Inside this issue:
www.outthaboxent.com
OUT LOUD!®
Sex & Sexu ality
Movies and Music Lesbian Scop
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8
Poetry
Angela ‘Kreamed Koffee’ Scott
1979-2008
Ask a Stud/ Ask a Femme’
Spirituality From touch me not studs to pillow princess, Sp eaks the sub cultures within the lesbian community are amazingly diverse. What makes a lesbian woman NOT want to be touched? How does she get off only by ‘pleasing’ her woman?
by Tye Green pg. 4
r horos u o y t e G Volume 2 Issue 1 OCTOBER 19TH 2008
for US… n e t t i r W of US ! e n o y B Pg.7
cope-
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Diamond's B FF Corner
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Morning Coffee by AJ On September 11th, 2008 Angela Scott was killed as she drove to work in St. Louis, Mo. Angela was 29 years old. Angela was a lesbian, she was black, and she was my friend. The impact that Angela’s death has had on the St. Louis GLBT community has been heavy to say the least. Angela’s rise from earthly dweller to Heavenly Ancestor has sparked me in ways that I may never be able to put into words. She forced me to start this newsletter. I had talked about it, thought about, even dreamt of it. Well, I’m proud to say I’m doing it. I’m doing it for Angela, I’m doing it for my children, my gay friends, and for every woman that has a voice that she has yet to hear. Use each day that you have to realize the purpose that the Creator has made you to fulfill. You have no choice. 2008 has brought about a lot of changes– Barak is close to winning the presidency of the united States of America; OJ is about to serve a possible life sentence for stealing his property (can you say payback); the economy is in such dire straits that we have, in this year seen a major automobile company,
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and a major financial institution go bankrupt of close to it. Yet….. We remain as a people strong. It may not seem that way most days, but we are. And my lesbian sistahs, we are absolutely fabulous! That said… we have some real issues (and Sarah Palin isn’t helping our cause one bit!) that we need to deal with. I hope that you take the time to read everything in this newsletter. We have some dynamic writers that have.. Well… very honest outlooks on everything from sex to rules of friendship. This newsletter is just as Angela lived her life… OUT LOUD®
AJ ‘Taylored Poet’ Editor at Large Out Tha Box Ent® www.outthaboxent.com
Contributing Columnists: Tye Green– Poet/Screenwriter www.noeticnviegling.com DiaMond Brown Poet/Writer www.myspace.com/diamond_diaries BJ Poet/SCIII Productions Guest Poet: A Renee To submit an idea for a future article or To be a guest columnist or To join our writing staff Please visit: www.outthaboxent.com info@outthaboxent.com
Sex and Sexuality– The Gay Way Touch Me Not Studs to Pillow Fems– Who Are You? By Tye Green You have doms and submissives, soft stud and aggressives, bottoms, and tops. But one thing that people know for sure before the other definitions are STUDS and FEMMES or BUTCH and LIPSTICK. If you’re in the lesbian world you know exactly what those terms mean. Within that, you have a million types of femmes and just as many types of studs. It’s like the Baskin Robins of sexuality. There (see end of article), then we have nuns and celibates, but I’m not referring to them. I’m talk- can’t just be one flavor. And people are constantly creating new flavors to this culing about a regular (and I use that ture. term loosely) person who has that Regardless of who you are or what your lifestyle is, sex is always amazing to people. There’s something about sex that grabs the hearts and minds of people. Whether it’s in the form of making love or simply just fucking, sex is important to one’s everyday lives. Some say without it, they would simply go insane. There are those who are Asexual*
burning desire for sexual contact. It’s human nature though right? I wonder if anyone really remembers the first time they got horny. Or maybe the first time they craved intimacy; longed to be touched. I know some of you reading this are thinking about it right now, and probably thinking hard. But you know what? You’re not going to remember. It’s such a natural thing like breathing. It’s as if I asked, do you remember your first breath? No. You don’t. Do you remember your first hunger pang? No, you wouldn’t. Things that people remember have some type of significant emotional value such as your first kiss, losing your virginity, or falling in love. It’s tied to an emotion. Some might say that horniness is an emotion. Others would argue that it isn’t always tied to some sort of life event. Nevertheless, it is that pure animalistic desire that fascinates me. There are many aspects to the lesbian world, but the bottom line is alternative lifestyles are a culture. There is a sub culture within, and sub cultures within that, and on and on.
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I’m filming a documentary about two flavors of our rainbow family; ‘Touch Me Not Studs’ and ‘Pillow Princesses’. The point of this documentary is to clearly define two large groups within the lesbian world that many of us don’t understand. Why don’t they understand it? Mainly because it’s something that they can’t identify with. When dealing with someone’s sexuality you will run into all types of differences; some don’t like the lights on, some hate it when you touch their feet. You can’t really say what’s right or wrong because everyone has their own sexuality, and everyone knows what they like and don’t like when it comes to erotic pleasure. That said women that fit into this category have complex sexuality, and sometimes is indefinable; it just is. Like the wind, who can define it? It’s something that can’t be seen unless there is an object that moves in its presence. That’s what I think of while interviewing these women who have taken their sexuality and defined it as their own. Or did they?
(continued on page 10)
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LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS: SHORT TERM THRILL OR DO WE HAVE LIFE LONG WILL (POWER) by AJ ‘Taylored Poet’ I have a cousin who has been married to his wife for over 50 years. Okay, proof that black relationships do have staying power. I know of a guy in his mid 30’s that has been with his lover (male) for over 20 years. Again, blacks can stay together under the most strenuous of circumstances. I know of… wait, I don’t… I can’t think of one lesbian relationship between women of color that has maintained for more than 2, 3, or maybe 5 years!!! Why is this? Do we as lesbians of color, women of color, not possess the ability to maintain healthy, loving, LONG LASTING partnerships? Are the myths true? You know the ones that say that we are only in this ‘lifestyle’ for the sexual aspects? Or, we must have really been hurt by a man to turn to this lifestyle. As if being in a relationship with a HUMAN that you are attracted to is a style of life. Volume 2 Issue 1
what is the population’s view of lesbians, particularly lesbiI attended a LGBT event in ans of color? We are porOrangeburg, SC recently trayed in music videos as sex were the documentary “All craved whores that engage in God’s Children” was shown. girl on girl action at the whim (see the end of the newsletof whatever man we are atter for info on the film) Aftempting to attract. Or we ter the film there was a disare construction working, blue cussion concerning gay & lescollar hard asses that have bian relationships, lives, and turned to women because we issues in general. Myare too lazy to ‘fix’ ourselves self, my partner, and up and be pretty for a man. my sister from another This is not a realistic view of mother, (who just haplesbian lives. (For the record, pens to be a white girl as HUMANS, lesbians go from SC) were the only through the same relationship ‘out’ lesbians in attenissues as hetero women) I am dance. The discussion was working on a lasting relationpretty much as expected, ship with my partner that will with the general views of anytake us right into our golden thing that isn’t straight being years. twisted and perverted; but Write in and tell me about one of the statements that your relationship that has was made by a seemingly intelligent woman pissed me off lasted, and tell me what beyond all belief. This woman you've done to keep it going. Below is a link that will restated with authority that lesbian woman were not ‘real’ store faith and hope in lesbian relationships of color. women. My 1st reaction was, Keep your head up; your soul what are we imposters, repmate is just learning life in lica’s, illusions perhaps? But order to grow with you- for a upon realizing that this life time. woman was serious, I was dumbfounded. Now I know www.sistersinthelife.com/ many things are going through about_this_site.html you mind at this point. However, I had to ask myself Go figure!.
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YOU WANT TO SEE MOVIES WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU? The L word brought lesbianism straight out of the sexually driven minds of most people right into the living rooms of millions of Americans. This award winning Showtime drama has shown many people that we as lesbians deal with the same issues as heterosexual people. While I admit, there could be more realism (i.e. more color within the GAY cast) I love this show. Here are a few movies that you can look for at your local movie rental store that will make you feel more like you and your circle aren’t the only gay folks out there. True you may never see these movies or movies like these at the theater, but you can always watch them in the comfort of your living room. And if they aren’t at Blockbuster, perhaps you should check out NETFLIX, they have a wide selection
of gay & lesbian films that are en- that is so not true!! Don’t get it twisted however, there’s some setertaining and just down right rious eye candy for those of us good. who prefer a ‘tougher’ female. FIRE This film sheds light on a segment This movie will make you laugh, of lesbianism that carries a lot of cry, and think about your own myths and not a lot truth. ! situation at the same time. It can be difficult to follow at times in the beginning due to the strong Rating System Indian accent, but once you get What a waste of time! into, you will be hooked! CHUTNEY POPCORN This movie deals with a lot of female issues. I’m not sure what the writers were thinking, as the storyline was very poorly written, but if you can get past the occasional lulls, it’s ok.
I got it because it was a gay film.
I liked it.
THE AGGRESSIVES Now my girl thinks that I only like I Bought It! this documentary for the visuals of the sexy aggressive women, and
LESBIAN MUSICIANS TO LOOK FOR We shop, we download, we listen… but do we ever think about the underground musicians that will probably, because of their lesbianism, never get the air play that mainstream artists get? Here at OTB we are going to give recognition to these artists with each edition of this newsletter. This months spotlight artist is:
Monique Brumby
As one of Australia 's finest singer/songwriters, Monique Brumby is just as at home in a Page 6 Out Loud!®
recording studio as she is performing live with her four piece band The Riders. Strong melodies, powerful storytelling that is musically emotive and exciting have become synonymous with the name Monique Brumby. Having already won 2 ARIA Awards for Best New Talent in 1996 and Best Female Artist in 1997 along with a nomination for Song of The Year in 1998, Brumby is now forging her way as an independent artist and producer, as well as building on her reputation as one of Australia's premier performers and
songwriters. Following on from the critically acclaimed albums Thylacine and Signal Hill, Monique Brumby is now set to release her third studio album Into The Blue. For more info on Monique, go to: www.moniquebrumby.com
LESBIA-SCOPES SCORPIO-So what you love her& would do anything for her! This may not be the best time to get the cell phone contract for her-IN YOUR NAME! (can you say CRICKET). While she cares for you, she doesn’t have the best track record in financial responsibility, think about yourself for a change! SAGITTARIUS-If you just relax and remember that you are a natural born leader, you’ll find that your friends and maybe even your boss, will see things your way, and give in to you. CAPRICORN– Let go and let God. I know that you would rather do things by yourself– you can predict the out come then, but perhaps it’s time to allow others in. The gift of insight was given to others too! AQUARIUS-You are a boisterous river so share the flow. You are a creative genius right now, run with it! PISCES– So they don’t get the fact that occasionally you need time to yourself, you need to take that time
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or you’ll be no good to the people who need you. Learn more about you right now. ARIES- Okay, you are gifted and very innovative; remember not to totally overshadow those in your life while implementing your new ideas. Remember those around you help you create new creations!
LEO– How much are you willing to prove the rumors of your egotistical ways are all lies? Your feelings are on your sleeve, and another Leo could help.
VIRGO– So they don’t think it’s a realistic goal, what have they actually started and finished TAURUS- You have so much to give. You can afford to share -- lately? Outside influyes, even beyond what you swore ences need to be left– outside! was your giving limit. In fact, LIBRA– Each sexual enyou'll find that giving enhances other, much more rewarding ar- counter with her is amazeas of your life; like your SOUL. ing! But sweetie, each time you share physical GEMINI– You want what you energy with her, you lose want, when you want it. The problem is, you can never recon- a little creative energy needed for self. Use the cile what it is that you want & what you need. Perhaps it’s your memories of your past escapades with her, and DO two personalities, who knows, that THING that’s waitbut you’d better consolidate ing for you to give birth your needs or that woman you to it! love, will grow weary and step back. CANCER– You’d give until your pockets were empty wouldn’t you. WELL WAKE UP, THEY ARE EMPTY!!! It's starting to appear to others that you are forcing your generosity on them. Why?
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Diamond’s Are a Girls Best Friend,,,,The BFF Corner by Ms. Diamond Hello to you and thanks for stopping by my corner. First off let me start by introducing myself… My name is Miss Diamond and I’m here to speak my mind.
the ex. And Lawd forbid you’re still cool with your ex and ya’ll chat on a regular basis. Now your BFF starts to investigate. By now both of ya’ll sense something is wrong… then BAM! She finds something that was written between you and your ex This month’s topic is about rules in months before they were even ina friendship. Now, I have 3 best troduced. She takes that and uses friends. I don’t want to put anyone it against you. The next thing you out there so I’ll call them Big L, Lil’ know you don’t have a BFF anyT, and Far A. Now they’ve been my more. All because she wanted to best friends for over 10 years. mess with someone that you where Nowadays, marriages don’t even once with and expected you to take last that long, so I think we’re doing her side in all situations. All in all, pretty well! We’ve been friends for just don’t do it… it’s a shit load of so long because we have rules. drama that you really don’t need. The 1st rule is never date your best Now the 2nd rule is never judge. We friend’s ex. Why you may ask??? all know that our friends do things Cause it’s just wrong!!! You don’t that we don’t always agree with, do that to your best friend. You and we know (we think we know) don’t know what kind of residual what’s best for them. It’s that mothfeelings could be stirring inside them for their ex. So what you went erly instinct that all women have to your friend and asked their per- within. But if you judge them, they mission; you shouldn’t even want to take that as hatin. (and they may mess with someone who your best be right) Take for example, my BFF friend has been with. That’s called Big L. She was dating this guy that we both knew. Well….he ain’t sloppy seconds. But if you ask right . He was hellafide scandalous, their permission and they say its cool- THEY ARE LYING! It’s really but she didn’t care. She was blinded by ‘play’ love. I called it not cool, but your home girl won’t play love because they played like say that. So she’s moved on to a bigger and better relationship and they were in a relationship but maybe her better half is sitting right weren’t in one in ‘real life’. So day after day I tried to talk to her. She there when you ask, so she says just absolutely would not listen. what she has to in order to keep the peace. That’s not your queue to According to her, I was hatin. I was jealous cause I didn’t have anyone go ahead and do it. So now ya’ll like him. PAH! Are you serious?! start dating; in every relationship there will be arguing; your BFF will So one night, he got into one of his usual drunken brawls and the pocall you…. your ex will call you… lice arrested him. At that moment I now you’re caught in the middle. When it’s all said and done, some- saw on her face the “damn, I should’ve listened to you girl” look. one will say… “Yeah she told me Well on that car ride home I said to you were going to act like this.” her “listen here, I love you as my Then the ex says to your friend, “You will never be her!” now there’s sister and you’re going to listen to me. I’m not trying to hate on you I tension in your friendship. Your just see what you don’t see. If he BFF starts to wonder if there is was a real man, he would commit something still between you and Page 8 Out Loud!®
to you. All the late night calls and the late night stop bys… that should tell you something. You’re just a booty call to him. He doesn’t care about you cause you don’t care about yourself. And men can sense that about a woman. (Let me go off subject here… ladies, stop subjecting yourself to these men and women who you know in your heart ain’t right for you. You don’t have to settle for less. You are worth so much more than that. Look at yourself in the mirror and say self… I love you… you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. If you’re settling for the bullshit like late night action, and no call for days at a time then they have the nerve to get an attitude cause you ask them what took them so long to call…. The mistreating, the verbal and physical abuse…. Come on ladies take a stand and rise above that, cause you are Queen! )Okay now back to the story; As I was talking to her I took a breath and said, “I’m not going to always agree with the things that you do, but I will support you in every decision you make cause that’s what a real true friend would do.” People, if you know your friend is doing wrong don’t judge just give advice and suggestions. Cause eventually they will come around. They need you; even when they don’t express it; who else are they going to call when shit really hits the fan. And never say I told you so cause that’s a slap in their face. You don’t have to like what they’re doing with their life, but it’s their life. So deal with it and be there for them. Don’t turn your back on them cause you never know when you might be in a fucked up situation and need them. And last but not least rule number 3. LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE!! (Even if they are a confused person) Now
this goes to my BFF Far A. Far A use to be the biggest lesbian in the city of Saint Louis. She was my roll dawg. Notice I said was. See here’s the issue with Far A. You know how you have some families who just will absolutely refuse to accept that lesbians and homosexuals exist? Yeah…. that’s her family. So to please her family and get them off her back, she went and got a boyfriend. She fell into a depression cause she was unhappy. That’s not what she wanted, but she did it for her family. He is homophobic. Most of the time, he wont even let me talk to her. She has to lie to him just to hang out with me for a few minutes. And let me tell
you that’s all it is… a few minutes. I try to make the decision easy for her cause I don’t want her to have to choose between her BFF and her man. So I stay out of the picture for a while. She has changed over the years. She’s not the friend I remember five years ago. But she is still my BFF. I’m always going to love her for her. I will always support her in the decisions she makes and will never judge her. We still talk on email while she’s at work. I am forbidden to call or go see her. But she knows that I am always here for her. I’m sure some of ya’ll have a friend like that. They are either dating someone or married to someone that won’t
let them see their friends or hang out with them… scared that they will influence them to do things. But that’s what his problem is. He’s afraid that I will influence her to like women again. And I look at it like this… she is a grown woman and I can’t influence her to do anything but be herself. So there ya go… the three rules to live by in a friendship. Don’t date your BFF’s ex, never judge them, and always, always, always love them for who they are. Peace, Ms Diamond
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Game night
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Poetry by….. YOU This is crazy….
(I didn’t mean to, it just happened so fast)
It’s like I’ve dissolved myself into you
But that doesn’t stop me, oh no, I’m not done…
Your taste….
Don’t fall asleep on me now; the fun has just begun….
Your touch (Oh God how I love when you sit on my face) I love the way your body moves with mine…. When you kiss me it’s like our souls combine…. So passionate So deep How you take me to ecstasy and put me to sleep.. I can see you when I close my eyes…. Laying there… Ready and open wide…. Waiting for me to feast upon your juices as they flow… It tastes so…. Soooo… sweet (when will I stop) That I don’t know.. I want to feel you in and out…. I want to show you all the things I can do with my mouth…
You mark me as yours with your mouth with such passion You want to eat my pussy? Baby please, why are you asking? You take me.. Flip me… Caress and lick my skin…. Run your fingers across your name…. (Can’t believe you fell in love all over again) It feels so good…. Brings a tear to my eye… How you take me and fuck me and make me feel so high.. It’s ironic since you left.. My blue skies turned grey.. And since you left… The past few days… It’s been raining all day….
Spreading your pink lips
I adore you…
as I…
Cherish you…
Suck on that clit…
Want you never to leave again….
As your…
Trust in me and in true love….
River flows..
I love you now…and always… forever and a day…
(I smell your excitement) Stroking/sucking/licking the clit up and down (you go insane when I turn you around)
And at night… I pray… Please don’t take my sunshine away! By…...A. Renee
Take my tongue and lick around your ass… You cum Volume 2 Issue 1
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Sex and Sexuality– The Gay Way Touch Me Not Studs to Pillow Fems– Who Are You? By Tye Green (continued from page 3) Some of lesbian sexuality is part fad, and part remaining true to oneself. Some young lesbians entering the life are still searching for self, so they do what they think is right as opposed to what is right for them. Then there are others that have been a part of this lifestyle for some time, tested the waters and know without a shadow of a doubt that this is how they are. There isn’t a carbon copy of one person in this world. Of course there are twins, but that’s just DNA. The emotions of those twins can be night and day. So how is it that this group, Touch Me Not’s and Pillow’s, are so different than the average lesbian? What exactly is a “touch me not” stud? After talking to a few of them I learned they are ones who don’t desire and don’t care for touch sexually. They are out to please their partner and do not want any form of reciprocation. Some of you are shocked right? So was I. I love to put on a strap and please my wife, and the oral sex? Off tha chain! But, I also want to lie down, and let my lady give me orgasms as well. ‘Touch me nots’ aren’t interested in the latter, but say that orgasms are achieved through knowing that they’ve given their partners pleasure. It’s a mental orgasm where touch isn’t required. They use their other four senses to achieve this. Sound is one major factor in their orgasms. During my investigation of ‘touch me nots’, I also talked to women who them; their partners used grinding as another tool to reach orgasm. Pussy on pussy action is amazing isn’t it? But, it left me wondering; isn’t that a form of touch? AND, is it really possible to achieve orgasm without touch? I got online and did my research and found yes, it is possible but extremely rare. When I heard that, I was thinking well shit, anything is possible, but rare. What makes the ‘touch me nots’ Page 12 Out Loud!®
such a rare phenomena? Or is it that they don’t have a clear understanding of the difference between an orgasm and to just cum. I can see them cumming from grinding, body rocking, or pussy on pussy action. I can even see them reaching an orgasm if it was done correctly. But having an orgasm from not one iota of touch? I just can’t see that, I could be wrong. I’ve been wrong before. I’ve long wondered what makes these women tick, and the thought process that comes from being a ‘touch me not’. Focusing on the aspect of sex, what is it? What is it that one looks to gain by having sex? Some say that our genitalia’s only purpose is to create life. Perhaps this is why in medical terms the parts between your legs are called reproductive organs. But sex is so much more than that. The Creator made it so that not only can one reproduce, but they can enjoy the ACT that brings about reproduction as well. Speaking strictly of the female; Vagina’s, whether you want to admit it or not, are made to be penetrated. I can see the studs cringing as I say this but it’s true. When a female is aroused, it gets moist from the inside, which almost always makes its way out of the vaginal opening. This makes it easier for the penis to penetrate without discomfort.. That’s what it is for. Studs have their own philosophy of what their sexual organs are for, but for right now in scientific terms it was created, and made for the sole purpose of penetration.* (see end of article) If you’re a lesbian, are you truly looking for penetration or something else? Can you really defy what nature meant for your body to enjoy? Yes you can, but will you ever be able to truly know your body sexually; completely? Will oral sex be enough? Do you just want the clitoral stimulation or do you want the entire vaginal experience. Nerve endings are everywhere throughout your body. So, I cannot understand
why some choose- consciously, to not be touched. It blows me away. And no, I’m not judging them. I just want to investigate the psychology behind it. I’m not saying that “studs” should want to be penetrated; not at all, so don’t misconstrue the message. I am just pointing out what the vagina was made to do. Everyone isn’t going to like penetration. It kind of hurts a little, and then for some it’s boring; it does nothing for them. But I can understand for those who love it, why they love it. So, I would like a touch me not to enlighten me on how it is possible to have an orgasm without the aspect of touch. Sex, in itself is a full body experience, highlighting all of the 5 senses; taste, touch, sound, sight, verbal. So how can an orgasm be achieved without one of the five- touch? I want to believe that it is possible. Those that I’ve talked to say it’s possible. I’m going to give you a scenario… Let’s say a woman is going down on me. She’s hitting all the right spots, and I’m on the verge, the absolute verge of orgasm. She stops- Abruptly. At that point, I’m pissed. Still turned on but pissed that she stopped. Can I then, in my own mind, without touching myself, or her touching me still achieve that orgasm that was building? For me personally, once a person stops I can’t just switch over in my own brain and achieve orgasm. Slowly the intensity of my arousal fades and then it goes away. Maybe because of the anger I feel when she stopped. Or maybe, just maybe it’s because there is no direct stimulation anymore. Something to think about. Now the ‘Pillow Princesses’
sire to be a part of the lesbian sexual experience. One pillow princess told me “Ugh”, when I asked her if she has ever gone down on a woman. Does this mean that they aren’t lesbians? Interesting right? My mom always said, “If it looks like a duck, walks and talks like a duck; it’s a damn duck!” They are attracted to ‘touch me nots’ and want desperately to be with one. Another interesting fact is that the majority of ‘touch me nots’ look, act, walk, and speak like men. They have the male persona down to a T. And most of the pillow princesses that I have interviewed do not mind having sex with men. They DO NOT MIND having INTERCOURSE with men. Wow. Sexuality is amazing isn’t it? We can talk about sex, and what people do to turn other people on, but now we’re getting into emotions and emotional disconnects. I’ll leave that for next article. Keep an eye out for my documentary. It’s gonna be good.
*Humans without sex or distinct sexual organs *With arousal, the vagina lengthens rapidly to an average of about 4 in.(8.5 cm), but can continue to lengthen in response to pressure.[7] As the woman becomes fully aroused, the vagina tents (expands in length and width) while the cervix retracts.[ The walls of the vagina are composed of soft elastic folds of mucous membrane skin which stretch or contract (with support from pelvic muscles) to the size of the penis. With proper arousal, the vagina may stretch/contract to accommodate virtually any penis size (or sex toy/ object within reason)
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina#Sexual_activity) Possibly they are the yin to a ‘touch me nots’ yang. See back page for more info. She doesn’t like to give sexually, she only receives. Some may say that they aren’t truly lesbians; that they’re taking advantage of the lesbian lifestyle without actually being one. Again, not here to judge but a pillow princess likes receiving oral, loves being penetrated, but doesn’t want to touch or caress a woman’s body. They don’t want to taste or smell the area that we as lesbians love. They have no deVolume 2 Issue 1
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ASK A FEMME/ ASK A STUD
Dear OTB, but I attend gay and lest, tha of y an or bi n, bia f gay, les my I really don't consider mysel I have grown attracted to tely La . nd frie d goo d an orker other bian function with my co-w I have never been with an 1. se au bec r he l tel to how rning her friend, and I don’t know and relationship issues conce gs, lin fee ts, cre se r he all the friendship we already woman; 2. She shares of d un gro the ake sh to n't want her; girlfriend with me; 3. I do have 3 boys! ) It’s not just and . yrs 10 d rrie ma n e bee nsuality, have. (did I mention that I'v I am so amused at their se . ntly fere dif ral ne ge in n every time I saw her, but I'm starting to look at wome her g hu to d use I do? I hat should in their shapes, everything! W d touch, and explore her an s kis to d pte tem am I cause r. Does now I won't even hug her be guilty when I'm around he so l fee me kes ma at Th is driving ways far from just ‘friendly’. ove. I know one thing, this ab the all or , sed nfu co s, r lover around, or talks to this make me gay, curiou he gs brin e sh en wh s lou getting jea , you me crazy! I even started self "If you were with me my to nk thi I w no use ca be e help!! me about her relationship Am I wrong for this? Pleas t!" shi this h oug thr ing go wouldn't be T. Well T, Let me start with sa ying no, you are not wrong, because you done anything but ha haven’t ve feelings. I think I can safely speak for us in saying most of a lot of us got our first ‘gay tingling’ with a friend…..usually a be st friend. I would say before you act on any feeling s you may have, yo do a pros and cons u need to list. How would the lives of your children, husband, (cuz yeah your , you have to conside r him in all of this too friend, and ultimately ) your YOU be affected if you act on these fee However, depending lings? on the closeness of your friendship with woman, you may ne this ed to tell her how yo u are feeling. She ma ing to notice that yo y startu have pulled away fro m her, and without kn the reason may wond owing er if it was something she did. One of the untruths that is sprea many d about lesbians is tha t we are after ALL wo straight or gay. Your menunexplained distance from her may cause assume you feel tha her to t way. First and forem ost think before you You don’t want to an act. ything that will leave you alienated from ily and of course your your famfriend. Below you wi ll find a few links that hopefully shed some will light on your situatio n, and assure you tha are not alone! t you Be GOOD!!! Page 14 Out Loud!®
ASK A FEMME/ ASK A STUD Dear OTB How do lesbians feel about co-parenting? My wife and I are in the process of trying to conceive. We were pregnant in December but we miscarried. after telling our friends, we got some positive feedback but after the miscarriage some of their true feelings came out. So how do other lesbian couples feel about this issue? Thanks, Peaches
My prayers . s s lo , r s u e o h y c for ea Ms Pea m so sorry elf and quit a s I y g m in r y fo a s g ith kin I will start w nd your partner. Spea relationships, coED ua erica says COMMITT are with yo m A in e re v a ti a o rv h nse ve sw ite what co ving, stable home, ha few lesbian p s e D t. a gre a lo r. parenting is e, children raised in NOT matte O D y il m su of that fa r/ or sine s th ic fa m about the is r/ a e n y th d er, fa ge. The e ingreother/moth th m re r, a an advanta e e v th lo fa nt ’s mother/ nd consiste a y it il s with any W hether it b A ta s . d r, il e h c th d fa ste or ingle mother py well adju e need to lend an op r p a h a te a l th cre ne riends) fee d your part dients that (f n a rs u e o id y ts , u ly ate at o hy situation th or not, ultim at I’ve been polite, w d te n a rr a th rw ion, whethe at’s best for you. Now bout your decision to wh da n like chilnds worrie need to do e v ie e fr y d e e s th s o a sy ll d ay want m u o y are your no Are they parents? He , ly ip and mult d? Parents! have a chil do decide to go forth d o G s a e u hoic dren… If yo nd hard about your c ga to think lon rits, Peace & G e’ OTB Femm Page 15 Out Loud!®
ASK A FEMME/ ASK A STUD e a....I hav m m e il d s a B, that has d our sex life is a e Dear OT m m fe e to an ggressiv n't want s now... I am an a y girl for 4 year r dearly, but I do e he hm nt routin ta s n o c been wit ll get out. I love r e a er that h nd tired. W e boring as lings by telling h ' is old a damn e e e m f r p e a h tr ,s hurt the same I swear...... nge r m e fi s y , a e m lw a k of 'lic eat, but and we h p c u a h n c n it a never sw me as I don't w elp thing. H Signed, ew shyt! n e m o s r Horn y fo
Dear horn y for some new shyt, Cheating is n’t always a bad thin cation is k g! ey. It’s the most impo LOL. I’m just kidding thinking m .B rta ore import ant than se nt thing in any relatio ut seriously, commu tally hones nix? Yep. M t with one y wife and nship. I know, you’re another E hill. I have this SPECIALL pac Y when th e People ch relationship t to be brueat when th is going do ey feel like You obvio wnthey are la usly feel a s if you’re c The whole lacking som king something in th lick me, fin eir relation e th ing. ger me, str ship. Honesty is a p always be me thing c st in this s a not satisfie n get old, itua d with our and get old sexual rela tion. You have to sa very fast. do, or the y to your lo tionship”. T things that v h er, “Hey, I’ en tell her you want to sexual gra m the things do. So m e tification th y o p u a e t they don isfied as w d o p e le s ir a e re so hung to ’t ell. Sugge up on their st to her w take the time to find things. By o w hat you wo n o no uld want. T ut if their partner is That W OU means am I telling y s e a a tc h her how ou to say, LD hurt he to do thos “Baby, you r feelings. ous heart But you ca a to heart ab re w a c k as hell in e n say thing out how I a willing to s bed”. s like, “Let’s m feeling.” witch it up h S a . h v If e e n ’l o a l listen. And t, it may be s Hope you hopefully s eritime for yo get U N ho h u e to rn ’ll be y soon, get anothe OTB Stud r lover.
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Spiritua;ity Speaks‌. By June Glover Guilt Guilt is an emotion that plagues us all, at some level, at some point in our lives. It is also an emotion that the majority of us have not learned how to effectively deal with it in a way that will empower us. On my personal journey back when I started discovering me, I peeled back numerous layers of myself and am still discovering more of me every day. I was inspired at times, confronted at times, sickened at times and shocked at times. As far as guilt is concerned I thought I was being a martyr or shrinking so others wouldn't be uncomfortable in my presence. I learned to embrace my light and not make excuses or feel guilty for who I am because it does
nothing for me or others. The key to dealing with guilt is to embrace it with love and acceptance. GOD has blessed us with the right to choose. Don't feel guilty about certain choices you've made because whatever the choice was, it was what you thought would work for you at that moment. This is very important to understand and embrace because alot of us are givers and think of others, first and haven't learned to think of ourselves, first. When you achieve a balance of thinking of you, first, then others, it's not a selfish thing. When I saw a sign that read, "Nurse Heal Thyself" it spoke volumes to me. I am a nurse by profession and love it. But I immediately became aware that if I contin-
ued to neglect myself I would not be around to enjoy life, nurture my personal relationship, love on my family and continue to work in my profession, effectively. Remember, make powerful choices for you, embrace your choices with love and acceptance, achieve a healthy balance of selfishness and selflessness, apply it to your life and practice it all the time. When guilt attempts to rear it's ugly head: love on YOU, embrace and accept YOU and YOUR choice, forgive YOU and move courageously forward. May GOD's peace and joy encompass the Essence that is you! June G.
Poet Red Summer From Chicago @ Sistah Speak
Next months Music Spotlight Artist
SCIII Staff @ Sistah Speak
Ainoku Saadiq and Host AP @ Sistah Speak
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*All God’s Children Produced by Dr. Dee Mosbacher & Frances Reid (Deals with being black and gay in the church.) * www.woman-vision.org/films.htm http://www.familyequality.org/rainbowfamilies/ A support organization helping the LGBT community with parenting issues *Do you have questions/comments concerning anything you read in this issue? Send them to: info@outthaboxent.com * Do you have a question for the Ask a Stud/Ask a Femme Staff? Send them by the 15th of each month to:
info@outthaboxent.com They will be forwarded to our staff!
cked an information pa en be lly fu pe ho s Well, this ha in! d articles coming an s er tt le e os th issue. Keep ul! essed and Beautif Stay peacefully Bl aff! AJ & The OTB St Please visit
.com www.outthaboxent Page 18 Out Loud!