Sometimes those feelings are strong, sometimes not, but they never leave you when you are depressed. So you learn how to live with it, sometimes control it and not to let it spoil your life.
Hi! My name is Tatiana, and in this zine I’d like to speak to you about the myth ‘’Face of depression’’. But first I am going to let you know about my personal experience. My personal relationship with depression has been continuing for 12 years. For 10 years it had an appearance of dysthymia, dep a mild form of depression. These words were unfamiliar to me at that time. So the problem was that I didn’t know how and whom to ask for help. I remember sadness was following me all the time. It came to me without any reason and stayed with me for a pretty long period. I learned how to live with it, and later I started to treat it as a part of my character that wasn't so. In my family we never spoke about mental instability. So it would be the last thing that came to my mind to describe the situation when I couldn’t go out for weeks the around people, because there, I started to feel insecure. My body tried to alarm me in different ways, using different pain options. I remember once I had to get off the bus because I was so scared of something I didn’t even know and immediately started to throw up. And it all would end when I got home.
Everything became clearer when I went to the doctor and described the whole situation to him. At that moment I could’t control myself. I couldn’t work, could sleep, eate, enjoy life I couldn’t at all. After several months my anxiety disapeared for a while, but some other things that had been hidden in the shadow of anxiety suddenly come up. When I was little, I tried to escape the misunderstanding by suffocation. This pain kepy growning within me all these 10 years, so hurting slowly turned into a selfharm. At that moment I’d already known what was going on, but I still had not shared my problems to my sha family or other people. To hurt myself at that moment was a conscious choice. When you’re depressed you feel loosing control of your mind and body. And sometimes hurting yourself makes you feel alive. It doesn’t have to be so. It’s not an option. It’s very important to get support from other people.
It It’s is normal to show your happiness and love on the streets and on the outside, not suffering. A minute of crying can make you feel better. Showing weakness is indecent, showing happiness when you feel bad ma makes people think that your problem is not serious. So what to do?
This zine is about personal experience of real people suffering from depression. This stories were writen during flashmob #faceofdepression. It appeared in media on 2017, when Talinda Bennington, widow of Linkin Park‘s Chester Bennington, tweeted a playful family video on Saturday showing the musician eating jelly beans with his children. She posted the clip, filmed d before the singer’s the day suicide, to illustrate how “depression doesn’t have a face or a mood.”
After some time, this phrase turned into a large-scale #faceofdepression flash mob, when people publish their photos on social networks during the period of acute depression. On many of them, th smile and look happy. they The pictures are accompanied by stories that people actually experienced at that moment. Often at the moment captured in the photo, people were a few steps from suicide or suicide attempts. pho Sharing these photos is helping to chip away at the stigma behind mental illness, and as painful as it might be.
I remember these words coming from the Dr's mouth right after I'd just told him that I was having thoughts of suicide. I remember in that moment my 14 year old self felt invalidation, dumb and embarrassed; something no one in that mindset should have to feel. I remember the night just last year that I spiralled and overdosed in my living room. I remember thinking to myself "I can't get help, I don't look suicidal, I don't fit the bill, they'll laugh at me".
I remember thinking I must have looked the part, must have been wearing the suicidal costume properly when I woke up in Resus as all around me were concerned, worried and sad faces. By then this could have been too late, i might not have been there to see those sad faces if my partner hadn't saved my life. This, this is the danger of thinking mental health has a 'face', a 'look'. This is how stigma, ignorance and judgement towards mental health or suicide affects those who are poorly. In both these photos i'm suicidal, perhaps not in the same way but on both of these days I had suicidal thoughts racing around.
Depression’s a bastard in that when you have it you often feel like you deserve it. It’s hard to imagine a time when life isn’t going to be this dark, particularly because you don’t think you deserve the help to make it better. This can mean we stop taking our medication or seeing a therapist and can lead to us feeling incredibly guilty for not working. dese Reminding us that we deserve help can help us take the steps to get better.
In the same vein as the previous point, this question reminds us that we have as much right to see a doctor as someone with a broken arm does. Which is important, impo because it can be easy for us to feel guilty about going to the GP, believing that we’re taking the appointment away from someone who needs it more. The National Institute of Mental Health reckons it takes over 10 years for most people with mental illnesses to get medical help.
Not everyone who has depression takes medication, but for some it’s literally a life saver. Sometimes we won’t want to talk and it’s easier to shut everyone out than try to explain feelings we can’t even understand ourselves. But just because we can become withdrawn and isolate ourselves doesn’t mean we want to deal with everything alone. Yes, this can make it difficult to know when to offer your shoulder to cry on, but just saying ‘I’m here if you need me’ can make a huge difference. Often we withdraw because we believe that we don’t deserve companionship. Knowing that people are willing to listen to us can help normalise an illness that’s often not talked about, and help make our feelings valid.
Don’t get me wrong, one of the most annoying ann things my mother kept doing when she found out I had depression was to constantly remind me to take my pills. After all, I’m a fully grown grown adult, not a child. So you can expect some sass and snarky remarks every time you ask this. However, I’m so happy my mother continued asking me, because I really needed them at the time and when your mind’s occupied on how futile your existence is, it’s easy to forget to take your meds. It also helped make taking medication feel like a normal part of my routine, rather than something to be ashamed of.
Some days leaving the house is just not going to happen. On days when you can barely lift your head off your pillow, getting dressed and walking outside feels like running a marathon without any training. Things lilike simply offering to buy milk and pop it over eliminates one part of the task and makes it easier to get up to make a cup of tea. It sounds so simple, but when in a depressive episode those simple things can be near impossible to accomplish.
Of course, if the person has got the taking their meds thing down, it’s probably best not to irritate them with a pointless question.
And other times just sitting in a room with someone in silence while they read or get on with things can help us feel that we’re not alone.
Do NOT tell someone with depression that they should just get out of the house more. Depression can make you feel like a worthless shell of your former self.
When each step feels like a gargantuan task of Herculaneum proportions, it’s not just anything. It’s hard.
It It’s easy for us to get wrapped up in our low self-esteem and believe that everyone views us as the worse possible version of ourselves.
How However, exercise can help alleviate symptoms and going out with a supportive friend can make leaving the house seem easier.
Telling us that you like us for a pa particular reason can test those negative thoughts and remind us that we’re not total crap.
Seeing natu nature and feeling the fresh air with the company of someone who cares can be incredibly revitalising.
Sometimes a hug can say all the things you can’t. When both people are a grappling to find the words to talk about an illness so varying and complex, a hug can be the perfect way to say ‘I’m here and while depression is scary, I’m not scared to to be close to you when you’ battling with it.’ you’re