Weekend, October 16-19, 2014 - The Daily Cardinal by The Daily Cardinal

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Since 1892 dailycardinal.com

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

Tiki Shack may see new future as a restaurant Patricia Johnson THE DAILY CARDINAL

The Tiki Shack bar on State Street may see transformations in the future to become a full service restaurant and bar after two new potential owners received a liquor license from the Alcohol License Review Committee Wednesday. The island-themed bar on 128 State Street will most likely see new ownership by Nov. 18 after the current owner, Joe Vale, offered to sell the bar to Tiki Shack managers, Caleb Percevecz and Daniel Mijal. Percevecz and Mijal plan to open the establishment as a restaurant between noon and 2 a.m., offering brunch, lunch and dinner. ALRC members were hesitant to grant the applicants a license after Vale received multiple convictions regarding an intoxicated employee

and serving alcohol to underage patrons. Convictions add demerit points to an alcohol license that could lead to license suspension or revocation depending on the terms. “I have concerns based on how business has obviously been run even during the time [Percevecz and Mijal] have been managers,” ALRC member Michael Donnelly said. “We had a problem, we have to be convinced that there will not continue to be a problem.” Despite the incidents that occurred in the past, Percevecz and Mijal have brought about positive changes under their management of the bar, including fewer convictions and fights. “I think one factor why they received unanimous approval tonight was because of the improvement that we’ve all noticed in the last

year,” Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, said. “The police, like I, would not have been in support tonight if it was the case that things hadn’t improved in the last year there.” Percevecz and Mijal said they plan to improve the business’s policy with better staff training, which they claim Vale does not regulate. The managers also have a chef willing to work under new ownership with an improved menu offering island-themed cuisine. ALRC members deferred disciplinary actions against Vale for demerit points that accumulated on his license from past convictions until the next meeting. Verveer said if the sale of the bar falls through, ALRC members do not want Vale’s demerit points to “fall by the wayside” should he decide to continue operations.

THOMAS YONASH/THE DAILY CARDINAL

ALRC members granted Tiki Shack managers Caleb Percevecz and Daniel Mijal an alcohol license for a possible restaurant.

Poll finds attorney general, gubernatorial races tied By Dana Kampa THE DAILY CARDINAL

DREW GILMORE/THE DAILY CARDINAL

Sustainability Committee Chair Kyla Kaplan presented the Green Fund budget at the Coordinating Council meeting Wednesday.

Coordinating Council reviews ASM internal budget items By Maija Inviess THE DAILY CARDINAL

The Associated Students of Madison Coordinating Council members voiced their opinions and asked questions on line items within the 2015-’16 ASM internal budget at a meeting Wednesday. The internal budget allocates segregated fees to fund ASM staff wages and general operations, as well as grants and services for students. Coordinating Council will vote on the internal budget before it

moves to student council, where all representatives will be able to give input on the document. ASM Chair Gen Carter wanted to make sure there was a clear understanding of the budget. “This is brought to student council and it is important that all of us understand the budget, know what’s in it and how to talk about these line items,” Carter said. Sustainability Committee Chair Kyla Kaplan proposed $50,000 for the Green Fund, which is a reduction from the

FALL GUIDE

current $80,000. Currently, the Green Fund bylaws are being rewritten due to a conflict with F50, a document that describes how to allocate segregated fees. “We understand that [the Green Fund] wasn’t as successful as we had hoped this year, so being fiscally responsible is the right thing to do to accept that for right now,” Kaplan said. Kaplan is currently looking into other options to structure the

+page 7

budget page 3

The newest Marquette Law School Poll, released Wednesday, found both the races for governor and attorney general are statistically tied and voters are more aware of what they need to vote. Republican Gov. Scott Walker and Democrat challenger Mary Burke each received 47 percent of likely voters’ support out of 1,004 people polled. Another 4 percent said they were undecided, and less than 1 percent said they will vote for someone else. The margin of error was 3.2 percentage points. This is a change from Walker’s slight lead over Burke in the last poll released Oct. 1. Walker received 48 percent of support among the 803 registered

voters polled Wednesday, while Burke received 45 percent. Five percent of registered voters said they were undecided and less than 1 percent said they will vote for someone else. The margin of error was 3.5 percentage points. Burke’s communications director Joe Zepecki said in a statement the Wednesday poll confirms the race is too close to call. In the attorney general race, Republican Brad Schimel and Democrat Susan Happ each received 42 percent support from the likely voters polled, while 16 percent said they are undecided. Both candidates received 39 percent of registered voters’ support, and 19 percent said they

poll page 3

Obama to endorse gubernatorial candidate Mary Burke in Milwaukee President Barack Obama is scheduled to visit Milwaukee the week before the Nov. 4 elections to support gubernatorial candidate Mary Burke, according to the Associated Press. The campaign stop is part of a seven-state tour by the President to support Democratic candidates for governor. This includes a four-state stretch during the final week of campaigning in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Maine and Wisconsin, all of which have a competitive gubernatorial election. High-profile political figures

have endorsed both gubernatorial candidates, including two visits by First Lady Michelle Obama for Burke’s campaign in Milwaukee and Madison. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie made an appearance with Gov. Walker in Hudson. The latest Marquette University Law School poll found that, among likely voters, Walker and Burke are tied at 47 percent, with a margin of error of 3.2 percentage points. Four percent of likely voters remain undecided. No specific time or place for the president’s visit has been announced.

Thong cape scooter man speaks +NEWS, page 2

“…the great state University of Wisconsin should ever encourage that continual and fearless sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found.”

news 2

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

The story of Thong Cape Scooter Man

An independent student newspaper, serving the University of Wisconsin-Madison community since 1892

Love him or hate him, call him a hero or call him weird, he’ll keep riding

Volume 124, Issue 25

2142 Vilas Communication Hall 821 University Avenue Madison, Wis., 53706-1497 (608) 262-8000 • fax (608) 262-8100

By Kayla Schmidt THE DAILY CARDINAL

News and Editorial edit@dailycardinal.com

Editor-in-Chief Jack Casey

Managing Editor Jonah Beleckis

News Team News Manager Sam Cusick Campus Editor Adelina Yankova College Editor Emily Gerber City Editors Irene Burski, Patricia Johnson State Editor Eoin Cottrell Associate News Editor Dana Kampa Features Editor Melissa Howison Opinion Editors Ryan Bullen • Cullen Voss Editorial Board Chair Haley Henschel Arts Editors Cheyenne Langkamp • Sean Reichard Sports Editors Jack Baer • Jim Dayton Almanac Editors Andy Holsteen • Kane Kaiman Photo Editors Emily Buck • Thomas Yonash Assistant Photo Editor Will Chizek Graphics Editor Cameron Graff Multimedia Editor Alana Katz Science Editor Danielle Smith Life & Style Editor Claire Satterfield Special Pages Editor Haley Henschel Copy Chiefs Kara Evenson • Justine Jones Jessie Rodgers • Paige Villiard Copy Editors Theda Berry • Megan Grove Ellisa Kosadi Social Media Manager Rachel Wanat

Business and Advertising business@dailycardinal.com Business Manager Brett Bachman Accounting Manager Tyler Reindl Advertising Manager Jordan Laeyendecker Assistant Advertising Manager Corissa Pennow Marketing Director Tim Smoot

The Daily Cardinal is a nonprofit organization run by its staff members and elected editors. It receives no funds from the university. Operating revenue is generated from advertising and subscription sales. The Daily Cardinal is published weekdays and distributed at the University of WisconsinMadison and its surrounding community with a circulation of 10,000. Capital Newspapers, Inc. is the Cardinal’s printer. The Daily Cardinal is printed on recycled paper. The Cardinal is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press and the Wisconsin Newspaper Association. All copy, photographs and graphics appearing in The Daily Cardinal are the sole property of the Cardinal and may not be reproduced without written permission of the editor in chief. The Daily Cardinal accepts advertising representing a wide range of views. This acceptance does not imply agreement with the views expressed. The Cardinal reserves the right to reject advertisements judged offensive based on imagery, wording or both. Complaints: News and editorial complaints should be presented to the editor in chief. Business and advertising complaints should be presented to the business manager. Letters Policy: Letters must be word processed and must include contact information. No anonymous letters will be printed. All letters to the editor will be printed at the discretion of The Daily Cardinal. Letters may be sent to opinion@ dailycardinal.com.

Editorial Board Jack Casey • Jonah Beleckis Ryan Bullen • Cullen Voss Haley Henschel • Michael Penn Kayla Schmidt

Board of Directors Herman Baumann, President Jack Casey • Jonah Beleckis Jennifer Sereno • Stephen DiTullio Brett Bachman • Janet Larson Don Miner • Phil Brinkman Jason Stein • Nancy Sandy Jordan Laeyendecker• Tim Smoot Tina Zavoral

For the record Corrections or clarifications? Call The Daily Cardinal office at 608-262-8000 or send an email to edit@dailycardinal.com.

dailycardinal.com

To some, he is a middle-aged naked guy riding around on a motorized scooter wearing nothing but a thong and a cape, shocking the town and scaring children. To most Madisonians, however, he is a caped crusader, a naked knight, a scantily clad star. He is Thong Cape Scooter Man. Fifty-seven-year-old Bryan, who requested to withhold his last name for privacy purposes, has a very unique hobby. While some would rather spend a Saturday afternoon tailgating a Badger game, Bryan enjoys donning one of his 22 custom-made capes and a barely noticeable thong to ride through Madison on his scooter for your viewing pleasure, or displeasure. “A handful of people hate me out there,” Bryan said. “What would I say to them? Smile. Lighten up. If you don’t want to see me just look the other way. I’m quiet.” His silence is no accident, as one of Bryan’s biggest pet peeves is loud noise. Part of the reason why he rides around half naked on a scooter is to protest loud noise. “There are people with loud motorcycles,” Bryan said. “People with radios on loud. I’m quiet. You could be standing on the sidewalk talking to someone and I could ride by and you’ll never even notice it was me … The way I kind of look at it is, if you were sitting in your backyard, and your neighbor next door was naked, and the neighbor on the other side was blaring music, who would you rather have next door?” To a few, this question is a reality. Bryan explains his neighbor’s thoughts on living next to a guy regularly seen pulling out of his driveway in next to no clothing. “The guy that lives across the street from me, he’ll give me a solidarity sign when I go out,” Bryan said. “His wife thinks I’m nuts. A neighbor kid lives next door to me and he’s 17. His uncle lives behind me and he was telling his uncle ‘that’s my hero!’” Bryan planned the rides, even bought his first moped; he just needed a naked-looking bike, which he found in a Honda Ruckus. It was Thong Cape Scooter Man’s first form of transportation. “You could see through the seat, it was just bare bones,” Bryan said. “No storage, nothing. Just a frame and a motor. I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be neat to ride a naked-looking bike, naked?’” Thus, Thong Cape Scooter Man was born. His first ride occurred on Saint Patrick’s Day of 2012, a very hot year that saw Bryan in a fuzzy green hat and green shamrock cape. It was Easter weekend when Bryan wore a loin cloth and crown of thorns that he was pulled over for the first time. “The cop asked me ‘why are you doing this?’ so I said to him, ‘Jesus died on Good Friday and he rose on Easter Sunday,” Bryan

GRAPHIC BY CAMERON GRAFF

said. “And this was on a Saturday, and I said to the cop that no one really knows what happened on Saturday, so my guess is if Jesus had a scooter he’d be out on a scooter. And the cop wanted to laugh; you could see him starting to smile.” According to Bryan, many Madison police officers love Thong Cape Scooter Man. They’ll smile, wave and talk to him. But a handful of officers don’t like him. One negative run-in with authorities occurred during a Badger football game when Bryan was stopped in traffic on busy Lake Street and approached by a policeman. “He gets out of his car and walks up to me and says ‘I’m not amused. I want you out of here,’” Bryan said. “I wish I would’ve gotten his name; I should’ve written something to the city. Are we paying our cops to be amused? Or are we paying them to do a job? I was pissed.” It started out as a little protest. Bryan participated in the first World Naked Bike Ride in Madison in 2010 and saw about 10 people receive citations for disorderly conduct, which turned into about a year-long court proceeding. Eventually the charges were dropped.

“I don’t think I got on my scooter this year with clothes on.” Bryan thong cape scooter man

“The city told them ‘if you agree to not sue us, we will drop the charges,’” Bryan said. “Personally I don’t think they should have dropped. They should have sued the city. It

pissed me off when they did that.” So along with sweet silence and body acceptance, Bryan mainly rides because people get distressed over nudity.

“He knows I’m weird though. All my friends think I’m weird.” Bryan thong cape scooter man

“There are a lot of people that get upset because they think you’re naked,” he said. “You’re not even naked, but they think you are. So they’re upset.” The thought of ditching his thong has crossed Bryan’s mind, and he is even confident he could go to court and win his case. But there’s a reason why he continues to keep his private parts private. “I do believe what would happen though is they would pass an ordinance saying you can’t be nude,” Bryan said. “And that would ruin it for the naked bike ride and a lot of different things. So I don’t want to push that.” Bryan encourages anyone wanting to ride with him to message him on Facebook at his Maddogbry account. You can wear a helmet to remain unidentified, but Bryan generally enjoys extreme outfits to match his own. “I think it would be better to wear either nothing, next to nothing or overdress,” he said. “Prom dress, wedding gown, whatever. The two extremes I think look better than average.” When Bryan isn’t riding around Madison for naked rights, he’s working fulltime Monday through Thursday at a job he has

asked to remain private. He has a son and daughter in their latetwenties, early thirties, both of whom he believes do not know of his secret identity, although many of his friends and his girlfriend are aware of his unique hobby. “If my son knows, he’s never let on that he does know,” Bryan said. “He knows I’m weird though. All my friends think I’m weird.” Weird hobbies aside, Bryan also enjoys photography (nude models, of course), fishing and kayaking in his aptly named boat “Naked 4 Beer.” Although now, he spends much more time on his scooter than he used to spend on the water, because he simply enjoys riding so much. He completes around 2,500 miles a year on his rides, which include his first moped, a scooter and his “Spyder,” a massive three-wheeled bike bought for his eventual retirement and its simple and safe driving abilities. “I don’t think I got on my scooter this year with clothes on. The Spyder, I might have put 50 miles with clothes on,” Bryan said. “I don’t find much enjoyment in riding a bike of any sort with clothes on.” Along with human passengers, Thong Cape Scooter Man has been riding around town with a large gorilla hanging onto him, whose identity remains unknown. And the explanation for the primate passenger is probably not what you expected. “There’s a sort of air bubble on the Spyder because of the windshield,” Bryan said. “I did do two rides on it with a cape. But that doesn’t work because the cape likes to wrap around like a bib. So that’s why I got the monkey, I needed an extra element.” Because riding around in a thong just isn’t enough.

news dailycardinal.com

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014 3 l

New funding to aid STEM program, graduation rates

GREY SATTERFIELD/CARDINAL FILE PHOTO

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services provided heating and energy assistance funds for low-income households.

Sen. Baldwin announces $93 million home heating award U.S. Sen. Tammy Baldwin, D-Wis., announced Wednesday Wisconsin received $92.9 million in heating and home energy assistance funds in a proactive movement to help low-income households this winter. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services provided the funds to the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program to help those who cannot afford to heat their homes in the winter, according to a press release. In a letter to the department, Baldwin and 46 senators requested

A Madison organization announced Tuesday it will provide $7.2 million of support for UW-Madison science, technology, engineering and math programs, according to a university press release. The Great Lakes Higher Education Corporation and Affiliates, based in Madison, will grant $3.2 million to the Center for the Integration of Research, Teaching and Learning and another $4 million to the Wisconsin HOPE Lab, according to the release. The U.S. Department of Commerce said jobs in the STEM industry are projected to grow 1.7 times faster than jobs in

any other field. While this would offer additional employment opportunities to college graduates, the release reveals less than 40 percent of students across the U.S. who enter college pursuing a STEM major actually graduate with a STEM degree. “Sadly, often ineffective teaching is the main reason talented students leave STEM majors,” UW-Madison astronomy professor Robert D. Mathieu said in the release. GLHECA’s $3.2 million grant to the center will go to STEM faculty training. Staff will work to develop new teaching strategies, techniques for interactive learning,

team-building skills and methods of tracking student progress. Mathieu said in the release most new STEM faculty devote their graduate training to research rather than teaching. However, the training can target future STEM faculty to change this, according to the report. The remaining $4 million of Great Lakes support will go to hundreds of students across Wisconsin colleges, as part of an experiment conducted by the Wisconsin HOPE Lab. Funding from the Madison Great Lakes will go into effect this fall and continue into spring of 2017. —Nicole Hurley

the timely release of LIHEAP funds. “This funding has been … helping to ensure that recipients do not have to choose between paying their energy bills and paying for other necessities like food or medicine,” the senators wrote in the letter. The funds will help to make sure people can afford resources like propane this year. Last January’s severe weather caused a propane shortage, raising the price of propane to a record high of more than $4 per gallon, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration’s website.

Leading advocate for gender equality in technology sector to speak on campus Sheryl Sandberg may have coined the term “Lean In,” but Maria Klawe is here to teach you how to do it. Klawe, the president of Harvey Mudd College, will speak on campus Friday to advocate for the inclusion of more women and the eradication of gender discrimination in the fields of science, technology, engineering and mathematics. She recently made headlines after challenging Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella for advising women not to ask for salary rais-

es, due to the ungrateful attitude he said doing so projects. According to the Silicon Valley Index, men with bachelor’s degrees currently earn 40 percent more than comparably educated women in technology careers, a pay gap that jumps to 73 percent between men and women with graduate or professional degrees. Klawe educates women on how to effectively fight these inequalities. She is scheduled to give a free, public lecture in the Union South Marquee at 3:00 p.m. Friday.

UW Provost offers precautions for travel to areas affected by Ebola In light of the recent global Ebola outbreak, the UW-Madison Office of the Provost released a statement Wednesday announcing that students planning on traveling to affected areas must take certain precautions before making their trip. While Ebola poses little risk in the U.S. and the occurrence of an outbreak at UW-Madison is highly unlikely, students must take safety measures if they travel to or from afflicted regions of the world. Students who plan to visit Sierra Leone, Liberia or Guinea

will be required to meet with the University International Safety and Security Director Ron Machoian to discuss travel plans and university requirements. The Democratic Republic of the Congo is also under travel alert. Additionally, any students or faculty travelling to the U.S. from West Africa must visit University Health Services for screening and health monitoring before returning to work or school. Any departments hosting visitors from West Africa must also consult UHS.

budget from page 1

campaign ended Wednesday with ASM having registered approximately 2,800 students to vote in the midterm elections. Gierok said ASM will continue to educate students before the election. “Helping people to register honestly I think is one of the best services we can provide,” Gierok said.

Green Fund, but she said she does not want to completely give up on it. Legislative Affairs Committee Chair Tom Gierok also proposed a vote coordinator position to help organize future voting campaigns. The ASM voter registration

ELVEHJEM BUILDING

UW Alumni Guest Lecture

UW-Madison alumni Michael Lesy lectured at the Conrad A. Elvehjem Building Wednesday to kick off the Society for Photographic Education’s 2014 Midwest Region Conference . Lesy is an author and Professor of Literary Journalism at Hampshire College. + Photo by Thomas Yonash

Absentee in-person voting for fall election opens Monday Th e G ove r n m e nt Accountability Board released a statement Wednesday reminding Wisconsinites that early in-person voting for the Nov. 4 general elections starts Monday. Early in-person voting is scheduled to run every weekday for two weeks before the election, and ballots are available in municipal clerk offices through-

poll from page 1 were undecided. Happ’s campaign manager Josh Lease said in a release the campaign has always expected the race to be close. “Fortunately, Susan Happ has a proven track record of bringing people together and is the only candidate in the race with a record of earning votes from across the political spectrum,” Lease wrote. Campaign spokesperson Johnny Koremenos said in a

out the state. Voters must register in the clerk’s office before voting but may vote immediately after registering. Following the U.S. Supreme Court’s Oct. 9 ruling, voters do not need an ID to cast a ballot in the November elections. Maribeth Witzel-Behl is the city clerk for Madison. Her office is located in the Cityrelease Schimel is “not hiding.” “As this race continues to come into focus, we’re confident voters are making the determination that Brad Schimel is … their choice to be the state’s top cop,” Koremenos wrote in the release. Sixty-eight percent of polled likely voters interviewed Friday through Saturday correctly said an ID is not required to vote, and 67 percent said they knew of the Supreme Court’s order to halt the voter ID law.

County Building, Room 103, at 210 Martin Luther King Jr Blvd., and it is open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Further information on early voting can be found on the Government Accountability Board’s website and Madison Municipal Clerk’s website. Early in-person voting ends Oct. 31.

Freshman Reps The New Freshman Student Council Representatives were elected Wednesday. Those elected in order of vote count were: Ariela Rivkin August McGinnity-Wake James LaPierre Lauren Brinkman Voter turnout was 25 percent.

arts Timeflies delight the Orpheum Theater l

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

By Owen Desai The Daily Cardinal

This past Monday, amongst the long hours of studying for midterms, a vivacious and spirited concert took place at the Orpheum. Students and locals alike made their way down State Street to see Timeflies perform. Despite the pouring rain, this concert continued to fill up with devotees by the minute. With the scent of fresh rainfall around me, I was ready for the concert to begin.

I walked out among the masses into the deserted streets of Madison with Timeflies lyrics still ringing in my ears.

Right at 7:30 p.m., Down With Webster opened the evening with their set. Now, while I had never even heard of Webster before this evening and I didn’t know any of their lyrics, they brought the perfect amount of energy to hype up the crowd and I was 100 percent engaged. Their time on stage lasted for a shorter time than I expected, playing only three or four songs and then quickly exiting. Unfortunately, of the songs they played, most of them all sounded the same. The heavy bass and continuous chanting of the same lyrics seemed to drag on, but overall they were a great opener. The 15 minutes between each performance was filled with more and more people filling up the floor space, girls lining the upper deck seats and basketball players arriving in the box seats. Kap Slap, a DJ from New York,

was next and exceeded my expectations. His original remixes and inclusion of popular hits from earlier this year and past years made his show feel semi nostalgic. While I did really like it, this part became a bit less enjoyable as Kap Slap seemed to go on for an extremely long time plus the floor space was becoming even more crowded. When Timeflies finally came out onto the stage, I was feeling a bit tired, considering we had just danced and sang for almost two hours. But, my feeling of exhaustion was soon eliminated. The entire theater immediately became pitch black and a phenomenal light show began. I had never attended a Timeflies concert before and I was impressed the entire time, my jaw continuously dropping. Beginning with a combination of lights and fast remixes of some of the current Top 40 songs, everyone was oozing with anticipation and excitement. Running onto stage, Cal Shapiro began with their hit “I Choose You.” The crowd was singing along to every lyric, jumping up and down and taking pictures and Snapchat videos the entire time. They continued for a few more songs before Shapiro spoke directly to the crowd. For the duration of the concert, he expressed over and over his love and appreciation for the city of Madison. Shapiro then performed a live version of “Timeflies Tuesday,” in which he took topic suggestions that people had submitted before the show and incorporated those phrases into a freestyle rap. I was absolutely amazed. I had no idea how talented of a rapper he was and all of the lyrics he came up with were extremely impressive. The crowd went wild when he

dailycardinal.com

Niamh Rahman/the daily cardinal

A music duo who started in Boston, Timeflies brought an astounding amout of energy to the crowd, perfectly melding the onstage charisma and brio of Rod “Rez” Resnick and Cal Shapiro. mentioned Camp Randall, Jump Around and Melvin Gordon.

I had never attended a Timeflies concert before and I was impressed the entire time, my jaw continuously dropping.

During the concert, Timeflies continued to refer to how they got their start and thanked everyone who had supported them since the beginning. Once the freestyle rapping ended, Rob “Rez” Resnick took out a gui-

tar and they began performing acoustic covers, which made the crowd erupt. They picked a variety of genres, which helped tremendously because every single person in the audience sang along to at least one, if not all, of their songs. Towards the end of the concert I was shocked over an hour had already passed since they began their set. Timeflies performed Monsters, asking everyone to take out their phone’s flashlights and sway along to the song. And finally they sang another one of their hits, “All The Way,” to end their concert. Or so we thought. After chanting for an encore, Shapiro came back

onto stage and performed not only one, but two more songs, videotaping the entire thing to be part of “Timeflies Tuesday” for this week. I hadn’t been to a live concert in such a long time and this was a perfect way to get back into them. Timeflies brought an intense amount of joy and happiness to the show. The concert ended on a high note, with people jumping and singing along to every last word of the night, hopping onto their friend’s shoulders, trying to go all out for the very last song. I walked out among the masses into the deserted streets of Madison with Timeflies lyrics still ringing in my ears.

Gay audiences are interested in more than eye candy Conor Murphy Murphy’s laws

f I see another article in a publication oriented towards gay men proclaiming how hot Nick Jonas is, I might scream. I get it, he’s packed on some muscle mass since the last time he was relevant—and it’s always nice to have eye candy—but his recent appearances at gay clubs in New York seem a little disingenuous. Jonas has a self-titled album coming out soon, and because the rise of One Direction and Justin Bieber has diminished his influence in the lucrative teen girl market, he needs to find a new group to promote his material. It looks like he’s found his audience: gay men. His marketing team must be having a gay old time, if you’ll forgive the pun, because it’s a little too coincidental that Jonas has started popping up at gay clubs to take his shirt off, stripping down and emulating Mark Wahlberg for a photoshoot and tweeting “I love my gay fans,” around the release of the new album’s second single, “Jealous.” As a slight cynic, this doesn’t feel like a genu-

ine way to attract fans—it feels like a marketing ploy. Jonas isn’t the only high-profile act that capitalizes on the seemingly untapped mainstream market of gay men. The MTV show “Teen Wolf ” has been working its werewolf-fueled magic in queer baiting since the show premiered in 2011.

I love seeing a hot guy as much as the next gay man, but I’m not an idiot.

Creator and head writer Jeff Davis, a gay man, spun the show in a 2012 interview with AfterElton as a “Utopia ... a world where there’s no racism, there’s no sexism, there’s no homophobia.” I’d love to watch a show where that’s the truth, but after watching all four seasons of “Teen Wolf,” that’s far from the truth. Take the openly queer characters in the show. Introduced in the first season, Danny Mahealani is gay, a computer genius and lacrosse goalie, which the main

characters happily accept. Unfortunately, Mahealani has been relegated to a side character, popping up when the characters go to a local gay club, or to serve as the boyfriend to a character introduced in Season Three. Instead of characterizing a queer character and bringing him into the fold of the supernatural world of the show, Davis and the other writers crafted titillating scenes of showing off the well-developed bodies of the show’s main werewolves to attract and retain viewers. It seems as if Davis checked off the box of having a queer character somewhere in his show’s canon, and moved onto showing off the new eye candy for that season. Davis is the king of teasers, stating in interviews before Season Three that he’s trying to work in a transgender character, and if he stuck around for Season Four, he’d introduce a lesbian werewolf. Season Four has come and gone, and there’s no lesbian werewolf. Also, spoiler alert, Danny was nowhere to be found in season four. Instead of completing his promise, fans got a slew of new characters, including a black, gay freshman student named Mason, who is a friend of one

of the new main characters, Liam. Davis’ supporters pointed to Mason to try and show that Davis is being more inclusive, but Mason was featured only as an assistant to Liam’s transition into his werewolf life, and received a backstory about as flimsy as tissue paper.

As a slight cynic, this doesn’t feel like a genuine way to attract fans—it feels like a marketing ploy.

Davis may think that in his world tolerance is the word of law, but his propensity to showing off abs versus queer characters goes against his claims. He can pull in gay fans through statements of having queer characters, but if we as gay men can look past the flurry of shirtless men, it’s clear that Davis is being disingenuous to a community of which he’s a member. The division between pandering and marketing is a fine line on which to teeter. Jonas may genuinely enjoy and respect the

attention from gay men, and he came out in 2012 in support of marriage equality. Davis, as well, may actually be trying to create a world in which sexuality isn’t a taboo, and his inclusivity waxes and wanes with each season and he may hit his stride next season, or the season after that. Until I can see some hard evidence that Jonas is trying to connect with gay men through other ways besides our bodyconscious, eye-candy-seeking needs, or that he’s gay himself, I’m going to chalk up his pandering to an odd marketing scheme. As for Davis, he’s a lost cause, seeing as he’ll continue to tease about the role of queer characters in his show and simply use attractive men to retain gay male viewers, which is extremely disappointing. I love seeing a hot guy as much as the next gay man, but I’m not an idiot. Dangling an attractive man in front of my face doesn’t make me stop and question what he’s doing, especially when that man has a single or new show to promote. If you have questions, or would like to change my mind on something I’ve discussed, please feel free to email me at cmurphy5@wisc.edu.

dailycardinal.com

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

arts

Justin Boreta discusses integrity of The Glitch Mob By Robert Vanderwist The Daily Cardinal

The city of Madison and the community of music fans within it have attracted a wide variety of electronic musicians this fall, on stages both big and small. From the Orpheum to Segredo, from trance to trap, Madison loves to revel and dance amidst electric vibes. Yet, some performers stand out from the rest, shattering the mold of dance music in favor of a more creative and expressive concert experience.

“We pay for everything ourselves.”

Justin Boreta one third The Glitch Mob

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about artists making new steps to distance themselves from the culture of big room EDM that nurtured their rise to popularity. Meanwhile, The Glitch Mob, who will be gracing the Orpheum stage this Sunday, has been breaking that mold since their formation almost a decade ago. This week I spoke with Justin Boreta, one of three musicians who make up The Glitch Mob, about their ongoing mission to bring their vision to life. The band’s latest album, Love Death Immortality , dropped earlier this year. According to Boreta, the album’s title describes the feelings that the album is meant to evoke in the listener. “It’s a very epic feeling and it has elements of life, love, death,” he said in a phone interview. “Things that bring us all together.” Beginning with their 2010 debut album Drink the Sea, The Glitch Mob made waves in the electronic scene. Ripe with melody and emotion, their unique sound set them apart from the

sudden explosion of dubstep in the U.S., which blew over from the European electronic scene and quickly snowballed into a culture that catered to fist-bumping partiers everywhere. But even in the midst of a music scene fixed on constant new releases, remixes and singles, The Glitch Mob took a step back from the limelight for a couple of years to create Love Death Immortality. “The current climate is based around constantly releasing and staying in the public eye. I think the reason is that everything moves so fast—on the Internet, and in life in general,” Boreta said. “We believe in the power of people sitting down and putting an album on in the car or hearing the full story of the album at a concert. That’s what we did it for, that’s bigger than everything else. “We wanted to take the whole live show to another level,” Boreto said. “For us, touring and our live show is the pinnacle of all of this.” The production of live shows is important to most electronic performers, but Boreta maintains that to The Glitch Mob, the live show is everything. “We really wanted to put on a crazy live show that has full, powerful, high energy dance music but also has the heartfelt cinematic storytelling that we discovered when we were writing Drink the Sea,” Boreta said. However, what really sets The Glitch Mob’s live shows apart is the “D.I.Y.,” hands-on approach that has been important to the band throughout their career. Their new live setup, called “The Blade,” is literally one-of-a-kind, complete with custom electronic instruments designed by the band. “The whole stage setup was all custom built. In the past we had always built our whole live show ourselves. We went to Home Depot to figure out all the lighting ourselves. Now we work with people, but it’s all very hands-on,”

Neil Krug/the windish agency

Justin Boreta (pictured in the center) spoke about a variety of topics, ranging from life on the road to their D.I.Y. light show. Boreta explained to me. “All of the iPads are jailbroken, and we write and operate a lot of custom software. There’s really no other way to play it. We want to play music a certain way and there’s nothing [commercially available] that can do it. It’s out of necessity that we push the technology to do things that it hasn’t done before.” The Glitch Mob have brought their music to life on festival stages around the world in addition to their own headline tours. These live settings, while vastly different from each other, are both important to the band. “The festivals are amazing because the show there gets to be as big as humanly possible. But the festivals set a very quick ‘inand-out,’” Boreta noted, before explaining what makes the band’s headline tours special. “At a headline show, we get to go deeper and the set is more varied. We get to take everyone on a journey with us in an intimate setting. It’s two pieces for

us, ying and yang.” A increasing number of musicians have recently publicly expressed a newfound distaste for the culture of “big room” dance music, a culture that is still growing rapidly in the American mainstream.

“We went to Home Depot to figure out all the lighting ourselves.” Justin Boreta one third The Glitch Mob

“It’s funny because we are actually off in the corner as far as the acts that play at the big electronic festivals,” Boreta said about The Glitch Mob’s place in the scene. “We’re definitely the weirdos, just by the nature of what we do.” Although The Glitch Mob has always been worlds away

from the dance music and “music for DJs” that saturates the current scene, Boreta commented on the issue in a refreshingly rational light. “The interesting thing about having a saturated market is that at the same time that there is a lot of incredibly homogeneous, boring music happening right now that sounds all the same, there’s actually some insanely creative, cool music right now,” he posited, as we spiraled off-topic to discuss great new releases from artists like Caribou, Flying Lotus and Hudson Mohawke. “The really creative stuff boils to the surface, while the music that’s just meant for partying in the moment will not be remembered in a couple years.” Simply put, what The Glitch Mob brings to the table is an honest and expressive listening experience, both at their live shows and on the album. Even more impressive is that they have achieved this entirely on their own terms, as the band has released all of their music on their own record label. “We’ve been independent since day one,” Boreta said. “On a major label you get this huge bank and this huge distribution. We pay for everything ourselves.” Despite the attractive benefit of signing to a major label, operating on their own terms was pivotal to the band in bringing their creative vision to life. This Sunday, the Orpheum Theater will be host to the culmination of almost a decade of unabridged creativity. “We get to have our music and our live show come to the world exactly how we want. There’s no one telling us how people are going to hear the music,” Boreta said. What will make this weekend special is the honest expression and emotion that The Glitch Mob delivers, directly from their own minds to our ears. “That’s most important to us,” Boreta concluded. “We would choose that over having a fat paycheck any day.”

Madison Comedy Festival set to showcase veritable comedy superstars By Samuel Johnson The Daily Cardinal

This week Madison has the privilege of showcasing some of the country’s best active comedians for the new and annual Comedy Festival. Before you scramble to buy tickets to each show or even snag one of the prized VIP packages that includes tickets to each show, VIP access to a Saturday night after party, front-of-the-line access and a swag bag full of awesome gifts, take a moment to get to know these hilarious performers. Nick Offerman Widely referred to as “Ron Swanson,” Nick Offerman is a trained theater actor and genuinely hilarious man. His break into the limelight as Swanson on “Parks and Recreation” catapulted him into pop culture history as the sweetest man’s man. His stand up usually consists of a swirl of musical comedy and fascinating anecdotes. Offerman utilizes the one-man format to explore comedic voices not seen on his televi-

sion and film characters. Topics range from oral sex advice to tips on woodworking. Audience members can expect an engaging, hilarious and emotionally satisfying performance Offerman, that burly sweetheart.

Hodgman has been known to develop an act in which he puts on a hideous 1950s dress and imitates writer Ayn Rand.

Pete Holmes Pete Holmes is a comedy legend, appearing on almost all late night shows and even hosting his own after “Conan,” “The Pete Holmes Show.” His unique voice landed him the spot as the famous E-Trade Baby. Holmes tours the nation frequently, performing stand up and recording his partcomedy, part-philosophical podcast “You Made It Weird.” At the

Madison Comedy Festival, Holmes will be performing stand-up on October 16 and recording his podcast Friday evening. The charming and warming vibe Pete Holmes exudes during his performances make for an interactive, communal feeling throughout the audience. Chris D’Elia Chris D’Elia has been performing stand-up in the Los Angeles area for over eight years, forming a strong following that led to him premiering on Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” and “Comedy Central Presents.” His latest hour-long special, “White Male Black Comic,” has earned him national recognition and a nearly sold-out tour. D’Elia was featured on “Workaholics” as the fan favorite cool-guy-pedophile Topher. Part of the reason why D’Elia’s stand up stands out is his ability to spend a good portion of his set working the crowd and riffing on the spot. Few comics can rely on improvised material as well as D’Elia does, which makes him a performer you’ll want to see while

he’s in town.

Topics range from oral sex advice to tips on woodworking.

John Hodgman “The Daily Show” correspondent and comedic genius, Hodgman perfectly embodies the socially aware and culturally rich attitude seen in such icons as John Oliver and Louis C.K. Hodgman first received national attention as the “PC” in Apple’s PC vs. Mac commercials. His stand up consists of satirical commentary on current events, as well as audience interactions sometimes involving bringing people onstage to further joke premises. Hodgman has been known to develop an

act in which he puts on a hideous 1950s dress and imitates writer Ayn Rand. This weekend he will contrast the styling of his fellow comics with a more intellectual and mature show packed with witty commentary on the state of the world. Margaret Cho A true comedienne legend, Margaret Cho has been doing comedy for over 20 years, opening for Jerry Seinfeld and Bob Hope before headlining her own shows. Beyond stand up she has acted in film and TV, appearing in the Nicolas Cage classic “Face/ Off,” and guest starring in episodes of “Sex and the City” and “30 Rock,” as well as starring in her own sitcom “All-American Girl.” Cho’s comedy usually centers on themes such as the LGBT community and her Korean heritage. Her longstanding career as a performer has garnered her respect in all comedy communities, and her performance this week will be one not to miss.

comics

They own a key to Madison, you know: Seminal American rock group Wilco are celebrating their 20th year as a band this year.

6 • Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

Today’s Sudoku

Dear Catastrophe Waitress

dailycardinal.com

Choose Wisely

By Kristina Kusel kusel@wisc.edu

Solution, tips and computer program available at www.sudoku.com.

Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9.

Pardon Me

By Kayla Schmidt kschmidt@wisc.edu

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

E.V.I.L.

ACROSS 1 Plane measure 5 “___ and Sensibility” 10 Letts live here 14 Mosaic piece 15 Filtered letter 16 Eurasia’s ___ Mountains 17 The coping limit 20 Agent’s 15 percent, e.g. 21 Sign to be interpreted 22 Beach mounds 23 Get via trickery 25 Cage for chicks 27 Early man? 28 Most raspy, as a voice 32 Cosmetic additive 35 Apt rhyme for “stash” 36 Seven, on some clocks 37 “Cool it!” 41 Preschooler 42 Fencing blades 43 One teaching econ or psych, e.g. 44 Subjects of some alerts 46 Relative of an ostrich 48 Make the cut?

49 Ivories tickler 53 Heavy, plus 56 “Sex and the ___” 57 Without precedent 58 Lose one’s cool 62 Fill with gas 63 Prepare for winter takeoff 64 It may be on your side 65 Dried up 66 Make changes to 67 Brewski topper DOWN 1 Office workers, collectively 2 Mushroom caps 3 Microsoft co-founder 4 “Natal” lead-in 5 Of pleasing appearance 6 Speaker between speeches 7 Indian flatbread 8 Covetousness, for one 9 Shade tree 10 Increases, as a bill 11 Kurdistan locale 12 Plum variety 13 Brown brews 18 Canceled, to NASA 19 Fan-club member, essentially

4 Aid an arsonist, e.g. 2 25 Chanel and O’Brien 26 Island near Kauai 28 Garfield’s predecessor 29 “Thanks ___ so much” 30 Missile “house” 31 Little quarrel 32 Play things 33 Belt feature 34 Not fooled by 35 Shop assistant 38 Type of pitcher 39 Crude bunch? 40 Made, as cotton candy 45 Dr. Scholl’s purchase 46 “I don’t care which” 47 Poet Angelou 49 Fragment 50 Low-budget film, often 51 Historic Alabama city 52 Jacket material 53 Does in, in mob slang 54 “NYPD ____” 55 Ogler 56 Bill in a restaurant 59 Vitamin-regulating agcy. 60 ___ Aviv 61 Degree in math?

Afterschool Programs: Expanding Learning Opportunities, Reducing Achievement Gaps Deborah Lowe Vandell, Dean of the University of California-Irvine School of Education

Monday, October 20, 2014 | 8-9 pm Monona Terrace Hall of Ideas, 1 John Nolen Drive, Madison, WI Hear Dr. Deborah Vandell, internationally recognized scholar and former UW-Madison professor, share new research showing links between elementary afterschool activities and narrowing the math achievement gap. Dr. Vandell returns to Madison to help WCER celebrate 50 years of advancing education policy and practice across our state, nation and world. See our full daytime program of guest and local speakers at: 50years.wceruw.org.

Celebrating 50 Years Leading the Way in Education Research 1968-2014

fall guide

dailycardinal.com

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014 • 7

GRAPHICS BY CAMERON GRAFF

PUMPKIN PATCHES & APPLE ORCHARDS Eplegaarden Eplegaarden serves up a tiny slice of Norwegian culture alongside delicious apples and scrumptious pumpkins. It’s family-owned and friendly and guaranteed to make you feel like a kid again. Hours: Tuesday through Saturday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sundays 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. in October; Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday 9 a.m. to noon in November Location: 2227 Fitchburg Rd., Fitchburg Schuster’s Farm It’s difficult, if not impossible, to get bored at Schuster’s Farm—when you’ve picked out a pumpkin, do some gemstone mining, go for a spin on a hay ride and get lost in their ornate corn maze (this year, it’s carved into the shape of a plane to commemorate the Badger Honor Flight). If you’re down for a fright, take a stroll through Schuster’s Haunted Forest. Hours: Monday through Thursday 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Friday 9 a.m. to 10 p.m., Saturday 10 a.m. to 10 p.m., Sunday 10 a.m. to 6

p.m. through Nov. 1 Prices: $3 per person for “barnyard fun” on weekdays, $9 per person for farm entry and other “farmtractions” on weekends, $6 per person for only maze entry, $15 per person for Haunted Forest entry Location: 1326 Hwy. 12 & 18, Deerfield Treinen Farm Though it’s known as the home of Wisconsin’s largest corn maze—this year, it’s carved in the shape of the owl of Athena—there’s nothing like taking a horse-drawn wagon ride to pick the perfect pumpkin at the award-winnng Treinen Farm. If only Autumn lasted all year ’round. Hours: Friday 3p.m. to 10:30p.m., Saturday 10 a.m. to 10:30p.m., Sunday 10 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. in October Prices: $6-$15.75 per person, depending on how COURTESY THE FITCHBURG CHAMBER VISITOR & BUSINESS BUREAU many activities you choose to include in your visit. Location: W12420 State Rd. 60, Lodi The Norwegian-themed Eplegaarden has plenty of pumpkins to spare.

Haunted Houses & Ghostly Grounds Mad-City Freak Show at Olin Park Mad-City Freak show, a haunted house/carnie-filled nightmare, capitalizes on all of your circus-related phobias. Deathly afraid of clowns? You’ll probably be tempted to pass on this one, but take a chance, you daredevil, you, because it’s all for a good cause—a portion of the proceeds go to local charity The Road Home. Dates: Oct. 17, 18, 24, 25, 30, 31 and Nov. 1 from 7 to 10 p.m. Price: $8 per person Location: Olin Park, 1156 Olin-Turvill Ct. Madison Scare factor: CLOWNS. Need we say more? Screamin’ Acres With three different venues located within its walls—the hotel-themed Last Resort, the gory Slaughter House and the not-FDA-approved Side Effects—Screamin’ Acres is the mother of all COURTESY OF SCREAMIN’ ACRES haunted attractions. If you’re looking for a little liquid courage to help you along the way, Hop Bon appétit—Screamin’ Acres serves up some of the best horror around.

Head Beer Tours organizes a visit to Screamin’ Acres between tours of Tyranena Brewing Co. and the new Viking Brewpub. Dates: Oct. 17, 18, 24, 25, 30, 31 and Nov. 1 from 7 to 11 p.m. Price: $20 per person for a normal pass, $30 per person for a fast pass/line-hopper pass, $70 per person for normal pass and Tyranena Brewing Co./Viking Brewpub tour and samples (must be 21+) Location: 3865 State Hwy. 138, Stoughton Scare factor: Seriously, you’d better bring an extra pair of pants. UW Saddle & Sirloin Haunted House For two nights only, find out what the agricultural side of campus is really like at night. Hint: This ain’t Old McDonald’s farm, kiddos. Dates: Oct. 29 and 30 from 7 to 10 p.m. (Go after 8 p.m. for the lights off) Price: $1 per person or one nonperishable food donation Location: Old Horse Barn, 520 Elm Dr., Madison Scare factor: May make you a lot more wary of cows.

SPOOKY SHINDIGS

FALL FOLIAGE

’80s vs. ’90s: Halloween Costume Ball Majestic Theatre’s retro dance party gets a ghoulish twist. Come as an 80s/90s TV/movie character or music icon to enter the costume contest. Date: Nov. 1 Price: $5 per person (must be 21+) Location: Majestic Theatre, 115 King St., Madison Haunted Hustle Marathon Ghost Tour Break in your costume for Freakfest while strolling or sprinting through a tour of haunted, historical sites. Dates: 5K and 10K at 4:30 p.m. Oct. 25, marathon and half marathon at 8 a.m. and 9 a.m., respectively, on Oct. 26 COURTESY OF HAUNTED HUSTLE MARATHON GHOST TOUR Price: $38-$90 registration fee per person per race Location: Races begin at 8312 Forsythia St., Middleton A few Waldos can usually be found at the Haunted Hustle races.

Arboretum Trolley Tours The University of Wisconsin-Madison campus is always gorgeous, but in the fall it gets truly majestic. For the most detailed, up-close-andpersonal look at the hundreds of shades of yellow, orange and scarlet the trees turn when the weather gets chillier, head to the UW-Madison Arboretum Saturday and hop on a trolley tour. For the low, low price of free, learn about the history and purpose of the grand arboretum. Date: Oct. 19 from 1 to 3 p.m. (tours run at the top of each hour, with the last one leaving at 3 p.m.) Location: 1207 Seminole Hwy., Madison (tours begin and end at the Visitor Center)

Pumpkin spice lattes are overrated. Snag a six-pack of these seasonal brews instead.

Oktoberfest (Capital Brewery)

Punkin Ale (Dogfish Head)

Cinnamon Horchata Ale (Blue Moon)

Staghorn (New Glarus)

Tour de Fall (New Belgium)

Flipside (Sierra Nevada)

Caramel Apple Spiced Ale (Blue Moon)

Pumpkin Lager (Lakefront)

Pumpkin Pie Lust (New Glarus)

Harvest Pumpkin Ale (Samuel Adams)

other news 8

tODAY: partly cloudy hi 61º / lo 50º

Friday: partly cloudy

Saturday: partly cloudy

hi 57º / lo 43º

hi 50º / lo 34º

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

dailycardinal.com

Dyson introduces new line of cutting-edge bidets By Brett Klinkner The Daily Cardinal

Graphic Courtesy of creative commons

Clay Matthews destroyed the illusion that NFL producers were candidly capturing his sideline theatrics when he accidentally stared directly into their cameras.

Clay Matthews reminded not to look directly into camera on sideline By Kane Kaiman The Daily Cardinal

NFL producers attempting to maintain a modicum of theatrical professionalism were forced to remind Clay Matthews not to make direct eye contact with the sideline cameras trained on him for the duration of the Dolphins game Sunday. Cameras panned to a helmet-less Matthews 37 times during the game, mostly before commercial breaks. “We like to get a lot of sideline shots of Clay to build up the storyline of the game,” NFL cinematographer Nick Grover said. “He’s got that signature hair, and he’s learned to convey emotion really well on camera.” But Matthews’ sideline performance was uncharacteristically poor Sunday. On multiple takes, the four-time Pro Bowl linebacker was caught staring directly into the camera. “It was unprofessional,” Veteran NFL cameraman Jacob Weber said. “And I had to remind him to get back into character over and over. He looked more like a rookie than the superstar I’ve worked with for years.” Matthews’ forgot one of the cardinal rules of show business, Grover says. “You never break the fourth wall,” Grover said. “A true performer makes the audience believe the illusion that he doesn’t know the cameras are rolling, even when they’re inches from his face.” Matthews’ on-field performance wasn’t any better. He did not record a single tackle against Miami.

“He’s normally really good for the action scenes,” Grover said. “But on Sunday, he had absolutely no range. He wasn’t the blockbuster action hero, and he wasn’t that dramatic sideline guy we know he can be.”

“You never break the fourth wall.”

Nick Grover cinematographer National Football League

According to Weber, Matthews looked lost. “I had to coach him up the whole game,” Weber said. “He wasn’t running his fingers through his hair enough. And he wasn’t scowling off into the distance the way we’d like him to.” Matthews’ onscreen performance was “passionless,” Weber says. “I tried to pump him up. I got up in his face and told him he was a fearsome warrior, a modern-day gladiator—the usual stuff,” Weber said. “But he just wasn’t responding. In a tight game like that, I shouldn’t have to get Clay motivated.” Matthews capped off his lackluster showing with a disastrous post game press conference in which he completely forgot his lines and resorted to repeating the answers he’d given reporters after last week’s Vikings game.

Want to be your own boss?

Want to make $500 a week or more working from home?

Simply follow The Daily Cardinal on Twitter at @dailycardinal.

You can’t afford not to.

On the heels of the news that they will be releasing their long-developed “robot vacuum cleaner” in the near future, Dyson has announced that they will also be unveiling a line of high-powered, futuristic, commercial bidets. Intended for use in public buildings as well as the privacy of homes, the prototype will be called the Dyson Hyper Butt Suck 3000. It is projected to hit the shelves next summer, when those butts are all hot and sweaty and in dire need of accessible bidets. A representative from the British manufacturing hub known for its cutting-edge cleaning machinery explained that bidet technology, and subsequently fresh buttocks, are largely absent from many cultures. Their company aims to make bidets ubiquitous, while working to produce an undercarriage cleanser—or, “AssBlade,” as it is often referred to around the Dyson offices— that will be the industry standard far into the future. “These lavation stations for the ole brown eye will be one-size-fits-all, with advanced cyclone technology, a V3 digital motor, automated intelligence, carbon fiber, as well as nylon bristles, and a cushion that will mold to any given user’s butt,” Dyson President Joseph Faulk told The Daily Cardinal. “Yep, male or female, skinny or fat, this bidet is at the ready for all of you filthy animals.” The HBS3K will appear like most bidets, only more Dyson-y, and will have a digital monitor for the user to

choose the specific water temperature and which intensity level they would like to engage. Dyson includes a disclaimer that they cannot be held liable for any injuries suffered when activating the most extreme setting, listed on the aforementioned monitor as “Ouchie, Momma!”

“This bidet is at the ready for all of you filthy animals.”

Joseph Faulk president Dyson, Ltd.

Experts implore that, when bideting, the user doesn’t neglect the goochal regions, as this is a full-service, hiney-cleaning technology that should be respected and utilized as such. In a supplementary YouTube video, Dyson offers a visual demonstration of this groundbreaking product, though it contains slow-motion video and graphic images, and we must strongly advise that you deeply consider what you’re signing up for before watching. At press time, a team of Dyson engineers on the dingle-berry defense initiative were brainstorming their next project, a pseudo-bidet that offers a quick and easy buttocks shave, named the Dyson Downstairs Gentleman 720.

Joel Stave earns majority of playing time at quarterback through roshambo dominance By Dylan Anderson The Daily Cardinal

Joel Stave played almost all of the quarterback snaps for the Wisconsin offense Saturday after crushing competitor Tanner McEvoy in a series of rock-paperscissors matches that determined their playing time. After Stave replaced McEvoy partway through the recent loss to Northwestern, head coach Gary Andersen implemented a two quarterback system, in which both signal callers share playing time. However, Anderson was unsure how to decide which quarterback would go out for which drive. “I realized that no competition is more fair than a good ole round of roshambo,” Andersen said. “Seeing these two gunslingers duke it out hand-and-fist on the gridiron allows me to be certain I’m sending the right guy into the huddle.”

“I realized that no competition is more fair than a good ole round of roshambo.”

Gary Andersen head coach Wisconsin Badgers

The first contest was best two-outof-three because it determined the official starter, according to offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach Andy Ludwig. Every other drive was just a classic winner-take-all. “Winning that first battle was huge for my confidence,” redshirt junior Joel Stave said. “I came out with paper right away to win the opening drive and that just kind of set the tone for me all game long.” McEvoy, though disappointed, awarded credit to Stave.

“Joel got me good there. I thought he’d come out aggressive with some scissors, but he went with the softer approach,” McEvoy, also a redshirt junior, told The Daily Cardinal sports desk. “After the opening drive, his tactics really got into my head. You know, it is what it is.”

“I came out with paper right away.”

Joel Stave quarterback Wisconsin Badgers

Though rock-paper-scissors is generally considered to be as fair a game as there is, Stave was able to win all but one of the schoolyard-style drive-preceding competitions. Fans speculated that the more experienced Stave was just being favored by Andersen, however he denied these allegations. “I just trusted my instincts and stuck with my bread and butter. Tanner is just a rock guy,” Stave explained. “Plain and simple. I know it. He knows it. Everybody knows it. ” When asked about the starter for next week’s homecoming game against Maryland, Andersen remained mum. However, players have speculated that a certain dessert may aid Andersen in his decision. “Coach has [running back] Melvin Gordon and [placekicker] Rafael Gaglianone wrastle in some puddin’ after practice every day to decide whether to kick or go for it on fourth-and-shorts,” senior wide-receiver Kenzel Doe said. “I wouldn’t be surprised to see him put the pretty boys in there too.”

opinion Streaming buffers into the future of TV

Elijah gray Opinion Columnist

iven the staggering level of popularity achieved by online streaming sites in recent years and the incredible amount of wide spread praise for these sites’ original content, I think it’s safe to say the era of streaming is upon us. At this point it would feel trite to expound the acclaim afforded to original shows like “Orange Is the New Black” or “Transparent” as evidence of the dominance of streaming, so here I would like to consider streaming in the context of the larger television landscape. The meteoric rise of streaming has ramifications for a medium it doesn’t even technically inhabit— and the ripples across the greater television ocean set off by the success of streaming will undoubtedly be felt for years to come. Through its timeshifted model and original programming unencumbered by the barriers faced by network television, streaming sites are in the process of redefining television norms and conventions while putting pressure on traditional networks to do the same. In short, streaming is reshaping television for the better. It seems self-evident at this point that streaming has made an earth-shatteringly successful foray into the business of TV, despite the fact that its original content only appears on television when you want to enjoy, say, the political dealings of Frank and Claire Underwood (Keyser Söze and Jenny, for the uninitiated) on a larger screen. Shows exclusive to streaming sites occupy a peculiar space in the television universe in that they aren’t TV shows in the strict sense of the term, yet are still regarded as such for their clear

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

televisuality and adherence to certain conventions of the medium, such as being presented as individual episodes within a series. Nevertheless, streaming actively advances certain key expectations of the post-network, time-shifted era, in which television is defined less and less by the time and space in which it appears and more by a conception of the medium that allows for TV to manifest itself in a myriad of different ways. While streaming didn’t introduce the notion of time-shifted viewing (here’s looking at you, VCR), it has contributed to a democratization of television in which viewers are no longer slave to network scheduling or physical location and have more agency in determining their relationship to TV than ever before. In solidifying flexible viewing practices as the norm, streaming is

helping to challenge traditional network television to be more responsive to the expectations of its Digital Age audience. Looking at how positively viewers have responded to the candor and grit with which original streaming content has addressed such controversial issues as gender, race and politics (often with significant overlap), traditional television networks appear increasingly silly in avoiding taking risks on the grounds that doing so will upset and alienate audiences. One facet of commercial network television will always be the skittishness of advertisers to put their money behind programs that dare to truly push the cultural envelope, but at the current juncture network TV might ultimately be shooting itself in the foot by continually worrying about playing it safe. The suc-

cess of original streaming content tells us the viewing public can stomach much more than network TV tends to let on, so the issue now is whether or not these traditional networks can internalize this revelation and adapt accordingly. To be sure, a similar argument could have been made regarding premium cable channels like HBO and Showtime just a few years ago. Unburdened by the need to court advertisers’ dollars and to abide by the censorship rules imposed on non-subscription channels, premium cable operates in much the same way as online streaming. Indeed, just as it didn’t birth time-shifted viewing practices, streaming isn’t the only form of television that has helped to pressure traditional networks to venture into rougher and more compelling territory. That said, streaming sites like Netflix

graphic by cameron graff

dailycardinal.com

that are not part of the massive media conglomerates to which HBO and Showtime ultimately belong (Time Warner and CBS, respectively) serve to provide new, unique voices and layers of compelling programming that can only add to the offerings of premium cable.

In solidifying flexible viewing practices as the norm, streaming is helping to challenge traditional network television to be more responsive to the expectations of its Digital Age audience.

Thus, the temporal and spatial flexibility achieved by bringing television to the web and the challenge to traditional networks to produce better programming in the face of critically acclaimed original content represent another reconfiguration of the television landscape for the better. Streaming can’t lay claim to beginning the processes that unseated the traditional TV networks from complete power, because that’s a phenomenon that predates even the web. However, in expanding our conceptions of what television can be and reaffirming how large a market there is for content that addresses tough topics more than just cosmetically, streaming is working to broaden a television horizon that only gets better the more you’re able to see. Do you agree or disagree with Elijah? Are we likely to see a resurgance in TV viewership or is Internet streaming here to stay? We’d like to hear from you. Please send all feed back to opinion@dailycardinal.com.

College Republicans are wrong on women for Walker Max Lenz Opinion Columnist

ast week, the College Republicans wrote an article in The Badger Herald urging the females of this campus to vote for incumbent Gov. Scott Walker, and gave several reasons therein. While I found the piece to be wildly entertaining, there were a couple aspects that particularly caught my eye. The two claims that I found to be especially questionable posited that Walker was both fighting to make abortion safer for women and working to help them become financially independent. If both of those seem ridiculous at first glance, then you have a fairly astute first glance, because that’s exactly what they are. I’ll begin with a focus on the claim that Walker is fighting to make abortion safer. As evidence of this, the author cites a bill our governor signed into law in 2013 that required doctors performing abortions to have admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of the clinic.

Now, while countless gynecological experts have agreed a measure such as this would do nothing to make abortions any safer, it is the next claim made by the author that I take the most issue with. They say the law “did nothing to restrict abortion.” This goes beyond just questionably interpreting the opinions of medical professionals and moves into the realm of a full blown lie.

In 2012, when Gov. Walker signed the repeal of a Wisconsin law that allowed women to sue for workplace discrimination in state courts, Wisconsin women made 78 percent as much as men. The truth is that if this law ever found its way into fruition, it would have the effect of closing two of the state’s four abortion clinics. If the College Republicans see removing access to abortion by the closing of half of the state’s relevant clinics as this law doing noth-

ing to restrict abortion procedures, then I think they need to seriously re-evaluate their way of thinking, or recruit a few more math majors. In the following paragraph, the author addresses Gov. Walker’s tumultuous relationship with the idea of equal pay for equal work. In the first sentence they say that the “mainstream media,” which is the Republican way of saying most people, has depicted Walker as being against pay equality. Now, pay close attention, because this is when the writer’s logic goes completely to hell. As proof of the governor’s support, they say that discrimination in the workplace based on gender is illegal in the state of Wisconsin. It was illegal when he came into office, and it’s still illegal now. Problem solved, right? According to this argument, why are we still worried about addressing the issue of drug addiction in our society? After all, drugs are illegal and, therefore, no one must be doing them. While we’re at it, why are we paying all this money to run a Child Protective

Services office in this state? It’s illegal for parents to abuse their children, so, if we follow the College Republicans’ line of thinking, that problem does not exist. In case you didn’t catch the sarcasm, this argument is frustratingly flawed.

I am appalled to have a governor who has been complacent at best when it comes to ensuring equal rights for women, in the workplace and elsewhere.

The actual facts go as follows. In 2012, when Gov. Walker signed the repeal of a Wisconsin law that allowed women to sue for workplace discrimination in state courts, Wisconsin women made 78 percent as much as men. So, while I would love to believe that everyone in our state follows every one of the laws (including a certain law disallowing people from campaigning while on government time), I don’t live in a fantasy world. Ultimately, my final objection to this article is that it is strictly tar-

geted at women, because these are issues that should matter to more than just the females of our state. As an American, I am offended that Gov. Scott Walker has worked to restrict access to a practice that the Supreme Court has deemed to be completely within the bounds of the Constitution. As a man who has several women in his life that he loves very much, and as a human being, I am appalled to have a governor who has been complacent at best when it comes to ensuring equal rights for women, in the workplace and elsewhere. Every man who reads this article, or who otherwise educates himself on these issues should join the women of this state, and many others around the country, in the fight against these horrific restrictions. All in all, when problems arise in the realms of health care and equality, they are no longer just women’s rights issues, but human rights issues. Do you think Max is right on Walker’s actual stance on these issues? Is he missing a key point of Walker’s policy? Please send all feedback to opinion@dailycardinal.com.

sports l

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

dailycardinal.com

Women’s Hockey

No. 1 UW, No. 2 Minnesota face off in showdown By Zach Rastall the daily cardinal

Ranked No. 1 for the first time since the 2011-’12 season, Wisconsin has turned its focus to this weekend’s monumental series against the very team it supplanted at the top of the polls: Minnesota. The Badgers (4-0-0 WCHA, 6-0-0) are prepared to take on the No. 2 Golden Gophers (1-0-1, 3-0-1) this weekend at LaBahn Arena in a showdown between the top two teams in the USCHO.com Division I rankings. But if UW is to stay at the top of the polls, it’ll have to find a way to beat a team it has struggled mightily against in recent years. Wisconsin has lost 11 consecutive games against its border battle rival, with the Badgers’ last win over the Gophers coming Oct. 14, 2011. Their last meeting came in the semifinals of last season’s Frozen Four, where the Gophers earned a 5-3 comeback victory after scoring three goals in the third period. For players like redshirt senior forward Brittany Ammerman, losses like these provide a little extra motivation heading into this weekend. “We only have five of us seniors that have beaten Minnesota,” Ammerman said. “We want everyone else to feel what it’s like (to beat Minnesota), and I think this year, as a whole, we’re good enough to

do it.” Though the Badgers have struggled to beat the Gophers recently, UW head coach Mark Johnson pointed out that they were far from the only team to have a tough time against Minnesota over the past three years. “They’ve got our number, and they’ve got everybody else’s number, too,” Johnson said. “Two years ago they didn’t lose a game. Last year they only lost in the national championship game, and North Dakota beat them earlier in the year.” However, this could be the season that a team like the Badgers could potentially overtake Minnesota atop the WCHA standings, especially with star Gophers forward Amanda Kessel out for the season. Kessel, who won the Patty Kazmaier Award in 2013 as the country’s top women’s hockey player, is still dealing with symptoms of a concussion suffered while playing with the U.S. women’s national team. The Gophers still entered the season ranked No. 1 in the preseason polls despite Kessel’s injury, but were passed by Wisconsin following a weekend series against Minnesota-Duluth. Minnesota defeated the Bulldogs in the first game of the series, but only was able to get a tie

in the next contest. As a result, a team other than Minnesota is ranked No. 1 in an inseason poll for the first time since March 5, 2012. The Badgers, on the other hand, have outscored opponents 30-4 this season and are riding a six-game winning streak, the longest in the country, into this weekend’s series. UW is coming off a sweep of Ohio State in which seven different players scored and sophomore goaltender Ann-Renée Desbiens shut out the Buckeyes in both games. For her efforts, Desbiens was named the WCHA Defensive Player of the Week and is riding a wave of confidence heading into her first start against the Gophers. “I’m really excited about (playing Minnesota),” Desbiens said. “It’s going to be a fun weekend.” It’s a sentiment shared by her teammates and Badger fans everywhere, and Johnson believes that this has all the makings of an incredibly exciting weekend. “We have Minnesota coming in this weekend for a 7:00 game Friday night and then turn around and play them 3:00 Saturday afternoon,” he said. “History tells us when we get together with the Gophers, it’s usually a very entertaining series.”

betsy osterberger/the daily cardinal

Forward Brittany Ammerman leads the Badgers in goals this season with five. She is third on the team in points with nine.

Men’s Hockey

Student Rush $12 or $15

at Overture Box Office day of concert. Buy early for the best seats.

OCT. 17, 18, 19 OVERTURE HALL

Russian Spirit JOHN DEMAIN, Conductor OLGA KERN, Piano RACHMANINOFF Concerto No. 1 for Piano TCHAIKOVSKY Suite from Swan Lake SHOSTAKOVICH Symphony No. 6 madisonsymphony.org/studentrush

#madisonsymphony SPONSORS

Rosemarie Blancke • BMO Private Bank UW Health & Unity Health Insurance

DeEtte Beilfuss-Eager and Leonard P. Eager, Jr. James Gallegos and George Anglin • Ann Lindsey and Charles Snowdon Tom and Nancy Mohs • Wisconsin Arts Board

Wisconsin looks for first win of season in weekend series with Northern Michigan By Brian Weidy the daily cardinal

Coming off a pair of losses in Alaska, the No. 18 Badgers (0-2-0 overall) look to bounce back with a pair of games this weekend against Northern Michigan (0-0-0 overall) in a neutral site series at the Resch Center in Green Bay. These two teams faced off last season at the Kohl Center where the Badgers swept the Wildcats 5-2 and 2-1. Unfortunately for the Badgers, the team lost seven of their top eight scorers from last season and brought in 11 freshmen to replace the talented crop of departed players. To open the season, the Badgers faced Alaska and Alaska-Anchorage in the Kendall Hockey Classic where the inexperience of the young team was on full display. Against Alaska, the Badgers struggled to get anything going on offense, mustering only 14 shots while wasting a stellar goaltending performance from senior net-minder Landon Peterson, who stopped 30 shots in the 1-0 defeat. For his efforts, Peterson was named to the All-Tournament team, despite playing in only one game. 2014 Hobey Baker Award finalist Joel Rumpel did not play against Alaska. After taking a midterm at 6:45 a.m. Friday, the senior goaltender only played the second of the

two games, conceding four goals on 25 shots. The Badgers did get big contributions from a number of freshmen, with all six points on the weekend coming from newcomers to the team. The first goal-scorer of the weekend was six-foot-six-inch forward Matt Ustaski, with assists coming from fellow freshmen Ryan Wagner and Keegan Ford. The Badgers got their second and final goal of the weekend from redshirt freshman Tim Davison, coming from Cameron Hughes and Jake Linhart.

Saves by backup goalie Landon Peterson against Alaska

Number of goals and assists last year by senior Joseph LaBate

Number of Badgers’ top eight scorers from last year who graduated

Unfortunately for the Badgers, it looks like they will be without the services

of Davison and fellow defenseman Eddie Wittchow, both of whom suffered concussions over the weekend. Two players to watch this weekend are Joseph LaBate and Grant Besse. LaBate, a senior from Eagan, Minnesota, is the alternate captain this season after scoring 22 points last year. He had two points last season against Northern Michigan including a goal and is the leading returning scorer, finishing sixth on the team last season with 11 goals and 11 assists. Besse, a sophomore from Plymouth, Minnesota, is a talented goal scorer, netting eight goals last season including a pair of game winners on the senior-laden team. This year, Besse and LaBate will need to step up in a big way as the talented but inexperienced crop of freshmen will need to look up to the two players who have notched the most success to date. The Badgers take two weeks off after this weekend’s series before playing their first games at the Kohl Center against former WCHA foe North Dakota Nov. 7-8. It’s the latest home opener for Wisconsin since the 1997-’98 season. Both Wisconsin and Northern Michigan will look to notch their first win of the season. The puck drops at 7 p.m. both Friday and Saturday from the Resch Center.

dailycardinal.com

Weekend, October 16-19, 2014

sports

Stave remains Badgers’ best option under center

Women’s Soccer

jack baeR baer with me

et’s clear something up: Joel Stave is a better passer than Tanner McEvoy by a chasmic margin. There seems to be a false equivemily buck/cardinal file photo alency in the minds of some Forward Cara Walls (15) has been essential to UW’s success, totaling five game-winning goals. Wisconsin fans that McEvoy and Stave are both bad passers, but at least McEvoy can run. Stop it. Literally any meaningful passing stat from Stave’s 2013 season By Bobby Ehrlich is better than what McEvoy has cess. She emphasized the need to eight assists. Her eight assists are the daily cardinal done this year. Better complereturn to these strong suits of their third in the Big Ten and she is tied After a brief slump where game to win against Minnesota. for fifth in total points. Defensively, tion percentage, better yards per the Badgers fell to Penn State In addition to leading the team, sophomore Tarah Hobbs will do attempt, better touchdown-toand tied Iowa, Wisconsin (6-2-1 Walls is third in the Big Ten in the goalkeeping. She is second in interception ratio, better passer Big Ten, 12-2-1 overall) heads to goals scored and leads the con- the Big Ten in saves with 63 and rating, better QBR, on track for Minneapolis to take on Minnesota ference with five game-winning has recorded five shutouts. more touchdowns and passing (5-3-1, 8-6-1) this Saturday. yards, and fewer interceptions. goals. However, she does not take The Badgers will need a win The Badgers defeated much of the credit. It’s not even close. Saturday to keep pace in the Big Northwestern last weekend to stay You can say “Jack, you “My teammates are the rea- Ten. In addition to Minnesota, in the hunt for the Big Ten title. son for my success,” Walls said. they still have three regular seamoron, Stave had Jared The victory over Northwestern “Being a forward, I can’t do much son conference games to capture Abbrederis,” and that second gave Wisconsin its 19th conference without my teammates getting the title, including a matchup part is indeed correct. First one point, moving the team within two the ball to me and they’ve done a against Rutgers, who they are curtoo, maybe. I’m not perfect. points of leaders Penn State and great job doing that.” However, you also have to rently tied with in the standings. Michigan. Minnesota is certainnote how defenses have begun Much of this can be attributed Michigan and Penn State each ly no slouch though, sitting just to the Badger midfielders, redshirt have five games left in the Big to play Wisconsin with McEvoy behind Wisconsin with 16 points. under center, stacking the boxes senior Kodee Williams, junior Ten, including a huge contest for “We need to refocus on the Kinley McNicoll and sophomore supremacy between the two schools knowing that McEvoy does not things we do well and get back to Rose Lavelle, who have combined this Thursday in Ann Arbor. have the long-range accuracy to the things we’ve been good at,” for a total of 20 assists. Walls also punish them. “A Big Ten title would mean a lot. said senior forward Cara Walls. gave credit to redshirt senior goal- It’s something we’ve talked about a We saw it with Northwestern “We know Minnesota is going to keeper Genevieve Richard for her lot. It’s been our goal since January,” all game. McEvoy might not have be a great team, but if we’re on stellar play. Richard has earned Walls said. “Being a senior, it’d be a Abbrederis, but he is being given our game, we’ll be successful.” more and more opportunities to nine shutouts this year, which great way to go out. I can’t think of Walls, the team leader in goals leads the Big Ten. make plays amid light pass cova better way to end my career here.” with nine this year, pointed to the erage and he seems unable to For Minnesota, the Gophers are The Badgers will look to keep team’s excellent possession and led by sophomore forward Simone their title hopes alive Saturday at take advantage of them. patience as reasons for their suc- Kolander, who has five goals and 7 p.m. in Minneapolis. Tanner McEvoy is not a Wisconsin quarterback. The role of the Wisconsin quarterback basically has three properties: low usage, few mistakes and being able to throw a play-action pass that doesn’t cause opposing fans to burst out laughing. I/O 32927 Gary Andersen has been adaHometown News Groupmant that he wants a running 10/16/14 quarterback who’s able to run option plays. If this can be accom2 Col (3.625) x 4” plished, Wisconsin’s offense pmc becomes even more lethal. It might be overkill, because in what world do you need a rushing quarterback when you HELP COACH RYAN AND HIS WIFE KELLY have Melvin Gordon and the Wisconsin offensive line?

Crucial Big Ten game ahead

TBAL E K S A B S ’ MEN

“SHOOTING DOWN CANCER”

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 22 // 3-6 PM // KOHL CENTER – GATE B Free Admission RAISE MONEY FOR COACHES vs. CANCER

Yet, Wisconsin’s offensive playcalling is beginning to abandon quarterback runs with McEvoy under center, with only two rush attempts in as many games. If they aren’t going to use McEvoy as a runner, where his supposed benefits lie, why keep him around as a passer? Stave hasn’t looked good passing the ball this season, there’s no debating that. A 45.5 completion percentage and 5.7 yards per attempt is brutally bad. But let’s run through what Joel Stave’s 2014 has been like. Starting New Year’s Day, he puts up three strong quarters in the Capital One Bowl, going 9-for-13 for 80 yards and giving Wisconsin a chance to win. He then sustains a shoulder injury and has to watch the Badgers lose as Curt Phillips is unable to make the passes necessary to lead a comeback drive. That shoulder injury nags Stave for the better part of eight months, limiting him in both spring and fall practice. Then, the yips hit. If you are not familiar with what the yips can do to an athlete, Google Rick Ankiel. It’s a minor miracle Stave is not third on the depth chart right now. Northwestern was supposed to be Stave’s rehab game, but he was instead thrown into the second half and tasked with restarting a stagnant offense. Stave’s performance this year so far is not representative of his true ability going forward, because injuries heal and confidence can come back. I get that we’ve accepted Stave is at best a mediocre quarterback in the landscape of major college football programs. But to put him in the same league as McEvoy passing wise is unfair. Stave brings more to the table in the passing game, and if the coaching staff isn’t going to regularly use McEvoy’s legs, the Badgers’ best quarterback is Joel Stave, as it has been for the last two years. Maybe D.J. Gillins or Austin Kafentzis can be the dualthreat Andersen seems to crave, but not McEvoy. Dual threat means you can run and pass. Would you rather have Stave or McEvoy? Email jack.baer@ dailycardinal.com to discuss.

$1 for each student in attendance // $10 for a made free-throw // $1,000 for a made half-court shot One lucky student will win a moped, courtesy of

Food, beverages and prizes

DELIVER happiness .

Partner Organizations

We know what you want in a job.

Kelly Services® is now hiring seasonal delivery drivers ® for assignments with FedEx Ground . Don’t miss out!

// #MakeBoP T X E N S N HAPPE SEE WHAT WisconsinBadgers @UWBadgers @BadgerMBB

WisconsinMensBasketball

Details: • 21 years or older • Business-related driving experience required • Weekly pay • Safety bonus plan

Apply today!

If interested please come to 3901 Hanson Road Madison, WI 53704 Monday-Friday 9am-2pm or submit resumes to MWSTRD@tempdriver.net

Sports

Weekend, october 16-19, 2014 DailyCardinal.com

Volleyball

UW sweeps Gophers, rematch Saturday By Colleen Degnan the daily cardinal

The No. 5 Badgers (6-1 Big Ten, 15-2 overall) defeated the No. 23 Golden Gophers (3-4, 13-5) Wednesday in three competitive sets of 25-16, 25-19 and 30-28, in the first of two matches this week between the border rivals. Before this week’s double header, Wisconsin beat the two conference newcomers, Rutgers and Maryland, last weekend at the UW Field House moving them up to fifth spot in the NCAA rankings. In a press conference Monday, head coach Kelly Sheffield commented on the commendable teamwork his players displayed. “I think we’re communicating a lot better. I think we’re working better as a team,” Sheffield said. “I think those are the things we’ve really tried to do.” The increased communication and cohesiveness helped the Badgers pull out the threeset sweep over the Gophers. Leading the Badgers with a lofty advantage of 24 digs to the Gophers’ 13, junior libero Taylor Morey continues to the lead the Big Ten conference in digs per set. Sophomore setter Lauren Carlini also maintains her title with the most assists per set, earning 34 in Wednesday night’s match. The first two sets of the match did not measure up to the intensity produced from

shoaib altaf/cardinal file photo

Junior libero Taylor Morey leads the Big Ten in digs per set with 5.36 and has been a big part of Wisconsin’s 15-2 start to 2014. the third set played on the Sports Pavilion court. The Gophers battled back at point 16 as sophomore outside hitter Sarah Wilhite maintained her serve for three points in a row, gaining a one-point advantage over the Badgers at 19-18. Both teams competed as kills came down from Minnesota’s leading outside hitter junior Daly Santana, totaling 17 for the match, and Wisconsin’s senior outside hitter Ellen Chapman

with 12. The Badgers beat the Gophers in kills throughout the match at 47-38, also finishing with fewer errors (13) than Minnesota (23). Both teams have little time to readjust game plans as the Badgers prepare to host the Gophers this Saturday at the Field House. Sheffield has not competed in a back-to-back showing before, leaving him unsure of how to plan for it.

“I guess what it does allow is that you’re focusing on one team,” Sheffield said. “You get to go back, watch video. You get to train and prepare again and fix some of the things that didn’t go your way the first time and try and make it better.” The neighboring states have more than just their volleyball standings on the line, but their school pride as well. Wednesday marked the first match in the annual border battle between

the two schools. The competition, which Minnesota has won six times and Wisconsin four, spans across all sports and awards points based on headto-head matchups. There are 20 points remaining for this weekend’s matchup. Saturday’s match will begin at 7 p.m. and will be giving UW-Madison students free Wisconsin volleyball T-shirts while supplies last as part of the UW Student Block Party.

Ass Waxing

Cardinal football anxious to beat Herald to shit... again By Bonah Jeleckis the daily cardinal

jane thompson/cardinal file photo

Which will be higher—the Cardinal’s point total Saturday or the number of typos in the latest Herald weekend edition?

We’re back. What has been in the back of minds since The Daily Cardinal’s softball win almost six months ago, will move to the forefront when newspaper making will be put on hold Saturday for what is expected to be another dominant football performance. The Cardinal is returning to the fields of Vilas Park with eyes set on completing yet another season sweep of the Badger Herald. Editor-in-Chief-Keef Jack Casey spent much of his offseason deadlifting in the arctic circle while living with packs of arctic wolves learning hunting techniques for anyone holding a football. “The [foot]ball is mine, it was a big mistake to take it from my team,” Casey said as his shirt’s sleeves stretched and stretched to the brink of snapping from his massive biceps. “I’ve killed for less.” “Nope,” Houston Texans defensive lineman and 2012 AP NFL Defensive Player of the Year J.J. Watt said when asked for a fight with Casey. Floyd Mayweather Jr. and the Dos Equis guy also turned down requests for a fight. Head coach Rich Homie Jim Dayton will have the privilege of unleashing Casey and the rest of the Cardinal football juggernaut.

“We’re drawing some stuff up,” Dayton said, walking out of a drawing class. “We’ll get to drawing plays soon enough, but we’ve got some really pretty stuff so far.” Many of those plays—set to be drawn up with a beautiful Crayola arrangement—will feature standout linebacker Justine “No Flex Zone” Jones. Jones, who usually spends her time throwing glass bottles at people on the street and breaking nervous students’ pencils on test days, is going to focus her aggression onto the field this weekend. Jones’ quotation was deemed inappropriate for this article. Another prime weapon for the Cardinal team is Greyson Derulo Satterfield. His credentials include the 1999 NFL Offensive and Defensive Rookie of the Year awards, an All-NBA Defensive team spot in 2011, the 2007 MLS Comeback Player of the Year honor, the 2010 NHL General Manager of the Year award and last but certainly not least, the Oscar he won in 1974 for his beautiful performance in “The Longest Yard.” “Bucks in six,” Satterfield said. Offensive guru Jackson Ford Baer had a laundry list of injuries to report while a staff of 40 perfected his handlebar mustache. Andy Holsteen is probable with enlarged cojones and

an over-ripped tricep, Jonah “Mr. Steal Yo Girl” Beleckis is questionable with the Swag Flu and a tight hammy and Emily Gerber, whose live-fast and thrill-seeking-yolo-swag lifestyle is starting to catch up with her, is a going to be a game-time decision with excessive sweating. Herald Editor-in-not-ChiefKeef Tara Golshan, who elected not to attend last year’s embarrassing softball defeat, seemed nervous for her team’s prospects on the field and on the sidelines. The Herald has not finished its keg on its own since 2002, when it is believed a massive spill contributed to the completion. Above all other individual accolades and bizarre training rituals, what will propel The Daily Cardinal to a fourth straight victory over the lowly competition will be teamwork and semi-relevant-with-asmall-helping-of-uncomfortable motivational speeches. “When the sun shines, we’ll shine together,” Dayton said. “Told you I’d be here forever. Said I’ll always be a friend. Took an oath I’ma stick it out till the end.” When asked if he would predict a win for this weekend’s game, Dayton stopped, paused, grabbed his borderline excessive amount of chainz and exclaimed, “Bitch U guessed it, HWAH.” Whatever that means.