A Letter from the Future by Beli Green

Letter From The

FUTURE

By Beli Green

Ten years ago, I was turning twenty. I was both a child and an adult; terrified of never succeeding in becoming the latter, without being fully the former anymore either. At twenty, I was feeling both invincible and already defeated. I wanted to conquer the world, but felt I was already running out of time to do so.

Twenty is an odd age: we are old enough The Fear Of Missing Out (or FOMO) is a to have faced challenges and experienced feeling that others are experiencing better things trauma, but young enough to feel that the world and living fuller lives than you are, and that on belongs to us. Despite my best efforts, I’ve always some level you are missing out on some harboured an idea that I was meant to do fundamental aspect of life. It usually damages something, as well as an all-devouring self-esteem and involves a certain envy dread that I was running out of towards people whose experience time to do so. At twenty, I felt that I needed to make each “ of life seems more complete. The term itself was coined in day count and live to the fullest. I had to. Or else. And then there was 1996 by Dr Dan Herman, a marketing strategist. Or else what exactly? Was I afraid to the other matter of Though the feeling itself is not new, it has fail at… life? Can someone fail at life? the constant dread of gained more currency in the last few years Where did this unshakable sense of running out of time. because FOMO is exacerbated by social urgency come from? I’ve media. had time to ask myself that in “ We live in a hyperthe last months while documented society in which contemplating how to celebrate my social media allows us to constantly see third decade during national lockdown. So far I what other people are up to. This can lead to an have narrowed it down to two things: fear of overwhelming awareness of social expectations missing out and ageism. and make us feel inadequate in comparison. And First let’s address the all-encompassing it is a difficult feeling to escape when scrolling feeling that I needed to do something that down our social media feeds. For the longest counted, something that mattered, something time, I know I fell prey to it. I sometimes still do. I remarkable. I partly blame this on my love for felt that what I was doing was not as good, not as adventure novels and the unreasonable interesting as what others were doing. My daily expectations of what life could be that these life often felt subpar to what I perceived life was novels gave me. supposed to be.

One of the ways I found to work around it was to simply avoid social media. No more Facebook, no Instagram, no Snapchat - no network whose goal it is to document my life. It took time and effort to stop wondering what other people were doing or to wonder what they would think of what I was doing.

And then there was the other matter of the constant dread of running out of time. This is something I still struggle with today. It comes from ageism. According to the World Health Organization, “Ageism is the stereotyping and discrimination against individuals or groups on the basis of their age. Ageism can take many forms, including prejudicial attitudes, discriminatory practices, or institutional policies and practices that perpetuate stereotypical beliefs.”*

It might sound weird to claim to suffer from it while being so young, but ageism doesn’t only affect old people. For a very simple reason: we are all going to be old someday, but society doesn’t seem to like old people.* Writer and activist Ashton Applewhite explains that ageism, like all discriminations, is a human-made concept that hurts society at large.* Old people are presented as frail, dependent, and incapable of change. Society celebrates youth and looks down on old age. Likewise, beauty standards present ageing as something shameful that should be hidden under hair dyes and combated with creams and serums.

Though wanting to live life to the fullest is a good thing, I often have to remind myself that I should first and foremost strive to enjoy the time I have by living in the present rather than constantly thinking ahead, picturing what comes next, before having even lived the now. It’s a process of letting go of the idea that life is short and that only the first half really matters. Success isn’t limited to the first four decades of one’s existence and ageing should not equate going to waste.

In a surprising turn of events, a lot of those reflections took shape during lockdown when I realised that for me, being deprived of the option to go out and meet people and travel and go on adventures was actually a relief. It gave me permission to stay at home and only do what I wanted to. I suddenly didn’t feel guilty for not constantly doing something. Don’t get me wrong: I love going out with my friends, but lockdown

“"ough wanting to live life to the fullest is a good thing, I often have to remind myself that I should first and foremost strive to enjoy the time I have by living in the present rather than constantly thinking ahead, picturing what comes next, before having even lived the now.

gave me the opportunity to reflect on why I always felt like I needed to be out, what made me feel like I had to be seen having fun for the fun to be real. In that regard, I know I am one of a very small number of lucky people who didn’t suffer from the social restrictions brought by lockdown.

So, if I could write a letter to the person I was ten years ago, this is what I would say” enjoy the small things that life throws your way and stop looking for the one great big moment when “your life will truly begin”. Because it will never come; you are already living it. Remember that no one else is you and that only you can fully appreciate the way you live your life. Be yourself and accept who you are. It’s okay if you’re not special. It’s okay if you never do anything remarkable. You do not actually need to live your entire life wondering what legacy you will leave after you die. Start by actually living each day in a way that makes you feel good. Ask yourself what social media gives you and do not feel obligated to contribute to it solely because that’s what other people do. Your time is yours and you should spend it doing what you like, not what you think other people will find cool.

To those of you who are turning twenty: know that this is a unique chapter of your life, but so are all the other chapters. There is no requirement to meet in order to turn thirty, so stop focusing on who you think you have to become and actually start thinking about who you want to become and why. And it’s fine if it changes. You’re probably terrified at the idea of choosing a path for your future, but let me tell you a little secret: it’s okay if you get it wrong. Several times. They aren’t failures, they are adventures. Veni, Vidi, who cares if youVici? You had had experiences and that’s all that matters. There is not one “right” way to live your life, so don’t be afraid to try different things. Remember that what matters isn't the result but what you gained along the way, be it wealth, knowledge or just fond memories. As Felix Phillips reflected on his life after his Tempest in Hag Seed by Margaret Atwood:

"His life has had this one good result, however ephemeral that result may prove to be. But everything is ephemeral, he reminds himself. All gorgeous palaces, all cloud-capped towers. Who should know that better than he?”

And to all of us, I wish us to be happy. Not rich, not successful, not remarkable, just happy.