The Cascade Vol. 23 No. 12

Vol. 23 Issue 12

April 1, 2015 to April 7, 2015

Controversial contrarians since 1993

Launching towar d the sub launch

No love for Life Link Anti-abortion display on the Green raises controversy

Louden Singletree in bloom UFV’s creative journal releases seventh edition

p.3 p.13

Whitecaps ahoy UFV soccer’s Mark Village gets signed to Vancouver Whitecaps

p.18

ufvcascade.ca

2

NEWS

News

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

UFV research funding affected by regional status

News

5

Complaining

8

Arbitrarium devoid of necessary filing cabinets

Culture

15

Reconciliation through visual art

Arts in Review

16

Breaking down Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Sports & Health

20

Athletes in fancy clothes

Briefs

Universities with a “research” status receive more funding than regional universities like UFV. Stan Arky has a complaint to make about UFV’s planned Arbitrarium.

TThe goal of UFV’s Lens of Empowerment program is now exhibiting in the ‌S’eliymetaxwtexw gallery, where images of territory and identity are captured through film. Martin Castro has the story.

The hit show spins a dark story into a lighthearted comedy — but how realistic is it? Sasha Moedt weighs in.

Didn’t make it out to the Varsity season-end banquet? It’s ok, we did!

Capilano University faculty set to strike VANCOUVER — Faculty at Capilano University issued a 72-hour notice last Friday — mainly because of cuts to benefits, the university’s reliance on sessional instructors, and an increase in professor assessment. More than 80 per cent of the Capilano Faculty Association voted yes to striking, but they are continuing their discourse with university administration. The strike may impact students’ classwork and final exams.

— North Shore News

Drones soon to deliver packages in BC VANCOUVER — Amazon has set up testing sites in BC to try out their Amazon Prime Air prototypes — autonomous drones meant to deliver packages directly to consumers’ homes.

Because approval for testing drone operations is difficult to get in the United States, Amazon is using rural areas of BC to set up their facilities. Transport Canada states that Amazon’s facility is certified to operate for a year.

— CBC News

Changes to Abbotsford and Mission electoral ridings ABBOTSFORD — Residents of the Fraser Valley will need to double-check their ridings before the next provincial election in 2017. From the current ridings within cities, like Abbotsford South, Abbotsford West, and Abbotsford-Mission, smaller municipalities will be combined with each other to create ridings like Abbotsford-Aldergrove, Fort Langley-Abbotsford, Chilliwack-Sumas, and so on. Residents can submit public input on the changes online, and there will be public hearings held across the province in April and May. — Abbotsford News

Have a news tip?

Let us know! news@ufvcascade.ca @CascadeNews

Life Link tent on campus fuels controversy, not conversation KATIE STOBBART

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Whether it’s part of some celebration or corporate give-away, music on the Green always signals news. So, hearing it on March 18, I rerouted to walk toward the sound, only to veer off the main pathway and avoid eye contact when I saw the source. It was knee-jerk; believe it or not, I dislike confrontation.

The tent set up outside the Learning Commons (library building) advocated a particular point of view on a topic which, for many, is sensitive: abortion.

The premises of arguments for and against abortion are well-known and easily found, so I won’t repeat them. My main concern is less the cogency of either argument, and more with the nature of its delivery at the event held by Life Link, a student group.

Yes: university campuses can be fertile ground for intelligent

Volume 23 · Issue 12 Room C1027 33844 King Road Abbotsford, BC V2S 7M8 604.854.4529 Editor-in-Chief katie@ufvcascade.ca Katie Stobbart

debate on especially sensitive issues. However, with a tent on the Abbotsford campus Green representing one point of view, Life Link either (a) preaches to the choir, to those students who already think the same way, or (b) causes discomfort, shame, and / or trauma to students who don’t.

Furthermore, the approach is not conducive to stimulating healthy discussion; rather, the imagery and slogans used — albeit not as graphic as can be found elsewhere — are biased and aggressive.

“You’ll never regret loving this much,” in this context is targeted at a particular audience: a woman deciding — I doubt lightly — to end pregnancy in its early stages.

The images used are employed to appeal to the emotions: a little plastic fetus shows a somewhat human shape in development.

The real problem in this case, however, is location. If the event was in a classroom and advertised around campus, people

who want to contribute to or hear discussion can choose to do so.

The placement of the tent in a common thoroughfare makes it difficult for students to choose whether to participate.

While I believe we should participate in and contribute to such conversations in productive ways, I fully support the rights of students who do not want to experience extreme discomfort, shame, or trauma on their way to grab a coffee or study for an exam.

Roundtable discussions, panels, screenings, guest lectures, info sessions or meetings in classrooms, and formal debates are all great ways to encourage productive discussion. However, when it comes to a “hot-button” issue, we tend to generalize, polarize, sensationalize, and start sharpening our life-and-death stakes so fast there’s no sitting down to have a respectful, open-minded discussion in a non-judgmental space.

Much of the time, our engage-

News Editors megan@ufvcascade.ca Megan Lambert

Webmaster ashley@ufvcascade.ca Ashley Mussbacher

michael@ufvcascade.ca Michael Scoular

Production Assistants shyanne@ufvcascade.ca Shyanne Schedel

Managing Editor valerie@ufvcascade.ca Valerie Franklin

Opinion Editor alex@ufvcascade.ca Alex Rake Culture Editor nadine@ufvcascade.ca Nadine Moedt

Advertising Representative jennifer@ufvcascade.ca Jennifer Trithardt-Tufts

Director of Business Development joe@ufvcascade.ca Joe Johnson

Arts in Review Editor sasha@ufvcascade.ca Sasha Moedt

Contributors Martin Castro, Miranda Louwerse, Jasmin Sprangers

Production and Design Editor anthony@ufvcascade.ca Anthony Biondi

Sports Editor vanessa@ufvcascade.ca Vanessa Broadbent

Copy Editor kodie@ufvcascade.ca Kodie Cherrille

Video Editor mitch@ufvcascade.ca Mitch Huttema

eugene@ufvcascade.ca Eugene Kulaga

Illustration Contributors Graeme Beamiss Cover image: Anthony Biondi & Valerie Franklin

ments with this “debate” are just as shallow and black-and-white as they would be anywhere else; we don’t seem to go any deeper or bring anything new to the discussion just by virtue of being at a university.

I would love to see a well-conceived event with a proper, informed, and unique dialogue in a contained campus space, breaking down some of the black-andwhite elements of the argument around abortion and contributing something to the topic beyond attempts to sway the audience one way or another.

What kind of space should the university provide? That, too, is up for debate. But it should come down to respect — and just because the imagery used was not explicit does not make this event or its intent respectful of its audience. This wasn’t a conversation; it was a confrontation, and the Green is no place for it.

Printed By International Web exPress The Cascade is UFV’s autonomous student newspaper. It provides a forum for UFV students to have their journalism published. It also acts as an alternative press for the Fraser Valley. The Cascade is funded with UFV student funds. The Cascade is published every Wednesday with a circulation of 1500 and is distributed at UFV campuses and throughout Abbotsford, Chilliwack, and Mission. The Cascade is a member of the Canadian University Press, a national cooperative of over 50 university and college newspapers from Victoria to St. John’s. The Cascade follows the CUP ethical policy concerning material of a prejudicial or oppressive nature.

Submissions are preferred in electronic format through e-mail. Please send submissions in “.txt” or “.doc” format only.

Articles and letters to the editor must be typed. The Cascade reserves the right to edit submissions for clarity and length. The Cascade will not print any articles that contain racist, sexist, homophobic or libellous content.

The writer’s name and student number must be submitted with each submission. Letters to the editor must be under 250 words if intended for print. Only one letter to the editor per writer in any given edition.

Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of UFV, Cascade staff and collective, or associated members.

3

NEWS

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Location of pro-life event leads to complaints UFV Life Link says booth opens up positive discussion, but student letters call it shaming MEGAN LAMBERT THE CASCADE / PHOTO

The sunny afternoon of Wednesday, March 18 brought students outside on the Green — including Life Link, UFV’s pro-life group.

Just outside the doors leading to Tim Hortons, the event titled “You’ll never regret loving this much” had a booth complete with pamphlets, a large photo of a mother holding a newborn baby, guest speakers with personal testimonies on keeping their children, and plastic fetuses. Due to its location, club members met passersby at the intersecting paths — and some students were not happy about it.

Since the event two weeks ago, numerous upset students have emailed a formal letter of complaint to Student Life director Kyle Baillie. The letter states that the event was offensive in nature and was inappropriately executed.

Tamara Finnigan was one of those students. She says that because of the group’s placement in a high-traffic area, it was difficult to ignore the event.

“It was unavoidable,” she says.

“People who have had abortions, or who have had to struggle with the decision in the past [would] have to pass by that to get to class.”

The letter Finnigan and other students sent to Baillie states that the group violated the Controversial Displays on Campus Policy and the UFV Harassment Policy.

“The psychological trauma many experienced was directly

caused by the unavoidability of the booth, the sound used, and the methods of display. This event should have been held in a private area on campus (as was formally requested by concerned students beforehand) and not in a central area where everyone passing would be affected,” it says.

However, Baillie says the Life Link group acted within the parameters they were given: the group consulted Student Life beforehand, obeyed the noise restrictions, and did not physically block the path. He says Life Link has always followed these guidelines without any issues.

“I haven’t had any concerns with them. They’ve always done exactly as they’ve said they would. I thought it was appropriate,” Baillie says.

The UFV Life Link club is part of a larger non-profit organiza-

tion called the National Campus Life Network (NCLN). Life Link’s written material, guest speakers, and campaigns are all arranged through NCLN. Life Link president Raymond Kobes says he felt the event went well, despite a few visibly upset students.

“With every pro-life event, there are going to be some people who just jump to the issue regardless of what we’re showing,” he says. “They’re going to see us as a pro-life group and want to attack that or see it as controversial.”

He then went on to say that “You’ll never regret loving this much” was a positive improvement over previous pro-life events. Life Link held a very different campaign earlier this year in Alumni Hall with graphic imagery and negative stories from people who had regretted their

abortions.

“I’m surprised [the complaints] are all coming this time,” Kobes says.

These booths are not uncommon in campus life; in February 2015, another NCLN group called Go Life from the University of Alberta campaigned against abortion using graphic imagery, and then received backlash in the form of a widespread student protest. Students argued that the pro-life group was doing more harm than good, as the psychological effects of seeing aborted fetuses were a harmful way of expressing their beliefs.

Finnigan says that for many students at UFV, this is also the case. She says that having these groups unavoidably placed is uncomfortable for those who have had experiences with abortion.

“Just the name of the event:

‘You’ll never regret loving this much,’” she says. “They’re shaming you if you’ve had an abortion. (...) That was really upsetting.”

She says that due to the nature of the topic, Life Link should host its events in a private area where students can choose to participate and not feel potentially harassed or shamed.

However, Kobes says shaming was not Life Link’s intention, and that the event was meant to support mothers and provide resources for those who want them.

“We’re trying to instigate a discussion, and if that’s what this will do, then that’s a positive, in the sense that it’s something that’s been thrown under the table for too long and we kind of want to bring it to the light,” he says.

“With this specific event, we’re trying to bring the loving side of things that has often been put to the side by pro-life groups.”

At time of print, Life Link doesn’t have more events planned in the near future. Baillie is responding to emails and redirecting students to the Human Rights and Conflict Resolution office to review the complaints and decide if the group has violated any UFV policies.

As for whether the group is overstepping boundaries, Baillie says discussions concerning controversial subject matter are important at a university — as long as they are kept respectful.

“Rather than shying away from or denying controversial topics, this is supposed to be the safe place to have that conversation.”

SUS hosts Canadian Alliance of Student Associations AGM MEGAN LAMBERT

THE CASCADE

Last week, the Student Union Society (SUS) hosted the Annual General Meeting (AGM) for the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations (CASA). The association brings student unions from universities across Canada to talk about tuition, benefits, and engagement. From March 24 to 27, UFV’s SUS took its turn to host the conference, with workshops mostly held at Phoenix Lounge and Bar across the street from the Abbotsford campus. This is the last CASA conference before SUS’s new 2015-16 board of directors settles in for next year.

Image: UFV Flickr

Image: Megan Lambert

4

NEWS

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Prof Talk

Ian Fenwick on UFV Theatre, D-Fest, and why we tell stories MICHAEL SCOULAR THE CASCADE

Prof Talk is The Cascade’s oral history series, featuring the people best qualified to talk about what UFV has been like over the course of its first few decades: its professors. Each week we’ll interview a professor from a different department, asking them what UFV was like before it was UFV, and how they expect things will continue to change here.

Ian Fenwick is the founding member of UFV’s theatre department and has directed more than 50 plays since its inception, most recently the production of Age of Arousal in January 2014.

Fenwick has also received awards for his creative work in theatre.

What brought you to UFV? Well, there was an opportunity to begin a theatre program at Fraser Valley College in the spring of 1980. Several faculty members and the president at that time had wanted to establish a theatre program, and I guess they got the sufficient resources and commitment to hire someone to come in and get the program going, so there was an ad in the paper. I was in Vancouver, a professional artist in the city, and I had a young family and was kind of looking for the next step. So we came out for a weekend and looked around the area. Went out to Harrison and Cultus Lake. Thought it was just a beautiful area. I remember some rabbits ran across the road, and I thought, that’s a good sign. Fertility and all that.

What were you doing previously?

I was a professional director and co-founded a theatre company in Vancouver which is still going, TouchStone Theatre, and so I was basically in the artistic end of things, but also in the administrative end. You wear a lot of hats when you’re a small startup company in the city.

Were there any performances, maybe earlier on, where you felt like, “Okay, this is something that’s really clicking,” or, “We’ve really got a good connection with the audience”?

Yeah, I felt good right from the first show we did. But, we did a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream in 1982, it sold out, and I remember a comment from a pretty prominent person in the community asking, “How are you going to top that?” It sort of felt like we could almost do anything here. People said, “Well, you can’t do Shakespeare, they won’t be able to deal with the language” and it’ll all look very unorganized or amateur or something, and it came off really well.

Wherever you have a successful theatre, you have that great support from your community. You do programming which fits with their stories and their aspirations, and also artistically you try to broaden and introduce new things, stretch audiences, and that sort of thing. Most of the time you’re running your head against the door — sometimes it opens artistically, and sometimes it doesn’t. This door opened.

Do you find you’ve had any courses that have become your favourite to teach, or

Image: Michael Scoular

With colleagues and community members, Ian Fenwick built the UFV theatre department from scratch more than 30 years ago. that you’ve had to adapt with the times to some extent?

I guess we’re just about to launch into the Director’s Festival. It struck me that one of the things that we wanted to do was see [how other universities] work, and share each other’s work, and see the students from other programs work, and maybe be involved in some way.

In a discipline like ours, you really need to highlight what’s going on and to create a wider base and a stronger organization and profile for what we’re doing and all of that.

I would not want to say that I don’t like playmaking or second-year acting, or firstyear acting, or anything like that. But creating that course and starting the facilities and having something like that, have it be successful and have it going 20 years later, students sort of working here early in the morning or late at night — you can’t keep the doors closed because they’re so enthusiastic. Seeing them lead other students in the program and have a wonderful yearend celebration of theatre, it’s kind of one of those things that doesn’t happen too often in your career or institutions. It’s been a wonderful feeling to have that.

Any colleagues or students who have been influential in what you do?

As soon as I mention one or two, I’ll omit the others. One of the things has been people who have been through the program and then we’ve been able to hire them as staff. That’s been very rewarding in that they have a tremendous zeal for the program, and they understand it and are committed to it. There have been so many great people and you try to learn every day from your colleagues and students.

When it comes to UFV you’re kind of picking for the students or community, but are you drawn to any plays as well?

Oh yeah. You start reading plays in the beginning, a couple of plays a week in the year, and start building up your knowledge of dramatic literature. I think your taste changes, your interests change. I [choose] plays here for students to learn and grow, and that it is something that a paying audience will come and see, but it’s also something that the university can represent — the kind of inquiry and stimulation that we as a university want to see.

Somehow, inside yourself, you align yourself with the play. You’re always like “these are the things that make up the perameters of this choice.” I have a wide interest in all kinds of theatre and I’ve always struggled with that question.

As I’ve gotton older, I have come to see comedies as wiser than tragedies. I sort of look at tragedy now as people making stupid decisions and I start to think of them as stupid people. But comedy is where we all are stupid and we all make stupid mistakes, let’s laugh at them. There’s great wisdom in that. We’re frail, we’re full of problems, and yet it can be great fun at the same time.

I want a play that speaks to the human condition, that gives insight into people, places, and events. I love the last project I did, Age of Arousal, a period piece working on a transitional period in history, working with some technology and design and a wonderful group of people.

I’ve always wanted to try to tell the stories of people in our community. Too often theatre in the past was often imported from England or New York or something,

and I have always wanted us to tell our own stories, to see new voices come forward and support them in the Director’s Festival.

I’ve never felt like we’ve done less than we would or downgraded our expectations or choices. This is a great community to do theatre in — and I would say, per capita, the best audience in the province.

Is there anything you’ve changed in your teaching style or your approach to the subject over the years?

The theatre’s a wonderful thing — you can draw on all the life experiences at some point or another, and you can use them.

I’ve always found it stimulating and interesting and I’m sure it will continue until I die. You learn so much about people and events and human nature. I guess this year, because I’m retiring, I’m watching [actor] coachings and I’m looking at it through a little different lens and trying to understand “Why do people do this?” It’s kind of a strange way to spend a Wednesday night. People are so committed to this fiction, this fantasy, what the heck is driving them? I’m not sure I’ve come up with an answer.

I guess I’m asking myself those questions to understand how fundamental it is to be able to put ourselves into other peoples’ stories, to create stories, be part of representing stories, and communicate with other people. Those needs are so deep in our human nature.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

5

NEWS

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Research continues at UFV despite less funding UFV’s regional university status fills a different role than research universities MIRANDA LOUWERSE CONTRIBUTOR

When UCFV was given university status in 2008, the BC Ministry of Advanced Education labelled it a “regional university,” one that provides graduates to fill the needs of the surrounding region. This differentiates it from “research universities,” like UBC and SFU, which have an intensive focus on research used for the world outside their regions.

This status affects how much funding UFV receives from the government. According to the Ministry of Advanced Education’s 2015 budget letters, UFV received over $52 million in operating grants for 6,600 FTEs (fulltime equivalent students) compared with UBC, who received over $583 million for 42,000 FTEs. This difference is almost $6,000 more per FTE for operational funding at UBC. UFV’s understanding with the government is to be focused on undergraduate study and to serve the economic needs of the surrounding region: the Fraser Valley. UFV addresses this as part of its strategic goals, saying that it aims “to be a leader of social, cultural, economic, and environmentally responsible development in the Fraser Valley.”

Image: UFV Flickr

Even with graduate research, UFV receives less government funding than “research” universities.

Despite UFV’s mandate as a teaching-intensive university, Director of Research Services and Industry Liaison Brad Whittaker writes in an email that this doesn’t stop faculty and students from conducting research.

“There are many departments whose faculty and students conduct research,” he states.

He says that sciences, social sciences, humanities, health sci-

ences, professional studies, and applied and technical skills departments all have faculty conducting research.

“Students not only start their research at UFV, they complete it and some become co-authors of papers accepted by peer-reviewed journals. Other students get accepted to present their research at conferences, locally, nationally and internationally.”

Even with similar research opportunities, there is a difference between the funding given for research at different universities.

UBC received over $564 million in research funding for the 201314 fiscal year. UFV also looks to external sources for funding, but does not receive close to the amount UBC does. For 2014-15, UFV budgeted $3.4 million for research — less than one third of

that came from the government.

Despite this, research remains a crucial part of the learning at UFV. As part of the UFV 20102015 Strategic Research Plan, the university aims to increase the support for student research in the way of paid research assistantships and supporting student research presentations at conferences. UFV also aims to increase faculty involvement in research and to increase the success rate of securing funding for their research.

However, the main goal of a regional university is to provide graduates that meet local employment needs. UFV’s present mandate, as a teaching-intensive university with a special focus on trades and technical skills, meets these requirements in many ways. But to grow opportunities for student research, Whittaker says UFV will have to look at other sources of funding.

“UFV, like other post-secondary institutions, cannot provide the level of funding required to carry out a program of research over a period of time and must look to external sources,” he says.

He adds that funding can come from local government, corporations, individuals, and research foundations.

Campus multi-faith area currently seeking new space VANESSA BROADBENT THE CASCADE

Tucked away in a small corridor in C building is a multi-faith prayer room — a place on campus for students of all beliefs to gather and practice their faith.

But with the new Student Union Building (SUB) opening up this summer, the prayer room will be no more — at least not in its current location. During the upcoming summer months, the hallway that currently hosts the prayer room, as well as CIVL Radio, The Cascade, and Student Union Society (SUS) offices is being renovated to make room for a new visual arts studio, pilot classroom, and other various offices.

Executive director Craig Toews says UFV Campus Planning is actively searching for a new location for the prayer room.

“Regardless of where they land, that space will be under construction over the summer months, so we have to find a temporary office or room for multi-faith,” he says.

SUS president Ryan Petersen explains

that because the prayer room is currently in UFV space, SUS didn’t plan for it to be in their portion of the SUB. “It’s never been part of our space allocation,” he says.

Although there is extra space in the SUB, Petersen doesn’t see it being suitable for the prayer room. “There [are] a few smaller rooms, but they’re not really good for the prayer room,” he says. “The prayer room is supposed to be off to the side, a nice quiet space where people can reflect and be among their thoughts […] It wouldn’t be good to have people meditating or praying in that space because there would be people walking past in the hallways.”

Although nothing has been decided yet, there are several locations on campus that are being considered to house the prayer room, including the UFV-owned portion of the SUB. Toews also mentions that the wing of C building where the prayer room is currently could be an option after its completed renovation. “Those are the two places where [the washrooms] have the foot wash stations, so that would be ideal,” he says.

The multi-faith prayer room will be

Image: Megan Lambert

given a temporary location while Campus Planning finds it a new home. Toews says that the needs of students of all faiths are a priority. “The university is incredibly committed to supporting all faiths and all be-

liefs in some kind of space where they can book it for meetings or prayer, whatever their needs are,” he says.

6

OPINION

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

SNAPSHOTS

Image: Anthony Biondi

Mini-misogyny

Curtailed commentary on current conditions

Image: Shyanne Schedel

Unexpected guests

Image: Shyanne Schedel

Soon it will be May

Megan Lambert

Jasmin Sprangers

Joe Johnson

I was in a pub recently and an older man approached me and my girlfriends. He teased us a little, asking for more enthusiasm in our replies to his jokes.

Another day, I was ordering a bagel and the older man behind me kept insisting that I order cream cheese — and when I didn’t, he groaned good-naturedly as if he had just lost a board game. It is the same kind of “flirting” or “banter” as a man telling a woman to smile — micro-aggressions.

This behaviour, although seemingly harmless, is inappropriate. It is asserting your male dominance in the space, and is used to make women feel belittled and uncomfortable. It’s this fundamental prejudice that our generation is trying to eradicate — the idea that a woman’s mere presence is insignificant.

One thing that bothers me is when you make one-on-one plans with a friend and they unexpectedly bring along their significant other. I completely understand wanting to hang out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, especially if you only see each other a few times a week, but having a relationship with your other friends is also important. Not only that, but plans were made for the two of you, not for three. After all, nobody likes to be a third wheel. It’s different when it’s a group event and you bring them along, but a one-on-one should remain one-on-one. And I’m not saying friends overrule relationships, but a balance does need to be maintained. Friends will be there when relationships end — just some food for thought.

It’s April and next month it will be May. You know what that means: the semester is soon to be over and it’s time to party for four months straight. Well, maybe. I guess some of us have to work — including me.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t strive to have a rocking awesome time.

I’ll concede; it might be early to start thinking about summer. But lately we’ve been given teasers of weather to come.

Summer is a time to reset, when everything is just more enjoyable, relaxing, and smells amazing. Summer is essentially freedom from the constraints of grey, dark grey, and light grey, where the sky opens to provide contrast and life.

All you really need to do to have a memorable summer is to not waste a second. Go waterskiing, go hiking, go snake wrangling, because we really don’t know when it will be our last summer before have to grow up and take those responsibilities that suck away our free time.

It’s April, but soon it will be May.

Image: Anthony Biondi

“Room of Requirement” lacking Randi Ravenclaus

It was no surprise that the SUB was built with some architectural nods to JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series. UFV is populated with the Harry Potter generation, and the Student Union pushed hard for a Rowlingesque building. But they bit off more than they could chew with the Room of Requirement.

It’s a great idea — a student who needs a nap will find a room filled with down blankets and plushy pillows, a student who needs a good coffee will find a French press, and a student deeply in debt will find this month’s rent in cash. But there are huge problems with accessibility. Who does the room show itself to? They say it will show itself to you when you’re really in need — but what defines “need?” As the rumours spread, any student with a miserable problem — be it coffee addiction, debt, sleep, or low GPA — will be wandering through the west part of the SUB in search of that golden door. Do we really want students to hope for instant gratification instead of taking action and solving their own issues?

NOW HIRING

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF The Editor-in-Chief directs editorial and production staff through all stages of publishing The Cascade each week.

It is an intense job, requiring a minimum of 16 office hours per week, and is not recommended for full-time students.

If you want to gain valuable writing and editing experience and think you can handle staying on campus nearly 24 hours a day, this might be the job for you!

For a full job description, check out the employment page on ufvcascade.ca.

Term of office: May 2015 to April 2016.

To apply, email your resume, cover letter, and writing sample to valerie@ufvcascade.ca by April 11, 2015.

Pay per issue: $300

7

SATIRE

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Don’t give in to SUS’s SUB appeasements MITCH HUTTEMA THE CASCADE

Information has surfaced claiming that elements of the new Student Union Building (SUB) will attempt to appease unhappy students. $10 million of the $15 million needed to build the SUB has been directly funded by students, most of which will hardly benefit from the building. Because of this, vending machines, nap space, and a 24 / 7 happy hour have been added to the building to make it more appealing to unhappy students.

The most recent leak of decrees from SUS reports that vending machines in the SUB will carry not only snacks and drinks, but also university essentials. Onesize-fits-all sweatpants, 5-Hour Energy drinks, pillows, and sleep masks are a few of the clever things on the list. Ramen noodles, Time Turners, and Pepto-Bismol are also among some of the rumoured items that will be available, as well as fake doctor’s notes, and even death certificates for distant relatives.

As usual, though, this seems like a great direction — it’s not.

The machines will be funded by yet another mandatory fee paid

Image: wikimedia.org

“Boycott the vending machines, sleep in the hallways, and bring your own booze.” along with tuition, in addition to the near $100 each student pays to the SUS already. So whether or not you use it, you still get to pay for it!

SUS wants more funding for this moonshot of a pipedream just to make students feel better

about it all. But do we really need these machines? What if the onesize-fits-all sweatpants don’t fit anyone? What if the ramen is mouldy? There are too many potential problems with these machines and they need to be held off.

Another hokey plan in the new SUB is to map out the whole top floor of the building for nap space.

Each chamber will be sound- and light-proof and may be booked out by any student. The reality is that this will be a welcome addition to an otherwise nap-less

university. Students walk around like zombies during midterms, finals, and Mondays. The option to catch a nap between (or instead of) classes is a great opportunity.

But are students so base as to be bribed to forget they’re being duped out of hundreds of dollars?

Time will tell.

The most daunting challenge that students must face will be 24 / 7 happy hour at the new pub.

Renamed “Student Hour,” the happy hour will allow for a 50 per cent discount on all hard liquor as well as 75 per cent off all beer.

If nap space will be a challenge to resist, discount booze will be like trying to keep magnets from iron. Students need to resist these bribes and stand up for their cash.

And what about the students who have graduated and will never even see more than photos of the SUB? These problems need to be addressed and a solution needs to be found. The building will be around for 50 years, and 50 years of students will use it while the 10 years of students that paid for it will hardly get to see it. Boycott the vending machines, sleep in the hallways, and bring your own booze. Do not bow to appeasement and rally against this outrage!

Putting the SUB’s best foot forward New barefoot policy encourages SUB visitors to lead enlightened lives BEATRICE WOOD THE CASCADE

Our lives are too complex these days. There’s too much stress on students with homework, extracurricular activities, social lives, part-time jobs, and technology.

Students need a break! This is why I am so grateful that, head to toe, SUS wants students to benefit from the new Student Union Building (SUB) which is set to open in Fall 2015.

This includes students’ spiritual health: with the new Sole to Soul Policy, students will be required to remove all footwear before entering the SUB. It’s about time! I am quite excited for all the new facilities. There will be a reception desk with volunteer health-care students to keep the area sanitary and organized. Students will hand in their shoes and receive a card with a bunk number. Inside the build-

Image: staticflickr.com

The SUB is shaping up to be the most breathable building on campus. ing atrium, students will find foot-wash stations and complementary lavender foot-powder.

Throughout histrory, the act of washing our feet has been seen

as spiritual and restorative, and it encourages students to slow down and appreciate the little things in life.

This is all part of a larger

university initiative to increase the use of naturopathic medicine, which is great for our healthcare students. In addition to CPR credit, health-care students will be able to apply what they learn in the classroom to real-life work experience. This also strengthens the bond between caretaker and patient on a level beyond the physical.

Shaping up to be the most breathable building on campus, the SUB is currently being outfitted with plumbing and paint.

When the floor is clear of debris, it will be sprayed with an antifungal sealant to protect from bacteria and mould. The furniture legs will then be outfitted with rubber casing to protect from any potential toe-stubbing, which is a genius move on UFV’s part. Many of the traditional couches will be replaced with bean-bag chairs and bamboowoven mats to complement the

Candlelight Care Policy — where 45 per cent of the SUB lighting will be provided by numerous scented candles and incense. This adds to the healing benefits of aromatherapy.

The policy states that on top of removing shoes, students will also be asked to refrain from selfdeprecating or passive-aggressive language. This is wonderful, as it deters from an integral part of the SUB mandate: to offer a safe place for students. If a student violates the policy, they will be handed a pamphlet entitled Loving Language: Your Words and You — a lovely reminder to be kind to ourselves!

The policy will come into effect with the SUB opening in the fall.

Remember: until then, shoes will be required to protect from injury as the different UFV departments move into the SUB. Namaste!

8

SATIRE

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

CPR credit gives kiss of life to education STUART DENTLIFE THE CASCADE

University is not all about hitting the books; sometimes it’s about getting hit with life-or-death situations. Since UFV became aware of the significant problem of studying on campuses across the nation, it wanted to recognize efforts made by your average Jane or Joe to resuscitate their classmates.

The CPR record has been available for almost a year, but not all students are aware of what it is and how it works. According to CPR co-ordinator Livvy Tup, there’s one major benefit: schoolsanctioned mouth-to-mouth is a big resume booster.

“Employers want to know students are getting more than just a piece of paper when they graduate,” Tup explains. “They want people who really go the extra mile outside the classroom.

That’s where the idea for the CPR record comes from. It’s an official piece of paper to validate all the times you’ve administered CPR on campus.”

However, there are barriers to having CPR credit recognized.

One is that it has to be account-

Image: Graeme Beamiss

“It’s like we’re making out, except I was saving her life.” able to a UFV member: a professor, staff member, or administrator.

Dylan Taunt, a first-year student, says he administered mouth-to-mouth to seven different students in the winter 2015

semester, but his activity request was denied because there was no one around to see it.

“It wasn’t like I could invite people — it just kind of happened,” Taunt says. “All of a sudden this girl is just lying

there, and then it was like we were making out, except, well, I was saving her life.”

Tup says Taunt and other students have been trying to fill up their CPR records fraudulently.

“They take turns,” she says.

“One will pretend to lie prone in the middle of the Green or in up in the stacks, and the other will initiate mouth-to-mouth, even though there’s no imminent threat of death. Then they swap positions.”

However, the main criteria for CPR is connecting the activity to UFV’s institutional learning outcomes (ILOs). Taunt says technically, he’s following that to the letter.

“I analyze the whole situation critically and imaginatively,” he says. “then I pursue self-motivated and self-reflective learning.

“Besides,” he adds, “no one I’ve done it with so far has complained.”

Tup acknowledges this reasoning, and says Taunt’s way of approaching CPR may be considered in future stages of the project, even though it is currently considered fraudulent and not acceptable for CPR credit.

“It’s something that will probably change,” she says. “We have to make sure 80 per cent of students are using their CPR records by next year if we want to keep our funding, and we’ve got to reach that number somehow.”

SUB’s Arbitrarium lacks necessities STAN ARKY THE CASCADE

When I first heard the news that UFV was building its own Arbitrarium in the SUB, I was quite excited — I almost smiled. The building design and function is a relatively new concept that has been picking up popularity with campuses across the country.

They are designed to give bureaucracy a proper functioning environment for systemic efficiency.

This, of course, is what university is all about, and for a business student like myself, UFV’s lack of a proper Arbitrarium has been quite problematic. But then I read the plans.

“Not many people are aware of the concept of an Arbitrarium,” states the architectural designer Andrew Abox. He describes the facility as a like a round stadium, or a saucer.

“Most of the walls will be made of blast-proof steel, supported by twine and the best import lumber,” he describes. The inte-

rior is purportedly supposed to resemble a parliamentary environment, with decorated wood tableau creating a second ring inside the saucer. Abox says most activity will take place at the very centre, where rings of seats will be placed all facing away from one another, towards the outer wall. At the very centre of the room, at the backs of all the seats, there is to be a large waste bin.

“The waste bin is really the crux of the building,” says Ricardo Bum-Cheiszy, the project manager and long-time advocate of the Arbitrarium. “It’s the point of rotation for every meeting.

It’s where bills are passed to for consideration.”

Notice a problem? The lack of filing cabinets. How can we expect to be productive in our new Arbitrarium without filing cabinets? Have these people even seen an Arbitrarium?

This is not the only issue.

“There were setbacks at first,” says Ricardo. “It took an inordinate amount of time to acquire

the sheer volume of newer academic text material needed to construct the foundation for the facility.” Other setbacks have been reported over the past few months which are quite concerning, including the proposition of the construction of a Subway in the new SUB, which was said to overrule the potential bureaucratic atmosphere of the Arbitrarium.

“If a food establishment comes too near a place of bureaucracy, it tends to distract from business at hand,” claimed Ivan Damony, the project’s financial planner.

“Very often we see bureaucracy crumble due to the proximity of food establishments. Budgets often get out of hand very quickly in these circumstances.” He goes on to claim that 15 per cent of all embezzlements happen in establishments founded too close to food proprietors.

Other setbacks have included an insurgence of bees, minor flooding, and re-forestation.

Bum-Cheiszy expressed his

concerns for the timing of the construction.

“Next year was the original projected timeline; however that may change in coming months,” he said. The dartboard in Bum-Cheiszy’s office already had several dates pegged to segments, although none of the darts seemed to have met a time.

Somewhat understandably, BumCheiszy declined to comment on the dartboard’s presence, citing “personal secrecy.” He did say, however, that the Canucks are doing well this year — a point I must agree with, purely from a business standpoint.

Despite these setbacks, the project will set new precedents for fiscal efficiency at UFV, with a new student fee introduced: the Student Aggression and Solution Plan fee. Damony stated earlier, though, that much of this funding would be put toward the new building, and not filing cabinets.

When asked if students will see a return for their money, he carefully explained how these things

work, and noted that funds don’t necessarily correspond to filing needs, or even student access.

“It is likely the new building will be off limits to students,” he said, deferring further comment to Bum-Cheiszy, who was asked about the plan in his fourth-floor office but noted that he was on vacation. Some students may find this fact distressing; however, I admit that for full bureaucratic efficiency, this seems logical. But logic doesn’t justify the lack of basic amenities.

We can all expect to see the Arbitrarium begin construction at some point in late December.

Even though students will not have access to the physical building, it is legitimately exciting to see an increase in the bureaucratic decision-making at the university; however, I refuse to attend the red-tape cutting until I am certain that our Arbitrarium will have everything it needs, including resistance to possible flooding and, most importantly, cabinets for our important files.

9

SATIRE

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

What do you think of the new mandatory course, “History of UFV”?

UFV SPEAKS Philip

Michelle

I think that could be good; I don’t see why that would be bad; I can see why people don’t want to take it. I mean, I like history and it’s good to know the past. There are mandatory classes in all programs. If you add it in people will just accept it and move along.

Everyone has to take that now? I thought History 101 was … Never mind, I’m confused, sorry.

I feel like its hard to figure out my schedule in in four years already. Fitting another one in will be a challenge.

Larry von Contrary

YOLOcat

Yolo.

(Translation: I haven’t been here in a while, so I didn’t actually hear about this. I’d say why not?

You may as well learn about where you’re from, and gain a concrete, local understanding. Never turn down knowledge when you only live once!)

That’s the worst idea. I want to understand only the big ideas. I want to know about Einstein’s theory of relativity; I want to know the galaxy, the universe; I want to know the existence of synthetic a priori knowledge, and the inherent arbitrariness of living! Who cares about local history?

Kodie Cherrille

Bin

Wait, is this some kind of April Fool’s prank?

It’s to be a required course? Well, right now I’m a business student and I have to take four elective courses, if I had to take this as one of them, I’d be okay with that.

Check out The Cascade’s YouTube channel for a special edition of UFV Speaks, where students were asked questions that are probably absurd.

The Cascade is HIRING Need an on-campus job?

Do you have skills in editing, Wordpress, design, or business?

We are currently accepting applications for the summer semester for the following positions: Managing Editor Arts in Review Editor Webmaster Business Manager Production and Design Editor Job descriptions and requirements are available at ufvcascade.ca/employment.

Please send your resume, cover letter, and a writing sample, as well as any questions you may have, to valerie@ufvcascade.ca by April 15, 2015.

Wednesday April 1 2015

The CASCADE University of the Fraser Valley British Columbia

PERSONAL ADS

Looking for love? Spring has sprung and some of your fellow students are hoping to celebrate the season and take their minds off exams. Send us an email at personals@ufvcascade.ca and we’ll hook you up. Remember to play safe.

Get a bachelor in my body

I’m a single science-lover looking for hands-on experience outside the classroom: the perfect way to finish off any bachelor. Expect intensive lab work in human anatomy and secretions. I’ll bring my beaker, you bring your stirring rod. No minors. Chemistry an asset.

Mature student seeking communal worship. Let’s get to know each other in the Biblical sense. Let us cry out to the Heavens, let us worship the body made in His image. Our bodies are His temple; let us eat of the flesh and transcend as one, let us be submissive to His will. I’ll be your angel, come for me. First let’s set a date then meet at the altar — then go forth, missionary.

Three’s company

We are a couple of creative, innovative professionals looking for a third partner to fill our company. Our main goal is to penetrate a soft market with three members on the playing field, and we’re willing to train the right candidate to respond to our needs. The job may intensify as demand increases. If you want to gain experience and make headway in the lumber industry, we’ll set up a rendezvous.

I’m a GHM and WLTM a DDF MBiC for some PNP. A little about me: I’m a BB bear subbie, NS, NK, NM and DDF. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and hairy where it counts. IPT GG that have FTMed it and nice couples. If you’re into RTS, here I am! I’m totally FA and you should be too. I’m WE enough for the three of us.

ISO a good time, NSA! Can keep things DL. Please don’t respond if you’ve had your wisdom teeth removed.

Zombies seeking Brains

Do you have unwanted friends or family members? Do you have a cousin that annoys the crap out of you? Send them my way and I’ll put them back into society in a more effective way. I am a high ranking authority carrying out important decisions that benefit hundreds of people. I need brains to sustain myself and keep up my good work. Reduce, reuse, recycle! Preferably those with an IQ of over 110.

Stirrup some love

Woman seeking man

I am a stubborn, opinionated and headstrong young woman with four sisters, a controlling matchmaker of a mother and a father who just means well. I like to read, walk through the mud and destroy gender stereotypes. I’m looking for a rich, hopeless romantic who has a pond the size of a lake to fish in. He must be loyal to fault and refuse to dance so that I may convince him. He must be nearly as stubborn as me, fair, and maintain a good judgement of character.

I do not want you to contact me, I simply want to meet you in passing at the upcoming Meryton Ball. I will contact you.

I’m a 5’2” cowgirl ready to saddle up for action anytime, anywhere. I love trails and large fields, and I live in my leather boots. I’m looking for a large, dark-haired stud to call my own. Must be able to carry heavy loads and run long distances. Nothing too wild, though — I like something stable. A purebred gentleman is what I want. I can’t wait to get hitched, and I often visit bridle shops. Don’t worry about planning dates, I’ll be sure to take the lead.

Shiny coat and smooth mouth an asset.

UFV is a commuter campus, so there’s always the possibility you’ll see someone fine and never run into them again. So in addition to running personal ads, The Cascade has created a space for the tips we get about campus sightings. Email personals@ufvcascade.ca to get in touch.

Such romance Wow

Such lady. So amaze. Much love. Did it hurt wen u fell from heven. Wow. So kewt. Much woof. Very romance. Ur place or mein. Much feels. Wat r ur digits? Xxxx Doge.

Mouth-to-mouth maestro

You probably don’t remember me as I guess you give CPR to a lot of girls but I saw you in the Tim’s line and I wanted to tell you how much that meant to me but I just stood behind you the whole time you ordered your asiago bagel.

If you do want to resuscitate me again think back to the dark-haired girl by the marsh.

Broadcast all over me, baby

Male seeking mail

Come deliver yr sweet lovin to my door. Boxes are overrated but bring french letters. Looking for a postman to show me what he’s got in the sack. Beware of dog ;)

Bear seeking MBiC for B&D

Oh My God

Seen on campus

Five cents

You wear this red varsity jacket all the time, along with a blue hat. I think you’re in your ’30s. I always see you near Tim Hortons, either in line for a coffee or talking with people outside its door. You’re always talking about how the Toronto Blue Jays should make a supergroup with Modest Mouse and Blue Album-era Weezer. I just wanted to say that you have a beautiful, rich voice — the perfect voice for radio and sports broadcasting. Have you ever thought of doing that?

Always watching

I see you in the morning when you stop at the caf before class and buy one medium Pike Place coffee don’t you know that stuff tastes literally like dirt what is wrong with you. See you tomorrow.

Man’s best friend

Last week you caught me drinking from your toilet bowl. You were wearing a bath robe and grass slippers. You told me I was a bad boy and threw me out of the house where I deficated on your lawn. Maybe we could go for steak and minced vegetables sometime. I’ll buy the TP.

Awkward at UFV

You held the door open for me when I was like 20 seconds away so I had to walk really fast so I could get to the door. I was carrying the big stack of textbooks. Later in the day, we passed each other on the stairs in the B building…

The really narrow staircase. We had to really squeeze past each other, especially because of all my textbooks. You were going up, probably to heaven.

Call me sometime.

Alien contact ....... B2 Bubble Bobble...... C15 Dino eats man....... A1

The CASCADE

Wednesday April 1 2015

A note from the Opinion Editor Wow! I am absolutely floored by the number of opinion articles we received this week responding to the documents leaked in last week’s issue of The Cascade. “SUBLeak 2015” revealed a lot of controversial details about the nearly open Student Union Building, which perhaps students should have been warned about long before they agreed to fund it. It was wonderful to see students really engaging with the leak and raising their concerns!

Unfortunately, we couldn’t publish all 73 articles we received, but here are a choice few that I felt were particularly reasoned responses to what some have deemed the biggest leak of secrets in UFV history.

For more info on SUBLeak 2015, refer to our coverage in last week’s issue.

Sincerely, Alex R. Rake The Cascade

University of the Fraser Valley British Columbia

WEATHER: Likely chance of rain with a side of fries, served with goulash.

Five cents

12

CULTURE

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Upcoming

Events

March 27-April 9 Tel i’tsel Kwe’lo I am from here exhibit

VALERIE FRANKLIN THE CASCADE

A collective exhibition by graduating students from the Lens of Empowerment Project will be displayed in the S’eliyemetaxwtexw art gallery. The exhibit celebrates identity, land, place, and citizenship through women’s stories and lived experiences. The Lens of Empowerment program, offered by by the visual arts department, Indigenous Affairs, and Indigenous Studies at UFV, explores histories, suppressed voices, and representations of indigenous people in film, art and media.

Charlynn Jelier Describe your style.

My style is Bohemian mixed with grungy, plus a touch of vintage.

Why did you wear this outfit today?

I felt like going simple. I’m going to the gym after class, and I want to be able to change quickly.

Where do you like to shop?

Free People for sure, and H&M as well.

Image: Valerie Franklin

April 2 Lecture: what’s in a name?

The UFV Office of Research Services and UFV College of Arts Office present April’s Scholarly Sharing Initiative. This month features Ceilidh Hart, whose lecture will explore Western stories and the aesthetics of violence, as well as Wenona Victor, who will speak on the importance of language in the TEP program. The lectures start at 1:15. Everyone is welcome. A light lunch will be served.

K-town hosts Western Jaguar NADINE MOEDT

April 4

THE CASCADE

Food truck festival

Mission band Western Jaguar played a release show for their new album Wayfarer at K-Town bistro café Saturday. The night ended with a comedy sketch from CIVL’s Bob and Al, featuring a flute and a Rob Ford mask (“What time does Rob Ford wake up in the morning? The crack of dawn”).

The Fraser Valley food truck show is coming to Abbotsford.

Come out for food, live music, a beer garden, and an artisan market, starting at 11 a.m. and going until 5 p.m. Tickets are $2 at the door and children (under 13) get in free.

April 8 Student microlectures UFV’s own students will showcase their unique research and intellectual ability through microlectures and poster presentations. Event starts at 11:30 a.m. in the Roadrunner Lounge with two-minute mini-lectures by students of varied backgrounds. At 2:30, come to the cafeteria and Alumni Hall to browse student research in a maze of poster presentations. The event celebrates the accomplishments of over 80 students.

Image: Facebook / Johnny K at K-town

CULTURE

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

“We are the stories we tell” Annual Louden Singletree launch celebrates UFV students’ creative writing and visual art NADINE MOEDT

THE CASCADE / PHOTOS

The Louden Singletree, UFV’s creative journal, launched their seventh issue with wine and imparted wisdom from writer-inresidence Emily Pohl-Weary.

The Louden Singletree celebrates the student voice, publishing a curated selection of prose, poetry, and visual art from UFV students and alumni. In her introduction to this year’s edition, Pohl-Weary quoted Thomas King: “The truth about stories is that’s all we are.”

She went on to say that be writing we help to understand our experiences and the experiences of others.

“So be mindful of the stories you tell and how you tell them,” she told the audience.

The launch party, which took place in the Centre for Indo-Canadian studies on Monday, March

30, featured door prizes, wine, and readings from contributors.

The selections varied widely in style, from Alex Rake’s ecstatic poem “a wise man calls his Mantis” — “Mantis! Truest, blankeyed Mantis! / take my head away” — to Heidi Luhmert’s historical and nuanced story “Blood and Honey,” set in Maasai territory in 1912. Ashley Mussbacher presented her visual arts piece “skyline,” whose watered black and muted blue is reminiscent of a city silhouette. Mussbacher credited her cat for contributions to her art, who has a tendency to walk across paintings in a most artistic fashion.

Copies of the Louden Singletree will soon be distributed around campus in common areas and at the UFV library.

Alex Rake and Ashley Mussbacher are employees of The Cascade.

Clockwise from above: Heidi Luhmert, Emily Pohl-Weary, Alex Rake, and Ashley Mussbacher.

13

14

14

STUDY CULTURE BREAK

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

CROSSWORD Spring spirit

by Valerie Franklin

ACROSS 3.

4.

5.

9.

10.

11.

Springy back yard structure — you might have broken your arm falling off one as a kid. (10) Eggs-and-chocolates holiday. (6) Changing of the season to spring or autumn. (7) Plastic throwing disc. (7) Wet dirt. (3) Strappy summer shoes. (7)

DOWN 1.

2.

6.

7.

8.

Cultus, Mill, or Albert Dyck. (4) Bargain hotspots found on driveways and front lawns. (6, 5) Constellation with a starry belt. (5) Yellow spring flower worn on the lapel for cancer research. (8) Name of the field between the Abbotsford campus’ buildings. (5)

SUDOKU

4

1 3 4 5

2 4 7 5

9 1 7 5 8 8 6 9 7 7 3

The Weekly Horoscope

ACROSS 2. VANILLA 6. JASMINE 8. ROSE 9. CUTGRASS 12. SPEARMINT DOWN 1. LAVENDER 3. COCONUT 4. ESPRESSO 5. PIZZA 7. AMMONIA 9. CITRUS 10. MUSK

5 9 4 2 1 3 8 7 6 7 1 3 5 8 6 4 2 9 2 8 6 4 7 9 3 1 5

5 8 1

5 1 2 6

Sudoku solution

6 3 2 1 4 7 5 9 8 1 4 8 3 9 5 7 6 2 9 7 5 6 2 8 1 3 4

6 2 5 3 8

6

Last issue’s crossword

5

8 6 1 9 3 4 2 5 7 3 5 7 8 6 2 9 4 1 4 2 9 7 5 1 6 8 3

7 2

Star Signs from Sirius Spade

Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18: Ack! Weary us. You’re too wet to sit on the couch.

Gemini: May 21 - June 21: Jammin’ eye. Stay in one fucking place you piece of shit.

Pisces: Feb 19 - March 20: Pie seas. Delicious.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22: Can, sir. You are dying.

Aries: March 21 - April 19: Air. Ease. You are too horny. Go home.

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22: Lee! Yo! Sup, man?

Taurus: April 20 - May 20: Tore us. Stupid grump.

Virgo: Aug 23 -Sept 22: Verre, go! Quit tidying my room and clean your fucking room.

Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22: Lee bra. Balance those breasts.

Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21: Score! Pee. Oh ... Everyone’s into something but keep it to yourself.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21: Sad. Jitter. He / us. Your butt is a horse.

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19: Car prick horn. Um yeah.

15

CULTURE

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Peer Pleasure

Working through traditional gender roles key to addressing sexism YOURS TRULY

THE CASCADE

My boyfriend’s parents are nice, but super traditional. I have to help cook and clean up after dinner when we go over and the guys don’t, and they talk down to me a little. Nothing insulting or overt, but I never know if I should say something or just go along with it for the sake of being polite. I’ve talked about it with my boyfriend and he’s not sure what to do either. How do I change things without insulting my potential future in-laws?

It sounds like your in-laws-to-be are engaging in benevolent sexism. A recent study reported on in the Washington Post found that benevolent sexism — defined as the well-intentioned attitudes toward women that perpetuate the notion that women are inferior — is a much more common foe of gender equality than hostile sexism,

which is much more easily contested. If your future in-laws said that women belong in the kitchen, for example, you could have an up-front conversation with them about your views. Instead, you are left fighting an invisible battle of gender roles.

My advice is to first work through these issues with your boyfriend. He may not fully understand the implications of your being asked to help serve the food while he and his father wait at the table. Like many of us, he grew up with this kind of modelling and might not have questioned it. If he has — kudos! Once you’ve had the conversation, talk about ways in which he can help you feel less belittled while at dinner with the in-laws to-be.

It may very well be that your boyfriend’s parents simply don’t know you well enough to talk about things outside stereotypical

topics. If they don’t know what you’re into, it’s easy to fall back on the tried-and-true “gender appropriate” conversation. I would suggest having him bring up conversation points that highlight your role outside the domestic sphere; have him set up a conversation where you have to explain your studies, or your responsibility in the workplace. This will allow them to get to know you a little better, beyond their traditional expectations of you as a woman.

Make sure that your boyfriend isn’t passive to his parents’ behaviour. If his mom asks you to help prepare the food, have him jump in and help out. Plan for him to serve the dessert. His parents may respond to these types of cues and further understand the nuances of a modern relationship.

If things worsen, don’t remain silent. The earlier you have the conversation, the less awkward it

will be. Bring it up casually, and have your boyfriend involved.

Don’t accuse them outright with being sexist. Not only will they not respond to this well, they might just not get what you’re saying. You can start with talking about your upbringing — “When I was growing up my mom worked, so Dad took over most of the household duties,” or something equally benign. This type of opener will spark a conversation about differing perceptions of women’s roles, and allow you to voice your opinion without being accusatory. Don’t expect to be able to shift their worldview — that’s not the goal. Rather, do your best to understand where you are coming from and how you expect to be treated.

Next time with Yours Truly: Hi Yours Truly! I’m hoping you can help me out. I’ve been working at my new job for a couple of months; I’ve been getting along fairly well with some of my colleagues, but I’m not sure how to casually take things to the next friendship level: an outside of work hang out. I think we could be good real-life friends, but I’m worried about messing with our workplace relationship.

— Budding work buddy Do you have a similar experience you’d like to share? Want to contribute with your own advice?

Feel free to write in and be published alongside my advice in the next issue of The Cascade.

Send your questions, scenarios, or responses to: peerpleasure@ufvcascade.ca

Lens of Empowerment films part of discourse on self-identity, acceptance at UFV MARTIN CASTRO

CONTRIBUTOR / PHOTOS

On Friday, March 27, the opening reception for the Tel i’tsel Kwe’lo (I am here) exhibit was held in the S’eliymetaxwtexw gallery in B136, where visual art by students enrolled in the Lens of Empowerment program was showcased.

The exhibit focuses on media that explores multiculturalism, identity, and women’s citizenship. Visual art such as mixed media pieces and paintings, also the work of UFV students, was displayed during the reception, followed by a screening of student-made films.

The Lens of Empowerment program consists of five courses, which work to create further awareness of our presence on Stó:lō territory. These include “An Introduction to Storytelling,” taught by Michelle LaFlamme, and “Indigenous Art: Stories and Protocols,” taught by Wenona Victor. The program concludes with working on films focused on women’s identity within community, overseen by video production instructor Stephanie Gould.

During the opening reception at the gallery, several speakers addressed the meaning and importance of the S’eliymetaxwtexw gallery, which fosters creative

output from students at UFV and encourages multiculturalism.

Students spoke on the process of creating their art over the past semesters, saying that the work was gruelling, but worth it because they wanted to share the journey they had in their classroom.

UFV president Mark Evered also praised the Lens of Empowerment program, adding that he was thankful to be the president of a university in which students and faculty “care this much about the people that come from this land.”

“I don’t think we’ve always

done well,” said Evered, speaking about UFV’s relationship with aboriginal students and the aboriginal community at large, “but I’m so pleased that [UFV] is committed … to working with First Nations people. I’m always pleased when I hear someone acknowledge that we are on the territory of the Stó:lō people.”

Evered also spoke to the importance of the visual arts program and its importance to community at UFV. “You see firsthand the creativity of this institution … Art is a way for students to share their

views of the world.”

Attendees were invited to B101 to view the short documentary films that students had created.

Eight films were shown, by students Lauren N. Krenz, Joanne Combes, Mario deSantos, Sarah Gabor-Martinez, Jessica Janik, Kelly Oberholtzer, Ramona Valenzuela, and Theresa A. Warbus.

Each film focused on a different aspect of community in the Fraser Valley. Lauren Krenz’s film focused on Joanne Combes, a fellow classmate, and her reflection on the misuse of an aboriginal piece of art, as well as

self-identity. Other films, such as Gabor-Martinez’s, focused on First Nations women’s self-governance in Canada, and the impact of European influence; among other things, Western traditional is patrilineal, whereas local First Nations customs are matrilineal, passing name and traditions down through the mother’s side of the family.

Pride in one’s self-identity and community were the resounding themes throughout the night.

There will be a second film screening on Thursday, April 2 at the CEP campus in Chilliwack.

16

ARTS IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

TV review

Kimmy Schmidt is unbearably unbreakable SASHA MOEDT THE CASCADE

CHARTS 1

Lightning Bolt Fantasy Empire

2 Various Mint Records Presents: Hot 3

Heroes Freak Heat Waves Bonnie’s State of Mind

4

Viet Cong Viet Cong

5 Sleater-Kinney No Cities To Love 6

B.A. Johnston Shit Sucks

7

Queen Bee & The Buzzkills Stalk To Me Ex Hex Rips

8

Pink 9 Ariel pom pom No! Yoko 10 Oh Pinhead’s Paradise The Kid 11 Billy Horseshoes and Handgre-

12

nades Jose Gonzalez Vestiges & Claws

13 Siskiyou Nervous 14 MALK Prehistoric 15 Dodgers Bombshells Maginot 16 Elliot Young/Old/Everything.

17

In.Between Purity Ring Another Eternity

de Courcy 18 Johnny Alien Lake

Shuffle

AARON LEVY

CIVL MANAGER / RED JACKET WEARER UFV says goodbye this week to long-time women’s volleyball coach Dennis Bokenfohr, who led the Cascades to a CCAA championship two years back. In honour of his moving on, here are some songs that each relate, in one way or another, to a different Dennis.

Wu-Tang Clan “Ain’t Nothin ... ” Last name Coles, first name Dennis, Ghostface Killah is one of the most well-known members of the legendary Wu-Tang Clan, along with the RZA (Rizzah), GZA (Jizzah), ODB (Ol’ Dirty Bastard), Inspectah Deck, Raekwon, and everyone’s favourite Baltimore gangster, Method Man (Cheese).

The Beach Boys “Little Deuce Coup” The Wilson Brothers included, famously, Brian, Carl and, you guessed it, Dennis, in addition to Al Jardine, Mike Love, and a host of other influential West Coast musicians that changed the way Americans record, listen to, and appreciate records.

Dennis Leary “Asshole” “I’m just a regular Joe, with a regular job, I’m your average white suburbanite slob. I like football, and porno, and books about war, I’ve got an average wife, and a nice hardwood floor.” What a classic comedy song about a jerk, which Dennis B. certainly never was to me.

When I saw that Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix starred Ellie Kemper (The Office), I wondered if Kemper could break out of her role as a big-eyed innocent. Evidently, she couldn’t. Created by Tina Fey, Kimmy Schmidt has the bounciness of 30-Rock with the energy and innocence of Kemper.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt opens with a jarring scene for what’s supposed to be a lighthearted comedy. Kimmy and three other women are in an apocalypse bunker, apparently in a cult. Outside, the field is swarming with news crews and SWAT teams. The bunker door is blown open, and out comes Kimmy Schmidt.

I found it hard to suspend my disbelief on this one. Upon realizing she was trapped for 15 years by a doomsdaycult, Kimmy was portrayed as thrilled that the world wasn’t a wasteland. The only way this could come off as comedic is through reactions portrayed by the victims. But Kimmy refuses her role as a victim (and apparently all the psychological trauma that comes with it), and steps into her new world cheerfully.

Kimmy decides to head to New York to reclaim her life.

This is the perfect set-up for a cliché: a big-eyed newb walking around NYC doing oh-sohilarious things. She stumbles her way into a job working for Jacqueline (Jane Krakowski), whose character is very similar to Jenna on 30 Rock. Kimmy also finds a roommate, Titus

Image: rollingstone.com

(Tituss Burgess) a gay wannabe Broadway actor who will serve as her second half in the “unlikely pair” trope.

The redeeming quality is that Kimmy really is unbreakable — she shakes off (or doesn’t even register) negativity. It’s a show about someone recovering their life and the material could easily be dramatic, but it’s kept very light the entire way through. It’s not a new concept in pop culture — that life is for living, not wallowing. But the “shake it off” approach to victimhood is far from healthy.

Negativity and darkness is in the world for a reason. It comes across as lazy writing if your character doesn’t have PTSD after a traumatic event.

If you can suspend disbelief,

then you’ll find the jokes are mile-a-minute funny with no shortage of pop-culture references. Kemper ’s strength is in playing the same role she played in The Office and Bridesmaids, and while it was disappointing not to see her spread her wings a little more, she sure knows how to play that role; her comedic timing is on point. The other characters — if a bit trope-reliant — are offbeat and a bit bizarre.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is easy to watch after a long, hard, day. While I think dealing with darkness head-on can make a comedy strong and more substantial, it keeps things simple for an easy watch.

Dave Navarro “Hungry” So, what’s this got to do with any Dennis? Well, this song was written, supposedly, for Navarro’s exwife, Carmen Electra, who at the time was his current wife, and had previously been married to none other than basketball’s most flamboyant post ever, Dennis Rodman.

Great hair, great taste, great guy.

Jimmy Ray “Are You Jimmy Ray” And you thought the last one was a stretch? Ex-major league baseball pitcher, Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd, has the middle name Ray. Thus, I selected this self-titled-ish single from the most ’90s of playlists, where a man asks if anyone wants to know about him. Unsure if he’s answered.

Image: thetvaddict.com

17

ARTS IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Film

Insurgent is a worthy sequel to Divergent — and holds its own, too ASHLEY MUSSBACHER THE CASCADE

The first time I went to see Insurgent, I didn’t realize it was a sequel. Completely clueless, I watched halfway through it before I started feeling like I was missing at least half of the storyline. Insurgent, the second part of Veronica Roth’s Divergent series, is a pretty great steppingstone to the last installment of the trilogy, Allegiant. But it’s also a fantastic starting point, apparently.

Usually sequels are incredibly hard to follow (especially if you go in uninformed) and boring, since the author or director just wants to get to the good parts near the end of the series. While I was confused for the first bit, the storyline and characters were intriguing enough to pull me through it, and the ultimate goal was straightforward so I could follow it.

What I was most pleased with

Image: hypable.com

Shailene Woodley breaks the cookie-cutter “strong female character” role. in the movie was the portrayal of Tris, the main protagonist. I always feel let down by main female characters because too often they need a male counter-

part to help them overcome obstacles. Not Tris. While she does have a boyfriend who is supportive at times, Tris overcomes her challenges on her own.

More on the point of depicting a “strong female character,” I didn’t feel that Tris was stuffed full of stereotypical “masculine” qualities just so she could maintain a leadership role in the film. She is a trailblazer and a fighter, and has a temper at times. But she is also a bleeding heart with an incredibly soft side. Ultimately, her characterization felt real and dynamic, and did not fall into a cookie-cutter model of the “strong female character.” She’s just a person. And this is what I most closely followed in the journey to kill the main antagonist — who also happens to be a woman.

In sequels, it’s easy to have holes or valley-sized sags in the plot where nothing much happens. There is a slow bit when the group of characters, allegedly in hiding in Amity, is gearing up to assassinate the head of the government system, Jeanine Matthews. But that part of the story was a much-needed stair-

case for me to understand the goal of the plot and get a sense of the characters. For someone who had watched Divergent, however, it might have been unnecessary.

With the exception of that one sag, the rest of the movie was exceptional in its plot twists and action. I was shocked at how many times the author and director surprised me with moments that might have been cut or avoided completely — for instance, the near-murder of a child. It didn’t feel set up for mere shock value. By that point in the plot I was convinced the people running the government would stop at nothing and kill anyone in their way. At no point did I question its believability, nor was I pulled out of the movie to question something about logistics of a character ’s decision or action.

Insurgent made me want to watch the first movie and read the books. For a sequel, that’s pretty damn great.

Book

The book jacket lied: Wolves makes for a fractured, unsatisfying read ANTHONY BIONDI THE CASCADE

Every so often I come across a book that just has the most stunningly beautiful cover, and a wonderful-sounding synopsis to boot. When these two things come together in a bookstore, it’s a must-buy for me. Don’t judge — this is how I operate.

Needless to say, it is not a flawless system, and does occasionally let me down.

The novel Wolves by Simon Ings is one of these covers. It has a lovely abstract painting of wolves with figures hidden in its negative space. On top of that, it promises an interesting spin on the whodunit genre with a science fiction / apocalypse spin. What it turned out to be was definitely science fiction, but was lost somewhere in the literary fiction and slice-oflife canon.

Whenever I read the word “whodunit” and go into a book with the promise of a murder mystery, I assume, perhaps foolhardily, that the murder happens somewhere near the beginning of the book. I assume that the mystery plays a big role in the plot. Well, needless to say, I assumed wrong. Instead, the “mystery” (yes, in scare

quotes) happens somewhere near the middle of a somewhat picaresque and episodic novel.

We are introduced to the main character, Conrad, and quickly become thrust into his somewhat uncertain life. He has a girlfriend with hammerlike prosthetic hands, and a best friend, Michel, whom he hasn’t talked to in years. It turns out Michel wants him to come visit his house so he can show off his girlfriend and the big Noah-like boat they are building in order to survive what they call “the fall.”

Michel turns out to be an author obsessed with writing endof-the-world novels, while simultaneously preparing for his own apocalypse (there is never a hint that one is actually coming). After a big and somewhat apocalyptic storm, Conrad and Michel’s girlfriend end up making a baby together, and things start turning sour.

Conrad is a pioneer on the augmented reality market, creating glasses (and eventually contact lenses) that allow people to view digital manifestations within their real world environment. This, as it turns out, is the crux of the entire narrative.

“The fall,” as it were, seems to be perpetuated by the common people becoming so deeply in-

Image: simonings.com

Don’t begin Wolves expecting a typical “whodunit.” volved in augmentations of the real that they lose what is truly real and become something like zombies for their fake, manufactured realities.

With the proposal of the Microsoft HoloLens project just last year — I’m talking realworld stuff here — this book comes as a kind of warning. I’m not sure if Ings was aware of the project at the time of writing, but I’m sure that he sees a kind of irony in it now.

Either way, the novel itself takes place over large spans of time. We are taken from the beginning of the augmented reality project all the way to the point when it’s so commonplace that it’s impossible to find a person who doesn’t have it installed in their eyes. And I have to say, the novel’s timespan is likely its biggest drawback.

Big moments pepper the novel, but they never really come to a full climax. They appear, dither, then disappear, only to be discussed nostalgically from a later time period. This leaves the novel feeling somewhat shattered, mosaic-like. All the while, there are flashbacks to Conrad’s childhood that build up to his mother ’s death as well as other momentous things. Yet what we are left with are just fragments of a whole. There is a feeling of strange disconnection from the events of both past and present, as well as from the characters, who seem to be held at somewhat of a distance.

Simon Ings is a brilliant writer, and his prose is strong and melancholic, but he seems to struggle to let his narrative threads bloom into maturity.

Coming out of this book felt like waking from a strange dream. It is a very literary read, with allusions to modern media being tied to the fall of mankind. The idea, told by Conrad late in the novel, that society has to crumble from within and not because of some exterior apocalypse seems to be the crux of Ings’ argument. The introduction of augmented reality to the public seems to cause a dissolution of humanity, society, and reality. Though the idea is very real to us now, and the book is quite well-written, in some ways the book jacket lied to me. What was promised was not what was delivered. It is a good read, but very scattered and broken. Its dreamy prose held me well enough to the end, but had me wondering.

If you are in the mood for literary science fiction, I would recommend this, but go into it expecting strangeness. Go into it expecting to be unsure of what happened by the end.

Expect nothing and you’ll be rewarded.

18

SPORTS & HEALTH

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

UFV Cascades’ Mark Village signs with Whitecaps FC2 VANESSA BROADBENT THE CASCADE

The Vancouver Whitecaps announced last week that they are adding three new players to their FC2 team. One of those players happens to be UFV Cascades goalkeeper Mark Village. Mark is a fifth-year history student and will be graduating at the end of the upcoming fall semester. The Abbotsford native has played five seasons with the UFV Cascades men’s soccer team and has won numerous awards during that time, including Bronze Medal in Canada West (2013), Second Team Canada West All-Star (2012), and UFV MVP (2012). Mark will be joining the Whitecaps FC2 for their inaugural season in the United Soccer League.

So you were recruited at a Whitecaps training camp?

Well, they invited me out to the training camp. Alan Errington has resources everywhere and thought I would be a good fit for the Whitecaps, and there was an open tryout. I kind of bypassed that right into the training camp.

Were you expecting to get signed on when you went to the training camp?

Absolutely not. Obviously it’s highcalibre soccer and I’m not in the best of shape and not in the best of form, so I was kind of going there just wanting to have a little bit of fun. I ended up having a lot of fun, but as I was having fun I ended up playing pretty well, so that’s how that went.

What was the recruitment process like?

I just got invited to the training camp and from there they evaluated me with all the other trialists that were there.

On, I think it was five or six days into it, they made big cuts. It started off with 35 people and they cut it down to a core 17 or 18, and then they made further cuts into there. There’s only really 15 or 16 guys that actually made the final roster, just because they pull people down from the first team to play as well.

What was your reaction when you found out you made it?

I was shocked — just the fact that they saw potential in me. They said there are some things to address like my fitness and all that, but I was glad that they saw potential in me and they took a chance and they signed me. I was definitely shocked — and excited.

When did you find out that you were signed?

They don’t really tell you much when you’re on trial. They tell you a little bit here and there, and like I said, there were big cuts five or six days in. After that big cut I kind of wanted to know where I was, and the coach approached me, thankfully, and he said, “We’re looking to have you on as one of the keepers.” How he explained it to me is that there’s five goalkeepers in the club, including the first team. So there’s David Ousted, Paolo Tornaghi, Marco Carducci, Spencer Richie, and then myself.

He said essentially I’m the fifth goal-

Images: Tree Frog Images

Village will be the fifth goalkeeper for the two Whitecaps teams. keeper of the two teams.

What’s the difference between the Whitecaps FC and the FC2?

It’s two different leagues. It’s a brand new thing this year. There’s the first team, which they play in the Major League Soccer (MLS). They play in that league and then the Whitecaps 2, they play in a league that was pre-existing called the United Soccer League (USL).

It’s a professional league as well, but the new thing this year is that they incorporate the MLS second teams, but there are still priority teams like the Rochester Rhinos who are not associated with an MLS team. There’s lots of the teams within the USL. It’s actually a pretty cool setup that they have there.

Do you have any other plans other than professional soccer after you graduate?

Originally the plan was just to finish up school and try and apply to get into PDP somewhere, like a teaching setup. For right now, I’m happy just playing with the Whitecaps and riding that out as long as I can and seeing how far I can go with that. You can always go to school afterwards, right? So right now, I’m still doing school and trying to finish up my degree and then after that we’ll see where life takes me after the Whitecaps.

How do you balance your schedule be-

tween school and soccer?

It is a little bit crazy. I’ve had to talk to some profs this week because the training for the Whitecaps is in Burnaby so I’m commuting every single day because we train six times a week, basically.

There’s games and that, too. They usually give us a day off. I’ve had to talk to some professors to try and get time off and gain their understanding of where I’m at. For the most part, they’ve been understanding at getting me to hand in assignments and stuff like that. It’s been tough. Just because I’m commuting every day and there’s obviously meetings and the training sessions and stuff with the Whitecaps. I coach as well, which is another source of income for me, so I’m balancing everything right now.

second I stepped on the soccer field was a lot of fun just having him as a coach.

What do you coach?

I actually coach goalkeepers in a club called Fraser Valley FC. It’s a local club.

It’s basically Chilliwack, Abbotsford, Langley, kids from there. I coach in Langley primarily.

Do you have any advice for UFV athletes that want to play professionally?

I would say just keep working hard and listen to the coaches because they actually know what they’re talking about.

Just enjoy your playing. You can see everyone at the Whitecaps, they all enjoy playing. There’s rarely any negative attitudes and they all just enjoy playing the game. If you enjoy the game, just keep on enjoying it.

What’s been your favourite memory of playing soccer at UFV? There’s too many. Playing for Alan Errington, the head coach here, he’s really given me all the opportunities to play well and he’s always had that belief in me to play well. It’s a big memory, but I loved playing for Alan Errington. Every

How did your experiences at UFV help prepare you for the recruitment process?

Well, going back to Alan Errington, he was a professional coach. He actually coached the Whitecaps previously so he incorporated a very professional attitude on the soccer field and off. It was a similar transition from UFV into the Whitecaps. Obviously with the Whitecaps, there’s a little bit more dynamics.

There’s more media stuff, there’s more fitness, nutrition, all that sort of stuff.

But it was a good start at UFV to have that professional attitude going into a pro club. It was a very easy transition.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

www.ufvcascade.ca

Upcoming

Events

19

SPORTS & HEALTH

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015

“Most won’t get out” Abbotsford’s new escape room puzzles are fun, but not overly physical

April 4 Skating the days away with Abbotsford Skating Club The Abbotsford Skating Club presents their annual ice show with two performances at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. at the MSA arena. For tickets and info contact iceshow@ live.ca.

April 4 Vancouver International Mountain Film Festival If extreme sports is your thing, check out the Vancouver International Mountain Film Festival at the Chilliwack Cultural Centre,

Image: Megan Lambert

Countdown Escape Rooms boasts three stages that range from ancient treasures to zombie escapes.

Saturday night at 7:30 p.m.

Tickets are $18 and can be purchased at the Cultural

MEGAN LAMBERT THE CASCADE

Centre Box Office or at www. chilliwackculturalcentre.ca.

April 7 “The New Science of Nutrition — How I Lost 27 Pounds” The kinesiology and physical education department’s David Harper talks healthy eating this Tuesday night.

The talk will be followed by a question-and-answer session, and is from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. in B101 on the Abbotsford campus.

If you’ve ever wished you could be trapped in a room with zombies, your wait is finally over. Countdown Escape Rooms, Abbotsford’s newest attraction, opened March 1.

My friends and I decided to check it out on a whim when our picnic plans succumbed to a Fraser Valley monsoon. Owner Sean McIntosh explained that the general concept is to pick a room and we’d be “locked” in. The goal is to find your way out in 45 minutes, but it’s not as easy as it sounds.

“Most won’t get out,” he says. “In other [escape rooms], only one per cent get out.”

The attraction features three rooms, each with a different theme and storyline: a “zombie fever” room where participants try to escape zombies, “the tomb,” where the goal is to steal a golden idol from a temple, and an enchanted forest where “nothing is as it seems.”

When my friends and I tackled the enchanted forest, we added to the aforementioned statistic of people who did not escape the room in time. As if we were rifling through props on a theatre set, my friends and I tried to find the various hidden clues. However, that wasn’t our biggest problem — every time we stumbled

on another puzzle to solve, my group of five friends swarmed the new puzzle and abandoned the others. We were attracted to the excitement of the new puzzle instead of sticking with the previous ones, like ducks swarming over a piece of bread tossed into a pond.

We chose the enchanted forest room because we are mostly theatre students, and the allure of fairy tales and magic appealed to our inner children. We were too chicken for the zombie fever room. The great thing about these rooms is that the entrance door is always open, so if you start to feel claustrophobic or frightened you can run out.

While the escape rooms require participants to complete interactive puzzles and trials in order to escape, they’re not physically straining.

“You have to sign a waiver, especially for scary ones, but it’s not that physical,” McIntosh says. “There’s no running, there’s no jumping. This shouldn’t be any more strenuous than the stairs.”

This was great news to me — the last two years of packing on the freshman 15 while writing poetry meant that I was well-versed in wit, not strength. The only physical part of the experience was bumping into my friends excitedly as we hustled to find new clues.

But it’s not too smart — my advice to anyone trying the room would be to stick

to what the clues give you; don’t try to get too meta. For example, I made the awful mistake of counting a bunch of little props that were merely there for decoration — and I wasted 10 minutes.

Although Abbotsford has never seen anything like Countdown Escape Rooms, the concept is not new. There are quite a few similar attractions in the Vancouver area, and McIntosh says a lot of people travel from Abbotsford to Richmond to play.

Countdown Escape Rooms is not only more conveniently located for those living in the Fraser Valley, but it also boasts larger rooms.

“Our stages are much more elaborate [and] our rooms are about three times bigger,” McIntosh explains. “Most of the other ones, they take cardboard and they print it and put it on the walls. We’re 3D, so we actually built everything.”

McIntosh is already planning for expansion of the business by including a room where the goal is not only to escape, but also to escape from a murderer.

“It’s this idea of a maniac has you trapped in a room,” he says.

Countdown Escape Rooms is open from 3 p.m. to 10 p.m. weekdays, and 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. on weekends. Reservations can be made at countdownescaperooms.com.

With files from Vanessa Broadbent.

20

SPORTS & HEALTH

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2015 www.ufvcascade.ca

Varsity awards night covers spectrum of athletic work Soccer coach Errington retires; Bertram closes out year as interim director MICHAEL SCOULAR THE CASCADE

If award show success is measured by the number of times a name is called from the podium, the biggest star of the 201415 Athletics Awards Night was Tyne Campbell, UFV Athletics’ head athletic therapist.

“Usually they’re glaring at me while I’m giving them heck for not stretching or not doing what they’re supposed to,” she said during a speech to recognize the team of student therapists she oversees. But removed from in-season pressure, athletes, coaches, and staff gathered at the Ramada Inn in Abbotsford to sing each others’ praises, the 2014-15 schedule cast in the glow of recent memory. Nicole Wierks, returning as an alumna speaker after graduating last year, summed up many of the night’s sentiments: “I remember almost all of it as fun, even the bad stuff.”

University athletes have a short playing career: following high school or junior leagues, they compete for a maximum five years, often with coaching aspirations or a career outside of athletics as their goal post-eligibility. That was the lens UFV president Mark Evered chose to look at the athletics program with.

“I just thought I’d put what we’re doing here tonight in a context of conversations that are taking place throughout our province,” he said. “We’re hearing a lot about skills gaps and skills agendas, and governments these days are big on making sure our educations programs in the classroom and outside the classroom are meeting the needs of this province in terms of skills.” These skills, Evered said (problem solving, commitment, self-motivation, and managing criticism, among others), are uniquely developed in an athletic setting.

“I have no doubt that not only are you going to benefit from

Image: Dan Kinvig for UFV Cascades / Flickr

Kadeem Willis and Mark Village emceed the awards banquet, which was held at the Ramada Inn in Abbotsford.

the skills you’ve learned in athletics, in your programs here at UFV, but your future employers are going to benefit,” he said.

Between these two perspectives, of the recent past and the approaching future, the awards and speeches of the night attempted to encompass all the stages of athletic life. Rookie awards went to Monika Levarsky and Tammer Byne, both from soccer, and the retirement of men’s soccer coach Alan Errington took up a significant portion of the night as colleagues, understudies, and athletes from his coaching career spoke of his “dedication and humour.”

To recognize the five graduating seniors from the mens’ soccer team, Errington recalled how, in the cases of Ryan Liddiard, Trevor O’Neill, and Mark Village, he had taught their fathers or uncles: generations learning from the same teacher.

“He recycles all his stories, he recycles all his jokes — don’t be fooled,” went one retort. Other UFV coaches spoke of looking up to Errington, as both Dennis Bokenfohr and Rob Giesbrecht admitted the debt of influence they felt. Errington coached in the Canadian national soccer program before coming to UFV; the sense from an hour-plus of “remember-when” was not just the influence of his motivation felt by former players, but how, with his retirement, so goes

one of the last people to know of Canada’s soccer program when the World Cup was still in reach.

“I remember almost all of it as fun, even the bad stuff.”

Village co-emceed the night with Kadeem Willis, from the men’s basketball team. The two swapped uniforms, talked fondly of Errington and Campbell, and decided dining order by asking questions that tested knowledge of Jasper Moedt’s height, the fine for showing up late to an Errington practice, and other sports trivia. (Responses were slightly quicker to identify the golf club brand Bubba Watson swings in television advertisements than the decade Canada’s flag debuted.)

While he took the role, delaying a sabbatical, with an interim tag over the summer, Chris Bertram was athletics director for the entire season.

“I haven’t really seen [my wife] since August,” he said in the night’s opening remarks.

Bertram, who also mentioned Campbell to a scattered chorus of “Tyne!” (“It’s not an easy job, and it’s not a thankful one very often”), presented the night’s

format as a change from previous year ’s events.

“We’ve decided to give a few of the student athletes a bit more time up here at the microphone,” he said before joking, “because we all know how much everyone loves public speaking.”

But as this was a gathering of teams, and as sports culture in Canada is thought to reward humility, sacrifice, and hard work outside the spotlight, most student speakers deflected attention. Representatives from each team gave brief reports on their season: statistics, medals, playoff results, and the recurring theme of memories that will endure, or anticipation for next year in cases where the speaker had remaining eligibility.

“There are a lot of memories made with this team that won’t be forgotten; more than just volleyball, they are relationships that will last a lifetime,” said Joel Kleingeltink.

When it came time for individual awards, there were no acceptance speeches. Instead, coaches spoke of the reasoning for the award: they had a good year, they displayed leadership qualities, here’s an anecdote. Even Moedt, who received a community award for his work with Speak Up, a mental health awareness campaign, and for work with the

university creating a Peer Support Centre, stepped off the podium with a wave, despite calls for “Speech!” Moedt did return to report on the mens’ basketball team season, semi-religiously intoning that those in attendance should turn to page four in the yearbooks placed at every table in hall, where the team’s accomplishments were the story.

Announcing the Athlete of the Year awards, with three nominees on a projected display, Evered casually stated, “No real mystery here.” A few murmurs went through the audience. “Ouch,” someone said.

Evered explained that, statistically, there was no equal for recognition in Athletics this year.

“When times got a bit grim [this term], there’d be yet another announcement of one of your many achievements,” he said. “Thank you for brightening so many of our days.”

Aaron Pauls was named the male Athlete of the Year. He was not in attendance, having begun graduate studies at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas.

Stephen Wall, from the rowing team, won the Jen Simpson Memorial award for his work organizing the Row for a Cure ergathon and encouraging connections between different varsity teams, including game attendance.

With Errington’s retirement, assistant coach Tom Lowndes will be moving into the head position. Steve Tuckwood, coming from UBC, will be the next Athletics Director. He was not in attendance. Neither was UFV’s wrestling team, which has members under investigation by the university for conduct that took place at a February tournament. Following the awards night, UFV also announced Bokenfohr, coach of the women’s volleyball team, will not be brought back next season.

“We wish him well in all his future endeavors,” Bertram said in a press release.

Image: Dan Kinvig for UFV Cascades / Flickr