Sauce Magazine / May 15

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issue 05.15 // sauce-magazine.co.uk // ÂŁ3

let’s talk about fannies our columnist discusses the stigma surrounding our lady gardens

the survival of the fetish Fifty Shades may have brought out the kink in many of us, but the extremes still exist

love at any age limits are no longer a problem with the help of sex furniture store SilverSex

doinggender we get the scoop on androgyny in the fashion industry today

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CONTENTS In this issue // 05.15 //

In this issue of Sauce you’ll be greeted with a variety of topics, just like we promise every month. There is nothing we enjoy more than delivering this beautiful little package to you, jam packed with goodies to keep your mind stimulated.

Enjoy.

Suzie, Editor @TheSukiSays

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w editor Suzie Kidger @TheSukiSays

Contributors Corinne Lines, Illustration Edie Lawrence, Illustration Dilyana Kanterava, Photography Matthew Wieve, Photography Luke Pamer, Photography Caleb Ekeroth, Photography Fré Sonneveld, Photography Thomas Lefebvre, Photography

We welcome contributions from all over the world, so do get in touch if you’d like us to feature you or your artwork.

get saucy www.sauce-magazine.co.uk f/saucemag @SauceMag Contact the editorial team: editor@saucemag.co.uk features@saucemag.co.uk news@saucemag.co.uk If you’re interested in advertising with Sauce please contact our team on the address below: advertising@saucemag.co.uk

MACK DIHLE, DOING GENDER P6

column: how does your lady garden grow? feature: the survival of the fetish feature: love at any age art section: pause for sauce

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doinggender

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Do we need to define our gender? As the popularity of androgynous modelling is rising, it would seem we still find the need to know what they really are. Sauce speak to the models in the know…

Mack Dihle, an androgynous model, full time police officer and jazz musician tells us about one of the many early influences that have helped manoeuvre it to where it is today. “David Bowie absolutely paved the way for the counterculture of the effeminate man to become socially acceptable with the introduction of glam rock and songs like ‘Rebel Rebel’. In that song alone he brought androgyny out with lyrics such as “you got your mother in a whirl/she’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl”,” she explains.

t has been said that gender is partly a performance and can be configured through our actions. This includes what we say, how we sit or move, what we wear and how we present ourselves. As simple as a hair cut, our make up, or accessories, these can all be considered gendered. But must we project an image that matches our biological sex? Well it would appear not. However, we mustn’t forget some of the essentials when it comes down to it, and while androgyny is gradually breaking down the traditional separation of women’s clothing and menswear, there is still some way to go.

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“ High fashion and designer labels have always been more comfortable with the ideas of gender-bending. ” Philip Mak Fashion editor Vv Magazine

Philip Mak, fashion editor at Vv magazine also tells us his view on its origin, explaining that “women have been allowed to play with their gender in fashion for decades, look to the pant suits of the 1980s and 1990s, but there has always been a double-standard for men.” Does this mean mainstream fashion in 21st Century has truly adopted a more androgynous philosophy? Philip doesn’t think so, although he claims “High fashion and designer labels have always been more comfortable with the idea of gender-bending. “

mack Dihle But it doesn’t seem as though the industry has quite caught up to where it really should be just yet, as this new movement is often used as a novelty, a temporary added bonus to the fashion business. “I really do believe androgyny still has a bit of a shock factor to the fashion industry today in terms of females posing as men, for example, Elliott Sailors,” she adds.

But not all models directly present themselves to be a male or a female, instead enjoying the ambiguity of not telling, and viewers not knowing. For Elliott Sailors, her career as a bikini model took an interesting turn to open up different pathways, but for Mack, her involvement in androgyny really began when she got involved in The Huffington Post’s Twitter campaign #whatbutchlookslike. Within two weeks she was flown out to Los Angeles for a photoshoot and feature with DapperQ, and in her own words, “the rest is history!”

The guessing game of a model’s gender is easily associated with their sexuality too. There is often a presumption that an androgynous model must be gay, or even transgender.

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Beck Holladay, an androgynous model with an eye for clothing and design told us she feels “one day, someone’s sexuality won’t even be something that people consider important. I think that’s a good goal for society.”

While Ivan Fahy, a 21-year-old model that is relatively new to modelling couldn’t agree more. In his eyes, “people assume everything. People assume I am transgender because of the way I model. People are too quick to judge.” And as someone that took pride in graduating wearing high heels, there is no hiding the fact that Ivan pays no attention to the gender certain clothing may be “designed” for. To him, and many other models in this industry, “clothes are just clothes.

They don’t have gender. We assign gender erroneously to clothing,” and he is ready to challenge just that.

Nevertheless, there must be more to it than throwing on an oversized tee and calling yourself androgynous? It’s not all baggy clothing or finely tuned eyebrows to model as the opposite sex. But then it doesn’t stop there either.

It’s not always about modelling specifically as a chosen gender, as Beck explains, “I have my own style and it’s neither particularly feminine nor is it particularly

ivan fahy

masculine and I think that’s really the point of having an androgynous look.” Which is where we need to acknowledge this grey area and be happy not knowing, or having the need to know these finer details. Much like the beautiful Beck, Mack too isn’t trying to pigeonhole herself into a specific category. She takes pleasure in knowing that her work is pushing gender expectations, as she describes it as “breaking down the walls of the simple binaries of making people fit into either “female” or “male” as a gender,” adding that “gender shouldn’t define great looking fashion.”

The only way is up for androgyny, but Ivan can’t help but think that it is still seen as a novelty for the industry. While Beck believes it is full of “very, very feminine men, but never really women who are a little more masculine,” possibly leaving a gap to be filled by upcoming and current talent.

As a huge misconception, the gender attached to clothing and style needs to be discussed and developed further by fashion labels that aren’t afraid to target an audience rather than a particular sex.

beck holladay 9

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How does your lady garden grow?

Shaving our lady gardens has become the norm for an entire generation of women, so it’s about time we question why, Suzie Kidger ponders the politics of pubic hair.

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eing as British as we are, we all seem to be afraid of the V-word. Why can’t we just say vagina? Instead we think of all kinds of code to avoid giving it its proper name. For some reason we find the need to soften its title with something like fanny, muff or nether regions. We can’t even seem to type vagina, let alone tell people we get its foliage stripped in an act of torture voluntarily. ‘Do you ever get waxed?’ is one of those questions that doesn’t need to specify where (unless you’re talking about your eyebrows at the time of course). The chances are you’ll have one of these conversations with your girlfriends at some point in life, if not quite often, and - shock horror -, they also have vaginas. Beauty therapist Zoe Harrison thinks we should have long gotten over hearing, or reading “proper” terms, “The terms some women use to discuss waxing often amuses me, some will just kind of point instead of giving it a name. Let’s bring back the word vagina.”

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Those familiar with The Vagina Monologues will remember its entire sequence of pubic hair removal that’ll have you wincing and gripping your legs together like there’s no tomorrow. And all because her partner had a fetish for it. But a little bit of hair isn’t doing anyone any harm really, let’s be serious about this. Vaginas come with hair; they aren’t an added extra we choose at the checkout. Pubic hair is a given and what you decide to do with it is your decision, yes, but when you’re going bald eagle down there because you feel like you have to, there is definitely something wrong.

Pornography could easily be to blame for setting the path of fanny hair expectation, or is it simply responding to what is quickly becoming the new normal the world over? A large percentage of pornographic images contain no hair whatsoever and could easily be mistaken for a Veet advert.

Beauty therapist Courtney Cansdale thinks porn isn’t the only thing to blame for us all going bald down under, “All these TV shows need to take some responsibility for it too, programmes such as The Only Way Is Essex with their vagazzle nonsense are getting into girls heads and making them think that is what men like. When really, that isn’t the norm, we are supposed to have hair and there’s no real reason we should get rid of every last bit of it,” she stresses.

unhygienic, despite what we may think. “What I’ve found is that most older women over 40 don’t like going completely bald as they feel like a young child. It seems to be all the women in their late teens, twenties and early thirties that think men prefer no hair at all. We need some hair down there to protect ourselves, a bit like why we have eyelashes,” she explains.

Waxing it off isn’t enough for some, with the opportunity to laser it off now too. Actress Cameron Diaz has publicly voiced her concerns as to why anyone would want to go to extreme lengths to rid themselves of those little whispy curls. She penned in The Body Book, “Do you really want a hairless vagina for the rest of your life? It’s a personal decision, but I’m just putting it out there: Consider leaving your vagina fully dressed, ladies. Twenty years from now, you will still want to be presenting it to someone special, and it would be nice to let him or her unwrap it like the gift that it is.”

Yet many women trim down there for their own satisfaction, not just for their partner’s or future ones. Out of those I surveyed, a huge 62% shave it all off, with 27% trimming their fros regularly. I was surprised by how few do nothing at all, with a tiny 7% clicking that they are all natural down below.

But what is it that is making us reach for the razor?

With summer in sight many are afraid of those strays poking out the sides of their bikini bottoms, but in recent years we aren’t so keen to let things grow even when it’s freezing cold outside.

If things are really getting that drastic, we really need to dig deeper to the root of this new trend.

The stigma around body hair was recently brought out into the open with the obvious realisation that even in times of crisis, our bodies remains pristine. These women in dire situations still manage to stay perfectly groomed, but how has nobody noticed this until now? If we aren’t allowed to have hairy pits in life threatening circumstances such as those in The Hunger Games, then when are we? All near death yet startlingly depilated.

And so the debate continues.

But there could still be some room to manoeuvre ahead, with American Apparel taking the plunge to display full-bushed mannequins in their windows to celebrate natural beauty. This call to their clientele to explore what is sexy could be the first step to making hair the new norm, leaving the Hollywood nowhere to be seen.

But is booking ourselves an all-off job really doing us more good than bad? Our vajayjays deserve to have some decoration, and according to Courtney, going completely bald is actually quite

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The survival of the fetish We always wonder what others like in bed, but with S&M quickly entering the mainstream, our views on fetishes have become a little blurry. Do they still exist? Suzie Kidger likes to think so, you just need to look in all the right places

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here isn’t much left that can shock us when it comes to sex. If your friend tells you her new boyfriend likes to have his hair pulled or gets hard when she nibbles on his balls we accept this information with a smile on our face. After all, there is no reason why we should do anything else but welcome these sexual preferences with open arms. Whether we are comfortable or not with what we get up to in the bedroom, this doesn’t stop us wondering what others are doing behind closed doors too. We continue to question and compare our own experiences with those around us, what we read in mainstream magazines and on social media. If you haven’t broken the Internet with a picture of your behind then you’re clearly going wrong somewhere.

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Historically a fetish is thought of as a sexual attraction to body parts that aren’t typically sexually attractive. Do you like nibbling on toes or sucking your partner’s elbow? Well, then you probably have a fetish for it. But today we are a lot more open as to what falls in this category, and we have a right to express this sexual behaviour safely, as supported by The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), who fight for sexual freedom and privacy rights.

We no longer think of a fetish as explicitly related to our body parts, and instead take notice of certain clothing, scenarios and a variety of bondage.

Out of the millions that have seen or read Fifty Shades, many have considered it the tame side of S&M, working to tell a love story with a kink, rather than truly representing a side of sex that has existed for years. Since its release, Ann Summers have seen a 200% increase in sales of eye masks, 270% in metal handcuffs, 250% in ticklers and an odd 103% increase in nipple covers according to Retail Week. Around the time of Fifty Shades’ release, Ann Summers’ Valentines week online sales increased by a radical 84% compared to 2014. It has almost become a trend to be into a few whips and chains, as Christina

It has always been questioned as to where they even come from, as Dr Brandy Engler, psychologist and sexuality expert explains that they can frequently originate from childhood, “formed during developmental experiences, children and teens often eroticise various emotions.

This paired with masturbation, which provides orgasmic reinforcement,” she says.

Columnist Christina Wellor agrees, “Our experiences shape us and our desires, some people are simply intent on pushing boundaries for the sheer hell of it, they’re just that kind of person.

A rebellious type,” she concluded.

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explains that a fetish these days has to be “deemed pretty weird” to even be considered.

“Our open-ness to sex comes down to the emancipation of women and that previously we would not openly review our sex lives like we do now. I don’t think it could be openly discussed when it was seen as crude for a woman to talk about it. Now the playing field is levelled, it’s not so taboo,” she expressed. But the chance of these fetishes becoming mainstream is slim, according to Christina.

Not everyone is used to an ‘ordinary’ sex life frequently discussed in mainstream media, as Vanessa Jameson,

23, explains that from a young age she had a love for being controlled and choked during sex.

This type of play, otherwise known as breath control play or erotic asphyxiation has existed for years and has been blamed for multiple deaths including that of INXS front man Michael Hutchence in 1997. In Vanessa’s case, her desire for mind control stemmed from innocent films including The Jungle Book’s hypnosis scene.

Unsure at first whether this was a popular feeling, it took many years to find what she was looking for, experiencing multiple vanilla relationships made her realise it was not what she wanted, or needed.

Meeting ‘play’ partners online and having no physical intimacy for some time, Vanessa continued to socialise in BDSM communities, meeting a man under the name “AmHypnotic” who held workshops only an hour away.

Having admitted to faking physical enjoyment in previous relationships and left feeling too

embarrassed to introduce fetishes into her sex life, it was her online presence and friendship with AmHypnotic that was the starting point of her involvement in the New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference (NEEHU). There she met a much older man by the name of “DaSade” with whom she is now living with, along with his wife, in what she describes herself as “the switch in the middle: 24/7 his property and 24/7 her dominant”.

Porn is regularly linked to what we like in the bedroom. But sometimes it isn’t an influence at all. We don’t necessarily look at it for reassurance or even inspiration, but education, according to sex therapist Rae Dolman, “I think many people view porn and use it as sex education rather than entertainment. Doing this can have a detrimental impact on our sexual relationships.” While it opens us up to new possibilities, it also narrows our scope she explains. As someone who feels she has 18

experienced all kinds of sexual feelings from a young age, here Vanessa agrees that porn isn’t usually the culprit. “People blame it for what others like in bed, especially if they consider it weird, when in fact that seems like an easy way out. Let’s blame porn, they must have got it from there,” she defends.

We are no longer shocked by what we see in pornography, with 24 hour access online it has never been quicker to satisfy our sexual needs.

Christina tells me that “porn has probably desensitised us more than anything, it is making things that perhaps were once seen as fetishes, seem more normal”. Our ability to discuss sex has increased over recent years, with what is considered the ‘norm’ gradually changing, allowing us to not be afraid to delve into discovering where our kicks really lie.

Our sexual inferiority and our desire to explore isn’t always associated with porn however, as Christina feels magazines play a part too, “the whole ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ is a big issue for many people, they compare their sex lives to others and try to live up to a false ideal that magazine perpetuate,” she explains. And while we are quick to compare our sexual encounters and experiences, this keeps fetishes very much relevant in our sex lives today, with the mainstream media acting as the platform for discovering more and experimenting with what feels good.

Vanessa agrees that fetishes will always exist, “They are usually found in many, many people. They just haven’t always found what really gets them off yet when they say they don’t have a fetish. There will always be sex clubs and underground parties keeping the communities alive, they will just never become mainstream like Fifty Shades has, because that’s far too soft,” she says.

Comparing and questioning our sex lives will always continue for as long as sex is being discussed, with women’s glossies challenging our experiences and questioning whether we should be doing more. For as long as we discover new positions and new thrills, new types of fetishes will always develop and grow in the background. Those that consider what they like as a fetish or are looking to discover more will truly understand just how large a community this involves, with far more niche areas to discover. The definition of fetish we once knew and recognised as specifically about our bodies, a particular object or even an item of clothing has changed dramatically over recent years, allowing us to all discover what really gets us off, and despite some negative responses to Fifty Shades, its presence has brought this debate into the mainstream.

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love at any age

We tend to think our younger years are when we are most sexually active, but according to a Saga survey 46% of over 50s are having sex every week, with 85% saying sex is less pressurised than when they were younger. Suzie Kidger delves into the world of sex furniture and how SilverSex are helping to aid those at any age, at any ability

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ic Dickman is the creator of SilverSex, an online sex furniture store targeting both disabled and elderly couples. He has designed and built furniture since his art school days in the 70s, where his interest first began. But he hasn’t always been the man behind sex furniture, after finishing his barn conversion and building his own house, huge companies caused him to take a distinct route in furniture as Nic explains, “I started a business called Cupboard Love… Making country kit from mainly recycled timber. After being put out of business by Ikea and the like I went for something… Ahem…

Different.”

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Having always had an interest in a variety of furniture, and with some ideas in mind, Nic’s friend had encouraged him to market them properly. When he was struck down with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 55 the need for these designs became greater. This experience of excruciating pain and the prospect of a dwindling love life steered Nic into designing a variety of sexual aids that can help rekindle an otherwise deteriorating sex life, due to disability or age.

“Sex is imperative to keep us happy and healthy,” Nic explains, and with more than 65% of over 50s sexually active in the UK according to Saga, SilverSex targets those who may struggle

with sexual activity. And it’s not just furniture on offer from this one-man store, as the website offers tips and advice for creating your own furniture at home too.

At a young age we often freely discuss our sex lives with our friends, influenced by articles and magazines, but as we get older there is very little in the media regarding this generation and their sexual activity.

Lucy Clarke, a self employed natural therapist says, “Physical intimacy is a very important area for every healthy relationship.

It is not often addressed by statutory services and assessments because it can be such a sensitive topic. Not everyone is comfortable enough to talk about their sex life, let

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alone say they hardly, or never have sex because they are unable to.”

Although there are many organisations and charities helping those with a variety of disabilities, not many mention or give advice to help support the effects it can have on a couple’s sex life. Arthritis Research UK are just one organisation that have developed a specialised booklet specifically on the topic of sex and arthritis. Nic welcomes this guide with open arms, but still feels there is more that can be done. While sex for the elderly and disabled may not be splashed all over mainstream magazines, booklets such as this address the issues without putting people on the spot.

SilverSex has remained incredibly popular online for a wide range of couples looking to both improve and spice up their sex lives. “As older age and disability seem to walk hand in hand, disability groups started to show an interest in my stuff, so SilverSex naturally started to lean in that direction,” Nic describes.

Terence Riley, 72, also suffers with rheumatoid arthritis and has found it difficult to speak to anyone about his disability. “People just presume that at a certain age couples no longer have sex.

I have been married for 50 years and very much adore my wife, but through no fault of my own I have found it increasingly difficult. A little while ago I found SilverSex when I was looking on the Internet and have since created something myself.

I really don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner,” he admits.

Nic’s Queening stool was immediately popular online and started to sell in many countries, particularly in the United States, and although they’ve been copied a lot, as he expected, it hasn’t affected his flow of orders online. At the very beginning his intention was to create designs that would enable him and his wife to enjoy sex once again, but the interest in marketing these ideas had always been there. “I had always wanted to design sex furniture for the elderly, partly because it was an untapped market, and partly because I get off on the idea that others can get off on my ideas,” Nic enlightens us. “What signed and sealed it was me becoming disabled. We love our intimacy, so I started putting furniture ideas together that were designed for us,” he adds.

“Recognising how ageing affects our ability to continue to enjoy sex is just one step we need to take. Yes, it can be restricting, but I have worked with plenty of people, both elderly and disabled, who manage to maintain a healthy sex life with a little help and a little advice when they feel they can ask for it,” Lucy explains, before adding, “It is knowing where to look for that advice, and this is where SilverSex directly targets and tailors for a market that has otherwise been ignored, unfortunately.”

And while this type of market exists online, it still remains a mystery as to why we continue to ignore an entire generation of people who quite rightfully should still be able to enjoy sex. According to Nic, there is nothing in the same league as SilverSex, “As far I know there’s nothing quite like it, its my handmade furniture, with my kinda handmade photography, and my very obviously handmade website. Clients have definitely told me they feel comfortable with the SilverSex site, because its warm, with sexy colours, and a knock about humour. So many sites on the net that deal with sex just don’t feel sexy…They’re more like a stroll around a chemist shop with overhead lights blaring down on you! How sexy is that? I don’t want people to feel like they’re looking over the fruit and veg in a supermarket fresh produce section…I deal in dark velvet, not shiny cling film! I believe lovers are in the same head space.”

As sex therapist Ria Kelly explains, “People need to feel comfortable enough to acknowledge that there is a problem, to then discuss it with their partner and take the necessary steps that are right for them. Sex can be a big part of a relationship, however long they have been together and to me, SilverSex are doing the exact right thing in making couples feel welcome and supported.”

Find SilverSex online: silversex.net and visit the NHS website for more info.

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PAUSE FOR SAUCE i

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In this issue // What will you discover?

In every issue of Sauce we select the finest art and photography from around the world for your viewing pleasure. So if you could kindly pause what you’re doing for a moment and admire this phenomenal work.

Just for you.

Every month.

Love, The Sauce Team.

@PauseForSauce

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