The Art Of Good Parenting

The Art Of Good Parenting

By Susan Stormers

http://tinyurl.com/nw5gjsr Parenting Skills Skills that are obvious and known to men are: performing skills (like singing, dancing and acting), skills in painting, skills in sports, skills in Math, skills in cooking and in baking etc.

Like those skills mentioned above, raising up children is a mixture of the delicate balance between responsibility and

skills.

There is such term as "Parenting Skills". Like those skills mentioned, parenting skills are also honed and enhanced.

Skills in parenting however, is different. Parenting skills become required as soon as you become a parent. There is no such thing as "Parenting is not my skill". When you become a parent, you have to have this skill.

While there is no university, school or special classes that teach parents about parenting skills, skills in parenting can be learned. It is not something that you discover and voila... you are good at it. Parenting is more of practicing your responsibility as a parent in loving but practical means.

Parents' best teachers are indeed their day to day experiences as parents. Mistakes in parenting are very normal and usual especially for first time parents. First time parents feel all the anxiety, fear and worry about their children and their children's future. Apprehensions and hold backs are normal for parents and again, most especially the first time parents. Simply said, parenting starts with, "I really do not know what to do first."

Parenting skills officially start when the baby comes out of your womb. Being a parent means you are the source of guidance, care and love to your children. Parenting skills also vary. There are those who are very creative, some are strict and total disciplinarians, others are so loose about their children while others are still nervous about their skills as parents.

Do not worry. Parenting skills take time and are not developed and enhanced over night. As your children grow,

you also grow with them in essence. Parenting skills are not also transferable. No one can do the parenting best that youbecause the main responsibility is given to you as parent. You cannot expect that your neighbor next door will be the parent for your children. Nor can you expect that your children's teachers will become the main parent. Parenting skills start with you and in you.

Parenting skills are not something that is graded. No one can accuse you that you are a bad parent however, your children and who they will become in life is a big marker for you. How you have raised your children will reflect on the choices that they make in life, even if they are all grown up. Life has given you so much time to help shape your children's future, so shape it in the best way.

While self help books and your parent friend's advices are available for you, there is no blueprint for parenting. As mentioned above, experience is the best teacher. However, it is important also to seek advice from parents who are respected and reputable. No one is stopping you to imitate something that is worth looking out for.

Jane Artisan is a stay at home mom and has been writing articles and building websites on various topics for quite some time.

Learning Sound Parenting Skills is Essential

http://tinyurl.com/nw5gjsr It can be shocking to see how irresponsible some parents can be. I have observed many irresponsible acts in public that make me think that people should undergo testing and examinations before they are allowed to have offspring. Many people are not taking advantage of basic parenting skills classes that are offered.

Many young parents have no clue whatsoever about what to do with their infant that the hospital had just turned over to them. A manual about parenting should be given to parents when they leave the hospital. Anybody can be a parent but not everyone has the parenting skills required to raise a child properly.

Parenting skills are usually learned from the experience of parental care that those people themselves experienced.

Parents pass down the same skills and values that they learned from their own parents to their children.

I have had two clients who asked for advice in my office who became parents before they reached the age of eighteen. Both of them had no practical parental knowledge and lacked the skills that are needed to be able to raise their children. I found out after a quick interview that both of them had been born to underage parents.

Their parents lacked the experience, knowledge, values, and parenting skills to raise them into well balanced individuals.

One of my clients was practically raised on the streets because his parents were not paying enough attention to him.

It was fortunate that he did not end up in jail or in the cemetery. In his sixteenth year, a girl came up to him to announce that she was carrying his child. Now he's the one who needs to learn some parenting skills.

My other client gave birth when she was seventeen. Her mother was unaware that she was pregnant and had no desire to help raise a grandchild when she even barely cared to raise her own daughter. This individual is now struggling to balance her time between razing a child and school.

While some parenting skills are merely common sense, it's a fact that some parents lack that common sense. This is common to people who have no parental figures that demonstrated common sense to them. There really is a great deal of truth to the saying that children are a reflection of their parents.

The same case is true with regards to parenting. A parent will reflect the parenting skills that were passed down to them.

Fortunately, there are people who have overcome the problem of not being able to learn basic parenting from their parents.

It is important for young people to have common sense parenting skills needed to raise a child before they become parents. Inexperienced young parents should not hesitate to ask for help or advice. They should remember that it is for their child's future.

Cultivating Good Parenting Skills Good parenting skills, simply put, is the application of a series of clear-cut result-oriented approach in the rearing of children. In other words, this form of parenting goes way beyond the traditional form of parenting. And it is not so difficult to cultivate. It is within the reach of every responsible parents. This article therefore shows how good parenting skills can easily be cultivated.

As a matter of fact, it is a series of processes often involving the application of psychology as well as natural parenting instincts, which arises as a result of the fact that rearing children in our modern world has taken a whole new dimension. Children are growing up so fast nowadays that parents are finding it pretty difficult to catch up with their upbringing before they become young adults.

Thus, a rhetorical question arising as a result of this trend is this: "is it the children that have evolved to become superkids or the parents that have become less equipped to adequately take care of their natural role as parents?" Well, whichever it is, it is not the objective of this write-up to insinuate that parents have failed in their responsibility of rearing children.

Far from it!

On the other hand, the fact remains that in order for parents to successfully carry out their parental functions they need to apply good parenting skills as well as love and logic parenting

The Traditional Form of Parenting Certainly, it is not enough for parents to be able to provide

their children with food, shelter, clothing and good education.

That is the traditional form of parenting.

Let us reason on this matter for a while. Is it really sufficient that you are able to provide your children with good and balanced diet? Well-built accommodation? Expensive clothes?

And taking them to the most expensive school in the neighbourhood?

What about their mental and psychological needs? Their emotional needs for love and affection? Who provides these for your children? Nannies? Babysitters? Is that what good parenting is all about? Certainly no! YES, No sir! That is the traditional form of parenting. Good parenting goes way beyond that.

Indeed, good parenting involves the satisfaction of the physical needs of your children, as well as their mental, psychological and emotional needs as well. And that does not even require that you be rich for you to be able to provide them for your children.

Remember, love does not cost a thing. And that is what every human being alive has plenty and a fully-loaded reservoir of. lf you are not well-to-do, or barely attempting to make ends meet, take full advantage of this to the fullest! Yes, in many instances, it simply requires that you be there for your children when they need you the most.

And that, my good friend, is where many wealthy people miss the mark in the upbringing of their children. They replace their children's needs for love and attention with expensive toys, television sets, computer games and still more expensive toys. And, to make matters worse, they leave them

at the mercy of nannies and babysitters to take care of. They are never there for their children when they need them the most.

Yes, money can buy a lot of expensive gifts for your children.

But, money cannot buy them the love and attention that they need in order for them to develop into a well-rounded, confident and self-assured adult in their later years in life.

Applying Good Parenting Skills A fundamental part of good parenting skills is love. As a parent, you need to realise that when you have children you come into a relationship with them very much like any other.

Hence, you should know that as with any other relationship, love is the basis and foundation of a lasting relationship with your children.

It is a course of love therefore for you to apply the following proven good parenting skills.

1. Understand Why Children Behave the way they Behave The first place to start is for parents to understand the psychology of their children. After all, as the next closest person to them, after their spouse, parents need to understand the way their children think and reason and why they behave in a certain way. This is the most fundamental of all the good parenting skills there is.

So, why do children behave in the way they behave? Children behave the way they behave for the following reasons:

Children lack any valuable experience to guide their behaviour.

Children are naive and behave stupidly sometimes.

Children even tend to be outright rebelious sometimes.

Children are a shade smarter nowadays due to advancement in technology than in the days of their parents.

Children are very sensitive and cotton quickly to atmospere and they can easily sense an insincere smile or false words.

Children's behaviour are often a reflection of the behaviour of their close community, especially that of their parents - as they view these ones as their role model and see the world around them through their parents' eyes.

2.Love Your Children No Matter How Badly They Behave lt is a smart parenting skill for you to love your children no matter how badly they may behave! Use the "rod" to discipline your child when you need to. But, do not fail to teach the child a vital lesson in the process. Never apply discipline to your child as if you are repaying a debt - that is, "tooth for tooth", "eye for eye", sort of. Apply "discipline to the proper degree" while keeping the child at a loving distance to you.

And, remember, do not discipline a child repeatedly for the same offence through berating the child with your hurtful remarks. Once a child has been corrected for a bad behaviour, never make reference to that behaviour ever again! After the child has been disciplined, simply forgive the child and forget all about the bad behaviour. If a child misbehaves again, discipline the child for that particular offence only and not in addition to a previous offence.

The trick here is to know what the "proper degree" is when it

comes to disciplining an erring child, especially when the child has caused a great distress to the family - e.g. fighting in school or engaging in one mischief or the other within the neighbourhood.

What you need to bear in mind while disciplining the child, however, is not to repay the child back in his or her own coin for the pain the child has caused the family. But, the objective should be to correct the child and keep the child back on the right track of responsible behaviour. Hence, love the child and make the child understand that you love him or her and desire for him or her to make you proud by behaving well. That is how good parents behave!

To this end, accept your children under any circumstance and express genuine love and affection for them irrespective of their behaviour. Remember that children often see through any pretence and insincerity. Hence, you need to show this parental love sincerely from your heart and very often both in words and actions - e.g. with frequent touching, hugging and words like "l love you, sweetie" while looking into the child's eyes.

That is what being good parents is all about. This provides your children with a level of self-worth and keeps their selfesteem very high. Thus, your children feel loved and develop a sense of security and see the home as a true haven for them. So, the end result is that your children run home with their problems, rather than run away from it.

And that is why when a girl says to her dad: "l love you daddy. You are the best dad in the whole wide world!", she actually means it sincerely and genuinely - without any reservations whatsoever. Additionally, she is a reflection of

the treatment she has received over time and is giving back what she has received unselfishly.

3. Praise Your Children!

Like everyone else, children need praise too for good behaviour. They feel appreciated and wanted. And you should not be miser about it too. Praise the child lavishly when he or she is of good behaviour. Use words like: "I'm so proud of you, honey", "You're the best, sweetheart".

After all, if you do not hesitate to discipline your child when the child behaves badly, why should it be difficult to praise him or her for behaving well?

Do not forget that children are in the learning process. So help the process along by teaching them proper behaviour from improper ones by disciplining them for behaving badly while remembering to show appreciation for their good behaviour. As you appreciate their good behaviour frequently, their behaviour will be more in line with what you want and expect of them.

The most powerful drive towards good behavior in children is in being appreciated. When a child does well at something, express your appreciation for them. When they do something nice for you, show your appreciation for that. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and children are especially sensitive to this.

According to one reputable online reference resource: "Praise your child often when they perform a good deed or accomplish a new task. Set simple, clear and consistent rules so your child knows exactly what is expected and the

consequences of misbehaving or breaking the rules.

Appreciation also helps them make that maturing determination of what is right and what is wrong, based on how appreciated they feel.

"Maintain a consistent daily routine for your child as much as possible, and make sure your child gets lots of physical activity and time to play and socialize with their friends.

Encourage your child to learn how to make appropriate choices, and encourage your child to do things for themselves. Allow your child to talk about strong feelings, which will help them work through their anger and frustration."

4.

Do Not Have A Favourite Child!

Many parents are guilty of this act. They have a favourite child - e.g. "daddy's pet", "daddy's little girl", etc. They do this for a lot of reasons.

One of the reasons is that the child is seen as an answer to their prayers, either perhaps because they did not start bearing children early in their marriage or because the child is their last child.

Do you have a favourite child? Why? If you have, and irrespective of whatever reason you have that favourite child, know now that it is wrong to have a favourite child. lt is not in the best interests of your other children, neither does it help your "favourite child" in any way. You only end up pitching one child against the others.

Learn from the biblical example of Jacob. He had Joseph as his "favourite child". Briefly, Jacob got married to two sisters

through no fault of his. He had deep, genuine love for Rachael, the younger of the sisters but, by trickery, was given the eldest sister, Leah in marriage by his father-in-law. ln order for him to have the love of his life Rachael, he was made to serve her father for fourteen (14) good years to pay the bride price. Some would see this form of bride price as extravagant, but not Jacob. Due to his love for Rachael, those years were like "mere days in his eyes".

Thereafter, childbearing became a problem for Rachael. But, her sister Leah, on the other hand, was favoured by God with childbearing - due to the injustice of being in a loveless marriage in rivalry with her own sister. Thus, it became a continuous rivalry between the two sisters for many years to come. So when Rachael eventually gave birth to Joseph, Jacob became so fond of Joseph to the exclusion of his other children. "Now Israel (Jacob) loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the child of his old age; and he made him a coat of many colours." Gen. 37:3 So, what became the outcome of this "favourite child"? The account at Genesis (37:4) continues: "And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him." See the full story at Gen. 37:3-45:1.

Do you now see the folishness of having a "favourite child"?

So, please, please, please, for the love of God, do not have a favourite child!

Treat all your children equally. There should be no double standard in the sharing of reward for good behaviour and certainly there should be no double standard in the

apportioning of blame to whoever of your children that has broken a family rule. In this way, there is mutual cooperation and the unity of the whole family is maintained.

5. Set Good Examples for Your Children As a parent, your children constantly look up to you for guidance in proper conduct and responsible behaviour. But, where the problem lie is, children are good copycats. And they may never ask you what is proper behaviour and what is not. So, they just observe you and adopt a style of "monkey do, what monkey see" behaviour.

In his chart-busting hit track "Ghost", Tupac Shakur sang in one of his lines: "Some say l'm crazy. These punk-ass cops can't save me.

Mama tried to raise me but had too many babies.

Papa was a m~g joke. Used to find dope in his coat and nearly choke when he told me not to smoke. Damn, don't get me started.

My mama smoke so gxxxxxned much when she was pregnant. l'm surprised l ain't retarded..."

The foregoing is enlightening indeed and describe in graphic terms as to why many kids behave the way they behave. Is your child a problem child? Is he or she "fond" of doing things to cause you pain and grief? Find out why. Ask yourself: could

you be doing anything that the child is copying from?

Similarly, what is the relationship between you and your spouse? Is it cordial? Are you chum buddies with your spouse? Or, is there a gulf separating the two of you? If there is, know now that your children's behaviour may be a reflection of the disharmony between you and your spouse.

Therefore, you owe it to your children to be at peace and happy with your spouse.

Also, when it comes to disciplining a child, never take the side of your child against your spouse in front of the child. You only give the child more room to be rebellious.

6. Expect Only the Best from Your Child In web building there is a popular saying "What You See Is What You Get (WYSIWYG)". With rearing children, however, What You Expect Is What You Get (WYEIWYG). Often, if you expect the best behavior and performance from your child, that is what you will get.

As a matter of fact, children pick up on our beliefs about them. Hence, never use degoratory words on your child - no matter how badly the child has behaved. Never ever say to a child: "l know you will turn out a no-good!" or, even when they have become young adults and are passing through some trying times, never tell your child: "You have never made a single decision that brought progress all your life!"

Please let me know. Are those words nice words to say to anyone, much less your child? If your spouse were to say those words to you irrespective of what you have done, would you be happy or feel offended? Then why say them to your

own children?

That sort of speech only serve to crush their spirit and ultimately chase them farther away from you. And do not be surprised when your children grow up to become total strangers and, much worse, sworn enemies to you. God forbid! But, just to drive this point home, please listen to the lyrics of the famous rap and hiphop superstar Eminem's "Cleaning Up My Closet" to understand what l mean here.

To this end, according to parenting-skills-explained.com, "form a self-concept that matches that belief, and perform accordingly. If we expect them to be lazy, they'll be lazy, which will confirm our expectations for them, and the cycle toward failure is started.

"If, on the other hand, we expect our kids to be successful, productive, creative, and responsible and honestly believe it to be true, then our children can't help but rise to the occasion and confirm our best opinions of them with their positive actions. So expect nothing but the best from your children and watch them fulfill your expectations." Great advice indeed!

7. Give Your Children Quality Time Your children also need what is commonly known as quality time too. Spend reasonable time with your children. Do not chase a child away when the child desires your attention and wishes to communicate with you - no matter how busy you might be. If you do, you only end up hurting the child's feelings.

And do not be surprised that the child withdraws to him or herself during the difficult teenage years as a result of the

barrier which was created a few years back. What a dreadful thing it is to find that your child has become a teenager and a total stranger to you!

Good Parenting - An Art Being a parent in itself is a joy like no other, but it takes a lot of efforts for parents to be good parents.

Good parenting is like an art. It is a skill that is learned over time, and with many mistakes. But, like every good thing that do not come easy, do not relent after just a few tries.

Hence, believe that you are the best person for the job when it comes to rearing your children. Adjust to the new circumstances that continually arise as your children grow.

Thus, one of the keys to good parenting is to adapt well to the various challenges rearing children presents and learn from the mistakes made in the process.

Rearing children is certainly not an easy task for responsible parents who are desirous of raising their children to become responsible adults later on in their life. But, it is indeed a worthwhile task at that - especially when your children grow up to become responsible adults. It is a source of joy to you when your children grow up, live responsibly, get married and give you grand-children in your old age to repeat the eternal process all over again. The joy knows no bounds. lf there is any duty that can be delegated to other people, rearing children is not one of them! It is a job that every responsible parents should do with joy and selflessness because the good parenting skills that you invest now will come back many years later to reward you bountifully.

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