If You Ask Me

“I THINK THAT I SHALL NEVER SEE A BILLBOARD LOVELY AS A TREE” WROTE THE LATE, GREAT, OGDEN NASH. FLO WHITAKER AGREES – THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY SIGNS IN THE WORLD, AND MANY OF THEM ARE UTTERLY RIDICULOUS

CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS

Local independent firm specialising in small businesses and personal taxation • Accounts – Tax Returns • Management Advice • Payroll Service • Debt Management Phone 01825 891034 for free consultation

roger@languedoc.co.uk Unit C3, Bird in Eye Farm, Uckfield

Books Wanted

Signs, signs, signs…the world is full of signs – you can’t move for ‘em. Many are badly worded, ambiguous or downright wrong. Aggressive signs in car parks that shout, ‘We are not liable for any damage whatsoever to your vehicle’ are a particular bugbear of mine. So, if their poorly maintained wall collapses onto your car – they’re not responsible? Hmmm…

However, fruit ‘n’ veg signs featuring the greengrocer’s apostrophe and wacky spellings are guaranteed to make me smile. You can never have too many carrott’s, tomatoe’s and lettise’s

Signs can be unintentionally hilarious. One, spotted in a Brighton store read, ‘Refunds, exchanges and baby changing’ conjuring an image of an exhausted, sleep deprived parent, sobbing, “It’s faulty… It keeps crying and pooing… I want another one!” as a stroppy customer services operative replies, “Have you read our Terms and Conditions? Did you keep the receipt?”

Then there’s the sign that hung in the kitchen of a community hall; ‘Please rinse out milk bottles and stand upside-down in the sink.’ No offence to the Over 90s Salsa Jive Class, but, frankly, that’s a trick that only an Olympic gymnast could manage. Milk bottles, eh? Remember them?

I recently purchased a loaf bearing a label, ‘Sliced by your baker.’ This piffling nonsense was doubtless dreamt up by a graduate from the University of the Blimmin’ Obvious, who probably trousered a hefty fee for their marketing brilliance. It’s bread, stupid! Who else do you suppose sliced it? A gynaecologist? Good grief!

Antiquarian & secondhand books purchased on all subjects including academic, sporting, military, literature, scientific, natural history, travel, MOT’s & polar regions and maps, documents, ephemera etc.GENERAL REPAIRS FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE Tel: 01323 870991 Sexton’s, booksellers since 1910. TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE An Independent Family Run Business Call: 01424 461309 www.hastingsmotorcare.co.uk Call: 01424 461 309 MOTs & GENERAL REPAIRS FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE An Independent Family Run Business Tyres Servicing MOT Aircon Repairs REF RCCM03-027 (Hastings Motor Care) SIZE 1/4 DATE 03/08/2020 DRAFT 1 GT NOTES 1st Floor, 6-7 Cecil Square, Margate, Kent, CT9 1BD Tel: 01843 834160 Email: info@communityad.co.uk www.communityad.co.uk COPY FOR YOUR APPROVAL

www.hastingsmotorcare.co.uk

MOTs & GENERAL REPAIRS

Call: 01424 461 309

FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE An Independent Family Run Business REF RCCM03-027 (Hastings Motor Care) SIZE 1/4 DATE 03/08/2020 DRAFT 1 GT NOTES IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE APPROVED FOR PRESS Should you require any amendments, please indicate them SIGNED clearly on the copy and return it to us together with this form within the next 5 working days Thank you DATE

1st Floor, 6-7 Cecil Square, Margate, Kent, CT9 1BD Tel: 01843 834160 Email: info@communityad.co.uk www.communityad.co.uk COPY FOR YOUR APPROVAL

www.hastingsmotorcare.co.uk

MOTs & GENERAL REPAIRS

Call: 01424 461 309

FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE REF RCCM03-027 (Hastings Motor Care) SIZE 1/4 DATE 03/08/2020 DRAFT 1 GT An Independent Family Run Business NOTES IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE APPROVED FOR PRESS

Should you require any amendments, please indicate them SIGNED clearly on the copy and return it to us together with this form within the next 5 working days Thank you DATE regarding any artwork, either by email, telephone or post. In the event we do not hear from you within 5 working days of receipt of your artwork, we will assume all is correct and approved for press. Company No: 7404427 • VAT No: 990360412 All advertisements, artwork and associated images, unless supplied by the advertiser or their representatives, are the property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced in any will remain the intellectual property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced in any format or used in any other publications without the prior written consent of the Publisher.

1st Floor, 6-7 Cecil Square, Margate, Kent, CT9 1BD Tel: 01843 834160 Email: info@communityad.co.uk www.communityad.co.uk COPY FOR YOUR APPROVAL

www.hastingsmotorcare.co.uk

MOTs & GENERAL REPAIRS

Call: 01424 461 309

FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE An Independent Family Run Business REF RCCM03-027 (Hastings Motor Care) SIZE 1/4 DATE 03/08/2020 DRAFT 1 GT NOTES IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE APPROVED FOR PRESS

Should you require any amendments, please indicate them SIGNED clearly on the copy and return it to us together with this form within the next 5 working days Thank you DATE regarding any artwork, either by email, telephone or post. In the event we do not hear from you within 5 working days of receipt of your artwork, we will assume all is correct and approved for press. Company No: 7404427 • VAT No: 990360412 All advertisements, artwork and associated images, unless supplied by the advertiser or their representatives, are the property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced in any will remain the intellectual property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced in any format or used in any other publications without the prior written consent of the Publisher.

1st Floor, 6-7 Cecil Square, Margate, Kent, CT9 1BD Tel: 01843 834160 Email: info@communityad.co.uk www.communityad.co.uk COPY FOR YOUR APPROVAL

www.hastingsmotorcare.co.uk

MOTs & GENERAL REPAIRS

Call: 01424 461 309

FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE An Independent Family Run Business REF RCCM03-027 (Hastings Motor Care) SIZE 1/4 DATE 03/08/2020 DRAFT 1 NOTES IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE APPROVED FOR PRESS

Should you require any amendments, please indicate them SIGNED clearly on the copy and return it to us together with this form within the next 5 working days Thank you DATE regarding any artwork, either by email, telephone or post. In the event we do not hear from you within 5 working days of receipt of your we will assume all is correct and approved for press. Company No: 7404427 • VAT No: 990360412 All advertisements, artwork and associated images, unless supplied by the advertiser or their representatives, are the property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced will remain the intellectual property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced in any format or used in any other publications without the prior written consent of

1st Floor, 6-7 Cecil Square, Margate, Ke Email: info@communityad.co.uk www.communityad.co.uk COPY FOR YOUR APPROVAL

www.hastingsmotorcare.co.uk

MOTs & GENERAL REPAIRS

Call: 01424 461 309

FOR OUTSTANDING VALUE AND EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE TRUST HASTINGS MOTOR CARE An Independent Family Run Business IMPORTANT PLEASE NOTE Should you require any amendments, please indicate them STUDIO PROOF APPROVED FOR PRESS SIGNED clearly on the copy and return it to us together with this PROOF DATE/TIME: 8 October 2020 9:59 am form within the next 5 working days Thank youOUR FILENAME: Nov 20 Hastings Autocare services 1-8 DATE regarding any artwork, either by email, telephone or post. In the event we do not hear from you within 5 working days of receipt we will assume all is correct and approved for press. Company No: 7404427 All advertisements, artwork and associated images, unless supplied by the advertiser or their representatives, are the property of Community Ad Web Ltd and will remain the intellectual property of Community Ad Web Ltd and may not be reproduced in any format or used in any other publications without the prior written