Life goes on

First person How I used trauma to change my life

“I don’t love you anymore.” Five unexpected words altered Libby Finlayson’s life forever. With three young children to raise, she used her deep emotional pain to rebuild her life and unexpectedly find a whole new career

AS TOLD TO LIZ McGRATH

“Igrew up on a sheep station near Leonora in the isolated Goldfi elds region of Western Australia. It was the best childhood — such amazing freedom. There are always people around, yet you spend lots of time in nature alone.

Growing up in the middle of arid bushland means you learn to use your imagination, become resilient and do things city kids can’t do, which I’m so grateful for. I loved nothing better than being with my horses and dogs.

After school I was keen to travel so I went to the Kimberley and Queensland to work on cattle stations. I also worked in mining before heading overseas.

I knew my husband through mutual friends but it was at a country music festival where the sparks fl ew and it grew from there. I headed east to study for a year but we stayed together, and when I returned I moved to his family farm in the wheatbelt.

I was always a livestock girl, so had lots to learn about crops, and we ran a mixed farming enterprise with his parents. I loved my life. I had my horses, space, a beautiful garden and three children. It was a wonderful time.

We’d been together 13 years when things started to change. For a few months my husband had been less engaged with me. We went on holidays with friends and I felt something was wrong. It was like I wasn’t even there. But I never thought he wanted out. I fi gured we were stronger than that. I had no idea what was going on inside him.

When it all came out, I was numb, in complete shock. You experience sadness that you didn’t know was possible. It was a death. My best friend and partner just gave up on our marriage. Our hopes and dreams as a family gone.

When I left the farm, I knew I had lost not only my husband but a farm lifestyle, community and a family that was united. I moved to the coastal town of Busselton in southwest WA. I’d been on the land for a long time and the jobs I’d done in my life related to that. So I had to totally reinvent myself while grieving and taking care of three kids. It was a slow, painful process.

“I found courage and resilience I didn’t know I possessed.”

I decided that I wasn’t going to fall into a hole and become a bitter ex-wife. I promised myself to keep fi t and healthy so I could look after everyone around me.

I love nutrition, cooking and nature, so I looked for a way I could use those things. My friends and neighbours kept asking how I had so much energy and love for life while a single mother. I started giving advice on what I knew.

For me, staying fi t and healthy was important but I decided to take it to the next level. I studied health coaching and it was lifechanging. Not only did it help me heal but made me aware of myself, self-love, worth and the power we all have within.

While coaching clients on their health, I would discover their relationships had a huge impact on their health. So I off er relationship coaching and ‘beyond divorce’ coaching, too.

The changes in my life led me down a diff erent path. From farmer to coach. A journey of health, growth, improving the life of others, of acceptance, acknowledgement and owning my feelings.

I found courage and resilience I didn’t know I possessed, and I realised the worst thing that happened to me was also the best thing that happened to me.

My message: You are good enough. Own your feelings, create your life, love, laugh, eat the rainbow. Life is what you make it, so make it amazing!”