Adapting to change

2020-21 BEAR NECESSITIES

Being a student in the pandemic means adapting to change

Mazana Boerboom, for the Missoulian

Most of my memories between March and May consist of lying in bed sans pants, half tuned in to Zoom classes, or crying over a pint of “Salted Caramel Craze” ice cream, wracked with homesickness and anxiety. I was working the  rst half of spring MAZANA break as a resident assistant in Miller BOERBOOM Hall when news came that campus was closing as COVID-19 cases rapidly increased around the United States.

Not even a week before that I’d been chatting with two of my best friends in Eck Hall over bagels and coffee saying there was no way the university would transfer us all online.

The shock of realizing how grave the virus was, that I wouldn’t be able to visit home and I would be isolated for an undetermined amount of time, settled into the pit of my stomach like tar.

For a while I wasn’t sure if residence halls would stay open, and if I’d soon be out of a job and a place to stay. At one point every student living on campus got an email titled “URGENT — Move Out Of Residence Halls” with bold red text telling us to move out immediately. It caused confusion and chaos and some other RAs and I had to console crying residents who were afraid of becoming homeless.

A clari cation email was later sent, and those who had nowhere else to go were able to stay, but the fear and confusion still wracked a lot of us.

Transitioning to remote classes and working was a learning curve for everyone. I found myself becoming lethargic and even occasionally falling asleep during Zoom classes. Long hours in front of a screen strained my eyes and my willpower. I also had to continue my jobs as an RA and, virtually, as a news reporter at the Montana Kaimin, which was a struggle in itself.

It’s dif cult connecting with residents over email or convincing anyone to attend your weekly tradition Disney+ stream over Zoom. Not to mention the rapid switch to covering coronavirus at the Kaimin over the phone. I felt as though the virus was at the center of thoughts constantly and my only escape was zoning out to “Parks and Recreation.”

The isolation of being alone in a small room for days at a time got to my head. I think, like many others, I became depressed by the situation. I felt hopeless about the unending loneliness and the pandemic spreading across the world. All I really wanted was to hug my mom or have class in person surrounded by my friends.

It took a while, but I let myself feel my emotions. I learned that I wasn’t the only one grieving the loss of physical touch or personal interactions or the simple pleasure of walking around a crowded campus.

I started to go outside more and soak up the sun. I learned that changing positions or locations between Zoom classes helped me focus, and if it was a really nice day I could take my laptop outside and have class sitting under a tree. I found that creating a routine, or even getting dressed in the morning helped me feel less hopeless.

I think what I learned from this whole experience is you should always expect for your plans to change and be prepared to adapt. I realize I could have had it so much worse. I never lost my housing or my income during the pandemic and I haven’t lost anyone close to me. But that doesn’t mean my pain wasn’t real.

I had to acknowledge that my college experience isn’t going to be everything I expected or planned for it to be. I have no clue if I’ll be able to study abroad as I’d planned. I might not be able to go to concerts or parties or take every class I’d planned on taking. But if my being careful and wearing a mask and following the mandates means lives could be saved, then I’ll do it.

Don’t be hard on yourself when you get overwhelmed. It’s understandable. We’re in the midst of an ever-changing pandemic. If you’re struggling, let yourself feel the emotions. And if they’re too much, please seek help.

I don’t know what will happen this next semester. I do think it’s likely we’ll have to shut down campus again and move back online. If that happens I believe we’ll be more prepared and if it doesn’t, then that’s great. But just know no matter how hard it gets, we’re all learning and adapting together.