Between The Covers Issue FOUR / March 2021 by SX.Scotland

Contributors

Welcome!

Editorial and Writing

Hello and welcome to Issue FOUR of Between The Covers: The Diversity Edition.

Alastair Rose Scott Baxter Christopher Clair-Ward Amanda Scott

Guest Contributors Nick Ward Mr G Johnson Walter Lewd Ryan McMullan Brian Tyrrell Ross Wilcock

Proofing Kevin Simpson

Design Scott Baxter

Stock Images Pexels.com Unsplash.com The Gender Spectrum Collection

Cover: The Nine of Cups Illustration courtesy of Mr G Johnson All images are copyright of the individual artists. SX Scotland / Waverley Care are not responisble for the extrnal content on websites linked to by hyperlinks emebed within articles in the magazine.

Between The Covers is created by SX Scotland. Waverley Care, 1-3 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB. Tel: 0131 558 1425

We are delighted to have this edition’s Opinion Piece written by Nick Ward, Director of the National Autistic Society Scotland. Nick examines statistical evidence showing that a significant number of people with autism identify as LGBT+ or not their pre-given gender at birth. There are also a number of incredible articles and artistic work created by members of our community with neurodiversities and physical disabilities. Ryan McMullan and Ross Wilcock give us an insight on growing up with a physical disability, and Brian Tyrell and Mr. G. Johnson share their experiences of living with neurodiversity. The contributors have also shared their creative work, from illustrations and etchings to poetry and role-playing games. We also have our regular articles on sexual health and wellbeing. For this edition we look at: coming out as an LGBT+ person; intimate partner violence and how to receive support; important information on gonorrhoea; and a look at how guys get the best out of dating apps. We also have an enlightening article by one of our service users based in a Scottish rural community and his experiences growing up. We hope you enjoy Issue FOUR of our magazine. Please send us an email with your comments or suggestions for future articles: info@s-x.scot

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Editorial Listen with our ears, Listen with our eyes, Sing everything we see! Over thirty years ago the writer Kimberlé Crenshaw coined the term ‘intersectionality’ to describe how people who are part of marginalised racial groups, classes and genders have specific lived experiences that “intersect” and overlap. The term attempts to explain how people who are part of multiple intersecting groups can experience unique forms of discrimination. For example, how the experiences of a ‘woman’ of colour are different from those of a ‘man’ of colour. Although originally used by Crenshaw for discussions about gender and race, the term has now to include many other characteristics that are used to discriminate against different groups, to deny people their civil rights and to keep them in poverty. That is to say, a person who is gay, black and disabled, will have a unique, increased and more varied experience of discrimination compared to a person who is part of just one marginalised group. We should be mindful of this when we reflect on our own LGBT(TQQIAAP) community. Our sexualities and genders are writ large in an ever increasing acronym and in the evolution of the Progressive Pride Flag. But these aren’t the only things that define us. Our community is just as diverse in its ethnicities, religious beliefs, affluence (or poverty) and in experiences of disability and neurodiversity (autism, dyslexia) among others….

We’ve always advocated that, for our community, diversity is strength. But there’s still work to do if we want to be truly inclusive of the many marginalised groups within our community who experience intersectional discrimination. We’re honoured to have a number of queer and gay authors and artists, who have physical disabilities and neurodiversities, contributing to this edition of Between The Covers. Their stories and experiences as disabled and neuorodiverse people enriches their experience of being LGBT+, and can bring to our community new perspectives, understandings and ideas that could not have been imagined from individual viewpoints. This is the power of intersectionality. There can never be enough colours in the rainbow to reflect and represent our true diversity.

For more information on who we are, please see the information pages on our website. You can also chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on Grindr and Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot

Contents p3 Welcome p4 Editorial: Listen with our ears, Listen with our eyes, Sing everything we see! p6 Opinion Piece: Learning from the LGBT+ Autistic Community by Nick Ward p8 p14 p18 p24 p26 p27 p28

It’s not often that I feel seen by Brian Tyrell Queer Creatives: Mr G Johnson Being Queer and Disabled by Ryan McMullan Interview: Ross Willcock Queer Creatives: Ross Willcock Support Organisations: Scottish Autism Inclusion Scotland Bored Games by Walter Lewd

p32 p36 p37 p38 p40 p41 p42

Buyer’s Guide: Sex Toys for Disabled People The Lowdown on Gonorrhoea A Spotlight on Coming Out Andrews Story: Life in a rural community Intimate Partner Violence The A to Z of SX The Lowdown on Apps and Sex

p14

p44 Venue Listings p46 Support Listings p49 The Bare-Back Interview: Mr G Johnson

p18

OPINION PIECE: Learning from the LGBT+ Autistic Community When I started in my role as the Director of the National Autistic Society Scotland I quickly started to notice something unexpected. It wasn’t the diversity of the autistic community or the passion of those working to support it, although I was certainly blown away by both. No, it was that I began to notice an increased number of people who were presenting or identifying as not their pre-given gender.

I also began to notice that there were a lot, and I mean a lot, of autistic people as identifying as LGBT+ in our branches and support groups. As a gay man myself I, at first, thought this was just an oversensitivity on my part, that I was just noticing it more or it was just a sign of the wonderfully progressive times. Yet I couldn’t quite shake that what I was seeing was different. So I began to ask questions about it to the autistic people we support and I really had my eyes opened.

One of the most wonderful things about working with autistic people is how open they are, how willing they are to discuss and explore different aspects of the human condition and gender and sexuality were no different. Nick Ward Director National Autistic Society Scotland

The evidence would seem to resolutely back up my observations. In terms of gender identity a study from the Netherlands has identified that about 15% of autistic people identify as Trans or non-binary whereas the percentage among the

general population is comfortable below 5%. Additionally, autism seems to be more prevalent amongst transgender people with an Australian study finding 22.5% of them had been diagnosed as autistic. It isn’t just in gender identity where autistic people appear to be more diverse than the general population with only 30% of autistic people identifying as ‘heterosexual.’ So why is this? From my conversations with autistic people it is something many have considered deeply. Of course we don’t know definitively but experts and autistic people seem to agree that it is something to do with social experience and not conforming to society expectations. In some respects this diversity of gender expression and sexuality may not be different than the rest of society but is in fact a more genuine expression of autistic people’s authentic selves: unlike the rest of us they feel more free to engage with their gender identity and sexuality, to explore it. We should be seeing autistic people and indeed all people with disabilities as part of the beautiful diversity of the LGBT community: people with a really fascinating intersectional set of experiences and unique, enlightening outlooks. At the National Autistic Society Scotland we have recently launched a number of initiatives at supporting LGBT+ autistic people including online

social groups aimed specifically at autistic people over 26 and younger LGBT autistic people. Please reach out to us, sign up and come along. An autistic woman I was speaking to about this said ‘we feel more free just to follow our own paths and aren’t held back by the things that we ‘should’ do.’

I believe that not just the LGBT+ community but the whole of society have a lot to learn from LGBT+ autistic people. Let’s make sure we take the opportunity.

For more information on the National Autistic Society Scotland, please visit their website. See also their social media: Instagram Twitter Facebook

IT’S NOT OFTEN THAT I FEEL SEEN BY BRIAN TYRRELL Brian is a queer and disabled illustrator, writer, and all round creator based in Edinburgh. He runs your favourite local indie publishing imprint, Dungeons on a Dime (doad.co.uk), and you can find his games around the world in all good bookstores.

The conversations I see about folk like me love to revel in the negative: trauma from my childhood, the loss of vital spaces that I need to thrive in society, and a government that repeatedly proves it doesn’t care about me. Mainstream media likes to pity me rather than see me as a real person. They only condescend to focus on stories like mine when they can be commercialised. Talking about being autistic is difficult. I have to decipher my own thoughts about it, skimming the murky waters of shame, anxiety and rage to try and find what I think I believe to be true. There’s no ‘Autism 101’ class in high school. My parents, my colleagues, even other neurodivergent friends are still struggling to find the language to talk about it all. If this feels familiar, it’s because it is. Marginalised communities experience many different, often incomparable problems. However, one common root is an inability to talk about them, and be heard when we do. The spaces where this language would normally sprout and find usage are hard to find and harder to access. What’s worse, when we do create the words we need, they’re often appropriated out of context, and commodified.

Community through Storytelling Since we first had campfires, humans have been telling stories. Communities love to tell stories—they fascinate us. We raise them up as examples (to strive towards or to rally against). We tell them to preserve our history, and to share our skills. Stories can teach us a great deal about what was important to the community that wrote them (or acted, or sang, or filmed them). They help us comprehend things we didn’t think were possible. Lightning and fire, castles in the sky, tablets on spaceships, being reborn into a new body. These things weren’t possible, but then we started telling stories where they were, and they were so inspiring that we had to make them real.

Time and Place When you tell your own story in front of a huge audience, you can feel compelled to redact the messy details. It’s not the same as having a natter in your kitchen with the kettle on when there’s the cold shadow of judgement leering over you. Masking and code-switching are essential; they keep you safe. But they’re also exhausting. So, when

you tell a story in front of a small group of friends— people you trust—it can feel like the world lifting off of your shoulders.

Games, but it’s okay to cry ‘Storytelling games’ are a set of collaborative rules for people to come together and tell a story. You might know them as Roleplaying games, Tabletop games, Dungeons & Dragons, or something like that. Some games use funny looking dice, others use Jenga towers, or a deck of cards, or an Xbox controller. There are some that don’t have any gimmick to them. However, they all tell stories, so I like to call them storytelling games. In these games you play a character, and that character has to face conflict that you have to help solve. These conflicts can range from the fantastical, such as slaying demons, to the utterly mundane, like finding the energy to go shopping after work. When asked to talk about roleplaying games, consistently across all audiences there is one thing in common; how they are talked about. Positive experiences are shared with personal and group pronouns (e.g. I did this amazing thing, we accomplished this task). Failure is explained with secondary pronouns (This character slipped off of a cliff, they messed up). The way players talk about their experiences reflects the hidden benefits of these games. They let you glory in your successes and learn from your mistakes, without the added shame and stigma of messing up in real life.

Mental Gymnastics Lifting weights for the first time is always underwhelming. 20 minutes later and you’re still weak, but much sweatier, your heart is pounding, and there’s a creeping dread that everyone is looking at you. Keep doing it regularly and after a while your burning muscles transmute into something less out of breath (and hopefully stronger). Roleplaying games are the same. Through our characters, we get to practice what it’s like to be the main character of our own story; to be the hero and the villain; to be dramatically in love and casually out of it; to be absolutely normal, and brilliantly different. It’s awkward at first, but through playing we can practice confidence, and then exude that confidence in real life. Pass the Sugar, Please is a game by Clio YunSu Davis where friends and strangers meet at a tea party, only to realise they have previously slept with one or more of the people around the table. The goal is to talk about your partner and their ‘performance’ through the allegory of food,

without revealing who you’re talking about. Part of Honey and Hot Wax, an anthology of sex-related roleplaying games, Pass the Sugar, Please captures the excitement of sexually charged gossip while also refining your subtlety and innuendo. For in our queer community, talking about sex comes easily, while for others it can be intimidating, clunky, and result in real harm when mistakes are made. Games like Pass the Sugar, Please provide the space to understand, practice, and train skills that are a pillar of how we interact with each other.

Different Angles Roleplaying games also help you tell your own story. As a group, players can explore complex social issues with the help of analogy. They can face problems they don’t know how to solve in real life, and find a solution collaboratively. Keeping cool under pressure, supporting one another, managing your priorities—these skills are important whether you’re defending your castle from a dragon or running a queer and inclusive space in the middle of a conservative suburb.

“Seeing queer characters find love, disabled characters defy expectation, and other maginalised backgrounds succeed where the real world pushes them down can reinvigorate players with the energy they need to keep pushing for real change in the world.” The rules of a game can be written to simulate the difficulties we face in real life, and curate our experiences for others to explore. Dominique Dickey’s game, TRIAL, centres on the legal defence of a Bruce Orson, a black man accused of the murder of a white woman. The rules push the players into different positions (such as whether

they believe Orson is innocent or guilty). Even if there is an overwhelming amount of evidence to prove Orson’s innocence, there is still a high chance that he will be convicted and suffer some kind of punishment. As games go, TRIAL’s rules aren’t representative of a fair legal system, but they aren’t meant to be. They help its players explore what it is to be black and specifically oppressed by America’s legal system.

Making Space Roleplaying games don’t have to be coliseums to hone your skills. For many, they’re safe places where you can find comfort amongst like-minded friends. Often, roleplaying games can be played in a series of sessions (like episodes of a TV show) over months, and even years, with the same recurring characters. Over time, these characters grow, and the stories they are involved in inspire joy. Players are understandably invested in these stories, and embellish them with their own hopes and dreams. Commissioning artists to bring these stories to life is common, like the commission I worked on to map out one group’s cottage, built to house the foundfamily in a space that protects and nurtures them. Seeing queer characters find love, disabled characters defy expectation, and other maginalised

backgrounds succeed where the real world pushes them down can reinvigorate players with the energy they need to keep pushing for real change in the world.

Growing strong In many ways, I owe a lot of my social growth to roleplaying games. At a young age, they let me explore what sort of person I wanted to be, in a safer environment where I could learn without the fear of ostracism. As I grew older, they were a way for me to tell the stories I wasn’t seeing around me; of neurodivergent characters who didn’t have to alter or mask who they were to fit in, who were accepted and loved as they are. Now, running a publishing imprint, I have the tools to help other people tell their own stories, and feel seen for the first time.

We’re always looking for creative submissions to feature in the magazine – from photography and artwork to creative writing. If you’re interested in submitting something, contact us: info@s-x.scot

QUEER CREATIVES: MR G JOHNSON Mr G Johnson (Graham) is an illustrator and producer based in Bristol, working in theatre and socially engaged arts. As an illustrator, he has selfpublished comics including Nothing To Be Done, and has produced illustration shows at Tobacco Factory Cafe Bar and Fringe Arts Bath. Much of Mr G’s work is informed by his experiences of being queer and neurodiverse, alongside his research into burnout which he uses as a basis to work towards a healthier cultural sector. As a producer he currently works with Kid Carpet and Trigger, and has previously done work with Watershed, Sleepdogs and Tom Marshman. His broader practice involves directing improvised theatre and running workshops around wellbeing in the arts. This selection of illustrations is taken from Mr G’s ongoing series ‘The Tarot of Cute Squishy Boys’. Mr G’s illustration for the ‘Nine of Cups’ has been featured on the front cover of the magazine. As well as many other creative projects, Mr G’s illustrations for the Tarot series can be found on his website: www.grahammacleodjohnson.com, Social media: @mrgjohnson Twitter Instagram

BEING QUEER AND DISABLED BY RYAN Mc McMULLAN I was born in 1982. Something happened during my birth. My brain was starved of some oxygen and that’s why I’ve cerebral palsy, which is a permanent condition. Cerebral palsy, or ‘CP’, if you’re hip, can affect people in a wide spectrum of ways. For me it affects my speech and my right-hand side. I look and sound pretty disabled. It’s a constant challenge to get others to know me before they jump to conclusions. It can be in people’s nature to be unintentionally patronising and controlling towards disabled people. Therefore, I have a constant inner battle in trying to be understanding of why society is like this and not getting too annoyed. I’m also a gay man, although I like to identify as being queer because I don’t like buying into the toxic cis-male masculinity that’s ever so present in my world. We’ll get to that later. Growing up in Northern Ireland, in a strange Protestant society, there weren’t many gay role models that I was allowed to look up to. I got the impression that we were taught to believe that all gay men were somehow sleazy and full of innuendo. A lot were dying of AIDS and there was real shame about that at the time. I didn’t buy any of this. I knew being gay wasn’t a bad thing. For me it was cool, exciting and edgy. It was a two-fingers up to what I saw, sometimes, as a backwards society. There was no doubt in my mind that one day I was going to be accepted by my peers and society would catch up. Being disabled gave me this perspective. I knew I wasn’t less of a person because I was gay. To be honest I was

probably more hung up about being disabled rather than being gay. I came out in school. The reaction, however, was people thinking I was looking for attention. One particular strong memory I have was being told that I probably enjoyed the rape scene in The Shawshank Reception – which really surprised and hurt me. It still does. That’s where we were at in late ‘90’s in Northern Ireland.

“There was no doubt in my mind that one day I was going to be accepted by my peers and society would catch up.” I came to Edinburgh in the early 2000’s. The scene was great. It took me a while to get engaged in it but it was a great time to be around, with many of the big clubs still happening regularly. It was a far cry from Northern Ireland. I was like any young

horny guy, and did my fair share of experimentation with guys of all forms and sizes. But let’s be honest, many guys saw being with me as something that was wrong and perverse. Also, when in society have we ever seen a physically disabled person as being hot and desirable? There were no role models.

“Using apps I could be another face within the crowd and was able to communicate fully with the power of text.” In saying that, many LGBT+ people have many issues because of the way society has treated them and I shouldn’t have been that hung up about it. I think I wasted my twenties being with an older guy. It wasn’t a particularly healthy relationship, but I think all experiences make you a better person. I used to think that I should be attracted to older guys because they were less picky, because being with someone knowing that you’re making them feel uncomfortable isn’t much of a turn on. I must admit, on reflection, there was an element of not

respecting myself, because I didn’t. There are times when I look back and think that I was a vulnerable person that some guys took advantage off. However, I think deep down, our community is more welcoming and kinder than we think. It can, of course, be shallow and judgemental - we only need to look at the countless guys in pants on our Instagram feeds to know that looks do matter and we’re told who and what is desirable.

I started making art about ten years ago. If I’m honest, it was a way of me trying to make some money, and coming from a family with many artists, this wasn’t much of a surprise. I’d been made redundant and, as a disabled person, there’s only so many job rejections you can take. What I made was not controversial, just pretty cityscapes that I knew I could sell. I did always try to put something in the drawing to suggest that the world is imperfect such as including bins or the word ‘gay’ graffiti’d onto a wall. I don’t make much art at the moment, I don’t have the need to but I do recognise that therapeutic benefit. I met my husband on Grindr at a time when I was beginning to accept my disability and embrace it. Using apps I could be another face within the crowd and was able to communicate fully with the power of text. I subscribe to the social model of disability,

where people are disabled by the barriers that society places in front of them. I’d been meeting loads of guys off the app, with the mixture of feelings of being in control, but probably sometimes out of control. My husband is non-disabled, albeit with just as many issues as the next person. I really struggled at the start of the relationship because I felt inadequate. He was the same age as me and I thought he was much more handsome than me because he was non-disabled. I couldn’t understand why he wanted to be with me. Now I can see, and perhaps I respect myself even more. If you’re reading this and don’t have many or any disabled friends, think on the fact that in Scotland one in five people have a disability. Ask yourself what you can do to make our community more welcoming. What can we do as a society that doesn’t make people polarised? Think about your words and preferences. How can we protect some of our community that might be vulnerable without trying to control them or telling them you know better? Otherwise they’ll resent you and become even more isolated. I have a right hand, which is deformed because my brain over the years told my left hand to be more dominant. For years I used to hide it behind my body in any photographs so that I’d look normal. But now I realise that I’m not. I don’t want to be normal. I want to embrace my body and have no shame. You’re not a pervert if you fancy someone like me. Saying that, however, it’s wrong to see someone like me and see an opportunity to control and use them without their full consent. The community I know has a long way to go but in my heart I know it wants to be even more welcoming and inclusive.

“Ask yourself what you can do to make our community more welcoming. What can we do as a society that doesn’t make people polarised?” Ryan curates his own radio show: The Pavement Radio Website The Pavement Radio Instagram

INTERVIEW: ROSS WILCOCK Ross is based in Glasgow and he is a gay man living with a disability. He is queer poet, film maker, activist, access coordinator and film curator. He has worked with a number of organisations including SQIFF (Scottish Queer International Film Festival), where he has held a number of roles, such as media assistant and film curator. As a film curator, Ross created a strand of films looking at sexuality and disability. Since then, he has been working as an access consultant for SQIFF to make sure LGBT+ spaces are truly accessible to all. What were your experiences like growing up? Being disabled since birth has given me a greater awareness of how wider society treats people living with disability. I was brought up very ‘mainstream’ as I attended a mainstream primary and secondary school, which was a mixed bag as I got some support but it wasn’t always consistent. I had a very supportive family life and I guess you could say a much protected upbringing. I think that was because I was the only one of my siblings with a disability and there were many more barriers I had to face, as well as less opportunities. There seems to be more awareness now and a want to understand the needs of disabled people today, far more than when I was growing up. In school, I was told what I could and couldn’t do, rather than staff asking me what I felt capable of. This has really stuck with me throughout my life. I was actually told by the staff who were supporting me at school that I wouldn’t get very good exam results, but I ended up getting really good results.

“In school, I was told what I could and couldn’t do, rather than staff asking me what I felt capable of.”

During my secondary school years, while dealing with a range of surgeries and health concerns, I realised I was gay. Therefore, I kind of put coming out on the back burner, but I also needed that time to understand my sexuality on my own terms. My coming out story is a bit of a roller coaster, similar to other LGBT+ people. I originally came out as bisexual, as it felt safer even though I knew that I was gay. I regret doing this because now I understand sexuality better, I know that some people are just bisexual and it’s as legitimate a sexuality as any other.

“Being open about your sexuality means you may have to fight some battles and I’ve felt that as well about being disabled.” What’s it like being an out gay man in Scotland? I’ve been out as a gay man for five years and I can say that, living in Scotland, I feel very liberated and free to be open about who I am. Scotland now feels more progressive than other areas, but there is still a long way to go. The LGBT+ community can feel at times too focused on vanity and, being someone living with a physical disability, I have felt that I don’t fit in. When I talk about my sexuality, I’m very proud to be a gay man and what that has meant over the years: community, standing up for who you are and supporting one another. However, apps don’t feel the same, again vanity and being obsessed with your appearance are their main currency, and that can have a profoundly negative impact on your mental and physical health. Being open about your sexuality means you may have to fight some battles and I’ve felt that as well about being disabled. I’m very proud to openly gay and disabled, as both have taught me how to challenge outdated ideas and fight battles to have my story told. I always felt that I had a story or a voice that I wanted to share and I feel this is why recently I’ve started to write a lot of poetry about living with a disability, mental health and sexuality. I’m also happy to say that I’ve recently been published, which was a very validating experience for me and it’s thanks to all the people who came before us that I can feel free able to share my experiences.

What does LGBT History Month mean to you? This month is about celebrating the stories, experiences and lives of those who made Scotland what it is today. There are great things, like the teaching of LGBT history in school, you can be open and free about your sexuality and we’ve got Pride festival popping up all over the country. Nowadays there are also so many more LGBT+ allies. I feel if I were to experience homophobia now people would rally around and support me. LGBT history month is so important because it makes

our experiences more visible, it helps people say “hey, there is someone like me out there”. TV shows like It’s a Sin is starting a much wider conversation about our community and hopefully will increase understanding and act as a reminder to learn from the past. But I want our ideas about what LGBT History is to expand to include all members such as those living with disabilities.

What’s your experience of accessing LGBT+ spaces? When it comes to LGBT+ spaces, I think many say they are for all members of the LBGT+ community but in reality, that’s only half true. Access can be a real problem for LGBT+ people with disabilities, and it’s definitely something I’ve experienced. I’ve heard every excuse under the sun for why they can’t be accessible, but I’d prefer venues being open about not being accessible because it’s better to be clear than have someone feel uncomfortable in that space. When it comes to dating apps, I’m never sure whether or not to disclose my disability. These spaces can be very image focused and my experiences on these apps have had an impact on my health and wellbeing.

What advice would you give to someone who has just come out? Be yourself, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself and just know that it will happen. You’re venturing into a new world and that can be a scary process. By coming out you’ve done something really courageous and it just shows the strength that you already have. Through this process you’ll learn so much about yourself and I hope that people show you kindness and that in return you’ll do that for next generation of people coming out.

“Just know that your struggle is worth it, and it may take time, but you will find yourself.”

To find out more about Ross, please visit his Social Media profiles: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube Ross’s published article for SNACK magazine can be read here.

QUEER CREATIVES: ROSS WILCOCK Lost in lockdown Lost In lockdown I wonder if I’ll ever meet anyone. Wonder why I don’t look like those Instagram models, so I bottle it all up and cry alone. Wonder why I chose now to hide behind a wall I built, when I used to be an open book. I can’t look in the mirror because I don’t see what I want to see, the gays of social media haunt my mind, the six packs and wise cracks. I don’t have anything like that. That crippling feeling of regret when I stepped from the closet into an unwelcoming world, my rainbow was destroyed by a storm and I was left torn and scared. Lost in lockdown I wonder why I am not liked, why am I not followed by some people. Why am I not wanted, not loved, why do I torment myself, why can’t I love myself. I’m scared I come across too much, too insecure, open to another fuck boy waiting for his next conquest. And scared I’ll like being used because it’s better to feel hurt than feel alone. I’m scared of being too much, not enough, being selfish, or too selfless that I forget to look after myself. Lost in lockdown I wonder if I’ll ever fit into that mould, or will be happy, finally, on my own. Am I Lost in lockdown? Or lost in myself?

SUPPORT ORGNISATIONS Scottish Autism is an organisation dedicated to enabling autistic people to lead happy, healthy and fulfilling lives. They provide a wide range of services for autistic adults including day and vocational opportunities, outreach support, and a variety of supported living options. Across their services, they consider how each person thinks, learns and processes information in order to develop a personalised support plan. Scottish Autism also provides support for children and young people aged 5 to 19 through individualised outreach support, respite and short breaks services and education services. They take the time to build up an understanding of each young person, taking into account their processing and thinking style, and maximising their learning potential.

Inclusion Scotland works to make sure that decisions affecting disabled people’s daily lives are informed by their views and lived experience. It’s a ‘Disabled People’s Organisation’ (DPO) – led by disabled people themselves. Together, with their members and supporters, they work for the removal of the barriers to disabled people’s economic, social and civic inclusion, and to promote their rights, choices and voices, as full and equal citizens.

They have a dedicated team of experienced autism advisors who are on hand to give emotional and practical support to families and professionals. Whether it’s signposting to particular services, information on getting a diagnosis or just someone to talk to who understands, they have someone who can help.

What they offer • Policy resources on welfare benefits, health and social care and lots of other issues • Accessible information about new policy initiatives • Opportunities for disabled people and organisations to influence policy • Projects aimed at boosting the employability of disabled people, and increasing their access to politics and elected office • Information about local disabled people’s organisations • Training on topics where they have expertise • A monthly newsletter

Website General Enquiries: Phone: 01259 720044 Email: autism@scottishautism.org

If you’re a disabled person, or work for a DPO, tell Inclusion Scotland about your views and experiences relevant to current policy developments. Website Email: info@inclusionscotland.org Phone: 0131 370 6700 (Typetalk calls welcome)

BOTTOMS UP: ALCOHOL, SEX AND ME

In 2019, we created a new web page, dedicated to personally written articles by gay and bisexual men who have had challenging experiences with alcohol during their life. By creating this page we hope readers, who may also have issues with alcohol, will be able to relate to the events and experiences that the writers have been through. In conjunction with the web page we have also begun a series of podcasts read by the actor, and friend of SX, David Mahoney. David brings to the Bottoms Up project years of acting experience and a very personal interpretation of our contributors’ writing. The current collection of written pieces is available on our website, and the podcasts are available on Soundcloud and iTunes. Here’s a taster...

Bored Games By Walter Lewd

I mistimed my arrival tonight and the place is half empty. I head to the bar while surveying the crowd, one eye scanning for the men I know, the other lingering over the men I don’t. I coyly avoid their glances, never returning their gaze, the expert game-player. I refuse to feel sexualised but my body is not in my control, it is not liberated in this space. It is activated without my consent for the consumption by others. The male gaze dehumanises me. It is a meat tenderiser: pounding, tearing, stripping. A necessary evil I choose to endure.

“Hiya, did we chat online?” I didn’t see him approach from the dance floor. He wears a black wrestling singlet with yellow piping and 14-hole black Doc Marten boots. The singlet is at the limits of its tensile strength and the areas of modesty fabric barely cover any of his flesh. His cock and balls are compressed so tightly they are a walnut below his belly. He is dripping with sweat and his face is fixed with an expression suggesting that he incessantly arrives at his own surprise party.

Walter Lewd is an artist with dyslexia who is interested in queer sexualities, how we represent ourselves online, and the narrative forms of queer stories: how they are told, their myths, anecdotes and contexts. His work blends fact with fiction, queering its narrative. Lewd creates auto-fictional prose, spoken-word performance, photography, collage, painting and installation. Lewd can be found lurking on Instagram.

If you’d like to read other submissions for Bottoms Up you can find them on our website. We’re always looking for submissions – from blog articles or stories to monologues and poems. They can be humorous, serious or anonymous. If you’re interested in submitting a piece for the magazine, or our website, contact us: info@s-x.scot

His eyes are fixed on me as he leans in close. I can smell him. I’m sure some ‘daddy’ told him his natural smell was horny. But probably 5 years ago when he was thinner, fresher and still reeked of youth. He tells me I look exactly like my photograph. This comment throws me as I am careful with what I put out there. I try to be friendly, not inviting but he furtively glances down and up my body. I don’t react. I attempt to keep eye contact, hoping he notices my disinterest. From his neck, a stream of sweat begins to find its way through scant chest hair, between rolling hills of breasts and over the considerable mound of belly. An anaemic landscape of scrub, rivers and hills. It repulses me. “Nae worries, babe”. He saunters away, belly and arse undulating as he moves. I decide to stand equidistant between the dancefloor, the toilets and the bar, a sweet spot for observing the crowd. A specific aroma starts to envelop me and particular memories begin to surface in my mind. I had assumed that poppers had been banished to the bedside cabinet of history and exiled from the dancefloor by ridicule and better pharmacology. It’s like the sickly scent of energy drinks filtering through an open-plan office on a Monday morning. It is not a welcome aroma.

“Hey, did I talk to you online?” Again, lost in my own thoughts

I didn’t see him approach. Confused by the same opening line as before I hesitate. He mirrors me in dress but a different colour shirt distinguishes us. Older and taller with parted peppered hair and a striking long grey beard. I consider lying to him for variety, blundering through a greeting but something is bothering me. Like the prod, prod, prod of morning wood in my back from a slumbering one-night-stand but my morning hangover is kicking in. He lunges closer and through the stale stench of tobacco from his beard I see his teeth, yellow, and his eyes, dead. A shark contemplating its next meal. “You on your own?” He slurs. I lie about a boyfriend on the dancefloor but to be honest, it’s an ineffectual lie in this context. I’d be surprised if he, or any other guy gave a fuck. Monogamy is never presumed and is never a deterrent on this scene. He doesn’t flinch and keeps my gaze. I can see his mind processing the information; considering it, determining its true meaning. Robotically his eyes move away from mine before he slopes away. Thankfully, I’m not worth the effort. I’ve been thrown back. I find it difficult to stand without being jostled by bodies to-ing and fro-ing from the dancefloor. A variety of body types in various states of undress smear past me. The music seems louder and the venue busier. Everyone is happy. I’m out of my depth. I check my phone. No signal. Deep in a swirling crowd, I am on my own. Only alcohol will help. This time I did see him approach. Chatting to his friends he would occasionally look over. I kept his glance. His eye contact unthreatening, or gameplaying, more inquisitive. Not the usual type I would go for but youth trumps category these days. Late 20s, shaven head, dark tight beard, green eyes. But short, very short. A Glaswegian graphic designer working in retail, I would eventually find out.

“Remember me? Didn’t we chat online?” That line

again. As I stare at him wishing for a recollection, a haze of green light begins to illuminate his face. Ah. He starts to talk, it does not stop. A tsunami of information, details and descriptions, come flowing out of him. All his questions he answers himself. I smile, nod and look for an opening. I’ve had a few beers now and I’m in the mood to talk but his

chatter is frantic and continuous. Every detail is critical and important, nothing can be said without impassioned emphasis. Coke? MDMA? Tina? Something… He leans in for a kiss. Our mouths meet and he chews at my lips with the same ferocity as his stream of consciousness. It’s unpleasant but I’m caught off guard and I let him eat me. He pulls back suddenly, telling me he has to be careful. His boyfriend can get jealous. No, not of me, god no. His boyfriend will go off in a huff looking for someone else to snog. I have learned not judge, or even understand, relationships. Couples make up their own rules and codes of agreement that keep them together. Forms of individualism that exist within union. Knowing how I should proceed is another game that is played. A game where the rules are never stated but you learn through mistakes and assurances. How much I am prepared to engage with this game depends a lot on alcohol and desperation. Tonight, not so much.

“Want to hook up sometime?” “Sure, why not...” What?

Why did I just agree to this? Just. Say. No. He gives me his phone, open at contacts. I type in my name and number. With any luck, he’ll forget in the morning. I head to the bar. Three people deep and it’s nearly 3am. -+A Scotch pie is a thing of rare beauty, especially at three in the morning. Standing like a sober oasis, in a sea of swaying drunken men, a table strains under the weight of several trays of freshly baked pastry. The selection is traditional: indistinguishable grey meat or macaroni. Pie in hand, I make my way down the slope onto the Grassmarket where other clubs are emptying their drunken hordes onto the street, singing, screaming, shouting. The echo under South Bridge is deafening. I notice the nostrils flare on men I pass. They stop, silent, momentarily frozen in a lost memory: a Scotch pie for a French madeleine. I am a fox surrounded by hounds with no camouflage to protect me. My aroma, whether flesh in pastry or flesh in clothing, singles me out for challenge. I pick up speed and wolf down the blood temperature pie in the hope I will escape before they emerge from their static stupor.

SEX TOYS FOR DISABLED PEOPLE -A BUYER’S GUIDEWhether it is just for fun, to explore kinks, or express sexuality both disabled and non-disabled people use sex toys for all sorts of reasons. Disabled people may also want to use sex toys to help them achieve sexual pleasure and intimacy in ways they are unable to do without assistance. With so many choices out there however, it can be hard to know what products are right for you. That is why The Pleasure Garden, the UK’s inclusive sex shop, has created this buyers guide for us! First Things First Every person is unique and we all experience sexuality differently. Similarly, each disabled person’s experience of disability is different. Sexuality and disability can be complex to navigate. It takes time to learn about our desires, needs, fantasies and limitations. It is important to remember there is no right or wrong way to have sex and experience sexual pleasure. As long as it is consensual and safe - what gets you off, gets you off! When thinking about buying a sex toy, whether it is your first or your fiftieth, take time to think about: - What do you want to get out of buying a sex toy? Maybe you just want a nice reliable way to achieve an orgasm. Perhaps you want to explore a kink or fetish. Or are you looking for a way to create intimacy with a partner? - What physical considerations do I have? You know how your disability affects you better than anyone. Think about what you need a sex toy to do or what features you would like it to have to meet your needs. Many people think that penetrative sex is the ultimate or even only way to have sex. This is not true! For some people penetrative sex might be difficult or even impossible. This does not mean that

you can’t have a fulfilling sex life. Sex does not have to mean only one thing. It might just take an open mind, a sense of humour and perhaps a few sex toys.

Types of Sex Toy There is a huge variety of sex toys available these days. From cheap and cheerful to high-end luxury there is something to suit almost every desire and budget. For those who are looking to buy their first sex toy, or wanting to try something new here is a quick overview of the most popular types.

Vibrators are the most popular and versatile type of sex toys around. They provide consistent stimulation in a way which hands (or other body parts) can’t. They come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and can be used in lots of different ways all over the body. Not just for vaginas, there are more and more vibrators on the market that are specifically designed for use on the penis such as the Satisfyer Men Wand.

Dildos are non-vibrating toys which are designed for penetration. They also come in a huge variety of shapes ranging from super realistic cocks to fantastical ribbed and curved objects. You can use a dildo on yourself as part of solo play. They are also great if you want to penetrate a partner, but your

Sexuality and disability can be complex to navigate. It takes time to learn about our desires, needs, fantasies and limitations. It is important to remember there is no right or wrong way to have sex and experience sexual pleasure.

anatomy isn’t suited for penetrative sex. Paired with a harness like the SpareParts Deuce, or held in a hand you and your partner can use a dildo to create a very intimate and thrilling experience.

Masturbation Sleeves, like the famous Fleshlight, are sex toys for people with penises. They are flexible sleeves which fit over the penis and are filled with all sorts of ridges and whorls to create exciting sensations. Some sleeves also vibrate, which can be great for people who have limited mobility or motor control as the vibration does the work for you. The Hot Octopus Pulse for example has been designed with accessibility in mind and doesn’t even require an erection to get you off.

Anal Sex Toys, such as butt plugs, anal beads or prostate massagers are designed for anal stimulation. The anus is packed with nerve endings and a lot of people enjoy sexual play with this taboo area of the body. Anal play can offer people a whole new experience to explore. For example, some people who experience loss of sensation in their genitals due to spinal injury may still experience pleasure and even orgasm through anal stimulation.

Position Enhancers may be one of the best sex toys for disabled people who have limited mobility or experience pain or fatigue during sex. Position Enhancers are products which support the body during sex, such as wedge-shaped pillows or padded straps. They can help you to get in to and stay in a comfortable position during sex.

Impact and Sensation Toys include floggers, whips, ticklers and blindfolds. They are not just about causing pain but heightening and exploring with your senses. Objects like feathers, silky fabric or scented oils can be incorporated into sexual play. These can be particularly helpful for disabled people who experience a heightened sense of touch where a toy like a vibrator would be overwhelming.

Restraints such as cuffs, ropes and handcuffs are a fun way to explore trust, power and intimacy in the bedroom. With any sort of bondage play, consent and safety are absolutely key. Always plan for how you can get someone out of a restraint quickly and communicate what your boundaries are. Agree a safe word which can be used to immediately end the activities.

Choosing a Sex Toy Since every person’s experience of disability is different it would be impossible to create a guide that meets everyone’s individual needs. Instead what we have included are our top tips on things to think about when buying sex toys.

Power and Controls If you have a disability which affects motor control in your hands you might want to think about how your sex toy is powered. Battery powered toys tend to be cheaper, but they can be less powerful. Some battery powered sex toys also use small batteries which can be fiddly to insert and replace. If you choose a rechargeable toy, check what type of plug it has. More and more manufacturers are using magnetic charging clips which easily snap into place. These are great if you want to avoid any fiddling about. You might also want to think about how you control the toy while you are using it. Check out the size and placement of any buttons. Some sex toys have quite small buttons which can be tricky to push particularly when you are trying to focus on other things! Alternatively, those with limited reach or motor control, remote controlled sex toys might be for you.

Positioning and Mobility When you are choosing a sex toy, think about how you want to move it against your body. Do you want an insertable toy for prostate stimulation? Do you need it to do the moving, while you lie back and enjoy yourself? Handles, finger loops and grips can make toys easier to hold and move. It is also worth considering the weight of the toy. If you fatigue easily, a heavy sex toy may be more exhausting than exciting. If moving a sex toy with your hands is difficult, can it be used in a different way? For example, would it be comfortable to lie or sit on top of the toy and grind against it (make sure you can also safely get off it again). Some toys have suction cups which let you attach them to a smooth surface. There are also sex toy mounts which are specially designed to hold sex toys for you.

Sensation Some disabilities can result in increased or decreased sensation. If you are thinking about buying a vibrator you might want to consider the strength of the toy and the types of sensations you are looking for. As a rule of thumb battery powered sex toys tend to be less powerful than rechargeable ones and sex toys you plug in to the mains are the most powerful of all. Vibration is also often described as buzzy or rumbly. Buzzy vibration is a lighter, higher frequency surface level sensation. Rumbling vibration tends to be a deeper level vibration which travels more through the body. ‘Rumble’ has become a bit of a buzzword so if you aren’t sure check out independent product reviews to get an unbiased opinion.

All of our senses are important when it comes to sex. Don’t be afraid to explore how scents and sounds can turn you on. Rough and smooth materials, gentle stroking and thudding slaps can all be incorporated. Glass or Metal toys can be gently heated or cooled to create new sensations. These experiences can be arousing for everyone, but may be particularly sensual for those who have sensory loss. A note of caution - if you experience decreased sensation please take care when using powerful toys or impact toys like paddles. Be mindful of your body and watch for signs you could be causing harm you can’t feel.

Still have Questions? For more information on sex toys visit the Pleasure Garden website. The Pleasure Garden are always happy to discuss what sex toys might work for you. If you would like more specific advice, please get in touch with them at info@pleasuregardenshop.co.uk to discuss your needs with their experienced staff. You can also follow them on twitter and instagram @thepgshop.

THE LOWDOWN ON GONORRHOEA Gonorrhoea is one of the most common STIs that men who have sex with men contract. It’s caused by bacteria that live in moist parts of the body, including your mouth, ass and urethra. Although gonorrhoea is very easy to treat, a major concern is that it may become resistant to the antibiotics now available. That’s why it’s important that you get the proper testing, treatment and follow up if you think you have gonorrhoea. How you get it Gonorrhoea is commonly passed on through anal sex without a condom but can also be passed on through sucking, being sucked, rimming, or by sharing sex toys.

Symptoms It’s pretty common to have gonorrhoea without any symptoms, so it is worth getting tested even if you feel fine. Where there are symptoms, you might find a white / yellow discharge from your cock, or more rarely from your throat or ass. You may also have pain when taking a pee, or find yourself peeing more than usual. Other possible symptoms include a sore throat or a pain when having a poo. If gonorrhoea remains untreated it can spread to other parts of the body, resulting in damage to joints, heart valves, your testicles, and the prostate. Untreated gonorrhoea can also increase your chance of becoming infected with HIV.

Testing Testing for gonorrhoea is incredibly straightforward. In most clinics you’ll be asked for a urine sample which is sent off for testing. They’ll also take swabs from your throat and your ass. If you have symptoms (such as discharge from your cock) you’ll need some extra swabs, taken by a clinician, to test if you have an antibiotic-resistant form of gonorrhoea.

Treatment Gonorrhoea is easy to treat, but it’s very important that you get the correct treatment and tests afterwards to make sure the infection has gone. You’ll either be prescribed a one-off dose or short course of antibiotics, usually as an injection plus some tablets. After treatment you’ll be called back for a retest to make sure that you are clear of infection. Some antibiotics offered by online chemists are not fully effective against gonorrhoea, so we recommend checking with a specialist clinic before using these.

Prevention The best way to protect yourself from becoming infected with gonorrhoea is to use a condom for sucking and fucking. Regular sexual health checks are also important and you should get checked out every 3-6 months. To find out more about testing you can visit Chalmers Sexual Health Centre or ROAM Outreach. SX and Waverley Care are currently unable to offer testing services due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Please keep an eye on our social media for updates on when testing will resume.

A SPOTLIGHT ON COMING OUT

One of the biggest decisions any person from the LGBT+ community can make is when, and how, to come out to people they know. For some, it’s something they look forward to embracing. For others, the fear of how people may react can make them feel vulnerable. Some may decide to never open up about their sexuality, or gender identity, because it brings about too many complications in life. One thing is for certain - the only person that should decide when and how to come out is you. Coming out to those closest to you can bring a feeling of confidence and contentment, and a sense of being supported. This may also help you to face some of the other challenges that gay, bisexual and all men who have sex with men face.

It can be a gradual process that happens in stages, beginning with a close friend or relative who you trust, before going on to tell others. It’s also something that you’ll find yourself doing over and over again, whether it’s meeting new friends, changing your job, registering with a doctor and so on. All LGBTI+ identities are protected from discrimination. It is illegal in Scotland to be insulted or attacked because of your sexuality. You can find out more about reporting hate crime here. Our team at SX are here if you want to speak to someone about your sexuality or gender identity, and we can offer support if you are thinking of coming out. Just get in touch.

ANDREW’S STORY LIFE IN A RURAL COMMUNITY Our Health Improvement Coordinator based in Argyll and Bute, Amanda Scott recently had the chance to interview Andrew. In this interview Andrew speaks about his experiences of growing up in rural community and coming out later in life. “I grew up in a rural area and from about the age of 13 I knew was gay. I’m now 59. I worked in bar and, with a handful of customers, there was lots of gay slurs and homophobic language and bullying directed towards me. The drunker they got the worse it got. No one stepped in or stood up for me. I had 20 years of namecalling and hatred directed towards me. It took its toll as I started to have panic attacks and actual spasms in my body. I did have relations with women as I thought that would sort it out, but whenever I suppressed being gay, the feelings came back. I couldn’t even say the word gay. I ran from anything gay. When the bullying started at work, I would feel myself tighten up, or if anything came on the news about gay people, I would start to panic. I lived in terror that my secret would be exposed and this gave the bullies power over me. I decided to become celibate and this continued for 12 years. Eventually I was on anxiety medication but I became a very angry person and would fall out with people. This isn’t really me. I just threw myself into working on my own business but it was challenging as I started having very difficult suicidal thoughts and even came very close to attempting it. I cut social ties with people as I didn’t want to go anywhere, and I wanted to avoid situations where I might be vulnerable. I used to say to myself, you

either come out or you… I thought about how I could kill myself, but in the end, I couldn’t do it. About 3 years ago, a gay couple moved to the village and I started to get friendly with them after a while. I didn’t want to be seen with them at the start, but they were friendly and I liked them. They started to offer a space to talk and would say ‘is there anything you want to talk about?’ They just kept saying this when there was an opportunity. I knew that they knew I was gay but I just couldn’t say it. Eventually, after giving me lots of opportunities, in my own time I did say ‘I am gay’. This couple supported me so much. They have helped me a lot. After I told them, I went to my parent’s graveside and told them. Then I told my family. My brother said ‘I knew you were camp, but Gay? Really’? But he was ok with it. Then I chose 12 close friends to tell. Most friends said ‘we know’, or ‘could have told you that 20 years ago’. My friends helped me put it on a local community Facebook page. The more you tell people the easier it gets! By then end of telling people, I was starting to enjoy myself. If I hadn’t had them to support me, I would still be stuck in that closet and it’s a horrible place to be. But I guess now the genie is out of the bottle.

Now I’m comfortable in my own skin. I hope that no one feels that they have to waste their life the way I did. I wish I had done it years ago”

What advice would you give to someone struggling to come out? My advice to anyone who’s struggling is to find a person that you trust and tell them. Tell people and build on that, tell friends and family. Don’t hide in that closet, stand up and be proud, say who you are! In my village, I’ve had a really positive response. I have maybe lost a couple of friends. I know a few people are uncomfortable with me now. I bring up the subject now, and can try and reassure them. We’d like to give a massive thank you to Andrew for sharing his story. Coming out can be one of the biggest decisions a person from the LGBTI+ community can make. It’s an important life event, representing a time when you feel confident in who you are.

See the dedicated pages on our website for more information about coming out. Or chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot

INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a form of domestic abuse that includes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, or psychological harm by a current, or former, partner or spouse. It is a serious problem that can have long lasting impacts on individuals, families and communities. IPV can include any of the following types of behaviour: - Physical violence is when your partner hurts or tries to hurt you through violent acts such as punching or striking, or using a weapon or implement against you. - Sexual violence is when your partner forces, or attempts to force, you to take part in sex, sexual touching, or even non-physical sexual acts such as sending intimate images when you don’t or cannot consent. - Psychological violence is when your partner uses verbal and non-verbal, communication with the intent to harm you mentally or emotionally, to exert control over you, or both. - Stalking is when your partner exhibits a pattern of giving you repeated and unwanted attention, or contact that can cause fear and alarm. It can also lead to you fearing for your own safety or the safety of someone close to you.

What we do at SX If you have been experiencing IPV, we can help you talk things through and look at your optons at your own pace and on your own terms. We will not force you to discuss anything that feels uncomfortable, and we will never take any action against your partner unless you want us to (or unless you are in serious immediate danger).

Getting Support If you think that you might be experiencing domestic abuse or IPV, you can arrange one-to-one support via the live chat on our website or phone and speak to one of the team on 0131 652 3250. If you would like some information about what to do if you’re experiencing domestic abuse or IPV, The LGBT Domestic Abuse Project has information on their website. The project is run by LGBT Youth Scotland, but this information is designed for LGBTI+ people of all ages.

Reporting IPV to the Police Many gay and bisexual men, and men who have sex with men find it difficult to report domestic abuse to the police. This is often because they fear they will be judged, stigmatised, prejudiced against, that they won’t be believed, or that the issues they face will be misunderstood. Police Scotland are sensitive to the needs of LGBTI+ people experiencing domestic abuse and have specially trained LGBTI+ Liaison Officers all over Scotland. You can report domestic abuse on the Police Scotland website. Alternatively, if you are unsure, you can discuss it with SX first. We can support you through the process and talk to you about options like third party reporting.

Additional Support Abused Men in Scotland (AMIS) Supports male victims of domestic abuse all over Scotland. Rape Crisis Scotland Support to people of all genders and sexual orientations who have experienced sexual violence. Not Your Fault A peer-led support group for men and non-binary people. Fear Free A support service for any man, or LGBTI+ person experiencing domestic abuse.

THE A TO Z OF SX

Earlier this year we began posting the A to Z of SX on our social media. The posts feature tips and advice on a variety of areas from Apps to BDSM to Confidence. Here are a few of our most recent posts.

J is for Judgement You will never be judged when talking to us, in fact, we encourage you to be as open as possible when talking about sex, health and wellbeing. We’re sex positive which means you can talk to us without fear of discrimination, stigma or judgement. How important is it for you to be able to have open discussions with health workers?

L is for law There are many laws when it comes to having sex. To consent you must: - be over the age of 16 - understand what kind of sex you are going to have - form a decision about whether to engage in it - able to communicate your decision - able to withdraw consent

K is for Kissing

It is against the law to share or store naked images of anyone under the age of 18.

When it comes to foreplay and sex, some people prefer not to kiss whilst others enjoy kissing.

So stop and think before sending or requesting a naked image when talking to someone online.

For some it is the ultimate form of intimacy and for others it’s “just a kiss”.

Once you’ve sent a photo, you can’t control who sees it, and it can be sent to others or posted.

Kissing during foreplay can make you feel more connected with your partner.

THE LOWDOWN ON APPS AND SEX GPS apps like Grindr and Scruff are popular among gay and bisexual men, and men who have sex with men. These apps provide a fast, easy way for men to meet for sex, dating and relationships. Whatever you’re using apps for, it’s worth thinking about how you want to come across to other people and what you’re looking for.

Your Profile Picture If you’re going to use a profile picture, make sure it’s a good, clear picture of yourself. Some guys might choose to use an image of nice scenery but that’s unlikely to get you many messages! There are plenty of good reasons, however, why someone might not want to use a photo – maybe they aren’t out or don’t want people to know they’re on apps. Some guys like to have a little small talk first and only send pictures when they feel more comfortable. Don’t write him off, he might be the man of your dreams. Some men will remain faceless but are still looking for ‘right now’. It’s your call but think about safety.

Profile Content Your profile is your opportunity to get across to other guys what you’re looking for – from Mr. Right to Mr. Right Now. If you’re new to apps, you’ll get a good idea of how it works from looking at other guys’ profiles. Be as creative as you want to make your profile stand out and attract the type of guy you’re looking for - try to be clear about what you’re looking for.

I’m Just Not That Into You We all have different tastes in men and sometimes there just isn’t any kind of attraction. If you don’t hear back from someone, maybe he’s just not into you. Try not to take it personally. If the shoe is on the other foot and you’re not interested, try sending a message back. A quick “thanks but you’re not the type of guy I would go for” will ease his disappointment gently and, it’s nice to be nice!

Sharing Pictures Lots of men like to send nude pictures of themselves to potential hook-ups. You should never feel pressured into doing the same - it’s always your choice. Guys often share cock pictures so it’s worth considering what images you put out there, and whether you want people to know it’s you. In Scotland, there is a relatively small scene in most cities so it’s possible you’re chatting to someone who might know you in some form. Unfortunately, not everyone is discreet about their app meets and will share information and images with their friends in the pub. This can be illegal so bear that in mind when you’re sending or receiving pictures.

Negotiating The Sex You Want It’s easy to get caught up in sex chat when you’re on apps and often one thing will lead to another. Chatting online is a great opportunity to talk about consensual and pleasurable sex. You can tell people about what you’re into and what you’re looking for while making clear what you’re not comfortable with. You should mention if you are only interested in safe fun, by saying you “will only fuck with condoms”. Don’t be shy! Always have condoms and lube to hand. Negotiating sex is about the whole hook up. Chat about what you want to do when you get together - are you going to have a drink and a chat first or is it straight to bed? Some guys like to chat first to help relax, while others might answer the door feeling ready to go. Work out who’s going where and make sure you feel comfortable and confident that the person is who he says he is. Don’t be afraid to ask for more

pictures until you’re satisfied he’s your type. If they have the app it’s likely that their smartphone has a camera – so there is no excuse for not sending a clear selfie or two.

It can be nerve-racking going to someone else’s home to meet up, and vice versa, so bear in mind he’s probably feeling the same. The important thing is that you feel safe, and someone knows where you are. If you’ve been drinking or using any substances, don’t drive. You can get a taxi or arrange for him to come to you. Remember, it’s never too late to say no. If you arrive at the door and he’s not the guy you thought he was, you can just walk away or say “sorry you’re not my type”. Never feel pressured into having sex, there are plenty more fish in the sea! If you have the hangover horn, a come down from substances or feeling a little down, you might be tempted to hook up with guys you wouldn’t usually be interested in. Think about it - is it worth just having a wank and waiting until you feel more ‘with it’?

Trans Guys and Gender Identity Most apps now have an option to display to other users how you self-identify in terms of your gender and this usually includes cisgender, transgender, non-binary etc. This is an optional addition to your profile, and can be left out, although many men find it useful to help them select partners. Guys might not use it for a number of reasons. Maybe they don’t identify as trans, prefer to tell people during a chat or wish to deemphasize the trans elements of their identity or profile. Whatever the reason, it’s always your decision whether or not to display your gender identity.

Your profile is your opportunity to get across to other guys what you’re looking for – from Mr. Right to Mr. Right Now.

If you decide to disclose your gender on your profile, you might find that some guys will ask you questions about your identity and your body. While this might present a chance for you to talk about sexual preferences and what turns you on, it can sometimes feel intimidating or inappropriate or you might even end up feeling like an information hub about your experiences. Remember you can always report or block someone if they make you uncomfortable, or if they are inappropriate towards you.

See the dedicated pages on our website for more information about apps and sex. Or chat to us through our website using the live chat service, drop us a message Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot

LISTINGS ABERDEEN Bars Cheerz Bar 2 Exchange St, Aberdeen AB11 6PH 01224 582648 https://www.facebook.com/CheerzNightclub/ Daily 12noon – 2am

DUNDEE Bars Klozet Bar 73-75 Seagate, Dundee DD1 2EH 01382 690403 https://www.facebook.com/klozet.dundee The Salty Dog 9 Crichton St, Dundee DD1 3AP 07580 171426 https://www.facebook.com/The-SaltyDog-110544140566828 Club Nights Pout St Andrew’s St, Dundee DD1 2EX https://www.facebook.com/POUTNightclub Wed-Sun: 9pm-2.30/3pm Sauna Club Kudos 11 Princess St, princess str, Dundee DD4 6BY 01382 522812 https://clubkudos.co.uk/ Daily: 11am/12noon – 10pm/3am

EDINBURGH Bars CC Blooms 23-24 Greenside Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AA 0131 556 9331 ccblooms.co.uk 11am to 3am most days Habana 22 Greenside Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AA 0131 558 1270 https://www.facebook.com/habanaedinburgh 1pm to 1am / (3am seasonal) The Regent Bar 2 Montrose Terrace, Edinburgh EH7 5DL 0131 661 8198 https://theregentbar.co.uk/ Mon-Sat, 12noon – 1am, Sun 12:30pm – 1am

The Street 2b Picardy Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3JT 0131 556 4272 http://thestreetbaredinburgh.co.uk/TheStreet/ Home.html Noon to 1am daily Planet Bar 6 Baxter’s Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AF planetbaredinburgh.co.uk 1pm to 1am daily Club Nights The Church of High Kicks CC Blooms 23-24 Greenside Pl, Edinburgh EH1 3AA 0131 556 9331 ccblooms.co.uk Sundays 6pm to 11pm DILF From website: DILF, the banging house music dance party, hosting regular nights in Glasgow, Edinburgh, Manchester and London: *aimed at men *Proudly trans friendly *Scottish founded Various venues in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Manchester, see updates on social media https://www.facebook.com/DILFuk/ Hot Mess From The List magazine: Queer dance party where the focus is on the music, which is a heady mix of pop classics, obscure synthwave, house, techno and disco from the safe hands of DJ Simonotron. Various venues in Glasgow and Edinburgh, see updates on social media https://twitter.com/hotmessdisco Sauna The Pound 5 Broughton Market, Edinburgh EH3 6NU 0131 477 3567 https://www.thepoundedinburgh.co.uk/ 11am to 11pm daily Shopping Q Store 5 Barony St, Edinburgh EH3 6PD 0131 477 4756 https://www.facebook.com/Qstore.edin/ 11am to 7pm daily (12noon -5pm Sunday)

GLASGOW Bars Delmonicas 68 Virginia St, Glasgow G1 1TX 0141 559 6594 https://www.delmonicas.co.uk/

Speakeasy 10 John St, Glasgow G1 1JQ 0141 553 5851 https://www.speakeasyglasgow.co.uk/ Katie’s Bar 17 John St, Glasgow G1 1HP 0141 237 3030 http://www.glasgow.katiesbar.co.uk/ The Waterloo 306 Argyle St, Glasgow G2 8LY 0141 248 7216 https://waterlooglasgow.wixsite.com/home Underground 6A John St, Glasgow G1 1JQ 0141 553 2456 https://www.facebook.com/UndergroundGlasgo Polo Lounge 84 Wilson St, Glasgow G1 1UZ 0141 559 6593 https://www.pologlasgow.co.uk/ The Riding Room 58 Virginia St, Glasgow G1 1TX 0141 559 6592 https://theridingroom.co.uk/ Merchant Pride 20 Candleriggs, Glasgow G1 1LD 0141 564 1285 https://www.facebook.com/MerchantPride/

Manchester and London: *aimed at men *Proudly trans friendly *Scottish founded Various venues in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Manchester, see updates on social media https://www.facebook.com/DILFuk/

Hot Mess From The List magazine: Queer dance party where the focus is on the music, which is a heady mix of pop classics, obscure synthwave, house, techno and disco from the safe hands of DJ Simonotron. Various venues in Glasgow and Edinburgh, see updates on social media https://twitter.com/hotmessdisco The Flying Duck 142 Renfield St, Glasgow G2 3AU 0141 564 1450 https://www.theflyingduck.org/ Sun – Thur: 12noon - 12am, Fri – Sat: 12noon - 3am Sauna The Pipeworks Metropole House, 5 Metropole Ln, Glasgow G1 4NH 0141 552 5502 https://thepipeworks.com/ Mon - Thurs 10am - 10pm, Fri 10am - Sun 9pm (59hr opening) Shopping Luke & Jack 45 Virginia Street Glasgow G1 1TS 07916 958 652 shop@lukeandjack.co.uk https://www.lukeandjack.co.uk/

The Gallery Bar 101 Brunswick St, Glasgow G1 1TB 0141 552 6310 https://www.facebook.com/MerchantGallery Club Nights AXM 90 Glassford St, Glasgow G1 1UR 0141 552 5761 https://www.facebook.com/axmclubglasgow Thurs-Sun: 11pm to 4am Club X Polo Lounge 84 Wilson St, Glasgow G1 1UZ 0141 559 6593 https://www.pologlasgow.co.uk/club-x/ Mon, We, Fri, Sat: 11pm to 3am. DILF From website: DILF, the banging house music dance party, hosting regular nights in Glasgow, Edinburgh,

All listings are correct at time of printing, however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, please check the company’s websites for opening times. All listings are correct at time of printing. If you run an LGBT+ venue, or event for men, and wish to feature in the listings section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if your listing is incorrect. We do our best to accurately source information but not all venues update their information online. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies. Contact: info@s-x.scot

SUPPORT We are about improving the sex, health and wellbeing of gay and bisexual men, and all men who have sex with men living in Scotland. We are proud to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, and we aim to reflect the diversity of the people we work with. Our ethos at SX is to be sex positive and we strive to improve the physical, sexual and mental health and wellbeing of all men who have sex with men. SX works with cis and trans men, and many other allies across Scotland. SX is part of Waverley Care, a charity which helps people who need support with HIV, hepatitis C and sexual health across Scotland. By being part of Waverley Care, we have benefited from over 30 years of learning and expertise working to reduce new infections, increasing access to testing and challenging the stigma experienced by our communities. If you would like support advice, support or information, get in touch. If you are a health or care professional who would like to make a referral on behalf of a client, please return a referral form to us by email or call. The listings of our partners featured are small representation of the support available. Please see the SERVICE FINDER on our website for further listings in your area. If you run an organisation, support group or work with the men who have sex with men and wish to feature in the Support section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if any listings are incorrect. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies. SX Scotland 1-3 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB Phone: 0131 652 3250 Email: referral@s-x.scot

SX Scotland 6 Ardross Street, Inverness, IV3 5NN Phone: 01463 711 585 Email: referral@s-x.scot

SEXUAL HEALTH ABERDEEN Grampian Sexual Health: Aberdeen Community Health and Care Village, 50 Frederick Street, Aberdeen, AB24 5HY 0345 337 9900 http://www.nhsgrampian.org DUNDEE Men Only Tayside Level 7, South Block, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee, DD2 1UB 01382 425 542 http://www.menonlytayside.com EDINBURGH Chalmers Sexual Health Centre 2A Chalmers Street, Edinburgh, EH3 9ES 0131 536 1070 https://www.lothiansexualhealth.scot ROAM Outreach: M-Test Service Waverley Care, 1 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB 0131 536 1773 / 0777 462 8227 http://www.roam-outreach.com FIFE Sexual Health Fife: Dunfermline Queen Margaret Hospital, Whitefield Road, Dunfermline, KY12 0SU 01592 64 79 79 https://www.nhsfife.org GLASGOW SRP @ Sandyford Central (Clinic for men who have sex with men) 2-6 Sandyford Place, Glasgow, G3 7NB 0141 211 8130 http://www.sandyford.org INVERNESS Highland Sexual Health Zone 14, Clinic 1, Raigmore Hospital, Old Perth Road, Inverness, IV2 3UJ 01463 888300 https://www.highlandsexualhealth.co.uk

COMMUNITY SUPPORT ABERDEEN Positive Mixture Terrence Higgins Trust Scotland, 246 George Street, Aberdeen, AB25 1HN 0845 241 2151 http://www.tht.org.uk LGBT Youth Westburn, 116 Westburn Road, Aberdeen, AB25 2QA https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

DUNDEE LGBT Youth The Shore, 15 Shore Terrace, Dundee, DD1 3DN https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk Diversitay LGBT Group PO BOX 53, DUNDEE, DD1 3YG 01382 20 26 20 contact@diversitay.org.uk EDINBURGH BiScotland LGBT Centre, 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0796 396 0321 http://www.biscotland.org

07020 933 952 www.equality-network.org Scottish Trans 30 Bernard Street, Edinburgh, EH6 6PR 0131 467 6039 https://www.scottishtrans.org Stonewall Scotland Mansfield Traquair Centre, 15 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh EH3 6BB 0131 474 8019 https://www.stonewallscotland.org.uk

MENTAL HEALTH

LGBT Aging LGBT Centre, 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0131 652 3282 http://www.lgbthealth.org.uk

ABERDEEN Mental Health Aberdeen 1 Alford Place, Aberdeen, AB10 1YD 01224 573892 https://www.mha.uk.net

Positive Help First Floor, 139 George Street, Edinburgh, EH2 4JY 0131 558 1122 http://www.positivehelpedinburgh.co.uk

DUNDEE Wellbeing Works 01382 227 288 https://www.wellbeingworksdundee.org.uk

GLASGOW LGBT Youth 30 (3/2) Bell Street, Glasgow, G1 1LG https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

EDINBURGH Edinburgh Crisis Centre Free phone: 0808 801 0414 http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org

BiScotland Glasgow Music Studios, 7-9 Osborne Street, Glasgow, G1 5QN. 0796 396 0321 http://www.biscotland.org

LGBT Health and Wellbeing 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0131 523 1100 https://www.lgbthealth.org.uk

LGBT Network Flat 2/2, 4 Niddrie Square, Glasgow, G42 8QE https://www.lgbtnetwork.eu INVERNESS LGBT Youth Merkinch Partnership, 4 Grant Street, Inverness, IV3 8BL https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

GLASGOW Your Support Your Way Glasgow https://www.yoursupportglasgow.org INVERNESS Birchwood Highland 59 Tomnahurich Street, Inverness, IV3 5DT 01463 236507 https://birchwoodhighland.org.uk

NATIONAL HIV Scotland Suite 2, 27 Beaverhall Road, Edinburgh, EH7 4JE 0131 558 3713 http://www.hivscotland.com

NATIONAL SAMH Brunswick House, 51 Wilson Street, Glasgow, G1 1UZ 0344 800 0550 https://www.samh.org.uk

LGBT Youth Scotland 40 Commercial Street, Edinburgh, EH7 4NQ https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk

Mind https://www.mind.org.uk

Equality Network 30 Bernard Street, Edinburgh, EH6 6PR

Samaritans Phone: 116 123 https://www.samaritans.org

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ABERDEEN Alcohol & Drugs Action 7 Hadden Street, Aberdeen, AB11 6NU 01224 577120 http://www.alcoholanddrugsaction.org.uk DUNDEE We Are With You (Addaction) The Signpost Centre, Lothian Crescent, Dundee DD4 0HU 01382 206888 https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk

SX Scotland are:

Jo Sykes, Senior North and National Services Manager Alastair Rose, SX Manager Christopher Clair-Ward, Health Improvement Coordinator Scott Baxter, Health Improvement Coordinator (Alcohol Harm) Rory Anderson, Project Worker - Prevention (Highland)

Dundee Drug and Alcohol Services Drop in. Wallacetown Health Centre, Lyon Street, Dundee, DD4 6RB. Mon and Thur: 9.15am - 12noon EDINBURGH Edinburgh Alcohol and Drug Partnership Waverley Court, 4 East Market Street, Edinburgh EH8 8BG https://www.edinburghadp.co.uk GLASGOW NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde Alcohol and Drug Recovery Services https://www.nhsggc.org.uk INVERNESS Inverness Alcohol and Drugs Partnership (01463) 704603 http://www.highland-adp.org.uk NATIONAL Drink Aware https://www.drinkaware.co.uk Alcoholics Anonymous https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

SEXUAL, PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE NATIONAL Survivors UK: Male Rape and Sexual Abuse 02035 983 898 https://www.survivorsuk.org Rape Crisis Scotland 08088 01 03 02 https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk Victim Support Scotland 0800 160 1985 https://victimsupport.scot Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage 0800 027 1234 https://sdafmh.org.uk

All listings are correct at time of printing, however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, please check the organisations’ websites for opening times. If you run an LGBT+ venue, or event for men, and wish to feature in the listings section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if your listing is incorrect. We do our best to accurately source information but not all venues update their information online. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies. Contact: info@s-x.scot

THE BARE-BACK INTERVIEW

We decided to get artist and producer Mr G Johnson between the covers to find out what he’s up to during lockdown...

1: Where are you and what’s been keeping you busy these days? I’m Bristol based, and honestly, my producing work has me pretty busy most of the time! Theatre has obviously had to adjust to Covid in all sorts of ways, but I’m working on a primary schools arts education project and a major public performance due do happen this summer, so it’s a busy time for me!

2: What are you listening to? I’m a big nerd - I’ve been listening to the soundtrack to The Outer Wilds a lot lately, a game that means a lot to me for its use of music.

7: Do you have any regrets?

3: When did you first discover your sexuality?

8: Who, or what, inspires you?

Tough question! I was in deep denial through most of school, but probably had some idea. That said, I started to come to terms with my queerness around 17 or 18.

4: What would your biography be called?

I used to have a lot, but more and more I feel like I don’t have the time or energy to regret things.

I try to take inspiration from all sorts of places books, comics, theatre, music, television. There’s so much amazing stuff being made in the world and it would be a shame to ignore any of it. Most of all though I find kindness inspiring, and an activity that takes a lot of strength, especially for marginalised folk who haven’t been shown as much kindness by the outside world.

Tired, grumpy and cuddly.

5: Where’s the most interesting, or embarrassing, place you’ve had sex? I fell in love with Copenhagen when I first visited in 2015. There’s so much going on there, and a wonderful culture.

6: What advice would you give to your younger self? It’ll be ok, with some patience. Even if you find that advice annoying as hell.

9: If you needed to clear your head, where would you go? Just to my sofa to play some games - it helps me relax and look after myself.

10: What message would you give about HIV? Test regularly, and remember U=U. It costs nothing to educate yourself and treat those around you with respect. Remember that kindness is a revolutionary act.

Between The Covers Issue FOUR / March 2021

Articles inside

Andrew's Story: LIfe in a rural community

Being queer and disabled by Ryan McMullan

It’s not often that I feel seen by Brian Tyrrell

Between The Covers: The Diveristy Editon