“George?” “Mhm, yes, Sheila. Uh… can you repeat the question?” “I was just wondering how you felt about Sheila. Did you have any romantic feelings for her?” “I guess. There’s a lot I don’t remember.” “If you feel comfortable, try to recall as much as you can.” “I think mostly I just liked her.” Freshman year of high school there was a girl, Alexis. Lexi for short. She was thin and had short black hair and freckles. On nacho day I bumped into her in the cafeteria and made her spill her tray. I gave her my tray and got a mop and a pan to clean the floor. The next day she asked me to sit with her at lunch and we laughed about my clumsiness. I laughed so loud the other kids stopped eating lunch and stared at me. When Lexi and I started dating I felt really good. I mean, somebody looked at me and asked me questions and smiled. I guess I wanted… maybe I never knew what I wanted. I wanted her. Lexi’s parents were in business and were always taking long trips—sometimes in the same week. The first time I ever snuck out of the house was to go see her. In the morning when I got home, and I couldn’t tell my parents where I had been, my father beat me with a belt while my mother cried quietly in the kitchen. I didn’t even feel the pain. I guess I was somewhere else. When I didn’t react, my father beat me until I begged him to stop. I couldn’t go out for track that year. I spent that season going to physical therapy for my sciatic nerve. Shortly after that Lexi broke up with me and started hanging around Chad. “What’s that?” “What, oh, the cleaning lady’s in the next room. Will it be a distraction for you?” “No, I’ll be okay, I’ll be okay.” “Now where wer—” “I’ll be okay.” “George?” “Yeah. Nothing! I’ll be okay.” “Hey, George, maybe we better call it a day, okay?” “Okay. I’ll be okay.” “George, will you look at me? Good. I need you to breathe, George. Breathe, yes, just like we practiced, big breath in and let it out. Good.”
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