Swimmer's Ear Magazine #17

Killin’ trees and makin’ zines subtitlespub@yahoo.com PO Box 2076 Maple Grove, MN 55311

Available Now! Manual Dexterity Adam has put together a brand new independent audio magazine for people who are as passionate about music as he is.

This issue features interviews with MN’s Chariots, along with The Nein and Say Hi To Your Mom.

Brand New!

While I Was High Chris has never been drunk or high in his life, but he’s had plenty of friends who have been. While I Was High is a collection of anonymous stories and comics about random peoples’ adventures while intoxicated and fucked up. Imagine smoking weed and getting busted by your elementary school D.A.R.E. officer. This is a great collection of humorous short stories.

Prices will vary depending on shipping and availability

Coming Soon!

Super Friends #1 A zine of found photographs made into strange and humorous personal ads.

Sh*t!

Poop stories. Yep, I’m making a zine about poop stories. I don’t care if you think it’s gross, I’m making it anyway. I love you babe, let’s not fight anymore.

Blow Me, A Fanzine You’re just gonna have to wait and see...

Swimmer’s Ear Back Issues Get all the past issues of this long running zine featuring skateboarding, snowboarding, and independent music.

Tons of great interviews, articles, photos, and more. Each issue offers something different.

Bleeding Hearts Brigade Join Jimi and Destiny as they set out to destroy all the coroporate forced happiness companies with a BIC lighter and a can of gasoline. Bleeding Hearts Brigade is a hand drawn black and white comic by Pen 15 films’ Jimi Nguyen. If emo could be translated into to comics, then Jimi has done it.

The Haunt of Swimmer’s Ear Jimi Nguyen combines extreme sports and terrifying stories in this Tales From the Crypt homage. Ever skate a cursed handrail before? It’s even harder than a regular handrail, what with the zombies chasing you and everything. Full color comic!

Brand New!

This bird didn’t read our zines and he flew into a fucking closed window.

Fall/Winter 2005 Editors Chris Pernula Adam Sever

Contributors Sam McGuire Chris Yerks Jimi Nguyen Christine Poague Adryan Roane Ritter Steve Gareri

Contact Swimmer’s Ear P.O. Box 2076 Maple Grove, MN 55311 swimmersearmag@yahoo.com

Memo: What’s Inside? skate

skate snow music

-Sam McGuire hooked us up with some great photos of those Dudes With Tudes down in Iowa. -Steve Gareri gave us a full report on the 2005 Midwest Melee. -Don’t call it a comeback: Roots Skateboards returned this year to represent the Midwest skate scene to the fullest.

snow

“Many artists or snowboarders these days don’t seem to love their artform.” MN native Pat Milbery gets the feature interview of the issue, and it’s so... gnar.

music

-Crammed with band interviews, all local. Prop comedy and heavy metal collide to bring you Metallagher.

I can already smell the smashed watermelon. -Punk may be dead, but it’s spirit is alive and well in local punk rock group Kid Knuckle. -How was the show?

You missed it too? I guess we’ll just have to check out Howwastheshow.com. -Prepare to be stunned.

STNNNG will teach you how to avoid an assassination while singing the new national anthem.

On the cover: Uly Marin, Feeble in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

Photo: Sam McGuire

STNNNG

Photo: Pernula

Inquisition “Revolution... I Think It’s Called Inspiration” This is the reissue of the highly influencial mid-90’s album which featured musicians who went on to form Strike Anywhere, Ann Beretta, and River City High. This new version has been completely re-mastered and features original artwork along with notes and lyrics from Thomas Barnett of Strike Anywhere.

This is the kind of punk rock I wish was considered the standard, not that weak-ass poppy crap that’s all over radio and television nowadays.

(A-F Records) Epoxies “Stop the Future” Stop the future? What would Epoxies know about the future, unless they are from the future? That would explain a lot about this five piece synth-pogopunk band. What are they trying to warn us about?

Are they from a post-apocolyptic future where they outlaw underpants? Then the revolution is now!

What can you do to stop the future? Pick up this album, it could save your life from an underpantsless future! -JN There are several bands doing the old new wave sound lately, but this one takes it to extremes. A few of the songs on this album sound like they’re directly from the 80’s, rather than a 2005 band with a retro sound. In an interview, F.M. Static was asked which was better, Weird Science or the Breakfast Club, and he replied, “I dunno, I am too young to have seen those movies.” What? Are you like fifteen? How hard is it to rent a movie? Don’t base your whole shtick on 80’s pop culture and know nothing about it to back up your image. -CP (Fat Wreck Chords) Baumer “Come On, Feel It” Baumer has that dance/synth sound that groups like the Killers and the Bravery have been popularizing lately, but they don’t seem to be as serious. There are a few quirky, upbeat synth tracks, such as Turn Up the Good, that shows Baumer isn’t a bunch of uptight eyeliner/fauxhawk turds that never smile for publicity photos. I noticed that all four band members listed “God, mom, and dad” as the first three people on their thank you lists. Does that make Baumer a Christian band? I hope not.

(AstroMagnetics) No Use For A Name “Keep Them Confused” Hey, No Use? What’s up, it’s Chris! Man, it’s been a long time. I think the last time I saw you was back in high school when “Making Friends” came out. I loved that CD. What was that, like 1997? What have you been up to since then? You’re still making punk albums? And you’re still on Fat? That’s awesome, man! God, it’s like you haven’t changed at all. I always liked your fast-paced drumming and angst-fueled vocals. It was so energetic. So what’s your new album like? Uh huh... a little poppier, more singing than shouting... that’s cool. No, it’s great, it’s not like you can be angry your whole life.

It’s kinda weird running into you at Walgreens like this. Oh this hemmoroid ointment isn’t mine, I’m just buying it for... a friend. (Fat Wreck Chords)

Portastatic “Bright Ideas” Portastatic is the long-running side project of Superchunk frontman Mac McCaughan. Mac has very distinct vocals, so the sound isn’t a drastic departure from that of Superchunk. Backing up Mac on this album are his brother Matt on drums and Superchunk bassist Jim Wilbur. (Merge)

We Are Wolves “Non-Stop” These are the kind of guys who call their music “art” instead of “music.” There are several good songs on this album, but the instrumental tracks kinda faded into the background and I forgot I was listening to a CD. “Nonstop” is the definite standout track, and features machine gun, lazer, and rocket launcher sound effects. (Fat Possum)

The Soviettes “LP III” First and foremost, I am embarassed to say that being a resident of Minneapolis for 23 years this is actually the first I had heard of The Soviettes. I am very impressed by this album’s ability to make me want to get up, thrash around violently, and viciously hump the air. My best analogy would be that this album sounds like the B-52s mixed with an overdose of angel dust mainlined. Save yourself the embarassment, if you haven’t heard this band get off your rotting ass and buy the album or see a show!

-CY (Fat Wreck Chords)

The Cherry Valence “TCV3” If I wanted to listen to classic rock, I’d go for the real thing, not a band trying to pull off a classic rock sound. These guys sound more like a cover band at some cruddy little bar in the suburbs. If you need something to crank up while washing your Camero in your gravel driveway while wearing your cut offs, then this is for you. Shave your crustache, cut your mullet, and stop going to Walmart every weekend just to browse around, you dirtball. (Bifocal Media)

Chixdiggit!

“Pink Razors” Some of the songs on this album remind me of the Vandals, only a little dorkier and not quite as funny.

Maybe that’s because they’re Canadian. There are a lot of catchy pop punk choruses on here that will get stuck in your head, whether you like it or not. Trust me, it’s happening to me right now. And bonus features aren’t just for DVDs anymore. The last track of the CD is all the songs played again with audio commentary by the band. Genius! (Fat Wreck Chords) Carter Tanton “Birds & Rain” At only 23, Carter Tanton is a veteran songwriter and musician. For over eight years, Carter has been recording material, starting out in his own basement studio and working his way up to his latest release on Park the Van Records. This is the kind of music you’d listen to while looking through old photographs of friends and ex-friends. It sucks when you’re out at a show and you see someone you used to be friends with and make eye contact with them, and they don’t acknowledge your presence. Time does strange things to people. (Park the Van) The Teeth “Carry the Wood” This group has been compared to David Bowe on several occasions, as well as The Kinks, Talking Heads, and The Beatles. If you’re into light, dreamy music that puts you in a cheerful mood, then this is for you. They took their time putting this EP together, and it payed off. Vocal harmonies mix with piano, acoustic, and electric guitar to create a blend of upbeat and mellow tunes perfect for daydreams.

When I heard the song “Oh, Bessie!” I immediately got a mental image of me running from a vicious dog, like a pitbull or a rottwieler. Only I’m not afraid, I’m actually laughing nervously as the ferocious beast snaps at my ankles. We cut through backyards and flowerbeds and I eventually grab a tree branch, efortlessly pulling my body upward just the dog leaps into the air and chomps. (Park the Van)

Holy Roman Empire “Lost in Landscapes” This group is comprised of an all-star lineup of exes.

Drummer Tony Tintari (ex-Rise Against, Shai Hulud), guitarist Neeraj Kane (ex-The Hope Conspiracy, The Suicide File), bassist Geoff Reu (Killing Tree), and guitarist Jason Jancetic (ex-Arma Angelus) team up with vocalist Emily Schambra for some alternative rock. Emily is classically trained, and it shows. Anything else wouldn’t have been able to complement the music. (Hewhocorruptsinc.)

Josh Joplin “Jaywalker” Hey, it’s Neil Diamond! Oh wait, it’s just Josh. Josh Joplin used to be contracted as a Jive Records songwriter, which might explain some of the corny lyrics.

“Jaywalkers of the world unite.” What? Okay, I’ll get right on that. I really like the music but the lyrics keep getting in the way. “Hey hey, welcome to our discount days.” Um, thanks Josh, it’s good to be here. “My head’s as full as a Ryder truck, double parked down the street. All the ideas I’ve packed away stack up so nice and neat. But I didn’t mark the boxes so I don’t know where anything is.” Jesus, Josh. (Eleven Thirty Records) True Love “Wings” Remember that sitcom Wings? I never really watched it. I liked sitcoms that were funny. True Love is a pretty good name for a band, though. True Love is a power pop trio from Dirty Jersey. All three members sing, so the songs vary in style. The track How Does it Feel? is a little too power pop for my liking, and features a cowbell. Tracks four and twelve sound a lot like Weezer, especially the vocals.

(Not Lame)

Plymouth Skate Park 14900 23rd Ave. N. With the Ride XP park long gone, tykes in Plymouth have been forced to return to this little nugget of doody secretly stashed away in the far corner of the underwear drawer. Of course it’s better to have this than nothing at all, but there are a few things you should know before venturing out and getting let down...

The first thing that grabs your attention at this park is the color. Yale used to refer to it as Barney the Purple Dinosaur Park. Everything is bright purple with green accents. Nauseating. I felt like I was at the circus and started having terrifying flashbacks that involved a clown, an elephant trunk, and an eight pound ball of cotton candy.

Nothing is made of wood. It’s all metal. On a sunny summer day when things heat up, avoid falling and letting any bare skin touch the ramps or it may result in first degree burns. I recommend bringing oven mitts. And maybe some eggs if you get hungry and feel like fryin’ up a snack.

When we visited the park this past August, all four sides were surrounded by construction work, so they didn’t even have a parking lot anymore. How am I supposed to tailgate with my bros and some brews after an epic sesh? The construction also caused some sand and dirt to blow in and pile up at the bottom of a few ramps, so bring your off road wheels.

Like going to the beach!

How’s it hangin’?

Jimi Nguyen, making the most of a crappy situation on the mini

Kramer poses with some scrap metal

570 N. SNELLING AVE. ST. PAUL, MN Thinking about getting a tattoo and not sure where to have it done? All shops are definitely not created equal, so do your homework and check out as many places as possible. We’re giving you a headstart here with the guys at Fluid Ink in St. Paul. Below you will find answers to all the questions you haven’t asked. We talked to Benny, the tattoo artist, and Josh, the shop piercer. These guys have lots of experience and are fully prepared to stab you with little needles and poke holes through your nipples.

Benny: Tattoo Artist Chris: What’s your name and how long have you been tattooing?

I’m Benny, I’m 22, and I’ve been doing it for about three years. I started up in St. Cloud for about two years. Did some work out in Milwaukee, and I’ve been here ever since.

What percentage of girls who come in get lower back tattoos?

Probably about 60 percent. Six out of ten.

While doing a lower back tattoo has anyone gotten nervous and farted in your face?

No. Thank god.

Does anyone ever cry or throw up?

Yeah, all the time. It’s pretty common. Vomit not so much, but yeah there’s been a couple experiences.

Do guys still come in asking for barbed wire arm bands?

Not so much down here. It’s kind of a regional thing. Out in the sticks for sure.

It’s a little bit more custom work here.

What’s the oldest person you’ve done a tattoo on?

About 75.

What did they get?

A butterfly. It was a grandmother.

Yanks: That shit is gross, dude.

Has anyone asked to get a tattoo on their tongue?

No. Is it possible?

It’s possible to tattoo just about anything. Whether it’s a good idea or not is a different question. Lips, occasionally. That’s about the closest it’s come.

Do you have to do a lot of cover ups of ugly shit people don’t want anymore?

More re-works than coverups. A lot of people want shit finished from back in the day.

What ink is usually harder to cover up?

Anything dark. Dark’s gotta be covered with dark usually, so it’s kinda a challenge.

What would you want someone to know before coming in, so you don’t have to answer a bunch of questions for them?

Don’t worry about the pain. Don’t worry about the money. Leave with what you want. Don’t tell your artist not to fuck it up. That’s kinda insulting.

Kinda makes you want to do it on purpose?

Yeah. For real. Basically just know that you should take advantage of every option that you have. Work with your artist. Don’t be scared. Make sure everything is sanitary and all that kind of good stuff. Make sure everything is in working order. Some of the best tattoos happen spur of the moment. Not all of them. It’s a good idea to do your homework and know what you’re getting into.

What is the lamest tattoo you’ve ever had to do on somebody?

A middle finger with Old English that says “finger it out, asshole” on his left buttcheek. That was by far the lamest tattoo I’ve ever done.

Didn’t you do some John Deer thing too?

This old farmer dude with a perm came in. With like a mullet perm. I did a John Deer logo with flames on his lower back.

Where chicks usually get tattoos.

Yes. Where no man should ever.

What’s the coolest tattoo you’ve ever done?

That’s a tossup between a lot of different projects. Anything fun, really.

Anything that they’re completely open about. Anything that’s a challenge and turns out well.

Have you ever gotten laid as a result of working here? By customers?

Well yeah, who hasn’t? Chad met his wife here, for fuck’s sake.

She was getting a tattoo?

Yeah. She came with her boyfriend.

Josh: Piercer Yanks: What’s your name and that type of shit?

My name is Josh. I’ve been piercing for about two years now. I’ve worked at Axis Body Modification over in Minneapolis, and I worked at Black Cat Tattoo in Madison, Wisconsin.

Do you just do piercings? There’s no scarification or nothing like that?

I just do piercings.

What piercings are the hardest for upkeep and what are the easiest?

Honestly, probably the easiest to heal are genital piercings. There’s a lot of bloodflow to the area. It’s a very vascular area. It heals up super quick. Also, for the most part, oral piercings. They heal very, very quickly, for the same reasons. A lot of bloodflow. The tissue regenerates very quickly. The hardest to heal is probably ear cartilidge. It takes a long time, gets irritated really easily.

Infections?

Genuine infections are very rare. I think I’ve seen one in the time I’ve been doing this.

How many cock piercings have you had to do?

I don’t know. A few.

That sucks, dude.

You kinda get desensitized to it, you know? After a while it’s just more skin.

I suppose. Like a doctor, man.

I’m wearing gloves.

I’d wrap a couple on, dude. What’s the most frequently asked, and most annoying question you get?

Is it gonna hurt? And usually my answer is “You can tell me in a few minutes.”

What do you think the most important thing is someone should know before entering the doors?

If people have done their homework, that’s great. They already know how to take care of it, things like that. Probably the most important thing is to actually shop around. Look at different shops, look how clean they are, talk to people that work there. See how knowledgeable they are. Make sure you’re comfortable with the person that’s going to be working on you.

Do you think there are any steps or levels to go through before getting into more complex piercings, such as maybe starting with an ear?

You can do that.

Do you recommend it?

Not really. A lot of people just jump into nipple piercings, genital piercings, things like that. If you have experience with healing up a piercing some of the ones that are a little more difficult might go a little more smoothly. But for the most part, just listen to what your piercer tells you about how to take care of it, and do it. And you’ll be fine.

How’d you get into the business?

I was working a warehouse job and got injured and couldn’t work anymore,

and just dropped out of college. And I was getting pierced a lot back then, pretty frequently. One day when I was up getting pierced I just asked the guy how he became a piercer. And I decided it was something I wanted to do. In addition to that, I’ve always had a fascination with piercings, as far back as I can remember. Like when I was a little kid, as soon as I found out you can do that to people I was like “Wow, that’s amazing!”

You were strange. I liked He-Man. What’s the craziest or most fucked up story you have from your time piercing?

Probably the most fucked up story is not actually from a piercing. It’s from a guy that called in, which happens a lot, you get a lot of guys on the phone breathing deep asking you about clitoris piercings. Probably a guy on the phone asking me if I’d be willing to pleasure his wife while I was piercing her.

Just called out of the blue to the shop?

Yeah, this is when I was working in Madison. I’ve also gotten a few people who come in and just ask me to clamp their nipples for them, not actually pierce them. They just want me to put clamps on them. That’s kind of weird whenever that happens.

Are you serious?

Oh yeah.

Have you done it?

No. Alright. ‘Cause if you had we’ll take it out of the interview. Do you tell them to go to Hardware Hank’s and get a vice grip?

I should. They sell nipple clamps at fucking sex shops, go do it yourself, you know?

Should it be expected of a patron to tip for a job well done, and if so, what is your average tip?

It’s not expected, but definitely appreciated. Average tip is whatever they can afford. Whatever they feel like giving me for however much they enjoyed the experience.

Here’s the annoying question. What area is the most painful to get pierced?

In my personal experience I’d say ear cartilidge.

Nipple piercings are all good?

Nipple piercings are pretty extreme. It’s a very intense sensation.

What about like the back of the neck?

Neck piercings are pretty easy. They’re not real painful. Everybody feels something different. Everybody’s nerves are laid out a little bit differently.

If you could have one superhuman power, what would it be?

I think if I had one superhuman power, oddly enough, I’d want to be a shapeshifter. I’d want to be able to change my appearance.

Yeah, into like, the president. And you could pee on somebody.

Artist Profile: ALISON BROMANDER Alison Bromander’s style is not easy to describe, but it is not very hard to miss. It brings to mind a wide array of styles, from tattoo-style art to a graffiti-esque cartoon look to it. If looks could kill these paintings are uzi’s with a full clip. She is an amazing artist. But let’s talk about animals. Animals are so incredibly awesome, they make us reevaluate the way we act. Do you ever think about how animals act in the animal kingdom? Why don’t us humans act the same? From this day forward let us act more with our own animalistic tendencies. Poop outside!

Contact Alison at alisonbromader@yahoo.com

-Jimi Nguyen

Work nights and weekends? Out of town for a couple of days? Just plain afraid of large crowds and loud music? Fortunately for you, there’s HowWasTheShow.com, a website that reviews live performances in the Twin Cities, by not only local groups but touring acts as well. No genre of music or level of popularity is discriminated against, so the site has something for everyone. Check it out the next time you miss out on a great live show. We pestered site creator David de Young with a few questions, and here’s what he had to say...

What made you decide to start the website?

It was kind of an accident. I started reviewing shows for friends and sending them via email. A friend suggested I start posting my reviews in a blog or on a website, and that's how howwastheshow.com started.

Did you have any experience with making websites before howwastheshow.com?

Yes. I've always been kind of a techno-weenie. I was a BBS operator before the internet took off, was on the first wave of websites when the technology went GUI and mainstream. Nowadays, I'm actually a web-administrator by trade for a large corporation.

What do you want to accomplish with the website?

My goal is to give exposure to bands I feel deserve exposure, both local and national, while developing my own writing and editing abilities, and giving other writers a chance to develop their own skills.

What was the first show you ever went to?

As far as rock shows go, the first one I distinctly recall was U2 at Champaign-Urbana, Illinois on the October tour in the Spring of 1982.

Do you have an all-time favorite show?

In recent memory, the most uplifting performance I've seen was the Flaming Lips at the Oxegen Festival in Dublin in July of 2003. That was when Jack White of the White Stripes had hurt his hand, and The Flaming Lips filled their spot and sang "Thank you, Jack White for that fiber-optic Jesus that you gave me."

What makes MN's music scene so special?

Minnesota's music scene is special because it is a “scene.” People support each other, many bands know each other and their fans, and it spreads out across multiple genres. This is one of the most self-supporting, cross-promoting music scenes I've ever seen. I'm told by musicians from London to Chicago that their scenes are too large to allow some of the things we take for granted here. I think Minnesota is one of the best places in the world to start a band.

“The TV Sound gets my vote for best of 2005. Their infectiousness, the keyboards, their outfits, shazaam! It’s a full package. They stand out amongst the sea of local indie rock: while they draw heavily on the 70’s, they maintain a fresh quality to the music. It reminds me of a song that’d be featured on a 70’s sitcom (think Bosom Buddies) that simultaneously feels pure 2005.”

“Mark Mallman: the quintessential combination of showmanship and musical artistry. The wolf mask: a modern day musical homage to the Brothers Grimm, Ziggy Stardust for the age of the War on Terror. Marathon II at the Turf Club: 44 some odd hours of meditative rock meandering, everything a prelude to something else, verging on paranoid yet prophetic carnival barking psychosis.

Performance at SXSW: the stuff of legends.”

“That’s a really tough question. Most people would probably give you a different answer to it at different times throughout the year. That being said, right here, this month, this week, I think Vicious Vicious is probably one of the best live bands in town, and they’ll be leaving a great mark on 2005, what with their new CD and the excellent shows they’ve been playing so far this year.”

Vicious Vicious at The Hexagon Bar Photo: Chris Pernula

2005 Midwest Melee Contest Report

by Steve Gareri The Midwest Melee this year went off so big. Last year we had 75 skaters, this year the number of entries went up to 181. That’s right, 181. This contest is kinda a throw back contest. At the old park we would have three divisions: beginner, intermediate, and expert. This is a continuation of that vibe. It is the only contest of this format we hold all year. This year was the first year that this event was a 3-day affair, and it was the 4th annual year that we've held the Melee.

Friday was a full practice day for all skaters; Saturday we held the preliminaries for beginner, intermediate, and expert. We took only the top twelve from each division. It was very tough. We held jam format for the beginner and intermediates. If you’re not familiar with a jam, it’s like this: 7-9 skaters ride for ten minutes, the judges then choose the top two skaters from each jam to skate in the finals. The thing is, it’s really the luck of the draw. A skater could be in a jam with some really good skaters. I’ll say for sure it was very difficult to judge the jams. We had six jams of beginners and six jams of intermediates. The expert skaters had two 1-minute runs. Best run counted, however in the case of a tie we went to the second run. We took the top twelve highest runs to the finals.

Saturday night we had the traditional party at the park. No ribs though, all vegetarian style. A family friendly evening. We rented a projection TV and chilled outside for the new 411, and Transworld’s First Love DVD. Sunday was the finals. In the finals the beginners and intermediates alike had two 1-minute runs, and the experts had three 1-minute runs. When the dust settled Michael Madison won first place beginner. This little guy was so chill. He almost fainted when he found out he won. I think he even shed a few tears of joy. It was rad when his mom ran out and gave him a huge hug. Good vibes, congratulations Michael.

The intermediate winner was Andrew Thuison from Stevens Point Wisconsin. He just beat out Minneapolis local Khindyn Peters. Big props to all the beginners and intermediates that had the guts to enter. There were a grip of people at the park, and many of these young skaters were way nervous. A message to you guys: You are the future, keep skateboarding and having fun. I enjoyed spending the weekend with all the beginners and intermediate kids for sure. I think the future is in good hands with these young rippers coming up. Big thanks to the Judges: Chad Benson, Jr. Mint, Todd Brown, David Fink, and Tom Torp. You fellas had a tough job.

Expert class belonged to three big standouts, 3rd Tulio De Oliviera, 2nd Ryan Yost, and 1st place Jason Barr. Jason is good, real good! He is also from Rice Lake Wisconsin. Jason Barr also won best trick.

He won it with a nollie heel noseslide. Paul Winberg took the best slam of the weekend and ended up in the hospital. The dude knocked himself out cold, and broke his arm. OUCH! Our homie over at KARE 11 Eric Perkins came by to cover the Melee.

Big thanks. It was weird to see skateboarding on the evening sports, between a Vikings training camp story and pro golf.

Erik Perkins rules! He reminds me of Gary Lumpkin from back in the day. I know the Old Timers Club remembers Lumpkin.

All in all I enjoy so much getting everyone together for a weekend of fun. That is what the Melee is all about. See you all next year at the 5th annual Midwest Melee!

Jason Barr, 3 flip - Photo: Pernula

Expert 1st: Jason Barr 2nd: Ryan Yost 3rd: Tulio de Oliviera 4th: Mike Guy 5th: Cody Davis

Intermediate 1st: Andrew Thuison 2nd: Khindyn Peters 3rd: Nick Luciow 4th: Jesse Stock 5th: Ryan Paul

Beginner 1st: Mike Madison 2nd: Robert Teah 3rd: Mason Crawford

The empire is back. Roots skateboards has returned with a vengeance to take the midwest by storm. Roots originally began in 1998 with an allstar team because a group of friends wanted to promote the Midwest skate scene, and it’s here again to reclaim it’s position in full force. A full line of decks, along with wheels and clothing is already available, so check your local shop and support Minnesota skateboarding. Neil Buben from Roots gave us some more info below.

How did Roots get started?

There has always been a huge talent pool here and I wanted the kids and people here to feel like they didn’t have to go to California to pursue skateboarding. We could build our own scene here.

Who was on the original team?

Chad Benson, Steve Nesser, Clint Peterson, Seth McCallum, Dan Jackson, Ryan Hansen, Mike Munzinrider, Elijah Collard, and Neil Erickson.

Who is on your team now?

Chad Benson, Dan Jackson, Mike Munzinrider, Ryan Damian, C.J. Tamborinio, and Eddie Kochendorfer.

You already have several decks to choose from. Who designed the new 2005 boards?

Anthony Nollen designed most of them.

Where can people find Roots stuff?

Board to Death, Cal Surf, FL Project, Fobia, Full Kit, Damage, 3rd Lair, In the Works, Mindstate Distribution, and Warped.

What can people expect from a Roots board when they buy it?

A quality, American made skateboard. By buying a Roots skateboard, they’ll restart the vicious cycle of skateboarders controlling skateboarding.

For all the little kids out there, are you accepting sponsor-me tapes?

Yes, you can find the address on our website www.rootsskateboards.com.

Where are your decks and wheels made?

All of our products are made in America. All. How does Roots fit into Minnesota’s skate scene?

We try to promote it as much as possible. We do free demos and always have free product to toss, we throw free BBQ’s. We are both skateboarders and just down for skateboarding.

What are your plans for 2006?

Domination.

Jackson Roman, Back Tail Iowa City, IA. Photo: Sam McGuire

Uly Marin, Bluntslide Des Moines, IA. Photo: Sam McGuire

Paul Marin, Ollie Iowa City, IA. Photo: Sam McGuire

Jackson Roman, Full Pipe Cedar Rapids IA. Photo: Sam McGuire

Pat Milbery Photos by Adryan Roane Ritter. Additional photos provided by Pat Milbery, reprinted with his consent and permission.

Photo: Adryan Roane Ritter

“Don’t ever worry about what people think of you.”

How long have you been snowboarding?

Well, I have been shredding the gnar for about fourteen years this fall.

Man, that is almost a decade and a half. Long time! Every day is a new adventure...

How did you get into it?

I borrowed my friend Peter Wenker's Burton Air for a gnar backyard session and got slammed all day long, but absolutely loved every second of it! I was addicted, hook line and sinker. My mom made us hot chocolate like four times that night, she was so stoked with surprise.

But the next day I could barely walk and skipped gym class at school because I was still so sore from bailing!

What are some of your earliest memories of boarding?

Jibbing wood benches, especially first learning boardslides! The edge catching in the wood to face slams, but I still remember sliding my first ever kink rail. It was so fun. It was my new favorite thing to do.

Until I learned the method! My friends Peter Wenker, John Makens, Ben Lundgren, Nik Batko and Matt Lentsch built super booters in my parents backyard. The jumps were like three feet tall, with extra pop to give us some serious air time. My father Kevin built us this rad wood drop in ramp to give us some super speed and we just charged these booters into wood benches after them for a sick line! Method grabs have to be the first grab I perfected, because of my admiration for Jamie Lynn and Terje Haakonsen, the living legends. Both of their style rules!

Where was your favorite place to ride when you were younger?

I shredded a lot at Buck Hill, back when AL John's was around. Buck had a banging park because of AL John's, it was so sick! They had fun boxes, car jibs, icy death gaps, and logslides everywhere. That is where I originally met a kid named Josh Malay. He and I became shred buddies, and we pushed our shredding anytime we rode. His creativity and legacy continues to inspire me on a daily basis. So, I spent most of my time there, but then I started shredding at Hyland Hills a lot. But for the most part, John Makens and I shredded a lot in both of our backyards. We created the illest set-ups, and sessioned under spotlights until 2 or 3 am on the weekends!

Who did you ride with and who did you look up to when you were starting out?

I had the privilege to ride with Peter Wenker, John Makens, Nik Batko, Ben Lundgren, Reed Johnson, Matt Lentsch and Josh Malay. All these guys have been homies from way back. I was so into Mike Ranquet’s snowboarding. He killed it for sure. I really admired Daniel Frank's style; he has the illest shifty variation spins and of course the frontside rodeo. Jamie Lynn's methods have always been by far the most stylish in my mind. Well, besides Ingemar Backman's thirty foot re-entry method that shocked the world! SO...GNAR! Terje Haakonsen has always been a favorite of mine. He is so humble and so talented as an all-around shredder! But Bjorn Leines is probably my favorite, besides of course my best friend Mike Casanova. Bjorn has the cleanest, most stylish grabs and funky rotations for a tall dude! And as you may know, I am one of those tall dudes, so style is only naturally harder to perfect with lankiness. Mike Casanova rules for all those that don't know!

What was one of the first tricks you learned?

How to strap in. Toe edge narnar carves kicked my ass! I could only turn heel edge for some reason, but as I have become more involved with snowboarding, I have come to find the majority of new shredders have this in common. Strange, huh? I think it may have something to do with the whole leaning thing, and we as humans like to lean a lot more on toe edge carves. Frontside threes were my first favorite trick.

Then I started to learn indy grabs with front threes and it ruled! Then I guess I just worked my way up the frontside spinning ladder and when I first learned rodeos, it was on! SO...GNAR, yet so much fun!

How did the making of R.O.N. come about? What was the motivation behind making it?

Replicas of Nothing came about originally as a Cal Surf project, which transitioned more into a Minnesota project. My friends rule at shre dding, so I made a project called “The Happy Medium” with my friend Drew Luarsen the year before. It went off; our friends loved being a part of it and we had a blast putting it together. So I wanted to follow that film up with a sequel. R.O.N. was created to expand the lines of creativity. The project combined all the ripping shredders in Minnesota, with all the illest underground bands of Minnesota! The project seemed like the ultimate combination at the time. I was in and out of Minnesota, along with a lot of the original crew, so I figured we had to keep us together somehow. The Minnesota music scene goes off. It is some of my favorite stuff out there, so why not let it be known? Mix my two loves together for the ultimate project! I guess R.O.N. was a vision I had to make sure Minnesota talent is and stays on the map! My compadre Leif Nelson made it all happen too, he is the brains. I just did my

Photo: Adryan Roane Ritter

“style is only naturally harder to perfect with lankiness”

“Many artists or snowboarders these days don’t seem to love their artform”

Photo: Adryan Roane Ritter

best in organizing both the riders and the artists, and making it somehow all come together. The premiere to this day was one of my coolest nights of my life! My mom and dad even showed up and rocked the party till late night! Props to Scotty at Cal Surf, The Unknown Prophets, and Mellie Mel for making it happen.

What was the biggest challenge of making the video?

Staying organized. Wow, was that a lot to manage! So many video clips, with so many opinions from riders, and my goal was to keep everyone happy. I tried my very best and I truly have received the coolest feedback from fans around the world. Kids really dug this project. But the crazy part is adults dug it even more. I had this one super nice lady pay me the ultimate compliment. She told me R.O.N. fully inspired her to start shredding. I couldn't believe my ears, R.O.N. did it! I was stoked to hear all the compliments on the music.

I hope people buy their CD's because of the exposure. Just to open youngsters up to what has inspired me was a goal!

Do you have plans on making another one?

Yeah, something has been brewing. I have been contributing my energy to my family a lot more over the past couple years, as well as contributing to a plethora of other projects. Like "Just Kidding, But Seriously" and "Sick" from last season. And for this season, I filmed with the Youth Shelter boys for their project as well as the "Color Of Silence," a film out of Colorado by Bryan Redniss. Both projects should be off the hook. I am excited to see how they turned out. Pick up a copy, and try your best to support the independents busting their ass for you!

All of the music in R.O.N. is by Minnesota artists. Who are some of your favorite MN acts?

They all rule! I grew up following the Rhymesayers. They have built quite the foundation for MN hip-hop. Their live shows rule. They pour their heart into every second of their shows, which is unique! You can really hear the love they have for their artform, especially for the opportunity to have fans and people who want to support the scene. Many artists or snowboarders these days don't seem to love their artform, and they do it for the wrong reasons unfortunately. Hopefully those who love what they do will be given more opportunties and receive the credit they deserve through all the hard work, effort and sacrifices along the journey.

As long as you follow your heart, which seems is what most successfully happy people do, life will be yours!

What are some of your all time favorite videos?

TB4, Simple Pleasures, Creatures of Habit, Strange Brew, Hear no Evil, See no Evil, Dave Chappelle Season 1.

Minnesota has been getting more exposure lately (TWsnow, Mack Dawg and Robot Food videos). What are your thoughts on that and are there places that you don't want everyone knowing about and blowing up?

Yeah, film crews these days are exploiting the frozen 10,000 lakes. I guess I have seen it coming for years, but it finally happened. If you understand the climate, it only makes sense. SLC got blown out and overshot, so why not go to the next cold-ass state. Unfortunately MN does have the illest shit! There are so many handrails, sick ledges, artsy gaps and nice people who don't bust you. What better, our secret garden!

I wish national magazines could run more local talent in their stories!

Most of the time, the locals take the film crews to the spots and receive no love as far as coverage is concerned! Whatever happened to the saying "respect the locals"? My advice is don't exploit the spots unless you are being given the love in return, the Minnesota nice bullshit can only go so far. Respect is respect, especially when GPS systems are involved with the tracking of rails. Wow, snowboarding can seem so bizarre sometimes. Gotta get the shot, bra!

Where have you traveled to snowboard?

I have been all around the west. Mainly Colorado, California, Oregon and Utah. But I have shredded up in Canada too, which rules! Banff and Whistler are so fun! I love Colorado though, it is like a biggie sized MN. I have lived in Breckenridge for a few years now, but this fall my shredding will be stationed out of Vail.

Casanova, my favoritist brotha from anotha mother. I would shred with James Frederick, Nate Kern, Ron Bureta, Matt Seifert, Darcy Cornelious, CC, and the whole Sined Snowboards crew.

I would invite Dave Chappelle for comic relief, Slug and Eyedea to rock some mics and Prince to maybe make some purple rain drop from the Argentina skies! He could teach us all about the history of Minnesota music, with the help of Bob Dylan of course. KG, want some lessons?

Let's barter for some courtside seats! And last but not least, I wish my mom Judy was still around! She is the dopest mom on the planet! She would be our chef! Her quesadillas, salsa, cookies, and especially her veggie pizzas rule! R.I.P. JOSH MALAY. R.I.P. JUDY MILBERY. "GREATEST MOM OF ALL TIME!"

What has been your favorite trip so far?

Our SuperPark 8 trip! Jim Langer, James Frederick, Matt Peterson, Austin and myself had a killer trip to Canada. We shredded Lake Loiuse, which is absolutely beautiful! We almost didn't get let back into the USA, which was a trip. We had some angels looking down on us, protecting our entrance back into the country for sure. The border patrol could of really screwed us, but luckily the angels along with St. Patrick had our back.

Who do you ride for right now?

I ride for myself! I ride what I love to explore! I thrive my shredding on creativity! I get bored of the parks, I enjoy creating unusual stuff. I have my first ever pro model coming out this fall, called the 155 Celtic.

It is the sweetest ride! Great pop, excellent all around shredstick. It is super fun and snappy off of jumps! Rad on rails, too! Check it out on sinedsnowboards.com, or at your local shred shop. Cal Surf will be carrying them for sure! My sponsors are Sined Snowboards, SO...GNAR suspenders, Vail, Nixon, Dakine, 32, Flux, Spy, Liquid boardwear, Skullcandy headphones (they bump!), Spacecraft, and Cal Surf.

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and who would you bring with?

I am going to Argentina this fall with a crew of friends! Josh Malay could have been our tour guide. He will still be in spirit through every turn I make and every jump I hit. I would bring Mike

Can you explain your involvement with Sined?

Sined is an independently owned small snowboard company. We are based out of Breckenridge, Colorado, but all of us have midwest roots.

Ron Bureta owns Sined, and he lets me do some designing/guerrilla marketing for our movement. We have a tour coming your way, midwest!

“Whatever happened to the saying ‘respect the locals’?”

“I have been able to learn from friends as well as mistakes” Photo: Adryan Roane Ritter

Our tour is called the “Feed Our Bellies, We’re Hungry” tour. Check out the website at sinedsnowboards.com for dates and information. I hope the midwest is ready! We all love it back home, so why not create a tour to accommodate our love for our roots? My pro model, the Celtic 155 will be out soon. Cop it, yo! SO...GNAR suspenders will be dropping this fall as well! MIke Casanova and myself own this new suspender company... so check these out as well! They will be dropping like it's hot!

What do you do when you're not snowboarding?

I wear SO...GNAR suspenders, and read, draw, illustrate designs, screenprint new t-shirts, edit, help my friends better understand their lives, pick up trash, rock out to ill music, ride my bike, chat with ladies, try my best not to get hurt, have fun, hang out with my father, Kevin, my sister Jill, my dog Jingles, laugh, and try my best to live in the moment! I most importantly try my best to respect my opportunities!

How has snowboarding changed for you since you started?

Yeah, change is only natural. But I have progressed through time, travel, and experiences. It is much more mental for me now. Instead of physically depending on my body to perform, I have been able to learn from friends as well as mistakes. Keep your mind focused and your body just seems to listen. Practice, practice, fall, bail, fall then stomp! Keep tripping over your own keep, and I have tried to never let go of that passion I started snowboarding with!

What do you see in the future of snowboarding?

I just hope shredders have fun! Stay positive and have fun with your friends! Be creative, go do different shit just because it is different! Don't ever worry about what people think of you. "Don't just wear your smile, rather wear your smile for miles!" Words from the greatest mother of the universe, Judy Milbery!

Represent MN for all those who kicked down and opened the door for you!

Photo: Yerks

Chris Yerks: First and foremost, we’ll go around and you say you’re name and what you do in the band.

K: Mr. Kirk Ham Sandwich, guitar.

C: Cliff Cruton, bass L: Lars Caserole. drums.

G: And I’m Gallagher, I play vocals and lead hammer.

D: I’m Dave Mustard, I play guitar as well.

CY: Secondly, where can people contact you?

C: Well, people can contact us on our phones, or else they can go to Metallagher.com. They’ll find any information they need.

D: Or they can just email us at metallagher@yahoo.com CY: Are you surprised that the band has gained such popularity so fast?

K: I would say absolutely not. I think that the marriage of Gallagher and Metallica is something that has been a long time coming and that this new art form of prop comic heavy metal bands is the next thing that’s going to take off and take the world by storm, just like the new wave of British heavy metal took America by storm.

C: I’m actually rather disappointed by our recent success. I’d expected we’d have blimps...

D: I’ve only been laid twice.

C: ...and dogs with swords protecting us.

K: The private jet is like two months away.

CY: Are you hoping to tour sometime in the near future, and if so, with who?

G: Touring’s for bands that write their own songs.

D: We’re too metal for that.

C: We’re above that.

CY: So no tours in the future.

K: We’re not adverse to playing out of town shows. In fact we intend on doing so.

C: We play only in L.A. and San Fransico.

D: There’s talk of a Chicago show actually.

C: And Willmer.

C,D,G,K,L: (laughter) CY: Is there anything coming up soon that you’re looking forward to?

G: Armageddon!

D: War! K: We’re going to be playing with the Heavy Metal Warrior himself Thor. I don’t see why I even want to live beyond August 15th.

CY: What would you like people to come away with after a live show?

G: AIDS! C: A boner.

D: Face full of watermelon.

C: Face full of bonerific watermelon.

K: We’re going to fill their ears full of metal and watermelon.

C: One time we tried smashing a metal watermelon. We try smashing them and when they don’t smash we get pissed and storm off the stage.

CY: Next question.

D: We can just pack up and leave right now.

C: Dude, you don’t take that tone with us. We can pack up our shit right now and get the fuck going.

CY: Have you ever bored a hole in a fruit so that you could use it to make sweet love, and if so, what’s you favorite fruit to make love to?

G: No fruit, but one time I hollowed out a Nintendo and had sex with it, with my penis. While Excite Bike was playing.

K: I’m just gonna say that’s a private question and I’m not gonna comment.

CY: How many comedian/metal band cross breed phases did you go through before you got to Metallagher?

G: Exactly seven.

K: I’d say Kiss Farley was a dark time in all our lives.

C: Guns N’ Rosanne was where I hit my bottom.

K: Gilbert Godsmack was just stupid.

D: When this is done you have to look for Tom Green Jello. It’s gonna happen.

C: He’s gonna bring dead goats on stage and try to have sex with them.

CY: Now we’re gonna go to my favorite part of this interview... word association. We’ll go around, starting with Kirk. Pabst.

K: What do I associate Pabst with? Best beer on the planet.

CY: Gerbils.

C: Hot sex.

CY: Metal.

L: Shit!

G: How could you not say militia?

CY: Guatemala.

G: The future!

CY: Feltcher.

D: More please.

CY: Is there anything you’ll be doing to improve the live show, or is it unimprovable, and you just rock that fucking hard?

D: Yes and no, I mean we do rock that fucking hard but we are trying to work on a motorized desk.

G: That is also true.

K: It is going to have a 180 degree turning radius with sexy results.

G: It will be untailgatable.

D: Maybe a trampoline-size couch.

G: And a dunk tank.

K: We’re also going to be marketing condoms with Gallagher’s face on them.

C: They’re called Metalagalacocks. That’s what we use to put sperm in eight year old boys’ hair.

CY: What amount of alcohol consumption does it take for you to put those wigs on and blow everyone’s fucking minds?

G: I would say somewhere between Zack Wild and death.

CY: Have you ever thought of possibly adding guitar solos or drum solos on top of the Metallagher?

C: What the fuck are you talking about? Have you seen our music? Have you seen our goddamn band?

G: We’re trying to have fun, not kill people.

C: We have guitar solos everywhere, okay dude? We don’t need to put up with this bullshit interview.

G: Let me just tell you this... every time that we don’t do guitar solos, we’re saving lives.

C: This interview is fucking over. We’ve had enough.

CY: In closing...

C: Aagghh!

D: I’m gonna burn this tape recorder.

G: Dude, this is the fattest fucking guy that’s ever interviewed us.

CY: Would you like to thank anyone or say something inspiring to the mindless youths?

G: Yeah, kill yourselves and do fat chicks all the time.

D: And don’t write songs.

C: It’s a waste of time people. Seriously, we didn’t get this big writing our own fucking shit. Let me tell ya, there are thousands and thousands of songs out there just waiting to be played. Some of them aren’t even played anymore!

G: Check out the dirt bin at your local gas station.

K: Hiding behind parody laws is the best thing that I’ve ever done. Like a coward!

C: In closing, eat shit.

CY: Any shout outs to anyone? Would you like to thank anyone?

G: Yes, I’d like to shout out to Gallagher. You fucking suck, you ripped off my shit.

CY: Hey wrong answer. No one shouted out to me, you fucks.

C: We’re done with this interview. Get out of here.

Live Photos: Pernula

Interview with Jon Ness How would you compar e this group to bands you were previously part of?

What would you say the biggest difference is?

Well, our previous bands were all one form of cat chy rock, whether it be really poppy or a little darker and screamier. The Cardinal Sin seems to have eleme nts of all those bands. I think our sound is a little more div erse than before. Our song wri ting can fluxuate quite a bit, where as all of our old ban ds had a pretty set style.

Do you feel that being members of previously successful local groups has helped with drawing cro wds, CD sales, etc. compar ed to a new, unknown band?

I think our old bands hav e definitely helped us out . In some cases, I think som e of those bands are mo re popular now that they're no lon ger around, but I don't nec essarily think it helps CD sales. I mean, we played a ton of shows locally before our ep even came out, so I think if someone liked one of our old bands and they saw us live and didn't like it, the y probably wouldn't buy our CD. I think a lot of peo ple are those "Stick with the classic stuff" kind of sno bs anyway.

Where does your name come from? Has the nam e or CD artwork(upside down cross) drawn any negative attention from religio us types?

I think our original guitar player T.J. came up with that one. I can't remember, but it definitely fits in with our ideas about politics and religion. We're not really a political band, but as ind ividuals, we're all pretty upset with the way things are going in this country.

Especially these days wit h all the fucked up things happening with Bush and him turning America into Jesus land. We've gotten some negative backlash about our artwork and log o. Mostly on tour though .

In Phoenix on our last tou r, we opened for a Tooth and Nail band and they wouldn't even look at us.

I tried to say hi to their sin ger and he straight up ignored me. Way to hav e an open mind, jerk.

West Coast, how You have been touring parts of the on touring in ghts thou your are has it been? What general? tour went very well.

Other than the Jesus freaks, our last the road a lot. We on g bein t abou We're all really excited overcome some dy alrea have and well y all get along prett win it. to it in definite hardships on the road. We're y Flight and how How did you become a part of Gre has it been so far?

Flight guys since the James and Becky have known the Grey on tour with The were we n Whe .

Cadillac Blindside days Grey Flight came to our Lawrence Arms in L.A., Grant from a record, he'd do it. do to show and said if we ever wanted doing an extremely is l labe a as ht Simple as that. Grey Flig out of our e.p., they good job for us. They promote the hell just really genuine 're help us with shows on tour, and they is also one of the k Quic t Gran people that want to help us. distributed by also 're They met. ever have funniest people I really great of h a bunc Suburban Home and those guys are n, how often mea I e. caus the for people who are totally down who works yone ever with ds frien only is it that a band is not shows on with band the at their distributor, but they also help we're very and us, to good y tour? Everyone has just been reall thankful. come about? What How did the split with Small Towns it? can people expect from e guys would be a good We thought doing a split 7' with thos s, and we're both idea because we're both fairly new band help us both kind of it'll so off, s planning on touring our asse ld say our bands wou I es. venu rent diffe in promote ourselves appeal to very also we compliment each other very well, but thing to do. fun a just it's different people sometimes. And both covwe and own our of One s.

We each did two song Present ding The Wed ered a song too. We did Brassneck by Twin at and Hall Jeff . and they did a Rocky Votolato song guy. that love I .

Town is a recording ninja l bands?

Who are some of your favorite loca Superhopper, dig y reall Locally? There's so many. I is a much underratd thea Rive tric!

Elec Passions, and Die e is killing it right ed band. As far as newer stuff, Doomtre all know, you we And . now. Sims' record is really good ts and Husker men lace Rep the like can't deny the old farts h of fogies now.

Du. Even Dillinger Four are a bunc with that you Who would you like to play a show haven't yet? e soon, we If Paul Westerberg plays again sometim for him. open to toes would all sacrifice our baby Brother with show a play to love Personally, I would ably prob he'd Ali, but not only am I afraid of him, ay. think we're a bunch of sissies anyw of 2005?

What are your plans for the last half mer, and then in the sum We've got a lot of shows to play this rd and do an east reco th leng full a rd fall, we're going to reco now. coast/southern tour. So that's all for

Photos: Pernula

Soundcheck is over. The curtain drops simultaneously with an explosion of sound and lights. You’re deaf and blinded, panicked and calling out for help, unable to hear your own shouts as a wave of bodies carries you forward and presses you against the stage.

Your eyes and ears begin to adjust to the insanity that surrounds you. How long ago was it? When was the last time you felt so enthralled yet so afraid? The music ends abruptly and you’re physically shaking, covered in sweat and blood that may or may not be your own. What has happened? It takes a few minutes for you to realize you’ve just been STUNNED. Interview with Nate Nelson Could you give a little history of the band up until now?

Our first show was in April of 2003. The show was originally offered to a band I was in at the time who couldn't do it. The show was with a band I thought was really cool called Cheer Accident. I had been playing with J. Michael Ward here and there and I asked him if he would want to do to try to play it with me.

He was a fan of Cheer Accident as well and a band he was friends with from Texas called Oh, Beast was also on the bill so we decided to do it. We didn't want to play it as a two piece instrumental band so I recruited Adam and he recruited Chris. I think I met Chris for the first time a couple of weeks before the show. I want to say we only had three practices all together beforehand.

We instantly got along musically and personally and the music we were coming up with was exciting to everyone, so we just kept doing it.

People seem to have difficulty putting your music into a category. How would you describe it? Do you like not being lumped into a certain genre?

I loathe describing my band to people. If people are riding the fence about coming out to a show of ours, I tell them to not come cause they probably won't like it. Whether I think they would or not. Personally, when people say they can't put us into a category, I take it as compliment.

How did you get on Modern Radio?

We've all known Tom for a long time. He's a good dude and a good friend.

Plus, Saddle Creek wouldn't respond to any of my daily emails.

How does Dignified Sissy compare to your first split 7"?

We spent more time on it and we were more comfortable in the recording setting for Dignified Sissy. I assume we will be even more comfortable recording our next album. I expect us to keep getting better at it. It's a learning process.

What is your response to the Star Tribune calling your album one of the best of the year?

It was unexpected. Can't complain about it, I guess.

Would you agree to their comparisons of STNNNG with the Minutemen and Jesus Lizard?

I love both bands but I think I can speak for all of us and say that we don't really see it. We've been compared to worse.

How has the addition of Jesse on bass affected your sound & performances?

It has been an awesome transformation. It really opens me up to go a little more off the deep end in reference to my guitar parts. I was normally the one who had to hold the songs down with the drums. He is a great guy and his personality balances the rest of ours out great. I feel like our performances are that much crazier now too if only for the fact we have one more person freaking out on stage.

What do you expect from a band during a live show and how would you describe one of your live shows?

I suppose what I hope for the most out of seeing live shows is having some sort of visceral experience. I can't put my finger on one thing or another I'm looking for I suppose. I like to be engaged and not see something that I've already seen a million times from a million different bands. We hope to give the audience that same kind of experience. We try not to plan things out or make set lists and just run with whatever we are feeling from the audience. That seems like it has always worked the best for us. Someone just starts a song and once it's started, it's not stopping for anything.

The album art seems to stick in people's heads. Where did you find it?

Who do you think won the battle between the eskimos and the polar bears?

Chris found the picture in a men's adventure magazine in Chicago. We located the artist whose name is Mort Kunstler (http://www.mortkunstler.com/) and he licensed the image to us. Whether it's polar bears vs. eskimos, humans vs. aliens or pepsi vs. coke, there is no real winner in the game of warfare.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of being a band in the Midwest?

I think we all have only ever lived in the Midwest, so it's kind of hard to say what we are gaining or losing due to living here. Aren't people from the Midwest supposedly more real? Isn't that the stereotype? Hopefully someday we will be more real than the most real of all Midwesterners.

Do you have any plans to tour in the near future?

I don't think we are doing any extensive touring this year, but we are going out of town about once a month to play weekend shows across the Midwest Next month we are playing in Milwaukee and Chicago. We are trying to find out what makes these Midwest cities real and then we will take that information and will try to embody that reality. It's ambitious, but our mission is to become the most street real band in the Midwest.

When do you plan on recording again?

We are recording at the end of September in Chicago with Mike Lust. He did our last record. He understands us and is very much apart of our metaMidwest reality dream.

How would you describe the band's songwriting process?

I would describe it as REAL. Where can people find your CD? I've heard that Best Buy does not have it. I haven't checked on this myself, but my sources are very reliable and I'm sure the research was thorough. I know it is at all the Cheapo and Electric Fetus stores in the area. Treehouse has it as well. Or it can be mail ordered through Modern Radio or Southern.

Is it true that all of Chris' powers come from his gloves?

All Chris' powers come directly from his crotch.

Photos: Pernula

How did you guys get started?

Nate: It has a lot of ties with the Subhuman Gar, which is kinda funny. The Subhuman Gar was a band that Dexter and Ben were in a while ago, with Chad, Pat, Joe...

Ben: Andy was in it for a while.

N: They broke up because they were just lazy. That’s what it amounts to, right?

B: Yep. N: We started jamming with Joe, who used to play guitar, and then he started playing drums, so me and Ben went over there. Then Dexter calls me up one day and he’s like “Hey, I don’t wanna work for the rest of my life, so you wanna jam?” And that’s pretty much what the whole conversation consisted of. And I was like “Yeah, sure.” So I borrowed Joe’s cord and pedal and stuff and didn’t really let him know that we were gonna ditch him or anything. And I was also like “Hey, Dexter has a PA and a real room to jam in that’s not bombarded by a pool table. So we came over here and started jamming it out and it kinda of just went from there.

How long ago was that?

Dexter: It was the end of last May I think. April we might have talked about it and May we got it together.

B: I thought it was more around summer when we got it together.

N: Yeah, just about a year ago. Not much progress in a year.

D: We have practice three times a week. Sundays at seven, Tuesdays at seven, and Fridays...

N: Sundays at six now that Family Guy is on tv.

B: Everyone watches Family Guy. N: We gotta be home for that.

B: We don’t have Tivo ‘cause we’re poor.

Who are some of your musical influences?

B: Rancid.

N: Rancid is a high one up there. Dexter’s in love with the drummer from Blink 182.

D: No... He’s a sellout but he’s a really good drummer. I’d say NOFX and Pennywise are also some influences.

N: I don’t really like Pennywise but NOFX is cool.

B: Some new influences I like is Thought Riot.

D: Never heard of them. (laughs) N: Most of the riffs that I make up come from stealing songs from the sixties and seventies. Old school classic rock is where it’s at.

Recycling.

N: Recycling. Artists beg, borrow, and steal. And do I ever steal.

Do you have any influences outside of music?

B: Where we got our name.

N: Oh, our name is a prototype name for Mega Man, before it reached the United States. They tried... what was it?

B: Rock Man. That’s what it was in Japan.

N: Since the 30 year anniversary of Mega Man came out, one of the secrets you can unlock is a bunch of old drawings and on one of the drawings of Mega Man it said “Kid Knuckle.” So, video games definitely. Nintendo.

B: Mega Man kicks ass anyway, man.

Do you guys have plans on recording a demo?

N: We have four songs recorded for a demo and then two half songs. Since Ben’s been out of town, me and Dex have just been trying to lay some tracks and get them done. So we’re working on it. I guess four songs is good enough for a demo, isn’t it?

D: I’d like to get into a real studio and have someone do the work for us, and make it sound better.

N: You mean press the record button?

D: Well they just got better sound equipment.

Do you play better when you’re drunk?

N: No! B: We like to think so, but...

N: Yeah, I’d like to think so. Our shows are definitely more fun.

D: I’d say we play the best off like one or two beers. And past that, we get a little sloppy.

N: And I get naked.

And you kept dropping your pick the last time I saw you.

B: Every song.

I was thinking you guys should have a drinking game where every time you drop it, people have to drink.

N: That would be good. We like to do games and stuff. I don’t know if you were there for the pinata.

B: You were there for the giveaway, weren’t you?

Yeah.

B: For people who actually danced or moshed or whatever.

D: We gave away Turoc.

N: Yeah, Turoc Dinosaur Hunter for Nintendo 64. I know with any local shows, ‘cause I’ve been to a bunch of local shows, nobody’s really gonna do anything. I gave out a stick of deodorant and a bar of soap, just kinda on the punk rocker, no bathing thing. If you can get the crowd involved somehow, it’s always a bonus, you know? Even if it’s just laughing at ya.

Otherwise they just stand there and nod their heads.

N: And I hate it when they don’t heckle you.

B: We love heckling. It’s participation from the crowd.

N: Yeah, it’s them actually acknowledging that we’re there. Spilling out our hearts.

Yeah, and if they’re playing the drinking game they have to watch to see if you drop the pick, so they have to pay attention.

N: Or how many pubic hairs actually fall out of my boxer shorts.

Does everyone contribute to the songwriting process?

N: I was talking with a buddy one time, my buddy Hash. He’s in the marines now and god rest his soul, someday, probably, I don’t know. I brought it up as, I bring the meat, Ben brings the potatoes, and Dexter comes on home with the dessert. That’s how I broke it down. Do you catch what I’m saying?

B: Yeah, I get you. We make the meal.

N: I always have just some crude riff and then Dexter says “What if you can do like a ‘da na na’”. You know, something like that. The dessert is what Dexter brings. And his crazy ass drum beats.

What do you look for in a groupie?

N: Big boobs and free beer.

B: I like the go-go style dancing. They can come up on stage, and do whatever. Shake the ass.

N: Wait, scratch that from the record, we’re sounding like biggots.

D: On a serious note on that, I like a fan who can get the crowd started, who’s out there in the mosh, and can come up on stage and sing the songs if he knows them.

N: Even if he doesn’t know them, you can’t understand what I’m saying, so if he just goes “Blalalah luah lah.” That’d be cool.

D: We want a four piece band anyways.

N: Yeah we want to get another guitarist just ‘cause I’m really limited with what I can play and sing due to...

B: Lack of talent.

N: Lack of talent. And lack of practice.

B: We all work. It’s kinda hard.

N: I work fifty hours a week regularily.

D: I’d say I work the least, and play the most.

N: You work the least and somehow you have the most money. But what I actually look for in a groupie is a groupie. Someone to be there, you know? I don’t want to play anymore shows just for my mom.

B: And someone to heckle us when we ask to be heckled.

N: Oh, we don’t even have to ask to be heckled. If they’re drunk, we’re happy. The more they drink, the better we sound.

Name one band that you wish never broke up.

N: That’s a tough one. Actually, The Beatles.

B: Traveling Wilberys, man. I just bought their CD today and it kicks ass.

N: He spent thirty dollars on a burned CD at Down in the Valley.

B: It was such bullshit, I gotta go back and bitch.

N: Isn’t that illegal for them to sell burned CD’s?

They have a lot of crap like that.

B: But it came from Russia. Could they get beyond some law or something?

N: No, ‘cause we don’t have a duty free or anything like that.

B: I gotta go and bitch. I’m gonna be like, “I’m not paying for this.”

N: Well, you already paid for it.

B: ...Then I’ll steal something on the way out.

N: That works.

That sounds good.

D: This may sound not punk rockish but I’d say Pantera. They wanted to do their own side projects and stuff, and as a result there’s no more Pantera.

N: No Doubt is also on that bill.

I don’t think they broke up.

N: Well, Gwen Stefani is all rappin’ and...

B: A whore now!

D: You can put Van Halen, all three times. Actually, Guns n’ Roses is probably my favorite band right now. They put out some good albums and I don’t really care that they’re no good anymore. They’re old and Axel can’t sing that high anymore.

What about one band you wish would break up?

D: Blink 182.

N: Yeah, that’s a good one. Can I say The Simpsons? Or The Transplants. I wish they would just be done.

B: They could redeem themselves by the next album.

N: Or Three Doors Down. I wish they would just be struck by lightning, to tell you the truth.

B: Yeah, anything on 93X I was wondering if the fat guy from Smashmouth was dead yet.

B: Ughh, or Uncle Kracker.

Bare Naked Ladies.

B: Sugar Ray. N: That guy from Sugar Ray was here, for the Taste of Minnesota. That shows you how quick he washed up. He was here solo.

If you guys could be the opening band for anybody, who would you want it to be?

N: From a realistic standpoint, probably Dillinger Four.

D: Maybe Semisonic, they came from here.

B: Yeah, that’s the right crowd, too.

What are your thoughts on punk music today, like what people consider punk on mtv?

N: (farting noises with two thumbs down) I read this article in Rolling Stone.

They had this big article about Good Charolette and the headline was “Punk Rock Without the Threat.” And that just seemed utterly ludacris. I’m not saying that all punk rockers are threatening or anything, but punk rock without the threat, that’s just... it’s like fluffy tails and bunnies.

D: I don’t think we have one song about a girl.

N: No. Not one song. I hate songs about girls.

B: Yeah especially on KDWB, like Yellowcard, Simple Plan...

D: Don’t quote us on that, there probably will be a song about a girl someday.

N: Yeah, I’m sure I’m gonna meet this piece of shit bitch that I’m gonna write this song about. But it’s not gonna be like... “I love you.”

D: We’ll only write one love song per album.

It’s the last track and it’s acoustic.

N: Yeah, it’s gotta be acoustic. But yeah, our lyrics are really deep rooted, within like, what we see. I thought you were gonna ask us what are songs are about.

B: So, what are your songs about?

N: We write our songs about just crap I see. Like one of our songs, our newest song, I wrote it while I was unemployed. Or on unemployment. And the beginning lyrics are “Wake up in the morning, ain’t been working, got nothing better to do. But sit around the house and scrape my bowl and then I smoke for an hour or two.” So it’s just about what I’ve done. I’ve got a couple songs about friends, trendy people...

B: We’re writing a song about the London bombings.

N: And just daily crap that you see and douchebag buddies that you get for some odd reason. Those friends that you think are assholes, you’re never gonna get rid of them. They’ll be your friends forever.

Photos: Pernula

B e s t Friends

Forever Jes and Bri of BFF aren’t riding any bandwagons. In fact, they’re the ones who hide behind the hedges when they see a bandwagon coming down the street and throw nails and broken glass into it’s path. Even after the driver and passengers and carried away by ambulances into the night, bloody and screaming with protruding bones, Bri and Jes still have no desire to tip the wagon upright and climb aboard. They simply set the bandwagon on fire, dispose of the evidence, and rock out on a little thing called originality...

Other than Abe Lincoln, are there any other former presidents that you'd consider having a relationship with? Martin Van Buren had those wild sideburns so he'd be at the top of my list.

If Alexander Hamilton, our nation’s first Secretary of the Treasury, had made it to the presidency, then he would be first on our list (we hear he was well endowed).

Or, we would choose Franklin Pierce based on looks alone. However, none of the other presidents seem to have the character, wit, and darkly brooding sex appeal of our comely 16th president.

What if Orlando Bloom heard the song "How BFF Breaks it Off With Movie Stars", took it as a personal challenge, and asked you out on a date... would you agree to it or stay true to the song?

Actually, we aren't saying that we wouldn't go on a date with Orli. Maybe we'd even consider a healthy, fun, non-monogamous relationship. We just meant we're not interested in a traditional boyfriend-girlfriend thing with him.

How long have you two been friends?

Eleven beautiful years. We met in fifth grade (1994) at basketball camp, but we had some serious personality differences at that point and it wasn't until extenuating circumstances forced us to spend a lot of time together that we discovered our similarities. Jes got less spazzy and Bri pulled the stick out of her ass and from this fertile ground of the shared experience of being outcast adolescent girls in a small town sprung forth the ephemeral blossom of our formerly stifled creativity.

How long have you been playing music together?

The music came soon after. Jump ahead to eighth grade: Bri gets an electric guitar and Jes therefore decides that in order for them to have a band she needs to get a bass. Jes gets a bass. We were both involved in a passionate love affair with the Smashing Pumpkins, and to show our devotion, wished to play their songs on our instruments.

We were highly excited about "alternative rock" at this time, and started playing these kind of songs in our cover band (called the August Kid, or maybe also called Endless Mike). Then in ninth grade we discovered....INDIE ROCK! Then we discovered....MATH ROCK. Then we thought we discovered we were really good at writing mathrock songs, and broke out from the cover band to start Nothing Jive About Jupiter, which was our idea of an instrumental mathrock-postrock-prog-rock band. It was horrible, but we thought it was SOOOOOO good and were planning to be wooed by record executives the world over.

“It is the best feeling ever to be totally balls out in front of a bunch of people.”

Photo: Pernula

Who were some of your musical influences?

Our biggest influences were probably the Smashing Pumpkins, Liz Phair, Modest Mouse, Rodan, Joan of Arc, Don Caballero, and Hum. You could probably go through our songs and pick the band that each one sounded like; I think we set out to write songs by saying "let's write a song that sounds like June of 44." It was funny. Then some other people joined Nothing Jive and it changed a lot and became pretty much a band that was pretending to be Modest Mouse. Nothing Jive about Jupiter was really fun but it wasn't really our band anymore, we weren't very assertive at that point and we had never been the ones out front or singing or anything. In 2001 Jes quit music forever and Bri focused on Twin Cities teen sensation Linus. In 2002 Jes decided to come out of retirement and Bri quit Linus forever.

We decided that we wanted to start a band that totally reflected us as people and performers and songwriters. We were really happy about how long we had been in a personal and creative relationship and wanted to express that to the world. We decided it was time to stop being embarrassed or nervous or timid about our abilities and make more of a point to have fun and be ourselves. At first it was pretty intimidating (Jes passed out immediately after leaving the stage at our first show) but now it is the best feeling ever to be totally balls-out in front of a bunch of people.

If you could go on a tour with any band, who would it be?

We would like to go on tour with any band featuring Perry Ferrell in hopes that maybe at some point he would invite us to his secret island of mystical pleasures.

Also we would like to go on a nice long tour with Pash and the Blow because those ladies are really nice and fun and probably one of the few bands that we would really want to watch perform over and over and over.

If a made for tv movie was put together about the life and times of BFF, who would you want to play you?

Jes thinks Bri would be played by Kiersten Dunst, and Jes would be played by Geena Davis. And there would be some weirdness around the age differences between these two actresses, but that would be funny. And aging/reverse aging makeup could be used. If these were Shakesperean times and men had to play us, Jes would be played by Jake Gyllenhall and Bri would be played by Emilio Estevez.

I must say my views may be impartial seeing as how since I saw these guys (and gal) for the first time I realized they are ultimately my favorite new band in the Twin Cities. First off, these are no style fucks (i.e. girl pants, fauxhawks/shotgun blast hair teenie boppers). This is a group of kick ass real people that are so fucking good at playing hardcore punk music that they have no need to hide behind any image or fake-ass attitude.

Setting all that bullshit aside, to really indulge in what is Build or Burn, you must see them live.

The sound is virtually uncomparable to any other band out there now. The female powerhouse front of the band Jess is unlike any other. Her barking lyrics could put any male hardcore band lead into a fucking choke hold. The ripping strings of this band are handled by Dean on guitar and Brian on bass. The thrashing, tearing sounds put out by this duo will make your fists clench into hard balls of rage waiting to explode into your enemy’s mouth. Now this may piss off Gambit, but seriously, watching him play the drums totally reminds me of Animal from the Muppets. But back to the article, this dude puts some serious sound out of those drums. The crazy fucker really beats the shit out of those things. Combine all of these elements together and you have one ass kicking group. If you’re tired of the same old thing in this so called “scene” get off your ass and see this band play live. You will not be disappointed.

-Chris Yerks

Photo: Pernula

Former coworkers Christine Poague and Mike Gunther catch up and discuss jobs, groupies, and Dangerous Minds...

What have you been up to? Besides musically. Workwise, how have you been getting by?

I was cab driving for a while. And I still do that once in a while. I haven’t done it in a few months. And also, I got a job restoring furniture. Like 60’s modern furniture.

How did you get hooked up with that?

My sister was dating one of the owners. They don’t like to say I’m the guy who’s in charge, but I’m the only guy who’s a regular employee for them anymore. There used to be three guys and me. I was the new guy. Now they all are gone and now I do all that stuff. So if you need some antique furniture...

What other day jobs have you had before those?

Value Village baler.

Maintenance extraordinare.

Yeah. I baled and sacked clothing for a living. I worked at an acrylic fabrication factory. I was a tire technician. I was a diesel mechanic for a while, like three or four years ago.

How old are you?

Twenty eight. I was a diesel mechanic but that wasn’t very much fun. Oh, I was also a UPS driver, and an Airborne Express driver. Oh, and a bagel baker.

When I first knew you, I didn’t even know you were into the whole music thing. How did that all start?

When you first started at the Village and when I first started, I was in a band, and that wrapped up pretty soon after that. There was quite a while, especially during the Value Village times that I was trying to get a band together, and it never worked out. There were timing issues.

How did you get hooked up with your band members?

Well, Aaron I went to high school with. We learned to play guitar together.

And he had just moved back. He went to school in Boston, and had just moved back from Boston. And I had already started doing solo shows. I had been doing that off and on for a long time. And I thought “I should try to get this band together.” And Aaron moved back in town right at that point, and he was willing to do it. I started dating Susanne, and she knew Dave, the bass player.

We needed drumming, and I had some drums, so I showed Susanne how to drum. And she really took off.

Did she play any instruments before that?

She played the trumpet before that. She plays the trumpet in the band too.

So what instrument do you play?

In this band?

In general.

Well, there’s a lot of instruments I know a couple tricks on, but I’m not very good at. In this band I mostly play guitar and piano. I built a thumb piano.

Except this one you sit on. It sounds really cool.

I was quite impressed to look at your resumes of articles and stuff online.

Did you see my music video?

I did. I was impressed.

It’s filled with strippers!

That was hot.

Burlesque dancers, excuse me.

Where’d you find them?

All of them were dancers for the Cirque Rouge Cabaret. There’s two Cabaret wars. Pastie wars.

Speaking of pasties and whatnot, do you ever get undies thrown on stage and stuff?

I’m hoping tonight will be the first.

Well, I was gonna bring some, but...

Nothing like that’s ever really happened.

So do you have groupies? You got chicks chasing after ya?

No... There has been the opposite. We played one show and there was this guy at the bar, and there was some applause and it subsided and this guy goes “These guys suuuck.”

How did the Dangerous Minds soundtrack inspire you as a musician? Isn’t that the one your mother listened to?

Oh, that was just the Gangsta’s Paradise single. From the film Dangerous Minds.

But you had the cassette in your car though, because I remember riding in your car listening to it.

Yeah, I was driving my mom’s car. I still perform that occasionally with the ukulele. Power of the money, money of the power. Minute after minute, hour after hour. Nobody’s lookin’ what’s goin’ on in the kitchen, but I know what’s cookin’. I memorized that after stealing my mom’s car and driving to Pittsburgh.

What was in Pittsburgh?

I was trying to get to Gettysburg but I got too tired.

What, did you turn around?

Well, I stayed in Pittsburgh for a night and then I drove back. I was with that girl Erica.

The one that made you hold her purse?

Yeah, while she danced. You should see me dance now, it was in me all the time.

Really?

Yeah, I just didn’t know how to drink heavily then.

So that’s the key? A little alcohol.

A little alcohol.

I’ve got this lyric that reminds me of you, and you gotta tell me if this holds true of who you are. “I’ve seen a million faces, and I’ve rocked them all.”

What do you think of that? (laugher) Yes and no. I’m trying to elaborate, because I was thought that wasn’t the whole thing, like we can’t use a certain word so let’s use a word that sounds like it. That word is rock! Like “rock me like a hurricane.”

I’ve got some word association for you. Western Star.

I just thought of blue. That was the color of Marty’s Western Star when we went on the road. And the grill. I saw the shiny part of the grill in my mind.

All right. The word “moist”.

That’s the word that everybody hates. Isn’t it?

I don’t enjoy that word. The Heart of a Champion label, how did you get hooked up with that?

That’s my old roommate. He heard me playing in my room before, and once we started playing he liked it. I’d probably still be making that first CD, because I always said “Oh I don’t have the money.”

Was it expensive to get it up and going?

You need like a couple grand, maybe. It depends. You can burn them on computer cheap. Maybe that’s what I would have done initially. But he wanted the silk screened disks and all that. I think it’s a nice presentation.

What’s you favorite venue to play at?

I don’t know, maybe it’s the familiarity, but I’ve always liked playing at the Turf Club. I live right by there now, so I kinda go there once in a while anyway.

Jay, 360.

Photos: Pernula

This year’s 7-Ply Culture took place at The Soap Factory over Labor Day weekend.

Skateboarding and art go hand in hand, and this exhibit did an awesome job of representing the connections between the two.

Photography, sculpture, grafitti, and paintings shared space with some great deck and wheel designs. A mini ramp and a wallride, among other obstacles, were set up and ready for anyone feeling artsy.

Opening night included musical performances that rocked the floorboards. Be sure to look for this event next year if you missed it.

Swimmer’s Ear Magazine P.O. Box 2076 Maple Grove, MN 55311

Metallagher

Photo: Pernula