The Review, November 2015, Vol. 13, Issue 11 by Gloria Loughry

NOVEMBER 2015 • VOL 13, ISSUE 11 THANKS TO OUR ADVERTISERS, IT’S STILL…

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The Best of the Pacific Northwest!

THE

Marbled Godwit A

ll I noticed at first was that BILL/Beak—it was Big and I mean BIG! TOP: A flight of Marbled it’s as if they have someone calling out the directions for them. It is a When I checked my trusty bird book later I found that it was at least Godwits wheels over a beautiful sight to behold. When startled you can hear them calling, terthree to five inches in length. The beak was dark colored toward the slight- landing spot WHIT, terWHIT, terWHIT. ly upturned end. I found this bird’s name to be Marbled Godwit (limosa LOWER LEFT: A marbled In reading up on these Godwits the book states that they were once a Godwit strolls through a fedoa) limosa means muddy which tells you it feeds in muddy areas. gamebird. It was this that led to their decline on the East side of the U.S. mud flat, looking for a meal. There are a number of Godwits that one might spot in the northwest LOWER RIGHT: This fellow is a They sometimes nest in the grassy areas in the interior of N. America— with the Marbled being the most common. They breed in Southern Bar-Tailed Godwit — always near water. The food they consume there consists of grasshoppers Central Canada and even extending into the U.S. They winter on the another version of the and other insects. The food they probe for in muddy areas and tidal flats Southern Coasts of the U.S. and Mexico, migrating as far South as Godwit family to log in your consists of worms, mollusks, and crustaceans. They seem to always be Guatemala, Beliz and rarely to Equador, Peru, or Chile. Washington State bird book, should you spot able to find food to their liking just about anywhere. one on its migration path. get around 1,000 that pass through on their way South. It seems that Washington State gets three Godwit species. The common When we first spotted this big shore bird we noted the long beak, the long bluish legs Marbled, the Hudsonian which is rare, with no more than a handful seen each year, and and then the rich buff-brown mottled upper part of the body. In looking closer we could the Bar-tailed. The Bar-tailed is also rare to Washington with no more than a handful seen see that the underparts were finely barred. The linings of the wings were cinnamon-rufous each year. These rarities breed in Alaska, spend our winters in New Zealand and migrate as were the ‘armpits’. The tail is dark buff barred with black. up and down Eastern Asia. Doug Schurman and family saw one each of the Hudsonian We have seen flocks of these Godwits flying swift and strong in long lines. When they and Bar-tailed in the Grays Harbor area recently. Wish we had been there. group up they change directions at the snap of a finger showing their underparts clearly;

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WHAT’S HAPPENING

IN THIS ISSUE The Review — November 2015, Vol. 13, Issue 11

Cover: The Marbled Godwit

6 SW Washington History

3 What’s Happening

8 At the Theater 8 Religion: Like Esther, PART TWO

By Norma Brunson; photos by Doug Schurman

Around Town Over the Garden Gate By Cheryl Spaulding

4 Stepping Stones By Pat Stepp

5 Insects: Winter Survival

By Karen Johnson

By Lori Anderson

11 Restaurant Review: C’est La Vie By Diva Gastronomique

12 A little humor! By Staff of The Review

By Nora Garofoli

WHAT’S HAPPENING Volunteer Plantings to Restore Endangered Columbian White-Tailed Deer Habitat What: Habitat restoration at Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge is heading into its second planting season for the Columbian White-tailed Deer. Volunteers are needed to help plant 5,200 native trees and shrubs and install protective tubing. On event days please wear waterproof footwear, gloves, and appropriate clothing for the weather conditions. Hot drinks and snacks will be provided! Volunteers will be able to access areas of the refuge which are normally closed to the public. Registration is encouraged, but not required. To do so, please contact Aiden Forsi or Lynn Cornelius at the information listed. Training provided, no prior experience is necessary. All ages are welcome. Everyone must sign a volunteer service agreement (available the day of the event or online, see link below); volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian signature. Projects are sponsored by the Friends of Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Where: All work days are from 9:00 am to 12:30 pm. When: Meet at the River S. Unit kiosk of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge off of Hillhurst Avenue, October 28; November 4, 7, 18, 21; December 2, 5, 9, 16; January 13, 18, 23, 27; February 6, 10, 20, 24; March 2, 5 For more information visit: http://www.fws.gov/refuge/Ridgefield/get_involved/volunteer.html or http://ridgefieldfriends.org/friends-of-the-refuge/volunteer/ You can also contact the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service, Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge, 28908 N. Main Avenue, Ridgefield WA, 98642, Phone: 360/887-4106. Birdwatching Field Trip Invites All Willapa Hills Audubon invites you to join a field trip on Saturday, November 14, 2015, to the Woodland Bottoms. This trip will target migrating waterfowl, as well as hawks, cranes, and other winter species. The trip will be a morning trip completing early afternoon, depending on the birds and weather. Call 360-575-9238 or email jgreen2317@aol. com John Green to sign up. Naselle Lutheran Church Christmas Bazaar Stop by the Naselle Lutheran Church on Saturday, November14th between the hours of 10:00 am and 3:00 pm for the ever popular Christmas Bazaar & Bake Sale. Enjoy the Coffee Bar with hot and ice coffee accompanied by fresh doughnuts or Soup Bar, starting at 11:00 am featuring a choice of Smoked Salmon Chowder, Italian or Winter Squash Soup before browsing the many craft and bake items offered for your holiday season Members have been busy creating items for decor and gift giving. The bake sale will feature the traditional bake sale and Finnish goods. Proceeds will be dedicated to Hunger and Mission Work. Thrivent has provided funding to help with supplies for crafting. The Naselle Lutheran Church is located at 308 Knappton Road in Naselle, Washington. For further information, contact: 360-484-3826. St. Philip Church Holiday Boutique Enjoy their upcoming Craft Bazaar! It will be held at the St. Philip Parish Hall, 430 Bozarth, Woodland, WA 98674, on Saturday, Nov. 21 from 10 AM to 3 PM Local crafters with handmade gift items, quilted items, jewelry, seasonal gifts, Heavenly Fudge, plus raffle items. Potential vendors should contact Melanie Walsh at (360) 606-3461.

Please call if you have questions: Phone: (360) 225-1273; web: www.reviewmediagroup.com; e-mail: info@reviewmediagroup.com Mailing address: PO Box 244, Woodland, WA 98674 Deadlines: Please see our deadlines on our website at www.reviewmediagroup.com. Circulation approx. 10,000 throughout Woodland, Kalama, Ridgefield, La Center, Vancouver, and Kelso/Longview). Published monthly on the first of the month with Special Editions each year. Owner, Publisher, Editor: Gloria Loughry; Advertising Sales: Gloria Loughry, Cheryl Spaulding; Columnists/Guest Writers/Invaluable Helpers: Lori Anderson, Norma Brunson, Nora Garofoli, Tony & Cheryl Spaulding, Pat Stepp, Matt Coffey, Karen Johnson, and Guest Contributors; Printed by: The Gresham Outlook Unsolicited photographs and manuscripts are welcomed, but will only be returned if accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. The publisher does not assume and disclaims any liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by error or omission in this publication. Reproduction is not allowed without written permission from the publisher. All material herein is copyrighted and may not be republished or distributed in any form whatsoever without express permission from the Publisher.

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Coming Up at the Kalama Library… TEENS: Friends of the Library Kalama are having a Teen afternoon program from 3–5 pm on 2nd and 4th Wednesdays of each month. It will be held at the city hall council chambers 320 N 1st Street in Kalama. Kickoff date is October 14th. Come and join friends, play games and have snacks! BOOK SALE: Come and check out our books to read this winter—Friends of the Library Kalama book sale is November 10th from 9 am to 4 pm at the Kalama city council chambers 320 N 1st Sreet, Kalama. Hardbacks are $1, paper backs 50 cents plus many children books and special interest books. STORY TIME: Come and join Storytime sponsored by Friends of the Library Kalama every Wednesday starting at 11a.m. We’ll have crafts, stories and fun at 320 N 1st Street in Kalama. Come and join fun and games! AGLOW meeting coming up! Meeting location: Shiloh Fellowship Church, 10709 SE 10th St., Vancouver. Time: 7:00 p.m., with fellowship at 6:00 p.m. For more information: (360) 694-6914. Vicky Adams will be the speaker at next month’s Vancouver Aglow meeting on November 2. She has taught Bible studies and ministered around the world in churches, homes, hospitals, women’s ministries, Aglow meetings, and Full Gospel Business Men of America meetings. She will be telling her testimony. As a youth, Vicky Adams helped bring revival to her high school, and 91% of the students were born again. TOPS #1129 Meets in Woodland The TOPS #1129 Group meets at 9:00 a.m. on Tuesdays for their weigh-in and meeting at the Woodland Community Center located at 782 Park Street. For more information contact Delores at 360-606-6434. TOPS #1489 Meets in Kalama The Kalama Tops (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) group meets every Tuesday at 9 am for their weigh in and meeting at the Kalama Methodist Church at 111 N 2nd Street. It is a low cost, educational support Group. Any questions call Debbie at 360-673-5183. TOPS #1056 Meets in Vancouver TOPS WA 1056 Vancouver, meets every Wednesday at the Shiloh Fellowship Church located at 10709 SE 10th Street Vancouver, WA 98684. Weigh in begins at 8:15. The meetings are 9:30 to 10:30. Any questions, please contact Barbara Smith at 360-9014634 or at Barbarassouthern breeze@gmail.com. TOPS #1407 Meets in Longview TOPS #1407 Longview, meets every Wednesday at the Heron Pointe Recreational Center located at 5815 Ocean Beach Hwy., Longview, WA 98632. Weigh-in begins at 9:30 am and the meetings start at 10:00 am. Any questions, please contact Ellen at 360355-4353. SW Washington Gold Prospectors Meet! The SW Washington Gold Prospectors club meets every 2nd Sunday every month at 1:00 p.m. at the Minnehaha Grange Hall at 4905 NE St. Johns Road in Vancouver, WA. For more information contact Steve at 971-212-5996 or go to www.swwgoldprospectors.org or see their Facebook page at www.facebook.com/pages/Swwgp. Volunteers Needed Woodland Mobile Meals is in need of volunteer drivers. Meals are picked up at the America’s Family Diner on Lewis River Drive at 10:45 along with recipients names and addresses. Delivery usually takes a little over an hour. If you are interested in assisting with this outreach to seniors program please call Moze Meeker at 225-6501 or June Jones at Woodland Real Estate 225-8278. Deliveries are in the Woodland, WA, metro area. Host an Exchange Student? ASSE International Student Exchange Programs (ASSE) is seeking local host families for international high school boys and girls. These students are 15 to 18 years of age, and are coming to this area for the upcoming high school year or semester. These personable and academically selected exchange ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR RENT students are conversant in ANNOUNCEMENTS English, bright, curious PUBLISHER’S NOTICE Rooms for Rent and anxious to learn about ALL REAL ESTATE advertised in this newspais subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act this country through living per Downtown Woodland, $470/mo + of 1978, which makes it illegal to advertise tax or $175/wk + tax, utilities as part of a family, attend- “any preference, limitation or discrimination included. Call 360-772-3518. ing high school and shar- based on race, sex, or national origin, or intention to make any such preference, ing their own culture and an limitation or discrimination”. The Review language with their newly will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate which is in violation of the law. All adopted host family. LHA PROPERTIES dwellings advertised in this newspaper are Those persons interest- available on an equal opportunity basis. To Woodland, Castle Rock, of discrimination, call HUD toll free ed in obtaining more infor- complain at 1-800-424-8590. and Kalama mation about becoming a host family should call toll PRAYER WARRIOR will pray for you. me a call if you have a need. free: 1-800-733-2773 or Give 360-567-5146. Family & Elderly/ go to host.asse.com. There Disabled Units are many students to Pay only 30% of your choose from, so call or go adjusted gross income online—and begin the process of selecting your 360 new host son or daughter today!

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over the

well run garden is a successful garden. One of the most important components to a successful garden is pest management. Beneficial critters abound in our gardens but it’s hard to distinguish the good from the bad. Not so in the case of the common garter snake, which in my opinion is one of the mostbeneficial critters in your By Cheryl Spaulding garden. Don’t say “yuk” or even “yikes!”. Keep in mind that, on this side of the mountains, snakes in the garden are a good thing. So when something slithers out from under your rhubarb, it is most likely the common garter snake. There are several species of garter snakes which are native to Washington and Oregon. They look very much alike and may often live together in the same area. Some of the species of garter snakes which are commonly found throughout the lowlands are the western terrestrial garter snake, the common garter snake, and the northwestern garter snake. Garden Hint: Research shows that out of the dozen or so species of snakes that are native to Washington State, only one, the Western Rattlesnake, is venomous. Since rattlesnakes are not found in our area of Western Washington, you can usually assume any snake encountered in southwestern or western Washington State is not venomous. Good identification is usually your best bet and finding out who lives in the area (snake-wise) when hiking or working in unfamiliar territory is a good idea. During the summer months I often find one of these back-yard soldiers sunning themselves on the rocks or concrete steps in my garden. And although snakes of this type are supposed to be fond of water I have to say I’ve never found one near the ponds. The vast majority of snakes in western Washington are very beneficial to gardeners. Garter snakes devour slugs. Sharp-tailed snakes eat Japanese beetle grubs. Rubber boas hunt mice and voles, and will go down rodents’ tunnels in pursuit of them. I’m always pleased to see baby snakes in my garden and protect them if I can. The cats are encouraged NOT to hunt snakes and I always walk the perimeter of the lawns before mowing. Snakes are afraid of people and the sound of your movements will encourage the little creatures to wiggle away quickly to another warm hiding spot. Many gardeners are unaware that they have snakes in their garden until they run over one with the lawn mower. NOT A GOOD THING! The good news is snakes are not afraid of slug eggs. YEAH!!! Take that banana slugs! (And any other of their breathren as well!) All snakes locate prey by smell and sight. Snakes have an extraordinary sense of smell. When they stick out their forked tongue, they are “sniffing” for prey and Upcycled Upc cycled Furniture • Household • Everday Whimsy predators. Contrary to popular belief, snakes also have good short-range vision, which helps them locate and strike prey. Snakes swallow their prey whole. They are able to work their jaws around relatively large prey items, and their backward360 225-9966 facing teeth help push the food down their 1227 N. Goerig, Suite A • Woodland, WA throat. All snakes are an important part of Hours: M–F, 10 to 6; Sat. 10 to 4 New Inventory Weekly! • Ask us about Rada Cutlery! the natural food chain, eating a variety of prey from earthworms, fish, mice and birds

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Stepping Stones BY PAT STEPP

“There is nothing left for me of days that used to be, I live in memory among my souvenirs, Some letters tied with blue, a photograph or two, I see a rose from you among my souvenirs.”

y hand was diving into a giant brandy snifter filled with glassbeaded roller bracelets of every color, searching for the perfect

shade of pink. “These are beautiful, where are they made?”, I asked the young woman behind the counter. “They are made inthe country of Nepal”, she said. She then poured dozens of the brightly-hued bracelets for my selection on the glass. After a close examination I could find only two that were the color pink. I tried both of them on each, then showed the woman my choice, slipping it on my wrist. “This is the one with my name on it”, said I, grinning. Later, I realized the search for the perfect pink souvenir had happened once before. My helpmate and I were then vacationing on the Isle of Tenerife in the Canary archipelago off the western coast of Africa. I had left him at the resort, watching Spanish TV. I began window shopping along a winding street, on a quest to find the perfect souvenir. I saw an exotic storefront, crossed the street, and hurried in. I remembered that I was due back for lunch. A half hour later I had forgotten all about lunch. I had found more clothes in the basement. The Indian proprietor found me there, still looking for the perfect pink blouse, “I must go home for my dinner”, he announced. “But, I haven’t found what I am looking for yet”. “No one else is here—I could lock you in the shop if you want to keep looking”, he offered. “That would be great!”, said I. “I will be back in an hour”, he said, waving, as he climbed the stairs. Just the idea of being locked in a strange store in one of those “faraway places with strange sounding names, far away over the sea” excited the adventurer in me. By the time the shop owner returned, I had found the perfect pink blouse. I sprinkled it with sequins. After a fast-forward from that memory, I was reflecting on my rather obsessive quest for souvenirs while we traveled homeward. Whether it is a plane trip abroad or day trip to Tacoma by bus, it seems that I am compelled to find some memento, Perhaps, it makes the memory of the trip stick in my brain. Home again, I found that same pink blouse. Although it needed ironing, I tried it on and looked in the bedroom mirror, noticing it matched my new bracelet. It was then I realized that Nepal and India, respectively, where the two items were fashioned, are neighboring countries. Obviously, the two souvenirs were meant to be worn together! The joys of souvenir shopping keeps on giving precious memories of past adventures. to frogs and insects. Besides their ecological value, snakes offer the careful wildlife viewer a chance to watch one of nature’s most efficient predators. Snakes also don’t distinguish between good and bad. They just eat whatever is available. Garden Hint: Snakes should be left alone, and except for a rattlesnake that poses an immediate danger to people or pets, no snake should ever be killed. Observe snakes, like all wild animals, from a respectful distance. Don’t attempt to capture them, and don’t keep wild ones as pets. (So says the Washington State Department of Fish and Wildlife.) One of your gardens best defenders, the common garter is the largest of the four garter snakes in Washington and Oregon. It can grow to about 52 inches long from head to GARDEN GATE—cont’d on page 9

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den Insect ar s G

ate fall for many insects signals the end of their lives. Only a few types of insects live through the winter to begin the next chapter of their lives in late winter or early spring. The groups I find o ST K oOvLI most fascinating for winter surOR n ow andGL YA vival are the many varieties OF R ND A PHOTO S BY NORA of wasps and bumble bees with their only surviving members being the queens. The whole survival of the species rests in the queens who live in a dormant state through the winter. The queens then go about setting up a new hive beginning with the initial finding of foods and laying and hatching out a small crew. These queens have a lot of responsibility resting on their shoulders. Even the solitary pollinators have only the young ones who rest in the little tunnels to count on for their species to survive. These little busy workers wait there nearly a whole year before emerging to start their busy lives in the spring and summer. Dragonflies only live about one month as adults while the younger stage of their life cycle, the nymph or naiad, lives up to three years in their watery nursery dining on the many water dwelling creatures as they grow toward their turn as short lived adults. Many of the members of the wasp group seem especially frantic to me at this late point in their seasonal lives. They hurry about desperately searching for the last bits of foodstuffs for the young queens and drones they are caring for. Anything from what is on your picnic plate to bits and pieces of caterpillar are what they search for. They need the protein for their still busy hatchery in the hive. Even the many types of bumble bees will be out and about searching for the last drops of nectar and bits of pollen to carry back to the hive to feed their young future queens as well.

Winter Survival

Preparations are being made all over the insect world for winters resting phase. These queens aren’t able to hibernate right off the bat. They actually go through a process and many bodily changes that prepare them to be able to survive the cold and freezing temperatures they may encounter in winter. Their body actually develops a sort of antifreeze in it so that when temperatures do drop below freezing ice crystals are unable to form in their tiny bodies. The crystals could easily puncture their cells and kill them if they did form. I have accidentally disturbed a few of these sleeping bumble bees more than once in the last few years. Just a few weeks ago I was cleaning rascally field bind weeds out of my raspberry patch when I disturbed a large black and yellow bumble queen. She flailed her front legs about in protest as I profusely apologized for disturbing her. I quickly and gently covered her with a fluffed up little blanket of dry grass clipping and moss in hopes she would quickly return to her peaceful slumbers. Several years ago I happened across a spider as I was bringing in firewood. She appeared to have found a nice little haven in the woodpile. She was protected from most of the weather and must have been finding food, too. She had grown some as there were several old shed exoskeletons nearby from her growing and maturing body. Natural wonders continue on even as we stay snug in our own homes awaiting springs amazing changes. I wonder what else I will find in my workings and wanderings this fall and winter. TOP:

I disturbed this gorgeous bumble bee queen in early February several years ago while cleaning a few weeds out of some heavy mulch. The poor girl quickly found her way back under the mulch to await a better time to wake up herself. LEFT: A Woodlouse spider such as this one is able to live up to 3 years or so. Probably their preference to live near their prey in the soil or under rock piles or debris piles helps with their long lives. Temperatures are more consistent there and less likely to cause them harm. RIGHT: This yellow jacket queen was quite dormant with temperatures in the teens when I found her. I foolishly thought she was dead. As I examined her later she was quite alive. I then carefully replaced her in a safe place. I had learned another lesson about how tough these queens are. BOTTOM: This little spider was managing to survive in the woodpile one very cold winter. She even has frost all about her silk lined resting spot. Note her shed ‘old clothes’ nearby.

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n the late 1800s, various publishers on the Ibusiness West Coast printed directories describing concerns, population, geography,

state and municipal officers attached thereto, and an and other statistics about cities and counexhibit of the ties. One of the main publishers was Henry resources of the G. Langley of San Francisco. Born in New Pacific coast. York, Langley printed many types of books Whew! and magazines, and was described as a “man Early directories of enterprise, capital, extended business covered a lot of terfacilities and connections,” in addition to A Vancouver real estate agent placed this ad in Langley’s ritory. As time 1876 directory. being a Democrat. passed and populaLangley’s1876–78 directory carried a title tions increased, indialmost as long as the book itself: The Pacific Coast vidual directories covered smaller and smaller Business Directory for 1876–78: containing the name geographic areas. Eventually, each directory covered and post office address of each merchant, manufacturer only one city, added names of all residents, and segued and professional residing in the states of California, into our modern telephone book. But for many years, Oregon, and Nevada; the territories of Washington, these various directories served as an excellent source Idaho, Montana, Utah, Arizona, and Alaska; and of information on states, counties, and cities. Today, the colony of British they’re a relative gold mine for genealogists and is th placed Company e company ran Columbia. Also, researchers. ip h s m a ry. Th nd on Ste a gazetteer of Herewith are Langley’s descriptionsofa few selected The Oregin Langley’s directoisco north to Portlat large ad s from San Franc company presiden the counties, towns in our neck of the woods. I’ve left the spellings steamship Sitka. Notice the coach fame. cities, and as they originally appeared. e to g n of sta and o Holladay, towns, with was Ben the federal, BROOKFIELD, PACIFIC CO,

SW WASHIN HIST

SOUTH WASHIN IN

BY KAREN L

P O 45 miles s e of Oysterville Bell Isaac E, cooper Columbia River Salmon Co Megler J G, postmaster Megler J G & Co, salmon fishery Stoop Hugh, carpenter

BRUCEPORT, PACIFIC CO, P O 12 miles n e of Oysterville Fisher C, hotel Martz William C F, postmaster, and hotel Pegarder William & Co, general merchandise Reddell John & Co, general merchandise CAPE DISAPPOINTMENT, PACIFIC CO, P O address Unity, 24 miles s of Oysterville Allen A H & H H, general merchandise CASTLE ROCK, COWLITZ CO, P O 20 miles n of Kalama Huntington William, postmaster

6 • THE REVIEW • NOVEMBER 2015

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In the 1870s, Eadweard Muybridg lighthouse at Cape Disappointmen same name had to collect mail at

W NGTON TORY

HWEST NGTON

876

L. JOHNSON

ge captured this view of the nt. The tiny community of the nearby Unity (now Ilwaco).

CATHLAMET, WAHKIAKUM CO, P O and County seat, is situated on the north bank of the Columbia River, 35 miles from its mouth, and 115 miles s w of Olympia. Birnie Alexander D, postmaster Hallett Horace, boat builder Roberts G B, general merchandise Scarborough E, boat builder and cooper Warren F W, general merchandise, and salmon cannery FORT CANBY, PACIFIC CO, P O address, Unity Allen A V, general merchandise FREEPORT, COWLITZ CO, P O 8 miles n w of Kalama, is advantageously situated on the Cowlitz River, two and a half miles from its mouth, and 90 miles south of Olympia. The town contains two stores, a hotel, schoolhouse, a Methodist church and parsonage, and the pleasant dwellings of a country village. Wallace V N, postmaster

Mount Coffin, Cowlitz Co, P O 11 miles n w of Kalama Barlow Bros, salmon fishery Bush D W, salmon fishery Cleveland & Tryon, salmon fishery Cressy William, salmon fishery Fisher G W, salmon fishery La Du C, postmaster and horticulturist Paulding W D, carpenter Pekin, Cowlitz Co, P O Caples John W, postmaster Lancaster C, attorney at law Wood &Caples, general merchandise HISTORY—cont’d on page 11

Ilwaco, Pacific Co, P O address, Unity, 24 miles south of Oysterville, on Baker’s Bay, near the mouth of the Columbia River. The place possesses a large lumber trade, it being the seat of a powerful steam saw mill producing nearly one million feet of lumber monthly. Hunter John, hotel Hunter & Carruthers, stage proprietors Goff L M, carpenter, and machinist Knappton, Pacific Co, P O 35 miles s e of Oysterville Knapp J B, postmaster Oregon Trading Co, general merchandise, and manufacturers lumber, barrels, and broom handles Martin’s Bluff, Cowlitz Co, P O 5 miles s of Kalama Martin William H, postmaster Monticello, Cowlitz Co, P O 8 miles n w of Kalama, at the junction of the Cowlitz with the Columbia. The site is an eligible one for business, and the town once was of considerable importance, but the building of Kalama as the terminus of the N.P.R.R. deprived it of much trade, and it has since declined. Henderson Levi, physician Huntington Chandler, postmaster Huntington E R, hotel Huntington H D, stock dealer Huntington & Smith, lumber manufacturers Riordan John, shoe maker Smith N R, general merchandise

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November at the Columbia Theater

A Great Way to Spend a J Holiday Evening! T

his coming December, get ready for the Love Street Playhouse’s presentation of the heartwarming story, It’s A Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play. Who doesn’t know the story— Matilda (JoAnn McClanahan) on period phone. George Bailey and his conflict between (Photo from the 2007 production.) photos by wanting to escape his hometown and truth in light photography. wanting to stick it out and do right by his family… Then he meets an angel named Clarence who gives him the gift of witnessing the world as if George Bailey had never been born… In this unique “live broadcast” adaptation by Joe Landry, the ON AIR sign lights up and you’re in the studios of WBFR Radio on Christmas Eve, 1946. It’s a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play invites you to experience Frank Capra’s beloved story in a refreshingly new and intimate way. More than 30 characters and numerous locations of the classic movie spring to life in a beautifully detailed, replicated experience that recalls a mainstay of our cultural experience in years past—the live radio drama. You’ll see all your favorite characters come to life by five talented actors playing all the roles including Mary Hatch, Violet Bick, and the grumpy Henry F. Potter. The actors chosen for the roles also perform all the live sound effects on stage to enhance the radio show—just like they did in the 1940s. “Strange, isn’t it? One man’s life touches so many others. And when he isn’t around, he leaves a pretty big hole, doesn’t he? You’ve been given a great gift, George. The chance to see what life would be like without you.”—Clarence Oddbody, Angel 2nd Class. Call (360) 263-6670 or log on to www.lovestreetplayhouse.com for more information (including upcoming performance dates) and to purchase tickets to It’s A Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play.

ON THE MAIN STAGE: Dave Mason’s Traffic Jam Friday, November 13th 7:30 p.m. oin Rock and Roll Hall of Famer and cofounder of the legendary band Traffic, Dave Mason for an evening of music history as he retraces the earliest days of his career with Traffic and the works that launched his successful solo career. Mason founded Traffic with Steve Winwood while both were still teenagers, and created music that would find its way into the hearts of generations of music lovers. He would go on to establish himself as a successful songwriter, guitarist and solo artist. Mason has penned dozens of hits including: Dear Mr. Fantasy, Medicated Goo, Low Spark of High Heeled Boys, Feelin’ Alright, Only You Know, We Just Disagree and more. His legendary guitar work has been linked with numerous other members of rock and roll elite, including Eric Clapton, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Fleetwood Mac, The Rolling Stones, Graham Nash, Stephen Stills, Rita Coolidge, Leon Russell, Ron Wood and Mama Cass Elliot. THIRD FRIDAYS: Dwight Slade— November 20th, 7:00 p.m. Stand-up comedy and more art man, part ageless boy; comedian Dwight Slade has the privilege of being a comedy legend in American stand up. The winner of this year’s Boston Comedy Festival, Slade combines an intelligent, raging voice of justice with the snickering attitude of a high school prankster. He gives the impression of a man on a journey who enjoys nothing more than making fun of everything along the way. At 18, he became one of the youngest performers to ever entertain at the famous Comedy Store. In the 1980s, the comedy boom was underway and Dwight found he could garner more precious stage time in Portland, Oregon, than in Los Angeles. “Why should I live in Los Angeles when I can be just as miserable and unknown in Portland?” Slade soon established himself as the premier standup in the Northwest opening concerts for Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Jeff Beck and Dave Chappelle.

For information about all of the Columbia’s events call the Box Office (M–F, 11:30– 5:30) at 360-575-TIXX (8499) or 888-575-8499 for single or subscription ticket information, ‘Like’ them on Face Book, or visit their website at www.columbiatheatre.com to view the sample videos and to order single tickets online.

8 • THE REVIEW • NOVEMBER 2015

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Dining P leasure 5

n Bon endroit pour manger!! The word is out! If you have yearned to try really good French food, it is no longer necessary to drive to Portland. Located in a tiny unassuming house in old town Battleground, C’est La Vie, 113 E. Main St., Battleground, oozes with casual European atmosphere, good service and scratch-made first-rate cuisine. The open kitchen concept allows you the opportunity to observe the chef as she goes about creating you order. What we tried: Since my dining companion spent two years in France his choice of what to order was a cinch. He chose the Classique, silky elegant French toast with butter, cinnamon and real maple syrup ($7). To that he added two large slices of grilled and locally produced bacon (and very lean, I might add) ($3) and a half-order of French Press coffee ($4). The look on his face said it all. I didn’t have to ask. He said the French toast was just like he remembered it and the coffee—delish. Parfait! Tout comme il se souvint. Despite the limited menu I found it little difficult to decide on what to try. Should I select something sweet (we were there for breakfast after all) or should I try savory? I decided to try the best of both worlds. I started with a cup of Earl Gray tea and their dish called The French Way ($7), a buttery croissant with more French butter on the side, fig preserves, a hard-boiled egg, quartered, and topped with a to-die-for Dijon crème and truffle salt (think deconstructed deviled egg). In a word, Delicious! The perfect way to start a leisurely Saturday morning! And I couldn’t help myself—I had to order a crepe on the side as well. After all, C’est La Vie is first and foremost known for its crepes. I decided to try a French Butter Sweet Crepe with cinnamon and sugar. Again, delish! The crepe was fresh from the grill, eggy tender and sweet. However, there was just a little bit too much cinnamon for my taste. As soon as the crepe was taken off the grill the

FOR YOUR

butter, cinnamon, and sugar mixture was added and it was then folded in the French manner into quarters which caused the butter and spices to pool in the center of the crepe. But other than that, our visit to C’est La Vie was outstanding. Reservations are highly recommended. C’est La Vie is very small and the restaurant fills up quickly. We were there early Saturday morning and the restaurant was filled to within the hour. BY THE DIVA GASTRONOMIQUE capacity What we plan to try next time: C’est La Vie’s lunch menu includes savory crepes, innovating grilled cheese sandwiches, salads, a cheese-andmeat board and a cheese board. (So much to choose from and so little time.) During my next visit I plan to order A Little Taste of France! Croque Madame— gruyere cheese, ham, and Dijon Creme AT T L E G R O U N D, WA on Columbia River Sourdough on the side ($9). Hmmm… Battleground, C’est La Vie does you proud. C’est La Vie, 113 E. Main St., Battleground, Washington, 98604. Phone them at 360-553-5836. They’re open Tuesday thru Saturday, 9 am to 3 pm only. Find them on the web at www.cestlaviebistro.com

C’est La Vie

CLEANING MINI BLINDS About once a month, I take a clean dryer sheet and run it over my mini-blinds. The dust doesn’t stick to the sheet, but falls to the floor where I can vacuum it up. Once a year, I take them outside and spray them with bathroom cleaner. After 30 minutes, I rinse them with the water hose — instant clean with no scrubbing! —Lina

CHEAPER TRAVEL

When I was shopping my holiday travel plans, I noticed that airfares change based on what day I wanted to fly. Saturdays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays were usually the cheapest. Keep this in mind when making travel plans. By moving travel up or back by a day, money may be saved. —Daren

C’est La Vie’s French Toast with blueberries.

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GARDEN GATE—cont’d from page 4

• Use a live-catch trap to remove small rodents. tail. But I would say the ones that live in my garden come • Capture slugs by setting out shallow saucers of beer that in at about 18 inches or so. The common garter snakes scales come in a wide range of colors and patterns, but will attract them into the dish to drown. Learn to identify the snakes in your garden, big and usually show a yellowish or yellow-green stripe running little; they are helping to keep pests in check around your down the backbone. Another yellowish stripe may run down each side, and garden. So, if you come across a garter snake in your path, may also have red spots on their sides.Garter snakes gener- don’t just assume it is waiting to “get” you. It is more ally breed in the spring. They don’t lay eggs, instead, they likely just trying to soak up give birth to live young in the late summer or fall. In the a little sun to regulate its late summer’s heat, some snakes switch to nighttime activ- body temperature. ity and we rarely see them during the day. They search out cool, moist places, like mulch piles or under boards. If you decide you’d like to have snakes live in your garden, you can take the following steps to make it more hospitable: Joy Snead • Create a snake haven by AVP • Branch Manager piling some large rocks WOODLAND BRANCH together. The snakes can hide 782 Goerig St. under and around the rocks, Woodland, WA 98674 360 and they can warm them225-9421 • Fax 360225-8146 233 Davidson Ave. Woodland, WA 98674 jsnead@columbiabank.com selves on the rocks on sunny • Carpet • Ceramic Tile • Installation supplies days. • Pad • Countertops • Hardwood • Plant some ground cover • Vinyl • Marble, Granite, Stone • Laminate Flooring DOWN TO for the snakes to hide in. It will make them feel more Sales & Installations EARTH Locally Serving secure. owned and (360) Woodland Satellite TV • Try to keep pets and operated since 1994 other animals out of the garden that might prey on the snakes. Northwood Park Funeral If you decide the disadHome & Cemetery vantages outweigh the advanFuneral Home • Mausoleum • Cemetery tages of sharing your garden Cremation & Memorial Services, Traditional Funerals ls INTERNET with a few snakes, simply The ONLY Glass Front Niches in Clark County! make the habitat less invit360 16407 NE 15th • Ridgefield, WA ing: AUTHORIZED SALES AGENT • Clear any garden clutter, 119 NE 1st, Kalama Mon.-Fri., 9-5 • Sat. 9-2 including woodpiles, fallen Woodland Funeral Home www.kalamatv.com leaves and discarded pottery 360 Traditional Services & Cremations 673-2950 225-8441 that can offer the snakes a Serving: Cowlitz, Lewis, Clark 828 Goerig St. • Woodland, WA & Columbia Counties Since 1982. place to hide.

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NOVEMBER 2015 • THE REVIEW • 9

In the October 2015 issue of The Review, we learned not to be like Queen Vashti. Her attitudes and actions resulted in her banishment as Queen of her realm and attitudes and actions like hers can cause us trouble in our realms. Queen Vashti’s banishment set the stage for an amazing replacement.

“So it came about when the command and decree of the king were heard and many young ladies were gathered to the citadel of Susa into the custody of Hegai, that Esther was taken to the king’s palace into the custody of Hegai, who was in charge of the women.” —Esther 2:8 NASB

’d like to be more like Esther. This young Jewish maiden did not have things easy yet she did not lose her love for God and others. She lost her parents. She was captive in a foreign land. She did have an elderly Uncle who loved her, took her in, and raised her, but her life was uncertain, living under the control of the Persian Empire. I would NOT have been able to handle it! Poor Esther, because of her outward appearance, was confiscated and had her future taken from her by the Persian authorities. She was taken for the King’s harem and forced to “audition” for the vacated position of Queen—which, by the way, she “won”. Winning the role and title of Queen may sound good to us 21st Century Westerners, but it was NOT good at all. “The Queen” was just the top concubine, really— the chosen one from among a harem of beauties. Sounds like the queen could throw banquets (like Vashti did) for the other ladies but otherwise, being queen meant a lifetime of seclusion, for no one was to be around the king’s girls BUT the king—EVER, even if the king died. (The exception: the “handlers” of the king’s women—they were eunuchs, males who were castrated at an early age to remove any “desire” and make them effectual servants to the king.) Matter of fact, anyone— even the queen--who so much as approached the king, uninvited, would be killed, without any explanation or hesitation, unless the king held out his royal scepter to stay the execution. So, Esther could not even approach her own hubby if and when she had the inclination! What a horrible existence! Yet, Esther, through all the adversity, did not lose her composure. She did not lose

An Atheist in the Woods An atheist was walking through the woods. “What majestic trees!” “What powerful rivers!” “What beautiful animals!” He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear was right on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!” Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man a voice came out of the sky, “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you really expect me to help you out of this predicament?” The atheist looked directly into the light, and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?” “Very well,” said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: “Lord bless this food for which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”

Est her

advanced age—80ish by this time-that kept him from returning. Maybe it was a feeling of general acceptance by the people or maybe it was his position at the palace that he couldn’t leave—whatever the reason, Mordecai and Esther did not return to Jerusalem. They stayed and Mordecai continued to quietly revere and serve his God BY LORI ANDERSON AND loyally serve his earthly king, Ahasuerus. So, the danger of annihilation that came about must have blindsided Mordecai. It sounds like it blind-sided many. Matter of fact, even though the king sealed the kill order, we are told the king did not KNOW he sealed the kill order for the Jews, for his loyal servant Mordecai, AND for his favorite girl, Queen Esther. So, Esther WAS humble, kind, selfless, attentive, loving, considerate, and sensitive but she doesn’t sound her humility, her beautiful character, her love for God— like she was confrontational. How did Mordecai expect Esther did not lose anything—which put her into a posi- her to help? Esther apparently wondered the same thing tion that would bring about the deliverance of her because when Mordecai got the message through to her people, the Jews. that she needed to do something, Esther was afraid. In Deliverance from what, you ask? Deliverance from a short order, though, and with the help of Mordecai’s Hitler-like annihilation that Haman, the fellow the king messages, Esther realized it was always better to fear promoted as his main guy over all the other guys in his God than to fear man. So she made the decision to fast service, devised as punishment because good old for three days and asked every Jew to, as well, while she Mordecai refused to bow down to him! You see, Haman sought for wisdom on how to proceed. Read the entire was like Vashti! He was proud and disagreeable to begin book of Esther in the Old Testament! The history is with but especially so after being given such a special amazing and only by reading it from the word of God promotion from the king. With this promotion, Haman for yourself will you see how this simple maiden who had been given the power. He had been given the pres- overcame her fear, looked out for the welfare of others tige. He had the King’s order behind him—that ALL above herself, fought against injustice, stood up for the should bow down and pay homage to Haman— weak and helpless—all because she loved God—was apparently a special perk to his new position as the miraculously used by God. primo prince of Persia! When Mordecai, whom Haman In God’s eyes, all these things were Esther’s true was jealous of in the first place, refused to bow down beauty. In addition, Esther greatly esteemed and respectbecause of his belief in and obedience to God, Haman ed her parent, Mordecai—something that is always lost all control and vowed to wipe out Mordecai’s entire beautiful to God. It was Mordecai that had counseled race. Esther to keep her lineage, her connection to Mordecai I can hear you asking, “Why would an old man, LIKE ESTHER—cont’d on page 11 afraid to admit he’s a Jew, advising his niece to keep her beliefs and race quiet, rock such a powerful boat by crossing such a powerful man? Why didn’t Mordecai © just bow down? Why did Mordecai stubbornly insist on enraging such a powerful man and risk genocide for Jews everywhere by doing so?” The answer—the enemy is always looking to kill, steal, and destroy those that follow God. The Jews had Galatians 6:17–18 been in captivity for some time now. They had been I bear several scars. Now, scars are not uncommon. taken into captivity and had their faith tested time and time again and their existence threatened. Old Testament Many of you probably could show some good ones from Daniel and his friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and major surgeries. Now days, surgery with limited scarring Abednego are the most famous examples of this. Like is becoming quite an art. But still, if you’ve had a Mordecai and Esther, they are great examples of believ- C-Section, joint replacement, open heart surgery, or the ers following God despite their circumstances, living in like, you are going to have a scar. My scars are from making mistakes. Once I wasn’t obedience to God by doing their very best to live peaceably with all men, being a good example by honoring being careful cutting up some chicken and made a real and glorifying God in this world, AND obeying God no clean cut across my left index finger. Another was from matter what/who commanded them not to. These fel- grabbing something sharp. I even have one caused by lows cooperated with their captors and became trusted spraying myself with high pressure water! The scars Paul refers to in Galatians 6:17were scars by many a monarch and also refused to ever deny God in the process. When the Haman’s of their time pitched of honor. He closed his letter writing, “Finally, let no one a jealous fit and manipulated kings into making misin- cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of formed/uninformed irrevocable edicts like Haman did Jesus.” (NIV) In other words Paul’s injury memorabilia with King Ahasuerus, it always worked out for God’s stemmed from beatings, stonings, ship wrecks, and malglory. Yes, Daniel got thrown into the lion’s den and his treatment as a prisoner while in the service of Jesus friends into the fiery furnace. Yes, God miraculously Christ! If you had opportunity and your attitude could still be saved them. However, just like Mordecai, even if God had chosen not to save them, these famous examples of godly, are there scars for Christ you could point to? They true believers were willing to die rather than disobey may not be physical or visible. When you are really makGod by bowing down to anything and anyone other than ing an impact for God it costs something! Remember that scars are left over from healing. The wound hurts but God. Mordecai trusted God. He most likely prayed for the Lord heals and scars earned in His service are beautiwisdom to know how to pick his battles and when to ful badges of honor! make a stand. Mordecai, we are told, was also one of the entered the home of the Circuit captives taken away from the invasion by Nebuchadnezzar You’ve ‘Riter. Come on in and sit a spell, put and the Babylonians. I bet he knew about Daniel and the your feet up—make yourself at home. boys. I bet he had experiences with the Babylonians of We’ve been waiting for you. Walk his own. It sounds like, since the Persians were in con- through a delightful series of homespun trol, things were a lot more relaxed in comparison to the devotional messages with author, previous Babylonian captors. The Persians had allowed Michael Ullrich. Visit his site at http:// some captives to return. Maybe it was Mordecai’s www.in-his-steps.com/

10 • THE REVIEW • NOVEMBER 2015

PART 2

In His Steps … Sc�r�…

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LIKE ESTHER—cont’d from page 10

HISTORY—cont’d from page 7

(and the God of the Bible) quiet. Then it was Mordecai that counseled her to stand against the enemy. Even though she was fearful for her own life, she overcame that fear and bravely brought about the deliverance of the entire nation of Israel from a Hitler-like annihilation. This was no accident; no coincidence. By God’s design, Esther and Mordecai were there “for such a time as this”. As Mordecai pointed out to Esther, if she did not rise up God would have brought about deliverance another way, but because Esther overcame her fear and her constraints, she was an integral part of God’s fulfilled promise to always protect and provide for Israel and protect and provide for the entire world through all eternity through Israel. Without the Jews, there would be no Messiah to save the world, no fulfillment of God’s promise in Isaiah 9:6 “For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.” Without the Jews there would be no Jesus.

Riverside, Pacific Co, P O 26 miles n e of Oysterville Balch E T, physician Barstow C S, blacksmith Bush A K, postmaster and lumber manufacturer Hays James, physician Wood J & Co, general merchandise and lumber manufacturer

Look for Part Three, Like Jesus in the December edition of The Review.

Silver Lake, Cowlitz Co, P O Germond Drusilla, postmaster Skamokawa, Wahkiakum Co, P O 6 miles w of Cathlamet Brookes C, cooper Columbia River Salmon Co, salmon cannery Durham E B, cooper Humes R D, salmon cannery Lowell H, carpenter Lutes J T, cabinet maker Martin J S, carpenter Moe Albert B, postmaster South Bend, Pacific Co, P O Wood John, postmaster

Unity, Pacific Co, P O Hunter John, postmaster Waterford, Wahkiakum Co, P O 7 miles n e of Cathlamet Ball & O’Brien, salmon fishing Hapgood Andrew S, postmaster Hapgood& Co, salmon fishery Nice J B, salmon fishery Willopa Valley, Pacific Co, P O address Woodard’s Landing Bush & Wheaton, lumber manufacturers Fry John, shoe maker Giesy S & Co, flour manufacturers Woodard’s Landing, Pacific Co, P O Soule Edwin A, postmaster

Langley’s directory also described other cities and all the counties in southwest Washington, but those descriptions are too lengthy to reprint here. If you’d like to see the entire directory, it’s available online at https://archive.org/stream/pacificcoastbusi 187678lang#page/n97/mode/2up.

JOKES—cont’d from page 12

“Love dress? But you’re naked!” “Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me.” The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. “What are you doing?” he asked. “This is my love dress.” she whispered sensually. “Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for dinner?” He never heard the gunshot.

couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, “I think my friend is dead! What do I do?”

The operator, in calm, soothing voice, says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line, “OK, now what?”

herlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night and go to sleep. A few hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says, “Someone stole our tent!”

EXTRA DRIVER RENTAL CHARGE Here is something we learned when renting a car over the holidays. We were driving a few hundred miles, so swapping drivers seemed likely. Before we picked up the car, we joined their rental program. Because we were members, they waived the extra driver fee when I asked. Joining was free. Some states even prohibit the charges for extra drivers, so always ask when you go to pick up your rental car. You might save yourself a few dollars per day. —Damian Send your time and money saving tips to: Dollar Stretcher Tips, 6695 Cortez Road W., Bradenton FL 34210. If we use your tip we'll send you 3 free issues of our monthly newsletter. Copyright © 2015 Dollar Stretcher, Inc.

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A Little Humor!

blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar in London, England, by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the barkeep, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’ The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it’s only fair, given you are blind, to tell you you’re in a girls biker bar and you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously ‘Mister’, do you still wanna tell that joke? “ The blind man thinks for a minute, sighs, shakes his head, and mutters, “No, it’s a good joke, but not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

oung Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, son, but I have some bad news; the donkey died.” Chuck replied, ‘Well, that’s ok, just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Sorry, can’t do that. I spent it already.” Chuck said, “’OK, then just bring me the dead donkey.” The farmer asked, “What are you going to do with him?” Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” Chuck said, “Sure I can, watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.” A month later, the farmer ran into Chuck. “What happened with the dead donkey?” Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.” The farmer asked, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.” Chuck now works on Wall Street.

woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house. She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-inlaw lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. “What are you doing?!” she asked. “I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered. “But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed. “This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained. JOKES—cont’d on page 11

12 • THE REVIEW • NOVEMBER 2015