Issue 1, the Black&Gold, Volume 92 by CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL

Powder Puff

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Juniors take down the Seniors in a shocking 14-0 upset with the help of a secret weapon. For photos, turn to page 4. o:

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October 16, 2012

Volume 92

Black Gold

Issue 1

Photo: S. Hutchison

Trojans take down West

2011 & 2012 MIPA Spartan Award Winner

Traverse City Central High School 1150 Milliken Drive, Traverse City, Michigan 49686

Newsline

Brady Girard ‘13 catches a pass as a West defender rushes him. Central won with an overwhelming 3521 score. “We won out of persistance,” Girard said. “The team came together as a family senior year. We all wanted it. It was a huge win.”

TCC Homecoming victory

A&E

Photo: S. Hardin

Advanced art students made the trip to the 4th annual ArtPrize in Grand Rapids. And for recommendations and reviews on the hottest new music, T.V., and movies, turn to page 7.

Spirit Week & Dance Photo: A. Hilden

Quarterback TJ Shepperly ‘13 looks for an open receiver while Joey Shepperly ‘14 and TJ Schwanneci ‘13 block out the University of Detroit Jesuit’s defense at the Homecoming game. “It was a big win,” Schwanneci said. “It tested us as well as gave us respect against the downstate teams.” Creating an upset for Detroit, Central won 9-7. The low scoring game was directly related to the strong defense of both teams as they powered out yards in small increments. “As long as we win, that’s all that matters,” Schwanneci said.

TCAPS millage vote stirs controversy Millage increase would generate $100 million dollars over ten years, a long-term plan that TCAPS contends would benefit all students

Katie Stanton & Allison Taphouse

Photo: A. Hilden

See students in American colors, colorful in neon, repping their class T-shirts, getting fancy for Classy Day, and donning black and gold. And for coverage of the Homecoming dance, turn to page 5.

Loan-A-Dress drive

Editor-in-Chief, Staff Reporter

The TCAPS bond proposal on the Nov. 6 election ballot has proven controversial. The millage tax increase would raise the current 3.1-mill by up to 0.8 mills and generate $100 million over ten years. For a family home worth $200,000 dollars, their taxes would increase by $80 per year. TCAPS officials contend that the proposal is part of a 10-year plan. “We’ve had a long-term capital plan in place for a long time now,” TCAPS Board of Education President Kelly Hall said. “The first bond was passed in 2001, with renewals in 2004 and 2007. Those reflect the plan that started with the elementary schools.”

mills that is levied in other Michigan school districts. If the bond passes, homeowners would still be paying 23% less than the statewide millage average. “Our financial reporting is very comprehensive and very detailed,” TCAPS Chief Financial Officer Paul Soma said. ”We take this very seriously. You hear that ‘All government wastes money’ and things

“This is not a federal tax that will go to the federal government and then trickle down to the state level. This is a local tax,” Soma said. “Ninety million dollars over the next ten years will go into local jobs, local contractors, local economy. If you want to talk about an economic infusion and an economic recovery, here’s a fantastic opportunity.”

Auditorium

The most controversial aspect of the proposal has been the new auditorium slated to be built at

Benefits for all:

Photo: K. Raymond

Student Senate collected donated Homecoming dresses for a Sept. 28 drive, called “Cinderella’s Closet,” for girls who didn’t want to buy or couldn’t afford a new dress. “I think the dress drive helped dance attendance,” Sarah Grace ‘15 said. “Having a chance to get a dress beforehand made girls feel more laid back about the dance because they didn’t have to worry.”

Free yoga classes

TCAPS officials stress that approximately $80 million of the $100 million will be used to improve many schools. “The buildings of the elementary schools are in disrepair,” Hall said. “If we delayed it, we’d be spending money to fix things that will later be redone.” Millage funds would be used for structural maintenance and upgrades. Projects include bus maintenance, administrative needs, updates to West Senior High’s auditorium stage, lighting, and sound systems, as well as improvements to West’s athletic fields and facilities, and reconstruction at Central Grade, Interlochen, Eastern, and Montessori at Glenn Loomis. A public school system is supposed to provide quality education for all students, Citizens for Students Committee tri-chair MaryKay Trippe said. “I really believe in public schools. By having this, we are giving kids, regardless of their background, the best possible start to their future. I understand not wanting more taxes, but this is a local tax that directly affects all students.”

Top: Austin Ayers, Alicia Minore, and Alex O’Brien, all ‘13, register to vote at the Oct. 4 event hosted by the Student Leadership Committee. “It’s important to vote because it’s a valuable right that most people take for granted,” Ayers said. Bottom: A conceptual drawing of the new auditorum and main entrance.

Although TCAPS has been criticized as fiscally irresponsible for the scale of the millage, the district is one of only 10 in the state to receive an “AA” Bond rating from Standard & Poor’s. The current 3.1 mill rate is 39% lower than the statewide average of 5.07

like that. That criticism is probably well deserved, for some entities. This government here is not one that should be criticized for fiscal irresponsibility.” Soma added that if the millage passes, approximately 90% of the $100 million dollar tax infusion will go back into the community.

Money management questioned Photo: S. Hutchison

Yoga classes will be held Wednesdays in the 9th grade atrium, 3:15 to 4:15 after school, taught by Patty from Yoga for Health Education. “It’s a good workout and it’s really relaxing,” Emily Donohue ‘13 said. The classes are free for CHS students and eight dollars for teachers, with money used to buy more P.E yoga mats.

Photo: K. Raymond

“Whether it’s musical, band performances, jazz band, orchestra, Rendezvous in the spring, our students are as talented as anyone in this town,” Dr. Vandermolen said. “The auditorium does not meet the needs of our students. I don’t believe it’s indicative of a Class A high school in Northern Michigan.” TCAPS officials contend that the technical aspects of the auditorium’s stage make musical productions and music performances very difficult. The lighting and sound systems sometimes falter midperformance. The size of the stage can’t hold multiple ensembles and the outdated fly rigging systems can’t support technically complex productions. Because many of the auditorium seats are broken, the maximum occupancy is only 550 seats. “We’ve done paint and boards as long as we can - that doesn’t fix it anymore,” TCAPS’ K-12 Music Coordinator Wendee Wolf-Schlarf said. In one instance, a student’s solo at a jazz band concert was abruptly ended when the microphone failed halfway through the performance. “To me that’s a travesty. It’s inexcusable,” Dr. Vandermolen said. Currently, approximately 650 Central students are enrolled in a Visual/Performing Arts program at Central, and the program is rapidly expanding. “I see all of the arts expanding,” Trippe said. “There is a phenomenal talent here, and we have a community that really encourages the arts. To not support that part of our millage is shortsighted.”

1200 Seats - luxury or necessity? Photo: Courtesy of TCAPS

Central High School. The current auditorium has not been renovated since the school’s construction in 1958, and, despite multiple retrofit upgrades, is dysfunctional. Central High School Principal Rick Vandermolen says the inferior facility affects students’ performance.

The $26 million cost of upgrades at Central include a distinct front entrance, administrative offices, a common area for students and a new auditorium. The new auditorium’s 1200-seat capacity was called “luxurious” by Grand Traverse County Commissioner Jason Gillman. Opposition mainly protests the scale of the auditorium. “There’s a difference between a want and a need,” TCAPS parent Kirt Kilbourne said. “At this point in the economic cycle, I would call the auditorium a want.” Gillman couldn’t be reached for comment.

continued, page 6

2 Opinion

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct. 16, 2012

Bad news for ma and pa

O Graphic: A. Korson

“Ohhh my gawd! I got sooo drunk this weekend! #yolo #syfi” This is the usual early Monday morning buzz blasting on Twitter feeds--the booze induced blackouts, the chug chug chug, the sticky sweet kegs--it’s almost as normal as taking the ACT. I mean, we are in high school, practically adults, and twenty-one is forever from now. So some of us drink--we hold parties, we play beer pong, we want to have fun; in short, we just want to be adults. And the consequences from getting blackout drunk are personal. They don’t affect anybody else, right? Sure, you may get hurt, or receive a DUI or an MIP. But your parents going to jail? Not on the list of concerns. However, in a handful of states teens will now have to heavily consider the consequences of how their behavior affects their parents, before guzzling that fifth of Grey Goose. Laws that punish adults for supplying or being aware of underage drinking, called “social host liability, or social host laws,” have been around for awhile, and exist in one form or another in over thirty states. Many of these states are currently tightening these laws in a number of ways to make a dent in teen alcohol abuse, and these laws go much further than just fining parents for providing booze. A prime example is Connecticut where they recently amended their social hosting law, which states: “No person having possession of, or exercising dominion and control over, any dwelling unit or private property shall knowingly, recklessly, or with criminal negligence, permit any minor to possess alcoholic liquor or fail to make reasonable efforts to halt

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Photo: A. Hilden

What does the rest of Central think?

Hunter Kelly Staff Reporter

Teenagers now have more to worry about than being hungover from last friday night after several states passed new social hosting laws that hold unknowledgable parents responsible for underage drinking such possession.” Wait, what? Political jargon aside, this bill would hold parents or the responsible adults criminally liable for teen drinking, even if they weren’t aware of it. Let’s repeat that: even if they weren’t aware teens were drinking on their property. Sounds sorta scary if your parents have a 60-acre farm out on the Peninsula, or if your party is on a beach across the road. How

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can parents secure their entire property if a few kids wander far afield to imbibe beyond the sight of prying eyes? The Connecticut bill proclaims that those over 21 should “make reasonable efforts to halt such possession” - i.e., assume their kid will drink while they are out of the house and make such reasonable efforts to prevent it. And if they don’t? Parents could face up to a year in jail and a $2,000 fine. We at the Black and Gold feel that while social

“I think parents should be fully responsible for their child’s actions. The child really can’t be held responsible as an adult. It’s ultimately the parents responsibility for knowing what their child is doing.” -Jon Patterson ‘13

“I feel it should partially be the parent’s responsibility for having alcohol around kids, but it should also be the responsibility of the teen who is drinking in the first place.” -Betsy D’Aquila ‘15

Photo: A. Hilden

host laws that hold knowledgeable adults accountable are crucial to curbing teen drinking, these new laws blur the lines of how far adults should go to ensure their teen won’t drink. There is a large gap between being negligent, such as falling asleep while chaperoning your kids’ drinking party, and “making reasonable efforts to halt such possession.” Parents who supply alcohol to minors or become criminally negligent should be prosecuted, which under social hosting laws means potential jail. But, that definitely doesn’t include parents who had no idea their teen was drinking, or even parents who weren’t home while it was happening. Many Michigan teens don’t have to worry about these frightening new laws--yet. Currently, parents in Traverse City are just held accountable if they are knowledgeable about underage drinking and can be prosecuted. But as more and more states

implement these strict social hosting laws, your weekend might include more regrets than kissing that freshman at a party. Let’s hope your Twitter doesn’t read something like this: “Parents in jail for a year, I don’t think #yolo will work as a defense #bummer.”

“Parents shouldn’t be fully responsible if they did not know or if they were away. The teen who was drinking is old enough to take responsibility for their actions, especially if the parent did not know.” -Piper Deans ‘14

“I don’t think that punishing unknowing parents will curb teen drinking because it won’t affect teens all that much, like it would if they got punished themselves.” -Cam Gibson ‘13

Photo: S. Hutchison

Photo: A. Hilden

“Teens won’t consider the consequences of what might happen to their parents and they’ll just keep drinking.” -Jackie Wolf ‘15

ic: raph

orso A. K

We look up to the brave, intelligent, and independent thinkers of the fairer sex. We highlight those special ladies here

Miranda Winowiecki Editor-in-Chief

LEANN WINOWIECKI From my very first steps I have always been a “momma’s girl.” My mother, Leann Winowiecki has the kindest heart of any woman I know. She always puts those she loves before herself. Yes, I know all mothers do that but have you ever really thought about what that means? To Mom, my brother, sister and I are the most important people in the world. Few realize how deep of a love that is. I have always remembered, from the time I was little, her dropping anything she was doing for us. Help with homework? Mom was on it. A lunch packed? Mom was on it. Rides here, there and everywhere? Mom was on it. Mom is my center of gravity. Always there, pulling me back just when I start to fall. Since I could remember, my mom is up at 6 a.m. for us. Even though I no longer need her to shepherd me out the door in the morning, she’s still there, when she could still be sleeping. Instead, she still makes me breakfast, watches the news with me, and sends me off with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Though many teens don’t like the “when are you going to be home?” routine, I find comfort in mom’s predictability--she’s always there. I’m taking it in now because I won’t have it next year. At least like that. My mom gives the best advice. Most of the time, rather than telling me what to do, mom guides me to make decisions for myself. When things get difficult, she looks at it with an unbiased view, points out the facts and leaves it to me. She makes the confusing clear. Her ability to make something complex simple is a gift she’s always given and one I know I will always have. Don’t think these things go unappreciated, Momma. For her sacrifices for us through the years, for her “have a good day sweetie!”, and for her unconditional love, take heed of Leann Winowiecki.

Katie Stanton Editor-in-Chief

Trust disappears in the expanding world of technology Latest smartphone apps that track kids’ every move restrict adolescent freedoms; tool of choice for over-protective and nosey parents

the Black & Gold

Stalkin’ mortifying

A simple “Where are you?” is a question apparently no longer sufficient for worrisome parents trying to track down their teens. Its replacement: a void of untrustworthiness and numerous technological advances that turn everyday guardians into stalkers. We’ve all had those times with mom and dad when they demand the time, the place, the drivers, and adults. Not that it’s a bad thing -- after all, parents parent. But whatever happened to the easygoing adults? To any lenient survivors left in the world that lived through the apocalypse of extreme electronic parenting, please stand, for I commend you. An invasion of privacy is usually limited to the occasional parental peek into your diary-the one that’s concealed, the one the with the glitter cover that you keep under lock and key, the one that divulges the fantasies and foibles of teen life. But with the latest technology from app-central, forget the diary. Now parents are watching your every move at the hands of apps like Life360, SMS Tracker, and Mobiflock, all of which gives parents a detective surveilling you 24/7 on the cheap. Life360 and Mobiflock are basically personal Global Positioning System (GPS) tracking devices for teens and children. No longer do parents rely on an hour-on-hour

Creep-O-Meter

lyk not kol bro get of mi pone ewww c ya

A&E Editors

Packaging Editors

News Editor

Sports Editor

Photo Editors

Opinion Editor

Leek Editors

Katie Stanton Ivy Baillie

Feature Editor Lia Williams

David Reinke Bryton Lutes

Garrett Kosch

Sophie Hutchison Fiona Muha Autumn Hilden Katie Raymond

Scott Hardin Jake Myers

Graphics Editor

Business Manager

Illustration Editor

Bryton Lutes

Nick Mulvaine Alex Korson

Mobiflock, Life360, and SMS Tracker, all stalking apps, creep us out more than a high school dance with the lights on. Cough cough...

Readin’ texts

Editors-in-Chief

Katie Stanton Miranda Winowiecki

While this demanding past time may have fallen out of vogue, it remains the most disturbing tracking method. Nothing screams “I’m crazy” like a restraining order.

Trackin’ phones cunning

Staff Reporter

update, but a sit-and-watch-’em-move concept; literally, a way of parental stalking. However, Mobiflock, which can take complete control of a phone, as opposed to Life360, which is strictly a tracking device, steps beyond the realm of annoying. Mobiflock allows parents complete remote control of their child’s phone by blocking certain apps, disabling the camera and even the power to shut down your phone. We’ve all seen those television clichés where crazy parents implant a microchip in their in innocent kid’s head, to track their every crawl and wander. These new apps don’t seem to draw much of a line between the dystopian future ominously predicted in 1984. Parents who install these apps on their children’s phone, scream nothing less than, “I don’t trust you.” I understand the necessity of knowing a loved one’s location at all times, and concede that there are some extreme cases where monitoring software makes sense, but this is rare. Surely it’s both comforting and reassuring for parents, who live in a high stress and dangerous world. However, these concerns don’t justify the casual use of invasive apps, whose widespread use and access shows a frightening, stalking culture trend. No one wants to live their life with mom and dad lurking. Tracking applications are just a dramatic step in parenting far beyond asking your child where they’ll be. This is a slippery slope; what comes next, embedded tracking chips?

sneaky

Kory Cole

Peekin’ in diaries Why do you still have a diary? Are you a seventh grade girl?

Staff Reporters

Madyson Basch Emma Caldwell Kory Cole Jeff Comerford Hunter Kelly Erin Lipp Maddi Miller John Minster Hayley Rozema Allison Taphouse Taylr Twigg- Pahl

ANNE STANTON My mom is the most outspoken person I know. And this is a very good thing because what she talks about changes people’s lives. She also changes minds that very much need changing. And the really remarkable thing is that most often when she’s asking questions or moving minds, she’s a pretty nice lady about it. Now, you may know that investigative journalists have to ask very difficult questions--get under people’s skin. But that’s not my mom’s motive. My mom has a love affair with the truth--she adores Truth almost as much as she loves us. Where there’s controversy, she relentlessly pursues truth. One story she wrote changed a law. The state of Michigan cut off prescription coverage for general welfare recipients. In desperation, a woman cut her prescription pills in half and died as a result. The very week my mom’s story ran, legislators reinstated the prescription coverage. It was pretty obvious from a young age that mom would be a mover. As just a high school student, she saved the elementary and high school art programs slated to be cut with a scathing article in her school newspaper. But now she is doing great things in a new job-forging a path at Up North TV as an outreach coordinator, a position created just for her. Already in her first few months on the job, she helped produce a new debate show called “Crosstalk,” and is working on a show called “Happenings,” which highlights area non-profits. I admire her ability to leap into the unknown. Whatever my mom decides to do for the rest of her long life ahead, it will be extraordinary. For all the wrongs she will make right in the future, for her continually inquisitive mind, and for her indomitable spirit, take heed of Anne Stanton.

Have a question? A comment? A rant? Drop off a letter to the editor in room F-163 or shoot us an email at yeomansmi@ tcaps.net

Election

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct.16, 2012

Presidential Election 2012

Obama

Romney

Barack Hussein Obama II

VICE PRESIDENT

Willlard Mitt Romney

VICE PRESIDENT

THE BASICS

JOE BIDEN

PAUL RYAN

RELIGION

POLITICAL PARTY RELIGION

MORMON

DEMOCRATIC PROTESTANT

SPOUSE

SLOGAN

MICHELLE YES WE CAN

AGE

REPUBLICAN

SLOGAN

AGE

POLITICAL PARTY

65 BELIEVE IN AMERICA

HIS EARLIER YEARS

SPOUSE

ANN

HIS EARLIER YEARS

ACCUSED OF BEING A HIGH SCHOOL BULLY

ADMITTED TO SMOKING POT AND SNORTING COCAINE

THE ISSUES “The women involved are in the best position to make that determination.”

ABORTION

“Higher education cannot be a luxury. For some time now, I’ve been calling on Congress to take steps to make higher education more affordable.”

STUDENT LOANS

"Every piece of legislation which came to my desk in the coming years as the governor, I came down on the side of preserving the sanctity of life." “I'm not going to promise all sorts of free stuff that I know you're going to end up paying for.”

“It is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married."

GAY MARRIAGE

“I do not favor marriage between people of the same gender, and I do not favor civil unions if they are identical to marriage other than by name.”

“First, we’ve just got to get more teachers into our classrooms and bring greater focus to higher education.”

EDUCATION

“The key to successful schools is providing students with great teachers. We must recruit teachers from among our brightest students and pay them well.”

“I don’t want to raise taxes on the middle class, so we should all agree to extend the tax cut for the middle class.”

TAXES

“We ought to provide tax relief to people in the middle class. But I'm not going to reduce the share of taxes paid by high-income people.”

“Insurance companies can no longer deny coverage for people with pre-existing conditions. They can’t drop people's coverage when they get sick."

HEALTH CARE

Graphiic: I. Baillie

“That's why as another step forward we're lifting the shadow of deportation... from deserving young people who were brought to this country as children.”

“On my first day if elected President of the United States I will act to repeal Obamacare." “I very firmly believe that we have to make sure that we enforce our borders and that we have an employment verification system."

IMMIGRATION

Your vote counts: words from the candidates

Sophie Hutchison Local officials share the importannce of teen involvement in politics and what YOU can do to make a difference

Packaging Editor

Wayne Schmidt (R)

Thomas Bensley

104th District State Representative Candidate

Current Grand Traverse County Sherrif, running for re-elction

“I think for young people getting an interest in politics is very important. Regardless of

“Everything done by the government and politicians affects teenagers in some way or another—the

your political views, you should understand how your government works, locally

laws that they make, the legislations they create, the taxes they may increase or decrease.”

Photo: K. Raymond

Betsy Coffia (D)

104th District State Representative Candidate

and federally. It doesn’t mean you have to run for office or volunteer for campaigns, but if there is an issue that you know enough about, you can call someone and start to get the ball rolling, or at least have your concerns heard.”

“You might want to think about getting involved in politics because decisions

are made by the people that show up. We live in the most beautiful

Photo: K. Raymond

place in the world. If you care about this place staying something that we are all proud of, those are all decisions made by people that you elect. If you choose to stay home, they’re made by somebody else and you don’t have a say.”

Photo: K. Raymond

Teens raise their voices on the importance of voting Packaging Editor

18 year-old students comment on voting and the impact of upcoming 2012 elections on their lives

Photo: A. Hilden

Are you voting?

YES

“Many Americans don’t consider the motives behind candidates’ promises. Until I understand those motives, I can’t reasonably know what is best for my country.” -Jacob Kenney ‘13

Photo: A. Hilden

Everyone’s vote counts. It’s like those dotted pictures with different colors. On your own you’re just one dot, but together it creates a picture.” -Kimberly DeBusschere ‘13

Photo: A. Hilden

“I’m not even registered. My one vote doesn’t change that much. As you get older and more experienced, that’s when you should start voting.” -Kimmie Berreth ‘13

Photo: A. Hilden

“It’s the right thing to do. It’s good to represent yourself and make your vote count. You never know whether your vote will be the difference-maker or not.” -Colin Lesoski ‘13

Graphiic: I. Baillie & A. Korson

Fiona Muha

4 Homecoming

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct. 16, 2012

Trojans dominate at Homecoming

The Trojans continue their winning season after a 9-7 victory against University of Detroit Jesuit to clinch a spot in post-season play Miranda Winowiecki & Garrett Kosch

Editor-in-Chief, Sports Editor

Defense was key in the Homecoming football game, as the Trojans held the University of Detroit (U of D) Jesuit Cubs to just one touchdown in a 9-7 clinch victory. Key players for the victory on defense were Nick Bonaccini ‘13 and Josiah Lopez-Wild ‘14, who both led the team in tackles. On offense, it was Joey Schepperly ‘15, who ran in for one touchdown, and Jake Gorter ‘14, who made the game winning field goal. “U of D had a really strong offense,” Bonaccini said, “and people thought they were going to beat us on defense.” The first quarter was a deadlocked defensive

battle consisting of back and forth punts and possession changes with no score. This was until the Trojans made a run led by quarterback TJ Schepperly ‘13. The Trojans made a steady push into the endzone before TJ handed the ball off to younger brother Joey, who ran in for a touchdown. “We knew how good our opponent was,” Joey said. “After we scored first, we got really pumped up.” The golden student section went crazy as Central took a 6-0 lead. The extra point attempt was missed, but Central shook it off and got right back

Photo: A. Hilden

Ethan Campbell ‘15 dodges two defensive players from University of Detroit Jesuit at the Homecoming football game. The Trojans secured a playoff game with their 9-7 victory over the powerhouse. “Although I had gotten injured in the game was really happy because we were the first in history to win our first out of seven games that guaranteed us to the playoffs,” Campbell said.

to focusing on defense. Into the second quarter, both teams continued to play excellent defense. The Trojans shut down the Cubs’ offensive game as fans watched both teams punt the ball back and forth. “When the offense did not score on a drive, the defense knew they had to step up,” Bonaccini said. With under two minutes left in the half, Central made a run down the field to the thirty yard line. Energy was pulsing through the stadium, until the Trojans had a turnover that gave the ball back to the Cubs. With a big hit from Weston Detar ‘13, the Trojans forced a fumble, redeeming themselves and taking possession. This drive was short lived as the Trojans turned the ball back over to U of D. When the clock hit zero, the 6-0 lead remained with Central. The second half rolled around and the Trojans looked fired up as they exited the locker room. “Coming into the second half, the team stayed focused,” TJ said. “ We knew it was going to be a tough battle.” The Cubs were first to strike with a ten play drive, landing them in the Trojan’s end-zone. With the completed extra point, Central was down 6-7. The Trojans battled back on a long drive. Determined to regain the lead, TJ led the team all the way down the field to the opponent’s 17 yard line. By fourth down, it was up to Gorter to kick a field goal for the lead. “Once U of D scored, I kept my team positive,” TJ said. “We ran the ball well and executed when we were pressured. In the end, we knew Jake would come through.” The kick went up and in, right before time ran out for the third quarter. The score was 9-7 in favor of the Trojans. “I tried to forget about the last kick I missed in the first quarter,” Gorter said. “I just focused

on kicking the ball and kicking it straight, which worked pretty well.” In the fourth quarter, it was another defensive battle between the teams. With the clock running out, Central held onto the ball. When the final siren went off, the Trojans had turned last year’s loss to U of D into a win in front of a Homecoming crowd. “The Homecoming game is so important because the alumni come back, and it puts extra responsibility on us to play better football,” Head Coach Tom Passinault said. “If we win, it will ensure that the full weekend is a success.” After an overwhelming 35-21 victory over West, Passinault warned his team that he has higher expectations than just beating West. Checking one goal off their list, the Trojans clinched a playoff game with their Homecoming victory over U of D. Their next goal is to take the Big North Conference from the reigning champions, Petoskey, and with a 5-0 BNC record, this goal is well within reach. “Getting into the playoffs is huge,” TJ said. “It is our time to show the downstate schools that we are a powerhouse once again.” After last Friday’s win against Gaylord, the Trojans just have one road game remaining against Cadillac. A victory would not only win the conference title, but will also likely secure a home playoff game. “Our goal was to get into the postseason,” Passinault said. “A home playoff game would be a huge step towards establishing a strong program, and it would also be a great event for the community.”

“A home playoff game would be a huge step towards establishing a strong program, and it would also be a great event for the community.” - Head Coach Tom Passinault

DEADLINE UPDATE: With West’s loss to Ogemaw Heights on October 12, the Trojans secured the Big North Conference championship. This is the first time Central has won the conference since 2007. They commence their regular season next Graphic: A.

Korson

Junior team shuts out Powder Puff flag football game Playing in the dark on the infield of Central’s track, the junior class emerges as victor of the Powder Puff flag football game. They won by two touchdowns and prevented the seniors from passing the fifty yard line. Unlike previous years, this event only included one game, as it lacked a sophomore or freshman team. Junior members of Central’s boys football team coached their grade to success In their win against the seniors, Callie Bartkowiak ‘14 runs the ball for the junior team. “I’ve always liked football and I got a chance to play so I took it,” Bartkowiak said. The juniors also had help from Honey Brumfield, an eighth grader that was allowed to play on their team because the seniors had so many more players. “She was really good, really fast, and knew what she was doing,” Bartkowiak said. “She has actually played football before. She scored one of our touchdowns.” Bartkowiak said that their win against the seniors was due to being better, not luck. “The seniors won everything last year so it was awesome that we beat them.”

Erin Lipp

Staff Reporter

“I don’t think it was luck, we were just better than the seniors. They took it seriously and we just had fun so maybe that helped us.” -Callie Bartkowiak ‘14

Photo: A. Hilden

Debating where to throw the ball, Taylor Cobb ‘14 gets her flag taken by Kelly Milliken ‘13. Cobb played quarterback for the first quarter of the game. “We didn’t really have a game plan, we just kinda moved around to where we thought we should go,” Cobb said. Charlie Long ‘14 was one of the coaches for the junior team. “My favorite thing was telling the girls what to do,” Long said. “I liked being in charge, it felt good.” Long said that Cobb was one of the team’s star players along with Callie Bartkowiak, Olivia Luciani and Delaney Gartland, all ‘14. “The funniest part was when one of the senior players destroyed Taylor Cobb,” Long said. “She just knocked her right to the ground. It was scary but hilarious.” Cobb thought it was fun because girls do not get a chance to play football often. “It’s more entertaining than competitive,” Cobb said. “It’s funny to see girls that aren’t football player-like, play football.”

Photo: A. Hilden

Even though they lost, senior Kelly Milliken ‘13 gave it her all as their team’s coaches watch. Milliken played wide receiver for the entire game. “I’m in Senate so I was in charge of the sign up,” Milliken said. “I tried to recruit the best team possible.” Milliken has played every year and it is always for the same reason--to destroy. Unfortunately this year that did not happen. “The juniors won this year. That’s awful. My game face wasn’t on. We should have pulled through, but we played our best so that’s what we could do.” Photo: A. Hilden

Graphic: A. Korson

Final Score: Juniors 12 - Seniors 0

Homecoming

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct. 16, 2012

Spirit Week: 5 Ways in 5 Days Spirit Week apparel flashes in the halls of Central during Homecoming week, and Trojans are encouraged to dress up in their most boisterous and colorful clothing. From neon colors to Harry Potter themed T-shirts, these students show their school spirit Tylr Twigg-Pahl Staff Reporter

“I love bright colors so neon day was my favorite.” Ricardo DiMauro ‘13

Photo: K.Raymond

“I was trying to represent America and show patriotic spirit.” Cassidy Klein ‘13

Sports Editor

What would you do to make CHS more like Hogwarts? “We should offer a Potions class with Mrs. King, an Herbology class with Mr. Czarny and a Defense Against the Dark Arts class with Mr. Gle. We should also change Dr. V’s name to Dumbledore.” - Hornburg “I’ve never actually seen Harry Potter. But I would probably want to have a class on how to teach kids how to fly.” - Mattarella

“We go to Central, so why not show some pride in that? We’re better than West. Go Trojans!” -Haley Stoops ‘15

Which type of ruler would you be? A Dumbledore or Voldemort? “Voldemort. It’s way more fun to be bad.” - Hornburg “Hopefully Dumbledore. Being evil doesn’t sound that appealing.” - Mattarella

Classy Photo: A. Hilden

utchis

: S. H

Photo

“Gryffindor is definitely the best house in Harry Potter. It’s the main house; we’re the top dogs.” -Preston Zoellner ‘13

After being crowned king and queen of “Hogwarts,” Kailey Mattarella and Kalvis Hornburg, both ‘13, were given a truth potion and they spilled their deepest magical secrets Garrett Kosch

Photo: A. Hilden

“You can never be too classy. There are no limitations.” - Mitchell Mosley ‘15

Photo: A. Hilden

Homecoming Queen Kailey Mattarella and King Kalvis Hornburg, both ‘13, celebrate their crowning together at halftime of the Homecoming football game. “I was overwhelmed in a good way,” Mattarella said. “It felt great knowing I have made such a positive impact on people’s lives.”

Homecoming Dance: let’s turn the lights...on?

Graphic

: A. Kors

After freezing in the rain at the game, students switched their venue to the heat of the Homecoming dance floor. Despite the lights, students still moved their feet to the vast variety of music

Lia Williams, Hayley Rozema Feature Editor, Staff Reporter

Lights bouncing off the ceiling, crowd wild with energy, DJ Danny Madion ‘14 created a magical Harry-Potter Homecoming as he began spinning upbeat tracks for the students gathered on the dance floor. “I typically play more pop in the beginning when there’s little activity on the dance floor, something they can get pumped up about,” Madion said. “As the night progresses I play more club and rap songs that the majority of the crowd likes.” While Madion kept in mind “it’s impossible to please everyone,” he responded to many requests and tried to play a variety of music. “Homecoming has so much hype,” Madion said. “Kids get dressed up and go to dinner and take pictures. It’s a memorable night and I wanted the music to be memorable.” Michala Macek ‘16 did enjoy the music, but wished there was more of a selection. “Some of the music was fun because it was crazy,” Macek said, “but there were a lot of slow songs. I thought there would be way more techno.” Although there were numerous technical issues when the power went out, the Porterhouse Productions crew helped out. The interruptions disrupted the flow of the dance and prevented

Madion from a fluent song transition, but he said in a way they were beneficial. “It created a kind of suspense,” Madion said. “Once I got the music going, kids were ready to dance.” However, problems with the sound system were the least of students’ annoyances. After much student and parent feedback, Principal Rick Vandermolen decided to keep the lights on above the bleachers as a safety precaution. This mood-killer caused some student protest. “It made everything awkward and uncomfortable,” Faller said. “I understand their reasoning for doing that, but the dance is for us to have fun. If it keeps up like that, no one will want to go.” Vandermolen said the bottom line is to prevent the sexually suggestive dancing that is too often seen at Central’s dances. “This has been going on since I’ve been here and well before that,” Vandermolen said. “I can’t turn a blind eye to it. If we’re not doing anything about it, we’re simply endorsing the behavior.” For the next dance, Vandermolen plans on forming a committee to address and generate solutions to the “safety issues” at school dances. Student Senate Governor Cooper Macdonell ‘13 said Senate hopes to compromise with the administration in terms of the lights. “We want to see if there’s a way we can keep it towards what the kids want and still stay within their parameters,” Macdonell said.

Photo: A. Hilden

Zach Egbert and Abby Underwood, both ‘14, enjoy the good vibes at Homecoming dance. “It went by really fast,” Egbert said. “I thought I would leave after a half hour but I ended up staying until the last song.”

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Millage continued from front page However, TCAPS officials contend that the large capaity is in fact the most fiscally responsible option. Planning now for the expansion of the theatre and musical programs at Central High School will avoid future renovations and added costs, Wolf-Schlarf contends. In addition, Central High School and other TCAPS schools

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct. 16, 2012

continually have to rent outside spaces in which to hold choir performances. “We’ve gone and rented churches,” WolfSchlarf said. “They’ve given us the best deal they can, but there’s still wear and tear and custodial costs. The busing costs to get there add up as well as the actual cost renting.” The large seating capacity would also allow other district schools to utilize the auditorium. Even though it would be located on the Central campus, it is titled a TCAPS district auditorium. “Part of the proposal will upgrade West’s tech-

nology, but Central’s auditorium will be available to West students as well,” Hall said. In addition to schools, the auditorium would be available for broad use within the community by outside groups. Organizations such as the Traverse Symphony Orchestra and even touring Broadway shows could stage performances. “There’s more that happens in visual and performing arts than just what happens at Central,” Vandermolen said. “Something like this could support our community on a larger scale beyond Central High School.”

Student involvement

Advanced Placement Government and Politics students have formed the Student Leadership Committee to inform through a students’ perspective. They have planned a community night as well as a commissioner night at Central to present their view on the millage. “We want the commissioners to see the conditions of our auditorium and have them sit in the seats to experience it,” committee member Connor Becker said. “It’s crucial for students to get the word out since the vote is for students.”

A&E

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct. 16, 2012

ArtPrize gallery Graphic: N. Mulvaine

We give you our expertise on the latest in entertainment. Starting with reviews (the good and the bad) and finishing with recommendations

Bryton Lutes & David Reinke

Business manager, A&E Editors

Reviews Movie: Taken 2 Despite the high-octane action scenes for which Taken captivated us with, along with it’s believable story line, it’s sequel unfortunately fails, leaving us with a feeling of familiarity. With underwhelming relations to its predecessor, the sequel is full of garish action sequences that dominate the film’s character development and substance. Taken 2 is like Miss Misunderstood, all action and no substance. Lead actor Liam Neeson snaps too many necks and rides in too many chase scenes. Taken 2 is so full of climatic drama as to be exhausting. What could have been a sweet film with less amped up action, goes too Rambo. C+ TV: 666 Park Avenue If you could make one wish, what would it be? And what would you do to get it? This infamous cliche has morphed into a multifaceted supernatural drama, 666 Park Avenue, in which a wide-eyed western couple moves to a swanky apartment building called the Drake, in Manhattan’s Upper East Side, smack into a supernatural embrace. In the late Sunday night timeslot, 666 Park Avenue piques our most burning desires with deliciously intimate scenes entangled in naughtiness. Keeping the audience guessing, it is unclear yet for the residents whether they’re dealing with the charming owner-devil himself or his cigarettefetching surrogate. 666 Park Avenue has all the goodies: wealth, love, sex, power, revenge, death, and entertains with a mystery much darker than its address. AMusic: Halcyon by Ellie Goulding In her anthemic album, Halcyon, Ellie Goulding enchants us with her ethereal vocals, intertwined with electric vibrato. After debuting Lights in 2010, Goulding received critical acclaim for her dream-pop album with songs such as “Starry Eyed” and “Your Biggest Mistake.” Halcyon, however, is a hot synthetic mix of electric heartiness and dark undertones creating an artistically contrasted breakup album. Songs include “Figure 8” and “My Blood” in which Goulding sings of a past lover, a shadow of her new album. A-

Recommendations Movie: Moonrise Kingdom Moonrise Kingdom would go great with a glass bottle of Coke and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The film just puts you in that simple state of mind, where you see things stripped of all the B.S. Kingdom is compelling, then it’s moving: breaking barriers like matchsticks. With indirect but vigorous humor, questions are answered like, “How naked can a child actor be when he French kisses another child actor?” and “How tight can Edward Norton’s Boy Scout uniform be before Child Services is called?” Then it has its sweet side. At times it’s as charming and delicate as a daisy, begging to be fatefully plucked petal by petal. Other times, it’s blisteringly raw--engrossing our attention with intense, close-up, film-making passion. Either way, it embodies organic perfection. TV: 30 Rock 30 Rock is the comedic equivalent to the Bible. Tina Fey, master of the show, leads as Liz Lemon, a TV show writer who encounters daily antics. When a comedian has insulted the minorities, lost their inspiration, drunk texted a naked picture to their boss, they look to the awkward messiah--Tina Fey--for ideas and support. While Jesus turned water into wine, Lemon ate five donuts in a day. That’s the beauty of 30 Rock: Fey has no problem with making the normal, weird. Thursday nights are the forum, and the show starts at 8:00 (because 7:00 is way too early to break out the three dollar wine from Trader Joes). Be there or be square. But don’t be ashamed to be square--Lemon wears that color proudly. Music: Shields by Grizzly Bear The first time you listen to Grizzly Bear’s Shields you’ll have this weird tingling buzz in your ears. Don’t be alarmed-that’d be your eardrums applauding. It seems as if Grizzly Bear has listened to all the latest craze on fellow indie peers, artists from the Black Keys to Mumford and Sons, and simply declared, “We’re not going to do that.” Instead of searching for the catchiest chorus, Grizzly Bear has vied for a stronger, self-aware album structure. No autotuned bubble gum spit here. It’s not the discombobulated bunch of mindless love songs that we hear too often these days. Rather, it’s an effort at experimentation, testing the efficiency of creativity and the relevance of formality. Tracks “Yet Again” and “Half-Gate” are killers. Graphics: N. Mulvaine

Teachers and students from Central traveled to Grand Rapids to explore the fourth annual ArtPrize competition. After the day long observation, students returned to school wrought with inspiration.

Jeff Comerford

Staff Reporter

Two weeks ago, forty-six Central students attended two different venues at ArtPrize in Grand Rapids. For six hours, students beheld, analyzed and gazed at art in every medium imaginable, ranging from photography; to sculpture, to pottery, and to stained glass pieces that covered an entire wall at two different ArtPrize venues in Grand Rapids. “Grand Rapids is a sweet town,” Anders Olson ‘14 said. “I like to look at art and I think it’s cool we get to be exposed to such a large venue and artists.” ArtPrize is an annual contest that lasted this year from Sept. 19-Oct. 7 and featured more than 1,500 artists from all over the world. It attracts world renowned artists because the “prize” part is the real deal. Cash awards are given based on viewers’ online votes. First place received $200,000. Second place received $75,000. Third place received $50,000. Once students arrived at Meijer Gardens, the students were overwhelmed by the number and scale of all the sculptures. “There was this metal globe with a giant swimmer on top,” Hannah Pickett ‘13 said. “It looked so realistic it was hard to believe that it wasn’t a real person. Having a globe made it abstract in an interesting way.” Art teacher Amy Harper finds that taking these trips is just as beneficial as the classroom. The students are exposed to various professional influences, which they can’t experience in school. “Our students were really excited to see such large scale works,” Harper said. “And establish real world connections to the work they construct in class.” Their second venue was the downtown area which had been transformed into a giant art exhibit including but not limited to businesses, museums, sidewalks, river bridges and even parks. What is so unique about ArtPrize is that it is not just in museums or art galleries, but throughout the community at large. “There was mind-blowing art,” Austin Kellogg ‘13 said. “Everywhere you looked and walked, there was art.” Once downtown, Central students scattered to take in as much art as they possibly could and catch a glimpse of what was tucked in the nooks and crannies of Grand Rapids. Tori Fisher ‘13 enjoyed a hidden treasure the most. “My favorite part was the High Five Warehouse,” Fisher said. “It was this parking garage that wasn’t advertised to the public. It was hard to find, but it had some really cool pieces.” Photography and Sculpture teacher, Jamie Sandy, felt that the most important reason for taking the students down to ArtPrize was so they could gain the experience that is imperative to success. “We can teach all we like here, but real-world application is really important,” Sandy said. “This gives them a chance to see that real-world application.” Each student took something away from the experience. Amelia Coggins ‘14 noticed one sub-

Photo: A. Hilden

3 Photo: K. Raymond

5 Photo: K. Raymond

Photo: S. Hardin

Photo: K. Raymond

1. Jacob Gerstner ‘14 spins a large-scale kaleidoscope. “The styles and different mediums that are used form a really cool variety of art,” Gerstner said. “ArtPrize is always good and always interesting.” 2. Alisha Branding ‘15 (center) speculates the meaning of the sculpture.”I love art because I’ve grown up with it,” Branding said. “I’ve never not had it in my life.” 3. Jamie Sandy, Photography and Sculpture teacher, appreciates the city-wide gallery. “There aren’t a whole lot of sculptures in Traverse City,” Sandy said, “so it’s nice to be able to go and see sculptures where they’re supposed to be positioned.” 4. Inspiration was kindled in Ginger Burrows ‘16 in Grand Rapids. “To go see this beautiful artwork inspires me to continue working on my own art,” Burrows said, “and to be an accomplished artist myself one day.” 5. Calvin Marios ‘13 takes a snapshot of a metal rhino at ArtPrize.“There’s a lot of passion and emotion in art,” Marios said. “That’s what life is all about.”

lime piece of art in particular that she admired for its realistic approach. “The coolest thing I saw was this really long line of people’s hands and it was really close up,” Coggins said. “It was a drawing but it looked so detailed, like a photograph.” A more fearless form of art caught Calvin Marois’s ‘13 artistic eye: an intricate formation of golden bells hanging from invisible wire, forming a dragon. “The amount of time that the artist spent on every single piece of wire was mind-blowing,” Marois said. “It was such an epic piece.” Taylor Becker’s ‘14 favorite piece was the six wooden horse sculptures made of branches that had been placed strategically in the river next to the Blue Bridge. The scrupulous attention to

detail left Becker dumbfounded. “My eyes grew very big and my jaw dropped,” Becker said. “I was just amazed by how everything worked.” Becker was especially astounded by how the sculptures were placed. “They were close to the shore but still in pretty high waters,” Becker said. “They were placed in the water so that the water was going left while the horses were facing right.” Harper felt that the students were really impacted by the day long viewing of all the art and was pleased that they saw so many unusual pieces. “Even if they aren’t going to be professional artists,” Harper said, “it’s important that they become educated consumers of visual art.”

Students comment on fall events Each performing arts program has prepared a symphony of kicklines, chords and crescendos for October and November shows

Maddi Miller & Mady Basch Staff Reporters

Dance

Choral

Musical

Orchestra

Photo: K. Raymond

Photo: S. Hutchison

Photo: K. Raymond

Central Dance Team’s routines have been choreographed and the competition date has been set for the Mid-American Pompon and High Kick Championship. All that’s left to do is polish, practice and more practice. The team will head to Saginaw Nov. 4th for the competition, lead by co-captains Paige Harrigan and Lauren Ward, both ‘13. “Our main focus for the competition will be getting all our moves sharp,” Harrigan said. Central’s team will compete in the Hip-Hop dance division. “Most other teams going have paid choreographers,” Harrigan said. “But what’s different about our team is that we choreograph our own routines.”

When the fall recital sheet music was passed out to the choristers, they were surprised by the difficulty of the music. “We are singing a lot of really complex music with mixed meter, which sounds really cool,” Charlotte Noble ‘14 said. Mixed meter is composed of multiple time signatures, and will prove a challenge. The music is technically hard because the rhythms and beats continuously change throughout the song. “My favorite song is this one arrangement ‘Shenandoah’,” Noble said. “It’s really hopeful and gives the audience a warm, fuzzy feeling.” The fall recital will be held, Oct. 18 at 7 p.m. in the First Congregational Church.

Production has kicked into full force for Central’s fall musical, Fiddler On The Roof, as the opening date Nov. 8 draws near. Abbey Kaufman ’13 is cast as Golde, the no-nonsense mom. Aside from not being a mother, Kaufman is faced with the difficulty of bringing Golde’s character to life. “She’s strict and snappy,” Kaufman said. “That’s not my personality at all. It’s hard to be something that you’re not.” Fiddler is set in the oppressive period prior to the Russian Jewish Extermination of 1905, so it has a dark theme. “People are shocked in their seats to see high school students doing something like this,” Kaufman said.

Violinist Ellis Begley ‘14 is diligently working with a unique orchestral group for Fiddler on the Roof. “It’s combined with members from the Symphonic and Philharmonic Orchestras,” Begley said. “So, you get people from different levels.” Featured songs include, ‘‘If I were a Rich Man’’ and ‘‘Matchmaker,’’ both complex tunes. “We have to be precise with the conductor and choirs,” Begley said. As a violinist, Begley has a big part in keeping the music interesting. “The strings are able to produce different sounds and tone,” Begley said. “The violins have the ability to change the mood very quickly.”

8 The Leek

Traverse City Central High School Black & Gold Oct. 16, 2012 real stories, real people

Pole dancing now offered as “alternative” gym class Pending on the outcome of the millage, the pole dance studio is slated for some upgrades

T Jake Myers Leek Editor

To comply with Michigan’s new physical education requirements, Pole Dancing is now offered at Central for students to choose as one of their required gym electives. To make room for the new course, both sections of Health Education curriculum have been eliminated. “We thought it was important to offer our students a physical education class with aerobic and anaerobic benefits and some of that isometric hoo-ha,” physical education teacher Man DcGee said. “Pole dancing is definitely an upgrade to the curriculum. This is the P.E. of the future.” Student reactions to the class have been mostly positive, with some students reportedly “changing out,” and even “seniors showing up.” “I was really skeptical at first about taking it,” Eddy Tokerstrom ‘15 said. “I mean, no sex-ed section, seriously? I don’t know what I was thinking. This has been the smartest choice I’ve ever made. My Shoulder Mount Prance gets all the ladies in the room looking!” Aside from being a spectator sport, the highly advanced level of exercise in the class has caused many student athletes to switch from their weights and conditioning classes into pole dancing, due to its cross-training benefits. “Lifting weights isolates only a few muscle groups when working out,” Witchell Mynkoop ‘14 said. “I’ve been getting such a full-body workout in pole dancing--like muscles I didn’t know even existed. Where even is the pubococcygeus? I don’t know, I couldn’t tell you, but mine’s totally ripped.” The pole dance studio is located next to the main gym, adjacent to what was formerly the archery range, which has not been used for the last forty-two years. It is rumoured that this is also where the NRA held “Bullets and Brunch” meetings back during the days of the Nixon administration. Leek reporters are currently investigating. “Cleaning out the archery range and getting

Graphic: N. Mulvaine

Jeter Pacobson and Mean Sonnier, both ‘14, unleash their moves in a high stakes, old school pole dance throw-down in the school’s dance studio. Pacobson won the four hour match after Sonnier collapsed from exhaustion. “No one beats the Paco,” Pacobson said. “That’s what they all call me in the underground street league.”

it ship-shape took almost eight weeks. It was just a wreck,” head custodian Gabe Coat said. “Let me tell you, that place was a nightmare zone. I don’t want to talk about it.” Due to the high demand of the class and its inadequate equipment, the pole dance studio is slated for capital improvements in the upcoming millage. Leek reporters ascertained blueprints for the new studio. Upgrades include: thirty-six titanium alloy poles, eight sets of speakers and subwoofers, four Roman-esque pillars at the south end, a pair of 15X40’ mirrors, and Outkast’s entire discography. “In some states, pole dancing is a lettered sport,” Athletic Director Moby Gingilis said. “We need these upgrades so we can keep up

with the times and continue the Trojan tradition of athletic domination.” Athletic administration is currently reviewing a hefty petition signed by 218 of the pole dance students to have a varsity co-ed pole dance team created, which would replace the current after-school Pole Dance Club, and possibly boys’ tennis. “I’m president of the Pole Dance Club,” Carin Over ‘13 said. “It’s kind of a big deal. It has been my dream ever since I saw the the high school Division III national championship on TV last year. Those dancers had such fluidity, such grace, such sass. I’m really hoping that the millage passes so that our dancers get the best training possible. Maybe someday, we’ll be on TV too.”

Headlines from around the world Apple CEO Tim Cook addresses iPhone 5 owners: “C’mon guys stop whining, we worked really hard on this.”

Professor strips nude, yells “There is no God!” mid-lecture, MSU students still unimpressed.

Disclaimer: This is fiction, it is not true

How far should voting laws go? In a press conference with The Leek, President Barack Obama and hopeful Mitt Romney shared different views on how strict voting laws should be

Scott Hardin Leek Editor

Mitt Romney

Graphic: N. Mulvaine

This visual representation of Romney’s proposed law shows one of the possible locations for this year’s polling stations. “Prison and voting go hand in hand,” inmate Tucky Wilhem said. “They both involve stabbing democrats in the shower. It makes me salivate.”

Romney is backing state laws to increase voting restrictions. “There are too many darned loopholes in our voting system,” Romney said. “People can vote under fake names, even vote twice, or vote for Democrats. That’s just immoral.” Romney’s proposed law tightens security legally, physically, and emotionally. “We should be keeping votes safe, with non lethal protective measures like fences, moats, drones, bear traps, bears, the works,” Romney said, maybe waterboarding for those who don’t stand properly in line. If you vote for Obama, voting machines should remind you how poor you are and that you will never get a job. Nobody likes you.” Romney also addressed new platform ideas. “Why are there no laws that restrict clones from voting? Why can women still vote? And who needs health insurance anyway?

Tensions rising as Big Bird and Mitt Romney’s Barack Obama debate over the fate of PBS looms closer. Ask the

Global Perspectives

Leek

China held the world’s first goldfish beauty pageant, featuring over 3,000 fish from fourteen competing countries in the International Goldfish Championships. Breeders and fish alike battled for the crown of World Goldfish Queen. What do you think?

Dear The Leek, All of my friends got super cute dates to Homecoming this year, but no one asked me. It was so embarrassing to have to go with my brother...as friends. How can I score a hot date to the next dance? HomcmingPrncess48 Sent from Myspace

“Nothing on this Earth compares to the tingling sensation of their soft scales rubbing against my sensitive skin. This is the essence of goldfish.”

Danielle “The Rock” Jones Unemployed

“ERMAHGERD GERDFERSCH.”

Maggie Dean Food critic

“Our only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!”

Smeagol Tour guide

“I make goldfish pway piano and pwractice violin for fwee hour every day. He become big star. Big star fish! Huuuoooww!”

Tokyo Mitsubishi Fish breeder Photos: Courtesy of Google

Dear HomcmingPrncess48, The first step in the art of dance seduction is to do something that makes you stand out. Nothing screams “date material” like displaying your dance skills in the middle of the atrium. Seriously, get that booty shakin’. It’ll bring all the boys to your yard. Next, in the weeks leading up to the dance, make sure you’re smokin’. So loiter in the smoke hole as much as possible, the aroma will bring any man under your spell. Also, go to the gym as much as possible. The Leek has spoken, XOXO S&J Need some expert advice from two rogue Freudian scholars? Write The Leek’s Editor’s in Chief, a question at theleek@gmail.com or drop off a letter at F-158.

Graphic: N. Mulvaine

In a rendering of Obama’s proposed law, sock puppets and third graders exercise their right to vote. “I support this law with every fiber of my sock,” sock puppet American Hanes McManus said. “We have a president that understands the sock man’s struggle.”

Obama wants to greatly loosen restrictions on America’s voter laws. “These laws are wrong,” Obama said. “We shouldn’t be withholding the right to vote from the elderly, women, the youth, minorities, the poor, convicted criminals, third graders, animals, sock puppets, fetuses, or people who just want to vote for me twice.” Obama’s proposed law would have the candidates’ names listed differently, with Obama and Romney listed as “Jesus” and “Nickleback,” respectively. A series of follow up questions would also be implemented after voting for Romney. Upon casting one’s vote a series of prompts would ask, “Are you sure? I mean, come on, just look at him. He doesn’t know hope like me. Come to daddy.” The plan also includes a tax increase to pay for the bussing of K-12 children to polls on election day. “Children are our future,” Obama said. “So am I.”