Invictanewsletter~march 2014 (1) by Thames Valley UK Chapter, 9746

Harley Owners Group ®

INVICTA NEWS March 2014

OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF INVICTA CHAPTER UK

Tracy Bourke, our Golden Envelope winner with Invicta’s Director and Treasurer. The views and comments contained in this Newsletter are the personal views of the contributors and are not necessarily those expressed by the Editor, Invicta Chapter UK, HOG UK, Harley-Davidson or their authorised dealers or agents.

Itjackdawgreat guide The Editor’s

Column

photographic department and Robbo has already received deserved acclaim for his Faaker See DVD – if you want to be in the next one, you must forward your photos to him. The East Kent Area Meet held a race night in January and most profitable it was for your Editor who can now buy some more chrome polish with his winnings! Please keep your contributions coming for inclusion in the Newsletter. If I can’t always get them in the current issue, they will eventually appear.

PLEASE SEE VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE ON PAGE 4

Send in your articles, photos and blackmail

for inclusion in the Newsletter, to: Our cover shows Tracey Bourke receiving her cheque for nearly £2,000 as winner of our Golden Envelope competition, from Ian Martin, our Director and Gill Whibley our Treasurer. Tracey, unsurprisingly, can hardly stop smiling! Following the sad passing of Mike Leeks last month, we now have to mourn the sudden death of the Chapter Webmaster Jim ‘Techno’ Miller. At this distressing time our thoughts are with his family. Elsewhere in the Newsletter you will see our new

editor@invictahog.co.uk I now have my twin pipes fitted and they are now adorned with their gorgeous fishtails, but… I’m still having trouble getting loud pipes - don’t know why? I’m still baffled!

Chris Thomson EDITOR

Useful Information HOTLINE ~ 0845 094 2138 INVICTA WEB SITE view at http://www.invictahog.co.uk INVICTA NEWS CONTRIBUTIONS email to editor@invictahog.co.uk Or send to Invicta News Editor, 36 Glebeland s, Ash, Canterbury CT3 2HZ Please send by 20th Month for inclusion in n ext months issue

Invicta Chapter UK, Harley Owners Group #9141 founded 1991

2013–2014 Invicta Chapter UK Committee

Director

Past Director

Treasurer

Ian Martin

John Felgate

Gill Whibley

director@invictahog.co.uk 01622 890598

pastdirector@invictahog.co.uk 01622 884429

treasurer@invictahog.co.uk 01622 730626

Assistant Director ‘A’

Assistant Director ‘B’

Assistant Director ‘C’

Karen Melhuish

Colin Proudlock

Graham Chambers

assistantdirectora@invictahog.co.uk 01634 305037 / 07758 400055

assistantdirectorb@invictahog.co.uk 01304 613117

assistantdirectorc@invictahog.co.uk 01634 828436

Events Officer

Ladies of Harley

Secretary/Membership

Andy Hill

Amanda Harding

Darren & Diana Boyce

events@invictahog.co.uk 01304 202072

loh@invictahog.co.uk 07590 463616

secretary@invictahog.co.uk 01795 429032

Editor

Head Road Captain

Webmaster

RIP Techno Chris Thomson

Lawrence ‘Rocky’ Whibley

editor@invictahog.co.uk 01304 812731

hrc@invictahog.co.uk 01622 730626

Events Team – Non Committee Members

Nicky Whitehead

Simon Williams

Val Pilcher

Contact with the committee must be by email or telephone NOT Facebook or Twitter

Reports

BISLEY -IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT Since our advert in the Spring 2014 edition of H.O.G.® magazine went to press, despite the considerable efforts of the South of England Rally’s organising committee, it has not been possible to negotiate acceptable terms for the use of Bisley for SofER in 2014, and we find ourselves in the position of having to consider other options. To allow adequate time and take advantage of this chance to explore all opportunities, we regret, as a result, that we must announce the cancellation of the event planned this year for 1-3 August. The 5 organising Chapters and H.O.G.® are disappointed at this outcome and we know that many of you will be too. We all have some great memories of SofER and would like to thank everybody at Bisley who has given us their support, friendship and hospitality over the last 10 years – the staff of the NRA, those at the clubhouses, and Bisley Pavilion. Thanks also to the sponsoring dealerships, traders and most of all, to you – the loyal H.O.G.® members and friends who have made SofER such a great H.O.G.® event to date. Please rest assured that the team that has brought you this great event through the years is committed to presenting you with another South of England Rally in future. Watch this space, our Facebook page, H.O.G.® magazine and stay in tune with Thames Valley, Oxford, 1066, Hogsback and Invicta Chapters to keep up to date with rally news.

Meet The Team At Maidstone Harley-Davidson®

Harry

Doug

Andy

Joe

Sonia

Dealership Manager

Motorcycle Sales Advisor

Motorcycle Sales Admin

harrypearce@mshd.co.uk

dougfrench@mshd.co.uk

andycard@mshd.co.uk

joepapagno@mshd.co.uk

soniacheverton@mshd.co.uk

Dave

Mick

Grubs

Peter

Richard

Master Technician

Technician

Service Advisor

Parts & Accessories Advisor

petergolding@mshd.co.uk

richardcranston@mshd.co.uk

Joe

Mary

Carol

Ellie

Sarah

Parts & Accessories Advisor

MotorClothes® Specialist

MotorClothes® Supervisor

MotorClothes® Advisor

joeparkinson@mshd.co.uk

maryfelgate@mshd.co.uk

carolvaughan@mshd.co.uk

Maidstone Harley-Davidson® Forstal Road | Aylesford | Kent | ME20 7XA

01622 711680

www.mshd.co.uk

Reports

Director’s Dialogue March 2014

It’s not rained for 2 days now and some sunshine too, won’t last is all I hear. The bikes do look good in our garage, so just had to fire them up yesterday, do miss that sound. Last Saturday 15th we had a fun Quiz evening organised by Val and Nicky with our own Nick Ovenden as compere at the Dancing Dog Saloon. A grand job done by all. Can’t remember how much we raised for charity, Spitfire can have this effect on me, it was a pretty good amount I understand. We had an excellent committee meeting last week too, with Paul Newton explaining the merits of building websites and he agreed to take on our build project for free. Many thanks Paul. We also had Harry Pearce from MSHD who discussed lots of ideas he has for working with the chapter, giving us promotions etc. The first being the Chapter Challenge Mileage programme, final details will be announced shortly. MSHD will be putting up prizes again this year, so get riding when the weather improves and don’t forget to register, which includes all those going to the USA. Rental bike mileages count! Remember bikes are being picked up free for servicing (servicing your cost). It looks like being an exciting year with Invicta and MSHD. We have our Spring Ball on Saturday 29 th March at the Village Hotel with our own DJ Graham Ibiza Bliss. Last year was great, let’s make it a better one this year. Tickets are £32.50 per head and a discounted double room with all you can eat breakfast for 2 is £70, which includes use of the fitness rooms, swimming pool etc. Just quote ref: HARL290314 Tel 01622 656914. We are also going to The Magic Bike Week in Rudesheim, leaving early Thursday 19th back on Sunday 22nd June where we will be meeting up with our Chapter pals returning from Croatia. It’s about 350 miles from Calais so approx. 6-7 hrs riding . Andy Hill is sorting the hotel so if you want to go get in touch with him asap. I will sort Eurotunnel bookings when I know numbers. (Contd.)

Reports

(Contd.) The Golden Envelope was won at Club night by Tracey Bourke £1992, she was delighted (she nearly left her tickets behind - good job Kevin checked). We had a break in February but will start again at area meets in March. There will only be 6 envelopes this time which will be sealed/witnessed at March Club night. Robbo has also produced a fantastic DVD of our trip to Faakersee in 2013. All who went should buy a copy and for those who have not done a tour yet, see what happens. It’s only £5.00, some of which goes to charity after costs. The sad news last month was to hear of the loss of ‘Techno’, Jim Miller, our Webmaster. Condolences to his family from all at Invicta and HOG HQ. Invicta have made a donation to his charity, the John Graham Trust, which is also one we support at present. Let’s hope he can have a word or two up there and bring on the sunshine! Be safe out there Ian

Invicta Chapter Official Photographers

Alan Alan Efford

John’o John’o Robinson

Reports

The Tilting Files. Assistant Director ‘C’ – Graham Chambers More wet and soggy ramblings……. Where do I begin? What could go wrong has gone wrong!!!!…. I have been trying to move house since last August; what a night-mare we have had with that; I think I must have killed a few black cats in my time? The only time the solicitor wrote after two months of negotiations was to tell us that he had gone out of business, and he had been bought out!!! Great start we thought? And then to cap it all after five months of to-ing and fro-ing, my garden has decided to turn itself into a terrace garden? We woke up last week to find that it had sunk two foot overnight, so with only ten days to go before Exchange of Contracts (we have lived here for 21 years and nothing has ever happened until now!!!!) we had to sort out the problem – the patio and garden wall is slipping slowly as I speak!!!!! The powers to be have told us not to dig or step on the garden, because they don’t know what’s happening underneath - (I could disappear without trace? Carol’s hoping?), so now we have the Technical Team coming in to find the cause. At one time, because Carol put the fear of God up all the Agencies with tales of the Dockyard wall falling down and causing severe damage and possibly causing fatalities that’s when the various Agencies jumped in and at one time we had eight people from the various agencies milling around. (and to make things worse it now turns out that the wall is listed!!!!), they were all scratching their heads, and drinking vast quantities of my tea and eating all my biscuits, while they discussed the second world war, and the Germans dropping bombs on the dockyard (sorry 5th Season), I thought for one minute I was going to have to find the bloody German pilot who blow up the chip shop, and now my garden! (Bloody Luftwaffe? I did think of writing to Dyson for help!!!) I thought maybe I could sell tickets for people to come in and see the latest Dockyard tourist attraction – I’ve been living out of boxes for the last three weeks, because Carol is so organised, she’s already sold half the house on e-bay, so if there are no ramblings next month please come and dig up my garden I could be underneath!!!!!! The club’s rolling along nicely, and the calendar is filling up with things to do during the year. Although the Fifth Season are not coming over this year this does free up July and August so any ideas for ride outs for those months will be welcome. Quiz night at the “Dancing Dog” went off very well; I got a superb team around me, as I am fed up with coming last? As the evening went on we were doing very well!!! I was pertaining to know the answers throwing the odd answer in? but the team was doing quite well without me? Answering most of the questions, so I was full of hope - We had most angles covered, things were looking good as we played our joker round; at the end we were announced WINNERS…. Hurrah!!! And that’s a first for Carol and me? Only to have our moment of glory snatched away three seconds later as they added up the scores wrong? But I didn’t come last, which was the most important thing, but a brilliant night with lots of laughs and great company, so well done Val and Nicky; looking forward to the next one? I think everyone donated their winnings to the club charity so well done everyone. Great news that the “Cider Rally” is now going ahead, so all of you that are going you will have a great time. I’m hoping with all this rain we will finally have a brilliant summer. Well, if hopefully I don’t fall down this spoil hole I will be around next month to tell another tale. Ride safe Tilt

Reports

Assistant Director ‘A’ – Karen Melhuish Well this month we had curling, a meal afterwards in the Camden Arms, this was great fun, we always have a bit of a laugh. Gary is still as competitive as ever, you should see the concentration on his face and how we all show off it’s only a game? The rain has been a real problem, but not like the poor people in Somerset and more locally in Yalding I have to say we will all be really happy to get through this dreadful historical weather period. I have just booked my bike in for its yearly check and soon I will be out to play. The quiz night at the Dancing Dog Saloon was fab, didn’t we all do well, a big thanks to Nicki and Val for all the hard work that went into this event and to Nick too for being the quiz master, we raised a bit for the charities whilst having fun which is brilliant. So many things planned for the coming months, we have all been busy discussing things at the committee meetings along with other people Harry from the dealership and Paul Newton who came to share information with us which is always appreciated big thanks for their input. Lots always going on behind the scenes to try and make the club better for the members, and I must say it was blooming cold and a late night in the club house recently, no beer included either all for the good of Invicta. Just a few jaffa cakes to hand around!! I recently adopted a dog he is a little Jack Russell crossed with a Shitzu making him a Jack shit of course, I have been considering how I can adapt him to the life of a Harley Davidson club member. Marty says I am not all there, Mandy and I have been swopping dog stories and I have asked Mary Fairy what they have in the dealership that will be fetching attire for my boy whose name is Tye, anyone on Face book will have seen the pictures and the antics he has been getting up to, and recently he has been to the vet., Johns recent message on face book was pretty unsympathetic until I asked how he would cope if he had a similar experience, that soon put paid to Johns comments!!! Thank you Darren for my Norbert accessories which are all being put to good use, I was just so delighted with all the goodies, anyone who knows me well would have an inkling as to why Norbert accessories will have this effect. I have suggested Mandy and I take our dogs for a walkies soon stopping of to hand out cheques to the charities for the past year which may be good pictures for later in the year especially if they are wearing Harley colours / hats or badges we will have to see what we can do. Finally Techno, - I was already missing him around the big table and I was so sad to hear of his passing, let’s all remember how much he put into the club behind the scenes for Invicta and a big thanks to him for all he did. Oh well, see you all soon. That’s enough from me for now except have fun and I will update on any events for the Pippin soon. Love and kisses, stay safe.

Karen X

Obituary

James William Miller (Techno) 10th Feb 1953 – 26th Jan 2014. Many moons ago I was standing outside the foundry there was a middle aged guy admiring his bike a brand new black FXD, well we got talking and he introduced himself as Jim, he seemed knowledgeable and really into his bike and as I had only recently chopped my FXD in, we chewed the cud over what a great bike the Dyna was. It was sometime later when we meet again at Whitstable Rugby Club which is where we used to have our club night, he walked over and started up the same conversation that we had, had weeks earlier, but this time Jim was carrying a giant black block of plastic, It’s a Cell phone he told us, “oh” I said he then went on to tell us all about it, I remember thinking to myself these will never catch on. At this time you needed to know everyone’s number and area code, as there wasn’t a contacts menu! I mean what was the use of that! He then produced his Fileofax with everybody’s number in ahhhh now that is clever, I thought to myself. So over the years we met up on the occasional East Kent Club meets at Wingham, The George at Molash and the George at Stone St, I remember him telling us about his trip to France on a DDT, things that were difficult for us to do with a young family. One evening there was a crowd gathering around him he had another gadget the first Tom Tom rider I had ever seen, it looked and sounded like an OK bit of kit, it was around this time that his nickname Techno came about. I remember seeing Jim on the M20 returning from a soggy trip to Minehead in 2003 to celebrate 100 year anniversary it was pelting down, Jim didn’t like the wet (who does) In 2007 the Chapter had a summer Holiday in France at a place called Entragues which is in the mid Pyrenees. Jim came on this trip, we had 3 rides going down Jim wasn’t in our group and I can’t remember too much about how he did, only that he had a bike to bike communication system and could eaves drop on all the husband wife arguments going on in his group. It wasn’t until the homeward bound trip when Jim was in my group. We was going OK until we hit heavy rain a road tunnel had been closed, so the only way was over the top, Jim was sandwiched between me and Mary and although he never put a foot wrong he later told me at the petrol stop “JEF (He called me that for ages even though I had told him it was my initials) if it wasn’t for your misses, bum I would have been all over the place!” At that petrol stop, Jim hung his helmet by its strap from his handle bars, it was a coffee break and light lunch and I remember the thunder and this amazing downpour before Jim realised what he had done a sudden dash for the bike and a further two days riding ahead with a soggy helmet. Jim took over as Chapter Webmaster from Maggs in 2011 and rebuilt the website, his hard work awarded the Chapter as it became H.O.G compliant for the first time, and many of his antics had us in stitches of laughter. He once phoned me before a meeting. Boss (his other pet name for me) can’t make the meeting tonight as I’ve had a very bad argument with a BBQ sauce bottle and the sauce bottle won and I’ve got to go home to change. Know you couldn’t have made that up! Last summer Mary and I were blatting up the A2, in front of us was a new H-D Switchback, as I passed it I dropped my left foot to acknowledge the other rider and carried on. When we got home the phone rang. “Alright Boss was your house on fire? or something, you and Fairy weren’t half in a hurry!” Off course it was Jim out running in his new bike. Jim totally got SOFER! He loved the camaraderie, the atmosphere, he would plant his deck chair on Monument green and that was him for day and most the night, beer in hand listening to the music. At his funeral we were told that he had studied the Bible to try and make sense of it, you may think that there were 10 commandments, but Jim knew there was an 11th commandment and he would never break it unless he had to. Thou shalt not ride your Harley in the rain! Jim will be greatly missed by all those that knew him and our thoughts go out to Ann, Hayley and the rest of the family at this very sad time. Ride in Peace Techno. John Felgate Past Director.

R I P Techno – Much Too Young.

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Members Trades and Services

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ONLY £25.00 TO PROMOTE YOUR BUSINESS / SERVICE / PRODUCT IN THE NEXT 12 EDITIONS OF INVICTA NEWS ~ PLEASE SEND YOUR ADVERTISEMENT & CHEQUE TO: Gill Whibley (Treasurer) 117 Spot Lane, Bearsted, Maidstone, Kent. ME15 8UB

CLUB NIGHT AND AND AREA MEET VENUES Club Night Venue Charing Clubhouse Arthur Baker Playing Field The Moat Charing Ashford Meet held on Kent TN27 0JJ 1st Weds of the month

West Kent Area Meet Venue The Brookers Oast The Hop Farm Beltring Paddock Wood Tonbridge Meet held on Kent TN12 6PY 2nd Weds of the month

North Kent Area Meet Venue The Pippin London Road Maidstone Kent ME16 0DR Meet held on 3rd Weds of the month

East Kent Area Meet Venue The Jackdaw Denton Canterbury Kent CT4 6QZ

Meet held on 4th Weds of the month

Reports

The Incredible Shrinking Man

Your East Kent Director is now spending so much time watching Emmerdale that he he is forgetting to eat, and has currently lost 4 stone! (Congratulations Col! – Ed.) Ed.) Assistant Director ‘B’ – Colin Proudlock Hi all, Firstly I must say that we have lost a special member this month, RIP Techno, you will be greatly missed. Saturday night was the quiz night it was great fun with a very good turnout. Thanks to the hard work of Val and Niki it was a great success. Well my bike goes for its service and MOT next week, then, weather permitting, start to get out. The bad news about SOFER means the East Kent meet WILL be at the Jackdaw next month and NOT at The George.

That’s all for now folks. Colin.

Events

SofER 2014 Cancelled Well by now I am sure that all of you will have had the news of this cancellation, I know the committee tried always to keep this going and it was very hard for them to face up to the insurmountable obstaclesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; being put in their way.

5th Season visit in August I am also to be the bearer of more bad news, being very sorry to inform you that this also will not be taking place this year, I have been in conversation with Michael their director and we have decided rather than to make it fixed in the calendar. But to maybe move it and make it a combined chapter event somewhere. The invites are always open and reciprocated, I know we will be most welcome to their events and it goes without saying they are to ours.

Stop Press August this year where do we go from here Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s be positive on this, and not drown in our sorrows, for a start Chris was able to hold going to press and hence here I am with a new article. So on a positive note lets make use of this planned weekend of SofER and do something. For those in the club that have to taken leave and those who can only within the school holidays, they now will be able to join with us all, and I will start looking into a Dodgy Tour. I have nothing planned as yet but on having conversations with some of you as to ideas of where to go. So far it looks like the favourite being the Ardennes. I will hold any plans until I have spoken with more of you following this article, please if you have any ideas please make me aware, phone, email, talk to me. I need to move on this one quick thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s saying I can find hotels! It will be out on Thursday back on Sunday!

Spring Ball 29th March There are still a few places left but we need to know like now, if you want to come, friends and family are most welcome, so either contact Nicky, Val or Me.

Help is needed for suggestions of places to go for Sunday rideouts do you know of places within say 100 miles of the Dealership. Even if we have been before some may have missed that trip!

Mail or phone me andlynn@talktalk.net 01304 202072

Events

Ride Skills Day at Brands Hatch Tuesday 6th May The take up for this has been very good; if you want to join us please contact me there are still places left. The course, run by The Kent Fire & Rescue Service, and assistance from IAM, Survival Skills, MC Training and Motor Sport Vision. This will be offering Invicta the chance as club to experience many differing aspects of biking. Aimed at all, from the novice nervous, to the more experienced riders who may want to develop their skills. To become, a more accomplished rider on the road, gain confidence, stay safe and get more from your machine. Covered on the day, Basic first aid for bikers, Hazard perception, Slow speed control, Observed road rides, 2 x 20 minute track taster sessions. These are used to gain handling and cornering control, or just to say you have ridden around Brands. These used to compliment the road training sessions, and are not about turning you into the next Moto GP champion. Even the most experienced riders will find some useful input for improving their road riding. Please note: if you wish to go out on the track you will need to produce a full, current and unrestricted category A motorcycle licence upon registration. An ACU approved full face helmet, bike boots, leather gloves and either one or two piece full zip-together leathers. For the avoidance of doubt, textile riding equipment is not permitted. All in one day for £50-00! Lunch is available on the day, and you will use your own bike. Reference to the leathers & helmet, I am sure we can borrow/hire some for the day. Contact me for full details and bookings etc.

RTTW 2014 starts at the Menin Gate With this also we have had a good up take. On Wednesday 1st October we catch the 09-00 train to Calais, ride to Ypres and our hotel, and then we will visit the memorial museum, later on at 20-00 taking part in the last post service at the Menin the Gate then dinner. The next day we move onto Saint Omar visit some WW1 & WW2 sites. Friday we catch the train back to the UK picking up any who just wish to be part of the RTTW in the UK and ride to the Tamworth hotel. The cost for the whole 5 days is coming in at about £330-00/couple, Belgium/France about £220 including the train. UK only £116 I have booked 12 rooms and 15 bikes on the train at present and may need more. Phone, email, or speak to me or Des Larner, who is the lead in this.

Events

Booking form with deposits cheques made out to Invicta HOG® to me. Mail or phone for details andlynn@talktalk.net 01304 202072

Booking form for RTTW 2014 Name(s) & on 1 bike. 2 bikes

Name

Bike 1

Name

Bike 2

Name Single shared accommodation Single

Name Name Model

Your Email

Bike Reg (1) Bike Reg (2)

Model

£50-00 Deposit enclosed Yes…………

No…………

Booking form for Rider Skills day at Brands Name One or two piece full zip-together leathers

Yes

An ACU approved full face helmet

Yes

Exhaust under 95 Decibels at 3000 RPM

Yes

PLEASE PHOTOCOPY FORM AND SEND TO ANDY HILL, DETAILS AS AT TOP OF PAGE.

Miscellaneous

New Members Invicta Chapter UK would like to extend a very warm welcome to the following New Members: New Members This Month Chris Welfare

Ralph Wilcox

Jax Wilcox

Please speak to any committee member if you require any help or assistance.

Happy Birthday

Stephen Beal

Gary Briggs

John Brooker

Adrian Clark

Peter Cooke

Steve Fitzpatrick

Mandy Harding

Lynn Hill

Sharon Humby

Alex Johnson

Lynn Johnson

Chris Moon

Lorna Morrison

Trudi Ouzman

Martin Pemble

Gill Whibley

Calendar

March 2014

5 12 19 26

Wed Wed Wed Wed

Club Night, Charing, TN27 0JJ West Kent Area Meet, The Brookers Oast, Paddock Wood, TN12 6PY North Kent Area Meet, The Pippin, Maidstone, ME16 0DR East Kent Area Meet, The Jackdaw, Denton, Canterbury CT4 6QZ

Sat

INVICTA SPRING BALL, Village Hotel, Maidstone, ME14 3AQ

Closed Open Open Open Closed

Closed Open Open Open

Club Night, Charing, TN27 0JJ Ride Skills Day at Brands Hatch West Kent Area Meet, The Brookers Oast, Paddock Wood, TN12 6PY North Kent Area Meet, The Pippin, Maidstone, ME16 0DR Magic Bike Week, Rudesheim, Germany. East Kent Area Meet, The Jackdaw, Denton, Canterbury CT4 6QZ

Closed Open Open Open Open Open

April 2014

2 9 16 23

Wed Wed Wed Wed

May 2014

7 14 21 28

Wed Wed Wed Wed

June 2014

4 6 11 18 19-22 25

Wed Fri Wed Wed Thur / Sun Wed

Key To H.O.G. Terminology Closed Event

~Those Chapter events which are open to Chapter members and one guest per member

Open Event

~Those Chapter events which are open to Chapter members, international H.O.G. members and other guests as desired

Member Events

~Events only open to H.O.G. members

Remember, to participate in Invicta Chapter Closed Events, you must keep your H.O.G. and Invicta Chapter memberships current.

The Last Word

Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Confucious WORDSEARCH ~ BITS AND BYTES

53,000 Scousers meet in Anfield for a 'Scousers Are Not Stupid' convention. Steven Gerrard, the Liverpool Captain, addresses the crowd…. 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Scousers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?' Wayne Rooney gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Gerrard asks him 'What is 15 plus 15?' After 15 or 20 seconds Rooney says, ' Forty!' Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Scousers start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

BITS, BYTE, CACHE, COMPUTER, DATA, DESKTOP, DIGITAL, DISK, DRIVER, FLOPPY, GIGABYTE, HARD DRIVE, HARDWARE, HEXADECIMAL, INPUT, INSTALLATION, INTERNET, KEYBOARD, KILOBYTE, LAPTOP, MAINFRAME, MEGABYTE, MEMORY, MICROCHIP, MODEM, MONITOR, MOUSE, NOTEBOOK, OUTPUT, PASSWORD, PERIPHERAL, PRINTER, PROCESSOR, PROGRAM, SCANNER, SCREENSAVER, SOFTWARE, UTILITY, VIRUS, WIZARD..

MEDIUM SUDOKU Fill in the grid so that every column, row and 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9 only once.

Gerrard says, 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.' So he asks, 'What is 5 plus 5?' After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, ' Twelve?' Gerrard looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Rooney starts crying. But then the 53,000 Scousers begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!' Gerrard, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'OK then, what is 2 plus 2?' Silence hangs over the stadium. Rooney closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?' Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Scouse crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

Apologies to any Scouse members!– Ed.