Love Because of

Because of & Despite of Rotaract & Rotary

by DPD Ae Laudencia

Rotaract Club of Manila

Let’s all face it, love and a long-lasting relationship on its own is hard to come by, but if we factor in our life as a Rotaractor, things take a whole new dimension of complicated. Weekend outreach, district meetings, late night project planning sessions evolving to overnight fellowships- the well encultured Rotaractor knows this hectic life all too well. And yet, through it all, love thrives in District 3810. Rotaractors found ways to find love, cultivate strong relationships, and even build families because of being Rotaractors and Rotarians.

With that said, in celebration of LOVE and February, we asked a few notable married 3810 Rotaractors/ Rotarians and their significant others for relationship advice that might help and inspire you to find love as a Rotaractor.

They started from being Rotaractors in service and in love to being Rotarians involved in the Rotary community and in wedded bliss- PP Cess and CP Chock Encabo of Rotary Metro Escolta

It started as fellowship through service and ended up happily married with two kids- Rtn JM Cuales of Rotary Club of Manila Magic and PP KK Reyes-Cuales of Rotaract Club of Manila

Colleagues turned Rotaractor and supportive Boyfriend, turned IPDRR and loving daddy – IPDRR Erica Paywan Florendo of Rotaract Club of San Antonio De Padua and Handsome Hubby Enzo Florendo

Did Rotaract/ Rotary play a role in the two of you meeting each other?

PP Cess and CP Chock: We were high school sweethearts and we met prior to joining Rotaract / Rotary but we must say that Rotaract / Rotary did play a role in building our relationship. During our Rotaract days, we spent most of our time doing outreach projects, meetings, and fellowships with fellow Rotaractors, thus we realized that being in a relationship doesn’t mean limiting yourself from doing other things or from meeting other people. Being in a relationship means growing together while enjoying each other’s company. Through Rotaract, we get to know each other deeply; we learn to support each other, exchange ideas and opinions on certain things. More importantly, our Rotaract experiences help us become better versions of ourselves.

PP KK: Yes, we met through RAC Manila. I was invited by my good friend Candy to join a fellowship. There was a game and JM was the game master, he made sure I would win hehe. I cannot remember him that much during that time, I just remember that he got so many packs of flattops (my prize).

Rtn JM: Yes, as KK said, Rotaract made way for us to meet. But never in my mind had I imagined that we will be together. During the RAC fellowship KK has mentioned, I only wanted to welcome her by making her win the jackpot. Because it's fun! What I only felt post-event was that I want her to stay with the club because my gut feel tells me that she will be one of the greatest assets RAC Manila can have and I have always wanted the best for the club.

IPDRR Erica: Not really. He’s not a Rotaractor but you might have seen him bringing me to or fetching me from Rotaract activities. Since becoming a couple, I’ve been wanting him to be a Rotaractor, but he has other things that require his focus.

Enzo: We were work colleagues. I was then a high school teacher and she was a guidance counselor in school, but even back then I knew she was involved in Rotaract and was an adviser to an Interact Club. I opted not to join the club, NOT because It won’t be beneficial or fruitful for me. Rather, my reservation is that the club won’t benefit or bear fruit with someone who would be half-hearted about their involvement. I wouldn’t want mine or Erica’s image tarnished by that. That’s not what Rotaract stands for. Still,

I know Rotaract is her passion so that’s something I support her especially when my help is needed. It comes down to what builds the foundation of all relationships I want to be in- commitment.

IPDRR Erica: He only wants to have a commitment with me. Haha.

How would you describe your dating life and married life while being a Rotaractor/ Rotarian?

PP KK: We got together a few months before he assumed the presidency. I remember, I asked him (and the few people who knows) not to inform the others that we’re together. That time I was afraid that people might judge us if he was not able to do his job as the president. So aside from keeping it a secret for a while, I promised to myself that our relationship cannot affect our performance as officers in the club.

Rtn JM: That's true, our first few months of being together hadn't been very easy. It's hard to keep something like a relationship a secret when you want to tell everyone about it and celebrate. I also wouldn't want her to be in spotlight whenever I'd have shortcomings as the President of the club. But at the end of the day, it's all worth it because I'm pursuing my passion to serve and the one I love whenever we're wearing a Rotaractor's/Rotarian's hat.

IPDRR Erica: He started popping up in events in 2016. He’s been supportive of me attending events even when I started being a district officer. I just make sure to tell him if we have events and projects. So, in my mind I know he knows I have to wake up early, stay up late, and sleep at dawn because I’m doing Rotaract things. In events, I ask him to bring me to or fetch me from the venue. When there are things in his skillset that I need help with I make sure to tap him. That has been our dynamics. There was one event I attended that I remember fondly because he was there- my induction as a District Officer for PDRR Lysa. I really appreciated that moment. That’s when I realized me being a Rotaractor won’t be an obstacle to our relationship.

When I became DRR I just noticed that he became a little grumpier, hehe. But that’s because I was a pregnant wife staying up late for events and heading home in the wee hours of the night. What changed was he doubled his support, even before we got married, I told him that I have a commitment to the district as an officer and that I need his continued support through it all. I’m very thankful he supported me through my year as a DRR. It was a reasonable request for him as my husband and expecting father to insist I step down from being a DRR with the pregnancy being sensitive and all, but he understood and knew what this responsibility means to me.

Enzo: She was a Rotaractor even before I stepped into her life. So, who am I to take it away from her? It’s what I know she enjoys doing.

IPDRR Erica: I just appreciate it more now because I could just imagine how much restraint and struggle it was for him to see his wife very active as DRR and very pregnant. So, thank you so much, Daddy.

PP Cess and CP Chock: Rotaract became part of our usual routine when we were still dating. We would usually join service project activities or meetings of our club or district in the morning or afternoon before going on a date. We don't have any issues about it because we both enjoy what we do in Rotaract. There was even a time when Cess had to spend her birthday at Rizal Memorial Stadium because it coincided with the District Sports Fest. I was the DRR then and I have to fulfill my duties as the DRR. But of course, I treated her to a nice and sumptuous dinner after the event. As a married couple, Rotaract / Rotary still plays an important role in our married life, although our involvement and participation especially in Rotaract isn't as active as before when we were still Rotaractors, I would say that Rotaract/Rotary happenings, activities and exchanging of project ideas is still part of our random conversations during coffee time after dinner or even before bedtime.

How has your involvement as a Rotaractor/ Rotarian changed when you entered your relationship?

IPDRR Erica: I think you should answer this one.

Enzo: I’ve come to know many people who became Rotaractors without having complete knowledge or full commitment to the club at the onset who became great leaders and Rotaractors. Erica fondly recounts how she was blindsided by Nanay Nora into joining her Rotaract Club. So, it was not that I was never convinced to join Rotaract, it was more that I did not join because I know I cannot fully commit.

I’m mostly involved in support of Erica, but Rotaract made me gain a real appreciation of civic organizations helping improve the community. In the events where I accompanied her, I saw them enact real

change for the community not simply for the sake of submitting a report. Rotaract addressing the SDGs and humanitarian efforts was something I respect.

PP Cess and CP Chock: When we were still Rotaractors, we participated and attended most of the club and district activities and events. We were so involved and attached to our club projects, like the Big Kuya Project and activities; we have already built a strong relationship with our fellow members and the communities we were helping. We became so attached that we do not want to leave them behind. But just like any other things in life, there are times when you have to let go and move forward. Not so long ago, together with fellow Rotaractors, we chartered the Rotary club of Metro Escolta and had the opportunity to continue what we do in Rotaract. We can say that as our personal relationship grows, our commitment and passion to be of service also grew deeper, probably because we both realized how blessed we are through the communities we've visited and the people we have met in Rotary. We have gained and learned so much from Rotary that we wanted to share to young leaders all the learning, experiences, and realizations we had.

PP KK: Well, the best thing about being both a member in Rotaract and being in a relationship is that we get to do things that we both love. We consider all the activities in Rotaract as our date. We’re both happy while doing the activities because we’re together and at the same time we’re doing something we both love

PP Rtn JM: I'd say it changed for the better. When we got together, I had more reason to be active in the club and to always go the extra mile. Aside from giving her the best Rotaract experience possible, I am also doing what I really love doing --- serving above self and making the world a better place 1 act of kindness at a time.

How is being Rotaractors/Rotarians challenged and/or strengthened your relationship when you were dating and as a married couple?

PP Cess and CP Chock: During our Rotaract days, we think that our greatest challenge is how to manage our time in a way that we could still manage to prioritize our health, family and our personal relationship while attending to Rotaract activities. We are not perfect, our relationship is not perfect, we have our share of disagreements and misunderstandings but overtime, we have learned to honor our commitment in Rotaract/Rotary without compromising our personal commitment and relationship to each other. When we got married, we agreed to lessen our time in any extra activities and focus on building our family. But we realized that Rotaract and Rotary is part of our family. We grow together in Rotary; we have learned to support and understand each other's differences. We may have different views and opinions on certain things and ideas but our involvement in Rotaract and Rotary helped us realize the importance of trust, honesty, and open communication.

PP KK: The number 1 challenge for me is, we can’t argue while in rotaract lol. We both have to be mature and professional haha! Not all the time I can do it, but I tried my best haha!

Rtn JM: It actually seemed we're put to trial by fire. Imagine having an intense argument but you both need to be in a club activity in half an hour or so. Our love for each other and for Rotaract was really tested that even if we're in bad terms, we can still agree to do service because of our love of Rotaract. On the other hand, this experience has shown us how mature we can and must be. It made us fall for each other more. All the hardships and obstacles we've triumphed nurtured our relationship.

IPDRR Erica: A few months before my term as a DRR started, we went to the doctor to have the baby checked. They had me on bed rest, they prohibited me from traveling and doing too many things because it was a really sensitive pregnancy, and I could get a miscarriage. It was at that point that Enzo and I sat down and had a serious conversation about continuing my responsibilities with the District. I was in tears, but I know I didn’t want to drop my responsibilities. I saw Enzo and I knew he was also struggling but he continued to support me, and here we are now, I’m an IPDRR and we have Baby Ely.

Is falling in love with fellow Rotaractors something you would advise? Why or why not?

PP KK: Well, for me it's ok as long as it won't affect your performance in the club. You both need to be mature in handling things. Being in love with your fellow rotaractor has its pros and cons, maybe the good thing that happened to us is, we always kept an open and honest communication. Like for me, sometimes I feel that I am "over-communicating" haha! I am very straightforward with JM, he's the clingy one and it's always tough love between us. Well as they say, opposites attract.

Rtn JM: Yes and No. Yes, because falling in love with a Rotaractor would at least guarantee you 1 desirable trait, kindness. I am confident to say that each of us in this vocation are kind and for me, this is 1 of the should-be non-negotiables when we are looking for a life partner --that he/she should be kind. No because I wouldn't want to force it to any Rotaractor that you should fall in love with a fellow Rotaractor. There is a bigger world out there and they should not limit themselves in the Rotaract community. It just so happened that KK and I were at the right place at the right time and Rotaract made it possible for us to meet. I would rather advise every Rotaractor to fall in love with service, with Rotaract service, and maybe that will lead you to finding that person who complements you and loves the things that you do.

IPDRR Erica: Definitely. Though Enzo is not a Rotaractor, love knows no bounds. As long as you have the same goal and vision for the relationship you can definitely be in love with a Rotaractor, and non-Rotaractors. PP Cess and CP Chock: One cannot predict how, when and to whom you will fall in love. We cannot really advise if you should fall in love with a fellow Rotaractor or not. Always check or assess your motivation in joining an organization such as Rotaract. Rotaract is a service organization, we join this kind of organization because primarily, we wanted to make a difference in the lives of others or we wanted to develop our strengths as young leaders. If, along the way, you meet someone...a fellow Rotaractor, fall in love and commit yourself into the relationship, then do everything you can, give your best to make the relationship work. Learn to separate your personal relationship with your commitment to Rotaract. If your relationship fails, always go back to the very reason why you joined this organization and gradually move forward. Falling in love with a fellow Rotaractor doesn't guarantee a relationship to work. Both of you should be willing to cultivate the relationship to make it work.

What love advice would you like to share with Rotaractors?

IPDRR Erica: Don’t be afraid to fall in love. Being in love and out of love is part of life and growing. There are many things that you grow from and develop by being in a relationship. Commit yourself fully to your significant other and remain faithful to the relationship. Commit your best to your significant other to grow together.

Keep the communication open. Arguments, fights, and an eventual break-up come from lack of communication and unclear setting of expectation. When the couple is on the same page, there are less arguments. When expectations on things like effort are clearly communicated, we avoid feeling underappreciated or overexerting in the relationship. We get more understanding of how much effort is being brought in by each person in the relationship when we communicate.

Allow your relationship to be a venue to grow and be a space to respect individual differences. A healthy relationship allows both partners to grow individually and professionally. Your significant other came into your life as a whole person so we need to communicate and respect the limitations of the relationship.

It’s really a wonderful thing to fall in love. A budding relationship is exciting. Discovering and getting to know your loved one is thrilling. But it’s through surviving and overcoming hardships together that you really get to test that love. That’s when you know love, when in the thick of the problem you consciously choose each other. Especially as a married couple.

Not all relationships last long, not all long relationships last. No one really gets to understand how love works. All we can do with love lost and love found is to learn and grow from it all.

Enzo: Follow the 4-Way Test When in a relationship be truthful to your partner and yourself. Honesty is one of the keys to be successful in a relationship, whatever relationship it may be.

The relationship should be fair to both parties, so no partner is aggrieved. Any rules and boundaries set as part of the relationship should be applicable to both parties. If you don’t want your partner entertaining messages from certain people, the same expectation must be applied to you.

Of course, the relationship should be beneficial to both parties. (Erica: Also, no to third parties. Haha) Allow growth for you and your partner so that you grow as a couple.

Let’s opt for a relationship that will build better friendships and family ties. PP Cess and CP Chock: Don't rush yourself into love. The right person will come to you at the right place and at the right time. Just enjoy life and spend it wisely with your family and friends. When the right person comes, do your share to make the relationship work. Grow together hile realizing and turning your own dreams into a reality. Always support each other and remember that an honest and open communication will strengthen your relationship. Always, always choose to love each other despite the

imperfections and differences. Lastly, pray and make God the center of your relationship.

PP KK: If you know that you will stay and be active in your club even if you guys break up with each other, then go for it. If your passion for Rotaract and your love for each other are on the same level or at least on the same track or with the same goal, go for it. Else, maybe it would be better if you go for someone who's not in the Rotaract world because your circle of friends will be his/her circle of friends. Basically, your world will become smaller because both of you are in the same organization and if you broke up, you might also break up with Rotaract. Then Rotaract would lose 2 great individuals both with passion to serve who could both have been a blessing to a lot of people through Rotaract.

Rtn JM: I agree with KK and to add, remember to love yourself first. Love yourself so much that the people around you will take notice and will also learn to love you as you are. Then, decide on your non-negotiables for a life partner, that whatever happens, these non-negotiables must be true to your partner. Pick a couple that you admire in terms of handling their relationship and growing in their love and how they deal with disagreements and differences and learn from them. Also, don't forget to enjoy each other's company and ride the waves of harmony and conflict together. Love is the most wonderful thing in the world. It can make or break, create or destroy, repair or ruin, and bring together or separate. It can make you feel all kinds of emotions --- happiness, sadness, anger, despair, hopefulness, and delight. Lastly, whatever fight may come your way, no matter the amount of tears you shed and hurtful words you utter, always choose your partner, always choose to understand, always choose to love.

I hope you find some insight and nuggets of wisdom from our couples’ experiences and insights. May it set you on a path towards love and service.