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Eickhoff burned to ground Message to class of 2013: Get out now! By Holden Caulfield Last True American Everything, FUCKERS
Courtesy of you. Thanks.
By Felix the Cat on Acid Last True American Cat on Acid It was just one piece of raw chicken that sent sophomore philosophy major Frank Pyre over the edge. Pyre admitted Friday to burning Eickhoff Hall to the ground on March 23 after waiting 20 minutes in line for a piece of grilled chicken, which was reportedly undercooked. “It was raw, man, totally raw. I can’t eat that shit,” Pyre said. “Ask anybody, I’m sure they’d have done the same. I could’ve gotten worms, man. Worms.” Friends and family members said Pyre was “ticked off” about the possible tuition increases announced by president R. Barbara Gitenstein during her State of the College address, and cited his periodic outbursts during the week as possible warning signs for his actions. “He came back from that meeting a changed man,” said Pyre’s roommate, Kevin Arnold. “He would just go into these rants about the ‘before time’ and started listening to Creed. He is not the Frank I met at Play Fair.” In a frantic whirl of Vera Bradley wristlets, diners and residents alike evacuated the building when the fire started in the side dining area, also referred to as the “reject room,” set off detectors. Witnesses say Pyre lit stray copies of The Singal to
start the fire that would reduce Eickhoff Hall to ruins. “They reviewed one of my performances in the Rat once,” Pyre explained. “They said the audience was more interested in their wraps.” Luckily no one was hurt in the fire, but the damage to the building has left countless students homeless and hungry. “I wish I lived in Centennial,” said former Eickhoff resident, Bertha Mason. “Those kids have it made right now.” Since the fire, students have been finding shelter in the library, various parking garages and Holman Hall. “A pretty rough crowd rolls in Lot 6, so I’ve been shacking up in Holman,” said Gregory Peck, freshman women and gender studies major. Things, however, could be much worse. “Luckily, this happened on a Tuesday night, when most residents are off campus getting their drink on. Otherwise someone may have gotten hurt,” an anonymous staff member (trust us, this dude is high up there) said. “Oh, that’s off-the-record.” When asked if he regretted his decision to burn down Eickhoff, Pyre showed little remorse. “Yea, I’d do it again, man,” he said. “Sticking it to the man, man. That’s what I’m all about.”
After completing this semester, members of the class of 2013 are “highly encouraged” to drop out of the College, according to the Git. “You heard the Mayans. There isn’t any point in continuing their pursuit of higher education, when the world is just going to end when they’re juniors,” someone heard her say in an e-mail. “Why should they waste their youth reading? Or worse, writing?!” While the news would outrage most college students, luckily apathy has been the predominant response from the freshman class. “Oh, yeah that,” said freshman nursing major, Batman. “I don’t really follow politics, so this really doesn’t affect me.” The decrease in enrollment will free up housing for alternative purposes, sources say. Waterslides will be installed in Travers and Wolfe Halls, and Cromwell Hall will be transformed into an elaborate fort rather than housing freshman nerds. “In my experience, what every upper classmen is missing is a good old fashion fort,” said a mysterious man with a soul patch, outside Forcina Hall. “And in the Cromwell suites, think of the space for activities!” The immediacy of the end of the world has prompted some budgetary initiatives as well. Current propostions for spending surplus funds include a petting zoo and amusement park. “Why have money if you’re not going to spend it?” Gitenstein said. “The state funding has been burning a hole in my pocket for years. You want a roller coaster outside Green Hall? I’ll get you that roller coaster.”
Broke? Bored? Crack!
By Joseph Stalin Last True American Family Man
In the most recent “State of the College” meeting held by College the Git it was made fairly clear that, in reaction to governor Chris Christie’s budget cuts to higher education, tuition will increase in the fall. Although some students at the College have decided to just take this increase in stride, accepting the fact that they will be in debt for most of their adult lives, others have turned to more direct ways of coping with this newest frustration. After discussing the matter with several students, the most popular choice for tuitionbased stress management is overwhelming — hard drugs and alcohol, and lots of it. Despite countless hours of assemblies and the DARE program, which insist that drugs and alcohol are not the answer to any problems, it turns out that all of these efforts were for naught. Drugs and alcohol, in fact, are the answer for many students, including senior music history
major Johnny Hammersticks, who was hammering away like he was friggin’ Tommy Noble. “I was concerned about the tuition increases until my friends turned me on to dropping acid,” Hammersticks said, as he dropped acid. “Now I just ride in a hot air balloon with Alf and Tucker from ‘Are you afraid of the dark?’ Remember that show?” Hammersticks paused, removing a flask from his camouflage jacket and consumed the contents and then continued the interview, not regarding tuition increases, but regarding why frontal male nudity did not play a larger role in “Are you afraid of the dark?” Other students have become creative in dealing with tuition increases, concocting extremely potent drinking games to take away the financial pain. Instead of beer pong, students in Phelps and Hausdoerffer Halls play “crushed aspirin, Sudafed, Nyquil and Xanax mixed with Mountain Dew” pong.
Instead of the traditional rules of “quarters,” Townshouses East residents have a modified version that entails simply taking shots of vodka until the participants can no longer spell the word “quarters.” C o n s e q u e n t l y, transports on each morning, afternoon and night of the week at the College have increased exponentially and Lions EMS can barely keep up. “Sometimes we literally have to bring the drunk and high people we find with us to go help other drunk and high people,” senior Lions EMS crew chief Charlie Hammersticks (no relation to Johnny Hammersticks) said. “There just are not enough hours in the day.” In an effort to combat the number of students entering nearby Trenton for hard drugs and cheap liquor, and subsequently not returning, the C-Store has worked with the Git to lower the drinking age on campus from 21 to 17, as well
See GET THE FUCK OUT page 19,867,532
as legalizing all forms of illegal anti-depressants, narcotics, barbiturates and hallucinogens. Commenting on the situation at hand, the Git said, “At this point, everything is so screwed up, if it feels good, I say do it.” The C-Store will begin selling a variety of drugs and alcohol at discounted prices later this week, available via cash or Getit points. “We understand that times are tough, so we figured, the kids are buying the stuff off the street anyway, might as well make some money out of it,” John Higgins, general manager of Sodexho, said. Higgins anticipates Keystone Light and Natural Ice to be big hits around campus. Although most students are toking up and hitting the bottle hard these days, some are staying optimistic. Just earlier today, a male student stood atop Travers Hall, obviously looking to the sky and his endless possibilities for a future in these financial times. He stepped off the edge before we had a chance to speak with him.
INSIDE TODAY: Spiro T. Agnew ... represent! See page Q
Sex! Scandal! William Hung! See photos pages 50-60
OJ Simpson proposed keynote speaker for next semester. See page redrum
page 99 The Singal December 18, 1988
Feetures
Student discusses sexual adventures, offers advice By Victor Sarandon Last True American Dr. Zhivago Fan In a day and age where sex is as boring and bland as the Wall Street Journal, students are looking for new alternatives to get their freak on. Donnie Michael Hoy, senior oceanography major, has experience in new and freaky ways of “getting off.” In a Q&A discussion, The Singal found out about what turns him on, where heʼs going sexually and any tips for those curious or anxious about trying something new. Victor Sarandon: So tell us Donnie, whatʼs the new method to achieve an orgasm for you? Hoy: My new way is putting my dick in oysters. You never know if the oysterʼs going to snap shut or not. It makes it dangerous and exciting. Sarandon: Hmm, very interesting. Tell me, what was the most exciting sexual act youʼve found yourself involved in recently? Hoy: There was one time when I was in a zero gravity simulator with a rocket scientist. Her name was Alberta. She really opened my eyes to how much zero gravity can enhance the erogenous zones. Sarandon: The most exciting thing that ever happened to me was slamming my johnson in the refrigerator door. You have better moments than I do. Hoy: I know. Sarandon: Anyway, what are you looking forward to the most sexually? Any
Lime Tiger / Photo Editor
Donnie Michael Hoy (left) and Victor Sarandon had a conversation on Hoyʼs sexual experiences. His answers were ʻinteresting.ʼ new things youʼre going to try soon? Hoy: Iʼm looking forward to death. I want to be on the receiving end of necrophilia for a change. Sarandon: Necrophilia. Thatʼs god awful. How do you live with yourself? Hoy: All the dead people were of consenting age. Iʼm not a pedophile. Sarandon: Well thatʼs good I guess. Letʼs switch gears a little bit, something a little sunnier. You were recently talking to me about your visit to the glory hole
booths at Super XXX Variety. How was that experience for you? Hoy: I think the girls really benefited from me being there. It was a learning experience for them. Sarandon: Donʼt you worry about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or infections or what not? Hoy: What you canʼt see canʼt hurt you. If I canʼt see my immune system being devastated by a sexually transmitted
disease then it is not happening. Sarandon: That logic isnʼt really “logical.” But this isnʼt about me. Itʼs about you. Many of the readers are anxious to try new things. What advice do you have for those unwilling to explore fresh territory? Hoy: I think the biggest thing is building up confidence in your body and in your sexuality. For example, the first time my girlfriend dressed up as a Gremlin I was a little intimidated. But eventually I overcame my fear, I got into the Pikachu suit, and we had one of the most memorable nights of my life. Sarandon: Thatʼs good advice. How about those people who have the confidence but donʼt know how to take the next step? Hoy: Well for me, I learned the most when I was walking the streets of Trenton just talking to people after hours. I found the less clothes I wore the more people were willing to experiment with me. Sarandon: Okay, final question. How big is ʻitʼ? Hoy: Which ʻitʼ are you referring to? Sarandon: Um … your penis. Hoy: I will say this. You couldnʼt fit it in the palm of your hand but itʼs smaller than a loaf of bread. I have a nickname for it … little boy Hoy, except itʼs not little.
‘Vulture’ dances all over campus By Randy “Golden Boy” Zavinski Last True American Dingleberry
With tuitions costs increasing for the 2010-2011 school year, students at the College have started a dancing craze to forget their money woes. One of these new dancing fiends is a man who goes by the name of The Vulture. The Vulture — a freshman at the College — has asked to have his true identity concealed because “it will ruin his game.” The Vulture says he has been dancing away all year, but that he has elevated his hours of dancing ever since he discovered that tuition costs would increase next year. “When I heard that more money would be taken out of my pocket I got a little down,” said The Vulture. “Then I decided that the only way that I would feel whole again was to go out and party like it was 1999.” The Vulture also informed the Singal that he has been dancing ever since he was a little boy. “The running joke in my family is that I came out of the womb dancing,” The Vulture said. “Ever since I was a little Vulture Iʼve loved to dance. My mom thinks my dancing habit is creepy. My dad just thinks Iʼm an idiot.” After some heavy research, which included an interview with a couch and two trips to a retirement home in Canada, the Singal discovered The Vultureʼs dancing days started when he took a ballet class in Toronto circa 1997. For the next three years The Vulture trained extensively with these ballet dancers to develop his own unique style of dance that “works on the ladies.” He refers to this style of dance as the “bottom of the barrel.” “When I dance I like to get as low as I can,” The Vulture said. “And the bottom of the barrel is the lowest you can get.” The Singal followed The Vulture out on a dance
trip over the weekend to see what his style of dance looked like in “the wild.” “When you guys got in contact with me I knew the only way to let you see the true me was to have you tag along on Friday night,” The Vulture said. The Vulture put on a show as he broke out all his signature dance moves in front of countless students. The first move that The Vulture did was the “wiggle”. This move consists of standing in one spot and swaying side to side. The Vulture insisted that we understood that there can be no rhythm or skill involved in this move. “The Wiggle is intended to be plain and simple to have the ultimate effect,” said The Vulture. “If I did it any differently I wouldnʼt be who I am today.” The next move that The Vulture broke out was what he called the “strikeout.” The strikeout is a dance that involves the dancer attempting to dance with skill to impress someone only to fail in the end. The Strikeout can either be accepted or followed up with the “follow,” according to The Vulture. The follow is the persistent use of the strikeout until it seems to work or make you look a little creepy, either way you have successfully done the follow. The last dance that The Vulture showcased was his masterpiece, the “spin-a-rama.” The spin-a-rama is a quick 900-degree turn, but only to the left. “The way I do the spin-a-rama has to be to the left because I canʼt turn right,” said The Vulture. “Iʼm a modern-day Derek Zoolander. Sixty percent of the time it works every time, so why wouldnʼt I bust it out?” The Vulture assured the Singal for the rest of the semester he will be “getting crunk” and dancing his heart out. “Where ever thereʼs a beat, where ever thereʼs a couch, and where ever thereʼs girls Iʼll be there. Ready to dance the night away.”
Deranged man in Holman Last Sunday, Campus Police found Victor Sarandon, junior scuba-diving major, shaking and wiggling all about Holman Hall late at night. Police calmed him down and told him he had to leave. “That was one weird kid,” Captain Randall Savage said.
Upright Citizens Brigade Improv troupe performs R.O.C.K. improv show in Kendall Hall. tcnjsignal.net
See Arts and Entertainment, page 17
Alumnus to speak at College
Alumnus Bill Liberti will speak to the students about ad design and IT today.
See Features, page 11 The College of New Jersey Student Newspaper since 1885
March 31, 2010
Asbestos discovered in Forcina Hall No. 10.
Vol. CXXXII.
By Arti Patel Copy Editor
In a campus-wide e-mail sent on March 8 by the Division of Facilities Management, Construction and Campus Safety, the College announced the demolition of the one-story Forcina wing in Spring 2010. Upon examination, the College became aware of select objects containing asbestos and in response initiated an abatement project to remove all infected materials. The state requires that prior to the destruction of a structure, all building materials such as floor tiles, insulation and ceilings must endure testing for concentrations of asbestos. Though asbestos was discovered in certain floor tiles, mastic and caulking in Forcina, Matthew Golden, executive director of public relations and communications, said the asbestos will be contained. Removal method experts will assure this by “not (damaging) any of the asbestos containing materials,” Golden said. This possible “damage” is key in keeping caustic materials contained and not creating a health hazard among students, staff and faculty currently utilizing the building. If asbestos-infected substances remain undisturbed, the public is under no danger of health risks, Golden said. “Asbestos is not considered a health hazard to the public unless it has been damaged and the asbestos fibers within a material are able to enter the digestive or respiratory tract,” Golden said. “If there were any danger to students, faculty or staff using a campus facility, we would not allow them in that facility.” Golden confirmed that there is currently an abstraction plan underway in Forcina Hall under the
Melissa Mastro / Staff Photographer
Plans for the deconstruction of the one-story wing of Forcina Hall led to the discovery of materials containing asbestos. guidance of certified and licensed abatement experts, asbestos consultant TTI Environmental and the asbestos contractor GL Group, who are working in conjunction with an environmental consultant and contractor College bylines require to complete the process. In the short term, the College plans to demolish the one-story wing of Forcina Hall this spring to free the
area for the new incoming School of Education building planned for construction in the future. The plan is to repurpose the building as a “swing space necessary to advance the facilities master plan approved by the Board of Trustees,” Golden said. “Eventually, the (one-story wing) of Forcina will be demolished when it is no longer needed.”
5.2 million dollar cut proposed New survey seeks accuracy By Katie Brenzel News Editor Higher education in New Jersey faces the challenge of addressing potentially crippling cuts in state funding as announced by Governor Chris Christie’s budget proposal on March 16 for the fiscal year of 2011. The College’s share of the proposed $173 million reduction in appropriations to higher education, from $2.24 billion to $2.06 billion, is no small feat at a $5.2 million drop from $34.5 million to $29.3 million. In an e-mail sent to the College community on March 17, President R. Barbara Gitenstein identified the effects of the Governor’s proposal on the College as “extraordinary,” as the College, if the governor’s budget is approved, will receive less money from the state than it did a decade ago. The governor’s proposal follows a history of cuts to higher education, Gitenstein said in an interview. “This is eight in 11 years that higher education has been hit,” she said. “That’s what’s so hard for a place like (the College) is that we have been carefully marshalling our resources so that we continue to maintain our mission … but after a while the edges get smaller … We haven’t talked about programs in the past.” Gitenstein said it isn’t likely that any
programs will be cut next year, as the procedure for academic and non-academic program closure require extensive conversation. This is the first year program cancellation has been explored in regards to the budget Gitenstein said, as it is an unfavorable resolution to budgetary problems. “You can’t address this with cuts. Otherwise you won’t have the programs students are coming here to take,” she said. “There are no extraneous programs at (the College) … but we need to balance the budget.” The College’s budget for 2010 has been closed following a two million dollar midyear cut, Gitenstein said, with the use of money saved from union worker furloughs and delayed salary increases last year. In order to address the proposed $5.2 million cut for 2011, Gitenstein said the first step, following advocating for the cut to be reduced, will be to use the remaining one million to $1.7 million left from furloughs and salary deferment. To further account for the College’s $8.8 million budget deficit, 50 percent of the money will likely be drawn from cuts to permanent expenditures, temporary reductions and revenue See BUDGET page 2
in tracking student ethnicity By Juliana Fidler News Assistant
The College is conducting a re-survey of student ethnicities according to the requirements set forth in the Higher Education Opportunity Act of 2008. Nationally, colleges must use the new categories in their Integrated Postsecondary Education Data System (IPEDS) surveys starting next fall. The College’s survey, which students can complete through PAWS, will act as a “crosswalk from the old categories to the new categories,” said Paula Maas, executive director of the Center for Institutional Effectiveness. The new version includes a separate group for Pacific Islanders, who were previously included in the Asian category, Maas said. The categories for race on the survey are “American Indian or Alaska Native,” “Asian,” “Black or African American,” “Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander” and “White.” The survey also includes spaces to “explain” and “add background info.” It also allows students to be more specific. “You didn’t used to be able to select a multiple race combination,” Maas said.
paws.tcnj.edu
The new ethnicity survey can be found on PAWS under Personal Information.
“Now, you don’t just check off a box that says ‘mixed.’” However, if students check “yes” to “Are you Hispanic or Latino/a,” this is the only information that will be reported for them, which “makes the numbers look artificially high,” said Maas.
Spring break in Camden 4x4: Debut student art exhibit Students spend spring Student artists show work in Art break with UrbanPromise. and IMM Building.
Tennis takes victory Men and women’s tennis shutout competition.
See page 11
See page 21
See page 17
See SURVEY page 2
INSIDE
Editorials Opinions Features Arts & Entertainment Sports
7 9 11 17 24
page 2 The Signal March 31, 2010
College programs at risk of being cut By Emily Brill Arts & Entertainment Assistant
Concerns about the future of some of the College’s programs took center stage at last Wednesday’s Student Government Association (SGA) meeting. Billy Plastine, executive president of the SGA and senior political science and marketing double major, and Jen Hill, vice president of student services and senior women and gender studies major, attended the most recent meeting of the Committee on Planning and Priorities (CPP) and relayed a summary to members of the SGA general body. “(The College) is going to have to start cutting programs as a result of the budget cuts,” Plastine said. “For example, it might become a reality that (the College) is going to take out the entire entity of Career Services, or an overarching group of programs. That might be reality, that we have to close an entire program, but we are also talking about levels underneath.” No cuts will occur until after the 2010-2011 fiscal year. The College may make cuts from the tutoring center or athletics, Hill said. “We’re trying to figure out what the criteria
are for what’s worth it and what’s not.” “CPP is not charged with making the decision of what programs stay and what go,” he said. “We’re in charge of coming up with the principles for program closure, looking at the current ones that we have and seeing if they’re still relevant. Year after year after year of budget cuts make us say that we are going to investigate and recognize program closures as a viable opportunity.” Despite the possibilities of program cuts from CPP, Brian Skwarek, SGA’s speaker of the general assembly and senior accounting major, recounted the results of the Committee on Academic Programs (CAP) meeting he attended, saying a new minor, Holocaust and genocide studies, may be instated. “That is still under consideration,” he said. He also advised students to check their final exam schedules and grading systems, as finals regulations were a topic of discussion at the CAP meeting. “Final exams cannot be worth more than 50 percent of your grade,” he said, reminding students to discuss this with their professors if the final exam was marked as such on syllabi. Gina Lauterio, junior political science major, who also
Tim Lee / Photo Editor
The Student Government Association discussed possible cuts in College programs such as tutoring.
attended the CAP meeting, urged students with more than three exams scheduled per day to take advantage of the College’s policy against this and reschedule. “If you have three exams in one day, you are allowed to move one,” said Lauterio. “It’s school policy.”
Latino Awareness Month event approved Survey / New
By Kelly Johnson Staff Writer
Using wash back money from College Union Board’s (CUB) spring concert, the Student Finance Board (SFB) approved Unión Latina’s return request of $946.79 for their closing ceremony of Latino Awareness Month during SFB’s March 24 meeting. SFB initially denied this request the week before spring break because the event seemed exclusive to Unión Latina’s club, they said. In order to accommodate more students, the time has been pushed to around lunch time so students can stop by between classes, and Unión Latina is now cosponsoring with other organizations. There will also be a professor and alumnus from the College speaking about Latino influences, and the event will feature cultural foods like plantains and fried steak. The ceremony will take place on April 28 in the Business Building lounge. SFB also voted to fund the Japanese Club’s request for a koto performance by Yumi Kurosawa. The board approved funding of $414, adding money to the initial request
for additional photocopies. Kurosawa will be playing the koto, a Japanese string instrument, in the Library Auditorium followed by a question and answer session. There was some concern among the board that the funding should really be coming from the modern languages and music departments, who together are contributing $350. “I’m concerned that the Student Activity Fund (SAF) will become a substitute for department budgets,” Brian Block, Student Government Association representative and junior political science major, said. Kurosawa will be appearing at the College on March 30. SFB denied funding for the National Society of Black Engineers’ (NSBE) request for $340.60 for their five day, four night national convention in Toronto, Canada. The convention would be for engineering students and include opportunities for the students to present their résumés for potential jobs or internships. The board felt that the convention would have little to no impact on the rest of the
College. “I just don’t see what they would be bringing back to the campus,” Brianna Glynn, senior representative and biology major, said. SFB also voted to deny funding for Chabad’s request for $3,164 for their Seder celebrating Passover at the off-campus home of Rabbi Greenbaum. Chabad expressed the need to have the Seder off campus because of the strict dietary and cleanliness protocol of the religion. They have held the meal at the same home previously without SAF funding at a much smaller scale than what they had hoped for this year. The majority of the board members were concerned about the lack of time for publicizing the event to non-traditional members, with the Seder being only five days from the presented request, and the fact that this is an off-campus event. “We fund a lot of events like this, but the only problem with this is that it is only a few days away and it’s an off-campus event,” Ashley LaRose, senior representative and communication studies and psychology double major, said.
Taxi driver unable to catch passenger By Alyssa Mease Production Manager
A male fled a taxi cab without paying the $15 fare at 12:15 a.m. on Tuesday March 23 behind Wolfe Hall. According to Police, the taxi driver drove the male from the Trenton train station to the College. The driver was unable to catch the male when he ran out of the taxi. … A purse was stolen during the Relay for Life event at 10:30 p.m. on Friday March 19 in the Recreation Center, Campus Police said. The victim left her purse unattended near a table and when she returned, the purse and all of its belongings were missing. The stolen items are valued at $195. … Two cartons of printer paper were stolen at noon on Thursday March 18 from the Art & IMM building, according to reports. A staff member said two males were seen exiting the copier room with two cartons of what looked like school projects. Later in the day, it was
noticed that all of the paper in the copiers was missing. … Two violas were stolen from an unlocked locker between 11:30 a.m. and 2 p.m. on Friday March 19 from the Music Building, according to Campus Police. The violas, valued at $935, were on lease. … A male was found lying on the ground, breathing but unconscious at 1:30 a.m. on Saturday March 20 on the sidewalk in front of Cromwell Hall. The victim was unable to answer questions and smelled like alcohol, police said. Pennington Road EMS took him to Capital Health Systems at Mercer Medical and was issued a summons.
For Your Safety
Legislation was signed into law Jan. 18 requiring all occupants to buckle up, regardless of position in a vehicle. For a secondary offense, police can issue summonses to unbuckled seat occupants 18 and older when the vehicle is stopped for another violation.
Budget / Financial aid to be reduced continued from page 1
enhancements, Gitenstein said, while the other half will be from tuition and fee increases. The budget proposal also affects financial assistance, which will experience a $15.2 million reduction from $346.1 million to $330.9 million if the proposal is passed. The proposal calls for a $3.6 million reduction to state funding to Educational Opportunity Fund (EOF). The Tuition Aid Grant Program (TAG), a need-based tuition assistance program, will not be funded for its anticipated growth next year, meaning many families, though they qualify, will ineligible for assistance. According to
Gitenstein, these changes will likely affect private institutions more. Though current NJ STARS I and NJ STARS II scholarships will remain unaffected by the proposal, the merit-based program, which covers the tuition for community college and a four-year institution, is suspended for incoming freshman in 2011. Gitenstein encourages students to become actively involved in advocating for a reduction in the governor’s proposed cuts by writing to legislators and becoming involved in advocacy groups on campus. “You guys are the best argument for (the College),” she said. “You are extraordinary students, fabulous citizens, you can make our case much better than we can.”
categories used continued from page 1
The Common Application now uses the new categories for ethnicity, so incoming freshmen and transfer students will have answered the updated questions. Starting next fall, the College will publish an internal campus report separate from the one the federal government receives, showing the results of the survey. “The separate report will help us get a handle on what these categories mean for (the College) to see how we want to best use them,” Maas said. The survey is now “much clearer” to students, Maas said. “People understand it better now.” Only a few hours after the ethnicity resurvey was sent via e-mail, approximately 700 students had completed it. Another 500 responded over the weekend. “A lot of people want to tell you what they are,” Maas said. “They would rather have it be clear than have it be unclear.” Students found that the survey did not take too much time or effort. “It was easy and very understandable,” Ravi Shah, freshman biology major, said. His only complaint was that “it should have said ‘successfully completed’ at the end.” “The actual survey was very simple and straightforward,” said Kandace Pollison, freshman English and elementary education double major. However, she felt that the survey’s intent was not made clear enough on PAWS. “I don’t see the reasons as to why they have to ask in the first place,” she said. PAWS will automatically e-mail students who have not filled out the survey. The school has not decided whether or not there will be negative consequences for not completing the survey, but Maas said she doesn’t think students will be penalized, since the federal government does not force anyone to answer these questions. “They might get sick of getting the e-mails, though,” she said. Maas encouraged students to take the survey. “It makes our lives easier,” she said. Students can access the re-survey on PAWS under “Campus Personal Information” and then “Ethnicity.”
Editor’s Note Please visit us online at tcnjsignal.edu to view the stories that could not fit in this week’s issue.
March 31, 2010The Signal page 3
page 4 The Signal March 31, 2010
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 5
Nation & World
Twin suicide bombings kill 38 in Moscow subway MOSCOW — Terror returned to the heart of Russia, with two deadly suicide bombings on the Moscow subway at rush hour, including an attack at the station beneath the headquarters of the secret police. At least 38 people were killed and more than 60 wounded in Monday morningʼs blasts, the first such attacks in Moscow in six years. Russian police have killed several Islamic militant leaders in the North Caucasus recently, including one last week in the Kabardino-Balkariya region, which raised fears of retaliatory strikes and escalating bloodshed by the militants. As smoke billowed through the subway tunnels not far from the Kremlin and dazed survivors streamed out of the vast transportation system, al-Qaida-affiliated Web sites were abuzz with celebration of the attacks by the two female suicide bombers. The bombings showed that the beleaguered rebels are still strong enough to inflict harm on an increasingly assertive Russia, and they followed a warning last month from Chechen rebel leader Doku Umarov that “the war is coming to their cities.” Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who built much of his political capital by directing a fierce war against Chechen separatists a decade ago, promised to track down and kill the organizers of what he called a “disgusting” crime. “The terrorists will be destroyed,” he said on national television. In a televised meeting with President Dmitry Medvedev, Federal Security Service head Alexander Bortnikov said the remains of the two bombers pointed to a Caucasus connection. “We will continue the fight against terrorism unswervingly
and to the end,” Medvedev said. Umarov, the Chechen rebel leader, has relied on al-Qaidaʼs financial support and has several al-Qaida emissaries in his entourage, said Alexander Ignatenko, the head of the independent Moscow-based Institute for Religion and Politics, who has closely followed the Islamic insurgency in the Caucasus. “Al-Qaida has established a presence in the North Caucasus, like they did in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iraq, Somalia and Europe,” Ignatenko told The Associated Press. The militantsʼ links with al-Qaida also are recognized by other experts on terrorism. Militants in the Caucasus have declared the creation of an Islamic state as their top goal. Radical Islamic sects have spread throughout the Caucasus region and parts of Russia as well, with religious schools set up. In Chechnya, Kremlinbacked strongman Ramzan Kadyrov has conducted a campaign to impose Islamic values in an effort to blunt the appeal of hard-line Islamic separatists. Mondayʼs first explosion took place just before 8 a.m. at the Lubyanka station in central Moscow, beneath the notorious headquarters of the Federal Security Service or FSB, the KGBʼs main successor agency. The FSB is a symbol of power under Putin, a former KGB officer who headed the agency before his election as president in 2000. About 45 minutes later, a second blast hit the Park Kultury station on the same subway line, which is near renowned Gorky Park. In both cases, the bombs were detonated as the trains pulled into the stations and the doors were opening. “I was getting off the train when I heard the sound of an explosion and saw clouds of smoke,” said Yegor Barbatunov, 29.
AP Photo
A subway train commuter injured by a blast that took place at the Park Kultury subway station is seen outside the station shortly after the explosion, in Moscow on Monday March 29. “The (Park Kultury) station was jammed with people trying to get out, but there was no panic. I saw a young man walking past, blood pouring off his head and neck and trickling to the floor.” Amateur video on Russian TV showed wounded and possibly dead commuters on the floor of the smoke-filled Lubyanka station. One video showed gruesome images of dead passengers sprawled inside a mangled subway car and a bloody leg lying on a station platform. Passengers streamed out of the stations, many crying and making frantic calls on cell phones. The wounded were put on ambulances and helicopters, some with their heads wrapped in bloody bandages,
as sirens wailed. Traffic was paralyzed as large sections of downtown were closed off. At 4 p.m., the two subway stations reopened and dozens boarded waiting trains. Dozens of contributors to three Web sites affiliated with al-Qaida wrote comments in praise of Mondayʼs attacks. One site opened a special page to “receive congratulations” for the Chechen rebels who “started the dark tunnel attacks in the apostate countries,” and all wished for God to accept the two women as martyrs. “Donʼt forget Russiaʼs crimes of genocide in the Caucasus and Chechnya,” said one writer. “The battle has been shifted to the heart of Moscow,” another wrote.
Calif. officials seek extradition of ʻheroin kingʼ News Bits VENTURA, California — The arrest of a man dubbed Mexicoʼs “king of heroin” has disrupted a $10 million-a-month operation that smuggled tons of heroin a year into the United States, authorities said Monday. A regional task force in Ventura County spent more than two years working its way up a chain of drug dealers that led to Jose Antonio Medina, who was arrested last week in Mexico, prosecutors and law enforcement officials said at a news conference. Wiretaps and surveillance led to two midlevel dealers in Downey and Oxnard who allegedly got the drug from Medina, and the seizure of more than 130 pounds (nearly 60 kilograms) of heroin in Ventura County. Plastic-wrapped bricks of the tar heroin, along with 28 pounds (12.5 kilograms) of methamphetamine and more than $215,000 in cash were displayed for reporters. Medina, 36, who was nicknamed “Don Pepe,” was arrested Wednesday in the western state of Michoacan. Ventura County prosecutors plan to request his extradition in the next few days, Senior Deputy District Attorney Ryan Wright said. “I have every reason to believe that he will be extradited” but the process could take weeks or even months, Wright said. Mexican officials are cooperating, but the paperwork must be translated into Spanish and reviewed by authorities and a judge in that country, he said. When he arrives, Medina will be
The Haitian government will be seeking about $3.8 billion at a donors conference this week to start rebuilding the country after Januaryʼs devastating earthquake. Nine alleged members of a Christian militia group that was readying for battle with the Antichrist were arrested on Monday, March 29, for allegedly plotting to kill a police officer and slaughter scores more by bombing the funeral, all in hopes of inciting an uprising against the U.S. government. AP Photo
Mexican tar heroin seized in different raid operations is seen at a news conference held at the Ventura County Sheriffʼs Department Jail Annex Building in Ventura, California on Monday March 29. held on $750,000 bail, Wright said. He is charged with conspiracy to transport narcotics for sale from noncontiguous counties, with a special allegation that the drugs exceeded 40 kilograms (88 pounds), according to a criminal complaint filed in January 2009. He could face up to 29 years in state prison if convicted. It was unknown if Medina had an attorney. Medina is believed to have shipped 440 pounds (200 kilograms) of heroin a month across the border in cars with hidden compartments, authorities said.
Most of the profit went back to Mexico the same way. The heroin had a street value of $60 to $80 a gram, meaning the shipments were worth more than $10 million a month, Ventura County Sheriff Bob Brooks said. The drug was sold from San Diego to San Jose, authorities said. “It was being supplied in massive quantities out into the streets,” Wright said. He added that “dozens of people” who got their drugs through Medinaʼs network already have been prosecuted.
Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi suggested on Monday that Nigeria be split along ethnic lines into Christian and Muslim ministates as a way of ending violence in Africaʼs most populous nation. A copy of 1938 edition of Action Comics No. 1, featuring Supermanʼs debut, sold on Monday for $1.5 million. Information from AP exchange
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March 31, 2010 The Signal page 7
Editorial How to succeed on April Fools’ Day without really trying Every person wants to pull that perfect April Fools’ Day prank, but many have neither the wits nor the means to do so. So we here at The Signal decided to give you, loyal reader, a leg-up over all your friends. So read on about the best pranks we pulled, had pulled on us or always fantasized about pulling. Be safe and don’t blame us if your friends’ pranks are better. I’m not sure if this counts or not but this was a prank me and my friend planned but never put into action. Earlier in my college career, when I had gone a long time without a girlfriend or date, my mother was deeply concerned about my romantic life. She was so concerned in fact that every time I so much as mentioned a female she would excitedly ask if she was cute and I was willing to date her. So my friend suggested that one night I should make my dining room look as romantic as possible by decorating it with flowers and candles shortly before my mother would return home from work. I would pretend to be surprised to see my mother home and get very panicky. Hopefully she would become excited, thinking that I had a girl over. At this point my friend would enter the room, take my hand, and tell me that it was time to come clean to my mom. I did end up getting a date before we could put this plan into effect, but perhaps sometime in the future there will be another chance to mess with my mom. — Garrett Rasko-Martinis Sports Editor My mom has always been a “prankster.” For instance, when I was a kid, she took me for a ride to a neighboring town that I’d never been to. She made sure that she took back-roads I was unfamiliar with to get there. It was all part of the “game” she said. She then told me to get out and drove away before my disorientation wore off. Best April Fool’ days in August ever. — Katie Brenzel News Editor Because, as a result of pondering this editorial, I have just realized that I have never carried out an April Fools’ prank, I am making use of this space to announce that I will carry out an April Fools’ prank this year. Yes, I’m talking to you... When you least expect it, expect it. I pity the Fool. Anyway, since I can’t remember an April Fools’ prank of my own, I will share my friend’s story, because she goes to a school many miles away. Last April 1, my friend called me to let me know that her friend had not touched her dinner and had looked miserable throughout the meal. She had then asked to speak with her afterwards in the dorm, at which time she preceded to tell her that she was pregnant and started to sob. My friend started crying and hugging her and saying that she would help her in any possible way. Then she said “April Fools’.” That’s messed up. — Laura Herzog Nation & World Editor For last year’s April Fools’ Day, I took the hottest hot sauce from my hot sauce collection and rubbed a little bit of it on the doorknob of my dorm bathroom. My suitemate came in, touched the doorknob and proceeded to take his contact lenses out. The hot sauce burned his eyes, ruined one of his contacts and he did not talk to me for a week. — Bobby Olivier Editor-in-Chief Bobby tricked me into tasting his hot sauce.
— Matt Huston Arts & Entertainment Editor
Editorial Content Unsigned editorial opinions are those of the Editorial Board, which consists of the Editor-in-Chief, the Managing, News, Features, Arts & Entertainment, Opinions, Photo and Sports editors and the Business Manager, unless otherwise noted. Opinions expressed in signed editorials and letters to the editor are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Signal.
President Obama and friends love pulling April Fools Day pranks and so do we!
The Weekly Poll: Do you pull pranks on April Fools’ Day or are you above such petty tomfoolery? • Are you kidding? The plastic wrap toilet seat of ’09 was the most classic prank ever! • Why yes, I am above such petty tomfoolery. • People still pull April Fools’ pranks? How cute! • I pull the occasional prank, but I have trouble coming up with ideas. cast your vote @ tcnjsignal.net Last Week’s Results: What do you think of the health care bill in the form that will be signed by President Obama? 59% It’s about damn time. Finally the elderly and underprivileged people will have health care. 18% Dude, coverage until I’m 26? I’m couching it until then. 14% The Democrats and their president are ruining America. 9% The health care bill still exists? And it passed? Oh. I should watch the news …
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Quotes of the Week “You guys are the best argument for (the College). You are extraordinary students, fabulous citizens, you can make our case much better than we can.”
— President R. Barbara Gitenstein about the College budget crisis “We had become educated on the city’s stuggles and by going into the area and meeting the residents, the abject poverty we read about and sicussed in class became real to us.” — Stephanie Kraver, sophomore English major and president of Cure for Camden about the spring break trip for UrbanPromise “We just couldn’t be more pumped about how awesome the show was for us.” — Mixed Signals President Jill Hernandez about the R.O.C.K improv
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March 31, 2010 The Signal page 9
Opinions The Signal says ... Stop: biting your nails, falling down, doodling in class, sleeping instead of doing work. Caution: nightmares, injuries, crazy family members, practical jokes, budget cuts, bad hair days, more homework. Go: plan an intricate prank on your best friend, read a new book, download music, watch a movie in a foreign language, eat a bagel, buy a new car, cook your signif icant other dinner, on an Easter egg hunt, dress up as a bunny.
Budget cuts cause increase in tuition
By Brandon Barney and Matt Hoke Members of the International Socialist Organization Students at the College face tuition increases. Conversations about spending cuts contain the implicit assumption that such measures are inevitable — the College budget is part of the state budget, the state budget a victim of the recession. But they are preventable and in ways that do not push the cost onto us future working people via things like tuition hikes or cuts to social programs. The main problem is actually not Chris Christie. Yes, the bastard is cutting $560 million to state education funding while paying someone $60,000 to run his Twitter account. Still, Christie is part of a much larger system that prioritizes the rich, corporations and war over social programs. According to a study by Berkeley professor Emmanuel Saez, the top one percent of Americans financially captured two-thirds of income growth from 2002-2007. Eric Ruder of Socialistworker. org reported the budget deficit of the combined 50 states totals at $180 billion. While these deficits seem insurmountable, a 10 percent cut to military spending would close the gap. Furthermore, how can the federal government neglect state education budgets while giving over $700 billion to banks? More would have been done to revitalize the economy by funding social institutions like state budgets or public schools than by bank bailouts. Even on the state level, it’s not that they can’t fund our education — it’s that they won’t. New Jersey has 200,000 millionaires, the third largest amount in the country. Recently, Oregonian voters increased taxes on corporations and households with an income over $250,000. Similar measures here would solve the financial crisis without undercutting students. Why destroy education when the money is there, laying untapped? Would this cause an exodus of rich people from the state? Maybe — so tax them federally, and fund education that way. In her recent, campus-wide e-mail, President
AP Photo
New Jersey Commissioner of Education, Brett Schundler (center), listens to Gov. Chris Christieʼs New Jersey Budget Address on Tuesday March 16 in Trenton, N.J. R. Barbara Gitenstein said, “Advocacy … will be particularly challenging this year because higher education is only one of many state-supported programs targeted for dramatic funding reductions.” What is meant by “advocacy?” Traditionally the College has attempted to protect its funding through the “respectable” strategy of behind-closed-doors conversations with politicians, called lobbying. But as Gitenstein herself said in the e-mail, “New Jersey’s institutions of higher education have experienced funding reductions in eight of the last 11 years.” Clearly the College goes through the motions of lobbying expecting defeat anyway. Many officials in this situation — college administrators, governors — assume the role of choosing what to cut, overseeing the slow strangulation. Instead, they should use their positions primarily to vigorously protest the whole insane situation, declaring that they should not have to make cuts at all. By accepting their role as budget executioners, they legitimize the damaging falsehood that cuts are necessary. Ultimately, whether or not our society
Letters
Republicans want health care coverage for all Americans too By Christopher Dolan
Policies The Signal is published weekly during the academic year and is financed by the Student Activities Fee (SAF) and advertising revenue. Any student may submit articles to The Signal. Publication of submitted articles is at the discretion of the editors. The letters section is an open forum for opinions. Submissions that announce events or advertise in any way will not be printed. All letters should be sent via e-mail to signal@tcnj.edu. Handwritten letters should be sent to The Signal, c/o The Brower Student Center, The College of New Jersey, PO Box 7718 Ewing, N.J. 08628 or placed in our mailbox in the Student Life Office. Letters must be received by the Friday before publication and should not exceed 300 words. The Signal reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. All letters must be signed, with a phone number and address of the author. Requests to withhold the author’s name will be honored only if there is a legitimate reason. All materials submitted become the sole property of The Signal. The editors reserve the right to edit or withhold all articles, letters & photographs. The Signal willingly corrects factual mistakes. If you think we have made an error, please contact The Signal at (609) 771-2424, write to the address listed above or e-mail us at signal@tcnj.edu.
In last week’s Editorial section, Alyssa Mease stated that “there’s nothing worse than arguing with someone who doesn’t even have the right facts.” I couldn’t agree more. Unfortunately, many people simply don’t have the “right facts” on the Republican position on health care reform. So, as Mease suggested, let’s get the facts straight. Conservatives, like liberals, want affordable coverage for all Americans. What we absolutely oppose is the method of this completely partisan health care bill. First, we can’t pay for it. The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) estimates that this bill will reduce the deficit by $143 billion in its first 10 years. However, the CBO estimate doesn’t include approximately $120 billion in discretionary spending that must be approved every year to continue this program. In just 10 years that will increase to $1 trillion in debt. Keep in mind when Medicare was introduced in 1965, it was estimated
Signal Spotlight
distributes its resources fairly depends on whether or not we force it to. We need faculty and students to unite in a democratically-run mass movement defending public education, using assertive mass demonstrations instead of lobbying. We can’t let working people be divided — Christie is attempting to scapegoat state workers and unions. Whenever their wages and benefits are cut, employers in the private sector follow suit, so their fight is ours as well. We can’t allow social programs to be pitted against each other — “which one should we cut?” Our fight must be for all students, all schools, all workers, all social programs — education, health care, job creation — with each movement strengthening the others. And at every step, we must declare and declare again our solutions — end the wars, and tax the rich, tax the rich, tax the rich without mercy. They have shown no mercy towards us. Sources: huffingtonpost.com, mainstreet.com, dailyrecord.com, socialistworker.org
that it would only cost $12 billion in 1990, including inflation adjustment. In 1990, it actually cost $102 billion, 850 percent more than predicted. I fully expect the cost of this new bill to increase exactly the same way. It’s simply not sustainable. This program also mandates insurance companies to extend coverage at any time, to anyone who wants it. Sounds great, but it makes for extremely bad business. Insurance only works because a large number of people make monthly payments, over time, into a fund, while a very small number of people actually utilize that money at any one time to cover expenses. The influx of people without coverage buying insurance right before they need expensive medical care will drain these funds without ever having paid into them. This mandate will kill private insurance. Period. These are just two arguments against this bill from the conservative side of the health care debate. We don’t oppose health care reform; we oppose the way the Democrats have enacted it. Sources: reason.com, cbo.gov, republicans.appropriations.house.gov
In what ways can the College save money in lieu of the budget cuts?
“Cut the CA jobs.”
“Get rid of Eickhoff. Itʼs bad anyway.”
“Lower the pay for oncampus jobs.”
“Get rid of the balls.”
—Chaya Himelfarb, freshman political science major
—Courtnee Wright, sophomore chemistry major
—Keith Salmeri, junior —Samuel Sarpeh, freshman criminology history major major
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STUDENT HEALTH SERVICES WANTS TO KNOW‌ How are you managing your allergies? Allergy symptoms include: - Morning sore throat -Scratchy throat -Congestion -Hoarse voice -Runny nose -Coughing -Red, swollen, watery or itchy eyes -Headaches -Skin rashes or hives
clker.com
Avoid Allergy Triggers -Stay indoors as much as possible on hot, dry, windy days when pollen counts are highest. -Spend as little time as possible outdoors between 5 a.m. and 10 a.m., when pollen counts are usually highest. -Keep windows closed. -Control dust and dust mites (wash all bed sheets weekly in hot water). -Avoid over-use of dust collectors in your bedroom like curtains and stuffed animals. -Use allergy-prevention pillow and mattress encasings (protective pillow/mattress covers).
How to help your allergies: -Use over-the-counter antihistamines like Zyrtec or Claritin (as per package instructions). -Use over-the-counter decongestants such as pseudoephedrine (ask pharmacist for assistance). -Use Acetaminophen (Tylenol) or Ibuprofen (Advil) for headaches. -If no relief with over-the-counter treatments contact Student Health Services at 609-771-2483 to schedule a medical evaluation and to discuss prescription allergy options. Student Health Services is available to all currently enrolled TCNJ students. Please call 609-771-2483 to schedule an appointment for your medical concerns.
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 11
Features
Alumnus to speak at College regarding ad design, IT By Brandon Gould Sports Assistant Bill Liberti, class of 1981 alumnus, will return to the College today, March 31, to talk with students who are currently studying Libertiʼs previous field, art and advertising design, as well as his current one, information technology (IT). Liberti, who admitted he could not remember the last time he was in Ewing, was invited to the College by Peter Manetas, assistant vice president for the Office of Development to discuss his professions. Liberti said his primary advice to these students would be to have an open mind and to not necessarily settle in one area. “I went from a role in advertising design and wound up in the IT industry,” Liberti said. “It was very different than what I thought I would be doing when I started out. So, I think the main thing is to have some flexibility. You never know what turns your career might take and there can be some pretty interesting ones,” he said. Libertiʼs life has certainly taken a few interesting turns on the way to being one of the most successful graduates from the College in his field. His career has included jobs at the Defense Intelligence Agency and The Washington Post. However, his journey began in 1981 when Liberti was studying at the College and also working for a book publishing company in Trenton. One memory that Liberti fondly re-
members from this time at the College is a project for a class where he had to create a floating sculpture. “We had to build a sculpture that would float across one of the lakes,” Liberti said. “Well, me and my partner were able to make something successfully float across the lake. Things like that were a lot of fun because they got us out of the classroom and I really enjoyed that.” Two years after graduation in 1983, Liberti settled in Washington D.C. after being hired by the Defense Intelligence Agency as a graphic designer and a layout artist. After 15 years at the Defense Intelligence Agency, Libertiʼs life took another turn that led him to The Washington Post in 1998. Liberti would become the director of the IT Department at The Washington Post and work on events such as the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City, the presidential election of 2000 and the Sept. 11 attacks. Liberti learned much about journalism in his time at The Washington Post and experienced some extraordinary situations as well. “Iʼd get a call from someone who needed a satellite phone because they were traveling to the deserts of Afghanistan or Iraq,” Liberti said. “They were going to file their stories from a laptop that was connected to a car battery that was connected to a satellite phone.” Libertiʼs time at The Washington Post came to an end in December 2009 when he
Photo courtesy of Bill Liberti
Alumnus Bill Liberti will speak to students of the College today, March 31, about his college experience, advertising design and information technology. accepted an early retirement package, but that has not stopped him from looking for another job. Liberti has taken to the internet to start looking for new jobs by using social-networking sites such as Linkedln and Facebook. “The job search is vastly different from the last time I was looking for a job in the ʼ90s,” Liberti said. “These (social-networking sites) have become very useful.”
Fortunately, Liberti has scheduled some time in between his interviews to come to the College and allow students to seek his advice. “At this point I probably wouldnʼt recognize anything anymore (at the College),” Liberti said. “But, the bottom line is I want these students to understand is that I often called upon the skills I learned at (the College) in aspects of working together and relationship building.”
Students bring hope to Camden By Amy Keitel Staff Writer
Over spring break, a group of students from the College worked to help the youth of one of the nationʼs most depressed cities, Camden, N.J. Ten students from the College spent the week of March 8 helping the children of Camden through UrbanPromise, an organization that provides many academic, recreational and spiritual programs for inner-city children. The trip was sponsored by campus organizations The Canterbury House, Coalition for Change and Cure for Camden. “This trip opened our eyes to a place that is so different than where most of us live,” said Ashley Polhemus, freshman biomedical engineering major. “There is such a cycle of poverty there.” The volunteers participated in various activities throughout the week, such as tearing up a floor and tearing down a ceiling in a basement that will be used for one of UrbanPromiseʼs after-school programs. They also washed school buses, gardened, helped tutor the children and organized school supplies. They helped in the afterschool program, and while they were there, the children participated in their own Olympics. The students took part in games of capture the flag, relay races and also played their own version of curling with frozen turkeys in place of stones. “Itʼs astounding that they can be as high-spirited as they were,” Polhemus said. The student volunteers stayed in a retreat house on the UrbanPromise campus, which is located in the middle of Camden. The cost for the week was $175, which paid for their accommodations, but most of the money went to help fund the many programs offered by UrbanPromise. In addition to after school programs, UrbanPromise has two schools, CamdenForward School, an elementary and middle school, and UrbanPromise Academy, the programʼs high school. Other extracurricular activities include summer camps and fine arts programs, teen job training, as well as UrbanTrekkers, a program that takes the children out of the urban areas in which they live to
explore nature. Cure for Camden has only been an organization on this campus since last spring, after a group of students who were in professor of history and department chair Celia Chazelleʼs freshman seminar, “Social Justice, History and Practice,” took up interest in helping New Jerseyʼs poorest city. The class focused on urban poverty and the students took trips to Camden, volunteering with Heart of Camden a non-profit organization similar to UrbanPromise. “We had become educated on the cityʼs struggles and by going into the area and meeting the residents, the abject poverty we read about and discussed in class became real to us,” said Stephanie Kraver, sophomore English major and president of Cure for Camden. The club plans to continue making trips to Camden on weekends through the end of the semester, as well as in coming semesters. They also hope to get involved in some advocacy work by helping the children voice their concerns to the state government about the cityʼs conditions. “Camden is severely impoverished. The government has neglected the area and pervasive state corruption has created a situation of entrenched poverty,” Kraver said. “Any real and lasting change will take time and ultimately require government assistance.”
Tim Lee / Photo Editor
Elizabeth Yacone / Staff Photographer
College and cops shoot hoops
Photo courtesy of Ashley Polhemus
Students from the College spent their spring break helping the Camden community.
Phi Kappa Psi and the Boys and Girls Club of America teamed up to present March Madness — TCNJ vs. Police last Tuesday March 23. Ambassadors, Greeks, students and faculty played against Ewing and campus cops. Over $1,100 was raised and proceeds went to the Trenton Charter of the Boys and Girls Club.
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Arts & Entertainment
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 17
Upright Citizens Brigade heads College improv fest By Stephanie Petit Staff Writer
No script? No problem for the groups that took the stage at the second annual Rather Odd Comedy Kickout (R.O.C.K.) Improv Comedy show on March 26. And this year, the Mixed Signals weren’t messing around. This time the event was “oh, much bigger” according to Mixed Signals president Jill Hernandez, junior philosophy major. Mixed Signals united with alumni, other comedy troupes from Binghamton University and Rowan University and five members of the Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB), a professional, New York Citybased improv theatre company where many famous comedians have performed. Inspired by comedy festivals organized by other colleges, in particular University of Delaware’s D.I.S.C.O. (Delaware Improv and Sketch Comedy O’Festival), the Mixed Signals put together their parallel, R.O.C.K. The college troupes performed hilarious short-form improv games and sketches for an audience that was so eager to yell plot suggestions that it was, at times, impossible to make out their words. In “Text Reader,” a game presented by Binghamton University’s Pappy Parker Players, one performer’s lines were text messages from an audience member’s phone. Thus, the answer to one member’s request that they borrow their mom’s minivan to get out of there: “Wishful thinking,
but I lived in Cromwell as a sophomore.” The highlight was, no doubt, the appearance by five members of the UCB, who performed two long-form skits. When the UCB touring company called Mixed Signals over winter break with the hope of performing at the College, Hernandez said, it was a “golden opportunity” to ask them to join the line-up at R.O.C.K. Matt Fisher, Jon Gabrus, John Murray, Gavin Speiller and Brandon Gardner have collectively been doing improv comedy for over 50 years and have written for and appeared in television shows such as “30 Rock,” “The Spike Video Game Awards” and “Late Night with Conan O’ Brien.” UCB owns theaters in New York City and Los Angeles where many actors, such as Amy Poehler and Horatio Sanz, have started their careers. Alumni include several performers and writers for “Saturday Night Live,” “The Office,” “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and countless films, commercials and television shows. All UCB actors are trained in long-form comedy, going off a singular idea for an extended time rather than short, scene-based sketches or games. When Maddie Patrick, senior sociology and communication studies major, volunteered to be interviewed by the guys, she probably didn’t expect that the next 20 minutes would be filled with skits about her family, boyfriend and interests. Her sister’s criminology major and love of fashion were interpreted by the UCB boys as a fashion show-style rundown of evidence in a murder case, while her live-in boyfriend’s age sparked jokes about aching
Elizabeth Yacone / Staff Photographer
Members of big-time improv company Upright Citizens Brigade joined the Mixed Signals and collegiate comedians for a night of improv comedy. backs and forgotten history lessons. A one-word audience suggestion, “sushi,” turned into a marathon scene about an important balloon sale at an Asian restaurant. It resulted in four members standing on chairs, thanks to an aspiring fortune cookie writer’s advice to “always be the person sitting up straightest at the table.” The event provided students a rare opportunity to sign up for a free improv comedy workshop with three of the UCB members on March 27. They planned to do exercises and games used to develop skills needed for quick thinking, much like the ones the troupes use to practice. “We just couldn’t be more pumped about how awesome the show was for us,”
Hernandez said. Last year, the event was held in a secondfloor Brower Student Center room, but this year, the Mixed Signals upgraded to the main stage in Kendall Hall. Last year, the event was paid for out-of-pocket and the group had to charge $3 admission to get their money back. This year, they teamed up with the College Union Board (CUB) and put in a request to the Student Finance Board for $4,366.90, which was met and allowed for a free event. “You really made this happen for us,” Mixed Signals member Liz So, sophomore self-designed international studies major, said as she thanked CUB for their help in financing, promoting and executing the event.
‘4x4’ student art enters round two Philly bands ‘rock for By Matt Huston Arts & Entertainment Editor
The second installation of “4x4: The Debut Student Art Exhibit Series,” which runs from March 26-April 1, constructs a perplexing scene of formless ink figures and captures celebrity self-destruction in a single image. It adds wonder to the animal world and ponders nature with a pair of fake trees. The block of four diverse student collections, which currently occupies both of the Art and Interactive Multimedia (IMM) Building’s Student Exhibition Spaces, is worth an afternoon trip. The largest and most diverse of these collections belongs to senior fine arts major Meghan K. Baier, whose “Somewhere Far From Here” combines images of loneliness and individual adventure. Baier’s work takes many forms. “Over and Over” portrays a young woman with a rather different method — a few dozen pages of loose-leaf paper, each penciled over with a fraction of an image, are pasted together at odd angles to form a life-sized picture of a female traveler. Baier called her exhibit “a collection of drawing and printmaking pieces that explore the concept of distance and moving.” Several works explore physical and imaginative exploration, but one in particular pictures an immediate and shocking transition. In “An American Dream,” a high-society, Marilyn Monroe-type holds a pistol to her chin, all the while smiling and twirling her hair. The “glamourous” suicide pose is jarring and reminiscent of any number of dead musicians and actors. Across the gallery from Baier’s work, the multitudes of senior digital arts major Andrew Lubas’ “Autonomy” loom. “Autonomy,” several walls of black lines and a projected animation, gives the impression of walking into a madman’s apartment. The animation, a clot of lines expanding and contracting with a tinny sound effect, gives a curious backdrop to the scores of chaotically shaped drawings. The drawings, scribbled on numerous small pieces of paper, seem to represent nothing and resemble
everything. Viewers might ascribe any number of forms to these variously sized objects: countries and continents, flowers or fireballs, knights and cavalrymen, faces, plants, buildings and the warrior from the cover of Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid.” Deciphering the emotional or intellectual source of the drawings may be a difficult task. It is probably easier to project one’s own feelings or ideas upon these images, and this makes “Autonomy” a highly interactive collection. In the other student gallery, two “4x4” works include less material but raise compelling questions of their own. “The Great Progression,” by senior art major Dan McCafferty, mixes natural with material imagery, creating a balance that ultimately shifts. In McCafferty’s first three images, the heads of foxes, a wildcat and deer are overwhelmed by ornate clouds of symbols that evoke luxury culture. It is an odd, colorful and slightly unsettling juxtaposition. Unlike those three physical products, the fourth image is a laptop projection. Here the symbols are all black-and-white, almost unrecognizable. If the natural world loses control in the first three pictures, it appears to have taken it back in this eery, pixelated image. “Artificial,” a collaboration between senior fine arts majors Danielle Inducci and Jessica Castaldi, most definitely contemplates the natural and artificial. Inducci described constructing a pair of trees “to create a disorted version of what we actually see in nature.” The joint project includes two “trees” made from real branches but decorated with colorful paper flowers, twine and yarn. Both are grounded in a pile of real soil. “I like to create works of art that reflect my views of nature and how I interact with God’s creations,” Inducci wrote in her artist statement. The third phase of “4x4” begins on April 6, when four new student exhibits open. For full article, visit tcnjsignal.net. Matt Huston can be reached at huston4@tcnj.edu.
women’ at the Rat
Tim Lee / Photo Editor
The student-organized ‘Rock for Women’ concert generated $600 in charity donations and ticket sales on March 28. The lineup featured Philadelphia bands Nobody Yet (above) and New Liberty. All proceeds went to Women for Women International, which aids female victims of conflict.
A&E is online this week.
tcnjsignal.net
page 18 The Signal March 31, 2010
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 19
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 21 Tennis
By Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Ryan Murphy and Chris Strait The Final Four is set, and millions of Americans look forward to finding out exactly which team will finish destroying their bracket. Tiger Woods’ return to the Masters is expected to boost television viewership of the event by 16 percent. And that’s just his exes. Tiger Woods says he’s excited to return to the Masters. It will be his first foursome in months. Ryan Leaf has reached a plea bargain. Which is the only time “Ryan Leaf” and “bargain” have been used in the same sentence. And incoming Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov reportedly doesn’t own a cell phone and never uses the Internet. Which explains why he bought the Nets.
AP Photo
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
Lions post perfect record in road trip Women shut out the Saints and Herons By Chris Rotolo Staff Writer
such a long time off. “At practice the team sees great competition just by playing each other.” The College showed no fear last Senior captains Jackie Shtemberg week as both the men and women’s and Stefanie Haar led the way with two tennis teams went on the road for two singles match victories. Shtemberg also meets apiece. The men had no problem collected a pair of doubles match wins. picking up 7-2 wins against St. Law- “Both Jackie and Stefanie played very rence University and Hobart College. well,” Dicheck said. “It’s especially The women’s team were tough on a double-header even more dominant in their Lions (Men) 7 when the other teams are only two wins as the Lions shut- Saints 2 playing one match.” out both St. Lawrence UniDoubles partners freshmen versity and William Smith Lions (Men) 7 Karisse Bendijo and Allison Statesmen 2 Tierney and the pairing of College 9-0. It was business as usual sophomore Emily Petersack for the No. 23 nationally ranked women, and fresman Lauren Balsamo both prowho defeated the talented St. Lawrence duced two doubles victories. All four University and William Smith College also won two singles matches apiece. programs by scores of 9-0. Sophomore Felice Trinh and freshTim Lee / Photo Editor “We have a very talented group,” man Paige Aiello also aided in doubles The Lions are now 6-3 this season. head coach Scott Dicheck said on how matches to Shtemberg, Trinh against St. the women were able to dominate after Lawrence and Aiello versus William teaming up with his brother Stewart. Smith. Freshman Keith Goldstein won both “The team played great,” Dicheck of his singles bouts and fellow freshman said. “It was a long day and to perform Dean Thompson also added a singles as well as we did was a great sign, very win. Thompson also teamed up with encouraging to see.” freshman T.J. Riley for doubles match With a couple of 7-2 victories over victory. St. Lawrence University and Hobart “This weekend was very big for the College, the men improved their season men,” Dicheck said. “They had to win record to 6-3. both matches to keep their shot at the “We have a very young NCAA Championships alive team,” Dicheck said, “and Lions (Women) 9 and they did, and they are 0 very excited.” it’s been so far so good at this Saints point in the season.” Lions (Women) 9 The men will have the week The doubles partnership off, while the women have 0 three upcoming meets. First of junior captain Jonathan Yu Herons and sophomore Dan Lee produced two the team travels to Johns Hopkins Univictories on the weekend. Yu and Lee versity tomorrow for a 3:30 p.m. meet. also won two singles matches each. The College then returns home on SatSophomore captain Steve Fernandez urday April 3 for a 11 a.m. meet against also put on a show. As well as being vic- Skidmore College and a meet against Tim Lee / Photo Editor torious in two singles matches, he was New York University on Tuesday April Fernandez backhands the ball. also part of a pair of doubles wins while 6 at 3:30 p.m.
Track and Field
Lions greet the outdoors with dominant performance
College takes top marks in several events
By Krystal Spencer Staff Writer The track and field team opened their outdoor season with a series of first place finishes at the Danny Curran Invitational hosted by Widener University March 26-27. Senior Priscilla Senyah began her final season with a pair of first place finishes in the 100 and 200-meter dash with times of 12.76 and 25.92 seconds respectively. Senyah barely edged out junior Miriam Khan in the 100-meter, winning by only .02 seconds. “If we keep trusting in our coaching to get us where we want to go, trust in each other when it comes to the relays, stay positive, and keep working harder and support each other on and off the track, I think we’re going to have a great season,” Senyah said. Also finishing one-two in the 110-meter hurdles were senior Jianna Spadaccini and junior Meryl Wimberlye. With times of 58.02 and 58.46 seconds respectively, the pair were the only competitors to finish under the one-minute mark. Sophomore Emma Tucci placed first in the long jump with a distance of 5.26 meters. She almost matched her efforts in the javelin throw, earning second with 37.45 meters. The invitational is in honor of Danny Curran III, a Widener alum who graduated in 1999 and died from hypothermia during a hiking trip in 2000. Curran used to hold the school record for the pole vault, and his father Daniel Curran II not only officiated the event, but presented a commemorative rock for the male and
female first place finishers. Junior Tim Blashford’s height of 4.40 meters won the event and tied the current meet record. “Last year the goal of this meet wasn’t a height, it was to get that rock,” Blashford said. “My coach won it his senior year in college, and he wanted me to get it. Getting second place last year wasn’t the plan. This year it was the same thing, get that rock. It came down to my last attempt, either win it, or not even place in the top 5. Winning that rock means a lot, knowing Mr. Curran has that rock made each year, and knowing what it represents for him, it’s just real special that I have it to remember this all by.” Other individuals also had an impressive showing at the invitational. Senior Michelle Wallace placed second overall in the 1500-meter run with a time of 4:39.89. Junior indoor track All-American Kyle Gilroy also finished second in the 400-meters hurdles with a time of 55.89 and freshman Robert Searby finished fourth with 56.65. Senior Meghan Miller finished third overall in the same event for the women, finishing in 1:07.28. Freshman Brielle Doremus wasn’t far behind, finishing sixth overall in 1:09.89. Junior thrower Sarah Wehrhan had a solid meet, placing second in the hammer throw with a distance of 42.98 meters, and third in the discus with a distance of 32.02 meters. Fellow senior Ashley Krauss finished behind Krauss in the hammer throw with 41.13 meters, rounding out the top three. On the men’s side, seniors Zach Goldstein and Steve Liccketto took fourth and
sixth in the hammer throw with throws of 49.67 and 45.67 meters respectively. The Lions continue their season this Friday and Saturday at the Sam Howell Invitational hosted by Princeton University.
Photo courtesty of the Sports Information Desk
Senyah took first in the 100 and 200-meter dashes.
page 22 The Signal March 31, 2010
Classifieds SUMMER BABYSITTER: Seeking reliable experienced babysitter for 2 girls (5 and 8) in Pennington, NJ. Pick up girls at camp; organize activities at home. Start mid-May to end of August, Mon. - Fri., 3 - 6:30. Rate based on experience ($11-13/hr) Must have car, clean driving record, and current references. Call Amy 609-730-0951 or 201-424-4002.
Classified Word Ad Rates: Up to 20 words $5 per insertion; $2.50 for each additional 10 words. Classified Display Ad Rates: $8 per column inch per day (off campus). See Ad Manager for on campus rates. Contacting the Ad Office: The Signal business office can be reached at (609)-7712499 or signalad@tcnj.edu
Read more of this weekʼs articles online at tcnjsignal.net.
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 23
LIONS ROUNDUP Baseball
Date 3/5/10 3/6/10 3/8/10 3/10/10 3/11/10 3/11/10 3/13/10 3/14/10 3/17/10 3/18/10 3/19/10 3/24/10 3/26/10 3/30/10 4/1/10 4/2/10 4/3/10
Date 3/12/10 3/16/10 3/18/10 3/20/10 3/25/10 3/30/10 4/3/10 4/6/10 4/10/10 4/12/10 4/15/10 4/17/10 4/20/10 4/23/10 4/27/10
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ vs. @ vs. @ @ @ @
Opponent
Time/Result
Rochester Instit. of Tech. St. John’s (Minn.) Monmouth (Ill.) Wartburg (Iowa) Concordia (Ill.) Monmouth (Ill.) Keene State (N.H.)(DH) Western New England College Muhlenberg College Ursinus College Haverford College Gwynedd-Mercy College Penn State Abington Messiah College Rowan University Rutgers University-Camden Ramapo College (DH)
L 5-8 L 4-15 W 12-2 L 3-5 L 2-8 W 11-5 W 9-7/L 10-4 L 2-10 W 16-6 L 4-5 W 13-0 L 6-10 W 20-2 3:30 p.m. 3:30 p.m. 3:30 p.m. 11:30 a.m.
Lauren Fitzsimmons Softball
Sophomore pitcher Lauren Fitzsimmons improved her record to 7-0 after pitching two complete games against Messiah College and SUNY-Cortland. —Brandon
Gould, Sports Assistant
This Week In Sports
Womenʼs Lacrosse @ vs. @ @ vs. @ vs. vs. vs. @ vs. @ @ vs. vs.
Lion of the Week
Opponent
Time/Result
St. Mary’s College(Md.) Eastern University Cabrini College Drew University Ursinus College FDU-Florham Gettysburg College Rutgers University-Camden Salisbury University Ramapo College Rowan University Frostburg State University Montclair State University Franklin & Marshall Kean University
W W W W W 4 1 7 1 4 7 1 7 6 7
16-6 22-9 19-1 6-4 22-8 p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m. p.m.
Baseball Apr. 1
@ Rowan University, 3:30 p.m. Apr. 2 @ Rutgers University-Camden, 3:30 p.m. Apr. 3 @ Ramapo College (DH), 11:30 a.m. Apr. 6 @ Widener University , 3:30 p.m.
Softball
Date 3/7/10 3/7/10 3/8/10 3/8/10 3/10/10 3/10/10 3/13/10 3/13/10 3/20/10 3/23/10 3/25/10 3/27/10 3/30/10 4/2/10
@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ vs. vs. @ vs.
Softball
Opponent
Time/Result
University of Rochester Dominican University The Sage Colleges Wisconsin Lutheran College Pine Manor College Rensselaer Poly. Institute Western N.E. College Wesleyan University Moravian College Muhlenberg College(DH) Messiah College(DH) SUNY Cortland(DH) Gwynedd-Mercy College(DH) Montclair State University
W W W W W W L W W W L W 3 3
8-3 12-1 9-1 9-0 16-0 12-4 9-10 11-2 1-0 9-0/W 9-2 1-2/W 2-1 3-1 p.m. p.m.
Trivia Question Answer to Last Week’s Trivia Question: 13 times
After edging out the Kentucky Wildcats, the West Virginia Mountaineers punched their ticket to meet Duke University in the Final Four. The last time the Moutaineers went this far in the NCAA tournament they were being led by junior forward Jerry West, there was no such thing as the Super Bowl and Dwight Eisenhower was the president of the United States. In what year did West lead the Moutaineers to the Final Four?
Apr. 2 vs. Montclair State University (DH), 3 p.m. Apr. 6 @ Kean University (DH), 3 p.m. Womenʼs Tennis Apr. 1 @ John Hopkins University, 3:30 p.m. Apr. 3 vs. Skidmore College, 11 a.m. Apr. 6 vs. New York University, 3:30 p.m. Womenʼs Lacrosse Apr. 3 vs. Gettysburg College, 1 p.m. Apr. 6 vs. Rutgers University-Camden, 7 p.m. Track and Field Apr. 2-Apr. 3 @ Sam Howell Invitational, TBA Apr. 2-Apr. 3
AP Photo
@ Duke University Invitational, TBA
SignalSports Lions’ offense overpowers Bears at home
College punishes visiting Ursinus in 22-8 victory By Brandon Gould Sports Assistant In the young season the Lions have had little trouble remaining undefeated thanks to a dominant offensive attack led by junior midfielder Ali Jaeger. The College sought to tally another win as it hosted Ursinus College last Thursday March 25. Jaeger came into the match with 23 goals and nine assists on the season and she walked off the field with six more goals and another assist to add to her résumé. Those totals rank Jaeger first nationally in points per match at 7.8. The Lions tied its season-high total for goals as they rolled past Ursinus College 22-8. The Lions have made it a habit to deliver high scoring matches as they have scored 16 or more goals in four of their five games this season. “The attack is pretty experienced,” said head coach Sharon Pfluger. “They’re reading each other well. Some kids are going to the goal sometimes and those same kids are assisting other kids. It’s all about experience and really trusting each other to play well together out there.” The Lions got a surprising breakout performance from sophomore attacker Sara Keating on their way to victory. Keating came into the game with only two goals on the season, but exploded to score seven goals against the Bears. Her game total from Thursday matched her season total from 2009. “I made the free-positions,” said Keating. “That really helped. Our movements were a lot better today too and so were the feeds. I think everyone else was just seeing me a lot better today.” “Sara played really well today,” Pfluger said. “She knew
Tim Lee / Photo Editor
Freshman Jillian Nealon and sophomore Kathleen Notos advance on the opponent’s net. where to hit and she was hot, so you just gotta give her the ball. It’s a good boost of confidence for her too because she’s a good player” Another key factor in the Lions’ second 22-goal output was Jaeger, who has been a star for the Lions all year. “I wouldn’t consider myself the star out there,” Jaeger said. “It’s definitely a team effort. I just try to be consistent every game and make sure I’m setting an example for the team.” Team effort or not, Jaeger’s play has been an example of something every player should try to emulate. “The passing has really stepped up this year,” Jaeger said. “We’re able to get the feeds inside and we’re completing a lot of shots as well. “ The Lions also got solid performances out of sophomore
midfielder Leigh Mitchell and senior attacker Lisa Seldeen. Mitchell compiled four goals and one assist, while Seldeen increased her season assist total to seven after collecting a game-high four assists. Seldeen fed Mitchell with 11:35 left in the second half to give the Lions their biggest lead of the night, 21-6. The Lions’ impressive offensive display was also backed up by a solid defensive effort and good goalie play. “I thought our defense played pretty well,” Pfluger said. “We made some mistakes that Ursinus capitalized on, but overall I think we played pretty well.” The College will look to continue its winning streak as it hosts Gettysburg College on Saturday April 3 at 1 p.m. and Rutgers University — Camden on Tuesday April 6 at 7 p.m.
Softball
Lions pick up two wins with great pitching
College squeaks out wins over Falcons and Red Dragons
By Hilarey Wojtowicz Opinions Editor With each passing week, the Lions are throwing harder and swinging faster as they build up the momentum needed to roll into the playoffs. The College currently stands at 13–3 so far this season after going 5-1 this past week in doubleheaders against Muhlenberg College on Tuesday March 23, Messiah College on Thursday March 25, and SUNY Cortland on Saturday March 27. “The team has been working well together,” said junior outfielder Caitlyn Seamster.
Tim Lee / Photo Editor
A Lion takes a swing at the pitch.
“The defense has been communicating well and when it comes to offense, everyone knows what has to be done. Everyone has been crushing the ball.” This teamwork was clear as the softball team started off in Allentown, Pa. in order to take on Muhlenberg College in a double header that also gave the team two more wins. In game one, senior Ashley Minervini pitched five shutout innings on defense, as the Lions offense crossed the plate effortlessly. Senior Ellen Seavers went 4-for-4 at the plate, picking up four RBIs to help the team defeat the Mules 9-0 in six innings. Sophomore pitcher Lauren Fitzsimmons collected her fifth win of the season in game two, allowing three hits in five innings over the Mules. Senior Danielle Hagel went 4for-4 and had three RBIs which helped the Lions win the second game of the day 9-2. On Thursday March 25, the Lions returned home for a double header against Messiah College. In the first game, the Falcons scored a pair of runs in the top of the fourth, holding off the Lions until the bottom of the sixth. Seavers drove in sophomore Crystal Lee for the team’s only run of the game, leaving the score at 2-1. Minervini only allowed four hits and gathered eight strikeouts, but it was not enough for the Lions to come back for the win. Nevertheless, game two proved that the Lions were not giving up easily as the softball team beat Messiah College 2-1. Lee singled and later scored off a sacrifice fly by freshman Ashley Sogluizzo in the bottom of the first for a 1-0 lead. The Lions gained another run in the third when freshman Kelly
Tim Lee / Photo Editor
Sophomore outfielder Crystal Lee slides in under the tag. Hommen brought in Solguizzo, making it a 2-0 game. The Falcons came back, however, in the sixth as Messiah’s sophomore center fielder Jaclyn Merkel brought in a runner with the bases loaded. The Lions held the score at 2-1 for the win over the defending Division III national champions. The women’s softball team continued with a home field advantage sweeping SUNY-Cortland in a double header on Saturday March 27. The 1-0 win in the first game came from pitcher Minervini as she recorded a three-hit shutout, gaining her sixth win of the season. The Lions scored the only run of the game in the bottom of the third as Lee singled to center field, plating freshman Michelle Casale. The Lions continued with their winning streak as the team beat the Red Dragons 3-1.
Hagel started it off in the top of the second with a homerun to left center. Solguizzo later batted in Seamster, giving them a 2-0 lead. Sophomore Katelyn Congilose doubled to bring in Hagel for the Lions third run in the third. The Red Dragons scored its only run of the game in the sixth off a double by sophomore Kayla Lynch. The Lions defense held the score at 3-1 after the sixth for the win. “We need to stay focused and play our game. We can’t take any team lightly. As long as we play like we are, we will be very successful,” Seamster said. The Lions continue the season on Tuesday, March 30, with a game away to take on Gwynedd Mercy College in Pennsylvania. Hilarey Wojtowicz can be reached at wojtowi3@tcnj.edu.
March 31, 2010 The Signal page 4815162342
Farts & Entertaintment
CUB stages Anglophantasmagoric wondershow By Slutty McHoHo Last True American Disney Fan
In preparation for the impending doom that is budget cuts for this here College, Constantly Unsuccessful Board (CUB) put together a last-minute charity concert for this fine mental institution using the Sufficiently All-Gone Fund (SAF) to fund the extravaganza. “We’re Gonna Be Broke Soon so Let’s Go for Broke” was a success from beginning to end. The Git, the president of this here College and lots of other stuff, kicked the show off with a killer rendition of “God Save the Queen.” Clearly, we’re all British now. But just as the Git was really getting into her screeching guitar solo, Taylor Swift, who was not invited to the show in any sense of the word, leapt onstage and started ranting in a pay-it-forward kind of way about how Dean Rifkin should have gotten the chance to honor Great Britain instead. After security escorted the babbling blonde away, the opening act came onstage. All The American Idols Whose Names You’ve Forgotten were really something, though unfortunately, this
Timmy Lee / Porn Editor
Junior scuba-diving major Victor Sarandon warms up a crowd of party animals with a set of ballads by The Beatles and Killswitch Engage. What’s that? You wanted to see photos of Justin Bieber? Get over it. reporter was unable to get down any of the band members’ individual names. They were talented as a collective. Well, most of them were. Some of them kind of sucked. But hey, what else would
you expect? We don’t actually have any money. Next, Lady Ba-Ba, the half-human, half-sheep hybrid and cousin of that other famous Lady Mono-Syllable Repeated,
performed. Her costume overshadowed her music, however. No, it really did … she was wearing a huge robotic Roscoe the Lion costume with key places left uncovered. Like her wooly legs. Finally, the moment everyone was waiting for arrived. That teen heartthrob and star of QVC, Justin Bieber, took the stage. He launched into his number one hit, “One Less Pathetic Loser,” and started macking it up with the ladies in attendance. But the audience knew something he didn’t because of the conspicuous and extremely large posters all over campus that said: SEE JUSTIN BIEBER GET RAPED — WHO DOES THE DIRTY AND MOST LIKELY PLEASURABLE DEED? FIND OUT ON SUNDAY, Sunday, sunday… Just as a large figure in a black cloak approached the prepubescent singer who was singing about, what else, teenage heartbreak, this reporter left. Because please, who stays for the whole event? I have far better things to do… Slutty can be contacted discreetly at mchoho69@tcnj.edu.
‘Down’ drowns childhood hopes in sea of fear By Maaaaaaat Huuuuuuston Last True American Troubadour
If critics thought Pixar crowned its brand with the poignant fantasy of 2008’s “Wall-E” and its high-flying follower, “Up,” the studio’s latest release constitutes a raw about-face. “Down,” the stunningly desolate sequel to Pixar’s Best Animation winner, takes the serious-silly dynamic of “Up” in a dark new direction. Released nationwide on March 26, the film subverts viewers’ most fundamental expectations of family-friendliness. The plot picks up on the edge of a South American cliff, where the elderly Carl Fredrickson
and his obnoxious, boy-scout attendee Russell so joyously landed in their flying house at the end of “Up.” However, early signs show that all is not well at Paradise Falls — the house is quiet. A string of shocking revelations unfolds. A rabid hunger has overtaken the two adventurers, who discovered, soon after landing, that their paradise was devoid of anything to eat. The house is dreary and disheveled, the old man is getting delirious, and Dug — the duo’s chattering golden retriever — is history. A spare, unnerving dialogue between Fredrickson and his now-pubescent companion
getdown326.com
reveals that the cliff holding up the house is dissolving fast. Shaken by the old man’s despondency and refusal to leave the house, Russell abandons him. At the end of a restless
nightmare-sleep, the lone elder finds himself in a new hell: the house has taken a plunge into the sea, and Fredrickson is sinking. What follows are two and a half stressful hours of exhausting, astounding personal torment. “Up” embraced a certain maturity with a touching story of lost love, but “Down” is an animated psychodrama the likes of which has never been witnessed. The once-hopeful house becomes a mournfully air-locked underwater prison. Fredrickson, starving and adrift, has no choice but to confront a series of schizoid demons. After a half-hour of pure, dissociating silence at the bed of the Atlantic, the deathly conclusion is difficult to watch.
Dr. Seuss, get off your high horse, you political schmuck! By Burgermeister Meisterburger Last True American Meister
Sure, he’s beloved by millions because he can rhyme “cat” with “hat.” To be sure, only a person with a doctorate could’ve discovered the all-too-natural pairing of these two words. But there is something rotten in the land of the Lorax and the Island of Salama-Sond. And it’s not green eggs. It’s Seuss’ bleeding-heart political activism getting in the way of me enjoying a nice story about a bastardly turtle or a mustached creature who “speaks for the trees” (silly Lorax — trees don’t talk, you dumb shit). The man is a fiend. A menace armed with rhymes and nonsense words to distract you from what he’s really saying. You think that if you throw in a nizzard or a sneedle or zizzerzazzer-zuzz, I’m not going to notice I’m being educated, Seussy? You’re a crafty bastard.
If you’re reading Seuss, you’re being brainwashed. Who cares if we’re deteriorating our natural resources? Or if Yertle the Turtle shows us our greed in land acquisition? Children’s stories are supposed to be shallow and have no further meaning than their surface plot. Have you learned nothing from Disney? Or Aesop’s fables? Mother Goose? Stop trying to teach me a lesson, old man. Did I ask you to dazzle me with metaphors for imperialism? NO. I want to be mindlessly entertained. Stop being a prick, and be a good little doctor and rhyme some more cats. For additional information, visit TheTruthAboutSeuss.org. Direct comments and anti-Seuss mail to Seusser77@meister. burger.co.uk.
Photo courtesy of the Kat
Dr. Burgermeister Meisterburger is a senior contributor at The Wall Street Journal.
By this point on Friday night, the majority of moviegoers at one New Jersey theater, AMC Hamilton, had already left. “Whoever decided that it was okay to do this to a children’s franchise has some serious personal issues,” said one homeward-bound audience member. As the credits rolled, only one college student remained in the theater. “That was ... genius!” Jeff Roman, junior journalism major and Singal Features Editor, exclaimed, before climbing atop his seat and dancing in wild celebration. Matt Huston is fucking in heaven.
Pixels hatch!
AP Photo
Following Friday’s seismic blast, four brightly colored, singing and dancing alien creatures emerged from the campus ‘Pixels.’ According to CUB representatives, the creatures have been captured and trained and are scheduled to perform at the Rathskeller on April 1.
~wSports du Singalw~
Christie has another brilliant idea
By Donnie Michael Hoy Last True American Tiger Woods Fan
As though Chris Christie couldn’t be anymore of a fat asshole, his administration implemented a new policy this week to cut sports entirely from the state of New Jersey. Not only were all professional sports teams within New Jersey borders forcefully evicted, but government agents also went from door-to-door and store-to-store to repossess and burn all sports equipment in a huge bonfire outside the state capital. “Blah blah blah,” Governor Christie said in a press conference. “Blah blah blah, money economy corruption. Blah no sports blah I HATE UNIONS blah blah hot dogs.” When asked how cutting all athletics from New Jersey could possibly help the economy he responded by saying, “I don’t know, my advisors told me to do it. I was just tired of New Jersey’s lawmakers sitting on their asses while our economy floundered. I figured it was better to do something than nothing, even if that something was dumb.” Then some annoying people with stupid opinions said some stuff about being upset. “Rabble rabble,” one union president eloquently said. “I don’t understand how he has the authority
to make such radical decisions. Just because he was elected by the people of New Jersey by a perfectly legal democratic election process doesn’t mean he has the authority to make decisions.” Meanwhile a group of halfstarved, homeless and recently laid-off teachers have made the abandoned Giants Stadium their new home. The Singal recently dispatched a series of reporters to the group of former educators, but none returned alive. “At this point we believe that the teachers who have made Giants Stadium their home formed a primitive form of society and have separated into groups of hunters and beach-dwellers,” some guy in a suit said during a press conference.
When asked if he realized the teachers were just acting out the two main groups of children from Lord of the Flies, the suit-wearing official ran off the podium crying with his head buried in his hands. In response to having his Double-A team, the Trenton Thunder, kicked out of New Jersey, New York Yankee principal owner George Steinbrenner responded by purchasing the area surrounding Mercer County Waterfront Park in Trenton, New Jersey. “Since the stadium is in New Jersey it’s technically an independent island that is not part of the United States of America,” the near-ancient Steinbrenner explained from his personal nursing home. “But I’m sending my useful son, Hal, to Washington D.C.
AP Photo
Christie tests the chair’s endurance while practicing his ‘big boy’ penmanship.
to purchase more of New Jersey and rename our new state ‘Steinbrenner Adventure Land.’ I’m then sending my fat, annoying useless son Hank to be a bouncer at Waterfront Park … I suppose I did this because I was tired of people saying that I had become old and timid with my rapidly decaying health. I decided this was my last chance to go out with a BANG and flaunt my nearly-limitless funds one final time.” Earlier this morning Governor Christie announced that anyone seen playing with a ball, watching sports on TV or even talking about sports would be shot on sight. He even warned that journalists indirectly writing about sports by publicizing his announcement would also be slowly tortured. “BURN! Take that you left-wing media pussies,” Christie said while brandishing a samurai sword. More on this story will be released as it … Oh god it’s the government, they’re knocking on my door. Oh god they’re shooting out my door — please if anyone sees this tell my wife and my children I love them. Don’t give up the fight, my brothers and sisters, LONG LIVE SPORTS!! Oh lord they’re shooting me, it hurts so badly, bullets are so painful, I feel death taking me slowly … R.I.P. Donnie Michael Hoy 19882010 – A warrior of the media.
REASONS TO READ NO FURTHER R
There’s no sex on page 36
There’s no Pokémon on page 45
Garrett is only on page 99
Squirrel smashing is smashing fun: Kill all squirrels! By Me and Bobby McGee Last True American Family Man and Donnie Michael Hoy Last True American Tiger Woods Fan For those who have not heard the completely factual rumors regarding the squirrels that scatter the campus, yes, the squirrels at the College are filled from their tiny skull to their bushy tails with cold, hard cash. After smashing a few, it has been confirmed that each squirrel is packed with between $550 and $2,100 in unmarked, American 20, 50 and 100 dollar bills. These squirrels contain no entrails that normal mammals would possess, only mad bank. The cause for this phenomenon is likely a genetic mutation caused by many squirrels on campus gnawing at specimens of potentially thriving money trees, desperately designed by the College’s chemical engineers in an effort to compensate for recent budget cuts. “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Harvey Suxatgym, senior chemical
engineering major, said. This unlikely, and profitable creation was discovered last week by local squirrel hater and junior philosophy major, Ted “the squirrel hater” Critterloather. “Usually I just smash squirrels because I hate squirrels and enjoy smashing them, but when I smashed one and it was filled with money, I tried another, and another, and they all had money in them. I finally get paid to do what I love.” Critterloather coined the term (no pun intended) “squirrel smashing” in late 2007, but the concept has recently caught on for many students looking to make an extra buck. Club Squirrel Smashing was recently recognized as an intramural sport on campus, as teams of four compete to see who can kill the most squirrels and steal their insides in 60 minutes. Each team member gets a regulation-sized claw hammer and frying pan, and anywhere between two and six teams may compete. After 60 minutes of smashing, the teams reconvene at the Brower Student Center to total their earnings.
Photo courtesy of the Lord Jesus Christ
Some fine upstanding College students learn smashing squirrels can be as much about fun as it is about economics.
The team with the highest total dollar amount takes the whole pot and are crowned “squirrel smasher extraordinaires,” of the week. In opposition to these brutal financial tactics, a new campus organization, Students Against Squirrel Smashing (SASS) is setting out to be annoying and unproductive against a wave of violent and poor students. “We stand with signs reading, ‘How would you like it if a squirrel smashed you?’ but nothing has really happened yet,” founder Gerald Hippiestoner said. In an effort to combat mankind’s vicious squirrel genocide, an elder squirrel named Nuts McSquirrel has rallied a number of squirrels on campus in a series of work strikes. McSquirrel recently sat down with Singal reporter Donnie Michael Hoy. Hoy: Thanks for taking the time to sit down with us, Nuts. McSquirrel: Happy to be here. Hoy: So many people on campus are calling you the “Gandhi of the squirrel nation” since you have been organizing a group of oppressed minorities in peaceful protest. What are your thoughts on that? McSquirrel: I’m just a simple squirrel who has a dream. I have a dream that one day squirrels will again be remembered not for the economic value of their innards but the value of their contributions to society. Hoy: How do you plan on putting an end to what has become a time-honored pastime here at the College? McSquirrel: Well my bushy-tailed brethren and I have been as patient as we can, but these squirrel smashings have gone on unchecked for too long. Until it all stops, our work strike will continue, and we’ll see how society survives without the squirrel nation. Hoy: Well, it’s not like squirrels actually do anything productive at all.
McSquirrel: How dare you! Squirrels are the pillars that prevent society as we know it from crumbling. Hoy: I mean I’ll be honest — I’ve never thought one good thing about squirrels before in my life. McSquirrel: Not many people know this, but squirrels have been the silent guardians of justice since ancient times. A great darkness resides underneath this campus and occasionally releases its evil smog to the surface world right in front of the student center. We squirrels have been keeping your kind safe since long before any of you arrived here. We were ordered by the gods centuries ago, when this place was still the New Jersey State Normal School to make sure this evil never escaped and harmed mankind. But with so many of us being slain by your unholy hammers, the seal is weakening and your people are in great danger. So please, humans, I beseech you, think beyond your shallow needs for money and material possessions, and leave us squirrels to continue our divine mission. Hoy: Well, that’s all the time we have, so thanks for your time, Mr. McSquirrel, and good luck preventing the apocalypse. Nuts McSquirrel was squished 10 minutes later by Hoy in a dark alley. “He had like dollars in him,” Hoy excitedly said. “Apparently squirrel patriarchs carry a lot more cash. I can’t wait to spend it on a new luxury snuggie.” All of the College’s squirrels will be burying the bloody skeletal remains of McSquirrel’s decimated body in front of E.A.B. next Friday afternoon. The squirrel nation is inviting humans to attend in order to end this bloody conflict and entreat communication again between humans and squirrels alike. CUB will also be selling double-sided hammers at the entrance to the funeral for maximum squirrel smashing.