Texas Sports Pro- October 2010 by Abby Pound

Sports & Entertainment for the Austin Man

TEXAS

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REMATCH

The Blitz Halloween Guide TSP Mama/From the Editor BIG 12 Basketball Preview Health NFL Rangers Longhorns College Sports Moview Reviews

Calendar NBA Texas v. Nebraska Rematch 512 ROCKS Ofﬁce Number One A Night at Spinners/Jokes Nosebleeds

TEXAS austin’s original sports magazine

Publisher/Editor: Heath "The Kid" Samples For editorial comments/suggestions, email Heath@TexasSportsPro.com.

Contributing Writers: Taylor Gaspar, Dennis Hambright, Charles Edwards, Timothy Jenkins-Wade, Corey Poche, Heath Samples, Lyman Surface, Lee Eddins, Russell Espinoza, Alex Wright, Andrew J. Hewett, and Jonathan Welch Art Director: Abby Pound Abby@TexasSportsPro.com

To advertise in Texas Sports Pro, call 512.689.2717.

Volume 1, Edition 7 Copyright 2010 Texas Sports Pro. All rights reserved. Texas Sports Pro is published monthly. Views expressed in Texas Sports Pro are not necessarily the opinion of Texas Sports Pro, its staff, or advertisers. Texas Sports Pro does not knowlingly accept false or misleading editorial content or advertising, nor is Texas Sports Pro responsible for the content or claims of any advertising or editorial in this publication. No content (articles, photographs, graphics) in Texas Sports Pro may be used for reproduction without permission from the publisher. Texas Sports Pro is available free of charge.

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BLITZ

THE

the line-up

IN THIS ISSUE:

Clemens' Rose-y Legacy It was the best of times; it’s now the worst of times. Roger Clemens can surely sympathize with such words. At one point one of the game’s greatest stars, Clemens has found a new corridor of hell, facing accusations of steroid metsmerizedonline.com use and even a recent indictment on charges of perjury for lying before Congress. But this, truly, should be a tale of two baseball stars. Take a page out of Pete Rose’s book, Roger. Never thought those words could be taken as solid advice, but Rose’s recent revelations about telling the truth have been quite, well, revealing. Rose last appeared in a Major League Baseball game as manager of the Cincinnati Reds August 17, 1986, just three years after he retired from the game as baseball’s all time leader in hits. The 17-time All-Star then stepped down as the Reds’ skipper amidst speculation that he had cheated the sport by betting on games. For 18 years Rose kept up his denial, despite mounting evidence against his infidelity. Then, in 2004, Rose finally came forth with an admission, acknowledging that he bet on his own Cincinnati Reds almost every night. The years of lying had built up inside him and the guilt and pressure finally overloaded. “Don’t hide [your problems],” Rose said emotionally in a recent interview. “If I can help a young kid to know what I went through, maybe I can prevent them from going through the same thing… It took me years and years… But I’m a lot better guy standing here tonight.” On September 11, 2010, Pete Rose threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Reds relatively new Great American Ballpark on the 25th anniversary of his record-breaking 4,192nd hit. The crowd absolutely deafening, Charlie Hustle tipped his hat—just like he did 25 years ago—emotion overwhelming him. It just goes to show how great the American population is at forgiving a great American hero, which Rose definitely was on the field. Fast-forward to present day and Roger Clemens faces a more serious dilemma. In August of this year Clemens went to trial and was indicted for perjury—that is, he allegedly lied to Congress

"[I think we need] honestto-goodness, Harley-riding, leather-vest-wearing, no-ﬁlter cigarette smoking, stripper dating, tattooed bad-asses that carry a ball peen hammer through their belt instead of a cell phone..." - Dennis Hambright pg. 22

about his use of steroids. Both Clemens and fellow pitcher and friend Andy Pettitte used the same personal trainer, one Brian McNamee, and it was this trainer that claimed to have supplied each pitcher with steroids. Senator George Mitchell’s investigation of steroid use in baseball cited McNamee as one of its primary sources and the accusation of Clemens first stemmed from the Senator’s revelations, famously known now as the Mitchell Report. In the years since the Mitchell Report was released in December 2007, Roger Clemens has vehemently denied the accusations, but until now has faced no serious repercussions because of his defense. With a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison and a $1.5 million fine, it’s safe to say that being barred from the Hall of Fame and publicly shamed are the least of Clemens’ worries. In the meantime, Andy Pettitte has since come forth, admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs, and apologized for his mistakes of the past. He faces no criminal charges for his misconduct and has even recently shown up on a Reebok advertisement portrayed as a moral figure. Clemens’ closest peer in this scandal has already begun to move beyond the shadow that steroids cast upon him and even managed to turn it into a marketable advantage. The fact of the matter is, the evidence is stacking up against Clemens, regardless of whether he can be proven in the court of law to have juiced or not. He no doubt wants to move on; he no doubt wants everyone to believe that he never took steroids. You can’t have your cake and eat it, Roger. It would be best for you to learn from Pete Rose’s tragic tale, admit to doing what most of the public believes you did—if, in fact you did it—and then, let the healing process begin. We’re all waiting on you, Rocket. Lyman Surface

The TSP family offers up a special prayer for Jay Ratliff and his family as they cope with the loss of Jay's grandparents. May the God of peace comfort them in this time. Visit www.texassportspro.com/nﬂ for the full story.

At TSP, we are so proud of our star that we have hidden it in one of our ads. We are asking you to ﬁnd the hidden TSP star, and you may win a prize! Not some lame crap either, like a freakin' one year subscription to Better Homes and Gardens. No, TSP cares about you, our loyal fans too much to subject you to that...That's why we will let the 20th reader who correctly identiﬁes the ad with the TSP star pick from a list of cool prizes worth a minimum of $50 ...and if you're a TSP Player, we'll even have a a Twin Peaks girl deliver your prize personally.

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TSP-Approved

Halloween Costumes

THE OFFICIAL TSP GUIDE TO A HALLOWEEN HOUSEPARTY: IN THE KITCHEN— DRINKS & FOOD

Jack Sully from Avatar

Become one with the land as this rugged warrior! Explore the magical world of Pandora in this bold and brave Na'Vi ensemble which includes: A tan jacket with ruche shoulders, attached black shirt and Na'Vi style sleeves, tan pants with attached tail and a courageous character mask. There is also a sexy Neytiri Adult Costume for your wife or girlfriend to wear…This costume is TSP-Approved since it will automatically open up conversation if you do have to brave the party alone, and there just happens to be a sexy Neytiri there too…and we know you need all the help you can get! BuyCostumes.com 44.99

Transformers Optimus Prime

Be the brave and compassionate hero and leader of the Autobots in this disguise. Costume features jumpsuit with red sleeves and matching Optimus Prime style chest piece, matching block cuffs with blue gloves, attached white pants with attached red buckle and blue block cuffs with blue shoe covers. Also includes Optimus Prime style blue helmet/mask. Now, you're ready to improve the world and bring back justice once you battle against the evil forces of the Decepticons. This costume is TSPApproved because who has not always dreamed of being a transformer and ﬁghting Decepticons…or is that just me? BuyCostumes.com 79.99

Super Grover

Everybody's favorite superhero! Faster than lightning. Stronger than steel. Smarter than a speeding bullet...and cuter than a baby puppy too! Costume features a blue plush jumpsuit with Super Grover logo on the chest, a red cape with yellow yarn ties and a matching Grover headpiece with attached silver knight's helmet. Soft and furry, cute and cuddly, chicks will dig this costume…and that makes it TSP-Approved. (And just for the record, I have never dreamed of dressing as Grover. No really, I haven’t…okay, maybe a few times, but not recently. Okay, my therapist says she can help me…but really, I am ﬁne) BuyCostumes.com 79.99

Provide cookies/cake with Halloween icing. Make a “DefeCAKE”—chocolate cake with many shades of brown icing (caramel, fudge, etc.), topped with candy corn and peanuts. Alcohol—BYOB works best in this situation. Orange Jell-O Shots—made in a cookie tray, cut into Halloween shapes with cookie cutters.

IN THE LIVING ROOM— SCARY MOVIES Start with a classic like HALLOWEEN, then move to a modern horror ﬂick like SAW or HOSTEL and ﬁnish the evening with something like NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS to end the night with a comedy.

DINING ROOM— DRINKING GAMES Two tables should be set up; the ﬁrst should be long and skinny for active games and the second would work best as a small, round table for card games. Active Games: Beer Pong, Beer Ball, Flip Cup Card games: Circle of Death (King's Cup), Presidents and Assholes (for rules for these and suggestions for other drinking games, visit our website at www.texassportspro.com)

BASEMENT/OPEN AREA— DANCE MUSIC

The Halloween House Party takes the COOL spot this month over Da’ Club for two reasons: First of all, it’s cheaper; and secondly, there are usually hot chicks. Now we are not saying there are not hot chicks in Da’ Club…of course there are. But at Da’ Club, there are also loads of “tools” trying to get their attention. At a Halloween House Party, there are generally fewer people, meaning less competition for you with the ladies, which we are sure you will need since you will probably be dressed as an Oscar Meyer Weiner, for the fourth year in a row… At Da’ Club, you have to pay a cover just to get in and then you have to buy drinks for yourself and the prospective hotties you’ll probably get nowhere with. At the Halloween House Party, you bring your own drinks and you can afford to share them with the chick dressed in the Wonder Woman costume. The ONLY exception to this rule is if you attend a party at one of our advertisers’ establishments in which case we fully endorse their drink and cover charges and think you should be grateful for the deal you just got! The Halloween House Party, and the TSP advertisers grab the TSP COOL spot this month. Lee Eddins

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Here's where decorations are most fun: blacklights, strobe lights, disco ball for the lighting and fake cobwebs ALL OVER should pretty much mask the fact that this is a room in a house. Other decorations might include caution tape, masking tape outlines of bodies on the ﬂoor, homemade ghosts (think paper towels or white garbage bags rubber banded around spherical objects), and orange Christmas lights. Playlist suggestions: Dead Man’s Party- Oingo Boingo There is Something in My House- Dead or Alive Let the Bodies Hit the Floor- Drowning Pool Diary of Jane- Breaking Benjamin Lee Eddins

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Introducing the TSP Mama! Guys are unique animals. I think when God created us He may have forgotten to add to our brains the connections that made us remember things, thus proving without question God is a man just in case some of you were wondering.

Change the oil in your car. Change your air filters. Enjoy ACL WITHOUT getting too drunk, dears... and be home by 11.

With Love, Your TSP Mama

Well, thank goodness for TSP Mama. TSP Mama, like most moms, will gently—or if you’re my mom not-so-gently—nag you each month. She will help you remember important dates and holidays each month. Every 30 to 60 days you should change your air ﬁlter in your home so, TSP Mama will be here to help you remember that. You should change the oil in your car every 5,000 7,500 miles on any car purchased within the last 10 years and 3,000 to 5,000 on models purchased before the year 2000. Based on 15,000 miles a year, which is typical for the average driver, TSP Mama will remind you the months that you need to change the oil in your older or newer year model car. TSP Mama will also remind you guys of dates like Secretaries Day, Holidays, and Valentine’s Day, etc. and also big local events you don't want to miss. She will also remind you of those holidays in which your kids may be home from school and from time to time may offer some suggestions based on what is going on that month that may be a good activity for you to do with your kids and family. She will also offer suggestions on gifts for those special holidays as well.

This month, go change your air ﬁlters and the oil in your cars and each month pick up your copy of TSP at the nearest Exxon Tigermarket, Smokey Mo’s or Twin Peaks and let Mama do the rest! TSP Mama will gladly give you advice on anything, from what kind of oil to ﬁll your car with to what to buy your girlfried or secretary. Submit your questions to Mama@TexasSportsPro.com.

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FROM THE EDITOR Heath Samples

So, if you’ve lost all sense of touch since we last met, Texas Sports Pro has now ofﬁcially gone gloss. Ya feel me? (Haha, get it!?) Now, onto much more interesting things… like the Texans sitting atop our AFC power rankings. No, you didn’t misread that. For those of you who had forgotten that the Steve McNair/ Eddie George era was over in Houston, welcome to the Schaub/Foster epoch. The Texans have taken-out the Colts and Redskins in consecutive weeks and look ridiculously strong. Much credit goes out from this Aggie to another: touché, Gary Kubiak. You’re Texans are not only running and passing the ball with great efﬁciency, but that defense in Houston was enough to out-best the greatest all-time signal caller in Peyton Manning. With the ‘Boys hurting, the Lone Star State is looking to Houston for the time being. On another note, make sure to go check out our new-look website at TexasSportsPro.com. You can also see some sweet new videos on our new YouTube channel! YouTube.com/ TexasSportsPro. Lastly, thank all of you for your continued support of Texas Sports Pro as we have undergone many changes since we were birthed seven months ago. Much love, ATX!

Heath Samples

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With the basketball preview magazines starting to hit the shelves (yes, I already have mine), college basketball is right around the corner. Last year, the Big 12 sent 7 of their 12 to the Big Dance and 2 of them made it to the Elite 8 (Baylor and Kansas State). With the conference re-alignment happenings this summer, this will more than likely be the last year with a full 12 team conference, losing Nebraska and Colorado. That’s looking too much into the future, so let’s see what’s in store this year: Baylor: Losing Tweety Carter and Ekpe Udoh hurts, but LaceDarius Dunn returns with a very athletic team. The team adds Perry Jones and Stargell Love in an attempt to ﬁll those two voids, and bring forth an extremely athletic team. Projected Starting 5: PG – A.J. Walton (6’1”, 190 lbs., SO.) SG – LaceDarius Dunn (6’4”, 205 lbs., SR.) * SF – Anthony Jones (6’10”, 195 lbs., JR.) * PF – Quincy Acy (6’7”, 225 lbs., JR.) C – Perry Jones (6’11”, 220 lbs., FR.) Colorado: Constantly living in the cellar of the Big 12, Colorado rose to 8th last year and they only lose one player. Returning all 5 starters will help them attempt to rise even higher this year. Projected Starting 5: PG – Nate Tomlinson (6’3”, 185 lbs., JR.) * SG – Cory Higgins (6’5”, 190 lbs., SR.) * SF – Alec Burks (6’6”, 185 lbs., SO.) * PF – Marcus Relphorde (6’7”, 220 lbs., SR.) * C – Austin Dufault (6’9”, 230 lbs., JR.) * Iowa State: Losing Craig Brackins and Marquis Gilstrap takes away 31.4 PPG of their 72.6 that they averaged last year. They will have to rely heavily on their newcomers if they want to do anything. Projected Starting 5: PG – Darion Anderson (6’2”, 205 lbs., SR.) SG – Scott Christopherson (6’3”, 200 lbs., JR.) * SF – Diante Garrett (6’4”, 190 lbs., SR.) * PF – Eric McKnight (6’9”, 215 lbs., FR.) C – Jamie Vanderbeken (6’11”, 250 lbs., SR.) Kansas: Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich ﬁnally leave, after seemingly being at KU for decades. Losing them, as well as Xavier Henry, makes for a tough challenge for Bill Self. Projected Starting 5: PG – Josh Selby (6’2”, 183 lbs., FR.) SG – Tyshawn Taylor (6’3”, 185 lbs., JR.) * SF – Mario Little (6’5”, 210 lbs., SR.) PF – Marcus Morris (6’8”, 225 lbs., JR.) C – Markieff Morris (6’9”, 232 lbs., JR.) *

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Kansas State: One of the biggest surprises in the country last year will only have to ﬁnd replacements for Denis Clemente and toughdefender, Dominique Sutton. A lot of frontcourt depth will allow them to beat down on other teams. Projected Starting 5: PG – Jacob Pullen (6’0”, 200 lbs., SR.) * SG – Rodney McGruder (6’4”, 205 lbs., SO.) SF – Jamar Samuels (6’7”, 220 lbs., JR.) PF – Curtis Kelly (6’8”, 239 lbs., SR.) * C – Freddy Asprilla (6’10”, 280 lbs., JR.) Missouri: NCAA Tournament team last year will have to replace their two backcourt players, as well as their best defenders in J.T. Tiller and Zaire Taylor. A Top 10 recruiting class will help alleviate that though. Projected Starting 5: PG – Phil Pressey (5’10”, 168 lbs., FR.) SG – Marcus Denmon (6’3”, 185 lbs., JR.) SF – Kim English (6’6”, 200 lbs., JR.) * PF – Tony Mitchell ( 6’7”, 220 lbs., FR.) C – Laurence Bowers (6’8”, 210 lbs., JR.) Nebraska: The Cornhuskers return 4 of their 5 starters, but that is from a team that went 2-14 in the Big 12. Unless something changes, they will be right back down there again. Projected Starting 5: PG – Lance Jeter (6’3”, 225 lbs., SR.)* SG – Eshaunte Jones (6’4”, 190 lbs., SO.) SF – Toney McCray (6’6”, 215 lbs., JR.) PF – Jorge Brian Diaz (6’11”, 245 lbs., SO.) * C – Andre Almeida (6’11”, 315 lbs., JR.) * Oklahoma: A team that deﬁnitely under-achieved badly last year, Oklahoma will have to replace 4 of their starters; just as unfortunate, they only return 20 PPG from last year. Projected Starting 5: PG – Carl Blair (6’2”, 205 lbs., SO.) SG – T.J. Taylor (6’3”, 205 lbs., FR.) SF – Cade Davis (6’5”, 199 lbs., SR.) * PF – Nick Thompson (6’9”, 212 lbs., JR.) C – Andrew Fitzgerald (6’8”, 258 lbs., SO.) Oklahoma State:

Texas: The Longhorns are going to have to replace a lot of production in the low post. Losing Damion James and Dexter Pittman will hurt, but Rick Barnes always has the ability to re-load every year. Projected Starting 5: PG – Dogus Balbay (6’1”, 175 lbs., SR.) * SG – Jordan Hamilton (6’7”, 226 lbs., SO.) SF – Shawn Williams (6’6”, 215 lbs., SO.) PF – Gary Johnson (6’6”, 238 lbs., SR.) C – Tristan Thompson (6’9”, 233 lbs., FR.) Texas A&M: The Aggies will have to overcome another heartbreak as the tragic passing of Tobi Oyedeji assuredly took the wind out of the Aggies over the summer. A&M’s tough, gritty defense will be here again, but will it be able to lead to another NCAA tourney berth? Projected Starting 5: PG – Dash Harris (6’1”, 195 lbs., SR.) * SG – Naji Hibbert (6’6”, 200 lbs., SO.) SF – Khris Middleton (6’7”, 215 lbs., SO.) * PF – Nathan Walkup (6’7”, 210 lbs., SR.) C – David Loubeau (6’8”, 230 lbs., JR.) * Texas Tech: The Red Raiders return one of the most talented duos in the Big 12 in John Roberson and Mike Singletary, but will have to ﬁgure out something to improve on their 4-12 Big 12 record from last year. Projected Starting 5: PG – John Roberson (5’11”, 168 lbs., SR.) * SG – David Tairu (6’3”, 177 lbs., SR.) SF – Mike Singletary (6’6”, 235 lbs., SR.) * PF – D’Walyn Roberts (6’7”, 200 lbs., SR.) * C – Paul Cooper (6’8”, 235 lbs., JR.) In the last year of really being the Big 12, I see a little less than a repeat performance from last season. Even graduating from Texas A&M, I just can’t see them making it to the tourney, as well as Oklahoma State. Taking those two out will still bring 5 teams into March in Baylor, Kansas State, Kansas, Texas, and Missouri. I feel that Waco will be a very excited city as they will ﬁnally have a team that will win a Big 12 title in something because I’m projecting the Bears to take the title home. Corey Poche Director, Sports Information

Replacing James Anderson will be a huge task in itself, but they have talent all around. After making the tourney last year, it remains to be seen if they can do it again this year. Projected Starting 5: PG – Ray Penn (5’9”, 165 lbs., SO.) * SG – Nick Sidorakis (6’4”, 185 lbs., SR.) SF – JP Olukemi (6’7”, 215 lbs., SO.) PF – Marshall Moses (6’7”, 240 lbs., SR.) * C – Matt Pilgrim (6’8”, 235 lbs., SR.)

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Health Risks for Men

and How to Prevent Them

1. Heart

Disease

Heart disease is the leading threat to men’s health. However, making healthy lifestyle choices can greatly decrease your chances for a heart attack. Here are some suggestions to help you along the way: Don’t Use Tobacco Products— This includes smoking. Also, avoid exposure to secondhand smoke… and for some of you guys out there we should probably say don’t use that funny tobacco either. Eat Healthy—Eat a diet rich in vegetables, fruits, whole grains, fiber and fish. You should cut back on foods high in saturated fat and sodium. Follow Your Doctor's Treatment Recommendations—They know what they are doing and they are not telling you, “Don’t smoke!” or “Eat more fiber and fish!” for their amusement. Diet and Exercise—Go to the gym and get on a treadmill! Include physical activity in your daily routine. Take the stairs when you can. Maintain a Healthy Weight— Belly fat is the number one indicator of health. Drink Moderately—If you drink alcohol, and we expect that you probably do, do it in moderation. Too much alcohol can raise blood pressure and cause you to act like an idiot.

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Cancer

It is interesting to note that among all the different types of cancer, lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths among men. Not to go all naggy-wife on you here, but if you smoke, you should quit. Not only will you smell better, you will probably live longer. According to the American Cancer Society, lung cancer is followed by prostate cancer and colorectal cancer. To prevent cancer: The Obvious—don't smoke or use other tobacco products. Also, avoid exposure to secondhand smoke. Exercise Regularly. Maintain a healthy weight by eating a healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables, and avoid high-fat foods. Limit your sun exposure and use sunscreen. Alcohol Consumption—If you choose to drink alcohol, do it in moderation. Consult your doctor for regular cancer screenings—this means that you should go to your doctor regularly, even though we’re guys and don’t like to do it!

Injuries

Stroke

The leading cause of fatal accidents among men is motor vehicle crashes, according to the CDC. To reduce your risk of a deadly crash:

Unfortunately, you can't control some stroke risk factors, such as family history, age and race. But you can control other contributing factors. For example:

Wear your seat belt—this means at all times, no matter how far you have to go. A large number of crashes each year happen within a mile radius of your home.

Don’t Use Tobacco Products— This includes smoking. Also, avoid exposure to secondhand smoke… and for some of you guys out there we should probably say don’t use that funny tobacco either.

Speed kills—always drive the speed limit. Don't Drink and Drive—We should not have to say this, but don't drive under the inﬂuence of alcohol or any other substances at any time. Don't drive while sleepy—it has been argued in some states that this is more dangerous than driving while intoxicated. Falls and poisoning are other leading causes of fatal accidents… • Use chemical products only in ventilated areas. • Use nonslip mats in the bathtub. • Place carbon monoxide detectors near the bedrooms in your home.

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Listen to Your Doctor—If you have high cholesterol or high blood pressure, follow your doctor's treatment recommendations. Avoid Fat—Limit the amount of saturated fat and cholesterol in your diet. Try to avoid trans-fat entirely. Maintain a healthy weight. Include physical activity in your daily routine. If you have diabetes—keep your blood sugar under control. Alcohol Consumption—If you choose to drink alcohol, do it in moderation. Lee Eddins

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DALLAS COWBOYS Are They America's Team Anymore?

only coaches that the Cowboys can ﬁnd are the ones that listen to every whim that Jerry wants. With that being the case, it’s going to take a long time to ﬁnd a good coach, that will be Jerry’s little puppet. “That’s My Team; That’s My Quarterback”

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The list is almost endless: Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin, Daryl Johnston, Jay Novacek, Larry Allen, Nate Newton, Tony Tolbert, Russell Maryland, Leon Lett, Ken Norton, Charles Haley, Deion Sanders, Larry Brown, and Darren Woodson. These are the names that ﬁlled the 90’s for the Cowboys. Most of these names are going to also be enshrined in the Hall of Fame, if not already. Fast forward to Sunday night of the ﬁrst week of football, as Cowboys fans watch their team fall to the Redskins 13-7. The star, even placed in a new state of the art stadium, appears as if it has started to lose its shine. Over the past 13 years, the Cowboys have won ONE playoff game, and only made the playoffs 6 of those 13 years. Where has it all gone wrong?

Looking at the current Cowboys roster, do you see any potential hall of famers? Tony Romo? Maybe. With only one playoff win under his belt so far, he’s got a lot of work to do. Bradie James? He’s a great tackler and a great defensive leader, but isn’t that what the middle linebacker is supposed to be? Outside of those two, the pickings start to become very bare. While Pro Bowl appearances are nice to put on your resume, they don’t have the same ring as potentialHall-of-Famer sounds. With the way football has changed recently, most teams don’t have the ability to keep together a team like the Cowboys of the 90’s had a

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If they don’t ﬁgure things out soon, they are just going to be a middle-of-the-road team, with a very nice stadium, and an owner who will be paying for more Botox just to put a fake smile on his face. Corey Poche

Power Rankings

“We Couldn’t Do Diddly Poo Out There” When the Cowboys won their 3 Super Bowls, they relied on two coaches, Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer. Even when Switzer got his title, everyone basically stated that he won it with Johnson’s players and let them do their thing. Since Switzer left, the Cowboys have had 4 coaches in the 12 years, most recently with Wade Phillips. With Jerry Jones lurking up in his suite (and usually finishing the game on the field), the added pressure from that is enough to make coaches go crazy. In addition to that, you are coaching the team with probably the largest fan base in the NFL, so when you fail to do your job out there, they find a lot more noise coming back at them then most other teams. When the Cowboys hired Bill Parcells, the organization finally thought they found the coach with tough enough skin to just, in hip terms, shake the haters off. Unfortunately, he only lasted 4 years, fired with a record of 34-30. The

hold of for most of the decade. However, the Cowboys have the appeal, and an owner willing to pay the big bucks, to put together a star-studded team. You don’t see teams like the Lions or Browns putting together any resemblance of a good team, and why? They don’t have the national appeal like the Cowboys. When you come play for the Cowboys, you know that all of your games are going to be on television, most of them nationally broadcasted. Until the Cowboys ﬁnd a way to start winning the big games, players are going to continue wanting to play for teams that win championships.

1 2 3 4 5

New Orleans Saints—The Super Bowl Champs have yet to lose but must now persevere through the injury Reggie Bush has suffered. Green Bay Packers—With their defense looking like it has, they may run away with their division pretty quickly; regardless of who plays tailback. Bears—Arguably one of the most surprising teams thus far, Chicago could do even better if they could ﬁnd a way to keep Cutler upright. Cue Mike Martz… Falcons—Though 1-1, Atlanta has all the keys in place to ﬁnish strong the rest of the season in a relatively weak NFC this year. Redskins—With new head coach Mike Shanahan calling the shots, McNabb and company are sitting pretty, having already taken out the ‘Boys in week 1.

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HOUSTON TEXANS Foster. Houston, say hello to Arian Foster. By now, any halfway decent Houston Texans fan knows that name. Foster entered the 2010 NFL regular season as a no-name starting running back with an attitude problem. The Texans’ ﬁrst game this year has remedied his ‘no-name’ status for good. After riding Foster’s franchise-record 231 yards and 3 touchdowns to a decisive 34-24 win over Houston’s divisional rival Indianapolis Colts— just the Texans’ second ever victory against the Colts in 17 games—the former University of Tennessee Volunteer has truly achieved superstar status in the blink of an eye. Foster’s story epitomizes a primary reason America is so infatuated with the National Football League: the love of the underdog. As a junior at Tennessee, Foster piled up 1,193 yards on the ground, averaging 4.9 yards per carry

and scoring 12 rushing touchdowns in the process. His future in the NFL then looked bright—though not quite as bright as it looks now—and he was highly touted as a high-to-mid ﬁrst round pick. Then, Foster did the unthinkable: he returned to school for a senior season and earned his degree. His punishment? He lost his starting job to current Cleveland Brown Montario Hardesty and quietly rounded out his college career with 570 yards rushing and a lone touchdown despite still averaging 4.4 yards per carry. The result? Arian Foster watched all seven rounds of the 2009 NFL Draft go by without hearing his name called and eventually wound up signing as an undrafted free agent with the Houston Texans. At the outset of the 2009 regular season, Houston appeared set at running back with former West Virginia standout

Power Rankings

1 2 3 4 5

Texans—Wow. They’re 2-0. They’ve beaten the Colts & ‘Skins. They can not only pass but run the ball now as well. Oh, and they still have that one guy named Super Mario. Colts—Although they blew game 1 versus Houston for only the second time in the past 17 games, they still have the #1 player in the world in Peyton Manning. Steelers—If they are this good without Big Ben, we can’t imagine what lies in store for this team once he actually returns. Jets—They’re not ALL talk. Just mostly.

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Steve Slaton coming off a stellar rookie season and free agent signee Chris Brown coming in from Tennessee. So, Foster was relegated to a backup role for the second straight year. Or so it seemed… Neither Slaton, who developed an extreme allergic reaction to holding on to the football, nor Brown, whose upright running style rendered him useless in short yardage situations, proved to be the answer for Houston. So, with 4 games left in the season, Texans’ head coach Gary Kubiak turned to Foster to aid a meager ground game. The ﬁrst two weeks Foster gave Kubiak little return on his investment, but in week 16, the unheralded and undrafted running back began to show promise at the professional level. That week against the Miami Dolphins’ stout defense, Foster racked up 97 yards on just 19 carries (that’s over 5 yards a carry for those counting at home) and, more importantly, did not cough up the ball once. Kubiak gave Foster the ball 20 times the next week against the New England Patriots and he followed up a good performance with an even better one, piling up 119 rushing yards and 2 touchdowns to go with 26 receiving yards. Again, he did not fumble once, giving him the inside shot going into the offseason for the starting job in 2010. And the rest is, well, history. Foster now holds the franchise record for running yards in a single game and is entrenched in the Texans’ starting running back slot. Foster’s path to NFL stardom was a long shot at ﬁrst, but now his star shines brighter than even. America absolutely loves the underdog.

Dolphins—Sparano, Parcells & company have it ﬁgured out in South Beach. Or do they? The Fins play the Jets and Pats in the coming weeks. On verra…

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From First to Last...to First In 1999 he was proclaimed the “Next Ken Griffey Jr.,” and the then Tampa Bay Devil Rays selected him 1st overall in the amateur draft that year. Five short years later, wracked with guilt about wasting his own immense talents in the depths of a pill bottle and lines upon lines of cocaine, he wished his own life would end. He became a self-proclaimed “dead man walking.” And now, 6 years after that, Josh Hamilton is back on top, leading a resurgent 2010 Texas Rangers squad to the top of the American League West Division and, in all likelihood, to a playoff spot. It’s a story that makes Hamilton so beloved, especially in Texas where Rangers’ fans get to witness ﬁrsthand an incredible

comeback with each game of the season—not to mention his star power on the field. After a comeback season in 2007 with the Cincinnati Reds, Hamilton was traded to the Texas Rangers straight up for Edinson Volquez during the offseason. Both teams seem to have benefited, as Volquez appears on the verge of a Cy Young-type season, but Hamilton has truly come into his own in the Ballpark in Arlington. During his first season as a Ranger, Hamilton hit .304, launching 32 home runs and piling up 130 RBI’s in a full season, 156 games. Not only did he display his prowess at the plate, but time and time again he appeared on sports shows’ top plays lists for highlight defensive plays in the outfield, from diving grabs to spectacular home-run-robbing catches. But the next season, he repeated his pension for following up high expectations with let down. After a mediocre and injury-riddled 2009, pictures surfaced of Hamilton in a bar in Arizona apparently drunk and getting very close with several female patrons. He came out with a statement shortly thereafter in which he apologized, saying, “I’m embarrassed about it for my wife Katie, for my kids.” His open honesty, perhaps his most endearing quality, led him to follow this up with “I am human and

I have struggles.” His stat line for the 2009 season: 89 games, 10 home runs, and a wellbelow usual .268 batting average. Yet again, Hamilton has shown surprising resiliency in bouncing back, however. Despite sitting out for an extended period of time since a September 4th collision with Minnesota’s Target Field’s outfield wall, he still remains in contention for the American League Most Valuable Player award in 2010. The Texas Rangers currently cling to first place in the West by 9 and ½ games, the largest division lead in baseball, and Hamilton’s .361 batting average, .414 on base percentage, 31 home runs, and 97 RBI’s through 130 games are the major reason for that. Rangers’ fans must hope he gets better, because a deep playoff run seems unlikely without him at full strength. Personally, I hope that he can finally stay on top for once, because comebacks certainly get harder and harder each time one has to mount one. Lyman Surface

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The Front 4 of Doom

Check out these stats from last season: 138 tackles, 13.5 sacks, 30.5 tackles for loss That’s what the Longhorns lost from last year in the form of Sergio Kindle and Lamarr Houston. The Texas Longhorns have, for a long time now, put out great defensive lines. From those two to Brian Orakpo, Tim Crowder, Brian Robison, and Frank Okam, the Longhorns always re-load with top notch talent. Being the best team in the state of Texas gives Mack Brown the ability to take any player that he wishes from there. Back to the issue at hand, losing that much production should hurt any team big time. With the Longhorns, however, they are prepared for yet another dominating year from their line play. At defensive end, the Longhorns have always been about speed. So, when Orakpo went on to the NFL before last year, they made the decision to move Sergio Kindle down from outside linebacker to defensive end. To replace Kindle, senior Eddie Jones takes his place. A former #1 defensive end commit, Jones finished last year with 5.5 sacks after playing backup duty. At the other end is a last name that Dallas Cowboys faithful will recognize: Jackson Jeffcoat. His father, Jim, was a longtime Cowboy, especially during the Super Bowl years, and it looks as if his genes went well to his son. Jackson is starting as a true freshman and brings a big, strong frame (6’5”, 235 lbs.) to the strong-side defensive end spot. Sack master Sam Acho has recently been moved to defensive tackle to open up a spot for Jones. Acho can and will line-up back out at the end position in certain situations or to give Jones a rest. Alex Okafor will likely split time with Jeffcoat at the other spot. Okafor, like Jeffcoat, brings a big frame to the spot and can collapse the pocket before the quarterback can blink an eye. Moving inside to defensive tackle, the Longhorns return one tackle, while their returning sack leader moves over a spot. Sam Acho, who had 10 sacks last year, started last year at the other defensive end spot opposite of Kindle. With the ability that Eddie Jones and Jeffcoat bring to the table, the Longhorns thought it would be best to put their best talent on the field. While Acho doesn’t have the exact size to be at tackle (6’3”, 260 lbs.), he brings speed and agility to the inside, allowing him to get into the backfield with ease. Kheeston Randall returns at the other tackle spot and brings a large, space eating frame to the inside. At 6’5”, 290 pounds, Randall has decent agility, but makes his living taking up two of the offensive linemen, allowing the other guys on the line to wreak havoc. www.TexasSportsPro.com

With Defensive Coordinator Will Muschamp at the helm, every SEC coach knew what was coming for the Big 12. Muschamp put together great defensives at Auburn as well, sending a number of players to the NFL, many of whom you still see on Sunday. This year is no exception to Muschamp’s tenure. In the ﬁrst 2 games alone, the Longhorns have had 6 sacks, and the defensive line is deﬁnitely responsible for that (2 for Eddie Jones and Sam Acho each, 1 for Jeffcoat). Yes, it was Rice and Wyoming, but with the athleticism that they have, don’t expect those numbers to drop any even as they enter their conference schedule. These four up front are what cause opposing quarterbacks nightmares, and don’t worry; they will have a dominant defensive line next year too. Corey Poche

FANS OR FOES Growing up in California, I always hated dealing with people who were “DIE HARD” sports fans of teams like USC (when USC is good), Anaheim Angels (when the Angels are good), and of course the LA Lakers… well the Lakers are usually good. My point being, California is a hierarchy of spoiled sports “fan”atics who will kiss the ground these athletes walk on when they are on top, and spit in their face when they are not. So I come to the great state of Texas to attend The University of Texas, expecting the Texas sports fans to be as loyal to their team as they are to their state and to my surprise, Texas fans are starting to show similarities to the spoiled sports fans from California. We are 1/3 of the way through the 2010 Texas football season and the fans do not seem to be happy. I guess they’re right, I mean what is there to be happy about? The fact the Longhorns won their ﬁrst 3 games, including a road game in one of the most difﬁcult stadiums with the most rowdy fans in the Big 12? The fact that the Texas defense is one of the best in the nation? The fact that a new QB is

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taking over for the all-time winningest quarterback in College Football history and is doing a decent job? Right, there is just so much to gripe and moan about when you look at the big picture. I understand that the motto goes “Don’t Mess with Texas” so therefore, every Texan believes that they always have to be #1 no matter what the circumstance is, but let’s bring our egos back down to earth. I’m a former athlete and also a Texas Ex so I realize that it is tough to grasp the fact that you aren’t going to win them all, but that’s life. The Texas Longhorns will not ALWAYS be a #1 team. The 2010 Texas football season is a rebuilding year with a multitude of fresh faces on the starting lineup. Garrett Gilbert is NOT Vince Young or Colt McCoy… YET. I can almost guarantee if Gilbert stays healthy throughout his career, he will be MORE successful in the NFL than both Colt McCoy and Vince Young. So all of the Texas fans who are ragging on this Texas team, back off a bit and give them a chance. There’s a reason why these young Longhorns are on the ﬁeld every week while we sit around, drink our beers, and watch them perform. It’s time to be fans who stick around “’Til Gabriel Blows His Horn!” Taylor Gaspar 104.9 ESPN The Horn Taylor TV

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Unknown to Stardom He was a 3-star athlete according to Rivals, who thought he would be a wide receiver. Scout had him as a 4-star tight end. With offers from only Texas A&M and Nebraska, it was widely considered that he would be just another name on the Aggies’ roster. Now, he’s the ﬁrst name that you think of when you think of the Texas A&M program. By the time that you read this article, he will be the alltime passing leader for the Aggies, passing up Reggie McNeal. While the record was at 6,992 yards, it makes it more remarkable when barely anyone thought Johnson would wind up as a quarterback. Johnson lined up at a variety of positions in high school: wide receiver, safety, tight end, and ﬁnally settling in at quarterback. It wasn’t until his senior year that he claimed the quarterback role. At the THSCA All-Star game, Johnson showcased his talents at quarterback that made A&M fans drool at the promise this kid showed. The Reggie McNeal era was coming to an end, while the Jerrod Johnson era was supposed to begin.

The Beginning of the Jerrod Era Like many recruits, Johnson was red-shirted his freshman year. Throughout that year, as well as before his red-shirt freshman year started, reports were coming out that Johnson was practicing all over, mainly at wide receiver and quarterback. His high school experience was repeating itself all over again. The A&M staff ﬁnally decided to leave him at quarterback, making it one of the best decisions in the University’s history. Any doubts that he could perform in college were answered that year, when he played in 5 games, leading the Aggies to touchdowns in 6 of the 8 drives that he quarterbacked. The promise was there, all the fans had ﬁnally seen it, and the Big 12 was about to see it tenfold. When Stephen McGee went down with an injury against New Mexico in Johnson’s sophomore year, A&M fans knew exactly what was coming. Johnson came in, went 10 for 19 for 124 and 3

Can LaceDarius Dunn Wear A Helmet? Everything looked alright until that purple and black Saturday. 45-10 is rough. But Robert Grifﬁn & company must look to the positives… wait what were those again?

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touchdowns, and his time had come. McGee would only start two more games that year as a senior, one of which being the Texas game that you have to think A&M just let McGee start his last game of his college career. Johnson came back even better for his junior year, putting up numbers that you thought you would only see in videogames.

Here is a Kid… Here is a kid who had to become a man very quickly. Most people say that you don’t become a man until you are out in the real world with a job and possibly a family. For Johnson, his calling came his sophomore year and came out of nowhere. While other sophomores were planning out their 21st birthday party and how they weren’t going to remember it, Johnson was leading a football team in one of the biggest conferences in college football. Johnson has, on average, the eyes of around 77,000 people watching his every move on the ﬁeld. He performs on one of the largest stages in Texas, where football trumps all other sports. He has gone from not having a set position through most of high school to now possibly being a 1st round draft pick in next year’s draft. His arm, size, agility, and speed have most NFL teams on watch, wanting the opportunity to craft him into a star quarterback. Here…is a man who has ﬁnally made a name for himself.

TCU was the #4 team in the country at the time of the Christian-Bowl. Baylor won’t have to play any more teams that solid all season. Oh, except for maybe Texas on October 30th (in Austin) and Oklahoma on November 20th for their season finale. Already with a loss on their belt and trailing multiple undefeated teams in the Conference, Baylor may have to look ahead to basketball season; which may not be such a bad thing. Check out our Big 12 Basketball Preview article for more on that. Regardless, let’s take a look at what has transpired thus far. Before TCU, the Bears had managed to put up 34 points in each of their first two games. Not only that, but they held their opponents (Sam Houston and Buffalo) to 3 and 6 points, respectively. If Art Briles can continue the progress he is slowly making in Waco, the Bears will continue to add more athletic players and their upside within the Big 12 should not be overlooked in the years to come. The simple truth right now is this: Robert Griffin III cannot carry this Baylor team alone (I’m not even certain he has fully recovered from his injury), and the Big 12 is simply not a Division AA Conference where athleticism trumps all else… the hardwood flooring and iron hoops are coming, guys. Oh yeah, and that LaceDarius Dunn dude, too. Timothy Jenkins-Wade

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Tech Perseveres Through Identity Crisis Season-opening wins over SMU and New Mexico helped ease the Red Raider Nation into the Tommie Tuberville era, but any hope of solidifying the fan-base behind their new coach died with a 24-14 loss to Texas in September. Much like the last time these two teams played in Lubbock, a crucial misplay by a defensive back in the fourth quarter all but sealed the fate for the losing team. Blake Gideon's drop in 2008 allowed Graham Harrell and Michael Crabtree to produce perhaps the most signiﬁcant moment in Texas Tech football history, but in 2010 it was Tech DB Will Ford's taunting personal foul that prolonged a failed Texas drive and set up the touchdown that put the game out of reach for the Red Raiders.

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Tech appears to be going through an identity crisis, which may not be such a bad thing if defense truly does win championships. On a night that the Red Raider defense showed signs of brilliance and intercepted Garrett Gilbert three times (one returned for a touchdown), the offense managed to produce an anemic 144 total yards, led by a shaky Taylor Potts whose performance may have placed him back in the middle of a quarterback controversy with Steven Shefﬁeld, the clear fan-favorite.

Bright Future in Lubbock While the immediate state of the program seems somewhat cloudy, the future is looking very bright on the South Plains. Tuberville

and his staff already have received a verbal commitment from the state's top 2012 defensive prospect, Derek David (Rockdale LB) and assembled a 2011 recruiting class currently ranked 17th by Rivals.com. Included in that class are four-star prospects plucked from the backyards of divisional rivals UT and A&M, Michael Brewer (Lake Travis QB), Kenny Williams (Pﬂugerville RB), and Jace Amaro (Macarthur TE). With talent like this coming on both sides of the ball and the present shift in coaching philosophy, patience and optimism should outweigh any frustration and unrealistic expectations for Tech fans.

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IN THEATERS NOW:

MACHETE

HARD TO KILL

Cast: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Jessica Alba, Don Johnson, Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan

Cast: Steven Seagal, LeBrock, Bill Sadler

From Texas-native and Austin-resident Robert Rodriguez comes his newest film, Machete. Machete opens up with a bang and ends with a bang! Here’s the short version… Steven Segal’s character, a Mexican drug lord named Torrez, kills the family of Machete, played by Dany Trejo. Three years later, Machete is hired to assassinate Texas Senator McLaughlin, who is running for Governor and campaigning against illegal immigrants. The rest of the movie is a chase to catch Machete who is aided by Sartana (Alba), an agent for immigration and customs who is investigating an underground network that aids illegal aliens and Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) who runs a taco truck, at least that’s her cover. The three of them uncover a plot to put up an electric fence on the Mexico border and a maniacal plan involving a Senator McLaughlin Advisor and Texas businessman Booth (Jeff Fahey) and Machete’s arch-nemesis, Torrez. Lindsey Lohan plays Booth’s drugged-out skank daughter obsessed with being famous…a role we are sure Lindsay had problems relating to. Machete, being a modern grind-house flick has many action sequences, lots of over-the-top blood and gore. My favorite, the scene where Machete is in the hospital and ties numerous knives to a belt removed from a nurse’s dress and slings them around and around over his head slicing and dicing the bad guys there to kill him. Filmed in Austin, I would recommend this flick if you like old school grind-house flicks and films with lots of blood and gore. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this film is also very funny and will have you laughing just as much as wincing from all the blood.

Memorable Lines & Quotes

Machete talking about being asked to assassinate Senator McLaughlin: Machete: “I was afraid he wanted septic work; instead, he wanted me to kill a Senator.” Machete talking to his brother, Priest Padre (Cheech Marin): Priest: “I took a vow of peace and now you want me to help you kill all these men?” Machete: “Yes Padre.” Priest: “I’ll see what I can do.”

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TO RENT:

Kelly

Mason Storm is a 'go at it alone' cop, who is gunned down at home. They kill his wife, and think they've killed both Mason and his son too. Mason is secretly taken to a hospital where he spends several years in a coma. Meanwhile, his son grows up thinking his father is dead. Finally, Mason wakes up and all hell breaks loose, everyone is in danger—his son, his best friend, his nurse played by Kelly LeBrock, and he as well. In true Steven Seagal fashion, he goes after those responsible for the death of his wife with a vengeance. Truly one of Seagal’s better movies, this is a don’t miss!

Memorable Lines & Quotes

Seagal: “You want to cut my heart out…come on, cut my heart out.” Storekeeper: “I've got half a mind, to come out there and...” (bad guy blows him away with shotgun) Bad guy: “Hah hah! Now you only got half a mind…”

MORE FROM THESE STARS YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

ROBERT RODRIGUEZ

STEVEN SEAGAL

El Mariachi From Dusk 'Til Dawn Desperado Sin City

Marked for Death Above the Law Out for Justice Under Seige

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Is Depth The Answer?

With the drafting of Dominique Jones, a big time slasher and one who gets to the free throw line often, everything else in the backcourt remains the same. However, the emergence of, and lack of playing time for, Rodrigue Beaubois has finally gotten to coach Rick Carlisle. It’s been reported that although he suffered an injury while training for the French National Team, he will be ready to go for the start of the regular season, but it will all depend on how he heals and how the rehab goes. If the new plan to start Beaubois (per Rick Carlisle—finally) does come through, it gives the Mavs three great reserves at each backcourt position. In the frontcourt, the two starters remain the same in Dirk Nowitzki and Brendan Haywood. The Mavs paid good money to retain Haywood, and in a time where good centers are at a premium, the Mavs had a need to keep him in Dallas. They also traded for Tyson Chandler who when healthy, is a huge upgrade over Dampier. In addition, Chandler will be in the final year of his contract—which is always a boost in motivation for a player. Corey Poche

Savoring the Remnants of a Championship Legacy: Spurs Season Preview For a franchise so rich in modern-day glory, and still adorned with iconic pillars of championships past, the 2009-2010 season was a generally flavorless campaign that came to an abrupt and fitting end. Trending incrementally downward since their 2006-2007 championship run, the Spurs finished last year’s regular season with their lowest win total in 13 years: 50-32— slotting them second in the Southwest Division and seventh in the Western Conference. Though they exuded unforeseen glimmers of their classic form in their first round playoff upset of the #2 seed Dallas Mavericks, Gregg Popovich’s squad quickly revealed themselves to be a flat, injury-plagued, and aged bunch, after being resoundingly swept by the vengeful Phoenix Suns. The frustration of that generic regular season, and the emasculating playoff trouncing, indicate that the diminishing returns incurred since 2007 are attributable to age and the erosion of a bona-fide supporting cast to compliment the seasoned nucleus of Tim Duncan, Tony Parker,

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How 'Bout Yao? Houston, remember Yao Ming? It’s awful hard to forget about a guy who is 7’6” and averages nearly a double-double for his career. But think back, when was the last time Ming played for the Houston Rockets? Your answer: May 8, 2009. A fractured foot during the Rockies’ deepest playoff run since “The Dream” ultimately resulted in Houston losing to the eventual champion Los Angeles Lakers and threatened to end Yao’s career. It most certainly ended any chance Ming had at playing during the 2009-2010 regular season. But, after a full year and a half of hard work, Yao has ﬁnally been given the green light by team doctor Tom Clanton to return to the hardwood. Initial reports about his return have noted the Rockets’ philosophy in using their star big man in limited doses, no more than 25 minutes per game. Last month, I wrote a column stating that the Rockets had good young talent up and down their roster, most notably up-and-coming stars Aaron Brooks, the 2009-2010 NBA’s Most Improved Player, and backcourt teammate Kevin Martin. I said that the Rockets were solid, but lacked the star power an NBA team needs to go all the way and win a championship. Throw all that out the window should Yao Ming return to form.

and Manu Ginobili. It was likely no coincidence that last year’s Spurs amounted to the league’s oldest roster (tied with Dallas at 29.7 years of age), with Duncan (34), Parker (28), and Richard Jefferson (30) all depositing career lows in points, and lagging in productivity overall. However, Tony Parker’s downfall was a product of injury not age, which caused him to miss 26 games; his ﬂurry of hand, foot, hip, and ankle problems assuredly lulled the dynamic guard— who remains in the prime of his career—into a scoring ebb—16.0 ppg—not seen since 20032004. Meanwhile, the void of edgy, veteran role players becomes more pronounced as the core ages; while older themselves, the absence of reliable, complimentary ﬁgures with leadership pedigrees--in the style of Bruce Bowen, Robert Horry, Brent Barry, and Kurt Thomas--puts additional pressure on stars Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili (33) to shoulder heavier loads while the youth around them develop, if they develop at all. Perhaps the long-awaited debut of decorated Brazilian star—and 2010 Spanish League MVP—Tiago Splitter was fated to coincide with Duncan’s twilight? Now at 25, Splitter fell to San Antonio as the 28th overall pick in the 2007 Draft. Other NBA teams were reluctant to select the 6’11’’ forward because of European buy-out issues that portended against him ever playing in the NBA. Act One of that trademark San Antonio gamble with obscure overseas talent will manifest on opening night when Splitter dons the uniform. Head Coach Greg Popovich and the Spurs brass envision Splitter and promising second-year forward DeJuan Blair relaxing Duncan’s workload along the frontline with, ideally, little discernable drop-off. While no two bodies can eclipse the numbers posted by Duncan in his heyday, it’s conceivable that

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Splitter and Blair can immediately combine into serviceable counterparts based on the level of enthusiasm surrounding them within the organization. While select teams around the league—primarily in the Eastern Conference—were loading up on name-brand talent, the Spurs were among the lion’s share who experienced a sedate offseason by comparison. Forward Matt Bonner and guard Richard Jefferson were re-signed in the offseason for undisclosed amounts, and the team will welcome in a crop of rookie draftees to complete the roster: among them, the aforementioned Splitter and proven college scorer James Anderson (guard, Oklahoma State) ﬁgure to be the most impactful. Of San Antonio’s Hall of Fame trio, only Ginobili’s numbers were level with his career averages last season. From 1999 on, the tenor of the expectations and prognostications surrounding the Spurs at season’s beginning were hopeful, boundless, and promising—during which span they seized four championships and were a clockwork winner. But last season may have foreshadowed things to come: what if the Spurs decline even further, drooping from 50 wins to 46? Will that be good enough for an eight seed in the West? What if Duncan’s productivity continues to sink? How will Parker’s embattled body hold up? Will the rest of team be able to compensate if the worst pans out? It’s probably time to strike “championship aspirations” from our vocabularies and resign to savoring the remnants of a championship legacy.

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Who would have ever thought that a throwaway pass would have such a huge impact? As Colt McCoy kept scrambling, precious seconds ticked off the clock. The pass flew out of bounds and hit the guardrail on the bleachers as the clock showed all zeroes; victory Nebraska. Unfortunately for the Cornhuskers, the play was reviewed, the refs added a few seconds on the clock, and Hunter Lawrence came out and drilled a 46 yard field goal. That turn of events should have pissed off the Nebraska faithful that they couldn’t wait until October 16th. However, the Longhorns just decided to add some fuel to the fire. With Nebraska’s last year in the Big 12, it’s just fate that they would have a game against Nebraska in Lincoln.

Who Are the Bad Guys, Really? When all the conference re-alignment talk started this summer, most believed, while excited at the thought, that not a lot would come out of it. The Longhorns were thinking about making a move, but nothing seemed to be coming to form. Finally, Nebraska decided to go to the Big 10, and from that point, hell broke out between them and Texas. With Nebraska leaving, the Longhorns started commenting on how they were going to have to go elsewhere due to Nebraska leaving. It seemed as if Texas had planned it out to make Nebraska out to be the bad guy while they get to leave, pain free. If Texas would have left, everyone then says, “Well, it was Nebraska who caused all the other teams to bail on the Big 12.” Let’s just say this didn’t sit well with the state of Nebraska, most notably the city of Lincoln. On my trip to the College World Series this past summer, it could be easily felt that the Nebraska community was a little peeved at what Texas did to them. Expect the crowd to be even more hostile than they normally are for this show-down.

Who Wins Where? Quarterback: Colt McCoy is now gone, but Garrett Gilbert has shown the poise in the pocket so far this season. He shows a good ability to complete all types of passes and he doesn’t have to shoulder the type of workload that McCoy did. Taylor Martinez barely throws

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the ball as Nebraska has a grinding, power running game. Martinez doubles as Nebraska’s leading rusher as well. With the ability for Martinez to be a nice dual-threat option, the advantage goes to…NEBRASKA Running Back: The Longhorns have a threeheaded monster at running back with Cody Johnson, Tre Newton, and Foswhitt Whittaker. All three are good running backs with Newton likely the starter. Nebraska’s best runner is actually their quarterback Martinez. Outside of that, Roy Helu Jr. and Rex Burkhead are their two actual running backs. The Cornhuskers have relied on big runs, as all three have high average yards per rush. However, with the Longhorns having three quality running backs to take the pressure off of Gilbert, the advantage goes to…TEXAS Wide Receiver: Mike Davis, a true freshman, has been a huge surprise for the Longhorns. Davis has elite speed and has ﬁt into the rotation of Malcolm Williams, John Chiles, and Marquise Goodwin. Gilbert has a lot of weapons to go to, but has found Davis more often than not. Outside of Niles Paul, Nebraska doesn’t have much in the receiving department. Brandon Kinnie is their only other viable option at receiver, and with Nebraska’s ground game, they don’t see a lot. The Longhorns have way too many options out on the ﬁeld, so the advantage goes to…TEXAS Offensive Line: Texas only returns two of their starters on the line from last year. Kyle Hix and Michael Huey are those two returnees and are both on the left side, protecting Gilbert’s blindside. The Cornhuskers, who like establishing a ground game, return 4 of their 5 starters, and the lone new guy is Jermarcus Hardrick, a 6’7” 320 pound behemoth. Nebraska will need that experience in going up against the defensive line of Texas (which I did a nice article on in this issue), so with that kind of experience, the advantage goes to… NEBRASKA Defensive Line: As I have already written an article in this issue about the Longhorns’ defensive line, not much else needs to be said. Their line is dominant with sack masters Sam Acho and Eddie Jones, and has a lot of size in Jackson Jeffcoat and Kheeston Randall. Nebraska may have lost Ndamukong Suh, but don’t count their line out just yet. Jared Crick was lined up next to Suh last year and is ready to take his shot at Suh’s production. Unfortunately, outside of Crick, the Cornhuskers don’t offer too much more on the line except for returning end Pierre Allen. The Longhorns line is way too dominant, so the advantage easily goes to…TEXAS Linebackers: Like their defensive line, the Texas linebacker corps is talented and deep. Keenan Robinson and Emmanuel Acho return after nice performances last year, and Jared Norton rounds out the crew. Dravannti Johnson

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provides great depth behind those 3. Nebraska relies on their defensive line to make a lot of their tackles, so not much production comes out of their linebackers. Like Texas, they return two of their starters, Will Compton and Eric Hagg, but they just don’t have the ability that the Longhorns put on the field. With that, the advantage goes to…TEXAS Secondary: Replacing a guy like Earl Thomas will be tough for Texas, but thankfully for them, they return the other 3 starters. The cornerback trio of Curtis Brown, Aaron Williams, and Chykie Brown easily gives them the top group in the nation. Blake Gideon is a ballhawking safety, which will have Christian Scott absorb Earl Thomas’ role. While the Longhorns may have the best secondary group, Nebraska boasts possibly the best cornerback in the nation in Prince Amukamara. Between him and LSU’s Patrick Peterson, there isn’t a shutdown corner that comes close to them. They return their other cornerback, Alfonzo Dennard, who will have to be ready as teams will try to avoid Amukamara. However, they have two new starters at safety, and with the Longhorns talent all around, the advantage goes to…TEXAS If you are keeping count at home, Texas wins the position battle 5-2, but does the position battle equate to a Longhorn win. The Blackshirts will be ready to go, and expect this game to be just like the Big 12 Championship game last year. With the crowd support behind them, it will definitely be a very difficult challenge for the Longhorns to leave Nebraska. Having said that though, I think the Cornhuskers lost a little too much on defense to keep up with the Longhorns. It will definitely be a long, painful flight home for the Longhorns after this hardnosed, physical game, but they will be going home with a win…

Longhorns: 17 Cornhuskers: 13

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Corey Poche TEXAS austin edition

512-ROCKS Late Nite Eats Chillin' Bar-side with Spinners Co-Owner, David Frank Recently, TSP got to sit down with co-owner David Frank of Spinners Bar & Grill in North Austin— one of the most up-and-coming bars in the region. It’s assuredly been TSP tested & TSP-Approved. Check out what David had to say: TSP: When did the doors swing open at Spinners? David: Spinners Bar & Grill opened June 23 of this year. TSP: Why did you pick the location you did when you decided to open Spinners? David: We chose this location because we grew up in North Austin and many of our family & friends still live in this same area and there really seemed to be a lack of good local bars that people could go to without having to drive all the way downtown. TSP: It’s always been busy when TSP has been here, what draws Austin-ites to Spinners? David: Spinners is unique and different from other bars around town because of our Texas country sports bar theme, gorgeous all female staff and the fact that we serve the best food you will ever ﬁnd in a bar. TSP: Why is Spinners the best place for a late night hangout? David: Spinners is a great late-night hangout because we stay open until 2am, 7 days a week providing a safe, fun, entertaining atmosphere for people to eat, drink and meet new friends. Our kitchen serves food until midnight (Sun-Thurs) and until 1am (Fri & Sat). TSP: All the college students ask, “What are your drink specials?” David: Happy Hour everyday from 11am-7pm ($1 off any regular priced drink). Mondays: $4 Mind Eraser Shots, Tuesdays: $2 drafts $3 drinks, Wednesdays: $4 Top Shelf Martinis, $4 Cosmos, $4 Washington Apples. Thursdays: $4 22oz Big Beers, $4 Jack Daniels & $4 Yager Bombs, Sundays: Service Industry Prices. TSP: Do you have bike nights/special events, etc? David: Nightly Events include: Mondays: Mind Eraser Mondays featuring football trivia w/ DJ Chad Austin, Tuesdays: Bike Night, Wednesdays: Ohhh yes, it’s Ladies Night! Thursdays: Man Night. Saturdays & Sundays: Austin's HOT SPOT for Texas Football. TSP: As co-owner, what's your favorite meal at Spinners? David: The food is amazing! We take a lot of pride in our food, really over-doing it when it comes to food in a bar by hiring award winning four corner cuisine chef, Michael Cavagnetto. This is a man who makes sure to purchase the highest quality meats and freshest ingredients so that every bite of whatever you’re eating is absolutely delectable. People who come to Spinners don’t just have a good time, they have a good meal. Personally, my favorite meal which is becoming a town favorite, is the 1/2lb Spinners Burger: loaded w/ a 1/2lb of ground chuck, American cheese, grilled onions, lettuce, homemade secret sauce and a jalapeno cheddar bun.

HOMEFIELD GRILL IN ROUND ROCK WINS 2010 BEST OF CITYSEARCH AWARD Locally-created and owned HomeField Grill won three “best of” categories for Austin/ Round Rock in the prestigious 2010 Best of Citysearch Restaurants campaign. Users of the leading national online guide to local restaurants voted HomeField Grill best burger, best restaurant open late, and best vegetarian restaurant. “We work hard to provide Round Rock and Austin diners with great tasting, healthy, and yet affordable American food,” said Executive Chef Scott Reed. “It’s made mainly from scratch, and it costs more for both the raw food ingredients and all our homemade preparation, but winning three categories shows our guests have fallen in love with the results. We’re just thrilled to be voted best three times, the most of any restaurant in the metro area,” Chef Reed noted. Open in Round Rock at Interstate 35 and Hesters Crossing only since late June, HomeField is the largest restaurant in Williamson County. Featured menu groups include Nolan Ryan’s All Natural Guaranteed Tender Texas beef and a unique “Flamethrower Pizza” that is grilled, not baked, with a wide variety of savory artisanal toppings. The 80-item menu has choices in all major food groups and price ranges and is available until midnight. HomeField Grill celebrates local sports heritage in an upscale food ﬁrst setting. The concept was created in Round Rock by a team of experienced restaurateurs, hospitality professionals and marketers and is owned by a local investor group. The Round Rock location is the ﬁrst of several planned for Texas.

TSP: How do you promote your servers over at Spinners? David: Promoting our servers is easy. We have the friendliest, most beautiful southern sweethearts in town and one meeting with any of them is enough promotion to have anyone come back again. Our bar staff and servers are the spitting image of the famous Daisy in Dukes of Hazzard, wearing cowboy boots and her legendary denim cut-offs.

Alex Wright

www.homeﬁeldgrill.com

TSP: What else would you like to say about Spinners?! David: Spinners Bar & Grill opened for one reason and one reason only—to make Austin-ites feel good. We have been running bars & nightclubs in Austin for the past 8 years and we understand that when you leave your job for the day or leave your house that night to go out, you want to go somewhere that makes you feel good. Well Spinners is the place to go. Let Spinners be the cure to that long work day or let us be the place to go when home isn't where you want to be. Spinners is more than just a bar, we are a community of friends who welcome all.

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OCTOBER

DANIEL TOSH 7:30PM Bass Hall

THE BLACK KEYS 8PM Stubbʼs SONIC YOUTH 10PM La Zona Rosa

SARA BAREILLES 7PM La Zona Rosa

JOHN LITHGOW 8PM Paramount

GORILLAZ 8PM Emoʼs

THE TOADIES 7PM Stubbʼs

THE STROKES 7PM Stubbʼs

CHRIS ISAAK 8PM Paramount

INTERPOL 7PM Stubbʼs

EOTO 8PM La Zona Rosa

DEFTONES 7PM Stubbʼs SUFJAN STEVENS 8PM Dell Hall

TSP PICKS: ACL Saturday, October 9th Pete Yorn Manchester Orchestra Silversun Pickups Monsters of Folk Muse

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1:30-2:30 3:30-4:30 4:30-5:30 6:00-8:00 8:30-10:00

Honda Stage Honda Stage Budweiser Stage Ventures Stage Budweiser Stage

MATT HIRES 8PM Stubbʼs

HEB Stage AMD Stage AMD Stage Honda Stage AMD Stage

FOUR YEAR STRONG 7PM Emoʼs

PAT GREEN 7PM Stubbʼs SPOON 8PM Mohawk THE BLACK LIPS 7PM Emoʼs MONSTERS OF FOLK 7PM Stubbʼs ROBERT EARL KEEN 10PM La Zona Rosa

Friday, October 8th The Verve Pipe 1:30-1:55 The Black Keys 4:00-5:00 Spoon 6:00-7:00 Sonic Youth 7:00-8:00 The Strokes 8:00-9:30

28 30

NEVER SHOUT NEVER 6PM La Zona Rosa

GALACTIC 7PM La Zona Rosa

Manchester Orchestra

Sunday, October 10th Robert Earl Keen 4:00-5:00 The Flaming Lips 6:00-7:00 Cage The Elephant 7:15-8:00 The Eagles 8:00-10:00

Budweiser Stage AMD Stage Ventures Stage Budweiser Stage

Cage the Elephant

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TEXAS austin edition

Ofﬁce Number One

Here at No Chick Left Behind chicken ranch we are dedicated to the idea of raising strong and healthy chickens and roosters. Our methods are based on science, in this case the same social and political science used to create the No Child Left Behind educational program.

Therefore, we help the chick by increasing the density of the shell. Several coats of polymer or cement are added to the shell, this makes the chick work harder so that he or she will be stronger after hatching. We call this procedure Raising the Bar.

In addition, we have studied what makes a chicken or rooster strong. We start by improving the lessons and Mother Nature with our own political and social ideas to create a scientiﬁcally advanced process. We know that for a chick to be born strong and healthy, it has to peck out of its shell. We say born, others say hatch. The point here is that the chick must do the work of pecking through. If the shell is soft, or someone else does the pecking, then it is the chick that suffers.

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Next, we noticed that in nature, chicks do not begin pecking through the shell until their beaks are formed. However, at No Chicks Left Behind, we require that chicks begin their journey to the outer world a little earlier, sometimes while their beaks are still soft, or perhaps even before their beaks begin to form. This process ensures that our young, strong chicks will get there ﬁst in our very competitive world. We call this process Early Start.

No Chick Left Behind

Of course, by incorporating Raising the Bar and Early Start into our modernization of raising chicks, we realize some chicks may need a little extra help. Therefore, we help by beginning the hatching process that the chick must ultimately ﬁnish. We call this process, Helping Hand. We merely toss the eggs against a wall until they break, and the chick does the rest. If they fail after all we’ve done for them, then we are not to blame. In response to the accusation that we are “doing nothing except throwing eggs against a wall,” we say: We will not alter the high standards we have created. It is the chicks that have failed, not we. In response to accusations that our ideology fails because it leaves a bunch of broken eggs against at wall, we say; we will not allow our chicks to be lazy and get a free pass just because they are young. This is the time they must try their hardest.

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Charles Edwards

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RESUME BLOOPERS

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 6. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments. 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

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by Andrew J. Hewett ChewedNews.com

VOTE FOR A BIKER! I think we need to start electing bikers to public office. I don’t mean ‘weekend wannabes,’ but honest-to-goodness, Harley-riding, leather-vest-wearing, no-filter cigarette smoking, stripper dating, tattooed bad-asses that carry a ball peen hammer through their belt instead of a cell phone or a clip-on bottle of hand sanitizer. No kidding, I’m ready to see campaign signs in yards across America with slogans like, “Bad Bob For Congress,” or “Let Renegade Ron Bust Some Heads For Freedom!” I read about some animal rights activists who got tired of harassing little old ladies for wearing leather and fur coats, so they got the bright idea to hitch up their big boy britches and protest a biker rally. As the organizer said, “Motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them… ergo, they should stop.” (Note: Anybody that uses the word ergo when trying to talk you into doing something, don’t do it! It won’t end well.) Needless to say, things didn’t go so well for the activists, some of who ended up with their high-and-mighty butts kicked up between their shoulder blades, and others who got duct taped to trees or tossed in restaurant dumpsters. So I got to thinking. Biker mentality makes a pretty good analogy of how this great country of ours got started. A ‘gang’ of outlaw bros who believed so deeply in their religious and political convictions, stepped outside the boundaries of the popular consensus, and struck off to start their own little club called The United States of America. That was back when “Don’t Tread On Me” still meant something, and if someone was willing to get up in our face, they knew they would suffer some serious consequences. And I don’t mean that sissified ‘shame-on-you’ finger shaking most politicians deal out these days when someone breaks a law like…well, I don’t know…maybe like illegally crossing our borders. See, bikers have a little tradition known as ‘stomping.’ When you mess with one of them, you end up with a face full of boot leather from them all. Now really, does that sound like such a bad idea? Sounds to me like a bunch of guys that know what it means to ‘have your brother’s back, no matter what, and I think that’s something, that sadly, we’re losing sight of far too often these days. If we had a biker in office, and some south-of-the-border politician came up here and started criticizing how we handle our business (Like the president of Mexico did), there wouldn’t be hushed whispers saying, “I can’t believe he said that,” or hordes of spineless politicians too afraid to stand up for Old Glory and tell him to shut his mouth and go home and fix his own country’s problems. Nope, if a biker was in office, he’d probably just grab an axe handle and whip that politician’s ass like a cheap piñata, until Chiclets and ’churros’ started shooting out both his ears and he understood that he was in our backyard now, and we don’t appreciate, or tolerate any of that nonsense. Yeah, I know, it’s not politically correct and maybe it is a little insensitive and inhospitable and all that other touchy-feely hog wash, but I don’t care. And truthfully, I don‘t think you should care either. Its’ high time we quit worrying about offending the delicate sensibilities of everyone else, and be more concerned with having our own brother’s back.

TWO PRESIDENTS WHO HORSED AROUND IN THEIR CARRIAGES During the first year of his term as the 14th President of the United States (1853-1857), Franklin Pierce, was arrested for running down an elderly woman with his carriage. The case was dropped due to insufficient evidence. Also, the 18th President (1869-1877), Ulysses. S. Grant, was arrested and fined $20 for speeding in his horse carriage.

Wayne Gretzky The world's greatest hockey player, Wayne Gretzky, followed the same routine during the warm-up before each game. He'd shoot his ﬁrst puck way off to the right of the goal. Then, when he went back to the dressing room, he'd drink a Diet Coke, a glass of iced water, a Gatorade and another Diet Coke.

Medical terms What is a natal cleft? That is the medical term for your butt crack.

So come on brother, vote for a biker! Dennis Hambright www.DennisHambright.com

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