RAGE @ UME 2015
DATING IS DIFFICULT BECAUSE WE’RE ALL TERRIBLE HUMAN BEINGS
'&#36"3: t "645*/ t 456%:#3&",4 $0.
SEXY SURVEY RESULTS SURVIVING VALENTINE’S DAY
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS COVER PHOTO: ANNA AGENCY
FEATURES 38
SEX & LOVE SURVEY RESULTS
42
DOMINATE VALENTINE’S DAY
2,700+ Students Spill
60+ Gifts, Ideas and Survival Strategies
46
COSMO: AN INTIMATE INVESTIGATION Just the Tips...
MUSIC & MORE 49 56 57 58
MUSIC AROUND TEXAS ONE TO WATCH SPINS BUZZ
IN EVERY ISSUE 18 20 22 24 26 28 30 34 60 62
TOP TEN HOT OR NOT HOW TO CAMPUS VIBE CAMPUS CRUSH THE BROPINION STYLE GUY STYLE QUIZ FUN STUFF
OOPS!
In our last issue, we overlooked a photo credit. The image of Chris Zurich that was used for the intro page to Music & More was taken by Gabriella McSwain of Way of Light Photography.
ON THE COVER 36
THE CHAINSMOKERS
The DJ Duo Talks Sex, Dating and UME 2015
THE BEST OF THE ISSUE 26. Read real-life guys’ thoughts on Cosmo sex tips
2
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
30. Step up your style game with V-Day date looks
36. Get the deets on The Ultimate Music Experience and get ready to rage
56. Meet your new favorite band…and people
60. Find out how kinky you really are
SAM SUMPTER EDITOR
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY Sure, that’s already kind of our go-to conversation topic around the office (take that, HR!), but this month our motives were purely professional: creating our annual Love & Sex Issue! And we weren’t the only ones engaging in a little dirty talk. There was an overwhelming response to our sex survey this year, and over 2,700 of you gave us the low-down on everything going down in and around your bedroom. (And, apparently, in a
FOUNDER PUBLISHERS VICE PRESIDENT EDITOR ASSISTANT EDITOR WRITERS
few moonbounces and Taco Bell bathrooms.) The results of the survey were, as always, enlightening, and I came away from the project feeling amused, horrified…and mostly just happy that things haven’t changed since I graduated four years ago. Well, except for my math skills. Those have gotten exponentially worse.
ART DIRECTOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER PRODUCTION SALES REP CUSTOMER SERVICE REP PHOTOGRAPHERS
We also did a little sex bible dissection, tearing apart issues of Cosmo and having our panel
Gal Shweiki Steve Viner, Daniel Stone David Reimherr Sam Sumpter Marina Garcia Larissa Garcia-Baab, Peter Scales, Sydney Sloan, Sahar Walji Ian Friedel Garrett Brzozowski Shweiki Media Ellis Media Company Stephanie Goodman Stephen DeMent, Amar Gupta, Ali Iqbal, Aaron Moore, Jeff Ramirez, Andres Rodriguez
of college guys give us feedback on socalled sex “tips.” (Ladies, evidently poking
STUDY BREAKS magazine is published twelve times per year by Shweiki Me-
a guy with a fork isn’t as erotic as it’s made
dia, Inc. copyright 2012. All rights reserved. This magazine may not be repro-
out to be. Who woulda thought?) Plus, we
duced in whole or in part in any form or by any means electronic or mechan-
got the guys from The Chainsmokers—
ical, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and
whom you can catch this Spring Break at UME 2015—to talk sex on the first date and why dating is so damn hard. And finally, be sure to check out our V-Day Guide, which isn’t just full of amazing info and
retrieval system now known or hereafter invented without written permission from the publisher. Reproduction or use in whole or in part of the contents of this magazine or of the trademarksof Study Breaks Magazine, Inc., withour written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher assumes no responsibilty for care and return of unsolicited materials.Return postage must accompany material if it is to be returned. In no event shall such material subject this magazine to any claim for holding fees or similiar charges.
lol-inducing content (think helpful hashtags, dorm-room date ideas, surefire gift suggestions and more), but also showcases the mad modeling
STUDY BREAKS magazine is an entertainment magazine for the students of Austin published 12 times a year
skills of our ridiculously ridiculous hipster cupid. CORPORATE OFFICE:
We hear he was celebrating Valentine’s Day back before it was cool. Hollllaaaa— Sam Sumpter
Study Breaks Magazine, Inc. 511 W. 41st Street Austin, TX 78751 tel: [512] 480.0893 | fax: [512] 480.0867 email: info@studybreaks.com www.studybreaks.com
Samantha@studybreaks.com STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 3
4
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 5
STUFF TO DO
COMPILED BY: PETER SCALES + SAM SUMPTER
7 WAYS TO TAKE A STUDY BREAK THIS MONTH
normalcooking.com
02
FEAST ON FOOTBALL
February 1st is Super Bowl 2015, and even if you don’t care about football, at least it gives you an excuse to binge on nachos and drink all of the beer. (All of it.) Plus—hey!—commercials that don’t suck.
seattletimes.com
03
DIE FROM CUTE
If you really, REALLY don’t care about football, celebrate February 1st with cute canines instead. Super Bowl Sunday is also PUPPY BOWL SUNDAY! And we can all agree that labs are way more adorable than linemen.
dailydapper.com
yatinjpatel.com
04
EMBRACE UNPRODUCTIVITY
The Monday after the Super Bowl has been said to be the least productive workday of the year in America—we think this applies to class, too. Join the rest of the country in nursing that Super Bowl hangover, and stay in bed with Netflix and Gatorade. U-S-A! U-S-A!
05
REBEL AGAINST LOVE
Tired of celebrating the capitalist machine that is Valentine’s Day? (Or maybe just bitter because you’re alone?) No matter your motivation, opt out of the annual love fest to wear all black and listen to sad Adele music. That’ll show ‘em.
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wikimeidacommons.com
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01
SEE RED
February 1st is Wear Red Day, so at the very least, slip on those lacy red panties or red silk boxers. Maybe no one else will see them, but hey— that’s half the fun.
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
06
GIVE PROPS TO THE PRESIDENTS
Sure, President’s Day (February 16th) isn’t the most exciting of holidays, but it can still be a reason to rage. Put on a top hat á la Abe Lincoln or break out the wooden teeth and do your best George Washington—domestic beer in hand, naturally.
07
SHOW BOOBS 4 BEADS
Okay, we don’t necessarily recommend this, but we do suggest the bucket list-worthy pilgrimage to Nola to celebrate Mardi Gras on February 17th! Drink hurricanes and hand grenades, and enjoy the sweet smell of street piss on Bourbon. Then recover with beignets. Gotta love the Big Easy.
Servicing the drag for 50 years with haircuts & hot lather shaves!
a true barbershop WITH 5 CLASS-A REGISTERED BARBERS
$2 OFF (512) 477-0109
All services
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WHAT’S YOUR MAJOR? COMPILED BY: SYDNEY SLOAN
From the mouths of THIS MONTH, WE STUDY
POLITICAL SCIENCE The Average Starting Salary
$38,000 … to gain power, rule governments, and take over the world. Or, ya know, maybe become a lobbyist or something. Whatever.
MYTHS MYTH: All political science majors want to be politicians. TRUTH: While it would be killer to become President one day, that’s not the endgame for many political science majors. You can find tons of jobs with this degree, and not all of them including leading the free world.
MYTH: They are super obnoxious about their own political beliefs. TRUTH: Well, yeah, but who isn’t?
POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJORS
“Government and politics play a role throughout all facets of our lives, and I find that incredibly interesting. I believe I can be particularly good at playing a role in administering affairs of such nature.”
- Matt Cuellar, 19 “In high school I was in the social science magnet school in Dallas and took a lot of government classes. I chose to switch [from civil engineering to government] because government was easier for me to understand. I also think it’s a lot more interesting, and I want to learn how to take over the world.”
- Cristian Perez, 22 MYTH: Political Science isn’t REAL science. TRUTH: Okay, so there might not be any test tubes or lab coats involved, but political science is still a social science (which is super important). So what if these majors aren’t building rockets? They understand our government and prevent total anarchy. (And anarchy isn’t as great as it sounds. The Purge, anyone?)
“I think it’s interesting, and literally everything in the world is affected by government in some way. Also, I’m going to be governor of Texas.”
– Audrey Hartman, 19
“I chose political science because I like to argue with people about current events”.
– Christian Friend, 23
STUDYINGCELEBRITIES: Famous Faces Who Majored in Political Science
story.witty.com
funny-pictures.picphotos.net
yekwo.com
BARACK OBAMA
PETE WENTZ
ANDERSON COOPER
President Columbia University
Musician DePaul University
Journalist Yale University
8
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
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INERTIA TOURS
PHOTOS PROVIDED BY: INERTIA TOURS
SPRING BREAK 2015
HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE WITH INERTIA TOURS AH, SPRING BREAK. THE MOST MAGICAL TIME OF THE YEAR. Also, it can be a total shitshow if you don’t do it right. Thankfully, the folks at Inertia Tours are here to save you time, money, energy and hassle, serving as the best one-stop Spring Break shop in existence. For $225-$299 per person (depending on the size of your group), you can have a trip to the Spring Break capital of the South— we’re talkin’ South Padre Island, y’all—that includes a beachfront hotel, a gas fill-up card and even meals! So skip the stress, save some dough, and get ready for the best Spring Break of your life. Trust us, it’ll be a blast—whether you remember it or not. 10
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
IT’S BACK!
ONCE AGAIN, INERTIA PRESENTS: 10 TIPS FOR SPRING BREAK ON A BARGAIN!
1. Get an “out the door 2. Stay in the U.S.A. price” in writing with all of the taxes and fees possible included from your booking agency to ensure no scams or fees. BONUS TIP: Book several rooms or condos together as a group and use a tour company to get a slight discount. You knew having friends would pay off!
Not only are travel costs lower, but you don’t need a passport. (And because ‘MERICA!)
3. Book early. Procrastinating is fine for unimportant stuff like, say, studying. But Spring Break? That shit is essential. Get it together ASAP, ya slackers.
4. Bring supplies like sunscreen, coolers and koozies with you. Or, ya know, pay twice as much to buy ‘em on site. Your call, moneybags. 5. Purchase snacks
and basic food at the supermarket before you leave home to save time and beer money.
QUESTIONS? TEXT US AT 956.238.3761
BEACHFRONT HOTEL MEALS GAS FILL-UP CARD PER STUDENT
BOOK YOUR TRIP NOW!
THIS CHEAP? TH ?
Inertiatours.com 1.800.821.2176
6. Carpool!
Paying for gas is the worst (say it with us now: “Thanks, Obama”), so be sure you pack your car with your least freeloading friends to save money. Oh, and the quality time thing is nice, too, we guess.
7. Shorten the length
of your trip. Going from seven nights to
four nights will reduce the trip cost by 35 percent per person. Because when it comes to Spring Break, it’s all about quality over quantity. Plus, let’s be real, you can’t make it a whole week.
8. Buy your alcohol BEFORE you arrive on South Padre Island, because liquor
stores and convenient stores will mark the price up. And in this case, think quantity over quality. Natty Light, anyone?
9. Book maximum occupancy at your condo or hotel. This allows you to split the overall cost as many ways as possible. Privacy is overrated, anyways.
10. Do your hom
work! Ask the firm you are booking with for professional references with contact info, check the firm’s revies, and pay with a credit card, as the company will likely support you if you get ripped off. You’re welcome, y’all.
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 11
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NIGHTLIFE
PHOTOS: AARON MOORE
We went out all night...
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SPOTLIGHT
COMPILED BY: CHAD JACKSON PHOTO: ALI IQBAL
Model, Masseuse & Aspiring Personal Trainer
STEPHANIE PHARRIES Talks Talent, Training & Happy Endings
You’re a triple threat: you’re a model, a masseuse, and you’re going to school for personal training. How do you balance all of those things? My education is my top priority, so I focus on my studies first, massage on lighter days, and [I] model on the weekends.
How do you tie those three things together? I have a fascination with the human body! How it functions, looks, ways to improve it and maintaining a peak level that makes me happy and healthy.
STEPHANIE PHARRIES, 25 HOMETOWN: Houston MAJOR: Kinesiology
16
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
What is the craziest thing you’ve experienced modeling? The craziest thing is landing a television cohost job for Lone Star Minor League Football News, a live Internet show providing news about the semi-pro football world.
What does it take to be a model? I believe confidence is key, but a nice smile doesn’t hurt either.
What about the fitness world? What do you plan to bring to the table?
Being multi-talented, which path are you the most enthusiastic about?
I plan to carry my positive energy and inspire people to live healthier and to look and feel amazing inside and out.
I would have to say the fitness training, because I’m gaining further knowledge about the human body, and now I can help myself and others to become healthier.
How does it feel to be a masseuse and not be able to actually massage yourself? It’s a bummer, but luckily I have my husband, whom I can direct.
Do you give happy endings? Yes, most people are happy with the massage they receive…but in all seriousness, no.
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 17
TOP TEN
WORDS: PETER SCALES + SAM SUMPTER
WAYS TO
01.
GET LAID 1. BE ATTRACTIVE People are shallow— we’re sorry. 2. DRESS FOR SUCCESS Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since ‘Nam. 3. SMELL GOOD Those AXE commercials? They’re lying to you. 4. SAY CHEESE People are attracted to positivity, so show those pearly whites… unless they’re yellow. Then be the strong, silent type. 5. HAVE CONFIDENCE You is kind. You is smart. You is important. 6. DON’T HOLD THE WALL Get out there and get ‘em, tiger. Just… don’t, like, actually roar. Unless they’re into that.
7. REMEMBER IT’S ALL ‘BOUT THAT BODY LANGUAGE Get up close and personal. Make eye contact. Align genitals. Subconsciously, they’re sure to be attracted to you. It’s science.
04.
05. 03.
8. PRACTICE KARMIC KINDNESS Don’t be an asshole or no one will play with yours.
02. 06.
9. PACE YOURSELF Remember the wise words of Missy Elliott, speaking on behalf of every woman ever: “I don’t want no oneminute man.” 10. PLUS! USE PROTECTION When you finally get someone in bed, wrap it up. Because babies? Psh—ain’t nobody got time for that.
07.
08.
10. 09.
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 19
HOT OR NOT WORDS: SB STAFF
VALENTINE’S
DAY EDITION
huffingtonpost.com
Staying up, having steamy Valentine’s Day sex
justinstum.com
Finally confessing your love to your boo
sexyasian.com
Showing up for a sexy surprise meeting at your S.O.’s
askmen.com
Being single and having a fling for one night
clolourmysun.blogspot.com
Planning a spicy, exotic meal for two
funny-pictures.photopic.com
Buying your girlfriend designer goods by D&G 20
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
huffingtonpost.com
Waking up, realizing it was with your ex
ebony.com
Them responding with an awkward “Thank you?”
huffingtonpost.com
Walking in on them cheating on you, mid-O
h bl mashable.com
Your one-night stand getting so clingy you can’t leave their sight
youtube.com
After you eat, the un-erotic fight for the loo
onfullerliving.com
Offering to buy her a pair of DD’s
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 21
HOW TO
WORDS: PETER SCALES
5 STEPS FOR
SAVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
wikihow.com
dailygenius.com
So you and your S.O. have been dating a while now. The can’t-keep-your-hands-out-of-eachother’s-pants honeymoon period has passed, and now you have to deal with the issues that accompany an actual relationship: misunderstandings, fights, arguments, tears and— most tragically—a serious lack of sex. You’ve reached the inevitable rough patch, and you’re starting to miss the days when the only real relationship you had was with your right hand. Lost? Confused? Horny? No worries, we’re here to help, with five steps for saving your relationship and—more importantly—your sex life.
3. BRIBE THEM Everybody likes gifts and favors, right? Promise them that if they stay in the relationship, you’ll do all their calculus homework for a month. You might be terrible at calculus, but it’s the thought that counts.
2. REMEMBER: IGNORANCE IS BLISS Unhappy? The best thing to do is to completely ignore it. Denial, not time, heals all wounds. Why would you even want to bring up the fact that they cheated? As far as you’re concerned, it never even happened.
22
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
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imisstheoldschool.com
ccaurora.com
1. GIVE ‘EM SOME SEXUAL HEALING Got an angry lover? Ignore their issues and distract them with sex on the spot. Immediately. At a restaurant? At the movies? With your parents? If you don’t start sexin’ em up right then and there, you’re clearly not dedicated enough for a real relationship.
4. BLACKMAIL THEM If bribery doesn’t work, threats are the next best thing. You’re bound to know some of their deepest secrets; if they even think about leaving you, just post said secrets on every social media platform available. All is fair in love and war? Love is war.
5. TIE THE KNOT–LITERALLY Are they still stubbornly intent on getting out of this shitty relationship? Make sure they can’t. While they sleep, tie them to the bed so they can never leave you. You’ll convince them to love you. One day at a time.
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 23
CAMPUS VIBE
PHOTOS: AMAR GUPTA
WHAT’S ON YOUR
MIND?
“I race RC cars as a hobby.”
Drew McMillan, 22 HOMETOWN: Katy MAJOR: Journalism
“I used to steal people’s World of Warcraft accounts and sell them. I feel bad for doing it now, but I actually made pretty good money.”
Stephen Kisling, 24 HOMETOWN: Houston MAJOR: Computer Science
“Some creepy guy on the bus just asked me to meet his cat...I just walked away without saying anything.”
Gabriela Barrera, 20
“I was once in the newspaper for tearing down a giant snowman and going on a reindeer-stacking spree with some friends.”
HOMETOWN: San Antonio MAJOR: Iberian Languages and Culture “I used to play guitar in a metal band, but now I’m more into making rap beats.”
Eric Butler, 22
Dillon O’Quinn, 24 HOMETOWN: Lumberton MAJOR: Computer Science
HOMETOWN: Beaumont MAJOR: Business
“Sometimes I take other people’s stories and claim them as my own.”
Devin Gaffney, 23 HOMETOWN: Lumberton MAJOR: RTF
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
“I threw up in my shower this morning.”
Dougan Friendshuh, 21 HOMETOWN: Fort Worth MAJOR: Nursing
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 25
CAMPUS CRUSH PHOTO: AARON MOORE
WRIGHT KAYLEIGH
hometown: New Braunfels major: Business Marketing AGE: 21
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SINGLE HEIGHT: 5’5”
FOLLOW HER ON INSTAGRAM @KAYDANGER
JI never leave the house without my phone, a pack of gum, and my headphones. JMy dream job is one that takes me all over the globe. JMy celebrity crush is Ryan Sheckler. JMy guilty pleasure is chocolate—lots of chocolate. JThe quote I live by is “Don’t be normal.”
JOn Saturday night, you’ll find me with my best friends getting into something weird ... JAnd on Sunday morning, I’ll be asleep in my bed until noon! 26
JIf I had a million dollars, I would buy a plane ticket to Australia and never come back! JThe best pick-up line I’ve ever heard is “Is your daddy a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns!” JThe perfect guy is honest, loving and has a great sense of humor. JIf a guy wants to get my attention, he should make me laugh! JOne word I would pick to describe myself is happy.
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
Want to nominate a Campus Crush?
MEET KAYLEIGH
JThe craziest thing I’ve ever done is cage diving with great white sharks in South Africa.
JSomething people would be surprised to know about me is I am quite the outdoorswoman! I love to go fishing and hunting!
EMAIL SAMANTHA@STUDYBREAKS.COM
FUN FACTS! J J J J
I snorkeled the Great Barrier Reef. I survived getting Malaria in Africa. I can make one mean quesadilla. I know every line to Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Need language credit? Travel Abroad?
Italian, French, Spanish, Portuguese Fun, social setting! Plus! No tests, grades or stress.
Come in for a FREE trial! Next session: March 23rd - May 12th
www. freestylelanguagecenter.com
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 27
THE BROPINION WORDS: GABE
LOVE&SEX
FROM A DUDE’S PERSPECTIVE GABE, A REAL-LIFE
COLLEGE GUY, TELLS US WHAT’S ON HIS MIND EACH MONTH
Valentine’s Day: Old-School Style In today’s fast-paced, informal society, romance is rare, and traditional courting rules have all but been abandoned. This is glaringly true in college, where thousands of busy and broke undergrads mingle and mate in undeniably unromantic ways. It seems as if we have lost the art of courtship, and with only one day out of the year to formally be swept off of our feet (or sweep someone else off theirs), we simply must do it right. Remember back in third and fourth grade, when everyone brought candy to class for Valentine’s Day? And remember how you saved your box of Sweethearts to share with your favorite classmate? I sure do. In fact, those little heart-shaped candies even landed me my first Valentine—and first kiss: my fourth grade class crush, Kaylee. But let’s face it, we aren’t in elementary school anymore, and simply pulling out a “Kiss Me”
candy probably won’t cut it. So how do you make your Valentine feel like they are the only person in the world? For one day, make it that way. The best Valentine’s Day I ever had consisted of being extremely formal all afternoon and evening long. We left our phones at home and decided to let the night take us where it may. We referred to each other as Mr. and Ms., followed by each of our last names, and refrained from touching. After a walk downtown, dinner and a movie, we popped a bottle of champagne, and then our moment happened. Looking back on it now, ditching our phones, going on a nice date, and resisting the urge to hug, hold hands and kiss made the evening even better and allowed us to demonstrate how much we valued each other. That is the beauty of old-school courtship: the formality causes both people to value each other more, realize what they have, and celebrate the love they have created. My advice to you this Valentine’s Day is to make the occasion a formal one, and to do it a little old-school. After all, this is the perfect day of the year to fall for your Valentine all over again.
STRATEGIES FOR SURVIVING SINGLES AWARENESS DAY Feeling super single this Valentine’s Day? Gabe provides three ways to survive—and celebrate—February 14th solo…
STAY BUSY
Put off all of your responsibilities until Valentine’s Day. That way, you will be so stressed meeting deadlines and due dates that you will forget the holiday entirely.
GET OUTSIDE
Whether it’s hiking, climbing or biking, get out of town and go explore. Nature and solitude have a way of providing perspective—not to mention, there will be no heart-shaped balloons out there.
GO OUT WITH FRIENDS
Alcohol can’t fix all of your problems, but neither can milk. Grab a drink (or four), and go out on the town. There will be plenty of singles out, and you may just find yourself a late-night valentine.
GOT A QUESTION FOR GABE? HOLLER AT Guytalk@studybreaks.com
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FEBRUARY FEB FFE EB E B RU RU RUA UA A RY Y 2015 20 201 015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM 01 STU ST UD UDY DY D YB BRE BR RE R EA EAKS AK AKS KS .C KS .CO CO C OM
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STYLE
COMPILED BY: SAHAR WALJI PHOTOS: AARON MOORE
CUPID’S CLOSET
VALENTINE’S DAY DATE LOOKS It’s the season of love, sex and—most importantly— style. This Valentine’s Day, surprise your sweetheart with an outfit that’s sure to make them fall in love with you all over again. (Or just make your ex jealous with pics of you looking insanely hot on Instagram. #sogladtobesingle) Whether your February 14th plans include a day date or you’re planning on a late night out, we’ve got you covered with sexy looks that at guaran guarantee ee your S S.O.—or at least several questionable nable strangers—will stra gers—wil ask you the all-importay question: ant V-Day
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
MEET THE MODEL LAUREN VALASHINAS, 18 HOMETOWN: Delray Beach, FL MAJOR: Business
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 31
STYLE
Keep it fun and flirty in a flower-print skirt...
Get a leg up on the dating competition with a skirt that works from sunrise to sunset—and back to sunrise again...
Go cool and casual with lots of leather and just-toughenough accents..
BY DAY
FROM DAY TO NIGHT
GET TH hm.com
Lace Trim Tank, $6
Thora Patent Sandal, $125
Golden Spike Necklace, $5
Floral Lace Skater Skirt, $16
toryburch.com
hm.com
forever21.com
Quilted Lock Cross Body Bag, $30
Khalea Combat Boots, $35
Tierred Chevron Bib Necklace, $6
us.asos.com
target.com
Ditsy Floral Skater Skirt, $9
Biker Jacket $35
forever21.com
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
target.com
charlotterusse.com
A flowy dress is subtly sexy...
Light up the night and go bright...
Step up the sex appeal in racy red lace...
BY NIGHT
E LOOK Gwyneth Lace Dress, $68 (Sale: $17)
Blouson Chiffon Skater Dress $46
abercrombie.com
nordstrom.com
Faux Pearl and Rhinestone Studs, $4
Two-Tone Textured Peep Toe Platform Heels, $41
forever21.com
Lace Dress, $30 hm.com
Mirassa Peep Toe Pumps, $80 aldoshoes.com
charlotterusse.com
Anne Michelle Peep Toe Shoe, $40 buckle.com
Braided Beauty Cuff, $8 forever21.com
Hammered and Faceted Stone Statement Necklace, $6 charlotterusse.com
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 33
GUY STYLE
COMPILED BY: MARINA GARCIA PHOTOS: AARON MOORE
MEET THE MODEL JUSTIN MICHAEL PARRA, 24 HOMETOWN: Waco MAJOR: Business/Marketing
V-DAY DATE WEAR
DAPPER LOOKS FOR DUDES
Who says ladies are the only ones who can clean up nice? Whether you’re going out with that special someone or going out with your bros and just trying to get some, we’ve got three looks that guarantee you’ll look good doin’ it.
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
Sometimes, simplicty’s best. Keep things casual in a torso-hugging tee...
Dress up your favorite hoodie, and you’ll be equal parts cool and comfortable...
Who says blazers are just for business? Nothing says GQ like this look, guys…
GET THE LOOK BY DAY
FROM DAY TO NIGHT Mossimo Supply Co. Men’s Crew Neck T-Shirt, $10
BY NIGHT
Hooded Jacket, $30
Melange Blazer, $80
Hooded Sweater, $35
Waffle Fabric Blazer, $70
hm.com
hm.com
target.com
Essential V-Neck T-Shirt, $17
luvocracy.com
amazon.com
gap.com
Grey V-Neck, $14 Topman.com
Pullover Hoodie, $70 jcrew.com
Navy Contrast Elbow Patch Blazer, $43 newlook.com
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 35
UME 2015
UME2015
PHOTO: STEVE ROSENFIELD
the
CHAINSMOKERS SPOTLIGHT ON THE UME PRE-PARTY PERFORMERS In an exclusive Study Breaks interview, Alex Pall and Drew Taggart of The Chainsmokers talk fistfights, sex on the first date, and what to expect from their UME set. (Warning: they’re ridiculous…but we’re diggin’ it.) Okay, first thing’s first:
WHAT CAN PEOPLE EXPECT FROM YOUR SET AT UME?
People always ask that question—like we are going to pull some unheard of shit off hahaha... To be honest, we hope to have A LOT of new material done by then, so our sets will be very fresh. We will also be coming off a nice break, which we are using to make music, so we will be feeling nice and refreshed.... But, who knows, maybe new visuals, maybe a sit down, maybe a cake to the face, maybe a Shmoney dance off...
WELL, WHAT’S THE CRAZIEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED DURING A SET?
ALEX: Hmmm, it’s always so hard to think of these when you are put on the spot, but once we got into a fistfight and Drew head-butted me in Spain. We were super drunk, and the show was amazing. I started bleeding everywhere from my eyebrow, [and] the club promoters were terrified, but it didn’t phase us. We just kept partying and playing—was hella fun!
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRE-SHOW RITUALS, ROUTINES OR SUPERSTITIONS?
Besides tequila and some Fireball, a Drake or ASAP Rocky song is a must for us... Also the legendary chant from Drew: “I don’t smoke crack motherfucker, I sell it.” Alex also puts Elmer’s Glue all over his hands and lets it dry, and then peels it off... 36
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
THIS SPRING BREAK, THE ULTIMATE MUSIC EXPERIENCE IS BACK! WHO: You! WHAT: Should head to SPI to rage your face off at UME—a rad three-day festival and the best way to spend your Spring Break
WHEN: March 19-21 (Plus a pre-party on the 18th!)
WHERE: Schlitterbahn at South Padre Island WHY: Check out the
lineup (far right)…we think it’s pretty obvious
THE COMPLETE 2015 UME LINEUP 15 Reasons You’ll Have the Time of Your Life
the chainsmokers are
Andrew Taggart & Alex Pall
W WEDNESDAY NIGHT PRE-PARTY
Steve Aoki The Chainsmokers Slander
THURSDAY David Guetta Showtek Robin Schulz Destructo D
WHAT ARTISTS WOULD YOU LOVE TO COLLABORATE WITH? The list is long, and most of them are vocalists: artists like Sigur Ros, Adam Levine, Oh Wonder, Bastille, ASAP Rocky, Drake...
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT MAKING MUSIC?
We eat a lot—like, too much. We love eating. Food—it’s so good. We also like shopping; that sounds really girly, but its therapeutic for us. We also like sex, blowjobs, watching television and smoking weed. Since UME takes place during Spring Break, we gotta ask:
DO YOU HAVE ANY CRAZY SPRING BREAK STORIES OF YOUR OWN?
Ummm, we sank a houseboat at a destination we played that we won’t reveal for legal reasons....
CATCH THE CHAINSMOKERS’ UME PRE-PARTY
set at Schlitterbahn on Wednesday! Oh, and follow them online:
TheChainSmokers.com | @TheChainSmokers Facebook.com/thechainsmokers Soundcloud.com/thechainsmokers
FRIDAY
Hardwell W&W Dannic Thomas Newson
SATURDAY
Tiësto DVBBS Oliver Heldens Moti
GET YOUR TICKETS NOW @ UMESOUTHPADRE.COM M Mmmhmmm…so, since this is our Love and Sex Issue, we’ve got some questions.
GIVEN YOUR PROFESSION, IS DATING DIFFICULT?
Ummm, yes and no. Dating is difficult in general because we are all terrible human beings. Our job doesn’t help, but our friends with regular jobs don’t have it any easier...
AND WHAT THREE QUALITIES DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN? In the words of Khaled: loyalty, ass & charm.
SO HOW CAN A WOMAN GET YOUR ATTENTION?
Instagram DM works pretty well. Also, being hot and witty.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE LOVE SONG? “Wicked Games” –The Weeknd
WHAT’S THE BEST DATE YOU’VE EVER BEEN ON?
ALEX: I came home from traveling for three weeks, and my lady got me all my favorite food from all my fave restaurants in NYC. We are talking Carbone, Rubirosa, BLT Prime and more. It was insanely thoughtful and delicious. DREW: I hate dating... Alright, so,
SEX ON A FIRST DATE: DO OR DON’T? Hahaha a girl could ask for anal on first date and we would do it. We just probably wouldn’t take her on a second date... Okay—one more question:
IF YOU COULD GO ON A DATE WITH ONE DJ, WHO WOULD IT BE?
That just sounds like a recipe for disaster... But the NERVO girls are super fucking cool, so we will say them! STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 37
SEX & LOVE SURVEY RESULTS
RESULTS COMPILED BY: SB STAFF PHOTOS: STEPHEN DEMENT PHOTOGRAPHY + PRESS MODELS: ABIGAIL SAMFORD & BRAD BRANSOM
2,700+ STUDENTS SPILL We asked, you answered, and the results of our annual love and sex survey are in! And while some things have changed since last year, well, some things certainly haven’t—namely the popularity of the blowjob. So grab a beer, sit back, and enjoy a brief glimpse into the (super-horny) mind of college students… Don’t say we didn’t warn you. (Note: Due to the nature of the survey and participants’ ability to skip questions—plus our admittedly shitty math skills—some percentages may not equal exactly 100%....but it’s close enough.)
the
BASIC BREAKDOWN 2,791 PEOPLE SURVEYED 35% MALE | 65% FEMALE 40% SINGLE 60% IN A RELATIONSHIP 38
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM OM
SLEEP LEAVE
SHOWER 9%
DO IT AGAIN
CUDDLE
AFTER SEX, I LIKE TO...
45%
14%
2%
28%
MY
NUMBER N R
IIS S
I have sex ______ times a week.
0 3%
1-5 35%
5-10 23%
NEVER
10-15 13%
15-20 10%
20+ 15%
6%
0-1
DO YOU USE CONDOMS?
27%
2-3 35%
4-7
Always
Have you ever been in a friends-with-benefits relationship?
YES: 73% | NO: 22%
8%
Never
THREE IS...
17%
AT LEAST ONCE A DAY
If I have one, I’ll use it. If not, well, fingers crossed…
47%
A CROWD
33%
SOMETHING I’D LIKE TO TRY
18%
SOMETHING I’VE ALREADY TRIED
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 39
SEX & LOVE SURVEY RESULTS HE SAID HAVE YOU EVER SENT DICK PICS TO SOMEONE? YES NO
What’s the first thing you notice about a girl? Eyes: 28% Smile: 30% Breasts: 7% Style: 14% Butt: 13% Legs: 7%
What’s the worst thing your partner can do during sex?
What’s the strangest place you’ve ever hooked up?
“Hard to say? Murder would be pretty bad, although homicide is worse. So yeah I’m gonna go with homicide...”
“Cat kennel at the animal shelter”
“Lay there like a dead fish” “Fake anything. Everyone is different— if you don’t like it, tell me, and I’ll try something else...”
Do you prefer being on top or on bottom?
TOP: 56%
Do you like it better with the lights on or off?
ON: 64%
BOTTOM: 44%
OFF: 36%
“Die”
What’s the sexiest thing anyone’s ever said to you?
WHAT DO YOU PREFER ON A GIRL?
“Can I touch your beard?”
GRANNY PANTIES!:
BOY SHORTS:
<1%
36%
THONG: 48%
COMMANDO: 15%
“Taco Bell bathroom” “Moonbounce” (Note: We’re impressed.) “On a rollercoaster at Six Flags. Needless to say, I had to remain seated after the ride was over because I didn’t want to scare little kids in line…”
What’s your goto pick-up line? “Do you have 11 protons? Because you’re sodium fine!” “Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get….” “I have a penis disease only sex can cure”
WHAT’S W AT’S THE A TH MOST ATTRACTIVE THING A GIRL CAN DO? “Be herself” “Be smart as fuck” “Tease me in public” “...do blowjobs count? If not, the most attractive thing a girl can do is make me think I’m going to get a blowjob...”
WHAT’S THE BIGGEST TURN-OFF IN A GIRL? “Being an actually mean person to anyone. It’s so easy to be nice!” “When she makes sex into a big deal. Sleep with me or don’t, but please don’t lecture me pe en on how you’re not that girl--especially when p…” we’ve just hooked up…” “Negativity” 40
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
WHAT’S THE BEST THING YOUR PARTNER CAN DO DURING SEX? “Moan, talk dirty, rake my back with her nails” “Honestly, don’t be afraid to take control. It’s nice to have the girl get on top and show just how crazy she can get…” “Go with the flow, be adventurous and engage” “Have an orgasm”
“You’ve got me dickmatized” “I want you to handcuff me and do whatever you want to me” “You’re my best friend” “You have the biggest clock I’ve ever seen” (Note: We’re not sure if this is a typo or this guy does, in fact, own a giant clock.)
“Looking? (I’m gay and on Grindr. Whatever, don’t judge me. I have a great sex life…)” “Pick-up lines are for the weak”
I would do anything for love, but I won’t… “Kill someone” “Put my career second” “Leave the door open while I poop—that’s just crazy”
SHE SAID
HAVE YOU EVER SENT NAKED PHOTOS TO SOMEONE? YES NO
What’s the first thing you notice about a guy? Eyes: 25% Smile: 47% Style: 20% Arms: 6% “Big hands”: 2% Abs: <1% WHAT’S THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THING A GUY CAN DO? “Show affection in public and around his friends”
WHAT DO YOU PREFER ON A GUY?
“Look at me like he’s undressing me with his eyes” “Be a gentleman: open doors, give you his coat…” “Exactly what he says he’s going to do”
WHAT’S THE SEXIEST THING ANYONE’S EVER SAID TO YOU? “I don’t know–it was in French!” “I love you”
BOXERS: 31%
BRIEFS: 9%
WHAT’S THE BEST THING YOUR PARTNER CAN DO DURING SEX?
“I just want to be in you and with you and all over you all day”
“Bite my neck”
“Want some pizza rolls?”
“Care more about my pleasure than their own”
WHAT’S THE WORST PICK-UP LINE YOU’VE EVER HEARD?
“Tell me he loves me”
BOXER BRIEFS: 55%
COMMANDO: 5%
Do you prefer being on top or on bottom?
Do you like it better with the lights on or off?
TOP: 34%
ON: 25%
“Make noise! Show that you appreciate what I’m doing…”
WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOUR PARTNER CAN DO DURING SEX? “Put it in the wrong hole” “Finish before me” “Not kiss me at all”
BOTTOM: 66%
OFF: 75%
“He can’t use any negative language. If you use the word ‘bitch’ while we’re going at it, I’m done…”
“Relationships have their ups and downs, but you can be up and down on me” “What’s the difference between you and work tomorrow? I’m not coming into work tomorrow...” “You’re just like my little toe... because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house”
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON’T… “Touch his feet. Yuck!” “Be the other woman” “Change who I am” STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 41
V-DAY GUIDE WORDS: SB STAFF
PHOTOS: STEPHEN DEMENT PHOTOGRAPHY + PRESS
DOMINATE VALENTINE’S DAY 60+ GIFTS, IDEAS AND SURVIVAL STRATEGIES
V-DAY COCKTAILS FOR EVERY OCCASION
Single, shagging or shacking up? Whatever your situation, we’ve got a liquid solution with these real cocktails. Haven’t heard of them? We suggest you do some Googling and head to a liquor store stat… If your roommate next door brought someone home and you can’t sleep because of the noise, have a few glasses of Screaming Orgasms. If you’re looking for a date for Valentine’s Day just so you won’t be lonely, relax and have a Quick Fuck.
If you’re single and trying to get wasted early in the day so you don’t feel miserable and alone at night, try a Death in the Afternoon. Some creepy guy tries to pull the moves on you? Down a big glass of Planter’s Punch…and then punch him in the face. Trying to find someone to be your Valentine? Try a Flirtini. Get some? Celebrate with a Woo Woo! Date forgot to shave? Have a Bushwhacker. If you wake up the day after Valentine’s Day and realize that your date was a little too good last night, have a Paralyzer (and some pain medication, probably).
I MUSTACHE YOU A QUESTION… N ? NE WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE?
Kim Kardashian
Emma
Lindsay Lohan
Lorde
These Hollywood-themed valentines are more TMZ than PG, and are guaranteed to wow and woo your celeb-obsessed lover… 42
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
DORM DATE IDEAS
DIY DATE
3. If your dorm needs a little sprucing up,
No apartment? Don’t let that cockblock you, kids. Pay off your RA and host a romantic evening in your dorm with these five erotic options… SEXY SHOWERS
1. Get a little steamy in the dorm and take a kinky shower together. If you don’t have a private bathroom, don’t be afraid to use your community bathroom! That will make it even kinkier! (Just don’t forget your shower shoes. There’s no fetish for athlete’s foot.)
convince your significant other to do DIY crafts off of Pinterest with you. You can bond as you two lovebirds paint chevron pattered canvases with monograms and inspirational quotes! Guys and girls love glitter— win-win!
“BONE” APPETIT
4. Nothing brings couples closer than cooking does. Since the only thing your dorm has is a microwave, work together to heat up a steaming bowl of Easy Mac! One person pours water into the bowl to the fill line; the other puts it in the microwave. Celebrate your culinary success by having sex in the kitchen… which is technically still your dorm because you don’t have a real kitchen. Whatever.
STORY-TIME SNUGGLING
2. DINE BY CANDLELIGHT IN THE CAFETERIA
No money? Nowhere to go? Just check out your residence hall cafeteria—and, as a bonus, save money by using your meal plan. To make it more romantic, set up a candle at your booth or table. Because obviously candles are fire hazards in dorm rooms.
5. As you two cuddle together in your very
small twin XL bed, take turns reading passages out of a book to each other. Don’t own books for leisurely reading? No problem! Just whip out your biology textbook and you’re good to go! Trust us, required reading has never been this romantic…
PICK-UP LINES FOR YOUR MAJOR Because if you’re paying all this money for a college education, it better get you laid… PRE-MED How about we ditch this class and go study some anatomy? ART I’d hug you, but the sign says “Do not touch the fine art” ENGINEERING Let’s convert our potential energy into kinetic ACCOUNTING I’ll show you my spreadsheets if you show me yours ECONOMICS My fiscal policy is all about your private sector
MEET THE MODEL CHRIS MORSBACH HOMETOWN: Austin MAJOR: Sex Appeal (obviously)
GOVERNMENT I’m gonna make you work harder than Congress HISTORY I’d like to discover you like it’s 1492 PHYSICS I could really put your inertia in motion CRIMINAL JUSTICE Hi, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart ENGLISH You may have Great Expectations, but I’m confident my Dickens will exceed them
Watson
Leonardo DiCaprio
Seth Rogen
Jennifer Lawrence
Kevin Hart
Drake
Nicki Minaj
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 43
V- DAY GUIDE OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Multiple Image Frame, $20 target.com That way they can put up a picture of you AND all the other people they’re seeing
BASED ON YOUR FACEBOOK RELATIONSHIP STATUS Whether you’re F.B.O. or “It’s complicated” (ouch), we’ve got the perfect present for your partner right here…
“Shit Bitch You Is Fine” Bear, $17 loveislame.com Let her know you appreciate her looks without getting too sappy
“Safety in Numbers” T-shirt, $24 cafepress.com It’s funny because it’s true
Grow a Boyfriend, $4 shopgadgetsandgizmos.com Since you don’t want to put a title on the relationship, might as well give her something that will!
“In an Open Relationship” Mesh Hat, $35 zazzle.com So they can wear their heart on their sleeve and their relationship status m, head on their, um,
Silk Roses, $60 the-silk-garden.com “Our relationship is as real as these flowers!”
Send yourself a big bouquet of flowers from a “secret admirer.” Just make sure it’s delivered to you at work or during class so everyone knows how loved you are.
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
Post all over social media about how Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday created by big companies to sell cards, flowers, and chocolate. Stick it to the man.
3.
X-Rated or Risqué Hearts, $5 stupid.com A candy heart that says “Eat me” is definitely much safer than “I love you” or “Be mine”
Red Fantail Goldfish, $2 petco.com “Out of all the fish in the sea, you’re one of the lucky eight for me!”
WAYS TO 1. CELBRATE SINGLE 2. Have no shame in your flyin’ solo game with these Singles Awareness Day survival strategies…
IT’S COMPLICATED
Get so drunk you won’t remember the day at all!
4.
Call every single one of your exes and read them out a list of ways you are a strong, powerful, independent, single (wo)man, and how you don’t need them and never did, but maybe, um, if they aren’t busy tonight…
5.
Dine out at a fancy restaurant alone and heckle all the happy couples. Get kicked out? Step two: go to the park and ruin every single romantic stroll.
ENGAGED
Sleep Therapy Mask, $40 sharperimage.com Hopefully these will help her relax when she says she’s “not in the mood”
IN A RELATIONSHIP
Pantygram, $25 sendapantygram.com Just make sure that they’re the one who checks the mail and not thei roommate…
Chocolate Body Paint, $17 amazon.com Unleash your inner Picasso…all over your partner
Personalized Man Cave Sign, $30 northwestgifts.com Now that you’re going to be cohabitating, let him know which two square feet of space are his
Birchbox Subscription, $30 birchbox.com This gift says “Baby, only the best, most natural, beauty products for you. Plus, I can’t tell the difference between eyeliner and that stuff that goes on your eyelashes, so I got someone else to figure it out...”
Past, Present, and Future Bracelet, $50 amazon.com A reminder that she’s your one and only. Forever and ever and ever…
Couple’s Pillowcases, $30 boldloft.com Because everything you will have for the rest of your life has to match now
Dark Chocolate Truffle Collection, $28 vosgeschocolate.com Because chocolate, duh
Personalized Puzzle, $12 printerstudio.com Piece your lives together (eh, eh) with this admittedly cheesy but totally thoughtful gift
6.
Have a little private party with every sex toy you own. (Just be sure to stock up on batteries first.)
7.
Make cards for all six of your cats and your three dogs. Then read the cards to them. Fluffy loves that shit.
8.
Call your mom and cry for a few hours—your loneliness is more important than her Valentine’s Day plans, anyways.
Fraternity Flask, $16 flasks.com Everyone knows the way to a bro’s heart is through his liver
9. 10.
Bake enough food to feed a small country—and eat it all yourself. Listen to Drake’s album Take Care all night as your scroll through your Instagram feed and see couples enjoying themselves. Or, if you want, just put the song “Marvin’s Room” on repeat. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Going out with that special someone or…ya know…going to Luby’s alone? We’ve got the perfect hashtag to let everyone know you’re having THE BEST TIME EVER. After all, remember: if you didn’t Instagram nstagram it, it never happened…. …. #WeLookHappyRight #BestReboundEver #StillNotEngaged #SheSaidSheWillThinkAboutIt kAbo #IShavedForNothing #ForeverAlone #SushiAgain? #2gethr5evr #CanIGoHomeYet eYet #ThanksTinder #Ily #Bb #Bae #Vday #Dinner #Date #DinnerDate #Love #Relationships #Blessed
I’VE GOT A HEART-ON FOR YOU...
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 45
COSMO CASE STUDY
COMPILED BY: SAHAR WALJI PHOTOS: STEPHEN DEMENT PHOTOGRAPHY + PRESS
This popular sex bible has been providing women with essential info and erotic ideas—plus a million creative synonyms for “penis”—for decades, so it’s only natural we take a little time this month to really delve into the mag…i.e. make fun of it. Because Cosmo, we love you, but there’s no way in hell we’re putting maple syrup on our man’s member.
Can you identify which sex tips came from Cosmo and which are from the dirty minds of the SB staff? Test your naughty knowledge! And kids, don’t try these at home… Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects.
1
2
Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to “sponge paint” his entire body. Then lick it off.
Role-play one of your man’s favorite hobbies: sports. Be the batter and use a plastic baseball bat to continuously tap his balls (which are the hypothetical baseballs) while he moans with pleasure. To take it to the next level, paint his balls to look like actual baseballs and dress up in attire for the sport. Make it very realistic. Your man will go insane.
3
4
Talk to his penis the way you would to a small, fluffy puppy. Your man will feel both adored and aroused.
MEET THE MODEL CONNER PALMORE, 19 HOMETOWN: Texarkana MAJOR: Education & Theatre
5
Act as if his penis is a cell phone and pretend to have a phone conversation on it for an hour. You’ll be his call girl for the night!
When he’s least expecting it, tell your man you need some change. Then stick your hand in his pocket and touch his penis through the fabric, pretending that you’re really digging around for that coinage you need. When he’s good and hard, whisper something in his ear like, “Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”
6 7
When he’s on his way home from work, start giving yourself some solo pleasure and “accidentally” dial him up. All those breathy ooohs and aaahs will be motivation for him to get to you in time to join in on the action.
8
Alternate between licking an ice cream cone and his cone. You will feel a wide array of sensations, and so will he. Better go fast before it all melts!
9
Slip your hand into his back pocket and lightly stroke his ass. Since it’s totally private and hidden from everyone else, it conveys that you’re feeling especially attracted to him.
10
Spice up your love life with some role-play! Dress up as a naughty schoolteacher and don’t touch your man until he completes a 1400-word essay on the Industrial Revolution.
CHECK YOUR ANSWERS 1. Cosmo 2. Cosmo 3. Study Breaks 4. Study Breaks 5. Study Breaks 6. Cosmo 7. Cosmo 8. Study Breaks 9. Cosmo 10. Study Breaks
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
the
SEXPERTS What do guys REALLY think about Cosmo sex strategies? We had our panel of experts—i.e. five assumably horny college dudes—read a few of the mag’s real tips and give us some honest feedback… THE TIP: Press a fork (firmly, but don’t break the skin or anything) into different parts of his body—his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs... “That sounds really interesting...some people like a little pain.” “I wouldn’t trust a girl poking me with a fucking fork while I’m trying to fuck... but definitely would dabble.” “Go to an XXX store if you want to find something to poke me with. My house is not a lost-and-found sex shop, and I probably just used that fork to eat lunch.” “The only time I’ll let a girl put a fork near me is if she’s about to feed me that fresh, home-cooked meal she made.” “I don’t care if you’re Blake Lively; if any sharp object is involved, I am running out of there faster than the speed of light.”
THE TIP: As you’re riding him, clamp down on his earlobes with your fingers, and pull on them to rock yourself forward and backward. “That’s a little much on the ears. I wouldn’t like that at all, lol.” “God no, if a grown-ass woman is using my earlobes to move her entire body, I would lose my boner so fast.” “I do not find this attractive. In addition to stretching my beautiful earlobes, I just wouldn’t be able to take her seriously.” “How about no? Seriously, nobody touches my earlobes. What the fuck.” “Are you trying to have sex with Dumbo?”
THE TIP: Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other’s bodies, such as the nipples. “I can see where it would totally work for stimulation purposes, but really? A spray bottle for stimulation?” “Just use your mouth? It’d be so much sexier than squirting fucking water at each other.” “This is what you use to train a dog not to misbehave. Unless we’re doing some heavy roleplaying, she better keep her spritz to herself.” “I’m down to do this, but with liquor and a water gun instead.” “Why not spray the ice water on my penis? Cold environments = hard penis. Not that I’d ever need cold water to get hard or anything…”
THE TIP: As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like “See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.” “I think X-rated talk at dinner is phenomenal, personally. That statement was a little strange, but overall I think it’s awesome.” “Don’t ever say that. Ever. It’d be easier and sexier to subtlety hint towards sex while eating without ever saying stupid shit like that. Also, side note: if a girl’s eating a steak, then that’s sexy enough for me.” “What if I just want to enjoy my meal? Maybe I’ve had a long day, and I don’t need to think about this chick on my dick while I eat a hotdog.” “Hmm… I can dig this.” “In this situation, I throw my silverware to the ground, pull down the tablecloth with everything on it, and tell my mate to rip off her clothes immediately. You want it? You got it.”
THE TIP: Give him a beer facial. The combination of the egg white and the yeast in the hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity… but you can just tell him that your lips can’t resist his delicious, beer-flavored face. “That’s just weird as fuck. But hey, science, right?”
“It sounds like they’re saying just pour fucking beer on his face...What the fuck, no. Don’t ever do that, and I don’t know any guy who’d want a ‘facial’ anything.” “So many things are wrong here. Good luck finding a guy who wants a facial, and you sitting there licking my face better get you off, because it isn’t doing anything for me.” “How about we do Nutella facials instead?”
WESLEY BENTLEY, 21 Hometown: Plano Major: Finance
CHRIS COBOS, 22 Hometown: Lubbock Major: Wildlife Biology
ROBERT PARENT, 20 Hometown: Houston Major: Russian
JAY BAATH, 20 Hometown: Sugarland Major: MIS
“This is so peculiar… Beer is meant to be consumed. Why not put on lotion and drink the beer? Duh.”
TANZIM AHAMED, 22 Hometown: Allen Major: Public Health
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 47
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
youtube.com
ON E T O WAT CH , CA L L IOPE M USICA L S
MUSIC & MORE 10 SONG S T O D OW N L OA D NOW
AU S T I N
T H E B ES T L I V E S H OWS T H I S M O N T H HOU S T ON L U BBO CK S A N A N T ON IO
S A N M A RCO S
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 49
MUSIC AROUND TEXAS: AUSTIN
PICKS PROVIDED BY:
FEB 11 GENERATIONALS @ The Parish
FEBRUARY
FEB 4 BOYFRNDZ WITH CADDYWHOMPUS @ Red 7
11
FEB 6 THE ROCKETBOYS @ Stubb’s
FEB 7 MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK COMMIT THIS TO MEMORY 10-YEAR ANNIVERSARY TOUR WITH TEAM* @ Emo’s 50
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
While we love New Orleans, we have to admit that not everything that comes out of the city is great. (IF YOU HAVEN’T STEPPED ON A SYRINGE ON BOURBON STREET AND ACQUIRED HEPATITIS, YOU’RE MISSING OUT #YOLO.) However, this Big Easy-based music duo—whom we’ve been obsessing over for the last year— and their brand of semi-psychedelic indie pop is pure perfection. Plus, tickets are like 12 bucks and their opener, Rose Quartz, totally…rocks. That was a geology joke, btw. FEB 20 TAKING BACK SUNDAY WITH LETLIVE., THE MENZINGERS @ Emo’s FEB 21 MAYEUX AND BROUSSARD CD RELEASE @ Stubb’s
FEB 9 BASS DRUM OF DEATH @ Red 7 FEB 10 ADAM DEVINE @ Paramount FEB 13 ANIMAL COLLECTIVE DJ SET @ Vulcan FEB 13 STEVE AOKI @ Austin Music Hall
FEB 25 BAD SUNS @ Stubb’s FEB 26 DESERT NOISES WITH SOL CAT @ Stubb’s FEB 27 TRAILER PARK BOYS STILL DRUNK, HIGH AND UNEMPLOYED TOUR @ Paramount
Feb 27 BIG GIGANTIC @ Stubb’s
MUSIC AROUND TEXAS: HOUSTON
COMPILED BY: ALI IQBAL
FEB 22 LIGHTS @ Warehouse Live
abqjournal.com
FEB 6 WALE @ House of Blues
22
FEB 24 WESTSIDE JOHNSON @ The Big Easy
FEB 2 DERADOORIAN @ Fitzgerald’s
FEB 26 AUGUST BURNS RED @ House of Blues
FEB 4 JMSN @ Warehouse Live FEB 5 TOPP DOGG @ Bayou Music Center
FEB 7 CHRIS BROWN, TREY SONGZ,TYGA @ Toyota Center
FEB 11 SILVERSTEIN @ Warehouse Live
FEB 14 BOB SEGER @ Toyota Center
FEB 27 ELECTRIFUNK FEST @ Warehouse Live
FEB 13 OMOTAI @ Rudyard’s
FEB 14 ALICE COOPER @ Bayou Music Center
FEB 28 THE LACS @ Scout Bar
FEB 17 MAROON 5, MAGIC, ROZZI CRANE @ Toyota Center
FEBRUARY
FEB 1 BLOOD SWEAT & TEARS @ Dosey Doe
An electronic pop singer out of Ontario, Lights began touring in 2008 and quickly made her a name for herself with catchy tunes like “Drive My Soul”—even winning a Juno Award for New Artist of the Year in 2009. Since then, she has toured with artists like Owl City and Keane, and released an award-winning album, Siberia. This month, catch her at Warehouse Live as she LIGHTS up the night! (Eh, eh?)
FEB 20 LOGIC @ Warehouse Live FEB 21 OTENKI @ Walter’s STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 51
MUSIC AROUND TEXAS: LUBBOCK COMPILED BY: MARINA GARCIA
FEB 6 ENRIQUE IGLESIAS & PITBULL @ United Supermarkets Arena Okay, honestly this might be awful. (In fact, if you’re a Pitbull fan, we’ll probably disown you right now.) But it’ll be awful in a great way. Kinda like Keeping Up With The Kardashians… or Fireball shots. So suck it up, take a few of those aforementioned shots, and go get ready to rage to hits like Enrique’s “Bailamos” and Pitbull’s “Tinder”—shit, “Timber”! the song is called “Timber.”
FEBRUARY
FEB 11 EXCISION @ Fair Grounds Auditorium
FEB 15 TEACH ME EQUALS @ Kamiposi (Midland) 52
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
FEB 19 AARON WATSON @ Wild West
2-6
FEB 25 CHRISTIAN LEE HUDSON @ The Blue Light Live FEB 21 THE TEXAS TENORS @ City Bank Auditorium
FEB 22 10 YEARS @ Jake’s Backroom
FEB 28 CALLAHAN DIVIDE @ Lone Star Bar (Midland)
FEB 28 SENSES FAIL @ Jake’s Backroom
MUSIC AROUND TEXAS: SAN ANTONIO
COMPILED BY: SAHAR WALJI
JAN 2-7 WALE @ Alamo City Music Hall After reaching #1 on the US Billboard 200, Grammy-nominated artist Wale is making SA one of the 32 stops his 2015 Simply Nothing tour. He’s hitting Alamo City Music Hall, and is sure to blow the roof off with hits like “Bad,” “Lotus Flower Bomb” and “Chillin’”— plus some new songs off his upcoming Jerry Seinfeld-inspired fourth album, The Album About Nothing. If you love Wale, Seinfeld or just good music, then hell—we’ll see you there. FEB 13 HUNTER HAYES @ AT&T CENTER
FEB 19 BRAD PAISLEY @ AT&T CENTER
FEB 23 LOGIC @ ALAMO CITY MUSIC HALL
FEBRUARY
2-7
FEB 27 SARAH MCLACHLAN @ MAJESTIC THEATRE
FEB 16 JOHN LEGEND @ AT&T CENTER FEB 14 KEITH URBAN @ AT&T CENTER
FEB 16 FRANKIE VALLI AND THE FOUR SEASONS @ MAJESTIC THEATRE
FEB 14 R KELLY @ ALAMODOME FEB 15 PENTATONIX @ AT&T CENTER
FEB 20 ELI YOUNG BAND @ AT&T CENTER
FEB 28 JOSH ABBOTT BAND @ AT&T CENTER STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 53
MUSIC AROUND TEXAS: SAN MARCOS JAN 27 SAM RIGGS @ Cheatham Street Warehouse There’s a reason we’ve featured Sam Riggs in Study Breaks, um, twice— and that reason is primarily because he puts on one hell of a live show. With a country-rock sound and a killer band backing him up, Riggs’ tunes serve as the perfect soundtrack for a rowdy Friday night, and--what do you know–February 27th just happens to be a Friday. Grab your boots and a beer, kids—this is sure to be a pretty sweet show.
FEBRUARY
Feb 2 GERRY’S KIDS @ Triple Crown
Feb 4 RANDY ROGERS ACOUSTIC @ Cheatham Street Warehouse Feb 4 DANIEL DRIVER @ Triple Crown Feb 6 MARK JUNGERS @ Triple Crown
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
Feb 7 THE DIRTY RIVER BOYS @ Gruene Hall
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Feb 12 AARON STEPHENS @ Triple Crown
Feb 14 SHINYRIBS @ Gruene Hall Feb 15 EXCISION @ The Marc Feb 20 JASON EADY @ Cheatham Street Warehouse Feb 21 HAYES CARL @ Gruene Hall
Feb 26 MIDNIGHT RIVER CHOIR @ Cheatham Street Warehouse
(956) 761-6300 | (800) 800-8000 | super8padre.com 4205 Padre Blvd. South Padre Island, Tx 78597
HEATED POOL, HOT TUB, FREE BREAKFAST AND FREE WIFI. Just a few of the ways we make your stay memorable. (956) 761-4744 | (866) 601-6200 | travelodgespi.com 6200 Padre Blvd, South Padre Island, Tx 78597
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 55
ONE TO WATCH
calliopemusicals
WORDS PROVIDED BY: CALLIOPE MUSICALS PHOTO: BLUE MOON
@calliopemusical calliopemusicals.com
21 THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT
CALLIOPE MUSICALS
If Led Zeppelin and Man Man had a baby, we’re told it would be Calliope Musicals. Here, the band shares 21 fun facts… 01| WELL-BREAD The official sandwich of Calliope Musicals is a slice of winda’ bread + peanut butter + mushrooms + honey. Simply fold and eat. 02| PIPE DREAM Carrie and Matt started Calliope Musicals playing at Pipes Plus on the drag in Austin in 2009. 03| GOING SWIMMINGLY On our Spring 2014 tour, we got to swim in the Atlantic, Pacific and Gulf of Mexico. 04| LEGEND HAS IT While hiking in the Smoky Mountains, the band discovered a new species—the snakebear—which has since been immortalized on their band t-shirts.
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05| GOOD OL’ FASHIONED...HANGOVER We once drank a combined two dozen old fashioneds in one sitting, and didn’t pay for a single one (until the next morning, of course—woof). 06| BRRRR-ING IT ON The band is cold-weather tested down to 21 degrees. Camping in Canada y’all…next to a lake— coldest night ever. 07| LEMME SEE YOUR GRILL Matt would book a tour solely based off of good BBQ cities. He owns a food truck in Austin: Wünder Pig! 08| FUN IN THE SUN Off-days on tour are either spent hiking or busking.
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
09| SPREADING RUMOURS The band once performed Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours from start to finish. 10| ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT The psychedelic party folk machine began as an acoustic act with upright bass, fiddle, and hand drums. Matthew McConaughey came to our first show and took notes. (Obviously he was a fan of the bongos…) 11| CLASSY ACT The one drink that everyone in the band can agree on is Evan Williams straight outta the handle. 12| NOT FUN-FETTI Chris almost completely cut off
his thumb while making confetti during SXSW last year. YOU’RE WELCOME.
following question: “How do you think a cat would eat a slice of pizza?”
13| ARTS & CRAFTS Josh once fashioned a necklace from a giant rock and rope that he was using as a belt. He’s basically Kendra Scott.
17| MAKIN’ PAPER Shooting confetti at shows actually began at a Christmas program while we were trying to make it snow. We used computer paper...did not work very well, and we ended up dumping the entire box of paper bits on some dude in the front row.
14| VAN INHALIN’ Every show begins with three deeeeeeeeep breaths. (Big thanks to Beth, The Qi Qong Mastah!) 15| OFF CAMPUS For the most part, we are all self-taught musicians...no degrees here. 16| Q&A You can learn a lot about a person by the way they answer the
18| SUCH A DRAG Renowned drag performer Olivia Gardner performed a routine to “Dancing Shoes” dressed as Carrie. BEST DAY EVER.
19| POSITIVE ADDITION Andrew Vizzone wasn’t even a bass player when he joined the band; he just has such a damn good ear for music we had to have him. 20| BLADE OF GLORY Carrie wrote “The Adventurers” to console herself while shaving her legs, hence the first line, “bumps and bruises cannot tame this adventurer’s legs.” 21| AMERICA’S BAND There is a vintage Dallas Cowboys hat that must be worn by the driver at all times on tour. No exceptions. (Josh, Andrew, and Craig hope to own the Dallas Cowboys one day.)
SPINS
SPOTIFY PLAYLIST BY: SAM SUMPTER
MUSIC YOU NEED TO KNOW 10 SONGS ON OUR RADAR RIGHT NOW heather-magazine.com
thewildhoneypie.com
03 LITTLE MAY
07 CRUISR
“HIDE” Little May
“ALL OVER” Cruisr
WANT MORE?
Find us on Spotify (username: studybreaksmagazine) and check out our Editor’s Picks playlist!
groundsounds.com
desertnoises.com
08 DESERT NOISES
04 HOLYCHILD
“HAPPY WITH ME” MindSpeak
spindlemagazine.com
ripitup.co.uk
01 ROBERT DELONG
themusicninja.com
02 ABSOFACTO
“FEATHERS (DON’T CHANGE ON ME)” Sinking Islands
ewestmusic.com
05 NOVA
“LONG WAY DOWN” Long Way Down
“GRANDMA LOOKS” 27 Ways
“LOVELIFE” Nova
cbslocal.com
09 JPNSGRLS
“SOUTHERN COMFORTING” Circulation
wallalphacoders.com
06 EMPIRES
“PLEASE DON’T TELL MY LOVER” How Good Does it Feel
10 CAGE THE ELEPHANT “CIGARETTE DAYDREAMS” Melophobia
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 57
BUZZ
WORDS: SYDNEY SLOAN
FILM wreckards.com
MUSIC FIRST KISS | KID ROCK Expected Release: Feb 24 Kid Rock is one of those celebrities who you know is famous and puts out popular music…primarily while wearing a wifebeater. But if asked, you probably couldn’t name three of his songs. Or one. Don’t worry, we’re in the same boat. But hopefully with the release of this new album, we’ll finally be able to reference a Kid Rock song besides “that cover he did of ‘Sweet Home Alabama.’” For better or—more likely—for worse.
filmdivider.com
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY Expected Premiere: Feb 13 Do you like to watch two people go at it on the big screen, but are too much of a pansy for actual porn? Alright, ya nasties, this one is for you. For a magical sexperience (and an obvious way to indicate you’re DTF), take your crush to this highly anticipated film about sex, money and love (but mostly just sex) for an insanely awkward and intensely sexual Valentine’s Date. Don’t forget to bring your ball gag!
BETTER CALL SAUL Expected Season Premiere: Feb 8
TV
voices.suntimes.com
AROUND THE WEB
Breaking Bad fans rejoice! Although the original series has ended, the spin-off is kicking off this month. The prequel features Saul Goodman, the competent but shady criminal lawyer, and will air on AMC. Hopefully when this series finishes, there will be another spin-off in the works, and we can be satisfied with the knowledge that Breaking Bad will never truly end. After all, what else are we supposed to watch on our hover boards in 2050?
EXCELLENT WAYS TO WASTE TIME POINTERPOINTER.COM
DUCKSARETHEBEST.COM
KOALASTOTHEMAX.COM
If pointing is considered rude, then this website is run by a real asshole. Anywhere you leave your mouse on the screen, the website will generate a picture of some rando pointing at it. To be perfectly honest, we’re not quite sure how they do it, and we suspect some sort of witchcraft.
Are you hella passionate about ducks? That was rhetorical – of course you are. This site takes the love you have for our aquatic-bird friends and multiplies it. Every time you move your mouse, lots of little duckies trail behind. Now this is what we call a good time.
You start with a dot. That dot becomes more, smaller dots. And so on. As you go down the rabbit hole of small and numerous dots, you begin to see an image become clearer and clearer. We don’t want to spoil anything for you… but it’s a koala.
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 59
QUIZ
WORDS: LARISSA GARCIA-BAAB
HOW KINKY ARE YOU? T This Valentine’s Day, you probably have more on your mind than cchocolates and stuffed bears—namely getting stuffed. While innocent rromance is cute in second grade, this year you’re not planning on leaviing your bed (in the best way possible). That’s why—as it’s officially the most romantic month of the year—we’re here to tell you whether you m should loosen your chastity belt or invest in a set of whips. Me-OW. sh 60
FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM
QUIZ
CHECK ALL THAT APPLY You’ve been kissed
You are a furry
You own a sex toy
You’ve been kissed more than once
You live in a raccoon costume and flash random strangers You own fuzzy handcuffs
You have an entire collection in every color of the rainbow You’ve seen porn before You have a favorite website
Reverse cowgirl is your fave
Fuzz is for pansies—you want to feel the metal! If you’re not tied up, it’s not sex
You can’t get off without 6-12 partners
You’re a member of the mile-high club
You have multiple accounts on multiple websites for every one of your multiple moods There’s some role-playing you’d like to try
You’ve snuck people in through your back door You’ve had people in your “back door”
You’re practically club president
You own a schoolgirl outfit
You lose every game of Never Have I Ever
You wore a gimp suit to your wedding
You ONLY do it in the “back door”
You’re the “she” in “that’s what she said”
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails is your ringtone
You know what a furry is
You’ve seen a sex toy
You’re taking this quiz post-orgy
You know what an Australian kiss is You’ve done missionary in the dark once
NOW COUNT YOUR BOXES! IF YOU CHECKED... huffingonpost.com
privatewifi.com
1-6
7-12
Even if you know what sex is, you’ll never admit it, and you’re looking forward to looking down on everyone else as they burn for their sexual sins. Sure, without all the distractions, you might be able to change the world—but it won’t be nearly as fun.
You’re looking for sex wherever you can get it, and maybe you have a little bit of experience, but chances are you’re still pretty excited by bra catalogs and/or Abercrombie models. Don’t worry, you’re just starting out! Kinky takes time, kids.
MOTHER TERESA
TYPICAL TEENAGER
lamusicasecondococchio.blogspot.com
esquire.co.uk
rickey.org rickey
13-18 19-24 25-30 KATY PERRY
You’ve definitely have your fair share of lovers, and you’re no stranger to letting all your goodies hang out, but you’re still pretty conventional. You’ve tried some crazier positions— and people—but in the end, you stick to what you know.
RIHANNA
Your innocence of the past is long forgotten as you begin to explore bizarre outfits, multiple partners, and the whips and chains that excite you. You might be trying a little too hard, but hey—everyone’s got a few freaky fetishes.
CHRISTIAN GREY
Chances are you’ve sent a lot of lovers running for the hills (in a dog collar, no less) with your bizarre tastes, strict rules and stricter punishments. It’s all about the kinky f*ckery for you, but hey—whatever turns you on and gets you off...Master.
STUDYBREAKS.COM | FEBRUARY 2015 | 61
FUN STUFF
COMPILED BY: SAHAR WALJI
CAN YOU SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?
4USJQF PO IPPEJF t /FDLMBDF t 3JOH t /JLF TXPPTI t -JQTUJDL NBSL PO OFDL
Do you know what A good thing screwed up by a period. iod.
is?...
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FEBRUARY 2015 | STUDYBREAKS.COM BR
HOROSCOPES
BABY, WHAT’S YOUR SIGN? ARIES For Val-
entine’s Day, don’t bother getting your significant other anything expensive, because they’re making you a mixtape.
LIBRA You’re on
the verge of failing a class, so there’s only one thing left to do in order to save your grade: sleep with the TA.
TAURUS For the SCORPIO You love of God, please stop putting up pictures on Instagram every single day. Especially since all of your selfies look exactly the same.
GEMINI It’s time
to stop stalking your ex on Twitter. They’ve moved on; accept it. Go find yourself an FWB.
CANCERWarn-
ing: you’re going to get dumped two days before Valentine’s Day because your S.O. can’t afford to get you a present right now.
LEO Slow down
on the drinking, Leo. Your friends are tired of having to take care of you every time you all go out.
VIRGO
This month is going to be absolutely horrible for you. You m ight as well just not leave your house… at all.
will get the best Valentine’s Day gift of all—Chlamydia. Congratulations!
SAGITTARIUS
By the Numbers:
VALENTINE’S DAY According to condom giant
DUREX, prophylactic sales are about 25% higher than usual on
VALENTINE’S DAY
MILLION ROSES ARE GROWN FOR VALENTINE’S DAY
11,000 CHILDREN
You will come across the love of your life on Tinder but accidently swipe left. Oops.
are conceived on this holiday According Brain, Acc rdin to Statistic S Sta 53% of women w men n say they would endd a relationship a nship if they didn’t dn receive c e anyth anything from their S.O. (ouch!) thei ou h!)
CAPRICORN
You will have a pregnancy scare this month. This is the universe telling you that you need to start using condoms.
AQUARIUS You
will be single and alone this Valentine’s Day, eating chocolate on your couch in sweats with your three cats. At least Mittens loves you?
According to Forbes, consumers spend $18.6
BILLION on Valentine’s Day
of AMERICAN WOMEN send themselves roses on February 14th to save face in front of their judgmental coworkers
About eight billion candy hearts will be produced this year—enough candy to stretch from Rome, Italy to Valentine, AZ 20 times and back again
PISCES
You’ve turning up way too much lately, Pisces. It’s time to tone it down. Not every bartender needs to know your name.
An average of
About six million people expect or plan a marriage proposal on VALENTINE’S DAY
LifeStyles Condoms
estimates that 87 CONDOMS are used each second in the U.S. on V-Day
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