Texas Sports Pro- September 2010 by Abby Pound

Sports & Entertainment for the Austin Man

TEXAS

FREE SEPT 2010

austin edition

3 The Blitz/From the Editor 4 Hollywood Proﬁle: T.I. 5 Movie Reviews 6 NFL 8 TSP Opinion 8 Sports Talk w/ Erin Hogan 9 MLB 10 Calendar 12 TSP-Approved 13 512 Rocks 15 Longhorn Football 16 Big 12 Football 17 Local High School/Truth Serum 18 Jokes & Crossword TEXAS austin edition

Publisher: Sports Pro Publishing Lee@TexasSportsPro.com Editor: Heath "The Kid" Samples

For editorial comments/suggestions, email Heath@TexasSportsPro.com.

Contributing Writers: Taylor Gaspar, Erin Hogan, Vivian Fullerlove, Dennis Hambright, Andrew J. Hewett, Timothy Jenkins-Wade, Corey Poché, Heath Samples, Jim Surface, Lee Eddins Graphic Design: Abby Pound Abby@TexasSportsPro.com

Cover photo courtesy of the University of Texas To advertise in Texas Sports Pro, call 512.689.2717.

Volume 1, Edition 6 Copyright 2010 Texas Sports Pro. All rights reserved. Texas Sports Pro is published monthly. Views expressed in Texas Sports Pro are not necessarily the opinion of Texas Sports Pro, its staff, or advertisers. Texas Sports Pro does not knowlingly accept false or misleading editorial content or advertising, nor is Texas Sports Pro responsible for the content or claims of any advertising or editorial in this publication. No content (articles, photographs, graphics) in Texas Sports Pro may be used for reproduction without permission from the publisher. Texas Sports Pro is available free of charge.

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BLITZ

THE

the line-up

Look for Cliff Lee to begin getting a few extra days off here and there as the Rangers sit pretty at 8 ½ games ahead in their division. Lee has struggled as of late in the hot Texas summer heat, going 0-3 with a 9.33 ERA. After September 1st, the rosters expand also, so look for some of those young Ranger arms to get some work in the ‘bigs.

Former UT standout Daniel “Boobie” Gibson looks to see the beneﬁt of an expanded role next season for the Cavaliers under new coach Byron Scott. “Cavs intend to make sure Gibson gets playing time. This may be done with some guard shopping,” one Cavs source stated. Gibson is a career 43% 3-point shooter, so that does count towards his favor.

FROM THE EDITOR Heath Samples We have several new, freakin’ awesome aspects we have stitched into the fabric of TSP. We are conﬁdent every single one of these features will intrigue your man-mind and make you fall even more in love with TSP—much like that totally awesome chick you’ve been dating for three months who suddenly busts out names like Martellus Bennett and David Buehler when September rolls around… you already loved what you had, but you love it that much more now; we hope you ﬁnd that to be the case with the new, revamped Texas Sports Pro. “TSP: Sports & Entertainment for the Austin Man.” Unusual, Bizarre, & Weird News: “Proof that true stories are weirder than madeup stories.” Bam!

BASKETBALL? IT'S SEPTEMBER...

I know football is rearing its beastly head again now that September is here, and rightfully so. We’ve all been waiting long enough. However, it won’t be long until college basketball is back and central Texas heats up multi-sport style. So, here are a few names to put into the memory bank and remember when the time comes around.

LaceDarius Dunn/ Guard/Baylor—although lead-man Tweety Carter is gone in Waco, Baylor still looks good. Really good. Dunn blew up last season (19.6 PPG, 4.8 RPG, 1.9 APG, 1.4 SPG, .419 3P%) and if he can continue his showing, Baylor may repeat its Elite-8 performance from a year ago, and perhaps even go for more. Perry Jones/Forward/Baylor—Helping Dunn and the Bears this year will be froshphenom Jones. He is perhaps the most alluring NBA prospect in the 2010 class, and may make like former Bear, Ekpe Udoh and leave early. If Jones can pick up some of the production Udoh produced last year; he, Dunn and Quincy Acy may have Baylor looking even better than they did last year. Jordan Hamilton/Forward/Longhorns— the kid’s talent is undeniable, even if he does shoot the ball every time he touches it. If he can become more consistent, he may end the long-time struggle the

Longhorns have faced in their backcourt rotation. Cory Joseph/Guard/ Longhorns—a complete player, Joseph looks to help UT mesh this season at the guard position, something the team struggled heavily with last year.

David Loubeau/ Forward/Aggies— A&M’s leading returning rebounder and second leading scorer, Loubeau must take his game to the next level if he wants to help the Aggies keep their string of recent success going. Donald Sloan and Bryan Davis are both gone now. Tristan Thompson/Forward/Longhorns— arguably one of the best post players coming into college basketball, this Canadian prospect can score inside, rebound, and play defense in the lane. With the exit of Dexter Pittman, playing time is available down low in Austin. Daniel Alexander/Forward/Aggies—a solid athlete, Alexander was undervalued nationally. The Aggies hope he can be a consistent high-post player, and draw the defense out a little bit. He should see some minutes in College Station.

Movie Reviews: The toughest critics around, TSP gives it to you straight in our new Movie Reviews. We feature both a new box-ofﬁce movie as well as a classic we think ought not be forgotten. Check it out on page 5 so you don’t waste your 10 bucks seeing a dud! Erin Hogan: ESPN Austin’s lead-man puts his patented sports-talk-talent to print as he joins TSP. Keep an eye out for his column every month. If you want the best in sports-anything, Hogan’s the dude in A-Town to talk to—listen to him live on 104.9 ESPN “The Horn.” TSP Approved: Around for a couple of months now, and a growing TSP fanfavorite, TSP Approved grows—check it out on page 12. 512 Rocks: Our hottest new segment, 512-Rocks, highlights everything newsworthy around local Austin. Check out this month’s features on local DJ-Celeb Chad Austin and local now-nationalfamous restaurant, Arkie’s Grill. Truth Serum: TSP head sports guru Corey Poche spills his sports-rage in one of our new feature columns entitled Truth Serum. Corey gets personal, so email him back your pissed-off thoughts at Corey@TexasSportsPro.com High School: The bells have rung and school is back in session. Hence (yeah, hence!) TSP is looking to explore some local high schools for sports stories. Email me now at Heath@TexasSportsPro. com to let us know what’s going on at your local school.

HEATH SAMPLES Heath Samples Heath@TexasSportsPro.com

TEXAS austin edition

bizarre &WEIRD

news

unusual

by Andrew J. Hewett ChewedNews.com

He Proved the Number 13 to be anything but Unlucky Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino did not mind wearing an "unlucky #13" jersey. He ﬁrst wore that number as a child, playing Little League baseball. Dan's father was the coach, leaving him last choice in most everything, even in picking out his uniform, which is how he wound up with #13.

__________________ ENTERTAINMENT

HOLLYWOOD PROFILE: T.I. Vivian Fullerlove "Entertainment's Real Critic" Hundreds of fans showed up at the AMC Valley View Mall location last week to get a glimpse of “The King of the South” hip hop artist turned actor, Tip “TI” Harris who was in town for a red carpet screening of his new movie Takers. The ﬁlm stars just about every hunk in Hollywood and has one of the best opening action sequences I’ve seen in a long, long time. Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen, Michael Ealy, Chris Brown, Matt Dillon and Idris Elba, star alongside TI in this action crime drama about a group of bank robbers whose $20 million dollar heist is foiled by an insider and a detective determined to bring them down. I sat down with TI to talk about his new ﬁlm and why he chose to take on the behind scenes role as a producer on the project. How did you get involved with this movie? The script was presented to me in 2007. I read the script, and I was instantly intrigued and pulled into the story. There were so many different dynamics and such a diverse set of individuals. You wouldn’t necessarily see this group of guys just hanging together at any bar or any club; so, you know that there’s something huge that brought these different guys from different nationalities and different walks of life together. You assume they have to be up to something pretty big because they don’t seem like they’d just organically click. And on top of that my character was interesting and it challenged me.

How so? In both of my previous films, ATL and American Gangster, the characters I played were so easy to like. Even at their worst you applauded for them and cheered for them. This was a challenge because to the naked eye Ghost seems like a villain and like an antagonist. When in actuality, my challenge was finding a way to explain his position and why he was the way he was and felt the way he felt. I really see him as more hurt and misunderstood than anything else. You also served as a producer on this movie. How was that experience? I appreciated the opportunity enormously. When that was extended to me, it made my involvement even moreso a no-brainer. It was so much more rewarding because of the added responsibilities and obligations. Was acting always part of your overall vision for your self as an entertainer? I knew it was something that I had the potential to do, but I did not pursue it. The first opportunity I got to be in a film, they called my manager and asked me to come and read for a part in a film called Barbershop. I went and read for it, and they loved me, but it was between me and another guy (ironically that other guy was his Takers co-star Michael Ealy who ultimately landed the role in the film) After that, that’s when I said, “Cool, I want to do that.”

When it’s all said and done, and you look back on your career what do you want your legacy and contribution to be in the entertainment industry? I would just like for people to appreciate my work. For people to know that I put 100% of myself into all of my work. I didn’t half-ass once. Everything that I connected my brand to, my face and my name to that I was sincerely supportive of it. Professionally, that’s all I can ask for. And all I can ask for is for you to check out this movie. It is what a summer movie should be, high energy, actionpacked and a lot of really very cool explosions! Takers opens nationwide on August 27th. The ﬁlm is rated PG-13 for intense scenes of action, some violence and language. See more of T.I. on my show Reel Critics along with more of your favorite celebs on Time Warner Cable Video on Demand under the North Texas programming tab! VIVIAN FULLERLOVE

mickey mouse with marinara...yummy! Some years ago, with China's estimated loss of ﬁfteen-million tons of grain yearly to rats, they, the rats, became a fast food fad. Yep, in this most populated country on earth, rodent meat is considered both wholesome and tasty. And, served on a sesame bun, it is one less crop eater. (Fujian Province is considered the rat-meat capital of China.)

TEXAS austin edition

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___________________________ ENTERTAINMENT TSP MOVIE RATING STANDARDS: Hilarious Factor- piss your pants funny Action- balls to the wall Drama- your girl will like it too, but whatever Hot Chicks- your girl will hate it, but whatever "Cool" Factor- The Godfather meets Pulp Fiction

Lee Eddins Lee@TexasSportsPro.com

IN THEATERS NOW:

THE OTHER GUYS

PULP FICTION

When I think of a kick-butt action movie star, Mark Wahlberg certainly comes to mind; but, who does not come to mind is Will Ferrell… unless that kick-butt action movie is also a comedy. What happens when two leading actors from their genre of movie come together for an action packed comedy? Well, forget all the partners-detective movies you’ve ever seen before. You know the ones I am talking about, the ones that have that endless cliché line that if I were an actor I would refuse to say in yet another detective movie, “I work alone”. In The Other Guys, you won’t ﬁnd anything normal or cliché about it. From a scene where Detectives Allen (Ferrell) and Holtz (Wahlberg) get abducted by the villains and not only their guns taken away from them but their shoes as well, to the funniest version of “Good Cop, Bad Cop” I have ever seen, the originality is plentiful and hilarious. Here are a few lines from The Other Guys that better explain this:

Pulp Fiction, which has an all-star cast including Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Ving Rhames, Harvey Keitel, Roxanna Arquette, Eric Stoltz, Steve Buscemi, Quintan Tarantino (we won’t hold that against him) Christopher Walken, Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth did for movies what Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit did for music the year before…it changed how movies were done. Nirvana changed the sound of music and the music industry embraced the term Alternative to describe this new music out of Seattle dominating the music scene. Without Pulp Fiction, we’d never had the other movies that, although were not box ofﬁce smashes have become cult classics like Things to do in Denver When Your Dead, Love and a .45, and True Romance and numerous others--too many to mention. These are great movies that without the success of Pulp Fiction would never have made it and probably not even been produced.

1. Detective Allen’s precious police car, a Toyota Prius is recovered: Cop: “From bodily fluids and hair samples we determined that… a bunch of old homeless dudes had an orgy in there.” Allen: “Oh God.” Cop: “It’s called a ’soup kitchen’. …A mama raccoon came along and gave birth on the floor, placenta blew out all over the back window there.” 2. The Rock or whatever his real name is that he is going by now and Samuel L. Jackson had a very small role in the beginning of this movie as the tough cops that everybody wants to be like…until they jump off a 20-story building to their deaths. P.K. (Samuel L. Jackson): “Ay ay ay if I want to hear you talk I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.” 3. After detective Allen shoots his gun in what was a made-up prank to show his weakness and gullibility by the two antagonist in the film in what was called a “Desk Pop” he has his gun confiscated by the Captain who gives him a wooden gun, then ends up taking it away from him… Cap. Mauch (Michael Keaton): “You know what, I’m going to hang onto the wooden gun.” Allen: “To give me back my real gun?” Cap. Mauch: “No. I’m going to give you this… It’s a rape whistle. You blow that if you’re in any trouble, and someone with an actual gun will come and help you out.” Overall, I would give this, by TSP standards, which are of course higher than normal, a 3.5 out of 5 stars and highly recommend it.

Overall, Pulp Fiction is one of the greatest movies ever made and would also give it a 4 out of 5 stars.

In Pulp Fiction, Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega, a couple of hit men, are on a mission to retrieve a briefcase that their employer wants back from the guys who have it who, for some reason did not do what they were supposed to do with it. The movie intertwines a couple of different characters and subplots including a boxer named Butch (Willis) and Marcellus Wallace (Rhames), Jules and Vegas’ employer, who has lost a lot of money on one of Butches fights and is out to get him because he threw the fight to make the money himself. At the end, all the plots seem to come together and Pulp Fiction ends in a small diner at breakfast being held up by Ringo and Yolanda, which incidentally is how the movie starts.

Best Lines from Pulp Fiction Uma Thurman- “Be back in two shakes of a lambs tail” John Travolta- “You know what they call a quarter pounder in Amsterdam? A Royale with cheese…they’re on the metric system…they don’t know what the f#*! a quarter pound is” Samuel L. Jackson- “Well, look at the big brain on Brad”

TSP RATINGS Hilarious Factor- sometimes intentional and sometimes completely unintentional, and sometimes disgustingly funny

TSP RATINGS Hilarious Factor- this movie will make you cry Action- good action sequences Drama- not enough to make you cry, but... Hot Chicks- Eva Mendez is hot but she is the only hot chick in the movie Cool Factor- what makes this movie cool is seeing Ferrell and Wahlberg

step out of their normal roles and give such great performances

Action- what this movie lacks in action it makes up for in other areas Drama- loads of the good kind of drama, like drug overdoses, etc. Hot Chicks- Uma Thurman is in it, but TSP standards are much higher Cool Factor- Pulp Fiction sets the standard for cool

P.S. Other movies like The Other Guys & Pulp Fiction TSP ofﬁcially recommends:

Love and a .45 Things to Do in Denver When Your Dead True Romance Starsky & Hutch www.TexasSportsPro.com

TEXAS austin edition

SPORTS

ESPN.com

The ole’ sports sayings always tell us to not put too much stock into the preseason games, but when your coach is considering playing his starters in the last game, which is usually when they don’t play at all, you know something is wrong. Through their first 4 preseason games, the Cowboys have yet to crack the 16 point plateau, and the 1st string offense has look abysmal at best. The defense has shown some flashes of good play, but getting carved up by Arian Foster as well as some lapses in judgment, have hurt them as well. Is there any good that can be drawn from these first 4 preseason games? Is Wade Phillips overreacting a little by considering playing his starters in the preseason finale?

Trouble in the Trenches Tony Romo has faced constant pressure all preseason, as everyone on the offensive line has gotten blown by. In the Houston Texans game, Romo usually had more than one defender on him before he could even consider where he was going with the ball. The offense looked like a mess, even in their 4th preseason game. A “missed audible” caused a bad pitch from Romo to Felix Jones, resulting in a fumble recovered by Houston. Receivers weren’t running the right routes. It looked as if the 1st string looked like the 3rd stringers. You would think that a season ending ACL tear to John Phillips would re-open that door for Martellus Bennett, but I can’t remember seeing any 2 TE sets with the 1st team offense, a formation that the Cowboys

ESPN.com

DALLAS COWBOYS Jerry World Panicking?

have used quite often in the past. With Dez Bryant out (thanks a lot Orlando Scandrick), defenses have been able to hone in on Miles Austin and Jason Witten, as we all know Roy Williams is the farthest thing from a cause of concern for opposing D’s. Dez will be ready to go in the season opener, possibly the last preseason game, but with how this preseason has turned out, I would just hold him off until the games start to matter. Red zone offense will need a HUGE overhaul (something that haunted them last year), as they had 3 ﬁeld goals in 4 trips into the red zone. This offense needs to gel and they need to gel very quickly. If they fail to correct the many mistakes this preseason, they may be looking at last place in the NFC East. I think they will come out ready for the regular season, but these games have created some skepticism as we approach that date…the division is loaded this year. Again. The defense has shown some great ﬂashes, but their problems last year are still apparent this time around. Their 4-Horsemen at linebacker are back and just as strong. DeMarcus Ware and Anthony Spencer have done a great job at the outside spots, and Bradie James and Keith Brooking have continued what they were doing last year. The defensive backs, Terrence Newman and Mike Jenkins, have done their usual thing this preseason, but the defensive line and safeties are still a huge question mark. Opposing quarterbacks have had a lot of time in the pocket to get throws off. The front 3 aren’t necessarily relied on to create pressure, but the occasional burst would be nice. Jay Ratliff has been contained in the middle of the line and I just haven’t seen the pro bowler in him yet. The safeties are a crapshoot with an injured Gerald Sensabaugh, a converted cornerback Alan Ball, and two

inexperienced rookies in Barry Church and Akwasi Owusu-Ansah. Undrafted rookie Danny McCray has made some good plays, but I can’t see him doing more than special teams duty. The middle parts of the defense, linebackers and cornerbacks, are great, but the front and back end of the Dallas D needs a lot of work. They have been one of the better defenses the last couple of years, and we can only hope that defense shows up come regular season.

never been one to put a lot of stock into anything involved with the preseason, but when I have to sit through these things that I think are football games, I kind of cringe. Hopefully, I’m just overreacting to all of this, but from what I have seen, the Cowboys have a lot of work left to do before September 12th. COREY POCHE

When you see a team like the Green Bay Packers put up 59 points against the Super Bowl losing Indianapolis Colts, and half of that was done by the 1st team offense, it puts these performances by the Cowboys even more into perspective. While the preseason is usually to get a glimpse of your rookies you just drafted and who your starters will be, it is also a time for your starters to get…well, started. I have

NEWS Although he even passed out at one point due to a negative side effect from his medications, Wideout Percy Harvin and his doctors believe they have ﬁgured out the issues, and Harvin should be good-to-go as he attempts to make up for the recent loss of Sidney Rice. WR Victor Cruz has taken the New York Giants’ fan base by storm. How much? So much so that Sinorice Moss may be on his way out of New York. The Giants simply don’t have the room to add Cruz to their active roster, and not eliminate one of the other WRs. Coach Ken Wisenhunt chose to allow Derek Anderson to start at QB over now-#2 Matt Leinart. It is uncertain as of yet who Wisenhunt will go with during the regular season, but he has made it clear that this is anything but an automatic job waiting for Leinart. Remember, Anderson was a pro-bowler in 2008 with the Browns. Running Back Albert Young looks as though he has all but locked-up the third down duties for Minnesota. Young is a fantastic pass-protector (better than both Adrian Peterson and #2 RB Toby Gerhart).

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TEXAS austin edition

SPORTS

HOUSTON TEXANS Looking Up in Houston

The 2009 Houston Texans made history. The 2010 version of the team hopes to do it again.

After a roller coaster 2009 season that saw Houston fall just shy of a playoff birth despite the team posting a franchise-best 9-7 record. A mid-season four game losing streak within the division sank last year’s team, spoiling Herculean efforts by receiver Andre Johnson, whom topped 1,500 yards for the second straight season, and quarterback Matt Schaub, whose 4,770 yards passing rank 6th alltime for a single season. The defense, sparked by early season addition Bernard technorati.com

Pollard, kept the team in games, while the offense was absolutely proliﬁc, 1st in the league in passing. The major crutch of that team was a surprising inability to rush the football, given Steve Slaton’s major issues with holding on to the football and the failure of the Chris Brown experiment. The Texans have to hope that the combination of Slaton and Arian Foster can help complement a deadly passing attack since rookie runner Ben Tate went down for the season with a leg injury. If the improve

Texans can their ground

NEWS Calvin Pace, the team’s starting OLB will be out for six weeks with a broken foot following the Jets’ preseason game with the Redskins. Look for Coach Rex Ryan to pursue former player Adalius Thomas, perhaps. Vincent Jackson has stated that he will sit out the entire season if he must. That being said, the Chargers may end up trading him after all. Potential suitors include Washington (best ﬁt?), Buffalo, Chicago, Cleveland, Minnesota, Seattle and St. Louis. If you’ve watched the ‘Phins this preseason, it is obvious that QB Chad Henne and WR Brandon Marshall have yet to mesh. Although Marshall put up respectable numbers in the most recent loss to Atlanta (3 catches, 51 yards), it took eight balls thrown his way to do it. Perhaps the happy couple just needs more time in Miami. Antonio Bryant has been released by the club. This cannot be too surprising considering the signing of Terrell Owens to place alongside Chad Ochocinco at wideout. Bryant’s health had also been a concern during preseason.

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game, then the AFC South could be theirs for the taking. A 1-5 divisional record last year held Houston out of the playoffs and their sole win came at the end of a monumental comeback against Tennessee in week 2. With Jacksonville and the Titans showcasing elite running backs Maurice Jones-Drew and Chris Johnson respectively and one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time leading Indianapolis, Houston has some major work to do. The division remains one of the best in the league and there is no question that all 6 games the Texans play in the AFC South will be slugfests. Still, the return of tight end Owen Daniels and the addition of ﬁrst round pick Kareem Jackson to shore up the secondary provide just two of the many potential bright spots for Houston this season. The Texans have to hope that Jackson’s interception of Dallas Cowboys’ starter Tony Romo is a sign of things to come. If Daniels comes back strong, Jackson lives up to lofty expectations, and studs Schaub and Johnson stay injury-free, then the division title is well within Houston’s grasp. Remember, though, that’s a lot of ‘if’s’. We are talking about a team that has been labeled a break out team for the last 3 years and one with a penchant for heartbreaking losses—from Vince Young’s overtime touchdown run to the Sage Rosenfels disaster against Indy to Drew Bennett’s last minute, crowdsilencing touchdown catch in the back corner of the end zone. So, I’m not ready to anoint Houston yet. Yes, this team will be better than last year’s version, though it might not show in the win-loss column. I put the Texans at 9-7 again this year, and one game out of the playoffs again. Both Texans head coach Gary Kubiak and owner Bob McNair expect better this season, but I just cannot give Houston the beneﬁt of the doubt given their inability to live up to preseason hype in the past. Regardless, it’s going to be a wild ride, so getcha’ popcorn ready!

Oh NFL preseason, what would we do without you? That’s right… A LOT. As much hype that follows the kickoff to NFL play, I have to be frank: NFL Preseason games are nothing but a load of yawns followed by changing the channel to watch the train wreck of a life of some scantily clad housewife in the United States, who has nothing better to do than expose herself and her family for the nation to witness. God Bless America. As much time and effort that these athletes put into training camp, the outcome is never really seen until regular season play. Now I know that preseason helps the rookies get their feet wet, and assists the coaches in making their cuts, but why the hype? Does the preseason really matter when it comes down to rankings? If you want to see the talent on the field, you better be watching the first snap of the game because that is where the talent lies. Sure there are some sleepers in the league (i.e. Miles Austin 2009), but when it comes to raw overall talent on the field, it is really only seen in the first 4 minutes of preseason play. I was raised in a family who values sports more than most out there, yet I have never understood the excitement that follows preseason NFL games. Does that make me a bad fan? Maybe. But when all is said and done, I would much rather watch the first string of any team battle on the field for 3 hours than witness the painful backups make rookie mistakes and leave their dignity out on the field for the public to criticize. So with the month of September finally here, it’s time to unveil the real smack down we have all been waiting to see. It’s time to witness the passion that the wise Coach Rex Ryan revealed in the first episode of the HBO series Hard Knocks, “We’re going to give you our best game and we’re going to beat the ‘FARVE’ out of you… Let’s go get it!” Taylor Gaspar Check Out Taylor TV at 1049thehorn.com

JAMES SURFACE

TEXAS austin edition

OPINION

SPORTS TALK WITH ERIN HOGAN

Political Correctness Sucks! There are a million Aggie jokes, and I admit, I've laughed at a few. But after seeing what an Aggie wrote to win a contest for the most appropriate deﬁnition of a contemporary term, I'm changing my tune. This guy's a freakin' genius. He wrote: "Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." What else can I say, but "Go Aggies!" I'm sick and tired of all this politically correct nonsense. It's ridiculous! Every time you turn around, some mambypamby group is coming up with something else that needs to be changed so we don't hurt somebody's feelings. Hey! Wake up! Sometimes it's good to have your feelings hurt a little so you get the point and understand it's time to make some positive changes. I believe it's the minority that sits around and comes up with this crap, and it's probably because they don't have any friends or anything else to do but think of ways to irritate those of us that have a real life. Well, the majority of us better wake up and stand up, or we'll all be eating bean curd sandwiches and relegated to telling a sexy woman, "You look very aesthetically appropriate today," instead of, "Damn woman…you're HOT!" Here are a few politically correct idiocies that make my blood boil:

Airport Proﬁling: If you're going to dress like the UniBomber, then you should expect to get your butt drug out of line and stripped searched and have the metal detector run through your three-foot beard. If it makes the rest of us feel a little more secure, then I don't care if it does offend your delicate sensibilities. I think we've earned the right in this country to be a little more vigilant. If you're too sensitive for that, then buy a one-way ticket to someplace else and just stay there. We won't miss you.

to know who lost so they can try harder next time. They need to learn good sportsmanship and shake the winner's hand and say, "Good game," because it sucks to have to congratulate somebody that beat you. That helps motivate them to try harder next time. And if they win, they need to learn the feeling of victory. That's right, even if they're kids.

Christmas-Bashers: I say, "Merry Christmas," not "Happy Holidays." And yeah, I like Santa and Rudolph and candy canes and manger scenes and it's not because I'm putting down someone else's culture or religion, but because I'm proud of mine. If you sneeze, I'll say, "God Bless You." And if you think it's smart to criticize me for that, I hope you get a blessing from somewhere, because you'll need it when I jam my boot up your rear end.

Stupid Titles: You're not 'Aesthetically Challenged'; you're ugly. You're not 'Morally Challenged'; you're a slut. And if you expect me to pat you on the back and ask, "Calorie Challenged?", then you better bring a big bag of cookies because it's going to be a long wait. You're fat! Sugarcoating things make people feel good about their shortcomings. So get off your fat, ugly butt and take control of your own life, instead of trying to ram your political correctness down my throat. I've had enough of it already! DENNIS HAMBRIGHT DennisHambright.com

Erin Hogan ESPN Austin Let me be up front and say this is new for me. A column, discussing topical sports information – that can be fresh and relevant all month long. I’m a radio morning guy, by trade and training. A full decade in, and I’m ingrained to the fast pace and cadence of the medium – 4 hours each day, 4 segments each hour, discussing and commentating on the big local and national news in the sports world. Today’s show is done, now move forward and get ready for tomorrow – what’s the next big story, what will get Austin’s attention in 24 hours. Now this… what can keep Austin’s attention in September? So with that back-ground – here are 5 stories guaranteed to be relevant here at Texas Sports Pro and on 104.9 the Horn all month.

zimbio.com

1. The growth of Garret Gilbert and Longhorns new look offense -- Will Muschamp’s defense is certain to be dynamic – maybe the best he’s ever coordinated in CFB. Mack Brown has already announced it can be his best on the 40 Acres – so the question for the defending Big 12 Champs is on the other side. Will Greg Davis commit to the power running game and play-action pass strategy they have trumpeted – or when push comes to shove – will they revert to a pass-ﬁrst group that puts the game on Gilbert’s strong right arm? With Wyoming, UCLA, and Texas Tech in the ﬁrst month – we’ll have a really good idea by the end of September.

2. Brett “favring!!” Favre -- Since we are a family show on the Bud Light Morning Rush – we have decided to shelve the old “F” word and replace it with the Tony Dungy approved, FARVE! I encourage you to give it a try... it really rolls off the tongue (“what in the FARVE are you doing??), and is completely acceptable mixed company. And, because the Golden Brett is such an annoying pain in the hindnﬂnewsworld.com quarters – they will likely know exactly what you are trying to say. 3. The Texas Rangers -- seriously gang, I know you long-suffering Ranger fans have had the rug pulled out from under you many a-time during the dog days of September, but I’ve been driving this band-wagon since spring training – and truly believe Nolan Ryan’s boys of summer will be battling the Cowboys for the top of the front page when we get to October. I love their aggressive style, their mix of veterans and youth, and with Cliff Lee at the top of the rotation, Josh Hamilton (the best all-around player in the game) in the middle of the order, and Neftali Feliz dropping the hammer in the 9th, they are a serious World Series contender. 4. Roger Clemens – The indictment of the Rocket for lying to Congress was only a matter of time. Now that it’s happened, the case against Rocket will be built. A .500 pitcher in his last 4 seasons in Boston (40-39), he moves to Toronto in his mid-30s, meets Brian McNamee and over the next 9 seasons wins 162 games and 4 Cy-Young’s without Mr. McNamee’s performance-enhancing needles…buying that? Add to the fact, that while he was not injecting the Rocket, McNamee was injecting Clemens’ wife Debbie and his best friend Andy Pettite, with his knowledge. Ultimate hubris and delusion.

electionintegrity.com

5. 104.9 the Horn – Now this is a no-brainer. Austin’s only FM sports station. Austin’s best daily local sports talk line-up – doing the most local sports talk (10 hours every weekay). The best and most comprehensive Longhorn coverage, including ESPN Austin College Gameday live at Scholz Garten every home game and at Doc’s Backyard for each road trip. Dominant NFL coverage with the Dallas Cowboys, the Houston Texans (on 98.9 FM), and ESPN Radio (1530 AM) throughout the NFL season. Guaranteed fresh.

Scoreless Kid's Games: What idiot came up with the idea not to keep score at a kid's ball game? Kids need

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TEXAS austin edition

SPORTS

Rangers Reppin' As Playoffs Near Think the Texas Rangers miss Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez? Consider this: 130 games into the 2010 season and the Texas Rangers continue to hold on to Major League Baseball’s greatest divisional lead, looking down on 2nd place Oakland and the A’s 7 game deficit in the loss column as August wraps up. The Rangers are stacked up and down the lineup, sporting shraps.net MVP candidate Josh Hamilton in the middle and getting good production at the plate from both young players such as shortstop Elvis Andrus and from the savvy old veterans like Michael Young. On the other side of the ball, this might just be the best Rangers’ pitching staff ever. Just imagine if Cliff Lee were to start pitching up to his capabilities. Think about this: if the playoffs would to start today, Texas’ rotation would in all likelihood include Lee, 13 game-winner C.J. Wilson, Tommy Hunter (11-2 record in 2010), and Colby Lewis. The bullpen remains anchored by fireballer Neftali Feliz and his 32 saves and sub-1.00 WHIP. This team has already all-but secured its spot in the playoffs, likely to face either the New York Yankees or the Tampa Bay Rays in the first round. But, imagine if Rodriguez could be slotted in for the current ineffective Matt Treanor/ Bengie Molina combination? The 38 year-old Pudge and his .272 batting average would be much more welcome than Treanor’s measly .219 or Molina’s .212 mark. The Rangers’ sole weakness remains a significant lack of offensive firepower at the catcher position, but despite that, they matchup quite well against their two potential opponents. The Yankees and Rays have identical records, both tied for the Major League lead in wins. The Yankees, despite their usual powerhouse batting lineup, have serious question marks at the back end of their rotation since A.J. Burnett and Javier Vazquez have almost completely forgotten how to get outs. The Rays intimidate opponents with their outstanding starting pitching, but do not come close to rolling out 9 hitters that can swing it with Texas. Either way, if the Rangers do happen to make their way out of the first round, I like their chances at making the World Series. If not, I think we can point to the inefficiency of their battering mate combination as the primary culprit for their failure to advance.

Out With the Old... Hear that Houston? That’s the sound of a new decade to look forward to and the revelation that the Astros of the 2000’s are officially history. This year’s trading deadline saw Houston give up two former keystone players, resident ace Roy Oswalt and slugger Lance Berkman. Berkman, a stud in the heart of the Astros order since the 1999 season, and ESPN.com Oswalt, a career Astro whom debuted in 2001, fetched 5 total players in deals with the Phillies and Yankees respectively. In the month of August, the Astros have actually managed to post a 1512 record with two games until September, showing that perhaps this season’s team got better by subtraction. But, given that the team’s two most recognizable players now play elsewhere, what does the franchise’s future hold? Moreover, for what kind of future did the Astros just mortgage away the present? Let’s break down the players from each trade. Philadelphia traded away J.A. Happ, Jonathon Villar, and Anthony Gose to get Oswalt and Houston subsequently dealt Gose to Oakland for first baseman Brett Wallace. Happ, a young left-handed starting pitcher, rocks a sub-4.00 earned run average and has won 17 of his career 24 decisions. He provides the Astros with their best starting southpaw and one they can consistently rely on for a good outing, unlike current Houston lefty Wandy Rodriguez. Villar, a speedy teenage shortstop, displays a good glove but has yet to hit for a high average in his professional baseball career. Wallace, rated the #27 best prospect in 2010 by Baseball America, has yet to display any of the hitting prowess he had shown in the minors during the 26 games he’s spent at the big league level with Houston. But, the potential for him to develop into a solid-to-stellar left-handed bat in the Astros’ lineup makes him a valuable piece in this trade as well. The day after Roy left, Astros fans were informed that perennial All-Star Lance Berkman had been shipped off to the New York Yankees for pitcher Mark Melancon and infielder Jimmy Paredes. Melancon currently pitches for Astros’ AAA affiliate the Round Rock express and shows flashes as their closer, having yet to give up a run in three games since the trade. He could turn into a late-inning relief stalwart for the Major League club, something every team cannot value too much. Paredes, a middle infielder ESPN.com with little power, has hit for a high average at every level of professional ball he has played in thus far and displays an above average ability to swipe bases, having stolen at least 50 bases in each of the last two seasons. So, while the recognizable faces are gone, the future remains bright for Houston. Say good-bye to the last decade of good Astros teams, however, because from 2010 on, these Astros will look entirely different. JAMES SURFACE

JAMES SURFACE dallasnews.com

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TEXAS austin edition

7:10pm

SUNDAY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

vs.

2:30pm, ESPN

Rangers @ MIN, 1:10PM FSSW Astros @ ARI, 3:10PM FSH

12:07pm, FSSW

Astros @ CHC, 1:20PM FSH

6:07pm, FSSW

Astros @ CHC, 7:05PM FSH

vs.

7:20pm, NBC

7:05pm, FSH

7:05pm, FSSW

2:30pm, ESPN

9:05pm, FSSW

Rangers @ SEA, 3:10PM FSSW Astros vs. CIN, 1:05PM FSH Cowboys vs. CHI, NOO FOX *Texans @ WASH 3:15 CBS

Astros @ WSH, 6:05PM FSH

6:07pm

Astros vs. MIL, 7:05PM FSH

9:05pm, FSSW Astros @ WAS, 6:05PM FSH

vs.

12pm, FOX

7:05pm, FSSW

7:05pm, FSSW Astros @ CIN, 6:10PM FSH

7:05pm

Astros vs. MIL, 1:05P

@ Rangers @ OAK, 3:05PM FSSW Astros @ PIT, 12:35PM FSH

WEDNE

Astros @ CHC, 7:05P

Rangers vs. NYY, 2:05PM FSSW Astros vs. LAD, 1:05PM FSH Texans vs. IND, NOON CBS

Astros vs. STL, 1:05P

9:05pm

Astros @ WAS, 6:05P

1:05pm

Astros @ CIN, 6:10P

vs. 7pm, CBS

m, FSSW

PM FSH

ESDAY THURSDAY

m, FSSW

PM FSH

@ 6:07pm, FSSW

Astros @ CHC, 7:05PM FSH

22 29

vs.

m, FSSW

PM FSH

vs.

7:05pm, TXA21

@ 6:30pm, ESPN Rangers vs. LAA, 7:05PM FSSW Astros @ CIN, 6:10PM FSH

Rangers @ MIN, 3:10PM FOX Astros @ ARI, 7:10PM my20 A&M vs. SFA, 6PM BAY vs. SHS 6PM

SATURDAY

vs.

6pm, FSN

18 @

9:10pm, TXA21

7pm, ABC

9:05pm, TXA21

2:30pm, ESPN

Rangers @ OAK, 9:05PM FSSW Astros @ WAS, 3:35PM FSH

23 @

Rangers vs. NYY, 7:05PM TXA21 Astros vs. LAD, 6:05PM my20 A&M vs. LATECH, 6PM TECH @ NM, 7PMThe MTN. BAY vs. BUF, 6PM FOX C.S.

Astros vs. CIN, 7:05PM FSH

PM FSH

FRIDAY

m, FSSW

Astros @ ARI, 8:40PM FSH

Astros vs. LAD 7:05PM FSH

PM FSH

7:10pm, TXA21

Texans vs. BUCS, 7PM KTRK

Astros @ PIT, 6:05PM FSH

Rangers @ SEA, 8:10PM FSSW Astros vs. CIN, 6:05PM my20 A&M vs. FIU, 6PM BAY @ TCU, 3:30PM VERSUS

9pm

ABC

Rangers @ OAK, 3:05PM MLBtv Astros @ PIT, 6:05PM my20 BAY @ RICE, 7PM CBS C.S.

TSP-Approved >>The Cuisineart SS-700 The Cuisineart SS700 is a state-of-theart coffee brewing machine! It is perfect for both personal and frequent use at an ofﬁce. It has an 80-ounce removable water reservoir so it eliminates the need for frequent reﬁlls. Unique to Cuisinart is the K-Cup system which allows for the perfect cup of whatever you’re drinking, even if it is not an alcoholic beverage. Much like Heidi Montag, it has 5 different cup sizes, including an iced beverage setting and a removable drip to try with tall travel mugs. It can give you fresh gourmet coffee, tea, hot cocoa and more in less than a minute! $199; www.Cuisinart.com

>>Homeright Ionic Clean Washing System I used to just buy “streak free” glass cleaner…but not anymore! No, to get that steak free glass or spot free car after a car wash, I can spend 200 dollars on a Homeright Ionic Clean Washing System! That sounds crazy! But, think about it like this--if you are the average man, or at least a man worth his weight in salt, you have a cool car you are proud of (guys who own souped-up Hondas and Scions don’t count) and since you love your car so much, you just have to always have it squeaky clean right down to the tires. How much money do you spend a year on glass cleaner, paper towels and that doggone Sham “Wow” thing (hopefully without harming any prostitutes)? Probably not 200 dollars, but if you use the Ionic Clean for the next 3 years you may just save enough in those expenses to pay for it! Then, the next year, you’ll have more money to spend on accessories for your car like that Hula Doll for your dash or the Dice to hang from your rear view mirror you’ve been dying to get…or someone to share your shamwow with…we won’t go there. $199; www.homebright.com

>>Yoda Tree Topper Okay, so sometimes something comes along in life that you just cannot live without. For me, it was cookies and cream ice cream. I would literally like to hug the fat guy who thought of putting crushed Oreos and placing them in that vanilla goodness called vanilla ice cream and then stirring it up to make Cookies n Cream ice cream…I’m not saying he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize or anything, but whatever is as close to one as possible he deserves! Now, I have found something else I just have to have! The Yoda Tree Topper! Place the master of all Jedi Masters where he belongs - at the tippy top of your Christmas tree - and his determined grimace sets the mood for all festivities that unfold below! He also has a ﬁber optic light saber that glows green! And with the Yoda Tree Topper, TSP can guarantee he won’t add any inches to your continually expanding waistline all while leaving you feeling equally as fulﬁlled as a bowl of Cookies n Cream. $24.98 www.FindGift.com

>>BabyWit.com Jim Morrison on your kids t-shirt may be something you have never even thought about but quite frankly, if you are a Doors fan, thanks to Baby Wit you can. With a huge selection of vintage T’s with your favorite band from back in the 70’s and 80’s, you can have your kid wearing the Ramones, AC/DC or The Who. Baby Wit also has other cool shirts for your kids too, like vintage Superman, Wonder Woman and a variety of other really unique clothes and merchandise for the distinguished Austin kid. $18.99 & UP www.BabyWit.com

>>Pico Freeloader Solar Charger Texas Sport Pro has the budget conscious in mind with the Pico Freeloader Solar Charger, a compact and lightweight wonder that according to the specs, provides power of 35 hours on mobile phone, 14 hours on iPod, or 1.5 hours on GPS on a single ten hour charge. Freeloader PICO is supplied with four connection tips, a master cable and a comprehensive user manual. PICO can also directly connect to any device supplied with a USB charge / sync cable, giving virtually unlimited connectivity. What's particularly nice about the Pico is that you can recharge its internal lithium ion via USB in case of eternal winter (no sun). Additionally, what is great about the PICO Freeloader is that when used as intended, it makes the tree huggers happy because it charges your precious electronics without using our non-renewable resources. Although we cannot guarantee that no animals were harmed when the PICO peeps designed their little eco friendly wonder, we highly recommend the Freeloader to charge your electronics. If you are not the tree hugging type and just want a way to charge your phone as you throw beer cans in the river while driving your boat full speed ahead wasting gallons of gas, the Freeloader will also work for you while you do that…for the record, we’ll think you’re an ass. $39.99 www.Amazon.com

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TEXAS austin edition

It is not often that someone can say that they do at 51 what they did at 21. Chad Austin can and that is probably why he is becoming known as a DJ Legend on the Austin scene. He is fun, reliable and grounded and always keeps the bottom line of the bar in mind while entertaining the masses! I wanted to ﬁnd out a little more about this socalled Legend and what DJ’ing is all about. We talked DJ’ing, sports, music and even faith. What did he have to say…see for yourself.

1. Have you met any famous people while DJ’ing around Austin? Yes, I have met quite a few. Charlie Hodge, Sammy Alred, Bob Cole from the Bob & Bucky Show and a lot of UT players. I even got to meet Colt McCoy and his parents at a wedding I DJ’d.

2. What is your most requested song? That is a hard to question to answer because what I do is Live Trivia and breaks in football games. The main reason I get hired to do shows is to drive sales. I heavily promote specials, promos and whatever the place I am doing a show for is trying to promote. To answer the question though if there was a song that is the most requested I would say that Michael Jackson songs are the most requested.

3. What is your favorite song? My favorite song is Don’t Stop Believing by Journey but my favorite entertainer ever is James Brown who I actually got to meet back in my radio days.

4. How did you get started as a D.J.? I was 17 years old and of course I was not allowed in bars, but a good family friend owned a bar. One night on my way home I stopped by to say hey to him on a Friday night and his D.J. had stood him up. He asked me if I thought I could entertain the crowd and ﬁll in since I had an outgoing personality. I did and ended up DJ'ing for him. Then I got a break in radio in D.C. at a country station WKCW and then went to South Carolina at WCHS and then at The Hog in Daytona, both Classic Rock stations.

5. What is the best story you have from your years of DJ’ing? There was a couple that I knew and they were dating and they ended up breaking up. About a year later I was DJ’ing at a different bar and as fate would have it, they were both there…separately of course. When I realized they were both there and still broken up, I decided to intervene. Since I knew “their song” I decided to play their song and dedicate it to them. They fell in love all over again. Now they are married and I actually ended up DJ’ing their wedding.

8. How will the Horns do this year? They’ll do well I believe. It is all up to the QB situation that will determine how well they end up doing. They have their work cut out but Gilbert is a great QB.

9. Who did you admire most last year? Colt McCoy. What a class act he was and just a gifted athlete! He had good coaches and that helped him do well… he’ll go far no matter what he does or who he plays for.

10. Do you think that the success of Tebow, Bradford and McCoy last year had anything to do with their strong faith in God? Absolutely, I do. Their faith means they believed in something greater and when the hard knocks came, they got right back up! They were not deﬁned by their career, but their faith in God.

11. Do you think the Broncos were crazy for taking Tebow in the first round if the NFL Draft? I definitely do not think the Broncos were crazy! Tebow is their first stone in what is going to be a great foundation to build on. His head is on straight and they should be proud of their pick! Chad Austin has 3 kids, Lindsey (26), Alexa (23) and Kristie (19) who just enrolled at UT. He loves spending time with his kids and looking for new business. He’s a hardcore UT fan and and loves the Cowboys and since he is from the D.C. area, the Redskins…okay, does that sound a little crazy to anyone else that he likes the Cowboys and the Indians? If you ever get a chance to check out one of his shows check him out…I promise you won’t be disappointed! He is also available for booking your favorite party or wedding. He can be reached at 512-576-9642. His card says “Good Tunes, Good Times” and he explained that to me. “In 25 years of doing this so much has changed; the technology, the society etc, but the one thing that has not changed is that if the music is good then people have a good time”. That is what you’ll get with Chad, Good Tunes, Good Times!

in austin september 15th UFC Fight Night: Marquardt vs. Palhares Wednesday, September 15th, 8PM ET Frank Erwin Center Austin, TX Nate Marquardt The Great Nate 32-9-2 6’0” 185 Well-Rounded Takedowns (40%) Submissions (31%) Striking (29%)

vs. Nickname Record Height Weight Genre Strength 1 Strength 2 Strength 3

Rousimar Palhares Toquinho 20-2-0 5’8” 185 Submission Submissions (51%) Takedowns (40%) Striking (10%)

While Nate “The Great” Marquardt is the striker in the match, Rousimar Palhares is a submission-king. Will the seasoned vet, Marquardt, be able to stay on his feet long enough to get-in some solid swings against Palhares? Go check it out at the Frank Erwin Center on the 15th! Heath Samples

LEE EDDINS

6. What is your favorite location to DJ? I love sports bars and any place with good energy. Anywhere I can help create or continue with that fun and energy. I don’t do clubs or any place like that…I’m too old to go to stay up till 2am!

7. What does Chad Austin, DJ Legend do in his spare time? I prepare mentally and physically…and I like a good Whataburger!

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TEXAS austin edition

SEPTEMBER 1

Jason Boland

@ Castle Hill Cafe, Time TBD SEPTEMBER 4

Cross Canadian Ragweed @ The Backyard, 12pm

SEPTEMBER 6

Exodus

@ Emo's, 7pm SEPTEMBER 11

Leon Russel

@ Threadgill's, 8pm SEPTEMBER 17

Citizen Cope

@ Stubb's, Time TBD SEPTEMBER 19

Don McLean

@ One World Theater, 6pm SEPTEMBER 20

Smashing Pumpkins @ Stubb's Amphitheatre, 6pm

SEPTEMBER 22

The PIxies

@ Austin Music Hall, 8pm SEPTEMBER 24

Drive-By Truckers @ Stubb's, 8PM

SEPTEMBER 25

Black Crowes @ Stubb's, 7pm

SEPTEMBER 25

Stone Temple Pilots

@ The Backyard, Time TBD SEPTEMBER 26

Flyleaf & Story of the Year @ Stubb's, 7pm

There are many things you could say about Arkie’s Grill and there are so many things that set it apart from other restaurants in the Austin area. What I like the most about Arkie’s is the fact that it has been around since 1948…that’s since Truman was in ofﬁce! Some describe it as a diner that is “Lost in Time” since other than maybe a few chairs, it looks the same way it did since it was started by a man that everyone called Arkie because he was in Austin and from Arkansas. Even though it was bought by Scotty Stroup, from Arkie, in 1994, and then bought out by the current owners Brandy, Scotty’s daughter and Steve Jones, his son-in-law, not much has changed. It is not uncommon at all to sit down for lunch and be next to someone who can literally tell you all about Arkie’s Grill and Arkie himself. Why are there so many people who still come to Arkie’s Grill and still actually eat breakfast and many times lunch the same day and do it 4 or 5 times a week? In three words…Chef Eddy Marshall. Chef Eddy Marshall is a legend to the patrons of Arkie’s Grill. Rightfully so, since he is now in his 70’s and has been there since he was

26…that’s since JFK was in ofﬁce! His madefrom-scratch recipes keep them coming back. According to Steve, he’s been making those Chicken & Dumplings, his specialty that has been a favorite on the menu for 40 years, the same way and without a single recipe written down! At Arkie’s Grill, you will get down-home hardy cooking, just like your grandmother used to make! There are not a lot of places in Austin where you can still get beef tips served over rice or good old fashioned chicken & dumplings made by someone whose been making them for as long as Chef Eddy has, but you can at Arkie’s Grill. However, you’ll want to come hungry and early because they are only served on Tuesdays and by 11:15 it is hard to ﬁnd a place to sit. Arkie passed away in 1998, but evidently Steve has continued to run Arkie’s Grill in a manner that would make him proud. This year, Arkie’s Grill was named the Number 3 diner in the country according to the Food Network show, “Best Food Ever!” Now that is something to be proud of and since it is right here in Austin, the truth is you can go see for yourself! LEE EDDINS

5-1-TO 2 DO LIST

September 19th

CASA - 5th Annual 5K Super Hero Run- Quit thinking about yourself for a change and go run for abused children. If you are too fat and out of shape, go visit their website and donate some money or volunteer to help them out. www.CasaTravis.org

September 17th & 18th

SEPTEMBER 27

Ratatat

@ Stubb's, 6:30pm

Anyone that knows Steve Jones, the owner of Arkie’s Grill in East Austin, knows how challenging it Governor Perry at Arkie's is to write a serious with Owner Steve Jones article about him. He is one of the funniest characters I know, yep, he’s a friend of mine and I am proud to say it. Friends are hard to come by these days it seems. That’s what I love about Steve, he’s 12 inches to the foot and 36 inches to the yard; what you see is what you get, much like his restaurant, Arkie’s Grill.

A Ride with Bob- The Bob Wills Musical- TSP would not under any other circumstance recommend a play or even worse, a musical to any man...unless of course it was the love of your life's birthday, anniversary, etc. However, here is a chance to see an Austin legend, Ray Benson, who we think is cool just because he dates TSP-Approved news anchor, Michelle Valles, play guitar in, you guessed it, a musical.

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TEXAS austin edition

SPORTS

Texas-Sized

Shoes To Fill IIt’s always been said that, “Everything is bigger in Texas,” and in Garrett Gilbert’s case, that saying even relates to shoes that need to be filled. When Colt McCoy went down with a shoulder injury, Gilbert had to start filling those shoes on the biggest stage and in a pressure-packed situation. While he couldn’t pull off the win, you have to think it was a tough-learned lesson for him. I mean hey, at least it’s a start for what Gilbert has to do this year. When you have to replace someone who threw for 13,253 yards in his career at Texas, close to 5,000 yards more than 2nd place Major Applewhite, you aren’t in the best of situations. Garrett Gilbert does come in with some high credentials though. He was rated the 2nd best quarterback prospect, behind USC quarterback Matt Barkley, in 2009 according to Rivals, 18th best prospect overall. While he doesn’t have the same set of wheels that McCoy was equipped with, Gilbert does have a stronger arm than what McCoy has. He made a number of mistakes early in the National Championship game, throwing a few picks, but once he found McCoy’s bread and butter, Jordan Shipley, he righted his ship. Unfortunately for Gilbert, Shipley is in the NFL now, and he has to find a new go-to guy. While losing Shipley, the Longhorns do return James Kirkendoll and Malcolm Williams. Outside of them though, it turns into a crapshoot with quarterback turned receiver John Chiles as

40acrenews.com

well as Marquise Goodwin and DJ Monroe. The o-line is also getting 3 new starters, but Gilbert’s blindside returns both left tackle Kyle Hix and left guard Michael zimbio.com Huey. Gilbert has a very bright future ahead of him. His ﬁrst major action was the National Title game, Texas always recruits whomever they want in the state giving him the best options to throw to, and he’s starting as a sophomore. Will he make a mark like Colt McCoy did? Highly unlikely as McCoy is the rare, you are lucky if you get him, kind of quarterback; but no one really expects Gilbert to be like McCoy. What Gilbert can do is continue the 10+ winning seasons that Texas has had since 2001. If things go like they did last year, Gilbert might have a second chance at earning himself a National Title. COREY POCHE

JUST A SHOULDER AWAY... They had just forced a turnover and had the ball at their 37 yard line on the opening drive. It appeared as if Texas was going to jump up to an early 7-0 lead and let the defense do their job and have the offense get the ball back. Then, what looked like a pretty normal hit, knocked the collective wind out of the city of Austin. Colt McCoy went down with a shoulder injury, and Texas could never recover from the loss. A promising drive turned out to be a ﬁeld goal, then a recovered onside kick by Texas led to another ﬁeld goal, and Alabama, while down 6-0, knew the game was theirs. It’s a new year now, but the predictions aren’t as good. Phil Steele predicts Texas to be in the Cotton Bowl, a huge drop from where they were last year. While it doesn’t look to be too bright, only 3 games really stick out as potential roadblocks to a possible undefeated season.

Oklahoma: “A Big Game Named After a Lame River” In a game that has often decided one of the

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National Title contenders, this one looks to be in Oklahoma’s favor. The Longhorns lost a bunch of key players on both sides of the ball, and are going to have to use the 4 games leading up to Oklahoma (Rice, Wyoming, Texas Tech, UCLA) to get everything geared up for OU. This game is always a very competitive affair and will always bring the best out of every player on that ﬁeld. In a week that is ﬁlled-up with fried Twinkies, giant turkey legs, and carnival rides; the State Fair gets topped off with some good ole fashioned football.

Nebraska: Guess What? The Black-Shirts Are Pissed When only Colorado and Nebraska did anything during the conference realignment saga, everyone started looking at Chip Brown like he was the Grinch and just ruined Christmas in Lincoln, Nebraska. At the end of this all, everyone got the assumption that Texas hung Nebraska out to dry and that Nebraska was the cause of all of this, not them. Well, this didn’t

make the Lincoln faithful all that happy. How ironic is it that in Nebraska’s last year as part of the Big 12 that they get a home game against Texas? The Longhorns needed a ﬁeld goal at the last second to get past Nebraska in the Big 12 Title game last year. This year, they won’t hear the end of it when they step foot in Lincoln. They get a week off beforehand, and they may need it to prepare for the hell that they are going to step into.

Texas A&M: Are They Even Rivals Anymore? In a game that means a lot more to the Aggie faithful than the Longhorn fans (Hell, most of A&M’s ﬁght song is about beating the Longhorns), stands Texas’ last roadblock before the Big 12 Title game and hopefully, a National Title opportunity. While the rest of the Big 12 tries to replace key players, A&M returns all of theirs. The Longhorns do catch a break in that it’s in Austin this time around, but A&M may be in the same situation that Texas is in and will be ready for this one. The Aggies will

be just coming off a home game against Nebraska, while the Longhorns have Florida Atlantic. Could it be a coincidence that the Longhorns put a cupcake game before their matchup against the Aggies? Obviously Mack Brown is a little scared of this game, and Longhorn fans should be as well. Outside of these three games, the Longhorns don’t have much of a challenge. The Longhorns have a good chance of going undefeated, yet at the same time they may ﬁnish 9-3 and be actually looking at a Cotton Bowl berth. The Longhorns season is going to rely on the arm of Garrett Gilbert and what he can do with the offense. While the defense lost some key playmakers, they always have the bodies to replace them. In the last year that the Big 12 will actually have 12 teams, it might be the best we have seen in awhile, so buckle up for the ride. COREY POCHE

TEXAS austin edition

SPORTS

Three Games to the Title This is finally the year for Texas A&M. It’s been 12 long years since the Aggies beat Kansas State in the Big 12 Championship Game in dramatic fashion. This is the year that could give Coach Mike Sherman some job security and a vote of confidence from “Dollar” Bill Byrne. In a year where every Big 12 team hurt from the NFL Draft or players graduating, Texas A&M comes into this year relatively unscathed. I know it’s kind of hard to believe me when I say things like its A&M’s year when they went 6-7 last year. To me, it comes down to three games: Arkansas: The Battle At JerryWorld In a game last year where A&M even outgained Arkansas, the Aggies still couldn’t find a way to keep up with the Razorbacks, losing 47-19. A&M got the wind knocked out of their sails after an 85 yard fumble return by Arkansas’ Jerry Franklin to make it 21-10. After a couple of three-and-outs, A&M was looking at a 30-10 deficit at halftime after being up 10-7 to start the 2nd quarter. Like A&M, Arkansas returns practically all their starters, so what can be done to top a strong Arkansas team? First, A&M is going to have to stop giving up the big plays. Last year, they gave up a 67 yard pass which led to a TD, the 85 yard fumble return, and a 62 yard TD run near the end of the game. Those 3 plays accounted for a 28 point difference (assuming A&M scores instead of fumbling). Factor that in, and you have

a tie ball game. Second, A&M has to stop dinking and dunking down the ﬁeld and try something deep. Just look at these: Jerrod Johnson: 30/58, 345 yards, 2 TDs, 5.9 avg. Ryan Mallet: 17/27, 271 yards, 4 TDs, 10.0 avg. Now, I know A&M’s offense revolves around the short passes, but if you don’t take chances downﬁeld, you are giving them the chance to load the box. A&M has to be ready to stop Ryan Mallet or he is going to drive it down their throats once again. Oklahoma: Again?

Stoops Has A&M’s Number

65-10, 66-28, 42-14. It just hasn’t been in the same stratosphere when A&M has gone up against Stoops’ Oklahoma Sooners the last 3 years. So, can anything be done to even make this a close game? The OU offense put up 640 YARDS of offense on A&M last year. Their defense also held A&M to only 226 yards of total offense. A&M is going to have to take advantage of OU’s weakened defense. The Sooners only return 5 starters on defense, and although Travis Lewis and Jeremy Beal return, it is a defense that needs some help. It doesn’t seem like A&M will be able to stop the Sooners attack, but they are going to have to ﬁnd a way to somewhat contain them. Expect to see another high scoring affair

like the Arkansas game. UT: The Lonestar Showdown 10 point game, 4th and 3 on the 6 yard line, and a 23 yard missed ﬁeld goal by Randy Bullock crushed any hope of me ending my college career with a win deephousepage.com against Texas. It was even 42-39 before a 95 yard kickoff return for a TD put A&M in the mentioned scenario. If I had to choose any of these 3 games as an A&M win, it would be this one. Texas loses Colt McCoy (who had 304 yards passing, 175 rushing), Jordan Shipley, and only returns 2 of their 5 linemen on offense. On Defense, they lose 4 of their 6 best defenders last year in Earl Thomas, Roddrick Muckelroy, Sergio Kindle, and Lamarr Houston. What those losses also do is take away from the 10 sacks Sam Acho had last year, as offensive lines will be geared up to stop him now. A&M just has to play the way they did last year and should be ﬁne. Garrett Gilbert is a good QB, but he is no Colt McCoy and he loses the guy who saved him in the National Title game (Jordan Shipley). The Aggies defense is going to have to stop their run, and switching to a 3-4 defense may help that. I feel that this is a game

that A&M can win handily, but they are going to have to do it in Austin this time around. Outside of these 3 games, only Missouri and Nebraska prove to be any resemblance of a challenge, but I feel that those 2 will be wins. These 3 games mentioned above are going to be the largest obstacles between a great season and a good season. How do I see this season ﬁnishing out? Looking into these 3 games in-depth, I see a 10-2 ﬁnish with losses to Arkansas and Oklahoma. What I’m also counting on is a more consistent A&M team, so we don’t see another 62-14 loss to KANSAS STATE. This will be the year for A&M to make some noise in the Big 12, but will it be enough noise to make them contenders? COREY POCHE

AD Myers Retires Perhaps most famous for bringing basketball legend Bob Knight to Lubbock out of retirement, Texas Tech Athletic Director Gerald Myers recently announced his planned retirement for May. Tech won two Southwest Conference titles and went to four NCAA tournaments during the 20 years that Myers was basketball coach at Texas Tech, and he continued his impact in Lubbock by bringing Knight into the fold, allowing the legend to win his 880th game, surpassing UNC coach Dean Smith as the winningest Division I men’s coach.

Myers also made the move to bring-in pirate fan Mike Leach to lead the Tech football program in 2000. The pass-happy Leach proved Myers right as he predicted the switch-over from a stale Spike Dykes offense would please Raider fans. The relationship between Myers and Leach went south quickly and publicly, though, and Leach was obviously let go under the eldership of Myers. Regardless, it is no question to Tech fans as to whether or not Myers always did what he could as AD for the Red Raiders. In his own

words, “I never intended to be an AD. I intended to be a coach. I thought I would be one forever… Looking back on it, it’s just as rewarding and gratifying as coaching. In this job, something’s going to come up about every week. If you have a week and nothing happens, that’s unusual.”

Potts and Pans

Mustangs on September 5th, in lieu of Stephen Shefﬁeld. Fans in Lubbock made it clear during a 52-30 blowout showing against the Aggies that they were not happy with how Potts was doing; however, Tuberville & Co. stated that it came down to consistency, “We just felt like Taylor had a better grasp in terms of consistency. I mean, this wasn’t rocket science.” TIMOTHY JENKINS-WADE

Head Coach Tommy Tuberville announced that Taylor Potts will be the starter when the Raiders take the ﬁeld against the SMU

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SPORTS

TRUTH SERUM

It's a Baylor "Bear Market" Do you know the last time that Baylor had a winning record? 1995, going 7-4. Do you know the signiﬁcance of that year? It was the last year of the SWC. Ever since then, it’s been a constant downfall. The Baylor faithful were ecstatic when they hired Art Briles, but unfortunately he hasn’t done too much to turn this team around. Could this be the year though that Baylor starts to edge closer to the .500 mark and even make a bowl game?

HE’S BACK!!!

With Robert Griffin: 2-1 Without Robert Griffin: 2-7 If you need any indication of how important Robert Griffin is to this team, just ask any Baylor fan. Here is a guy that, as a true freshman, threw for 2091 yards, 15 touchdowns, only 3 interceptions, and also ran for another 862 yards and 13 touchdowns. Baylor’s most important game this year will be September 4th against Sam Houston State. Now how in the world could Sam Houston State be important in any facet of that word? Well, it will be Griffin’s first game back from his surgery to repair a torn ACL. If you want any indication of how this season for Baylor is going to be, it will be this one. Griffin will have to shake some of the rust and cobwebs

with Corey "The Truth" Poche

out in this game, and will have to do it fast because he won’t have much time before their ﬁrst real challenge.

Purple Reign On September 18th, Baylor will take the short trip up to Fort Worth Texas to face one of the most impressive teams over the past couple of years, the TCU Horned Frogs. The worst news for Baylor? TCU only loses their two best defenders, Jerry Hughes and Daryl Washington, but return pretty much everyone else from last season. Griffin will definitely have his hands full as he will be going up against one of the premier defenses in college football today. A win here would be a huge confidence-booster for the Bears, but to simply stay in the same area code—score-wise—would be an accomplishment for them as well.

The Brazos River Shootout (Bears/Aggies)

38-3, 528 yards of total offense given up, and yet the year before they pulled off a 41-21 upset. Baylor always comes out for this game at home, so with Grifﬁn coming back and Waco hosting this game, expect to see them try to ruin a good year for A&M late. The only

sportsillustrated.cnn.com

problem for Baylor is that they gave up 375 yards rushing, and they lose their 3 best tacklers, giving them a little more of a challenge defensively. Art Briles may be sitting on a very hot seat in Waco and this hot summer hasn’t helped that seat get any cooler. Going into his 3rd season with Baylor, he hasn’t done much to make the Baylor faithful any happier. Briles will need a good season this year, or that seat he has been sitting on may catch ablaze. Unfortunately, this season is going to be riding on the shoulders of—or maybe the knee, rather—of one person: Robert Grifﬁn. If he can come back and be his old self, things may look up for this team. COREY POCHE

Local High School The ﬁrst week of high school football saw the following unfold: Nuevo Leon 7 @ McCallum 34 @ Seguin 35 @ Hays 41 @ De Soto 56 @ Marble Falls 42 @ S. Carroll 14 @ New Braunfels 24@ Waco Midway 17 @ Bowie 21 @

Stony Point 48 Anderson 48 Uvalde 20 Akins 20 Leander 35 San Marcos 0 Copperas Cove 35 Canyon 19 Round Rock 0 Pﬂugerville 27

Killeen 28 Bastrop 20 Connally 27 Belton 27 Shoemaker 7 Austin High 32 Westwood 7 Del Valle 55 Georgetown 14 Westlake 21

@ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @

Ellison 25 McNeil 22 Temple 24 Abilene36 San Angelo Central Waco 34 Cedar Park 31 Los Fresnos 14 Harker Heights 24 Lake Travis 32

Games to watch in September: 2nd 3rd 4th 9th 10th 11th

Seguin @ Bastrop, 7PM S.A. Wagner @ Stony Pt, 7:30PM Killeen @ Shoemaker, 6PM Monterrey Tech @ Stony Pt, 7PM Bryan @ McNeil, 7:30PM Harker Heights @ Killeen, 6PM

16th 17th 23rd 24th 25th

Cedar Park @ Austin HS, 7:30PM Pﬂugerville @ Westlake, 7:30PM Pﬂugerville @ Akins, 7:30PM Copperas Cove @ Belton, 7:30PM Harker Heights @ Shoemaker 6PM

UFC 119: Mir vs. Cro Cop Saturday, September 25th, 10PM ET Conseco Fieldhouse Indianapolis, IN Frank Mir 13-5-0 6‘3“ 240 Submission

vs. Record Height Weight Strength

Mirko Cro Cop 27-7-2, 1NC 6‘2“ 220 Striking

Frank Mir is one of the best submission-ﬁghters in MMA. He has also improved his striking ability as well as his takedown skill-set. On the other side of the ﬁght card, Mirko Cro Cop looks to use the left side of his body to both punch and kick you. He has true knock-out power and has been around long enough to know how to avoid mistakes. This should be a great match-up.

Last week, as I was watching the same SportsCenter for the umpteenth time, I was interrupted by something that almost made me throw up as a sports fan. What was shown on my television was a disgrace to sports and a disgrace to a player I once thought of as a legend. I was watching Brett Favre’s jet land in Minnesota. After the landing and meeting of by Vikings personnel, they continued to follow Favre as he DROVE to the Vikings facilities. The moment I saw this, the first thought that went through my head was, “Damn, this is like the modern day O.J. Simpson.” Here we are following a car ride on live television as they talked Favrethis and Favre-that the whole time. The only differences were that Favre didn’t have a gun to his head in the back of a white Ford Bronco, and he wasn’t being driven by Al Cowlings. In a way, it was the perfect ending to the last summer that we will have to put up with this unretiring crap, at least according to Favre himself (we know how well that goes, right Green Bay and New York?). Here, is a guy that created a legacy in Green Bay, placing himself with the likes of Bart Starr and Vince Lombardi. Here, is a guy who was brought to tears and choked the words out after he retired from the team that he gave 16 years of his professional career to. This is a guy who set the record (and likely will never be passed) for most consecutive games started, including a Monday Night football game the day after his father died (He only put up 399 total yards and 4 TDs too). He has an NFL record list that is more than a page long, but he will only be remembered for the annoyance he has been the last FOUR summers. Why is it that every major athlete tarnishes their careers by trying to give it one last shot? Jordan, Jerry Rice, and now Favre to name a few. It was kind of eerie when the first few weeks of this summer went by with very little Favre gossip. I should have known better, as Favre ruined the sports world for yet another summer. Then, he has the audacity to come out and say how he hates holdouts, yet he has been one now for the past 4 off-seasons. Everyone jumped on Albert Haynesworth when he failed his tests to practice, but it’s like Favre craps gold, and could never be looked down upon. So, thanks again Favre for being your selfish self once again, and (I know this is going to sound evil) I hope that the Saints can finish off the job in week 1 that they started in the NFC Championship game last year.

TIMOTHY JENKINS-WADE

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JOKES

WWW.KENTUCKYCROSSWORDS.COM

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. 1. We all know the Tower is lit with the number one to honor a National Champion. But what was the last number other than one to grace the Tower - and why? 2. How many Associated Press (AP) National Titles did the Longhorns win in the Twentieth Century? 3. Ricky Williams wore the jersey number 11 before switching to 34. But he also wore another number in one game only. What was it, and why did he wear it? 4. Texas defeated A&M for the ﬁnal SWC championship in 1995. What was the score of that game? 5. Until 2001, Texas hadn't won a bowl game outside the State of Texas in more than 50 years. Which bowl did Texas win, and who was the opponent? 6. Until Texas beat LSU in the 2003 Cotton Bowl, how many consecutive games had the team lost in Dallas? 7. What was head cheerleader Harley Clark responsible for in 1955?

7. Creating the Hook 'Em Horns sign 6. 5: Beginning with the 2000 Cotton Bowl loss to Arkansas, three straight to OU, and the 2001 Big 12 Championship game against Colorado. 5. Holiday Bowl versus Washington 4. 16-6 at Kyle Field 3. Ricky wore 37 against OU in 1998 to honor Doak Walker 2. 2 - in 1963 and 1969. But not in 1970: UT was UPI's selection, but Nebraska topped the AP poll. 1. 34, to honor Ricky Williams

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered ﬂuorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

with

SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Conﬁrm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT: You have been in a ﬁght. ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

ACROSS 1. MLB slugger Dunn 5. Father 9. Baggage 13. Prego's companion 14. Butter-maker 15. Destroy 16. Lou Gehrig, aka "The ____ Horse" 17. 1997 & '98 Hart Memorial Trophy winner 18. Recommend 19. African basketball "powerhouse" ? 21. Winners of this trophy include Roger Staubach, Steve Spurrier, and Eddie George 23. Blueish-white metal 25. Flow out slowly 26. Pat lightly 29. Trickery 31. Spring ﬂower 34. Ed Walsh holds MLB's record 35. Cleveland indians' HOF pitcher, Bob 37. Denver Broncos' career record holder for FG's

39. Motorcar 41. _____ Player Stadium; Miami, FL 42. Fragrance 43. Aﬂoar 44. Dance 46. Isiah Thomas began work as basketball analyst for this network in 1997 47. Mr Cub, _____ Banks 50. Hammer's partner 51. Hurricane center 52. Ripped 54. Reserve Ofﬁcers' Training Corps 56. "Big Unit" or "Magic" 59. Sounds 63. Meager 64. Deuce ace 66. Pear type 67. Stare 68. Computer code 69. Dog food brand 70. Eli and Peyton, for short 71. Believe 72. 2000 NL MVP (SF Giants) DOWNS

1. Opera solo 2. Fix the socks 3. Impatient 4. Bengals' HOF tackle; NFL OL of the Year in '81, '87, '88 5. Expression of surprise 6. Another name for minor leagues 7. NFL QB that led college team to 2000 Rose Bowl 8. A Cardinals' top prospect in 1999, known for wild pitches. 9. Falcons' Alge 10. Manor 11. What the catcher gives the pitcher 12. East/ Northeast 14. Cubs' Tinker2-Evers-2 ? 20. Tightly twisted thread 22. Whale 24. Spring traning _______ 26. Ten 27. Stood up 28. Olympic Swimmer, at one time held all existing backstroke records for women

30. HOP foalie, Paddy 32. Isolated 33. 2007 NBA Defensive POY 36. 1997 AL ROY (Red Sox SS) 38. Spice 40. 2004 Super Bowl participant 42. Hockey center Antti 45. Swimmer, won 7 medals at 1988 Summer Olympics 48. Cation 49. Angels chose this OF as the ﬁrst pick of the 1995 amateur draft 53. Vikings and Packers division sometime referred to as this 55. Slovak hockey center Martin 56. Tease 57. Brand of sandwich cookie 58. Pleasant 60. Only 61. Home of Sportscenter 62. NBA player Robert Archibald, for one 63. Bud Selig's org. 65. Fire

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