Sexual Violence: Self -Help Guide Jersey Care Leavers

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The Jersey ‘Self Help’ Guide

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By Peter Saunders I grew up believing Jersey to be a beautiful little island and undoubtedly it is. But it has taken many years of working with survivors and hearing their experiences to realise that the abuse of children is a social evil that knows no boundaries, sociological or geographical.

So, at NAPAC we were not surprised when we learnt of the horrific things that have gone on in Jersey. Our hearts go out

We hope the following self help reading guide for victims/ survivors of abuse will be of use to many on Jersey.

to those who have suffered and their loved ones.

Best wishes,

Our condemnation goes out to the perpetrators and those

Peter Saunders FRSA Chief Executive National Association for People Abused in Childhood

who would seek to cover up these hideous crimes. Don’t stand for it Jersey. Not only root out all abusers and put them where they belong. Remember to build the specialist services to make sure their victims get all the help they need.

NAPAC stands with the JCLA in hoping their vision for

Tel: 0207 367 4122 peter@napac.org.uk Support Line: 0800 085 3330

supporting people, is increasingly supported by their

www.napac.org.uk Reg. Charity 1069802

own community.

We are now on Twitter check out http://twitter.com/NAPAC

Project managed by Survivors West Yorkshire & all original copywriting by Proof Improved www.proof-improved.co.uk design by fluidcm.co.uk

Jersey Care Leavers’ Self Help Guide “I want to remind you Of what you forgot to see On the way here To listen to what You were too busy to hear To ask you to believe What you were too ashamed to admit” Edward Bond The world became aware of the circumstances surrounding

This guide’s objective is not to make a judgment about any

the official care of vulnerable children on the island of Jersey

investigations or the behaviour of community leaders or

around November of 2007. The name Haut de la Garenne

officials. If normal operating procedure is followed, once the

(the main state centre for ‘looked after’ vulnerable children,

investigation has formally closed, it will be the police’s own

from birth to early adulthood, for over forty years) was

peers who will sit in judgment on the professional conduct

flashed across the news networks of the Western world. As

of all the officers involved. And the Jersey public can make

the allegations of horrific institutionalised abuse increased

up its own mind regarding the conduct of its leaders at any

in intensity, one of the saddest histories of a European

forthcoming elections.

state’s neglect of its vulnerable children become very public property. The distress of the victims was further intensified by some very public rows between Jersey politicians.

However, major related areas of concern for us could include the following: whether victims were told they could not have therapy whilst the police investigation was ongoing;

The scope of the emerging abuse scandal covered all forms

what impact that advice had on their health; and how much

of abuse: emotional, physical and sexual. The investigation

psychological distress was caused by public statements

quickly expanded beyond Haut de la Garenne. Many care

made by politicians, their officials and senior police officers

units and fostering situations, it soon become apparent, also

with little regard to the psychological effect on the victims -

had abuse allegations to investigate.

victims they had a duty to protect from further harm, including

This led the world to look on with increasing horror - and

further mental distress.

frankly, at times, amazement - as, Jersey’s leaders and

This guide’s focus is on supporting the needs of victims via

officials seemed sometimes to be more interested in either

messages of hope and links to information; it’s not intended

protecting the reputation of Jersey or bringing their personal

to heal people. The distress they feel, from their own unique

and political feuds to full-blown life. This, of course, was to

experiences of abuse on Jersey, is very individual. To support

the delight of TV news companies across the world.

them positively requires some of the latest thinking on the

The police stepped forward as the champions of Haut de la Garenne victims, promising full and transparent justice for all. It would seem a blank cheque was then written to

psychology of abuse recovery, whether the abuse was perpetrated in state care, or within their own family, by abusers male or female.

discover the truth of what happened. This grew into a wider

Haut de la Garenne opened up the memories of every child

investigation, looking at the whole of Jersey in relation to

abuse survivor on Jersey, we suspect. It’s a small community

sexual violence cases. It was noted that most of the adults

and turning off the TV doesn’t allow much avoidance of the

reporting abuse had originally been placed into state care to

issues for survivor or non-survivor alike. Nearly everyone on

protect them against abuse - from within their own family

the island will either be a victim, or will know a victim or

or community.

someone who does.

Jersey’s victims’/survivors’ experiences have opened up a hidden and too-longavoided history.

We lay no claim to the exclusive right to emotional and physical pain that is the result of childhood abuse on

If that does not happen, Jersey will live with a legacy that will powerfully hinder personal and community healing for decades to come; we’ll simply keep feeding a festering social wound, which will continue to impact the whole community, not just the victims.

Jersey. Rather we hope that by highlighting these issues

The empowerment of a truth healing model, specialist

from our own unique experience we can help empower

professionals believe, increases active recovery from the

the specialist support services needed to help all victims -

emotional distress experienced by abuse survivors. It requires

child or adult. Such services have been promised for some time. We have yet to see the formal agreement to proceed to the consultation stages needed to engage the diverse stakeholders of Jersey. Such a diverse consultation is needed to make possible the best options for delivery of a progressive specialist service for all victims of abuse on Jersey.

We also have a real passion for being involved in enabling innovative improvement in services to children on the

a very public and proactive community response in order to be successful. Apologising is one of the first steps in such a process. It allows the community to start ‘welcoming home’ the survivor - welcoming them back to our community. It forms the foundation of what is called parallel justice, a concept affirmed by Rape Crisis and NAPAC, and defined as follows: “The concept of Parallel Justice elevates the goal of helping victims rebuild their lives to a fundamental component of justice. Parallel Justice requires us to decouple the pursuit

island, abused and non-abused alike. In the end they are

of justice for victims from the administration of justice for

Jersey’s most valuable resource. We need to look after their

offenders. Under a system of Parallel Justice, the societal

needs far more imaginatively and understand the whys

message to victims would be, ‘What happened to you is

of their behaviours, especially when they seem negative

wrong and we will help you rebuild your life’.”

and disruptive - moving on from focusing on the negative outcomes they create and just demonising them as bad children, and instead taking the time to understand the reasons behind their behaviour and acting to support them to manage themselves more positively.

Wise communities take the time to gain insight into the whys of things. The care leavers and other survivors of abuse on Jersey have insights that will enable a kinder and more stable society for all on Jersey, if we listen to them. We need to be allowed to share in such insights, as full partners in finding solutions for the entire community. It will take the involvement of all community stakeholders to enable such a vision to be attained for our community’s children and adults.

We mentioned the word justice briefly. Clearly, it’s very important that courts sentence abusers in line with the level of distress caused to their victims. Any future enquiries should adopt good international practice, in looking at truth rather than blame as its primary objective. Jersey needs to know what really happened and its survivors need to be able to tell their histories, without fear of risking any future prosecution, or compromising their prospects for compensation or employment.

The theory then considers the steps needed to achieve such a whole-community-based justice outcome for survivors of abuse: • Victims want to feel safe, recover from the trauma they’ve suffered and regain control of their lives • We have merely tinkered with a system that was created for very different purposes and hoped it would meet the needs of victims • We need to separate the pursuit of justice for victims from the administration of justice for offenders • Imagine a society that felt that justice required that every effort be made to help all victims of crime • The first principle of Parallel Justice is that we marshal government resources to help victims feel safe and get back on track • It is in our interest as a nation to help victims of crime.

The justice we seek will also produce a safer society • Free abuse survivors stuck in systems that are inappropriate to their needs Quotes from Heenan, National Centre for Victims of Crime.

Of course, the will to make such a vision real requires

Paraphrasing the words a survivor once spoke to a

investment that is political as well as financial. We do not

film maker:

like making such investments for victims. Especially when the issue is childhood abuse. We’d rather believe the victims are

“If we lean into the silence and listen to what it has to say,

lying or ignore their needs, perhaps hoping they will vanish

we might find many of the answers to childhood and adult

from our sight by emotional attrition, if we ignore them long

abuse and how to stop and recover from it.”

enough. Sadly many do vanish forever, when such noncompassionate strategies are tolerated by our communities, politicians and officials.

However, the majority of survivors don’t vanish, they present across the system, searching for help most services don’t have the training to provide. As a society we really do like to look the other way when child or adult abuse victims are the issue.

It’s the twenty-first century; the time has really come to get over our fears and look at the professionally evidenced solutions available - solutions which can positively support all victims of all childhood abuses. We will then start to deal effectively with the real legacy of human distress left by childhood abuse: isolation and silence, thereby preventing so many members of our communities from having to deal with such isolation. Isolation is a very painfully silent and lonely place from which to cope with abuse experiences, without innovative support.

This guide has been created with the help of many people.

They gave freely to help Jersey lean into its silence and, hopefully, listen to what it has to say. We also hope in a small way to give survivors a little more help in selfhelping. However, the guide is not a substitute for the skilled professional interventions a twenty-first century emotional trauma support service could deliver for our community.

Our profound wish is that our leaders and community will see the common sense of recognising the need for such a service. We can only hope.

We created this guide on a shoestring; imagine what could be created with real resourcing and capacity.

Yours truly, Jersey Care Leavers’ Association, on behalf of all abuse victims on Jersey

Rape Crisis Delivering a 21st century vision for victims of sexual violence & abuse - anywhere in the world.

Sexual violence, including childhood sexual abuse, impacts

The main focus of the UK Government remains firmly on

on physical health, reproductive health, sexual health and

challenging the unacceptably low rape conviction rate

mental health. It can cause anxiety and depression, sleep

of 5.7%, which strongly indicates that survivors of sexual

problems, nightmares and flashbacks, low self esteem and

violence are not receiving justice in the criminal justice

lack of confidence, self harm including drug and alcohol

system. Yet securing a criminal conviction is not the only

abuse and dependence, self injury and eating disorders,

outcome that survivors of sexual violence say they want or

suicide, chronic physical pain, sexually transmitted infections,

need. What is urgently needed is ‘parallel justice’, which

unwanted pregnancy and gynaecological problems. It is

concentrates on the support needs of survivors of sexual

linked with homelessness, unemployment, criminalisation,

violence, alongside holding perpetrators to account.

interrupted education and training, relationship issues and revictimisation. It requires specialist support services.

The Guiding Principles of Parallel Justice: Rape Crisis Centres across the UK provide a range of practical and therapeutic support including: • Face to face counselling • Telephone helplines • Information and support from ‘report to court’ • Advocacy • Outreach work e.g. in prisons and schools • Practical support and information • Support for partners/family • Educational/awareness raising talks • Training

• Victims want to feel safe, recover from the trauma they’ve suffered and regain control of their lives • We have merely tinkered with a system that was created for very different purposes and hoped it would meet the needs of victims • We need to separate the pursuit of justice for victims from the administration of justice for offenders • Imagine a society that felt that justice required that every effort be made to help all victims of crime • The first principle of Parallel Justice is that we marshal government resources to help victims feel safe and get back on track • It is in our interest as a nation to help victims of crime. The justice we seek will also produce a safer society

• Group work

Quotes from Heenan, National Centre for Victims of Crime.

• Joint projects e.g. with domestic violence services

Rape Crisis (England and Wales) www.rapecrisis.org.uk

General self help advice 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.

Sexual abuse of children involves older people such as adults or adolescents relating to children in a way that is about the distorted power needs of the perpetrators and not about the children’s need to be nurtured and protected.

It can take a variety of forms, including physical sexual contact, sexualised conversation, pressure on the child to become sexually active with others and the showing of pornographic pictures and films.

Methods used by perpetrators to gain contact with children and keep their activities secret include physical force, targeting of lonely children and threats against children’s loved ones.

Childhood sexual abuse can be deeply traumatic and can damage your trust, your relationships and your sense of self-worth and belonging; can happen to a child of any background; is carried out by people in all walks of life, and most often by someone the child already knows; and is a life experience, not a marker of who you are - with the right support, it is possible to heal from many of the traumatic effects of this experience.

What childhood sexual abuse is not…

- the child’s fault - justifiable - rare If you are a woman and you were sexually abused in childhood you may find that the challenges you face in surviving and thriving are intensified by the sheer volume of images and stories of women being sexually objectified and victimised that are circulated in our media and culture, or by street harassment, or by other forms of sexist behaviour from both men and women.

You might hold a belief that your value lies in being attractive to others, or in providing sexual services to others.

You might be afraid to be seen as attractive, believing that it makes you vulnerable, or responsible for other people’s reactions.

You might feel guilty and ashamed about enjoying sex, or feel unable to develop and enjoy your own sexuality, or sexual orientation.

What helps?

Recognising, over time, that the abuse wasn’t your fault - it was a crime that was perpetrated against you Being believed when you choose to tell your story Remembering that it takes love and support for a person to grow and be happy, and no-one can do without it. If you suffered damaging abuse in childhood, you need all the more love and support now. Accept that you deserve this love and support, and get help wherever possible, from people close to you and from professionals It can really help you turn things around to have some talking therapy with a therapist who has a good understanding of the issues around CSA and who inspires your trust and confidence. Go with your gut feeling.

Other experiences that could have a therapeutic effect as you go through times of crisis and healing include…

- complementary therapies - using affirmations and meditation - being outdoors - putting your feet up in front of the TV - playing sports and games - belonging to a group, whether you share hobbies, political leanings or spiritual beliefs - positive ‘self-talk’ - reminding yourself of your good qualities, the need to be patient with yourself, etc.

- hugs - eating out - cooking at home…

Learning to be your own nurturer can be a massive challenge for a survivor of CSA, but making progress in this respect quickly feels good, and you deserve to feel good.

General self help advice 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused in childhood.

Sexual abuse of children involves older people such as adults or adolescents relating to children in a way that is about the distorted power needs of the perpetrators and not about the children’s need to be nurtured and protected.

It can take a variety of forms, including: physical sexual contact, sexualised conversation, pressure on the child to become sexually active with others, and the showing of pornographic pictures and films.

Methods used by perpetrators to gain contact with children and keep their activities secret include physical force, targeting of lonely children and threats against children’s loved ones.

Childhood sexual abuse can be deeply traumatic and can damage your trust, your relationships and your sense of self-worth and belonging; can happen to a child of any background; is carried out by people in all walks of life, and most often by someone the child already knows; and is a life experience, not a marker of who you are - with the right support, it is possible to heal from many of the traumatic effects of this experience.

What childhood sexual abuse is not…

- the child’s fault - justifiable - rare If you are a man and you were sexually abused in childhood it may be more difficult for you to understand that you were the victim of childhood sexual abuse, or to find appropriate support and advice, because of living in a culture that rarely acknowledges male victims of sexual abuse, and focuses more on male identities connected with being tough or victimising others.

You may react to the pain of abuse in ways that are traditionally more acceptable for men, such as angry outbursts or promiscuity.

What helps?

Recognising, over time, that the abuse wasn’t your fault - it was a crime that was perpetrated against you.

Being believed when you choose to tell your story.

Remembering that it takes love and support for a person to grow and be happy, and no-one can do without it. If you suffered damaging abuse in childhood, you need all the more love and support now. Accept that you deserve this love and support, and get help wherever possible, from people close to you and from professionals.

It can really help you turn things around to have some talking therapy with a therapist who has a good understanding of the issues around CSA and who inspires your trust and confidence. Go with your gut feeling.

Other experiences that could have a therapeutic effect as you go through times of crisis and healing include…

- complementary therapies - using affirmations and meditation - being outdoors - putting your feet up in front of the TV - playing sports and games - belonging to a group, whether you share hobbies, political leanings or spiritual beliefs - positive ‘self-talk’ - reminding yourself of your good qualities, the need to be patient with yourself, etc.

- hugs

When you hear the myths about how all male survivors of CSA become abusers themselves, you may worry that this is true, or worry that people will believe this about you.

- eating out

You might feel guilty and ashamed about enjoying sex, or feel unable to develop and enjoy your own sexuality, or sexual orientation.

Learning to be your own nurturer can be a massive challenge for a survivor of CSA, but making progress in this respect quickly feels good, and you deserve to feel good.

- cooking at home…

General self help advice There are a number of reasons why children who have learning disabilities, and also adults with learning disabilities, need particular protection from sexual abuse.

People with disabilities may in fact have an overall risk of abuse that is as much as four times higher than in the rest of the population (Muccigrosso, 1991, cited by Mencap in Behind Closed Doors, 2004).

Why children and adults with learning disabilities are vulnerable

The results of a study of sexual abuse of people with learning disabilities in the South East Thames region suggest that at least 1,400 adults with a learning disability may be reported as victims of sexual abuse each year (Brown, Stein and Tusk, The Sexual Abuse of Adults with a Learning Disability: a Second Incidence Study. Mental Handicap Research 1995, also cited by by Mencap in Behind Closed Doors).

- l ack confidence and power within relationships, or have been taught to be overly compliant with authority figures

They may:

- depend on others for care, including professional carers - be unable to recognise after the event what has taken place - be afraid to report abuse - in addition to feelings of shame and guilt, or fear that there is no-one who would listen, which all survivors may have, people with learning disabilities can also face communication difficulties - (as adults) be unable to identify or avoid abusive situations - (as adults) lack the capacity for consent to sexual relations in some cases of severe learning disabilities.

Religious abuse Throughout history, religious communities have often been the way by which families and cultures celebrated, performed rituals, created laws of behavior and established worldviews.

Religion has been as much a part of people as their own skin, constantly changing on a cellular level. It was intended to address what Felix Adler first spoke of at the end of the 19th century - the deep overwhelming human experience of truth that provides the ultimate meaning of existence. Religion and its culture replicate and give meaning to the connection of family, no matter where its members live.

But sometimes religion, or more accurately, those who are in a religious system or community hurt the very people they are supposed to serve.

Discrimination, persecution, violation, shame, hatred, all in the name of God, religion or a cult - religious abuse is the physical, mental or spiritual damage suffered by members of a faith community when its leaders or the membership exploit, manipulate or harm them. The abuse can occur at the hands of one religious community toward another, or when a community’s rigid dogmatism or adherence to the letter of the law comes at the expense of human compassion.

Sometimes it is the refusal of the community to demand accountability and transparency from its leaders.

A hate crime, an unconscious or condescending racist action, bigotry or shunning because of a person’s sexuality, sexual orientation or gender under the umbrella of religious protocol is abuse. Rape, seduction or the violation of a sexual boundary not only in a family, but perhaps with a member of the ministry - all of these - not only devastate one’s compass about his or her experience of the world but confuse their inner world.

The harm of such abuse and such shame is not simply psychological, which is why talk therapy doesn’t always touch it. The affect of religious abuse can sometimes reach even to the core of the self where there may no longer be a place for love, or the love of what was originally sacred.

In the trauma of such abuse, memory can splatter across the pavement of the mind like shards of glass. Truth is not always linear. Sometimes distortions will cover truth over and over again retelling the event with indoctrination, lies, or with silence.

And if the ones who were supposed to protect and comfort the afflicted have perpetrated the abuse themselves by hiding their own worst truths, their victims may be shunned or punished if they try to speak of what has happened to them.

In religious organisations, often the truth can become more complicated. It was supposed to set one free, but it weighs heavy. Telling what has happened is supposed to give some closure, but sometimes because of the institutional response, silence is only way to survive.

How does one find safety again to trust one’s own body again, to salvage a sense of sexual integrity again? When the shame about one’s sexuality or sexual orientation, shame about the body or even one’s own exuberance for life creates confusion about one’s intimate relationships and those with oneself, how does one reengage the space for wonder or for curiosity? How can one find a way to rage, to reclaim what is valuable, to grieve for what one has lost?

What does one do with fear or cynicism, or despair for that matter?

There must be a way to find words or meaning again, to regain physical, moral, or sexual integrity again, to experiment with spirituality or some kind of inner life.

There must be a way to tell one’s own truth again, to be heard - and believed.

Mikele Rauch Author Healing the Soul after Religious Abuse The Dark Heaven of Recovery mikelerauch.com

General self help advice Adults who sexually abuse children are found in all walks of life.

There is no guarantee that a person will not abuse children simply because they: - appear personable - appear to care about children - occupy a position of high trust and responsibility - make claims to high spiritual development

The victim may: - have had particularly high trust in the perpetrator prior to abuse - have increased difficulty in finding someone to believe them or in seeking acknowledgement or legal redress - feel they have to choose between their place of worship/ faith community and their family - lose, or struggle with, a faith that was important to them

In his book Beyond Betrayal, Dr Richard Gartner writes: “Many child abusers are attracted to careers and avocations that make them special in the eyes of the community.

They may be teachers, clergy, scoutmasters, choirmasters, coaches, Big Brothers, child care workers, doctors or other health workers or civic leaders. These positions can help an abuser gain access to children and serve as a cover for the abuse they commit.”

So, while the great majority of people in positions of authority do not sexually abuse children, some do.

There are specific issues for those sexually abused in childhood by perpetrators who hold positions of authority and responsibility within faith communities - preachers, youth workers, lay volunteers etc.

- be subject to grooming practices which prey on religious guilt If you are a survivor of this kind of abuse, it may be helpful for you to: - get support from a network of people with similar experiences (see ‘Resources’) - consider getting legal or personal support from outside your faith community - remember that the person who perpetrated the abuse against you committed a criminal act, and both perpetrators and religious institutions that fail to prevent the sexual abuse of the children involved with them should be held accountable.

how to support an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse Listen and believe. There may be some parts of their story that shock or disturb you, but a survivor needs people who can listen and accept the truth of what they say. Listen to their feelings, and keep their confidence.

Accept them Every survivor of childhood sexual abuse is an individual and may have reactions and needs you didn’t expect.

Respect them It is especially important to allow a survivor control over their own life, as they have lacked this control in the past. Support them in making their own decisions, and step back when the help they need comes from other sources.

Be reliable and trustworthy Others in their life may not have been worthy of trust but if they are letting you know about their experiences they are trusting you to be there for them.

Reassure them that they are not to blame. Resist the temptation to blame the victim - it can be hard to face the reality of how innocent and vulnerable the victim of abuse was, but the truth is that the responsibility lies with the abuser.

Reflect on your attitudes towards women or men who have been sexually abused.

Support them in finding a safe place to go or in getting help with the physical consequences of abuse such as disease, injury or pregnancy.

Support them in their choice of whether to report the abuse or not.

Understand that survivors have particular needs and challenges in the context of sex and intimacy and be as sensitive as you can.

Learn as much as you can about healing and recovery from sexual abuse.

- B elieve in their potential for healing from the pain of childhood sexual abuse, and let them know you have faith in them.

- Be there for the long term.

- S et your own boundaries and communicate them to the survivor. Take some time out from providing support when you need to.

Seek help in dealing with your feelings and reactions if you need it. You matter too, and it can be challenging to support someone who has been abused in childhood. It helps both you and the survivor if you look after yourself.

do’s and don’ts Professionals who encounter adult survivors of CSA at work have the opportunity to provide them with crucial assistance.

Here are some key factors:

Don’t bail out

Create the right environment for initial disclosure - allow time and space, listen carefully to what is said or left unsaid, notice nonverbal clues, address any reluctance you may have to hear about abuse or survivors’ needs. Sometimes it is appropriate to ask, sensitively, questions such as, ‘Did anyone hurt you when you were a child?’ In short, be willing.

The survivor needs to be accepted, not experience further rejection. Even if you only have brief contact with them, make it count.

Believe the survivor. Validate their anger. Show acceptance and respect. Your whole manner counts - tone of voice and body language as well as words.

Go at the survivor’s pace Believe in your ability to provide this support and make a difference. Reject the myth that talking about sexual abuse makes things worse.

Be genuine in the support that you give, even if you feel it is limited by your level of knowledge and training, by time pressures or by personal factors. Be honest as well as warm.

Feel good about maintaining healthy boundaries. Ask for the supervision and support you need as you carry out this demanding work.

Anticipate that disclosing may prompt a release of difficult feelings for a survivor you may need to work with them to identify and source further support.

Help the survivor to address broad health and practical needs. Take their concerns seriously. Let them lead on what the issues are for them and what they need help to achieve now. Some survivors need help over a much longer timescale than others. Ask them!!

Activism A number of years ago I was asked by a college to speak about my personal experience with abuse.

This was the first time I ever spoke about what had happened to me in a public forum. I remember the weeks leading up to the speech - I felt a mixture of dread, anxiety, shame, and empowerment. It was then that I got a taste of what it really meant to be an advocate. I was preparing to advocate for the little boy that represented who I was, and am still today.

On the day, I had every intention of talking about myself. I took the podium and began to speak. But what came out wasn’t about me. It was about my best friend. You see, my life was filled with people who were looking to take advantage of me. As a child and survivor of abuse, I wasn’t very good at sticking up for myself. I was routinely pushed, prodded, and pummeled by the bigger kids in school. I think in my heart that they knew something was different about me. I was just another easy mark.

That all changed one day when a kid came by my house and introduced himself. His name was Eddie. He was only a year older than me, but he was a kid in a man’s body.

We became fast friends. I soon realized that this kid, who I proudly called best friend, had a huge heart.

Eddie had a reputation as a a troublemaker, but he was simply misunderstood. I noticed the more I hung out with him the less I was bullied. Somehow my best friend Eddie also became my best advocate. From the day that I met him to the day that he took his own life he was always trying to protect me. Most of the time I didn’t even know he was.

I think he knew I was a survivor even though I never told him. I remember the day he came to my house and told me his dark secret. His mother had physically beaten him from as long as he could remember. It was then that I knew why he would go out of his way to help a little defenseless kid like me. I was the first person he told. I never knew if he told anyone else.

I realized that it was impossible to tell my story without first telling his. So I told the audience about Eddie. I wanted them to know that he deserved an advocate in his life. He didn’t have one. He had been my strongest advocate and I was grateful on that day to be his. He gave me something so simple yet so needed. The feeling that I wasn’t alone in this world.

The more I told the story, the more stories I received from other men. They didn’t have the power so they wanted me to speak for them.

There isn’t much incentive for men to speak out about their abuse. They have to deal with the ignorance of other men and women. Men are often the subject of ridicule, having our manhood and sexual orientation called into question.

There are even people who don’t believe boys or men CAN be abused against their own will. Certainly not by a woman.

These are only some of the reasons why we don’t see men speaking out about abuse.

There are even female advocates who believe that men should be excluded from the resources that are provided to women. Men shouldn’t be in groups designated for women. So it’s no surprise that our men are continuing to suffer in silence. It’s no surprise that our communities are not confronting change as a united front. The abuse will continue as long as we decide to fight it apart.

It was in that spirit that I started a non-profit organization with my wife Ophelia, a survivor herself, to ensure that all survivors of abuse, rape, and gender violence have a voice when they need it. We decided that the best way to achieve a true end to abuse is by including women and men together in this fight. We are mutually supportive, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or color.

Abuse occurs everywhere. So it’s going to take everybody to fight it. Women have been fighting it for so long. They have won many battles. Now is the time to empower our men to come forward and share their experiences. I sometimes wonder if Eddie’s life would have turned out differently if he had a strong male advocate in his life. For now, I am resolved to speak his truths and stand by strong women when I do it.

Advocates simply speak out for those survivors who can’t.

Men. Women. Together.

Christopher de Serres www.womenspeakoutnow.com

Risks & Rewards?

To be an activist is to act in ways that affirm and improve life for you and others.

Activism connected to childhood sexual abuse, by survivors, can take many forms, and can be undertaken for a variety of reasons.

Each survivor is unique and will have their own personal timetable for any activist involvement they may choose for themselves.

Personal activism For example… surviving against the odds, getting therapy, learning to dance, practising assertiveness, keeping a journal, learning to value your own viewpoint, going to places you’ve always wanted to visit.

Wider activism For example… disclosing, being part of a campaigning group, distributing educational literature, fundraising for local support facilities, reporting your perpetrator to the police, journalism, blogging.

Risks When you have been abused, it can be a steep learning curve to prioritise your own needs and choose the challenges that are right for you, at the right time.

Don’t let yourself be pressured, even by yourself, into taking on activities or deadlines you do not feel comfortable with.

The number one form of activism for a survivor is to do what helps you to be well.

Rewards Life, this society, and this world belong to survivors as much as they belong to anyone. You have a right, if you want to, to speak out, to campaign, to expect better, to FEEL better, to make recommendations, to enjoy life, and to be a fully engaged citizen on your own terms.

About sexual violence/abuse MYTH: There is a universal, cross-cultural taboo against sexual abuse which prevents its occurrence.

FACT: Sexual abuse can and does happen. The taboo is not against doing it, it is against talking about it. The taboo keeps sexual abuse in the dark thus encouraging the very behaviour it is supposed to prevent.

MYTH: Children are usually abused by strangers.

MYTH: The offending male is either mentally ill or retarded.

FACT: 75-80% of children are abused by someone they know i.e. family members, relatives and/or close friends. Indeed, the people likely to abuse children are those who have the most opportunity and access to them.

FACT: Men and women who offend often have histories of being very respected professional and community figures. There is no robust evidence which supports the belief that they are mentally ill.

MYTH: Sexual abuse is a rare occurrence.

FACT: Documented estimates of abuse vary from 1 in 23, to 1 in 4 children.

In UK the 1 in 4 figure is the most accepted

by Government.

MYTH: It is only homosexuals who abuse children of their own sex.

FACT: Adult male and female-child abuse is mostly perpetrated by paedophiles or heterosexual men/women.

MYTH: Children make up sexual abuse incidents.

MYTH: Sexual abuse only happens in working class and/or rural families.

FACT: Sexual abusers has no favourites. Their abuse crosses all socio-economic, race and class barriers.

Anybody can be an abuser and anybody can be abused.

MYTH: Only young girls are the victims of sexual abuse.

FACT: Both young girls and boys are equally vulnerable to sexual exploitation. Currently reported cases indicate a higher percentage of girls are victims.

However the UK’s Childline has reported a major increase in young boys reporting sexual abuse during 2008 - 2009.

FACT: Children do not have the explicit sexual knowledge to enable them to talk about the phenomenon unless they have experienced it. Children do not have the capacity to make it up.

MYTH: Children are seductive. They fantasise about abuse, want it, may experience pleasure and get a payoff from its occurrence.

FACT: Children are sensual. ‘Seductive’ is an adult’s interpretation of behaviour which is bestowed on a child. Those who are being abused sexually learn usually at a very young age that in order to get these needs met they must ‘put out’ sexually.

They begin to equate love with sex. They begin behaving in ‘sexual’ ways to get affection. Their behaviour is often labelled seductive. If children respond to abuse, this just means that their body is functioning normally.

MYTH: Sexual abuse is non-violent, therefore it is non-damaging.

FACT: It is not the violence but factors such as the length of relationship, the emotional distance from the offender and the age of the child that influence the degree of traumatisation and disruption the child will experience. What might be considered by some as a minor incident can have a great impact on the child. Of course many children also experience violence during abuse.

Children who are abused are: - denied a childhood - denied a loving and nurturing relationship of trust - exploited and betrayed by a person in a position of authority and trust.

MYTH: Sexual abuse is a one or two-time occurrence involving a single child.

FACT: Sexual abuse typically goes on for many years prior to discovery. It is not confined to one child but usually involves children sequentially by age.

MYTH: Sexual abuse is a problem of the family only.

FACT: 50% of runaway girls and boys, 70% of adolescent drug addicts and 60% of young prostitutes were the victims of sexual abuse. The latest research from the UK’s Barnardo’s charity reinforces the dangers that vulnerable children face in relation to planned sexual exploitation.

MYTH: It is better not to talk about sexual abuse - the child/ adult survivor will forget.

FACT: Adults do not talk about abuse because of their own discomfort with the topic. If you are not willing to talk about the situation, you risk reinforcing to the victim that you think it is something to be ashamed of, that it is dirty and just too awful to talk about.

This attitude will only serve to increase guilt, shame and feelings of abnormality for the victim.

(Compiled from a general review of myth advice 2009)

Information for professionals & survivors Adult survivors of serious and chronic childhood sexual abuse do whatever they need to survive the physical and psychological pain of their abuse.

They may experience a range of problems dependent on the nature and extent of their abuse including: i. direct physical and psychological effects of the abuse at the time and subsequently ii. coping strategies developed during and after the experiences (including dissociation, accommodation and denial, self harm through alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, cutting and attempted suicide) iii. retraumatisation as a result of insensitive treatment in medical and therapeutic settings iv. revictimisation through vulnerability to domestic and sexual violence, to predatory paedophiles, being pimped, prostitution and pornography Both the therapist and the survivor need to be aware that these are all normal reactions to the trauma experienced as a result of having been sexually abused as a child and they can be treated.

The ability of a survivor to move beyond the use of harmful and abusive coping strategies and the pain of the past will depend in part on the nature, timing and length of the therapies employed, but above all on the quality of the therapeutic relationship.

• For those who have experienced the most severe and chronic abuse, there is a need to repair the damage through the experience of a non-abusive attachment within a relationship of trust and a process of transference that enables the past to be assimilated into the present without the pain or the mechanisms previously used to cope with the pain.

• This can be achieved using a variety of different psychological and psychodynamic therapies delivered by a well-trained, well-supervised experienced therapist who understands what needs to be done and how to do it.

• With an inner world based on a secure attachment, together with methods to manage their mental and emotional equilibrium and to maintain self-esteem (such as cognitive mental exercises, and/or medication), and the opportunity to return at times of crisis for further therapeutic support (if necessary), even those who have been most severely and systematically abused can have some real hope of maintaining and continuing their recovery.

Therapeutic Interventions Although the health and mental health signs and symptoms of having been sexually abused as a child are common to many survivors, the therapeutic needs of each individual in time and over time will vary significantly.

• Different interventions and approaches are helpful for different clients, or for different stages for an individual client, or for different aspects of their recovery.

• Establishing trust within the therapeutic relationship is essential and it is the therapist’s responsibility to do this.

Showing respect for the truth and validity of the emotions and recollections disclosed within therapy is essential to a relationship of trust.

• Some survivors have clear and distinct memories of their abuse, for others memories may be occluded apart from the legacy of distress reflected in their emotional and mental states and (self-harming) behaviours. The recovery of memories is not necessary to recover from the effects of the abuse (see below).

• Suicide and self harm need to be treated with sensitivity and understanding, adopting a supportive harm minimisation approach. Dealing with the experience and effects of historical abuse can be overwhelming and lead to an inability to regulate emotions and differentiate past and present. One role of the therapist is to help the survivor to identify, manage and stabilise the mental and physical effects of their abuse.

• Interventions such as cognitive behavioural therapy, schema-focused and dialectical behaviour therapy, psychoeducation, bibliotherapy, and the use of medication both in the short and the long term can help with this.

• Dissociation is likely to have been a significant feature of survival at the time of sexual abuse in childhood and subsequently, for many survivors. Treating dissociation, and in particular the more extreme form of Dissociative Identify Disorders (DID) experienced by those most severely and chronically abused, requires specialist understanding on the part of the therapist.

• Assessment should be undertaken before embarking on a full therapeutic intervention, or alternatively be identified as an outcome of the initial stage of a therapeutic process, and the product of developing a professional, therapeutic relationship between client and therapist.

• Clients should expect to be fully informed of what the therapeutic approach can offer, for the combined aim of achieving genuine consent, understanding and adhering to clear boundaries, appropriate use of contracts between the client and therapist, and ensuring that the client has both the internal resources and external support to cope with and experience the benefits from the intervention.

Helpful therapeutic interventions Integrative model; mutual support, survivor led therapeutic groups; group therapy; CBT, dialectical behaviour therapy, EDMR and sensory-motor therapies, solution focused brief therapy; behaviour modification, panic and anxiety management; psychodynamic, gestalt, attachment theory based therapies; debriefing, reality checking, affirmations and meditations; narrative therapy, art and creative therapies.

Not recommended Memory recovery and authentication work; offering authentication for recovered memories regression; hypnosis; unstructured groups; exclusively cognitive, behavioural or analytic approaches; Freudian psychoanalysis; blank screen work; forcing or promoting forgiveness; challenging directly or contracting to control self harm; brief or time limited (unless part of broader therapeutic process).

Talking about abuse is not a necessary part of the healing process Dealing with the underlying abuse is an essential part of the healing process. But there is much more to this than ‘talking about abuse’.

• It is possible to describe experiences of abuse without any healing benefit (especially if it becomes a compulsion to repeat the story without sufficient attention to creating the context which will ensure a healing response).

• It is possible to make progress in healing through managing, experiencing and integrating the emotions associated with abuse without telling the story.

The therapist should communicate to the survivor that: i. s /he is able and willing to hear specific details of the abuse experienced and how this has effected the survivor, but ii. w hen and how or if the survivor speaks about the abuse should be wholly within their control, and iii. t hey can recover from the effects of the abuse without talking directly or specifically about it at all.

A person-centred, jointly controlled therapeutic process There was strong support in the Delphi expert consultation for patient/client led therapy working at their own pace in their own way - and in control.

• At the same time, an expectation that a trained therapist will retain responsibility for the parameters of the therapy and be in control.

Both are true: i. t he patient/client wanting to regain some of the control in the safety of a therapeutic relationship that they lacked as a child subject to sexual and other abuse and powerless to stop it ii. t he therapist’s need to contain and provide safety for the patient/client to work through the effects of having had no control as a child, and letting go of control as a coping mechanism in a relationship of therapeutic trust and delineated boundaries.

• Therapy needs to work developmentally from a point where the survivor needs to be in control of a relationship in which there are two people who can both matter (an intersubjective space).

Self-Harm Department of Health policy supports the harm minimisation approach to self harm set out in the Women’s Mental Health Strategy.

Sensitive and appropriate responses to suicidality and self-harm • Many survivors/victims are suicidal and have lived with those feelings for many years; panicking and ‘taking control’ of their life by rushing in to Section them is, in many cases, unnecessary, and the antidote to their desire to die is a stable, caring, boundaried therapeutic relationship.

• Many survivor/victims find it hard to tell professionals about their suicidal feelings because of this panic on the behalf of professionals in the past and are therefore isolated further with the pain and distress, and their memories, secrets, and self-hatred.’

• Many survivors self-harm in order to cope with the overwhelming feelings and to divert the pain from the emotions to their physical being. Again, calm exploration rather than panic and rushing in to stop them is most often the best way ahead - respect, care, patience, enquiry, inquisitiveness on the part of the therapist can go a very long way to help the survivor/victim recover in the way they need to recover.

Memories and recovering memories of abuse are not necessary to recover from its effects Believing in the authenticity and truth of the client’s accounts of their experiences as they recall them, and the emotions associated with them is essential to their recovery.

• However, it requires an understanding by both that the memories may not necessarily be accurate accounts of specific events or incidents that happened in the past, and it does not matter if they are or not.

• Attempts to authenticate memories are not encouraged, nor therapeutic interventions that ‘go looking’ for memories, such as regression, or hypnosis, or other ‘memory work’ predicated on the belief that memories need to be recovered and dealt with for therapy to succeed.

• It is not necessary for a patient/client to recover ‘actual’ memories of ‘real’ events to recover from the effects of abuse through the therapeutic relationship and the processes of transference and counter-transference.

The role of memory in a therapeutic setting ‘Therapists working with survivors are often in a precarious position, especially if memories of abuse start surfacing during the course of therapy. Therapists should be aware of the possible contamination effects on memory. Unless there is definite, corroborating proof they should make it clear that it is not possible to “know” if the memories being recovered are authentic, and that “knowing for certain” is not necessary to recovery. A supportive approach which acknowledges the client’s distress, confusion, and agony of “not knowing” the concrete facts is what is needed. Even if there is clear evidence, the problem is the legacy of the abuse in the client’s distress and the road to recovery is to remain firmly

within the boundaries of the therapist’s role and the processes of the therapeutic relationship. This protects both the client and the therapist.’

Dissociation & Dissociative Identity Disorder A review of the literature (Fonagy and Target 1995) found that 90% of patients meeting the DSMIV criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder provided a history of physical and sexual abuse.

• An understanding of dissociation and the complex dissociative disorders (including complex-PTSD), is often key to the successful care, support and treatment of adult survivors of repeated, extreme and/or prolonged sexual and other abuse in childhood.

• Disssociation (ie to have kept themselves safe by going away mentally while the abuse took place) will have been the single most important survival tool for someone who was sexually abused as a child. Going about their daily lives adult survivors often dissociate, losing minutes, hours or days they cannot account for - especially during times of stress. It is important to validate how useful this process was for the child they once were, but to point out that it is no longer appropriate and could jeopardise their safety.

Being aware of when disassociation occurs can make it less frequent.

• However, one feature of the condition is that the presenting adult can be totally unaware of his/her abuse history, nor aware of dissociation either as a process or a disorder, or of when and how they themselves dissociate.

Even in the best therapeutic relationship it needs a lot of trust to allow it to be manifest, identified and discussed as such, and there is the potential for retraumatisation in identifying and naming it.

• The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to and thinking about the environment and self).

• At least two of these identities or personality states recurrently take control of the person’s behaviour.

• Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness and not due to the direct effects of a substance (eg blackouts or chaotic behaviour during alcohol intoxication) or of a medical condition.

Survivor literature The NICE Guideline on Self Harm referred to the wealth of survivor literature. Its size and significance is a measure of the lifelong legacy of pain and debilitating effects that can occur and the hunger for this literature as a source of self-help, of hope and hope of recovery for those who were victimised in childhood.

At the same time notes of caution were expressed amongst the Delphi experts - both survivors and practitioners on the role of survivor literature as: • on the one hand inspirational, on the other potentially triggering and retraumatising; • helpful in normalising, destigmatising and removing isolation, but also leaving a survivor vulnerable to handling their experiences (feelings and memories) on their own or with unqualified non-professionals.

Peer survivor support groups Choice of therapeutic method depends on many factors but peer group support is valued highly by women and men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. Its value is in helping survivors cope with the challenges of daily life and crises and it is thus an effective therapeutic intervention, in its own right.

• For some survivors peer-led approaches are primary in their recovery; for most such approaches can assist recovery but only in combination with other interventions.

• Without access to individual therapy, peer-led approaches on their own are unlikely to be sufficient for survivors to recover from serious and chronic sexual abuse as a child, and from Dissociative Identity Disorders.

Therapist led group therapy Therapist led unstructured group therapy - ie where the content is not directed by the therapist - can be an empowering experience.

• Common themes such as powerlessness, shame, anger, confrontation, self esteem etc will emerge in unstructured groups and be focused on as they emerge and links between past experiences and present experience, behaviour and relationships will be made.

• There is a positive difference in allowing women to talk about what feels pertinent to them each week with a therapist highlighting themes and dynamics, and the therapist providing the themes each week and expecting women to follow that external structure. An unstructured format along these lines is more respectful.

Key messages • Childhood sexual abuse is a life experience not a disease or an illness. It is important that survivors can obtain psychological therapies and other therapeutic interventions for the effects of the abuse if they need this, without becoming medicalised and stigmatised by mental health labels.

• Dissociation is a common symptom and survival technique in this group and therapists should therefore be aware of the nature of dissociation, how to identify it and how to respond to it without further harming the client.

• There is a role for both self help peer groups and group therapy with a trained facilitator who has supervision and support.

• As with those who have been raped or sexually assaulted, some adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse may want several periods of short term therapy at different points in their lives with the same or different therapists, working at different levels of intensity or depth.

• Some victims of childhood sexual abuse require long term therapy because the abuse has been carried for a long time, and affected every aspect of their lives and relationships throughout their childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

• To establish trust in a therapeutic relationship, to go through the necessary process of establishing and experiencing a non-abusive attachment, to gain understanding of how to maintain their mental and emotional equilibrium, and to go through the essential process of finishing therapy requires a length of time.

• Chronic medical conditions are treated until the patient is well enough to carry on with their lives. If given the right therapeutic interventions and support, and allowed enough time, survivors of childhood sexual abuse can also become well enough to move on with their lives.

What Works - a survivor perspective - Delphi expert view • Therapy has three stages - building trust, working through and letting go.

• The watchword when working with survivors needs to be ‘work together’ not ‘do things to’.

• Fragile self-esteem and the complexity of abuse mean that care must be reliable and consistent if trust is to be established.

• Trust is essential if productive work is to be done.

• Rejection must be avoided.

• Timing is important, sessions must begin and end on time.

• The demeanour of the therapist must be consistent.

• Low self-esteem means that every step is a hurdle to be overcome - we simply do not believe that we are worth people’s attention.

• Therefore the therapist needs to be prepared to be tested by the survivors who will expect to be rejected and will try to ensure that rejection occurs.

• Finally a natural consequence of therapy is that survivors become dependent on their therapists.

• The ending of therapy is the most important phase. An incorrect ending can destroy all the good work done in the earlier stages.

• The ending of any therapy must be at the survivor’s request.

• The problem for the NHS is that survivors take a long time to reach the ‘ready to go point’ The above is an extract from a Delphi research project led

by Professor Catherine Itzin for the UK’s Department of Health Victims of Violence and Abuse Prevent Programme (VVAPP) project 2005 - 2008. The project engaged with over 300 front line specialist sexual abuse workers across sectors, disciplines and victim/survivor interfaces.

Things to remember during recovery This shall pass and my life will be better.

- I am a worthy and good person

- I don’t really need to prove myself in this situation.

- I am doing the best I can, given my history and level of current awareness

- Other people’s opinions are just their opinions.

- Like everyone else, I am a fallible person and at times will make mistakes and learn from them.

- What is, is.

- Look at how much I’ve accomplished, and I am still progressing.

- There are no failures only different degrees of success.

- Others are not perfect, and I won’t put pressure on myself by expecting them to be.

- I cannot control the behaviors of others, I can only control my own behaviors.

- I am not responsible to make other people okay.

- I will respond appropriately, and not be reactive.

- Be honest and true to myself.

- I feel better when I don’t make assumptions about the thoughts or behaviors of others.

- It is okay to let myself be distressed for awhile.

- I will enjoy myself, even when life is hard.

- I will remain engaged and involved instead of isolating and withdrawing during this situation.

- Don’t sweat the small stuff - it’s all small stuff.

- I am not helpless. I can and will take the steps needed to get through this crisis.

- This is an opportunity, instead of a threat. I will use this experience to learn something new, to change my direction, or to try a new approach.

- One step at a time.

- I can stay calm when talking to difficult people.

- I know I will be okay no matter what happens.

- He/She is responsible for their reaction to me.

- This difficult/painful situation will soon be over.

- I can stand anything for awhile.

- In the long run who will remember or care?

- Is this really important enough to become upset about?

- My past does not control my future.

- I choose to be a happy person.

- I am respectful to others and deserve to be respected in return.

- There is less stress in being optimistic and choosing to be in control.

- I am willing to do whatever is necessary to make tomorrow better. author unknown

How to view your childhood records: A guide for Jersey care leavers Introduction This guide on accessing your records is a general guide.

Am I allowed to see my childhood case records?

It takes into account that Jersey has similar data protection

If you were in local authority social services care as a child

legislation to that which exists in the UK. However, you will

then the law should give you the right to view your records.

need to check what Jersey data protection legislation says

If you were in the care of a charity, they may refuse to give

and whether there are any differences between Jersey and

you access. However, in practice even charities will usually

the UK in this area.

allow access.

It has been produced by the Care Leavers’ Association,

Do I have to give a reason?

which is based in Manchester but tries to cover the UK as a whole. We have been trying to help the Jersey Care Leavers’ Association since Spring 2008 and this is another way in which we want to contribute to helping care leavers on Jersey.

No, you should not have to give a reason. Certainly in the UK you don’t have to give a reason. Although you may be asked why you want to view your case file, you should not be denied access if you don’t give a specific reason. Nor should you be denied access if you turn down any offer of

At the moment, we are updating our main guide.

counselling before, during or after accessing your file. Nor

Therefore, if you want further information you should go to

should you need to be seen by a social worker. It is good if

www.careleavers.org, where you will be able to download

support and counselling is offered, but it should not

our more recent guide from the end of 2009. Our website

be compulsory.

also contains a lot of other details on accessing your files.

Can this guide be given to others?

Do my childhood social work records still exist?

Yes, but only to other care leavers. Otherwise, this guide

Perhaps. In the past in the UK many local authorities were

may not be reproduced without the permission of the Care

allowed to destroy child care files a few years after the child

Leavers’ Association.

left care. That has now been changed and files have to be

What is the purpose of data protection legislation?

Such legislation, in both Jersey and the UK, is meant to protect the privacy of individuals, including you, by preventing people from giving out your personal information to other people and organisations. This goal also allows you to check your personal information, held by others, to see if it is right. Sometimes, you can also ask for corrections and, importantly, you are entitled to a copy of the file.

kept until at least the 75th birthday of the person concerned.

You will need to check if any files were destroyed on Jersey, prior to data protection legislation coming into force. You may, of course, already know that your files are or were with the police or some other agency. It is worth noting that missing case records have often been lost rather than destroyed. Such case files may still exist and be traceable.

If you are told that your records have been destroyed, it may help to make a Freedom of Information request to the authority who would have held your file about its policy for keeping or destroying case records in past years.

This may inform you if your records have been destroyed in line with a clear policy. To do this, you will need to find out what legal provisions Jersey has on freedom of information issues and requests.

How do I apply for access?

How long must I wait?

In the UK, a local authority must legally supply you with your personal data within 40 days. However, they may need to delete much information about other people from your file (unless you have already got permission from those people for you to look at their information). As a result, we do not

First, find out the contact details of the person in the

encourage you to complain as soon as the 40-day deadline

organisation that holds your file who is responsible for

is exceeded, unless you think there are unjustified reasons for

allowing access. This should be the authority where you

the delay. If you do, they may just rush the task and not give

were last in care. Try telephoning them or emailing them to

you as much information as you are entitled to. On the other

find out what to do next and whether they are, in fact, the

hand, don’t leave it too long before chasing them. Try to find

right authority. For example, in the UK local authorities can

out the reasons for the delay and whether they sound fair or

charge £10 to allow access, but many choose not to do so.

unfair to you.

Try to find out if Jersey charge anything for these requests.

However, if you already know this information and you cannot get a telephone number or email contact, you should write to them because it is likely that all requests will have to be made in writing for the process to begin properly.

When you write, provide as much detail about dates and locations of your time in care as you can. Also, keep a copy of all correspondence about your request; this may be helpful

Whose information can I see?

You can usually only see your ‘personal data’. Only biographical information that is mainly focused on you can be your personal data. You are not permitted to view information that is focussed on someone else (this is called ‘third party’ information in the UK).

specimen letter, at the end of this guide, for you to use if

Suppose my personal data contains information about others?

you want.

Often, your personal data will contain data about someone

if you need to make a complaint later. We have provided a

Where can I find contact details for where my files are held?

If you do not know where your files are held, you should first approach the Jersey health and social services and try to find out who is their person in charge of data protection issues. It is likely that Jersey law reflects UK law in this area and agencies have to have someone whose job it is to deal with data protection issues. Try ringing the local authority and asking for the contact details of their ‘Data Protection Officer’ (or whatever similar title is used). Once you reach this person, they will either be the one responsible for your file access or they will know who is responsible and can refer you on to them.

Do I need to confirm my identity?

Yes, almost certainly. The social work agency must be certain that it is releasing your personal data to you alone and not to an impersonator. It should therefore insist that you prove your identity before it releases your personal data. The agency may ask you to present yourself in person, along with your passport or some similar photographic identification, before it releases your records to you.

other than yourself, such as your parents or brothers or sisters.

In most cases, your personal data must be released to you with the details about other people taken out. However, taking out information about other family members is unlikely to prevent you from knowing who is being referred to. Even if it is not possible to take out information about other people you should still be entitled to your own information if it is reasonable to do this.

It often helps if you can get a signed letter from the other person (such as a family member) giving permission for access. Care leavers in the UK have done this and found that it can save time and mean more information is released to you in the file.

There are some circumstances in which you may be denied access. For example, in the UK the law allows social services to not give you the file if it is seen as likely to cause serious harm to either you or someone else. However, there is evidence that this bit of the law has been used too often and you should feel free to challenge this if it happens to you.

In our view, this rule should only ever be used if the person requesting the file has a relevant and certified mental health condition. Even then, denying access to the file should not be automatic but should be on a case-by-case basis. There should be a presumed right of access unless there are very good reasons to deny access. Often, authorities are concerned about the impact of releasing this information but don’t fully understand how important and beneficial it can be for the care leaver involved.

Suggested letter to request access “Dear Data Protection Manager Subject access request under data protection legislation I was in the care of (insert local authority or organisation’s name) as a child from (insert month and year here) to (insert month and year here). Please supply me with a copy of my personal data relating to my time in your care. I enclose a cheque for £10 for this purpose. I will supply you with

In our view, ‘serious harm’ suggests physical violence or

photocopies of official documents bearing my name and

suicide. Being upset or afraid is not serious harm and

photograph if you need further proof my identity.

information that might produce these feelings in you or another is not a good enough reason to keep information from you.

In the UK, the law also forces Social Services to give you information that your carers supplied about you. This includes information supplied by foster carers. Under UK legislation, social workers, foster carers, house-parents, guardians, psychiatrists and others are all people whose reports must be disclosed to you.

Will I receive all my personal data?

Perhaps. In the UK, a local authority does not have to tell

In your response, please give me written reasons for withholding any of my personal data from the information you have sent me.

Freedom of information request If you are unable to fulfil my subject access request because my case records have been lost or destroyed, then please supply me with details of your organisation’s file retention policy both now and in past decades.

Yours faithfully (Sign & print your name here)”

you when it has withheld some of your information. We recommend your written request to view your case file also asks for details of whether and why any personal information about you may have been withheld. You may also need to ask about a complaints procedure if you are not satisfied. However, before doing this or possibly using court proceedings it would be a good idea to inform the authority in writing of your plan. This may, in some cases, make them seek to settle the dispute.

Further information

Contact details:

We have more information on our website:

Unit 11, Phase 1, Express Networks,

www.careleavers.com

1 George Leigh Street

About the Care Leavers’ Association

Manchester M4 5DL

We are a registered charity (1111988) run by care leavers

Email: info@careleavers.org

for care leavers of all ages. We are also a company limited

Tel: 0161 236 1980 or 0161 238 9025

by guarantee, registered in England and Wales with the number 5204243.

NAPAC

www.jimhopper.com

(The National Association for People Abused in Childhood)

www.operationemotion.co.uk

Support Line: 0800 085 3330

www.tpcauk.com

42 Curtain Road, London, EC2A 3NH A small charity offering general support and signposting

www.oneinfour.org www.safelinewarwick.co.uk www.survivorguide.co.uk

nationally for survivors of sexual abuse via a free phone

www.siari.co.uk

helpline.

www.supportline.org.uk

Rape Crisis England & Wales

www.victimsnolonger.org.uk

www.rapecrisis.org.uk Umbrella organisation for services supporting female & male survivors of sexual abuse.

The Survivors Trust www.thesurvivorstrust.org Tel: 01788 550554 Unit 2, Eastlands Court Business Centre, St Peter’s Road, Rugby, CV21 3QP Umbrella organisation supporting specialist rape & sexual

Male survivors www.male-rape.org.uk www.malesurvivor.org www.nextstepcounselling.org www.amsosa.com www.survivorsuk.org www.survivorsfellowshiplondon.org.uk www.mankindcounselling.org.uk www.survivorsmanchester.org.uk

abuse services

UK Police agency protecting children www.ceop.police.uk

General sites: information & advice in no particular order

Clergy abuse www.holywater-gate.com www.snapnetwork.org www.mikelerauch.com

www.abuse-survivors.org.uk www.angelashelton.org www.aest.org.uk

Careleavers’ organisations

www.alice-miller.com

www.jerseycareleavers.com

www.darkness2light.org

www.careleavers.com

www.giftfromwithin.org

www.careleavers.com/clreunited

www.havoca.org

Here is a list of books that you may find useful. If you purchase any of the books (or any other products) through NAPAC’s website, via the link to Amazon, NAPAC will receive 10.5% of the cover value from them.

Self Help Breaking Free: Help for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Carolyn Ainscough, Kay Toon

The Male Survivor - The impact of sexual abuse Matthew Parynick Mendel • Paperback 264 pages (December 30, 1994)

• Paperback 266 pages (April 2000)

• Publisher: Sage Publications (USA)

• Publisher: Sheldon Press

• ISBN: 0803954425

• ISBN: 0859698106

The Male Survivor shatters many myths regarding the invulnerability of male victims. This book carefully expounds the specific social and psychological issues faced by men who were abused as children.

This manual is designed to help survivors of child sexual abuse. It updates the first edition, and investigates all the effects of child sexual abuse, which often persist into adult life - guilt and shame, depression and anxiety, eating disorders, fear of relationships and sexual problems.

The Drama of Being a Child: The Search for the True Self Alice Miller

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Ellen Bass, Laura Davis • Paperback 495 pages (April 11, 2002)

• Paperback 174 pages (April 27, 1995)

• Publisher: Vermilion

• Publisher: Virago Press

• ISBN: 0091884209

• ISBN: 1860491014

Based on the experiences of hundreds of survivors, this work profiles victims who share the challenges and triumphs of their personal healing processes. it offers mental, emotional and physical support to all people who are in the process of rebuilding their lives.

Miller has rewritten most of this book in the light of her move beyond the framework of psychoanalysis. In this version, Miller details how we can use her discoveries to help free ourselves. She illustrates, with many examples, how it is possible to recover lost feelings and repressed history, ending with a healthy beginning.

Overcoming Sexual and Childhood Abuse Liz Adamson

The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis • Spiral-bound 475 pages (February 1, 1990)

• Paperback 154 pages (March 1, 2004)

• Publisher: HarperCollins

• Publisher: Diviniti Publishing Ltd

• ISBN: 0060964375

• ISBN: 1901923525

As a step-by-step guide through the healing process, this workbook offers provides same directional support as its companion bestseller, Courage to Heal. The workbook is a combination of checklists, open-ended questions, writing exercises, art projects, and activities.

This book is in two parts. Part one looks at all the patterns and issues associated with abuse. Part two provides processes and exercises designed to rid abuse victims of the negative aspects of the past. This can be done by individuals or within a group context. Liz Adamson is a leading UK life coach and self help author.

Victims No Longer- The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse Mike Lew • Paperback 464 pages (May 1, 2004) • Publisher: Perennial • ISBN: 006053026X Mike Lew’s book positively shows that hope, information, and understanding will lead to recovery.

With insight into the causes and treatment, intelligent advice, and respect for deep emotions, you feel you’re in compassionate hands that have steered many success stories of recovery.

Everyone who wishes to be able to enjoy sex after the pain of abuse will find help here. It is also an essential aid for anyone who is having sex with someone who has been through the trauma of non-consensual abuse. It is informative, sensitive and very well written. Its chapters cover areas such as personal triggers, communication of fears, letting go of the physical trauma, and more. It also includes a comprehensive resource section.

Stories by survivors of abuse I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings Maya Angelou • Hardcover 197 pages (July 1, 1998) • Publisher: Chelsea House Publishers

The Right to Innocence: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Beverly Engel • Paperback 252 pages (August 1, 1991) • Publisher: Ivy Books

• ISBN: 0791047733 Ms. Angelou paints a picture not only of her own life but of all young women who have had to struggle up from poverty by the strength of their own will. Her courage in coming forth with her story of sexual abuse has empowered and inspired generations of young women.

• ISBN: 0804105855 Based on the author’s wide-ranging counselling experiences, this book provides a seven-step recovery program for men and women who were sexually abused as children, helping them heal and face a positive future.

Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: To Join the Waiting Child Alice Miller, Simon Worrall • Paperback 191 pages (November 6, 1997)

An Invisible Child Jo Evans • Hardcover 112 pages (August 2003) • Publisher: The Book Guild Ltd • ISBN: 1857767179 This book is recommended reading this to anyone abused in childhood, has been affected by it or for anyone who is seeking courage. It focuses on the way the author and other victims successfully stood up and disputed the law on plea bargaining. It is written in clear and accessible language.

• Publisher: Virago Press • ISBN: 1860493475 Miller and Worrall analyse people such as Hitler and Nicolae Ceasescu - drawing on her own painful childhood experiences, Miller argues the point that ‘The culture that ignores roots of hatred and tyranny embedded in its own childrearing traditions renders itself ripe for payback.’ This book deals with child abuse studies and how dictators can be shaped from societies that endure this behaviour.

The Survivor’s Guide to Sex Staci Haines • Paperback 200 pages (April 1, 1999) • Publisher: Cleis Press • ISBN: 1573440795

Strong at the Broken Places: Overcoming the Trauma of Child Abuse Linda T. Sanford • Paperback 224 pages (August 29, 1991) • Publisher: Virago Press • ISBN: 1853813745 This book challenges the idea that childhood victims are caught forever in the vicious circle of abuse. In 17 years of working with victims and survivors, the author discovered that most survivors break free from the patterns of victimization.

Over 20 people were interviewed in depth for this book.

The Golly in the Cupboard Phil Frampton

For partners/loved ones

• Publisher: Tamic Publications

Living with the Legacy of Abuse: How to Make Your Relationship Work When Your Partner Is a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse Beverly Engels

• ISBN: 0954764900

• Paperback 219 pages (April 29, 1998)

Phil Frampton’s memoir is a dramatic and gripping detective story of a man who goes in search of the background to his parentless childhood spent in foster care, institutions and bed sits. Using letters and official records, he unfolds an odyssey of love, rejection, racism, cruelty, joy, bravery, lies and deception, and reveals his reactions to his discoveries.

• Publisher: Camden Press

• Paperback 302 pages (May 20, 2004)

• ISBN: 0948491531 This book presents essential information on abuse, the recovery process, and the resultant responses of the survivor.

Engel summarises the types of support that the survivor needs. It covers the reactions that survivors experience during the recovery period and how to deal with them.

Self Injury A Bright Red Scream: Self-mutilation and the Language of Pain (A Virago V) Marilee Strong, Armando R. Favazza • Hardcover 232 pages (October 1, 1998) • Publisher: Viking/Allen Lane • ISBN: 0670877816 This book aims to provide both hope and help to people who self-injure.There are ways to heal both the internal and external wounds. Fifty-plus self-injurers from across the U.S. (and in the U.K., Canada, and Australia) bravely shared their stories with the author and helped her to understand this very complex phenomenon.

Healing the Hurt Within: Understand Self-Injury & Self-Harm, & Heal the Emotional Wounds Jan Sutton • Hardcover 256 pages (May 27, 2005) • Publisher: How To Books • ISBN: 1845280369

Self-Injury: When Pain Feels Good (Resources for Changing Lives) Edward T. Welch

For Professionals Understanding Trauma: A Psychoanalytical Approach Caroline Garland • Paperback 256 pages (July 2002) • Publisher: Karnac Books • ISBN: 1855759772 This book is a good introduction to the area of trauma.

Treating Victims of Torture and Violence: Theoretical, Cross-cultural and Clinical Implications Peter Elsass • Hardcover 256 pages (December 31, 1997) • Publisher: New York University Press • ISBN: 0814722016 This is a helpful textbook on cross-cultural issues and on eroded personal boundaries. The book deals with a neglected area of psychiatry. Dr. Elsass has done a great deal of work in this area and has thought a great deal about the topic. His book contains much useful and interesting information.

• Paperback 28 pages (March 1, 2004)

Transforming Trauma: Guide to Understanding and Treating Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Anna C. Salter

• Publisher: P & R Publishing

• Paperback 360 pages (August 30, 1995)

• ISBN: 0875526977

• Publisher: Sage Publications (USA) • ISBN: 080395509X A balanced account of perpetrator and victim psychology, and treatment approaches.

Multiple Selves, Multiple Voices: Working with Trauma, Violation and Dissociation (Wiley Series in Clinical Psychology) Phil Mollon

Sex, Priests and Power; Anatomy of a crises Richard Sipe

• Paperback 228 pages (April 17, 1996)

• Publisher: Continuum International Publishing

• Publisher: John Wiley and Sons Ltd

• ISBN: 0304346381

• Hardcover 224 pages (November 14, 1996)

• ISBN: 0471963305 A good introduction to the area of Dissociation.

Torture & Its Consequences: Current Treatment Approaches Metin Basoglu • Hardcover 551 pages (January 7, 1999) • Publisher: Cambridge University Press • ISBN: 0521392993 A rounded account of interventions for victims of torture.

The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment Babette Rothschild • Paperback 224 pages (October 1, 2000) • Publisher: W.W. Norton & Company Ltd • ISBN: 0393703274 This book highlights the importance of understanding the psychophysiology of trauma for both therapists and their traumatised clients.

Faith This section was compiled by Margaret Kennedy of MACSAS.

Out of Bounds; Sexual exploitation in counselling & therapy Janice Russell • Paperback 160 pages (March 30, 1993) • Publisher: Sage Publications Ltd • ISBN: 0803985347

A Secret World: Sexuality and the Search for Celibacy Richard Sipe • Paperback 336 pages (December 1990) • Publisher: Brunner/Mazel • ISBN: 0876305850

Faith Born of Seduction: sexual trauma, body image and religion Jennifer Manlowe • Paperback 230 pages (August 1, 1995) • Publisher: New York University Press • ISBN: 0814755291

At Personal Risk: boundary violations in a professional - client relationship Marilyn Peterson • Hardcover 208 pages (April 1, 1992) • Publisher: W.W. Norton & Company Ltd • ISBN: 0393701387

Is Nothing Sacred? The story of a Pastor, the woman he sexually abused, and the congregation he nearly destroyed Marie Fortune • Paperback 163 pages (March 1, 1999) • Publisher: United Church Press • ISBN: 0829812709

Victim to Survivor: Women recovering from Clergy Sexual Abuse Nancy Werking Poling

The Cry of Tamar: Violence Against Women and the Church’s Response Pamela Cooper-White

• Paperback 122 pages (February 1, 1999)

• Paperback 320 pages (June 1995)

• Publisher: United Church Press

• Publisher: Augsburg Fortress Publishers

• ISBN: 0829813233

• ISBN: 080062730X

Before the Fall: Preventing Pastoral Sexual Abuse Nils C. Friberg, Mark R. Laaser

Breach of Trust: Sexual Exploitation by Health Care Professionals John C. Gonsiorek (Editor)

• Paperback 160 pages (January 1, 1998) • Publisher: The Liturgical Press • ISBN: 0814623913

Christianity, Patriarchy and Abuse: A Feminist Critique Joanne Carlson Brown, Carole R Bohn • Paperback 173 pages (October 1993) • Publisher: Pilgrim P, US • ISBN: 0829808086

Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers and Other Men in Power Betray Women’s Trust Peter Rutter • Paperback 240 pages (January 9, 1995) • Publisher: Aquarian Press • ISBN: 1855384604

Boundary Wars: Intimacy and Distance in Healing Relationships Katherine H. Ragsdale

• Paperback 456 pages (December 30, 1994) • Publisher: Sage Publications (USA) • ISBN: 080395557X

The Abuse of Power: A Theological Pattern James Newton Poling • Paperback 224 pages (December 1, 1991) • Publisher: Abingdon Press • ISBN: 0687006848

Ethics in Pastoral Ministry Richard M. Gula • Paperback 176 pages (March 1996) • Publisher: Paulist Press • ISBN: 0809136201

Sex in the Parish Karen Lebacqz, Ronald Barton • Paperback 279 pages (September 1, 1991)

• Paperback 264 pages (July 1996)

• Publisher: Westminster John Knox Press

• Publisher: Pilgrim Press

• ISBN: 0664250874

• ISBN: 0829811184

Understanding Clergy Misconduct in Religious Systems: Scapegoating, Family Secrets, and the Abuse of Power Candace Reed Benyei

Ungodly Fear: Fundamentalist Christianity and the Abuse of Power Stephen Parsons • Hardcover 320 pages (April 3, 2000)

• Paperback 197 pages (August 1, 1998)

• Publisher: Lion Publishing PLC

• Publisher: Haworth Press, Inc

• ISBN: 0745942881

• ISBN: 0789004526

Wolves Within the Fold: Religion, Leadership and Abuses of Power Anson Shupe (Editor) • Paperback 272 pages (February 1997) • Publisher: Rutgers University Press • ISBN: 0813524903

Bulimia Nervosa and Binge-eating: A Guide to Recovery Peter Cooper, Christopher Fairburn • Paperback 160 pages (July 9, 1993) • Publisher: Constable and Robinson • ISBN: 1854871714

Depression Clergy or Minister sexual exploitation of adults in the Pastoral relationship; what you need to know Leaflet by Margaret Kennedy and produced by MACSAS. 100 copies £10.

MACSAS PO Box 46933 London E8 1XA

Overcoming Depression Paul Gilbert • Paperback 352 pages (May 2000) • Publisher: Constable and Robinson • ISBN: 1841191256

Staying Sane: How to Make Your Mind Work for You Raj Persaud

Eating Disorders Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating Joyce D. Nash

• Paperback 609 pages (May 1, 2001) • Publisher: Bantam • ISBN: 0553813471

• Paperback 168 pages (February 2000) • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications • ISBN: 1572241748

Breaking Free from Anorexia Nervosa: A Survival Guide for Families, Friends and Sufferers Janet Treasure

Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments Muriel James, Dorothy Jongeward • Paperback 320 pages (September 1, 1996) • Publisher: Da Capo Press • ISBN: 0201590441

• Paperback 160 pages (November 3, 1997) • Publisher: Psychology Press • ISBN: 0863777600

Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e): Survival Kit for Sufferers of Bulimia Nervosa and Binge Eating Disorders Ulrike Schmidt, Janet Treasure, Tom Treasure (Illustrator) • Paperback 160 pages (September 15, 1993) • Publisher: Psychology Press • ISBN: 0863773222

Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You Richard O’Connor • Paperback 358 pages (January 1, 1999) • Publisher: G P Putnam’s Sons • ISBN: 0425166791

Biography

Incest

Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America - A Memoir Elizabeth Wurtzel

A God called Father: One Woman’s Recovery from Incest and Multiple Personality

• Paperback 336 pages (March 1, 1996) • Publisher: Quartet Books Ltd • ISBN: 0704380080

Depression - For partners What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed Mitch Golant • Paperback 192 pages (April 1, 1998) • Publisher: Henry Holt • ISBN: 080505829X

• Paperback 236 pages (April 3, 2002) • Publisher: 1st Books Library • ISBN: 0759661464

The Woman Inside: A Resource Guide Designed to Lead Women from Incest Victim to Survivor • Paperback 145 pages • Publisher: Mother Courage Press • ISBN: 0941300137

Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy Christine A. Courtois

How You Can Survive When They’re Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression Fallout Anne Sheffield

• Paperback 414 pages (March 1996)

• Paperback 320 pages (May 1, 1999)

• ISBN: 0393313565

• Publisher: W.W. Norton & Company Ltd

• Publisher: Crown Publications • ISBN: 0609804154

Disassociation The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation, and Disease Robert C. Scaer • Paperback 278 pages (December 31, 2001) • Publisher: Haworth Press, Inc • ISBN: 0789012464

Other Here is the NSPCC’s recommended reading list for adults abused as children. www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/ReadingLists/Adults.asp Thank you for contacting NAPAC, we hope that you find this support pack of help. If you have any suggestions for fundraising, or any other feedback, please do get in touch.