the Carillon - Halloween

the carillon

the bereaved

alien-in-chief edgar allan d’oh editor@carillonregina.com

The University of Regina Students’ Newspaper Since 1962

business man the shockmaster business@carillonregina.com production man spider jerusalem production@carillonregina.com

October 30 - November 05, 2014 | Volume 57, Issue 10 | carillonregina.com | HOTW: #carillonoween

dead skin mask

ad manager breaking badams advertising@carillonregina.com marketing distant early ward-ing carillontechnical@carillonregina.com

To commemorate the Halloween issue, the staff has gone Simpsons!

multimedia bloodcurdling brady lang multimedia@carillonregina.com copy editor mic-hell jones copyeditor@carillonregina.com

Enjoy all of the horrifying Halloween puns and changes made specifically for this issue.

news editor alec-in-chains salloum carillonnewseditor@carillonregina.com

a&c editor decaying destiny kaus aandc@carillonregina.com

Also be sure to check out our alternate cover on the back page!

sports ed matty-morphin’ powerauk sports@carillonregina.com op-ed editor terror batkovsky oped@carillonregina.com

Happy Halloween, suckers.

graphics “hellborn” haley klassen graphics@carillonregina.com distro

taylor “the impaler” sockett

staff writer communist sympathies news writer

“MIA” spencer reid frankenzhang

minions this week taylor rattray, carlos prieto, liam fitz-gerald, simon feser, harrison brooks, peter steele, john loeppky, eric armit, derek cameron, sebastien potvin, josh leidl

additional material by: the damned

the runes

THE CARILLON BOARD OF DIRECTORS

Michael Chmielewski, Shaadie Musleh, Kyle Leitch, vacant, vacant, vacant, vacant

227 Riddell Center University of Regina - 3737 Wascana Parkway Regina, SK, Canada S4S 0A2

www.carillonregina.com Ph: (306) 586 8867 Printed by Transcontinental Publishing Inc, Saskatoon, SK The Carillon welcomes contributions.

Correspondence can be mailed, emailed, or dropped off in person. Please include your name, address, and telephone number on all letters to the editor. Only the author’s name, title/position (if applicable) and city will be published. Names may be withheld upon request at the discretion of the Carillon.

Letters should be no more than 350 words, and may be edited for space, clarity, accuracy, and vulgarity. The Carillon is a wholly autonomous organization with no afilliation with the University of Regina Students’ Union.

Opinions expressed in the pages of the Carillon are expressly those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of The Carillon Newspaper Inc. Opinions expressed in advertisements appearing in the Carillon are those of the advertisers, and not necessarily of The Carillon Newspaper Inc. or its staff.

The Carillon is published no less than 11 times each semester during the fall and winter semesters and periodically throughout the summer. The Carillon is published by The Carillon Newspaper Inc, a non-profit organization.

the ancient text

In keeping with our reckless, devil-may-care image, our office has absolutely no concrete information on the Carillon’s formative years readily available. What follows is the story that’s been passed down from editor to editor for over forty years.

In the late 1950s, the University of Regina planned the construction of several new buildings on the campus grounds. One of these proposed buildings was a belltower on the academic green. If you look out on the academic green today, the first thing you’ll notice is that it has absolutely nothing resembling a belltower.

The University never got a belltower, but what it did get was the Carillon, a newspaper that serves as a symbolic bell tower on campus, a loud and clear voice belonging to each and every student.

illegitimi non carborundum.

heresies

photographer

George Orwell (1903 - 1950) “At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.”

dark arts & occulture

the demon barber

Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980) “One never knows the ending. One has to die to know exactly what happens after death, although Catholics have their hopes.”

rituals

sports writer

illustrator

Arcana

laura the butcher

Warrior (1959 - 2014) “And the spirit of the Ultimate Warrior will run forever!”

Christopher Hitchens (1949 - 2011) “I am not fighting or battling cancer--it is fighting me.”

epitaphs

a&c writer

vacant

effigies

heresies BBC dark arts & occulture MGM rituals Megan Elice Meadows epitaphs Hugh Greentree dead skin mask Kyle Leitch

errata

In last week’s issue, Vol. 57 Issue 09 we misspelled a contributor’s name in one of our photo credits. The photo credit for the article “Can optimism keep students from failing?” should read Alexandra Antoneshyn, not Alexandra Antonesh. We apologize!

Please keep taking great photos for us.

Acrasial p. 4

Drollic p. 7

Naumachia p. 12

Buncombe p. 15

Conjurations: See you in hell you pigfucking dog-faced sonsuvbitches. cthulhu fhtagn cunts.

heresies

Editor: Alec-in-Chains Salloum news@carillonregina.com @carillon_news the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Recording banned at URSU meetings URSU forbids journalists recording its Board of Director meetings michael chmielewski editor-in-chief

The Carillon has been denied the ability to record during the University of Regina Students’ Union (URSU) board of directors meetings this year.

According to URSU’s constitution, the board upholds URSU’s principles, legislates and manages its by-laws and fiscal policy, while administrating its affairs, amongst other duties.

The democratically elected board represents all students who are divided into various constituencies.

The URSU board meets every two weeks this semester.

These are the students’ representatives that manage the policy direction and finances of the union, funded through student fees. For an example of what the board does, see the latest Minutemen column on pg. 5.

There is no policy on whether or not the Carillon can record the meetings. Current URSU board chair Kyle Addison explained that “As the board chair is responsible for the conduct and environment of URSU

Michael Chmielewski Seems silly we aren’t allowed to use these to better report on student affairs.

board of director’s meetings, this is a decision that has historically been, and currently is, at the discretion of the chair.”

Addison also explained the rationale behind banning recording at the meeting.

“Dating back more than 5 years, the University of Regina

board of director’s meetings have not been recorded by any third party. The reason for this is that, in my experience, the recording of a board meeting both sacrifices the comfort of the directors, and has a negative impact on meeting participation. Meeting participation

is essential for directors to fulfill their fiduciary responsibility to the organization.”

“With the interest of increasing accountability,” Addison added, “I have made a standing decision to accommodate any interested media to be present at all URSU board meetings. In terms of journalistic accuracy, I have seen first hand that the Carillon has quality, talented journalists who are capable of manually documenting the news they are covering.”

This is true but the advantages to recording meetings are numerous. Firstly, recording for accuracy is standard practice in the field of journalism today.

Recording would only make the Carillon more accurate.

Also, one wonders what kinds of comforts directors sacrifice when the press records the happenings and debates of the public meetings that affect how student money is spent. The job of directors is not to be comfortable, but to represent students and speak truthfully about their constituencies.

A recording should make no difference for the truth. The Carillon also understands that

some things cannot be recorded, which is why board meetings can go “in-camera.” Furthermore, we report everything as accurately as possible, and we would never haphazardly publish quotes from directors.

Last year, when the Carillon did not cover URSU board meetings, the meetings had such awful attendance that they were delayed for weeks, along with motions affecting students.

In February 2014, the Carillon reported on directors’ absenteeism and its effect on the union, which led to policy change at the next URSU AGM. Lastly, if the Carillon had not started reporting on the meetings this year, the average students would have no way of knowing what their union is doing. As the Carillon went to press Oct. 28, URSU hasn’t posted any board minutes online since the July 29 meeting, in direct contradiction of their constitution, which mandates that “all minutes must be published on the URSU website and in hard copy within fourteen days.”

The last URSU meetings were Oct. 22, Oct. 12, and Sept.

24.

Making sense of what happened

What to consider and question in the wake of Ottawa john kapp staff writer

Jean Chretien’s Liberals introduced the Canadian Anti-Terrorism Act in the wake of the attacks of 11 September 2001.

The act named groups as “terrorist entities,” created a legal definition of terrorism, and provided penalties for those inciting others to commit so-called terrorist acts.

In direct contradiction of Stephen Harper’s words on Oct. 22, “We will not be intimidated.

Canada will never be intimidated,” it seems the Prime Minister’s Office has been intimidated. RCMP commissioner Bob Paulson said on Oct. 23, “Now we have adopted a condition where we will stay with the prime minister in his protective detail 24/7, no matter where he is,” at an Ottawa press conference.

The Carillon spoke with Dr. Lee Ward of Campion College about the nature of Canadian domestic security legislation and how that relates to the attack on the Parliament building on Oct 22.

The 2001 act was modified

by Parliament last year.

“The basic structure has remained intact, although the Conservative government under Harper added new elements to it last year. One of them is a different kind of investigative

hearing process where witnesses would be compelled to testify or face charges, themselves.

The controversy here was the secrecy surrounding these hearings.”

The Canadian state’s decision to monitor an individual as a potential terrorist hinges on a number of factors, “It’s primarily intelligence work that determines that – membership in certain groups or chat rooms. Also your travel patterns - if you have travelled to various hot zones in the world with no other non-suspicious business there, it will raise some suspicions.”

The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms was introduced in 1982. Many cannot help but wonder if this kind of legislation contradicts the spirit or legality of Canada’s existing human rights legislation, “There are some questions about whether detention, the secret hearings, and investigative process violate the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which is really the most important document. I don’t know if it means the same as prior to 1982. Since 1982, with the Charter, the rights of the accused took on new meaning. There is some question with respect to security certificates and whether it breeches the Charter, although to my knowledge, there is no

Haley Klassen Respects paid to Cpl. Nathan Cirillo in Regina.

case where the court has ruled that the updated versions of the acts were unconstitutional,” said Ward.

In the wake of this, several Canadians have had their passports and legal status revoked.

“I think there were ninety suspects who have had their passports either taken away or denied – they effectively can’t travel.” Ward said.

“You have to have some kind of due process for that.”

“The other interesting and

controversial aspect of the updated legislation was the move to anticipate terrorist actions.”

Ward explained. “In particular, to seize travel documents from Canadians suspected of going overseas, even though they haven’t actually committed a terrorist act in Canada – and it’s built on suspicion.”

This suspicion was enough to alert authorities to Michael Zehaf-Bibeau’s attempts to get both a Canadian passport and

a Libyan one. Also, Martin Couture-Rouleau, the assailant in the hit-and-run involving two Canadian soldiers, had his passport seized by the government.

It remains to be seen what will be done by the Canadian state in the wake of last week’s events. There is little question that governments have capitalized on events such as this to introduce repressive legislation under the guise of preventing future incidents.

4

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

heresies

Tower Road bypass

Construction has generated controversy Update to mould In an article originally run on Oct. 23 of Vol. 57, Issue 9 titled “Mould found in Luther College residence,” we said we would report if new information came up, and guess what, new information has come up! In a letter from Mark Duke, director of finance at Luther College, “Windows in five of the seven rooms will also be replaced” essentially as a pre-emptive strike against mould. Also, according to the letter “the air quality inspection … found no black mold in the Luther Residence.” Also there was a thorough cleaning of 6 of the 7 rooms, while also painting the windowsills with a sealant. So props to Luther, sounds like things are under control for the time being.

Halloween on Campus Haley Klassen Regina is growing and infrastructure needs to keep pace.

taylor rattray contributor Earlier this year, the route for the Regina bypass was finalized.

Created with the goal of reducing traffic congestion, improving safety, and producing jobs, the bypass will begin on Highway 11 northwest of Regina and run south to Highway 1. Travelling around the south end of the city, the bypass will connect back to Highway 1 on the east side of Regina, about 400 metres east of Tower Road.

But while the bypass proposes easier access for many people travelling to and from Regina, some are not so sure that proper steps have been taken to ensure the best routes were chosen.

Nestor Mryglod, president of Super Seamless Canada, isn’t pleased with the chosen location of the bypass where it connects back to Highway 1. He believes there are better options.

“This is a $1.2 billion infrastructure project, the biggest in Saskatchewan’s history. And there’s a lot of problems with it” Mryglod said.

Mryglod discovered the bypass project because of the impact it would have on his business. Eight years ago, his business purchased land just off Tower Road in order to relocate their manufacturing plant. He said that they only learned that there could be a future bypass there when his business applied for a permit in the area in 2013.

“We were never consulted and we were never informed about anything,” Mryglod explained.

Additionally, Mryglod thinks

the public doesn’t know enough about the bypass and that the project has been pushed through the government, without enough explanation of cost and location. Over the past six to eight months, he has spent a significant amount of time digging into government files and talking to people about this issue. During one of his meetings with the Ministry of Highways and Infrastructure, Mryglod, along with several other people also interested in moving the location of the bypass, posed a letter with 33 questions to the Minister. He says they’ve never received a response to any of those questions.

Mryglod has even started a petition, with the hope that the government will revisit the issue and move the bypass to a different location. Yet he still has a great deal of questions regarding how the government came to the conclusion to build the bypass 400 metres east of Tower Road.

“There’s already construction alongside of Tower Road.

How could you ever decide that this would serve the community for 50 years when it’s already obsolete?” Mryglod said of the government’s decision. “If you need to build it on Highway 1, push it out of the city another mile on Gravel Pit Road. [There], you can go north, you can go south, [and the government] owns three of the four quarters of the land, so you aren’t going to impact people.”

But Doug Wakabayashi, from the Ministry of Highways and Infrastructure, said that there are more problems with the Gravel Pit Road location than with the chosen location

near Tower Road.

Wakabayashi explains, “There’s a series of overpasses planned for Highway 1 east, starting at the junction at Highway 46 at Balgonie, then Highway 48 at White City, and then another one planned at Pilot Butte Access Road. And so, with the Tower Road location, there’s good spacing between the overpass at Tower Road and the Pilot Butte Access Road, because once overpasses get too close together, you get a meeting between traffic slowing down to exit the highway and traffic trying to speed up to enter.”

As well, Wakabayashi stated that, if Gravel Pit Road was chosen for the location of the bypass, the people of Pilot Butte trying to get to Highway 1 would have to go down a service road to get to Gravel Pit Road, where they could then get onto Highway 1. Furthermore, “A lot of the people who live in Pilot Butte access services in the Emerald Park/White City area, so they’d have to go either to Gravel Pit Road or all the way to Highway 48 and double back to get to Emerald Park.”

To Bruce Evans, Mayor and long-time resident of White City, the bypass will be a great improvement to the infrastructure of the Regina-area, despite the controversy surrounding its chosen location.

“We are thrilled with the project that’s been announced because it will drastically improve the safety and the accessibility of residents coming to and from White City, along with Pilot Butte, Balgonie, and then of course, the city of Regina,” Evans said.

Bruce has been involved in the review of options and locations for the bypass since 2009. He says the decision that has been made was done with a great deal of consultation between the municipalities, the Ministry of Highways, and the public over the last five years.

“I think the greatest risk to building the bypass is not building a bypass,” Bruce added. “If you were to change the location and push it to the east, that in turn pushes all other interchanges further east and creates a whole new set of issues for some other property owners.

At some point in time, you just have to pick the best location.”

For many people who travel back and forth between Regina and the smaller communities east of the city, the bypass is said to decrease their travel time significantly by reducing traffic congestion. These communities, as well at the city of Regina, have grown significantly in recent years, yet the infrastructure surrounding them remains largely the same. The safety of Highway 1 east has also been called into question, and many hope the bypass will improve safety. As for the connecting bypass between the Regina overpass and Highway 1, Evans believes the chosen location is the best option.

“If we were to stop this project so that we could revisit the locations…the likelihood is that this project would not get built within the next twenty years,” Evans said. “In the meantime, you would have more and more traffic accidents, fatalities, and traffic congestion.”

Our local friendly Jesuit college is hosting some samhain festivities on Oct. 31.

The night of the hallowed eve (conveniently close to all saints day but hey that’s just a comment I’ll toss out there) will be celebrated with treats, face painting, making caramel apples and a lecture on cannibalism and culture – good wholesome fun for all. Also, this week the Campion library will be displaying spooky Halloween themed books and movies. There will also be a costume contest in the Global Learning Centre and the fifth annual pumpkin carving contest in the Research & Innovation Centre. Check online for exact times on line and get your spook on!

URSU Fall By-Elections They happened, and you probably didn’t vote. The results were ratified at the last URSU board meeting (see page 5). It’s also important to note there still exist vacancies in the URSU board of directors, and these include Differently-Abled Student’s Director, Fine Arts Student’s Director, and FNUniv Students’ Director according to the URSU Chief Returning Officer.

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

heresies

5

Introducing new board members Lack of recording won’t stop reporting minuteman michael chmielewski editor-in-chief

The most recent University of Regina Students’ Union (URSU) board meeting took place Oct. 22, 2014.

The Carillon was not allowed to record the meeting? Why? See pg. 3 for details.

This was the first URSU board meeting since the Oct. 15-16 by-election to fill vacant spots on the board. The results of the by-election were ratified that meeting. The new board members are as follows (according to the document ratified by the board): Jeremy Roberts (Aboriginal Students’ Director), Emily Barber (LGBTQ Students’ Director), Jermain McKenzie (Arts Students’ Director), Regina Prost (Education Students’ Director), Charene Claude (Luther Students’ Director), Emily Morris (Campion Students’ Director) and Billy Patterson (Part Time Students’ Director). This was the first board meeting since these students were elected to their positions. Good luck to them. The next URSU board meeting will feature a presentation from the Chief Returning

Officer on the election.

VP external affairs Daniella Zemlak started the meeting off by presenting how her trip to Ottawa went for the CFS Annual General Meeting earlier in October. The Carillon will report more on this trip next week.

The board then decided on a couple of motions. They passed a motion sponsoring the JDC West Team (see sports pg.

14) in the amount of $7500 with no debate.

Next, they passed a motion providing $400 in funding for VP operations and finance Minsoo Cho to attend the Association for the Advancement of Sustainability in Higher Education (AASHE) Conference from Oct. 26-29. The AASHE website describes the conference as “one of our most powerful tools for empowering higher education to lead the sustainability transformation” Then, the board approved an updated version of the Poster Policy presented at the meeting. If you need to hang posters, check URSU’s website or their front desk for the new policy before your expensive posters get ripped down.

Lastly, the board passed a motion for the “Frost Week

Michael Chmielewski Absenteeism seems to have been eradicated!

Committee [to] spend up to $10,000 on Frost Week from the Welcome Week budget.” Frost Week will be like a Welcome Week, except in January when students come back for the Winter semester. Frost Week is tentatively scheduled for Jan.

6-9 2015. Students can expect a carnival, non-alcoholic events, the V-team, Winter Olympics, breakfast, luncheons and much more. The motion passed unanimously.

Although the room was filled with around 17 directors,

there was hardly any debate on the motions passed. In fact, they all passed if not completely then nearly unanimously.

The Carillon will continue to report of upcoming URSU board meetings. Stay posted for future “Minuteman” columns.

More students, more diversity

Students from over 90 countries attend the U of R carlos prieto contributor

The University of Regina hit the 14,000 student mark in the Fall Census this October with its most diverse community to date.

Currently, you can see names from all around the world on students’ residence’s buzzers. The University believes its 2009-2014 Strategic Plan, which sought to increase its profile “regionally, nationally and internationally,” worked as planned.

From 2010 to 2014, the University experienced a rise in international and exchange students by 96 per cent, almost double the growth of Aboriginal student numbers during the same period, which was 42 per cent.

Currently, the total number of students is 1,816 students from over 90 different countries.

This increase has been helped by the International’s Office recruitment strategy and its focus in growing markets and the University’s membership in International Student Exchange Programs (ISEP). ISEP serves as a link between the university and other institutions worldwide, and sets up direct agreements between partner institutions all across the globe.

Michael Chmielewski Pretty sure Mordor isn’t one of the aforementioned 90 countries.

Other programs like Sciences Without Borders, an agreement between the governments of Canada and Brazil, have also helped to bolster the University’s international student numbers. The program allows over 12,000 Brazilian students to continue their learning process throughout the country.

According to Martha Mathurin, a life skills advisor at the International Office of the

University of Regina, diversification of campus enriches the learning experience, not only by taking new approaches inside the classrooms from people all around globe, but also by giving local students the opportunity to make contact and friendships with people from all over the world.

“An important international presence opens the door to the world for local students. It gives

you a new perspective, opens up your thinking; you’re no longer confined to knowing only what is in your immediate space, you’re more curious about what is out there,” she said.

“It was really cool to get to know people from all kinds of cultures and backgrounds.

It helped me open my mind”, agreed Josef Sonderegger, a former exchange student from Austria.

When asked if he thought people in the University were prepared to relate with international students, he said, “The whole welcoming process was very clear and people were very helpful. For someone with university experience like me, it even seemed a bit overprotective.”

Sonderegger said he expanded his horizons with every person he met.

“I never had the chance to share a flat with people from China or Nigeria before.”

The opportunities for international students at the U of R continue to grow. More services and assistance is being offered and the U of R looks set to continue attracting students from the globe.

“An important international presence opens the door to the world for local students.

It gives you a new perspective, opens up your thinking.”

- martha mathurin

dark arts & occulture

Editor: Decaying Destiny Kaus aandc@carillonregina.com @carillon_arts the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Kyle vs. the Necronomicon

Summoning an Ancient One is affordable on a student’s budget

Kyle Leitch I almost had it there.

i hate it here spider jerusalem production manager Seeing as this article was to be released the day before Halloween, my editor demanded something truly frightening of yours truly.

“If this doesn’t make me crap my pants, I’ll fire you so fucking fast your head will spin like The Exorcist!” she said.

Being completely unaware that she had that level of corporate power, I, obviously caught offguard, fled the office immediately in search of some truly terror-inducing transcription.

Regina has no shortage of horrible things about which to write; however, if I was to keep my job at the Carillon, I would need to go above and beyond the human limits of fear. Indeed, I would have to approach the brink of insanity itself. Thankfully, I happened to be passing the bookstore in a local shopatorium.

“If they don’t know insanity,” I decided, “no one does.”

The bookstore vultures were quick to descend on me as I entered the store. When asked if I required any assistance, I straightforwardly asked for the object of my quest. The old crone began to foam at the mouth and convulse violently. I stepped gingerly over her twitching form, and headed for the “New Age Spirituality” section.

It didn’t take me long to find what I was looking for. Bound in paper, and written in printer’s ink, the Necronomicon seemed to pulse with pure evil on the shelf. The other books parted

like the Red Sea as I reached for the Book of the Dead. Even the four other copies of the Necronomicon seemed to tremble in fear at my selection. My mind was made up. For the Halloween issue of the Carillon, I would summon forth inter-dimensional horrors, the likes of which have driven innumerable men to complete insanity. That, or I was going to give it a really good try.

Of course, I had no idea what arcane evil I was now in possession of (for the low price of $8.99). I needed to seek professional counsel. I found it in the University of Regina’s Religious Studies Department.

“This purports to be a publication of the mystical book Necronomicon,” explains Religious Studies Department Head Dr. Bill Arnal. “The Necronomicon is supposed to be very difficult to come by. It’s an ancient, forbidden text.”

We were both fairly certain that the copy of the Necronomicon I had procured, though not bound in human flesh, was evil all the same. After we had determined that the Necronomicon was, in fact, sufficiently evil, I asked Arnal if it was advisable to perform any of the summoning rituals contained within.

“I encourage it,” Arnal said. “In fact, let’s try to conjure something right now.”

After many encouragements that the confines of Arnal’s office may not be the best place to summon an Ancient One, we moved on to the question of finances. If the summoning rituals were not affordable on the student’s budget then I was sunk almost entirely before

I started.

“All of the summoning rituals seem to be thoroughly accessible to students,” Arnal said, carefully flipping through the text. “They do not seem to involve expensive or arcane equipment. They mainly involve drawings. And we teach the summoning spells in Religious Studies 100. It’s basically a question of having an appropriate stick and some dirt to carve the images in, and reciting the spells, and you’re good to go.”

We determined that public parks, the academic green, or the sandbox of a public daycare, especially at night, would serve those purposes excellently.

“The really excellent thing about lodging an Old One,” Arnal continues, “is that you don’t have to worry about your roommates after a while. I found in my own experience that any time Yog-Sothoth or Cthulhu shows up, for some reason, my roommates just tend to…stop living there. Their stuff stays, but there’s no trace of them.

That may be because they’re just incredibly courteous people who just absented themselves to make room for these folks, but I found it didn’t, in the long run, prove to be a problem. The roommates just…don’t come back.”

On my way out of Arnal’s office, he stopped me.

“I want to express my devotion to Lord Cthulhu above all else,” Arnal said in a suddenly very raspy voice.

I noticed that the hand on my sweater sleeve was suddenly more skeletal than I remembered it being. Suddenly over-

whelmed with the feeling that this was the last time we were to meet, I had the good Doctor sign the boilerplate of my copy of the Necronomicon. He was quick to scrawl a message, before retreating back into his office. On the way back to the Classroom Building’s stairs, I read the inscription: “With evil forebodings – Will Arnal.”

“Sonuva…,” I growled, turning back around. I stopped outside of where I was sure Arnal’s office had been. There was only a solid brick wall where I was sure I had just had my meeting. A sudden blast of cool air shot through the hall, and the overhead lights began to flicker.

Never one to mistake the presence of evil for a neglect of utility bills, I fled the building.

Armed with the knowledge that I had gleaned from Dr. Arnal—if there was in fact a Dr. Arnal, and not a highly-entertaining fragment of mine own shattered psyche—I stopped by the dollar store to pick up some arcane and occult materials. Even if they weren’t necessary for the summoning rituals, I found myself running shamefully low on black candles, incense, and ritual knives.

I found myself in the park that backs my house that evening. I held the Necronomicon (and its pronunciation guide) in one hand, and an “enchanted” tree branch in the other. I also had a pitcherful of arcane blood (it was really rank, fermented cherry Kool-Aid, but how the hell would the Ancient Ones tell the difference?). It was then, for the first time, that I actually

looked at the ritual.

“Holy hell, this thing is twelve pages fucking long,” I groaned. I got the feeling that the Necronomicon in my hand pulsed with glee at my misfortune.

I had finished the unholy incantations of the summoning of Cthulhu. It was late, and the moon, when it wasn’t dodging in and out of coffin-black clouds, was blood-red and pulsating. I threw down the Necronomicon atop a pile of my own teeth and hair, both of which I had pulled out in a fit of madness, and waited. And waited. And waited.

Several shrieking and maddening hours later, I was still waiting for something to happen. In frustration, I picked up the Necronomicon and read past the incantations. As it turned out, after the recitations and the alignment of the stars, I had to go find the sunken city of R’lyeh. In the southwest of the Pacific Ocean. Dejectedly, I tossed my copy of the Necronomicon into a near by trash fire. The student newspaper may have some powerful resources, but it’s simply beyond our means to get to R’lyeh before the city sinks again. C’est la vie.

My attempt to summon the Ancient One was thwarted by geographic inconvenience.

Fret not. I hear there are other Ancient Ones a little closer to home that I’m going to try to conjure before Christmas. If you’re interested in helping me out with those, don’t be afraid to get a hold of me. Happy Halloween, and Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

da&c

7

Animal-human hybrid art

Carnival at the end of the World scares you straight to hell liam fitz-gerald minion

From Sept. 27 until Oct. 26, the MacKenzie Art Gallery hosted the University of Regina MFA Series; a program where a student completing the degree of Master of Fine Arts (MFA) can have their work exhibited at the Gallery. This year, Sylvia Ziemann’s Carnival at the end of the World was showcased. While Ziemann ultimately hoped her piece would be about hope, it still sent shivers down my spine as I viewed it on Friday morning.

Held in a dark room, Carnival at the end of the World was composed of three parts: a small town of model houses with various mutants (animal-human hybrids according to the artist) living among them, a small model house on a table with the sign “Freaks and Wonders” hanging over it, and a projector showcasing a rodent-human hybrid playing cards with a creature with antlers. It is reminiscent of Medieval and Early Modern depictions of Hell with various animals and deformed creatures there to greet the unfortunate souls destined for damnation.

Indeed, according to Ziemann, if contemporary consumerism continues as it is, that’s where the modern West may find itself.

Liam Fitz-Gerald I never want to see this in real life.

“We are so dependent on shopping for what we need that we have sacrificed our ability to be resourceful. If this system failed as it has done in the past (depression era of the last century), would we remember how to make our own food and clothing? How would we survive?” she said.

Ziemann constructed a morality tale, similar to Renaissance artists Hieronymus Bosch and Pieter Bruegel – artists who clearly influenced her both in style and in spirit. These artists interwove their depictions of everyday life with morality tales. Ziemann imbues her art with an ethics story of her own: unfettered consum-

erism and its aftermath.

Yet, she wants viewers of her work to take hope and optimism, not fear, away from it. To her, this is a world where animal/ human hybrids have tried to make the best of their situation by working together to build a better world, “even amid disaster and loss.” The creatures

work and take care of each other but enjoy the small things in life.

“My creatures are happy and have adapted to the changes in their world despite the unnamed disaster and loss of technology. I hope people will look at their own lives and consider what is essential in living a happy and useful life,” Ziemann said, emphasizing that humbler, caring communities may be the key for more people to have happier lives.

Still, her world is quite frightening and the creatures living within it seem like they dwell within nightmares. The use of light to highlight shadows and the interjection of darkness with the colourations of buildings was particularly well done. Various details ranging from a table of cards to a market of sorts add a further flare of realism to the piece.

What’s scarier about her work is that the fate of contemporary society as she depicts it is preventable, yet despite warning after warning and chance after chance, many people bury their heads in the sand, pretending that a crisis isn’t coming. The world can change to prevent catastrophe, or it can change after one, but I think the former is preferable.

Some Halloween creative writing The Happiest of Halloweens: adult style trick-or-treating laura the butcher da&c writer It was Halloween night in 2000-something and probably almost snowing. They were twenty-something years old and bored out of their minds.

Jealous of the unappreciative kids dragging pillowcases burdened with candies, Megan decided to look through her old costumes to appease the pain that comes with growing too old for fun, childish activities. She found some miniature princess dresses, an old sparkly tap costume, and oh! What was this? Her old Raggedy Anne costume! Heart full of glee, she immediately attempted to fit into the dress. With only a small amount of tummy sucking, jumping, and wiggling, she fit.

There was only one thing missing: Andy. Raggedy Anne threw a red wig on her head and hobbled as fast as she could without ripping any seams down the street to Laura’s house.

When Laura opened the door, there was no surprise at seeing her best friend squashed into a much out-grown doll outfit, only excitement. Without delay, she bolted down the stairs

and grabbed her Andy costume (which she, of course, knew the exact location of) and proceeded to struggle into it. A few squeals and near rips later, she was dressed as the doll. Though she couldn’t quite stand up straight without giving herself a major wedgie, the transformation was complete. After nearly a decade apart, Raggedy Anne and Andy stood side-by-side once more.

Happier than most of the ten-year olds who were trick-ortreating on that frightful night, the pair of rag dolls were ready to try their luck at getting the good stuff. They were determined to trick-or-treat adult style – a.k.a. show up at everyone’s house that you know and demand alcohol or chocolate.

First stop: the church.

The poor parishioners didn’t know what to make of this odd pair. These two young women existed in a strange category: were they adults or children? Squashed into costumes that seemed as though they were made for twelve-year-olds (they were), the pair looked absurd, even on Halloween. So, the kind souls of the parish took no chances and offered treats of

both varieties: adult hot chocolate and a Ziploc bag full of candies.

Next stop: a family friend’s house. Ding-dong.

“Trick or Shot!” the pair shouted. An uncomfortable laugh greeted them at the door, followed with a shove of mini chocolate bars into Anne and Andy’s hands through a door that couldn’t close quickly enough. Disappointed, but not disheartened, the dolls continued.

Next stop: a friend of the parents’. Ding-dong.

“Trick or Shot!” the friends laughed. The door opened, and a familiar face broke into a much too excited grin. There was an immediate lunge toward the liquor cabinet and one, two, (three?) warm tricklings down the throat.

“Is this a trick?” some wondered as they saw two overstuffed dolls awkwardly shuffle through the streets. “These girls are too old for this – they look like idiots.”

Idiots indeed. But, these idiots are ones with a lifetime’s worth of laughter and adventure already in their twenty-plus years on earth.

Halloween is leaves and

Katelyn Billett Awww…two happy little dolls.

decay, sugar and other terrible things for your body, but it is also friendship. Eighteen years of dressing in funny, embarrassing, creative, or last minute costumes bring people together like nothing else.

From parkas under your pumpkin suit, to leggings under your “costume” to ensure you aren’t that slutty pumpkin, to failed attempts at sewing your

own outfit, these are the ways that friendship turns colour. But, unlike the leaves on a tree, this is one friendship that will not fall to the ground, decomposing into a gooey something. No, this friendship ends with laughter and, of course, chocolate and a bottle of wine – ingredients that guarantee the happiest of Halloweens.

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the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

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Something wicked this way comes COMMUNIST SYMPATHIES REVIEWS TEN HALLOWEEN HORRORS The Swarm (1978)

Malibu Shark Attack (2009)

The first of two Michael Caine gems make my list of Halloween treats. This is by the same director as Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea and the Towering Inferno, so its practical effects are plentiful, miniature, and cheesy as hell. BEES.

This story of goblin sharks gone wild stars Peta Wilson and a number of peoplecum-shark food fighting for their lives against thousands of prehistoric sharks released by an earthquake off the California coast. I’m not sure if this had a director. It’s pretty special.

Jaws 3 (1983)

Bad Milo! (2013)

Creature (2011)

Jaws 3 is in three fucking dimensions. Chief Brodie has died since the second film, and his kids work at SeaWorld. Jaws 3 follows them to Florida. Michael Caine is a helicopter pilot struggling to pay off a coke debt that has been accumulating since the phone sex scene in Get Shorty.

A man lets the stress of modernity get to him in this gross-out picture. Gillian Jacobs of Community stars as the female lead and Peter Stormare plays the role of his life. A monster climbs into and out of a man’s ass.

Set in the Louisiana bayou, this tale of incest and alligators is a real mess. A hillbilly village worships the product of incest and alligator-feeding, which is very convenient because college kids tend to show up in the area in large numbers, ready to eat. This movie is one of the strangest monster movies I’ve ever seen.

Troll 2 (1990)

Priest (2011)

Set in a remote upstate New York town called Nilbog, this movie features no trolls. But, it does have a bunch of hungry goblins and an unsuspecting family renting the only home not owned by goblins. This movie was originally called Goblins, but, fearing the film would not be a success, the studio tried to capitalize on the success of 1986’s Troll – despite the film featuring zero trolls. The goblins are also vegetarian.

This is a really silly vampire Western starring Karl Urban of the Dredd that almost made me puke in-theatre. Woman is captured by vampires, protagonist has to kill hundreds of creepy vampires to rescue his lady. A pretty standard Western with vampires instead of whatever faceless, racialized villains he would normally fight in the West.

Phantoms (1998)

Stranded (2013)

Grabbers (2013)

Ben Affleck. Rose McGowan.

Liev Schreiber. STAR. STUDDED. Two young women and a state trooper must combat an army of angry ghosts in a sleepy mountain town. A lot of implied necrophilia on the part of Schreiber. Features Peter O’Toole as the only one who knows what the fuck is going on.

This is one of the last films made under Saskatchewan’s film tax credit. And what a send-off it is. Regina’s favourite movie star, Christian Slater, knocks it out of the park in this sci-fi horror nostalgia-piece.

This borrows from many classics of the genre – Alien and The Thing in particular – but on a shoestring budget and featuring the strangest cinematic birth scene on record.

I often describe this as the WolfCop of rural Ireland.

Eight-legged space aliens invade a coastal Irish village and the hamlet’s defenders must get wasted so as to make themselves unavailable to the monsters, who are allergic to booze.

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

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9

The ghost of Bobby

After killing himself, Bobby haunted my friends…and me

Elma Kaus (Destiny’s Mom) Back when I had short hair and before I knew my college was haunted…

decaying destiny kaus da&c editor Upon graduating from high school back in 2010, I received a scholarship to go play softball at a Junior College in Bottineau, North Dakota called Dakota College at Bottineau (DCB). Little did I know that for two full

years, I would be attending a college haunted by a ghost.

I kid you not. During my time at DCB, I heard stories of a ghost named Bobby, who haunted (and probably still haunts) two dorms at DCB – Milligan Hall (one of the boys’ dorms) and Gross Hall (the girls’ dorm I lived in when I attended DCB).

As the story goes, a student

named Bobby killed himself in Milligan Hall, leaving his spirit to lurk around the DCB campus.

My friend, Jayden McMillin, who I met my 2nd year at DCB, lived in Milligan Hall and had numerous encounters with Bobby.

McMillin states, “Well, the first obvious one was the writing of ‘Bobby’ in the ceiling where it’s basically humanly impossible to write it where it’s written.

I also remember when I was watching TV on my own in room number 2 my freshman year, the door just opened by itself and slowly opened up. There was absolutely no wind that day.”

Creeped out yet? Just you wait. Bobby’s name actually isn’t “written” per se on the ceiling.

It isn’t written in ink, painted on, or even carved out into the ceiling. “Bobby” just seems to appear on the ceiling. I’ve seen it.

And, every time I looked at it, I felt shivers go up and down my spine.

McMillin goes on to say that he remembers occasionally hearing noises down in the Milligan Hall basement and feeling a sense that something or someone was in his friend’s room when he went to visit her

in Gross Hall.

My goodness gracious.

Clearly, we weren’t alone in our dorm rooms with Bobby around every corner. Want more proof?

Jorgia Boehler, a friend of mine and former DCB student, says, “The light in Milligan [room] 2 always came on with a flicker around the same time every morning. [One] time in [a friend’s] room when the fan started moving by itself, we stopped it with our hands, and afterwards it still kept spinning at a medium speed, and when we left, the ‘Bobby’ that’s written on the ceiling had changed so we could all see it without having to look for it.”

But wait. There’s more. Boehler had another encounter: “We felt like somebody was following us into Milligan [room] 2,” states Boehler. “We left the room door open, and all of a sudden it slammed shut…no breeze or windows open.”

I guess you could say when it was impossible for a breeze to slam a door shut, Bobby’s spirit got the job done.

Now, let me speak on my own encounters with Bobby, which terrified me to no end

and caused me many nights of fear-induced insomnia.

One night while I sprawled out in bed, the lights off, my head on my pillow turned away from my door, I felt something flick the back of my neck. The sensation 100 per cent felt like a human finger was flicking me.

Instantly, my body tensed, and I turned towards to the door.

Nobody was there. Nobody could’ve been in my room because it was locked. Except for Bobby.

In another instance as I tossed and turned in my bed trying to fall asleep, I looked towards my door and saw a tall, dark figure duck out of the sliver of light shining in through my window and disappeared into a dark corner of my room. I am convinced it was Bobby.

Let me just say that I’m glad I graduated from DCB and came to the U of R: a non-haunted school. But, apparently even in Regina, Bobby’s spirit reaches out to me. How do I know this?

Because, while I was working on this article, I got a phone call from an anonymous number down in the U.S.A. I declined the call.

Puppetry at its finest

The Little Orange Man comes to life on stage laura the butcher da&c writer

When you hear “puppet show,” images of hands stuffed into socks and Pinocchio-like figures dancing from strings may fill your mind. The last thing one may think of is a theatre performance directed toward adults.

Little Orange Man, a play created by Ingrid Hansen and Kathleen Greenfield, destroyed all of my misconceptions of the world of puppetry.

The hour-long production is a one-woman and many-puppets show performed by Hansen. Hectik Theatre brought the show to Regina, and it ran from Oct. 15-25 at the Artesian.

“We specifically worked to bring Ingrid’s show in because it is so good,” explains Rowan Pantel, board member of Hectik Theatre and festival coordinator for Regina’s own puppetry troupe Prairie Puppet Underground.

“Hectik Theatre wanted it to be one of the first puppet shows that they were bringing into town because of the quality of the work and because of how well-renowned the piece is across Canada.”

Little Orange Man has been performed in seven fringe festivals and multiple professional theatres across the country.

The show will continue to run as opportunities arise, which considering its great reception will

Dave Bukach Celery: om nom nom. Large monkey: grrr.

undoubtedly continue to come.

I must jump on the fan bandwagon; Little Orange Man is the best theatre performance I’ve seen in a while. It was absolutely hilarious.

Hansen acted as a young girl struggling with ADD, the loss of her beloved Bestefa (grandpa), and ultimately finding her own place in the world.

From stuffed animals, to shadow puppets, to a sandwich, to a celery stick, the many puppets told the heart-felt story in an engaging and hilarious way that would not have been possible had actors performed it.

Hansen herself became involved with puppetry about 5 or 6 years ago when she be-

gan working on a kid’s puppet series. She humbly claims that anyone can be a puppeteer.

“A lot of it is really intuitive,” says Hansen, explaining that one sees a lot of that intuition when watching kids play.

“Some kids just smash their toys around, and some kids puppeteer their toys when they’re playing with them, just naturally. They make their movements very life-like and very alive.”

So the art to puppetry, as one could guess, is really all about how you move it. All you have to do is pick something up and give it life!

“What I enjoy about puppetry is its ability to create magic onstage,” Pantel says. “We’re not using computer-generated effects like you would see in a film. Everything is live action and happening in front of you, and I think there is a certain magic [in that].”

Pantel and the Prairie Puppet Underground are working to give puppetry a prominent place in Regina’s theatre scene.

Pantel argues that puppetry is really an adult form of theatre that has been misconstrued as kid’s entertainment because of the popularity of The Muppets.

“Part of the mandate of the Prairie Puppet Underground is puppet shows for adults. I’ve seen shows that talk about torture during the concentration camps, I’ve seen puppet shows that talk about violence against

women,” says Pantel. “I find that adults respond well to it.”

“If you’re an audience member, and you’re watching an actor on stage, your ego can get involved with that transaction. So, you’re not just taking in their performance. You’re like, ‘Oh, well I can do that better,’ or, ‘Why am I not up there?’ Whereas when you see a puppet onstage, your ego is removed from the situation and you are able to just sit back and take in the show.”

I would have to agree with Pantel. Watching Little Orange Man was in part so engaging because, as an audience member, you are spellbound by creativity. In regular theatre performances, actors give you their interpretation of a play, but with a puppet show, the audience must imagine the characters for themselves. I haven’t had so much fun at a theatre performance maybe ever.

If you are intrigued by puppetry, the Regina Little Theatre’s Christmas production, Charlotte’s Web, will be using some puppets. Even better, if you feel objects have a story to tell and want to help them express it, Prairie Puppet Underground with Hectik Theatre will be presenting a puppet film and theatre festival this May, and they are looking for participants!

More information on how to become involved is available at prairiepuppetunderground. com.

Word: entomophagy Not the Definition: (noun) the study of entering buildings; (verb) the act of morphing into a divine entity; (verb) the process a caterpillar goes through when it turns into a butterfly The Real Definition according to Oxford Dictionaries: (noun) the practice of eating insects, especially by people.

Well, now that I’ve puked in my mouth a little bit after that definition, let’s figure out how we can use this nasty little word in public conversation. If you’re hanging out with a group of friends and one of those friends is really into eating insects, simply whisper to another friend, “Bro, that dude is totally into entomophagy.” Also, if you happen to enjoy eating bugs in your own time, you, my friend, are taking part in entomophagy, which is actually rather gross (despite the extra protein), and you will probably lose all your friends. Later gators. Happy Halloween!

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the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

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The creepiest band ever

DOOKOOM will freak you right the heck out simon feser minion

What happens when you let a mob of tik-fueled psychos armed with scissors, broken bottles, dolls, and buckets of blood into a room full of computers, microphones, and pissed off fans? A DOOKOOM show happens. Made up of front man and MC Isaac Mutant, DJ and hype man Roach, producer Human Waste, singer L i L i † H, and visual artist spo0ky, DOOKOOM is a terrifying force to be reckoned with.

Spo0ky is creepy enough on her own; as the artist behind the band’s visual identity, she’s the architect of much of the band’s weird, frightening style. A fan of blood, bottles, and blades, she also runs the projector, the lights, and even the stage setup and installations. L i L i † H is an important part of the aesthetic as well. Wearing one of various full-face masks or veils almost constantly, she’s crafted a perfectly blank, amorphous face for herself.

“Why do you want to see my face?” she asked the City Press. “Just listen to my voice.”

Human Waste, a British

Mads Nørgaard Holy shit.

producer who has experience with many successful South-African Hip-Hop crews, grew tired of the old-school beats he was working on. He found like minds in Roach and Isaac Mutant, both fringe music veterans who had also gotten tired of tried-andtrue music.

Roach and Mutant, despite being the faces of the band, are somehow the most mysteri-

ous of the lot. They’ve run with some of the hardest gangs in Cape Town and Mitchell’s Plain with Roach playing the role of Mutant’s bodyguard. They have multiple tapes and tracks that are hugely influential in the underground South-African HipHop community. Mutant even has a feature on Die Antwoord’s first album.

Whereas Die Antwoord is as

much an ongoing performance art piece as they are a band, DOOKOOM is as far away from being “art” as they could get.

Human Waste said to Noisey, “Isaac is authentic and Ninja is an art construct or whatever.”

As if to prove his authenticity, Isaac Mutant raps in a combination of English, Afrikaans, and a language born in apartheid-era prisons and ghettos called Sabela that’s used primarily by Coloured gangs.

This gang background shines bright when you look into DOOKOOM’s lyrics.

Most of the songs are either about tik (a sort of cheap, badly made meth), cocaine and alcohol, or they’re extremely anti-establishment and anti-apartheid.

Most of the latter seem to encourage violence and revolution but are really intended to spark conversation and debate.

One of the biggest groups to take the opposing stance in the conversation is AfriForum, a minority-centered civil rights group that actually focuses on the interests of the post-apartheid white minority. AfriForum recently called for the censoring of DOOKOOM’s music video for the song “Larney, Jou Poes,”

which roughly translates into “Hey boss, fuck you, you cunt,” complaining to the South African Human Rights Commission that it consisted of hate speech.

Musically, DOOKOOM is freaky, isolating, and awesome.

They combine piercing synths with growling, harsh bass, and skewed, off-tempo beats with unrelenting lyrical flow that all comes together to create driving, aggressive, and catchy tunes.

Mutant’s rhymes sound like they were written in Hell, and his voice comes from lungs that are rough and ravaged by years of abuse. Roach and Human Waste bring trap influenced beats that mix perfectly with witch-house inspired electronic accompaniment. L i L i † H and spo0ky round off the group perfectly with L i L i † H’s haunting vocals and spo0ky’s claustrophobic, isolating visuals.

All in all, the band has crafted one of the most fucked up, drug fueled, aggressive, and scary identities that can be found around the world. Play them at your Halloween parties, and watch your guests freak out, or listen to them at home alone and freak yourself out.

Regina Band Interview Series: Indigo Joseph Regina’s own rockin’ blues crew decaying destiny kaus da&c editor

How about we break up the terror of Halloween season by talking about a chill local band that doesn’t scare the pants off of society? Local Regina band Indigo Joseph stands tall as Regina’s own Rock and Blues crew.

Made up of 4 young men – Eric Tessier (drums, bass), Sean McCannell (guitar, bass, drums), Etienne Fletcher (vocals, piano, bass, guitar), and Byrun Beets (vocals, guitar, piano, bass) – Indigo Joseph created their new album Collage. Released this past Sept. 12, Collage is Indigo Joseph’s first full length album!

Wooo!

The four gentlemen of Indigo Joseph gladly let me ask them ridiculous questions and then graciously answered them with plenty of personality.

What first got you interested in music?

Eric Tessier: Probably family for me.

Etienne Fletcher: I was signed up for music lessons at a young age, my parents really supported me doing music, and I liked it.

Byrun Beets: I listened to a Blink 182 album, and I decided I wanted to play music.

How did your band get into the music industry?

think they’re all pretty important.

Sean McCannell: We just stay focused, and it’s 4 years now, so I think we’re all very happy with the attention we’re receiving… it’s a long process of making friends and getting our names in people heads.

What are your greatest failures?

What is the meaning of life?

BB: The meaning of life is to learn how to love one another and yourself.

What is your definition of true love?

ET: We showed up to a gig one time in Maple Creek without any patch cables or mic cables….

We felt like the dumbest 4 guys in the universe at that moment.

What are your greatest successes?

ET: I think this album is a real milestone for us.

Do you like cats?

ET: The recognition of a kindred spirit or a partner in crime: somebody that you can go on adventures with.

EF: I’m allergic.

Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction books?

Band Consensus: Saskatchewan Roughriders!

SM: Byron and I both like Harry Potter a lot.

Which musicians inspire you the most?

Which superhero do you look up to the most?

ET: A great Canadian band is Royal Canoe…they’re really inspirational.

SM: Batman’s pretty cool, ‘cause he’s a human and super badass.

If you could eliminate one of the 10 commandments out of the Bible, which one would you eliminate?

BB: I can only think of like 5. I

Who are your favourite sports teams?

Would you like your life to end with a fairy tale ending or a tragic ending?

BC: Fairy tale ending.

What is your biggest pet peeve?

Chris Graham Strappin’ young lads.

ET: Not saying what you feel, and letting something boil over.

What are your favourite ice cream flavours?

ET: Green tea ice cream.

Why is the sky blue?

SM: It’s actually a reflection of light through the water molecules in the air. For real.

What physical aspects of yourself are you most proud of?

EF: I like the colour of my eyes.

SM: I think I have a kind smile.

ET: I got sweet eyebrows…I

don’t even have to pluck.

BB: I have hardworking hands.

Which historical event do you wish never happened?

ET: The Red River Rebellion.

EF: Residential schools….I wish they never happened.

There we have it, champs: a little insight into the lives of musicians with awesome-coloured eyes, kind smiles, sweet eyebrows, and hardworking hands.

Can’t get much better than that!

These beauties are currently touring with their new album Collage for 6 weeks across our lovely Canada.

rituals

Editor: Matty-Morphin’ Powerauk sports@carillonregina.com @carillon_sports the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Healing through hockey

A nation recovers through the help of sports view from the cheap seats bloodcurdling brady lang

multimedia editor

What a week this country has had.

In the aftermath of the Ottawa tragedy, the sports world has definitely stepped up in the nation’s capital’s honour.

NHL teams around North America honoured Corporal Nathan Cirillo, singing the national anthems for both countries regardless of the teams playing. It was a great sight to see, the sporting world coming together for a fallen soldier, yet where was the MLB’s tribute?

I know that the league has a lot on its plate with the World Series going on and all; yet, why couldn’t they take a few minutes for at least a moment of silence?

I’m not trying to criticize the Major League Baseball, the Kansas City Royals, or the San Francisco Giants, but we all know how much it impacted this nation, just take a scroll through any twitter feed and we could see the aftermath of Cirillo’s death.

After the Boston Marathon bombings, the sports world all gathered together and helped honour the fallen marathoners and innocent bystanders at that

Getty Images Senators and Devils come together at center ice.

event, but this whole ordeal does have a different impact.

Cirillo was in uniform. Cirillo was honouring other fallen soldiers and was gunned down while on duty. It’s sickening and so disrespectful that it has this country still in mourning, even a week after the fact.

The sporting community is so closely knit these days, that it almost seems like an obligation that honouring a fallen soldier.

When the Boston bombings happened, the tributes came pouring in and the team ended up winning the World Series later that year.

This time around, the Senators were honoured by teams around North America in the NHL but the reaction wasn’t as great. Do the American franchises in other sports not hold Canadian troops to the same degree as their own?

It very well could be true, yet they really shouldn’t. There was a man in uniform that was killed on Canadian soil while honouring another fallen member of our troops. The least these franchises could have done was support not only Ottawa, but also Canada as a whole.

What if the same attacks happened in Washington, D.C.?

What if one soldier was murdered in a U.S. Navy uniform?

These questions, although they should never be answered, are pretty significant points to ponder if such an attack should happen in the future.

Anyway, enough with the negative venting, it’s time for the positive healing that this nation has been doing throughout the sporting community.

The Ottawa Senators and New Jersey Devils game played in Ottawa on Saturday was truly special. When sports meet public issues, the results are almost always positive. The photograph and videos of the pre-game ceremony with both teams surrounding the neutral zone faceoff circle was truly touching and says a lot about the respect these professional players have for the men and women that fight for our everyday freedom.

As the year drags on, we shouldn’t forget about this event. We should remember this in a positive way and continue on knowing that these professional athletes do care about the cities and nations in which they play in.

As Canadians, we should all be proud of what the Senators and the Devils did. It’s about respect. And with their tribute, that is exactly what they were able to do.

How to fix the Rams

The talent is there; someone just needs to piece it together do so in terms of receivers and running backs. Make him your guy, and stick with him.

Adjust their Defensive System

Arthur Ward Noah Picton and Addison Richards: The main reasons the Rams could be good next season.

matty-morphin’ powerauk

rituals editor

The University of Regina Rams have not had the year they were expecting. Coming in with hopes of making the playoffs, and making strides among the CIS West, things have not worked out as they had planned.

Right now, even though the Rams actually won last week 56-41 over the Manitoba Bison, they will be hard-pressed to make the playoffs and have to

hope everything falls perfectly into place. My job here is to tell you guys what the Rams have to do this offseason in order to make the playoffs next year, and continue to be a contender in the coming years.

Commit to Noah Picton FullTime I’ve been clamouring for this move for a while. Cayman Shutter has been hurt for a lot of this season, and Noah Picton has been absolutely killing it of late,

putting up big passing numbers, using his feet to keep plays alive, and doing a better job of keeping his team in the game.

I imagine that Picton is the quarterback of the future in the minds of the Rams with Shutter playing his last season here, but they have to commit to him in full. Working with his receivers in the off-season, having a say in what the offensive game plan looks like in order to get the most out of his weapons. Picton has the talent to succeed here, and has the talent around him to

One thing that I’ve noticed about this defence is that they have some very talented defensive backs, and not much defensive pressure. That’s why I’d like to see their game plan change a bit to support these guys. Not getting to the quarterback is something that I’ve seen for far too long from my other favourite teams, it gets frustrating.

All I’d like to see is a little more creativity when it comes to blitzing. Delayed blitzes, cornerback blitzes, something to shake up the other quarterback so he doesn’t have all day to sit back and throw. Trust your guys in the secondary that they can handle the extra workload in favour of getting to the quarterback more. Less coverage sacks.

Move to a Single Back System The Rams have had on and off success with the run, but one thing remains the same here: they have a star in freshman Atlee Simon. The last two games when he got the majority of the carries, he had 274 yards on 42

carries and four touchdowns on the ground. That’s an average of 6.5 yards per carry! Someone give this man the ball more!

Jens Johnson can be a change of pace back, and you have a formidable one-two punch in the backfield.

Hire a New Head Coach from Within the Organization This last one is easy: Keep things simple and hire your replacement for retiring Frank McCrystal from within your own team.

Defensive coordinator Bernie Schmidt or offensive coordinator Paul Dawson would do fine in keeping the general feel and schemes of the team the same, and make the transition less rocky. McCrystal is a legendary figure here, and those two have been around long enough to know how to continue his legacy.

This Rams team has a great opportunity next year to succeed, and they have the confidence and talent to do so. Everything just needs a bit of tweaking, and some of the young guys just need that experience. This year was a learning year, next year could be the year they put it together.

666 rituals

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

SPORTS FIVES

A collection some truly bizarre and horrific sports events the demon barber rituals writer

Sporting events are planned down to the second. Each game has a behind the scenes team scrambling to tie up all the loose ends and create a game day experience. We love it, the rush of anticipation, the music filling your ears, the beer cold in your hand. Not all events go off quite as planned, however.

In fact, some down right freaky (and sometimes comical) shit has gone down. From blackouts to spider-dream injuries to angry mascots hurling hot dogs, almost anything can happen.

Here are a few of the unplanned, bizarre occurrences that will get you in the Halloween spirit.

5. Blackout Bowl You know things have gotten very strange when there are players–helmets and gloves off– casually lounging on the turf in what is supposed to be the most important game in the NFL. That is exactly what happened when the Baltimore Ravens faced the San Francisco 49ers at Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans. The thundering music stopped, fans were eerily quiet and over 70 000 people waited in the dark.

For a moment it felt post-apocalyptic. Even more terrifying than waiting in the dark, however, is stopping the most anticipated game in football. Scary shit.

4. Creepy-Crawly Nightmare Throwing it back to Toronto Blue Jays, Glenallen Hill, and the 90s for this one. Hill, who has since been nicknamed “Spiderman”, suffers from arachnophobia, or a fear of spiders. One night, Hill was having a particularly vivid dream that involved spiders.

Instead of waking up in a cold sweat, he thrashed through his home, and fell down a flight of stairs. Try explaining that creepy excuse to your coaches!

3. Death by Baseball In 2001, a pitch thrown by Arizona Diamondbacks Randy Johnson was fatal. As his roughly 90-mile an hour pitch (145 kph) slices through the air, it is intercepted by a dove. The usually graceful creature that symbolizes peace explodes into a puff of feathers. This bizarre happenstance is not only a unique video, but also a bad bird omen.

Johnson is pretty much cursed for life.

2. Hot Diggity-Dog (from Hell)

The MLB Champion favorite Kansas City Royals are not a favorite by all. In fact, one fan named John Coomer has a serious hate on for the face of the team. The mascot, Sluggerrr, is accused of hurling a hot dog into the eyeball of the unlucky fan during a September 2009 game. If the embarrassment isn’t enough, the fan claims the incident to have caused a detached retina. I guess part of the “game day experience” doesn’t involve getting hit by Sluggerrr’s wiener.

1. The Thirteenth Trauma That dreaded day that haunts us all. Let me remind you of the horror, just in case. It was November 29, 2009 and CFL fans were glued to the tube to watch the Grey Cup at McMahon Stadium. Montreal crawled back into the game and Damon Duval was ready to win it all with a final field goal. Rider fans rejoice as the kick goes wide. The ref announces “too many men on the field, Saskatchewan” and the celebration dies, along with our Rider Nation dreams.

Haley Klassen Scary sports equipment. Not really the football however.

the Carillon: the most dangerous game since 1962.

What’s wrong with: Wealth distribution in sports The world of sports is pretty cruel to the majority of its athletes communist sympathies staff writer “Should the Flyers only be allowed to sign hockey-playing cherubs?” “Should the 49ers only be allowed to sign old men with no teeth and rickets?” “Should the Utah Jazz be located in a state where jazz is legal?” These are questions that ran through my mind after I was asked to write a story on what I think should be changed about professional sports.

This article began with the intention of doing something humourous. Then, I realized that the NFL and other leagues do far more dangerous things than anything I could dream up. A number of high-profile tragedies involving former and current professional athletes have raised public attention to the damage caused to the human body over a lifetime of contact sports.

What I would really change about professional sports is the distribution of wealth. Workers in these stadiums make minimum wage or less (the Saskatchewan Roughriders’ concessions booths are staffed by volunteers whose organizations are occasionally paid for their labour). Athletes spend their entire childhood preparing for a potential professional career, which could peter out after an

Matt Wincherauk Russell Wilson has already outlived his average NFL life; will football be that kind to Teddy Bridgewater?

average of 3.5 years in the NFL, 5.5 years in the NHL, 5.6 in the MLB, and 4.8 in the NBA. The Sidney Crosbys and Tom Bradys of the sporting world make out pretty well for themselves in relation to

the average North American; the owners of these clubs are the ones who are really cleaning up. While the bodies and minds of athletes deteriorate over years of play, the owners of sports franchises live in near-

ly unmatched opulence. Paul Allen of the Seattle Seahawks and Portland Trailblazers is the wealthiest owner of a sports team in the Americas. His net worth is fifteen billion dollars.

The Province of Saskatchewan’s

Sorry for being a downer, but this is totally fucked.

- communist sympathies

entire budget for 2014-2015 is $14,179,300,000.

“Oh, but look at Russell Wilson; he’s a star quarterback who just won the Super Bowl, John. He must be fucking loaded.” No dice, friends. Dude is smack in the middle of a paltry four-year $2,990,000 contract, putting him at net worth of four million dollars. Wilson’s comrade-in-arms and star running back Marshawn Lynch is a bit more flush with an annual salary of seven million and net worth of fourteen.

Sorry for being a downer, but this is totally fucked. There are administrators at several Canadian universities who are likely worth more than Russell Wilson; these administrative careers will be multiple-times longer than Wilson and many others’ football careers. There are a lot of numbers in this article, the most important are average lengths of professional careers.

For every Chris Chelios or Warren Moon there must also be many players whose careers are measured in weeks and months, rather than decades.

Really though, if you want to see what I would change about sports to make it more entertaining, I would have more Jackie Moon from Semi-Pro and less exploitative, racist owners like Al Davis and Dan Snyder.

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

rituals

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What’s wrong with: the Edmonton Oilers It’s a tough time to be an Oilers fan harrison brooks minion

I have to admit that as a Flames fan I have been more than pleased with just how bad the Edmonton Oilers have been. I almost get more joy watching the Oilers lose than I do watching Calgary win, but that’s beside the point. Just looking at the whole picture, with three first overalls and two other high firsts in the last five years, you wouldn’t think it makes much sense for them to be this bad, so why are they? And how do they fix it?

I told my friend, who is a lifelong Oilers fan, that I was writing an article about them and wanted his opinion on the current state of the team, and he replied with, “Can you put that iPhone emoji of a smiling poop in the paper?”

I think this clearly shows just how lousy the team has been, that their own fans feel this way about them. You can break down why they are so bad by categorizing it into three sections: management, coaching and players.

The first problem is the management seems to be absolutely blind to the fact changes need to be made. This accounts for both bad drafting, failure to bring in free agents, and probably the biggest concern, player development. Owner Daryl Katz can’t see that the President of Hockey Operations Kevin Lowe has failed to find scouts who can turn second, third, and fourth round picks into NHL quality players, and he needs to be fired for it. This, along with poor play-

Matt Wincherauk Could stars like Eberle be on the way out? What about Nugent-Hopkins?

er development, is a huge problem for the organization and is the main reason they have no quality players to fill roles while they’re other prospects develop further. Lowe can’t see that the General Manager Craig Mac-

Tavish has failed to make the ‘bold moves’ that he promised to make when he came in, and needs to be fired because of it.

The second problem is coaching. The Head Coach Dallas Eakins has failed to get through to the entitled ‘stars,’ which is pretty much the worst thing when it comes to being a quality coach in the NHL. Adding to that, his coaching tactics, like swarm defence, aren’t only not working, but they are the laughing stock of the league.

The players aren’t smart enough or dedicated to defence enough for even the most basic “D” strategies to work, so trying to stray from that and bring in new tactics was bound to fail from the start. He too needs to go.

So there it is, clean house and bring in all new management and coaches. But that’s just the start of the problem. It can’t all be on the management, at some point the players need to be accountable. The thing is, the players run the show there.

Hall, Nugent-Hopkins and Eberle have been deemed the heroic saviours of this organization and they think, and act as if, they’re invincible, this leads to the entitled behaviour that I mentioned before. They need to go also, maybe not all three but at least two of them.

In my opinion, Hall is the one that needs to go first. You will hear people all over the league say things like, “Oh poor

Hallsy, he works his butt off, but his team is holding him back.”

That’s a load of crap, and is not the reason he needs to be the first to go. The reason he needs to go is because he is dumb as a stump. He is as dumb as Ryan Smyth, but doesn’t have half as much heart. Is that what you want from your leader and future captain? No. The upside of them trading Hall is that he has trade value, still, to some teams.

If they can get one or two serviceable centres and a serviceable NHL quality defenseman, this trade will be a win. In my opinion Jordan Eberle should be the second one traded, preferably for a young defenseman with potential and again a serviceable NHL quality centre, if they can swing that, they’ll probably have to add something else, maybe Yakupov.

That’s many centres being brought in, but it’s for a very good reason. The reason they need more centre depth is because of their poor prospect development. They have been forced to throw their young centres like Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and Leon Draisaitl into roles they are in no way ready for, thus ruining their development.

So, to fix that, they need to get a bunch of centres that can take the workload off these young guys and allow them to adjust, and focus on completing their 200-foot games. If they do all

of this, it will put them on the right track to being competitive again.

These trades will also start to fix another huge issue which is defence. They have a couple young high-potential D-men like Justin Schultz and Darnell Nurse who, again, need both mentorship and sheltered minutes so they can become the well-rounded defensemen, which the Oilers currently don’t have. Improving the defence will help, and drastically improve, the quality of goaltending the team is getting, because as of right now not even Brodeur in his prime would be successful with the Oilers AHL caliber defence in front of him.

The real upgrade the Oilers would get by trading Hall and Eberle would be the change in culture. They could bring in guys who are dedicated to a 200ft game, who would then teach the new rookies the importance of team defence. Add that in with a new coach who puts emphasis on never taking a shift off and out working the opponent every second, and a new scout team who actually drafts smart players with NHL potential, then it really is the start of “building something special up there,” as once stated by Pierre McGuire.

Sure, they will have to rebuild the rebuild, but they will be better in the long run and become a team with hope of one day making it back to the playoffs.

14

rituals

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Roughriders playoff outlook

Like it or not, it’s a gloomy playoff picture for the Riders peter steele minion

After falling 40-27 to Calgary on Oct. 24, the Saskatchewan Roughriders now sit at 9-8 heading into a week nineteen bye before hosting Edmonton on the Nov. 8 season finale.

The Riders would have clinched third place in the west with a win over the Stamps, but having lost, they may cross over to the east if B.C. overtakes them in the standings. Ultimately, the Riders will finish the season third or fourth in the west, securing seeding in either the western or eastern divisional playoffs.

The Roughriders’ struggles have been well-documented, from inconsistent quarterback play, to special teams blunders, and questionable coaching decisions. However, coach Chamblin hopes to have quarterback Darian Durant back for the playoffs. This is good news for the Riders. Having led Saskatchewan to a home championship

Courtesy of the Saskatchewan Roughriders Gainer was floored hearing Peter’s playoff predictions.

in 2013, and a franchise-record 7-game win streak earlier this season, it has become painfully obvious that the Riders’ success ultimately depends on the consistent presence of the veteran leader – perhaps to a fault. In losing their leader, the team ultimately lost the season.

If Durant is out until the playoffs, it is likely the Riders will fall to fourth place and cross

over to the east. In this case, the team will travel to face Toronto, Montreal, or Hamilton, depending on the final standings. Recently, Saskatchewan has lost 48-15 in Toronto, 40-9 in Montreal, and 28-3 in Hamilton. Granted, these losses came without Durant under centre, but the defense, special teams, and coaching also contributed to these blunders. Alternatively,

if the Riders finish in third place in the west, they will travel to Edmonton, where on Sept. 26 they fell 24-0 to the Eskimos. In either case, Saskatchewan can’t compete in the playoffs without Darian Durant, and even he may not be enough.

There is no preferable path to the 2014 Grey Cup for the Roughriders. The team will be on the road throughout the post-season, and Durant may be out of sync with the offense when he returns, nearly two months removed from his most recent start. The team has been struggling, saturated with negative energy and press, and it seems unlikely that one player can turn it all around this late in the year.

Whether the Roughriders begin their post-season in the west or the east is irrelevant.

The team is ice-cold without Durant, the replacement quarterbacks have played poorly, and the defense and special teams have been no better. A western

playoff route would go through Edmonton, where the team was shut out on Sept. 26. If the team managed to scrape out a win against the Eskimos, they would then head to Calgary to play the first place Stampeders (142), who beat the Riders 40-27 at McMahon Stadium on Oct. 24.

Having noted the Riders’ eastern opponents’ records against Saskatchewan, it is evident that an eastern route would be no easier, going through Montreal, Toronto, or Hamilton, all having convincingly beaten Saskatchewan recently. This is not the Riders’ year.

The Saskatchewan Roughriders will not advance past the first round of the 2014 CFL playoffs, regardless of their seeding. If you choose to believe that Darian Durant is the second coming, and that his return will somehow remedy all of the Riders’ inadequacies, then good luck to you. I prefer to live in reality.

Business and sports all in one

JDC West: Where the obscure sports thrive

the demon barber rituals writer

The athletic programs at the U of R are extensive. That said, there is one team you have likely never heard of. Surprisingly, the students from the business school have a competitive, successful sport team.

So why does the business school have a sport team, and what is it for? Well, every year, the faculty sends a group of students to the largest case competition in Western Canada, Jeux de Commerce West (JDC West). These groups of students are sent to not only present cases, but a large part of the competition focuses on athletics. This January, the Paul J. Hill School of Business Sport Team will travel to Victoria and compete against 11 major business schools in Western Canada.

Every year, the hosting university decides what (usually unconventional) sports will be played. This year, the sports chosen are Schtick Disk and European Handball. If the sports aren’t unique enough, the competition is. To gain some insight, I sat down with two experienced teammates, Marcus Richards and Britney Brodt. Both players are on the team for their third consecutive year and know what it takes to win.

“Patience and determination are a big factor because the competition is quite overwhelming, especially for your first year… there are so many other aspects that you have to take into consideration than just sport,” Brodt explains.

Both admit that the com-

petition is difficult to explain, but entails a lack of sleep, a lot of cheering and an emotionally charged weekend.

“The final last year was insane… it was probably one of the most intense sports games I have been in,” Richards said.

The competition is highly competitive; however, one of the most unique aspects of the tournament is that it is difficult to gain a major competitive advantage going into the tournament. The athletes usually don’t know each other before being chosen for the team and each team has only three months to learn a weird new sport, create a strategy, and develop a team dynamic.

“It takes a whole lot of practice as a team… you have three months to learn entirely new sports… if you have a better strategy, you usually succeed,” Richards said.

Schtick Disk is the particularly unfamiliar sport this year; it involves two frisbees, is played outside and, as Brodt explains, is “like ultimate frisbee and capture the flag.”

Last year the tournament was hosted in Regina and featured a lesser-known sport, Tchoukball. I took in the games last year and was surprised that the more well-known sport, floor hockey, was not garnering the most attention. The new sport was extremely exciting from a fan perspective and the gym throbbed with energy. For Richards, the sport was also fun to play.

“It was so competitive and so fun… the level of athletics was awesome,” he said.

The JDC West sport team is important because it is an essential component to the Hill Business School in general. The team overall has performed exceptionally well in the past and is building a reputation as one of the best business schools in Western Canada. What’s more,

this team has genuine pride.

“With Hill, because we are so good, it makes you more proud to go to Hill, especially because we are one of the smaller schools...it shows our business school is one of the best in Western Canada and we can actually prove we are com-

petitive,” Richards said.

The entire JDC West team has been working hard again this year, putting in endless hours in the classroom, gym and community. The entire university should be proud of this team for their continued efforts and success.

epitaphs

Editor: Terror Batkovsky oped@carillonregina.com @carillon_oped the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

A sexual assault at the U of R I have been attending the U of R for six years and have never worried about my safety when on campus – until now. I left the Carillon office in Riddell Centre while working on this issue to use the washroom at approximately 8:30 p.m. When I went down the hall to where the second-floor washrooms are, someone ran up to me and slapped me in the rear. I turned around expecting it was someone I knew playing a joke, or my boyfriend, who said he was going to stop by if he could. I was extremely surprised to find a man and a woman I didn’t know standing there laughing. What followed is what surprised me even more, if that was even possible. The woman said, “Sorry, was that okay?” I was completely shocked that she would even ask such a thing.

I told the girl that it was absolutely not okay, and she then said, “Well, you wear jeans and boots like that, you’re asking for it to happen.” Another female was saying this to me. The thing is, the jeans and boots I was wearing were not at all provocative in any way. No different than any other student here, that’s for sure. And, even if they were, I think there has been enough discussion around this particu-

Michael Chmielewski

lar issue that it should be known that it is not okay to touch someone without their permission, especially based on what they are wearing. The scary part is I was alone in a hallway with them and they were blocking the way out. I had no idea if they were going to pursue anything further and immediately feared for my safety, since I couldn’t see anyone and they couldn’t

see me.

This is the first time anything like this has happened to me, and I have to admit that it is extremely disturbing. It left me pretty shaken up. I felt so violated. And, for a split second, I considered what I was wearing and whether or not I was sending out the wrong message. I recovered my senses just as quickly and realized that nothing I did

Reflections on Ottawa

Haley Klassen

When I woke up on Oct. 24, 2014, the first thing I heard was that a shooter was wreaking havoc in Ottawa; my parents left the radio on. This was a difficult thing to process, especially when you have just woken up. The general myth people have about Canada is that this is a peaceful place, that these things just don’t happen here.

And yet, such a thing did just happen.

There are very few instances where I felt shocked by what was going on in the world. I felt somewhat shocked by the 9/11 attacks, but I couldn’t quite

comprehend what was going on. When the 2003 Iraq War rolled around, I also didn’t understand; in fact, I complained to my mom that the news coverage preempted my animated Mr. Bean show. Now, however, I understand what these events do to our lives. With every attack there comes a pressure to toughen laws and identify new enemies. Happily, Canadians seem to have resisted doing the latter in the wake of the shootings, with people going out of their way to avoid demonizing Muslims. The former, by contrast, has considerable momen-

tum behind it. The Conservative government is determined to introduce new laws expanding police power and restricting free speech. To me, it seems that the Canadian government is out of step with society in its reaction to the shootings.

While it avoids blaming Muslims for the attacks, the government overlooks one important fact. This fact is that Western societies have decided to portray Islam as a violent religion.

When considering who the perpetrators were, this is important to consider. They were disturbed individuals who could not fit into

and nothing I was wearing provoked that attack.

When is this stigma going to end? Why is it that women have to take into account what they are wearing to ensure their own personal safety? And, considering I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a jacket, and boots, there is no reason why that should say to someone that it is okay to touch me without my permis-

society. At the same time, they came from relatively privileged backgrounds, fell into depression and converted to Islam. It is this last bit that intrigues me. If the media described both men correctly, they were already dissatisfied with the state of affairs in Canada. But why convert to Islam? Why commit their acts in such a way as to be identified with radical Islam? I would argue that they chose to convert to Islam because we vilified it.

The media spread messages of Islamic terrorists being the number one threat to our lives.

As a result, we turned a religion into a boogeyman. To anyone seeking to disrupt our society, Islam seemed doubly attractive.

Not only would it provide some direction to a troubled life, it would also serve as a badge of nonconformity. While it is admirable that the federal government refuses to blame Muslims en masse, it must do more to remove the radical stigma associated with Islam if it truly wishes to make a difference.

The government is also wrong in introducing new laws to combat these terror threats.

In itself, the shooting caused little damage compared to the 9/11 attacks. On top of that, the RCMP was already aware of the perpetrators and of what they could do. If, as the National Post reports, experts believe Islamic radicals feel like they’re alone in an uncaring world, what

sion. Why is the onus put on us, and not on the perpetrators? It’s one thing to read articles about this in newspapers or online, but when it happens to you, it all of a sudden turns into a very scary reality. I realized at that moment how easily I became a victim and how anyone could become a victim. I honestly had no idea what was going to happen with this confrontation. When you are faced with a situation like that, I know now that your mind goes blank and you forget anything you’ve ever learned when it comes to self-defense. I don’t know what I would have done if it became violent. Luckily, it didn’t, but it can easily happen.

So, to the people responsible for this attack – and that’s exactly what it was, whether you were serious about it or not – if you are reading this, I hope you realize what you have done. You violated me and tried to make it my fault based on my clothing choice. I no longer feel safe walking around this campus alone in the evenings because of you.

michelle jones copy editor

will extra laws do to fix this?

Laws do not confer the ability to be more understanding. In the struggle against terrorists, security only comes from not panicking. The public is reluctant to accept these new laws precisely because they see no added security benefit from having them.

No one likes to live in fear forever. No one wants to give up freedoms forever. Perhaps these new powers could be used to identify men and women in need. But why stop at identification? Why not actively fund programs to help de-radicalize people instead?

Ultimately, the Ottawa shooting was an act committed by a mentally ill man who lacked direction in his life. If there were ties to a wider radical Islamic project, they were very flimsy.

Canadians coast to coast seem to recognize that we cannot move on from this event by demonizing Muslims en masse.

While the government also recognizes this, they seem bent on strengthening the security state.

Unfortunately, they don’t seem to understand that walls cannot protect a rotting core from itself.

terror batkovsky epitaphs editor

16

heresies

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Stand up and be counted Ah, student politics, that wellknown bastion of student representation that is never neglected. Always championed.

In no Canadian university does a board seat go unfilled. Never, on campuses north of the border, is student apathy even a consideration.

What a fanciful notion. With the recent URSU by-elections, another round of voting has occurred and, yet again, the student body has announced that they, to the general astonishment of all who follow this news, couldn’t give less of a shit about who represents them. While no voting statistics were available at the time of this article’s writing, the amount of nominations that were received, and the number of position left unfilled, say plenty about the political situation on campus.

Of the ten positions for which by-elections were held, only six had candidates. That is pathetic. That positions concerning two of the biggest faculties on campus even had to be sent through such a process

Taras Matkovsky

(Education and Arts) shows that our campus has a long way to go before it can begin to consider itself an institution which is significantly student-led.

In case you were wondering, the positions that have

completed two rounds without being filled are the differently-abled students’ director, FNUC students’ director, Luther director, and Fine Arts director.

You would think that given that the amount of students repre-

sented by the aforementioned directors is (comparatively) not as large a number as those of the of the others, they would have more of an incentive to stand behind a candidate; they would develop a bigger drive to have their voices heard. Instead, their representatives are not present, having chosen not to enter into the U of R’s version of the political machine.

Now, one could argue that this series of no-shows is purely an example of student apathy; indeed, I made a very similar point about two hundred and fifty words ago. To do so, however, would be to ignore our campus’ political system and its failings.

For example, a couple of years ago a number of students who were running for URSU positions — I refuse to even call them candidates — appeared outside of my residence room.

With this particular instance occurring on a Saturday evening, a time at which I am not (usually) politically inclined, I was not exactly the most loving receptor

of their message. Once I had let them ramble on about how they would ‘represent students’ and ‘fight for lower tuition costs,’ I asked them what their platform was. The deer in the headlights look I received in return told me all that I needed to know. Hell, a type of shoe would have been a better answer than the noncommittal blinking I witnessed.

If your candidates don’t even know the jargon of the campaign trail, how can they be expected to learn the vocabulary of the boardroom? And, given the problems facing students today, how can it be that the students would rather leave an empty seat at the negotiation table, than fill it with at least somebody with a student card and a pulse?

john loeppky minion

A talk on food sovereignty Editor’s note: The talk mentioned above will have already happened by the time this issue hits the press, but was sent to press before the talk.

I’m very excited about Dr. Vandana Shiva coming to the University of Regina to speak in the Education Auditorium. The title of her talk is called “Earth Democracy.” Though I don’t know exactly what she is going to talk about, I’m assuming it will be about the issues she has been most involved with. Dr. Shiva is a physicist and activist involved in issues such as water, biodiversity, food sovereignty and protecting the rights of local communities and their economic livelihood. She is very much opposed to big multi-national corporations monopolizing resources such as water and food.

Dr. Shiva has helped movements stand up against multi-national corporations monopolizing resources, such as Coca-Cola and Monsanto, in her home country of India. She has helped lead rural communities against Coca-Cola, who is extracting millions of litres of water daily from the major rivers in India for the bottled water industry. As a result, Coca-Cola dispossesses rural Indians of their drinking water, which is given to wealthier people who can pay for it. Coca-Cola does not conserve the water, but instead sucks rivers dry.

Food sovereignty is becoming an important global issue.

Animal and crop husbandry is more centralized than before, with corporations taking over control of all aspects of food production processes. In crop

Dominik Hundhammer

production, corporations control each input from seed to fertilizer. Most people depend on some form of agriculture for food, particularly seed crops such as grains (wheat, rice, corn) and legumes (soybeans and peas). For thousands of years, small-scale farming was the main form of agricultural production. Today, crop production consists of large-scale systems where corporations own most of the inputs and grow crops for regional, national, and international markets. Consequently, they push out smaller producers, who cannot compete against them.

Corporations such as Monsanto, by introducing Ge-

netically Modified Organisms (GMO), are causing farmers to adopt more monoculture practices and become dependent on Monsanto for agricultural inputs. Monsanto claims their seeds will yield more nutritional and abundant crops and many people believe that GMO food is the only way to feed the world. But there are significant negative consequences. Farmers who use GMO seeds cannot save them, something done with seeds for centuries, forcing them to buy Monsanto seeds every season. They must also buy inputs from Monsanto, such as the herbicide that is used on the crops. This makes the farmer dependent on the corpora-

tion. If the farmers have a poor yield, they become indebted to Monsanto. Some of these debts have become so unbearable that many Indian farmers have committed suicide.

Another consequence is the loss of seed biodiversity.

Farmers have developed a variety of seeds through artificial selection and have saved these seeds over millennia. Over the years, farmers have developed seeds that grow into plants that can thrive in variable environments. Monocultures pushed

by Monsanto can diminish and possibly eliminate this diversity.

An interesting aspect to this dilemma that only recently I was made aware of is the imposi-

tion of this economic model by the World Trade Organization (WTO). Corporations write their own rules, which member countries must adhere to. Therefore, member countries must also adopt economic policies that favour corporations. Even if they elect new governments who say they will stop corporate-driven policies, these countries’ hands are tied and no change is possible. To counter this, Dr. Shiva has helped found Navdanya, a network of seed keepers and organic producers across 17 states in India. They help communities establish seed banks and develop sustainable agricultural practices, which helps farmers and communities maintain food sovereignty.

Food sovereignty, biodiversity, and clean, affordable, accessible drinking water are all issues of concern for people on a global level. Dr. Shiva gives a very good argument to the other side of the globalization policies that the world’s wealthier countries push for. International trade and cooperation are important and can be beneficial, but not as a network dominated by a few corporations that gain all the profits. Dr. Shiva argues for economies built from the ground up by communities. This can lead to better democracy and fair trade policies.

eric armit minion

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

heresies

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The great debates!

A formal contention in writing: two authors enter, two authors eave (hopefully more enlightened than they were before).

QUESTION: Was the U of R justified in calling the police to stop Peter LaBarbera from continuing his demonstration this summer?

Haley Klassen Was the police presence necessary to stop Peter LaBarbera?

pro

Freedom has its limits. Peter LaBarbera’s expulsion from the U of R campus was a right judgment in just what those limits are.

LaBarbera is an anti-gay rights and pro-life advocate. While at the U of R, LaBarbera handed out pamphlets on the “evils of homosexuality.” As a result, the U of R had him taken off the premises. Something some believe attacks his freedom of speech. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom to tear others down and deny their human rights. By exercising this illusion of “freedom of speech,” one infringes on others much more valuable right: the right to be who they are, the right to exist. LaBarbera’s views are his own and he can keep them.

God knows I don’t want his views. But by inciting hate against a group of people, LaBarbera went too far. He went beyond his rights and flouted his responsibility to have respectful dialogue.

Would anyone blink in arresting someone for saying that African-Americans should be put back into slavery?

No, because that prospect seems so ridiculous. Everyone has the right to be who they are. If someone pulled that stunt, arrest would seem warranted. The only reason we are discussing this is because gay rights are still not completely accepted. LaBarbera finds himself in a shrinking group of people who are becoming more and more radicalized and afraid because their long-standing beliefs are being challenged. His hate speech comes from a place of fear and change, a place of isolation. It’s the case of the world moving forward and LaBarbera failing to move with it.

So, then, why is it right to take police action against him? Simple. The right to free speech exists; the right to be treated as human exists. But, one right does not exist: the right to incite hatred and to harm others. By presenting his anti-gay rights propaganda, he asserts that homosexuals do not have the right to exist.

And he goes further. He invites others

to join in on his views. If the world were as intolerant of homosexuals as he is, I would hate to see how the world would treat homosexuals and I believe that it would be systematic repression or worse.

Effectively, this repression imprisons those who have committed no crime.

His actions are attacks on large groups of people.

So why is his freedom to be restricted? Shouldn’t LaBarbera have the same rights? No. Homosexuals are not guilty of anything other than existing.

LaBarbera is guilty of choosing to hate homosexuals. Violent hate is not a freedom anyone is afforded. When someone abuses someone else, they are taken to court. LaBarbera has gone beyond freedom of speech. His freedom of speech includes abuse, a criminal offence. And unlike some abusers, he is unrepentant.

Saskatchewan was the first region in North America to put in place laws that forbid hate propaganda. In 1947, this realized a necessary restriction to free speech. Free speech is not a license to say every thought that comes to mind, to flagrantly display hateful behaviour.

The U of R’s decision to kick LaBarbera out upholds this tradition of protecting those victimized for their race, sex, nationality, and sexual orientation.

While many may look at this incident as an attack on human rights, I see it as an affirmation of human rights, an affirmation of a right LaBarbera pretends to support. This is less about freedom of speech and more about what the speech represents, violence, hatred, and abuse.

This is less about an exercise in freedom and more about an exercise in determining what is acceptable behaviour by anyone in any place.

derek cameron minion

contra

There is a multifaceted answer on whether or not the University of Regina was right in calling the police to remove Peter LaBarbera and his colleague from U of R property. On rights of ownership grounds, of course the U of R was well within appropriate bounds to ask this man to leave the premises, as he was not permitted “table-space.” This is a normal process; we cannot let anyone and everyone clog up our space. However, my issue comes with the rationale of not allowing LaBarbera space. My argument is that this man, and therefore his message, had just as much a right of being heard than anyone else, and should not have been denied entry based on his message.

Let me clarify something here: I do not condone his message, nor do I come anywhere near to sympathizing with his disparaging anti-gay activism. It’s a medieval spirit, frankly. As the aphorism by Voltaire goes, I disapprove of what he says, but I defend his right to say it.

Firstly, there is the issue of judging the content of a message. I realize that free speech in this country is protected, but only to the extent that it does not incite hate or violence – that is to say, we have rights as far as they do not infringe on the rights of others. I admit that LaBarbera’s and his organization’s anti-gay rhetoric reaches this definition of hate, and that within these bounds it is justified to remove him. But this empowers the speaker with a sense of justice. It encourages him to see righteousness in his cause, as the authorities rather than the people themselves are silencing him. It is the duty of the social horde to shun or encourage, and in a way, police their own – not the authorities.

Secondly, forcefully silencing the lone hater shows that there is a powerful significance to his message; otherwise we would not bother to stop it. The odd person who is on the fence with regards to the message risks seeing merit in it, if only because they do not get a chance

to listen to the voice of reason in defense the LGBT community. If LaBarbera and his message of hate cannot be successfully defended or countered by oratory and reason, then there is a problem with our own understanding of the issue.

Listening to the obscene and ridiculous forces us to inform ourselves to defend against it. In this case, it is not enough to say ‘LaBarbera, you are villainous and hateful: leave.’ That hardly explains your own position, and demonstrates a lazy attitude in your own willingness defend your ideas. For example, to counter a Holocaust denier, you need to be informed yourself to counter myth with fact. If you are ignorant of history and fact, you will (I guarantee it) lose your debate. The same is true for informing yourself on homosexuality.

Thirdly, removing LaBarbera by force denies the audience their sovereign right to counter the message. I contend that LaBarbera would have been far more embarrassed, fatigued, frustrated, and infinitely more defeated if he would have been confronted by us, the students, instead of the police. How much more symbolic would it have been for his audience to argue back in defense of their own friends and family; to show that reason, with the above argument that rationale is also necessary, is the driving force behind a university. To say an argument is offensive is not enough. You have to back it up not with regulations, but with public pressure.

LaBarbera’s message is crazy. We all know that. Next time, let’s show him, and others like him, that ours is an open and diverse university, and that such narrow-mindedness is no longer acceptable. But let us do it with words rather than handcuffs.

sebastien potvin minion

18

heresies

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Empty disclosures Brad Wall’s decision to get hard over the expenses of his ministers is pure crap. In May 2012, Minister of Social Services June Draude stated, “we take fraud very seriously,” in reference to a Reaganite idea of welfare queens draining the coffers of social services.

Ex-Minister Draude has been found to have used a car service in London for personal purposes while on the way home from Ghana. I am also wondering why this provincial cabinet minister is using public funds to pay for her trip to speak at a conference in Ghana. Why not send a scientist or doctor who specializes in treating Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder rather than a government minister?

After being caught with her hand in the cookie jar, the minister has decided to retire – for personal reasons, though.

Cabinet secretary Rick Mantey accepted responsibility for the “indiscretion” and was grounded from travelling by Wall for six months. Rumour has it he is so moving out as soon as he turns eighteen.

These are the same people who abuse public funds, and then claim that the state can’t

Matthew Barre

afford to provide public services in our Booming Oil Economy.

Elected officials occupy a privileged position above nearly everyone else in their community. This privilege should also include a degree of social and economic responsibility to their constituents. By forcing elect-

ed officials to disclose their expenses, Wall creates a situation where he looks like the Good Guy without actually doing anything meaningful.

Working people have little time to devote to following the ministerial follies of the provincial government. This plan

makes a huge assumption: that the average voter has the time or will to pore over the expense reports of government ministers. In a time where people don’t even read policy documents of parties before voting for them, it’s highly unlikely the average voter will burden themselves with this.

The only way this can actually create a positive change is if an incorruptible third party is bestowed with the power to dismiss members found to make fraudulent claims. Otherwise this is a meaningless gesture at best and a slap in the face of political integrity at worst. This event and the party’s non-response show the bald face of reactionary politics: it’s all bullshit.

Economic conservatism only exists when applied to people without as much money those surrounding Wall.

It’s great that Brad Wall is making ministers disclose their expenses to the public. It is just unfortunate that they are only doing it after having been caught. Every thief is repentant once they are caught in the act.

As it is, this is a positive development and would be nice to see such policies proliferate to other levels of the state. The

Give us (another) break

Haley Klassen

A fall break for students at the University of Regina would be a great benefit for the entire institution. This break, situated around Thanksgiving weekend, would allow both professors and students alike to begin preparations for their approaching midterms and give a break after the initial pandemonium that is the beginning of a new term. The placement around Thanksgiving is also incredibly convenient as there is already a current holiday; thus, we would only be taking an additional four

days instead of five.

The fact that the break would fall a little over a month after classes start is just more time for things to find their place. A fall break would also allow for groups situated on or around campus to hold events and allow the University to become a hotspot for those who are not able to return home for holidays or simply choose to stay around for what would become new festivities. This opportunity for social activities would also serve as a way of not

excluding those who decide not to celebrate Thanksgiving and will give everyone a reason to be in a better mood. A buffer between the day to day feel of taking on new classes would also be offset by a break allowing students to get into more of a rhythmic pattern with their work and reading, allowing for an overall smoother experience and a rest in the learning curve.

Time is one of the most important factors in learning as studying, work, and review all take up large amounts of time.

Add in the lack of time constraints of running to and from classes, and an incredibly effective learning environment if that is the desired goal for the break. To go on top of all of this, who doesn’t like time off from school? A period of time in which to do nothing is almost always widely regarded as a good idea. Whether it’s that pile of laundry that has been calling your name for the past week, a nice turkey-induced nap that insists it lasts for three days, or visiting those dear to you who live

government posted the result of these policies this month.

A quick look shows Brad Wall charging $826 for four days’ meals on his recent trip to Charlottetown. As of Oct. 26, 2014, the time of writing, Draude’s expenses remain absent from the government site.

This policy was concocted with the same old brand of laissez-faire bullshit that has been infecting our political discourse for years. Under this new regime, voters become responsible for the failures of character within our political class and, as usual, those in power will remain such. If someone who is not an elected official were to be caught stealing, they would have to deal with the consequences, even if they tell the authorities it was a mistake and give it back.

communist sympathies staff writer

far away, this new break would allow for benefits all around just by giving people time to do as they wish.

Now, there may be some objections to the new proposed break, such as that it will reduce in class time and may pile on work for students. I would like to address the first by bringing up my previous point that a brief period without class will allow for learned material to really sink in and for students to gain a deeper understanding of what they have already learned.

Since the first term will have started not too long ago, and that an important foundation of information will have been laid, which will most likely be used for the rest of the term. To the second argument, it would make sense that profs would assign some work for students to do over the break, but a student who is managing their time wisely will most likely only have to write off a day or two of their break for work. All in all, I think I speak for many when I say that a fall break would be incredibly beneficial to the entire U of R.

josh leidl minion

dead men’s tales

the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Kyle Leitch Just like kids’ letters to Santa, only these get read by more than disgruntled postal workers!

Believe it or not, we here at the Carillon get some pretty nasty emails from time to time. In our never-ending quest to engage the student body more fully with our fine product, the Carillon staff has decided that we will begin publishing some of our favourite pieces of correspondence from folks like you.

Since we expect all of you to be like, “Ye Gods! I must write to the student newspaper straight away!” we’ll take this opportunity to lay down some ground rules.

Correspondence can be emailed, mailed, or dropped off in person. Please include your name on all letters. Anonymous submissions will not be published. Letters should be no more than 350 words, and may be edited for space, clarity, accuracy, and vulgarity. And of course, the opinions expressed in published letters are those of the author, and do not necessarily represent those of the Carillon, or The Carillon Newspaper Inc. Letters to be considered for publication should be submitted by Monday at 12:00, noon. Emails can be submitted to: op-ed@carillonregina.com Stamus Contra Malo, The Staff

Emily Wright This. We need more this.

To the Editor, I am a recent U of R graduate with a Business Administration degree who now works for a major grain processing company. Recently, I have been doing some research on a topic outside of my career that I am very passionate about and would like to make a difference in: homelessness among LGBTQ youth.

We hear very little about this.

Like many others, I had a difficult time with my family after coming out as a gay man at 16.

However, I never had to sleep on the street, or beg for money, or exchange sex for money and food. I have met teens when I lived in downtown Regina that had to do all the above to survive. They were left with absolutely nothing, or came from

places where they were not safe at all. That’s when I decided that I don’t want to see young men and women put their life in jeopardy every day because they don’t believe they have a choice, or don’t know what other options they have.

This summer at Camp fYrefly, I learned that a shelter for LGBTQ youth in Edmonton was possibly in the works. Meanwhile, the last report on Regina homelessness was done in 2010; it counted almost 4,000 homeless individuals, excluding couch surfers and the like. None of the shelters had any outreach for LGBTQ youth specifically. Considering around 40% of homeless youth in Canada identify as LGBTQ, that is close to 1500 homeless persons in Regina alone in need of shelter.

There is a number of systemic

issues there; one is discrimination against gay, lesbian and especially transgendered individuals that prevents them from successfully getting even temporary shelter; two is that the whopping majority of homeless individuals, once their tenure at a given shelter is done, still have nowhere to go. My goal is to try and raise awareness to the issue, as well as find organizations and individuals who I could collaborate with. I hope that you can help me in this goal, or at least contribute some ideas towards furthering it.

Igor Murashko is a U of R alumnus with a degree in Business Administration. He is happily married to his partner Kris and lives in Indian Head, SK

gallows humour Procrastination Sung to the tune of “Don’t Stop Believin’” taras matkovsky duke of delay

An excerpt from, Further Songs of the Academy

@shitsince1962 the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

Abandon hope ye who enter here

The Horror in RC227 Behold the evil that dwells within the Carillon!

Just three hundred more words To get done on time He played some more Civ’ 5 Till tomorrow dawn One more equation To get done tonight She binged-watched Twin Peaks Till the early morn’ A break from the college season The slow lazy passage of time Thinking ‘Why should we do work now?’

It goes on and on and on and on.

Students resting All around Regina town Young minds, searching How to work Teenage learners Livin’ before the back-to-school Hidin’ their work till the night (before) Workin’ hard to not get failed Everyone wants a not-zero Doin’ anything to get Done on time Some will win Some will lose Some already made an excuse Oh, the pattern never ends

Haley Klassen That’s right buddy. Keep up the good work.

It goes on and on and on and on Students resting All around Regina town Young minds, searching How to work Teenage learners Livin’ before the back-to-school Hidin’ their work till the night (before)

Pro-cra-sti-na-ting Keep on doing nothing Time’s up a wastin’ Keep on vanishin’ Go on Time a wastin’ Pro-cra-sti-na-ting Keep on vanishin’ Time a wastin’

UR gonna die

Capital Punishment Office gaining favor

Michael Chmielewski A story of lost innocence and office space.

kyle leitch bastard This September, students were shocked to discover that the Student Health and Dental Plan Office had been closed. The bright green office on the sec-

ond floor of the Riddell Center was always staffed by friendly and bright-minded folk who would direct you to the website to opt out of the plan. Thanks once again to our sexual panther-esq journalistic integrity, the Carillon has discovered what the office was shut down to accommodate.

“The health plan office?

Sure, I heard of the place,” said our anonymous informant in the University of Regina President’s Office. “You guys specifically aren’t going to like what they’re turning it into.” Seeing as our office does in fact share a wall with the former health plan office, we pressed further. As it turns out, the Student Health and Dental Plan Office is going to be turned

lick here for free sample of the ebola virus!

into a Capital Punishment Office for Financial Services.

“What can I say?” our informant said. “I hope you like screaming.”

Our investigation, which was thorough, no doubt, has shown that outstanding tuitions, student loans fees, and print services charges will be sent straight to the Capital Punishment Office in lieu of being sent to collections.

“They’ve become the highest order in the land,” our informant said. “They can come get you any time, any where, and off to the Capital Punishment Room you go.”

When asked what modes of capital punishment would be employed at the Capital Punishment Office, our informant was reticent.

“Well…there’s some debate about that,” the informant told us. “Some want simple lethal injection. Some of the more extreme directors in charge of these decisions are in favor of crucifixion. But I also heard that being fired from a cannon into a brick wall is gaining a lot of support.”

Naturally, we’ll have more on this story as it develops.

Michael Chmielewski A story of lost innocence and office space.

john loeppky o.g.

Recently, with all of the spooky activity surrounding Halloween, there has been an increasing worry that otherworldly happenings could come to afflict the Carillon. At each production night in the last few weeks, the editors have been equipping themselves with weapons to ward off the effects of spirits.

Op-Ed Editor Taras Matkovsky has repeatedly been seen clutching a foam battle-axe in one hand and typing with the other, every so often peeling his eyes away from his computer screen just in case another one of the editors has been zombified within the last few minutes.

This fear has escalated to the point where there has even been talk of alien influence.

Each time a member of staff leaves the office, the chatter begins. Could the editor-in-chief really be the alien-in-charge, instead? Is a softball-crazed Frankenstein monster, created by the University of Regina’s athletic department to wreak its havoc in right field, organizing those arts and culture pieces that the readership loves so much? Is the technical editor just a vampire in disguise? It has even been suggested that the production manager is, in fact, a hellish demon that has been writing subliminal messages into the newspaper layout in order to have others join him in the underworld. But, who knows?

Maybe all of that time putting together the newspaper has sent each and every one of its writers into a trance. Maybe, this is all the work of, not a

ghost, or a werewolf, or a windego, but of a monster named exhaustion. It could be that the lights flickering on and off randomly, the random YouTube videos that show themselves on the iMacs at weird hours, and the inordinate amount of plastic playthings that are thrown about, are not the result of a demon, but of an office that is too far gone to realize how screwed up their sleep cycles are.

That’s right, that alien-incharge could really just be a political science major running off of coffee and an insane work ethic. The copy editor could be, not a haunting product of a Ouija board, but a masters student slaving over comma splices. And the news editor, as shocking as it is, might not be planning everybody’s murder. He could actually just be trying to fill his section with information for the masses. As for the aforementioned Taras, well, his battle-axe can return to its initial purpose: as a way to defend himself when the office sports crowd get too rowdy and a few people need to be “Sorted out.”

It is at this point that I should announce that an office-wide investigation is no longer needed.

I, John Loeppky, am the specter who has been tormenting the office. My goal is to write somewhat humourous articles and haunt those who laugh. Sadly, I have not had all that many people to disturb. So, in honour of Halloween, my self-confidence, and all things spooky, I ask that each and every one of you read and enjoy this article…or else!

graphic violence

Editor: “Hellborn� Haley Klassen graphics@carillonregina.com the carillon | October 30 - November 05, 2014

If you ask us, the most magical time of the year is Halloween! It allows for a lot more creativity than a sweaty red velvet suit and a fake beard made out of pubes.

In keeping with that tradition, our Graphic Violence Editor got in the Halloween spirit, and found some great costumes to fill her section with. Happy Halloween, suckers! See you in November.

the carillon The University of Regina Students’ Newspaper Since 1962

October 30 - November 05, 2014 | Volume 57, Issue 10 | carillonregina.com | HOTW: #carillonoween

dead skin mask

There is nothing wrong with your newspaper. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can deluge you with a thousands words, or expand one single article to crystal clarity and beyond. We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive.

For the first time ever (that we’re aware of), the Carillon has two covers! There’s a lot of choices in life, and your cover is one of ‘em.