MARRIAGE

IT’S UPTO YOU

The extent to which a user enjoys a product depends largely on the user’s willingness to painstakingly go through the manufacturer’s manual. After using a particular mobile phone for about 10 months, we realised while skipping through (not reading) the manual that it has a particular function which made life much easier.

Many (if not most) of us have mobile phones, appliances and products which we are only enjoying just the basic functions, not because we enjoy mediocrity or are satisfied with just the minimal, it’s just that we couldn’t be bothered (or more dignifying, “had no time”) to read the manufacturers’ manuals. That same attitude seems to be carried into every aspect of our lives, including love relationships; such that, instead of having a blissful and enjoyable love life as the Manufacturer intended, many are just religiously coping or agonisingly enduring. Friends, we discovered from the “Love Manual” that our love life is to be enjoyed not endured, however, it’s entirely up to each marriage partner to make a choice.

We will like to say it again that, “no marriage is destined to fail, and no marriage is immune from failing”; each partner only need to be conversant with the Manual, to enjoy love life as intended. John Hagee said: “Your marriage can be a better marriage, or it can be a bitter marriage. The choice is entirely up to you”. Since the manual of a product plays a very significant role in enjoying the product, it follows that, for any spouse to enjoy the product called “marriage/love relationship” to the maximum, such must make time to go through the “Love Manual” - Holy Bible. It is the manual for enjoyable living and not just for adherent of a particular faith. Let’s consider few tips contained in this “Love Manual”:

Husbands

A key enjoyment tip for the husband goes thus: “And you husbands, show the same kind of love to your wives as Christ showed to the Church when he died for her” (Ephesians 5:25). For an enjoyable union, every husband will do well to search through the Manual to study how Jesus loves the Church. Jesus declared that His love was an unfailing/unfading love despite the failings, inadequacies and short comings of the lover. (Read Romans 5:8.) It would appear that His statement, “Father forgive them” while being tortured was an expression of His unfailing love. No wonder, the Manual states that the Lord Jesus greatly loved His own and continuously loves them with His perfect love to the end (John 13:1b AMP). We have heard statements like: “I actually used to love her until she started putting up these attitudes….” Excuse me, I thought He said love should follow His pattern?

Wife

The “Love Manual” says that the wife should fulfil her role of being the pillar she is purposed to be. She is expected to demonstrate that by ensuring that she actively participates, supports and submits to ideas and plans in progressing the love relationship. Proverbs 31:10-12 (TLB) says she is worth more than precious gems and that she richly satisfies her husband needs, and helps but not hinders him. The wife is to understand that as the “suitable helper” or “help meet” (not “help mate” as some erroneously say), she is not in any way inferior by being the wife, for without the neck the head becomes just skull. She is to accept her role with gratitude just as the Lord Jesus says, He is One with the Father, yet it was His joy to play the role assigned to Him. Read John 10:30 and Philippians 2:6.

Not “Cause and Effect”

It is important to note that the love relationship tips discussed above were not in any way “cause-and-effect”, that is, if ‘A’ happensthen ‘B’ should be the next step. In other words, it is not written in the “Love Manual” that “a man should love/honour/cherish his wife if she…..” In the same vein, it is not stated that “a wife should enhance/support/submit to her husband if he…..” We have heard things like “he has to merit it” or “since she does not treat me as her head, I won’t.…” Such ideas, popular as they may be, nullify the word of God for the sake of traditions of men. (Read Matthew 15:6 NIV).

No marriage is destined to fail, and no marriage is immune from failing

The foregoing should not be misconstrued as a tacit support or approval of any form of abuse, (as a matter of fact, it’s our considered opinion that domestic abuse in any form is Godlessness), we are just highlighting that the “Love Manual” expect each spouse to be humble enough to take responsibility for making their marriage relationship enjoyable. Each spouse should look inwards and ask if she is playing the game according to the Manufacturer’s Manual or following “tradition” and/or “redefinition”?

Friends, we are able to testify to the glory of God that we belong to the group of people who are enjoying their lives by following the “Love Manual”. We invite you to be determined to make your (marriage) an enjoyable one too by allowingthe Lord Jesus Christ into your love life and following the principles enumerated in His word; for without Him, life cannot be enjoyed (John 15:6). However, we are not ignorant of the fact that “ye are gods”, you may decide to continue to do it your own way and keep enduring instead of enjoying. But, remember, “Your marriage can be a better marriage, or it can be a bitter marriage. The choice is entirely up to you”.

Bayo and Funmi Eesuola

Bayo and Funmi Eesuolaare Pastors@ RCCG Love Assembly in London;they also run ‘HELPS Counsellors (a Christian charitable organisation).