The Village Beacon Record - September 29, 2022

Mystic Pizza

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Rocky Point’s Emely Velasquez battles freshman Isabella Fragapane in a League IV matchup on Saturday, Sept. 24.

Photo by Bill Landon

With our ongoing commitment to East Setauket and the surrounding communities, we have completed our new center devoted to Women’s Health. We offer the latest imaging technology, radiologists specializing in Women’s Imaging, and a true patient-centric experience.

SBU’s Brown Clarke named chair of National Fitness Foundation

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

Judith Brown Clarke, a silver medal winner in the 400 meter hurdles at the 1984 Olympics, is taking a prominent role at the National Fitness Foundation.

Clarke, who is vice president for Equity & Inclusion and chief diversity officer at Stony Brook University, will become the chair from 2022 to 2024 of the only non-profit organization established by Congress to support youth sport, health and fitness initiatives. She will serve on the board until 2028.

The White House held a Conference on Hunger, Nutrition and Health on Sept. 28. Clarke said her goal after that conference as chair is to “take that call to action, look at what our role is in lifting some or those things off the page, and improving nutrition and physical activity, food insecurity and ending hunger.”

Tackling a number of challenges, such as the obesity epidemic, access and affordability of healthier foods, the lower rate of participation in youth sports among girls, and a need to increase physical activity will involve working with numerous partners and taking a multi dimensional approach.

“Some of the things that complement what happens at home” such as the expectations in gym class and the overall approach to health and nutrition “need to be strengthened,” Clarke said.

Lower levels of activity among some children stem from concerns about safety. Children may not play in the park, ride a bike, jump rope or go outside because areas where they might engage in these activities could involve some risk.

The foundation will partner with parents, teachers and corporations.

“How often do you find within the ingredients [of popular foods and condiments] where there’s sugar and salt?” she asked rhetorically. Numerous foods have supplemental ingredients that may be for taste, but that are above the daily allowance. People start to crave foods with high levels of salt and sugar.

Working with companies that manufacture food products, the foundation hopes to encourage the kind of decision making that helps their customers and their workers.

“Unhealthy people” who have eating habits that include high levels of carbohydrates, sugar and salt have “higher levels of absenteeism” within a corporation, Clarke said. “It actually is a financial model for organizations and corporations to lean into this. There’s a return on investment as it relates to their organization’s enterprise model.”

Conference pillars

The foundation plans to use the five White House Conference Pillars to guide their efforts and assessment of their effectiveness.

The White House conference is focused on improving food access and affordability. This includes expanding eligibility for an increase participation in food assistance programs and improving transportation to places where food is available.

Another pillar is to integrate nutrition and health. By prioritizing the role of nutrition and food security in overall health, the conference hopes to address the nutrition needs of all people.

The third pillar is to empower consumers to make and have access to healthy choices.

Fourth, officials would like to support physical activity for people, in part by ensuring that people have access to safe places to be active. The conference also hopes to increase the awareness of the benefits of physical activity.

Fifth, the conference plans to improve nutrition metrics, data collection and research to inform nutrition and food security policy, particularly regarding issues of equity, access and disparities.

Xavier Becerra, Health and Human Services secretary, expressed confidence in the ability of the board to reach their goals. “This experienced group of advisors will enable the National Fitness Foundation to take the next steps in advancing the health of our nation through fitness and nutrition,” Becerra said in a statement.

In addition to serving as a role model through her success as an athlete, during which Clarke was a four-time national collegiate champion and 1987 Sports Illustrated Woman of the Year, she also hopes to encourage girls and their families to learn about the benefit of ongoing participation in athletics.

According to the National Fitness Foundation website, 30% of girls aged six to 12 participate in sports, compared with 39% of their male peers. The foundation supports organizations committed to providing equal opportunity for girls to play sports.

In addition to leading healthy lives, women who participate in sports are often successful in the workplace, taking their disciplined approach to training, their ability to work together, and their recognition for how to handle fluid situations into a wide range of professional settings, Clarke said.

Ultimately, the effectiveness of some of these efforts may depend on the ability of people in communities to access these programs.

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Town of Brookhaven continues paper shredding, e-waste recycling program

Town of Brookhaven officials continued the town’s Paper Shredding, E-Waste and Drug Take Back program at the Sachem Public Library on Saturday, Sept. 10.

The recycling event was co-sponsored by the Town and DIME Community Bank. It was part of 12 scheduled recycling events in the Town during 2022 that help residents properly dispose of sensitive documents, e-waste and expired prescription drugs in an environmentally safe manner. Throughout the day, 585 cars stopped by to drop off

19,621 lbs. of paper, 10,820 lbs. of electronic waste and 16 boxes of prescription drugs.

Councilwoman Jane Bonner (R-Rocky Point) will host a recycling event on Saturday, Oct. 2, from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Rose Caracappa Center, 739 Route 25A, Mt. Sinai.

For more information about the Town’s Paper Shredding, E-Waste and Drug Take Back in your community, visit:

www.BrookhavenNY.gov

Councilman Kevin LaValle (R-Selden), left, Town Supervisor Ed Romaine, center, and Sachem Public Library Director Neely McCahey, right. Photo courtesy the Brookhaven Public Information Office

School News

Rocky Point Union Free School District

dioramas and designed Freedom Towers using materials such as cardboard, Styrofoam and Legos.

The young student-architects displayed their unique designs to honor all of the heroes of Sept. 11, 2001.

While students throughout the Rocky Point School District celebrated school spirit days with various themes – including tie-dye apparel, goodbye summer/hello fall clothing, and dress as your favorite teacher – Rocky Point Middle School staff members joined in on the fun by honoring one of its own.

Dubbed “Bob Ciaccio Day,” it was a tribute to technology teacher Robert Ciaccio who has educated thousands of students in his five decades of teaching in the district. Ciacco’s signature plaid button-down shirts and safety goggles were donned by his colleagues throughout the day.

The Shoreham-Wading River Central School

District congratulates three students who were named commended students in the annual National Merit Scholarship Program.

Shoreham-Wading River High School’s Teresa Adams, Sarah Marie Julian and Bryan Vogel have

each been recognized for the exceptional academic promise demonstrated on their outstanding performance on the Preliminary SAT/ National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test.

They each received a Letter of Commendation from the National Merit

Scholarship Program.

The three academically talented students recognize that this achievement is vital to the advancement of educational excellence. Teresa graduated with the Class of 2022 and is a freshman at New York University.

Rocky Point Middle School staff members with Robert Ciaccio (standing, first row, left front). Photo courtesy RPSD

Fifty years of teaching honored in Rocky Point schoolsJoseph A. Edgar Intermediate School fifth grade students. Photo courtesy RPSD Rocky Point students host commemorative museum walk

SWR celebrates National Merit commended students

Shoreham-Wading River High School principal Frank Pugliese with seniors Sarah Marie Julian (right) and Bryan Vogel. Photo courtesy SWRSD

Joseph A. Edgar Intermediate School students honored those who died and those who were affected by 9/11 with a tribute and commemorative museum walk. Fifth graders in Leah Larson and Laura O’Mahoney’s class created posters and

Shoreham-Wading River Central School District

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Approximateamountof Block03.00,Lot013.00. 0200,Section012.00, Beach,NYa/k/aDistrict WaterviewDrive,Sound 11:30a.m.prem.k/a39 NYonOctober12,2022at HowellAvenue,Riverhead, Riverhead,locatedat200 TownHalloftheTownof theMainEntranceofthe willsellatpublicauctionat SaleenteredJune1,2021,I anAmendedRe-DatedJudgment ofForeclosureand #020369/2015.Pursuantto Defts.Index ALFREDS.TOVAR,etal, ASSOCIATESINC.,Pltf.vs.

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RobertRyder, theMillerPlaceFireDistrict FireCommissionersof ByOrderoftheBoardof September16,2022

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Local doctors address how to handle a mental health emergency

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

Long Island residents have taken CPR classes and learned lifesaving basics to help others with injuries through programs like “Stop the Bleed.”

HEALTH

But what about mental health emergencies?

Those may be more difficult to diagnose or understand, particularly for people who may not know the person in emotional distress.

While Suffolk County Police Department officers with specialized training, support service organizations like Diagnostic, Assessment and Stabilization Hub (also known as DASH) and Family Service League, and mental health care workers are available to help, doctors offered suggestions for people who would like to provide assistance for a friend, coworker or relative while awaiting professional assistance.

Dr. Wilfred Farquharson IV, a licensed psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Outpatient Clinic at Stony Brook Medicine, helped create a twopage patient education sheet titled “Mental Health Emergency Response Guidance Sheet — Knowing Your Options.”

The guide provides suggestions on how to respond to a variety of emergencies, starting with lower level crises, which could include a change in mood or side effects from a medication that is not dangerous to a person’s health.

The options in that case are to contact a mental health provider to schedule an appointment, to use a safety plan or to schedule an urgent visit with a primary doctor.

In situations in which a person is destroying property, is threatening physical injury and is not in a position for a safe transport, the guide suggests calling 911.

To ensure effective help from emergency responders, the guide urges people to go to Smart911 to complete a profile for the household.

Additionally, people who call 911 should indicate that there is a mental health emergency. The person making the call should be prepared to offer the person’s name and location, the reason for the call, the person’s diagnosis (if known), things that upset the person, such as yelling at them or getting too close, things that might help soothe the person, and special considerations.

While people are waiting for first responders, they can try to deescalate the situation, using tools similar to the ones professionals practice.

“A lot of what we do is give the person space,” Farquharson said. “We show them our hands, with open palms, and let them know we’re not trying to be a threat. We don’t say too much. We allow the person to talk, as long as they’re being safe. We allow them to yell.”

Neutral tone

Dr. Adnan Sarcevic, chairman of the Psychiatry Department at Huntington Hospital, also urges people to provide “as much privacy as possible” for someone in distress.

Sarcevic recommended that supportive family, friends or community members be empathetic without being judgmental.

“Keep your tone and your body language neutral,” Sarcevic said. He urges people to remain calm and friendly.

People can help deescalate situations by acknowledging that someone else’s feelings are important and indicating that crying or being angry is okay.

Taking a cue from the person in distress can also help. If a person stops talking, “let him or her be there in silence. Let them reflect,” Sarcevic said.

Additionally, the Huntington Hospital doctor urged people to respect the personal space of someone who is struggling.

As far as his list of “don’ts,” Sarcevic said people shouldn’t use judgmental language or wag their fingers.

“Don’t ask, ‘Why’ or ‘How could you do that?’” Sarcevic advised.

Other resources

The Suffolk County Police Department implemented a 911 call diversion pilot program in 2021 which allows Emergency Complaint Operators to divert crisis calls, when considered safe, to the Crisis Hotline at Family Service League.

The SCPD collaborates with Family Service League on a 24-hour crisis hotline as well as a mobile crisis team of mental health professionals that can be deployed 24/7, officials from the SCPD explained in an email.

Additionally, the department said about 20% of SCPD officers are Crisis Intervention Team trained. Someone with that training is always on patrol.

In addition to 911, people can reach out to DASH. A community crisis program with a Mobile Crisis Team for Suffolk residents, DASH is open every hour of every day and offers services for people who have mental health and substance abuse disorders.

For situations in which there are no safety risks, Stony Brook Medicine suggested that DASH is a good option. Residents can call the hotline at 631-952-3333.

Additionally, residents can call the Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988 at any time.

Dr. Stacy Eagle, director of Psychiatry at St. Charles Hospital, cautioned that what deescalates one person might be different from what helps someone else.

Offering physical comfort to some people may help, while others might prefer to have their own space.

All three mental health professionals said the pandemic has contributed to higher levels of anxiety and depression among the population.

“The pandemic has increased the level of distress for those patients,” Eagle said. The pandemic could be the “stressful hit” that triggers discomfort or a mental health episode.

Farquharson has noticed an increase in the acuity of symptoms for some residents.

The mental health practitioners said the response to a crisis depends on the person involved and the type of problem he or she is experiencing.

“You have to use [your] judgment” when dealing with various circumstances, Sarcevic said.

Mental health professionals urged people to develop a plan that includes having phone numbers nearby, for 911, 988, DASH and the Family Service League, among others.

Additionally, doctors suggested people can help by being supportive and being prepared.

Farquharson said people should learn what to do if someone is not feeling well emotionally or mentally when a doctor’s office might be closed.

Doctors Wilfred Farquharson IV, Adnan Sarcevic and Stacy Eagle discuss what to do when a person is experiencing a mental health emergency. Photos from Stony Brook Medicine, Northwell Health and St. Charles Hospital

‘A lot of what we do is give the person space. We show them our hands, with open palms, and let them know we’re not trying to be a threat.’

—Dr. Wilfred Farquharson IV

Pictured clockwise from top-left: Rocky Point freshman Madison Maher heads the ball; Comsewogue junior Ashley Then maneuvers at midfield; Rocky Point goalie Marykate Abernethy with a save for the Eagles; and Rocky Point forward Anna Wood launches one deep.

Eagles defeat Warriors in low-scoring battle

BY BILL LANDON DESK@TBRNEWSMEDIA.COM

In a League IV showdown between the Comsewogue Warriors and the Rocky Point Eagles on Saturday, Sept. 24, Eagles’ striker Emely Velazquez would be the difference maker.

The senior scored off a rebound, putting Rocky Point on the scoreboard with 11 minutes left in the opening half. Comsewogue had several scoring opportunities midway through the second half but failed to convert

these into points.

Rocky Point goalie Marykate Abernethy had a busy day in net, notching eight saves on the day. The win lifts the Eagles to 3-4 while the loss drops Comsewogue to 4-2-1.

Both teams retake the field Thursday, Sept. 29. Comsewogue will travel to ShorehamWading River, and the Eagles have a road game against East Hampton. Start times are 4 p.m. and 4:30 p.m., respectively.

Rocky Point

Pictured clockwise from top: Rocky Point’s Meghan Reilly battles Comsewogue’s Angelina Ortiz for possession; Rocky Point’s Emely Velasquez and Comsewogue freshman Jayla Callender compete for the ball; and Rocky Point forward Anna Wood battles sophomore Adastra Cuiffo for possession.

— Photos by Bill Landon

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Editorial Letters to the editor

Get real, go green

Last month, President Joe Biden (D) signed the Inflation Reduction Act, a comprehensive investment package which covers taxes, health care and climate measures, too.

The climate portion of this act provides coastal communities across the U.S. with access to $2.6 billion over five years in federal funding through grants distributed by the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA. These funds can be used for projects not only in response to sea-level rise and heavy storms but also to help communities to become more resilient against such disturbances.

Green infrastructure is a new trend in coastal resiliency that offers an alternative to traditional, human-engineered construction, also known as gray infrastructure. These are nature-based solutions, working with rather than against the natural terrain to battle the negative effects of climate change and related issues.

It is vital that Long Island communities make an aggressive plea for green infrastructure funding offered through the recent federal act.

Instead of resigning ourselves to unsightly, inflexible, retrograde man-made sea walls to fight beach erosion, municipalities should explore more natural solutions for coastal hardening.

According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency in July, “During the 20th century, global sea level rose by roughly 7 inches. Global temperatures are expected to continue to climb, resulting in rising sea levels, amplified storm surges, greater frequency and intensity of storms.”

Our era will be defined by these changes. Entire communities may soon be washed away. As shorelines continue to erode, homes and critical infrastructure will follow suit.

The EPA suggests measures such as using plants, reefs, sand and natural barriers to create a living shoreline which in turn can reduce erosion and flooding. Wave heights can be reduced by restoring wetlands that serve as buffers against the water’s velocity and intensity.

Vegetative shorelines also help to improve water quality, aquatic habitat and carbon sequestration. Living shorelines also don’t have to be one thing. Designers can use native wetland plants, stones and rocks, oyster reefs, mussel beds and more to create different shorelines.

In many cases, natural solutions can be more cost-effective than gray infrastructure. Structures such as seawalls can deteriorate quickly after they are constructed, and they can be difficult and costly to repair and replace. Green alternatives can be more cost-effective, even though some critics say it is time consuming to replenish them.

Of course, while choosing natural resources may work in some situations, in certain circumstances a home may be ready to fall in the water, and a seawall may be the only or quickest answer to saving the property.

To meet the demands of this century, we must radically adjust our thinking. We are competing with other coastal communities nationwide for limited grant funding. If we choose to avoid the difficult environmental realities of our time, we are going to get passed by. In the intermunicipal survival of the fittest, communities that adapt themselves to the changing circumstances will survive and thrive. Those that don’t will wither away with the coastline.

To survive, we must adapt to the new pressures of an everchanging environment. Moving forward, rigidity and narrowmindedness will be our worst impediments, adaptability and realism our greatest resources.

Make your redistricting voice heard this Thursday at Town Hall

Every person deserves to have their voice and interests represented in their government. Communities must have their needs met by their elected representatives. The redistricting process, which only happens once a decade, should produce maps that are fair and equitable.

Unfortunately, the redistricting process in the Town of Brookhaven is the antithesis of what democracy should look like. The public hearings were poorly advertised by the Town Board, leading to sparsely attended meetings in the first round. When the proposed maps, which were posted without the knowledge of members of the redistricting committee, were introduced, residents were shocked to find out that their communities were being split, and diverse communities would have their voices diluted.

There was no need for any of this to occur. Currently, the Brookhaven town code states that there cannot be a deviation of greater or less than 5% in population, to keep council districts relatively similar in numbers. There are two council districts that are currently outside the deviation. Council District 6 is overpopulated, and Council District 2 is underpopulated. The simple fix would be to move a portion of Council District 6 into Council District 2, and leave alone the other four council districts, which are well within the deviation.

Unfortunately, the Brookhaven GOP board majority [6-1] chose to target the most diverse communities in the town and is attempting to dilute their voices in government. The 1st Council District, which is home to a Latino community in Port Jefferson Station, and a young, diverse voting population at Stony Brook University, has been altered by Republican proposed maps. This is a clear attempt to make it more difficult for the board’s only Democrat, Jonathan Kornreich [D-Stony Brook], to be reelected.

In the 4th Council District, which is home to diverse communities including Gordon Heights, Coram and North Bellport, town Supervisor Romaine [R] is proposing to move more of the largely white community of Ridge into the district. There has been an outcry from civic and community leaders about this gerrymandering of District 4, which bolsters the reelection prospects of Councilman Michael Loguercio [R-Ridge], who won in 2019 by just 816 votes [6,4775,661]. This is not what democracy looks like.

If you believe that democracy matters, you must make your voice heard this Thursday, Sept. 29, at 5 p.m. at Brookhaven Town Hall, located at 1 Independence Hill, Farmingville. Residents of Brookhaven will have the opportunity to speak during

the public hearing over Romaine’s proposed map. If you believe that voters deserve to pick their representatives, and that representatives should not use the redistricting process to pick their voters, speak up at the hearing — and say “no” to the Brookhaven GOP’s gerrymandering.

Shoshana Hershkowitz South Setauket

Editor’s note: Council District 4, an important topic of this letter, currently consists of Farmingville (part), Medford (part), Holtsville (part), Gordon Heights, Coram (part), Yaphank, Middle Island, Ridge (part), Bellport, North Bellport, Brookhaven Hamlet, North Shirley (part).

Democracy is only one generation away from extinction

I say this without hyperbole. Democracy is only one generation away from extinction. Over the past 20 years, national gerrymandering efforts have splintered our national voice in the “People’s House” of Representatives. This is readily apparent in each midterm election where the House majority swings wildly left and wildly right with the adamant fervor of a ping-pong tournament. In 2022, we have the least amount of “competitive” House of Representative seats up for grabs than at any point in our nation’s history. The notion of “one voice, one vote” has been drowned in the partisan rancor that has overtaken Washington through gerrymandered redistricting.

Similarly, here in Brookhaven and in the Suffolk County Legislature, the redistricting efforts have failed to uphold this crucial tenet of democracy. The notion of “one voice, one vote” has made American democracy the envy of the modern world. Drawing voter lines isn’t a political football — Republican vs. Democrat — as it is often painted with the broad paintbrush of partisanship. This is about the hallmarks that make America the longest-lasting representative democracy in history.

The most current proposed maps in Suffolk and in Brookhaven violate the spirit of what was intended namely, a “least changed map that ensures common communities share a common councilperson.” We cannot let the toxic partisan climate of national politics pollute the county or Brookhaven Town, “the shining star of Suffolk County” — admittedly I am a bit biased to my home township. Let’s do what’s right for democracy by voting “no” on these maps and go back to the drawing board to draw maps that give the keys to our democracy to all voices from all communities. Let’s keep the embers of the people’s voice of Brookhaven and larger Suffolk County alive. Do the right thing.

In Brookhaven, our Town Board should protect its legacy and be the right side of history so generations from now

people will recall when presented with an opportunity to protect our democracy and its principles, this Town Board led by 40-year public servant Supervisor Ed Romaine [R], acted swiftly with integrity and honor to restore faith in our democratic institutions by drafting maps to allow all stakeholders a voice in our local elections in direct contravention to the actions of some of our national political leaders.

Isn’t that the very hallmark of public service?

Anthony R. Portesy Port Jefferson Station

Editor’s note: The writer is the chairman of the Brookhaven Town Democratic Committee, but he writes this letter as a concerned citizen of modern democracy.

Make your redistricting voices heard at town and county levels

For the past few months, I have advocated, along with others, for the protection of the Three Village, Port Jeff/ Port Jeff Station/Terryville communities in Council District 1 as Brookhaven Town undergoes the decennial redistricting process required by law. While in great measure we have preserved the “communities of interest” these neighborhoods represent, there is an equally devastating change afoot at the county level that presents an existential threat to the integrity of our area which shares a rich history of connections and resources.

The Republican majority in the county Legislature is advancing a plan to change the boundaries of the 5th District which would eviscerate this community and split our communities into three separate districts and dilute our voice. This most egregious example of gerrymandering would obliterate a district which has been unchanged since the inception of the Legislature in 1970. For over 50 years, our community has been represented by the likes of Millie Steinberg, Steve Englebright, Vivian Viloria-Fisher and most recently Kara Hahn, all of whom have served with distinction, and each having passed groundbreaking legislation improving the lives of our residents.

The organizing principle of redistricting in state and local law is to maintain communities of interest as well as protect the voting rights of minority communities to have a say about their own future. Neither seems to be guiding the “powers that be” in the majority party at the town or county levels.

I urge my fellow residents to show up at 5 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 29, at Brookhaven Town Hall as well as write the Reapportionment Commission, William H. Rogers Building, 725 Veterans Memorial Highway, Hauppauge, NY 11787 and have your voices heard.

Ira Costell

Port Jefferson Station

What would I do if I gave up an historic Aaron Judge homer?

If

I were pitching to Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge, I would probably take a long pause before throwing my first pitch.

I know it’s absurd to think of this older man who never threw a ball much harder than low high school level pitching to a generational legend, but let’s play out the fantasy for a laugh or two.

I wouldn’t pause so I could figure out how to get him out. Sure, it’d be nice to do my job well and my teammates might appreciate it if I gave us a better chance to win a game.

best choreographed reaction to him hitting a home run. I mean, after all, the pitchers who surrender his long home runs are, in their own way, famous.

They share the moment between when they release the ball, and he obliterates it into the night sky, sending thousands of people screaming out of their seats, arms in the air, sharing in the majesty that wouldn’t be possible without my meatball pitch sputtering, laughably, towards his powerful bat.

If he sent a ball out of the stadium, I would be joining select company, with so many pitchers around the majors surrendering home runs in a historic year.

would have to waddle out to the mound to put me in a neck brace.

Or, maybe I’d hold my glove up to my face and appear to yell a stream of expletives into my mitt, as if, somehow, I knew I should have thrown a different pitch in a different spot.

Then again, I could rub my fingers in some dirt and write a capital “AJ” on my uniform, like scarlet letters, except it wouldn’t be anything puritanical, and I would be acknowledging my inferiority.

None of that seems like me, even in my fantasy world.

make me more than just another guy who gave up a home run to Aaron Judge.

Maybe I’d wait at home plate and give him a high five or a fist bump to acknowledge a full season worth of greatness. While kids do that in Little League, professional players generally don’t acknowledge the remarkable achievements of their opponents.

When he reached second base, I could put down my glove and clap from the mound, ever so briefly. Then, perhaps, I’d take off my hat and salute him.

D. None of the above

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF

Instead, I would need to ponder the moment that history might be calling. I’d be thinking about the

I’d be thinking about how I’d look in newsreels or newscasts or digital versions of the Aaron Judge year to remember.

I could imagine ways to overreact. I could throw my glove on the mound, gesture wildly by putting my hands in the air, or shake my head so violently that my manager and the trainer

Being stoic would make me too much of a personality-less pitcher. Let’s face it: even in my imaginary moment of being an above average starter or relief pitcher, the time to focus on me would be incredibly short.

Let’s say I didn’t blink after he hit the home run. Or, maybe, I tracked the flight of the ball carefully, like a zebra eyeing a lion suspiciously in the Serengeti. That might get me on TV and

Or, maybe I could take a page out of the more subtle but celebrated Mona Lisa textbook. I could give just a hint of a smile as if I were saying, “you beat me and you’re a pretty spectacular hitter. There’s no shame in losing this battle and now we’re weirdly connected, like we’re kind of twins, except that you’re great and going to be remembered forever and I’m just going to be remembered for starting the ball on its magical journey into the history books.”

kind of hearing

Have you ever heard of reflective listening? While I like to think of myself as being a good listener, and really I should ask others who speak to me to make that determination, I came upon this new technique and thought I would share it with you.

expressions or body language. And even when on Zoom, we don’t get a good look at the other person, nor do they have a good read of us.

Then the second step is to offer back the thought, and even the words of the speaker, to confirm that his or her idea was understood. Here is just a simple example between two people who sometimes quarrel that could be misunderstood.

“Do you want to go to a Yankee game with me Friday night for a change?” asks the speaker.

The listener hears, “Do you want to go to a Yankee game with me?” as opposed to with another person Friday night, and so reflects back the question accordingly by repeating, “Do I want to go to a Yankee game with you?”

The speaker can then clarify with, “Yes, do you want to go to a Yankee game Friday night instead of going bowling?”

This is probably an oversimplification of how a speaker might be misunderstood, but the essence of the reflective listening is to pay respectful attention to the content and the feelings expressed by the speaker. The listener hears and then understands what is being said and lets the speaker know that she has gotten the message.

vacation” in which the listener is inattentive during conversation. It can give the speaker a second chance to focus on self, vent, sort out issues, express feelings and deal more effectively with emotions.

This kind of “checking out” requires responding actively while keeping focused completely on the speaker. It’s a step beyond what is normally thought of as listening. It’s reflecting back accurately on both content and feeling levels.

It allows the speaker to move to deeper levels of expression at his or her own pace. It can help the speaker to articulate more clearly. It may help the speaker to arrive at a solution to a problem being voiced. It helps the listener clarify what is expected of him or her. It helps the listener to deal effectively with the issue, problem or needs the speaker raised.

BY LEAH

DUNAIEF

Reflective listening is a communications strategy that involves two steps. The first is, if you are the listener, seeking to understand what the speaker is saying. So many times in our lives, we think we hear what the other person is saying, and it turns out we didn’t hear that person correctly at all. I think that is particularly true when on the phone or when reading a text or an email. We don’t have the benefit of seeing facial

By repeating the words, the listener has given the speaker a second chance at making his meaning clear. The listener then answers, “Yes, I would like to go to a Yankee game with you Friday night.”

COPY EDITOR

John Broven

Reflective listening offers a number of benefits. It lets the speaker know that they have been heard, understood, and perhaps, even cared for and supported, depending on the nature of the exchange. It gives the speaker feedback on what he or she said and how it was understood.

It allows the listener to check his or her own accuracy in hearing what the speaker said. It avoids the illusion of understanding. It helps prevent what has been termed the “mental

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In a confrontational exchange, it gives a couple of seconds pause, which might enable a cooling down.

In a social situation, it can create a climate of warmth between speaker and listener. In another situation, directions can be clarified by the listener. And as a technique in leading a group discussion, effective hearing, then repeating all points of view, is certainly required.

I hope you can see why I thought this one communication technique was worth sharing.

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