Jean Le Boeuf is the pseudonym used by a local food lover who dines at restaurants anonymously and without warning, with meals paid for by The News-Press and Naples Daily News. Follow the critic at facebook.com/jeanleboeufswfl or @JeanLeBoeuf on Twitter and Instagram.
dining out »
DOCKSIDE TAKEOUT Because life’s better on a boat. If you’re one of those lucky boating devils, here are a few great places to get your social distancing takeout.
I
n the interest of full disclosure: I do not have a boat. In the interest of oversharing: I wish I had a boat. Everything is better on a boat, social distancing included. My Instagram feed has been packed with these boat people, posting about their brutal, tortured isolation in the azure waters of the Gulf, toasting their cans of beer and Solo cups of wine with #quarantinelife #sunshine #seashelldistancing. OK, I made up the last one. But I’d use it. If I had a boat. I hate these boat people — because I am not them. I’m just another schlub living in pajamas, counting the walk from my bedroom to the kitchen as exercise, eating two-day-old lo mein for breakfast, trying to remember if it’s Tuesday or Sunday (neither: It’s Thursday). On the quarantine spectrum, I’m about as far from #seashelldistancing as one can get. But a critic can dream. For you lucky bastards who are on boats, you can eat well while living your best seafaring lives. It’s unfair but true. Several waterfront restaurants are open for no-contact dockside pickup. I’m sharing nine of them, somewhat begrudgingly, here. Please note: Hours and open/ closed statuses may vary; call before placing an order.
Bert’s Bar & Grill It’s sad to think this colorful shack can’t share its million-dollar views — except it can, if you have a boat. This Matlacha staple will deliver its grouper tacos, its thick burgers, its hand-cut fried-to-order chips direct to its docks. Then go forth and enjoy your meal amid nature. (4271 Pine Island Road, Matlacha; 239-282-3232; bertsbar.com)
The Boathouse on Naples Bay
Cabbage Key Inn & Restaurant
Not to be confused with The Boathouse Tiki Bar & Grills in east Fort Myers and Cape Coral, which are temporarily closed, this Collier-based Boathouse is currently open offering a full menu packed with seafood of all sorts, plus a few beef, lamb and pork options for land-lovers.
Situated between Cayo Costa and Pine Island, this almost 70-yearold inn is only accessible by boat. Famed for its dollar-bill covered walls and thick cheeseburgers, Cabbage Key offers call-ahead dockside pickup for boaters looking for a hot meal.
(990 Broad Ave. S., Naples; 239-6432235; boathouseonnaplesbay.com)
(239-283-2278; cabbagekey.com/ dining)
SOUTHWEST FLORIDA PARENT & CHILD » MAY 2020 » 23
