The Mediator’s Guide to Balancing: Emotions and Logic in Divorce by
Susan Deveney
As defined by Susan Deveney, Divorce is a highly emotional experience, and when couples enter mediation, emotions often run high. As a mediator, one of the most critical roles is to help parties navigate their feelings while keeping the process focused on finding practical, logical solutions Balancing emotions and logic is crucial to achieving a fair and constructive resolution. Here are some key approaches mediators can use to strike that balance
First and foremost, a successful mediator must create a safe, neutral space for both parties to express their emotions. Emotions are natural during a divorce; denying or suppressing
them can lead to more frustration and unresolved issues Allowing each person to share their feelings helps the mediator release tension and sets the stage for more productive discussions. This emotional expression is an essential first step before any logical problem-solving can occur
Once emotions are acknowledged, guiding the conversation toward practical solutions is essential Divorce mediation isn’t about rehashing the past or assigning blame; instead, it focuses on the future and how to make decisions that are in the best interest of both parties and any children involved Here, the mediator’s listening and reframing skills can help redirect conversations from emotional outbursts to logical discussions. For example, suppose one party is expressing anger over a financial issue In that case, the mediator can acknowledge the emotion and shift the conversation to how both parties can address financial concerns fairly and transparently.
Another way mediators can balance emotion and logic is by encouraging compromise Mediators help couples understand that while they may not get everything they want, they can reach acceptable agreements with both parties. By facilitating a cooperative approach, the mediator helps move the process from emotionally charged standoffs to constructive problem-solving
Finally, mediators must remain calm and neutral, modeling the behavior they want to see in both parties Keeping a level head allows the mediator to guide the discussion in a way that respects both emotional needs and logical thinking, helping both parties feel heard and understood while working toward a practical, workable solution. Balancing emotion with logic is at the heart of successful divorce mediation, ensuring both individuals leave the process with a sense of resolution and empowerment