People Who Drink White Wine

People Who Drink White Wine

By Tess Lennon­Dorn

This short piece is a comedic characterization of people who drink white wine.

Do you also prefer yellow mustard to dijon? Do you also roll up your jeans to your shins so that your white socks show, leading down to your comfortable shoes, Keens perhaps? Do you take longer in the line at the store, because you need to redeem the garbanzo bean coupons you clipped out of the newspaper? Do you ask that the server separate items off on a check, rather than doing an even split? Do you complain about your teaching job? Do you write long, aggressive reviews on Yelp? Do you ask the server, “What are your gluten-free options?” instead of just reading the menu and finding out for yourself? In the wintertime, do you leave plastic furniture in the street, guarding “your” parking spot? Are you a cat person? Do you prefer non-chocolate desserts? Are you disappointed in Obama? Well, you drink white wine after all.