Lez Underground - July by Team Lesbians

JULY 2013

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LEZ UNDERGROUND

CONTENTS

19 SOCIAL MEDIA & RELATIONSHIPS Many relationships have failed due to the impact of the internet, especially social media. We offer some tips to move past it.

YOUR PARTNER & YOUR FAMILY Sometimes for whatever reason, our family and friends are not accepting of our partners. Read this article for tips on how to handle this situation.

05 21

Coverage on the Supreme Court ruling on DOMA and the resuming of marriage in California.

KEEPING THE SPARK ALIVE

07 23

Advice on keeping the relationship alive after it has began to fizzle.

TOPIC OF THE MONTH

09 25

UNCONVENTIONAL PREGNANCY? We cover ways for lesbian couples (and single lesbians) to have a family, including artificial insemination & adoption.

We are spotlighting 10 different cities in the U.S. with large gay communities!

DEFENCE OF MARRIAGE WHAT?!

IMPULSE BY A. Our cover story this month. We interviewed Andre, the CEO of Impulse by A. A digital media company focusing on social issues.

GAY-FRIENDLY CITIES

Self-Esteem.

TRULYFE COLUMN

15 27

Play Pretend!

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HOROSCOPES What does your sign say about you?

QUIZ: WHAT’S YOUR PREFERENCE?

Take this entertainment quiz today! Discover your type.

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LEZ UNDERGROUND

FROM THE EDITORS

Editorial Mala V. Crystal I. Shavon S. Dee D.

Contribution Being that June was pride month, we thought it best to cover some pride related topics this month. In Julyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s issue we have covered DOMA & the Supreme Court rulings, the resuming of marriage in California, and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve featured Impulse by A as our cover story. You will be excited to know that Impulse by A is a digital media company that places awareness and equality at the front of their operations! Also the winner of our cover contest, Andre, the creator and CEO of Impulse by A., graced our cover with his image from pride in New York City! June and July has been a huge month for the LGBTQ community and we are very happy that you all are here with us enjoying the ride! As with every issue, we have a little bit of something for everyone and we hope that you enjoy reading this issue as much as we enjoyed creating it. Thank you!

Juanita S.

- The Team

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Lez Underground - July

Letter From The Editor

his life is truly what you make it. Regardless of where you are in your life at the moment, you should always aim higher. If you find yourself in a place of unhappiness, if your triumphs come less frequently, and you happen to find it harder and harder to smile, remember that this will not last forever. Things will get better in time and especially if you work for them. We’ve heard it several times before but no matter what changes, the saying ‘anything worth having is worth fighting for’, still holds true all the same. Change is a constant, so no longer fear it, but tightly grab on to it and seize the day! You are only defeated when you allow yourself to become defeated and let’s be honest, we’re always our own worst critic. For every moment that you spend focusing on what could be, you are missing a chance of making it was IS. Be easy on yourself and set realistic goals that you have the power to conquer. Worry about things that you are able to change and let go of the ones that you can’t. Attempting to obtain something that is neither realistic nor in your best interest is only taking 10 steps backwards when what you really need is straight ahead. Most importantly, believe. Believe that you can be all that you have ever dreamed of, after all it is right at the tips of your fingers; all you have to do is grab it!

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Social Media & Relationships:

Article By:

We all are guilty of some sort of social media addiction, but the truth is that social media has been the downfall of many relationships. What do you do if social media has played a detrimental role in the deterioration of your relationship?

Mala

The Most Common Dilemmas

e have all heard about it before: Relationships ending due to a posted status on Facebook or a 140 character tweet on Twitter. The truth is that these sort of things happen on a daily basis and the threat of social media is real.

Have you been a dumper or the unfortunate dumpee via email, Facebook, or instant messaging? It’s likely that you have fallen prey to the dreaded dangers and negative impacts of social media on relationships. The good news is that this is not the case for all relationships and does not have to be the case for yours either. Most times, fixing the issue starts with being able to read between the lines. Normally a relationship under this circumstance does not meet an abrupt end due to a lone status update or tweet, but due to a lack of trust within the relationship itself.

not to a friend, but to everyone on Facebook. Your partner becomes angry that you blasted your business on Facebook or Twitter. How do you handle it? Every relationship will have its ups and downs and there is no avoiding that fact; however, there are certain parts of a relationship that should remain private. That is not to say that you are not allowed to vent, but you should choose to vent to someone that is vested, meaning that they care about you and the outcome of your situation and can offer up some useful advice.

DO NOT put your relationship on blast on various social media sites because it’s likely that it will come back to haunt you. The truth is, doing so can definitely damage a relationship even if the post happened to be spur of the moment. Everyone does not mean you well, and everyone does not want to see you succeed. Those same people So if you find yourself in this situation, it is likely that this is the first could possibly use the information that you shared to hurt you. You question that you need to ask yourself: Are there know very well that it is annoying for everyone trust issues in my relationship? The second and to have an opinion on your relationship, so think most important question that needs to be asked You truly were made the twice before putting all your business out there. is if the relationship is worth saving. If there is a way that you are and for Especially if you are angry for the moment and will, there is a way and although you may have know very well that you will be telling the world found yourself front and center in the largest pit a very Important reason: how awesome she is tomorrow! of turmoil ever; if both parties are willing to ad- YOU ARE UNIQUE! Acdress the issues that exist and move forward, the #3 You happen to find your partner interacting cept it, rock it, & be you! with a friend a little too closely via private mesrelationship can be repaired. saging and/or text messaging. Some common dilemmas are focused on below with tips and advice to move past them. Whoa! Bear with me here. Just because their conversation has moved from social media to private texting does not necessarily mean that #1 - You have 1,000 friends on Facebook and 999 are beautiful fe- they are up to something, although it’s not very likely that this situmales. Every day you either request a friendship or someone adds ation would sit well with anyone. The best option here is to be upyou. Each status you post on Facebook are replied to with somewhat front with your partner about your feelings. If your partner answers flirtatious responses. Your girlfriend questions you on this fact, so you honestly and has no problem sharing information with you in how do you handle it? regards to her conversation with this friend, it’s likely that you have nothing to worry about. Now if your partner is behaving suspiciously First and foremost you need to be honest with yourself. Are your daily and feels the need to keep her conversations private, that may be interactions with these females innocent, or do they seem to light cause to worry. your fire? Are you addicted to the attention? If so, you should never be in search of someone to light your fire, comfort you, or offer you In a relationship, you should not be doing anything that you would their attention outside of YOUR relationship. That is a big no-no and not or could not do in front of your partner. It’s truly as simple as that. the solution to fixing this problem resides in you. However, if this is In the case that you are partaking in activities that would not sit well not the case for you and your interactions are truly innocent, you with your girlfriend if she were to find out, it’s pertinent that you stop may want to work with your partner in an effort to find out what is and discover what causes you to act out in the first place. bothering her most. You are in a relationship and insecure or not, Remember, there are more ways of cheating than just physical conyour partner’s feeling should always be taken into consideration. If tact alone and it’s nothing new, cheating is never okay. So you have you are in love and if this is a relationship that you want to be in, it’s two choices: leave or fight through it because anything worth having imperative that both you and your partner find a middle ground and is definitely worth fighting for. compromise. #2 – You and your partner had a fight and you felt the need to vent,

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JULY JULY 2013 2013

Proposition 8 remember that aside from the DOMA ruling, the Supreme Court also allowed gay marriage to resume in California by declining to rule on an entirely separate case. Overall, this is a huge win for the LGBT community and gay rights activists alike. One of the first wins among many more that will surely come along. Now with this win, we can all look forward to politicians, high profiled individuals, and business leaders that will surely come out in support of the LGBT community, even if they are for self-serving reasons! But does the end result truly rely on the reasons as to why certain people support same-sex marriages? No, not really but then again it depends on who you ask.

On June 28, 2013, same-sex marriages resumed in California. Although it was expected that the state would wait until the 25 day appeal period had ended, they lifted the stay virtually right away.

It is my guess that gay and lesbian issues will become a hot topic for future governmental elections in America. Those that were apt to come out against gay marriage in previous years will likely have a change of heart, if not personally, then surely on a political level at the very least. It is even more likely that we will notice these changes running rampant especially within the Republican Party. Either way, a victory is a victory nonetheless. Happy pride!

Now that DOMA has been repealed and the battle has been won in California, it is likely that the same issues will be tackled within the states that do not currently allow, accept, or recognize samesex marriages.

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MY FRIENDS & FAMILY HATE MY GIRLFRIEND!

Article By:

Crystal

Are you in a relationship with someone that your friends and family disaprove of? Check this out!

ust the sound of her voice makes your heart skip a beat. When you’re with each other it’s like no one else in the world exists. Your completely head over heels in love with this woman, she just might be the “one,” there’s just one small problem, your friends and family can’t stand her! It’s hard enough to deal with the everyday trials and tribulations of being in a lesbian relationship without having to endure the constant ridicule of those closest to you. It’s normal for our loved ones to be somewhat over protective, and voice their concern, but too much may easily become overwhelming, and can quickly cause a strain on both sides of the fence. The question is how do you handle it? Through past experience I have learned that talking it out may work. Find out exactly what it is about this person that everyone dislikes, and if their reasons are valid. After carefully listening to everyone’s opinion and taking each person’s feelings into consideration it’s time

to explain how you feel. Be sure to point out all the good qualities that your girlfriend does have by listing all the reasons why you fell in love with her in the first place. It may take some convincing but hopefully they all will agree to at least give her a chance. You can help this process along by planning a dinner or perhaps a friendly get together where everyone has the opportunity to get to know your significant other a lot better. With time there is a very strong possibility they will learn to love her or at the very least, tolerate her. Unfortunately this method does not work for everyone, so what do you do when the tension becomes so thick that playing peace maker is no longer an option? Well you can’t force them to get along. Just because they all care about you does not necessarily mean that they have to like your girlfriend as well. Just remember to set boundaries, and make it perfectly clear that any form of disrespect toward your girlfriend will not be tolerated in your presence, and in return you will not talk about your love life with them. Keeping the two lives

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JULY 2013

separate may not be the easiest thing to do, but it can help prevent any major problems in the future. A close friend tried these suggestions, she even went to counseling in hopes of solving the problem, but nothing seemed to work. After dating her girlfriend for over seven years, one would think that her friends and family would have finally learned how to accept the relationship but it was quite the opposite. I swear you couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t leave this group of people alone in a room for five minutes without a fight breaking out! Things became so bad at

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one point she actually went to the extreme of cutting all ties with anyone who did not accept her relationship including her own family. At the end of the day this is YOUR relationship. No one can tell you who to love. How you choose to handle the situation is up to you. Do what is best for you and your happiness because if you make the wrong decision, in reality, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll most likely be the only one hurting. Sometimes, it is perfectly okay to be a little bit selfish, so make a decision that you can live with!

LEZ UNDERGROUND

Photo taken by Andre Mcfarland of Impulse by A.

Impulse by A. Impulse by A: A digital media company with social issues and awareness at their forefront. 09

e had the pleasure of sitting down with Andre, the owner and creator of Impulse by A, and also the winner of our cover contest! Impulse by A is a fashion and photography based digital media company that places awareness at the forefront of its operations. Lead by a wonderful team of well-rounded, open-minded, and intelligent individuals that express their views of current events through their individual artistic perspectives, Impulse by A is both a company and a brand that everyone should be keeping their eyes on! We hope you enjoy reading our interview with Andre and Impulse by A as much as we enjoyed conducting it!

1. What caused you to create Impulse by A? When did you create it? My team and I started impulse by A about 4 years ago, because we wanted to give a voice to our generation. We noticed that young

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We at Impulse by A feel that our generation is ready to do their parts in shaping the world, and moving it forward. We also view fashion and art as a very powerful platform to reach a wide range of people...We think that the only way we can do something about the big issues we are faced with in our society is if we become aware of them... Article By:

Mala

we had the opportunity to know about them, and become involved. We at impulse by a feel that our generation is ready to do our parts in shaping the world, and move it forward. We also view fashion and art as a very powerful platform to reach a wide range of people .

2. How does the company represent your personal beliefs in terms of social issues? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m personally more progressive when it comes to social issues. Impulse by A reflects those values because I recruit like-minded individuals to help move the conversation forward at impulse by A; the way my generation of leaders are thinking.

3. I know that the name Impulse by A stands for Impulse by Awareness, but does the moniker have anything to do with your name as well? I did feel like this would come up. Impulse by A did start out as repre-

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senting me personally when it was just me doing my art, then when we started the team we wanted to change the name to reflect our team message of awareness. We think that the only way we can do something about the big issues we are faced with in our society is if we become aware of them. We all liked the name impulse by A It is very catchy and creative, But we had to change the meaning of the name to be more symbolic of what we stand for.

4. Is there a particular market/demographic that you target? We target the more open-minded, and creative individuals of our generation.

Continue to page 11, for the remainder of the interview with Impulse by A. 10

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“No human no matter what position of power he or she holds has the right to take away someone’s self-worth just because they love differently.” 5. I know that you had a recent photography campaign that focused on the LGBT community; can you explain it to us and provide some details about what the pictures represent? The campaign is to promote pride and confidence in the LGBT community. We see the evil targeted towards the LGBT community, specifically meant to devalue and degrade its members. At Impulse by A we believe we are all Gods’ children, and he made as exactly how he wants us. No human no matter what position of power he or she holds has the right to take away someone’s self-worth just because they love differently. The photographs for this campaign are meant to promote confidence, humanity, self-worth, and pride in the LGBT community.

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IMPULSE BY A. 6. In terms of the LGBT community, what is it that empowers you to fight for equality? Are you a part of the LGBT community or a straight individual that supports the fight? I am joining the fight for LGBT equality because I understand what the community is fighting for. The community is fighting for their rightful place in society. I’m straight. I’m in this fight as an ally. I am fighting for people like my twin sister and her girlfriend to have the same rights I am fortunate enough to be able to take for granted. I want to end the disgusting discrimination that plagues people ignorant to this topic.

7. How do the various photographers and their projects bring about awareness? At Impulse by A, we use our platform to help our generation become aware of problems and the achievements we have to be knowledgeable about in order to lead our world in the right direction.

8. What makes Impulse by A different from any other digital media company? Our creativity, and the way we approach topics can never be duplicated. We are all artists when it comes down to our craft. We take on projects in a very personal way that will help us be successful as a company.

9. Do you only work out of the tri-state area, or are there other areas that you have branched out in? As a digital media company we are big fans of the Internet. We are not tied down to one specific area of the country or the world.

10.How many photographers do you have on your staff? I’m the only photographer that addresses the public with photography. The heart and soul of impulse by A comes from our amazing editors, graphic designer, and media managers.

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LEZ UNDERGROUND UNDERGROUND LEZ

Impulse by a: When inspiration & awareness come together, you find Impulse By A, a digital media company tackling the big social issues of America.

meet the staff! Andre CEO & Founder of Impulse by A.

Andrel Social Networking Manager.

Unyime Executive Editor

Sonia Graphic Designer

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Faith Social Networking Manager

Autumn Editor

Juanita Social Networking Manager

Not Pictured: C Rich: Advisor AnnMarie: Office Manager

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LEZUNDERGROUND UNDERGROUND LEZ

[UN]CONVENTIONAL PREGNANCY? *This article contains pieces of information that may not be suitable for younger readers. Please only continue to the main article if you are 18 or older. We ask that you bypass this article in its entirety if you are under the age of 18. Thank you.

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Artificial Insemination and adoption are the two main options in terms of lesbian women attempting to conceiving. We look into both the pros and cons of the various forms of artificial insemination such as ICI, IUI, and IVF. We also take a look into the pros and cons of local and out-of-state adoptions. The main article begins on page 12.

Having children is a serious decision that no one should take lightly. There are certain preparations and a preferable level of maturity that one should have when deciding to become a parent. More times than not, the obvious obstacles that come along with having a child are the ones that individuals seem to focus on, however, most times those same individuals drop the ball the circumstances and obstacles that matter most.

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The list of duties for a parent are endless, think; pampers, formula, clothes, car seats, caretaker, food, health insurance, doctorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s appointments, etc. Get the point yet? Needless to say, wanting a child and planning to have a child are two separate ideas. Either way plenty of research and preparation have to take place.

Article By:

In the lesbian community, an unexpected pregnancy is not very likely (unless...well, you know.), therefore pregnancies are usually planned for. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best to be well informed prior to making any decision in life and conceiving is no different. On the next two pages, we take a look into the various forms of artificial insemination and adoption. We hope that you make the decision that will work best for you and your family!

Mala

LEZ UNDERGROUND

// WASHED SPERM A process in which sperm is separated from semen. Washed sperm is usually recommended by healthcare professionals due to the increased chance of nausea and vomiting by using unwashed sperm.

// UNWASHED SPERM Sperm that has not been separated from semen.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ? Various conceiving methods for same-sex couples

any women dream of the day that they will be with child and it is no different for a lesbian woman. However, it does not take a rocket scientist to inform us that conceiving is not as simple for us as the traditional form of conception. So, you are a lesbian and wanting to have a child? Some forms of conception are easier than others while some are more costly than others; however, there are several options, no worries!

Option 1: Artificial Insemination

So, you may not be comfortable discussing the male anatomy, but we are all big girls right? Let’s be real: Pregnancy does not and will not occur without the usage of sperm (I’m sure someone somewhere will dispute that.) Surprisingly, there are 3 different forms of artificial insemination: IntraCervical Insemination (ICI), IntraUterine Insemination (IUI), and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). IntraCervical insemination (ICI) is the most economical and affordable option in terms of

“It has been estimated that the cost of artificial insemination is about $3,000, not including the cost of the sperm...prices are likely to add up as there is no guarantee that one procedure will take. ” artificial insemination. An added plus is that this option can be done either at home or in the doctor’s office. The process inserts unwashed sperm into the cervix which is just behind the vagina, in front of the uterus. IntraUterine insemination (IUI) is the second form of artificial insemination and is not as economical as the previous option. Whereas ICI inserts unwashed sperm, intrauterine insemination uses prewashed sperm directly into the uterus, increasing the chance of conception. Like ICI, this process can also be done at home; however, expect to spend more money for the sperm if you are not planning to use a known donor.

In vitro fertilization, the one we so commonly hear about in films or television shows is the third form of insemination. In vitro is typically used by women that have had problems with the options listed above or in the case of fertility issues and is more costly than the other options. This form of insemination is very different in comparison to ICI and IUI. In vitro places a sperm sample with a woman’s egg inside a petri dish to allow fertilization to take place inside the laboratory. The embryo is then placed inside the woman’s uterus to develop. Often times, women that have had repeated failures with these procedures or have had multiple miscarriages look to surrogacy to maintain a biological connection with their child.

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In terms of artificial insemination, ICI )IntraCervical Insemination is the most economical choice followed by IntraUterine Insemination, and In Vitro Fertilization. Talk to your doctor about what option(s), including adoption that may be the best for you and your family.

Option 2: Reciprocal In Vitro Fertilization

Reciprocal IVF is not so much a separate option from those listed above or from the traditional procedure of IVF. This procedure allows retrieval of eggs from one partner to be inseminated by the donor sperm and the embryo(s) are then placed inside of the other partner that will carry the child.

Option 3: Adoption

Adoption is a great choice for many couples but can become costly, frustrating, and often times impossible for gay couples depending on their location. The information regarding legal adoption is virtually unending and therefore we suggest conducting adequate research on the topic if adoption is of an interest to you. Remember, there are some states in America that do not recognize same sex adoption and in these states; out-of-state adoptions can become extremely complicated. Take a deep breath and conduct research. Lots and lots of research! Remember after all that anything worth having is worth fighting for!

Remember, there are some states in America that do not recognize same sex adoption and in these states; out-of-state adoptions can become extremely complicated.

It has been estimated that the cost of artificial insemination is about $3,000, not including the cost of the sperm. Regardless of which method you are interested in, the prices are likely to add up as there is no guarantee that one procedure will be all that is needed. Many times, numerous tries are needed in order to conceive using ICI, IUI, and IVF. Nevertheless, having children is highly possible, even more so when you are armed with knowledge. Know your body and pick a great doctor or healthcare provider that has positive reviews.

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Article By:

10 randomly chosen Gay Friendly Cities

Captain

We looked into some of the most gay friendly cities in North America and narrowed them down to 10 of the best choices!

In recent years, the United States in a whole has become more accepting and tolerant of the LGBT community. With huge victories such as the Supreme Court rulings on DOMA and the repeal of Proposition 8, it is likely that even more locations will become more accepting and tolerant.

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lthough it would be wonderful for every city and every state within the United States to be gay friendly, unfortunately that is not the case, at least not yet anyway. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re keeping our fingers crossed though. However, there are plenty of awesome locations nationwide that are very accepting of the LGBT community. We randomly chose 15 locations that span across the United States to showcase and we hope that you are as excited about them as we are! San Francisco, CA is one of the highest ranked cities in the U.S. in terms of LGBT acceptance and is ranked 64 out of 280 for the highest number of events and pride parades in the world! San Francisco is home to a very large gay population and is well known for their flourishing gay culture. Seattle, WA is yet another highly ranked gay friendly city and has become a popular vacation destination for couples and families alike. Ranked 179 out of 280 for their gay events and pride parades in the world, Seattle has stepped into the lime-

light in the name of tolerance. Seattle is home to a large gay population and a wealth of gay bars, clubs and businesses. New York City, NY home of the Stonewall Riots is a very well-known gay friendly city with a hub of gay bars, clubs, businesses and theatres. The diverse culture in New York is very accepting and tolerant of the gay community. Making this location even greater are the sub cultures found in places such as the East Village and West Village that all have flourishing gay communities. West Hollywood, CA is another prominent location for gay friendly places in the U.S. and is ranked 52 out of 280 locations worldwide for their gay events and pride parades. West Hollywood had the highest rejection of Proposition 8 than all other cities in Los Angeles County. With plenty of parks, clubs, restaurants, and businesses, this is a place perfect for everyone. Portland, OR has a large gay population and due to a plethora of gay events and parades, is ranked 209 on a worldwide

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scale for gay events and pride parades. With a growing economy and a tolerant culture, Portland has also become a popular vacation destination. An added plus for current and future gay and lesbian residents is that Portland was the first city in Oregon to adopt civil rights protections for gay residents. Province Town, MA is well-known for its vibrant LGBT community. Home to a three-mile stretch of town loaded with galleries, shops, restaurants and great accommodations, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no wonder as to why Province Town is ranked number 31 for vacation destinations for gays and lesbians. Known for its beaches, harbors, artists, and its tourist industry, this is yet another great choice within the LGBT community. Chicago, IL commonly known for its deep dish pizza is ranked 92 out of 280 for its gay events and pride parades. With a very large gay population and culture, Chicago has a large amount of gay clubs, businesses, restaurants, organizations and accommodations. Boystown and Andersonville are two areas in Chicago have large concentrated gay communities. Like many other gay friendly locations, Chicago also has several parks, clubs and organizations that focus or are centered on the LGBT community. Minneapolis, MN is home to several LGBT organizations, the Twin Cities Gay Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chorus, and the Twin Cities Gay Hockey Association. Minneapolis is also home to various fortune 500 companies with gay friendly policies. Ranked 151 out of 280 for gay events and pride parades, Minneapolis is no stranger to the LGBT community.

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Washington, D.C., began providing marriage licenses to same sex couples on March 3, 2010, after the bill was passed on December 15, 2009. Washingtonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dupont Circle neighborhood is the hub of the gay community, culture and activities although more neighborhoods are springing up as well. There are various festivals and events that take place year round in the name of the gay community. Full of gay owned and gay friendly restaurants, businesses, boutiques, shops, and bars, Washington will always be a great choice. Key West, FL is ranked 13 out of 28 for the best beaches in Florida and is also thought of as one of the best honeymoon destinations. With diverse entrainment and eclectic vibes, Key West is quite the popular location for gay and lesbian individuals. Known for their gay centered accommodations, their gay and lesbian guest houses and mainstream hotels and inns are welcoming to all just the same as the bars, businesses, theatres, and shops. It is important to know that all of locations that we have featured cater to both young and old alike. If you are looking for a place to vacation or for a place to pick up residence, any of these locations could be the perfect choice for you. With large gay communities and accepting and inviting residents, you can rest assured that you will feel welcomed upon your arrival. Please note that this article is not intended for scientific purposes but for entertainment purposes only. Although we have done our best to research these locations, some information may have changed in the meantime.

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Defence of Marriage What?!

Article By:

DOMA + The Supreme Court

DOMA was signed into law by President Bill Clinton in September of 1996. However, on June 26, 2013, the U.S. Supreme court repealed the Defence of Marriage Act with a 5-4 vote.

n September 21, 1996, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was enacted after being signed into law by President Bill Clinton. DOMA practically stated that marriage was between a man and a woman and prevented the federal government from recognizing the legal marriages of gay and lesbian couples in terms of federal laws, programs, and benefits. In essence, gay and lesbian couples were not provided with the same federal benefits such as social security benefits and immigration rights, which are afforded to straight couples.

like the previous challenges and rulings, this attempt lead by Edith Windsor resulted in the Supreme Court ruling section three of DOMA unconstitutional. Again, it was section three which dictated that the federal government could not recognize same sex marriages. One of the main focal points of this case was the violation of the constitutionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s equal protection clause found within the fourteenth amendment which states that no state will deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Although DOMA held strong for nearly 17 years, recently it lost steam in June of 2013. Once again DOMA was challenged and un-

So what does the Supreme Courtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ruling on DOMA mean for you?

Mala

With the Supreme Court ruling that section three is unconstitutional under law, it means that the federal government now has to recognize the LEGAL marriages of samesex couples. However, it is very important to note that the ruling on section three does not require ANY state to legalize or recognize same-sex marriage. In other words, the ruling will NOT force those states that already do not recognize or allow same-sex marriages, to now recognize them. On a national level, legally married gay and lesbian couples will now have access to military family benefits, social security benefits, tax filings, and healthcare benefits, among many more benefits. It is also important to

On June 26, 2013, with a vote of 5-4, the United States Supreme Court voted in favor of repealing the highly controversial Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA), that many had deemed unconstitutional. *DOMA was initially signed into law by President Bill Clinton on September 21, 1996.

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On June 28, 2013, same-sex marriages resumed in California. Although it was expected that the state would wait until the 25 day appeal period had ended, they lifted the stay virtually right away.

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LEZ LEZ UNDERGROUND UNDERGROUND

KEEPING THE SPARK

ALIVE

Have you found yourself in a deteriorating relationship? Are you looking for ways to turn it all around? Check out these 3 tips!

It has been said that the key to keeping the fire burning in a relationship is too never let it go out. It’s a good theory in a sense but is a tad detached from reality especially in today’s society. Relationships in this day and age are formed by way of convenience. The need to survive and the desire to not want to do it alone are married together in a mutual partnership. Relationships today consist of two people who are together simply because they can stand each other enough to help each other maintain. No one will ever be an expert on matters of the heart. Nobody’s heart is the same just as every relationship is different. You have to first determine the type of relationship your in. If the spark was never there in the first place there is nothing to rekindle. However if the love is there but you and your partner find your relationship caught up in the boring routine of everyday life there is a chance. Here are three guidelines to help you reignite the spark in your relationship. #1- Communicate and Listen- A lot of times lack of communication can damper the sizzle in a relationship. When you stop communicating you get out of touch with your partner and things like her body language, disposition and facial expressions that would normally tell you so much go unnoticed. When two people are in a relationship and not on the same page their needs began to go unmet making it difficult to maintain a high level of intimacy. Talking is a key element to keeping the fire going. It builds understanding and with understanding comes closeness. The more you allow your partner to open up she will lower her guard and become increasingly attached to you emotionally. That emotional attachment will help your partner be physically comfortable which will make things free and intense in the bedroom. Listening and especially paying attention to details are also key in keeping the fire going. It shows you take an interest in your partner and you care about who she is as a person. A woman

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TRU will teach you how to treat her you just have to pay attention to what she says. If she tells you a fantasy create it for her. It can be something as simple as her mentioning a CD she wants. Wait a couple of days and when she comes to bed one night have it lying across her pillow with a note that says something like “just because it was something you wanted”. I guarantee the fire would be burning that night. It’s the little things and listening to her will help you know what they are. #2- Be romantic not routine and when ever possible be spontaneous- Relationships often get caught up in the repetitive routine of everyday life. Once you become settled your relationship becomes part of your everyday cycle. You start to approach everything the same way and things tend to become a bit stale. You start having the same conversations sex is initiated and performed in the same manner every time. Everything is comfortable but expected the excitement just isn’t there. This is the point where it is time to step it up in the romance game. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or typical movie romance. Feed off of your partner’s interest get back to doing the things that caught her attention in the first place. Flirt with her let her know you still find her interesting. You have to make the effort to get to know her again. Make her feel like you want her, turn her on don’t just expect her to just want it. You have to get her to the point where you don’t have to ask for it she wants to give it to you. Stare in her eyes and shoot her heated glances. Call her in the morning and get her hot so she has to wait and think about it all day. Romance is universal it’s not just romantic holidays and fancy dates it’s an everyday thing. Be spontaneous as often as you can. Create memories for her that will make her look back and want you more. Hold her attention by showing her things she has never seen before. That will keep things fresh and exciting and once you develop that pattern it gives her something to look forward to.

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There are more ways than one to reignite the flame that seems to longer burn in your relationship. However, all paths lead back to active listening and strong communication.

#3- Love her like it is the last chance you will ever have- One way to reignite the fire in your relationship is by showing your woman every chance you get how much she means to you. Women love to know that they and their happiness are priority. If you love her and want to be with her find the biggest pedestal you can and put her there. Express your feelings for her often. Make her secure in the fact that no other woman can make you feel how she can. Show your passion for her, kiss her like you mean it, hold her throughout the night and greet her with smiles when she wakes up in the morning. When a woman is confident especially in your love for her walls will come down and she will show you sides of her that will keep things interesting forever. You just have to bring it out in her. Show her how important she is and the value of her worth. Erase all doubt and you will never have to worry about igniting the flame. Follow these guidelines and put the effort into her and it will continue to burn. Love, passion and intimacy are no longer important factors in today’s unions. The idea of love in Today’s society has become a bit jaded. It’s no longer women who are scorned but mankind as a whole seems to have suffered from too many heartbreaks making it impossible to recognize and accept real love. Gone are the days of Casablanca and Gone With the Wind. People are not believer’s in love like that anymore. Kindness and Affection have been replaced with terms like “handcuffing” and “thirsty”. Showing someone that you love them in today’s society is considered desperate like it’s not ok to genuinely like somebody. People are more suspicious these days if U don’t have a motive. If you love the person you are with the best thing you can do is show them not pretend that you don’t. Relationships have become to tug-ofwar where they are supposed to b a team. Showing someone how u feel does not give them the upper hand it puts your relationship on an honest scale and strengthens the foundation.

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TOPIC OF THE MONTH: SELF-ESTEEM

Article By:

Mala

*This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be used as any sort of professional advice. If you are interested in any cosmetic procedures, please consult your doctor!

he issue of self-esteem or the lack thereof is noth- 1. Wear visually appealing clothes that enhance your style but play ing new for women everywhere. It has been said down any weaknesses that you may have. that every woman has an issue with some part of 2. Learn your curves and the styles that compliment them. her body. It’s likely that if you are reading this article 3. Step out of your comfort zone and find vibrant, patterned outfits right now that, you too can find something wrong that are visually appealing. But if you are curvy, avoid patterns that with yourself. But what do you do when the self-im- fall on the belly area! age issues begin to negatively impact your life? Do 4. Low necklines tend to work well for fuller and curvy women, try you find cosmetic solutions to change those parts some out! you are unhappy with? Do you deal with your feelings or do you al- 7. If you are a fuller woman, accessorize with chunkier accessories low those feelings to define you as a woman? Everyone is different. and handbags. For some women, their issues may be their physical appearance, for 8. Pencil, A-line, and flared skirts tend to work very well on fuller instance their weight of the proportion of their weight, shoe size, women. smile, or even their hands. Others may struggle with their education, 9. If you are unsure, always try on the outfit you are interested in careers, or path in life overall. However this month, we are focusing buying. If you are happy with the way that it fits and do not find on the sexy curvaceous women! The problem is not the self-esteem yourself having to maneuver to get into it, purchase it. Either way, issues alone per se, but the impact that we allow them to have on try to have fun and love your body! our lives. Every woman can pinpoint at least one thing that they are If you find that the above tips do not work for you or you are just personally unhappy with, but when you allow unhappy with your curvaceous-ness and want to those feelings to take you over, you slowly begin take a more dramatic approach, please research, to fade away. As cliché as it may come across, you You truly were made the research, and research! Start from the bottom truly were made the way that you are and for a way that you are and for and work your way up to the more serious opvery important reason: you are UNIQUE! Accept tions. The truth is, gaining weight did not happen it, rock it, and be you! Regardless of anything, you a very Important reason: overnight therefore losing the weight will not eishould always love yourself and realize that until YOU ARE UNIQUE! Ac- ther. It will take time. Make healthier decisions you do, the likeliness of being truly happy is slim when choosing what to eat, try smaller portions cept it, rock it, & be you! and more water! Exercise but do not overdo it. If to none. at that point you are still unhappy with your sucSo here are some tips to help you along the way: cess and want to have certain procedures such as Are you a curvy woman? ROCK IT! The most important tip of all re- liposuction, research the procedure and find a great doctor that you gardless of your situation is to quit attempting to be something that are comfortable with and that understands your situation. Rememyou are not. Quit allowing the media and/or the society dictate what ber the alternatives can become quite costly but more importantly you should wear and what you should look like. In other words, a lot realize that liposuction, tummy tucks, or any other procedures will of women (both big and small) tend to wear clothes that do not fit not erase how you feel about yourself, that all comes from within! well with their body types just because they are currently in style. Believe it or not, the wrong outfit choice can and will make all the dif- Let’s keep it REAL. ference. Clothes that are a great fit for your body not only feel more comfortable, but will provide you with a more confident and well put Chances are there will always be some part of your body that you are together vibe that will flow freely. unhappy with. Today it may be your arms, tomorrow it may be your If you find yourself having to suck in the belly to fit into those pair of legs, but next week it will be something new altogether. There will aljeans or to squeeze into a shirt a few sizes too small, you are doing ways be someone out there that you feel looks better than you.There something wrong! STOP! In your attempt to be visually appealing, will always be someone out there that finds it all too easy to judge. wearing clothes that are too small are actually bringing more atten- And there will always be some hot new fashion trend that is far from tion to whatever it is that you are trying to hide. Purchase clothes that being all inclusive, that seems to be made for every body type but are true to your size. Curvy women are often times told what they yours. What’s the lesson here? At some point you have to learn to be can’t wear from pleats to stripes, but throw that out of the window! okay with exactly what you have and with exactly who you are. The Just because you are curvy does not mean that your wardrobe has sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on and focus on your to boring and full of black and other dark earth tones. Then again on happiness because at the end of the day, regardless of what side the the other hand, just because you want to make a statement to others coin lands on, you are still exactly who you are: Beautiful! that you love your body does not mean that you have to go all out wearing items that do not compliment your shape!

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“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around.” - Oprah Winfrey TEAMLESBIANS.COM

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Let’s pretend that we never

HURT

each other or that we never knew what it felt like for our LOVE

TO HURT

THAT WAY WE CAN START FROM THE

MOMENT

THAT WE FELL AND KEEP

FALLING FROM THERE.

Let’s pretend like forever is for real so I can love you for as long as I want. So I can take my time and get to know you inside and out and when you change take my time and get to know you again. Let’s pretend that the odds stacked against us didn’t exist and we were free to just be with no end in sight. That way everything I’ve ever thought of to make you happy I can accomplish with time to spare to come up with more ways. Let’s pretend the world is fair and love is what God intended. That way I could prove my love to you without fear of offense and the judgment of other’s. 27

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JULY JULY 2013 2013

Play Pretend

Let’s pretend that we never hurt each other or that we never knew what it felt like for our love to hurt. That way we can start from the moment that we fell and keep falling from there. Let’s pretend that we never uttered words to each other that neither of us meant. Instead we should tell each other what’s really in our hearts so we can get to where our hearts are trying to take us. Let’s pretend that there were never any steps back that the pauses in our relationship was just time apart that God was giving us to appreciate what we have. Let’s pretend that the world around us is as happy as we are and so they don’t have a reason to hate the love we share. Let’s pretend that all the good we do will turn into well wishes from all the people we do good for. That would be a far cry from the naySayers and doubters that we usually come across. Let’s pretend that there were no other opinions in the

trulyfe TEAMLESBIANS.COM

world and so it only mattered what we thought and God. That way this fantasy we live in private can exist outside of me and you. Let’s pretend that it was ok for me to tell the whole world how much I love you. That way it would be no surprise when this wedding I’ve played in my head a million times actually happens and you close the door once and for all by becoming my wife. God I wish this was pretend. I wish the reality in which we actually exist would change to the reality I can so clearly see. But that would just leave me wishing and between that and pretending…. All I’m saying is its only one kind of crazy I can take. So I’ll stick with this reality simply because that’s where you are and that’s the only place I want to be. Just please regardless of what happens promise me one thing…. That we can at least pretend like forever is for real so I can love you for as long as I want.

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Article By:

Crystal

CANCER (JUNE 21 TO JULY 22) It’s time to let go of the past for good to focus on the bright

future ahead of you. Great opportunity’s await you in your professional life in terms of a raise or possible promotion. And if you have been thinking about furthering your education this month is the perfect time to go back to school. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Expect the unexpected, your love life is about to take on a life of its own.

LEO

(JUL 23 - AUG 22) Your in dire need of rest and relaxation take some time out to pamper yourself. Beware of conflict in the workplace, a coworker may be rubbing you the wrong way. It’s a good time to practice your leadership skills no one gets very far by following the crowd. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Stop pointing fingers and playing the blame game. Focus on having an open line of communication.

VIRGO

LIBRA (SEPT 23 - OCT 22) Your need to climb the ladder of

success may cause quite a strain in your personal life learn to balance the two. You should also be aware that someone you hold dear may be keeping a secret or not exactly telling you the whole truth about something. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: There is no sense in beating a dead horse. If you have tried everything you can think of to fix it and the relationships still not working,maybe it”s time to walk away

SCORPIO

(AUG 23 - SEPT 22) You may feel the need to start planning for the future and begin to focus more on setting your long term life goals this month. In the meantime mark a space in your calender to spend quality time with friends and family, try to clear up any miscommunications that you may have had with any of them in the past.

(OCT 23 - NOV 21) Your everyday life may be becoming a little bit too routine. You are feeling an overwhelming need to travel. Meet new people, and see new things. Don”t be afraid to do so. You may even be thinking of looking for a better job, or changing professions all together. Remember life is all about taking chances.

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: A blind date has it”s potential,stay open minded.

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Stop pushing her away, not everyTEAMLESBIANS.COM

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SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22 - DEC 21) Your finances begin to improve this month but beware and stay clear of any “get rich quick” schemes for all that glitters is not gold. Things are looking up in your personal life as well, remain optimistic.

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Someone from a distance may peek your interest and desire but don’t get to comfortable with this person because someone from your past is bound to resurface wanting a second chance at love.

CAPRICORN

(DEC 22 - JAN 19) As your dreams slowly start to become reality you are more organized, inspired, and motivated then ever before. A new found friend helps you to reach goals that were once thought of as unattainable. Sky’s the limit. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: You may have finally found “the one” maybe it”s time to take the next step.

AQUARIUS (JAN 20 - FEB 18) It’s important to focus on your

health this month both psychical and mental you might want to start going to the gym,join a yoga class practice meditation whatever it takes to become a healthier you.You also start to notice things changing at work but this may not be a bad thing. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Control issues may cause problems and create distance in the relationship.

ARIES

(MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) This is good time for making any upgrades or home improvements that you may have been putting off. Things seem to be going well in your professional life, but try not to stretch yourself too thin. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: Try spicing things up a bit. Prove that you still have a romantic side.

TAURUS

(APRIL 20 - MAY 20) You have been working extremely hard to better yourself and to reach your goals perhaps a little too hard. It’s time for a well deserved vacation, go out. Let your hair down, have some fun try being more adventurous. Pick up a new and exciting hobby. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: It”s never good to keep your emotions bottled up, talk it out.

GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) Your main focus this month should

be on finances try your best not to spend beyond your means putting yourself on a budget might help. You may even want to think about looking for a second job or picking up extra hours at work. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: A beautiful stranger will come along to stimulate your mind and body.

PISCES

(FEB 19 - MAR 20) Spend time trying to reconnect with family and friends this month. You’ll soon be meeting people that could be very beneficial to your career and social life. Take advantage of the once in a lifetime opportunity’s coming your way. LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS: A friendship may blossom into something more. TEAMLESBIANS.COM

What’s your preference?

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QUIZ

To some extent, we all have a preference when it comes to dating. Some of us love the girlie girls while others choose the more masculine women. Then again, some of us enjoy those that can switch it up at the drop of a dime. *This dating quiz is solely for entertainment purposes and should not be used as any form of professional advice or diagnosis.

1. You see a girl walking down the street and she piques your interest. She’s... A. Got her own style, one that could easily be worn by anyone. She’s cool and not at all concerned with how others view her. B. Dressed in slightly baggy jeans, a white tee, a pair of timbs, and no makeup is anywhere to be found. C. Dressed in sweat pants, Nike’s, and her hair is in a tight bun. She has on a bit of eye liner and a smidgen of lip gloss. D. Her 5 inch stilettos seem to glide across the ground as her hips sway to the beat of her own drum. Her lipstick glitters brightly, and as she passes you catch the light scent of her wonderfully smelling perfume.

3. On an ideal date what type of shoe would your girl be wearing? A. Whatever suits the moment? B. Tennis Shoes. C. Athletic styled sandals. D. Stilettos.

4. After a few months of dating, you are usually the type to: A. Introduce her to your family. B. Break up. I don’t do long-term relationships. C. Ask her to move in with you. D. Make love to her for the 1st time.

2. On your first date would you date a girl that likes?

5. Have most of the women you’ve dated had a:

A. Going for a stroll. B. Going to dinner and a movie. C. Having a picnic at the park. D. A girl that cooks you a meal at home.

A. Feminine appearance but masculine behavior/body language. B. Both masculine appearance and behavior/body language. C. Masculine appearance but feminine behavior/body language. D. Both feminine appearance and behavior/body language.

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JULY 2013

6. When being intimate with your partner, you consider yourself to be:

7. When ending a phone conversation, she’s likely to respond with:

A. An exhibitionist (3sums, sex in public). You name it, I’m down. B. The more submissive type, I love it when she takes full control. C. Sex? Ugh babe not tonight, I have a headache. D. The no touch me type. I get off just by giving her pleasure.

A. Bye. B. A’ight. C. Later. D. Mwah.

A’s: If you selected mostly A’s, it’s likely that you tend to be

mostly attracted to androgynous (versatile) women. Regardless of what you tend to identify with, you love a woman that can switch it up and style accordingly. She can rock a little black dress and still maintain her sexiness in a pair of sweats, a tee, and no make-up. She can be aggressive at times and submissive during others. She’s the best of both worlds!

B’s: If you selected mostly B’s, it’s likely that you tend to

be mostly attracted to studs/masculine women. You love a woman that is aggressive and can take control. She makes you feel protected and comfortable and you feel at home between her strong arms!

C’s: D’s: If you selected mostly C’s or if your answers are all If you selected mostly D’s, it’s likely that you tend to over the place, it’s likely that you are not one to normally have a preference. Whoever you are attracted to at the moment is who you are attracted to. Labels do nothing for you. It’s also likely that you have dated a mix of masculine, feminine, and versatile women.

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be mostly attracted to feminine women (ultra fems, lipstick fems, etc.) Regardless of what you tend to identify with, it’s a thrill for you to be able to take control especially within the bedroom. It tickles your fancy to court a beautiful woman that compliments you and your style. 32

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Features Contact: For questions about features, contact Crystal. crystal.teamlesbians@gmail.com

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Coming Up: Next Month we will be featuring QueenEarth, an awesome entertainer. And as usual weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have lots of good stories that will apply to everyone!

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