GOOD GRIEF

Handler’s community Memorial Service

By Mary Kay McPartlin

TO BE HELD MAY 1ST

Managing grief in the face of loss is a challenge for many people, and in 2020 so many more of us had to navigate the loss of family and friends without the ability to share a time of mourning at a funeral. The Handler Funeral Homes Memorial Service offers the community a way to come together and share the love and loss of our family and friends both recent and from years gone by.

Last year the annual service was cancelled due to COVID-19 and the inability for the community to gather in larger groups. This year, John Barnhart, director of Handler Funeral Homes is pleased to offer the service on May 1 at New Song Community Church on Occidental Highway in Tecumseh. “We like to do it,” says Barnhart of the need for a memorial service. “Some families may not have a church they can cling to. Some people may not have much family left.”

The community-wide service is for anyone who is grieving a loss, whether it happened a month ago or years ago. Participation is open to all. “The memorial service isn’t just for families we serve,” Barnhart says.

For 23 years, Handler Funeral Homes has gathered a group of five local ministers and held the memorial service at a church in Tecumseh or Clinton. There are five candles at the center of the service, each with a different meaning and all addressing grief and loss. Each minister speaks on the meaning represented by one of the candles. A memorial video is played that highlights the loved ones no longer with their families. Songs of hope and remembrance are sung by a local singer to end the service. The event usually lasts between 45 minutes and one hour and is followed by light refreshments.

Barnhart sees new faces every year at the memorial service as well as people who come to every service in memory of their loved ones. “I think it’s important for a lot of people,” he says. “We do this and want to have people to have a chance to have their loved one remembered whether it was six months ago or six years ago.”

The memorial video, like the memorial service, is for anyone who wishes to submit a photo of a loved one to be commemorated on May 1, not just clients of Handler Funeral Homes. Just bring a photo to either funeral home in Tecumseh or Clinton.

John’s team of people, experienced with the grieving process, are ready to help the guests in any way they can. Sometimes people just need an opportunity to share with a sympathetic listener. “We are there to listen if they want to tell a story about their loved one,” John says.

New Song Community Church has room for a good crowd and allows for the proper safety protocol, including wearing masks. “We can easily social distance everybody there,” says John. “We are trying to keep everything as normal as we can.” n

For more information on the memorial service, call Handler Funeral Homes in Tecumseh at 517.423.2525 or Clinton at 517.456.4164

Good grief

Lessons of Grief

BY BARB VALLIEU

Life is a journey. Along the way there are many experiences that must be endured. For me, losing my husband Ken is the most difficult one yet. I am committed to life-long learning, so here are four lessons I have acquired. Lesson Number One — My grief is not mine alone. After my huband’s death eight years ago, I realized that while I had lost my mate and best friend, my children lost their dad, my sister-in-law her brother, several athletes their coach, and Ken’s golf partner his good friend. Each one of us had special connections that were abruptly lost and could not be replaced. Memories are cherished and want to be shared. So not only was I needing to be healed, but I needed to be part of their healing as well. For me, that meant keeping in touch and also frequently reaching out to others. I described some days as “being in my puddle.” The goal was not to stay there too long.

Lesson Number Two — Grief is a journey of undetermined length. Often you are told that time heals all wounds. I found that time changes the wounds but the healing just doesn’t happen. There is a significant shift in relationships and routines. I didn’t fit with some of my past anymore and had to be brave to find new connections as a single woman. It took me a year to go out to eat in a restaurant all alone, and that had to be in Lansing rather than someplace local. My new normal gradually emerged bringing with it new possibilities. Finding the person I’ve become took time and courage.

Lesson Number Three — Helping others helps me. After devoting myself to caring for Ken and then administering the details of his death, I had a dilemma — How will I fill 24 hours every day? My children would probably describe my journey without their Dad as busyness. What club or activity is she involved with now?

I joined a few new groups and am one who does not just belong but am very active. That compulsion to be constantly scheduled has decreased. By my choice now, I am stepping back and being more intentional as to what my commitments are and how I choose to spend my time. I am enjoying the quality of my activities rather than the quantity. Prioritizing time and resources is important at any stage in life but finding that balance is crucial to my overall wellbeing, thus my healing.

In addition to organizations, I have walked beside several other women who are dealing with loss. I am shocked to list how many of my friends are finding their new normal. Because of my experiences, I feel significant personal growth as I connect with others on their unique journeys.

Lesson Number Four — There is a wealth of resources to deal with grief. The list is long of who and what can be used to enlighten, inform, encourage, support, and/or deal with where I was and where I wanted to go. Fortunately, I worked with a competent grief counselor who helped me understand what is possible. Making choices, when I was ready, moved me to my new normal. Her advice to journal provided me with an outlet to express myself in ways that were helpful.

I wrote this poem about a year after my loss...

Grief is an unexpected gust of wind That sucks your breath away Or it’s a shock of static electricity That pierces your heart But sometimes it’s a warmth That spreads from your head to toe And cherishes a memory That connects two souls.

On my life journey, there have been many adventures, often not by my choice. I had a sign in my office that read ... “Please be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet.” I thank God daily for that. n

Pia Crum, Sales Manager 734-680-6235

SpringH E L L O

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