RESOURCES FOR PARENTS If you are a parent who has been flipping through this book in hopes that you will better understand teenage drug use, you’re definitely off to a good start When children are under the age of twelve, they look to their parents for security and guidance. In these years, parents have an enormous influence on their children – in the values they instill, in helping them make appropriate decisions, providing necessary nurturing and love, and modeling healthy behaviours and communication skills. As children grow older their developmental tasks shift from seeking security and acceptance from their parents to struggling for individuation and control over their own lives. More and more they look to their peers for acceptance and belonging. Parents have good reason to be concerned about substance abuse in their teenagers. Drugs are extremely easy to obtain, and alcohol is present at many parties and social events. However, as a parent it is important to respond carefully to substance abuse concerns. • Find someone other than your child to whom you may vent your feelings of anger, fear, and guilt. It’s important to identify and express these feelings before approaching your son or daughter. • Learn the facts about drugs and alcohol use instead of relying on popular myths and assumptions (see the resources on our website www.healthyteens.com) • Prepare how you will approach your children with your concerns. The most important message you can convey to teenagers is that you care about them and that you are a person with whom they can discuss this sensitive topic. • Treat your sons or daughters as though they are the experts on their own lives. They are. The term “I need you to help me understand this” can be very useful. • Teenagers will often give convincing excuses to respond to your suspicions or concerns. Saying “I would like to trust you enough to believe you” or “I’m not looking for an excuse, true or not true; I’m more concerned with the mixed messages I’m receiving” is a way to respond to the real issues rather than the excuses. • Be clear on the fact that no matter how much you would like to, you cannot control your child’s choices. You can, however, learn to cope.
SOME COMMON TRAPS TO AVOID • Do not assume you know exactly what is happening with your child, or that you understand all of the reasons behind his or her drug use. Give your child the opportunity to tell his or her story. • It is counterproductive to over-react by using scare tactics or threats. This simply sends the message that you don’t understand them, and that they need to hide everything they do from you. It is much more effective to engage them in a conversation about the pros and cons of experimenting with drugs. • Loading on the guilt (i.e. “how could you do this to me; what did I do wrong?”) is almost always a mistake – it usually only creates brief changes in behaviour, and invokes resentment. The same goes for nagging. • Don’t prevent your children from experiencing the natural consequences of their drug use; for example, calling school to excuse absence or to prevent suspension. “Rescuing” reduces the chance that your children will learn to take responsibility for their actions. • Don’t blame yourself or other people for your child’s drug use. As you will learn, there are many factors that contribute to substance abuse. Learning how to cope more effectively with this problem and how to communicate your concerns is far more important than laying the blame on yourself or others. • Lastly, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can single-handedly change your child’s interest in drugs and alcohol. There is no magic formula for preventing teenagers from trying drugs: the best buffer is having honest discussions, exposing them to information, and letting them know that they are responsible for making choices about drugs, and that they are responsible for any consequences of their drug use.
48
healthyteens.ca
