Between the Covers. Issue Two

Editorial

When it comes to the sex we have, it still remains one of the most stigmatised behaviours we do. It’s stigmatised in society, the media, institutionally and even within our community. But like the rest of the adult population, we do have sexual rights. Fundamental to this has to be the principle that every guy who has sex with other guys can do so knowing that they feel safe and healthy. Our sexual relationships should be enshrined in the right of being pleasurable and free from coercion and harm. At SX, this principle is something we are proud to work towards, and we do so with collaboration from our community, other service providers and the Scottish Government.

So, this is why we are raising the issue of consent and what it means for us as men who have sex with men. There’s no getting away from the fact that our sex lives can be complex, and we often do things that wider society sees as unconventional. That said, it doesn’t mean that your or my right, to have sex that’s free from coercion and harm and is pleasurable, is any less. Human rights are an important value here, and as a community, we must continue our activism around ensuring our sexual health and sexual rights are heard both in our own community and beyond.

Our community and peers are important when it comes to intimate partner violence, including non-consensual sex or contact, sexual assault, and sexual violence. Not just because we know that this is traumatic and lifechanging, but many of us have experienced this, often in the context of our own community. Yet, as men who have sex with men, we often feel restricted in how we disclose this. We fear that our disclosure will be judged, dismissed, stigmatised or not seen as valid by the people whom we expect to make us feel safe, including our peers. Additionally, when we decide to report it, it’s often not understood by those to whom we report it to. And yet we when we do, we seem to be let down because of a lack of services that support men who are survivors of intimate partner violence.

We should never be ashamed of the sex we have, and fundamentally we must aim to remove structural inequality, discrimination or judgement, whether real or perceived, that prevent survivors of intimate partner violence protecting their own bodies and sexual rights.

Let’s not ignore the fact that survivors of sexual violence are people who are living with, and through, one of our most significant and harmful inequalities.

SX are not calling for a gay version of the #MeToo movement, though we support the courage of those who, through this, have advocated against sexual violence. It’s about defining our own rights to be treated fairly around the sex we have, protecting our bodies and rights to speak about our experiences when it comes to consent and sexual violence and not be prevented from seeking help because of stigmatisation and the inequalities we face.

At SX we believe in being positive about the sex men have with each other and, indeed, advocate that sexual pleasure should be a focus in having a healthy sex life. This is why we’re advocating for all men who have sex with men to reaffirm themselves of what sexual consent is and make sure the sex we have is consensual for all involved. It’s time for our community to raise the profile of intimate partner violence and sexual consent not just amongst our community, but also in society. Only this can ensure survivors get the support and care they need to end this inequality.

You can find out more about sexual rights and sexual health by visiting the World health Organisation (WHO) website.

SX is here to help any person who has been a victim of intimate partner violence, sexual violence, including rape, sexual assault or feel the sex they have had wasn’t consensual. We will work with survivors to help them access the best possible support.

If you’re a friend, or relative, who is worried about someone, please get in touch with SX for advice, especially if you are concerned about contacting the police. www.s-x.scot