Study Breaks Magazine San Antonio July

UT’s Moiz Rizvi ALSO:

Reflects on Success/ Becoming the Establishment

Be your Best Vacation Now!

Pg. 28

Pg. 8

Is Buffalo the New Biotech Capital of America? Pg. 10 / Jack Van Cleaf Talks Belmont, Forest Fires, Paranoia Pg. 12

+ Exclusive:

THE SLIMEY SAGA OF “GHOSTBUSTERS” VIDEOGAMES

Pg. 30

What You Should (& Shouldn’t) Eat

Student Inf luencer Kelsey CassidyThe Meal P lan Matrix

Ti o r P l l a H Dining

ps

Diet Intramural Essentials & Exercise

Drinking Responsibly, Realistically

c 11 College Workouts 10 Re ents The mmandm o er C Cent

Issue

ise, Exerc ege ll i n Co

Student Athlete Sierra Blair-Coyle

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THE TABLE OF CONTENTS JULY 2016

THE COLLEGE FITNESS ISSUE EXTRA CREDIT introducing moiz rizvi, founder of code orange, on pg. 28

By Olivia McCoy

DIET AND EXERCISE

Featuring diet advice from professors of nutrition and interviews with student influencers, four writers break down college fitness from drinking to dining halls.

PAGE 14

ONLINE THIS MONTH

Among the gems, an article by a Carlow University student about the ethics of shower shoes. PAGE 5

AN INTERVIEW WITH STUDENT ARTIST JACK VAN CLEAF PAGE 12

By John Miles

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THE TABLE OF CONTENTS JULY 2016

GAME THEORY PAGE 30

By Al Vanderklipp

CONTRIBUTORS PAGE 6

#COLLEGE HACKS

EXEUNT PAGE 32

PAGE 8

By Sof ia Rivera

ON THE COVER

PHOTO BY JUS TIN LE AL Model: Chris Gonzales Texas State University, Photography IG: gonzales_chris24

OFFICE HOURS PAGE 10

By Jesse Si sler

STUDYBREAKS.COM

HOT OR NOT

PAGE 26

By Marshall T idr ick

Shot with assistance from Andrew Lilly, owner of Mind Body Soul Crossfit, 325 W. Jones Ave, San Antonio

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A NO T E F ROM T H E E DI T OR

My Corn Diet When we decided to make July the “Fitness” issue, I knew I’d have a wealth of anecdotes I could share, ranging from the helpful and sincere, to the disgusting and retched. As I am at my core a trash heap of a human, and people offer platitudes about the “Freshman 15” all the time, I thought I’d relay one of my more NSFW stories, the tale of the only weight-watching I did in college, my friend and I’s decision to embark on what we called the “Corn Diet.”

Our idea sprung from the captivating phenomenon that is corn-studded feces.

When you eat corn, the kernels’ outer casings resist your digestive system’s efforts to break them down. As a result, dozens of corn skins pockmark your stool every time you eat corn. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

We wanted to test our hypothesis that if you were to eat only corn, would you not poop only corn casings? Our ideal end result was what we called “machine gun corn poop (MGCP),” in which instead of pooping, you would merely blast out corn skins.

To test our hypothesis, we devised a plan to flush our bodies with laxatives and then eat nothing but what we called “pure corn” for as long as it took to reach MGCP. To the delight of our friends, parents and peers, we blogged the entire experience—including graphic audio clips and lurid pictures—at allcorn.

tumlbr.com. Should your curiosity overtake you, the site is still live.

Unfortunately, we never attained perfect MGCP. As a friend of mine pointed out, though the casings were indigestible, the corn’s starchy interior was not. In other words, we could never fully eradicate all non-casing biomass from our stool, thus creaming the entire corn dream.

At the time, though, we were blissfully unaware of the biological impossibility of our experiment. We shared several meals of microwaved corn together and

were in constant communication, even more so when we stopped going to class after the sedating effects of malnutrition began to set in.

I am proud to report that I bested my friend Callen, as he caved and introduced popcorn into his diet, breaking our strict alimentary guidelines. When kernels of popped corn began appearing in the toilet bowl, he bowed out.

I, on the other hand, was determined to reach MGCP, and continued to eat nothing but microwaved corn for the next five days. As my strength and heartbeat weakened, I made a desperate gamble. In order to eradicate my bowels of the pesky biomass foiling my dreams of MGCP, I underwent another round of self-imposed laxatives. I can say with confidence that it was then that I reached rock bottom.

Lacking the energy to microwave another bowl of corn, I caved. I crawled to the cafeteria and sat down to eat a turkey sandwich alone, tears welling in my eyes as I imagined the dispiriting girth of my next poop.

Editor In Chief @MarkStenberg3

FOUNDER: GAL SHWEIKI, ART DIRECTOR: IAN FRIEDEL, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: MARK STENBERG, SALES: GIL PETERS, JANAE CEBULLA, GRAPHIC DESIGNER: BRYAN RAYNES, MARKETING: RALPH CHAPLIN, ACCOUNTING: ELONDA RUSS, DISTRIBUTION MANAGER: MARCUS FLORES, PRODUCTION: SHWEIKI MEDIA, Study Breaks magazine is published twelve times per year by Shweiki Media, Inc. copyright 2012. All rights reserved. This magazine may not be reproduced in whole or in part in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented without written permission from the publisher. Reproduction or use in whole or in part of the contents of this magazine or of the trademarks of Study Breaks Magazine, Inc., without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher assumes no responsibility for care and return of unsolicited materials. Return postage must accompany material if it is to be returned. In no event shall such material subject this magazine to any claim for holding fees or similar charges. Study Breaks Magazine is an entertainment magazine for the students of San Antonio, San Marcos, Austin and Lubbock, published 12 times a year.

CORPORATE OFFICE: STUDY BREAKS MAGAZINE INC., 4954 SPACE CENTER DR., SAN ANTONIO, TX 78218 CONTACT STUDY BREAKS: EDITORIAL: MARK STENBERG, 210-705-3284 | EDITORIAL@STUDYBREAKS.COM STUDY BREAKS MAGAZINE IS EXCITED TO HELP YOUR BRAND REACH OUR AUDIENCE THROUGH VIDEO AND WRITTEN CONTENT. SALES: RALPH CHAPLIN, 210-892-0951 | CONTACT@STUDYBREAKS.COM

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online college

THIS MONTH AT STUDYBREAKS.COM ONE-LINERS

FROM THE VAULTS

“Basically, if anyone driving a car in which you are a passenger says, ‘I can’t see,’ get the fuck out of that car.”

– Sofia Rivera, Simmons College Life-Changing Lessons I Learned Studying Abroad

“WHO IS MEGGGF? A DRUNK GIRL’S GUIDE TO FINDING A BEST FRIEND FOR THE NIGHT” Sara Marie Seidel’s insightful piece about making friends while drunk will be par ticularly poignant for anyone whose phone contacts include such gems as “GuuY frim BAar” and “???” But as Seidel reminds, “Don’t forget: You’re probably someone else’s Megggf.”

“Like the plaintive Cubone, he wears his dead mother’s skull over his face as an emblem of the brutish postapocalyptic desert.”

– Molly Burke, University of Texas at Austin Senior Superlatives

“College is a weird place where you do weird things, and possibly at some point, weird people.”

– Jessinta Smith, Suffolk Community College The Unique Logic of College Students

“The only thing that fundraising really guarantees is that you will lose everyone you love.”

SPOTLIGHT

“MY LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH UBER: A FEMALE STUDENT’S PERSPECTIVE” After Uber and Lyft left Austin following the defeat of Proposition 1, Seattle University student (and Austin native) Jenna Ramsey succinctly reflected student opinion.

Regardless of partisanship, she argued, one thing is certain: The absence TNC’s is not a victory.

– Olivia McCoy, University of Georgia The Extracurricular Loophole: Getting Involved Without Being Involved

“If you’re a trash person like me, you’ll love Nasty’s.”

– Elizabeth Moore, University of Texas at Austin Austin Dive “Nasty’s” is Our Bar of the Month

Five upcoming Disney reboots that DePaul’s Jesse Sisler demands that you boycott

“TOY STORY 4”

“THE INCREDIBLES 2”

“CARS 3”

“FROZEN 2”

“WRECK-IT-RALPH 2”

ONLINE CLASSES THIS MONTH ON THE WEBSITE, LEARN HOW TO: Decline unwanted games of footsie; fake an oral history of humanity; lie to your closest friends; spread Chick-fil-A on your naked body; act natural in a Cat Café; make peace with hated roommates; enjoy appreciate Radiohead; join our condemnation of promposals; betray America’s trust.

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contributors

MOLLY BURKE University of Texas at Austin Nutritional Science

AL VANDERKLIPP University of Northwestern Michigan Film & Government

SOFIA RIVER A Simmons College Spanish & Communications

“Fitness Feature: Diet” Pg. 14

“Game Theory” Pg. 30

“#CollegeHacks” Pg 8

MALLORY AR NOLD Ohio University Journalism

ANNE ERTLE John Carroll University Communications

MARSHALL TIDRICK University of Texas at Austin Journalism & French

“Fitness Feature: Exercise” Pg. 20

“Fitness Feature: Diet” Pg. 14

“Class Photos” & “Extra Credit” Photography Pg. 26 & 28

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STUDENT WRITERS Study Breaks is written exclusively by a team of student interns from across the country. These writers work with the editorial team to pitch and submit one piece a week for the website, in addition

to writing for the monthly print magazine.

Fall internships run from September 28th to January 28st, and applications close August 24th. If interested, email editorial@studybreaks.com with “Student Writing Internship” in the Subject.

Introduce yourself in the body, making sure to include your name, school and major. Please attach at least two samples of your work. Ideal writers are intelligent, funny and talented, though no formal experience is necessary.

WILL STRECKER University of Texas at Austin English

JESSE SISLER DePaul University History

OLIVIA MCCOY University of Georgia English & French

“Fitness Feature: Exercise” Pg. 20

“Office Hours” Pg. 10

“Extra Credit” Pg. 28

JOHN MILES Santa Fe College English Literature & Business

YUSONG SHI University of Buffalo Communications

“Student Showcase” Pg. 12

“Office Hours” Photography Pg. 30

STUDYBREAKS.COM

JUSTIN LEAL Texas State University Photography Cover Photo

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#collegehacks

By Sofia Rivera, Simmons College

#VACATIONHACKS

THE COMPLAINT

From snacks on a plane to beachside bratwurst photo-ops, here’s how to vacation like you mean it “Bonus points if your summer fling has hair like Swayze’s feathered locks.”

RESTLESS REPOSE Whether you’re traveling via train, plane or automobile, unless you’re traveling first class you’ll encounter man’s most important unsolved dilemma: How to sleep in a chair.

You’re sipping a piña colada by the seaside, basking in your golden tan-ness as your hair lifts up and flows in the sea breeze like a Pantene commercial, while on the horizon two dolphins jump out of the water and arch toward each other, briefly forming a heart midair— and then you wake up.

Yes, it’s summer, and while in your dream world you’d be lounging in the sun like a “Baywatch” cast member and having a summer fling worthy of “Dirty Dancing” comparisons, more often than not the reality is closer to “National Lampoon’s Vacation,” except John Hughes isn’t scripting your life.

But, whether you’re working full time, taking summer classes or are just completely broke, there’s a vacation for everyone. Though don’t let the relaxing connotation of the word fool you— there are wrong ways to vacation. Thanks to #VacationHacks though, you can avoid those faux pas and live your best summer.

VISUAL RULE: Pit-stops Chances of being killed

You can lean forward, lay your head on the pull-down tray until its grainy texture imprints itself on your forehead, get cozy with your snoring neighbor or try out one of those neck pillows that feel like someone is gently strangling you.

The options are limited, and the more creative you get the worse the repercussions become. Best case scenario: You arrive at your glamorous destination with a crusty trail of drool at the corner of your mouth and a mild case of scoliosis.

VISUAL RULE

PARENTS

JELLO SHOTS Okay Not okay

8 |JULY

Remoteness of road-side attraction 2016

HOW TO #FAKEIT #HotDogsOrLegs If your legs are neither toned nor tanned, pose two actual hot dogs in the foreground of your local swimming hole. They look so similar, who’ll guess the difference? More importantly, who would dare ask in the comments?

Oscar Meyer if you’re feeling thin; bratwurst if you’re thinking less mainstream. #SunsOutGunsOut Continue to avoid any gym machinery by getting a summer job scooping ice-cream. Your stomach will grow softer from the free samples, but at least one arm will get jacked from chipping away at the frozen goodness—position yourself very strategically displaying your best bicep, and you’ll be the arm envy of all your Instagram followers.

Regarding DEBARKATION

Whether you have a connecting flight to catch or are just an impatient person, the minutes between the wheels scraping the runway and exiting the plane are interminable.

Your row mates have chosen to wait to gather all their belongings, as if landing was

a surprise even after the slow descent of the plane.

Your eye twitches but you fight to hold your tongue— you’ve made it too far to freak out now. Instead, grab the barf bag and clutch it desperately, then commence with your most convincing dry heaving. You

could also pretend to a receive an urgent phone call: “Your water just broke?? Yes, I just landed, I’ll be right there!” Or if you’ve landed anywhere in New England, just smile really wide and start making conversation with everyone around you— trust me, they’ll get a move on.

THE RULES OF ROAD TRIP SNACK

#Summerfoodstagram Whatever you’re eating, just throw a slice of avocado and a Valencia filter on it—instantly Instagram ready. If you’re feeling parched and it’s been a few hours since you’ve posted a picture, grab a “cherry” and “orange” slushy from your local gas station, pour them into your own cocktail glass and voila! #SexOnTheBeach, or so they’ll think.

STUDYBREAKS.COM

According to every John Green novel, the road trip is the only way to vacation, as well as the only appropriate response to any life crisis. Should you opt for a road trip this summer, be prepared with the most essential aspect: snacks.

1 Avocado toast and 2chia pudding won’t last long in a stuffy car, so best to pack snacks that go against all laws of nature. 3Easy Cheese boasts convenient can packaging and effortless squirt application, and 4Uncrustables allow

you to enjoy the gooey nostalgia of PB&J without the annoying health benefits of wholegrain bread. 5Gummies are seemingly incapable of melting or digesting, and you can find them in bear, worm and even vitamin form. Some are covered in extra sugar in case you’re looking for a quick way to score a cavity.

If you’re unsure whether a snack you’re considering is unnatural enough, just look at the ingredients— you should be unable to pronounce at least five.

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office hours

By Jesse Sisler, DePaul University

FAC T FI L E:

Name: Jonathan Lovell School: University of Buffalo Position: Assistant Professor in Biomedical Engineering Education: Design Engineering at University of Waterloo; MSc in Biochemistry at McMaster University in Ontario; PhD in Biomedical Engineering at University of Toronto Project: Developing new biotechnology to reduce the hazardous side effects of certain injectable drugs

that when you lower the temperature, it kind of stops being a soap, which allowed us to then strip away all of the small soap molecules and end up with just the concentrated drug nanoparticles.

DR. JONATHAN LOVELL Dr. Jonathan Lovell is a professor of biomedical engineering at the University of Buffalo, where he is researching methods to produce injectable medicines without harmful additives.

Lovell is also involved with two biotech startup companies in Buffalo.

Your team is developing a solution to the problem of potentially hazardous additives in injectable drugs. What are these additives and what risks do they pose?

Many drugs don’t dissolve in water, but if they’re going to be injected, they somehow need to get dissolved. Right now, in the pharmaceutical industry, the standard way

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to dissolve drugs is by using what’s called surfactants, or soap basically. Unfortunately, these soaps can have adverse side effects, and they also change the way the drugs behave, which complicates analysis.

What kind of solution are you working on?

Well, we used a special type of biocompatible soap

What kind of application does this technology have?

It’s a very broad, umbrella thing, and we showed in [a “Nature Communications” publication] about ten different drugs that this technique could be used for.

We call the process “surfactant stripping,” or soap stripping, so we strip away all the excess soap to produce a nearly pure drug.

Now, I think we need to look at what areas involving soap in the pharmaceutical formulation cause the biggest problem.

What sort of real-world impacts could it have?

Well there are a few candidates [for the technology] that we thought of. For instance, certain cancer drugs are known to inject a large volume of the soap when a patient receives it, so those are the ones we’re looking very closely at if we can make some advantageous formulation.

You’re also trying to make the Buffalo area a significant player in the biotech industry.

Why’s that?

Engineering these days is supposed to be applied, which means that research ideally would have some tangible benefits in the near future. However, with the field I’m in—drug delivery—and because of the stringency of the FDA process, it’s difficult to see any fruits of your labor without an aspect of commercialization.

So by commodifying your research, you’re enabling further scientific advancement within your field?

Given the cost of bringing a drug to market, [commodification] is kind of the only way that things will reach a clinic.

As a result, I’ve gotten involved with two startups in order to help them gain traction and really push things into clinical stages.

As a side effect, hopefully there can be economic benefits to the Western New York region.

To read more about Dr. Lovell’s research, head to StudyBreaks.com

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student showcase

By John Miles, Santa Fe College

JACK VAN CLEAF

JACK VAN CLEAF is a musician and student at Belmont in Nashville, Tennesee, studying Songwriting. In April he released his first EP, “JOHN IV,” which is available on Spotify, Apple Music and Bandcamp. He spoke over the phone about the frustrating nature of good writing, Belmont’s creative peer pressure and the SANTA ANA FOREST FIRES JOHN MILES: So I kind of know already, but could you say a little bit about where you’re from and why you chose Belmont?

JACK VAN CLEAF: I’m from Encinitas, California, and I went to Belmont because in high school I started getting really into the idea of being a singer/ songwriter. I knew some kids who were a couple of years older than me that had gone there, and I knew one of them was a songwriting major.

She loved the program, loved the school—she didn’t actually come home that summer because she was so busy with music—so I thought, “Oh, I better check it out.”

JM: So when you were deciding on colleges, did you have anywhere else in mind?

JVC: I was going to do a program at NYU where I would have gone to Florence for my first year and then spent the last few years in New York, and I like New York, but I wasn’t sure if I could live there for that long.

Nashville feels like a great balance between life in the city, and still having space if

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you need it. It feels a lot like Austin to me, which was a city I had also considered.

JM: We’ll get this out of the way: Biggest musical influences?

JVC: I love this guy, Gregory Alan Isakov. Do you know him?

JM: Totally!

JVC: Yeah? He’s probably my favorite. His songwriting is just breathtaking to me.

Genius. Other than that: Nathaniel Rateliff, Bon Iver.

I would say those are my main three.

JM: I gotta say, I love Gregory Alan Isakov. What’s your favorite song?

JVC: “She Always Takes It Black” off the newest album.

The lyrics on that one...oh man. Beautiful.

JM: Now I’m going to have to go listen to it. So as a songwriting major, what does your process look like?

JVC: Usually I get an idea or a line in mind that’ll just sit there for a little bit. If I don’t forget it, then that’s

STUDYBREAKS.COM

a sign that I need to work on that idea. A lot of times, throughout the course of a couple weeks, there’ll be a few of those lines in my head. I’ll think, “Oh man, each of these sounds like its own song.” Then I’ll go to write it, and all of them kind of fall into place somehow into one song. In other words, the process is very much unplanned.

JM: Is that how your EP

came together? You said it was a difficult process to record. What happened?

JVC: It was kind of a personal frustration. I’d say, “Oh, I’m going to do this,” but then it would end up taking so much longer than I thought it would. I’ll take a super long time and procrastinate, and sometimes it’s just completely unorganized. So it was mainly just timing, making my schedule work with other people.

JM: Well, it came together wonderfully. I think my favorite song is “Santa Anas.” Where did that one come from?

JVC: “Santa Anas” is the one I wrote most recently actually. Or maybe the second most? I wrote it junior year of high school for a creative writing class.

There was no prompt, but it was when the Santa Anas were coming through San Diego, around spring. The wildfires hadn’t started yet, but for some reason it just felt very poetic, having such a wild thing be specific to Southern California. Of

course there were other things going on in my life, but I was inspired by this natural phenomenon going on around me.

JM: The EP is called, “John IV,” which I thought was a really interesting choice.

How did you settle on that name?

JVC: It’s actually my real name, John Willard Van Cleaf IV. I know a lot of peoples’ first release is just their name, so I thought it’d be kind of a fun twist to have a semi-self titled EP, because I prefer to go by Jack Van Cleaf.

JM: What’s been the biggest musical challenge for you at this stage in your life?

JVC: Definitely just making myself stick to writing. It’s funny how much fear can hold you back, even when it’s something with barely any risk to it—you’re just writing a song. I get so obsessed and think, “Oh man, I’ve got to wait for inspiration to hit me. I need to be able to finish this song perfectly.” And I just wait.

Once you get proud of some songs, it gets scary to let yourself down.

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HEALTHY EATING 101

Drinking Responsibly

What You Shouldn’t Eat With Dr. Alice Lichtenstein

DIET

What You Should Eat With Dr. David Katz

By Molly Burke, University of Texas at Austin & Anne Ertle, John Carroll University

The Meal Plan Matrix

AND EXERCISE Dining Hall Pro Tips

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Talking With Student Tastemaker Kelsey Cassidy

DIET & EXERCISE // Molly Burke, University of Texas at Austin

If you’re anything like I was as a freshman, you’re floundering wildly in a world without home-cooked meals and nutritional guidance. In my first year at college, I sampled a gracious spectrum of food-related paranoia: After a period of meal-card abuse and night sweats about the Freshman Fifteen, neurotic dieting and vitamin-deficient exhaustion soon followed.

Luckily, I managed to emerge from the fog with a nutritional sciences degree, and I’m living proof of life beyond Cheez-It dependency. I’m always looking to score some validation points by sharing my wisdom, so here are some handy food tips I’ve collected along the way.

HEALTHY EATING 101 01.

GOLDEN RULE: FIND YOUR CHILL Don’t freak out if you gain a few unwanted pounds in college, and don’t prioritize weight loss over schoolwork, organizational involvement and acceptable levels of rite-of-passage debauchery.

Eat whole foods you enjoy, indulge occasionally and exercise at least a few times a week.

02.

BALANCE IT OUT In college, there will always be unhealthy food around, whether it’s all-nighter library pizza or charity bake sales outside the gym.

Instituting a scorcheddessert policy is socially limiting, but indulging in free goodies at every opportunity isn’t great for your health. It’s about striking a healthy balance.

03.

EDUCATE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF For the love of god, put down the fitness tea.

Health and nutrition are hot right now, which makes the market for

bogus supplements ripe for entry. Instead of wasting your money and youthful optimism on the latest Instagramapproved powders, check out evidence-based online sources for nutritional info like True Health Initiative or Harvard’s School of Public Health website. If you want results, you have to trust the peer-reviewed science.

04.

GO WHOLE OR GO HOME Resist the urge to transform your room into the Bucee’s warehouse. Instead of buying junky snacks, stock your fridge with whole foods: Minimally processed, natural eats like fresh produce you swiped from the dining hall salad bar, whole grains like quinoa and oats and unsweetened nut butters do the trick.

05.

DON’T GET CAUGHT JUICING Natural fiber gets lost in the juicing process, so there’s nothing to slow down that cold-pressed sugar bomb as it shoots through your digestive system. Just

WHAT YOU SHOULD EAT Nutritional advice from Dr. David Katz, former Director of Medical Studies in Public Health at the Yale School of Medicine and founder of True Health Initiative “Young people are the salvation of our future, it belongs to you. So we need young people to revolt.”

HERE’S WHAT TO DO: EAT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT “A basic theme of healthy eating has to include the wellbeing of the planet.”

STICK WITH THE FUNDAMENTALS “Science and sense alike indicate that the diet mostly made up of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans, nuts, lentils and seeds, as well as water for thirst, is the best diet there is.”

KNOW YOUR ENEMIES “Big Food sells us the food that makes us fat and sick. Big Pharma sells us the drugs to treat all that unnecessary disease. Big Media keeps inventing new stories about it all every day to keep us entertained.

Big Publishing keeps offering us the latest-greatest fad diet book to fix it all.”

Dorm Room Delicacies: Healthy Twists on Student Staples

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DIET & EXERCISE // Molly Burke, University of Texas at Austin DINING HALL PRO TIPS

SHIRT STAIN ART

VEGAN LOVE INTEREST BAIT

OBERLIN-UNAPPROVED

GLUTEN POISONING

PERSONALLY VICTIMIZING

“CLEAN”

YOU TRIED

FARM-TO-CAN-TO-TABLE

JUST FOR DECORATION

UN-AMERICAN

MADE OF 100% RECYCLED MATERIALS

MICHELLE OBAMA SEETHING IN THE WINDOW

METFORMIN CHASER

DAMP

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THANKSGIVING FANCY FEAST

CULTURALLY SENSITIVE LENTIL DISH

NACHO STATION

UNEATEN WHOLE WHEAT TORTILLAS

VEGETABLE PIZZA

ANY SALAD BAR ITEM

No

IMITATION VEAL CUTLET

Yes

TEXAS-SHAPED WAFFLE

KEY

EMPTY “LUCKY CHARMS” DISPENSER

THE MEAL PLAN MATRIX

1. DEATH TO CORPORATE AMERICA Colleges make millions on lucrative “pouring rights” deals with big brands like Coke and Pepsi, which explains the soda fountains lurking behind every corner of the cafeteria. Fight the capitalist establishment and peripheral neuropathy: Shun the diabetes fuel.

2. BRIGHT IS BEST Nutrient-dense cooked produce looks naturally vibrant in color (bright, not brite) and still has some crunch. If your dining hall insists on overcooking veggies till they’re flaccid and jaundiced, it takes literally 30 seconds to steam your own in the microwave.

3. EGG-CEPTIONAL Eggs are a quick source of animal protein you won’t find broiled into leather or slathered in mystery sauce. (Exception: The calorically and compositionally redundant hollandaise.)

4. DON’T BE A STEVEN GLANSBERG Eating with company helps slow the pace of the meal, which can help you eat less than you otherwise might. Grab a friend or relentlessly insert yourself into neighboring conversations until you find someone too polite to walk away.

5. WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD Spring mix, spinach or kale make a great base for hearty lunch and dinner salads. Don’t just stick to what’s on the salad bar; throw in chopped lean meat or tofu, cooked veggies and whole grains instead of croutons and Bac~Os. 7. DON’T CLEAN YOUR PLATE This one seems obvious, but it’s a hard childhood habit to break. Dining halls serve one-size-fits-all portions, which may constitute too much food for many people. Train yourself to stop eating when you feel full, not when all the tater tots are gone.

DIET & EXERCISE // Molly Burke, University of Texas at Austin eat the whole fruits and veggies instead of faking an appreciation for lemony grass water. The fiber will stall the fructose en route to your liver, so less of it ends up in fat storage.

06.

BECOME A COFFEE SNOB Unlike the syrup-laden Pumpkin Spice Latte, respectable caffeine sources embody elegant minimalism, with little to no added sweetener or milk. Start weaning yourself off of dessertmenu drinks and onto cortados and black coffee.

Your body and inner manbunned Brooklynite will thank you.

09.

NOMDERLUST Explore the international grocery scene. Asian supermarkets have amazing produce selections and pre-marinated meats for foolproof authentic flavor.

Nothing beats imported curry spice, the Mexican food at Texas’ michoacanas and breaking up the HEB monotony.

STUDYBREAKS.COM

GET CULTURED Veggies and whole grains contain hard-to-digest compounds that can leave you bloated. Probiotics to the rescue! These “good” bacteria help break down the tough

Advice from Dr. Alice Lichtenstein, Professor of Nutrition Science and Policy at Tufts University & Vice Chair of the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee

DON’T DO IT:

THE UGLI TRUTH Varying your fruits and veggies is a great way to get all the vitamins and minerals you need to stay healthy, naturally. Think outside the apple barrel and look for plants with weird names: kohlrabi, radicchio, sunchokes and ugli fruit.

TASTE THE RAINBOW Skittles had one thing right.

Brightly colored fruits and vegetables come packed with antioxidants to keep your cells right and tight, so eat plenty of ROYGBIV VIPs like purple sweet potato, rainbow chard, beets, blueberries and mustard greens.

11.

clubs or create your own.

It’s never too early to start honing your dinner party skills; delight your fellow millennials with your quaint ability to cook real food from scratch and operate this strange, medieval device known as a stove.

13.

PALEOVANGELISM Paleo Diet Expectation: heaps of kale, grass-fed beef

WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT

07.

08.

beans, gourmet omelets and butternut squash mug risotto, all without cutting into your library printer card fund.

PROCESSED MEAT “In terms of protein, fish is a better choice than sausage. Same goes for chicken breast, tofu, and any kind of nut butter.”

10.

I’M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY Healthy does not equate to expensive or timeconsuming! There’s no hiding from Buzzfeed’s microwave lists anyway; put your clickbait shame to good use and zap yourself some rice and

fibers in your gut. You can take them as pills, eat “liveactive” yogurt or push your luck with the neighboring co-op’s home-brewed kombucha.

12.

JOIN THE CLUB Get involved in your school’s nutrition and wellness

HIGH-CALORIE BEVERAGES “It’s not a good idea to consume a lot of calories in the form of beverages. That gives you less flexibility in terms of food consumed.”

RAMEN “It tends to be very high in sodium, doesn’t tend to have a lot of protein, which can be satiating, and is often made with refined carbohydrates.

So it’s sort of the opposite of what we’re [the DGAC] recommending.”

and coconut oil. Reality: bacon-themed muscle tees, ketoacidosis, a crossfit Groupon you never use and a vocal yet scientifically unsound superiority complex. If you must paleo diet, keep it to yourself.

JULY 2016

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DIET & EXERCISE // Anne Ertle, John Carroll University

+25

Caffeine per fluid ounce in popular energy drinks.

20 15 10 5 0 Rockstar

18 | J U L Y

2016

Red Bull

Monster

Starbucks Double Shot

Five Hour Energy

Starbucks Grande Coffee

DIET & EXERCISE // Anne Ertle, John Carroll University

STUDENT TASTEMAKER KELSEY CASSIDY

Cassidy, a junior at Ohio State studying Management Information Systems, is an ambassador for Changing Health, Attitudes, + Actions to Recreate Girls (CHAARG). The student-created program hopes to change perceptions of how women “should” exercise.

What is CHAARG? CHAARG is a movement of girls aiming to live a life that is fulfilling, healthy and happy, not just a workout group. While we do love a good sweat sesh, I think I speak for every CHAARG girl when I say that it’s the community that makes CHAARG what it is. The movement is full of inspiring women who lift each other up in a world that wants to tear each other down.

How did CHAARG start?

CHAARG was founded by Elisabeth Tavierne at Ohio State in 2012 when she noticed a major divide: guys in the weight room and girls on the elliptical. She felt it was time to change the game and expand what being healthy and happy could look like for college-aged women. Sarah Clem was the first Ambassador to expand it to another university, the University of Cincinnati, and from there it has spread like wildfire.

What does “healthy” mean to you?

One of the biggest things I’ve learned from CHAARG is that healthy should not be based on appearance, weight or size. To me, being healthy STUDYBREAKS.COM

is not only fueling my body with the nutrients it needs to live life fully, but also focusing on what I’m doing physically and mentally to make myself happy. It’s about balance—create a routine of eating nutritious food as much as possible, but if someone offers you ice cream, never turn it down.

What’s your favorite work out that you discovered because of CHAARG? Right now I’m obsessed with cycling.

What have you learned from the CHAARG community?

This community teaches me so much about confidence and positivity.

Even though we’re all at different places in our health and fitness journeys, we all have the same goal: to be the best versions of ourselves.

It’s amazing to see girls encourage one another every step of the way.

Do you have a favorite “nutritious” food?

I love baked sweet potato french fries. Add a little rosemary and sea salt, and bon appétit!

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CHAARG PROGRAM OR BECOME AN AMBASSADOR AT YOUR SCHOOL, HEAD TO CHAARG.COM.

How have you seen yourself or other people grow because of CHAARG? Since joining CHAARG I have a completely different perspective on the benefits of working out. Before joining, exercise was an obligation and a way to lose weight. I never thought that I would voluntarily set my alarm before 6am to get to my favorite instructor’s class, but I love the endorphins and confidence that fitness gives me to own my days. Because of CHAARG, I am confident in the fact that I don’t have to be a certain size or weight to be happy.

What advice would you have for people who are looking to get fit—or even just improve their health?

1. Set goals: It’s so important to know what you’re working for—have a

specific goal that you can use to measure your progress and ultimately make you commit to working hard.

2. Grab a Friend (or 5): Statistics show that your chances of sticking to your goals double when you have an accountability partner.

Knowing that someone is counting on you to show up will help you fight that voice in your head when your alarm clock rings.

3. Find something that makes you happy: If you’re trying to eat healthy but hate salads, try new recipes that you’ll enjoy rather than making your nutrition taste like a punishment. In addition, if you hate running, try boxing or cycling or yoga or even rowing. Go find something that you enjoy—fitness can and should be fun.

JULY 2016

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THE COLLEGE (WORKOUT) ROUTINE

DIET AND Exercise, in College

By Mallory Arnold, Ohio University Will Strecker, University of Texas at Austin

A Season for Every Sport

The Rec Center 10 Commandments

“My Favorite Things” With Student Athlete Sierra Blair-Coyle

How to Tell if That They’re Cheating

20 | J U L Y

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Intramural Essentials: Tips for Dominating Your League

EXERCISE

DIET & EXERCISE // Mallory Arnold, Ohio University

When you were a kid you kicked around some sort of ball on some sort of field because your parents saw something in you that vaguely resembled a star athlete. That resemblance didn’t last long in my father’s eyes though, as the ball I was kicking around was a basketball. Never my best sport.

In high school, anyone who craved physical competition and thought they had a chance at glory continued to play sports. For some it was about the teammates, the spirit, the banquets. For others, sports were about scholarships and tickets to college. Rarely though was it actually about keeping in shape.

Exercise in high school never exactly trumped the boys, the grades or the fun.

Then college finally rolled around, and you began to really start to feel the weight of all those expectations and responsibilities.

Plus the beer and bad dining hall food.

Whether you like it or not, college makes you look at exercise f lat in the face and answer to it.

For some, physical activity is just the natural counterbalance to eating: You put crap in your body, you run three miles to get rid of it.

STUDYBREAKS.COM

Exercise is for losing weight—and that’s it. Now hand me my beer, sir.

But for as many different people as there are, there’s a different reason to exercise. For some it’s about coping with stress. Others work out because they love it, not because they care about what shape their body is. Some people do it because they enjoy the feeling of selfcontrol that they get from making themselves go to the gym. Whatever the motivation, college is really the first time where the responsibility to stay in shape falls solely on your shoulders.

It’s good, then, that exercise in college has no limits. You can join a Quidditch team, go on leisurely walks, start boxing, run everyday or climb to feats you never dreamed of. All that matters is that you’re doing it, because it makes you a better person—inside and out. As long as you’re out there, the rules don’t matter. So yeah, I can kick that basketball around as much as I want. But I won’t.

In public.

JULY 2016

| 21

DIET & EXERCISE // Mallory Arnold, Ohio University

THE COLLEGE (WORKOUT) ROUTINE THE LONG WALK TO THE BARS

WEDGES

CALF LIFTS

GETTING UP TO REFILL YOUR POPCORN BOWL

“THE BACHELORETTE”

SIT UPS

A BAD HANGOVER

NAP

YOGA

SPRINTS

Now you can build muscle and channel your inner Beyoncé. Work, girl!

Have you ever tried getting up from that ever so fluffy and slouchy couch?

Wince in pain. Stretch.

Groan in agony. Stretch.

To improve your pace, hire a professional to sit in the back of your class and call out your time as you burst in the door without your homework—or shoes.

A GRUMPY PROFESSOR

A LATE ALARM CLOCK

DOUBLE FISTING

TWO DOLLAR PITCHER NIGHT

BAR BELLS

TACO DAY AT THE DINING HALLS

SPOILED TACO MEAT

SQUATS

There’s no pretty way of explaining this one. Figure it out, you’re in college.

A FIVE PAGE PAPER DUE TOMORROW

A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER

CRUNCH TIME

HA. You get it? Crunch time? Crunches?

TWO CUPS OF COFFEE

TWO MORE CUPS OF COFFEE

JUMPING JACKS

You’ve had four cups of coffee and it’s 2am at the library. Of course you’ll do jumping jacks

THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

THE GIRL HE’S CHEATING ON YOU WITH

BOXING LESSONS

Work out those arms by getting in a good tussle! Plus, all the crying you do helps you lose water weight!

A FLOODED BATHROOM

YOUR BARE, FRESHLY MANICURED FEET

THE LONG JUMP

Test your boundaries by making great leaps and strengthening your legs, all the while avoiding that floating tampon on the ground!

CHASING YOUR DREAMS

COLLEGE STRUGGLES

CARDIO

Though mostly metaphoric, pursuing your college goals will at times actually elevate your heart rate to wind sprint levels.

22 | J U L Y

2016

Grunt your way through this exercise while taking nice little sips to always keep hydrated!

DIET & EXERCISE // Mallory Arnold, Ohio University

PRE-WORKOUT SNACK: “I love macadamia nuts!

Right now they are my number one snack all of the time. I can’t get enough of them.”

FAVORITE ENERGY FOOD: “Bananas have always been a go-to snack for me. They’re quick, healthy and you can find them anywhere!”

CLIMBING BRAND: “It really depends, I like to mix and match a lot! I usually climb in shorts and a sports bra, or shorts and a tank top.”

WORKOUT PLAYLIST: “My music choice is pretty crazy. I listen to almost everything!

Usually during workouts it’s a mix of hip-hop, top 40, rap, pop, etc.”

ONE THING YOU CAN’T LEAVE BEHIND WHEN TRAVELING: “My leopard print snuggie.

Hotels never have warm enough blankets!”

“MY FAVORITE THINGS” WITH STUDENT ATHLETE SIERRA BLAIR-COYLE

College: Arizona State // Major: Marketing Sierra Blair-Coyle is a national rockstar—we’re talking about actual rock climbing here. Blair-Coyle has been competing professionally since the age of 14, and recently climbed to new heights when she was voted one of the top 99 Most Outstanding Women of 2015 by Ask-Men. She has competed in the World Cup (2010-2016) and was a two-time National Champion as a junior competitor. In addition to the leaps and bounds she’s made climbing, the Sun Devil student is also a well-known athletic model.

STUDYBREAKS.COM

SNAPCHAT FILTER: “The f lower headband one!

It always makes me feel happy.”

JULY 2016

| 23

DIET & EXERCISE // Will Strecker, University of Texas at Austin

INTRAMURAL ESSENTIALS If you’re remotely athletic, played sports growing up or are one of those gifted athletes who the coaches always overlooked and never gave a chance to, like me, then intramural sports are one of the true joys of college.

The IM field is your chance to realize your full potential as an athlete. Before you lies a golden opportunity to show everyone just how buttery your handles are on the courts or how sick your serve is.

Show all the haters that you are, in fact, an athlete.

But, before you take those cleats off the hook they’ve been hanging on in your closet since sophomore year, remember: Everyone playing is probably thinking the same thing as you. You’re probably not the best athlete out there. Sorry.

SUMMER: VOLLEYBALL. Nothing yells “SUMMER, BITCH” like volleyball.

The sand, the swimsuits, the heat—volleyball was made for summer. Or, was summer made for volleyball? I’m not sure.

FALL: FOOTBALL.

6 TIPS FOR DOMINATING YOUR INTRAMURAL LEAGUE Before you let your over-confidence lead you down the dark, dark road of self examination, here are some tips to help you thrive in intramural sports.

CHOOSING YOUR TEAMMATES Picking your team is like pairing wine and cheese—you need to compliment and bring out the best in each other.

Close groups of friends are ideal, and try to avoid negative Nancy’s that will just poop all over the court or field or pitch or whatever. People you don’t know well have a tendency to be much less committed to the team than a group of close friends.

PICKING A TEAM NAME Your team’s name must be two things: clever and intimidating. Whether it strikes fear into the hearts of your opponents, or it’s so witty that it lowers your competition’s confidence, making them play at less than their best is key.

MIND GAMES IM sports are just as mental as they are

physical. Develop a team dance, become expert trash talkers or where tutus as your uniforms to psyche out your opponents.

If you can get into their heads, you’ve already beaten them.

SELECT A TEAM CAPTAIN Every team needs a leader, ideally someone that everyone on your team likes. Your team must be organized, and ten people vying for a leadership role, all trying to call the shots, will lead to an implosion. Nothing is worse than having a team full of leaders with no one willing to be a follower.

SYNCHRONIZE EVERYTHING If IM dominance is what you seek, nothing is more effective than having a team made up of all the same person.

Go everywhere together, eat the same food, shower together, hook up with

A SEASON FOR EVERY SPORT

the same people, synchronize workout routines, etc. Imagine facing a team of big, strong clones that are all on the same page for everything. I wouldn’t want to mess with those guys.

PLAY GREAT WALK-OUT MUSIC Nothing sets the tone for your IM match like walking out to a great song. What makes it even better is arriving as late as possible (to make the other team sweat a little) and then blaring something lit af as your team walks out onto the field one by one.

Some of my personal favorite artists for walk-out music are DMX, Petey Pablo and Three-Six Mafia. However, if you really wanna get in the heads of your opponents, play something like *NSYNC or Justin Bieber.

Football is arguably the king of the intramural league. Few sports bring out the same competitiveness that football does, and given that the season is in the fall, there’s really no other choice.

WINTER: BASKETBALL. I’ve never played competitive basketball, but I love the sport and I’ve heard many of my friends talk about IM hoops. Also, I fancy myself a new age Larry Bird, but that’s neither here nor there. Everyone who’s really into IM sports plays basketball it seems, and so should you.

SPRING: KICKBALL. No sport is as nostalgic of childhood days as kickball. Now, imagine a sunny, beautiful spring day, reliving your glory years alongside your new, adult best friends. It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?

How to Tell if Your Opponents Are Cheating. Their team captain looks an awful lot like Barry Bonds. There’s a Red Priestess, clergywoman in the faith of R’hllor, the Lord of Light, on their bench every game. If they’re all wearing Reebok pumps, that’s fishy and you should report them. If you intercept a pass and the ball feels a little flat. The other team is “nice enough” to offer you water, but suddenly your teammates can’t stop pooping. Their goofy mascot has actually been filming all your games. The referee is rocking a brand new Rolex after calling a flagrant foul on you. Your best friend’s girlfriend cheated on him with one of the players on the other team. Their team name is “The Cheaters,” or even “The Cheetahs.” Your shoes keep coming untied despite your attempts to double, even triple-tie them.

24 | J U L Y

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DIET & EXERCISE // Will Strecker, University of Texas at Austin

Loosely based on Moses’ Ten Commandments and heavily based on Notorious B.I.G.’s Ten Crack Commandments.

I.

NEVER LET NO ONE KNOW HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU’RE PRESSING Lifting weights breeds jealousy, which won’t earn you any friends at the Rec. At least, don’t brag about how strong or athletic you are. People will grow to hate you. Keep your ego in check.

II.

NEVER LET ‘EM KNOW YOUR NEXT MOVE This applies to every situation you might be in at the Rec. Real killas move in silence, right? When lifting weights, don’t tell anyone your next workout. For sports, stay one step ahead of the competition.

Don’t let your opponent get the upper hand.

III.

NEVER TRUST NOBODY People will let you down at the Rec more often than not. Become a oneman wrecking ball. Learn to lift weights without a spotter like a real man, and shoot the ball every time you get it. If you want something done right, do it yourself.

STUDYBREAKS.COM

IV.

NEVER GET HIGH ON YOUR OWN SUPPLY Think of your supply as your energy.

Don’t waste it working out on someone else’s level or passing the ball to a teammate. First and foremost, focus on yourself and your own personal glory.

V.

LEAVE THE REC AT THE REC Don’t bring the Rec home with you.

This can mean many things: don’t workout at home, don’t play sports at home or leave the attitude you’ve developed for the Rec at the Rec. It’s not the most attractive attitude to have in the real world.

VI.

THAT CREDIT, DEAD IT! If your friend tells you “Oh, we’ll do that next time,” forget it! Don’t settle for “next time.” There is no next time. If you keep putting things off, eventually you’ll put your entire life off until “next time,” and then your life will become meaningless.

VII.

KEEP YOUR FAMILY AND THE REC SEPARATE The Rec and your family don’t mix, like two d*cks and—okay I’ll stop with the Biggie reference. While your family is a great force in your life, don’t let them have a say in how many weights you wanna lift today.

VIII.

NEVER KEEP NO WEIGHT ON YOU Don’t carry weights around with you when you’re not working out. You could seriously hurt yourself.

IX.

STAY AWAY FROM THE POLICE This is true at all times of your life.

The police don’t want you to be strong and fit, just in case they have to chase you down the street for j-walking or something else meaningless.

X.

HAVE A PURPOSE FOR GOING Whether it’s to get strong, develop that summer body or to just be more active, know what you’re going there for. Don’t be the guy walking around the Rec all day who never actually does anything.

Or, worse yet, don’t be the guy who sits in the locker room for hours watching people change.

JULY 2016

| 25

class photos

Pho t o g r aphy M a r s h a l l T id r i c k , Un i v e r s i t y o f Te x a s at A u s t i n

Despite having initially written off Stephanie Meyer’s “imprinting” bit as a lazy, deux ex machina plot device, on that night, in that moment, Granger finally got it.

“Actually, after Uber left, Uber started this company to remind people of how shitty the alternatives to Uber were.”

“You gotta play the hand you’re dealt,” DJ Lullaby cooed in a recent PillowTalk interview. “I figured if I was putting people to sleep, I oughta start getting paid for it.”

26 | J U L Y

2016

RAINY STREET IN AUSTIN, TX

“So I wouldn’t say that you could necessarily smell a virgin?

But I do think that you guys all travelling around together does kind of give off, like, a scent I guess?”

After conning customers for years with the help of a Google Glass Micro, Gilly eventually didn’t even need the quizzes to tell “What Kind of Taco” people were.

Despite his innovative “If-Gaggan-doesn’t-serve-curry-than-Idon’t-have-to” business model, the “Guwahati Guy Fieri” was rumored to be in financial freefall.

Edward Hopper probably wouldn’t have given two shits about the human condition if they’d had Instagram during the War.

STUDYBREAKS.COM

JULY 2016

| 27

extra credit

By Olivia W. McCoy, University of Georgia Photography by Marshall Tidrick, University of Texas at Austin

G E T T I N G TO K N OW:

MOIZRIZVI Moiz Rizvi, a 20-year old student at the University of Texas Austin, started Code Orange with the intention of teaching underprivileged kids that they belong in the world of coding and technology just as much as anyone else.

Several challenging months and about 50 enlightened children later, the organization has completed their first Demo Day—successfully, I might add—and are looking forward to bigger and better things.

Quotes have been condensed for clarity.

> >

“We’re sort of a symbiotic organism, me and the organization.”

“You know there’s a lot of anxiety involved, but I think I was able to manage it really well, purely because about a month ago I started running daily. I have a running channel that invites people to run with me, and no one does, but I’ve posted screenshots of my runs every single day for the last 35 days. Now, sometimes, I’ll get heckled if I don’t.” > “I think that there’s great people everywhere. Well, maybe not great, but there’s good people everywhere. What it really takes is some leadership.” > “Many people might’ve thought, ‘Oh, he’s trying to get stamps on his resume,’ and I hate that so much. It really burns me out.” > “I’ll see people fanaticize about whatever the heck they’re working on, wear their own organization’s shirt and be really excited to give you their pitch. I didn’t realize that I’d become one of those people but I am. I love talking about Code Orange.” > “We had our homemade banner that we had hung up in our rec center, and we took that same paper banner and we put it on our table at the Digital Resource Fair. We’re sitting there, and every other organization had their nice printed things and all their flyers and stuff. We just looked like the jankiest, scrappiest ordinaire, which, we were down for.” > “We might have to change our name, because with the university we’re registered as Code Burnt Orange. It took two applications to actually get it through because this grunge band in Canada is called Code Orange. I wish they didn’t exist. Not the people, I’m sure they’re okay people, but the band because they have the Instagram and all that stuff. The university wouldn’t even allow us to say Texas Code Orange.” > “I got interviewed by Time Warner News for Digital Inclusion Day. But, it’s funny because I don’t have, nor do I know anyone that has, a Time Warner Cable subscription. So I never got to see it.” > “When I was younger I hated establishments and institutions, and now I am the institution. I’m making rules and telling people what to do. People get in trouble and I’m cracking down on them. Maybe four years ago I would’ve been on the other side. I was a shitty kid, for lack of a better term. [Code Orange] has done a lot more for me than I’ve done for it.” > “I’ve been conflicted about what I’m doing after graduation, and I just currently can’t really bear the thought of leaving. But I guess it does happen, and the show needs to go on without me.”

28 | J U L Y

2016

FAC T FI L E:

Name: Moiz Rizvi Organization: “Code Orange,” a student-run nonprofit that fosters technical education for middle school students in Austin of lower socioeconomic status.

School: University of Texas at Austin Major: Computer Science Year: Senior Hometown: Houston

STUDYBREAKS.COM

JULY 2016

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game theory

B y A l Va nd e r k l ipp, Un i v e r s i t y of Nor t hw e s t M i c h i g a n

GHOSTBUSTERS: A Videogame Retrospective In spite of Dan Aykroyd’s high praise and a rumored Bill Murray cameo, the new Ghostbusters film s t ill – s omehow – remain s divisive among fans. Whether you believe that it’ll be comedy gold or that Paul Feig and his gaggle of in-yourGHOSTBUSTERS: SANCTUM OF face comediennes are dead-set on SLIME destroying your childhood, there’s Year: 2011 one thing everyone can all agree on: System: XBOX 360, the new Ghostbusters video game PS3, PC looks really, really bad. In style, it’s Publisher: Atari nearly identical to 2011’s critically panned “Sanctum of Slime,” a top-down, co-op action game with drab, dated visuals and tedious gameplay that should have sent it directly to mobile game hell. Of course, the series is no stranger to unsatisfying, cash-in titles–but if busting makes you feel good, not all hope is lost.

GHOSTBUSTERS Year: 2016 System: XBOX ONE, PS4, PC Publisher: Activision

1. GHOSTBUSTERS Year: 1988 System: NES Publisher: Activision

30 | J U L Y

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2. GHOSTBUSTERS II Year: 1990 System: NES Publisher: Activision

1 Activision churned out the first game, which is probably the most notorious. It was a re-working of a scrapped title called “Car Wars,” and it shows–most of the game involves driving around the city being rear-ended by pissed-off New Yorkers. There’s no semblance of plot or humor here; the city is colored entirely in grim shades of grey, and populated by skinny, jaundiced ghosts.

After what seems like hours of miserably driving around, the ghostbusters have to climb 22 identical floors of an apartment building to fight a topless Gozer. To rub in the bleak unfinishedness of the rest of the game, it ends on a black screen that states “CONGLATURATION !!!” Ernie Hudson, whose character was left out entirely, once bitterly stated in an interview, “My kids really hated [the game]. They thought it sucked.”

2 Activision secured the initial rights to the second Nintendo game as well, based on the darker second movie. It was marginally better, but only for clearing the lowest possible hurdles of a video game adaptation–it was playable, and included actual scenes and specific locations from the movie.

The driving stages returned–horrifyingly, upon crashing into any obstacle, the Ecto-1 would become instantaneously soaked in dark red blood.

After the calamitous Ghostbusters titles on the original Nintendo, HAL Laboratory (of Super Smash Bros. fame) stepped in with a garish re-brand, “NEW Ghostbuster II,”3 to create a classic on the Game Boy. It set itself apart with pokémonesque visuals, catchy music and creative boss encounters. NEW Ghostbusters II also holds the high honor of being the only video game to ever let you play as Rick Moranis. Shortly after, a SEGA Genesis exclusive game4 based on the series was released; featuring bobble-headed versions of the guys, the story played out like an unnerving fan fiction, with a focus on hidden gems and sacred tablets. Based on the “Contra” series, it was tough as nails, but it was worth it to see little hydrocephalic Bill Murray grin at the end of every stage.

It took 19 years to get another full-fledged Ghostbusters game. 5In 2009, Ghostbusters: The Video Game dropped on the XBOX 360 and PS3. Featuring a brilliant plot from a cancelled seque–written

by Aykroyd himself–that even uses the vocal talents of the original cast, it truly is the third movie we never got. You play as a crispyhaired newbie, who stays mercifully silent as Egon, Winston, Ray and Venkman ignore your existence and banter with one another, and rightfully so; being a fly on the wall while the masters direct you really makes you feel like an observer in the creepy, dimensionalrift-riddled version of NYC. Even the unique, macabre visual style and soundtrack of the first movie are kept intact. The game’s biggest asset is how good, and how natural, it feels to use the proton pack.

Just like you knew it would.

3. NEW GHOSTBUSTERS II Year: 1990 System: Game Boy Publisher: HAL Laboratory

4. GHOSTBUSTERS Year: 1990 System: Sega Genesis Publisher: SEGA

5. GHOSTBUSTERS: THE VIDEO GAME Year: 2009 System: XBOX 360, PS3, PS2, Wii Publisher: Atari

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