3
Contributors
welcome!
Editorial Team
Welcome to ‘Between The Covers’, our new digital magazine for gay, bisexual, and all men who have sex with men.
Rachel Hughes Alastair Rose Scott Baxter
Writing Alastair Rose Christopher Ward Rory Anderson Amanda Scott Scott Baxter
Proofing Jennifer Goff Kevin Simpson
Our first issue has been launched during the COVID-19 lockdown, which has brought with it its own set of issues to add to everyday concerns. Since lockdown started, we’ve received many questions from guys about hooking-up, alcohol and drug use, and overall mental wellbeing at this time. So, we’ve put together several articles to answer many of your questions and provide information on where to find support, if needed.
Images
We’re already planning the next edition of ‘Between The Covers’, so if you’d like us to cover a specific topic of interest or interview a member of our community, then get in touch. We are also interested in publishing articles, or showcasing creative projects, produced by you and members of our community.
Unsplash.com Pexels.com Burst.shopify.com
info@s-x.scot
Design Scott Baxter
Between The Covers is created by SX Scotland. Waverley Care, 1-3 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB. Tel: 0131 558 1425
Find us on social media: Facebook: @sxscotland
Scottish Charity Number: SC036500 Registered Company Number: SC253043 Reproduction, in whole or part, is strictly forbidden without permission.
Twitter: @sxscotland
The mention or appearance of any person in the magazine is no indication of their sexual orientation or health status. While content is believed correct, SX Scotland is not responsible for errors or omissions. The views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. SX Scotland recognises the owner’s rights of any material used. SX Scotland does not accept liability for any loss or damage of any material submitted.
Instagram: @sxscotland
Editorial: Times Like These We live in a time where, despite the many difficulties we face from the COVID-19 pandemic, we can come together and defeat not just one virus but two.
For most gay men, HIV has been something we’ve all lived with, whether from being diagnosed and fighting through the early years or losing our loved ones, friends and peers. Our history with HIV is a long one and it has formed how we live, love and feel. Some of us believe HIV is what binds us as a community, while at the same time it leaves us unhappy, discriminated against or stigmatised. Today, thanks to medical science, treatment, prevention strategies and incredible ambassadors in HIV care and prevention, we’re on the verge of doing something very special and creating a world that is free of HIV transmission. While many people are proud of the advancements that have been made, and rightly so, it’s our community that deserves the greatest respect. These are the people who continue to campaign and lead the direction to make change happen. By listening to, and learning from, our community we really do punch above our weight in getting things done. This goes back to the early days of this virus when our friends and lovers, who in many cases were part of trials in the fight for medical treatments and a cure, often suffered immense pain and loss, while being shunned and stigmatised. It’s clear that without the heroics of community activism, we would not be talking about the eradication of HIV transmission. Today, this activism has resulted in the delivery of PrEP, free from the NHS in Scotland, that prevents the transmission of HIV. This means that people who need to access care can do so through our great NHS and dedicated charities. We also see our community shouting about being ‘undetectable’ and not passing on
the virus through sex. Our community did this, side by side, with the incredible people who work in gay men’s health, medicine and care.
By listening to, and learning from, our community we really do punch above our weight in getting things done There’s still much to do, however, in respect of completely stopping HIV transmission. This is where you come in! If you don’t know your HIV status, get tested. SX and the Waverley Care family, along with HIV Scotland, have made testing more accessible than ever before. You can get a test kit free of charge, delivered discreetly to your door, that you can use to test yourself. By getting tested, you’ll know your status and, if you’re diagnosed, get treatment to make you ‘undetectable’. This will mean your life can be as healthy as everyone else’s, and importantly, you’ll not pass on the virus through sex. Getting a test is now more important than ever to enable us all to end the transmission of HIV. To find out more and to order your HIV test kit, visit:
www.hivtest.scot
5
CONTENTS Welcome p3 Editorial: Times Like These p4 Opinion Piece: #stayhome #haveawank #savelives p6-7 Sexual Health Testing and COVID-19 p8-9 Life Under Lockdown p10-13 Drinking at Home During Lockdown p14-15 Key Message: Mental Health p16 Mindfulness and Bodyfulness p16-17 Toy of the Month: Dildos and Vibrators p18-19 HIV Self Test: www.hivtest.scot p20-21 Support Services p22-24
p8
p14
The A to Z of SX p25
p18
OPINION PIECE: #STAYATHOME #HAVEAW The lockdown period, during the Coronavirus pandemic, has affected the regular sex lives of a lot of guys. In our community we hook up for many different reasons – intimacy, loneliness, boredom, fun. The lockdown has put on hold the opportunities to have sex with people living in other households or strangers. So, we’ve put together some information and answers to frequently asked questions about sex and how to stay safe right now. Why can’t I hook up? In normal circumstances, we wouldn’t tell you not to meet guys for sex. Sadly, COVID-19 has impacted the way we live our lives on many fronts and hooking up is one of these. Organisations and services like SX are asking guys to help stop the spread of COVID-19 by not having sex with those outside the same household. This is because COVID-19 can be easily transmitted through sex with physical contact. We understand that sex is important for many of us, and we fundamentally believe that we should be positive about the sex we have, however currently we want to make sure that you, and the guys we have sex with, are as safe as possible.
Do condoms stop the spread of COVID-19? No. COVID-19 can be spread through the air as well as touch, so that is why the government recommends you keep at least 2 meters away from
other people outside of your house. So, condoms will not prevent the spread of COVID-19 because you will be exposed to the virus in the air and through touch. However, they are a great way to reduce the risk of sexual infections.
Is having sex with guys in my household ok? It depends. As long as it is with someone you would normally have sex with, for example your partner or a close friend, and it’s consensual. What we are saying just now is stop hooking up with guys you don’t live with to help stop the spread of the infection.
If you live with your partner, you can have sex as often as you like What about my boyfriend / partner? If you live with your partner you can have sex as often as you like, and it’s a good way to help reduce anxiety and stress of the current situation. If your partner doesn’t currently live with you, you’re being asked not to have sex or have close physical contact with them. We know this is hard, but it will help stop the spread of COVID-19.
I’m horny what do I do? Ok, so you will be horny at times. The good thing is we can still do stuff to get off. We are asking you to avoid physical hook ups, but you can do a lot online: Masturbate!; have horny chats with guys online; talk about your fantasies and the things that turn you on. Some apps allow you to share images, or video chat, which lets you to see the person you are talking to. Keep in mind when you share images online they are out there and it’s difficult to then have control over what happens to them. Make sure you are comfortable with whom you share images or video with.
One more thing… Remember that if it’s illegal in everyday life, it’s illegal online. Never share images with someone who is, or you suspect might be, under 18. Or if YOU are under 18.
7
WANK # #SAVELIVES SAVELIVES
Chemsex We know some guys use drugs when having sex and we are currently asking guys not to meet up outside their home. We understand this is difficult if you use chems regularly. So if you’re finding this time hard then the first thing to do is be kind and love yourself. Spend some time doing things you haven’t had the time to do for a long time, like reading, baking or doing some exercise. If you want to use chems on your own at home, or with someone online, be aware that this can be dangerous as you significantly increase the risk of overdosing. If you’re taking GHB or GBL routinely, then stopping suddenly can be fatal. Get advice from your local drug agency or gay men’s health service.
Be kind and love yourself
I’ve slipped up and need to access PEP (Post Exposure Prophylaxis) If you think you‘ve been exposed to HIV, then accessing PEP treatment is medically urgent. You should do this within 72 hours, ideally within the first 24 hours, of possible exposure. To do this, go to your nearest Accident and Emergency department or contact your local sexual health service as soon as possible. You do not need to worry about getting into trouble as accessing medical treatment is permitted during the COVID-19 restrictions.
See our website for more information on COVID-19, Chemsex or PEP. You can also chat to us on our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot
SEXUAL HEALTH TESTING AND COVID-19 COVID-19 has changed the way do things in just about every aspect of our lives. This is also true in respect of sexual health testing in Scotland. Here are answers to some frequently asked questions to help you decide if you need to seek support from a sexual health clinic. Can I get routinely tested? Although we advocate regular sexual health screening, testing services are currently adapting to reducing the impact of COVID-19 on our communities. This means the majority of services have changed the way you can access them. Sexual health services aren’t closed, but in many cases, they’re assessing who they see and whether you need to attend the service just now or if you can wait for a few more weeks until the worst of COVID-19 has passed.
I think I have symptoms If you think you have symptoms, such as discharge from your penis or pain and irritation around your genitals or ass, then you should contact your local sexual health service who will advise you on what to do next. It’s important to do this as symptoms can mean you have an infection, and this is something that might need to be treated. Your sexual health service will advise you further as this may be an urgent clinical issue that needs attention.
I have been sexually assaulted, what I can do? If you’ve been sexually assaulted then you should access support as soon as possible. Sexual health clinics will want to hear from you and can offer you support. If you need help outside of routine clinical
and service opening times, then contact NHS 24. It’s important to do this as soon as possible as there are things that might need to be done immediately. Most NHS boards have specialised sexual assault services where specially trained workers will support you through the next steps.
There is no reason to stop taking your HIV meds during the COVID-19 pandemic I’m on PrEP, what do I need to think about? Some guys, who have stopped meeting other guys for sex during lockdown have stopped taking PrEP for the time being. It’s worth bearing in mind though, if you’re likely to have sex, and have stopped taking PrEP, then you may be at risk of contracting HIV. Consider event-based dosing of PrEP or use condoms. However, if your partner is undetectable, they cannot pass on the virus to you though sex.
9
A lot of guys are wondering about their sexual health and kidney function check-ups at the moment. Most sexual health services will have been, or will be, in contact with you to advise you on your next steps. If your appointment is soon, and you haven’t heard anything, get in touch with them directly.
What is event-based dosing? Event-based dosing is where you take PrEP over the period you’re having sex. It’s important to make sure you manage your doses correctly as missing out on even one dose can make PrEP less effective and reduce your protection from contracting HIV.
Staying Undetectable If you have HIV, continue to take your medication as prescribed by your care team. There is no reason to stop taking your meds during the COVID-19 pandemic. Keeping yourself healthy during this time and remaining undetectable will help you if you become infected with COVID-19. Again, your clinic should be in touch or will get in touch with you about your appointments. However, if you are worried, get in contact with them directly.
I need to access PEP PEP is HIV treatment that can prevent you from becoming HIV positive. For it to work you need to act quickly after any potential exposure to HIV. Ideally, you need to do this within 24 hours but no later than 72 hours after exposure. If you think PEP is for you, then you should contact your local sexual health service. For an out-of-hours service contact NHS 24 or go to your nearest Accident and Emergency department.
See our website for more information on STIs, PrEP, PEP and U=U. You can also chat to us on our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot
LIFE UNDER LOCKDOWN: SEX, DRUGS AND SELF CO Our daily lives have changed quite a bit in recent weeks. The challenges of COVID-19 are affecting all of us in different ways. In particular, we are not able to meet guys for sex, or even a face-to-face chat, like we used to. Although these changes are temporary, many of us will need help with our wellbeing, the lack of sexual contact and coming off drugs during lockdown.
Wellbeing During this time, we must reach out and listen to one another and make sure everyone feels supported. It’s important to remember how much good a conversation can do for yourself or others. Here’s a few tips to deal with isolation. Ž Get organised. Set an alarm for getting up and write down tasks you want to do during the day to give you a sense of purpose. Make sure to put in some time to rest. Ž No news is good news. Choose a specific time to read of view the news each day. Constant headlines rolling across a screen can lead to feelings of anxiety. Ž Don’t get baked. Leave the baking to banana bread! Drugs and alcohol can increase instances of feeling low. In some cases they can weaken your immune system.
Ž It’s good to talk. Reach out to someone you trust or speak to us through the live webchat on our website.
We encourage you not to meet guys for sex Sex COVID-19 is impacting on how we can interact with people in our lives. Guidance from the Scottish Government states we should stay home to reduce the spread of the virus. This includes meeting new guys and previous partners. We encourage you not to meet people for sex. COVID-19 is easily transmitted through activities involving sex, such as kissing and foreplay. You can’t tell if someone
11
ONTROL
has the virus just by looking at them, and many people won’t know they have it. Please remember the pressure the NHS is under and that sexual health testing is extremely limited. Make sure you’re using protection, if necessary. If you’re living with your sexual partner, however, you can carry on as normal. Social distancing is essential right now, so start thinking about sex differently. That means thinking about how to turn yourself on, exploring your own body or connecting with guys through cam (camera) sex. Also rethink what you know about wanking. Masturbation can sometimes feel like a means to an end, but now is the time to try something new. Here are some tips to try to change how you experience wanking.
Ž Location: Create your own little escape room. In the bathroom run a bath and create a relaxing environment. In the bedroom dim the lights and light a candle, put on some relaxing music to create the right atmosphere. Ž Time: Take time to work up your arousal and enjoy exploring your body. Get to the edge! Wank as normal then stop when you feel you’re about to cum. Relax and start again. Ž Slide play: Try different types of lube that create different sensations. There’s also a lot of masturbation aids like sleeves, dildo’s and vibration toys. Ž Know your body: Take time to learn more about your body. If you have a penis, explore how it feels to be touched around the sensitive parts. Play with your ass to stimulate your prostate and provide more intense pleasure. Ž All men wank: Not all men have penises,
though, but masturbation is a great way to feel confident about your body. Trans guys may be taking testosterone, which can alter the proportions of your front hole, leading to changes in sensation and sensitivity. Whatever body parts you have, masturbation is a great way to connect with your body.
Only sex with other guys will do it? Phone sex and camsex is real sex. Touch is a powerful thing, but so are human voices and images of other guys. That’s why porn is so popular. Grindr has launched a campaign called ‘Isolated But Not Alone’, which allows you to talk to guys all over the world to explore your fantasies. But remember when it comes to cams, approach websites and strangers with caution, nothing is guaranteed to stay private. Here are some tips for enjoying sex online: Ž Sound. A microphone is very important to get turned on. This means you and your partner can respond to one another and get that feeling of intimacy. Ž Build it up. Apply your ideas of foreplay and teasing to the online world. This will build the anticipation of what’s to come. Ž Be safe. If you’re not in a trusted relationship, or think the person you are chatting to might screenshot your images, don’t engage with them online. Also remember to make sure the person you’re speaking to is over the age of consent where they live. Ž Roleplay. You can use outfits, stories, and scenarios to live out a fantasy. Camsex can be a new and exciting time to explore your body and your fantasies. If you want to chat about any of our tips, speak to us through the live webchat on our website.
Life without chemsex can have a big impact on your mental health Chemsex With lockdown we’ve become aware of some changes in the chems available and their quality. If you source chems during this time, they may be different to what you are used to getting, including being cut differently. Our colleagues at Crew have useful information on this and implications of the COVID-19 on drugs here.
You should also consider: Ž Don’t hook up. Not having sex with strangers protects yourself, and the guys you meet, from being exposed to the virus. Ž Stopping will not be easy. Withdrawal is your body getting used to not having chems inside it. Withdrawal may last a few days to a few weeks. You might feel confused, anxious, depressed, or all over the place. You might have intense cravings for both chems and the sex you were having. This is normal. You can also experience flu-like symptoms, headaches, aches and pains. In extreme cases people may have seizures. Stopping GHB/GBL or benzos can be dangerous so speak with your GP or local drug support service to get through it safely. In an emergency dial 999.
Allow yourself time to focus on other ways to manage your worries safely
Ž It’s okay not to be okay. Life without chemsex can have a big impact on your mental health. You might feel a sense of loss when you stop having chemsex, so remember to reach out for support if you need it. More information about mental health and COVID-19 can be found on our website. Ž Connect! Stay connected with people by phone or online. Talk with friends, chat with guys on apps and even have camsex. If you have existing mental health problems, it might feel worse when you are not on chems. Again, it’s normal to feel this way. However, if you think you are at risk of suicide, or might harm yourself, call 999 to speak to someone. Breathing Space and the Samaritans can also help. Allow yourself time to focus on other ways to manage your worries safely.
Learn to love yourself Let’s be honest, we’re going to be spending a lot of time with ourselves as company. Times like these are an opportunity to get to know yourself a bit better, like what helps you take care of yourself and feel good, especially when coming off chems. Here’s some tips to get you started: Ž Get plenty of rest: Head to bed early if you need
Ž Ž Ž
Ž
it. You’ll be tired during the first days coming off chems. Eat healthily: Have a balanced diet, but sometimes treat yourself because you deserve it. Exercise: Even though we can’t get out as much as we’d like, some exercise can help reduce stress and improve wellbeing. Masturbation: Because we are not physically hooking up with guys right now, spend time getting to know what arouses you. This is a great way to start loving yourself again. Remember, you can still chat online and have camsex, just make sure you’re aware of the risks, and the laws, regarding sex online. Find a hobby: Do something you’ve always wanted to do but not had the time. There are now lots of free classes online, spend some time googling and try something new.
13
What if you’re struggling? If you’re struggling with chemsex, reach out – it’s okay to not be okay. See our dedicated web pages for more information or chat to us on our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot We’re here to support you through it.
See our dedicated web pages for more information or chat to us online...
DRINKING AT HOME DURING CKDOWN LO For many of us, alcohol is a big part of our culture. However, some of us are drinking larger quantities, or more frequently, during the COVID-19 lockdown. Here are some suggestions to help you keep an eye on your drinking during this period.
Count and Measure
Eat
At home it’s easy to forget how much we’re drinking because of generous measures, or simply not getting our wallet out to pay for them. A handwritten note or a fresh glass for each drink can help record how much you’re drinking. If you’re going to measure how many drinks you have, try and be accurate. You can find out more about unit measures at Drink Aware
Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Eating is not cheating! Eating can reduce your craving for alcohol. This isn’t true for everyone, but if eating does reduce your craving for a drink, make sure you eat a meal before you drink.
Space and Pace Space out alcoholic drinks by alternating with nonalcoholic drinks or water. You can also try sipping your drink more slowly or only having one drink an hour. No matter how much you drink, it’s always a good idea to drink plenty of water. Water can reduce the effect alcohol has on your body and lessen the chance of a hangover the next day.
If you get horny after a few drinks, try and avoid apps and have a wank instead...
No Hook-ups You might find it easier to talk to guys online after a couple of drinks. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, but it can also lead to making choices you might not usually make. We are currently in lockdown, and that means not having any unnecessary contact with other guys. This includes hook-ups! If you get horny after a few drinks, try and avoid apps and have a wank instead to let the urge pass. It will keep you and others safe.
The Morning After If you’re hungover the next day, make sure you drink plenty of water and eat something as soon as you can. Coffee might sound good, but it’ll leave you dehydrated. If you’re getting regular hangovers, you might be drinking too much, or too often. Consider reducing the number of times you drink during the week or the amount you consume.
Alternatives
15
Get on your bike! If your drinking has increased, try substituting it with other activities during times when you might usually drink. Begin a home exercise program, video chat to friends, or try activities with people you are isolated with. Find something that you enjoy, and will stick at, to occupy the time when you might consider drinking.
One more thing... Reducing the amount of alcohol you drink can help lower your blood pressure, reduce your diabetes risk, lower your cholesterol, and reduce the possibility of cancer. It can also help you save money, get a better night’s sleep and give you more energy.
If you’re getting regular hangovers, you might be drinking too much, or too often Support If you find that you can’t cut down, it might be time to look at your relationship with alcohol and get help to work on it. You can contact us at info@s-x. scot for support or speak to your GP. You can also check out Drink Aware for advice and support.
AVERAGE UNITS OF ALCOHOL
KEY MESSAGE: MENTAL HEALTH As gay and bisexual men, and men who have sex with men, we face a number of health inequalities, including lots of evidence indicating poor mental health. At some point in our lives, more than half of gay and bisexual men will experience some form of mental ill health, such as anxiety and depression. At the same time, we experience higher rates of suicidal thoughts and harmful drug and alcohol use.
Our experiences of mental health are closely linked to the challenges we face as a community, from experience of homophobia and discrimination, to accepting our own identity and the pressure to conform to our society. Despite the fact that mental health issues are so common in our communities, many of us find it difficult to talk about mental health or feel ashamed and stigmatised for doing so. At SX we want that to change. We want to open discussions around mental health and remind each other that it’s ok not to be ok. Check out the dedicated pages on our website to find out more about depression, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, mental health and HIV and getting help.
MINDFULNESS+BODYFULNESS Mindfulness is a popular, and proven, meditation method that can reduce anxiety, help to balance moods, and improve wellbeing. It has been used for thousands of years in many cultures but has gained its current acceptance as a simple breathing technique which can calm the mind and control difficult and negative feelings.
By becoming present and grounded with awareness, we can move focus from the critical and self-judging self-talk, that is often playing in the background of our minds and move to developing an authentic loving and accepting relationship with ourselves. This is a relationship free of the pressures of outside forces of culture or society, which place abstract ideals of how we should be, how we should look, how we should act, who we should love and how we should love. Our bodies can be a battleground for many of us, but by becoming aware of the judgement and pain that we might be holding within can be the first steps into health and healing as long as we develop a kind, compassionate and accepting attitude towards ourselves.
Mindfulness helps you become aware of the thoughts and sensations that you are experiencing moment to moment without becoming caught up in your thinking or overwhelmed by emotions. The aim is not to stop thoughts, but rather to become less reactive to their influence so the thoughts and feelings pass by and dissolve.
Some methods of mindfulness use repeating mantras, focusing quietly on a candle flame, mindful walking, or mindful sex, but they all have in common an influence on a part of the brain that is connected to body awareness sensations. This happens through the vagus nerve, which means ‘wandering’ in Latin. It wanders from the brain to the
The Vagus Nerve
colon and branches off to the heart and plays a vital role in our wellbeing.
The aim is not to stop thoughts, but rather to become less reactive to their influence By relaxing the face, forehead, jaw, scalp, and by breathing deeply, a message is sent to the body telling it to relax. The relaxed body then sends a message back to the brain telling us we are safe, and can be peaceful, playful and present. This nonverbal message is also communicated to those around us by our body language and subtle visual cues. Not only does the vagus nerve have an impact on blood pressure and inflammation, responsible for many health conditions, but when the body is not under stress, brain connections can grow in the areas that are responsible for awareness, compassion and thoughtful judgment. These changes happen almost immediately.
Make it R.A.I.N. Tara Brach is a mindfulness teacher with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology who has developed the R.A.I.N. practice which can be helpful in dealing with difficult emotions, thoughts or feelings, and emphasises the development of self-kindness: Recognise what is happening; Allow the experience to be there, just as it is; Investigate with interest and care; Nurture with self-compassion; There is a 30min practice that you can follow on Tara’s website. Similarly, Alistair Appleton is a mindfulness teacher who takes a somatic, or body-based approach. Alastair and his husband, a yoga teacher, have been offering free online mindfulness meditation and yoga sessions during the lockdown period. From their website you can attend Zoom practice sessions and access podcasts and information about courses they lead, which have included the somatic path through pain and anxiety, LGBT shame and trauma, and embodied loving. Lama Rod Owens, a queer, black, American Tibetan Buddhist teacher, explores issues such as sexuality, race and anger in his teachings. He leads some gentle 10 minute practices on his Instagram page that can help start the day, or night.
17
If, like many people, you are finding that these are difficult times, then the techniques offered by The Centre for Mind-Body Medicine may be useful to you. The Centre addresses population wide psychological trauma and has worked in areas such as Gaza, Haiti, and Kosovo. The founder, Dr James Gordon, strongly advocates mindfulness and other simple techniques, such ‘soft belly breathing’: breath in through the nose saying to yourself ‘soft’, then breath out through the mouth saying ‘belly’. Although deceptively simple, this technique, if practiced for 10 minutes a day, is a powerful exercise with many benefits. Dr Gordon explains more on the website where he shares other selfcare techniques, such as Shaking and Dancing (expressive meditation), mindful eating, wise guide imagery, and information on how to put together a Self-Care Plan. When we start to venture outside, after restrictions are relaxed, and meet up with friends or take our daily exercise, it is worth considering the words of peace activist and Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hahn who implores:
“Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it. Go home and be there for all these things”
See the dedicated pages on our website for more information on mental health or wellbeing. Or chat to us on our website using the live chat service, drop us a message on Grindr or Scruff, or email us: info@s-x.scot
TOY OF THE MONTH: DILDOS AND VIBRATORS Dildos and vibrators can be fun, exciting and pleasurable. They can be used to get to literally know the ins and outs of your body! They come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colours, and can be used for lots of different methods of enjoyment. We’ve delved deep into the world of dildos to bring you a brief guide to some do’s and don’ts when it comes to anal fun. Warning! Make sure that you’re in a safe place where you’re not going to be disturbed, can relax, unwind and feel at total ease before you start experimenting.
Always get it wet! Depending on the toy you’re using will demand what type of lubrication you are going to need. If you bought your toy from a reputable shop, your toy will likely come with instructions and advice on which lube is best to use. However, some people prefer to spit on their toy, cock or their fingers for masturbation and/or anal play.
Water-based Lube Water-based lube is the most popular lube and widely available. You can pick it up for free, in Scotland, from most sexual health clinics, sexual health charities, gay bars and clubs, saunas, and GP’s or chemists. Water-based lube is usually either a clear gel or white creamy consistency. Importantly, it can be used with latex condoms. You can also buy a variety of different types of lube from chemists or supermarkets. There will be some lubes you prefer to others - almost like choosing your favourite toothpaste.
Silicone-based Lube Silicone-based lube tends to be expensive. Manufacturers claim that it is much more slippery than water-based lube and that it can also be used with latex condoms. However, it’s advised not to use silicone lube with silicone toys as the lube can break down the material over time. Furthermore, silicon-based lubes can stain fabrics, such as clothing or bedsheets.
...it’s advised not to use silicone lube with silicone toys as the lube can break down the material... Oil-based Lube Oil-based lube is probably the most difficult to find. However, it is available in sex toy shops and online. It CANNOT be used with latex condoms as the oil weakens the latex which can cause problems, such as the condom breaking. Oil-based lube is generally preferred when it comes to fisting, as it gives plenty lubrication to allow larger things to slide in.
Saliva (spit) Saliva can also be used as lube, however it will not give as much lubrication as any of the types mentioned above. Some people find spitting a real turn on whilst others find it a real turn off. To sum up, experiment with different lubes to find what is best for you, and your partner if you’re not playing solo. If you’re sharing toys, use fresh condoms with either water-based or silicone-based lube to prevent contracting an STI.
Taking a test drive Finding which toy that will work for you can be fun,
but expensive if you don’t know! Knowing what you want from a toy is a good place to start! If you like getting fucked, a dildo or prostate stimulator could be a good shout. If you’re trying anal sex for the first time, a butt plug could be a better option, you can buy trainer sets which come in different sizes.
Dildos and Vibrators Both of these options have the same outcome, which is to simulate you getting fucked. Vibrators are usually battery, USB or mains powered and can give an intense pulsation through your ass to help you cum. Dildos tend not to have any pulsation and have more of a ‘real’ feeling. Dildos and vibrator come in a variety of different materials, from plastic to silicone or even glass. Knowing which one is for you may take some time and may end up costing you, but it will be worth it when you find the right one. Both types of toy come in different sizes, from small to extra ‘extra’ large! You may think that it’s horny to try a large size, but if you haven’t had much anal sex before, or been penetrated by a large cock, it may be difficult or painful for you to take it.
Butt Plugs Similar to dildos, butt plugs come in lots of different sizes and shapes. They’re a great way to try anal sex if you haven’t been a bottom before. We suggest starting small and working your way up! You can buy sets of butt plugs that give you a number of different sizes in one pack. This means you can experiment with different sizes and get to know your limits on how large you can take. Many guys also use butt plugs to stretch their ass open before getting fucked or they put it in afterwards to keep it open. Sometimes guys leave them in for long periods of time to feel the sensation. It’s all down to personal preference on how you use them.
19
Knowing which one is for you may take some time..., but it will be worth it... Prostate Massagers If you’re looking for the ultimate orgasm, a prostate massager is what you need! They are often shaped like the letter U to help stimulate your prostate from inside and the outside of your body. They are generally powered by a mini vibrator called a ‘bullet’ that is battery operated with different pulse settings. The prostate gland is extremely sensitive and when being stimulated with a toy can lead to more intense orgasms.
Fists and other insertable toys When it comes to sex toys or anal play, your options are endless. From rubber fists (swan necks) and inflatable balloons to alien egg-laying rubber penises, you will find something to suit you. It’s advisable, however, not to start with something too intimidating. With plenty of practice, though, you will be able to take larger things quite quickly! If you have an unpleasant experience, don’t let it put you off. Try other types of dildo, use different lubes and most importantly relax and have fun! For more information on how to use toys safely, or how to maximise pleasure, retailers will have details on their website. There is also information in the Good Sex Guide on our website.
NEW TESTING SERVICE: HIV SELF TEST SCOTLAND Lockdown has provided us with the opportunity to develop a new national selftesting service, giving you a free, quick and easy way of getting a HIV test at home. If you order a HIV test, you’ll get it through the post. Your test is confidential and will be posted in discreet packaging. You will also get dedicated support with your test, regardless of the result. ‘HIV Self Test Scotland’ is operated by HIV Scotland and Waverley Care. HIV Scotland is the national HIV policy, campaigning and advocacy charity in Scotland. Waverley Care helps people who need support with HIV, hepatitis C and sexual health across Scotland. The project is overseen by a Clinical Advisory Group, making sure the service is provided safely, and in line with NHS guidance.
What is a HIV self-test? A HIV self-test is a simple, finger prick test you can take by yourself at home. It uses a spot of blood to find out if you have been exposed to HIV. A HIV self-test looks for HIV antibodies in the spot of blood. Antibodies are your body’s natural reaction to infections, as your immune system tries to defend your body. That means a HIV self-test works by finding out if HIV antibodies are in your blood. We use the BioSure HIV Self Test because it is a proven way of diagnosing HIV. It is 99.7% accurate at finding HIV, and 99.9% accurate at giving a negative test result.
If you get a positive result from a HIV self-test, the result will be confirmed by a blood test at your local sexual health clinic. Every BioSure HIV Self Test comes with instructions in English. But if you have any questions about using the test, use the chat app on the website to talk with our live chat advisors from 9am – 5pm, Monday to Friday. If you send us a message outside these times, we’ll get back to you on the next working day.
The HIV Self Test gives you a result in 15 minutes You can also get BioSure HIV Self Test instructions in: French, German, Italian, Spanish, Brazilian Portuguese and Chinese.
Why get a test? There are lots of reasons to get tested, from
21
D
knowing your status to being able to take care of your health. Getting tested means you can find out if you have HIV and get HIV treatment if you need it. HIV treatment is now so effective, that you can live a long and healthy life like anyone else. If you have HIV and are taking your HIV treatment as prescribed by your doctor, the amount of HIV in your blood (also called your ‘viral load’) can be reduced to such low levels that it can’t be found (in other words, it becomes ‘undetectable’). When this happens, you can no longer pass HIV on through sex (in other words, it becomes ‘untransmittable’). That means by knowing your HIV status, you can get treatment and move on with your life.
HIV is also passed on through: Sharing sex toys with someone who is living with HIV but is not on treatment, from mother to baby, before or during birth or by breastfeeding or through needle stick injury (although this is extremely rare)
HIV is NOT passed on through: Spitting, kissing or hugging, being bitten, contact with unbroken skin, being sneezed on, sharing towels, blankets, mugs or cutlery, using the same toilet, bath, shower or swimming pool, CPR, or mouth to mouth resuscitation, contact with animals or insects like mosquitoes.
You should get tested if you have been at risk of HIV.
HIV is passed on through: Infected bodily fluids, including semen, blood, vaginal fluid (including menstrual blood) and anal secretions. In Scotland, HIV is most commonly passed on through unprotected sex (sex without a condom) with a person living with HIV who is not on treatment or sharing injecting equipment, including tourniquet and spoon.
Not sure if you’ve been at risk of HIV? Get help and advice from our live chat advisors by clicking the link on our website, from 9am – 5pm, Monday to Friday.
www.hivtest.scot
SUPPORT
SX is about improving the sex, health and wellbeing of gay and bisexual men, and all men who have sex with men living in Scotland. We are proud to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, and we aim to reflect the diversity of the people we work with. Our ethos at SX is to be sex positive and we strive to improve the physical, sexual and mental health and wellbeing of all men who have sex with men. SX works also with cis and trans men, and many other allies across Scotland. SX is part of Waverley Care, which is Scotland’s leading charity supporting people living with or affected by, HIV and hepatitis C. By being part of Waverley Care, we have benefited from over 30 years of learning and expertise working to reduce new infections, increasing access to testing and challenging the stigma experienced by our communities. If you would like support advice, support or information, get in touch. If you are a health or care professional who would like to make a referral on behalf of a client, please return a referral form to us by email or call. The listings of our partners featured are small representation of the support available. Please see the SERVICE FINDER on our website for further listings in your area. If you run an organisation, support group or work with the men who have sex with men and wish to feature in the Support section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if any listings are incorrect. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies. SX Scotland 1-3 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB Phone: 0131 652 3250 Email: referral@s-x.scot
SX Scotland 6 Ardross Street, Inverness, IV3 5NN Phone: 01463 711 585 Email: referral@s-x.scot
SEXUAL HEALTH ABERDEEN Grampian Sexual Health: Aberdeen Community Health and Care Village, 50 Frederick Street, Aberdeen, AB24 5HY 0345 337 9900 http://www.nhsgrampian.org DUNDEE Men Only Tayside Level 7, South Block, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee, DD2 1UB 01382 425 542 http://www.menonlytayside.com EDINBURGH Chalmers Sexual Health Centre 2A Chalmers Street, Edinburgh, EH3 9ES 0131 536 1070 https://www.lothiansexualhealth.scot ROAM Outreach: M-Test Service Waverley Care, 1 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh, EH3 6NB 0131 536 1773 / 0777 462 8227 http://www.roam-outreach.com FIFE Sexual Health Fife: Dunfermline Queen Margaret Hospital, Whitefield Road, Dunfermline, KY12 0SU 01592 64 79 79 https://www.nhsfife.org GLASGOW SRP @ Sandyford Central (Clinic for men who have sex with men) 2-6 Sandyford Place, Glasgow, G3 7NB 0141 211 8130 http://www.sandyford.org INVERNESS Highland Sexual Health Zone 14, Clinic 1, Raigmore Hospital, Old Perth Road, Inverness, IV2 3UJ 01463 888300 https://www.highlandsexualhealth.co.uk
COMMUNITY SUPPORT ABERDEEN Positive Mixture Terrence Higgins Trust Scotland, 246 George Street, Aberdeen, AB25 1HN 0845 241 2151 http://www.tht.org.uk LGBT Youth Westburn, 116 Westburn Road, Aberdeen, AB25 2QA https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk
DUNDEE LGBT Youth The Shore, 15 Shore Terrace, Dundee, DD1 3DN https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk Diversitay LGBT Group PO BOX 53, DUNDEE, DD1 3YG 01382 20 26 20 contact@diversitay.org.uk EDINBURGH BiScotland LGBT Centre, 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0796 396 0321 http://www.biscotland.org
07020 933 952 www.equality-network.org Scottish Trans 30 Bernard Street, Edinburgh, EH6 6PR 0131 467 6039 https://www.scottishtrans.org Stonewall Scotland Mansfield Traquair Centre, 15 Mansfield Place, Edinburgh EH3 6BB 0131 474 8019 https://www.stonewallscotland.org.uk
MENTAL HEALTH
LGBT Aging LGBT Centre, 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0131 652 3282 http://www.lgbthealth.org.uk
ABERDEEN Mental Health Aberdeen 1 Alford Place, Aberdeen, AB10 1YD 01224 573892 https://www.mha.uk.net
Positive Help First Floor, 139 George Street, Edinburgh, EH2 4JY 0131 558 1122 http://www.positivehelpedinburgh.co.uk
DUNDEE Wellbeing Works 01382 227 288 https://www.wellbeingworksdundee.org.uk
GLASGOW LGBT Youth 30 (3/2) Bell Street, Glasgow, G1 1LG https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk
EDINBURGH Edinburgh Crisis Centre Free phone: 0808 801 0414 http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org
BiScotland Glasgow Music Studios, 7-9 Osborne Street, Glasgow, G1 5QN. 0796 396 0321 http://www.biscotland.org
LGBT Health and Wellbeing 9 Howe Street, Edinburgh, EH3 6TE 0131 523 1100 https://www.lgbthealth.org.uk
LGBT Network Flat 2/2, 4 Niddrie Square, Glasgow, G42 8QE https://www.lgbtnetwork.eu INVERNESS LGBT Youth Merkinch Partnership, 4 Grant Street, Inverness, IV3 8BL https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk
GLASGOW Your Support Your Way Glasgow https://www.yoursupportglasgow.org INVERNESS Birchwood Highland 59 Tomnahurich Street, Inverness, IV3 5DT 01463 236507 https://birchwoodhighland.org.uk
NATIONAL HIV Scotland Suite 2, 27 Beaverhall Road, Edinburgh, EH7 4JE 0131 558 3713 http://www.hivscotland.com
NATIONAL SAMH Brunswick House, 51 Wilson Street, Glasgow, G1 1UZ 0344 800 0550 https://www.samh.org.uk
LGBT Youth Scotland 40 Commercial Street, Edinburgh, EH7 4NQ https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk
Mind https://www.mind.org.uk
Equality Network 30 Bernard Street, Edinburgh, EH6 6PR
Samaritans Phone: 116 123 https://www.samaritans.org
23
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ABERDEEN Alcohol & Drugs Action 7 Hadden Street, Aberdeen, AB11 6NU 01224 577120 http://www.alcoholanddrugsaction.org.uk DUNDEE We Are With You (Addaction) The Signpost Centre, Lothian Crescent, Dundee DD4 0HU 01382 206888 https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk Dundee Drug and Alcohol Services Drop in. Wallacetown Health Centre, Lyon Street, Dundee, DD4 6RB. Mon and Thur: 9.15am - 12noon EDINBURGH Edinburgh Alcohol and Drug Partnership Waverley Court, 4 East Market Street, Edinburgh EH8 8BG https://www.edinburghadp.co.uk GLASGOW NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde Alcohol and Drug Recovery Services https://www.nhsggc.org.uk INVERNESS Inverness Alcohol and Drugs Partnership (01463) 704603 http://www.highland-adp.org.uk NATIONAL Drink Aware https://www.drinkaware.co.uk Alcoholics Anonymous https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk
SEXUAL, PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL ABUSE NATIONAL Survivors UK: Male Rape and Sexual Abuse 02035 983 898 https://www.survivorsuk.org Rape Crisis Scotland 08088 01 03 02 https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk Victim Support Scotland 0800 160 1985 https://victimsupport.scot Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage 0800 027 1234 https://sdafmh.org.uk
All listings are correct at time of printing, however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, please check the organisations’ websites for opening times. If you run an LGBT+ venue, or event for men, and wish to feature in the listings section of the magazine, please get in touch. Also let us know if your listing is incorrect. We do our best to accurately source information but not all venues update their information online. Apologies in advance for any inaccuracies. Contact: scott.baxter@s-x.scot
THE A TO Z OF SX
25
Earlier in the year we began the SX A to Z. Keep an eye on social media for a different letter of the alphabet each week. The posts feature tips and advice on a variety of areas from apps to BDSM to Confidence. Here are a few of our most recent posts.
A is for Anal sex For some anal sex is the ultimate intimacy with your partner. Top or bottom, it often gives feelings of pleasure and being close to your partner Top tip: Communicate with each other - how does it feel? Spend time working out your favourite positions.
C is for Condoms Condoms are the best form of protection against HIV and STIs. Despite the changes to services, you can still access free condoms by post across Scotland. Have you ordered condoms by post before? Here are links to order condoms in your area. Also check out our website for more information. Edinburgh and the Lothians: www.ccard.org.uk Forth Valley: www.freecondomscentral.co.uk Highland: www.highlandsexualhealth.co.uk Lanarkshire, Ayrshire, and Arran or Fife: www.tht.org.uk
B is for Body Image Many Gay and Bi men feel the pressure to look a certain way - to fit into a certain scene. But we want you to know that no matter who you are, your shape, size or race, you are sexy! Being unique is sexy, and something to be confident about.