HOBOSCOPES

GEMINI

Are you more of a filled-donut person or a ring-donut person? Filled donuts are so mysterious. I mean, what’s in there? Could be raspberry jelly or lemon curd or Bavarian cream. Who’s to say which one it is until you take a bite. But ring donuts let you know from the outset exactly what’s in the middle. Nothing. There’s just a hole all the way through. No pretense. No mystery. I typically think of you as a filled donut, Gemini, but what could be more surprising than offering no mystery at all. Maybe this is a time to just show the world what’s there. Holes and all.

CANCER

I’m flying home to see my family for the first time in a long time. I think I packed everything I need. I got my toothbrush and extra socks and a book for the plane and...maybe just one more book for the plane would be good. Actually, if I take three books then I’ve got one for the flight out, one for the time at home, and one for the flight back. But it’s hard to pick just three. Actually, I’ll go ahead and take all of these by the bed just in case. And some of this shelf. How much does it cost to check a 60-pound bag? We like to keep our options open, Cancer, but sometimes having so many options can weigh us down. If you had to narrow it down, which three options would you pick?

LEO

My dad used to read to me before bed. We spent months getting all the way through The Lord of the Rings. Maybe I was a little too young for it, but I was completely hypnotized by the language and the magic. Years later when I read it for myself, I was surprised by an ending that I thought I’d forgotten. It was melancholy and challenging. Not quite happily ever after. My dad told me that he’d skipped that part when he read it to me. That he wanted to leave things off after the big victory and let the good guys have their hard-fought win. Sometimes we assume that when the battle is won, the story should be over, Leo. But there’s always more pages to go. If you feel a little melancholy after your victory, that’s pretty normal. Just keep reading.

VIRGO

We all remember that the Library of Alexandria was the greatest collection of written knowledge in the ancient world. I’d always heard that it was burned down by Julius Caesar, destroying it’s irreplaceable collection. But it turns out that’s not true. The library simply declined over a period of about 400 years. It lost the support of its government. Scholars became unpopular in the culture and many were exiled. The people of Alexandria stopped caring about the library and after a while it had fallen into such disarray that it essentially disappeared. Support what you care about, Virgo. Apathy can be as bad as fire.

LIBRA

According to the man at the front of the airplane who’s holding up a seatbelt that isn’t attached to anything and waving around an oxygen mask that won’t inflate, there’s a life vest under my seat. According to the 10 year old sitting next to me “that only helps if we crash in the water.” The kid’s got a point, Libra. It’s good to be prepared, but it’s better to be prepared for the right things. Start by thinking of the outcomes that are likeliest to occur. If you’re flying over Kansas, you might be better off with a parachute.

SCORPIO

People are always recommending self-improvement books to me. (They must see something in me that needs improving.) But I’ve never been able to get into that particular genre. I just get bored if there’s no story. Give me a character who changes, or even a character who refuses to change. I can apply that stuff to my life all day. But “The 7 Secrets of Compassionate Leadership”? That kind of stuff just rolls right off me. If you’re trying to change, Scorpio, I’d recommend fiction. What characters do you resonate with? What would they do in your situation?

SAGITTARIUS

The first book I can remember reading that didn’t have pictures was about a kid who was a detective. I don’t remember what kind of cases he took on or how he went about solving them, but I remember that he was very smart and I hoped one day I would be smart enough to solve crimes, too. As you know, my life took a different path. But amateur astrology isn’t so different from being a kid-detective. I look for clues and present my findings when the time is right. I think it’s a good time for you to go looking for clues, Sagittarius. There are some obvious ones that you might have been avoiding. I think this is a case you can crack.

CAPRICORN

A lot of people go for the window seat. I can see why. You’ve got something to look at for the whole flight. I prefer the aisle seat because if I need to stand up I don’t have to ask the strangers next to me to get out of my way. I’ve never met anybody who prefers the middle seat, but that’s the seat 1 out of every 3 people ends up in. Sometimes you get to choose, Capricorn. Sometimes your preferences count. But sometimes you have to prioritize your preferences. If your main goal is to get from takeoff to landing, you might have to do it in a seat that’s not your first choice.

AQUARIUS

When I was in 4th grade I had to write a book report. I don’t remember how long it had to be, but I do remember that the night before the report was due, I hadn’t finished reading the book. I had selected H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine which was written in 1895 so there were parts that were over my head. My mom let me stay awake until 11 p.m. finishing the book and the report. And that’s how I discovered procrastination. Unlike the protagonist of The Time Machine, Aquarius, we’ve only got so much time. If you really want to do it, maybe stop putting it off.

PISCES

Some people just come out and say what they need as soon as they need it. Some people hint-around and poke-around and try not to ask for too much and don’t want to offend anybody and compromise and try to find a way to get by without it and never really get around to asking. I’m usually that second kind of person, Pisces. But I think you have the ability to just come out and ask. Even if you’ve pushed it down and unlearned it, I think you have access to it. And I think you might need it now. And I’m asking you to ask for what you need.

ARIES

I boarded the plane at 6 p.m. It was too warm and the sun was starting to go down. Four hours later, I’m getting off the flight. It’s only 8 p.m. here. There’s still some daylight in the sky and it’s getting a little chilly. Disembarking can be disorienting. This isn’t the place you were before, Aries. This is the new place. It’s gonna take some getting used to. It’s fine if you want to take it slow. Take a few more deep breaths. There’s no rush. We’re glad you’re here.

TAURUS

Here’s what else you need to know today, Taurus. The Vedas say that in the beginning the Creator was alone. The Creator brought many beings into existence, but they were without understanding, and still, the Creator was alone. Finally the Creator decided “I shall enter within, that they may awake” and becoming one with creation, brought life, understanding, and the end of loneliness into the world. If you feel alone today, Taurus, it may just be that you’ve forgotten your oneness with all beings. Reach out or reach in and you’ll find that it’s there. See you tomorrow.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a registered librarian or an certified donutician. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1