6 minute read
Civilized Living: Miss Manners
Tom Lee
Attorney and Counselor at Law
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: We moved into a new neighborhood and have quickly grown to like our next-door neighbors. My husband has conversed with the wife on many occasions, and their conversations have been nothing but lovely. However, in a recent discussion of Valentine’s Day, she was strongly hinting to my husband that he should buy me a gift from her catalogue. We are firmly opposed to multilevel marketing companies as a whole, but we really value the budding friendship. How can we gently, but permanently, let her know we are not interested while continuing to grow our friendship?
GENTLE READER: By ignoring her hint. That may be the end of it. But should this develop — say, with invitations to sales parties — Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to say, “We’re really not interested, but we would love to see you just socially.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: For most of my life, my mother has had a special endearment that she uses just for me. Her new beau has taken to calling me by this same endearment, and I would prefer that he not. Aside from a harsh-sounding, “Please don’t call me that!” how can I politely tell him that I would prefer he use my first name instead?
GENTLE READER: There is no cause to be harsh: Having heard you addressed this way, he naturally thought it was your accepted nickname. He hasn’t asked you to call him Daddy, has he? All that is needed is, “Oh, that’s just Mother’s pet name for me. Everyone else calls me Daisy.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are empty-nesters, and have been invited to many weddings over the past few years — usually ones where we are friends with the parents of the bride or groom, rather than with the couples themselves. When we got married, over 40 years ago, I vividly remember making sure we went from table to table to welcome our guests and have a brief conversation. I have noticed, in recent years, that I never even talk to the bride and groom; they do not make the rounds or have an oldschool receiving line. I certainly get that it is their special day, and I do not feel insulted or want to intrude. I have tried to be proactive and go up to the couples, but they hardly know us and it can be awkward if we even make it to them. I
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from page 5 think about how odd it is on our way home, even though I had a nice time and appreciate the invitations. Do you think we have lost something in the new normal?
GENTLE READER: Give a lady a chance to catch up. You are already in the car on the way home, having accepted a new normal, while Miss Manners is still sitting at the table wondering where everyone went. Whether or not today is the bride’s day, the bridegroom’s day or Boxing Day, bridal couples are expected to greet their guests and guests must thank their hosts. Parents also have a duty to smooth the introductions by reminding Sophie that she met you when she was 3 and threw up on your couch after eating all the cookies. This last bit may be less fun for Sophie, but the parents are entitled to some entertainment, and Sophie gets all the presents. DEAR MISS MANNERS:
On a trip to our local library, I used my elbow to activate the entrance door by pressing the handicap button on the side. I did this to avoid touching 223 NE 1st Street, Kalama the door handle. My 7-year- 9–8 M-Sat, 10–7 Sun • 360-673-2200
old daughter said she thought it was inappropriate for me to use the button, as I am not disabled. I started to explain why it was acceptable for anyone to use the button — unlike parking in a handicapped zone, it’s not unlawful to use the entrance button -- but then second-guessed myself. I began to wonder if my daughter was correct: Just because the button is there doesn’t mean that a non-handicapped person should use it. What say you?
GENTLE READER: Your 7-yearold has perfectly captured the zeitgeist of the moment. Righting wrongs — and there are always more than enough to choose from -- is
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virtuous, if sometimes humorless. But inventing infractions merely to put people in the wrong is not. Your use of the button was not a trespass as it harmed no one. And if anyone is about to draw a parallel to the handicapped parking space by saying that it was not being used, Miss Manners answers that you, not being 7 years old, know the difference.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Prior to the pandemic, I never shied away from shaking hands. But now, even being fully vaccinated, I shudder at the thought. Just last week, I attended a student career fair where everyone wore masks. It was the first one I’d attended in a year and a half. I didn’t even think about handshaking until students started coming up to me with outstretched hands. I couldn’t help but reciprocate, grabbing their sometimes damp, limp hands for a quick pump or two. My brain screamed “NO” while my social reflexes took over. Two days later, I came down with a runny nose and sore throat. Thankfully, after getting a negative COVID test, it was clear I merely had a cold.
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