Between The Covers Issue TWO / September 2020

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Contributors

Welcome!

Editorial Team

Hello and welcome to Issue TWO of Between The Covers. For the September edition we look at issues surrounding relationships: the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly. In particular, we look at how to give and receive consent in sex, recognising the signs of abuse within a relationship and how to make sure you are using the correct condoms.

Rachel Hughes Alastair Rose Scott Baxter

Writing Alastair Rose Scott Baxter

Guest Contributors Joseph McAuley Chase Ledin Steven Mclaren

Proofing Jennifer Goff Kevin Simpson

Design Scott Baxter

We are delighted to have guest contributions from John McAuley, Chase Ledin and Steven Mclaren.

John has written this issue’s Opinion Piece and looks at the seldom spoken of topic of domestic abuse within gay and bisexual relationships. We have printed Chase’s wonderful story that he submitted for the Bottom’s Up project which collects writing by gay and bisexual men who have had challenging experiences with alcohol. Finally, we showcase recent photographic work by artist Steven Mclaren. Readers may have seen his work on billboard spaces outside theatres in Glasgow earlier this year.

Pexels.com

We hope you enjoy Issue TWO of our bimonthly magazine. Drop us a line if you have any comments or wish to contribute to forthcoming editions.

Cover:

info@s-x.scot

Stock Images

Courtesy of Steven Mclaren

Between The Covers is created by SX Scotland.

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Scottish Charity Number: SC036500 Registered Company Number: SC253043 Reproduction, in whole or part, is strictly forbidden without permission.

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The mention or appearance of any person in the magazine is no indication of their sexual orientation or health status. While content is believed correct, SX Scotland is not responsible for errors or omissions. The views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. SX Scotland recognises the owner’s rights of any material used. SX Scotland does not accept liability for any loss or damage of any material submitted.

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Editorial It’s time to end non-consensual sex and intimate partner violence among men who have sex with men.

When it comes to the sex we have, it still remains one of the most stigmatised behaviours we do. It’s stigmatised in society, the media, institutionally and even within our community. But like the rest of the adult population, we do have sexual rights. Fundamental to this has to be the principle that every guy who has sex with other guys can do so knowing that they feel safe and healthy. Our sexual relationships should be enshrined in the right of being pleasurable and free from coercion and harm. At SX, this principle is something we are proud to work towards, and we do so with collaboration from our community, other service providers and the Scottish Government.

So, this is why we are raising the issue of consent and what it means for us as men who have sex with men.

There’s no getting away from the fact that our sex lives can be complex, and we often do things that wider society sees as unconventional. That said, it doesn’t mean that your or my right, to have sex that’s free from coercion and harm and is pleasurable, is any less. Human rights are an important value here, and as a community, we must continue our activism around ensuring our sexual health and sexual rights are heard both in our own community and beyond.

Our community and peers are important when it comes to intimate partner violence, including non-consensual sex or contact, sexual assault, and sexual violence. Not just because we know that this is traumatic and lifechanging, but many of us have experienced this, often in the context of our own community. Yet, as men who have sex with men, we often feel restricted in how we disclose this. We fear that our disclosure will be judged, dismissed, stigmatised or not seen as valid by the people whom we expect to make us feel safe, including our peers. Additionally, when we decide to report it, it’s often not understood by those to whom we report it to. And yet we when we do, we seem to be let down because of a lack of services that support men who are survivors of intimate partner violence.

We should never be ashamed of the sex we have, and fundamentally we must aim to remove structural inequality, discrimination or judgement, whether real or perceived, that prevent survivors of intimate partner violence protecting their own bodies and sexual rights.

Let’s not ignore the fact that survivors of sexual violence are people who are living with, and through, one of our most significant and harmful inequalities.

SX are not calling for a gay version of the #MeToo movement, though we support the courage of those who, through this, have advocated against sexual violence. It’s about defining our own rights to be treated fairly around the sex we have, protecting our bodies and rights to speak about our experiences when it comes to consent and sexual violence and not be prevented from seeking help because of stigmatisation and the inequalities we face.

At SX we believe in being positive about the sex men have with each other and, indeed, advocate that sexual pleasure should be a focus in having a healthy sex life.

This is why we’re advocating for all men who have sex with men to reaffirm themselves of what sexual consent is and make sure the sex we have is consensual for all involved. It’s time for our community to raise the profile of intimate partner violence and sexual consent not just amongst our community, but also in society. Only this can ensure survivors get the support and care they need to end this inequality.

You can find out more about sexual rights and sexual health by visiting the World health Organisation (WHO) website.

SX is here to help any person who has been a victim of intimate partner violence, sexual violence, including rape, sexual assault or feel the sex they have had wasn’t consensual. We will work with survivors to help them access the best possible support.

If you’re a friend, or relative, who is worried about someone, please get in touch with SX for advice, especially if you are concerned about contacting the police.

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Contents Welcome p3 Editorial: Intimate Partner Violence p4 Opinion Piece: Silent Victims and Unseen Harm p6-7 Good Sex Guide: Communicaton and Consent p8-11 Botttoms Up: Alcohol, Sex and Me p12-13 Domestic Abuse: Getting Support p14-15 Consent: No Such Thing as ‘Blurred Lines’ p16-19 Queer Creatives: Steven Mclaren p20-23 Community Space: The Greenwood p24 The A-Z of SX: D, E and F p25 Condoms: Suit You Sir! p26-29 Key Information: Syphilis p30 Key Message: Hate Crime p31 Listings and Support p32-36 The Bare-Back Interview p37

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p16

p26

OPINION PIECE Silent Victims and Unseen Harms: Why we aren’t we talking about domestic abuse in gay and bisexual Relationships?

If I were to ask you what were the most pressing issues facing gay and bisexual men right now, what would your answer be? Sexual health? Mental illness?

Homelessness or substance abuse? Any of these would be fair responses, and all are important topics in their own right that deserve attention. Yet, one topic that I imagine most would not even consider when answering this question would be domestic violence and abuse amongst men who have sex with other men. Indeed, whenever I bring this topic up, to both Straight and gay people alike, the first response is typically either confusion or even disbelief.

As someone who has spent the past two years studying this phenomenon, these responses are deeply frustrating but unsurprising. The fact that domestic abuse is a part of life for many men in the gay and bisexual community and is something that is now well-documented, knowledge and discussion of the issue has been confined to a small group of academics, researchers, and activists. This is concerning given the full scale of the problem that research has uncovered. For example, a recent study conducted by Stonewall in 2013 found that more than a third of gay and bisexual men who responded to the study had experienced domestic abuse from a male partner. Whilst other research conducted by the LGBT+ anti-violence charity Galop in 2019 found that Gay and Bisexual men were significantly more at risk of experiencing sexual violence from a partner even when compared to other segments of the LGBT+ community, and even straight women.

Indeed, study after study have further confirmed the existence and prevalence of abuse that occurs between gay men. Despite all this information telling us that domestic abuse is a problem that impacts a significant portion of men who have sex with men, the issue continues to remain one that is rarely discussed outside of, or even within, the wider LGBT+ community. This may lead us to ask, why is a problem that so clearly impacts the lives of so many men not one of the flagship issues of our community?

The first reason for this is frustratingly simple, that many men simply do not realise they have been abused until many years after the abuse has

happened, or even at all. This on the surface may seem ridiculous, how can someone not know they have been abused by a partner? However, this fact becomes more understandable once the context in which most men experience abuse is better understood. The narratives that surround domestic violence typically paint it as an issue that only impacts heterosexual women abused by heterosexual men. Whilst this reflects the reality that domestic violence overwhelmingly impacts women, gay men are still rarely if ever included in the conversation around relationship violence. If they are, it is often assumed that, as men, gay and bisexual couples are somehow on more “equal” footing than heterosexual couples and thus if violence does occur it is not really as serious. This is, of course, a myth, men can be just as vulnerable to physical violence from a male partner as straight women, particularly when it is accompanied by verbal abuse, psychological manipulation, and sexual coercion as it so often is in cases of domestic abuse.

Yet, these myths are so pervasive that many men can endure horrific abuse from their partners and go long periods without ever considering themselves victims.

...many men simply do not realise they have been abused until many years after the abuse has happened, or even at all.

However, even if a man can get to the point that they realise that something is wrong and they need help, they must face the pervasive stigma that comes from experiencing domestic violence.

There is a great deal of evidence that suggests that men struggle with recognising that they are experiencing problems such as depression or abuse and need help. These thoughts bring up feelings of weakness and vulnerability that can make them feel less like a man and thus they may try to hide these feelings. This only serves to make the situation worse, isolating them from help and potentially encouraging them to stay in an abusive relationship out of a sense of shame. Moreover, say a man can

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recognise their abuse whilst also overcoming the shame they may feel about needing to find help, a new problem now faces them. Who exactly are they meant to get help from? Organisations that offer services for gay and bisexual abuse victims are few and far between, and if you have the bad of luck of either not knowing about these services or being in a place where they don’t exist, the only choice you have is either going to generic domestic violence and housing services or the police. This means that you are now faced with the unenviable prospect of not only disclosing your abuse to strangers but also your sexuality. Any gay person reading this knows the fear that comes from not knowing how someone might react to finding out about your sexuality. The horrible possibility that they may react with disgust, fear, or anger. This is of particular concern when dealing with organisations such as the police that have a fraught and often antagonist historical relationship with the LGBT+ community. Luckily this is beginning to change, as law enforcement is keen to improve community relationships between sexual and gender minorities and the Criminal Justice System, as can be seen with the introduction of positions and groups like LGBT+ liaison officers or LGBT+ Police associations.

However old wounds from an earlier time still linger and stories passed through the community may make even younger gay and bisexual men reluctant to come forward to law enforcement. The mere anticipation of a bad reaction from these services means many men will never engage with them or, if they do, they may deliberately hide their sexuality, passing as straight out of a sense of self-preservation.

This can effectively make many gay and bisexual victims invisible in the public eye even whilst they use services.

It is clear then that there is a depressingly vast array of barriers that gay and bisexual men have to pass through if they want to report their abuse and seek help. In these conditions, it is a wonder that anyone comes forward at all. Indeed, while a few do make this difficult journey and manage to tell their stories, seek help, and receive the support they need to leave abusive relationships. Many more face a barrier they cannot get passed and quietly disappear from the picture; others never even get to the point of looking for help in the first place. These barriers all combine to help enforce the silence that surrounds this issue, making victims invisible and afraid to talk about their experience, sweeping the violence under the rug and simply allowing the cycle to continue on and on.

The history of our community shows us that we can challenge and change systems that disenfranchise and harm the vulnerable.

Whilst the subject matter of this article may seem dire, it is important to remember that this is not the way things have to be. The history of our community shows us that we can challenge and change systems that disenfranchise and harm the vulnerable. The silence and stigma that surround the issue of domestic violence in our relationships can be broken, and we can do it bit by bit. Achieving this is, of course, a long term project, but it is one that is possible, and, for the sake of the many victims who are still experiencing violence, it is one that is desperately needed.

Joseph Patrick McAulay LLB MSc (Oxon), is a PhD student in Criminology at the University of Oxford.

He studies the experiences of Gay and Bisexual men who encounter domestic abuse from a male partner and is interested in identifying and working to eliminate barriers that prevent these men from seeking help.

Joseph is currently looking for men who have experienced domestic abuse and violence to participate in an anonymous online survey about their experiences as part of his research. Joseph would love to hear your stories, and you can fill in the survey here: tinyurl.com/y5vbc6hm If you have any questions, you can email Joseph at joseph.mcaulay@st-hildas.ox.ac.uk for more information.

Website: Joseph McAuley Twitter: @mcaulay_joseph See our website for more information on domestic abuse. You can also chat to us on our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot

GOOD SEX GUIDE: COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT When it comes to the sex that gay and bisexual men have, anal sex is what most people think of and is commonly misunderstood.

However, we all have our own turn ons and what works for one guy might be totally different for another. There’s no right and wrong when it comes to the sex you’re into – it’s all about making sure you’re having the sex you want, with the most pleasure, the least harm and the agreement of all involved.

In this article we look at some of the more ‘interesting’ types of sex guys have, offering tips to get the most out of it, how to stay safe and the most common issues with consent.

Anal Sex Anal sex (fucking) can be great and for many people, it is the ultimate sexual goal. For others, it might be something that you do occasionally, or only within the context of a loving relationship. Of course, it might also be something that you have no interest in and don’t want to do. Whatever you choose, it is about ensuring that you are having the right type of consensual and pleasurable sex for you.

Fucking is not an exact science, nor are there any hard and fast rules. The most important thing is that it should be pleasurable for both you and your partner. Preference over active or passive fucking (giving or receiving) is not a reflection of masculinity or a lack thereof – it’s simply down to what you enjoy. Additionally, deciding that fucking isn’t for you doesn’t make you an inadequate gay man.

Never let anyone tell you that you have to fuck or be fucked to have a good sex life. It’s all about what you do or don’t want to do.

If it’s your first time fucking, or being fucked, or you’re not very experienced you might have a few

worries. You should discuss this with your partner so you both know what you want and agree to it. If you still have questions you can chat this through with one of the SX team. Being informed and knowing what you are happy to agree to with sex is the best way for you to feel confident around the sex you’re having, and it can help you enjoy it more.

Fucking is not an exact science, nor are there any hard and fast rules.

Not everyone enjoys their first time being fucked, or even the second or third... but most guys often enjoy it more and more as they get used to it. Many men who are new to fucking don’t realise that it can be a little sore the first couple of times for the person being fucked. Even for more experienced men, a little discomfort is normal but it shouldn’t be extremely painful. If it is, the chances are you’re rushing into things. Anal sex is best when you are more relaxed. This is because your arse has muscles (the sphincter) that help keep everything in place and keep you continent. So don’t rush things. If you

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See the dedicated pages on our website for more information on good sex. Or chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on social media (Grindr and Scruff) or email us: info@s-x.scot

are in any sort of pain that you are not comfortable with, you should tell your partner to stop. Take some time to relax (try some foreplay) before getting back to it.

We have a page on our website with tips to help you get started.

Fucking, like all sex, is something that you will do when you want to, and with whom you want to do it. It is always your decision. Remember sex is about enjoyment and pleasure for both you and your partner so don’t let anyone force or coerce you into doing it when you’d rather not.

Safer Fucking Unprotected fucking carries the highest risk of HIV and hepatitis C infection. Using a condom will drastically reduce the likelihood of HIV and other STIs being passed between you. Make sure you agree that condoms are to be worn for the duration, and remember that they should be changed every 30 minutes to prevent breaking. When it comes to fucking there is no such thing as too much lubrication!

If you have agreed to use a condom, but it’s removed during sex without your agreement, then the consent is over and it’s not consensual.

This is called ‘stealthing’ and is illegal and a crime.

It doesn’t matter if you continue to have sex and climax. If this has happened you should speak to your local sexual health service, who may be able to offer you PEPSE (Post Exposure Prophylaxis after Sexual Exposure), if they think you have been at risk of HIV. They can also support you in reporting this to the police.

Fucking, like all sex, is something that you will do when you want to, and with whom you want to do it. It is always your decision.

BDSM Just as we all have different tastes in clothes, music and food it’s the same when it comes to sex. Some guys are happy with a suck, a wank and a fuck (what is sometimes referred to as ‘vanilla sex’); others

have tastes that could be considered to be a little more unusual. But just because they are unusual doesn’t mean they are wrong. Some of these sexual activities are referred to as BDSM. BDSM covers a whole range of activities that often involve the use of restraint, stimulation of the senses or fantasy role-play. Activities can involve a mix of Bondage and Discipline; Dominance and Submission; Sadism and Masochism (which is where the term BDSM comes from).

Make sure you discuss and agree to what is going to take place and fully trust everyone involved.

It’s not all about pain though, BDSM is often focussed on a mix of power, humiliation and pleasure. Some may take on a dominant or submissive role because it is different from what they normally are in life; others do it because it reinforces how they normally are. The main motivation is a sense of pleasure and enjoyment, which may or may not be sexual.

Safety Tips: As some of the activities in BDSM could result in injury or worse, safety is important. There are a couple of golden rules to consider.

Make sure that: • All those involved are able to consent to anything you do.

• You discuss and agree to what is going to take place and fully trust everyone involved.

• Clear limits are recognised and agreed to. This should involve the use of a ‘safe word’ that will stop all activity. The role play element may mean that the submissive partner will pretend not to wish to take part and in this case saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean no.

Very often an unconnected word is used as the safe word, e.g. ‘Jellybean’; or the traffic light sequence (Green: OK, Amber: Take It Easy, Red: Stop Now).

• You have condoms and lube with you in case you are going to fuck or share sex toys, so as to reduce the risk of HIV and STIs. Some activities can result in broken skin. In such cases, it’s important to avoid blood coming into contact with another person’s bodily fluids so as to avoid HIV risk.

• You know what you are doing, or are with

someone who knows what they are doing. This will help to minimise the risk of something going wrong.

Bondage This is one of the more common types of BDSM activity. It involves the physical restraining of another person and is an important element in dominant/submissive role-play and fantasies.

Bondage can involve ropes, straps, harnesses, handcuffs, belts or even a necktie. Often arms or legs are tied to household furniture. More specialised forms can involve wrapping in cloth, cling-film or tape known as mummification.

Safety Tip: Never leave a bound person alone; ensure they can breathe easily; change their position at least once an hour and make sure they can be released easily.

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taken drugs or consumed alcohol then he may not be in a position to consent freely. He must consent voluntarily and enthusiastically and be in a position to withdraw consent at any time. It is an offence to pressure someone into sexual activity without consent.

Being the fister (the top) You are the person your partner (the bottom) has placed his trust in. Respect is one of the key considerations here. Always make sure that you, and the person you are fisting, are able to communicate with each other. Some men agree ‘safe words’ in case things start to feel uncomfortable or they want to stop. Fisting is not a place for the novice, the fister should be confident in what they are doing. It is important to make sure that fingernails are short in order to prevent the risk of tears inside your partner’s ass.

Fisting Fisting is when one guy puts his hand inside another guy’s ass for pleasure. The difference between fisting and fingering is that for fisting the hand must go at least past the wrist and possibly further. Like any muscle, your sphincter can be expanded with careful and slow exercise. For many men, fisting someone, or being fisted, is a massively horny experience. Some men see it as an extremely intimate experience, as you are putting your trust in the hand of your partner. Others find the physical and emotional connection to be a big turn on.

Fisting is not for everyone. It is important that you are comfortable with it and fully understand what you are doing. This is why communication and consent throughout the activity is key. If you are new to being fisted then you should make sure the person who is fisting you has some experience of it.

Always make sure that you, and the person you are fisting, are able to communicate with each other.

Communication and consent Communication is key. It is important to understand what you and your partner want, what the limits are, and what the agreed ‘safe words’ are to stop fisting if it goes too far for one of you. Consent is not just a one-off, it’s constant. You always have the right to withdraw consent at any time. If your partner has

It is vital that you are able to let your partner know if things get a bit heavy and you want to slow down or stop.

Being fisted (the bottom) When you are about to be fisted make sure that you are relaxed. However, it is not advisable to use drugs or alcohol for this as it can mask any pain and possibly make you unaware of any injuries. This can lead to situations where significant damage has occurred before it is noticed. Make sure you are able to communicate with the person who is fisting you. It is vital that you are able to let him know if things get a bit heavy and you want to slow down or stop. It can also be a turn on to communicate to your partner the pleasure you are getting from being fisted. If it hurts STOP! Sudden pain and bleeding can be a sign something has gone wrong.

Remember you can stop and withdraw your consent to continue at any time. This is your right and you should only do what feels comfortable for you.

There is further information and safety tips about fisting on our website.

BOTTOMS UP: ALCOHOL, SEX AND ME

In 2019, we created a new web page, dedicated to personally written articles by gay and bisexual men who have had challenging experiences with alcohol during their life. By creating this page we hope readers, who may also have issues with alcohol, will be able to relate to the events and experiences that the writers have been through.

In conjunction with the web page we have also begun a series of podcasts read by the actor, and friend of SX, David Mahoney. David brings to the Bottoms Up project years of acting experience and a very personal interpretation of our contributors’ writing.

The current collection of written pieces is available on our website, and the first podcast is available on Soundcloud and iTunes.

Here is a taster...

Axis: A Portrait

By Chase Ledin One down. I should have pre-gamed. No one likes a sober lout. Evan rides the stool behind me. We discard the day’s gossip. He came for the boys plural, the ones he couldn’t catch under the boss’s nose but resolved to finger fuck in the crowd for anyone to see. Evan lines up a second round and…

Two down. I think I see Virginia West enter. Evan reminds me, don’ you fuckin’ stare. Even when glaring down the twinks, their jockstraps yanked into some unholy anal knot, amounts to dealing trade. Don’ fuckin’ stare. I’m eyeing the lad whose shirtless back fills in an unnatural parabola of empty stars. Cookie cutter moulds blow away from the source and into perspective. I wait until he turns, but he doesn’t so I buy another round...

The man turns around, and he’s my ex. When did he get that tattoo?

Three down. Evan places a napkin in my lap. The man turns around, and he’s my ex. When did he get that tattoo? I unwrap the napkin, swallow the blue delight. The ex grabs hold of a man, mid-thirties, tight-green shorts. He wriggles the man’s phone out and refuses to return it without a kiss. One down, how many to go? I don’t feel delight. Evan hands me the next shot before sliding down the bar…

Four down. I feel something. Which is more than I can say sitting at a desk writing legal judgments to dispossess the poor I’ve never even seen growing up in suburban America. This is a lie, but to get through the day I’ve learned to swallow my delight rather than face the inhuman bureaucracy of my work. Now the ex is making out with two boys at once. I don’t contain my laughter, but the club’s too loud for anyone to notice…

Now the ex is making out with two boys at once.

Five down. The lights streak into magenta, hazel, sun. For a moment, I am not here. The earth is shunting without me. I’m dancing with three boys at once. I can’t keep my eyes on any anyone longer

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than a second, and one is my ex. He smiles in that cruel way one says I love you. To compensate, he hands me another shot. I hesitate with the light before…

Six down. I live sideways. I feel fucking fantastic.

No alliteration intended, but it does seem that way.

Sober I’m as anxious as they come. Flying loose, I don’t mind the odd hand fumbling around my crotch. The ex is crunched between two leather lads in full attire. Unusual for a casual Midwestern night. He doesn’t blink. Evan cups my ass, though I’ve asked him not to, and greets me with a drink that blurs into the starry dance floor…

Seven down. I’m not sure how I missed the drag show. Virginia West is definitely dancing in partial make-up next to me. I’m burping somewhere in the night, and I’m not sure if it’s a sign to keep dancing or the delight fizzling in an empty stomach. I tell Evan I’m going home. He stops. My attention is shot.

I go to the bar for one last drink. That’s it…

Eight down. Some semblance of a high street.

Maybe downtown. The leather lads have my elbows, one on each side, followed closely by the ex and green-shorts. Evan is prancing behind with some girls he met at the bar we stopped by on the way to…

Waking up. I am naked. It’s starry the night. I must be somewhere familiar. Somewhere close to home.

The sheets are sweaty and stained. The books are titleless shadows. Bodies and heaps on the floor.

I get up to piss. The ex is wrapped around assbare green-shorts. The leather lads are still in the common room fucking. When they see me, they ask me to join. Who was in bed? I go to the toilet. I stay there. This is not my home.

Chase is a doctoral researcher at Edinburgh College of Art. Outside of his research, he’s interested in the development of queer sexual health education and policy in Scotland, and the movement to standardise PrEP use across the United Kingdom.

His creative work contributes to ongoing projects to historicise and archive HIV/AIDS narratives.

If you’d like to read other submissions for Bottoms Up you can find them on our website.

We’re always looking for submissions – from blog articles or stories to monologues and poems. They can be humorous, serious or anonymous. If you’re interested in submitting a piece for the magazine, or our website, contact us: info@s-x.scot

DOMESTIC ABUSE: GETTING SUPPORT Domestic abuse affects people of all sexual orientations, gender identities or expressions. Almost one in three men in same-sex relationships have experienced, or are experiencing domestic abuse. We know that men in same-sex relationships are less likely to report domestic abuse and continue to live in silence.

Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling behaviours by a partner or ex-partner and can be emotional, mental, financial, physical or sexual, including sex by coercion and without consent.

It may also include homophobic, biphobic or transphobic abuse.

We know that domestic abuse can be extremely difficult to talk about. At SX, we can help you talk things through at your own pace and on your own terms. We will not force you to discuss anything that feels uncomfortable, and we will never take any action against your partner unless you want us to (or unless you are in serious immediate danger).

Identifying abuse Domestic abuse is a method of controlling someone’s emotions as much as physical hurting someone. Abuse can happen slowly over time, which normalises an abuser’s actions.

It can start by someone simply putting you down, lowering your self-esteem. Then making you distant from friends or family that you rely on for support.

Abuse is not always easy to identify, especially when it’s happening to yourself.

Ask yourself, are you afraid of your partner? The fact of the matter is that fear has no place in a healthy relationship. The signs of domestic abuse can appear in many forms such as: • Your partner controlling your money • Your partner physical abusing you • Your partner controlling who you see or speak with • Your partner sexually abusing you • Your partner intimidating, bullying or belittling you If you feel that your partner is showing these behaviours, you could be in abusive relationship and its important you get support.

Trans men and domestic abuse Recent studies tell us that trans guys are more likely to experience domestic abuse than their cisgender counterparts. A partner may threaten to out you not only for having sex with other men but for your gender identity as well. Other signs from a partner can be: • Making you feel shame about your body • Purposely misgendering you or belittling your identity to family and friends • Physically and / or sexually harming your body parts such as chest or genitals • Blaming you when you experience transphobic attitudes in society • Preventing you from transitioning, taking hormones, wearing certain clothes or living as your true identity

We at SX want to you know that we will work with you to build confidence and ensure that you feel able to access the correct support.

Getting Support If you think that you might be experiencing domestic abuse, you can arrange one-to-one support via the SX Hub, or phone and speak to one of the team on 0131 652 3250, or email us at

info@s-x.scot. You can also call the LGBT Helpline for support on 0300 123 2523 (Tues/Wed, 12pm9pm), or email helpline@lgbthealth.org.uk.

If you would like some information about what to do if you’re experiencing domestic abuse, The LGBT Domestic Abuse Project has information on their website. The project is run by LGBT Youth Scotland, but the information is designed for LGBTI+ people of all ages.

Police Scotland Many gay, bisexual and men who have sex with men find it difficult to report domestic abuse to the police. This is often because of fear judgement (stigma), prejudice or not understanding some of the issues that might arise. Police Scotland are sensitive to the needs of LGBTI+ people

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experiencing domestic abuse and have specially trained LGBT Liaison Officers all over Scotland. You can report domestic abuse on the Police Scotland website. Alternatively, if you are unsure, you can discuss it with SX first or report it via the above helpline.

Other Support Abused Men in Scotland (AMIS) supports male victims of domestic abuse all over Scotland.

Rape Crisis Scotland provides support to people of all genders and sexual orientations who have experienced sexual violence.

Not Your Fault is a peer-led support group for men and non-binary people.

See the dedicated pages on our website for more information on domestic abuse. Or chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on social media (Grindr and Scruff) or email us: info@s-x.scot

CONSENT: NO SUCH THING AS ‘BLURRED LINES’ As men who have sex with men, consent is something we need to talk more about.

Whether you are young or old, it is an important element of our sex lives.

Coercion

Sex should be consensual and pleasurable for you and your partner(s). In other words, consent ensures that everyone involved wants to engage in sexual activities, freely and willingly. Consent must be gained every time for every sexual act. Having sex without the consent of your partner is illegal and is termed rape or sexual assault. In law, sexual consent is when we agree by choice, and have the freedom and capacity to make that choice. Sex should be pleasurable, free from coercion and harm to you and your partner(s).

Saying No

Giving Consent Consent must be given willingly and enthusiastically. It’s not just a matter of saying yes, you can also give consent both verbally and through body language. This lets your partner know that you are enjoying yourself or if it’s not what you want. Equally, you can also withdraw consent verbally or with your body in the same way. You can withdraw consent at any point. It doesn’t matter who you’re having sex with, how far you’ve gone during the sex you’re having or, whether you’ve had sex with them or others in the past. If you decide you don’t want to continue or, want to stop what you’re doing, then that is your right to do so.

Consent is always retractable.

If you are engaging in kinky sex, consent follows the same principles, but in addition, you must be in a position to both consent and withdraw consent easily.

If someone is not listening to what you want or putting pressure on you to engage in any sexual activities, this is considered coercion. Being pressured and coerced to have sex is just as wrong as someone physically holding you down. Even if you haven’t said no, you still have not given consent freely and enthusiastically, therefore you are not agreeing to what is happening.

Remember no matter what situation you are in; you can say no to sex. Also remember that because you haven’t said no, it doesn’t mean yes. If at any point you or your partner(s) become hesitant, uncomfortable or unsure, you have the right to say no and stop what you’re doing. Think about what you are and aren’t comfortable doing. Talk to your partner(s) about what you are and aren’t comfortable doing before getting involved in sex.

Remember, when checking in with your partner(s) during any sexual activities, their verbal and body language should be enthusiastic! If it isn’t, you should stop what you are doing and talk about it.

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Getting Consent Consent isn’t just what you have agreed to do with someone on an app. It is a continuous conversation between you and your partner(s). The important thing in getting consent is to make sure that you talk about what you want to do and how you both feel during sex. You can do this easily by asking questions like: Is it okay if I touch you there? Are you okay? Do you like that?

Just because the person you’re having sex with is aroused, such as having a hard-on, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are consenting to what is happening. Consent needs to be enthusiastic, willing and given freely. Sometimes this may mean pausing, or stopping altogether, to ensure that what you are doing is consensual.

Having sex or engaging in any other sexual activity without consent, where you or your partner(s) are not able to freely give consent, is rape or sexual assault.

Other things to understand about consent include: • Being in a relationship does not automatically mean consent to sex. In fact, it makes no difference at all.

• Just because you are in a sexualised environment, such as a sauna, does not mean you have the right to have sex with whoever you want.

• If your partner hasn’t said no then it doesn’t mean they have consented either.

• If your partner is under the influence of alcohol or drugs they may not be able to consent.

• Just because your partner has talked about things on apps doesn’t mean they are consenting to it in real life.

• If you are having kinky sex, agree to safe words, and never put your partner in a position where they are unable to give or withdraw consent.

Alcohol and Drugs If you, or your partner, have consumed alcohol or taken drugs, neither of you may be able to consent to having sex or engaging in any other sexual activities, including chemsex.

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To give consent you must have the capacity to be informed. In other words, you must be able to know and understand what you’re consenting to, freely and willingly, for consent to be valid.

Stealthing Stealthing is when your partner removes the condom either from his cock or yours without your explicit consent. When this happens, it means you are having unprotected sex. If you have agreed to use a condom, but it’s removed during sex without your agreement, then the consent is over and it’s not consensual. Stealthing is illegal and a crime.

It doesn’t matter if you continue to have sex and climax. If this has happened you should speak to your local sexual health service, who may be able to offer you PEPSE (Post Exposure Prophylaxis after Sexual Exposure), if they think you have been at risk of HIV. They can also support you in reporting this to the police.

...you must be able to know and understand what you’re consenting to, freely and willingly, for consent to be valid.

Reporting a sexual assault or rape If you’ve not consented to the sex or sexual activity you have had, then you are a victim of a crime and you can report this to the police by calling 101 or in emergency 999.

Many men find it difficult to report crimes related to sex because of fear that the police and legal system will judge them, discriminate against them or not take it seriously. Thankfully, Police Scotland work with organisations like SX Scotland to help men who have been victims of sexual assault and rape.

See the dedicated pages on our website for more information on consent. Or chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on social media (Grindr and Scruff) or email us: info@s-x.scot

You can get support from your local sexual health service or third sector organisation. We understand that reporting it to the police can be a scary and frightening thing to do, however, the police in Scotland have specially trained officers who can help. You can also contact Rape Crisis Scotland on 08088 01 03 02 for confidential support and information. They have local rape crisis centres across Scotland for ongoing support. You can also contact us for details of our relevant services in your area.

QUEER CREATIVES: STEVEN MCLAREN This selection of images is taken from recent work created by photographer Steven Mclaren.

We’re always looking for creative submissions to feature in the magazine – from photography and artwork to writing. If you’re interested in submitting something, contact us: info@s-x.scot

Steven is an editorial and commercial photographer, based in Glasgow, Scotland. Steven studied photography in Fife and is an equality activist whose work centres around his lived experience as a queer BAME artist in Scotland.

Instagram: www.instagram.com/stmc Email: stmc1000@gmail.com

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COMMUNITY SPACE: THE GREENWOOD We are delighted to bring you news of a new sober queer space opening in Edinburgh.

The Greenwood café in Bruntsfield has been taken over by friends Oskar and Zak. Although the friends met on Edinburgh’s gay club scene, where Oskar is drag celebrity Mystika Glamoor, they have decided to open a ‘sober’ queer café. With Oskar’s business skills running a joke shop in Edinburgh, and Zak’s creative and marketing skills it’s sure to be a great success.

When the lease for the Greenwood Cafe became available, it dawned on Oskar that the only real commercial spaces for LGBT+ people were predominantly focused around alcohol and nightlife. The friends realised that not everyone in the community wants to, or can, drink but the options for socialising were limited.

In early July 2020 the friends set up a GoFundMe page to raise £1,500 to cover the minimal takeover costs. This figure was smashed in just 3 hours. They have now extended the goal to £10,000 in order to make the space the best it can be. At time of writing the total pledged has reached over £7,000, well on their way to the final total.

‘’To choose to be visibly queer is to choose happiness over safety’’ “We want to build bridges and educate”, says Oskar, “give a platform to local, up and coming queer artists to sell and promote their work, as well as providing the local community with delicious vegan food, and a space for young queer people to see representation and realise that it’s okay to be themselves. More than just the money itself, the support of the community and their messages has been deeply moving”.

Oskar highlights that they “use the word ‘queer’ as both a reclamation of a slur, but also as an umbrella term to indicate ALL the rich variety and diversity within our community”. The amount of messages

of support and excitement they’ve received from people has proved to them that having a sober space, that also upholds and represents queer politics, is important to many.

The café opens on the 4th of September, 8am to 6pm. The first exhibition in the basement MIKRO GALLERY will be Queer Oracle, showing works from upcoming nonbinary photographer Lou McCurdy.

The Greenwood Café, 5 St. Peter’s Buildings, Bruntsfield, Edinburgh, EH3 9PG. Useful links: Greenwood Cafe GoFundMe Page The Greenwood on Facebook Mystika Glamoor on Facebook

Zak and Oskar outside the Greenwood Cafe.

THE A TO Z OF SX

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Earlier in the year we began the SX A to Z. Keep an eye on social media for a different letter of the alphabet each week. The posts feature tips and advice on a variety of areas from apps to BDSM to Confidence. Here are a few of our most recent posts.

E is for Emergency Contraception Some trans guys on testosterone can still get pregnant if they have penetrative sex without protection. Despite the lockdown you can access emergency contraception via sexual health clinics or local pharmacies.

D is for Discrimination Discrimination can come in a variety of forms, but everyone has the right to live free from discrimination. If you or someone you know is experiencing discrimination, talk to us. We’re here to help.

If you have been the victim of a hate crime or hate incident, don’t feel ashamed! It’s easy to report or record: Phone 999 (emergency) or 101 (non-emergency).

In-person at any police office.

By contacting a third-party reporting centre.

We can help you report as well.

In Highland, you can also report or record online via Hate Free Highland.

F is for Fisting Fisting is when one guy puts his hand inside another guy’s ass for pleasure. It is important that you are comfortable with it and fully understand what you are doing. This is why communication throughout the activity is key.

Lubrication is essential! When fisting you need to be careful with the type of lube you use if you are also planning to fuck after fisting. Many lubes used for fisting are oil-based, which will cause condoms to weaken and burst. Find out more from our good sex guide.

CONDOMS: SUIT YOU SIR! When it comes to sexual health, the trusty combo of condoms and lube remains the single most effective way to minimise the risk of STIs and HIV. There’s a staggering level of choice when it comes to choosing the right condoms and lube but, once you’ve found the right fit, it can lead to safer, more pleasurable sex for you and your partner(s).

Choosing the right condom

Condom failure and how to avoid it

Getting a condom to fit properly is important. Too tight and it’s uncomfortable to put on and may burst. Too loose and it might slip off during sex.

Fortunately, condoms come in a range of different sizes to fit all men - from trim (for thinner cocks) to super king (for larger and wider cocks). There are also different types, latex-free ones if you have a rubber allergy, flavoured ones if you are worried about sucking, and dotted and ribbed ones to give you different sensations. Making the right condom choice means there’s a greater chance of safer sex being more pleasurable for you and your partner while reducing the risk of HIV and STI infection.

Most men, at some point, will have a condom fail while they’re fucking, either from the condom bursting or slipping off. Most of these failures occur because of a lack of basic knowledge on how to use condoms correctly. In young men, condom failure rates can be as high as 40%. This can put you and your sexual partner at risk of HIV and other STIs. If your condom has failed and you think you have been at risk of HIV you need to access PEP as soon as possible.

So how do you find out the best condom for you?

The best way is to try out different types of condom on your own. If you aren’t experienced in using a condom, then wanking while wearing one can help you master the best way to put it on and let you know which one you find the most comfortable.

It is also useful to have a range of different sizes available just in case your partner hasn’t come prepared.

Store your condoms in a safe place. Keep your condoms in a cool, dark place, and out of direct sunlight. When you’re out, don’t keep them in your wallet or a trouser pocket for too long as this can damage them. Check the packaging, if it’s worn or damaged, or the use-by-date has passed, don’t use the condom.

Use the right size for your penis. If a condom’s too tight, it’ll be uncomfortable to put on and may burst.

Too loose and it’ll slip off during sex. You only need to use one at a time: Using two condoms at once doesn’t increase the protection. In fact, it can cause

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extra friction that can cause the condom to break.

Open the wrapper carefully. Don’t use your teeth to open a condom wrapper, it can damage it. Open it with your hands and try to do this before you get any lube on your fingers – otherwise your hands can be too slippery.

Make sure your penis is hard. It’s important to make sure you’re hard before putting on a condom. If you’re not circumcised, and you’re able to, you should pull back your foreskin behind the head of your penis.

Roll, don’t stretch. Condoms are designed to be rolled down your cock. If you try to stretch it, it’s more likely to break. When rolling, watch out for sharp objects like jewellery, teeth, nails or cock rings. Avoid rolling a condom using your mouth.

Also, make sure you roll the condom down to the base of your cock – that way it is less likely to slip off.

Avoid air bubbles. Having air between your cock and the condom may increase the risk of the

condom breaking once you start fucking. To get the air out, squeeze the teat of the condom with your thumb and forefinger while you roll the condom down your cock.

Use the right lube and plenty of it. Apply plenty of lube to the outside of the condom and inside the arse of the guy getting fucked. Don’t get lube inside the condom or on your cock before putting the condom on as this will make the condom more likely to slip off. Only water or silicone-based lubes should be used with latex condoms.

Change the condom after 30 minutes. The longer you fuck the greater the chance of the condom becoming worn and breaking. Check it occasionally, apply more lube if you think you need to, and put on a fresh one after 30 minutes. And if you are fucking more than one guy remember to use a different condom for each guy to prevent possible transmission of STIs. After you cum. Withdraw your cock holding the base of the condom and gently remove the condom making sure you don’t spill any fluids. Then dispose of it hygienically.

See the dedicated pages on our website for more information on condoms and STIs. Or chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on social media (Grindr and Scruff) or email us: info@s-x.scot

Condom Issues Beyond the issues around condom failure, there are other common issues affecting men when it comes to condom use.

Losing your erection. Lots of men feel that condoms are the cause of erection loss. In many cases this can be resolved by using the right condom, learning the best way to get it on and spending time enjoying foreplay. The use of erection drugs is not recommended to overcome this problem unless it’s been suggested by your doctor.

Loss of intimacy. If you feel that using a condom leads to a loss of intimacy with your partner, try to talk to them about it and look at ways to make condoms a part of your sex life. Engaging in foreplay and getting your partner to put a condom on you before you start fucking may help. During foreplay, be careful not to get any sexual fluids inside you and, if you or your partner use lube when you wank, make sure you clean it off before putting a condom on to prevent it slipping off. It’s worth remembering that condoms are there to protect you and your partner from STIs, including HIV. Lack of Sensation: Some men say that using condoms reduces the sensation of sex. If this is you, you may want to try different types of condoms to see what works for you. Thinner condoms

are not any less safe than thicker varieties and some condoms have different sensations that can increase your pleasure. The more aroused you are during sex, the more sensation you will feel, so make sure you spend time getting turned on or turning your partner on.

Lube Using lubricant correctly is just as vital as choosing the right condom. It helps make fucking easier and reduces the risk of the condom slipping off or breaking. Like condoms, lube comes in a variety of types and brands. It can be gel-like; creamy; thick; watery; or extra slippery. It’s a case of finding your preference. Before you read further, let’s make one thing clear: spit does not count as lube. It is ineffective and makes it more likely that a condom will burst.

Water Based Lube: • Provided free in gay venues • Suitable for use with latex condoms • Available in sachets and bottles • Comes as a clear gel or creamy consistency • Popular brands include Lite Lube, TLC, Boys Own Lubricant, Liquid Silk, KY Jelly Silicon-Based Lube: • Suitable for use with latex condoms

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• Available in bottles • Claim to be more slippery than water-based lubes • Can cause staining to fabrics • Expensive • Popular brands include Pasante Bullet, Pjur, ID Millennium, Gun Oil Oil Based Lube: • Unsuitable for latex condoms - it weakens them and can cause them to break • Should only be used with latex-free condoms • Used by guys who are into fisting • Popular brands include Elbow Grease, Crisco, Boy Butter

Lube issues Do you sometimes find that you get a stinging, burning or itching sensation on your cock or anal passage when you use certain types of lube? If so, it could mean that you have an allergy to that type of lube. Try switching to another type of lube.

Preferably a different brand as lubes from the same company will often include similar ingredients.

Where to get condoms There are lots of places where you can get hold of free condoms and lube. We’re a member of the c:card scheme which you can register for to receive free, confidential access to condoms and lube at

over 80 sites across Edinburgh and the Lothians.

However, please note that during the COVID-19 lockdown we are unable to offer free condom services from our offices. Other c:card locations may also be operating a reduced service or no service at this time. Please check with the location you intend to collect from.

Free condoms and sachets of lube are available in Edinburgh’s gay bars, clubs and saunas, or from free NHS schemes if you’d prefer not to access the gay scene. You can also buy condoms and lube from supermarkets, pharmacies and many other retailers.

Just make sure that the condoms you choose have either the BSI Kitemark or the European CE mark, to make sure they’ve been tested to a high standard.

Want to order Condoms and Lube online? Follow these links below to order in your local area: Edinburgh and Lothian Greater Glasgow and Clyde Forth Valley Fife Highland Argyll and Bute Lanarkshire Tayside Scottish Borders

THE LOWDOWN ON SYPHILIS Syphilis is a sexually transmitted infection that remains a significant concern amongst the gay community and rates of infection among men who have sex with men keep on rising. The good news is that, if caught early, syphilis is easily treated.

Testing

If not treated, however, syphilis can lead to damage of the brain, heart, and liver. As well as causing longterm health problems, syphilis can also increase your risk of contracting HIV. If you’re a sexually active gay man, getting a syphilis check every three months as part of a regular sexual health check is a good idea.

Prevention

How you get it

Living with HIV?

Syphilis is mainly passed on during anal or oral sex.

Around half of new cases amongst men who have sex with men are linked to sucking cock.

Symptoms The most common sign of having syphilis is a painful or reddened sore on your cock, arse or mouth. These sores, however, may not be painful.

You may also notice that you have swollen glands around your groin or in your neck. Check yourself regularly and if you’re not circumcised (cut) check the inside of your foreskin as well.

A few weeks later you may find that a rash appears.

The rash is commonly found on the palms of your hands and on the soles of your feet, but it can appear anywhere.

You may also experience flu like symptoms, including mild fever, fatigue, aching joints, sore throat and swollen lymph glands. It’s also not uncommon to notice patchy hair loss. These symptoms may be mild and will disappear without treatment. However, the syphilis infection has not cleared up.

The only way to know for sure if you have syphilis is to get tested, which involves a small blood sample.

You can get tested at your local sexual health clinic or GP.

Treatment If you get a positive syphilis result. Don’t panic.

Syphilis is easy to treat with antibiotics. Once you’ve been treated it’s important to go back to the clinic for regular blood tests to make sure the antibiotics have worked, and you have not been infected again.

During this period, it’s best to use a condom or avoid sex until you get the all clear.

The best way to prevent becoming infected with syphilis is to use a condom when having sex. If you decide not to use a condom and have sex with different partners, then it’s important that you have regular sexual health checks, ideally every three months.

People living with HIV are at a high risk of catching syphilis. If you are HIV positive, then catching syphilis may increase your viral load. Syphilis also makes it much easier for HIV positive people to pass on the virus to their sexual partners.

Worried?

If you are worried about your sexual health contact us - we’re here to help.

A SPOTLIGHT ON HATE CRIME A hate crime is any crime where the victim’s disability, race, religion, sexual orientation or gender identity is the motivation behind a crime.

Some examples of hate crime include: • Emotional harm: verbal abuse, bullying or being threatened or intimidated in any way linked to your sexuality and / or identity • Physical and/or sexual harm: physical assault, inappropriate touching or non-consensual sex • Having your home or belongings targeted with graffiti or vandalism targeting you based on your sexuality and / or identity • Your friends and family being abused or targeted because of your sexual orientation or gender identity Some people may be a victim of hate crime because of illness or disability, which includes HIV status.

Unfortunately, many people experience hate crime associated with their sexual orientation or gender identity. If you experience this, remember you are protected by the law in Scotland.

If you have experienced a hate crime you might be nervous about reporting it directly to the police.

We can support you to access remote reporting which allows you to report crimes to the police anonymously or be with you should you need to give information or make a statement.

If you’re concerned about hate crime, or have been a victim, and want to talk about it confidentially, you can contact SX for advice and support.

You can more information on how to report a hate crime from: • SX Scotland • LGBT Health and Wellbeing • Police Scotland

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LISTINGS ABERDEEN Bars Cheerz Bar 2 Exchange St, Aberdeen AB11 6PH 01224 582648 https://www.facebook.com/CheerzNightclub/ Daily 12noon – 2am

DUNDEE Bars Klozet Bar 73-75 Seagate, Dundee DD1 2EH 01382 690403 https://www.facebook.com/klozet.dundee The Salty Dog 9 Crichton St, Dundee DD1 3AP 07580 171426 https://www.facebook.com/The-SaltyDog-110544140566828 Club Nights Pout St Andrew’s St, Dundee DD1 2EX https://www.facebook.com/POUTNightclub Wed-Sun: 9pm-2.30/3pm Sauna Club Kudos 11 Princess St, princess str, Dundee DD4 6BY 01382 522812 https://clubkudos.co.uk/ Daily: 11am/12noon – 10pm/3am

EDINBURGH Bars CC Blooms 23-24 Greenside Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AA 0131 556 9331 ccblooms.co.uk 11am to 3am most days Habana 22 Greenside Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AA 0131 558 1270 https://www.facebook.com/habanaedinburgh 1pm to 1am / (3am seasonal) The Regent Bar 2 Montrose Terrace, Edinburgh EH7 5DL 0131 661 8198 https://theregentbar.co.uk/ Mon-Sat, 12noon – 1am, Sun 12:30pm – 1am

The Street 2b Picardy Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3JT 0131 556 4272 http://thestreetbaredinburgh.co.uk/TheStreet/ Home.html Noon to 1am daily Planet Bar 6 Baxter’s Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AF planetbaredinburgh.co.uk 1pm to 1am daily Club Nights The Church of High Kicks CC Blooms 23-24 Greenside Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AA 0131 556 9331 ccblooms.co.uk Sundays 6pm to 11pm DILF From website: DILF, the banging house music dance party, hosting regular nights in Glasgow, Edinburgh, Manchester and London: *aimed at men *Proudly trans friendly *Scottish founded Various venues in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Manchester, see updates on social media https://www.facebook.com/DILFuk/ Hot Mess From The List magazine: Queer dance party where the focus is on the music, which is a heady mix of pop classics, obscure synthwave, house, techno and disco from the safe hands of DJ Simonotron.

Various venues in Glasgow and Edinburgh, see updates on social media https://twitter.com/hotmessdisco Sauna The Pound 5 Broughton Market, Edinburgh EH3 6NU 0131 477 3567 https://www.thepoundedinburgh.co.uk/ 11am to 11pm daily Shopping Q Store 5 Barony St, Edinburgh EH3 6PD 0131 477 4756 https://www.facebook.com/Qstore.edin/ 11am to 7pm daily (12noon -5pm Sunday)

GLASGOW Bars Delmonicas 68 Virginia St, Glasgow G1 1TX 0141 559 6594 https://www.delmonicas.co.uk/

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Speakeasy 10 John St, Glasgow G1 1JQ 0141 553 5851 https://www.speakeasyglasgow.co.uk/ Katie’s Bar 17 John St, Glasgow G1 1HP 0141 237 3030 http://www.glasgow.katiesbar.co.uk/ The Waterloo 306 Argyle St, Glasgow G2 8LY 0141 248 7216 https://waterlooglasgow.wixsite.com/home Underground 6A John St, Glasgow G1 1JQ 0141 553 2456 https://www.facebook.com/UndergroundGlasgo Polo Lounge 84 Wilson St, Glasgow G1 1UZ 0141 559 6593 https://www.pologlasgow.co.uk/ The Riding Room 58 Virginia St, Glasgow G1 1TX 0141 559 6592 https://theridingroom.co.uk/ Merchant Pride 20 Candleriggs, Glasgow G1 1LD 0141 564 1285 https://www.facebook.com/MerchantPride/

Manchester and London: *aimed at men *Proudly trans friendly *Scottish founded Various venues in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Manchester, see updates on social media https://www.facebook.com/DILFuk/

Hot Mess From The List magazine: Queer dance party where the focus is on the music, which is a heady mix of pop classics, obscure synthwave, house, techno and disco from the safe hands of DJ Simonotron.

Various venues in Glasgow and Edinburgh, see updates on social media https://twitter.com/hotmessdisco The Flying Duck 142 Renfield St, Glasgow G2 3AU 0141 564 1450 https://www.theflyingduck.org/ Sun – Thur: 12noon - 12am, Fri – Sat: 12noon - 3am Sauna The Pipeworks Metropole House, 5 Metropole Ln, Glasgow G1 4NH 0141 552 5502 https://thepipeworks.com/ Mon - Thurs 10am - 10pm, Fri 10am - Sun 9pm (59hr opening) Shopping Luke & Jack 45 Virginia Street Glasgow G1 1TS 07916 958 652 shop@lukeandjack.co.uk https://www.lukeandjack.co.uk/

The Gallery Bar 101 Brunswick St, Glasgow G1 1TB 0141 552 6310 https://www.facebook.com/MerchantGallery Club Nights AXM 90 Glassford St, Glasgow G1 1UR 0141 552 5761 https://www.facebook.com/axmclubglasgow Thurs-Sun: 11pm to 4am Club X Polo Lounge 84 Wilson St, Glasgow G1 1UZ 0141 559 6593 https://www.pologlasgow.co.uk/club-x/ Mon, We, Fri, Sat: 11pm to 3am.

DILF From website: DILF, the banging house music dance party, hosting regular nights in Glasgow, Edinburgh,

All listings are correct at time of printing, however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, please check the company’s websites for opening times.

All listings are correct at time of printing. If you run an LGBT+ venue, or event for men, and wish to feature in the listings section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if your listing is incorrect. We do our best to accurately source information but not all venues update their information online. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies. Contact: info@s-x.scot

SUPPORT SX is about improving the sex, health and wellbeing of gay and bisexual men, and all men who have sex with men living in Scotland. We are proud to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, and we aim to reflect the diversity of the people we work with.

Our ethos at SX is to be sex positive and we strive to improve the physical, sexual and mental health and wellbeing of all men who have sex with men. SX works with cis and trans men, and many other allies across Scotland.

SX is part of Waverley Care, a charity which helps people who need support with HIV, hepatitis C and sexual health across Scotland. By being part of Waverley Care, we have benefited from over 30 years of learning and expertise working to reduce new infections, increasing access to testing and challenging the stigma experienced by our communities.

If you would like support advice, support or information, get in touch.

If you are a health or care professional who would like to make a referral on behalf of a client, please return a referral form to us by email or call.

The listings of our partners featured are small representation of the support available. Please see the SERVICE FINDER on our website for further listings in your area.

If you run an organisation, support group or work with the men who have sex with men and wish to feature in the Support section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if any listings are incorrect. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies.

SX Scotland 1-3 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB Phone: 0131 652 3250 Email: referral@s-x.scot

SX Scotland 6 Ardross Street, Inverness, IV3 5NN Phone: 01463 711 585 Email: referral@s-x.scot

SEXUAL HEALTH ABERDEEN Grampian Sexual Health: Aberdeen Community Health and Care Village, 50 Frederick Street, Aberdeen, AB24 5HY 0345 337 9900 http://www.nhsgrampian.org DUNDEE Men Only Tayside Level 7, South Block, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee, DD2 1UB 01382 425 542 http://www.menonlytayside.com EDINBURGH Chalmers Sexual Health Centre 2A Chalmers Street, Edinburgh, EH3 9ES 0131 536 1070 https://www.lothiansexualhealth.scot ROAM Outreach: M-Test Service Waverley Care, 1 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB 0131 536 1773 / 0777 462 8227 http://www.roam-outreach.com FIFE Sexual Health Fife: Dunfermline Queen Margaret Hospital, Whitefield Road, Dunfermline, KY12 0SU 01592 64 79 79 https://www.nhsfife.org GLASGOW SRP @ Sandyford Central (Clinic for men who have sex with men) 2-6 Sandyford Place, Glasgow, G3 7NB 0141 211 8130 http://www.sandyford.org INVERNESS Highland Sexual Health Zone 14, Clinic 1, Raigmore Hospital, Old Perth Road, Inverness, IV2 3UJ 01463 888300 https://www.highlandsexualhealth.co.uk

COMMUNITY SUPPORT ABERDEEN Positive Mixture Terrence Higgins Trust Scotland, 246 George Street, Aberdeen, AB25 1HN 0845 241 2151 http://www.tht.org.uk LGBT Youth Westburn, 116 Westburn Road, Aberdeen, AB25 2QA https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

DUNDEE LGBT Youth The Shore, 15 Shore Terrace, Dundee, DD1 3DN https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk Diversitay LGBT Group PO BOX 53, DUNDEE, DD1 3YG 01382 20 26 20 contact@diversitay.org.uk

07020 933 952 www.equality-network.org Scottish Trans 30 Bernard Street, Edinburgh, EH6 6PR 0131 467 6039 https://www.scottishtrans.org Stonewall Scotland Mansfield Traquair Centre, 15 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh EH3 6BB 0131 474 8019 https://www.stonewallscotland.org.uk

EDINBURGH BiScotland LGBT Centre, 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0796 396 0321 http://www.biscotland.org

MENTAL HEALTH

LGBT Aging LGBT Centre, 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0131 652 3282 http://www.lgbthealth.org.uk

ABERDEEN Mental Health Aberdeen 1 Alford Place, Aberdeen, AB10 1YD 01224 573892 https://www.mha.uk.net

Positive Help First Floor, 139 George Street, Edinburgh, EH2 4JY 0131 558 1122 http://www.positivehelpedinburgh.co.uk

DUNDEE Wellbeing Works 01382 227 288 https://www.wellbeingworksdundee.org.uk

GLASGOW LGBT Youth 30 (3/2) Bell Street, Glasgow, G1 1LG https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

EDINBURGH Edinburgh Crisis Centre Free phone: 0808 801 0414 http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org

BiScotland Glasgow Music Studios, 7-9 Osborne Street, Glasgow, G1 5QN. 0796 396 0321 http://www.biscotland.org

LGBT Health and Wellbeing 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0131 523 1100 https://www.lgbthealth.org.uk

LGBT Network Flat 2/2, 4 Niddrie Square, Glasgow, G42 8QE https://www.lgbtnetwork.eu INVERNESS LGBT Youth Merkinch Partnership, 4 Grant Street, Inverness, IV3 8BL https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

GLASGOW Your Support Your Way Glasgow https://www.yoursupportglasgow.org INVERNESS Birchwood Highland 59 Tomnahurich Street, Inverness, IV3 5DT 01463 236507 https://birchwoodhighland.org.uk

NATIONAL HIV Scotland Suite 2, 27 Beaverhall Road, Edinburgh, EH7 4JE 0131 558 3713 http://www.hivscotland.com

NATIONAL SAMH Brunswick House, 51 Wilson Street, Glasgow, G1 1UZ 0344 800 0550 https://www.samh.org.uk

LGBT Youth Scotland 40 Commercial Street, Edinburgh, EH7 4NQ https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

Mind https://www.mind.org.uk

Equality Network 30 Bernard Street, Edinburgh, EH6 6PR

Samaritans Phone: 116 123 https://www.samaritans.org

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DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ABERDEEN Alcohol & Drugs Action 7 Hadden Street, Aberdeen, AB11 6NU 01224 577120 http://www.alcoholanddrugsaction.org.uk DUNDEE We Are With You (Addaction) The Signpost Centre, Lothian Crescent, Dundee DD4 0HU 01382 206888 https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk Dundee Drug and Alcohol Services Drop in.

Wallacetown Health Centre, Lyon Street, Dundee, DD4 6RB. Mon and Thur: 9.15am - 12noon EDINBURGH Edinburgh Alcohol and Drug Partnership Waverley Court, 4 East Market Street, Edinburgh EH8 8BG https://www.edinburghadp.co.uk GLASGOW NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde Alcohol and Drug Recovery Services https://www.nhsggc.org.uk INVERNESS Inverness Alcohol and Drugs Partnership (01463) 704603 http://www.highland-adp.org.uk NATIONAL Drink Aware https://www.drinkaware.co.uk

CALL FOR PARTICIPANTS Are you a gay or bi man living in Edinburgh & the Lothians?

We’re looking for research participants to interview about smartphone use in relation to intimacies, relationships, health & well-being.

We would like to speak with: - gay or bi men (cis and trans) - 18 or older - Living or working in Edinburgh and the Lothians Interviews will be conducted online & participants will receive £25 voucher for their time Contact James and Ingrid Email: digital.intimacies@uea.ac.uk Phone/WhatsApp: 07491 533 006 Twitter: @digintimaciesUK Digital Intimacies is a project exploring how gay & bisexual men use smartphones to support intimacies https://www.uea.ac.uk/digital-intimacies/participate

Alcoholics Anonymous https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

SEXUAL, PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE NATIONAL Survivors UK: Male Rape and Sexual Abuse 02035 983 898 https://www.survivorsuk.org Rape Crisis Scotland 08088 01 03 02 https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk Victim Support Scotland 0800 160 1985 https://victimsupport.scot Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage 0800 027 1234 https://sdafmh.org.uk

All listings are correct at time of printing, however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, please check the organisations’ websites for opening times.

If you run an LGBT+ venue, or event for men, and wish to feature in the listings section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if your listing is incorrect. We do our best to accurately source information but not all venues update their information online. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies.

Contact: info@s-x.scot

THE BARE-BACK INTERVIEW

37

We decided to get writer and academic Chase Ledin Between The Covers to find out what he’s been up to during lockdown...

Where are you and what’s been keeping you busy these days?

I’ve been hunkering down in Edinburgh for the summer and recently moved to a new flat in Leith.

The summer has been a busy time of writing my PhD thesis and supervising a Master of Public Health student writing about U=U and public health policy in Scotland.

What are you reading, or watching, or listening to?

Presently, I’m reading Sean Strub’s Body Counts: A Memoir of Politics, Sex, AIDS and Survival (2014).

When did you first discover your sexuality?

I learned early, perhaps at 11 or 12, that I regularly had crushes on boys on my swim team. Though I wouldn’t have my first encounter until 18, I knew from then on that I was bound to like boys.

What would your biography be called?

My biography would be called: Sea Dragons in Winter: A Memoir.

Where’s the most interesting, or embarrassing, place you’ve had sex?

I had the most unusual sex with a farmer in a horse stable at the state fair in Ohio, USA. The day was hot and the fair was in full swing.

Do you have any regrets?

I regret giving a love letter to an ex lover, who laughed when he received it.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

I would tell my younger self to meditate more and focus less on others’ perceptions of the world.

If you needed to clear your head, where would you go?

If I needed to clear my head, I’d go to the Pentlands or the Cairngorms to walk until my feet had blisters.

What message would you give about HIV? Approach sex with compassion and a sense of care. Treat each partner as an individual. Read up on effective treatments (ART, PEP and PrEP) and learn to have honest, relaxed conversations about the non/use prophylaxis for any sexual encounter.

(Sexual) knowledge is power.

Who, or what, inspires you?

I’m deeply inspired by David B. Feinberg, whose book Spontaneous Combustion (1991) has provided me with a deep appreciation of ethics, literature, and using humour to bring people together.

Chase’s story, Axis: A Portrait, submitted as part of the Bottoms Up project, can be found earlier in this issue.