Weekend, November 5-8, 2015 - The Daily Cardinal

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Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

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mishandles homelessness issue ‘The Soglin Rocky Horror Picture +OPINION, page Show’ 5

+ARTS, page 3

e h t r o f d a Go M Hatters Oscar Mayer slices seven plants, cuts 1,200 jobs

By Negassi Tesfamichael THE DAILY CARDINAL

JANE THOMPSON/CARDINAL FILE PHOTO

Race organizers expect about 2,000 runners at the Madison Marathon this weekend.

Students prepare for Madison Marathon

By Katie Scheidt THE DAILY CARDINAL

Students across the UW-Madison campus have juggled many different responsibilities in preparing for the Madison Marathon that will take place this Sunday.

The race, which is a Boston Marathon qualifier, starts and ends at the Capitol Square and takes runners into downtown Madison, through the campus and around Lake Wingra.

The race organizers expect

approximately 2,000 runners for the full marathon, with many of the runners being students at UW-Madison.

Many of the student marathon runners are also members of the Wisconsin Track Club, a competitive running club with runners ranging in skill from beginner to all-state athletes.

Matthew Hupy and Michael Eppink, both students at UW-Madison and members of the Wisconsin Track Club, have been preparing for the marathon since

this past spring.

While both are experienced runners, Sunday will be their first time running a marathon.

Eppink, a sophomore studying physics and philosophy, said balancing schoolwork and training has been difficult, noting nights in which he “would be in the middle of doing homework and would have to stop to go run.”

Hupy, a pre-med senior studying nutritional sciences, acknowl-

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Madison’s famed Oscar Mayer plant will close within the next one to two years, leading to the loss of nearly 1,200 jobs in Madison and the surrounding area.

The Kraft Heinz Company, which owns the Oscar Mayer processed meat brand, announced the decision Wednesday, which includes the closure of plants in six other cities nationwide. Overall, North American factory employees will decrease by 2,600.

Additionally, Oscar Mayer’s corporate headquarters will move from Madison to Chicago.

“Our decision to consolidate manufacturing across the Kraft Heinz North American network is a critical step in our plan to eliminate excess capacity,” Kraft Heinz spokesperson Michael Mullen said in a statement. “This will make Kraft Heinz more globally competitive and accelerate the company’s future growth.”

In March, Kraft Foods and Heinz formed a $46 billion merger of the two companies to create Kraft Heinz.

“Kraft Heinz fully appreciates and regrets the impact our decision will have on employees, their families and the communities in which these facilities are located,” Mullen added.

City and county officials reacted swiftly to the decision and emphasized the need to help workers retain employment once the plant shuts down.

“Our main focus right now is the workers, their employees and related businesses that are dependent on the vitality of this operation,” said Madison Mayor Paul Soglin.

“The impact on Madison and the metro area has got to be in the hundreds of millions of dollars.”

Pat Schramm, the executive director of the Workforce Development Board of South Central Wisconsin, said the state’s healthy economy should help workers.

“There’s never been a better time for this to happen, because all the relationships are in place to make the transition as quickly as possible,” she said.

Soglin said federal funds will be available to create a rapid response team to assess the workers’ skills and prepare them for job fairs.

A plant in Davenport, Iowa, will relocate to another area of the city, though Soglin said he is not aware of any relation of those plans to the closing of the Madison plant.

The Madison plant opened in 1919, and currently sits on the city’s east side near the Dane County Regional Airport.

Lawmakers approve state transportation borrowing limit

By Andrew Bahl THE DAILY CARDINAL

The Joint Finance Committee approved Wednesday $350 million in state borrowing over the next two years in an effort to combat delays on road construction throughout the state.

The committee’s four Democrats joined Assembly Republicans in voting for the bonding limit, arguing that the tough decision is necessary to improve transportation infrastructure.

“We’ve made some very difficult

decisions, things that I think have put us in the right spot,” said committee co-chair state Rep. John Nygren, R-Marinette. “We admit this is one that we still have to tackle. We have to come up with a solution here.”

Democrats initially said Gov. Scott Walker should instead raise the state’s gas tax to pay for the construction, but eventually supported the measure.

“The man has to lead. He can’t just borrow and then leave town,”

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Campus finds sexual assault in native populations disproportionately high

By Madeline Heim THE DAILY CARDINAL

THE TERRACE

Heat waves rollin’ in

The first week in November saw a surprising shift in the weather, as temperatures reached the 70s. Many UW-Madison students flocked to outdoor spaces, such as the Memorial Union Terrace, to appreciate the warmth while it lasts. + Photo by Kaitlyn Veto

Students are looking for solutions to the disproportionate rate at which American Indian students are experiencing sexual assault at UW-Madison, following the university’s Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault and Sexual Misconduct.

The survey, conducted this year as the university’s first cam-

pus-specific resource for statistics, revealed that 46.2 percent of American Indian students reported experiencing sexual assault, according to Joshua Johnson, assistant dean of students and director of the Multicultural Student Center, who spoke at the Amer­i­can Indian Stu­dent & Cul­ tural Cen­ter Wednesday.

assault page 2

“…the great state University of Wisconsin should ever encourage that continual and fearless sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found.”

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Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

dailycardinal.com

UW-Madison hosts 17th annual campus-wide Diversity Forum

By Ellie Herman THE DAILY CARDINAL

Members of the UW-Madison community continued conversations surrounding diversity this week during the 17th annual Diversity Forum at Union South.

The theme of this year’s forum, Call to Action: Taking Our Diversity Work into Broader, Deeper and More Inclusive Waters, focused on diversity efforts both on campus and in the larger community.

The two-day event commenced Tuesday morning with a presentation from Pulitzer Prize winner and Chicago Tribune columnist Clarence Page, who then held an open discussion with co-founder of Young, Gifted and Black M

marathon from page 1 edged the difficulty of training on top of being a full-time student but remained optimistic about the end result. He said he is most looking forward to “looking at [his] watch and seeing that [he has] ran a full marathon.”

On top of the full marathon, the Madison Marathon also hosts a half marathon, which cuts the route down to 13.1 miles.

Emily Guse, a senior studying world language education, is one of

Adams about intergenerational community activism, racial justice and social advocacy.

“We’re going to dive into the continuing urgency to define and address some of the long-standing issues of our time with a specific focus on our region and state,” Vice Provost and Chief Diversity Officer Patrick Sims wrote in the event program.

Another event highlight included a showing of a Wisconsin Public Television documentary on UW-Madison Law School alumna and former Wisconsin politician Velvelea “Vel” Phillips, which detailed her time as the first black judge in the state.

Diversity Forum organizer Mary Czynszak-Lyne said this year’s event

stands out in terms of reach, as its events are of interest to both undergraduate and graduate students, along with faculty and staff.

Wednesday’s forum focused on diving into specific breakout sessions, each allowing attendees to contribute to smaller conversations focused on specific topics such as LGBT issues and understanding race and gender biases in science, technology, engineering and mathematics.

“In these times between the violence, the lack of tolerance, we have to learn how to appreciate each other,” Czynszak-Lyne said. “We have to appreciate and celebrate our differences and recognize what we all can contribute.”

the expected 2,500 runners participating in the half marathon. She said taking only 12 credits has been helpful in easing the pressure of training and schoolwork, as having afternoon classes leaves her mornings open for training.

The students will participate in a race with a long history in the city of Madison, which traces its roots back to 1974, when a group of local runners organized a course that “went twice around Lake Monona to Olin Park,” according to the race’s website.

The race, named the Mad City

Marathon in 1994, was purchased

by Madison Festivals, Inc. in 2001.

In 2007, the race was renamed the Madison Marathon.

Each year, Madison Festivals raises an approximate $90,000 through the combined profits of the Madison Marathon and Taste of Madison.

This year, the Madison Marathon will raise money for Badger Honor Flight, a charity that helps build memorials for veterans, and myTEAM TRIUMPHWisconsin Chapter, a nonprofit that benefits disabled athletes.

Legislators propose banning semiautomatic gun possession

By Andrew Hahn THE DAILY CARDINAL

Four Madison lawmakers announced Wednesday their bill to ban any possession or transfer of semiautomatic rifles in the state.

State Rep. Lisa Subeck, D-Madison, and three other Assembly Democrats released their proposal on the heels of a Republican push to allow concealed carry on UW System campuses, a decision many Democrats said would endanger students.

Republicans maintain the measure would keep campuses in Wisconsin safe from mass shootings. Subeck said banning semi-

automatic weapons would keep communities safe from that kind of tragedy.

“Our nation has watched as community after community has had to confront the tragedies that occur when weapons designed to kill large numbers of people quickly get into the hands of a dangerous person,” Subeck said in a statement. “No Wisconsin community should ever have to face such a tragedy at the hands of someone armed with a semiautomatic assault weapon.”

The bill, which Subeck said will be introduced in the coming weeks, would ban the sale, transportation or

possession of assault weapons except by on-duty law enforcement and military personnel. State Reps. Chris Taylor, D-Madison, Terese Berceau, D-Madison, and Melissa Sargent, D-Madison, joined Subeck in proposing the legislation.

The bill would make owning or selling such a weapon a felony punishable by a fine of up to $10,000 and a maximum of six years in prison, or 11 years if the crime occurred in a school zone.

“I can conceive of no legitimate reason that any citizen should need to own or use a semiautomatic assault weapon,” Subeck said in the statement.

assault from page 1 The group of students, alumni, advocates, advisors and community members present at the small meeting further condemned the constituent statistics: Only 389 American Indian students attend UW-Madison and only 6 percent indicated they are “very” or “extremely” aware of resources available to sexual assault survivors.

Sam Johnson, a violence prevention specialist with University Health Services, said increasing this knowledge and expanding prevention efforts are a priority to combat sexual assault and misconduct at UW-Madison.

UW-Madison student Emily Nelis advocated for increased awareness and support for the emotional pain many can feel after sexual assault, especially within communities of people.

“The assault on native women, the suicide rates in our tribal communities, the alcoholism, it’s everything,” Nelis said. “It’s all interconnected within our communities, and it just goes to show

JON YOON/THE DAILY CARDINAL

Associated Students of Madison Chair Madison Laning explains line items in the fiscal year 2017 internal budget.

Student Council members introduce internal budget

By Madeline Heim THE DAILY CARDINAL

The Associated Students of Madison Student Council began conversation Wednesday on its proposed internal budget for the 2017 fiscal year.

ASM is annually tasked with making decisions on the breakdown of segregated university fees, charged to students for additional services and programs besides general instruction.

The budget covers a variety of costs, such as ASM administrative functions, stipends for ASM faculty and staff and grants to registered student organizations.

ASM Chair Madison Laning recognized that the budget line for the Green Fund, which provides grants to students developing sustainable projects on campus, would remain at $50,000, although she originally suggested it be decreased to $25,000.

Keeping the budget at $50,000 would allow students to figure out how to use the fund, according to ASM Sustainability Committee Chair August McGinnity-Wake.

“Before we talk about cutting further and further, we should give it some time to let students be creative in finding ways to use

transportation from page 1

CONG GAO/THE DAILY CARDINAL

Joshua Johnson, assistant dean of students, listens to student advice for how UW-Madison can better deal with sexual assault on campus. that although it may not happen to you, it can affect you in so many different ways.”

Advocates at the meeting indicated the need for more comprehensive programs on campus to

help counselors and peers better understand how these situations interact with native culture, as well as a decrease in barriers to prosecuting non-native men who sexually assault native women.

said state Sen. Jon Erpenbach, D-Middleton. “We need to raise the gas tax. We need to do something other than what we’re doing today.”

The six Senate Republicans opposed the bonding level, saying it would further hinder the state’s financial situation.

“What we’re saying right now is this is a very tough budget for us but we’re not going to kick the can down the road,” said committee co-chair state Sen. Alberta Darling, R-River Hills.

Road funding was a contentious issue in the state’s most recent budget. A compromise hammered out in July removed most borrowing for infrastructure projects from the budget, but lawmakers revisited the issue

it,” McGinnity-Wake said.

Laning explained the removal of the line for membership to the United States Student Association, a national organization promoting education and advocacy on issues impacting students, according to its website.

It has been difficult to work with USSA in the past few years because ASM functions differently than other universities’ student governments, Laning said, adding that she hopes ASM will focus on building coalitions on campus before looking toward the national level.

The council will meet later this month to vote on next year’s budget.

Also at the meeting, the council passed the Student Voter Access Resolution, detailing ASM’s support of an initiative allowing students to use Wiscards as a form of voter ID. Representative Leland Pan described how the legislation would reduce barriers for student voters.

Currently, university administration does not intend to approve this method and wants to issue a secondary card for voter ID, according to Pan. after the state Department of Transportation announced twoyear delays for five projects.

Walker called on the committee to borrow $200 million to partially fund the projects but Nygren announced yesterday that he had the votes to fully fund the construction, which includes work on Verona Road in Dane County and improvements to Interstate 39/90 from Illinois to Madison.

The committee also approved a controversial bill that would change the state’s civil service system, signing off on the $6 million in merit pay contained in the measure.

Other measures passed include more money to fund the prosecution of gun-related crimes in Milwaukee and an expansion of long-term care programs in Rock County.

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Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

Meat and Candy blends genres

SAMANTHA MARZ life on marz

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ALBUM REVIEW

By Rose Lundy THE DAILY CARDINAL

Old Dominion is an interesting fusion of typical country music with elements of many other different musical styles. The Nashville band’s album, Meat and Candy, released Nov. 6, will please fans of classic country music, but also has enough hints of rock, hip-hop and pop to appeal to a wider audience.

Some lyrics on the album, like “gas tank full of freedom” from the track “Nowhere Fast,” are so stereotypically Southern it’s surprising, but bubblegum-pop guitar and percussion dominate tracks like “Crazy Beautiful Sexy.”

Yet the consistency of the Southern twang in the vocals is there throughout each track.

Each of the five members of the group is an accomplished songwriter, and many have writing credits for songs by famous groups such as The Band Perry, Dierks Bentley and the TV show “Nashville.” As a result, each track is carefully crafted and tightly performed.

However, the most impressive track on the album ironically pulls lyrics from other famous songs.

“Song for Another Time” packs endless references to famous songs like “Brown Eyed Girl,” “Sweet Caroline” and “I Will Always Love You” into a catchy ballad as an homage to musical icons and letting loose.

After being a band for eight years, Old Dominion is having their busiest year yet as they release their majorlabel debut album, headline their own tour and open for Kenny Chesney next spring, along with Miranda Lambert and Sam Hunt. They will perform here at the UW-Madison Nov. 20, and with a strong new album to promote, the Tennesseans will no doubt be a crowd-pleaser.

Grade: B

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Characters spring to life on screen in bookto-movie adaptations

RECORD ROUTINE

Meat and Candy Old Dominion

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GRAPHIC BY CAMERON GRAFF

The MadHatters return to Capitol Theater with fresh faces and new material

By Owen Desai THE DAILY CARDINAL

UW-Madison’s premier a cappella group, The MadHatters, will make their big return to the Capitol Theater at the Overture Center for their fall show Nov. 13. Quite an impressive reputation precedes these men. They performed at the White House in 2011 and 2012, Lambeau Field in 2014 and the PGA Championship this past summer. They have recorded six studio albums and toured across the United States and Mexico. The Hatters sold out the Overture Center when it reopened back in 2004, and have done so numerous times. They haven’t performed in the Capitol Theater since Spring 2014.

“That was the first time I saw them perform,” current President Jayden Cline said while reminiscing on the performances. “It made me want to join the Hatters and actually inspired me to audition.”

This will be his second fall show, having only been in the group for a year and a half.

“I’m very excited. Before my first show, the guys told me I’d feel a 50-50 mix of excitement and extreme nervousness; I didn’t know what to expect. But I am very excited for this show, it has a different vibe. A lot more ballady and more musically, but still

a lot of fun and it’s going to sound really cool.”

So what can we expect? First, “Goodnight Sweetheart,” a song they’ve been performing since the birth of this group in 1997, which is both an audience favorite and a MadHatters classic; second, outstanding beatboxing done by their talented vocal percussionist, Tyler Livingston; and of course, infinitely impeccable solos.

Every Monday night, The MadHatters perform gigs at sorority house chapter meetings. While these girls may have a sneak preview of bits and pieces of the show, we’re still in for a lot of surprises. For example, there will be some new faces performing onstage.

If you’re a diehard collegiate a cappella fan, you’ll be delighted by the new MadHatters members.

“When you first start in a cappella the learning curve is huge, but they’re picking it up really quickly. And they’re fun guys.

Also, they’re super musically inclined which helps the process move faster,” Cline said.

Check out The MadHatters Nov. 13 at the Overture Center at 7:30 p.m. Go to their website or find a guy in a red blazer for tickets, starting at $15. If you miss out on their fall show, keep your eyes peeled for their many other concerts throughout the year.

arry Potter.” “Twilight.”

“The Hunger Games.”

“The Martian.” What do all of these have in common? The obvious answer is that they are all wildly popular young-adult books, but there is much more to it than that—they are also movie adaptations. They have also hit the big screen in the last two decades.

These are just a few highlights in a whirlwind of contemporary films that have brought literature to life. Movie adaptations are not necessarily unique to this day and age—many a novel-inspired movie have grazed the big screen, from classics like “A Clockwork Orange,” to thrillers like “Jurassic Park.” However, more recent films indicate a rising cultural interest in the young-adult genre. “Harry Potter” is arguably the spark behind this revolution—sorry, Katniss, not this time. The first installment of the series, “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” premiered in 2001, just four short years after the book was published in the United Kingdom. The film was both a critical and financial success, so naturally, it was only a matter of time before “Twilight” was adapted as well, adding more fuel to this cultural fire that’s burning brighter by the day.

The film industry truly caters to these interests, specifically in how they have followed the trend of recent young adult novels with dystopic themes. “The Hunger Games” is a prime example of this.

Since its release in 2012, books such as “Divergent” and “The Maze Runner” have been riding the slipstream of its success. Just look at this fall alone: We are already in the midst of a slew of movie adaptations, from “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials” and “The Martian” to “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2” next month. That’s only a small fraction of the films still to come. The film based off of Rick Yancey’s “The 5th Wave” is set to premiere this January, and an adaptation of Marie Lu’s “Legend” series is also in the beginning stages of production. The focus on youngadult culture has gained considerable momentum with no sign of slowing down.

Recent film adaptations have generated a transformation in cinema, but there is still the overarching

question of why. Why adapt these stories, and why now? The most obvious reason is the aforementioned financial successes. “Harry Potter,” “Twilight” and “The Hunger Games” have all shattered records at the time of their releases.

Even “The Martian,” which just came out last month, has already raked in hundreds of millions of dollars worldwide. Monetary motivations aside, though, it comes back to the importance of tuning into the interests of the audience. Right now, those interests are aimed at these various forms of the youngadult genre, from the prominence of dystopia and coming-of-age stories like “Paper Towns” just this past summer.

What makes these recurring trends so popular is their apparent appeal to both younger and older audiences. The “Harry Potter” films fit this description well. I still remember going to see “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” with my family and chatting away about our favorite parts of the film at dinner that night. I even talked in a fake British accent for the rest of the day because I enjoyed the experience so much. It’s moviegoing moments like this that unite families, friends and fans.

These movies are often more popular because they build off of pre-existing and incredibly active fan bases. Even though the final “Harry Potter” movie premiered in 2011 and the final “Twilight” in 2012, there are still endless discussions regarding Potter theories and the quintessential “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” debate.

Fandoms can have a strong influence in cinematic culture because they are already invested in these characters and stories. It only makes sense for entertainment industries to want to siphon off that level of dedication and enthusiasm through movie adaptations.

There is something wonderful about seeing fictional characters come to life. It’s the reason why we eagerly await the release of trailers on YouTube, why we buy our tickets a month in advance and why we spend hours in line for midnight premieres. Movie adaptations give us the chance to once more experience the emotions that we felt when we read the books, and given the successes that these films have garnered in these past few years, those experiences and adaptations are likely to continue for a while.

Do you like adaptations? Let Sam know at smarz@wisc.edu.

When the temperature around Madison finally starts dropping, it’s time to head inside

By Allison Garcia THE DAILY CARDINAL

Now that the weekend is here, let’s look at some of the fun, free and fresh events happening around town.

I love to laugh Manhole Sketch Comedy is one of Madison’s sketch comedy teams, and Sunday is their first performance of the year. They will perform their sketches in Memorial Union at the Fredric March Play Circle.

May I have this dance?

The Chazen Museum is hosting a swing dancing event Thursday from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. All skill levels are welcome. After the event there will also be tours of the museum running after 7 p.m.

Buncha Crunch and popcorn WUD Film is playing three free movies at the Marquee Theater in Union South this weekend. They include “Horse Money,” “Princess Mononoke” and “Sunshine.”

That’s classic Becca May Grant will perform “The Light Shines” as part of the InDIGenous Jazz Series. She is a classically trained pianist, composer and bandleader. Her performance will take place in the Memorial Union’s Play Circle Friday night.

Let’s jam Gentle Brontosaurus, Little Legend, The Flavor That Kills and Owls, Foxes and Sebastian will put on a WUD Music performance Friday night in the Sett at Union

South. All of these bands are local.

Intermission Theatre Cabaret The cabaret featuring singers, actors and instrumentalists performing musical theater. Their pieces range from “The Book of Mormon” to “Les Misérables.” It will take place in the Fredric March Play Circle in Memorial Union Saturday at 7 p.m.

Check The Daily Cardinal each Thursday to find out what to do for entertainment in Madison each weekend. Hint: We like free things.

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Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

An independent student newspaper, serving the University of Wisconsin-Madison community since 1892 Volume 125, Issue 38

2142 Vilas Communication Hall 821 University Avenue Madison, Wis., 53706-1497 (608) 262-8000 • fax (608) 262-8100

News and Editorial edit@dailycardinal.com

Editor-in-Chief James Dayton

Managing Editor Emily Gerber

News Team News Manager Adelina Yankova Campus Editor Bri Maas College Editor Ellie Herman City Editor Negassi Tesfamichael State Editor Andrew Hahn Associate News Editor Laura Grulke Features Editor Gilly McBride Opinion Editors Sergey Fedossov • Cal Weber Editorial Board Chair Conor Murphy Arts Editors Allison Garcia • Conor Murphy Sports Editors Jake Powers • Zach Rastall Almanac Editors Dylan Anderson • Liam Hutchison Photo Editors Will Chizek • Kaitlyn Veto Graphics Editors Bethany Dahl • Yi Jiang Multimedia Editors Steven Rybeck • Jen Wagman Science Editor Sai-Suma Samudrala Life & Style Editor McKenna Gramoll Special Pages Editors Kerry Huth • Justine Jones Copy Chiefs Theda Berry • Ellie Borstad John Joutras • Sam Wagner Copy Editors Sophia Dramm • Katarina Gvozdjak Eva Jacobs • Ningyuan Ma Social Media Manager Madison Schiller

Chameleon-type man able to blend in with all surroundings

By Dylan Anderson THE DAILY CARDINAL

Just as chameleons are able to blend in with their habitat to hide from predators, local man Jason Bower has developed the ability to be fully camouflaged in any environment.

To achieve the elusiveness he covets, Bower dons a specially designed outfit with a distinct pattern that universally fits right in with any surrounding backdrop. Regardless of Bower’s location, be it civilization or nature, he is able to completely submerge himself into the landscape and go completely unseen.

“My camo costume works everywhere,” Bower told Daily Cardinal reporters, who were unable to see their interviewee.

“I put it on whenever I don’t want to be visible. So far it has offered me full protection from any potential enemies along with my ex-girlfriend.”

The outfit, according to Bower, was inexpensive and is not unique. He explained that many others have a similar suit or exact duplicate, though they cannot be seen. The garment was originally designed specifically for wooded areas but proved to be equally effective in all settings, prompting its owners to wear it all over.

Bower was unwilling to disclose how he obtained it, claiming he was under an oath of secrecy.

“I can’t tell you how we get them,” Bower said. “That’s classified intel.”

By Noah Mack THE DAILY CARDINAL

business@dailycardinal.com Business Manager Andrew Hahm Advertising Manager Corissa Pennow Marketing Director Victoria Fok

COURTESY OF CREATIVE COMMONS

Editorial Board Dylan Anderson • Theda Berry James Dayton • Sergey Fedossov Emily Gerber • Max Lenz Conor Murphy • Cal Weber

Board of Directors Herman Baumann, President Phil Brinkman • James Dayton Victoria Fok • Emily Gerber Andrew Hahm • Janet Larson Don Miner • Corissa Pennow Nancy Sandy • Jennifer Sereno Jason Stein • Jim Thackray Tina Zavoral

© 2015, The Daily Cardinal Media Corporation

For the record Corrections or clarifications?

Call The Daily Cardinal office at 608-262-8000 or send an email to edit@dailycardinal.com.

GRAPHIC BY KAITLYN VETO

Hipster artist renounces physical realm, exclusively produces blank paintings

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A glimpse of UW-Madison’s toilet paper atrocity. It is plentiful in supply, but low in number of plies.

As hemorrhoids awareness month begins, Badgers protest thin campus toilet paper

By Jamie de-Moya Cotter THE DAILY CARDINAL

Now that November—also known as hemorrhoids awareness month—has begun, thousands of UW-Madison students took to the streets in protest of rigid policy stocking university buildings with one-ply toilet paper.

While the university has attempted to sweep the issue under the rug, Badgers have refused to take no for an answer and the issue has begun to develop a national following. Even BroBible. com has recognized the students’ plight, ranking UW-Madison “the number one school for students who are into ass rashes,” ahead of last year’s number one, St. Olaf.

When the switch from Cottonelle to generic toilet paper occured in 1998, beloved Dean of Students Tommy Preston resigned, stating, “This decision, I believe, will one day be seen as one of the most damning events in the history of this once-great university.”

Preston’s comments proved prescient, as UW-Madison health released a study early September hypothesizing that upwards of 60

percent of UW-Madison students currently have hemorrhoids.

While reform has sputtered and stalled in the past, senior Taylor Powell believes this year will be different, citing current national trends.

“If you look around the country, just this past year Ohio State, Michigan State and UCLA have all made the switch to two-ply. If UW-Madison wants to remain a top university, it needs to make changes fast,” Powell said. “While it’s too late for my butt to ever find happiness, I want to make sure that incoming students will never be subjected to my experiences.”

While optimism is high, the university has remained firm, releasing an official statement declaring, “Two-ply toilet paper is a privilege, not a right. Part of being away from home for the first time involves adapting to new situations. Hemorrhoids have been a part of the Badger experience for many years, and we hope to see this trend continued in the future.”

As UW-Madison students and officials remain firm in their stances, it’s anyone’s guess as to what the future holds.

Hipster artist Luke Johnson renounced the physical realm late Monday evening, resulting in a massive plummet in sales for the offbeat painter in large part due to his signature blank paintings.

Johnson, a recluse, believed the physical realm was simply too clichéd for his artistic gift and shackled him to the limitations of the senses. According to the artist, renouncing the physical realm consisted of three quick tugs on his man bun, while riding a wild sheep wrestled down the slopes of the alpine mountains, topped off with a relaxing cup of Trainwreck Tea. Unfortunately for consumers who have not undergone this process, the resultant artwork produced by Johnson appears to be a blank painting.

A single painting has yet to be sold, however, due to his current audience’s unwillingness to give up the necessities of basic human function, such as slowly licking record players and knitting scarves from linen produced by their flax gardens.

Cardinal reporters pulled aside Kate Zeffer, the sole possible buyer of the artist’s work, to inquire about her interest in this very abstract form of art. “I can see it really bringing together my converted meat locker home,” Keffer said while working at her VHS shop. “Anyone who I view as worth talking to will appreciate this beautiful piece of art, it’s just so gritty.”

At press time, ultimately, nothing is known of Johnson due to his body being left at home with his consciousness as the only aspect of him making an appearance.

Parents displeased with daughter’s skimpy Halloween costume choice

By Dylan Anderson

COURTESY OF CREATIVE COMMONS

opinion dailycardinal.com

Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

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Soglin slips in tackling homelessness issue view Cardinal View editorials represent The Daily Cardinal’s organizational opinion. Each editorial is crafted independent of news coverage.

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ayor Paul Soglin, since his landslide re-election victory in April 2015, has once again taken it upon himself to address Madison’s homeless problem with rhetoric rather than substantial policy. Over the summer, Mayor Soglin proposed a new city ordinance which would tackle problematic loitering and lodging in Madison’s Central Business District.

While not directly mentioning the homeless, the ordinance, which Madison’s Common Council has since voted down, attempted to clear out downtown of individuals who were causing an undue nuisance to both city residents and the various businesses of downtown Madison.

Soglin’s proposal, which he framed as a way to end the drug usage, public defecation and sexual assault in which transient individuals allegedly partake, has sound reasoning for protecting the city’s public health, but his political rheto-

ric is dominating the conversation.

Instead of focusing his attention on expanding the number of shelter beds available in the Madison area— a woeful 379 beds and 383 temporary houses to accommodate the 3,370 people who used shelters in 2013—Soglin has used his position to demonize those without shelter and claim that the “problem” stems from transient homeless individuals.

His claim is far from true; according to the 2013 Dane County Homelessness Report, only 23 percent of homeless families have lived in Dane County for less than one year, while 28 percent of homeless men and 27 percent of homeless women have resided in the county for less than one year. If the homeless were flocking to Madison because of our expansive benefits and accommodations, transient, non-permanent residents would take up a higher percentage of individuals served at shelters.

Soglin’s assertion that the homeless population downtown allegedly use drugs and alcohol in the Central Business District is blowing the alleged use out of proportion.

Less than 300 individuals, most of them single men, were reported as having issues with alcohol or other drugs. Again, while understandable, Soglin’s use of fear-mongering creates undue hostility toward the homeless, especially since the majority of homeless residents in the city, 45 percent, are families.

With his position as mayor of a highly educated city, Soglin’s authority over issues provides him a platform to express opinions which city residents may use to inform their own opinions. It follows that using rhetoric and relegating homeless individuals to second-class status may enforce stereotypes and hold back individuals trying to break the cycle of poverty prevalent across the city.

Our solution to this problem is to enforce policy over rhetoric when discussing an issue that directly impacts city residents, and the editorial board proposes further expansion of access to transitional and emergency housing. Access to

quality, affordable housing is the key to allowing individuals to use their time searching for jobs or to receive health care.

With his proposed ordinance to ban loitering around the business district, Soglin is tackling a sliver of the problem, and demeans individuals who have no connection to those allegedly causing issues downtown.

The business community, which advocated for the removal of a popular gathering space for homeless individuals on the 100 block of West Mifflin Street, are focusing on an aesthetic change, one which pushes individuals out of the area without giving them a place to go. While it may be an important part of maintaining their storefront, businesses must realize that simply shoving the problem to another neighborhood will simply kick the proverbial can further down the road.

Adding more affordable transitional and emergency housing would have a direct, positive impact on the lives of homeless people living in Madison. The downtown area has seen a rapid expansion in the number of high-rise apartments that cater to more affluent students and young professionals, which generate much

more revenue for developers and the city than homeless shelters. But, to the editorial board, the city should act like the progressive haven that Soglin asserts we are and help those that spend the winter outside in sub-zero temperatures. Four Madison alders have recently proposed using $3 million from the Affordable Housing Fund to develop three new facilities around Madison that would create 159 low-cost housing units and 180 apartments, and we urge Soglin to support this initiative.

Madison’s homeless problem is systemic, not episodic. Band-aid ordinances to tackle piecemeal parts of the problem are not the answer, and Soglin should focus his energy on expanding existing programs and advocate for private institutions to step up and take action. We will not be able to arrest our way out of these problems, and using demonizing rhetoric instead of equitable policy proposals will only hurt those who already have so little.

How do you feel about our take on the Soglin administration’s mishandling and callousness towards the plight of the homeless? Please send all comments to opinion@dailycardinal.com.

Terrorism motivated primarily by injustices, not prejudices Tim Heinzel Opinion Columnist

I

n response to the terrorist attacks of 9/11, President George W. Bush promptly declared that the attacks were motivated by a hatred for “our freedoms” —particularly our freedoms of religion and speech.

All of the evidence appears to point to a completely different idea. Terrorists did not attack us on 9/11 because they hated our freedom or were commanded by their religion. They attacked the World Trade Centers in order to get revenge for American actions they perceived to be injustices.

In 2002, Osama bin Laden wrote a “Letter to America” which described the motives behind the terrorist attacks.

The three main reasons were American sanctions against Iraq, the United States’ support for Israel and the presence of our military in Saudi Arabia, the holy land of Islam. Of course, bin Laden could potentially be lying, but after analyzing each of the stated reasons in detail, it’s clear that American foreign policy was the primary trigger for the 9/11 attacks.

They attacked the World Trade Centers in order to get revenge for American actions they perceived to be injustices.

The United States placed sanctions on Iraq in 1990 in order to punish the regime of Saddam Hussein for invading Kuwait. Iraq cited Kuwait’s supposed “slant drilling” (for oil) into Iraqi territory as a reason for their invasion. The primary way America sanctioned Iraq was through limiting their imports. All imports had to be approved by a United Nations panel, and shortages of medicine and food became an issue.

The sanctions lasted until 2003. During the years between 1990 and 1998, somewhere between 200 and 300 thousand children under five years of age died as a result of the sanctions, depending on which academic study you look at. While bin Laden claimed 1.5 million children died as a result of American sanctions, 200,000 is still no small number, and the death of that many children is definitely something to be upset about.

as a religious holy land, and they thought the military presence was corrupting the holiness of the region. A significant portion of Americans can hardly tolerate immigrants, legal or illegal, so it’s not surprising that the people of the Middle East were bothered by the presence of the U.S. military in the area.

example of the general rule—terrorism is retaliation to perceived injustices in foreign lands.

Tim is a freshman intending to major in finance and economics. How do you feel about Tim’s breakdown of the factors that played into the tragedy on Sep. 11? Please send all comments to opinion@dailycardinal.com.

R O F K R WO

In order to make prudent decisions in regards to foreign policy, we need to understand the causes of terrorism.

The next foreign policy issue that bin Laden cited was American support for Israel.

Israel is one of the primary enemies of Islamic terrorist groups since they have both been fighting for control of Palestine. Both the Muslims and the Jews have historical ties to the region, so it isn’t clear which group, if any, has the right to the land. Given that knowledge, the Muslims are upset that the U.S. gives $2-3 billion in yearly aid to Israel while they get nothing. Bin Laden and the terrorists saw America as supporting one of their hated enemies; therefore, they saw America as an enemy as well.

The last of bin Laden’s stated reasons for the 9/11 attacks was the presence of American military troops in Saudi Arabia.

The U.S. military stationed about 5,000 ground troops in the country and had the Air Force enforce a no-fly zone around southern Iraq near the Saudi Arabian border. The purpose of the military presence was primarily to enforce the Iraqi sanctions. Muslims see Saudi Arabia

Killing 3,000 innocent Americans evidently wasn’t justified, but some of our actions probably weren’t justified either —especially the sanctions on Iraq. In order to make prudent decisions in regards to foreign policy, we need to understand the causes of terrorism. The motives behind 9/11 are a perfect

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comics

6 • Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

dailycardinal.com

“Are you sure this is November?”

Today’s Sudoku

6 9

1

8 1 7 6

4 7

5 3 3 4 1 8 7 2 1 6 9 3 5 4

6 8 5 9 5 8 EASY

4

6 2 3 7 4 5 1

3 6

8

9

3

A Tad Offbeat

By Alexandra Steffeck graphics@dailycardinal.com

1 9 6

9 8 7 3 8 2 9 4 7 8 1 5 3 1 8 2 3 7 3 1 6

5

6 4 8 4 6

EASY

# 78

6 2 1

6

1 9

7 2 1 5 8

EASY

8 3 3 7 4

2

6 1 4 3 2 9 2 8 8 7 9 8 9 6

3 7 9

4

6

# 77

2 9 8 1 5

By Joel Cryer graphics@dailycardinal.com

© Puzzles by Pappocom

2

4

Future Freaks

# 79

7

6

EASY

# 80

Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9. # 77

6 7 4 1 8 9 5 3 2

9 2 3 6 5 7 4 1 8

8 5 1 4 2 3 9 6 7

2 3 7 5 9 1 8 4 6

5 8 6 2 3 4 7 9 1

4 1 9 8 7 6 2 5 3

3 4 8 7 6 5 1 2 9

1 6 2 9 4 8 3 7 5

7 9 5 3 1 2 6 8 4

# 78

www.sudoku.com

4 7 2 8 6 5 1 3 9

5 6 1 4 9 3 2 7 8

9 8 3 7 1 2 6 4 5

2 5 7 9 3 6 4 8 1

3 9 8 5 4 1 7 6 2

6 1 4 2 7 8 9 5 3

1 4 6 3 5 9 8 2 7

8 3 9 6 2 7 5 1 4

7 2 5 1 8 4 3 9 6

# 79

5 9 7 4 2 8 6 3 1

2 8 6 9 3 1 4 7 5

4 1 3 5 6 7 8 2 9

9 5 4 3 7 6 2 1 8

7 6 2 1 8 4 9 5 3

8 3 1 2 5 9 7 6 4

6 7 9 8 1 3 5 4 2

3 4 5 7 9 2 1 8 6

1 2 8 6 4 5 3 9 7

# 80

Page 20 of 25

4 6 2 1 5 9 3 7 8

3 7 5 2 8 4 1 6 9

8 9 1 6 3 7 4 5 2

1 5 3 4 2 8 6 9 7

9 2 7 5 1 6 8 4 3

6 8 4 7 9 3 5 2 1

2 4 6 3 7 1 9 8 5

5 3 9 8 4 2 7 1 6

7 1 8 9 6 5 2 3 4

24 Jul 05

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

ACROSS 1 “Encore presentation” 6 Oven setting 10 Unsightly fruit?

14 Appearance, as in a mirror 15 Top service provider?

16 Welfare state?

17 Pot cleaner 19 Reclusive 20 “The Racer’s Edge” Indy sponsor 21 Sword material 22 Minuscule amounts 23 Classification system for blood 24 Foot twelfth 25 Tax return category 31 Breakdown of societal norms 32 Camel’s South American cousin 33 Poetic music genre 35 Tollbooth approach 36 One way to attain new heights 37 “Lucky Jim” author Kingsley 38 Snap, Crackle or Pop, e.g.

39 Historic city of Tuscany 40 Denizen of a certain sultanate 41 Storm striker

44 Colonel Mustard’s game 45 Inquire 46 Ceremonial Mass plate 48 Purple hue 51 Court evidence, sometimes 54 Mozart’s Trojan princess 55 It may need polishing 57 Place for a warp and a heddle 58 The golden calf, infamously 59 Light, semitransparent fabric 60 Headlight component 61 Infinitesimal 62 Vintage auto DOWN 1 Makes free (of) 2 Discharge, as radiation 3 Hoarse voice quality 4 Disgusted reply 5 Times tosser 6 Infield post 7 Need a massage 8 Ship stabilizer 9 Make a mistake 10 Use a key on 11 Home heating and cooling option 12 “Havana” actress Olin 13 Roman mid-month 18 What the winged woman is holding in the

Emmy statuette 22 Foe of Pizarro 23 Peak of perfection 24 Poetic foot 25 Excluding nothing 26 Best-seller category 27 Television personality DeGeneres 28 Russian pancake 29 Physics Nobelist Sir C.V. ___ 30 Tarnish, as a reputation 31 Pub pintful 34 Tire letters 36 Mention in a footnote, say 37 Run ___ (lose self-control) 39 Give the cold shoulder to 40 “Watch closely, now ...”

42 Glistens 43 Wasn’t sturdy 46 Aspirin tablet 47 Tissue softener 48 Calf-length skirt 49 Soon, to Shelley 50 “The ___ Duckling” 51 Place for roasting 52 “Cleopatra” river 53 Author Haley 55 Working out just fine?

56 Definite denials

dailycardinal.com

Weekend, November 5-8, 2015

l

sports

7

Women’s Basketball

Johnson forgoes WNBA for one last chance with UW

By Ben Pickman the daily Cardinal

For Michala Johnson, the training room became the place she resided during games almost as much as the bench. Thanks to two ACL injuries, the sixth-year senior has become as versed in the anatomy of a knee as the Wisconsin playbook. Twice, she has watched her team suffer on the floor knowing full well she could do very little to affect the outcomes of their games.

“The hardest part is just having to go through it again. Always being in the training room, when I want to be out, watching practice or being a part of the team,” Johnson said of her latest ACL injury, which kept her out of most of the 2014-’15 season.

Johnson is poised to return for what will surely be her final season in Madison. Yet, for Johnson, coming off of another major injury has made her nerves more like an incoming freshman than a player on the precipice of going pro.

“It’s more so harder mentally,” Johnson said of her rehab.

“Just being able to trust myself again. Just get myself in basketball shape. [Because] it’s different when you’re just like running up and down, but then when you’re running and jumping and stomping, I just have to mentally prepare myself to say you can do it, to push through.”

Johnson was able to work out in the weight room with her teammates this summer but was unable to participate in any contact drills. Yet, head coach Bobbie Kelsey has no doubts Johnson will be able to look like the

landslide from page 8 junior guard Bronson Koenig and redshirt sophomore guard Riley Dearring both added 10 points apiece as well.

By comparison, junior forward Garret Pearson (11 points) and sophomore guard CJ Lewis (10) were the only players to finish in double digits for the Falcons.

UW-River Falls actually hung with the Badgers in the early going

All-Big Ten forward that led the Badgers in both points and rebounds two seasons ago.

“She requires a double. She’s a load to handle one-on-one,” Kelsey said.

Last year’s leading scorer, senior guard Nicole Bauman, echoed the impact Johnson’s return will have this season. “We’re glad to have her back,” Bauman said. “It’s obviously gonna help guards as well, they’re gonna have to double her in the post.

So it’ll be good so we can get it out and get more shots.”

But Johnson almost didn’t come back this season. Not because of injury, but because, much to everyone’s surprise, Johnson was picked in the third round of last year’s WNBA draft by the New York Liberty.

“I mean it caught me by surprise because it was around the time I was trying to come back from my medical redshirt. But, when they drafted me, I was very surprised, but I was so happy ‘cause that’s always been my dream goal to be able to play and get drafted by the WNBA. And for them to grant me the opportunity, I was very happy and thankful for that,” Johnson said.

Even though she was both euphoric and thankful the Liberty drafted her, she never truly considered playing in the WNBA this past season.

“I wanted to come back because I knew I wasn’t gonna be ready to play overseas or play in the WNBA, so I figured that taking the medical redshirt would help me finish my grad

school program as well as come back stronger,” Johnson explained.

The Liberty still own her draft rights, so come next season she’ll graduate from the Kohl Center to Madison Square Garden, an idea that made Johnson smile and laugh in pleasure. Yet in the present, Johnson recognizes the importance of regaining her strength and physicality on the college stage.

She won’t be suiting up this Sunday when the Badgers play an exhibition game against Minnesota State, though. That’s because, according to Kelsey, there isn’t a whole lot to gain from these games.

“Basically you don’t want anybody to get hurt. They’re good previews for what you need to work on.

and only trailed 15-14 with 12:25 to play in the first half. However, the Badgers finished the half on a 31-13 run to take a commanding 46-27 lead into the locker room.

In the game’s first 20 minutes, Wisconsin went 6-of-6 from 3-point range, with five different players (Dearring, Illikainen, Koenig, Hayes and junior forward Vitto Brown) connecting from beyond the arc.

But it was far from a perfect

performance for the Badgers, who racked up a total of 11 fouls and eight turnovers in the first half, uncharacteristically high numbers for a Bo Ryan-coached team.

Nevertheless, Wisconsin continued to dominate in the second half, outscoring the Falcons 55-19 over the final 20 minutes of the contest. Aside from a missed breakaway dunk from redshirt junior guard Zak Showalter, it was smooth sailing for the Badgers,

thomas yonash/cardinal file photo

Wisconsin finishes regular season on a high note thanks to strong defense The Daily Cardinal

The Badgers recorded their first home victory of the season Wednesday as they spoiled Northwestern’s chances at a share of the Big Ten title, winning 2-1.

Wisconsin (2-3-3 Big Ten, 5-103 overall) started off slowly and conceded an early goal but was able to bounce back and score two unanswered to win the game.

The game looked like it was Northwestern’s to win as it attacked the goal early and often.

The ‘Cats (3-4-0, 7-8-2) had a lot riding on this game and played aggressively throughout.

“It was a tremendous performance against a very good Northwestern team that had a chance to possibly win the league championship today as well as wrap up an NCAA tournament bid,” head coach John Trask said.

The lone Northwestern goal came in the 19th minute by junior forward Mike Roberge. Roberge beat Wisconsin keeper Adrian Remeniuk to the far post on a high shot. He’s second on the Wildcats with nine points on the season.

Just minutes before Northwestern began the scoring, Wisconsin defender Carl Schneider slid and saved what looked to be a sure goal.

Late in the first half, the Badgers were awarded a penalty kick after what the Northwestern head coach Tim Lenahan thought was a foul outside of the box. The penalty kick was saved, but Wisconsin was able to crash the net and score on a nice shot by redshirt junior midfielder Luc Kazmierczak. It was Kazmierczak’s first goal of the season and proved to be a big one.

Wisconsin threatened throughout the second half which led to

by single digits with less than nine minutes to play.

“The ones that played last year had to play the whole game, every game. They’re mentally tired, so it’s not that they don’t know what to do.

They’re just worn out. You can’t sub ‘em,” Kelsey said.

With Johnson’s decision to not turn pro but rather return to Madison, the Badgers will likely fare far better down the stretch this season. That’ll go a long way in improving their record, something Johnson said is her goal for this year.

“Win more games than we did last year,” Johnson said. “Instead of losing really close games, just beating those teams; I know we can do it.”

Teammates like Nicole Bauman are relieved to have Michala Johnson back on court this season.

Men’s Soccer

By Jarek Petras

Good teaching material,” Kelsey said.

Bauman echoed her coach’s thoughts, adding that games against Minnesota State or UW-Eau Claire next Wednesday are ways to practice the “little things, boxing out, talking, you know things we need to do to prepare us for the more difficult games in the future.”

Johnson’s return is no small thing, which is why both Badger fans and players will have to wait until the Badgers open the regular season against Louisiana Tech to see Johnson in game action. Both Johnson’s return, as well as the return of four other players from injuries or via transfer, will help the Badgers improve their lategame execution. Last season in 14 of the Badgers’ 20 losses, they led

the eventual game winner by sophomore forward Mark Segbers.

“It felt really nice. Especially with it being the seniors’ last home.

They put in so much work and effort to building our team up and keeping our spirits up so it’s a little thank you to them,” Segbers said.

The Badgers will head to Indiana Sunday for the first game of the Big Ten Tournament. They played the Hoosiers last weekend and lost the contest 0-1.

“We had a heck of a matchup with Indiana who is a tremendous program. It’s where I played, it’s where I coached for 10 years. There’s going to be a huge crowd; it’s going to be a great environment for these guys to see,” Trask said.

Look for the Badgers to ride the momentum of their first home win into the Big Ten Tournament.

Kickoff will be at 12 p.m.

who received major contributions from their crop of newcomers and their bench.

Fifteen players saw action for Wisconsin, with 54 points coming from bench players and 44 coming courtesy of its freshmen.

“We have a lot of talent, a lot of young talent,” Happ said.

“But you also saw how many mistakes we made, and we really gotta clean that up once we start going on further in the

season. But it was a good first test, and I think we can do a lot better as a group.”

Notably absent was freshman forward Andy Van Vliet, who had an eligibility waiver denied by the NCAA Wednesday afternoon. UW plans to appeal the decision, though if the appeal is denied, Van Vliet will be forced to sit out the rest of the season and will only have three years of eligibility remaining.

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weekend, november 5-8, 2015 Dailycardinal.com DailyCardinal.com

Men’s Basketball

Football

Clement ready for next test at Maryland

By Andrew Tucker the daily cardinal

ben golden/the daily cardinal

After suffering heavy offseason losses, UW will rely on young players like Ethan Happ to step up.

Badgers drop UW-River Falls by a landslide

By Zach Rastall the daily cardinal

Filling the production void left on offense by the departure of Frank Kaminsky and Sam Dekker will be one of the biggest challenges facing a young Wisconsin squad this season.

A significant amount of that responsibility falls on the shoulders of redshirt freshman forward Ethan Happ, who many are expecting to have a breakout year for the Badgers.

His performance Wednesday night certainly won’t cause anyone to temper their lofty expectations for the redshirt freshman.

Happ recorded a doubledouble with 16 points and 10 rebounds, and six different players reached double-digit scor-

ing as No. 17 Wisconsin rolled to a 101-45 exhibition win over Division-III UW-River Falls at the Kohl Center.

Happ in particular impressed for the Badgers, scoring his 16 points on 7-of-9 shooting from the field in 19 minutes of game action.

He did much of his damage in the post, something head coach Bo Ryan hopes to see plenty of throughout the season.

“He’s awful comfortable [in the paint]. He’s a natural around the basket. He works hard for position and you reward people that work hard,” Ryan said. “He’s a presence in there. He’s going to be a factor and he kind of showed that tonight.”

The Wisconsin offense as a whole was humming through-

out the night. As a team, the Badgers shot 54.5 percent from the field, including a 45 percent mark from 3-point range, and posted 1.33 points per possession on the night.

UW also dominated down low, holding a 57-25 edge over the Falcons in the rebounding battle and outscoring them 40-8 in the paint.

Junior forward Nigel Hayes, who’s expected to lead the way for the Badgers with Kaminsky and Dekker gone, finished the night with 16 points, nine rebounds and six assists. Freshman forwards Charlie Thomas and Alex Illikainen combined to shoot 9-of14 and each scored 12 points, and

landslide page 7

Ass Waxing

Majestic birds aiming to pop, lock, drop Herald players Saturday at Vilas Park

By Emile Gerbils the daily cardinal

Don’t call it a comeback.

No, seriously guys, actually don’t—we haven’t even left. We Cardinalistas have been camped out at Vilas Park since the last time the The Badger Herald tried to challenge us in the glorious game of flag football, ensuring we stay at peak performance.

Editor-in-Beef Jim “Schoolboy J” Dayton wants to make sure everyone knows just how often he has been at the SERF in preparation for Saturday’s face-off.

Dayton has also kept a strict tuna-only diet in recent weeks, tearing each can open with his teeth to channel his inner aggression.

When asked how he feels the Cardinal stands against the Herald, Dayton said, “Sorry, what was the question? I was just at the SERF, I didn’t catch that.”

The Cardinal crew is in good hands under the direction of head coaches Zach “Call Me Rasty” Rastall and Jake Powers.

The duo has developed a revolutionary defensive strategy for this year which involves capturing the other team in a web made of duct tape.

“Have you guys seen this stuff?

It’s good for anything: crafting, adventuring, eating, you name it!” Powers said, while using the sticky substance to repair a hole in his blazer.

Cardinalistas have found a secret weapon this year in running back Negassi Tesfamichael, mostly out of necessity.

“I have like 10 interviews and three TED talks Saturday so we really just need to get this game over with as soon as possible,” Tesfamichael said, while simultaneously eating, working and finding a cure for cancer.

Lorin Cox is hoping to harness his own talents of distraction to contribute to a big win. Fueled by chocolate soy milk, Cox has been using the past months to practice the ever-so-delicate art of placing both feet behind his head at once.

“Honestly, I don’t know how this relates to football,” Cox said.

“But there’s like a 90 percent chance you’ll see me doing this Saturday.”

Bri “I’m Not Mad That’s Just My Face” Maas has been adding to the hype in her own artistic way, tattooing Cardinal decals on (somewhat) willing writers. Maas was last seen inking “Cardinal or GTFO” onto the

forehead of a nervous freshman.

Adelina Yankova and Conor Murphy have been spearheading Dayton’s chug-off training, pushing the editor to throw back at least 20 cups of Keystone every five minutes.

“We’ve gone through about 20 kegs today… so far,” Murphy said at the last practice. “The only thing we have to worry about is when we’re going to infiltrate the Herald’s keg.”

At a recent warm-up, John Joutras started scaling rocks to ensure his agility stays top-notch.

Unfortunately, he got distracted and wandered off to Henry Vilas Zoo. It’s still unclear whether or not he will return in time for Saturday.

Fullback and self-proclaimed “P.O.S.” Kaitlyn Veto said she’s prepared to play dirty if the game turns rowdy, noting she’s “pretty chill” with breaking some bones.

However, the likelihood of both Veto and Emily Gerber playing Saturday is bleak, seeing as each player has been sick for an estimated 10 years cumulatively.

Winning isn’t always easy. When you’re a Cardinalista, however, it just comes naturally.

“Bruh,” Dayton grunted. “This game is ours.”

Ever since his return last Saturday, junior running back Corey Clement has been the talk of the town. When the Badgers (4-1 Big Ten, 7-2 overall) head to Maryland to face the Terrapins (0-4, 2-6), the focus of the fans, coaches and other teams will be on Wisconsin’s backfield.

Before the season, Clement had goals for himself, with picking up 2000 rushing yards and leading the nation in touchdowns highlighting that list, but after losing the chance at those things due to missed time, he has a new perspective.

“I hope to accomplish making this team the best that we can be.

Whether it’s my production or the whole offense’s production, I’m just hoping to do so much in so little time,” Clement said.

Last week, Clement certainly helped in terms of production, rushing for 115 yards and three touchdowns. These numbers would constitute a great performance for someone who is in midseason form, let alone someone coming off injury.

The offensive explosion came out of nowhere, even for Clement himself.

“I did surprise myself, but it wasn’t me, it was the O-line and I was like, ‘I didn’t know y’all was still doing this thing. Lets keep it moving!’ and I’m liking what they’re doing,” Clement said.

Clement had good things to say about the performance of his offensive line, despite their struggles this season in his absence. The line, in return, had good things to say about him too.

“Corey did a great job stepping in after not being in for a while, and being able to see things really quickly for somebody who hasn’t been able to be in there full speed for a while,” redshirt junior Walker Williams said.

Despite the emphasis on his productivity, Williams doesn’t believe the team’s strategy will change much, saying “the formula” stays the same no matter who is in or out. This sentiment was similarly stated by running backs coach John Settle.

“It’s all predicated on how the game’s going. I mean, we’d love to run the ball, but if the game doesn’t dictate it, and we’re not having success, we’ll pass it,” Settle said.

This sort of “win by any means” attitude has been common throughout the team this season, with games being decided on the ground one week and through the air the next.

The Maryland defense ranks poorly in the nation in yards allowed per game both through the air and on the ground, which means Wisconsin’s offense should have their way with them. However, junior defensive lineman Yannick Ngakoue is second in the nation in sacks, according to ESPN statistics, which shows that dealing with the front seven might prove difficult for the still inexperienced Badger offensive line.

While the Terrapin defense looks bad on paper, their offense looks even worse, coming in at 111th or worse in yards per game, pass yards per game and points per game. Their one bright spot, the running game, where they rank 49th, will be overshadowed by a Wisconsin defense that excels at stopping the ground game, which is No. 7 in rush yards allowed per game.

Despite the excellence, head coach Paul Chryst believes that the sky’s the limit for his defensive group.

“Defensively, I think we’re playing at a really good level right now, and yet I am encouraged…we can get better. I think our kids, they’re all in it…and it’s a group that wants to get better,” Chryst said.

Going on the road is a disadvantage for a number of reasons, as players are away from home, the stadium is cheering against them; the list goes on. The gritty Badgers, on the other hand, turn the tables on what some would consider a distraction.

“It’s a good time to lock in with the team, and kinda take the business trip mentality. We’ve taken a few road trips now, and the away game jitters really don’t bother us,” Williams said.

Wisconsin’s away game against Maryland will kick off Saturday at 2:30 p.m. central time.

kaitlyn veto/the daily cardinal

Corey Clement made a huge impact in his first game back, and his presence will continue to reverberate through the team Saturday.