2 minute read
It’s A Dog’s Life
With ‘you know what’ fast approaching Teddy shares his thoughts on last Christmas, Christmas coming, beds and seasonal knitwear; as transcribed from canine hieroglyphic paw prints by his pen friend, Helen Stockton, into something mere humans can understand
It’s tricky to make a prediction about how Christmas might look this year, with Covid-19 rates rising and falling, on a monthly basis, in a manner that makes your average yo-yo look positively pedestrian. ‘Her Indoors’ is planning for success, however. You’d think she would have learnt after last year, when, like for so many, there were no visitors on Christmas Day. I have to say I enjoyed it and, I suspect, if people are honest, I’m probably not the only one... Even though they downgraded the fowl to a chicken, there were plenty of leftovers, and the entertainment for the day was a long and bracing Christmas walk. Perfect! I missed the ‘Juniors’ of course, but I had the woodburner and the attention of ‘Them Indoors’ all to myself as compensation.
This year, however, having acquired my apprentice, Bear, last April, I will definitely be sharing Christmas. There are some advantages to this situation. Santa Paws will be leaving extra gifts and I’m sure Bear will share her new toys with me and that, in all the confusion, she might accidentally share her treats too. I do wonder however, if the government have considered the implications of an overweight man, in the ‘at risk’ age group, traveling across regional and national boundaries, visiting every home and leaving his used crockery on the hearth. I hope he’s had his booster. I don’t know about you, but we’ll be putting a poop bag for Rudolph, some hand sanitiser and a face mask next to the mince pie, sherry, and carrot again this year. You can’t be too careful.
I’m hoping the old fella might leave Bear a new bed as she keeps pinching mine. I can just about accept this when it is vacant, but she has uncanny ways of evicting me when I’m comfortably settled. She knows better than to try and do this by force, but sometimes she just piles in and squeezes herself next to me, which is a bit too companionable. Other times she stands as close as she can and barks her high-pitched, shrill, little bark, until I’m nagged into vacating. And the worst is when she comes close and releases a squeaky, prolonged toot, and then stands back to admire her handiwork as I rapidly vacate. Hardly lady like behaviour. Doesn’t she know that Santa only visits good dogs?
Bear is learning one of the downsides of Christmas, however; seasonal outfits. Still, if it’s any consolation, some of the Christmas jumpers ‘Him Indoors’ is subject to are pretty lively, so we can all stand together in the festive ‘looking a numpty’ department. It’s just as well Christmas only comes once a year, I can tell you! l
