Encourage, but don’t praise: a new theory of affirming children

What makes a child do well in school? Common answers to this question normally include a high IQ, a terrific school, well-run lessons, skilled teachers, a creative curriculum, and high expectations. Although all these things help,

the real secret of great learning lies elsewhere – inside children themselves. A child’s view of his/her own ability to achieve a goal (a concept known as self-efficacy) is a powerful indicator of school success.

Carol Dweck, author of Mind-set: The New Psychology of Success (2006) believes that implicit or inner views of ability have a significant impact on a child. Children who have a “fixed mind-set” believe that success is based on innate ability. Results or outcomes are normally seen as a measure of this innate ability. The problem with the fixed mind-set is that it is a breeding ground for distorted assumptions. For example, if I achieve a below average result on a test then I could mistakenly deduce that my innate ability is below average. It is mistaken because there are a number of external variables that influence test scores, including whether or not I ate breakfast that morning.

In contrast to this mind-set, having a growth mind-set views success as something based on hard work, learning, training and doggedness. Under this perspective, what becomes far more important than the actual test score are the child’s inner qualities, over which he/she has more control in the first place.

Changing how one affirms one’s child can be a very powerful way of formulating a growth mindset. It all comes down to the difference between encouraging a child and praising a child.

Gunderson et al. (2013:1526) explain:

“Encouraging a child’s effort helps him to adopt incremental motivational frameworks: he believes ability is malleable, attributes success to hard work, enjoys challenges, and generates strategies for improvement. In contrast, praising a child’s inherent abilities [to which the outcome is attributed] helps him to adopt a fixed-ability framework.”

Praising focuses on outcome and innate ability: “Wow, you got an A for your test!” Encouraging involves affirming a child’s character and personal decisions: “Wow, I’m so proud of how hard you chose to prepare for this test!” It may seem like a simple shift to make, but it is not as easy as it seems. Society, in general, seems to focus more on praise, to which we, as adults have become accustomed. Encouraging a child requires an awareness of the inner qualities that contribute towards success, some of which include:

• Self-disciplined • Courageous • Confident • Determined • Enthusiastic • Goal-orientated • Orderly • Persistent • Responsible • Creative • Energetic • Reliable • Self-assured • Patient • Resourceful • Tenacious • Helpful • Insightful

Not only is the development and exercising of these qualities within a child’s control, but these qualities are also longer-lasting and more farreaching in terms of impact than, for example, an A on an English assignment.

So next time your child tells you his Maths mark, try saying, “Well done for being so persistent in the work you did to get that mark!” or “You approached your studying in such a goalorientated way, and it seems that this really paid off!” You might be pleasantly surprised by the impact it has.

References

De Lisi, M. & Vaughn, M. (2011). The importance of neuropsychological deficits relating to selfcontrol and temperament. International Journal of Child, Youth and Family Studies. 1 & 2: 12-35.

Gunderson, E.A., Gripshover, S.J., Romero, C., Dweck, C., Goldin-Meadow. & Levine, S.C. (2013). Parent praise to 1-3-year-olds predicts children’s motivation framework 5 years later. Journal of Child Development. 84(5): 1526-1541.

Skinner, E., Johnson, S. & Snyder, T. (2005). Six Dimensions of Parenting: A Motivational Model. Parenting: science and practice. 5(2): 175–235

Lauren Brown, Student Development Unit/Cognitive Development Specialist