Happy Couple by Tammy Swales Photography

HAPPY

couple

POSING

101 GUYS EDITION

INSIDE! • Stunning Gowns • Tantalizing Tablescapes • Delicious Details • Fabulous Florals

GORGEOUS

real weddings...

and the stories behind their stunning details and design

Find the perfect place to call home

office 585.389.1031 | mobile 585.755.7289 | web StephenCassRealty.com 40 Grove Street, Pittsford, NY 14534

VENDOR LOVE Rock Paper Scissors Salon & Spa Simply Beautiful Events Warehouse 27 Hank Parker Chef K2 Adrian Jules Juliana’s Bridal Arena’s Mann’s Jewelers Esperanza Table Toppers of Rochester Sugar Mountain Bake Shoppe Gather K2 Communication Oak Hill Country Club Fontainebleu Inn Sharon Patrillo Upper Crust Bakery Nature Florist Stacy K Floral Sassafras Wisteria

InBloom Plenty of Posies Hurd Orchards Kittlebergers Gourmet Goodies Premier Pastry Karahan Design Arobesque Strathallan Hotel McCarthy Tents & Events Marche Culinary Events Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra Masterbrass Woodcliff Hotel & Spa Up Up Creative Kai Kaligraphia Bella & Co. Debbie Hendrick Blues Band Max at High Falls Colgate Chapel at the Rochester Divinity School Upper Crust Cakery Cheesy Eddie’s

Sweet Melissa’s Bake Shop Brian Loughner Tru Salon on Park Avenue Peggy’s Bridal Rochester Yacht Club Lindsey Designs Nik and the Nice Guys Wegmans Joe Practico Monica’s Pies Petunia Rose Naomi Broudo Miel Beauty Standard Art Supply Bobby Walpole & Dee Specker Terra Rosa (Tara Reimer) Stone Cat Café Daphne’s Delights The Destination and the Evil City String Band Luly Yang Gian DeCara Custom Tailoring

The Goldsmith All Occasions Catering Roxanne Zegler The Gem Lab Oris B. Jewelry Pharaoh’s Hairum Zoey Cakes Heather Boyd Wire Prospect Park Audubon Center Moveable Feast Judy Chein Miriam Milard Terrance Welcher & Sissi Chan TLC Entertainment Dance Sport! Beau-Coup.com Elizabeth Cole Jewelry Shear Hair Etc. Design Studio Café Caruso High Wire Lighting Estes Country Gardens & Design Blackwood Management Allegria Hotel & Spa

Editorial & Creative Director Tammy Swales Second from rignt in red EXECUTIVE EDITOR ELENA M. STIEHLER Left in magenta MANAGING EDITOR ALI DEAN Right in blue

VIDEO DIRECTOR SULLIVAN SLENTZ The one wearing pants

HAPPY TEAM

PHOTOGRAPHY Tammy Swales Ali Dean Jenny Berliner

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Kelli Berg Heidi Lopata Stacy K Ercan Chris & Matt Fitzgerald Genavieve Shingle Bob Kane Rachael Dolan

MAKEUP AND STYLING Rock Paper Scissors Salon and Spa

GRAPHIC DESIGNER MAUREEN HIGGINS Stepped out of the frame

SPECIAL THANKS

Jason Ripple Stephen Cass Libby Schottland Paulina Lewandowski Brittany Rauber Samantha Grana Lyndsey Williams Chelsea Felton Jen Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Hara Greta Muxworthy Gavin Smith Jackie Gulavez Jen & Chris Urbanski Stephanie Parkes Genevieve & Molly Wallace Denise Sauer Brendon & Ruth Flemming Hannah Levenkron Nina Lutz John Abisch Gretchen DiNardo Kathy Cummings Jenna & Matt Koss Casey & Ryan Burke Chris & Matt Fitzgerald

Elena M. Stiehler Alex & Scott Rogerson Rachel & David Rochefort Sarah & Jeremy Loncao Annie Chen & Richard Huang Renee & Phil Ortolani Andrea & Paolo Marone Jennie & Bryan Hammer Jocelyn Chan & Joe Style Cash & Mae Winslow Courtney Winslow Barb & Art Hirsh Joellyn & Mike Pierce Axelrod Family Sarah & Jim Ernst Tu & Vuong Nguyen Bob Kane Muriel Bonocorsco Al Ormiston Rachael Dolan Alice & Jim Cassidy Taylor & Blair Veenema Amy & Evan Smith Courtney & Greg Horton

HAPPY COUPLE | CONTRIBUTORS

PHOTO RETOUCHER JENNY BERLINER Second from left in purple

INSIDE

Departments 4 Editor’s Letter 5 Beauty 115 Style 11 Design 131 Guest Contributor 133 Things We Love 139 A Happy Note

distinct weddings, all held at the same venue, that will show you just how unique your wedding can be no matter the space you choose.

Better Pictures

Posing 101 Guys Edition Our top Do’s and Don’ts for men when it comes to posing in pictures. Family Portraits: Don’t Skip Out Some things are worth a little work – why you simply shouldn’t skip out on these photographs. How to Make Your Photographer Fall in Love with You Finding the right wedding photographer for your big day is a two-way street! We’re letting you in on the best ways to make sure you and your photographer fall in love.

The Fun Doesn’t End When

135 Your Wedding

Day is Done Check out these 5 newlyweds and their incredible honeymoons.

Inspirations

Engagement Sessions: It’s Not About the Finish Line Your engagement is one of the most wonderful times of your life – don’t let it pass you by!.

10 Gorgeous Real Weddings See these 10 incredible real weddings and the stories behind their details and design straight from the couples that created them

Detail Porn Get ready for a mountain of inspiration! These stunning images are sure to show you just how important even the smallest detail can be when it comes to bringing your wedding day vision to life.

Planning

Making Sense of Wedding Scents Why choosing a special scent for your wedding day is more important than you think. A Tale of One Venue and Three Unique Weddings See three beautiful and

The Meaning of the Promises We Make Find out why your wedding vows might just be the most important and meaningful words you’ll ever say.

Our Favorite Bouquets

111 Check out some of our favorite bouquets – they’ll show you just how important flowers really are to your big day.

THINKING CAP Finding Happily-Ever-After

123 When it comes to

relationships, the idea of forever can feel daunting but we’re here to tell you forever can be better than you’ve ever imagined. How to Lose Your

127 Best Friend

Bob Kane, an internationally renowned end of life educator, teaches us how to embrace our mortality and overcome the pain and fear of loss.

EDITOR’s LETTER

I began Happy Couple with a question.

What is it to love someone for all your life? I am constantly in awe of the people who are a couple; who make the promise to love one person, forever. Those people who are together, stay together, work through their CRAP together. Because it’s tempting, to walk away from the hard stuff – quickly and without looking back. But, the hard stuff is necessary. It is where all of the beauty and the power and the strength of love truly lives. It is incredibly inspiring to spend time with the couples who aren’t walking away. Who are, instead, simply being and loving together. Who are taking life by the balls, TOGETHER. That right there? That’s the powerful stuff. It still makes me grit my teeth a little bit – the thought that some specific definition of what a couple is, what love is, still exists; still labels and separates us. But, I see it evolving. And THAT makes me hopeful. See, I think of love as universal. I think of a couple as anyone who shares that love, together. Best friends, lifetime partners, husbands and wives – the list is LONG. And, I think, that it is time we start celebrating how love works instead of defining it – instead of building labels for things that are actually, at their core, the same. So, Happy Couple begins with love. Because, I know about love. That crazy powerful love I was talking about? That is the love I feel for my friends, for my team, for Zoe, for my son. The love that says, here is my heart, here is everything I am, and I trust you not to betray it.

I trust you not to break it. At Happy, we believe in the power of stories; their ability to open up our hearts and minds to something greater than ourselves. We believe in knowing the parts of life that give us hurt because without them, we can never truly know the parts that give us happiness. Inside of these pages, you’ll find stunning photographs and mountains of inspiration and advice. But, these pages also hold the stories of the couples and individuals who have inspired us – the relationships and experiences that have given us new insight into what it is to love completely; to lose gracefully; and to live fully. So, let’s put away our traditional definitions, shall we?

Let’s put away our labels

and neatly packaged ideas. Everyone deserves to be happy.

xoxo

HAPPY COUPLE | EDITOR’S LETTER

I asked myself, what is it to be a couple?

l a d i r B y t u a e B LIBBY

g i b e h t r o f

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Jackie O meets a modern day Kim Kardashian in this regal look with a beautiful high bun.

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6 INSPIRATIONS | ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SALON

y aving trouble finding the perfect way to wear your hair on wedding day? Well, we have you covered! We worked with Jason Ripple and Michelle Rauber, of Rock Paper Scissors Salon, to capture a wide range of gorgeous hair and makeup styles just for you. Jason’s advice? Your hair, makeup, jewelry, dress – everything – should have some sort of uniformity and work together to create a certain synergy. And, it is definitely in your best interest for your hairstylist and makeup artist to work together. (Earrings by Mann’s Jewelers)

“

This look is pure Red Carpet. For brides who want to ‘go big or go home’ this style features faux bangs and extensions, Plus stunning texture and drama Thanks to the intricate braiding.

Paulina

“

is The perfect “ THis look for a bohemian

“

soft, “This romantic look is

full of body and bounce. Plus, it transitions easily into a half up, half down style or side pony tail.

“

8 INSPIRATIONS | ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SALON

bride (or bridesmaid!) with a crimped, multi-textured style that appears both done and undone at the same time.

Samantha

Brittany

LYNDSEY This iconic style is pure old “ Hollywood, circa 1965. This perfectly coifed pompadour definitely leans a little avant-garde while still maintaining a classic feel.

“

modern “ This twist on a

classic look perfectly captures a timeless romance.

CHELSEA

“

JEN

“

10 INSPIRATIONS | ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SALON

For hair that says, fairytale princess, this undone, Take on a traditional braid is full of texture and gives you plenty of whimsy and romance.

Concept Design & Styling: Simply Beautiful Events simplybeautifulevents.com Décor Rental: Warehouse127 warehouse127rentals.com Rentals: Hank Parker rentrightnow.com Hair: Jason Ripple, Rock Paper Scissors Salon rockpaperscissorssalon. com Makeup: Michelle Rauber, Rock Paper Scissors Salon Food: Chef K2 chefk2.com Men’s Apparel: Adrian Jules adrianjules.com Gowns: Juliana’s Bridal julianas.net ivory gown: Watters “Adelaide” gold cocktail dress:: Pronovias “Tadiana” Floral: Arena’s arenasforlife.com Venue: Cunningham House at Rochester Museum and Science Center rmsc.org

12 DESIGN | WEDDING TRENDS

2014 is the year of the flower according to The Knot and it is going to be all about stunning and unique florals. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talking European inspired, lush arrangements that you can expect to see woven throughout every aspect of the dĂŠcor. Layers of texture with unconventional additions like bark, moss, and long grasses along with accents of richly colored blooms will all work together to create a dramatic and dream-like statement on your wedding day.

14 DESIGN | WEDDING TRENDS

This season is all about a return to romance as brides look to classically styled and traditional inspirations – think old world elegance filled with timeless and dramatic décor. There are hundreds of ways to interpret this romantic, glamorous vision so don’t feel like you have to stick to a specific mold. Simply focus on the details to make your wedding day design all your own.

Get Married on the Shores of Keuka Lake At

Norton Chapel For generations, Norton Chapel has delighted brides, grooms, and their families with its beauty and sophistication. Keuka Collegeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shoreline campus can also host elegant indoor or outdoor receptions and accommodate your overnight guests. For more information, visit keuka.edu/go/weddings or call Karen Mann at (315) 279-5289.

DESIGN | WEDDING TRENDS DESIGN | WEDDING TRENDS

The days of inviting everyone you’ve ever known to your wedding are long past. Sure, if you have a huge family then you’ll probably end up with much a larger guest count but don’t feel the need to invite your freshman year roommates who you haven’t spoken to in six years, your entire office, or the distant friends of friends. After all, your wedding day is about celebrating with your closest family and friends so leave the guest list at that.

POSING

101 GUYS EDITION

Let’s face it,

we are all awkward when it comes to posing for pictures and boys are no exception. Just like the rest of us, they simply don’t know what to do – where do they put their hands, how do they interact with each other, when should they act goofy or serious? But, posing for pictures shouldn’t feel like a struggle, especially when you’re with your friends, so we’re giving you some tips and tricks to

make being photographed as fun and carefree as possible. Now boys, pay attention, these next few pages are ALL about you! But girls, don’t worry, head over to vimeo. com/tammyswales for some amazing videos all about posing for both you and the boys. VIDEO

slouching.

silly gestures.

use your pockets.

stand confidently.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH.

22 BETTER PICTURES | POSING 101

No pointing. No weird faces. No hand-shaking.

JUST RELAX.

Act casually. Show some love.

Family Portraits: Don’t Skip Out! W

hen it comes to stress in wedding planning, trying to plan your family portraits is second only to making the seating chart. But, when your parents or grandparents or aunts and uncles go to look at the photos, the FIRST place they are going to go is the family portraits. And, if those images aren’t there? Well, that can really complicate things.

Here’s the thing about family portraits – they are REALLY important. We can’t even tell you how many couples have come in and said, we don’t want to do family portraits. They think they’re not that big of a deal, that there’s not enough time or they’re dreading them so much they don’t even want to bother. So many couples we’ve talked to just feel like taking family portraits is a waste of time. But, what is hard to understand in the moment – what people don’t realize – is that weddings are, at the end of the day, ABOUT FAMILY. Honestly, how many times in your life will all the people who love you be together in one place, at one time? The answer? Probably not that many – in a lot of cases, only once – and your wedding day is the biggest one! The reality is, that needs to be documented. It needs to be remembered. Because, as time goes on, so many of those people will be gone and these photographs, the portraits of everyone together, will become EXTREMELY precious. We know that a huge part of why family portraits are so stressful is complicated family dynamics. But trust us, EVERY family has them. Consistently, across the board, every couple that comes to us has some level of family drama to deal with. There is absolutely no need to be embarrassed! And we get it, we have seen it all. That’s what your photographer is there for – we’re wedding

How to Create a Successful Family List! The best way to build your family list is to imagine it as an inverted triangle. Put everyone into their own categories remembering to keep the variety of combinations as minimal as possible.

Be kind and let Grandma and Grandpa go first! Anyone with mobility, health, or age issues should be in this first group. Take care of all the combinations of photographs you want with these family members and then let them go so they can rest before the reception starts.

Take care of the biggest groups second! These groups are the hardest to deal with. It takes a lot of work to corral them and they are always the most eager to be done. This is where you take your pictures with aunts, uncles, cousins and extended family. Then they will be able The rest of the groups should to be finished and on their way to cocktail get smaller and smaller hour with minimal hassle. each time. This way once a group is finished they can Organize the rest of the leave – they’ll be happy to groups by size in get back to the celebrations a descending and you’ll be happy to avoid order! dealing with any confused or annoyed family members.

professionals. We WANT to help. So, what do you do?!

Now, once you’ve made the list, it’s time to edit. Every single relative there does not need an individual picture with the bride and groom or fifty-two different combinations of every single family member. And, after everything is finalized, you need to SHARE the list. If you keep your list a secret, it is not going to help anyone! (Tam’s Advice? A great time to share the list and talk about it with everyone is during the rehearsal dinner!) Make sure everyone knows what’s going on, what pictures they will be in, and when it’s happening. The more organization you have, the smoother it will go and there

22 BETTER PICTURES | FAMILY PORTRAITS

The first and most important thing is to MAKE A LIST. Family portraits are a hot spot in the day – people are grumbly, they’re awkward, they don’t know where to stand or what to do – so the more organization you can bring to the table the better things will go. (Tam’s Advice? Involve both sides of the family! It will save everyone from any disappointment later.) Remember, your photographer is NOT a mind reader. They’re not capable of ‘just getting everything’ – we don’t know who is or isn’t a part of the family, who belongs in what picture, or what combinations of people are important to you. The list is the best way to communicate exactly what you need and want. This is why making a family list is SO important.

won’t be any room for added aggravations. Then, on the day of your wedding, TRY NOT to improvise. It’s the most dangerous thing to do! It causes everything to go so much slower and becomes an open invitation for arguments. It also gives people an opportunity to wander off (which is the second most dangerous thing.) Once people start to disappear, or begin to question the list, chaos will definitely ensue. The best way to avoid all of this? Designate someone – or a couple of someones – who knows the entire family to help your photographer maintain order. These people will be in charge of making sure everyone stays in one place, knows what photos they are in, and when they need to be in them. (Tam’s Advice? Make sure these people are loud and are not afraid to speak up! You photographer is going to NEED their help.) No matter what – despite the headaches, the drama, and the stress – family portraits are SUCH a necessity. Trust us. The reality is never as bad as you imagine. Years from now, when you look back at these portraits, you are going to WANT to remember the incredible people that were there to celebrate with you. Especially those who are no longer with you. These memories of your family are ones you NEVER want to lose.

The Ultimate Checklist for Planning your / Family Photos on Wedding Day! . Ask ALL sets of parents for their input on what photos are important to capture Talk to your photographer about when your family portraits will take place and for about how long, then make sure to schedule it into your day EDIT your different family list photo combinations down to a reasonable size Designate a couple of ‘photo captains’ with BIG mouths to help direct everyone on wedding day

SHARE your list with everyone on it (the Rehearsal Dinner is an excellent time for this!) If you want portraits with friends outside of your family, make a separate list of combinations to be taken during the reception Provide you photographer with a copy of your family list (and any other lists you have made)

How to Make Your

Photographer O

nce you’ve found a photographer (or several) that you’ve fallen in love with, it’s time to inquire and send that first little email which will end up setting the stage for all your future interactions. Here’s the deal – as much as your photographer is hoping to impress you, they’re also looking to be impressed by you too. Awkward shows up in images! On your wedding day, your photographer is going to see you more than your partner will – and in your underwear – so you two NEED to have an amazing connection. We get it – we know how intimidating it can be reaching out to someone you’ve never met, especially when you want them to capture the most important day of your life. But don’t worry – we’ve got you

1. Give details. There are two details that are

absolutely necessary for your photographer (and every other vendor you want to work with): the DATE and the VENUE. No one can book you without a date! And, don’t forget to include ways for them to contact you. If you have already begun to plan the actual day (and, really, who hasn’t?!) don’t be afraid to share. Your photographer wants to be inspired by your wedding – inspiration leads to gorgeous pictures, after all – and they can’t wait to hear all your ideas.

2. Have emotion. Let your personality shine

through – your photographer is not going to think you’re nuts if you spend three paragraphs gushing about your fiancé, the proposal, or how much you love their work. Be playful and have fun! In fact, your wedding photographer wants to get to know you. Do you have a theme picked out, colors chosen, or certain décor choices in mind? There is no such thing as an insignificant detail! Your photographer is just as excited to be a part of your day as you are to get married. When you’re writing to them,

24 BETTER PICTURES | YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER

Fall in Love With You

covered! Here is our best advice to make the process of inquiring worry free and form that fabulous relationship right from the very beginning.

Trade: Photography and visual storytelling. Motto: Kick boring in the ass.

51 Russell St. Rochester, NY 14607 â&#x20AC;˘ 585.203.1441 â&#x20AC;˘ tammy@tammyswales.com

imagine you’re out for coffee or meeting up for drinks – there is no need to be formal. This may be your first introduction to each other, but that’s no reason to keep the real you under wraps.

3. Don’t be generic. Hi, I’m writing to inquire about

how your photographer really thinks? Friend them on Facebook, follow them on Instagram, read their tweets and dig through their Pinterest boards. Social media gives you a window into your photographer’s world – don’t pass up the opportunity! (You can check us out on Facebook facebook.com/tammyswalesstudio || Instagram @teamswales || Twitter @tammyswales || and Pinterest pinterest.com/tammy_swales) 26

VIDEO

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. The same rule that applies for interviews applies here – questions mean you’re interested and want to learn more. And, of course, there are no stupid ones! The more questions you ask, the less stressed you’ll be and you’ll help your photographer get a feel for what’s on your mind and the things that are most important to you when it comes to your wedding photography.

Still want more? Of course you do! Head over to vimeo.com/ tammyswales and check out the amazing video we made just for you. It’s filled with even more great advice so you can be sure to find the right wedding photographer for your special day!

6 Ways to Make Sure Your Wedding ?Photographer is the One for You! ?

Are they a Pinterest leader or a Pinterest follower? You want a photographer that is generating original work – one whose viewpoint is fresh and unique. If their portfolio is filled with Pinterest pose after Pinterest pose, they might not be able to bring the distinct perspective your wedding day deserves.

It is ALL about the light. The variety of light in a photographer’s portfolio is directly linked to their experience. You should see not only a diversity of light – flash, outdoor, sunsets, nighttime – but an effort to play with that light. If every picture seems to look the same, even with different types of light, that photographer may not have the experience to really showcase different settings.

Does their portfolio show a large range of work? Think of a photographer’s portfolio like a cookbook – are they using the same recipe over and over again, with just slightly different ingredients or are they cooking up something special and distinctive every time? Using the same formula over and over again often means a photographer either won’t or can’t step outside of the box.

Do they LOVE what they do? If a photographer really has love for what they’re doing it shows! Look for that love in their images –does their work move you, does it convey emotion, does it tell a story – this will tell if you if they are in it for more than just a pay check. Because, let’s be honest, the person shooting your wedding should want to be there as much as you do.

Honest representation. All photographers have to start somewhere and most start by second shooting weddings for more experienced photographers. Newer photographers especially may show work they second shot for another photographer and that is OK! What is not, is if they are representing that work as a wedding they shot alone. Honesty is the most important aspect of any relationship and when it comes to your wedding, you want to be sure you know exactly what you’re getting.

Something will ALWAYS go wrong. This is the nature of weddings and how well your photographer is equipped to handle the unexpected will make all the difference. Make sure you talk to them about how well they roll with the punches and ask for examples – knowing they’ll get the shot no matter what will put everyone’s mind at ease!

BETTER PICTURES | YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER

your pricing and availability for…may seem efficient but if you really love this person’s work, don’t make THEM feel generic. It is all about connection! Have emotions and opinions. Get excited! Wedding photographers have photographed hundreds if not thousands of weddings – make them WANT to photograph yours. Generic, boring, blah-blah emails don’t excite anyone. Make sure to engage your photographer right from the beginning – if you find yourself sending out tons of emails without doing your homework first, you’re definitely doing it wrong.

5. Social media is your friend. Do you want to see

Engagement Sessions:

hen we talk about engagement sessions, what we’re really talking about is pausing. Slowing down and reveling in this moment of your life; taking the time to cherish it, right now. Yes. These photographs serve a practical purpose. But that’s not why you need to take them. Practical is not always the point.

Once couples become engaged their life becomes a race to the wedding. We do it unconsciously, naturally. We slip seamlessly into the frantic madness of wedding planning; the hype of our own fairytale ending. We forge ahead to the future, never realizing we are losing something just as precious in the process; something possibly more so. It’s easy to forget that life can be so delicate and fleeting. It’s easy to spend life sprinting ahead, always living for what’s next; telling ourselves things will be better when this or when that. But, ask yourself this question: if we spend all of our time looking forward and never opening our eyes to what is already around us, if we don’t pause and enjoy each moment as it happens, what will we really be left with? Your experience right now, your engagement, has changed the course of your entire world. You’ve found someone and they’ve found you. This is your love story. It deserves to be celebrated; to be reveled in. It deserves to be marked. Don’t skip out on these photographs. They give you a chance to make the most of these moments; to breathe it all in. Don’t sell yourself short. This part is beautiful too. This part deserves to be treasured; it deserves to be documented. We’re asking you to stop; to slow down and step back. We’re asking you to live in this moment. Because this moment, this life, is all we have.

30 INSPIRATIONS | ENGAGEMENTS

It's Not About The Finish Line

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Graphic design for individuals, businesses and happy couples.

maureen@maureenhiggins.com 585.330.5489

Practice Makes Perfect.

HOW TO TELL YOUR MAN AN ENGAGEMENT SESSION IS A MUST

An engagement session is the best way to practice for your wedding day. It gives you the much needed chance to get comfortable posing – how to stand, walk, hold hands, kiss – all of these things work differently on camera and your wedding day is NOT the place you want to learn them. Let’s be honest, it’s hard to act normal when someone is constantly under five feet away from you snapping your photo. It takes time to forget they’re there and on your wedding day you’re not going to want to be focused on what your photographer is up to.

Your Photographer Needs to Know You Too. An engagement session gives your photographer a chance to get to know you. What puts you at ease, how you and your partner interact, what angles and poses work best for both of you. It gives them a chance to learn who and how you are. Photographers are story tellers and they want to tell the story of your day through your eyes – through your history, your experiences and emotions – and it takes time, spent with you and your partner, for them to make this fundamentally important connection. For us, building a relationship with our couples – really getting to know them – is so extremely important. We fall in love with our couples. We cherish that connection.

This Time in Your Life Only Happens Once. And, It Happens So Fast. Here is the truth: you are not boring and your story matters. Choose a location that is particularly meaningful to you. The spot you had your first date, your favorite coffee shop, the park you love to walk your dog in, the house you bought together. It doesn’t have to be grandiose or spectacular – all that matters is what matters to you. With the time flying by before your wedding day, these images will give you an opportunity to reflect on everything that’s brought you to this moment. They’ll give you a chance to slow down and take in this incredible time in your life because we mean it when we say, you DON’T want to let any of it pass you by.

INSPIRATIONS | ENGAGEMENTS

As far as we’re concerned, engagement sessions should be mandatory. From a strictly logistical perspective alone, they’re indispensable. An engagement session gives you the chance to get comfortable in front of the camera and your photographer – to build trust (you HAVE to trust your photographer.) Seriously, the last place you want to work out your photography angst is on your wedding day! So for all you practically minded couples out there, here is why you NEED to do one. Trust us, when it comes to your wedding day having done an engagement session will make ALL 32 the difference.

ur sense of smell holds an incredible power over us. Even the slightest hint of an aroma can spark within us the best and most vivid of our memories – which is, of course, the whole point of a wedding scent. Any time you use your fragrance, you’ll instantly find yourself taken back to the most wonderful day of your life! There are hundreds of different perfumes to choose from – you can even customize your own – so take your time and be sure to choose a scent that speaks to you. And of course, you’ll want to make the most of this special fragrance, so we came up three amazing ways for you to do just that!

34 INSPIRATIONS | MAKING SENSE OF WEDDING SCENTS

Before you write your soon-to-be husband his day-of love letter, lightly mist the paper you plan to use with your chosen perfume. When he opens the letter on the morning of your wedding, he’ll get a hint of the fragrance and then make the connection when he meets you at the altar. This way, the scent will carry him through the day and he’ll always think of you – and saying, ‘I do,’ – whenever he smells it again.

ONE

You want to make sure your scent lasts throughout the day without having to be constantly spritzed by members of your wedding party. Most perfumes have a corresponding body lotion, so plan to use that the morning of. It will act as a foundation for your scent and keep it fresh all day long. Also, be sure to mist yourself and your undergarments before you step into your dress. This way your scent will be certain to stay with you.

TWO

Your scent can (and should!) be used for more than just your wedding day. While your wedding day will be the first time you wear your new scent, don’t stop after that – wear it throughout your honeymoon and the first few months of your marriage. Then, on your first year anniversary, wear it again to bring back all of the fantastic memories. Continue to use it for special events (like date nights!) to mark all the incredible milestones you’re about to experience in your amazing new future.

ThREE

A Tale of*

Venu

When you’re getting married, and trying to figure out how to design your venue for your big day, it can begin to feel like everything you want to do has already been done before or, worse, that you just won’t be able to put your own personality and vision into what is already there. But, we’re here to let you know: that’s just not true! It’s OK to play around with a space – to change it up and do it differently than everyone else who has come before you. Over the years we’ve seen plenty of weddings held at the same venues and each one of them is so incredibly unique to each couple. One of our favorite venues when it comes to reinventing a space for your wedding day is Esperanza Mansion on Keuka Lake. And, to help you really see how a space can be transformed, Happy reached out to them and to three of our favorite couples who were married there (each with their own very distinct vision!) to tell you in their own words how simple it can be to really make a space your own.

36 INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT

of* One

and Three Unique Weddings

Happy: What do you see as Esperanza’s greatest strengths when it comes to a couple’s wedding day celebration? Heidi: Definitely our attention to detail. We believe that the day truly belongs to the couple and we all work our hardest to make sure they have everything they need right when they need it. From the front to the back of the house, everyone is preparing for their celebration – our goal is to always stay one step ahead of their needs. Happy: Do you feel that every couple is truly able to bring their own vision to the space and create something that is completely their own?

38 INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT

Heidi: One of the first things I tell every couple is that the date they choose belongs to them – it is truly their day. I’ve seen everything from over the top centerpieces on to a single rose on each table and everything I’ve seen always looks absolutely beautiful in the room. I always suggest candles – lots of candles – because once evening hits, and the chandeliers are adjusted and candles lit, the room looks absolutely magnificent. Happy: What does the Esperanza offer to the couples that celebrate their weddings there? Heidi: I would say the biggest thing is personal attention. We really develop strong relationships with the

couples we work with. Our hope is that by the time the reception day arrives they feel like they are hosting a party in their own home! Happy: Is there anything particularly special about Esperanza that can’t be found elsewhere? Heidi: Our incredible view of Keuka Lake! It is just breathtaking. We are located on the western tip of the lake so we have a view that runs down the entire length of it. Our private tented patio, which is located just outside the ballroom doors, is where we often hold our wedding ceremonies and cocktail hours. It offers the most stunning backdrop of Keuka Lake and our couples love that they have full use of it throughout the entire evening. Once the couple and their guests arrive, they can check in, sit back, relax, and visit with their

family and friends. Our venue really gives everyone the opportunity to share the entire celebration together. Happy: What do love most about Esperanza? Heidi: I love the way our staff comes together and treats every wedding that takes place at the Mansion with the care and excitement that every couple deserves. The Mansion has such a magical feel to it – you truly feel as though you’ve stepped back in time but with all the modern amenities expected of a top-notch facility. We’re located in the heart of wine country in the Finger Lakes and all of the couples who visit us are so excited to see something different. We’re definitely not your cookie-cutter wedding facility. We are a destination – a warm and welcoming place to start the rest of your life together!

Stacy K Stacy K Ercan Ercan of Stacy of Stacy K K Floral Floral

Casey & Ryan

36 INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT

Happy: What inspired your vision for Casey & Ryan’s wedding? Stacy K: In the simplest terms, I would say natural, neutral, emerald green and champagne. Casey fell in love with a very natural, vintage look and was very taken with emerald greens and soft fern details. We found images online that really encompassed what she was envisioning and then used them as inspiration throughout the design process. Happy: How did you incorporate the space into their vision? Stacy K: Casey really loved the look of hanging centerpieces so we hung ferns down from the crossbeams in the tent at Esperanza – the ferns were very large and they added a wonderful green element to the ceiling which broke up all the white of the tent. The tables were long and rectangular so we needed to design longer, larger centerpieces for them. We worked to blend Casey’s vision with her mother’s and created two styles of centerpieces. One used all the vintage, emerald green glass Casey had collected along with moss, green blossoms, ferns and fluffy English roses. The other was created by adding two larger pieces at either end of the arrangement in compote bowls with white blossoms worked in, which really complimented the natural feel we wanted.

Happy: What elements did you work into the space to really make it seem unique to Casey & Ryan’s personalities? Stacy K: Our entire concept – very natural and green – was truly unique to Casey & Ryan. When we spoke for the first time, they immediately responded to a vintage and feminine element with antique glass and rustic moss and fern details. Happy: What did you love most about the design and how it worked with the space? Stacy K: I loved how the long tables with the two kinds of bright centerpieces contrasted with the white of the tent. It really brought the surroundings in but still kept a very elegant atmosphere. I also really loved the hanging ferns. It was great to see something different – something that isn’t done all the time. Happy: What would you say is the best thing a couple can do to make a space their own? Stacy K: Pay attention to all the little details! Sometimes it’s the smallest thing that really makes a space your own. At Casey & Ryan’s wedding we went for a different seating arrangement by placing all of the

"Sometimes itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the smallest thing that really makes a space your own. "

rectangular tables inside the tent so that the ballroom could become more open for dancing and have enough room for a beautiful lounge space. Happy: Are there any final thoughts you have for us? Stacy K: If you have a vision but are having a hard time articulating it or finding inspiration, look online for images and create story boards! Two of my favorites are Pinterest and Style Me Pretty. These sites are amazing tools so donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t neglect them. We used to have to pull pages out of magazines (gasp!) or print out pictures in order to create story boards for clients. Now you can create this wonderful online account that allows you to put all of your pictorial inspiration into one place for your vendors to peruse. Tools like these allow you to articulate your vision through images which is SO helpful and they give you a head start on the design process. And, I would say, just remember that at the end of the day your wedding should always be exactly what you want it to be!

Kelli Berg of Simply Beautiful Events Jenna & Matt

Happy: What inspired the vision for Jenna & Matt’s big day? Kelli Berg: Matt really wanted the wedding to be near the water – which made Esperanza an ideal choice – and the rest of it was very much inspired by their personalities. They are a very bohemian, chic couple. When Jenna first came in to meet with me she was wearing an Obey tee-shirt and that became a sort of spring board for the entire design. We decided to go for a very romantic, bohemian vibe – relaxed, loose, and just very ethereal. (Editor’s Note: See ‘How a Tee-Shirt Inspired a Wedding’ for more!) Happy: How did you use the space to work within their vision? Kelli Berg: The view at Esperanza is just incredible and Jenna and Matt really fell in love with it. The biggest thing was to really maximize that spectacular view, so we held the ceremony on the patio and cocktail hour down on the lawn. Then, rather than hold dinner inside, we brought in a tent and set it up overlooking the lake. That was where we really brought their vision to life with farm tables, beautiful linens and table runners, a multitude of flower arrangements, and custom chandeliers. After dinner we moved inside. We set up the space to flow nicely using the placement of the bar, the dance floor in the

44 INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT

To transform a space you really have to pull out your personality– that’s the key!

center of the room, and bringing in lounge furniture for part of the space to really keep that relaxed, laid back feel. Happy: What ended up being your favorite thing about the design? Kelli Berg: It really all came down to the details – they’re what made Jenna and Matt’s vision come to life. We used an array of different types of feathers, very whimsical floral arrangements, and unique decorative accents to really play up the look we were going for – we even put rugs down out in the tent and the lounge area inside. We kept the color pallet very soft but added punches of color like turquoise. We wanted to just tie everything together, keeping it within Jenna and Matt’s vision and style, which is really what all the incredible details did. Happy: What is the best advice you would give a couple who is looking to really make a space their own?

How a TeeShirt Inspired a Wedding!

Kelli Berg: To transform a space you really have to pull out your personality – that’s the key! It is all about the details – from the flowers and décor to the layout and logistics. When everything works together perfectly, that is when a vision truly comes to life. Happy: Are there any final thoughts you have for us? Kelli Berg: Creating Jenna and Matt’s vision was really about stunning details and well-chosen vendors. No matter what space you walk into, at the end of the day it’s those things that make the transformation. That’s what we do, take any space and transform it into a truly unique vision. I try and bring who the couple is – their lifestyle and what, in their heart, they truly want – to life and then put that into the entire day.

46 INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT

When it comes to wedding inspiration, it can truly come from anywhere or anything. Jenna and Matt’s gorgeous wedding was inspired by a single tee-shirt and we love how seamlessly it was infused throughout their entire design. From the bohemian, chic feel to the subtle elephant accents to the eclectic and luxe décor, Jenna and Matt’s vision was thoughtfully and perfectly executed. And to think, it all started with one, little tee-shirt!

A Romantic, Early Spring, and Famil�-Focused Wedding: A Couple’s View Chris & Matt

48 INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT Happy: What inspired your vision the most when it came time to design your day at Esperanza? Chris & Matt: We really wanted to capitalize on the beautiful vistas of Keuka Lake. With Esperanza’s incredible location – nestled onto a hillside overlooking the lakeshore – we really wanted everything to remind our guests of what an especially beautiful place we were

Our time at Esperanza was everything we thought it would be and more!

in. Some of our favorite moments together have been experiencing the wonder of the natural world. And spring is such a time of renewal – everything is bursting with life – so we definitely used the season as a theme to guide our choices. Happy: When it came time to execute your vision, how did you use the space to your advantage? Chris & Matt: We decided to marry on the patio, so all of our guests could look out over the hillside and lakeshore. We chose to make the breathtaking views the centerpiece of the event by using an open canopy and simple arrangements. We also kept our flowers and decorations consistent with early spring to continually remind our guests of all the natural beauty surrounding them. Happy: How did you work within the venue to really let your own personalities and esthetics shine through? Chris & Matt: Our friends and family are incredibly important to both of us, so making it possible for all of our guests to really spend a lot of time with us was a necessity. We invited everyone to stay at the Inn, placed our head table in the center of the room, and made plenty of space for dancing. We also added our own touches to the room with romantic candelabras and mercury glass candle holders. When it came to the dancing, Matt added flash with brightly colored uplighting, and spinning, computer controlled dance lights.

Chris & Matt: We loved how effortlessly the all elements of our design – the natural views, the spring time floral arrangements, the candles and lighting – came together and allowed the wedding to transition from a peaceful, bucolic scene into a classy and energetic night club! Happy: Of all the incredible things you did to make the space your own, what was the most important one for you? Chris & Matt: We decided to place one of our framed engagement photos inside of a wine glass as a gift for each of our guests. Not only did it give our guests a piece of our life together but everyone had a great time trading and comparing their photos. Happy: Are there any final thoughts you have for us? Chris & Matt: Our time at Esperanza was everything we thought it would be and more! We worked so hard to make the day a success and everything turned out so well – better than we could have ever imagined.

INSPIRATIONS |VENUE SPOTLIGHT

Happy: What was your favorite thing about your design and the way it worked with the space?

Things to Keep in Mind When Searching for the One!

Understand the season.

Just because a certain venue looks drop-dead gorgeous during a certain time of year doesn’t mean that it’s going to look like that every season. Make sure that you visit the space or look at photographs that were taken during the same time of year that your wedding is going to take place, because even though a location may be spectacular in the summer or stunning in the spring doesn’t mean it will shine just as brightly for a winter or fall wedding and, just the same, if a space is incredible in the fall or winter it doesn’t mean it will pack the same punch in warmer months.

Just the right size.

One of the first things you need to book after your engagement is your wedding venue. Even though you won’t have an exact number for the size of your event, you should still be able to determine an approximation of how many guests you plan to invite. Go with a reasonable estimate – somewhere in the middle of where you believe you’ll fall – and keep that number in mind when visiting different spaces. It doesn’t matter how head-over-heels in love you are with a space if it won’t hold enough people to accommodate your guest list. Just think how awful it would be to book your venue only to realize later on that the 150 people you actually wanted to invite won’t all fit into a space that only holds 75.

What’s included?

Every venue offers different amenities for the events that are held there and, depending upon what is included or not, it can really make or break your budget. Is the catering included? Do they provide the tables, chairs, and place settings? Are there any hidden charges? Even though the venue fee itself may not seem too expensive, you have to remember that the less it includes the more your budget will have to increase for other items.

How to Choose Your Wedding Venue

Lighting is probably one of the most important things to consider when selecting your wedding venue. Visit your prospective venue on multiple occasions, all at different times of the day and especially during the time of day your ceremony and reception are going to take place. The amount of natural light within the space – too much, too little or through poorly placed windows – is huge, especially when it comes to your photography. And, don’t overlook the artificial lighting within the space. Once the sun sets you want to be sure everything will look just as beautiful as it does in the middle of the day.

Know your vision.

Are you going for vintage glam? Chic and sophisticated? A rustic elegance? You can mold just about any space into your own vision but it certainly helps if the bones are already there. You don’t want to make anything harder than it needs to be – especially when it comes to planning your wedding – so think about how each venue will work within the scope of your dream day. For example, if you want a super modern, urban feel then selecting a space that is filled with old world accents and classic charm is probably not the best decision you can make. Just as importantly, understand what is and isn’t allowed within the space. Do you want the room spilling over with candles or greenery dripping down from the ceiling? Make sure that the venue doesn’t have any restrictions on what sort of decorations can be used – and if they do, make sure it won’t impact your vision.

INSPIRATIONS | HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR WEDDING VENUE

The light!

Genavieve Shingle

ow meaningful are your wedding vows? Well, I believe they are the truest, rawest, heart-filled promises you can make to another person. They bind you. They are the anchor that will keep you together through anything and everything that lies ahead. They are your promises of eternal love and faithfulness. Your vows are the most important part. The most sacred moment. When we look for a partner, what we deeply, truly

desire is someone who is going to inspire us. Teach us, love us, grow with us, and allow us to blossom. Someone to light us on fire in both good and bad ways because this is what bears our passion. This is not completion, this person is not a half making you whole. This is better than that. This is expansion. This person is making you, well, more you. For so many years I thought that I needed a significant other to make me happy; to make me a whole person. I thought that the source of my unhappiness was

that I was single. So, after a breakup, I would run to another person, clinging to the potential of their love. I would put the blame on others rather than taking the responsibility for my own actions myself. And then, I met someone. Elizabeth Gilbert, in Eat, Pray, Love, writes, ‘People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.’ And this is so true. 54 PLANNING | WEDDING VOWS

What defines a marriage is the

promise that

you are making to your partner.

The woman I met has been my mirror. With her, not because of her, I have been able to overcome many struggles. With her, I have started a business. With her, I am more myself than I have ever been in my life. Again, not because of her, but with her – her love, her help, her support. Do I need her? Nope. I am a whole, functional woman with a job, a family, friends, and a lot of amazingness. But do I want her there, by my side, to share all of these things? Absolutely. This is why I do what I do. I am a sucker for love. I am

someone who has always believed that marriage is not defined by the ring you wear; it is not defined by the ceremony itself. What defines a marriage is the promise that you are making to your partner. And that promise lives in the words you exchange to each other. That promise is your vows. Your vows are the commitment you are making – in front of your family and friends and, ultimately, the world – to one person and for the rest of your life. A pledge of eternal love, of fidelity, of being by the other’s side – for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…. forever. So, I would say, yes, your vows are incredibly and undeniably meaningful. They mean you’ve found your mirror – your perfect complement. They mean everything. Genavieve Shingle is the founder of My Little Vow (www.mylittlevow. com) where she helps couples struggling to write their wedding vows find the perfect words for their perfect day. She is also a corporate lawyer residing in New York City with her love and business coach, Jordana Jaffe, and their kitty cat. Make sure to follow her on Facebook and Twitter @mylittlevow.

when flowers matter..

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JAG STUDIOS

Write Those Vows!

4 Ways to Ditch Your Writer’s Block For Good!

Step one:

First, close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out. Repeat. Repeat again.

Keep your eyes closed and just think about the things that you love and adore about the person you are going to marry (I hope you’re smiling right now).

Step three:

Now, just start writing it out. Recall your first date. Your first kiss. The first time you said I love you. When you knew they were ‘the one’. Picture in your head the proposal. Is there a funny story about your relationship? Inside jokes that only the two of you share? What emotions come to mind? Write them down and next to that jot down what the occasion was. Maybe it was the first time you held hands; maybe it was just a Wednesday afternoon when you both slept in, played hooky and lounged in your sweatpants watching bad reruns all day. Regardless, there will be moments from your relationship that will stand out to you and bring all of those feelings to the surface. The key is just getting them down on paper. They don’t have to be polished or perfectly written – just get them out.

Step four:

Read everything that you have just written aloud so you can hear how it sounds. What jumps out at you? When you read each note out loud, are there certain instances that were just so easy to talk about, they flowed right out of your mouth? There are the winners. Find what invokes the most emotion within you and that is what you want to share. Those stories, those promises, those feelings that live within you – the ones that are always at the forefront of your mind; the images and thoughts that surface when someone else says your fiancé’s name – that is what you write about. That is what you share with your love. -Genavieve Shingle

56 PLANNING | WEDDING VOWS

e have all heard the term ‘writer’s block’ before, especially when it’s time to sit down and write something particularly difficult. But, I believe, that writer’s block is simply a state of mind. It is your body telling you that maybe you just need a break. Maybe you need to go get a breath of fresh air, a new cup of coffee, or meditate for a few minutes. When it comes to writing your vows, and writer’s block rears its ugly head, remember this: everything you need to know is already within you, you just have to find a way to let it out.

Step two:

SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL EVENTS PRESENTS... PRESENTS...

warehouse EVENT RENTALS

WH127RENTALS.COM 585.506.9274

Gorgeous Real Weddings! We want these next few pages to inspire you – visually and emotionally. We want you to know that your wedding doesn’t have to subscribe to a specific mold; it doesn’t have to look like it came from the pages of a magazine. Because while these weddings are gorgeous – filled with thoughtful, stunning details – the real thing that made them so wonderful was the two people who came together and promised the rest of their lives to each other.

Sarah Jeremy A Rustic, Romantic Wedding

e had a pretty good idea of everything we wanted right from the very beginning – it was just a matter of putting all the details together. Jeremy and I both have always wanted to get married outdoors and I knew my parent’s house in Mendon would be the perfect space to work with. I’ve dreamt about planning my wedding since I was a little girl and I couldn’t wait to turn my vision into a reality. I wanted a rustic, modern feel with lots of romance, so I mixed burlap table cloths and wooden chairs with mercury glass candlesticks, vases, and votives; strung lights through the trees; and used a lot of candles. I’ve worked at J. Crew for seven years and have always known when it came time for me to get married, that was where my dress would be from. I love their dresses –timeless, elegant, and exactly my style – so, my mom and I made an appointment at their bridal boutique in New York City. Before the appointment, I constantly looked online at their dresses and fell in love with one I couldn’t wait to see in person. Then one day, I saw it was out of stock. Devastated, I called to see if there was any way they could get more. They told me there was one left in my size at the warehouse. I ordered it immediately! I made myself wait until

my appointment in the city to try it on and it was perfect. It was absolutely meant to be.

60 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

One of the best parts of the day was the surprise Jeremy gave me. I LOVE fireworks and was disappointed that I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be able to have them at our wedding. But, as the night was nearing an end, Jeremy arranged to have an amazing fireworks display just for me â&#x20AC;&#x201C; it was a moment I will never forget! Also, we are so thankful and appreciative for everything our families did for our wedding day. We would never have been able to get it all done without their endless love and support.

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Tammy Swales Ceremony & Reception Venue Bride’s family home Tables, Chairs, Linens & Dinnerware McCarthy Rentals Catering Marche Culinary Events Cake Premier Pastry Music Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra Wedding Dress & Bride’s Shoes J.Crew Groom & Groomsmen's Attire J.Crew

Ruth Brendon A Creative, Emotional Wedding

or our wedding, we really wanted it to feel like us. We certainly wanted it to feel like a wedding but we’re not particularly traditional people so we focused on making sure that all of the aspects of our day really worked to reflect exactly who we are. We wanted everyone to feel like a part of our day since we had guests coming from all over. We wanted the style to be a bit quirky, like us. We knew that picking the right vendors meant everything. We wanted to work with people who understood us and whose creativity would help to build an incredible day; truly representing us from the flowers, to the cake, to every single little detail. It was always our plan to write our own vows. We’re both creative and expressive people so we knew that by saying our own vows the day would truly be ours. In an effort to make it ‘equal’ I suggested a word limit and, as silly as it sounds, it worked! We still had plenty of space to capture our feelings and, from a logistical perspective, it made the ceremony run smoothly. Neither of us actually wrote them until the day before – we always knew what we wanted to say and didn’t really feel pressured to find the right words. Not only was it incredibly emotional, hearing each other speak so

openly, but we were both able to truly capture how we felt about starting this journey together. After the ceremony, so many of our guests told us how touched they were by our vows and we couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have been happier!

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66 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Tammy Swales Flowers Stacy K Music Masterbrass Ceremony & Reception Venue/Catering Woodcliff Hotel and Spa Officiant Kelly Kilmer Hall Table Linens Table Toppers of Rochester Invitations/Menus/Programs/Place Card Printing Up Up Creative (Julie Green) Table Numbers TiffZippy Gift Card Box A Stylish Design Cake Topper Deliziare Calligraphy (placecards) Koi Kalligraphia Ring Bowl Say Your Piece Bridal Jewelry (necklace and earrings) Lisa Hopkins Design Ceramic Hair Flower DK Designs Hawaii Groom's Jacket Label Initial Impressions Bride's Dress "Zelda" by Vera Wang Bride's Shoes Christian Louboutin Bride's Veil "Monet" by Toni Federichi Brides Engagement Ring/Wedding Band Alex Sepkus Bridesmaid Dresses Amsale Groom's Suit Hickey Freeman Groom's Shirt Hugh & Crye (Washington, DC) Groom's Shoes Allen Edmonds Groomsmen Suits Joseph Abboud Ties and Pocket Squares Tie Obsessed Socks Sock Broker Ketubah Naomi Broudo

...we were both able to truly capture how we felt about starting this journey together.

Renée Phil An Urban, Vintage Wedding

hen it came time to put everything together, Phil and I were really inspired by our favorite restaurant and ‘go-to’ spot, Good Luck. We love the menu, the drinks, the atmosphere – we wanted that same urban, Brooklyn feel for our wedding. We were married in four short months and would never have been able to pull it off without the help of our loving and generous family and friends. The attention to detail that everyone put into this day was more than we could have possibly imagined. The team we worked with perfectly captured the vintage feel that we had envisioned in such a unique and personal way – incorporating old family photographs and keepsakes – to create a truly perfect occasion. We also had the most incredible band, the Debbie Kendrick Blues Band, play at the wedding. A few years ago, Phil and his friends began throwing an annual Christmas party and the first year his friend, Padraic, stumbled across Debbie’s band on Craig’s List. Five Christmas parties and a number of weddings later, Debbie has become a close friend and staple of all our celebrations! She brings blues, jazz, swing, and soul music together in a way that creates an amazing energy – we knew she would keep the dance floor moving all night.

Phil and I actually stole the stage to perform a few songs with our own band, The Vassar Brothers. The group is such a unique part of our relationship and made up of our closest friends â&#x20AC;&#x201C; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s where Phil and I discovered singing together! Being able to perform together on our wedding day, with all our friends and family there to share it, was one of the most wonderful and memorable moments.

68 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Tammy Swales Wedding Planning and Design Jenna Knauf of Bella & Co. Flowers Stacey K Floral Music Debbie Kendrick Blues Band Reception Venue Max at High Falls Ceremony Venue Colgate Chapel at the Rochester Divinity School Wedding Cake Upper Crust Cakery Pastries Cheesy Eddie’s Pies Sweet Melissa’s Bake Shop Rentals McCarthy Rentals Invitations/Programs Brian Loughner Hair/Makeup Tru Salon on Park Avenue Bride’s Dress Peggy’s Bridal

70 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Andrea Paolo A Nautical Themed, Yacht Club Wedding

e really wanted a nautical wedding since sailing has always been such a big part of our family. We set the tone right from the save-the-dates – our graphic designer helped us choose a theme with signal flags, anchors, and the bold colors that we love. It was awesome because people really loved it – some chose special gifts associated with our theme and others dressed in those colors for the wedding! When it came to finding a location, we definitely raised some eyebrows by picking Rochester as our ‘destination wedding’ (Paolo is from Naples, Italy and I’m from Newport) but I have so much family history there it was an easy – and awesome! – choice. Family is extremely important to both of us, so we decided on our venue, The Rochester Yacht Club, because it’s where my parents grew up sailing and were married thirty-one years ago. It was amazing to be able to share those memories with them. We also included pictures of our parents on their wedding day in the decorations – my parents have been married for thirtyone years and Paolo’s for forty-one – and we definitely hope to continue their legacy of a happy marriage! One of the best parts of the day was sitting up on the altar at the church and

looking out across all of our friends. It was incredibly touching that so many people travelled so far. Also, standing on the bow of our friend’s boat out on the river – just Paolo and I looking back at the yacht club it was such a special moment that we had all to ourselves.

72 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Vendor Love

â&#x2122;Ľ

Photography Tammy Swales Ceremony & Reception Venue Rochester Yacht Club Catering Rochester Yacht Club Wedding Dress Paloma Blanca Bridesmaid Dresses Alfred Sung, The Dessy Group Groom & Groomsmen Attire Brooks Brothers

74 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Graphic Design & All Paper Products Lindsey Designs Band Nik and the Nice Guys Cake Upper Crust Cakery Flowers Kittlebergers Hotel Hampton Inn Webster Trolley Diamonds Limo Guest Transportation First Student

It was incredibly touching that so many people travelled so far.

Rachel David A Colorful, DIY Filled Wedding

avid and I decided to be married at Cornell University. It holds such a special place in our hearts – I grew up there, we both went to school there, David played baseball there and, most importantly, it’s where we met. What we really wanted was to have everyone come together and just have an awesome time. We both have small families that are spread out across the country so it’s very rare for everyone to be together in one place, at one time. This made the whole planning process pretty laid back – we were definitely less worried with how everything looked and more worried if there would be enough drinking and dancing. We are so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such talented and artistic friends and family – it meant we were able to do a lot of things ourselves. Throughout our engagement David and I got together with everyone to work on each project. It made everything even more special because it got everyone together and excited for the wedding – we all had a part in pulling everything together. But, my favorite DIY was our desserts! Dessert is my thing, so I really wanted it to be amazing. My family is from the south and baking is in our blood. My mom (with help of course!) handmade all of

our desserts from old family recipes – some generations old – and it was incredible to be able to share that with everyone.

76 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

One of the best parts of the day was our first look. I am so happy we did that! Afterwards, David and I snuck off with Ali to take pictures at some of our favorite places on campus. That part of our day really stands out in my mind. To just have that time to be together – taking everything in and revisiting the places that were the foundations of our history – was incredibly comforting. It was wonderful to have those intimate moments between just the two of us.

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Ali Dean for Tammy Swales Studio Ceremony & Reception Cornell University Cutting Cake Wegmans Desserts Bride’s family Flowers Plenty of Posies Makeup & Hair Miel Beauty Invitations Bride’s brother/Standard Art Supply Music Cocktail Hour Bobby Walpole and Dee Specker Music Reception Bride’s brother Catering Premier Catering/Cornell Catering Wedding Planner Terra Rosa (Tara Reimer) Dress New York Bride

78 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

To just have that time to be together – taking everything in and revisiting the places that were the foundations of our history – was incredibly comforting.

Genevieve Molly A Locally Sourced, Intimate Wedding

he life we’ve built together was really the inspiration for our day. We didn’t want to just do something, we wanted to help create more somethings. So we made sure to keep everything as locally sourced as possible. Molly and I wanted a focus on community, on sharing, and on organic, living landscapes – really, a focus on all things local: food, wine, spirits, vendors. But it was definitely our AMAZING wedding planners that pulled everything together. We are still in awe of the day they created – the greenhousemeets-apothecary feel was absolutely perfect for us. It was more stunning than we could have imagined. When it came to choosing our wedding parties we both picked very quickly and without hesitation. We had very strong reactions and knew exactly who we wanted to stand up with us. In every photograph from the wedding, there is at least one person – and usually everyone – cracking up. The complete and pure joy we see on everyone’s faces makes us so happy, and so sure, we had the right people with us. We actually spent the weekend before our wedding at Molly’s family cottage, so by the time the wedding rolled around there was already such a strong sense of community between everyone. It was absolutely magical.

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The complete and pure joy we see on everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s faces makes us so happy

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Tammy Swales Wedding Design Gather (Heather Hallagan and Melissa Thompson) Flowers Gather Venue Fontainebleau Inn Catering Stone Cat Café Desserts Daphne's Delights Music The Destination and The Evil City String Band (Steve Selin, Richie Stearns, Rosie Newton) Brides’s Dress Luly Yang Brides’s Tuxedo Jacket Stella McCartney Brides’s Tuxedo Pants Custom Tailored by Gian DeCaro Wedding Party J. Crew Wedding & Engagement Rings The Goldsmith (Binghamton, NY)

82 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Jennie Bryan A Quirky, Bicycle-Inspired Wedding

oth Bryan and I knew from the beginning we wanted to have a great party. We also knew we wanted our wedding to be outdoors and definitely not ‘cookie cutter.’ I was immediately drawn to the idea of a barn wedding. Bryan and I are both avid bikers and really enjoy the outdoors, so a rustic, bike-filled, barn wedding seemed like the perfect fit – luckily our friends were willing to rent us theirs for the day. We are also huge foodies and love a good glass of beer so we really focused on having amazing food and drinks – we even gave out pint glasses as favors and all the food was prepared on a large grill outside, so not only was it super fresh but it smelled delicious. I’m not the biggest DIY-er but Bryan and I did almost everything for our wedding ourselves and it was a blast. My sister and I chose all the fabrics for the altar and created the backdrop ourselves. We also made all the cupcake stands (with the help of my brother-in-law), embossed the place cards, and used an old door for an artful display of the seating assignments. When it came to the invitations, programs, favors, and guestbook, Bryan actually designed everything himself.

We were originally planning on having the ceremony outside at Mendon Ponds Park (where we first met) but on the morning of, it was raining and we had to make the snap decision to have our ceremony in the barn as well. It ended up being the best decision we made! The barn became the perfect backdrop for our ceremony â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the only lights were string lights and, with the harpist playing softly in the background, it

84 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

...the only lights were string lights and, with the harpist playing softly in the background, it created just the right mix of cozy and romantic.

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Jenny Berliner Venue Private Residence Catering All Occasions Catering Harpist Roxanne Ziegler Band Nick Lite of Nick and the Nice Guys Flowers Wisteria Flowers & Gifts Rentals McCarthy Tents & Events Bride’s Dress David's Bridal Bride’s Shoes Banana Republic Bridal Jewelry The Gem Lab Bridesmaid Dresses David's Bridal Bridesmaid Necklaces Otis B Jewelry (Etsy) Groom’s Suit Banana Republic Groomsmen Ties Calvin Klein Flower Girl’s Dress Zulily Bride & Bridesmaid Hair Pharaoh's Hairum (Carrie Silva Martin) Cupcakes Zoey Cakes Cake Topper Heather Boyd Wire (Etsy) Favors Casual Friday Invites/ Programs/ Guest Book Poster Designed by the Groom, Printed by Canfield & Tack

86 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

created just the right mix of cozy and romantic. Bryan and I wrote our own vows, a wonderful blend of sweet and funny and by far the best part. Our band was incredible and the party turned out great – there was lots and LOTS of dancing. We even made a camp fire outside as the evening grew colder so our guests could stay warm and we brought plenty of s’mores ingredients for the kids! The one thing Bryan says about our wedding day (and I agree!) is that it was just perfect. We couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Annie Richard A Playful, Personal Wedding

ich and I are both freespirited kids at heart but, at the same time, we still adore classic, sophisticated looks. We chose a hot pink and orange color palette – our venue was an elegant space filled with a beautiful simplicity – because we wanted to use colors that not only worked with the space but also really popped and added a lot of character. The colors really symbolized who we are – happy, carefree and always laughing! – so we made sure to integrate them into every aspect of our day. We are huge fans of Kidrobot and love to collect their figurines. So for the wedding we spray-painted a collection of Munnys with our colors and incorporated them into our grass centerpieces. We also asked our friend, Robert LaQuinta, to create mini versions of Rich and me as our cake toppers! Celebrating our inner child was definitely what we wanted – the whole day was such a perfect expression of both our personalities. On our wedding day, my maid of honor actually surprised us with a video that she had created with the entire bridal party and all our dearest friends. I knew my bridesmaids before I met Rich – they’ve been my closest friends since junior high school – and the four

of us are virtually quadruplets. At the end of the night I actually changed into the same dress that they were wearing, it was the perfect way to keep our traditions alive and to show my immense love for my friends. They are pretty much like sisters to me!

88 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Vendor Love

â&#x2122;Ľ

Photography Tammy Swales Ceremony & Reception Venue Prospect Park Audubon Center Officiant Michael Liu Catering Moveable Feast Florist Judy Chein Cake Miriam Milord Wedding Dress Alita Graham from Kleinfeld Bridal Accessories Ann Taylor Bridesmaid Attire Betsey Johnson Groom & Groomsmen Attire Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wearhouse & Calvin Klein Hair & Makeup Terrance Welcher and Sissi Chan DJ TLC Entertainment Dance Instruction 10 week customized dance course at Dance Sport! Favors Beau-Coup.com

90 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Alex

Scott A Whimsical, Romantic, Lush Wedding

e definitely wanted the feel of our wedding to be a culmination of the two of us. In my head, I kept thinking of Sophia Coppola’s a Marie Antoinette – lux and fanciful but with an organic, natural twist. Scott and I have always loved the phrase ‘I love you to the moon and back’ and our own variation ‘I love you line’ (because it doesn’t end….get it?!) so we really wanted it to feel like an evening under the stars – just so magical. We both have large families who we are very close with and really wanted to highlight that as well, which we did by hanging beautiful, old family photographs above the cocktail bar. There were also tons of DIY projects! Pretty much anything that was paper I designed and either printed myself of had professionally done. Our family and friends all pitched in to tie ribbons, cut paper, and glue things together. But, when it came to the big stuff, we left it to the professionals. I drew detailed sketches for things like the tablescapes and the installation over the bar and then worked with them to create my vision. So much work went into everything; we were so lucky to be surrounded by such supportive people to help us with all the crazy projects we came up with!

92 INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

When I think about our wedding day, the whole thing plays though my mind like a mini-movie. Starting immediately afterwards, I would make Scott sit there and replay things over and over from the beginning to the end. I didn’t want to lose a single detail. It really, truly was the best day of my life. It was a day I had been dreaming about for years but you don’t really know what it’s going to be like until it happens. It was incredible. And, of course, seeing that handsome guy at the end of the aisle was amazing….a tux suits him well.

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Tammy Swales Ceremony Venue St. Louis Catholic Church Event Planner and Linens Chantiza Stern of Table Toppers of Rochester Floral Design Wisteria Flowers and Gifts Wedding Dress Reem Acra Wedding Shoes Manolo Blahnik Earrings Elizabeth Cole Jewelry Hair Sherry Brown of Shear Hair Etc. Design Studio Makeup Joan Lincoln Bridesmaid Dresses Jim Hjelm Occasions Groom & Groomsmen Attire Black by Vera Wang Wedding Caterer Joe Prattico Wedding Cake Premier Pastry Pies Monica’s Pies Pastries Cafe Caruso Wedding Music Nik and the Nice Guys Party Rentals Hank Parker Party and Tent Rentals Vintage Dishes Petunia Rose Lighting Ed Hufsmith of High Wire Lighting House Lighting Ken Estes with Estes Country Gardens & Design Additional Landscaping Blackwood Management Videographer Brian Swereda of Video Tech Productions

INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Garter BHLDN

Jocelyn Joe A Beachy, Tradition Infused Wedding

oe and I definitely drew a lot of our wedding inspiration from the ocean. We both love the beach and spend a lot of time there – almost every weekend of the summer is spent at the beach. Also, turquoises and blues have always been some of my favorite colors so when it came to an inspiration, sea glass seemed like a natural fit. But I wasn’t completely sure until one night, when we went out to buy wine, there was a bottle called ‘SeaGlass’ which had the most beautiful label – it was then that I really got inspired over it. We even created escort cards using pieces of sea glass and a signature cocktail inspired by the beach. Our heritage is very important to us so we decided to perform a variation on a traditional Chinese tea ceremony – one of the most sacred rituals of a Chinese wedding – in order to honor both sides of our family. It was the perfect way to show our respect and gratitude for the people who had raised us and brought us to this joyous moment in our lives. Our family members sat in chairs while we served them tea in a specific order, beginning with our parents and then moving from eldest to youngest. We also performed two choreographed dances! We had been taking dance lessons on and off for about five years

and Joe arranged a rhumba as our first dance. Then, after we changed into our traditional Chinese garb, we performed a tango.

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The whole day was just overwhelmingly happy â&#x20AC;&#x201C; having my best friend holding my hand and all our loved ones around us. I loved being announced as husband and wife for the first time. And the feeling I had, just before I walked down the aisle, was so wonderful.

Vendor Love

♥

Photography Tammy Swales Invitations and Save-The-Dates Bride and Michelle Bedigian Florist Jerusalem Florist Ceremony & Reception Venue Allegria Hotel & Spa Officiant Minister Ulysses Wang Bride’s Dress Demetrios Bridesmaid Dresses Ann Taylor Groom & Groomsmen Attire Jean Yves DJ After Hours Entertainment Videographer Pennylane Productions

INSPIRATIONS | REAL WEDDINGS

Alterations Bride’s Mother

e love details! And when it comes to weddings, details make the day. They are the threads that hold everything together. From the colors and textures in your bouquet and centerpieces to the design of your escort cards and table numbers to the shoes and jewelry you wear, details act like a net gathering the story of your day together. It is through the details that a coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s personality really

shines through â&#x20AC;&#x201C; they are the best way to show who you are and what you value. These next few pages hold some of our all-time FAVORITE details. And, they are all from REAL weddings. We hope these images inspire you and show you how important details are when it comes to telling your own story and letting your personality shine through on your own big day!

100 INSPIRATIONS | DETAIL PORN

sweet details

102 INSPIRATIONS | DETAIL PORN

sparkly details

104 INSPIRATIONS | DETAIL PORN

sole details

106 INSPIRATIONS | DETAIL PORN

printed details

108 INSPIRATIONS | DETAIL PORN

floral details

110 INSPIRATIONS | DETAIL PORN

Our Favorite Bouquets!

hen it comes to weddings, this year is set to be the year of the flower and we couldn’t be more excited. Gorgeous flowers (and plenty of them) are always sure-to-be showstoppers, especially when it comes to the bride’s bouquet! The bouquet is one of the most traditional elements of a wedding ceremony and was originally carried to ward off evil spirits and bad luck. Today, it

is one of the best ways for a bride to add some personalization and color to her day. We believe bouquets are so important for a bride on her wedding day that we’ve decided to share some of our favorites with you. We are SO in love with these stunning bouquets and we can’t wait to see what the next wedding season is going to bring.

INSPIRATIONS | FAVORITE BOUQUETS

Bouquet Credits Facing page: Stacy K; This page clockwise from top left: Sassafras, Arenas, Wisteria, Arenas, Homemade by the Bride

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INSPIRATIONS | FAVORITE BOUQUETS

Bouquet Credits Facing page clockwise from top left: Stacy K, Plenty of Posies, Hurd Orchards; This page clockwise from top: Kittelbergers, Petal Pushers, Arenas

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�Flower Girls

and* Ring Bearers Edition� ou’ve already chosen your wedding gown, the bridesmaid dresses, and tuxes for the groom and groomsmen, but what about the flower girl and ring bearer? You spend so much time agonizing over what everyone else is going to wear, don’t let yourself forget about them. Instead, let your vision and their personalities shine through on your big day, especially when it comes to their outfits. We want to show you just

how fabulous a little playfulness and A LOT of style can look on your wedding party’s youngest members. Whether it’s woodland whimsy, simply chic, or evening glamour, these next three styles are sure to please and get you thinking outside of the box. We know you want everyone to look their best on wedding day, and that means the flower girl and ring bearer too!

Photography: Tammy Swales Styling: Courtney Winslow Headpiece/Boutonniere: Charles Arena Candyland/Black&White Styling: Kelli Berg Photography Assistant/ Stylist: Jason Michael Ripple

STYLE | FLOWER GIRLS AND RING BEARERS

Show Stealers

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Where To Buy

deLux

moose hat

DOLCE AND GABANNA bowtie

blaser & shirt

KITESTRINGS pants

Oeuf

racoon tail

HUNTER boots

OEUF

crown

Vintage collar

Pale CLOUD jacket

CREWCUTS dress

STEVE MADDEN shoes

Cash: Blazer and Shirt by Armani Junior (saks.com), Plaid Pants by Kitestrings (saks. com), Velvet Bowtie by Dolce and Gabbana (saks.com), Raccoon Tail and Nose by Oeuf (barneys.com), Moose Hat by deLux (amazon.com). Union Jack Boots by Hunter (zappos.com)

STYLE | FLOWER GIRLS AND RING BEARERS

Armani Junior

Mae: Dress by Crewcuts (jcrew. com), Jacket by Pale Cloud (barneys. com) Crown by Oeuf (barneys.com), Red Riding Hood Cape by Siaomimi Paly (barneys.com), Studded Sneakers by Steve Madden 118 (zappos.com), Tiara by Crewcuts (jcrew.com), Fur Collar (vintage).

STELLA MCCARTNEY umbrella

TOM AND DREW

blazer & bowtie

JOE BLACK shirt

120 STYLE | FLOWER GIRLS AND RING BEARERS

CREWCUTS belt

CREWCUTS pants

CREWCUTS loafers

Where To Buy Mae: Dress and Sweater by Crewcuts (jcrew. com), Shoes by Crewcuts (jcrew. com), Wand and Headband by Puppet Workshop (barneys.com) Cash: Blazer and Bowtie by Tom and Drew (tomanddrewboys. com), Polka Dot Shirt by Joe Black (Joe Black, Paris), Seersucker Pants by Crewcuts (jcrew. com), Orange Suede Loafers by Crewcuts (jcrew. com), Belt by Crewcuts (jcrew.com)

PUPPET WORKSHOP

wand & headband

CREWCUTS

dress, & sweater

CREWCUTS

shoes

Where To Buy

CREWCUTS

tie & tux shirt tux jacket & pants

HAPPY SOCKS socks

CONVERSE

sneakers

KidKim

racoon stole

Lisa Perry dress

Hazel Village dolls

Kenneth Cole Reaction boots

Cash: Tux Jacket and Pants by La Miniatura (barneys.com), Tux Shirt, Plaid Tie, and Happy Socks by Crewcuts (jcrew.com), Sneakers by Converse (zappos.com).Â Props: Lion and Mouse Dolls by Hazel Village (barneys.com)

122 STYLE | FLOWER GIRLS AND RING BEARERS

LA MINIATURA

Mae: Dress by Lisa Perry (barneys.com), Raccoon Knit Stole by KidKim by Eugina Kim (barneys.com), Moto Boots by Kenneth Cole Reaction (zappos.com)

FINDING happIly

EVER-AFTER Elena M. Stiehler

LOVE lasts because we allow it to. Relationships don’t become stale and exhausting because they are doomed from the beginning, through marriage and children and fading desire. They don’t fail because they are too hard. Relationships fail because we lose our way. We slip too easily into being hateful and cruel; into keeping silent when we should speak and screaming when we should simply listen.

There is a phenomenon known as love blindness – that we see our partners as the same people we first fell in love with no matter how much they’ve changed, physically or otherwise – that appears in couples who have remained content and in love with each other over the years. But love blindness isn’t about ignoring our partner’s faults. It isn’t about ignoring the

changes we see in each other. It’s about sustaining our positive illusions and listening to the quietly hopeful voices inside of us. The voices telling us to love completely and with everything we have; telling us it’s OK to love so hard and with such abandon. Love isn’t about the grand gestures – the extravagant gifts and fancy dinners. It isn’t about who’s right and who’s wrong or how many times a mistake has been repeated. Love is about faith and trust and companionship. Our relationships grow in strength and depth through the quiet moments and the little gestures. Love is a kiss at the door when you come home after work. Love is holding each other as you fall asleep. Love is saying, ‘I love you’ and ‘thank you’; saying them often and without agenda or haste. We spend so much time

worrying about the future; fighting and struggling over something we have no control over. And, in doing this, we close ourselves off from something greater. Don’t fill your world up with regrets and remorse; with anger and hatred. Don’t lose sight of the beauty in your day to day. Don’t lose sight of your partner and of your promises, focusing only on what was or what could be. Because, we are born to love. We hold within us the capacity to love entirely, eternally and without restriction. And that is greater than anything that could have been or might yet be. Remember to listen to your own heart; your own mind. Remember to love and live together in each and every moment because it’s not the beginning or the end where our love lives, it is in the middle. In every day that passes together.

THINKING CAP | FINDING HAPPILY EVER AFTER

It’s not our fault. We are raised on stories of betrayal, of dishonesty and divorce. Eventually, we believe it is normal to be dissatisfied; that disenchantment is the status quo. But it’s time we stop being afraid to believe in the fantasy. It’s time we stop complaining about our significant others – stop belaboring their faults and our frustrations over and over again, focusing only on the struggles and petty betrayals of our everyday lives. Yes, accepting our happiness is terrifying. After all, if we are happy, then we can become unhappy. And so it seems easier to make sure we never lose, than to risk to love too strongly.

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In every sweetly simple gesture and every small intimate moment. If love is a decision, a series of choices we have to make each and every day, then it is the decision to overcome our own natures; to let go of the past and future and instead, live and love in the moments as they are given to us. To give ourselves to our partners fully and without hesitation or doubt. And, if we can do this. If we can make these choices and stick with them. Well, we will have found a love to last a lifetime. We will have found our own happilyever-after.

“IT’S NOT THE BEGINNING OR THE END WHERE OUR LOVE LIVES,

IT IS IN THE MIDDLE”

Stolen Kisses:

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e don’t believe that love should be difficult. Of course, we’ve all heard it before: relationships are HARD work and if you want yours to last – well, you’d better get used to struggling until exhaustion. But we just don’t believe it should be THAT hard. Have you ever heard of bonding behaviors? No? Well get ready because these simple little gestures are going to keep your love happy and healthy for the long haul.

bypass our rationality and speak directly to our primitive selves. We’ve been hard-wired to keep our guard up until we perceive certain signals that someone is safe enough to relax with. And, without these types of signals being given consistently, no matter how strong the bond with your partner may have been initially, a subtle defensiveness will begin to creep up creating a slight, but increasing, emotional distance between the two of you.

OK, So How Do They Work? So, What Are Bonding Behaviors? Bonding behaviors, or attachment cues, are – put simply – basic behaviors that allow parents to bond with their children, groups of people to recognize each other as friends, and lovers to stay, well, in love. These fairly effortless behaviors

The best thing about bonding behaviors is that they are, for the most part, things most couples do in their everyday lives anyway. Things like cuddling, giving each other unsolicited approval, listening intently, hugging each other, and kissing on the lips. The list goes on, but here is the biggie when it comes to these behaviors: they are NOT about sex. This isn’t foreplay. These

actions are meant to be a way of selflessly offering comfort to your partner – THAT is what strengthens and preserves your relationship. These behaviors need to happen daily – or as close to daily as you can get – to be truly effective. But it’s worth it because unlike what we know as the ‘honeymoon phase,’ – you know, that warm, fuzzy, giddy feeling that makes us fall in love but tends to fade with the wear and tear of our everyday lives – bonding behaviors actually work to sustain that happy-go-lucky feeling indefinitely.

What's The Bottom Line? This WORKS. We’re not saying date nights, communication techniques, and…ahem…. intimacy don’t, we’re just saying that bonding behaviors can’t do anything but help. And, honestly, who doesn’t love an excuse for a little extra kissing and cuddling every day?!

THINKING CAP | FINDING HAPPILY EVER AFTER

How to Let Your Partner Know You Care

How to to How Lose Your Your Lose Best Friend Friend Best Bob Kane

an age-old story: two lovers coming together to be joined as one. The vows, the rituals, the affirmations, the joy and celebration of walking away united as a couple, sealed by the promises made to one another.

IT’s IT’s

costs. Today, many wedding vows stop just short of promising ‘til death do us part.’ And, while there are others who still find a way to embrace their relationships fully and with abandon, they are slowly disappearing.

At such moments the prospect of death is unthinkable. Even though we know, instinctively, that it will come to each of us one day, we ignore this truth. And, when death does arrive, we find ourselves lost; heart-broken and haunted by regrets of things said and unsaid, done and undone.

I believe deeply in the importance of preparation; of being in the moment and not taking things for granted. Of living authentically with our partners. There is no one form of grief nor is there a single answer of how to assuage the pain of loss. We are all born into this world with a beating heart which will one day cease to beat; speech which will become mute; breath which will halt; a physical presence which will fade away. We pass this way because we are mortal.

There is an inherent risk in becoming a couple; in keeping the promises we’ve made. We know, all too well, that we live in an ever-changing universe – a land of impermanence – and that if we choose to love, we are also choosing to, one day, lose. For some, this pain is too much to bear – a pain to be avoided at all

I believe, we need to invite our mortality into our lives. To pay greater attention to what is happening with our relationships, right now – our relationships with

Bob Kane has been an end-of-life educator and hospice caregiver for over twenty years. He has developed secondary school hospice curricula that is taught all over the world. His programs are internationally recognized, featured in print and media, as well as in the award winning documentary film Beginning with the End. Bob’s passion for providing access to end of life care in a home setting has led him to work with all of the comfort care homes in the greater Rochester area. Mr. Kane’s work in hospice has taken him to many regions outside the United States including Ireland, South Africa, Belize, China, India and Haiti.

ourselves, our environment, our communities, and our families but, above all, our relationships with each other. Because it is only then that the balm of love – of friendship and forgiveness and presence – will be able to temper the searing pain of our loss. It is only then that our incredible fear to love so deeply – to move toward such profound connection – will be erased.

MURIEL Met MET Chet CHET Muriel

When Chet was diagnosed with cancer, he had already retired from Gannett Newspapers, become a magician, and had been volunteering regularly at Highland Hospital for the last 20 years. But as the cancer finally caught up

with him, Chet’s quality of life began to diminish. “His doctor at Highland was wonderful and kept Chet comfortable at the hospital until there was a bed available at Advent House. I didn’t want to put him into a nursing home.” Chet was alert up until the last two days of his stay at Advent. “He could talk to everybody and he didn’t suffer a lot of pain. That helped me out. We’d been working up to this moment for about six years. Thankfully, Chet was able to finish writing his memoir, do Honor Flight, see his grandchildren and greatgrandchildren born – it was such a relief to have him in hospice care.” Muriel says that they both worked together for the long haul; that theirs was a good marriage. She also believes that forgiveness is of the utmost importance. “See the good in each other. Life is too short. Forgiveness is a lot easier than holding on to a grudge. Sometimes you can’t always forget a hurt, but you can forgive it.”

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Echoing these sentiments, Chet wrote in the closing chapter of his memoir, “I have had a good life and I have enjoyed this old world. If I had it to do all over again, and had a choice, I wouldn’t change very many things. Although I have never accumulated a lot of wealth, I have been very rich in many other ways.”

THINKING CAP | FINDING HAPPILY EVER AFTER

through a mutual friend while Chet was working a second job at Sibley’s Tie Counter. He had recently returned from active duty with the 757 Bomb Squadron and was highly decorated for his service, including having received three bronze stars. Their first date was December 17th, 1946. “We started dating,” Muriel recalls, “and by December the following year, on the anniversary of our first date, he gave me a ring. It wasn’t love at first sight,” Muriel smiles, “we both liked dancing, the water – we liked many of the same things and we enjoyed each other’s company. Our relationship just grew from there. I think we had the same goals. We weren’t overly religious but we both had a strong belief in God and that faith was always part of our family.”

Muriel Nothhard

Mike Bonocorsco

DEBBIE AND AND MIKE MIKE DEBBIE had been married for 24 years when Debbie lost her battle with cancer. Mike’s journey through his grief eventually led him to become a bereavement group facilitator for Lifetime Care. “Sooner or later you have to deal with your loss on an emotional level,” Mike says. “Men are less prone to seek help but I realized, very soon, that support was immensely important to my recovery. I am a different person now. I’ve gained so much more compassion and empathy for others. You never get over grief – it’s always with you – but you can get through it. There are as many types of grief as there are types of people. You learn quickly that most [of the] people that you thought would be there for you, really can’t be. Not in the way you need them to be. They can be there physically but they can’t really relate – nor should they.” Mike sees friendship as the most

important way to sustain a healthy relationship. “Debbie was my best friend and it added an extra dimension to everything, over and above her being my wife. And the feeling was mutual. No relationship is perfect but if something was going to draw us apart, we would figure out what the problem was and solve it. We talked openly with each other.” In the last year of Debbie’s five year bout with cancer, Mike found caring for her came naturally to him. “There was never a hesitation in my mind or a regret. Never a why me or why is this happening to her? It was the hand that we were dealt and we were just going to deal with it.” Family is crucial. Mike says he couldn’t envision going through this journey if he didn’t have their two sons. “I know who their mother is and they carry her presence. Debbie played a big role in their upbringing; she helped produce

two fine young men. As I look back, I see what a blessing it was to have her in my life. I feel that as we go on with our lives, we often don’t appreciate what we have while we have it.” As for advice? “Take one day at a time,” says Mike. “Don’t expect change to be overnight. Allow yourself to open up to whatever it takes. To be sad, to be angry, to feel whatever emotions come upon you. Let them go through. If you can seek others with whom you can share and learn from, that’s great. But don’t fight your feelings.” Today, Mike continues to see Debbie’s presence all around him. “But that’s just the physical things,” Mike comments. “There are times when I don’t need anything around at all to feel her presence. [Ours is] a beautiful story.”

Al Ormiston

Al and Audrey

“After Audrey died, I would go back to [our] lake house and try to keep busy,” Al reminisces. “Everybody has different ways of doing things. When Audrey was dying, I was very busy. You don’t get much sleep, as care goes round the clock. But you do what is needed.” To relieve some of the

strain, Al would play the piano, especially music from the twenties or some early rock and roll. “That was probably my tranquilizer,” Al says with a big grin. “It was great therapy for me when Audrey was having a bad day or we couldn’t talk with each other.” “There are a lot of memories,” says Al. “We spent a ton of time on the lake and we would go fishing on weekends. We’d leave work Friday, 5 o’clock, and go out and fish first thing in the morning. And man, could she fish!” When Audrey retired, she took up ceramics and eventually Al built a studio for her in their basement. “She eventually

became a ceramics teacher and won lots of blue ribbons. A lot of little pieces she made are around the house, so she’s all around me here.” “When I hear her name, it brings back memories and, I think, that’s the saddest part of life. You know, you meet people, you are together for a while, and then the road splits and you don’t get to see them again. You get to the point where you don’t want any more close relationships. You have a tendency to back off a bit. But, the main thing is to continue on regardless. Life doesn’t stop.”

130 THINKING CAP | FINDING HAPPILY EVER AFTER

had been married for twenty-eight years when Audrey passed away at Advent House only two days before her birthday in July of 2002. Al calls Advent House his grieving place. He believes that people need each other and volunteering at Advent has made all the difference in his life.

A Love to Last a Lifetime

RACHAEL DOLAN • GUEST CONTRIBUTER

y grandparents met for the first time in 1946. My grandfather – Jim Cassidy, age 20 – along with his identical twin brother, Bob, attended a local squaredance held in their town of Fairport, NY. Bob already had two dates waiting for him so when they arrived, he asked his brother to help him out and choose the one he liked.

My grandfather, a cane in each hand and brace on each leg from the severe injuries he had sustained during WWII, knew the minute he laid eyes on my grandmother that she was the one. It was love at first sight. Alice Williams was 16 years old. My grandfather walked over to her and she asked him to dance. He hesitated. My grandfather was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep up with his canes and

braces. But, my grandmother encouraged him and once they stepped out onto the floor, even my grandfather was impressed with how well he did. After that night, my grandparents kept in touch and, together, went to square dances held all around the city.

Alice and Jim were married on November 22, 1947. Last year marked their 66th wedding anniversary. I believe the love my grandparents share for each other is beyond admirable – it is iconic. It is such a rare thing to find your soul mate and, even more so, to be just as in love after 66 years of marriage, as when you first met. One of my favorite stories that my grandparents tell is of the time my grandfather met Norma Jean Dougherty, or as she is now known, Marilyn Monroe. She was singing at a GI concert for the soldiers of WWII in Jacksonville, FL and it was my grandfather that she just so happened to pick out of the crowd to dance with. Years later, in Saint Thomas for their 40th wedding anniversary, my grandmother and grandfather were walking along the water when a taxi driver pulled up to them and yelled to my grandfather, ‘Hey I know you. You’re the guy that slept with Marilyn Monroe!’ Afterwards, as my grandparents continued their walk, my grandmother reached over and slapped my grandfather on the arm saying, ‘You told me you only danced with her!’ My grandparents share the kind of love that is real – honest and unconditional – the kind that others spend their lifetimes searching for. I used to question what true love was. I saw my grandparent’s love as one-of-a-kind; something that I had never seen before between anyone else. They are more than a married couple, they’re best friends. Whenever my grandfather is ready to leave, he says to my grandmother, ‘Alice, let’s

My grandparents still hold hands all the time and do everything together. They would marry each other all over again – they would live the exact same life together, all over again. I once asked them what advice they would give to a young couple. They told me, ‘Be good to each other. And kiss each other every night before you go to bed, even if you are upset.’ Love isn’t always easy. But when you are lucky enough to find your other half, it can be unconditional and everlasting. I’ve been lucky and found that same love with my husband, Billy. And when you find that love, you should cherish every second of it. My grandparents have been such incredible role models in my life and in my marriage – they’ve led me to this amazing life. Billy and I can only hope to be half the inspiration to our own children, as my grandparents have been to us.

132 GUEST CONTRIBUTER | A LOVE TO LAST A LIFETIME

My grandfather believes that his legs and feet healed because of Alice. After only a few months of spending time together, my grandfather didn’t even have to use his canes anymore. Seven months after they began dating, my grandfather took my grandmother out to dinner at the local Howard Johnson. He pulled a diamond ring out of his pocket and, down on one knee, asked Alice to marry him. My grandmother immediately said yes.

go home and get reacquainted.’ For their 65th wedding anniversary my husband and I bought them matching gold charms engraved with ‘let’s get reacquainted.’ Now, they wear the charms around their necks every day.

We LOVE the impact of a bold blue, especially when it comes to weddings. And, blue isn’t just for the bride! Whether it’s the rehearsal dinner, wedding day, or honeymoon there are SO many ways to rock out this striking color. So, take note and get inspired! Here are some things we love that are all about reimagining that ‘something blue’ for everyone.

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1. katespade.com 2. katespade.com 3. sothebys.com 4. mannsjewelers.com 5. anthropologie.com 6. Devil May Care 7. thecorner.com 8. weddingchicks.com 9. bhldn.com 10. nordstrom.com 11. badgleymischka.com 12. netaporter.com 13. itzybee.typepad.com 14. chanel.com 15. narscosmetics.com 16. anthropologie.com 17. jcrew.com 18. minted.com

THINGS WE LOVE | SOMETHING BLUE

The Fun Doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t End When Your Wedding Day is Done!

It’s time

for the honeymoon and we know plenty of newlyweds that have taken some amazing trips. So we asked a few of them to share some of their favorite moments from their own post wedding travels with you. Get ready for some serious destination envy and, hopefully, some inspiration for your own honeymoon adventures.

Taylor & Blair Greece

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“This is Blair, in the incredible infinity pool at our hotel, The Cosmopolitan Suites in Santorini. In the background you can see the Caldera, which is still a currently active volcano.”

Andrea & Paolo Bora Bora

“Here we went snorkeling and are enjoying a subsea moment Marone style.”

“This was our proof of life (and total happiness) at the end of our 1st day in Moorea (the 1st full day of our vacation!) We emailed this photo back to our parents to tell them we had made it and were loving life.”

INSPIRATIONS | HONEYMOONS

“We took a sunset cruise in Santorini on a catamaran – it was such a incredible experience.”

Amy & Evan Fiji

“We were honored to take part in this Kava ceremony which is traditionally used to honor village chiefs.”

Courtney & Greg

“In order to travel to the Fijian island of Qamea we had to take a total of four plane rides and one boat – this was the smallest plane we had ever been on – but it was an amazing experience.”

Sarah & Jeremy

Europe

“When we registered for our wedding we decided to register for our honeymoon rather than a traditional registry. We were gifted surf lessons and took full advantage of them while here, in Caiscais, Portugal.”

“This is one of our favorite moments during our honeymoon. We went to the Love Lock Bridge in Paris – couples come and place their own lock along the bridge to symbolize a love that never breaks. We had just put our lock on the fence when we took this picture with our lock in between us and the beautiful Seine River behind us.”

“Our time in London was amazing. Here, Jeremy and I are in front of Buckingham Palace.”

What to Consider When Planning for

Bring Something to Store Your Ring

Carry-Ons Can Be Your Friend

Even though you NEVER want to take that wedding band off your hand, if you’re going to be spending time in the water or hiking through a jungle it’s just not worth the risk to wear it. Something as simple as the ring box they came in will be a safe and easily hidden place to stash both your and your partner’s bling while you’re off adventuring. Just make sure you put the stored rings in your hotel room safe or locked luggage. It’s also an excellent idea to get everything insured before you go.

Crazy things can happen when traveling and luggage doesn’t always make it to its final destination. But, if your luggage gets lost it doesn’t have to be the end of the world – especially if you’re smart about how you pack. Sit down and think about all the things that you couldn’t live without on your honeymoon – medications, a change of underwear, your camera – and make sure the necessities are packed in a bag you’ll keep with you. This way, even if something happens, you’ll avoid disaster until your luggage can find you again.

Save Money and Stay Somewhere Different

Travel Agents Are NOT Overrated

There’s nothing wrong with an all-inclusive resort hotel – it can make your stay incredibly relaxing and easy – but if you’re looking to save a little money or venture off the beaten path think about alternative options like those offered on sites like Airbnb* or HomeAway*. Here you can book apartments or entire homes nearly anywhere in the world. Not only are these places much less expensive than staying in a resort or hotel, they’re true residences so you’ll be feeling like a local in no time.

Even if you’re an experienced traveler, when it comes to your honeymoon it can be worth investing in a travel agent. Whether you’re still deciding between a few destinations or have the one already selected, a travel agent will be able to easily help you make the best decisions on where to stay, what to do, and when to go all with minimal stress for you which is SO important when you’re already in the midst of planning your wedding day. This way you’ll be sure to have the best honeymoon possible with the least amount of worry.

* www.airbnb.com

* www.homeaway.com

138 INSPIRATIONS | HONEYMOONS

Pa radise

A=b Happy

there were two people who loved each other very much. The man was Italian. He spent time in an orphanage, went into the military service, and married an amazing woman who could NOT cook anything that wasn’t bland. They had a bunch of kids and were happy. The End.

Once upon a time

=DNote

I’m sure there were fights behind the scenes. But never once did they show it to any of us.

No matter how many times he saw me, my grandfather would say, ‘You don’t love your Grandpa.’ And I would always reply, ‘Yes I do.’ It was our thing. Even on his last day on this earth, those were his words to me. At the very end, he said to me, ‘Don’t worry. Everything is going to be okay.’ My Grandmother just wanted to feed people – that was her love. ‘You hungry,’ she would say. ‘Let me fix you a little something.’ And God, how I miss that. That was just how it was. My grandparents lived for each other. They lived for their family. I can’t tell you how many boisterous, story-telling holidays we had. How lucky we all were to be privy to their constant state of love and happiness. That’s what being a couple is to me. Being happy with who you are and who you love. It’s something incredible to see. It’s something incredible to share. My grandparents taught me how to love. And it’s a lesson I will never forget. XOXO

This is the story of my grandparents. And no, it’s not the whole story, not really. But, my grandparents did really love each other. And they weathered every problem – every crisis, financial worry, illness and loss – with grace and humor.

read online â&#x20AC;˘ order in print â&#x20AC;˘ subscribe at thehappymag.com

volume III coming soon: happy inc. a happy magazine about entrepreneurs

1 ONE

R O

2 TWO

P A P E

3 THREE

4 FOUR

R S C I S

5 FIVE

S O R S S A

6 SIX

L O N & S P A

7 SEVEN

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