Beyond The Silence - Issue 2 - Summer 2024

Building a society where NO male survivor is left behind

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

“You guys have got me through some difficult times.”

RICHARD GADD

Our amazing Ambassador on bringing BABY REINDEER to Netflix, and the positive effect it’s had on male survivors.

DUNCAN CRAIG OBE Chief Executive Officer

INSIDE CEO UPDATE

“AS WE HEAD TOWARDS OUR 16TH BIRTHDAY, I’M MINDFUL OF HOW SIGNIFICANT THAT AGE IS...”

A VERY WARM WELCOME FROM ME, THE BOARD AND THE TEAM TO OUR SECOND ISSUE OF BEYOND THE SILENCE , AND OUR FIRST IN THE BRAND NEW FORMAT… YES, WE’RE A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE NOW!

Whilst the newsletter format served us well, our organisational vision is for a society where NO male survivor is left behind and with such a bold vision, then we need an equally bold way to get the UK talking.

I am so grateful to our Design and Senior Communications Co-Ordinator, Grahame, who has years and years and years (OK, I’ll stop there before I get into trouble) of experience in putting publications like this together, having been the creative genius behind outnorthwest and a number of Sci-Fi publications. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as we enjoyed putting it together. Please do share your thoughts and ideas with us as we want this to be as much of a publication WITH you as FOR you.

As we head towards our 16th Birthday (FYI: 5th February 2025), I’m mindful of how significant that age is and how being 16 is connected to the ‘age of consent’. So this year, in our journey to get there,

we will start to challenge thinking more, asking more difficult questions, and telling you what we think. I really do hope you’ll join us in these discussions along the way. Hit us up on our socials or email support@wearesurvivors.org.uk

Whilst we’re on the subject of discussion I cannot finish this welcome without saying a huge thank you to our cover star, the uber talented and personal and organisational hero, one of our amazing Ambassadors, Mr Richard Gadd. Whether you have seen it or not, Richard’s now global Netflix smash hit Baby Reindeer has set off an explosion of discussion about male victimhood and sexual violence; inside he talks about his relationship with our groundbreaking organisation. Thank you Richard for all you have done to show your vulnerability.

So until next time, have a wonderful Summer and once you’ve read this, pass it along to someone else and be part of the most important conversation we can have.

DUNCAN CRAIG OBE Chief Executive Officer

REACHING OUT TO MALE SEX WORKERS

WE ARE SURVIVORS IS TODAY SENDING OUT AN OPEN INVITATION to male sex workers, male performers from the adult entertainment industry, and male content creators, to connect with the organisation in an effort to better understand their needs.

VICTIMS & PRISONERS BILL

What effect will this new Bill have on the Victims Code? LAW

The Victims and Prisoners Bill was introduced in 2023 as part of the government’s manifesto to introduce a bill and establish an Independent Public Advocate. The Bill aims to introduce measures that will better protect victims and witnesses, meet their needs, and build a greater public confidence in the criminal justice system.

For a Bill to become law, it begins its journey in the House of Commons where committees gather evidence from researchers, academics and expert witnesses. The draft bill goes through a number of readings and amendments are tabled. Reports are then written which then move up to the House of Lords. Further readings take place by the Lords, committees scrutinise the draft and amendments; and once

the Bill goes back and forth between the two houses, amendments are considered, a final Bill is reached and it goes for Royal Assent and is accepted into law. One of the key aspects of the Bill is the Victims’ Code – a set of 12 rights to which every victim in England and Wales in entitled. Initially, survivor services, leaders and campaigners were pushing to have these rights enshrined in law.

However, it seems more likely that the rights will remain set in a code but legislation will be as to how the code is implemented by the relevant criminal justice agencies and how they will be legally held to account.

Scan the QR code to follow the progress of the Victim & Prisoners Bill

Duncan told us: “The very beginnings of what is now We Are Survivors is rooted in providing support to men engaged in sex work or at risk of sexual exploitation, and those engaged in the porn industry; since the pandemic we know that the landscape has changed. So it’s time we gain a better understanding as to how we can provide support to male survivors engaged in creating content or working in the adult industry, also how we can support male sex workers to reduce risk and harm and ensure they know where they can come if something goes wrong”.

"...there is some fantastic work happening in supporting men in this industry...

...but we know directly from those that access our services that issues connected to past sexual abuse experiences, particularly those in childhood, can often make their ability to work more complicated and sometimes make it difficult for them to set and maintain boundaries. I want to ensure that when we say No Male Survivor Left Behind we mean it.”

To find out more, you can contact us in confidence at this e-mail address: support@wearesurvivors.org.uk

JOIN WE ARE SURVIVORS AT PRIDE!

AS WE LAUNCH INTO PRIDE SEASON, We Are Survivors will be attending a number of Pride events in Greater Manchester - culminating in our first ever attendance at Manchester Pride in August, and we want YOU to join us! We will be working with our friends at George House Trust to deliver our partnership campaign - ON IT. This bold campaign aims to highlight issues around sex, chems, HIV and consent, directing people to help and advice at the website www.onit.org.uk. If you’d like to join us on the Manchester Pride Parade (24th August), drop an e-mail to Daniel or Grahame at onit@wearesurvivors.org.uk We’re asking all participants to take part in a short training course, just so everyone is clear about the ON IT campaign.

The next issue of Beyond The Silence will be published in August 2024 and we want this to be YOUR magazine. Do you have something you want to let our readers know about? Any experiences you’d like to share? Drop an e-mail to grahame.r@wearesurvivors.org.uk

UCLAN REPORT ON MALE VICTIMS

New report highlights the misconceptions levelled at male survivors.

At the start of April, University of Central Lancashire, in association with the Men and Boys’ Coalition launched their report on the ‘survivorship experiences of men and boys of crimes categorised as crimes of violence against women and girls’.

Since the launch of the Violence Against Women and Girls strategy in 2008/2009, the data used in this analysis and the associated annual reports has and still continues to include that of male victims and alongside a number of other organisations, We Are Survivors have been at the forefront of challenging this nonsensical notion that male survivors of sexual abuse, rape and sexual

exploitation are victims of violence against women and girls. The findings in this new report illustrates the problems male survivors face being categorised in this way; from not being seen as the myth ‘it doesn’t happen to men’ is perpetuated, to support services not recognising male survivors or in some areas no services being available.

The report recommends that the government consults male survivors and the agencies that support them, along with academics, to build a greater knowledge base and a separate strategy that meets the specific needs of male victims/survivors instead of including them in a strategy that isn’t for them.

NEW TRAINING LAUNCHED

We Are Survivors and Consent Collective join forces.

After 12 months of discussions, filming, editing, and more discussions, We Are Survivors and The Consent Collective have launched their brand new training module – An Introduction to Working with Male Survivors of Sexual Harm. Presented by Dr Nina Burrowes, psychologist and nationally recognised expert on the psychology of sexual violence; and including input from some of the We Are Survivors team; this course is aimed at supporting professionals offering advocacy,

reporting, investigations, support or therapy, to feel more informed and confident in their work with male survivors of child sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape. The course has just over 60 minutes of video footage along with some reading and exercises to complete, and is estimated to take 90120 minutes to complete.

Scan the QR code to find our more and take the training!

FUNDRAISING

READY... SET... DONATE!

Staff and volunteers at We Are Survivors are raising thousands at this year’s Great Manchester Run.

This year We Are Survivors is taking up the challenge of completing the Great Manchester Run on Sunday 26th of May.

Members of our staff team (check out Nick, Jamie, Theo and Liam in the picture above), volunteers, friends, family, allies, and survivors are all taking part to go the distance raising money to help us in our goal of a society where NO male survivor is left behind.

We’ve also had support from friends and family of the team as well as a few of our trustees! These heroes have taken it upon themselves to donate to We Are Survivors to support not only our runners but the thousands of male survivors a year that call for our help.

Even with our amazing team pounding the route, we still need your support! Our team will be setting off from the start line at 1pm and would hugely appreciate some encouragement and cheering on. You could also show your support with our stylish volunteer T-shirts, which proudly show the We Are Survivors logo on the front and #NOMaleSurvivorLeftBehind on the back. If you’re fundraising and need a tee, drop an email to volunteer@ wearesurvivors.org.uk.

Your support has a huge impact on the lives of male survivors helping them engage in positive healing and breaking the silence. We’ll let you know how much we’ve raised in the next issue!

£30 DONATION

funds a Survivors’ Health Walk, a weekly stroll for a small group aimed at improving health and reducing isolation

£85 DONATION

funds a drop-in session, which is a safe and informal space to grab a brew and connect with fellow survivors and our friendly team

£200 DONATION

funds four ‘The Garden’ sessions at RHS Bridgewater, weekly horticultural sessions where survivors learn new skills, benefit from outdoor activity and develop a supportive community

£500 DONATION

funds six sessions of one-to-one trauma-informed therapy, helping a client to understand and work through the impact of their abuse

£900 DONATION

funds one place on our Healing Steps programme, twelve one-to-one sessions of advice, emotional support and practical coping strategies.

GRAB YOUR FREE FUNDRASING PACK!

To download or read our FREE Fundraising pack, just scan the QR code.

MEET THE TEAM

NISAA ALI

Therapy Services Manager

Nisaa leads Therapy Services at We Are Survivors. This important service helps male survivors move forward in their lives by offering a safe space to talk and share, with no pressure. All of our therapists are qualified and members of the BACP (British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy).

Hi Nisaa, what do you enjoy most about working at We Are Survivors?

“Working with a team of people where we all share the same passion is powerful. I love what I do here. When you love what you do it doesn’t feel like work, I’ve been here for three years and I have met the most incredible people, they help me be the best version of me. You don’t get that often.”

To find out more about 1:1 therapy services at We Are Survivors, and how to refer, visit www.wearesurvivors.org.uk

STATS THE DIFFERENCE WE MAKE. AT A GLANCE.

THE BABY REINDEER EFFECT

PLANTING CONFIDENCE

Every Friday afternoon, our lads set off for an afternoon of fresh air, planting and bonding at RHS BRIDGEWATER.

Every week we grab our gloves and shovels and get to task maintaining and developing each of our allotments at RHS Bridgewater. No Friday is the same: new plants go into or out of the soil in accordance with our seasonal plan – so as we move through the calendar year we’ll sow and grow everything from edible flowers and herbs to tomatoes and root vegetables - and of course, any and all of the fresh produce we harvest is shared freely amongst our ‘gardeners’ to be taken home and enjoyed. If the weather’s fair we take the chance to stretch our legs and explore the grounds of Bridgewater – inevitably, we head straight to visit the chickens and pigs. The RHS’s wonderful Community Grow Team is always there to ply us with seedlings and tips we can take home with us to help us plant at home, and we finish every session by sharing a well-earned brew with them behind the greenhouses.

Interested in joining us? If you would like to travel with us by cab from our premises, please let us know in advance

"Just being here is healing."

RHS GROUP ATTENDEE

by emailing us at community@wearesurvivors.org.uk or calling 0161 236 2182 so that we can ensure that there is space for you in the car. We are picked up by cab at 12:00pm from Unit 17 Brewery Yard, Deva City Office Park, Salford (M3 7BB) and are returned there after the session at approximately 3:30pm.

If you are intending to make your own way to RHS Bridgewater, just notify the staff at the centre to contact the RHS Community Grow Team to let them know you’re here to join the We Are Survivors group, or simply arrange a meeting-place with us in advance via the above email address or telephoneline.

COMMUNITY GROUPS

MONDAYS

DROP IN

A safe space to connect with peers and enjoy some fun activities.

ONLINE SAFE ROOM

An online peer-to-peer support group.

MANDEM MEETUP TALKING CIRCLE

A judgement free talking circle hosted by our brothers at Mandem Meetup.

TUESDAYS

YOGA STUDIO

A weekly yoga session in a safe space.

THE COFFEE SHOP

Let’s grab a brew and have a chat.

THE HANGOUT

A brand new group for survivors 18-30.

WEDNESDAYS

THE ART ROOM

Express yourself artistically - all abilities!

THURSDAYS

THE BUILDERS YARD (LEGO)

Brick by brick, come and join other survivors and get building with Lego.

THE COFFEE SHOP

Let’s grab a brew and have a chat.

THE SAFE ROOM

Confidential, peer-topeer support groups where you can talk, listen and learn.

FRIDAYS

THE WRITING ROOM

A weekly creative writing session, open to all abilities.

THE GARDEN AT RHS

Get out of the city for a gardening session in beautiful surroundings (see left).

Please feel free to contact us if you’d like to know more information, or to let us know that you’re coming along to any of the sessions or groups.

E-mail: community@wearesurvivors.org.uk

Call: 0161 236 2182

SAFE SPACES

Our Deputy Chief Executive Officer, Chris Speed introduces the brand new safe space at We Are Survivors. A space built with survivors needs at heart.

Our new communal space is large and comfortable and is home to loads of our fun community events.

“I’ve been at We Are Survivors for over nine years and my aim has always been to develop the organisation to better support survivors and offer an amazing, safe space for them to come to and heal in their own way, and in their own time.

Being survivor-led and offering the right environment has been the backbone of this. It’s not just a physical thing - we want survivors to FEEL that they’ve made the right choice coming to We Are Survivors. Over the years, we’ve grown from a one room office to working across the North West in over 17 spaces! In support of our aim to have No Male Survivor Left Behind we have invested in our main hub space in Salford and now have two sites from which we deliver group community support, 1:1 therapy, ISVA support, facilitating ABE’s (Achieving

closely by Greater Manchester Rape Crisis as our sister organisation and to support families and those affected by the abuse of a male survivor. We’re developing bespoke sites across Greater Manchester, with the aim to open 3-5 spaces and reduce travel time to no more than 40 minutes for a survivor to access our services. There’s lots to do in getting the right places and growing the workforce to provide the right type of support in other environments, however we are fully committed to meet our aim of No Male Survivor Left Behind and that means we’ve got to close the gap and come to you - our existing and new survivors. So keep a close eye on us as we’ll be providing updates and asking what people want over the coming months.”

Check out some of the amazing Lego creations from the lads at our weekly Builders Yard event!

"WE WANT TO REDUCE THE TRAVEL TIME FOR A SURVIVOR TO ACCESS THE SUPPORT THEY NEED."

Take a seat, relax. This is your space to be creative, or just have a brew and a chat with new friends.

Welcome to We Are Survivors! We’re here when you need us.

The welcoming waiting area if you’re here for some one-to-one talking therapy. TAKE A VIDEO TOUR OF OUR NEW SPACE!

WE NEED ALLIES

WE ARE SURVIVORS and our brothers at MANDEM MEETUP have launched a brand new initiative aimed at better serving male survivors in barbers, tattooists, sexual health clinics and many more spaces.

March saw the launch of SURVIVOR ALLY, an exciting new joint campaign and training programme from We Are Survivors and our broskis at Mandem Meetup.

At We Are Survivors we strive to break the silence of the sexual abuse, rape and sexual exploitation of boys and men. Mandem Meetup is a grassroots charity promoting and improving the conversation around men’s mental health and wellbeing. So, it made perfect sense for us to work in partnership on this important project. The Survivor Ally project offers engaging training courses aimed at customer facing

professionals (barbers, tattoo artists, dentists etc) about understanding how they can help a male survivor feel comfortable, understood and safe during their appointments. Many of these professionals have to be physically close to customers, often making physical contact with customers who may feel in a vulnerable position. Understandably, this can be very triggering for male survivors. The Survivior Ally website hosts a number of powerful testimonies from male survivors about why having an understanding can make a potentially stressful situation much more manageable.

John is a male survivor: “I’ve known my barber for 20 years, and he knows

"It's

about asking permission and getting the consent of the individual before going any further."

JOHN, male survivor

that I’m a survivor. But, he does forget sometimes. Just grabbing my head and tilting it to cut the back of my hair… that can trigger memories of the perpetrator forcing me to put my head in a certain position because he wanted oral sex.”

Damien is a professional barber in Manchester’s Northern Quarter. He told us, “You’re touching someone at the end of the day – their hair, neck and face. There are very few jobs where that happens, so you’ve got be professional. I always explain what I’m doing.” John adds, “It’s about asking permission, and getting the consent of the individual before going any further.”

Going for a sexual health check up can place a male survivor in a position where they may need to undress and, depending on treatment, may also involve very intimate procedures. It’s hugely important that sexual health professionals are aware of trigerring situations. Dr. Andrew Tomkins is a sexual health doctor - and a trustee at We Are Survivors. Andrew told us, “We are guided by the individual, and what they are comfortable to have done in the consultation. I would always make sure someone felt comfortable and able to express any concerns, or whether they are even comfortable to be examined. I would then explain the procedure to them and offer a chaperone of the individual preferred gender. I would also explain each step of any physical examination and clarify any concerns.”

One male survivor who has attended a sexual health appointment shared

his thoughts around consent in that situation: “I feel so strongly about this. Every professional in every circle should be asking for consent, but ABSOLUTELY if you’re a sexual health professional. It doesn’t just mean ‘encouragement’ - often a professional may think they have consent by saying ‘can you...’ which implies consent. It should be phrased ‘would you mind’, which means there is an ability to say no.”

Survivor Ally has been project managed by Theo Aarons who was Apprentice Digital Content Creator at We Are Survivors throughout the creation of the project, and is now a fully fledged staff team member. Theo told Beyond The Silence, “I’m so proud to have led the Survivor Ally project as I believe this type of awareness through training courses is essential to helping many male survivors feel comfortable and safe doing daily tasks, also for professionals dealing in a physical setting to understand what actions they can take to help male survivors get to that point.”

Find out more at: www.wereallies.co.uk or by scanning the QR code below.

SCAN HERE to visit the Survivor Ally site

LOCKING HORNS

RICHARD GADD ON TAKING ‘BABY REINDEER’ FROM STAGE TO SCREEN

AND WHY WE ARE SURVIVORS IS SO CLOSE TO HIS HEART

All seven episodes

are available to watch NOW on Netflix

T THE MOMENT, IT FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD IS TALKING ABOUT BABY

REINDEER . The Netflix comedy/ drama covers issues of male sexual violence and stalking in a way we’ve never seen before on our TV screens.

Writer and star, Richard Gadd drew from his real-life experiences for Baby Reindeer (and previously in the stage show of the same name), and is now the centrepoint of a global conversation on some very senstive issues. Richard is also our friend. He’s been a supporter and Ambassador for We Are Survivors for many years. We were very keen to check-in with Richard and ask how he’s dealing with all this attention...

WE ARE SURVIVORS: First of all, congratulations from everyone at We Are Survivors. We’re very aware that the last few weeks have been life changing for you. So we just want to check in - how are you?

RICHARD: I think it’s OK, everything considered. It’s been a lot. It’s obviously sparked worldwide conversations, and I’ve been at the centre of those conversations, which can be quite overwhelming. I have to

remind myself of the positive impact this is having. The widespread feeling online is that Baby Reindeer is a moving show that’s making people think about and understand certain themes - like abuse, like stalking. And then of course, the most positive thing to come out of is the effect on We Are Survivors - the referrals. The statistics from We Are Survivors were very very moving for me to read. A 200% increase in emails, 53% of new referrals cite Baby Reindeer. I hear it’s the number one topic of conversation in in the meeting rooms and therapy sessions, and a lot of young people are coming forward as well, and that is really lovely to hear. I’ll continue to embrace you and we’re always looking at what we can do. You guys have got me through some difficult times, so I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think you were a life-changing, amazing organisation.

WE ARE SURVIVORS: It must be tricky to prepare for the massive reaction you’ve had to Baby Reindeer. What have you been doing to look after yourself?

RICHARD: When you take on work like this, there is a weight of thematic difficulty behind the work that means people sometimes have to go above and beyond, and I have the most incredible team looking after me. Other than that, I have an amazing family, amazing friends, and I’m surrounding myself with

of ‘Baby Reindeer’

“I NEVER THOUGHT BABY REINDEER WOULD HAVE THIS WORLD WIDE RESONANCE.”

those people and making sure that I’m active in my personal life. A lot of it is just staying measured, drowning out the noise, and doing things to look after myself.

WE ARE SURVIVORS: Our CEO, Duncan, saw Baby Reindeer a long time before it was released and he was very aware it was going to be a big deal. At what point did you realise, and when did you see the positive impact start to happen?

RICHARD: I remember doing a Q&A with Jess (Martha) and Nava (Teri) in London and Duncan put his hand up to ask a question and said, “I don’t think you quite realise what you’ve done here... how big this is going to be.” He certainly called it. He was almost saying “Prepare! Because this is going to explode.” People I really love, admire and respect were starting to tell me that this is quite something. I remember thinking it’ll come out on the Thursday, but nobody will watch until the weekend. But, the second it went out on the Thursday at 8am, my phone was just pinging, pinging, pinging. Now it’s on course to be one of Netflix’s most successful shows of all time. For a niche comedy show about sexual abuse, stalking and being lost and lonely in London... I never thought we would have this worldwide resonance. It’s crazy.

WE ARE SURVIVORS: We’ve always believed that talking is healing. How has talking about your experiences through Baby Reindeer

helped with your healing as a male survivor?

RICHARD: The motto for We Are Survivors is “break the silence”, and it’s so true. I think the more you keep it in, the bigger it becomes, and that’s certainly true with any problem I’ve had in life. I always say to people that if you don’t speak to anyone, then write it down or keep a diary. Just the process of expunging it from your body has this uncanny ability of dwarfing the weightiness of what you’re going through. I think we’ve gone through quite a shift as a society since #MeToo of not seeing abuse as something to be ashamed of. But there’s still a way to go, especially with men. But, I do think we’re more understanding as a society than we give ourselves credit for sometimes.

WE ARE SURVIVORS: Have you have had men reach out to you?

RICHARD: Yes, I have, and there’s been a lot of messages to We Are Survivors which Duncan has shared anonymously with me. I was reading those comments and tearing up. People come up to you in public and say, ‘I thought I was the only one’. I really hope that that’s the legacy of Baby Reindeer - that it encourages people to think that they are less alone. I remember thinking I was the only one in the world going through this.So if something like Baby Reindeer was on, I’m sure it would have helped me. So I hope it encourages men - or anyone - to feel that way, you know?

TOP: Jessica Gunning is outstanding as the chaotic Martha.

ABOVE: Nava Mau gives a captivating performace as Teri.

WE ARE SURVIVORS: When did you first become aware of We Are Survivors?

RICHARD: I’d done a show called ‘Monkey See Monkey Do’ at the Edinburgh Festival in 2016 and I got a message from Duncan. He said, “Can you give us a call, would love to chat.” So I chatted to him, we had a meeting and hit it off pretty quickly. I did a tour and Duncan came along and I think he was very moved by the show. I was brought on as an Ambassador. This is a testament to Duncan, I remember turning to him and saying, “I know this is going to be weird as an Ambassador, but I could really use the service too.” I saw first hand how amazing the organisation is, which is why I’m very keen to stay involved and to keep trying to direct traffic your way.

WE ARE SURVIVORS: Why was it important for you to take on the role of Ambassador at We Are Survivors?

RICHARD: With ‘Monkey See Monkey Do’, I was doing a show that was quite socially conscious, and it made so much sense to try and twin that with an organisation that really genuinely helps. At the end of the day I’m not an expert and I should be able to point people where they should go. Duncan just kind of landed in my inbox, and it just all happened.

Now I can say, ‘well look, here’s this amazing charity. Here are people who really can help.’

WE ARE SURVIVORS: What insight or advice would would you give to a male survivor who’s maybe thinking about making that first step in contacting us or accessing support, but might be finding it a little bit difficult?

RICHARD: Not to be ashamed. I’d encourage them to really just do it. It’s very hard, I understand that. But you’ve got to understand that a charity like We Are Survivors… they’ve heard a lot of it before. You’re working with people who have experience in survival and are themselves survivors of similar things and are so accepting. You are fundamentally going into a zone which is completely nonjudgemental. You’re completely safe. You couldn’t be opening up for the first time in a better, more safer place.

Richard, THANK YOU for all your support, and for bringing such an important issue to the forefront of the national conversation. We can’t wait to see what’s next...

“AT WE ARE SURVIVORS, YOU COULDN’T BE OPENING UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A BETTER, MORE SAFER PLACE.”

ABOVE: Richard’s performance will act as an anchor point for so many male survivors.

SCAN HERE to read our review!

Photographer: Pip Make-Up: Amanda Grossman Styling: Sarah Harrison

>ARE YOU

ARE YOU ON IT? ARE YOU GOING TO BE ON IT? IF YOU’RE THINKING OF CHASING A BUZZ, ON IT IS YOUR GUIDE TO BETTER UNDERSTANDING AND SAFETY.

FIND OUT MORE ABOUT OUR EXCITING NEW JOINT PROJECT WITH OUR FRIENDS AT GEORGE HOUSE TRUST.

‘ON IT’ IS A BRAND NEW JOINT DIGITAL CAMPAIGN FROM WE ARE SURVIVORS, AND OUR FRIENDS AT GEORGE HOUSE TRUST. The campaign aims to speak to those who engage in Chemsex, and also the professionals who support them, or anyone who’s just curious and wants to expand their knowledge.

The campaign grew from a research report written by our friend and Ambassador Dr. Michael Atkins - who you might also know as drag queen Cheddar Gorgeous (see opposite page). That research clearly showed that there was a direct correlation between chemsex, HIV and consent.

The focal point of the campaign is an interactive microsite featuring engaging videos on all aspects of sex, chems, HIV and consent. Best of all, many of these videos star some of the North West (and UK’s!) best known drag queens Cheddar Gorgeous, Shazza and Sister BangBang. Check out the microsite and videos by scanning the QR code on this page.

ON IT is a non-judgemental campaign. We’re not here to tell what you should or shouldn’t be doing - we just want to give you the facts so you can make your own decision. We know

there is still far too much stigma around issues of HIV, and we know there are far too many myths, stereotypes and barriers around the chemsex scene - so we want to cut through all the nonsense and just give you the facts, plain and simple.

We’re not just promoting a website thoughyou can even meet us in person! Over Pride season, ON IT will be attending loads of Pride events across the North West. So look out for our stalls at your nearest Pride! We’re also excited to announce that we’ll be taking part in the Manchester Pride Parade, so keep an eye out for our ON IT placards, and give us a wave! Find out more and visit the ON IT website at www.onit.org.uk, or scan the QR code below!

SEX,CHEMS,HIV & CONSENT

Dr.Michael Atkins (aka Cheddar Gorgeous)

The ON IT campaign was inspired by the groundbreaking research report by Dr. Michael Atkins (aka Cheddar Gorgeous) - ‘Sex, Chems, HIV & Consent’. Talking about the importance of carrying out this research, Dr. Atkins said, “My life for the past 15 years has in one way or another been focused on finding ways to reveal things that sometimes slip beyond that which is readily seen and spoken about. I believe it is imperative for queer communities to strive for greater openess, less stigmatisation and above all a more nuanced understanding of the realities of sex on chems for our communities.” You can read Michael’s report by scanning the QR code above.

DAVID STUART (1967-2022)

Researcher, Advocate, Hero, Global Icon

We’re really proud to be partnering with George House Trust on this important campaign. Since 1985, George House Trust has been inspiring people living with HIV to live healthy, confident lives by providing HIV support, advice and advocacy services.

If you, or anyone you know is living with HIV please contact the team at George House Trust.

LIVING WITH HIV? WANT TO TALK? CALL 0161 274 4499 OR EMAIL: talk@ght.org.uk

Every issue we want to celebrate the creativity of male survivors. writing can be an important part of healing. If you’d like to share your work, send them to the e-mail on page 2.

THE BOY IS A MAN

by Tim

The boy is a man

Quite open, quite proud

His words are still silent

Cant say them aloud

He will though, you see

Coz his friends are all there

Just hoping and wanting

The boy can still care

He can and he’ll show

At last it is done

The monster will go

The monster is gone

LAST THE

WORD

Kaelin Fletcher-Taylor Admin Co-Ordinator

SURVIVORS AND THE LAW

I’D SUGGEST FEW SURVIVORS CONCERN THEMSELVES WITH THE CONTENT OF THE LAW; AND RIGHTLY SO, IT IS STUFFY, CONFUSING, AND DOESN’T EXACTLY MAKE FOR LIGHT READING.

But what the law does do, is contribute to a culture that impacts all survivors. For example, it wasn’t until 1995 that men could even be classed as victims of rape, this portrayed men as a second-class victim of sexual violence, and, in turn, this is the way that these crimes were reported on and discussed. So, the language within the law really matters in dictating the narrative outside of the courtrooms.

Yet, it is my view the definition of rape is still inflaming the conversation around survivorship. Very simply, it is defined as intentionally penetrating the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person with a penis without consent.

I have two principal concerns regarding this definition: chiefly, the fact that biological women are unable to commit rape forwards the narrative that men are only involved in sexual violence as perpetrators. This, we all know, is not the case. If it were, our organisation would not exist, and I would be out of my job. Of course, this is not to say that there is not much more work to be done as men in protecting the women and girls around us, but this binary definition of rape makes it much more difficult to those who are unaffected by these issues to have a more nuanced conversation around survivorship.

Second then, when we are discussing topics as emotive as this, the words we use should carry as much sympathy as the English language can muster to avoid alienating those it is attempting to protect. However, as the crime of rape does not account for acts outside of penile penetration, we are left to the crude exercise of distinguishing between body parts early in the process of justice to determine which crime should be pursued. This does nothing but exclude survivors from the label they may have attached to their trauma.

If you agree that the difference in the intent to rape someone - or sexually assault them by some other method of penetration

"The definition of rape is still inflaming the conversation around survivorship."

- is minimal, then the difference between these two crimes simply becomes a legal difference.

It could be argued that in practice these crimes do lead to very different sentences (In 2020 the average custodial sentence for rape was 9 years 10 months, significantly more than the 5 years and 8 months handed out for other penetration), but it is my view this is no reason to attempt to pigeonhole a survivor’s trauma when the facts of the case could simply be used as mitigation or aggravating factors at sentencing.

Sexual offences outside of rape are often incorrectly discussed as if they are a demotion to some lower status. It would be silly to think this wouldn’t have knockon effects for survivors. Broadening the definition to include other penetrative acts would completely change the narrative around these crimes and begin bridging the gap between what rape means to a lawyer, and what rape means to a survivor.

I do not pretend that a semantic law change is the golden ticket to Utopia - of course not - but I do wholeheartedly believe that if we stop diluting the poignancy of the crimes that do not currently meet the legal threshold of rape and instead begin to treat survivors with the same compassion and common sense within the CJS, that general society is slowly learning, then it would be a step in the right direction in creating a culture far more conducive to men breaking their silence.

NO male survivor left behind

MAIN OFFICE

Unit 9 Brewery Yard

Deva City Office Park

Trinity Way, Salford M3 7BB

Office: 0161 236 2182

E-mail:

support@wearesurvivors.org.uk

Website: www.wearesurvivors.org.uk

OTHER USEFUL CONTACTS

24/7 Support Line 0808 500 2222 247sexualabusesupport.org.uk

Shout 85258

This is as 24/7 text service that supports people if they are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Free and confidential.

Samaritans 116 123 (available 24 hours a day) jo@Samaritans.org.uk

Mankind 018823 334 244 (Domestic Abuse Support) Mon-Fri, 10am-4pm www.mankind.org.uk

Dad Matters

0161 344 0669 https://dadmatters.org.uk/

Supporting Men’s Mental Wellbeing Through Community, Activity & Purpose. info@mandemmeetup.org www.mandemmeetup.org