High School Bullying

Are you obligated to forgive your high school bullies when they apologise?

The Anti-Bullying Alliance found that 1 in 4 UK children reported they were bullied in schools. With bullying often causing so much trauma to the youth of today, are they obliged to forgive their bullies if they apologise?

Written by Amy James Designed by Kayla Annakie

Idon’t believe that anyone who has been bullied owes the person or people who chose to bully them forgiveness. Often, particularly if the bullying happened a while ago, we’re asked to consider what made that person a bully. Who hurt them? Why do they take their feelings out on other people? But if you’re the person who’s been targeted, why should you be required to show compassion to someone who’s hurt you? Bullying, whether in high school, university, work or anywhere else, can lead to anxiety, depression, and selfharming. It can impact people throughout their lives, making it harder to develop trust or make friends. It can make children more likely to drop out of school. It can lead to body dysmorphia. In extreme cases, it can lead to suicide.

In a recent YouGov poll, 19% of students between grades 9 and 12 reported being bullied in the previous year, with almost 15% of all high school students describing themselves as having been cyberbullied over the past year.

Shock tactic headlines might be designed to do just that, but there are real stories behind them: children changing schools or counties to get away. A boy telling his school he was being bullied only days before killing himself. A 12-year-old girl with special needs who was cyberbullied by the ‘popular kids’ at her school to the point of committing suicide.

Almost 15% of all high school students described themselves as being cyberbullied over the past year.

Bullying at any age can have a detrimental effect. But at such a formative age, in terms of emotional and mental state, and when people don’t necessarily have the barriers and coping mechanisms they may develop in later life? That can have traumatic, long lasting repercussions. We probably all know someone who has fears or insecurities dating back to high school. I know many of my own issues with my body come from then.

But does that mean that we shouldn’t forgive our bullies? Well, from the point of view of looking after yourself, it might be better to forgive, if not forget. And it’s not just that holding a grudge against people who have hurt you can hold you back, stopping you from moving on with your life. Holding on to negative emotions can have a negative effect on your mental health, and it can have potentially serious effects on your physical health too.

Some studies suggest that forgiving those who have hurt

We all know someone who has fears or insecurities dating back to high school.

you can have a positive effect on you in multiple ways. In terms of mental health it can reduce levels of depression, anxiety and stress.

When it comes to physical health, forgiving can help you sleep better, lower cholesterol levels, reduce pain, and even lower your risk of a heart attack. In which case, it seems worth having a go at.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to tell the person in question that you forgive them, or that you have to let a damaging person back into your life. Just letting go of that old anger and fear in your own head is enough to have a positive impact on your life.

So, are you obligated to forgive your high school bullies if they apologise? Of course you’re not. But if you can, it’s probably better for you in the long run - so give it a shot. N

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to tell the person in question that you forgive them, or that you have to let a damaging person back into your life.