Love Notes
March 2007
Marriage: Primitive or Perfect? || HibzEssense
Love is like the stock market.You have highs, lows and sometimes it crashes. Inside this issue: Marriage: Primitive or Perfect?
1
A Tribute to Tayybah
2
Crossword Puzzle
3
Love Poems
4
The Verses of Love
6
To My Dear Husband
7
The Gems
10
Top 5’s Lists
11
Love Theories
12
Reaching Our Goal Through Marriage
14
Love Notes Critique
15
They call it Marriage. "In a nutshell, it is a bond of love and affection between two people" they say. "It contains warm and fuzzy feelings, gifts, chocolate, romance, and anniversaries. It starts with a glance, followed by a diamond, and then…the big day. The wedding is the happiest occasion of their lives. The couple prepares a location, print invitations, make phone -calls, then pick out the hottest tuxedo and dress in town. They meet at the alter, make vows and promises they will never break, and then the symbolic rings are exchanged. Finally, their lips meet, and they live happily ever after"…Yeah Right!!! Growing up in the West, between media and literature, this is the picture drawn in every young innocent adolescent's mind concerning romantic relationships and marriage. Fortunately, we grow, we learn, and the veils of ignorance are lifted from our eyes. We are introduced to a few new concepts. One is called divorce, the other is heartbreak, and a third is orphanages. Along with many other depressing
facts, one begins to fall upon the conclusion that love and marriage are not all they are cracked up to be. Just as a person is about to fall into the pits of despair, he makes a discovery. This being Islam; It rescues his hopes and gives them new wings allowing him to prepare to live the rest of his days, falling more and more madly, deeply, head
to prosper in the next life. Included in these beautiful teachings, is the beauty of Marriage and the wisdoms behind it.
over heals in love with the woman of his dreams with every brand new dawn.
among His signs is, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and
From the Qur'an and the beautiful example of the Prophet (S.A.W), we learn about the gateway to a happy life here on Earth, and how
Firstly, Allah has created men and women as companions for one another. In Arabic, marriage translates into zawaaj, meaning a pair or mate. Allah says; “And
...Continued on page 6
A Tribute to Tayybah By: Maalik aka Ameer Tayyybah Welcome to the city that hosts, the class with the most on both coasts as we post, emphatic Love Notes Joined by Chicagoans blown in, by the Chicago wind and the Durbites came through on that NJ Turnpike If we're harsh it's NY, please forgive our style the only MC I claim to be, is a Muslim child The class was a journey filled with awws, oohs and sighs
T-A, Double Y, B-A, HAAAA Ayo Yo- We Started w/ Shaykh Qadhi in N.Y.C Reppin the Big Apple w/ Foremost on the Scene Lighting us up with Guidance of Aqeedatul Nabi Teaching Shirk, Kufr, Bid'ah, & all that in between Now with Yaser Birjas, We "Fell in Love" with the Deen & kept it Alive for the Mitazawijeen Reviving, Reciting Al Quran Al Kareem & Tarbiyat Al Sunnah, Sahabah, & Tabi'een Tribe's Official Now, 2nd Seminar Down, Walhamdulilahi Rubb Al'alameen
no longer As-Sabiqoon, still couldn't catch us if you tried Maybe the bonds of iman were stronger But I noticed that the hugs, were taken a little longer Even the brothers were getting all sentimental Cuz Sheikh Yaser had them feeling all gentle And flowery, as we dream dreams of dollar dowrys and introduced to a world that just may be good, where sisters, actually, just may be understood So if the Rules of Engagement, had Seattle changing then Love Notes, has given New York brothers hope Love Notes, NyC, we're done with it So we sendin it out west, Columbus better come with it!
Walking bridge || Abu Hurairah It wasn't too long ago that gazes were being shot up at the sky Everyone was wondering what was happening, and even why Students in the library would peek past their books and seats Cars driving below would stop in the middle of the streets Residents in the buildings across would move their curtains to see And try to figure out what was up with this new-age choreography
Just remember this name that I'm about to mention It was Qabeelat Tayybah drawing in the attention Suspended seven stories in the air, All facing one direction Standing, Bowing, Prostrating, solely under Allah's Protection It was a sight unforgettable for those who were around It was the Beauty of Salat-ul Asr in New York goin' down Love Notes 2007 with Sheikh Yasir Birjas
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-Yo Styles Gonna Range, Like a NYer Swtichin LanesYea, We Gotta new Name but aint Nuthin Changed Game-plan still remains on the Brain-man, Goal still the Same! Still Challenge them & Their Qabeelah 4 its Fame What? Who? Brace Yaself Cuz We about 2 Introduce… A Qabeelah like no Otha, Fully Equipped w/ the Juice The NY Ummah Wont know what Hit em AsSabiqoon Souljahz with Taqwa Within em It's T-A, Double Y, B-A, HAAAA Holdin it down w/ Nu York Flayvaaaaa MADINAfying tha Ummah, Revivin tha Sunnah Look to our North, Who them be? DURBAH! Authentic Knowledge the only road to Da'wah The Goal is the Liwaa & Saying "Fizt Rabbul Kaabah" before Yum Al Qiyaama Yea, NYs Wylin, Holdin down this Qabeelah Cuz we gotta JiggyFly Crew & Rymin Ameer N Ameerah Havin People Question in the AlMaghrib Arena If the MTA just took em 2 the City of Madina?!? ; ) NAH, Buts it's that TAYYBAH Affect Sincere in what we do, Keeping the Sunnah Erect Gaining Knowledge N Etiquette, Quick to Implement Raising Leaders for the Ummah, Muslim Green Berets Steppin on Set Actions Speak Louder than Words, Watch Us Represent… Banu Sariyyah, Rayyan Side-By-Side with Connecticut Brooklyn & Queens – Know what the Hypes About! Manhattan – So Jiggy ya couldn't Figga it Out Puttin Figures 2getha, couldn't Mathematician it out Long Island, Staten Island & Bronx Boggie- it Down South Regulatin HOSNAtality, Surpassin the MAJDians elites out Not Tryin 2 Cause Fitnah, Just Warnin Ya 2 make Room TAYYBAHs Ready to Exhale, Straight up Ex HAYL That was a Preview, Sound-Tracks hittin Store-Racks Soon AKool Qawli Hatha WasTaghfirullahi Liya WaLaKumm
Credits Editor in Chief: Sr. Nehal Layout: ASyed HibzEssense Contributors: Ammar Adam Abdullah ibn Ali HibzEssence AbdurRehman Mirza Sr Nida Naimah Abraham Bint Wazir Abu Hurairah Sr. Olivia (Ameerat Wasat) Eman Ahmed Fawzia Syed Abdullah Sikader _____________________
HELP WANTED: Join Our Team
Email us @ TayybahNewz @gmail.com
Choose to lower your gaze and you won't be forced into love inappropriately.
Mothers of the Believers U Z A I N A B B I N T J A H A S H A M L H A M I A Z U H K B A N I A Z H MG R B Z Z K MOS V I X N A F Z C A S AWD A B I N T Y N GE B I D B H I F I K M L R Y Z X T U H U Y A I A J S N QAWL A R V L R Y QA P N T U H H R M S WD B P U AWS H T T UWJ O A A P MA I MU N A H Y U O L A T V MB I N T N T X D L I L C U M I U X L U I E P T S A E H I N OM U R T U A S Z N V E I T D A A I MM M I S OWU Q T T H N A O R S K U S I Y N H D F D U MA R T C I GOMA N A B A B Y U Z C F B I N T E N H L E H I V A A F Y E S I I A H L L GA E A N A Y N N M T A N H B MP A E M N L T E B C A K E R T A H A HWGA K H A D I J A H T MU H A H K U R H N A F D N G QU E WT S P D I RW I T R L N T B CWO T WN H D OC B T B I B U MM H A B I B A E MH O N O Y T H T Y A O Y E L S E L N T A I S A H GO I T H L T L Y E I K H T A L I E F D A L N I H E K S E Y B E S E G U M A L A D D L M N OWS S T N G UMMAHATULMUMINEEN KHADIJAHBINTKHUWAYLID SAWDA BINTZAMA AISHA BINTABI BAKR HAFSABINTUMAR ZAINABBINTJAHASH
SAFIYAHBINTHUYAI MAIMUNAHBINTALHARITH UMMHABIBA UMMSALAMAH ZAINABBINTKHUZAIMAH JUWAIRIYAHBINTALHARITH
Answers on Page 9 Page 3
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IHOP — Islamic House of Poems
I Love Mariyam
as I recall each incident.
By: Sr. Olivia - Dedicated to Siraaj
when I almost ran into you!
They were talking about Sarosh,
It was there I always saw you,
whose identity I didn’t know.
I was doing MSA stuff,
There was the time outside the lab, with some sisters I hadn’t told.
wondering if you saw me too. Remember back at Purdue, during the summer of 2003. It was there I saw you that day, casually strolling down the street. “Who’s that brother?!” I thought inside,
“I don’t know him.” One time I printed something,
“Sure you do!” one said.
and the paper had my user ID.
“I’m sure you’ve seem him around.
In big black letters “okompier”,
He’s tall, rolls up his pants,
all you’d need to email me.
his beard nearly hangs to the ground!”
An idea flew to mind, there was a trash can within your
Sarosh! That was his name!
reach.
I found the key to unlock the gate!
a sahabi walking down the street!”
“I’ll just place it right on top,” I
All my duas had now been answered!
thought,
Oh Allah, what a beautiful fate!
I kept cool and lowered my gaze,
“make it innocent and discreet.”
as my heart began to speed, “SubhanAllah it’s like I’m seeing,
as you walked right on by.
I searched you on the directory, But I guess you never saw it,
your email was in my hands.
“it’s so long”, I felt my heart sigh…
and my hopes began to fade.
Now was the moment of courage,
How can this ever work?
but even fear couldn’t foil my
“Would I ever see him again?” I
I don’t even know his name.
plans.
Then there was that time I went,
I began to type the email,
to Blue Nile for something to eat.
“Asalaamu alaikum brother,” was
But since all the tables were full,
the start.
I went for desi food across the
“You may have seen me around,” I
street.
continued,
Your beard swished in the sunlight,
wondered, he seemed like the guy of my dreams. Guess I’ll go on with life for now, make dua to be given the means.
barely controlling my racing heart.
But I couldn’t forget about you, so I would tell all of my friends.
I was about to start my lunch,
I talked about you constantly,
but my friend’s eyes grew wide.
kept babbling on without end.
“Liv!” she gasped breathlessly, “you won’t believe who just came
“I’m doing this Khadija style,” I wrote, trying to make a show of confi-
inside!”
dence.
hear.”
There you were at the buffet,
at female-initiated correspon-
“We’ll have to give him a codename,
so I tried to take a peek.
in case we’re heard by other ears.”
But you caught me looking at you!
“Liv,” one friend advised, “you know, some people might over-
Don’t Muslim guys tend to balk, dence?
I felt my stomach growing weak.
But you confessed you were inter-
yam,
I stared blankly ahead,
and that marriage was on your
the “sister” I liked so much.
too nervous to take a bite.
Who knew she was so wonderful,
“Liv, he’s sitting right behind you!”
and that I’d have such a crush.
My head was feeling light.
and a nikkah would be our bind.
But, alas, our paths kept crossing!
These are some of many stories,
We made dua for each other,
It seemed like more than coinci-
that prove the Qadr of our Lord.
dence.
But let’s skip to the climax,
Mariyam, you’ve got my heart,
Even now I feel myself smile,
before our readers get too bored.
inshAllah, now and forever.
So it was decided you’d be Mari-
ested too, mind. So from there our adventure began,
and Allah brought us together.
When I am busy spending hours after work, on a dawah project
Dreaming After Fajr || ASyed She is supportive, shares ideas. My effort she doesn’t reject I begin with the name of Allah, who created us from clay
She doesn’t mind being touched often. I’m a very hugging guy
Ya Allah, you showed us the straight path. Don’t let us ever stray! She does not follow every command blindly, sometimes she Ya Allah, give me someone who’ll remind me of Judgment Day! kindly asks: Why? But she doesn’t keep arguing until there is RED in the sky She’s not too tall and she’s defiantly not too short She’s not too thin and she’s defiantly not too fat
No, she’s not my personal assistant, rather my advisor and friend
She completed her bachelors or school’s keeping her a bachelorette Together we shall be insha Allah, until the very end! Duroos and Dawah are her entertainment, she doesn’t watch TV Most beloved to her is Allah, then the Prophet, and then ME! She ‘s memorizing the Quran & will love to go overseas with me
When I leave for work she doesn’t say: Yes, I am finally FREE!
Together we can learn the deen. To Jannah we’ll have our key!
She doesn’t nag me all the time or say: You see, You see, You see
She can speak Urdu, but she is learning Arabic too
She’s always found smiling, and she’s almost never mean
She can care for a family & not let the house turn into a zoo
Yes, I know she doesn’t exist, but we are not forbidden to dream Even if Allah created such a person, in public she’d never be seen
She doesn’t have to know how to cook, as long as she can learn! My mommy can teach her nehari, kabab and other foods I yearn
I am sooooo far from bring perfect. I know Sheikh Yasir taught us to compromise
Can’t call her my alarm, though she wakes me for tahajjud & fajr
But if I found her somewhere, wouldn’t it be a pleasant surprise?
She makes dua for me after every salah, be it duhr or asr She asks me for money, but doesn’t put me in financial pressure! Wife & children won’t go with us in the grave, but may Allah make them fun! Even if she’s gone shopping, Allah is constantly on her mind
To Allah azza wa jal all of us belong, and to him is our final return
She leaves in time to pray at home & doesn’t keep standing in line
Br. Anonymous Love, the reunion of a pair In a new domain, though unaware of exactly when, and precisely where they first saw those eyes, that stare Love, not disapproved by religion A secret of Allah, kept hidden A beautiful ailment, a painful prison
With frenzied thoughts, obsessed visions Love, for which the creation exists Begins deep within, manifests in a kiss Those in its midst, do taste bliss Those who do miss, live life amiss Love, which part of it do you deny? The occupied mind, the tears you cry? Constricted chest, the late night sigh? Whom then is the fool, you or I?
Marriage: Primitive or Perfect? Continued from page 1
"Oh you young men, whomever of you has the means to get married should do so, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty."[Bukhari 7:62:4]
mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect.” [30:21] Allah in his infinite wisdom created our mother Hawaa (Eve) from the rib of Adam. She was created to complement him. She was equal to him, yet not identical. Adam (S.A.W) was created to provide and protect for the family, and Hawaa (peace be upon her) was created as the gentle, nurturing, producer of great men and women. Secondly, the institution of marriage preserves the chastity of the society. The Prophet (S.A.W) said; "Oh you young men, whomever of you has the means to get married should do so, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty."[Bukhari 7:62:4] In marrying, a man is able to maintain his modesty, and have his faith make his decisions for him so that he may prosper, otherwise the male hormone override will take over and the man will deviate from the path of righteousness to satisfy his lusts.
order to build a strong, cohesive, successful society, the foundation must be firm, standing the test of time and challenges of everyday life and the catastrophes that come with it. Allah depicts the firmness of this foundation in His statement; "They are garments for you and you are garments for them."[2:187] This may seem like a strange analogy, with closer thought and reflection, we can realize what a beautiful similitude Allah has given here. For just as a garment covers and protects a person, so too does the husband or wife protect his or her companion by providing security; helping to keep the eyes restrained and private parts protected; by covering each other's mistakes; and also by shielding them from worldly harm, as well as from the Hellfire. The use of this analogy also gives an indication of the intimacy and closeness that exists between man and wife, just like the closeness there in between the garment and a person's skin: nothing separates them, nothing comes between them.
Thirdly, marriage is one of the primary steppingstones in building a family. In
A husband and wife they become. They live with one another, both striving for
the same goal. The two partners cooperate with one another with humility and humbleness, knowing that their heads in the clouds will inevitably cause them to stumble. They work together, hand in hand; unsatisfied until the day they meet their lord. To ensure we understand the beauty of marriage, let’s turn to the best of Allah’s creation, his Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W), how did he treat his wives? What kind of love, compassion, and mercy revolved between his interactions with them? He would teach his companions about romance. His wife Aisha (May Allah be please with her) would tell of how we would place a morsel of food in her mouth, or when she ate, he would lick the reminiscence of the food off of her fingertips. Imagine that, a Messenger from God commanding them; "Let not one of you fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you." "And what is that messenger?" they asked, and he replied: "Kisses and words." [Ad-Daylami's Authentic Hadeeth Collection] Also, during his life (S.A.W), he made a special invocation for Allah to bestow his mercy on
The Verses of Love || Abdur Rehman Mirza Allah the All-Wise says in the clear book: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell In tranquility with them, and He has put love and Mercy between your (hearts): Verily In that are Signs for those who reflect.” Allah has many signs in the universe that He has created for us to ponder upon. Some of these are the sun and the moon and their con-
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stant alternation and ascending and descending without any delay. Also, the stars in the sky and the balance in nature are some of the signs our Lord has told us to reflect on. Yet, Allah tells us something that opens the hearts that do not have love for him and the eyes that do not display emotion for him. He tells us that our spouses in the bond of marriage are one of the signs of his creation. This connects us to deep Aqeedah or our belief, because this means this is one of the signs of Allah’s Lordship, or Ruboobiyyah. Subhanallah! But as Ibn
Al-Qayyim has told us clearly that one of the keys to the life of the heart is to, “ponder over the meanings of the Qur’aan,” and that is what I wish to do. (Haddiyul-Arwah Ila Biladil-Arfah, pg.45) Allah tells us he has created for us mates from amongst ourselves and indeed the first wife was Eve, and she was created from the rib of Adam. Furthermore, she was created from the rib which is close to the man’s heart and this is where our spouses belong. The Exalted One also tells us the reason
To My Dear Husband || Sr. Anonymous Jazak Allah khayrun for caring enough to come to this seminar with me; we learned so much together and reflected upon our new knowledge deeply. I am sorry for my shortcomings and I thank you for overlooking them. And, the next time we argue please do not despair. It happens, and a strong marriage will never crumble because of a little spat. Even the Prophet sal-
lahaAllahu aleyhi wasalam had spats with his wives. When I am jealous, remember Aisha RadiAllahu ‘anha and her deep love for the Prophet sallahaAllahu aleyhi wasalam. The Prophet told Aisha that he is to her as Abu Dhar was to his wife. And, you are to me as Abu Dhar was to his wife. When you are angry, I will remember the anger of Rasoolullah sallahaAllahu
aleyhi wasalam when Aisha followed him in the middle of the night to make sure he was being fair. And, she saw him going to the graveyard to make duaa. And, when you cannot give me what I ask for, I will remember how the wives of the Prophet asked him too for bounty money that was not his. I will know that you are responsible too, if not for the Ummah, then for your family.
Marriage: Primitive or Perfect? Continued from page 6 gentle and righteous spouses. He said; "May Allah grant mercy to a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles a few droplets of water in her face; may Allah grant mercy to a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles a few droplets of water in his face." Finally, what better example is there, then the story of his final illness? He was
unable to walk, so he had his companions carry him to each of his wives' homes, and he asked each of them permission to allow him to be tended to by Aisha, the most beloved of his wives. He was there for days, and in his final breaths, his beloved Aisha returned the mercy and compassion that he had always given her, she took hold of a miswak that he loved, moistened it in her mouth, and gave it to him as he laid down in her lap, shortly before he left this life
(S.A.W). The concept of marriage in Islam creates a husband and a wife, who are in love with one another, complement one another, lean on one another for support, never taking one another for granted for their goal is identical; therefore they let not any obstacles get in the way of this priceless endeavor…the pleasure of Allah.
other. We all know that love starts very passionately in its early stages and you always want to be with your mate, physically and mentally. But like everything else in life, the connection doesn’t last forever and seeing the same person every day will change your feelings for them. But what many people don’t see is that love transforms in to mercy in a long-term rela-
The next time you smear cake all over my face instead of becoming angry I will laugh and say “hey it’s sunnah.” I thank Allah Subhana Wata’alah for giving me a wonderful husband, Alhamdulillah! P.S... If there is any cake left, you better start running, after all, it IS Sunnah!
“She took hold of a miswak that he loved, moistened it in her mouth, and gave it to him as he laid down in her lap, shortly before he left this life
The Verses of Love || Continued from page 6 for their creation as he tells us the reasons for many things in this guidance of a book. He tells us that the reason is that we may dwell or live in tranquility with them. Now tranquility can be further described as finding an inner peace or almost safety and hope when you are with your spouses. Allah knows that we are weak in our love and worship for him alone by ourselves so he has blessed us with a partner in the pursuit of Him in this life. Allah further says that he has put in our spouses and us love and mercy for each
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tionship and you will see through the ups and downs, the true lovers will always be there for each other. The mercy of raising a beautiful child and the mercy of cooking food your spouse are a few examples that Allah brings to the mind. For the truth that every real lover knows is that only one love lasts forever if you are true to it: the love for the Perfect
(S.A.W).” One, the Magnificent One, Allah (swt). Allah ends the verse, as he does many times, with the fact that this is a sign of the signs of Allah for the ones who ponder on the Qur’aan. It brings the life to the heart to know how beautiful Allah has made our spouses and their relation with us. May Allah help us ponder over the Qur’aan and fulfill our love and mercy for our spouses and theirs for us. Ameen!!!
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If you're looking to marry the perfect person, then expect to stay unmarried. You will only find that in heaven. Therefore, look for the right match, rather than the perfect match.
"Love him little but understand him a lot." "Love her a lot but don't try to understand her" Men talk to relay information. Women talk to start a conversation and build a relationship
Sneak Peak? Tell Them! || Naimah Abraham
Adultery of the tongue, unnecessary speech between girls & guys
"Tell the believing men and women to lower their gaze.”
If you’re not talking business then you better break the ties That was the first problem experienced during the Bani Isreal days You need to control your nafs and start saying your good-byes Staring, faces glaring cause you are stuck in a daze
Shaytan beautifies lies with the prettiest disguise
Silly playing stupid games like it’s a temporary phase
Making excuses for yourself with your pitiful replies
People change characters like you see in Broadway plays Can I advise you to stop before you enjoin in Shaytans ways? Make a better effort to be strong believer Men that follow the Sunnah are guaranteed to find their Queen of Sheeba Women guard your chastity cause brothers need to take a breather Many of you think that this ayah is a reference to the eyes
Lack of haya’ is where all the issues arise If you’re witnessing the fitnah then it’s your duty to advise Because engaging in fawa’ish is a pitiful demise If you have the wrong intentions then it’s time to revise Embrace the Quran and Sunnah, those are the best supplies It’s time to listen to Allah; He’s All-Knowing and Wise And the blackening of the heart is when one truly dies
But you’re wrong cause that’s not the only body part that applies So lower your gaze and await the ultimate prize
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The Fiqh of Zawaaj || Maalik Know that a woman desired, will generally be for one of four Her wealth, lineage, and beauty, all qualities that men adore But the one who was mentioned above all the rest Is she who learned and practiced her religion best There are other characteristics that one could describe To aid the puzzled seeker, on his search for a bride To be fertile, and a virgin, if your status is of like And the man should be just enough older than his wife Contentment with what Allah gives, and with what He withholds If such a sister is found, surely she is a trove Beauty is relative, still important non the less As the coolness of the eyes will lead to the soul's rest The best of the Mahrs are those, that facilitate ease And they are the most blessed, for both families And finally lineage should be taken into consideration As one's nobility should increase due to the combination
Marrying relatives is OK, if they are not the unmarriageable kin And prearranged marriages are as well, if they are both consenting Celibate marriages are fully legal, that is the correct conclusion Consummation occurs with physical enjoyment, or complete seclusion Use your family; if a specific woman it is you seek If there's none then ask them for one who passes their critique Friends are handy at this time, to avoid immediate interaction You may propose directly, but then you're liable for your actions In selecting a groom, the sister has the right To the final decision, and to point to whom she likes If that someone is of a completely unsuitable condition Then the Wali may reject, as is of his commission One may offer his female family, to a man he suspects is good To ensure that she is with the best partner that she could Have, in fact she can propose herself to the man she likes He can then speak to her wali, if his interest she did ignite To see the exact one you wish to wed, is definitely preferred
Is your love sufficient? || Eman Ahmed Today I was thinking about a conversation me and my friend had. I asked her: Why would I do something for my husband that doesn't bring pleasure to me? She answered: because of the fact that you love him, pleasing him brings you pleasure. That's when I realized the ultimate truth, I said to myself then if that's the case, why aren't I finding pleasure in my prayer, in my fast? And all the other the obligations I perform? Am I doing it just to get the burden off my shoulders, or am I doing it out of pleasure? It was really sad when I realized that my love for Allah was not sufficient. Now I comprehend the true meaning and purpose of the following dua'a that the prophet (saw) made: ' Allahuma asaluka hubuk wahuba men yihibok wahubaa kulla amalen yukaribunaa ileek' – 'Oh Allah I ask/seek your love and the love of those who love you and to love every act that brings me closer to you' Ameen yaa Rahman
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Reaching Our Goal through Marriage || Fawzia Syed
We know that the provisions are in the hands of Allah. He is Ar Razzaq (the Provider) and Al Ghani (the Rich). He provides wealth in abundance to whom He wills, and He takes away that same wealth if He wills.
Marriage. The topic of marriage brings to mind a plethora of words and ideas. Wife, husband, responsibilities, children and the most notorious of them all: love. In the Western society we live in, love is perceived to be the only prerequisite for marriage. But do we only marry based on the deluded concept of love that the West has presented to or is there another definition we go by? No, we go by the definition that of love and marriage that Islam has presented to us. Islam recognizes the fact that love is also dependent on components other than love, such as compromise, loyalty and maturity. But what the West seems to have forgotten is that marriage is a unity that goes beyond love.
more capable than you. In a correlation between achieving the A and attaining Jannah, the way we approach marriage must be done in the same manner. In the same way we would choose someone who would best help us fulfill our goal of achieving an A, we must choose a spouse in this dunya who will help us fulfill our ultimate and most important goal—attaining Jannah.
The institution of marriage in Islam is not just an event in our lives, it is one of the most beautiful acts of ‘Ibadah in the Sight of Allah. As we approach every decision in our lives, it is of the utmost importance then that we keep our goal of Jannah in mind at all times. When we choose a spouse it needs to be done with this purpose in mind. You can relate this idea to that of completing a final project for school. You need to partner up with someone in your class for this project and before you have even chosen your partner, you set your goal in mind: an A. you know what your goal is: an A. When it comes to choosing a partner to help you achieve this goal, who are you going to choose? You will either choose someone that is just as capable as you or if given the option, someone
“A woman is married for four reasons: Her wealth, her status, her beauty, and her Deen. Take the one with Deen and you will be successful.” [Agreed upon]
It is very important then to have the right criteria when choosing a spouse. We do not make love the sole, independent component with which we base such a great life decision on. We make the most important factor our deen, Islam. In a hadith of the Prophet, he tells us the criteria by which individuals choose their spouses:
The Prophet advises us in the last statement to marry one based on their deen. All other characteristics are minute in importance if we keep our goal of Jannah in mind. When we reflect on the first criterion, wealth, we realize how impractical it is to base one’s marriage on such a criterion. We know that the provisions are in the hands of Allah. He is Ar Razzaq (the Provider) and Al Ghani (the Rich). He provides wealth in abundance to whom He wills, and He takes away that same wealth if He wills. If we marry on the sole basis of wealth, what will happen if Allah decrees His will and takes away from
the wealth He has provided us with? What else will there be to sustain your marriage if it is based on wealth and nothing else? In Ayah 13 of Surah Hujurat, Allah says: “O mankind, surely we have created you from a male and female, and made your tribes and families that you may know each other (not that you may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is he who is most righteous of you.”
Along with the wealth of an individual, status is yet another overpowering factor when it comes time to marry. For example, many societies have taken professions such as medicine and law and have placed them on high pedestals. They are taken as professions that ensure a stable life and comfortable living and therefore an individual who possesses this status is guaranteed a life of success. For other individuals and their parents the most important criterion in a partner is that he or she comes from the same background and ethnicity as them. Though it is important to take cultural norms and differences into consideration, a marriage cannot solely be based on this criterion. The same ethnicity or family background as another individual does not at all mean that the individuals will be compatible. As the ayah in Surah Hujraat states, the basis of superiority in the Sight of Allah (and therefore in our sight as well) lies in the character of a person.
A Love Notes Testimonial || Abdullah Sikader Masha’Allah, the Love Notes class was very informative. It cleared a lot of misconceptions about love, relationships, and also explained in detail the best way in approaching problems within any relationship. One of the most significant things I learned in the class was the transformation or the evolution of love throughout marriage life. I learned that love has stages, and its expression between spouses changes as time passes. The lesson goes, that when marriage life begins, it begins with passion and intimacy, but as time passes the passion subsides, but mercy emerges.
And so with the decrease in love happening, acts of mercy are shown. The teacher explained that a husband and wife may argue, and say they don’t love for each other, it may be true, but what keeps them together are their acts of mercy. Moreover another significant lesson learned is love cannot be conditional; conditional in that one cannot barter acts of kindness and love with their spouse. An example might be a husband might say “you don’t love me because you didn’t wash my clothes,” or the wife might say “you don’t love me because you didn’t take out the garbage.”
A better example would be, “I’m not going to make you breakfast because you never make me breakfast.” Therefore the best way in going about this is to be sincere and to do it out of love, and not out of reciprocation, because if there is love, then there will be reciprocation. If there isn’t love, then the mercy will take place and reciprocation will emerge. Either way the bond of marriage is strengthened. Furthermore, one of the best parables in class taught was “The love tank” theory. The theory explains that when a woman drives, she tends to fill her gas tank whenever it goes below full
and a man fills their gas when it’s towards empty. Similar to this, women tend to express love when it goes below full, and men tend to express love when the marriage is close to running on empty. The best way in approaching this problem would be expressing love on a regular occasion, and not waiting for it to reach empty. Alhamdulillah, many things were taught in the class, and I’m positive that everyone benefited greatly. Insha’Allah, the only thing I am hoping for is to apply this knowledge within my own marriage life. My recommendations are for attending such beneficial classes as these.
Reaching Our Goal through Marriage || Fawzia Syed The third characteristic mentioned is that of beauty. For many, this is the most deceiving criterion. When looking for a spouse attraction is of the utmost importance but it is not the overpowering factor. But many a times our shallow natures blind us from all other factors and our concept of love becomes synonymous with our perception of beauty. The ultimate truth is that beauty fades. It may not fade within the first few days, or weeks or even years…but it will fade and all that will be left then is the soul of the individual. An individual we perceive as extraordinarily beautiful now will eventually become normal to us if we see them constantly. Therefore physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a marriage. This is why marriage is said to be a union between two souls…not two bodies. This notion reverberates through the society in which we live where we hear constant stories of celebrities marrying and divorcing. Most often than not,
these marriages are solely based on physical attraction. But once the physical attraction is put aside, the character of each individual is revealed. If the character of the individual is ugly...they may as well physically be ugly. Everyone is capable of meshing physically because all this requires is that you be deemed handsome or beautiful. But the intricacies that are involved in the meshing of two souls are what sustain love and marriage. If we were to take beauty as something temporary, as many of the other adornments of this dunya, then we would realize that the only beauty worth ultimately considering in an individual is the inner beauty that he or she possesses. This inner beauty is guaranteed to us if we take the Prophet’s advice and marry based on deen. After all, which man will care for his wife properly except the one who has taqwa? Which woman will raise pious Muslim children except
Page 15 the one who has taqwa? If we marry someone who has made Islam the most important priority in their lives, we can Insha’Allah be reassured that their soul is beautiful. We know that they pay heed to the verses of their Lord. We know how they treat their brethren. We know that they too have the same goal as us—Jannah. We know that they are the ones that will help us in attaining Jannah. The relationship of husband and wife is so special of a union that it is the only relationship Allah mentions in Jannah. He does not mention us with our best friends, our parents, or our children, but He mentions us with our spouses. If we want to be part of this relationship that Allah mentions, we must take great care in choosing the one individual that will help us get there. It is a relationship that we know takes place in this dunya but will live on in Jannah insha’Allah.
Love Notes Critique || Abdur Rehman Mirza I went to the Seminar at Hunter College which was titled, “Love Notes,” and would like to do a critical analysis of the seminar itself. I would like to state the many benefits and hindrances I learned when Shaykh Yasir Birjas explored the topic of love itself and its place in Islaam. But the section I will most focus on in this article will be the life of our Noble Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) and how he was, as he described, “filled with love for Khadijah,” and for all of his wives. Also, I will focus on many issues ignorant Muslims bring about love, such as why Islaam is so strict on dating.
only the strict brothers and sisters like me need to lower their gaze? And everybody else is on a much higher level with Allah.
AlMaghrib’s seminar was heavily promoted even near the last few weeks in the Stonybrook MSA Khutbah platform. None other than Brother Ammar Adam, the head of AlMaghrib NY, came and delivered a khutbah on the topic of love. I wasn’t there personally for the khutbah so I won’t comment but the seminar itself taught me a lot. First of all, when many people think about the topic love, they disregard it as a practice of the Prophet (S.A.W). I mean you will either hear them say the words, “he was a Warner who was strict,” or you will hear them say, “He was a mercy to the world.” But if you talk about how he loved his wives with a brother in the Masjid, he might say, “brother, don’t tell me that, you will change the image of Rasulullah (S.A.W).” Or if you usually ask people what scholars in Islaam think about love, they might say, “Naudobillah, this seminar is fitnah or haraam.”
Furthermore, people ask the question, “but how are we going to get to know them if we don’t hang out?” The Islamic way is one that is criticized but that’s usually from people who don’t know Islaam. I cannot criticize in any way the answer the Shaykh gave as he explained why Islaam is strict on this issue. He explained that first of all, when you are about to get married, Islaam has a few rules that go along with it. First of all, you talk to the parents of the person whom you like or are interested in. Remember, you can never talk to the girl alone but it always has to be with a Mahram present or a guardian of the family, such as her brother or her father. But what do we find today? Even the religious people talk to each other and go to dinner together once they find out they like each other. This is unacceptable and as usual the solution is clear. You can talk in private as long as you want with the girl as long as her Mahram is present. Obviously he will give you space or move to another room so you can see if you’re compatible with each other. And most important, no women are allowed to be forced in to marriage as this is not an Islamic practice but a cultural one. This is due to a strict hadeeth of the Prophet who said, along these lines, that a mature virgin girl must be asked for her consent before marriage.
But you know what really is haraam? It’s what Muslims are doing around the MSA, including our MSA, where people who aren’t even married yet are trying to explore love on their own with girlfriends and even best friends who are of the opposite gender. So what tends to happen is that they start off as just friends and as they keep hanging out, the hadeeth of the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) comes in to effect. “Whenever a women and a man are alone, there’s a third person, and that is Shaytan.” This is something the Shaykh discussed and said this is the reason for no interaction alone with a gender, much less dating. So I ask you brothers and sisters, why haven’t we applied this? Or do we think
Now after those small notes and points, I will move on to my favorite topic in the class, the love of Rasulullah for his spouses. He (S.A.W) once had an incident with ‘Amr ibn Al ‘As. He asked Rasulullah (S.A.W) after he gave him a noble position in battle, whom Rasulullah (S.A.W) loved the most. Usually men today are scared to declare openly in front of other men their love for their wife. But Rasulullah, without a hesitation, said: “Aisha.” What was more amazing was what he said when ‘Amr asked, I mean, from the men. “Abuha,” was the response. This means her father, and what’s amazing is that the Prophet (S.A.W) could have said Abu Bakr, but he still used his wife indi-
rectly in his second response to show his love for her. There was a time where ‘Aisha and the other wives would get jealous of each other because the Prophet (S.A.W) would give some of them more attention than the others. One example was when Sauda, a better cook than ‘Aisha, sent food when a guest was over at ‘Aisha’s house. ‘Aisha took the plate and smashed it on the floor. Normally a husband would get mad at this wife and say, “Are you stupid? You just dropped a plate of food. You are embarrassing me in front of my guests!” But the Prophet (S.A.W) said: “’Aisha got jealous,” with a smile. I could narrate more but I will leave you with one last one. I will leave you with the one that made me cry. During the end of the Prophet’s life, his wives knew that he would prefer to stay with ‘Aisha,
his most beloved wife. So he stayed in the Masjid in her company and she would make his wudu for him because of the strength of his illness and weakness. So there he was one day with ‘Aisha when Abdur-Rehman ibn Awf approached and had a miswak in his hand. The Prophet gave a longing look for the Miswak and Aisha understood, without the Prophet (S.A.W) saying a word. She got it for him and Rasulullah (S.A.W) used it with his head on the lap of his most beloved wife. He then whispered that he was about to leave the world, to his beloved, Allah (S.W.T). He (S.A.W) pointed his finger up to the sky, and passed away to his next life. Sallallahu ‘Ala Nabbiyina Muhammad wa ‘ala alahi wa sallim tasleema. May Allah bring the true Sunnah in our lives and help us understand the true definition of love in Islaam and follow it. And may help those of us who are already misguided with boyfriends and brothers or sisters who have made fitna for us and help us give up our desires and come back to Allah. Ameen!!!
Yaser Birjas