2021-2022 Art + Literary Magazine by Suffield Academy

Mission

Suffield Academy is a coeducational independent secondary school serving a diverse community of boarding and day students. Our school has a tradition of academic excellence combined with a strong work ethic. A commitment to scholarship and a respect for individual differences guide our teaching and curriculum. We engender among our students a sense of responsibility, and they are challenged to grow in a structured and nurturing environment. The entire academic, athletic, and extracurricular experience prepares our students for a lifetime of learning, leadership, and active citizenship.

Non-Discrimination

Suffield Academy does not discriminate on the basis of sex, race, color, religion, creed, national or ethnic origin, citizenship, physical attributes, disability, age, or sexual orientation. We administer our admissions, financial aid, educational, athletic, extracurricular, and other policies so that each student is equally accorded all the rights, privileges, programs, and facilities made available by the school.

Editors

Kaitlyn Suller

Senior Artists

Riley Desabato

Ava Cieplinski

Michael Greystone

Brynn bergin

Manoush Pajouh

Nina Artioli

juliana Colaccino

Aurora Prescott

Hope Selvitelli

Nate Schoen

Hailey SULLER

Chloe Ku

GRACE KOTCHEN

Ashley Parrow

CAMPBELL WHITE

Zeina Lee

ARTS & CREATIVE Writing

noun

continued effort to do or achieve something, even when this is difficult or takes a long time.

“One thing that was clear to me early on was how important it was to have something to do – something that you’re anxious to get back to. I wanted to get back to work because I enjoy what I do. I love making art… It’s largely how I see myself. I’m an artist; therefore I have to make art.” Chuck Close

Ed i t o r s Aurora Prescott 2022

Hope Selvetelli 2022

Sophie winikur 2024

Alan kim 2024

Rhys Babcock 2023 Hayden rowley 2024 Joey brook 2023

Daniel Zola 2023

Henry blanchard 2024

Ava Cieplinski

Brynn Bergin

Nina Artioli

Aurora Prescott

Nate Schoen

Chloe ku

Ashley parrow

Zeina Lee

Kaitlyn Suller

Rylie Desabato

Michael Greystone

Manoush Pajouh

Juliana Colaccino

Hope Selvitelli

HAiley SUller

Grace Kotchen

35 Campbell White

Origin Story Ashley Parrow '22 Emily Killoran '23

In the beginning, there was only ice. As far as the eye could see, ice stretched forever. On that ice roamed wolves, who calmly coexisted with each other forever. At one point, one of the wolves that lived amongst the others decided to dive below the endless ice in search of more. What he found within the pitch black of the water was crystals, the only thing that could be seen, as the colors of the crystals were too vibrant to be impacted by the darkness of the water in the slightest. The wolf swam down to collect as many crystals as he could, and then returned to the surface with his new possessions, which he quickly fell in love with. The wolf was very excited, and shared his discovery with the rest of his pack, who all fell as deeply in love with them as he did. The wolf then blew air into his crystals, creating life from them so that they could love him as much as he loved them. What the wolf created humans, who were welcomed to the surface of endless ice by the other wolves around him, and the humans were happy to be there. The two species lived alongside each other, learning each other’s ways and living happily. The humans were happy to have been given life, and the wolves were happy to have met new friends. But, the

Kristian Yan '25

39 for putting his own kind in danger. Eventually, this feeling had become too unbearable for the wolf, and he said goodbye to his pack, leaving the ice to join his humans down in the air bubble. However, he understood his danger in that decision, so he separated his body to create Earth for them. His skin became the ground, and his fur the grass that his humans now walk on, his tears that he cried became the water, and from his blood came the wildlife, which knew to stay far from them. This way, he could always be with his humans, but they would not be a threat anymore.

Kristian Yan '25 Victoria Benderschi '23

happiness did not last forever. They discovered their differences in survival needs the humans had that the wolves did not share. The humans became hungry and cold, which were issues the wolves were not met with. It did not take long for the humans to turn on the wolves after coming to terms with this. They had taught themselves to hunt and were learning how to survive, something the wolves did not need to worry about before the humans came along. They became a threat to the wolves, and their creator needed to do something to protect his pack. So, he dove back under the water, and swam deep down until he could barely see his break in the ice, and let all of his air out into a bubble where he banished the humans. There, the humans could not pose as a threat to the wolves, and they could live on their own. The wolves were safe now, and returned to what it was like before. However, the creator stayed around, watching the humans through his hole in the ice, which the humans had begun calling ‘the sun’. As terrible as they had become, he still had a love for them, as they were his. With this conflict, the wolf became depressed. He could not bear to watch his humans from so far away and not be with them, no matter how toxic their relationship had become. He also struggled with his guilt

Ellie Frisbie '23

Victoria Benderschi '23

KarRaH Hayes '22

Nadja Meite '24

BLUE, BlUE, World In the sunlight Eyes closed: Red, Orange, Yellow – So very warm. Eyes open: Blue, Blue World.

Campbell Hudkins '25

Kristian Yan '25 Johnny Beam '23

41 Chloe Coffin '23

Stacy Yurkovskaya '23

Katy Caron '25

Adam

KarRaH Hayes '22 Two hands Reach for one another One more desperate for contact Indexes soft It seems they never touch: The Destruction of Adam.

Victoria Benderschi '23

Chloe Coffin '23

Helena Ladah '23

Nyah Bailey-Burton '25

43 Victoria Benderschi '23

Nyah Bailey-Burton '25

Nadja Meite '24

Cindy Tsai '23

Kristian Yan '25

Creation Myth Lorcan Doull '23 Helena Ladah '23 Katy Caron '25 Bryn Grant '23

The Void is the end of all thingsAnd their beginning. Within the void, there was a god made of stone, who crafted the first continents and creatures into existence from his own body, killing himself in the process. The world of stone was intertwined with the Void, forever destined to return to the place from which it had once originated. The Dead God’s eyes shone through time, creating the stars in the night sky. Years passed, and while the Void hungered for a new deity, creatures great and small roamed the world. Humans revered the Void from which they had spawned and carved upon the bones of great leviathans the symbols of its’ power in reverence. The Dead God’s eye watched them, until such time when a cluster of stars dimmed from the sky. The humans acted, sacrificing one of their own at the edge of the world, where the Void and reality meet. Despite the sacrifice’s struggle against the ropes, the blood ran out, and he became a God. The sight of the Dead God was bestowed upon him, and he was given a new name: “The Outsider”. The name that came before was forgotten by all but the dead, who could speak the Outsider’s Mark of Power. The spirits of the dead lingered in the Void, surrounding the Outsider as his body remained motionless, trapped in a Vault of Stone at the very centre of the Void. However, through the sight of the Dead God, he would walk through the minds of generations, selecting

45 leaving behind a single prophecy, written within the halls of the castle; The very halls in which his father had once dwelt. “The end will come when all the stars in the sky are swallowed by the Void. From the Void, everything began, and to the Void shall everything return.”

Victoria Benderschi '23

to die and enter the Void, his powers would remain. Life, Eternal. His Mark, as well as his eyes- the very window of his being- glowed a deep, crimson red, the blood of the dead surging through his being in perpetuity. However, the Bastard had not asked for this power. He scoured the lands, enacting his own will on his own terms. The Bastard could see both the end, and the beginning. He knew what would happen, what has happening, and what had happened. But he did not know- Nay, he could not know- what he himself would do before he thought of doing it. For it was he who had been granted freedom from time itself. He set out to claim his fathers’ throne, aided by others who had not forgotten the origins of the Void. The whispers of the dead spurred him forward, revealing to him the many secrets of the world. Through his actions, some began to view The Mark of Power as a sign of hope, rather than one of despair. Despite this, The Bastard was not perfect. Unlike those that came before him, however, he could see the consequences of his actions before he had committed them. All possible futures from his actions were laid out before him, and he was left to choose his own path. He did not crave power, nor did he desire accolades. His name was never carved in stone, nor was a statue erected bearing his visage. He only sought to use his power for the benefit of others, and further the understanding of Time. The Bastard was only known by the wisps of smoke that accompanied his hooded appearance, accompanied by the crimson glow. One day, the Bastard vanished from the world,

Helena Ladah '23

those deemed of great interest to him to wield the Mark of Power, granting them unnatural abilities beyond the understanding of mankind. Over time, as man developed, civilizations rose and fell. Most forgot about the Void, and the Outsider. Though the Void always remained, as did the Outsider. Through the Mark, the Outsider’s will was enacted, and through the Mark, yet more empires rose and fell. Mankind soon became little more than the Outsiders’ playthings, rather than his worshippers. Time passed, and one day, an Assassin with many names who had once rejected the Mark of Power found themselves in the Void, called by the Outsider once more. The Outsider told the Assassin: “When the Outsider falls, The Eye of the Dead God shall remain, and a new deity will arise.” Refusing to kill the Outsider, the Assassin instead set him free from the Vault of Stone, restoring his mortality. As foretold, no ruler remained in the Void, save for the Eye of the Dead God. Its’ power beckoned to the world once more, and another assassin, one named Daud, claimed the mantle through communion with the Eye. Unlike the Outsider before him, Daud gave his Mark more freely, empowering those he deemed worthy, rather than those he deemed of great interest. He cared not for his will being enforced upon the world. As such, the terminally ill Bastard Son of a promiscuous king was chosen to bear the Mark. His illness was dispelled, and great powers flowed through him, though this came at a price. His soul was forever removed from time, and he became a part of the Void. If the dead continued

Anny Suarez Vargas '24

Nyah Bailey-Burton '25

Biff Tran '23

47 Brendan Mastella '23

Michelle St. Jacques '23

Chidinma Esielem '23

Ellie Frisbee '23

QUEER GUILT ELLA SLATE '22

I can’t remember when I found out that bisexuality even existed, but I didn’t know how different it would make me, knowing this from childhood, since the 5th grade. It doesn’t only make you feel like an outsider from the other girls your age; there is an ever-present guilt that comes with being queer. It becomes familiar. Even after years of embracing yourself, it comes back, over and over. When I had my first crush on a girl, I began to feel like I was weird. Not at first. Maybe it was a kid in my class harassing me with the phrase “Les’ be honest,” some kind of gay joke, which I’d deflect over and over again until he’d leave me alone. Maybe it was that another boy in my class had a crush on the girl I liked, in a different way. In what felt like a normal way, the way it was supposed to be. I felt like a creep. I felt that what I felt for this girl was wrong. And disgusting. I felt guilty. I came out to my friends the first moment I knew. I didn’t even know what coming out was. It just felt like a discovery, a happy one, finally a way to explain my feelings. This was before the guilt became strong. I told Leah at the end of recess, lined up to go inside, leaning against the rough brick wall. “I’m bisexual, I think,” I said, or something like that. I remem-

ber exactly how she responded, though. “That’s cool I guess... but I’d never do that.” That was one of the first moments I began to think I was making a choice, and maybe the wrong one. One day I was watching Disney channel after school. My mom was in the kitchen. And for some reason, it felt like the right moment to tell her. I never wanted to, but I knew it was standard procedure. I wanted to share everything with her, and the longer I kept these feelings to myself, the more it felt like I was lying to her. So, I pushed myself off the couch and wandered into the kitchen. She was standing before the white marble counter, preparing something for herself. She might’ve been cutting me a frozen pizza. I can’t remember. “Mom, I have something to tell you.” “Yes?”

“I think I’m bisexual. I like boys and girls.” The first thing she said was “Oh. How do you know?” And suddenly the guilt arrived. I didn’t know what to say. I told her about my crush with the smallest amount of detail, just wanting to pass her test. I remember exactly how it felt, because I still feel this way sometimes. I suddenly felt like I was faking everything. Like I was standing in front of my mother, lying to her face. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I’m too young to know. I just wanted attention. I’m just an attention-seeker. There was never a way out. I was lying if I didn’t tell her, and I was lying if I did. I left the kitchen as soon as possible. I never brought it up again. A month later, she asked me if there were any boys in my grade I liked. I wasn’t going to add “Or girls.” I wanted her to forget. But she said, “Are you

still bisexual?” like I could turn it off. Or like I was caught up in a delusion, and she was asking if I had come to my senses yet. I said no, with shame and confusion and anger at myself feeding off of each other, in a symbiotic relationship. I didn’t want to feel the shame, I didn’t want to feel like a creep or a fraud. I just wanted to be normal. There’s still a part of me that feels like a fake. Last year, when I heard a friend say they thought I was faking being bi, I questioned myself all over again. The moment I heard, it all came rushing back to me, like I was 11 again, standing in front of my mom, trying to convince her, trying to convince myself, that I wasn’t a fraud. It had been 4 years since then, and no matter how much I had learned about myself, how much I had embraced myself, it hurt in the same, innocent way. Just last week, I wrote down “Bisexual” on my ‘Identity Web’

project for leadership class. My classmate saw, a girl I liked and talked to a lot. No matter how nice she was to me and how nice she’d be in the future, it changed how she saw me. I felt the shift in my whole body, saw it in her face and her words. “Oh, you’re bisexual? I think it’s fine, I just didn’t expect it. I think people can do whatever they want, you know?” I know English isn’t her first language, and I know tolerance differs from country to country, but it still weighed me down, even if she could’ve said something worse. It’s hard to feel secure in your identity when you’re sat there, talking about your sexuality like you’re on trial. “I think it’s fine.” It hurts to realize that everyone gets to have an opinion about your sexuality. That interaction showed me how far I’ve come. If a friend said that to me as a kid, it would’ve been added to list of things that made me feel like I was making a choice. It still

Chloe Coffin '23

Mackenzie Headley '24

made me feel different and other, but at least this time I can tell my queer friends about it and laugh it off. I don’t think I’ll ever fully feel comfortable being queer. I still don’t. I still need to be gentle and understanding with myself, like my friend wasn’t, like my mom wasn’t. I might always have to mourn my coming out, always have to suppress the bitterness that slivers out from my chest when other queer people talk about their happy coming-out stories. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away, but I do think the bitterness gets a bit sweeter when I come to terms with it and let myself mourn properly. I’m grateful for the people that believed me, for the communities that offer support. I wish I was given the space to explore my sexuality when I was a kid. I wish people took little girls seriously when they say they like other girls. It’s not perverted, it’s not wrong. I was just a kid. But that’s never stopped the guilt from coming back. It sits outside your door, knocking and knocking and knocking, until you let it in. I’ve never faced it head-on, just let it sit on my doorstep knocking. Next time it comes, I’ll let it in, and I’ll sit it down at the kitchen table and have a conversation with it like an old friend, like it has no power over me. Come in. What brings you here? Do you want to sit down? Thank you for stopping by. I’ll do that until it stops showing up.

humans all gathered and went to where the mother flower was planted. They fought species after species, battle after battle until they finally reached her. She wilted as her first creations cut her stem and watched as the color faded from her once vibrant petals. The remaining animals and the rest of her creations turned cold in mourning. The water froze, the leaves fell off the trees, snow began to cover the green world causing it to be cold and frigid. Because this was not the environment that the bees had perfected, many animals and plants died and withered away. The world had been changed forever. Ever since that sorrowful day, there has been a mourning period where the earth goes back into that cold, heartbroken state of losing the mother flower.

Stacy Yurkovskaya '23

a new flower did not bloom like the others before. Instead, this Paige August '23 flower was black and purple color, and had not bloomed yet. The life In the beginning, all that had that had already cultivated and sprouted from a newly formed flourished on Earth dared not to Earth, was a flower. The flower go near the deformed flower. The was yellow like honey, delicate mother flower had not allowed and feminine. This flower held all it. However, the naïve nature of the power of creating life. One humans is what doomed them. A day, a seed dropped from within human walked by this ostracized the mother flower and into the flower and saw that it had not Earth and a new flower began to bloomed. Out of the goodness bloom. This flower was a deep of their being, they decided the and hot red like fire, holding best thing to do would be to aggression and masculinity. From water that flower so that it may within this new flower, small bloom like the rest of the others. bees started to crawl out and They knew no better but to help fly away. As the bees flew away, those that shared the Earth. The life started to be created below human watered the dark flower them. Luscious grass started to and watched in awe as it bloomed form below them, trees with waiting to see what it was going large fruit began to grow and to create. From this flower rivers flowed. After the day was bloomed death, destruction, done, the bees returned to the jealousy, pride, and vanity. The flowers to sleep and pollinate the human became encircled by world the next day. The yellow it and watched as these swept mother flower began to have the rest of the human species. more seeds fall from within. The once peaceful and vibrant With each seed that fell, a new Earth became a darker hue. The species was created. First were humans began to not only kill the humans, then followed the rest animals around them but each of the animal kingdom. Each day other. They took over the Earth that went by, the bees created with destruction and greed. The more and more to help the new mother flower watched in horror blossoms survive. Mountains as her creations turned evil. She were created, fresh and salt water began to create flowers that were created, and finally the rest would bloom different species of the world became a perfect to counter the humans and be home for all the mother flower’s able to stop them. This did not creations. All of the flowers that work as each creature she created were created from the mother was taken over by the humans flower’s seeds became the gods of and their now dark hearts. The each species, but all worshipped humans began to catch on to her. The different species lived in her plan and because of this, harmony, nurturing each other, they wanted revenge. The pride respecting, and caring for one that was now running through another. The world was at its most their veins was hurt at the fact peaceful. One day as the mother that their own creator wanted flower was producing more life, them dead. The strongest of the

Creation Myth

51 Mackenzie Headley '24

Stacy Yurkovskaya '23

Kristian Yan '25

Natalie Tehrany '25

Norah Wright '24

Ava Maglieri '25

Ellie Collier '23

Christian Ricinos '24

Katie O’Brien '24 Helena Ladah '23

52 Biff Tran '23

Kristian Yan '25

Nyah Bailey-Burton '25

I’ll Be #SchoolProud When They #TeachTheTruth Chastity Blair '25

They say #TeachThetruth Don’t indoctrinate our youth When the truth has yet to have been taught. The treacherous theys are the uneducated educators of the United States. “Don’t teach them what to think, it’s your extinct way of viewing the world Don’t guide them out of the “dark and grimy walls of ignorance” (Douglass.) Black people probably conversate about how all white people are evil at their conferences.” Most don’t understand the Freedom Wave we’ve been Riding. Our diaspora yearning for acknowledgment Yet them teaching our rights is a controversial academic movement. Kimberlé Crenshaw cultivating for them to teach those in the legal field Nevertheless, in the legal field it is sealed. For them, teaching black history is too much mental gymnastics. Yet they do aerials over our lynching epidemics, Whilst exemplifying the white power tactics, Ignoring the Black Panther basics, And Ruby Bridges logistics. But the youthful black bodies must accept these facts before

they were seven, Susceptible to slip into a deep depression. We do stand the landing for “one Nation indivisible, with Justice for all.” America will never “gaze upon the light of the moon and the stars and the spangled heaven” (Plato.) The education system is laced with generational disgrace. Just as the USSR beat the US in the Space Race, Unlike America, education is Germany’s ace.

gallows, Do understand why “Heil Hitler” never echoes, Do contextualize compositions of the vast ethnic hate fallows, Do identify these atrocities against the minorities to make sure they are embargoed. If education is “the great equalizer” (Mann) why don’t some American teachers Want to uphold the equilibrium of black history “for all men”? Who doesn’t want to emancipate the youth into the “glorious light of truth”? They do declare the education One could only imagine it is those of the horrors of the holocaust who purposely don’t want to mandatory. empathize. Do analyze visceral But willing to capitalize off documentaries, photos, and our bodies and continuously videos, dehumanize. Do follow the honorable shadows, German students have the right Through the ghostly gassy idea

Public institutions. Public education. Urban becomes synonymous with marginalized, Public school becomes synonymous with a ticket to prison, How can we reform the policies that cycle each season?

Nyah Bailey-Burton '25

Victoria Benderschi '23

Critical Race Theory Call for the masses to learn the correct history. Raise the right questions and be direct with the delivery. Touch the forgotten and whitewashed territory Careful of the white primary! Right the wrong teachings of antiquity. Tear the passive roots of the American anatomy. Captivate the theory and let it be no mystery. Real generational shifts will be legendary. Till we’re taught the Critical Race Theory.

Nyah Bailey-Burton '25

To sympathize, They want to meet the holocaust survivors to memorialize.

Chidinma Esielem '23

and to push, and she did—she did everything she was told! At last, the baby arrived. But the baby was silent. Even with those nine months of saying no to her favorite bottle of Adrianna Vineyard wine, the baby was out, but he was silent—his stubborn, closed-lip rigid.

He came like a thief in the night. She was sitting on her purple leather couch, thoroughly indulging in the “My Brother’s Keeper’s” episode of Vampire Diaries, when she felt the distinct vibrations in her pelvis, the thrums of reckoning. A careless battle between lighting and wind ensued in her belly, and with every step she felt the callous strikes and slaps on her sides. She felt such unnatural contortions from what she knew to be her own body, and it drew out of her a weep—a cry for relief. Yet she has longed for this day: consuming copious amounts of avocado toast in the morning and teriyaki grilled Nyah Bailey-Burton '25 salmon dishes at night; abstaining from drinking her favorite bottle of Adrianna Vineyard wine that remained in her cupboard; even religiously doing her kneeling ball rollouts and figure 8 exercises — recommended by Doula Mary—all to prepare for his arrival. But it all happened in a blur and last she could remember was hobbling out of her plywood roofed home, into the idiosyncratic sulfur smelling Uber in inconceivable anguish. Oh, how terrible it was that Doula Mary was not there, and her husband, Marshall, was whispering to her to breathe, in and out, in and out, in and —no! How could she breathe when she felt the anger of a hundred scorpions wringing at her intestines, intense friction erupting stabbing pains at every corner of her body? But they told her to push, and to push,

Cindy Tsai '23

Kristian Yan '25

A Thief in the Night