Down the Rabbit Hole

Graphic: M. Swope

Facing my worst fears and turning on my morals, all for one app

by: MALLORY SWOPE staff writer

“No longer would I hide from the monster on my phone.” When I first heard of TikTok, I thought it was pointless. I told myself I would never stoop so low as to download an app and do nothing more than watch strangers lip-sync. I would never become addicted to such a ridiculous app. I would never let an app get in the way of my social life. Then it happened. I was texting a friend who had returned to college for the fall semester, and we were complaining about the difficulty of chemistry and life in general. We were in the middle of a conversation when she started laughing uncontrollably, and I couldn’t figure out why. When I asked her what was so funny, she couldn’t even put words together between her cackles. So instead of telling me, she sent me a video—I’m sorry, a TikTok—and said I absolutely had to watch it because we were literally just talking about this. I informed her in my response that no matter what, I was NOT going to watch it. I was not going to become one of the people who struggled to peel myself away from my phone because of some stupid video. I remained strong for the first few hours, ignoring the text that held the fate of my future. Then the struggle began. The screen of my phone illuminated, the message notification displaying yet another link for a TikTok. It stared at me with bitter, violent eyes. The link dangled the carrot right in front of my face. I wanted to watch the videos more and more. I succumbed to TikTok. I unlocked my phone to open the messages and scrolled up until I met the chemistry TikTok faceto-face. I opened the link and pressed play. It was all downhill from there. I watched as a teenage girl complained about sig figs, valence electrons, and exceptions on the periodic table. I laughed at myself for thinking I was powerful enough to protect myself from such a hungry beast. The second TikTok was completely unrelated to my chemistry struggles, yet I laughed just as hard at this one as I did the previous one. Upon realizing how much joy I could endure through the simplicity of TikToks, I decided it was time to jump on board with seemingly every other teenager around me and download the official app. No longer would my friends get frustrated with me for refusing to watch their “stupid videos.” No longer would I struggle to find a source of entertainment and laughter. No longer would I hide from the monster on my phone. The next few weeks of using the app were seamless. Just because I downloaded the app didn’t necessarily mean I’d become addicted, did it? In a way, I would reward myself for finishing my homework with no more than five TikToks. I made the standards strict though; my homework HAD to be done before logging onto the app, no exceptions. As time progressed, however, I let myself go and allowed myself to log on for any given reason at any given time no matter the inconvenience it caused. TikTok showed me its fatally venomous colors. Now, months later, I go home with full intentions of starting my homework and getting it all done at

a reasonable hour only to find that TikTok has different plans for me. It starts with me telling myself that everything can wait for later. I proceed with my plan of finishing my homework promptly for an average of 30 minutes. Then I give myself a “reward.” I allow myself to log on and say it’s completely justified because I’ve worked so hard, and I deserve to watch a few TikToks. Except, it becomes more and more difficult to stick to the limit I set. Before I know it, five TikToks becomes ten, ten becomes 15, and 15 becomes 20 or even 30. The addiction is real. Although, when I consider what my “addiction” is, I don’t really associate it with TikToks themselves. Rather, the addiction comes from the entertainment and joy I get when watching TikToks. That makes it all okay, right? Perhaps my resolution for the new decade will have to be focused on reducing my use of TikTok. Maybe then I’ll be able to go out in public with friends without resorting to the entertainment radiated from TikTok. Maybe then we’ll be able to have a conversation about our own lives rather than TikTok-er’s lives. That’s just a thought though. Until then, I’ll most likely be found either laughing to myself over the latest viral TikTok or sharing them with friends as I descend deeper down the TikTok rabbit hole. //