said.

WU ranked lowest of top 15 in Pell Grants By Sarah Kliff Senior News Editor Washington University has received a first-place ranking—for having the smallest percentage of low-income students among the highestranked universities in the country, as indicated by the low percentage of University students receiving Pell Grants. The ranking came from a new study released by the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education yesterday morning. The study found that only 7.4 percent of Washington University students receive Pell Grants, a form of federal aid that works like an entitlement program, guaranteeing low-income students $4,000 for up each year of their education. The study, which examined the percentage of low-income students at the top 25-ranked univer-

sities throughout the nation, used Pell Grants as the only indicator of low-income students. Among private, higherranked universities the University of Southern California had the highest percentage of undergraduates receiving Pell Grants at 21.3 percent, followed by Cornell and Columbia Universities. Bruce Slater, the managing editor of the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, said the study indicates that “there are very few low income students, and that would give the students that are there less of an exposure to viewpoints from students who don’t have a lot of money. Just like any diversity issue. If there are not a lot of blacks in your student body, it’s the same thing: you’re missing out on that viewpoint.” Slater could not pinpoint

what characteristics of the University led to this low number. “It could be a financial aid question—I don’t know the specifics at Washington University,” said Slater. “It could be that other schools have a lot more generous financial aid packages.” Bill Witbrodt, director of Financial Services for the University, was unfamiliar with the survey results and stated that “the numbers are what they are and they indicate the percentage of students who are entitled to Pell Grants. That’s the only conclusion that we can draw from the survey. Every student who applies for need based financial aid, if their need is in the high threshold, then that means that they qualify for a Pell Grant.” When asked if any financial factors would restrict students from attending

the University, Witbrodt responded, “It’s hard to get in the mind of a student who is deciding where they’re going to go to school.” Commenting further on the results, Witbrodt noted, “I’d have to see the rest of the numbers, what the other schools’ percentages are. I’d have to see the study so I have enough background.” Pell Grants may not be the best predictors of economic diversity. As reported in an Apr. 27, 2005 Student Life article, a report released by Congress’s Government Accountability Office (GAO) that month found that many students are not taking the initiative to apply for the Pell Grant aid that they are eligible to receive. In 1999, according to the report, over 850,000 students across the nation who were eligible to receive Pell Grants did not consider applying. MARGARET BAUER | STUDENT LIFE

Two students arrested for assault Colangelo named Sam Fox dean

By John Hewitt Staff Reporter

Two Washington University students seriously beat and injured another student in an apparently spontaneous act of violence at 3:20 a.m. on Sunday morning. The victim was walking from the South 40 to Fraternity Row with three other people at the time he was accosted. The two suspects now face assault charges and judicial action within the University. According to police reports, some words were exchanged as the two groups passed

near Simon Hall. Police investigation indicates that the students in the passing groups did not know each other and had no previous feud. “One member in the group of four said something to the two and he continued to exchange words back and forth,” said Washington University Police Chief Don Strom. Then “one of the two suspects punched the victim. Both the suspects then struck and kicked the victim.” The two suspects then ﬂed the area, but WUPD identiﬁed the students and arrested them some time between 5

and 6 a.m. at their residence halls. Assault charges are being ﬁ led against the two suspects. The case has also been referred to the Judicial Administrator. Violent conduct and harassment or threats of violence are offenses under the University judicial code. Justin Carroll, dean of students and director of Residential Life, said that the suspects are no longer living on campus. “I can say the little that I’ve heard about it—alcohol was a contributing factor, said Carroll. “It’s disappointing that

there are so many incidents that students—obviously we were fortunate that things like this don’t happen so frequently—but most of the time students are involved in some violent behavior, alcohol is a factor.” The student who was beaten was treated for head and facial injuries at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. Police reports characterized the injuries as “serious,” but the student was able to return to campus yesterday. Said Strom, “He deﬁ nitely had some facial injuries. It was a pretty serious beating.”

Students present their findings at the Undergraduate Research Symposium By Josh Hantz Contributing Reporter Washington University’s three-day long Undergraduate Research Symposium ends this afternoon, capping off a marathon of 30 students’ presentations of

their work. The symposium highlights research that University undergraduates have done on topics ranging from drinking behaviors to Cuban narrative criticism. Director of Undergraduate Research Henry Biggs said how important the pre-

ALWYN LOH | STUDENT LIFE

Chancellor Wrighton kicks off the Undergraduate Research Symposium Monday afternoon in the Women’s Building. The three-day event is intended to highlight the research of Washington University undergrads in a wide variety of subject areas.

sentation of research is for students in an educational environment. “This experience helps shape lives,” said Biggs. “People are so influenced and it launches them for success. Anybody can see this gives people an idea for what’s possible.” To be eligible to present in the seminar, students had to have conducted their research with faculty members. If the University paid for the student’s research, the presentation was mandatory. The Symposium did not turn down anyone who met those requirements. “It’s just interesting to see what others are doing in terms of research,” said junior Elizabeth Herndon, who presented on the microbial metabolism of arsenic compounds in hydrothermal systems. Senior Andrew Koo, who researched the quantitative analysis of channeling in glycolysis in intact E. coli, mentioned another benefit

of the symposium. “You learn how to communicate science with other people,” he said. “It makes it easier for everybody to understand what you are doing.” The program started last spring in a smaller setting and has grown to 30 presenters in this semester’s Symposium. Now that the symposium has grown to this size, its organizers are focused on attracting more students from schools outside of Arts & Sciences, including the undergraduate schools of engineering and art. “We’re always writing the next chapter,” said Biggs. “The last chapter was to highlight research already out there. This time we get to showcase the research we have funded and the next chapter is to raise awareness. We want to get bigger and bigger and broader and broader.” Part of this expansion in-

See RESEARCH, page 2

Washington, D.C. and the Whitney Museum of American Art in New York, have Chancellor Mark Wrigh- purchased his art. ton has announced the sePike said that he is hopelection of Carmon Colangelo ful that Colangelo will bring as Washington University’s the same energy and sense fi rst Dean of the Sam Fox of vision he has shown in School of Design & Visual his work at the University of Arts. Georgia to Washington UniThe Chancellor selected versity. Colangelo from a group of “Colangelo has been diseveral qualified candidates recting a very large and put forward by an advisory complex program at the committee chaired by Rich- University of Georgia,” said ard Smith, Ph.D., chair of Pike. “He has an exemplary the Anthropology depart- career as an artist and as ment. Colangelo, current an academic administrator director of the and is extremely Lamar Dodd interested in the School of Art at opportunities the the University Sam Fox School of Georgia, Athpresents.” ens, will offiIn addition to cially begin his serving as a memappointment on ber of the UniverJuly 1, 2006. sity Council and Dean of Art as the E. Desmond Jeffrey Pike Lee Professor for also served on Community Colthe advisory laboration in the committee and Arts, Colangelo Carmon Colangelo said he was very will oversee the Colpleased with the selection lege of Art, the College of and looked forward to work- Architecture, the Graduate ing with Carmon. School of Art, and the Grad“I think the new dean uate School of Architecture will bring the opportunity & Urban Design, all under to capitalize on all of the the umbrella of the Sam Fox good things that are going School. on already and to help us Colangelo’s appointment realize a more collaborative will also lead to some strucfuture,” said Pike. tural changes in adminisColangelo is recognized tration. Pike and Jerry Sinas both an accomplished art- coff, dean of the School of ist and a talented academic Architecture, will be placed administrator. Known for under the Colangelo’s direchis unique combination of tion. digital and traditional proAccording to Pike, Colcesses in his prints, Colan- angelo has already been in gelo has had work featured contact with some of the in 15 solo shows and dozens Sam Fox School of Design’s of group exhibitions in the key leaders. He will visit United States and abroad. Washington University’s Many prestigious museums, campus on Friday to meet including the National Mu- with officials, art students seum of American Art in and architecture students.

By Mandy Silver

Contributing Editor

2 STUDENT LIFE | NEWS

STUDENT LIFE One Brookings Drive #1039 #42 Women’s Building St. Louis, MO 63130-4899 News: (314) 935-5995 Advertising: (314) 935-6713 Fax: (314) 935-5938 E-mail: editor@studlife.com www.studlife.com Copyright 2005 Editor in Chief: Margaret Bauer Associate Editor: Liz Neukirch Managing Editor: David Tabor Senior News Editor: Sarah Kliff Senior Forum Editor: Molly Antos Senior Cadenza Editor: Laura Vilines Senior Scene Editor: Sarah Baicker Senior Sports Editor: Justin Davidson Senior Photo Editor: David Brody Senior Graphics Editor: Brian Sotak News Editors: Laura Geggel, Brad Nelson Contributing Editor: Mandy Silver Forum Editors: Zach Goodwin, Daniel Milstein, Jeff Stepp, Matt Shapiro Cadenza Editors: Adam Summerville, Jordan Deam, Robbie Gross Scene Editors: Kristin McGrath, Sarah Klein Sports Editor: Joe Ciolli Photo Editors: David Hartstein, Pam Buzzetta, Oliver Hulland Online Editor: Dan Daranciang Copy Editors: Allie McKay, Nina Perlman, Kelly Donahue, Erin Fults, Rebecca Emshwiller, hannah draper, Julian Beattie, Mallory Wilder Designers: Ellen Lo, Laura McLean, Anna Dinndorf, Andy Gavinski, Jamie Reed, Elizabeth Kaufman, Jonathan Kim General Manager: Andrew O’Dell Copyright 2005 Washington University Student Media, Inc. (WUSMI). Student Life is the financially and editorially independent, student-run newspaper serving the Washington University community. First copy of each publication is free; all additional copies are 50 cents. Subscriptions may be purchased for $80.00 by calling (314) 935-6713. Student Life is a publication of WUSMI and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the Washington University administration, faculty or students. All Student Life articles, photos and graphics are the property of WUSMI and may not be reproduced or published without the express written consent of the General Manager. Pictures and graphics printed in Student Life are available for purchase; e-mail editor@ studlife.com for more information. Student Life reserves the right to edit all submissions for style, grammar, length and accuracy. The intent of submissions will not be altered. Student Life reserves the right not to publish all submissions. If you’d like to place an ad, please contact the Advertising Department at (314) 935-6713. If you wish to report an error or request a clarification, e-mail editor@studlife.com.

Senior News Editor / Sarah Kliff / news@studlife.com

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

POLICE BEAT Thursday, Nov. 3 RECEIVING STOLEN P R O P E R T Y—T H R O O P/ HOYT—While on patrol, officer observed a vehicle which had license plates that appeared to have been tampered with. Record check showed that the plates were stolen from St. Louis City. Vehicle was stopped, driver arrested and vehicle towed. No record on the vehicle for theft. Disposition: Cleared on summons.

12:19 a.m. ALARM— SMALL GROUP NO. 3—False fire alarm pull station activated. No witnesses located. Disposition: Pending. Monday, Nov. 7 11:34 a.m. LARCENYTHEFT—MILLBROOK GARAGE—Faculty member reported the rear license plate tab was taken from his vehicle sometime between 8 a.m. and 5:30 p.m. on Nov. 4. Loss value of $3.50. Disposition: Pending.

Friday, Nov. 4 9:27 a.m. DAMAGED P ROP E RT Y—SM A L L GROUP#3—Person(s) unknown tampered with and damaged the security gate to Millbrook Market. Disposition: Pending. 10:06 a.m. TAMPERING— HOYT DRIVE—Subject was observed trying to steal a motor scooter. Subject was arrested. Subject will be held pending warrant application. Disposition: Cleared by arrest. 5:39 p.m. LARCENYTHEFT—LEE DORM—Student reports his bike missing from Lee Hall bike rack between 6 p.m. on Nov. 2 and 2:50 p.m. on Nov. 4. Value $140. Disposition: Pending.

2:51 p.m. LARCENYTHEFT—OLIN LIBRARY— Stealing over $500, credit card, firearms. A University student reported the theft of her purse from the lower level computer area between 2:10 and 2:30 p.m. A search of the area did not locate the purse. No suspects or witnesses could be located at this time. Total loss valued at $68. Disposition: Pending. Tuesday, Nov. 8 ARREST—SNOW WAY DRIVE—Warrant arrest, fugitive. Suspect was stopped for traffic violation and computer check revealed active warrants. Suspect was booked and transported to the St. Louis County Jail. Disposition: Cleared by arrest.

Saturday, Nov. 5 2:21 a.m. TRESPASSING —PHASE IV CONSTRUCTION SITE—Caller reported a male climbing up the construction crane near Koenig. Upon arrival it was determined there were two males involved. Both subjects referred to the JA for trespassing. Disposition: Cleared. 5:05 p.m. ALARM— WOHL CENTER—Unknown person(s) pulled the alarm pull station. Search of the area met with negative results for suspects. Clayton fire summons cancelled. Disposition: Pending. Sunday, Nov. 6

2:12 p.m. LARCENYT H E F T—U R SA’S —Stea l i ng under $500. A student reported last having her wallet on Thursday, Oct. 27, at about 10:30 p.m. while in Ursa’s. Disposition: Pending. 7:22 LARCENY-THEFT —OLIN LIBRARY—Stealing under $500. On Oct. 25, student lost cell phone between Liggett Hall and Olin Library. Disposition: Pending.

tified. Clayton fire summons cancelled. Disposition: Pending. 9:37 a.m. WRITTEN HAR A SSM E NT— Compla i na nt reports receiving harassing emails from a former friend. Disposition: Case will be referred to General Counsel’s Office. 4:33 p.m. LARCENYTHEFT—ATHLETIC COMPLEX—Stealing under $500. Complainant reported the theft of his gym bag containing a personal item from weight room on Nov. 8. Disposition: Pending. Thursday, Nov. 10 7:50 a.m. PROPERTY DAMAGE—SMALL GROUP NO. 3—Destruction of property. Previously reported damage was repaired when new damage was noted. Disposition: Under investigation. 11:10 a.m. ACCIDENT AUTO—PARKING LOT NO. 2—Leaving the scene of a vehicle accident. Witness gave information on a leaving the scene accident which resulted in the suspect being located and identified. Disposition: Cleared. 3:59 p.m. ARREST—OLIN LIBRARY—Warrant arrest, fugitive. Suspicious subject observed in Whispers Café. Record check showed ordinance violation warrants out of Pagedale and St. Louis City. Subject was arrested without incident. Disposition: Cleared by arrest. Saturday, Nov. 12 12:03 a.m. JUDICIAL VIOLATION—FRATERNITY ROW—Unauthorized party in AEPi House was shut down without incident. Disposition: Cleared, referred to JA.

Wednesday, Nov. 9 2:41 a.m. ALARM— SMALL GROUP NO. 1 (LOPATA HOUSE)—Pull station of Lopata House, center staircase, lower level pulled. No suspects or witnesses iden-

7:10 p.m. LARCENYTHEFT—MILLBROOK GARAGE—Complainant’s vehicle was entered, with approximately $2,300 in stereo and clothing taken main level Millbrook Garage. Disposition: Under investigation. 11:59 p.m. PROPERTY DAMAGE—HURD DORM— Institutional vandalism Window broken after officers shut down a party. Disposition: Referred to JA. Sunday, Nov. 13 3:02 a.m. LARCENYTHEFT—WALLACE DRIVE— Officer observed a subject walking down Wallace carrying a traffic sign. Suspect was taken into custody, booked and released. Disposition: Cleared by arrest.

cludes a city-wide symposium next semester. Students from several local universities including St. Louis University and Webster University will present here, along with other University students. The University will still hold its own spring symposium though, and Biggs is adamant about getting students to apply. “We were given a good chunk of change to do undergraduate research,” he said. “We’re not just taking what’s out there, but we’re really promoting this.” The symposium is being held in the Women’s Building Formal Lounge from 3-6 p.m. today and is free to all students. For more information, students can visit ur.w ustl. edu.

3:24 a.m. ASSAULT— FRANCIS—Altercation resulted in a student being assaulted. Disposition: Cleared by arrest. 6:07 a.m. PROPERTY DAMAGE—BUSCH HALL— Institutional vandalism. Door was propped open with a fire extinguisher which caused the extinguisher to discharge. Disposition: Pending. 2:42 p.m. LARCENYTHEFT—UMRATH DORM— Stealing under $500. Student reported the theft of his bike from bike rack at Umrath Hall. Bicycle described as white Trek. Disposition: Pending. 8:59 p.m. VMCSL Marijuana—WOHL CENTER—An investigation into a suspicious occupied vehicle revealed the occupants smoking a controlled substance. All three were taken into custody. Disposition: Cleared by arrest. Monday, Nov. 14

1:43 a.m. DISTURBANCE —MYERS HALL—Peace disturbance. Incident involving a male student who was refusing to leave the area. Disposition: Cleared.

RESEARCH v FROM PAGE 2

9:34 p.m. ARREST— WOHL GARAGE—Warrant arrest, fugitive arrest. Subject arrested on outstanding warrant. Disposition: Cleared.

Briefs CAMPUS Sigma Phi Epsilon will announce scholarship winner Sigma Phi Epsilon will announce the three students out of a 40-person applicant pool at tonight’s Balanced Man Scholarship dinner. The award, presented to three freshmen and three fraternity brothers, provides recipients with $3,000 of scholarship money. The ceremony will include James McLeod, dean of students, and Jill Carhaghi, director of student life, as speakers and will take place at 8 p.m. in Holmes Lounge.

Senior News Editor / Sarah Kliff / news@studlife.com

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

STUDENT LIFE | NEWS

WU genome center garners grant for corn By Brad Nelson News Editor The National Science Foundation has awarded Washington University’s Genome Sequencing Center $29.5 million to sequence the corn genome. The project will be the ﬁ rst attempt to sequence the entire maize genome, which is slightly smaller than the human genome. “This is a major challenge and a major opportunity for the genome center,” said Ralph Quatrano, the Spencer T. Olin professor of biology and investigator in the project. “It’s very difﬁcult for individuals in small labs to do the genome. It takes a major

center like our genome center to put it all together.” The project has implications for the way farmers produce and manufacture their corn crops. Quatrano said agriculturalists currently don’t know what genes correlate to what traits in maize. “In breeding, one wants to enhance certain traits, like nutritional traits or diseaseresistant traits,” said Quatrano. “With a genome you can look at certain genes that correlate to these certain traits and through molecular breeding, trace certain genes and enhance the breeding process for those particular traits.” He added, “The more we

know about this, the better we’ll be able to breed for them. We’ll understand how to better feed them. We’ll be able to grow maize where we couldn’t before, learn how crops can succeed without much water and nutrients.” “The knowledge gained from this project will ultimately lead to better corn yields,” NSF Director Arden Bement Jr. said in a statement. The private sector has undertaken several projects in maize genome sequencing, but much of the data is unavailable to the public. “All biologists worldwide will be on a database [that] can be used for comparative

purposes, educational purposes and for research purposes,” Quatrano said. The project will begin Dec. 1 and run approximately three years. Results from the project will ﬁ rst become available in early 2006. “It’s going to be like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle with lots of blue sky and very few pieces with landscape,” Richard Wilson, the head of the Genome Sequence Center and the lead investigator on the project, said in a statement. “We’ll be working to minimize our data collection on the blue sky and maximize it on the landscape, covering those areas in much greater detail.”

KRT CAMPUS

Genetically engineered corn plants grow in a brightly lit warm room before being transfered to the green house at ProdiGene in College Station, Texas. Washington University’s Genome Sequencing Center will begin working to sequence the corn genome December 1.

Comedian Gottfried visits campus By Drew Pollard Contributing Reporter Comic Gilbert Gottfried has advice for Washington University students: “Listen to everything I say and do the opposite.” Gottfried, whose comedic style has been compared to a “blitzkrieg,” is often loud and rarely politically correct. “The Aristocrats,” a 2005 documentary, highlighted Gottfried’s willingness to startle viewers. His forthright tactics date further back to a performance at Comedy Central’s Friar’s Club Roast three weeks after the attacks on the World Trace Center, when he told the crowd that he was unable to get a direct ﬂight to California because “they had to stop at the Empire State Building ﬁrst.” Comedy Central was unable to air the segment on television, but the “Aristocrats” documentary praised Gottfried’s cover-up: an impromptu performance of a joke known as “The Dirtiest Joke of All Time.” In spite of his provocative stand-up, Gottfried is also well known for his family-oriented work. Some of his more famous roles have included Mr. Peabody

in “Problem Child;” the voice of Iago the parrot in Disney’s “Aladdin,” the quack of the Aﬂac Duck and celebrity guest on “Hollywood Squares.” Gottfried, whose voice on the phone is undecipherable from the yelling in his performances, started his career in comedy when he was only 15 years old. He considers his career a matter of fate, saying, “I was too stupid to do anything else, I guess.” Although he has achieved celebrity status, Gottfried admits that he still feels anxiety about being a comic. “There is always that fear that keeps you motivated,” he said. On numerous occasions, he believes his career has been in jeopardy after he told jokes that were overly controversial. “At the Emmy Awards, I made a joke about masturbation right after Pee-wee Herman was arrested. I said that if masturbation was a crime, then I’m on Death Row. People were up in arms, and the network had to issue an apology,” said Gottfried. “The irony is that when people say your career is over, it usually isn’t, because people are still talking about you. If Madonna’s

career was over when people said it was, then no one would care,” he said. Despite the nature of his comedy, Gottfried concedes that circumstances sometimes warrant limitations on speech. Regarding a professor’s right to post articles on a universityfunded website, an issue that recently caused debate at Washington University when physics Professor Katz posted the article “In Defense of Homophobia,” Gottfried indicated that censorship may not be the best remedy. “I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that people want me to say no censors. If I was on a TV talk show that is what I would say.” Gottfried’s newest project is a DVD of his recent stand-up that includes his Comedy Central Friar’s Club Roast appearance. “It is basically me on stage telling dirty jokes with some extras. I think it’s the perfect holiday gift,” said Gottfried. Gottfried’s visit to campus is sponsored by the Campus Programming Council. “We wanted to book someone who would attract as many students as possible, and he

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was our ﬁrst choice,” said junior Spencer Wein, CPC’s comedy cochair. “We’re sure he won’t disappoint.” Gottfried will begin his stand-up act at 8 p.m. tonight in Graham Chapel. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. Admission is free to all Washington University students.

Are you a chess champion? An extreme sports enthusiast? An award-winning video gamer? Or something else entirely? KRT CAMPUS

Gilbert Gottfried attends the Comedy Central’s First Annual Commie Awards in Los Angeles, California on November 22, 2003.

Let us know! We’d love to report on your offbeat sports achievements. Send us your story at sports@studlife.com.

4 STUDENT LIFE | FORUM

Senior Forum Editor / Molly Antos / forum@studlife.com

FORUM

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

Our daily Forum editors: Monday: Jeff Stepp Wednesday: Daniel Milstein Friday: Zach Goodwin jsstepp@wustl.edu daniel.milstein@wustl.edu goodwin@wustl.edu To ensure that we have time to fully evaluate your submissions, guest columns should be e-mailed to the next issue’s editor or forwarded to forum@studlife.com by no later than 5 p.m. two days before publication. Late pieces will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. We welcome your submissions and thank you for your consideration.

STAFF EDITORIAL

Keep ﬁnals where they belong

he whole structure of end–of–semester finals has fallen through the cracks. Professors, thinking they will help students out by easing their finals workload, assign oodles of final projects, papers and tests for the last week of class. Nice try—but the result is equivalent to moving finals week to the last week of classes without the advantage of extra study time during reading week. When everything is due Dec. 10–13, students have to scramble to get everything done while still attending those last few very important classes. There is also little opportunity to get started early on these projects. Not only are students already burdened by their run-of-the mill, all-semester-long workloads, but most of their finals focus on material that has not yet been covered in class. Consequently, students must attend these last few classes in order to learn new material they will be tested over just a few days later. The concept of having a reading week before finals is fabulous. Hardworking students can prepare thoroughly

JOSH STEIN | EDITORIAL CARTOON

for the finals they care so much about, and the slackers have yet another opportunity to do what they do best. Unless professors are prepared to accept subpar work from students from whom they usually expect much more, cramming finals into the last week of classes is not the way to go. Professors should not be allowed to schedule finals before the specified finals period unless their classes are consulted beforehand and consent to the change. Additionally, this decision should be made early in the semester in order to prevent last-minute plane ticket crises. It is unfair to change students’ expected schedules without their permission. Unless there is a good reason for the change, reading week should be available to students who need to complete the inordinate amount of work routinely assigned at this time of year. It is difficult enough for students to cope with the stress of getting everything done before the holiday break. There is no reason to make matters worse by unnecessarily scheduling due dates during the hectic last week of classes.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Hewitt’s ‘pro-white’ attitude makes it okay Herr Hoffman: When I saw the headline “Hewitt is the real nigger here,” I knew I was in for a treat. Hate mail is my favorite kind of mail. Opening the newspaper this morning felt like Christmas. I’ve never been called a nigger before, and, frankly, I thought members of the College Republicans were way too cautious to do anything but ignore me and continue on their merry way, trying to network their way toward political superstardom. I’m still reeling from your incisive assault upon the public perception of my racial purity. I come from excellent racial stock and was bred to the highest technical specification. While many of my ancestors had low blood purity, I promise you that I make up for it with good breeding and a positive, prowhite attitude! I have blue eyes, too! I hope I am white enough for you to respect me, Steve. I wouldn’t want you not to like me, because you are such a witty guy. Your tactic of double-reverse psychology was astounding. I have never seen anyone called a racist nigger before—but because I’m white and because you found the only definition of the word without direct racial connotation in a list of dozens of definitions (and miscited the number and letter of the definition), that makes it all okay— and in any case, you’re probably not worried about that because you’ve gone and bucked off that choking liberal PC orthodoxy, anyway! Fun fact: I dunno if you noticed it, Steve, but a Republican was in the list of examples for the definition you latched onto! Check it out: “Abe Lincoln… goddamn you... you are nothing but a goddamned black nigger.” Phew! No racial connotations there! You’re in the clear, Steve. Keep on pushing the legacy of the party of Lincoln. Gosh! You’re just so liberated! Your calling a satire libelous was just icing on the cake. I’ll see you in court, Steve! I’m sure you’ll buck a couple hundred years of free-speech precedent, just like you’ve bucked that PC

moral code, and you’ll put me in the slammer where I belong. I am shocked that you discovered that I attended a College Republicans meeting! I recall sending an e-mail to the president of the club with my name on it and signing my name on an attendance sheet, but I certainly didn’t expect you to catch me on my top-secret clandestine mission to sabotage America for the glory of Soviet Russia! It’s not like your meetings or speaking events are open to the public or anything. I would’ve offered to spy for the College Democrats, but as far as I can tell, the organization doesn’t actually exist on campus—and in any case, the USSR offered me the use of a beautiful dacha in the Caucuses for my services, from which I am writing this letter. Glory to Lenin and Leninism! Dosvidanya, -John Hewitt Class of 2008

Steven Hoffmann is a cracker Dear Editor: Re: “Hewitt is the real nigger here” (Nov. 14) I expected Steven Hoffmann’s letter to be either inflammatory or a response to an inflammatory column. It was neither. Instead there was only a personal squabble (in a public forum) over their political interests. In fact, Hoffmann’s title and last paragraph are completely irrelevant to his argument. What I discovered were presumably two white men with a complete disregard for word choice. Hoffmann’s choice of “nigger” is meant to be a personal attack on Hewitt (obvious from the definition he gives: “any person whose behavior is regarded as reprehensible”). Why did he choose this word from the multitude of vitriolic insults our language offers? It is clear that Hoffmann is even nervous about using the word, as he attaches a “definition” to

defend its presence. Rather, I can only see Hoffmann’s and even Hewitt’s word choices as attempts to reclaim these words for “white vocabulary.” I was deeply disturbed further to discover that I could not find Hoffmann’s chosen definition in the OED online. I understood that maybe I was not looking at the fourth edition which he references. Even if his definition is present in the fourth edition, the OED surely included more than one definition of the word. Despite the OED’s white epistemological baggage, I am confident that they do not suggest, in any edition, that Hoffmann’s usage is a remotely dominant usage of the word. I do not study linguistics, but to use “nigger” or even “negro” (or any word) without thought is to deny the word its history. “Nigger’”has an intense and dark history, not only for blacks in America, but for all of the formerly colonized people of color in the world. I will not deny libertarian Hoffmann’s freedom to use the word, but I urge both him and Hewitt to not be lazy about choosing words. I might, for a moment, sink to their level and show them how freedom of word choice is sometimes tantamount to misuse or even a racist slur. Applying the second definition of “cracker” in the Oxford English Dictionary Online (“a boaster, braggart; hence, a liar”), I will claim flat out that Steven Hoffmann is a cracker. -Varun Chalivendra Class of 2007

SU Senate plays a valuable role Dear Editor: Re: “Eliminating Senate the logical next step” (Nov. 14) I take issue with Mr. Goldstein’s proposition that “eliminating the Senate might be a needed ﬁrst step in fully funding those activities that students really care about.” The

author uses dubious statistics in support of his spurious argument and neglects the Senate’s highly beneficial contributions to campus life. The author’s implication that Student Union spends “fully 40 percent of every student’s activities fee on itself and its own programs” is a red herring. The statistic he points to as proof of SU’s profligate spending is the operating budget. The actual operating budget is about $256,000 a year (about 14 percent of the activities fee) and is spent supporting student groups with facilities like copy machines, telephones, Internet and office space and on programs that benefit students such as the Bearings guide. The suggestion that the Senate particularly takes scarce resources away from what students really want could not be further from the truth. The Senate is allocated no funding; Senators advocate tirelessly on students’ behalf on a wide range of issues, including food, housing, students’ rights and intellectual and social life on campus. Without the Senate, the most effective conduit for campuswide activism would disappear. The Senate is an incomparable arena for informing, debating and discussing issues affecting all students, as exemplified by open forums concerning last year’s ban on alcohol in Greek Life and the sit-in for worker’s rights. The Senate has also added great value to the campus in recent years through such initiatives as the newspaper readership program, revised shuttle routes, the creation of the University-wide task force concerning GLBTQA issues and the installation of art in residence halls. Mr. Goldstein is free to argue that a student government should be little more than a mechanism for the allocation of students’ activities fees and should not get involved in doing anything else. That is a perfectly reasonable philosophical position but one that neglects the broader needs of the student

body and the many laudable accomplishments of the Senate historically. The Senate is a strong and vibrant place of activism and debate and must continue to be so for all students. -Marc Bridge Class of 2005 Speaker of the Senate, 2004–2005

Goldstein’s letter misses the mark Dear Editor: Re: “Eliminating Senate the logical next step” [Nov. 14] Roman Goldstein has completely missed the mark in his remarks about Student Union (SU). Roman Goldstein’s conclusion that Ben Pasquier’s comment about his ability to add value to the Senate implied that no one could add value to the student body through the Senate is simply false. The Senate provides an outlet for many students to voice their concerns, which is essential for the continual improvement of the University. Many Senators enter the Senate with specific goals relating to campus improvement and leave when their mission is accomplished or they’ve been put in touch with the means to accomplish it. In terms of the committee chairs’ decisions not to run again for their positions, all groups on this campus have turnover in their leadership as students decide to apply their skills to numerous other worthwhile organizations. Goldstein’s comments that “SU’s own officers don’t value the organization enough to commit their time to it” are offensive and rude. One need only to note that Ben Pasquier was moving from chairing two committees in SU to chairing only one to understand the incredible commitment he puts forth as an officer in SU.

In regard to spending, Goldstein’s assertions are once again completely inaccurate. SU’s general budget, posted on its Web site, shows that of its $1.8 million annual budget, $1,463,458 go directly to student groups and University programming through the various allocation mechanisms. $89,412 goes to pay for student group space on campus, and the remaining $256,244 (14 percent) are allocated to SU operating. Over half of the money in operating is used for salaries for the various University employees who keep the SU accounting systems running. Additional large portions go to paying for the photocopier for all groups, paying for student group phone lines and publishing Bearings. The Treasury and treasurer of SU do their best to make SU’s programming for itself as minimal as possible. The Senate, for example, typically costs less than $100 per semester. Eliminating the Senate would be detrimental to the functioning of SU as an activist student government, on top of being a poor way to tighten the budget. It is a shame that Goldstein has overvalued the costs and undervalued the Senate as a whole. -Jessica Jones Class of 2006

Dig deeper into Sam Fox school Dear Editor: I strongly encourage you to dig deeper into the development of the Sam Fox School of Design (SFSD) complex. Your article dated Nov. 11 by Veronica Woolley did not state what the architecture school was obtaining with the new complex. Millions of dollars and years of planning went into the development of the SFSD, but I feel very little

See LETTERS, page 5

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Senior Forum Editor / Molly Antos / forum@studlife.com

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

STUDENT LIFE | FORUM

Dislike something we print? Tell us S

tudent Life sucks. That is a complaint I hear pretty much every day. My friends say it. People in Internet communities say it. Even random people in my classes decide to tell me how Student Life is the root of all evil. And to an extent, they’re right: our national bureau is really slacking. But the complainers really need to understand something about Student Life. Nearly everybody who writes for Student Life is a student, with similar time constraints as other students, in addition to having to write articles. And writing articles is a lot of work. They generally require lots of research as well as interviews (that is more true for sections

like News than sections like Forum, but it still applies). Imagine having to ﬁnd the time to interview people for an article and then writing the article by your deadline, on top of all your other time commitments. Thinking about that sure makes me happy that all I have to do is write a 500-word column every week, which requires thinking Daniel about something Milstein new to write about every week and researching the topic when necessary. Another thing that people don’t realize is how separate

Forum is from the rest of the paper. Until I became an editor, I wasn’t even on the staff e-mail list, despite having the title “Staff Columnist” under my name every other week. What appears in Forum is a reﬂection of the author, not the paper as a whole (with the obvious exception of the staff editorial). If people complain about Forum, there’s a pretty obvious solution: write a letter to the editor or an oped. We rarely pick and choose what goes into Forum, and when we do reject something, it is more due to concerns about libel or a lack of substantive opinion rather than

an opinion we don’t like. When people complain about Forum, they are complaining about the opinions of one person (unless it’s the staff editorial, which would be a complaint about the opinions of a small group of people). Moreover, they can easily ﬁx their problem with Forum by submitting their own opinion. So if people think Forum is the worst section ever put on paper, they should write a letter to the editor, or better yet, an op-ed. But even if you hate Forum (or any other section, that still isn’t a good reason to hate Student Life as a whole. It only serves to show that one person disagrees with another person. Student Life may not be The New York Times, but hey, even

the Times had Jayson Blair. Some other ramblings: -Team 31 should be hard at work to get Ted Leo and the Pharmacists to come back to campus for spring WILD. He’s more than just a great musician—Ted Leo proved to be a great performer at his concert at the Gargoyle. Along with his alternating irreverent and political banter between songs, Ted Leo played his heart out, even though most of his shows probably have more in attendance than what he played in front of on Sunday (more than the 500 people that the Gargoyle can hold, let alone the number of people that were actually in attendance). Visibly tired, he

consented to play one more song after playing the song that he said would be his last. Overall, it was an incredible show from Mr. Leo and his rowdy gang of Pharmacists. -Further discrediting my own personal notion that there is no school pride, my suitemates and I, who have never been to a Wash. U. sporting event, cheered after Jayanth Iyengar got the Final Jeopardy! question correct. I am curious, though: did Iyengar know the answer was Frank Lloyd Wright, or was that just a guess? Daniel is a sophomore in Arts & Sciences and a Forum editor. He can be reached via e-mail at forum@studlife.com.

How to write a good personal statement By Melissa Miller Staff Columnist

s a Writing Center tutor, a writing TA and someone who spent over ﬁve hours last weekend helping a panicky boyfriend revise his personal statement for a National Science Foundation research fellowship, it dawned on me: it is the Personal Statement Season. Personal statements, for many Wash. U. students, are due after Thanksgiving Break, if they aren’t already turned in. Having read many a statement these past several weeks, I wanted to publish two examples of personal statement skeletons that I wrote along with some advice from the Writing Center Web site to help jog statement writers’ minds with ideas and suggestions. I hope this helps—please feel free to bring your work by the center for brainstorming and feedback. Good luck! Skeleton 1: Paragraph 1: The Why-I-AmInterested Paragraph This paragraph answers some (but not necessarily all) of the following questions: Why am I interested in X? Why am I interested in Y branch of X? What resources, programs, profs and/or opportunities make me want to get my degree at _______ University? Paragraphs 2 and 3: The What-Makes-Me-A-Good-Fit Paragraphs

These paragraphs answer the following questions: What extracurricular activities/research were you involved in? How much work did you put into them? What did you do? What did you learn from these projects? How will you use what you learned while you’re getting your Ph.D./J.D./M.D.? I.e., what skills have you gained from these projects, and how would they make you a good fit? Paragraph 4: The Concluding Paragraph This paragraph is shorter. It reiterates a) why you are interested in the school and b) why you are good for the school. Skeleton 2: Another approach to describing your activities creatively—anecdotes are great! Showing is always preferable to telling. Don’t say, “I’m caring,” say, “I’m an RA responsible for supporting 45 freshmen.” Here’s a way how to do this: start in the middle with a story about your extracurriculars. Start with a story about stepping onstage at Diwali (or participating in your first judo match or stepping to the podium to debate in an important tournament, etc). Start with the moment you felt the stage lights hit your eyes or in the middle of the first dance move—how did you feel? What did the scene look, smell, sound like? What did it mean to you? Then move to describe how you got interested in Diwali (or whatever extracurric-

Streaking for justice By Geoffrey Schaefer Op-ed submission

t a time when one of the biggest issues on campus is streakers in the Quad (and occasionally forgetting the warnings on window screens that explain they’re not able to support your drunken weight), we easily forget the threats that surround us daily. What threats, ask thee? Well, well, well—you just sit down there, youngster, and I’ll tell you what you should already know. There is a growing problem on our hands, an EVIL growing problem, and it’s dangerously close to us. That problem is Fontbonne University. Yes, kids, it’s true: Fontbonne University is a festering pool of not-so-niceness that is bent on world (or at least neighborhood) domination. They hate us for our freedom and will stop at nothing to bring us down. You don’t believe me? Well then, sonny, let’s look at the facts: 1. Fontbonne considers us “rich, intellectual snobs,” as reported in a Student Life article designed to acquaint the average ignorant Wash. U. student with Fontbonne University last March. This is exactly the attitude that proletariat rioters in the mid-19th century had when they revolted. This is the same attitude Pol Pot had about all them people he killed. It’s historical precedent, and it’s nothing less than disturbing. 2. Fontbonne considers us a rival. This was made clear by Fontbonne student Mary Rott in the same article as mentioned before. The article also acknowledges that we basically kick their ass whenever we play them in sports. Clearly their disdain

for us has been growing for years, and their fury must be unleashed sometime. 3. Fontbonne knows we’re vulnerable. In the same aforementioned article, Fontbonne student Lindsay Lewis remarked, “Wash. U. parties much more than Fontbonne.” What are you saying, Lindsay? That you’ll be ready for the strike while we’re too drunk to know which way you’re coming from? I see through your poorly veiled hints of strategy. I think we’ve found our cigar cases at Antietam (too obscure?) or our Zimmerman telegram, if you will. There you have it, lads, the motive and strategy of our notso-friendly neighbors across Wydown. The crusade (Get it? ‘Cause they’re Catholic!—Tee hee) is not far off. But what can we do to stop it? Now is where I get back to those streakers. Guys, you almost had the right idea, but not really. What purpose does streaking through Wash. U. serve? None. Where should you streak, then? Fontbonne! Of course, we’re going to need more than a dozen streakers to pull this one off. In fact, we’re going to need as much of the student body as possible. This must be a mass streaking: a preemptive strike before the evil forces of Fontbonnium fall upon us. Oh, and Mike Tidey was right when he suggested trimming the hedges on the streakers. I mean, we can’t have a jungle down there this time through, right kids? So grab a razor, drop your pants—and then get ready, Fontbonne, ‘cause you got it coming! Geoffrey is a sophomore in Arts & Sciences. He can be reached via e-mail at gls2@cec.wustl.edu.

ular activity you’re describing). List the particular challenges you were facing in the moment you just described. Move on to describe what your responsibilities are as a whole—the challenges you always face in this activity. Describe how these projects have fueled your passion for learning/discovery/working with people/experiments, etc. The goal here is to start at 100 percent zoom and then gradually back out. Start with something such as, “I connected the wire to ground and flipped the switch— a magnesium white spark jumped from the coil,” and move to “I got into building amplifiers and electronic parts when…” and then further out to “this curiosity has fueled my passion for discovery and science and given me X, Y and Z skills (research, trouble shooting, design, critical thinking).” You can include more stories in other paragraphs using the same “zoom” model, but ultimately you want to make the connection between what you do in your extracurriculars/research/academics and why you want to pursue X degree and why you’d be a good fit for X degree. Writing Center Personal Statement Checklist: Read the essay question carefully, and answer it. Stay within essay guidelines. Adhere to word limits and suggested topics. Create an opening paragraph that grabs the reader or interests them. This doesn’t mean a gim-

mick or a strange use of the English language. You want to give your reader, immediately, a compelling argument or way of arguing so as to hold her attention. Incorporate signiﬁcant anecdotes. Don’t hesitate to use life stories or quirky occurrences that may be very relevant to your argument. Brief but interesting stories that have occurred in your life in which you learned something about yourself may not only be valuable but also indispensable within your argument. Make it clear that you are deﬁnitely sure about your vocation and your interests—that you have analyzed what you like and know it will lead you to become a good doctor or lawyer or occupational therapist, etc. Be sure to focus your personal statement on the answer to why you want to obtain an M.D., M.B.A., Ph.D, etc., and explain why clearly and coherently. Include the resources of the university to which you are applying. There are reasons for your wanting to attend whichever college or university you chose, and these reasons must be made clear. Each university has its unique resources, so do not exclude how those particular resources will help you achieve your goals. Common False Starts: 1. Writing an essay full of

RACHEL TEPPER | STUDENT LIFE

pronouncements but no proof. Example: I am a highly motivated person. (A good shorthand remedy for this is to back up generalities with lists, qualiﬁcations and examples.) 2. Writing an essay that devotes too much space to a gimmick. Example: Beginning your essay with an extended quote, stream of conscious monologue, a scripted dialogue and so on. (Beware of diluting your main point by trusting too fully to the indirect methods of narrating.) 3. Writing an essay whose only organizational principle is

the chronology of your life. Example: Then we moved to Buffalo...After high school, I went to college... 4. Writing an essay in a false or inﬂated voice, the assumed voice of authority. Example: Since the beginning of time, doctors have possessed the most valuable wisdom, knowledge and erudition known to humankind. (Beware of a voice that sounds like you’re blufﬁng or posturing.)

a. No member shall not be of the white race or of the Protestant religion. b. No member shall have a net worth under one million dollars. c. No member shall not listen exclusively to country music or not be a NASCAR fan. d. Members shall own a minimum of ﬁve guns. e. Members shall go to church every Sunday. f. Women shall not rise above rank of Minor Dragon (secretary). g. Members shall prove allegiance by swearing a secret oath to Ronald Reagan, and only then may they be commissioned white cloak and hood.

Article IV. Miscellaneous a. Fox News and “The Weekly Standard” may be the only source of news for members. b. Rush Limbaugh is a holy man. c. Karl Rove is Grand Dragon of Dragons. d. Providing false evidence for war purposely is not only okay but good. e. All nonwhite races are inferior to the supreme white race, and people of non-Protestant denominations and religions are inﬁdels.

Melissa is a senior in Arts & Sciences. She can be reached via email at mjmiller@artsci.wustl.edu.

LETTERS v FROM PAGE 4 is being done to accommodate the architecture school’s space problems. As stated in the article, “The combined Sam Fox School will total almost 750 students, with approximately 350 undergraduate and 25 graduate students in art, as well as 200 undergraduate and 175 graduate and professional students in architecture.” But the new construction is not for all of those 750 students, it is for the 375 art students. We in the architecture school (the other 375) have little space for working ourselves, little to no space for our reviews (presentations) and our computer lab has been and will continue to be in a trailer after the new construction. Look into this and make sure the school knows that this new construction is one-sided for the art school. Architecture alumni, architecture students and our own dean raised money in collaboration for this new Sam Fox School, but what exactly is the architecture school getting? It was clear the painting classes will get a great new facility and the sculpting and book-making classes will move back, but why do the architecture students have to walk all the way around the new Sam Fox art school to get to a trailer to print and work on our computers? This is wrong. I just want to know what Chancellor Wrighton thinks and what the new dean of the Sam Fox School thinks about the one-sided development. -John Howard Graduate Student, Architecture

give you a razor” (Nov. 14) In response to Mike Tidey’s submission on “doing girls a favor,” I would like men to know that the feeling is mutual. If girls are expected to shave in order to be “groomed,” then men should be expected to shave their faces, armpits, backs and pubic areas as well. Furthermore, hair does not validate a lack of grooming—unkempt, unwashed hair does. Tidey is holding Wash. U. women to an unfair double standard: unibrows and pubic areas are not the same thing. And as far as squirrels and bears go, that comment may have been funny to the male population, but it only exempliﬁes a juvenile attitude toward sexual relations. Obviously anyone that was thoroughly amused by that vulgarity is too immature to really deserve any “fun designs” made by his lady friends. Moreover, as a female on campus, I ﬁnd there is an even more-pressing need for access to extra-small condoms than razors and shaving cream. So maybe we can make a truce—we’ll use the razor if you use the right size. -Laura Schaller Class of 2009

The College White Supremacists’ new constitution Dear Editor:

The razor cuts both ways

As a response to unﬂattering press, claiming we are “white supremacists,” we, the College Republicans, are releasing our constitution to the University:

Dear Editor:

College White Supremacists’ (aka Republicans) Constitution:

Re: “We’ll do you a favor and

Article I. Membership

Article II. Meetings a. Meetings shall convene every Monday at 8 p.m. in room to be determined. b. White sheets are MANDATORY for meetings, except for new initiates. c. The Grand Dragon and Vice Grand Dragon shall lead meetings. d. Members shall work on ways to provide kindergartners with guns. e. New ways to persecute minorities, Jews, gays, the poor and liberals shall be thought of at each meeting. f. New ways to limit minorities applying to Wash. U. should be thought of. g. Global warming and evolution shall be dismissed. h. Cross burnings shall always follow meetings promptly in the Quad. Article III. Special Events a. Only the most conservative speakers shall be found to speak at University events. b. No coughing during speeches or lectures. c. Sheets shall be worn at all club-exclusive events. d. Special “keeping down minorities” events shall be scheduled as needed.

Amendment I. 2005 a. A seat shall always be reserved for John Hewitt at our meetings and events. -Sam Gittle Class of 2008 Vice President, College Republicans

WU students: quit acting like dumbasses Dear Student Body: Quit being dumbasses, and start acting like intelligent students at a prestigious university. Getting so drunk that you fall out of a third-story window, shitting in someone’s bedroom, causing food ﬁghts that someone else has to clean up, and posting fake ﬂyers cancelling an event are all clear signs that we are taking our “play hard” motto too far. There are plenty of ways to goof off with your friends and party that don’t result in our student body looking like a bunch of idiots. -Laura Wilson Class of 2007

6 STUDENT LIFE | SPORTS

Senior Sports Editor / Justin Davidson / sports@studlife.com

SPORTS

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

IN BRIEF: The third-ranked women’s cross country team won the Midwest Regional Championships on Saturday, earning them an NCAA Tournament berth. The men finished sixth, but senior Brennan Bonner and junior Kevin Gale each earned individual NCAA slots. The tournament will be held on Saturday, Nov. 19.

Women’s cross country Standout Performers wins big at regionals By Joe Ciolli Sports Editor Coming off an impressive performance two weekends ago on Oct. 29 that saw them take home the University Athletic Association (UAA) title, the fourth-ranked Washington University women’s cross country team was back in action this past weekend at the Midwest Regional Championships. The Bears faced a large field of 39 teams at the Regional Championships, and looked to have their work cut out for them. Among the opposing squads at the race was the University of Wisconsin-LaCrosse, who sat one spot ahead of the Bears in the national rankings at No. 1. Eighteenth-ranked conference rival University of Chicago was also included in the field and sought to challenge the Bears, who had recently defeated them at the UAA Championships. If the Bears were to have a chance at winning the Regional Championships, they would need a strong performance by junior standout Elizabeth Herndon. As her team’s top fi nisher in four of this season’s six races, Herndon was expected to lead the Bears to a victory and a berth at the NCAA Championships. Herndon did not disappoint, as she fi nished sixth overall and fi rst for the Bears with a stellar time of 21:34.5. Senior Stephanie Felz came in second for the Bears and 13th overall after logging a time of

21:57.4. A pack of three runners, sophomore Tyler Mulkin (22:08.5), junior Lindsay Harkema (22:12.4), and sophomore Kate Pentak (22:13.8), fi nished in the 18th through 20th spots and rounded out the scoring for the Bears. These superb fi nishing times were enough to lift the Bears to fi rst place overall and secure a spot for the team at the NCAA Championships this coming weekend. Once again, Herndon will be expected to lead the Bears as they compete for a respectable fi nish in their biggest race of the year. On the men’s side, the Bears also turned in a solid performance that saw two runners qualify individually for the NCAA Championships. Out of the 34 squads competing in the Midwest Regional Championships, the 23rd-ranked men ended up in sixth place. Like the women’s team, the men edged out UAA rival Chicago to nab the sixth spot. But this fi nish was not enough to propel the Bears into the team competition at next weekend’s NCAA Championships. Individually, the Bears were led by senior Brendan Bonner, who, following an impressive fourth-place fi nish at the UAA Championships, grabbed the eighth spot with a time of 25:30.5. Junior Kevin Gale fi nished 20th overall and was, along with Bonner, able to qualify individually for the NCAA Championships. Rounding out the scoring for the Bears were sophomore Jesse McDaniel (25:47.6, 32nd

of the Week

JOE ANGELES | WUSTL PHOTO SERVICES

Juniors Beth Herndon (left) and Lindsay Harkema (right) run side by side at a recent meet. Herndon and Harkema will lead the women’s cross country team at the NCAA Championships on Saturday in Delaware, Ohio. overall), junior Joe Guinness (25:57.6, 43rd), and senior Derek Leidigh (26:09.6, 60th). The women’s cross country team is expected to contend for the title at the National Championships, hosted by Ohio Wesleyan University on Saturday, Nov. 19. Having

been ranked No. 1 in the nation at one point this season, the fourth-ranked Bears will look to make history behind Herndon’s running ability. In addition, look for Bonner and Gale to turn in solid individual performances at the national meet.

Brad Duesing, Senior, Football Duesing made the history books on Saturday, becoming only the second player in NCAA history to garner 1,000 receiv- Brad ing yards in Duesing four consecutive seasons. Duesing had a career day against Greenville College in his last collegiate game, catching 15 passes for a careerhigh 218 yards while also grabbing two touchdown scores. Duesing ﬁnished his season with 1136 receiving yards and 10 touchdowns, averaging 113.6 yards per game.

the Bears with a time of 21:34.5.

Elizabeth Herndon, Junior, Cross Country Hav i ng been her team’s top finisher in four of this season’s six races, Herndon led the Bears to a first-place finish in the Elizabeth Midwest Re- Herndon gional Championships on Saturday, earning her third- ranked women’s squad a berth at the NCAA Championships. Herndon finished the 5K race sixth overall out of 260 runners and first for

Eric Triebe, Senior, Swimming Senior s t a n d out Triebe clocked a time of 21.71 to win the 50-yard freestyle at the University of Chicago Ma- Eric roon Invite Triebe on Saturday, Nov. 12. He also helped the 200-medley and 400-free relay squads to ﬁrst place. In all, the captain helped push the Red and Green men to a third place ﬁnish out of eight teams in the event.

ok, so my subs really aren't gourmet and we're not french either. my subs just taste a little better, that's all! I wanted to call it jimmy john's tasty sandwiches, but my mom told me to stick with gourmet. She thinks whatever I do is gourmet, but i don't think either of us knows what it means. so let's stick with tasty!

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Emilie Walk, Sophomore, Volleyball Smith was a major contributor this weekend as the Bears defeated No. 9 Carleton College and No. 13 University Emilie of St. Thomas Walk to move on to the NCAA quarterﬁnals. Walk shot .556 against Carleton while contributing 12 kills and 18 TAs in the effort, as well as a teamhigh seven blocks. Against St. Thomas, Walk had a team-high 11 kills, and 10 blocks, leading the Bears to another 3-0 victory.

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WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

The squid versus the whale Often, various reviewers have quite differing opinions about the same ďŹ lm, television show or album. Here at Cadenza, we have decided to print two such reviews, one by our Editor in Chief Margaret Bauer; the other written by our own lowly Music Editor, Jordan Deam. Their contrasting takes are below for you to decide. Whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rightâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the squid or the whale?

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; aims for comedy and tragedy, and succeeds at both By Jordan Deam Cadenza Music Editor

â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026; Anyone going into â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;? expecting the next â&#x20AC;&#x153;Elizabethtown,â&#x20AC;? brimming with â&#x20AC;&#x153;heartwarmingâ&#x20AC;? sentimentality but lacking any genuine emotional content, may wonder if theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in the right theater. Despite the autobiographical elements of the scriptâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; which, due to director Noah Baumbachâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s insistent silence on the matter, will largely remain a matter of speculationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the characters in his ďŹ lm are not mere surrogates for himself, existing only to parrot grandiose statements about Love and Life that are destined for the â&#x20AC;&#x153;inspiring quotesâ&#x20AC;? section of a 16-year-old girlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s diary. They are deeply ďŹ&#x201A;awed individuals who manage to rouse in the viewer a mixture of sympathy, disdain and intense interest. The more we learn about the lives of the Berkman family, the ďŹ lmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s four protagonists, the more they seem to unravel. Thankfully, Baumbachâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s subtlety as a writer prevents him from tying up the frayed ends in an attempt to make the story more digestible. Instead, he crafts a ďŹ lm that eschews the idealized Hollywood view that divorce, like any personal tragedy, can teach valuable â&#x20AC;&#x153;life lessons,â&#x20AC;? opting for an ambiguous approach that is more immediate in both its humor and its pathos. In a ďŹ lm without a traditional narrative arc to provide momentum, only Baumbachâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s characterizations can sustain our interest. Thankfully, they are incisive enough

to make the viewer feel the agony of living in their broken home within a single snippet of acerbic dialogue, yet nuanced enough to induce an occasional pang of regret at having judged even the most despicable characters so harshly. Baumbach is most damning in his portrayal of Bernard (Jeff Daniels), the patriarch of the household. A university professor and ďŹ&#x201A;oundering author, Bernard has an aggressive tendency to constantly appraise the people around him in the same manner that he does literature and ďŹ lm: if a person isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sufďŹ ciently â&#x20AC;&#x153;intellectualâ&#x20AC;? for his tastes, he labels him a â&#x20AC;&#x153;Philistineâ&#x20AC;? and doggedly disparages him in front of his two sons, who are among the few people with whom he still holds any inďŹ&#x201A;uence. This strategy proves successful in Bernardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s oldest son, Walt (Jesse Eisenberg), a budding pseudo-intellectual whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s managed to inherit his fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s prejudices without any knowledge of how they are derived. Walt is soft-spoken and articulate, but almost pathologically self-important: after being confronted by a school ofďŹ cial after his talent show performance is revealed to be a fraud, Walt confesses to a therapist that the reason he passed off the work as his own was because he felt he could have written the songâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the fact that Pink Floyd already had was inconsequential. Waltâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s younger brother, Frank (Owen Kline), on the other hand, doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem to share his familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ambition for intellectual pursuits, to his fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s disappointment. His closest role model is Ivan (William Baldwin), the unsophisticated but

congenial local tennis pro who is seeing his mother Joan (Laura Linney) by the end of the ďŹ lm. The young Frank is perhaps the easiest character to empathize with, since he is the least equipped emotionally to handle his familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s disintegration. No doubt partly due to a lack of parental attention, he acts out by drinking and compulsively masturbating in public. This brusque depiction of child sexuality may make some viewers squeamish, but it does little to discredit the spontaneous, unmediated feel of the ďŹ lm. While each of the actors involved delivers a wonderfully understated, unstudied performance, Baumbach deserves most of the credit for the ďŹ lmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success. His writing is taut but expressive; the â&#x20AC;&#x153;retroâ&#x20AC;? visual style serves to add authenticity to the characters rather than distract from them (as in Wes Andersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s later works). Even the soundtrack, which runs the gamut from Tangerine Dreamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s moody soundscapes to Loudon Wainwrightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s elegiac folk, is meticulously chosen and always serves to heighten the mood of the accompanying scene rather than overwhelm it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;? is a ďŹ lm rife with confrontation: the title derives from a diorama at the Museum of Natural History in New Yorkâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;appropriately named â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Clash of the Titans.â&#x20AC;? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an image, we learn, that once frightened Walt when he visited the museum with his mother in his youth. Yet itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clear that this kind of mythical conďŹ&#x201A;ictâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;not between giant plaster sea creatures but individuals magniďŹ ed by years of memory and experienceâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;is something that Walt must face alone and with a clear eye if he is to adapt.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; a masturbatory tale of family drama By Margaret Bauer Editor in Chief

â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x153;Šâ&#x153;Šâ&#x153;Š The trailer for director Noah Baumbachâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s semi-autobiographical â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;? portrays a heartwarming tale of a Brooklyn family going through divorce in the slightly washed out colors of 1986. The ďŹ lm appears to be funny and charmingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a cute tale about a couple who just canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get things right. Unfortunately, it turns out to be one of those ďŹ lms where the trailer contains every heartwarming moment in the movieâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;as we later learn, the rest of the ďŹ lm consists of awkward, jarring moments (and camera angles) in a mĂŠlange of overdone and unrealistic character sketches. The â&#x20AC;&#x153;shaky-camâ&#x20AC;? scenes at the beginning of the ďŹ lm, presumably meant to lend immediacy to the opening scene of a tennis match between family members, showcase some of the problems with this ďŹ lm. This is a drama that desperately wants to be â&#x20AC;&#x153;painfully funny,â&#x20AC;? but canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite make it. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a big-studio â&#x20AC;&#x153;indieâ&#x20AC;? thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s made to fulďŹ ll our quota of quirky yet delightful characters going through the trauma of growing up together. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re supposed to love them for their complexities and their low-budget â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;80s aura. But the only sympathetic characters in this ďŹ lm are the beautiful mother Joan (Laura Linney) and tennis pro Ivan (William Baldwin)â&#x20AC;&#x201D;the others are overwrought and scripted to the point where their actions are not only disgusting and distorted, but also donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite ring true. Just as the familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 16-year-old son Walt (Jesse Eisenberg) simply wants to run away when faced with his blowhard, demanding father in a hospital bed, so I

wished I could run away from most of these characters. So hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the setup: Walt and his 12-year-old brother Frank (Owen Kline) arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t dealing particularly well with being children of divorce. Walt â&#x20AC;&#x153;acts outâ&#x20AC;? by appropriating a Pink Floyd song and performs it as his own at the high school talent show, then berates his mother with a litany of supposed wrongs she committed, all drawn straight from the lips of goneto-seed father Bernard (Jeff Daniels). Frank, on the other hand, while barely 12 years old, is frequently forgotten and left behind by his preoccupied, self-centered parents, and proceeds to take up a drinking and masturbation habit more true to the character of an 18-year-old college student. He is subsequently caught wiping semen on a school locker and on books in the school library. Now, the children of divorce are often marginalized and deal poorly with their ever-changing home situation. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s become a truism in this time of 40 percent divorce rates and drawnout custody battles. But Frankâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s actions donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem realisticâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;they seem more ďŹ tting for a mentally disturbed child who never absorbed proper social norms than a well-educated middle-class son of brilliant writers. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s edgy, to be sure, but shock value seems like the only point of including these masturbation vignettes. Oo, how shocking and daring, they put masturbation on ďŹ lm. Oo, how shocking, a 12-year-old is left alone to drink beer. Score two for the writers. This is one of those ďŹ lms where you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know whether you should groan or laugh at the jokes. Each character in â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;? is overdone to the point of caricature, such that it plays out like a bad informational ďŹ lm about the potential consequences of divorce,

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complete with all the standard clichĂŠs of divorced life. An angsty, barely self-aware Walt canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bring himself to do anything his father wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do, until he has a stunning realizationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;he used to like his mother! Instead of taking this revelation as a jumping-off point for reconciliation with his mother, he does the angsty movie thingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;he runs across town to see the squid and the whale exhibit his mother took him to when he was younger. His entrance into the hall containing this exhibit is meant to be nothing short of revelatory, as the music peaks, time slows, and lo and behold, there are the suspended squid and whale, the ďŹ lmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s namesake. What a precious, overdone moment. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;? is rife with sex. But unfortunately, these are the days where mere sex is no longer edgy or experimental enough for a ďŹ lm like this, so the screenwriter cranks it up a notch. As in the recent â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pretty Persuasion,â&#x20AC;? we witness the awkward moments of mutual masturbation that high school couples endure. The emphasis on semen at points throughout the ďŹ lm almost makes the viewer wonder whether the screenwriter and director shared some behind-the-scenes joke relating squid and whales to semen. All this tension caused by the ďŹ lmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sexuality and emotional angst culminates in a series of impossibly awkward scenes. When I say â&#x20AC;&#x153;overdone,â&#x20AC;? this is what Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m talking about: vignettes about family troubles, sexuality and divorce are pushed to the tipping point of absurdity in this ďŹ lm, in the manner of a typical Wes Anderson ďŹ lm. (Perhaps not coincidentally, Andersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s name is given prime billing during the opening titlesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and writer/director Baumbach was also a writer on Andersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Life Aquatic.â&#x20AC;?) Actors Eisenberg and Klein appear to have been cast as much for their awkward looks as for their acting ability, and Daniels has certainly looked better. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Squid and the Whaleâ&#x20AC;? provides an absurd, unsatisfying look at divorce through the currently popular lens of mid-â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;80s colors, styles and sensibilities.

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8 STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

Senior Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / cadenza@studlife.com

VIDEO GAME REVIEW

THEATRE REVIEW

‘Shadow of the Colossus’ By David Freeman Cadenza Reporter You run through the mist and dust, mystical sword in hand, toward the lumbering mass of stone, sinew and coarse hair stomping away from you. As you near its immense form, it ponderously turns its head and ﬁ xes its orange eyes on you. The once-silent battleﬁeld is now cut with rousing orchestra as the beast rears back and hurtles its giant club. The ground is hewn in twain as you dive for safety and stumble back to your feet. As you climb the great building of the creature and drive your sword into its vitals, the only thought in your mind is that its death is but one of the coins in the price of resurrection. As the detailed description of previous scene shows, “Shadow of the Colossus” is an epic game. Your character is a young boy who has come to a forbidden land carrying the body of a girl he hopes to quicken. A voice in the sky commands him to slay the 16 colossi in the land for his wish to be granted, though the price he pays will be far greater than he knows. Unabashedly, he sets out to his seemingly impossible task, armed with only a sword of myth, a bow and arrows and his steed Agro. “Shadow” is produced by the game design team that brought us “Ico” in 2001, and this game is equally as revolutionary.

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

The player is welcomed into an empty and haunting landscape, rendered in a soft, ominous beauty. Indeed, the only foes in the entire game are the 16 colossi you must face, and here is where the producers have set a new standard in gaming. Every battle is superlatively unique in setting, pace and strategy. Each colossus has a variety of (often not obvious) weak points that must be exploited in order to bring the massive being down. The game runs relatively smoothly on the PS2, but the limits of the increasingly-obsolete system are occasionally evident in the rendering of the landscapes and in-game cinematics. Controls are simple and easily mastered, but can be frustrating when the character loses his grip or jumps the wrong way (due to camera angles), leading to a thirty-ton foot to the head. Gameplay is otherwise crisp and intense, and the game’s length feels about right at six to seven hours to complete the normal difficulty level. On a final note, the story is what completes “Shadow’s” separation from the rank and fi le masses of video games. Without going into too much detail, what begins as a noble quest for resurrection becomes something much darker and world-rending. The ending is likely to leave many players agape. In fact, this can be said for all aspects of “Shadow of the Colossus.”

‘Escape From Happiness’ By Emily Joshi-Powell Cadenza Reporter The Performing Arts Department’s production of George F. Walker’s “Escape From Happiness” is a must-see. Director Bill Whitaker has exemplarily brought to life the story of a family which could easily be written off as dysfunctional, but upon closer examination have qualities all of us share. Three sisters who disagree on everything, their oddball mother, invalid father, quarreling good cop/ bad cop detectives and a crooked father-son duo—all of these elements team up in this mystery, comedy, as well as sentimental story. The script is fantastic and is buttressed by an impeccably cast production. Every actor is incredibly strong. The show is funny, sharp, insightful and just a pleasure from start to fi nish. The set is flawless as well: a kitchen constructed with meticulous attention to detail that serves its purpose and fits the story and the family perfectly. Even the music between scenes works thematically and artistically, adding to the fullness of the experience. The only difficulty is to fi nd a weak link in this production. Ann Marie Mohr is captivating and extremely impressive as Nora, the mildly eccentric mother who prattles on about the importance of light-hearted spirits through severely disturbing circumstances. Through

her own special though highly unconventional approach, Nora tries to save her family (and various criminals for that matter) with her more than slightly naïve but affecting hope for the future. Mohr’s exquisitely and precisely executed portrayal of Nora exempliﬁes the ﬁ ne line between airhead and idealist; she is a dreamer, a romantic, impractical, but perhaps most importantly, she has consistently good intentions. But then even Tom, the bad-tempered, sometimes violent father seems to have good intentions. He wants to protect his family by annihilating all the scumbag criminals that prowl the streets in this increasingly dangerous world. Maybe his method sounds more practical, or at least potentially more effective than Nora’s lets-talk-it-out/ we-were-all-born-into-this-beautifulworld method, but there is something undeniably promising in Nora’s generous, forgiving and ever-hopeful spirit. With a seemingly intuitive ease and discriminating insight, Mohr manages to reveal the depth in Nora that really makes you listen when, between her babbling about language from the gutter, she says things like “I think that we believe we don’t deserve to be happy.” This is one of those rare performances where the actor possesses the unique ability to make you laugh till it hurts while remaining truthful, sincere and deeply moving.

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Shadow of the Colossus Worth it for: the breathtaking colossi, heart-pounding gameplay, and brave storyline The main drawback: controls can be frustrating at times Should be played by: every person capable of holding a controller, and watched by those unable to Final word: An epic game of courage and tragedy that has simultaneously created and deﬁ ned a genre. Rating: ★★★★✬

ON this DATE

By Jordan Deam, Music Editor

May 11, 1997 “Deep Blue” defeats Gary Kasparov…in chess

ALL REAL NUMBERS

Spectators watched in horror as IBM supercomputer “Deep Blue” haughtily raised its robotic arms in triumph after defeating Grandmaster Gary Kasparov in the ﬁ nal game of a six-game series. The match, lasting barely more than an hour (and the shortest of both beings’ careers) ended in a despondent Kasparov’s resignation. Kasparov later claimed that he saw “deep intelligence and creativity” in the entity’s moves, and noted its capacity to learn “at a geometric rate.” Later, on August 29th, 1997, at approximately 2:14 am, Eastern Time, the computer will become self-aware.

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Laura Harrison is thoroughly convincing as Elizabeth, the eldest lawyer daughter with violent tendencies whose tough persona disintegrates at various points to reveal a loving and not quite as resolute young woman. “Elizabeth is our weapon in the struggle” chimes her loving mother. This big responsibility to shoulder gives the strong, independent woman reason to become unhinged occasionally, and Harrison is both riveting and rousing as she exposes the depth and intensity of Walker’s complex character. Barrie Golden was a true pleasure to watch as Mary-Anne, the unnerved, wavering middle child on a quest to ﬁ nd herself. Told by her sister Elizabeth that she is obnoxious, unoriginal and befriended only out of “interest” by her therapist, she represents the uncertain and insecure in all of us. Golden has done a praiseworthy job turning a very difﬁcult character with the potential to quickly grow one-note, annoying or just in need of a good slap, into someone who is all these things but is also sweet, very comical and possesses frighteningly human qualities. The crooked father and son duo, meanwhile, were absolutely hysterical together. They bring out-loud laughter to the audience with each appearance on stage. The father criminal, played by Justin Rincker, is a pathetic, pitiable crook who spends more than half his time on stage being beaten, tied up, gagged and just generally abused by the rest of the cast. His son (Mike Nickolai) who eventually comes to his rescue only to be smacked around by his disappointed father is the perfect side-kick. The two of them had impeccable comic timing, excellently took full advantage of one another’s talent, and were perfectly cast in these roles. “Escape from Happiness” confronts head-on the human tendency to see only with pessimistic blinders, and to judge the future as a necessary continuation of the hardships of the past. This play is undeniably hopeful, and adding a pinch of Nora’s steadfast, devoted optimism wouldn’t do any of us any harm. It would, however, be exceedingly detrimental to abstain from seeing this phenomenal cast in such a great show.

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

STUDENT LIFE | CLASSIFIEDS

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CLAYTON CONDO FOR Rent. Centrally located in Clayton; 10 minutes from campus; Newly renovated, new appliances, granite counter-tops; 2 bedroom/1 bathroom Private parking. $1600/month. Please call 636-519-0719 or 314-5188688. GORGEOUS COMPLETELY RENOVATED 1-bedroom at 7321 Wise. Minutes from campus. New hardwood floor kitchen with granite countertops, new and modern appliances, microwave included, carpeted living and bedroom, walk in closet, marble bath, common washer/dryer, workout room and storage, on site parking, secure entrances. $550- $750/mo. Call 314503-7076 or 314-503-4181.

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ONE ROOM FROM a 2bedroom apartment located at 605 Leland Ave. is now available for sublease. Free air conditioning, quiet and nice apartment, 10 minute walk to Hilltop Campus, on the Washington University shuttle route, and very nice view of the Gateway Arch from the big living room window. Your share of the cost will be one half of the rent ($320/month) plus the cost of electricity (about $15/month). If you are interested or would like more information, please contact Wei by calling 314-210-7648 or emailing ww3@cec.wustl.edu. SUBLET SPRING 2006, LOCATED on Kingsbury between Melville and Kingsland. Two furnished bedrooms in spacious 3 bedroom apartment that includes dishwasher, air conditioning, wireless internet, cable television, parking, laundry and storage. For more information please call Victoria at 708-846-0505 or email vdschiff@artsci.wus tl.edu.

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2003 VOLKSWAGEN NEW BEETLE for sale. Only 14,XXX miles, power locks & windows, 6 disc CD changer, cruise control, heated seats, et cetera Askking $12,000. Please call 314-495-9149 for more information or if interested.

WANTED! TEAMS OF ENTHUSIASTIC bowlers for Chi Omegaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bowl for Wishes for the Make-AWish Foundation! Two games, fun, prizes, and shoes included. November 20, 2005 from 11:00 AM - 4: 30 PM, registration fee is $60.00. Please ontact Laura at lakeiter@artsci.wustl.edu for more information or to sign up! WANTED: RIDE TO Nashville, Tennessee or vicinity for Thanksgiving; will pay $40 for gas. Can depart after 4:00 PM on November 22. Please contact mpmenden@wustl.edu if you are available.

ANNOUNCING TYPING AND TRANSCRIPTION Services - Expertise in all academic formats. Specializing in qualitative research transcription. Over 30 years experience. Rush jobs welcome! Please contact Karen by calling 314-732-0000 or emailing wkprogress@aol.com. Conveniently located in CWE.

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ANNOUNCING NAKED & SHAMELESS. LEGENDARY drunkabilly perverts from Chicago. Way Out Club. November 17, 2005. Seriously.

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10 STUDENT LIFE | CADENZA

Senior Cadenza Editor / Laura Vilines / cadenza@studlife.com

CADEN Z A

WEDNESDAY | NOVEMBER 16, 2005

n. a technically brilliant, sometimes improvised solo passage toward the close of a concerto, an exceptionally brilliant part of an artistic work

arts & entertainment

“Suck it, Trebek!” Guiding WU to a JEOPARDY! College Championship by Robbie Gross Theatre Editor “White Men Can’t Jump” (1992)

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There is no more ample and excellent exemplar of Jeopardy! prowess than Rosie Perez’s character, Gloria, in “White Men Can’t Jump.” While her husband Billy (Woody Harrelson) and his friend Sidney (Wesley Snipes) gamble on basketball 2-on-2 everyday, Gloria stays inside studying for her turn in Alex Trebek’s kingdom. Throughout the movie, director Ron Shelton allows his cameras to peek into the study habits of young Gloria. She tackles material by subject matter. With “Disasters” she studies historical ﬁ res and earthquakes. With “Book of the Old Testament” she memorizes the names and order in which the books appear. Lastly, her attention to the lesser-known categories must be noted: she does her homework on “Foods that start with the letter Q,” and lo and behold the category appears when she becomes a contestant. Her game-strategy is as effective, if not as menacing, as her study habits. Though pitted against an English teacher, Dr. Leonard Allen, and a rocket scientist Richard Andrews—who has averaged over $12,000 for each of his three previous wins—Gloria is careful not to appear intimidated. On the opening answer, on the leading rebounder in NBA history, she quickly responds with “Who is Babe Ruth?” Her response, though wrong, sets the tone. She would go on to sweep “Foods that Start with Letter Q,” and “Popes,” embarrassing her opponents throughout. Gloria’s example does not stop there, however. One thing Jayanth can do is learn from her one mistake: to guard the winnings with meticulous parsimony. Gloria erred in giving $2,000 to her hopeless boyfriend, who promised to spend it on a nice suit for a job interview but instead bet in all in a basketball game. With game show winnings, the safest bet is to put the money in a safe place. We recommend the Cadenza Cookie Jar. No worries, though. There will be no chocolate chip stains on the Benjamins.

eopardy!, once thought exclusive to movies, celebrities and celebrity impersonators, has fi nally touched the common (college) person personally. Tomorrow and Friday, junior Jayanth Iyengar will begin a two-day quest to be crowned Jeopardy! College Championship king. Already guaranteed at least $25,000, if he defeats the other two fi nalists, he could win $100,000—roughly the same cost as W.I.L.D, or 99,999 times greater than the operating expenses of the campus Russian Club. We at Cadenza would love a Jayanth victory, fi rst because he represents Washington University in all of its erudition, and second because a victory would vindicate his Jeopardy! weakness—pop culture—which happens to be our strength. In order to guarantee a championship, we offer some suggestions. As Machiavelli once wrote, a “prudent man should always follow in the footsteps of great men and imitate those who have been outstanding.” We strongly encourage this strategy, but who to imitate? He could easily look upon past greats of the show’s history: Ken Jennings of last year, and Bob Costas of Celebrity Jeopardy! domination. Still better though would be to imitate the fictitious. With quixotic smarts he could turn to those fictitious characters throughout the years who have appeared in fictitious Jeopardy! episodes. Here is a guide to those high examples of the past. May Jayanth learn from them.

“Saturday Night Live,” Celebrity Jeopardy! Though no serious player of the game would take the infamous Celebrity Jeopardy! sketches on “Saturday Night Live” seriously, there can be lessons learned from even the farcical. If the “White Men Can’t Jump” example teaches us good study habits and aggressive gameplay, and the “Cheers” example teaches us careful betting strategy, the Celebrity Jeopardy! sketches demonstrate the importance of decorum. Sean Connery, the most frequently impersonated character in the sketch, presents Jeopardy! contestants with a model of illiberal and irresponsible action. Do not, he reminds us, mispronounce the name of categories (“The Pen is Mightier” as “The Penis Mightier”; “Therapists” as “The Rapists”; or “A Petit Dejeuner” as “Ape tits”). Likewise, do not insult Trebek with comments about what his “mother said last night.” Last, Connery tells us that we ought not to draw pictures or inappropriate symbolic gestures for our ﬁ nal answer response. When a student is on Jeopardy! College Championship, he or she wears a t-shirt or sweatshirt with the name of his/her respective university embroidered front and center. The Washington University insignia is a mark of pride. It is not to be sullied. In front of millions of people—ABC executives, families with children and dogs, and Washington University professors—Jayanth will be representing not only himself, but his school. To Jayanth and future Washington University Jeopardy! College Championship participants, we wish the best of luck. When the clue reads, “This would be a huge disappointment to your friends, family and university community,” the response “Me losing” is not acceptable.

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“Cheers” Season 8, Episode 182: “What is…Cliff Claven?” In this famous episode of the long-running sitcom “Cheers,” the character Cliff Claven (John Ratzenberger), a postal worker who lives with his mother, goes on Jeopardy! to test his vast knowledge of useless trivia. Like Gloria’s luck with “Foods that Start with the Letter Q,” Cliff receives what his friend Norm would later call a “dream board.” The Jeopardy! categories include “Civil Servants,” “Stamps from Around the World,” “Mothers and Sons,” “Beer,” “Bar Trivia,” and “Celibacy.” No one would deny that luck of the draw is critical to success in Jeopardy!, and Cliff’s fortune pays off. He cruises through the ﬁ rst two rounds with effortless grace. By Final Jeopardy! Cliff is commanding in a “runaway” or “lock” situation. The score of the player in second place is less than one-half of Cliff’s score, meaning so long as Cliff wagers no more than the second player’s score minus one, he will be guaranteed a victory. Cliff, however, bets it all. Worse, he gets it wrong. In response to the clue “Archibald Leach, Bernard Schwartz, Lucille Leseur” (the original names of Cary Grant, Tony Curtis, and Joan Crawford), he answers, “Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen.” When Alex Trebek informs him of his error, Cliff maintains the validity of his statement, although to no avail. In Jeopardy! jargon, Cliff’s monumental betting mistake is known as the “Clavin Rule.” Betting is a tricky art, and given that Jayanth has so far received ﬁve out of the six possible Daily Doubles, much can be learned from Cliff Claven’s hubris. One is to imitate him in knowledge, and learn from his mistakes in betting strategy.